#i guess. cause of suns and inv

[flickering-nightfall]

i was playing the paleo pines demo when i found out the main town area is named pebble plaza. i blacked out and several hours later, woke up to find these on my canvas

[dc41896]

And The Award Goes To...

After seeing this suit AND this walk, I had to come up with something lol

Pairing: Chris Evans x Black Reader

Warnings: None

“Well thank you for speaking with us and good luck tonight!,” the interviewer, Zuri, smiled, opening her arms to give you a hug which you gladly accepted.

The way your nerves were right about now, you felt like you could use a million of them and would take one from anyone offering.

Being escorted down the red carpet, your emerald green, satin dress seemed to reflect the sun rays the way it shined with every step you took in your gold, strappy stilettos. With simple spaghetti straps and a v-neck, the material clung to you from your chest to mid thigh where the left side split open down to just above your polished toes to show your leg, equally shining thanks to Rihanna’s Fenty Body Lava and you’re hydrated melanin. Photographers call out for you to stop for pictures as the sounds of cameras clicking and flashing lights seem to come in waves.

“I don’t think I’d ever get used to this,” your best friend, Hazel, whispers to you as you both pose for a few pictures.

“I’m not used to it either, this is just my first award show,” you answer as you resume your walk down the remainder of the carpet to the inside of the building.

“First of many though! Trust me, you just getting started girl.”

Being called the breakout star of the summer, you hoped that more roles and invitations to award shows were to come. Ever since you were young, you always dreamed of accepting an Oscar or a Golden Globe, and yes even practiced your speech in front of your parents, which they of course recorded and tended to bring out whenever they wanted to reminisce on your childhood.

In all honesty though, yea the accolades were amazing and you wanted them, but if they didn’t come you’d still be ok. You loved acting and to be able to do what you loved every day was all that mattered.

Waiting for everything to start, you sat at your table talking with your director and a couple of your other cast mates, as well as took selfies with Hazel. Looking at the picture, you see a blurry, yet familiar figure in the background prompting you to turn around to see if you were truly correct in your thinking.

Sure enough, you were and began quietly freaking out.

In what looked to be a chocolate brown, velvet suit with a white button down shirt and black bow tie, there stood Chris Evans looking as amazing as ever and currently walking pass your table to get to his. You never though you’d be hypnotized by a walk, but here you were openly gawking and wishing his table was across the room so he’d have to do the movement a bit longer.

“Dang Cap, bring that walk this way,” Hazel speaks, pulling out her phone to record him walking away.

“Put your phone down creeper,” you laugh lightly smacking her arm.

“Takes one to know one Miss let me openly stare at my celebrity crush and his booty.”

———

“Looks like your award is next!” Hazel softly squeals lightly shaking your arm. “I wonder who’s presenting for it?”

As if hearing her question, the announcer introduces Chris as he walks out smiling with card in hand.

“Whoaa that’s crazy!! You could receive your award from THE Chris Evans!,” she gasps. You managed to keep it together as the camera panned to you, softly smiling and being gently nudged by your director making you giggle.

On the inside though, you were a nervous wreck. You were already worried about falling if you had to walk to the stage, but now you had to worry about literally falling in front of Chris and never being able to show your face again due to embarrassment.

“And the winner for best actress in a comedic performance is...Y/F/N Y/L/N!,” he reveals causing everyone to applaud and your table to go crazy. Quickly hugging the rest of your friends seated next to you, you slightly lift the un-split side of your dress so it won’t potentially get caught on your heels as you walk.

“Welp here we go,” you thought to yourself, making your way up the stairs. Being the gentleman that he was, Chris met you halfway up the steps offering his hand to help you the rest of the way.

“Congratulations!,” he sweetly whispers handing you the figurine, which surprisingly had a good amount of weight to it.

“I’m really gonna try not to cry right now but chances are I will so I apologize in advanced for that,” you start, causing a small amount of soft laughs to erupt in the room.

