#i guess you could watch individual races in track and swimming

[female-malice]

I've been meaning to get into women's sports but I don't really watch TV/ videos in general, so id like something lasting less than football or basketball. Which sport would you recommend?

American football is the worst sport for being a 4 hour long broadcast for a 1 hr game.

Soccer football is like... 2 hrs - 2.5 hrs for a 90+ minute game.

Basketball is about a 1.5 hour broadcast for a 40 minute game. The extra broadcasting time is for the quarter breaks, the half-time show, the commercials, and the fouling. The youtube angels who upload games cut out commercial breaks, so the uploads are closer to an hour.

Usually basketball is the sport I recommend for short attention spans. It's the fastest paced sport and you get to rest your attention every few minutes.

But if I can't sell you on 40 minutes of 5x5 basketball, how about 10 minutes of 3x3? 3x3 basketball ends at 10 minutes or 21 points, whichever comes first. Most games take 20 minutes or less to watch. (This gold medal match is a 40 minute video because there's a 20 minute medal ceremony after the game lol. you can skip that) Almost all 3x3 play is international tournaments through FIBA. There's no 3x3 league. But the USA doesn't dominate 3x3 the way they do in 5x5. So the competition is closer.

And if I can interest you in a few more minutes than 10... how about a 14 minute game? Rugby 7s is two seven minute halves. It takes less than 30 minutes to watch a 7s game. Again, this is the gold medal match so there's a 30 minute ceremony at the end.

[dailyaudiobible]

07/13/2020 DAB Transcript

1 Chronicles 15:1-16:36, Romans 1:18-32, Psalms 10:1-15, Proverbs 19:6-7

Today is the 13th day of July welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian it's great to be here with you today as we dive in…dive into a new work week and swim our way through together. And if that's the metaphor we’re gonna use then I'm glad I'm not swimming alone. I'm glad we're in this together. So, this week we’re reading from the Lexham English Bible and continuing our journey through the book of first Chronicles and continuing our journey through the life of David. So, today first Chronicles chapters…chapter 15 verse 1 through 16 verse 36.

Commentary:

Okay. So, we’re just getting started in the book of Romans, which also means we’re just getting started in Paul's letters. And, so, like we’r righgt at the very beginning and we gotta kinda get his tone and get where he's coming from. And this letter of Romans is brilliant. Like, this is the basis for so much of the theological understandings that we have as Christians. And it’s…it's dense. Like, it's very packed. And, so, lot of words and a lot of long sentences. So, what…what are we saying today or what was Paul saying in the portion of the letter that we read today? Well, so, we got started yesterday and…and Paul was like right out of the gate making one point really clear, that God is willing to make us right or righteous in His sight. He's willing to do that, but the…the way that this can be accomplished is completely through faith. I guess we could just stop there and talk for a few days or weeks or months or years because we’re essentially being told that once we believe we have to live into this through faith. Like when will we ever actually feel like we are righteous before God because of our actions, not because of Jesus work? Like, when will we ever feel like we have a right to be in God's presence because we are that good? We, on our own, are holy and we have become exalted to the point that we can be in God's presence and He doesn't have to like…He doesn't have to make us righteous, we simply are on our own, like when will that ever happen? Never…never…but we are that holy and we are that righteous to be so bold as to enter the presence of the most-high God through faith. This is so central to Paul. We kinda need to understand where he's coming from here as we enter into what he’s writing. And, so, that’s what he's saying, and he begins to flash that out today by simply saying, “there's no excuse. It's not God's fault for our confusion. It's not God's fault that we’re not aware of His presence. It's not God's fault that we can't find where He is. Just look around you.” And he tells us, “God gave us reason, volition, essentially gave us the ability to make choices and that those choices have been allowed to matter, but we took those choices and essentially traded the truth for a lie. And, so we began to worship all kinds of things and get into all kinds of trouble and move into all kinds of directions that humans being…human beings were not intended to be involved in, including in…including giving our hearts in worship to that which is false, which is idolatry.” And, so, you stir all of that up together for a couple centuries or a couple millennia and you find like confusion is a rampant. Nobody knows anything anymore, which according to Paul just leads to unrighteousness, fundamentally. Unrighteousness, wickedness, greediness, malice, envy, murder, strife, deceit, malevolence, gossip, slander, hatred of God, insolence, arrogance, and on and on. And we probably could rightly say, “yeah, that's kind of the world I think I might be living in too. Like that's kinda what I see when I look around. There’s a lot of this.” So, we, on the one hand, we can go “well, nothing's changed in the last couple of thousand years” or we can understand like this is our deep struggle. Paul’s saying God has always been here. He's been calling out in every way imaginable, and we've been ignoring that and making choices without Him individually and collectively as the human race. And, so, here we are, and it's a bit bleak. And, so, he's…he's laying out all out not to say, “the world has gone mad and everything is upside down and we need to hunker down and hide out.” Like, he's not saying that. He's laying this all out to bring us to what we will experience in the coming days and that is this; it doesn't have be this way. We’re choosing for it to be this way. If we could understand that we have been made righteous before God. If we could accept that reality about ourselves through faith the things that we are struggling for, the people that we are struggling against, it loses its potency. We’re no longer struggling to eke out some sort of identity that can make us right in our own eyes. Rather, we come to the end of ourselves understanding that the choices that we've made have individually and collectively gotten us here. Somethings got to change. And for Paul it's that if we could open our eyes and see through faith what is really going on it would fundamentally and radically transform us from within, which would then compel us to change the way that we live and have our being in this world, which would effectively change things all around us. And if you get that going, you get that momentum going then…well then, we’re working towards, “on earth as it is in heaven.” And, so, we have a lot of ground to cover in the days ahead in the book of Romans and…and…and on through the letters of Paul. But this is where we are now. Paul is laying out the fact that things are pretty messed up, have been pretty messed up but they don't have to stay that way.

Prayer:

Father, we invite you into that. We welcome you into that. We open our hearts. We want it. We’re exhausted. Come Holy Spirit, bring us to the end of ourselves as painful as that might be, that we might see through the eyes of faith what is really going on here and is really possible. Come Jesus we pray. In your mighty name, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it is…it's the website but its home base for…for the Global Campfire community that we are, and it’s where you we find what’s going on around here. So, stay tuned and stay connected.