“First off, I want to thank God because he blessed me with this opportunity, and I want to thank my parents who sadly aren’t here because of the flu but I know y’all are watching and I love you!”

“I also want to thank my friends both old and new, my director James, the cast and crew, and everyone else in my life that’s supported me and helped me in any way whether small or large. Ok I’m gonna go backstage now and cry and hope you all have a good night!,” you finish with a small wave as you turn away from the mic, applause behind you as you make your way off the stage followed by Chris.

“That was a really nice speech,” he says, now beside you.

“Really? Thanks! I feel like I sounded like a rambling mess.”

“You might’ve felt that way, but I assure you, that’s not how it sounded,” he replies.

“Y/N! Congrats on the award! We need you to come this way for another short interview with the press,” a tall, slender man with glasses interrupts smiling as bright as the camera flashes coming from the room where the interview was to take place.

“Well I um guess I’ll see you later. Congrats again!,” Chris smiles.

“Thanks and yea see you later!,” you reply smiling as he walks away to return to his seat.

“Yep this definitely will take some getting used to,” you thought, walking into what felt like a sea of cameras and questions.

———

“Tonight has been surreal!! Just being here in midst of everything, you winning, AND getting said award from Chris Evans!!! If I were you I’d be dead right now,” Hazel says grabbing a glass of champagne off one of the trays being carried by servers.

“I know!! I feel like none of this is real and I’m gonna wake up any moment.”

“Well it is real and I’ll even pinch you to show you if needed. Or better yet we can get your new bestie Mr. Evans to do it.”

“He is not my new bestie, and I definitely would not ask him or anyone to pinch me,” you laugh sipping from your glass.

“Whoa pinching? What kind of party is this?,” you hear from behind you causing both you and Hazel to choke on your drinks.

You from utter shock and disbelief he heard that, and her from laughing at your reaction.

“Chris! Hi! Um sorry about that I-,”

“You don’t have to apologize, it’s ok. Also if you did ask me, that’d certainly be a first,” he laughs.

“Um Chris this is my best friend Hazel,” you introduce as the two shake hands.

“Nice to meet you Hazel. And this is my brother Scott, Scott this is Hazel and Y/N,” he responds to which Scott shakes both of your hands and congratulates you on your award. “The answer is probably obvious, but how’s your night?”

“Amazing! I don’t want this night to end!,” Hazel excitedly answers causing you all to laugh.

“I agree it’s amazing, but I don’t think everything’s set in yet. And this probably will sound weird but I feel like Cinderella and as soon as the clock strikes 12, I go back to normal.”

“No it’s not weird at all, like you said everything is kinda unbelievable and it’s still a bit shocking. I totally understand,” Chris lightly nods before drinking from the beer bottle in his hand. “Also can I add that I love that movie.”

“Same! She’s not my favorite princess though, but I still love the movie.”

“Who’s your favorite then?,” he asks, leaning on the table with his elbow.

“I have two. Overall, it’s Tiana but for the songs it’s Ariel,” you answer.

“Can you believe? 2 grown adults going on about Disney movies like kids,” Scott whispers to Hazel, to which she nods agreeing with him.

“You should see her on the weekends. When she’s bored, she watches videos about all the rides, parades, and stuff in all the Disney parks,” she adds, lightly laughing along with Scott at you and Chris’ excited expressions as you guys continue on with your conversation.

“Hey you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“That we head to the bar and let the Disney fanatics enjoy their time together?,” Hazel answers as Scott links his arm with hers.

“Exactly!”

“I have the feeling this is the start of a beautiful friendship,” she smiles holding up her glass as he clinks his with hers.

“And hopefully a beautiful relationship between those two,” he adds as they reach the bar.

“Wait? How did you know Y/N likes Chris?”

“She does?! I didn’t know at all, Chris kept talking about her at our table during the show and when we saw you guys here I suggested he go talk to her.”

“If they end up getting married, I’m expecting a shout out for the both of us for getting them together,” Hazel replies making Scott laugh as they cheers once again.

———

“So Y/N, the people need to know, how was your conversation with America’s golden boy?!,” Hazel asks joining you on the couch, plate full of waffles, eggs, and fruit in one hand as she holds out her fork pretending it’s a mic to your face.

“Girl you need to relax!,” you laugh lightly pushing her fork away. “But it was good, I mean he’s super friendly and we like a lot of the same things.”

“Yea Scott and I heard a bit of your conversation and let me say if there was a couples Disney jeopardy game, you guys would more than likely win.”

“Hey don’t judge us, it’s not our fault that’s something we like,” you laugh. “He said how he goes to Disneyland pretty much every year and said that I should come along-,”

“Umm say what now?!?! He invited you to Disneyland?!?!!!!,” she interrupts after momentarily choking on a piece of egg.

“I wouldn’t call it an invitation really. It’s like when you’re talking to someone about a nail place you go to and say how they should try it out sometime. Plus it was after I said I hadn’t gone since I was a teenager.”

“Either way you got invited by a guy who’s interested in you to Disneyland, which is a dream date of yours!!”

“Just because he was nice to me doesn’t mean he’s interested Hazel,” you reply taking a bite out of your omelette.

“Well let’s just say an EXTREMELY close source, aka his brother, confirmed that Mr. Evans was definitely into you and checking you out the whole award show,” she squealed.

Now was your turn to choke on your food.

“Really?,” you ask pulling yourself together. “He didn’t try to get my number or anything though so maybe it was just a ‘she’s pretty’ type like versus an ‘I really want to get to know her’ like.”

“I don’t think so, but we’ll see. Even still though he definitely invited you to Disney and you better take him up on that offer or I’ll smack you then go in your place!,” Hazel adds, picking up your now empty plates to put them in the sink.

“Noted,” you laugh now looking at the messages on my our phone. Of course there were the usual ‘congratulations!’ from family members, your team, and your other co stars who were unable to come to the show.

Although he was there, your director even messaged you telling you congratulations again on your award followed by one of the sweetest message you’d ever recieved saying how much he appreciated you on set and that you were surely about to change the acting game.

Y/N: Aww James, I was trying not to cry today lol!!! ❤️😭😭 that was so sweet and I thank you so much for giving me this chance that has surely changed my life forever!

😎Bond, James Bond🎥: You’re so welcome love and deserve it😘! Also I have some news...

Y/N: Ohh another project you want me to be in?? Wait I don’t have to give the award back do I👀?

😎 Bond, James Bond🎥: Lmao no not yet and no it’s yours🤣🤣. The news is a certain someone who you were talking to ALL night asked me for your number and I wanted to ask you first before I gave it out just to be sure

Y/N: 😳😳😳🤯

😎Bond, James Bond🎥: Mhmm 😏😏

Y/N: Lol yea it’s fine you can give it to him

😎Bond, James Bond🎥: Done! Have fun you two 😉😂!

You expected that he was probably busy and you’d more than likely hear from him later. However the running theme of your life recently seemed to be how nothing turned out how you expected.

???: Hey Y/N! It’s Chris

???: That is Chris from last night, in case you know another Chris lol

“Oh my gosh he’s such an adorable dork!,” Hazel gushes from over your shoulder, making you jump.

“Can I have some space ma’am?!”

“Oh sorry,” she innocently smiles going towards her bedroom. “If you need me, just call!”

Shaking your head as she exits, you turn your attention back to the screen in your hands and hoping that you don’t make a fool of yourself.

Y/N: Hey😊! And can honestly say I don’t know any other Chris’ lol

Chris: Lol ok good. I mean not that other Chris’ are bad or anything. Looking back at it, I should’ve just left it at “Chris from last night” my bad 🤦🏼‍♂️

Y/N: 🤣🤣 it’s ok. Exactly how many drinks did you have last night?