I…I started mentioning Heart, a contemplative journey, a project that released back on the day of the long walk. And it…it…it's available now and if you haven't had a chance to get that is…it is a true journey of the heart. It is a true journey into the emotions that we feel…that we've been feeling throughout all the craziness going on, just kind of guides us. It's something that has formed over a lot of time, actually over several years for me. And the prayers are prayers that just kind of…they came from my own heart. They were the prayers I was praying about the things I was feeling and just realizing I'm not alone. I can't be alone. This is…this is what we feel. And to try to give language to help us enter into those places instead of just kind of stamping them down and compartmentalizing them and hiding them. Instead, to embrace what we’re actually feeling and welcome Jesus into those places. And, so, that is available. It was a shock. It was a shock to watch that album debut number one. I was not thinking that but now that we’re almost a couple weeks from there I see the feedback I'm getting that it has struck a nerve. It is something that was needed for…for a time like this. And, so…so, yeah, that is available. You can get it from the iTunes store or the Google Play store. If you’re looking for it like on Apple music, like it's not stream…you can't stream it, you have to purchase the album. There's a reason because there's 20 tracks in 10 of them are prayers, and there’s no way to exclude, like there's no way to exclude them. And that would mean that disembodied prayers that are completely out of context altogether…just completely out of context of the…of the of the whole process that…that Heart is could…it's just weird. And, so, if you go you have to go the iTunes store to get it as many, many, many, many, many, many of you found out over the last few weeks. But it is available and it's not just for the long walk, although it’s such a beautiful, beautiful thing for the long walk. It is for the long walk of life, and something that I go back into even though I…I…I've heard it a lot. It takes me into a place that…I don't know…it centers me. It reminds me that, although I can get tossed around on my emotions, like we all can, there's an anchor. And we can continue to be tossed around if we don’t hang on to the anchor. And…and it…it’s just so helpful to be reminded and to have the words. And, so, check that out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com. Thank you, humbly, deeply. We wouldn't be here if we weren’t in this together and that has always been the story and that is a fact. So, thank you for your partnership. There is a link on the homepage. If you’re using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, of course, if you have a prayer request or encouragement you can in the Hotline button in the app, which is the little red button at the top or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

[horselesbian]

Taiyuu OCT Entrance Exam

HEY I’ve edited this! You may find a different version somewhere. This is the version where I’ve Learned Things and stuff. Like how to make a read more! 

@taiyuu-high-oct

-------------------------------------

In the station full to the brim with other prospective students, Shimokizu felt very conscious of the bag she had slung over her shoulder. It took up space, made her stand out. 

Logically, she had no reason to worry about being seen. Her parents were aware she was taking an entrance exam today, her Uncle knew where she was, had packed the very bag she was carrying for her, and her siblings were busy. But being so visible ran her the risk of being seen, of her parents finding out that she was here. 

The unknown of what punishment could come from this made her try to shrink in on herself, folding her shoulders down and letting the thick hood of her coat cover her face. She shuffled onto the train, thankful for the rail transport, she couldn't take the rocking of a boat on top of her already flaky nerves. 

Once settled, she unzipped the bag, unwinding the ever-growing blanket and wrapping it around her. Deeper in the bag was various snacks, but her stomach was too twisted to accept anything. Instead, she tapped at the sides of her phone, staring at the screen, debating. Hesitating.

The decision was made for her when the screen lit up, a message popping up. 

Her uncle. 'Good luck on the exam, kiddo! Not that you'll need it. You got this!' 

'Fudou just invited me last minute to some thing for Masamai's college this evening. You guys not doing anything after your exam?' 

She sighed. Of course they weren't doing anything, she wasn't qualified for any of the schools her parents liked. 

'Masa's thing has been on the schedule longer' she lied. Masamai was a good sibling, all of her siblings were, but they didn't know she was trying for a heroics school. She couldn't risk her parents knowing. 

'Well, whatever. Dojo's all ours.' 

'I think I'll be too tired to do any training today, Uncle.' 

'Pff, what? I meant for our party!'

'No training on exam day, silly girl.' 

She smiled softly. 'Can we just relax?' 

'Sure! You got this, kiddo.' 

She was grateful for her uncle's confidence, even if she couldn't have any herself. 

The written exam was taxing, and she came out weak in the knees, cursing the shakiness of her kanji and wrapping her hands into her coat. 

She hated how stupid written exams made her feel. From how her hands always shook to how she simply wasn’t smart, written exams were the worst for her. She couldn’t bring her bag in with her, one of the teachers had taken it from her and promised it’s return when the exam was over. 

As hero Laccadaisy, also known as Taiyuu High's founder and principal, announced that the practical would be an obstacle course slash race 'beyond your wildest imagination', Shimokizu glanced around. The first thing that struck her was the amount of color around her. She’d gotten so used to seeing blue, blue, and a touch of green that she’d almost forgotten other colors.

But here they were. It was like she’d stepped into the rainbow. She couldn’t help but feel small. 

For just a moment, she wished she was with her Uncle, wished that she wasn’t here, facing this exam, risking her parents finding out. What if she made it? What if she didn’t? She was hit with flat panic, the great, unknowable future boring down on her, casting it’s vast, dreadful shadow over her. 

Someone bumped against her shoulder, shaking her out of her stupor. “You’re shaking, are you okay?” 

“Just cold.” She pulled her coat tighter around herself, then turned from the girl, soft blue in the way her little brother was, trying to focus on the podium. Laccadaisy had disappeared, leaving the vice principal, hero Buckskin, to explain the more intricate details of the exam. Shimokizu had completely missed the beginning of the explanation, catching only the end. “Some of these obstacles are dangerous, and understanding your limits is important. There are multiple ways to get to the end. Don’t give up, but don’t hurt yourself.” He bowed, then swept his hand outward. “May the exam begin.” 

The huge doors swung open, and students started to file in, accepting the wristbands that would time them individually from heroes that must be staff. Glancing through the towering doorway, she saw the faint glow of an infrared laser, so the wristbands were likely infrared sensors that would start and stop an individual timer when the field was crossed. 

It was a genius way to ensure a fair timing on a race to counteract the different entry times of the numerous prospective students. Shimokizu couldn’t have thought of it in a million years. 

She accepted her wristband quietly from the older woman, Shimokizu recognized her as hero Sherif. Around her, other staff members were giving other prospective students wristbands, on her left was a clearly nervous boy, purple and afraid. To her right was a boy that was softly warm toned, something she couldn’t remember seeing but felt comforted by anyway. 

Neither of them paid her any mind, clearly more focused on the task ahead, as she should be. They left, and Shimokizu hesitated, staring at the wristband. Sherif waved her on, dismissive and uncaring as her parents. 

Crossing the threshold of the doorway, she was faced with a fork. Numerous paths split from the entryway, more than Shimokizu had expected. As with every decision, Shimokizu slowed; paused, debating. One, two, three… the options were overwhelming. In one path, she thought she saw a flash of green light, heard a joyous cackle echo down another. 

She didn’t have time for hesitating, but here she was. She noticed fewer students drifting to the middle entrance, and… the fewer people, the less likely she was to hurt anyone. 

Decision made, she walked towards the middle entrance, right as someone walked in, lythe and mostly ruled in purple, tail flicking. 

Shimokizu hesitated. Was this the start of more people taking this route? She looked around, and, no, this was just one of the few people taking the middle path. Now determined, she set off at a much bolder rate down her chosen path.

She was met with a rush of air, twisting her already messy hair into worse knots and tangles, some strands sticking to her lips and wedging their way into her mouth. She stuck her tongue out and removed the strands, irked, and trudged forward. Just her luck to get an obstacle that was nothing but an irritation to her. Sure, she was cold, but this environmental cold couldn’t get to her. 

So through the snowy, frozen landscape she strode, hurrying to get away from the discomfort of an all-encompassing chill. Certainly the next obstacle would be better, she could show her stuff later. As she struggled through the snow, a vaguely familiar pastel blue figure sped past her, a shout of joy passing along with the girl making quick progress through the room. She blinked, the rush of air hitting her, and watched the girl land, then leap, taking off forward once more. 

Some sort of leaping quirk… Shimokizu shivered, jealous of the girl in passing. That kind of mobility would serve her well in her heroics career. 

It took time, but Shimokizu got through the snow, shaking the snowflakes stuck to her off and kicking the clumped snow off her shoes. 

“I hate snow,” she mumbled, dusting off the last bit of snow and setting off towards the next obstacle. 

It was a wall. Flat, with an almost slick surface. Probably around 5 meters high, with ropes hanging from the ceiling. Looking up, Shimokizu could see that there was a ledge. “Going up, I guess,” she mumbled. Rope climbs were something she did often enough to maintain her strength, Uncle had a few set up for all the members of the dojo. She walked up to an unoccupied rope, wrapped the end around her leg, then started to climb. 

As she climbed, she stared above her and refused to look down, no matter how tempting it was. She watched as a student ahead of her reached the top, began to attempt to get over the ledge, then slip, losing his grip on the rope and falling. She didn’t even think before she reached out and grabbed him by his extended arm, wrapping her hand tightly around his forearm and bracing herself. Her grip strained against the force and added weight, but she didn’t slip.  

“Why did you do that?” 

“I don’t know,” Shimokizu said. “I could… I couldn’t let you fall, could I?” 

“You could’ve. It would’ve been better for you.” They grabbed their rope, glancing down, then at Shimokizu. “But you didn’t, so thank you.” 

Shimokizu blinked, hesitating. They started climbing before she could formulate a response, leaving her only one choice. 

She kept climbing. 

When she reached the top, she started to shimmy onto the ledge when a hand appeared in front of her face. “Here.” 

She took it, and was pulled up. “T-thank you.” 

“You helped me. I helped you. It’s only fair.” 

She nodded, staring. He was so tall, like her Yacchan, but not as sleek or refined. She thought she’d seen him before, but couldn’t place it. He was kind to her eyes, the color of old book pages. His eyes told her that he knew more than she ever could. “I-I’m Hiyasu Shimokizu.” 

He nodded. “My name is Gakusa Oh.” And then he turned away, and he was gone. 

Shimokizu stared after him, blinking. Then she shook her head, twisted her hair, then set off again, following only because there was no other way forward. 

Only to stop in her tracks. Before her was an unassuming expanse of water. It wasn’t deep, but she would have to swim or wade through it. 

Unless she could freeze it. Make a path? She shifted to an area where there wasn’t many other students, then activated her quirk, carefully reigning in the radius so that she wouldn’t affect anyone, but dropping the temperature low, to freeze the water solid enough to walk on, and quickly enough to be effective. 

She kept a quick pace, making up for the time she had foolishly wasted in her hesitation. The ice was wobbly, she didn’t want to take up a full five feet around her so she restricted her radius to only three, meaning she could slip if she wasn’t careful. 

But this was a race, and she didn’t have time to dawdle. The end of the pool was in sight, she just had a few more steps…! 

As she was about to finish, she stepped too far to the right and the ice she was standing on tipped, dumping her into the water. She choked and scrambled to her feet, wading and dragging herself out of the water. She was soaked, from her hair to her socks and everything sticking against her skin, and the water made everything feel twice as heavy as it was. 

She tried not to panic as she tugged her coat off, squeezing as much water out as she could and shaking her head, flicking water all over. She got more than a few dirty looks for it, but she’d take a bit of hatred to get rid of as much water as possible. 

“This has to be close to the end, right?” she mumbled, wrapping the mostly-dry coat back around her shoulders, setting off towards the next hallway. 

No such luck. It turned out, drying off was pointless. She stepped through the breezeway only to be hit with torrential winds and streaming rain, and, being caught off-guard, she stumbled. She huffed, shivering, then steadied her stance. Uncle taught her how to weather through blows, even if this hadn’t been entirely what he had in mind. No quirk use would help her here, freezing this rain would only give her needle-sharp ice spears of rain hurtling at her and other examinees. Not to mention it would make her colder than she already was, and worsened by how drenched she was quickly becoming. Her only choice was to dig in and trudge on, even as feeling in her fingers started to fade and the shaking of her hands got worse. 

It felt like forever. Every step felt like it would be the last one she would take, like she couldn’t take another without collapsing, and every step she would dig further and take the next one. 

Eventually, the wind began to die down, and the rain disappeared, and there was light around. She faintly registered the wristband chiming, a vaguely victorious little tone, that there were people milling around here, talking. She found her way to a wall and used it to keep her balance long enough to sink to the ground. 

It was hard to move her hands, to make them obey. She’d never felt this before, she hadn’t ever gotten so cold that it felt like even her forearms were numb, that moving stung and breathing was hard. 

Still, her hair was clinging to her back and it was uncomfortable. Wringing it out would make it less clingy. Speaking of uncomfortable, her coat was heavy with water, worse than when she’d fell into the pool. Why did she wear it again? She tugged it off, dropping it in a pile next to her. A drippy, wet pile. Yuck. 

Why was she so wet again? Her fingers prickled as she wrung out her hair, not quite obeying her request. 

She thought she heard someone shouting, but it wasn’t important, was it? In front of her, she saw blue. Soft blue, gentle. Near-white. Familiar, but not… bad. 

“Atasushi?” she mumbled. Or tried to. It came out more, “Aaau?” 

The shape waved their hands around for a bit, then something draped over her. 

She still felt wet, but whatever draped over her was nice. Warm. 

The exam! She tried to push herself to her feet, but someone pushed her back down. “Exam…” she mumbled. “Gotta finish…” 

“You did. Now sit down and shut up or you’re going to die.” 

“Mhm?” Die? “No, I’m just… cold. Be fine.” 

“Shut up.” 

“She’ll be okay, right?” 

“‘M always cold,” she mumbled. “Where’s my coat?” 

“Stupid. You took it off. No, you can’t have it, it’s wet. You’re soaked. How’d you get this cold?” 

“‘M always cold.” 

“You didn’t listen to instructions. Buckskin specifically said not to risk your life. There were other ways.” 

“Had to finish fast. I’m fine. Where’s my bag?” 

“Oh! You had that big bag… I remember! I’ll go get it!” The girl, the one that was pale blue, darted off. 

“I’m okay,” she said, swatting away the hands that were coming closer to her. 

“How hard you’re leaning into Ogura-san tells me otherwise.” 

Shimokizu blinked. “Who?” She tried to look at whatever was draped over her, and saw none other than the girl she’d seen entering the pathway she’d taken that had caused her to hesitate. She stared, and saw grey. Cool, dark grey, like the warm fur of a wolf, curling around her. 

“Can I go?” 

“Almost.” 

“Here!” The girl had returned, and in her arms was Shimokizu’s bag. She dropped it in front of her. “Do you want me to take over, Lana-chan?” Without waiting, the girl dropped down next to Shimokizu and cuddled up next to her. She was warm, pleasantly, happily so. 

She couldn’t help it. She leaned into the girl, sighing happily. 

After what felt both like eternity and nowhere near long enough, a voice cut through the haze of thoughtless warmth. “Come with me.” The person who had been speaking sternly turned out to be a boy, probably around her brother’s age, maybe younger, but definitely younger than Shimokizu herself. 