Chris:😶....lets just say I’m not totally hungover, but my head is hurting a bit 😂

Hearing you laugh to yourself from downstairs, Hazel contently sighs before turning on her laptop as she plops down on her bed.

“Yep, I can hear the wedding bells and thank you speech now,” she speaks to herself as she smiles.

A/N: So this turned out longer than I expected and not gonna lie, kinda didn’t know where I wanted to go with it by the time I got in the middle of it😓 lol but hopefully you guys like it!

Taglist: @crushed-pink-petals @honeychicana @lady-olive-oil @themyscxiras @fumbling-fanfics @melinda-january @lovelymari4 @felicity-x0 @ellixthea @jojolu @jnk-812 @brwn-sgr @captainsamwlsn @nina-sj @itshinothey @wildfirecracker

If you want to be added to the taglist, have asked to be added and don’t see your name, or only want to be tagged for certain people I write for just let me know 🤓!

[darkspine10]

GF Fanfic - A New Course

A New Course (1829 words) by darkspine10

Chapters: 1/6 Fandom: Gravity Falls Rating: Teen and Up Additional Tags: Beach City, Sea Monsters, Maps, Monster hunting, Twins, Aged-Up Character(s), Reunions, Missing Persons, Dipper and Mabel solving mysteries, Bows & Arrows

Summary:

People are going missing from the beach town of Sapphire Bay. College students vanishing by the dozen with no obvious cause. Dark spectres haunt the forests and beaches, but no-one in town wants to talk about it.

May Pines, renowned activist and trouble-maker, has made it her mission to save the town. Calling on the help of her brother, the twins must reunite to work together to solve the mysteries of Sapphire Bay.

*

The small beachfront house stood alone at the barrier between forest and sand. Waves lazily sprayed against the beach out below the house which hung over a small slope. From behind, the leaves of the trees rustled, a soft wind blowing in from the sea. Stepping out into the sunset light, Dipper Pines shielded his eyes and spotted a reclining figure on the wooden balcony.

Shutting the car door, he gave a deep sigh. This was still something he wasn’t yet fully used to. Meeting up with his sister as a regular thing, rather than it being an aberration. Time and new perspectives had healed the cracks that had led to their separation, but it still took some adjustments to his mindset.

Forgetting his initial wariness, he strode over and yelled out. “Mabel! I’m round the front!”

Out on the balcony her saw her stir – or fumble to get up rather – and disappear inside. He took a last look at the surroundings, building up a picture of where he’d be based for the foreseeable future. It would help to know every little detail, so any differences would stand out all the more clearly.

The wall of dark trees inland was much like what he knew from Gravity Falls, but the unmistakeable tang of salt ever-present in the air made him aware of the Pacific just a stone’s throw away. Dipper sensed this was a different kind of forest entirely. The chances of running into a cryptid were almost certainly lower for one thing.

A muttered cursing from behind the front door was followed by the sound of locks being unhinged. A single heft and the door was pulled away, leaving a grinning Mabel, sunglasses perched on her forehead, leaning against the frame affecting a cool air. “Yo yo yo, welcome.” She wrapped herself around Dipper in a side-hug, then gestured him inside. “Come on, park your keister, bro. I bet you’re tired from the drive. It’s great to see you.”

All his concerns from before melted away. There divide he feared between them was nothing but a bout of undue anxiety. Mabel was happy to see him, as she’d always be from now on. “Great to see you too,” he said with a grin. “So, this is where you’ve been chilling out for the last few weeks.”

Mabel had a habit of moving around a lot, never in one place for long. Often his attempts to contact her would fail, his letters arriving after she’s already left or spotty connections keeping them apart. The only constant was that she’d always call from someplace else than before, some new exotic locale where she’d parked her special brand of troublemaking.

In the past he’d resented her for this. In his eyes she was just running away from any kind of responsibility. Now he sympathised more with that wanderlust. To simply take what you could carry and head off into the unknown.