She bowed to the girls that had helped her, picked up her (somehow mostly dry) coat, then followed the boy’s lead. “Lucky for you we have some early trials of the uniform to get you out of those wet clothes. Stupid.” 

She nodded, keeping her head down and her shoulders up. 

“Just go home,” the boy said when she asked how long she should wait for her clothes to dry. “You’ll be fine now. Thanks to me. Idiot, who lets themselves get hypothermia? It’s not that important.” 

She didn’t go home. No one was there, it was past time for them to leave for Masamai’s award ceremony. 

She came in to a pop. “Congratulations!” her uncle declared. 

“But I don’t know if I got in yet.” 

“So? You finished the exam, didn’t you?” 

She nodded. 

“Then it’s time to celebrate! You asked to just rest, so I got your favorite movie and I set up a pillow fort.” 

“But I don’t know if I passed yet.” 

“Shimo. You went. And that’s what we’re celebrating! You did it! Come on, you did the hard part! Celebrating isn’t any fun if we wait so long after the event to see if you passed or not, and if you want, we can celebrate then, too. You did great, kiddo.” 

“I haven’t told you how it went yet.” 

He wrapped one of his huge arms around her shoulders. “Then you’ll have to tell me about it! Come on, I set all this up, you don’t want to let it go to waste, do you?” 

Shimokizu smiled softly. “Alright. Thank you, Uncle.” 

He grinned, ruffled her hair, then set off to fiddle with the tv screen while she settled in, wrapping herself in her blanket and getting ready for a nice evening. 

Consequences be damned.

[dimpledsarcasm]

Little Text I wrote waaaay back when they released the teaser pics (you know the one of them around the campfire?)

Clarke you didn’t kill him. You didn’t kill him. Is all that was going through my head as my eyes flitted to Bellamy beside me. He was next to me, but so so so far.

Although it happened 125 years ago I still couldn’t get over it. Ha you’re hilarious I snorted to myself.

Apparently Bellamy couldn’t get over it too. Yeah that’s why he held you when Jordan played us Monty’s video.

My eyes flitted to him again, but he wasn’t staring at me, he wasn’t even staring at the fire and was instead looking out at the landscape. What I would give to know what was going on in his head… There was a time when I used to know exactly what he was thinking, but that phase was long past.

My eyes raked over his side profile. The beard he grew in the years we were apart, the fire cast shadows on his face, but his freckles were ever more prominent. God I had forgotten how many freckles he has. His unruly brown hair, that was currently being stroked by Echo. My eyes moved to her, only to realize she was already staring at me. The hatred in her eyes was unmistakable. I couldn’t blame her, I had left the guy she loved for dead.

My eyes moved back to the fire. Never in a million years did I think I would let Bellamy die.  I had let a village be bombed for him, I couldn’t even kill him to save the human race. Damn I’m pathetic… and a horrible person. I added as an afterthought.

I wonder what would’ve happened if he had never opened that door 131 years ago, if I had shot him. The Blakes would both be dead. I’d be a pariah and heartbroken— yeah as though you aren’t that now. But, I wouldn’t have been separated from my mom, “Wonkru” would never have happened, nor the cannabilism… But I wouldn’t have met Madi. I wouldn’t be a mom.

My head had gone through all of those scenarios in the 6 year period where it was just me and Madi on the surface of the earth. What if the shot hadn’t killed him, but just disabled him. He never would have forgiven me for Octavia’s death, but… No Madi, remember Madi Clarke.

I sighed. At least he was alive. That’s all I could tell myself. I looked at him again, Echo be damned, at least he was alive.

I still couldn’t get over the beard. He looked like a man now, no longer the reckless man-child, all heart and no brain, he’d been way back when. No, now he was a mature, self-assured individual and I’m sure the woman holding him is what led to that.  

I closed my eyes and looked at the ground. Damn I miss the days where I could suppress my feelings, where they didn’t affect everything I did. Didn’t they though Clarke?  

For once, I could utterly disagree with my internal voice. No, they didn’t. Even when I was with Lexa, she encouraged me to think with my head. My heart twinged. Her face flashed before my eyes, hair to the side, brown eyes wide filled with happiness and… love, lips parted in lust. How self-assured she’d become in bed. I smirked.

Then her face flashed before my eyes again, but this time dark blood pouring out of her mouth, eyes wide in shock and lungs heaving up in down, taking in her last breaths. I closed my eyes tighter, forcing the image out of my head. It’d taken me a long time for that not to be the thing I saw whenever I closed my eyes— well whenever I closed my eyes other images flashed by; the expanding bloodstain on FInn’s shirt when I stabbed him, Well’s makeshift grave, Anya’s mud-spattered face as she died, Jasper cradling Maya’s radiation-destroyed body, my dad’s face filling up the screens of the Ark knowing he’d be sentenced to death, the—

“Clarke?” I snapped out of my reverie.

“What?” I asked breathless

“We’ve been trying to talk to you for the past couple minutes,” Echo said with an edge to her voice,  “If you’re not alert Clarke you’ll put us all in danger.” I looked at her. There were so many things I wanted to say and even though my eyes flashed in anger, I exercised master restraint.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.” I said, trying my best to keep any anger out of my voice. She wasn’t worth it. I would not let her get the best of me. Not to mention, she was also right, we were on a foreign planet with who knows what out there and I couldn’t afford to be off my game… Man, what a familiar feeling, I snorted.

“Clarke?!” Echo said.

“Yes, yes, what were you talking about?” Shaw chuckled and I ignored Bellamy’s concerned eyes, I could feel his stare burning into my skin and I felt a blush rising to my cheeks, thank god I could blame it on the fire.

“Well, we were discussing as to where we should be headed tomorrow, downstream or upstream the river.” Miller said. I glanced at him.

“Wouldn’t upstream be best? There’s an advantage to higher ground.” I replied automatically.

“Yes, but as I was saying, downstream obviously will bring us to a larger body of water and that’ll be important for farming, not to mention that if we need to get away or cover our tracks we can just hope in and float or hike down.” She explained.

“While that might be true, we still don’t know if the water is drinkable, not to mention what’s the weather on this planet? If it’s flashfloods, we’ll be grateful for the higher ground.” I retorted.

“Bellamy already said that.” Echo say flatly.

“Oh. Well, then I agree with him.” I replied feeling my cheeks heat up. My eyes flickered to Bellamy to see him staring at me intensely. There was a flash of a smirk on his face and I looked away, the blush creeping up my neck.

“Figures.” Muttered Echo.

“Okay well let’s put it to a vote. Upstream?” Jackson said looking around. I raised my hand, so did Bellamy, Shaw and Miller. He paused, “I guess it’s decided.”

“Whatever.” Echo huffed and went back to stroking Bellamy’s hair.

~~~~~~~

While being alone with Madi and my radio it had seemed simple.

We woke up in the morning and gather berries from the surrounding area, in later years, we’d make jam and spread it on edible bark. Once we’d had our breakfast, I’d teach Madi some theory, we’d go through English, history, science… all of the things I learnt on the Ark, I tried to teach her. Next, Wwed go swimming then we would dry off and have a quick lunch of smoked meat (whatever we caught the night before would have been stewing till we ate it).

In the afternoon, I’d move on to practical training, fighting skills, weapon making, sewing wounds, hunting and later, driving. Madi’s village was a peaceful refuge for vegetarians, from what I could deduce, so Madi knew a few things— mostly what she had learned on her own before I showed up. She was a star pupil, or maybe I was a good teacher? I think it was a bit of both.

In late afternoon, we’d set up camp, initially Madi would collect wood and eventually we’d start taking turns making food, we’d sharpen and clean our weapons and I would sneak off with my radio to chat with Bellamy. It didn’t take long for Madi to deduce what I was doing so this was unofficially declared the moment in the day for alone time.

For supper we’d eat a mix of the meat or fish we caught and some random vegetables that Madi had dubbed yellow strings. And then we’d get ready for bed. I would draw a bit, Madi would practice her writing as well as drawing the star maps I taught her and we’d end the night with my telling her stories about my friends. It was our quiet peaceful routine.

Quiet. Simple. Easy.

It was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. On the ark, although I’d had a pretty sheltered childhood, it was always about rationing, best behaviour at all times and a lot of wondering what earth was like. Not to mention the grief. The grief when my friends’ parents were sentenced to treason and got floated, grief for the nonstop bullying Wells and I got, grief for my dad getting floated, grief because I thought I was going to be floated…

When I finally made it to earth, the grief didn’t change. It became tenfold and next came stress, survival stress. Basically it was do or die. I ended up taking charge. I guess I had been bred for it. But, that’s essentially what happened. Of course Bellamy and I butt heads initially due to it. He was the de facto leader and I, princess (god I hate that nickname), swooped in to challenge his every move. Of course, it wasn’t my fault his every move was the opposite of what I thought needed to be done…

But then people started dropping like flies, we were picked off by the grounders one by one and our morals were questioned to the point that even calling them morals is a hoax you used to sleep at night.  Of course I also fell in love and had sex, etc.

Then our ‘reinforcements’ came and that ended up being a mess as well. I ended up killing the boy I loved and would later murder an entire mountain full of people.

I fell in love again and then watched that person die too. Then I had to worry about a stupid crazy homicidal robot starting a cult ridding people of free will.

And the last couple months before the Earth went to hell was spent on figuring out how to save the human race. Saving the human race was the mantra that had been ingrained in me from the very beginning. On the Ark, I learnt that nothing really mattered a part from saving the human race. Nothing else.

So when primfaya happened and I was the only person left on the surface of the earth (everyone else was either underground or in space)… Well, thank god for Madi because otherwise, I definitely wouldn’t of made it. My mentality of saving the human race transferred onto Madi. I became her default mom, and her, my daughter and she was all that mattered. Still talking to a preteen girl for 6 years wasn’t exactly socializing in my opinion.

Which is why it wasn’t only Madi and I. It was Madi, I and Bellamy, or rather a radio, but I just maintained the idea that he could hear me and couldn’t respond. I knew that was total bullshit, you don’t hang out with Raven Rayes for ages and not realize that the radio waves would not be making it past the radiation clouding the earth, let alone through space to the revived Ark.

Yeah no way he even knew I was alive. But, I pretended anyway, because the alternative— the idea that I truly was alone and couldn’t talk to Bellamy, or worse that Bellamy and the others hadn’t actually made it to safety— well there’s only so much a person can take before going insane. So, I spoke to my radio. I told Bellamy all of my fears, all of the little victories, like when Madi wrote her first English sentence or when I found the edible bark, I told him about the new discoveries and my theories on what to do next. I spoke to him about Lexa, and Finn, and Wells. I told him everything. In one of my loneliest (horniest) moments I told him the fact that I missed having sex, masturbation just wasn’t cutting it anymore (that was never mentioned again)…

So, seeing him again, after speaking to him everyday for 6 years? Well, that was a pretty massive shock to my system, not to mention that he had gotten even hotter during that time.

Those 6 years had given me plenty of time to deal with Lexa’s death and realize I was completely and utterly in love with Bellamy. Of course I also acknowledged that it was the Clarke of 6 years ago that was in love with the Bellamy of 6 years ago… Somehow that didn’t translate into my brain when I first saw him. Instead all I wanted to do was discreetly pinch myself, because there was no way he was here with me. The second was, this must be true because even my imagination wouldn’t have been able to fathom how hot he’d be with a beard. And we fell back into this routine of Clarke and Bellamy.

Quiet. Simple. Easy.

Granted we were also dealing with his sister, Octavia, turned overzealous-dictator, a shitton of ex-felons and a war on the last survivable place on earth… But it didn’t matter because it was Bellamy and I and we could do this.

At least I thought we could. That is until I saw Echo run into his arms for a PG13 make out session, that is until he called ‘spacecru’ his family and didn’t include me, that is until he betrayed me by turning my daughter into a weapon… putting her directly in the bloodthirsty vision of Octavia who’s homicidal tendencies seemed to have gone on steroids since having last encountered her above ground.

So I left him to die.

Alright I know, stupid move, clearly turning Madi into the head of Wonkru was the best, most nondestructive choice at the time, but I didn’t see it that way and I reacted brashly. I still needed to apologize for that I guess. It was interesting that he had forgiven me so quickly though, blaming it on my “mama bear instincts” (he finally recognized what Madi meant to me). The speed in which he had been quick to lose that grudge really proved to me that he definitely was no longer my Bellamy. He seemed to be a mature, level-headed, amazing man that I no longer knew. We are strangers. And that probably broke my heart more than seeing him with Echo did.

I removed my eyes from the fire and looked around me. Actually all of these people were strangers now and for the quadrillionth time since primfaya I felt like bawling my eyes out.

That was something I discovered during those 6 years—how utterly emotive I could be. Jeez the emotion oozing out of me disgusted me. But, because I was able to focus it on Madi all this time it was okay. Except Madi was still in cryosleep and I was here with a guy I might possibly still love, his girlfriend (who hated me), a random-ass stranger that was cool, and just an overall blast from the past couple of friends, not too mention I had just found out that two of my closest friends had lived an entire life together filled with happiness and a peaceful ending so that we could live, so that the human race could survive.

Yeah my poor isolated self could not keep up with the varying situations.

I got up, feeling angsty. I definitely needed to loosen some of the tension I felt building up.

[sportsgeekonomics]

A Summary of the 6 Amicus Briefs filed on behalf of the Alston Defendants

Previously, I laid out a summary of the pro-athlete amicus briefs in Alston.  At the request of several folks, I reluctantly agreed to summarize the other side’s amici as well.  At first it was my goal to be very factual in my presentation of heir argument, but I simply could not do it without a moderate amount of commentary and, at times, snark.  

With that trigger warning out of the way, let’s dive in and see what we can learn about why the NCAA (purportedly) should win