Mabel’s newest abode was hard to make out with the sunlight glinting through the wide bay windows. Squinting, he saw the interior of the rustic cabin. It was airy, with an open sitting area dotted with pillows and comfy sofas abutting a kitchen with cabinets of painted wood.

Donning her sunglasses, Mabel grabbed a bottle of beer from the counter took a deep swill, before guiding Dipper out onto the balcony. “This is the life, eh.”

He sat down on a chair overlooking the sea and slowly nodded. “Yeah, I could get used to this. Not quite got the same…” He drifted off, an expression of warm remembrance on his face.

“Same what?” Mabel asked.

“Not got that same thrill as home though, does it.”

Mabel leant over the balcony as memories of the hundreds of adventures they’d gone on as a pair or trio with Pacifica. Her smile grew into a smirk, something Dipper didn’t fail to notice. “Well… you might be surprised.” As he raised an eyebrow, Mabel’s tone grew serious. “Let’s talk.”

With the sun now long set over the distant horizon and reheated pizza scattered around the living room, Mabel spread a bunch of papers across her kitchen table. She tapped a basic map of the coastline. “Nearest town, that’s Sapphire Bay. About 20 minutes on foot. They got beaches, boardwalk, carnival stuff. Perfect place for a getaway.”

“Is that the reason you brought me out here?” Dipper crossed his arms sceptically. “To unwind?”

“Hold your horses, I’m getting to the important stuff.” Mabel sifted through the documents and grabbed a pamphlet of local hotspots. “Most tourists that pass through are college kids, visiting for their spring breaks or whatever.”

“Lemme guess, lots of young adults getting wasted and partying all day and night.”

“Not all of us go on boring walking vacations like you.” Then she shrugged. “But yeah, you’re not far off.” With her black crop-top and colourful tattoos Mabel looked every bit the part of a small-town rebel, sticking it to the man and living life to the full on the beach. She fit in perfectly.

“That why you’re here then? A rest.”

“You could put it like that.” Mabel lent back in her beanbag, oddly pensive. “Needed a break from all the travelling. Last year was totally intense, as you well know. And with Zera off in space with that budding phase of her lifecycle, I thought I’d take some Mabel time to myself.”

Dipper detected a hint of reticence. Mabel’s relationships had never been easy to define – let alone when her partner wasn’t even from Earth. “You two still all good?” he asked gingerly.

“Oh yeah yeah, fine. This is something she’s gotta do, I understand. She’ll be back in a month or two.” Mabel sipped from another bottle of beer. “Anyway, how about you? Pacifica really chose to stay home watching the kids? Don’t tell me she’s gone all maternal at last?”

Dipper snorted with laughter. “You really think? No, she just doesn’t care to drive all this way on a whim.”

“Ha, that sounds like her. When you get home tell her she missed out on all the fun.”

“You bet. I gotta say, moving back to the Falls permanently was a great idea.” It had been a hectic few months deciding to finally return to the West Coast. The work of moving had left little time for their traditional Mystery Hunts or journal time. But Dipper wouldn’t have given up one second with his new family for the world.

“Pacifica’s certainly got her hands full. Merrise is struggling a little; still a new environment for her and all. Plus someone’s gotta look after the baby.” He set down his own drink and bent over the table. “Anyway, enough about me. I know you; we could be stuck on gossip all evening. Tell me why you need my help.”

Mabel leant back, melting into the beanbag, puffing out her cheeks. She was deep in thought about where to start. Stretching up out of her cocoon, she grabbed a single sheet off the pile strewn on the table.

“I got here a few weeks ago. My last protest kinda went south, you know, the one in Paris, with the unions, and I wanted somewhere to crash.” Dipper nodded. He remembered seeing his sister’s face on a news channel, though thankfully only in passing as part of a crowd. Mabel was getting better at keeping a low profile these days. To minimise the consequences should her actions suffer repercussions that might affect him and his family. Still utterly devoted to the cause, but mindful of getting others caught in the crossfire.

Mabel turned the sheet around to show Dipper. There was a grainy shot of a young man with name and identifying features beside it. Traditional chiselled features of your average jock visiting the beach. At the top of the poster was a single word, underlined in red:

Missing.

Dipper felt a pit of dread in his stomach. He knew where this was going.

“Spotted this on the boardwalk,” Mabel continued. At first I thought it was nothing. One lost kid, what can you do? Then more people started disappearing. Almost all the cases have been tourists. Like I said, lots of college kids passing through, having fun… and never going home.”

“And you think there’s something linking them?” Dipper cautiously asked.

“Lotsa kids vanishing, all recently, within the last few months as far as I can reckon. Normally I wouldn’t call you for something like this, but there’s something else on top.”

Her next document was a blurry polaroid. Dipper could make out crashing waves and a bulky shape in the water, but it was vague enough that it could have been anything, a boat, driftwood. Seemed to him that most cryptids were naturally camera shy.

Mabel was deadly serious however, and he was there right along with her. “You took this?” he asked, but she shook her head.

“Local paper. Last Tuesday. And there’s more.” She rifled around for a list of witness testimonies, but Dipper held up a hand.

“I get it. This is more than a simple missing persons case.”

Dipper pondered the facts. There was something oddly haunting about unsolved mysteries quite like this. Mundane in some ways, but the thought of people just disappearing off the map without a trace still gnawed at the back of his mind. Maybe, he considered, it was parenthood. Being responsible for his own kids, imagining a myriad of potential fates for these lost youths got to him.

Mabel tossed the paper down, her face contorting into an angry scowl. “I’ve tried figuring out what’s going on, but nobody likes talking about it. The cops certainly don’t care; to them it’s just a bunch of out-of-towners getting overwhelmed partying. ‘Can’t handle the lifestyle’, that’s what they say, before dropping all investigations.”

From her tone, Dipper could guess this was a common point of contention for her. She’d probably attended a number of riots protesting against the very corruption she was outlining right now. As a whole, she preferred relying on herself to sort things out.

“I know it’s not some grand conspiracy to solve or anything big like that. But it’s real, Dipper, and it’s happening to innocent people.”

Immediately he assuaged her doubts. “You don’t have to worry. I know how important this is. Besides, after everything we’ve been through in our lives we deserve to take it small-scale. Do some practical good.”

Mabel’s resulting grin was infectious. The spark of adventure was already spreading. “Right then!” She stood up decisively and tucked away her messy pile of collected evidence. “Tomorrow morning we can head into town. I’m already friends with a bunch of the locals, we can work on getting some pointers.”

“I’m sure once the Mystery Twins set up in town we’ll have this cracked in no time.”

“Cheers to that.” They clinked their bottles together, ready to solve this thing as soon as the sun rose.

[sarahburness]

A Mother’s Dying Message: What Matters Most Is the Love We Give

“Before someone’s tomorrow has been taken away, cherish those you love, appreciate them today.” ~Michelle C. Ustaszeski

Landlines, you remember them, phones that need to be plugged in the wall. Well, my wife and I still have one. Our parents have committed the telephone number to memory, they recognize the announcement, and they feel comfortable hearing the beep and leaving a message on the machine.

It's a simple accommodation, and we appreciate when they call.

It was 2:00am, and the house phone was ringing downstairs. My wife mumbled into her pillow, “Hewssa culn thz lay?” I understood her, but I didn't reply. She lifted her head, cleared her throat, and repeated, “Who's calling this late?”

I still didn't respond. I wasn't ignoring her. I was anxiously waiting until after the beep to hear if someone was leaving a message. And yes, someone was talking, but the words were indiscernible. I went down to replay the message.

“Hey guys, sorry so late, but…a…hope I didn't wake the kids…uhh…well…maybe you should…your mother…just…just call me back when you get this.”