Brief of Former Student-Athletes as Amici Curiae In Support Of Petitioners

This amicus brief is more important for who signed it (though not that even this is less clear than at first glance) than what it says.  The fact that the NCAA was able to find a dozen or so former athletes including a notable professional football player (Darren McFadden) to sign on to this paean to “the revered tradition of amateurism” made it instantly newsworthy.  Only later did it come out that the signatories were maybe not quite so reverent vis-à-vis “amateurism.”

The amici are Melsahn Basabe (Iowa Basketball), Walter Bond (Minnesota Basketball), Morgan Chall (Cornell Gymnastics), Catherine DeSilvester (Augusta Volleyball), Kelly Dopke (Idaho Soccer), María Fassi (Arkansas Golf), Jake R. Gibbons (Texas A&M Swimming) Kate Hall (Georgia Track and Field), Sarana Hyatt (Sacred Heart Track and Field), Alfrie “Tre” Kelley III (South Carolina Basketball), Olivia Lubarsky (Towson Gymnastics), Cody J. McDavis (Northern Colorado Basketball), Darren McFadden (Arkansas Football), Christopher Monroe (George Washington Basketball), Jamie Redman (Yale Rowing), Wallace Spearmon Jr.(Arkansas Track and Field), Kendall Spencer (New Mexico Track and Field), and Kara Winger (Purdue Track and Field).

The content is essentially fearmongering.  It’s not that they are explicitly in favor of mandatory pro bono efforts, but rather they fear that “If schools are permitted to offer virtually limitless benefits to recruit and retain top student-athletes, amici fear that future generations of student-athletes may no longer have access to the same opportunities they had—including access to higher education.”  That is, they fear schools will ONLY fund non-revenue sports scholarships if they can do it with money that, in a free market, would go to revenue sport athletes. Whether these amici realize it or not, they are essentially admitting the system extracts wealth from elite (mostly black) athletes and hands it out to lots of other folks (often from more privileged backgrounds, though not always) and they think schools won’t use their own money for this if they have to stop taking it from the revenue sport athletes.

The brief pulls a common switcheroo.  They start with the premise that “participation in intercollegiate athletics and integration into the university community, student-athletes learn invaluable lessons of self-discipline, leadership, and time management, while gaining access to the school’s network and academic and social opportunities. Unsurprisingly, then, most student-athletes report having a positive academic and social experience and have higher graduation rates than comparable non-athletes” but look carefully and you’ll see none of this hinges on the amateur status of athletes.  It’s basically “college sports is good for college athletes” but then they pull the misdirect and conclude that hence the “principle of amateurism is tremendously beneficial to student-athletes.”  This conflation, where college sports = good and hence amateurism also good, is essentially the primary theme of the brief.

Another interesting admission of this brief is that these amici firmly believe that if schools were allowed to pay athletes, they would all race each other to pay them more and more – they say that a “a compensation arms race … will inevitably ensue.”  As I have written (with co-author Ricky Volante, my boss at the PCL), and as Judge Wilken begrudgingly conceded,[1] as a matter of economics, if schools feel their correct economic move, given the chance, is to pay athletes more, then they must think their fans prefer them to pay their athletes, meaning consumers aren’t turned off by pay above COA.  It’s an odd stance to take from amici who also argue that “Fans’ interest may wane. Surveys have consistently found that “[t]he appeal of college athletics is driven by” perceptions that athletes are ‘playing for the love of the sport, teamwork and [not] for pay.’” and who filing in support of an organization that claims to know that consumers do not want to watch fully compensated athletes.

The final argument is essentially a very old one – that money is bad.  As they explain “Student-athletes’ educational experiences will also suffer” if they have access to more money.  It’s a sort of “these are mere children who cannot make good choices of how to spend their time between sports and school, so let’s deny them one of the incentives to focus on sports”

Brief of Georgia, Alabama, Arkansas, Mississippi, Montana, North Dakota, South Carolina, and South Dakota As Amici Curiae Supporting Petitioners

I like to refer to this as the brief of five former confederate states and their sparsely populated mountain west allies (none of which were states in 1861 so they did not have to pick sides).  Of all the briefs, even compared to the illogical former athletes one, this might be the worst (from my non-lawyerly perspective), though the High School Sports Federations (at the end of this post) may give it a run for its money.  Their argument is essentially that because Congress (as well as individual states) are in the process of passing new laws to better define the rights of athletes vis-à-vis the NCAA, the Court should overrule this case because... and then the logic sort of just fails, since Congress would have the final say anyway, and until SCOTUS took this case, Congress was working on the assumption the Alston case would stand.  

The other argument they make is because the NCAA rules are harming college athletes (i.e., they are working in their role of preventing schools from paying athletes more than they do now, but if the rules went away, schools (including those from the southern and mountain west states filing this amicus brief) would totally want to pay lots more than they do now, that allowing these schools to do what they want that “injunction here threatens serious harm to collegiate sports in the amici states” by fording them to make the difficult economic choice of whether to have their cake or eat it, or as they put it: “The injunction will force schools to choose between either spending more on their athletic department— which for most schools is already funded by student fees and university support—or cutting sports and becoming less competitive on the field.”  In other words, please don’t make us have to pay market-price for our sports teams, oh gracious SCOTUS.

Brief of Amici Curiae Antitrust Economists in Support of Petitioners

These amici are, in theory, my peers (though I suspect they would deny it vehemently): economists who work in and think about the antitrust laws from an economic perspective.  They are Rosa Abrantes-Metz (NYU), Michael Cragg (Brattle Group), Daniel L. McFadden (UC-Berkeley… and for the record, one of my profs in grad school), and Janusz A. Ordover (NYU), and Richard L. Schmalensee (MIT).  The last two are interesting choices.  Schmalensee is one of the economists most associated with multi-sided market theory, which is related to the final point of this brief, and discussed below.  Ordover was an actual paid expert witness in the case on behalf of the NCAA, and I never knew you could be a paid witness and an amicus in the same case, but you learn something new every day, I guess.

Their primary argument is that we face a slippery slope: if the Court interferes with the NCAA’s right to define its product as college sports made without fair-market compensation, then other firms will be denied the right to define their products as well and pretty soon our economy will suffer from lack of innovation.  I’m not really exaggerating, as here are their own words:

“For those activities in which the joint venture or limited collaboration is the only viable organizational structure—intercollegiate athletics is but one example—the risk that product design decisions will be condemned may well cause entrepreneurs to forego experimentation with product design that would otherwise benefit consumers or bypass creation of otherwise procompetitive ventures altogether.”

That is, if a joint venture like the NCAA is not allowed to define their product as including a maximum level of compensation allowed (i.e., price-fixing), then other JVs won’t be able to design, I don’t know, cool technologies and cures for cancer and such.

By the way, there’s a bit of a technical dispute in this case whether the NCAA is a joint venture at all, and if so whether it is a joint venture with respect to setting pay caps.  I have no legal opinion, but I would say as a matter of economics, the NCAA is a joint venture but so too is OPEC.  Economically, the question is not whether joint actions by independent firms can be labelled a joint venture or not – it always is – but whether that joint action is pro- or anticompetitive.  When every cartel is a joint venture, simply proving your cartel is a joint venture doesn’t move you into the procompetitive column by itself.

These economists then take a bit of a diversion into pretending to be lawyers (not that I can claim to be blameless in this regard!) arguing that the “The Lower Court Should Never Have Reached the ‘Full’ Rule of Reason” (as if economists have any say in that) because, as they explain the court misread the anticompetitive effects of amateurism to begin with (even though the NCAA didn’t appeal this part of the case). Essentially, these economists are arguing that the restraint in question (which clearly did lower pay to athletes) did not competition at all (rather than claiming the benefits outweigh the harms, as the NCAA argues).  Instead they argue, once you see such “enormous demand for amateur athletes” (um, where was this proven?), you should just stop the whole inquiry.

The final argument is that if we’re going to let courts mess around with JVs at all (and these guys say, please, no!), then we at least need to “assess the effect on both product quality and marketwide consumer welfare.”  This is essentially a “wrong market definition” argument in disguise.  In the case, Kenneth Elzinga had argued that the market included everyone who works at a university, attends a university, or is a fan of the university, and unless you assessed whether the harm to athletes was transferred to those other stakeholders or not, you couldn’t even prove the first step in the process of the rule of reason, i.e., was there harm in the relevant market.  This relates to the really interesting scholarship on two-sided markets (which one of the amici, Richard Schmalensee, has written on extensively) , and is a direct appeal to the Amex case that said that in a true two- or multi-sided markets where transactions occur between the platform in the middle (like a credit card processor) and two distinct customers (a store and a customer) simultaneously, the market should include both sides of the transaction.  Leaving aside my view of that decision, Judge Wilken dispatched that argument with great and vicious precision (“Any testimony Dr. Elzinga gives regarding procompetitive benefits in his hypothetical multi-sided market is not relevant to procompetitive effects in the relevant market. Daubert, 509 U.S. at 591.”, and the NCAA did not appeal that part of the decision.  But these antitrust professors are giving it the old college try at reviving it.

Brief of Amici Curiae Antitrust Law and Business School Professors in Support of Petitioners

The scholars are: Thomas Arthur (Emory), Amitai Aviram (Illinois), Jodi  Balsam, (Brooklyn Law), Jorge Contreras (Utah), Anthony Dukes (USC), Vivek Ghosal (RPI), Michael Jacobs (DePaul), Jordan Kobritz (SUNY-Cortland), and Alexander Volokh (Emory).  They make an entirely technical antitrust argument (one also seen often, but from the other perspective, in the pro-athletes’ amici’s briefs), which is on how the Rule of Reason should be implemented with respect to when harm and benefit are balanced. These scholars argue “The Rule of Reason Places the Ultimate Burden of Proof on the Plaintiff” and say the Court failed to do that (though I think that’s contrary to the findings of fact in the case), and that the Court also erred in how in formulated the less restrictive alternative test, arguing that “the Ninth Circuit erred at step three because it ultimately required the defendants to show that their conduct was the least restrictive approach available.”  

Not much room for snark or economics here, so we can move on.

Brief of Professor Thomas B. Nachbar as Amicus Curiae in Support of Petitioners

This amicus brief was filed by a single professor, Thomas Nachbar of UVA.  There’s a little linguistic irony in the fact that he was unwilling to join with the other professors arguing mostly the same points, since Nachbar is German for Neighbor.  As the jingle doesn’t go, “like a good neighbor, Nachbar ain’t there,” I guess.[2]  

Anyway, in terms of substance, Professor Nachbar argues similar to the other law professors, that the courts in Alston misapplied the Rule of Reason with respect to less restrictive alternatives.  One interesting point is that Nachbar points to dicta in the Amex case, for the point that the Court can ignore things in prior cases if they were not part of the primary holding, but rather just commentary (i.e., dicta, from the Latin for “things said”).  This is probably true but it cuts against the NCAA’s argument that the dicta in Board of Regents[3]) should be read as law, to have own of their amici argue that dicta ain’t law seems problematic to me.

In short, Nachbar’s argument is that the search for less restrictive alternative is not a distinct step (though in every case I’ve worked on, it has been treated as such). Nachbar explains that even though lower courts have used the test, and even though the recent Amex case mentioned it as a distinct step (in dicta, as discussed above), nevertheless “the test has never been applied by this Court, even though it would have been applicable in many antitrust cases, and this Court has affirmatively rejected it in cases involving vertical restraints.”  Nachbar thus concludes that as a result “The Ninth Circuit’s less restrictive alternatives test results in misapplication of both the rule of reason and the ancillary restraints doctrine.”

 Brief for Amicus Curiae National Federation of State High School Associations in Support of Petitioner

And as our final entry in the amicus briefapalooza, I present the High School Sports Amici.  Even if I were not trying not be snarky (which from above you can tell was not a restraint I imposed), I would have to break that rule for this one. The argument here is essentially, well golly, amateurism is just great!  In the amici’s words:  “Amateurism—the principle that the dedicated pursuit of excellence in sports for non-monetary reasons develops well-rounded young men and women— benefits students, schools, and the community.”  Worst still, warn these amici, “Allowing compensation of college athletes threatens to undermine amateurism in high school athletics.”

What can I say except that this is one of those briefs that has zero evidence?  “Amateurism is Good” is an axiom, not a proof.  It’s merely an assertion of a philosophy that money-for-services is bad.  I suspect the lawyers who filed the amicus brief (not the amici themselves) did not take that approach when deciding on what to charge for their legal services in filing this brief, nor did the amici themselves when performing their roles as high school sports administrators.  But as they don’t say, “hypocrisy makes the world go around” and so on that note of hypocrisy, I think we can end our amicus brief excursion.

[1] “Plaintiffs and their experts strenuously argue and opine, perhaps correctly , that if this alternative were adopted, conference officials , as rational economic actors , would not act contrary to their members ' aggregate economic interests, and would not choose to pay amount s of cash compensation unrelated to education that would be demand- r educing f or Division I sports. … Be that as it may, the inevitable trial - and- error phase could result in miscalculations by one or more conferences as to level s of cash pay that would not reduce demand for the product…” (Case 4:14-md-02541-CW Document 1162, pp. 54-55, emphasis added.)

[2] Apologies to the professor for the name games but as a guy whose last name was used in a movie as a euphemism for penis (“I see your Schwarz is as big as mine”), I feel like I have earned enough karmic justice to dish out some of what I’ve taken over the years.

[3] “The identification of this "product" with an academic tradition differentiates college football from and makes it more popular than professional sports to which it might otherwise be comparable, such as, for example, minor league baseball. In order to preserve the character and quality of the "product," athletes must not be paid, must be required to attend class, and the like.”

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

My Eyes - Part 3

Pairing: Bucky; Steve x Fem/Reader

Word Count: 4,311

Story Description: Steve is a good man, America’s golden boy, a hero. He’s Captain America for christ’s sake! So it’s normal to want what he has… right? Bucky knows he doesn’t deserve her. He doesn’t even deserve the second chance at life he’s been given. But Bucky can never let him know. Steve can never find out that his friend is in love with his best girl.