It was my dad, and I knew what he was trying to say. My mother was sick, and she had been for a long time. Family gathering after family gathering had come and gone, and she always ended the celebrations with, “I’m so happy to see everyone. I’m truly thankful. I hope I’ll still be here for the next holiday.”

In response, all five of us children and our spouses would chime in, “Oh, Mom. You always say that. Stop being silly.” Truth is, she wasn't kidding. She knew her body, and lately the cancer was fighting back stronger than ever.

My wife and I often talked about what it would be like when the call came in the middle of the night, or anytime for that matter. We were trying to prepare ourselves for the inevitable. Even still, reality has a way of throwing a curveball, rarely mirroring speculation.

You never really know how you'll react, especially when something hits so close to home, to the heart.

I remember feeling like someone had punched me in the gut. My legs got weak, and I melted to the floor. I just sat there in the dining room, leaned up against the buffet table in the dark. I have no clue for how long, but enough time had passed that my wife had gotten dressed, come downstairs, and was standing before me, holding a pair of pants and a shirt in her hands.

“Alright, get up, put on your clothes, grab your shoes. I’ll drive.” How my wife always knows what's going on and what to do is beyond me. And by the way, she'd also woken our kids and gotten them ready as well.

She further instructed, “Call your father from the car and tell him we're on our way.” Wow!  Now, I know what Beyoncé means when she sings about women running the world.

After an hour drive, pulling up to my parents’ house was like arriving for New Year's Eve. The house was all lit, and there were cars in the driveway and out on the road.

The front door was unlocked and upon opening, we were smacked in the face with the aroma of coffee, very strong coffee to be precise. There were nieces and nephews downstairs, some still in pajamas, chasing my parents’ Bichon Frise. All the adults were gathered upstairs.

My mom was in the smallest bedroom in the house, just beyond the top of the staircase. And there was a specific reason. This room was made to resemble a hospital setting. It had a bed that cranked and adjusted to multiple positions, a couple monitors, and a bunch of other essentials that made me angry at the world.  

I hated her being in that room so often, and so did she.

She loved her beautiful master bedroom, though. It had a king sized bed with the coolest headboard. Shelves were built in, lighted, and she lined them with pictures of the family. And there was a comfy reading chair in the corner.

But being in the “hospital room” was not only necessary, it was psychological, especially when she felt really sick. She never wanted to associate her life before cancer with her life after getting “the c word.” So feeling horrible in her awesome bedroom was out of the question.

Anyway, the alternative bedroom barely had enough space to fit my dad, my three brothers and one sister. Spouses lined the hallway.

After slowly climbing the stairs, my wife gave me a nudge through the in-laws towards an open door. “Get in there Hun. Don't worry about me. I’m gonna check on the cousins before they kill the dog.”

Inside, a dim yellow light hardly revealed faces, and it smelled like an old corner drugstore and potpourri. My mom was sitting upright in bed and saw me standing there. She said, “Well hello. It’s my handsome son.”

While she quickly had to explain to my brothers that they were equally as handsome, I made the rounds. I gave my sister a kiss on the cheek, shook my brothers’ hands, and gave my father a strong hug.

Of all the siblings, I live the furthest away from Mom and Dad's house. So everyone had already taken the opportunity to talk with Mom directly. I was the last one, always forgotten. Haha! That's not true of course. I just owned the stereotypical insecurity of being the middle child.

As fate would have it, I was born on the fringe of two age groups. I was always too young to hang out with my older brothers, and my little brother and sister were less than a year apart. So they were practically twins and had no regard for a third wheel…well…not all the time. I like to exaggerate for sympathy.

Mom often told me that being the middle meant sometimes feeling left out, but that it developed character and independence. Then later she would remark that I was the most emotional and needy, because I was born in the middle. I think she customized her theories about the order of birth based on the situation at hand.

To continue, someone had brought a chair up from downstairs and placed it at the side of the bed. I recognized it immediately as being from the dinner table, one of the very same seats from growing up. Before I sat, I leaned down and gave Mom a hug and kiss. I then took my place, looked at her and joked, “Can I have another helping of mashed potatoes, Ma?”

There was complete silence, nothing, crickets.

The mood was much more somber, or rather serious, than I was willing to accept. My mom let me off the hook though. She rolled her eyes, smiled, and shook her head all at the same time, saying, “You did always love my mashed potatoes.” She reached for my hand, and I met her halfway.

“Honey, I’m on my fifth time saying this, so excuse me if it sounds a little rehearsed. Oh boy, why did I have so many kids?” Everyone laughed that time. “Listen. I’m proud of you, and how you’ve grown as a man and a father and a husband, and…” I stopped her midstream, literally said, “Stop!”

I’ve always been impulsive and unpredictable with my words. My sister says I lack a filter. But this time, even I didn't know what I was going to say. Was I about to ruin the last moments of my mom’s life?

There was a hush over the room and after a nervous hesitation, I began, “Mom, this can't be the end. There are so many things you didn't do.”

Voice quivering, I rambled on, “Remember, you said you always wanted to write, but you and Dad had to work to support us, and there was never time. Well guess what, I started writing, and you could too. I thought we’d share stories. And how about that trip to Italy you always dreamed of…eating your favorite spicy food…and the Sistine Chapel…?”

I felt her grip on my hand. Still I babbled on, “You didn't get a chance to live your life. There's so much you didn't accomplish.” At that moment, she squeezed the blood from my hand, then relaxed her hold. I knew to be silent. She told my brothers and sister to move in closer. She had something that needed to be heard, and she wanted to see everyone's faces.

“Listen. When I hear the word “accomplish,” I do think of my life, but not the things I haven't done. Look around this room. Look at what I’ve created. I have no disappointment, no regret. Sure I would have enjoyed writing and traveling, but they certainly wouldn't have defined who I am. I picked the greatest partner and took on the hardest job in the world.”

She took a deep breath and resumed, “Just witnessing how wonderfully you've all turned out, the bonds you’ve built, and the love you share with your own families, I am filled with a pride that only a mother could know. So please, please, don't look back on me as having a life unfulfilled. Right here, in front of me, is the greatest accomplishment of all.”

There wasn't a dry eye in the room. You could even hear sniffling coming from the hallway. My wife, who had been sitting on the top step, later told me, “Your mom was right. You are sensitive. And I love you for it.” The rest of the night was filled with stories and laughs and tears. And with the rising of the sun, Mom said goodbye.

Crazy now, looking back. I used to actually feel sorry for her. Why didn't I recall the time she taught herself algebra, just so she could help me with my homework, how she'd make warm milk with honey at 3am when I couldn't stop coughing, how she was the loudest voice in the stands when I hit a homerun, or when she crawled into bed with me on a stormy night until I fell safely asleep?

I could go on and on with amazing stories of devotion, not just for me, but for all her children. How naive I was. She was achieving her goals on a daily basis, by devotedly being Mom.

What I took away from that fateful night has become the legacy of my mother’s time on Earth, a mindset that my wife and I will pass down to our children. It’s not the places you travel, plaques on your wall, or material things you accumulate that define true accomplishment. Rather, it's the love you create, as exemplified by an amazing mom, that validates a life well lived.

About Cameron Connelly

Cameron is the creator of the blog Callemonit.com. He writes about how the behavior of others sometimes causes unwanted stress and invites readers to share their experiences. Have you considered confronting the source—calling ‘em on it? Do you need advice first? Or have you already done it? Did this eliminate unnecessary anxiety? Are you happy with your decision?

Web | Twitter | Facebook | More Posts

Get in the conversation! Click here to leave a comment on the site.

The post A Mother’s Dying Message: What Matters Most Is the Love We Give appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/a-mothers-dying-message-what-matters-most-is-the-love-we-give/