Story takes place post “CA: CW” and all tension has been resolved. Part 2

Bucky was in his room packing a bag. He didn’t exactly know how long he and Y/N would be gone for. It could be a weekend; it could be two weeks. Tony assured them there was plenty of food already stocked at his secret cabin, along with a washer and dryer.

“Got the coordinates?” Steve had been going over and over the plan repeatedly. He knew that Bucky had memorized it to a tee, but it was his way of attempting to calm his nerves.

“Yes.” Bucky answered, throwing another t-shirt into the bag.

“You know how to put the jet into stealth mode, right?”

“Yes, Steve.”

“You know the plan if things go bad…”

“Steve!” Bucky couldn’t take it any longer. He stopped packing and gave his friend a hard stare. “I remember everything. You need to calm down before you start stressing me out too.”

“Sorry.” Steve mumbled embarrassingly.

“Promise me you’ll be careful out there.” It was Bucky’s turn to worry now. “I’m still not okay with you doing this without me.”

Steve pledged with a simply nod.

“Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes… the jet is ready for Miss Y/N’s departure.” FRIDAY informed the two men.

“Can you go grab Y/N?” Steve asked quietly.

Bucky’s brow furrowed and cleared his throat awkwardly. “Why can’t you? I figured you two would want a moment alone.”

Steve’s head hung low. “She’s…ugh…She’s not talking to me.”

Bucky sighed in sympathy. “I’m sorry, pal. But she’ll come around. You have to see this from her point of view. You just gotta give her some time.” Steve just nodded. “Y/N and I will meet you in the hangar, okay?”

---

When Bucky knocked on Steve’s room, Y/N threw the door open without saying a word. Even the way she was flinging the last few items into her bag showed how upset she was. Bucky figured if she stayed mad, maybe she would never get to the sad part.

“Ready to go?” He asked carefully.

She only answered by throwing the bag over her shoulder and giving him a look.

“Here… Let me grab that for you.” He reached forward and grabbed her bag without waiting for her approval. She seemed caught off guard by the gesture. Otherwise Bucky was sure she would’ve refused just to spite him. Steve had mentioned how surprising his old fashion manners were to Y/N. But Bucky had never noticed the confusion for himself.

“Come on, Porthos.” Bucky ordered the dog.

To Y/N’s astonishment, the dog jumped up happily and sprinted forward to follow them out of the room.

When they got to the hangar Tony, Wanda, Vision, Sam, and Maria were standing around patiently. Steve had assured them that Y/N wanted to say goodbye and thank all of them for what they were doing. Bucky stood off to the side patiently as she spoke with them all individually. Her anger had been pushed to the back of her mind. He only saw love and worry in her eyes as she spoke to them now.

Bucky then glanced at Steve. He was already in uniform and had his thumbs tucked into the front of his belt. He looked anxious and torn as Y/N ignored his presence. She really was mad at him.

After awhile, Y/N looked at Bucky, giving him the cue that she was ready to go. He wanted to stop her as she marched toward the jet without even a glance in Steve’s direction.

The rest of the team had gone, leaving just the three of them in the hangar.

Bucky knew better than to interfere with their relationship. But he was relieved as Y/N stopped in her tracks. He paused too. She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. Her stubbornness lost the battle and she quickly turned around and ran back to Steve.

He caught her in his arms as she wrapped him into a fervent kiss. Her feet remained off the ground, legs wrapped around his waist.  Steve only used one strong arm to steady her, while his other hand was buried in her hair.

Bucky couldn’t help but watch the embrace at first. However now he looked down at the ground uncomfortably. His heart was battling through several emotions and he didn’t want to acknowledge any of them.

Y/N and Steve’s lips finally broke apart and Y/N buried her face in the crook of his neck. Steve felt the shaking of her body and knew she was about to start crying. He rubbed her back in comfort and managed to pull her face out so she would look at him.

“Hey, hey, hey. Please don’t cry.” Steve whispered. She nodded, trying to prevent it as best she could.

“Please come back.” Y/N whispered back. She gave him a quick kiss. “I love you.  Be careful.”

“I love you too.”

Y/N slowly made her way to the jet now. Her proud and willful demeanor had completely disappeared. She just looked scared.

Bucky couldn’t help but wonder what it felt like to be loved like that. Even in the 40s, with a new woman every other night, he knew he’d never been close to having what Y/N and Steve did.

With Y/N on the jet, Bucky and Steve were left alone. They shared a look that said more than any words could. They told each other to be careful. But most importantly, Bucky told Steve he’d look after her.

---

Y/N was silent for the ride in the jet. She figured Bucky would prefer it that way. And if she started talking, she didn’t know if her nerves and stress would allow her to stop.

Bucky knew this was all some cruel joke. He spent almost two years avoiding this girl only to be stuck alone with her on a literal island.

It took a few hours to finally get to Tony’s place. To call it a cabin seemed rather ridiculous. Bucky whistled in admiration as he hovered the jet above the home. He landed the aircraft on the water, letting the large ship float next to a dock like it was a boat.

Turning off the engine, Bucky glanced over at Y/N. She had become rather pale. “You okay?” He asked worried.

Y/N winced. “I…I don’t feel good all of the sudden.”

“Come on. Let’s get you inside so you can lay down.”

Bucky walked close to Y/N as they moved down the long, wooden dock to the front of the house. The lights were already on, making it feel homey. Tony probably had full control of the entire house through his fancy tech.

Bucky scanned his hand to open the door and it released with a quirky combination of beeps. He half expected FRIDAY to greet them, but the A.I. never spoke. She must not be installed in this particular vacation home.

Before Bucky could say anything to Y/N, she bolted around him and sprinted down the hall. Thankfully the house wasn’t as large as the residential quarters at the Avengers’ compound. Otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to find the bathroom in time. She slammed the door shut and Bucky winced as he heard the sounds of her throwing up.

Bucky decided to give her some space so she wasn’t embarrassed. He grabbed both of their bags and headed upstairs. He gave Y/N the master bedroom and softly placed her bag on the floor, near the foot of the bed. Once he put his bag in one of the four leftover rooms, he headed back downstairs to the kitchen.

Y/N slowly emerged from the bathroom. She must have splashed some cold water on her face because it was slightly misty.

“You okay?” Bucky asked gently.

She nodded quickly. “Yeah…sometimes I get motion sickness. That landing onto the water wasn’t ideal apparently.”

“Are you hungry?” Bucky asked quickly. “I can make something real quick. Tony said someone already dropped off bags of groceries before we got here.”

Y/N narrowed her eyes, watching him for a moment. “Bucky…I know Steve asked you to do this. You can quit the act. You don’t have to be nice to me.”

It was probably the meanest Bucky had ever seen her. He was not at all expecting it. His mouth opened slightly, trying to buy him more time to find the right words. But before he could, Y/N muttered something about going swimming and brushed past him to race up the stairs.

Bucky sighed and rubbed his face. Why did this have to be so hard? He’d ruined any chances of Y/N even liking him. If he ever tries to be nice now, Y/N interprets it as forced and fake… like a request Steve probably made.

Bucky knew when to give someone space and decided to check out the house to plan escape routes and note all entry doors. At some point, Y/N managed to slip out of the house. He heard the padding of her feet and the opening of the door.

Eventually Bucky finds a door that leads to a rooftop deck. It’s the last area he has to investigate and decides it’s a good place to hide out and leave Y/N alone. However, he soon realized that it gives him a 360-degree view of the house’s surroundings. This meant that he could see Y/N swimming laps in the lake below. Bucky watched her for what felt like forever. He never realized how gracefully she could move her body. He guessed that’s what happens when he tries to ignore someone like it’s his job: he misses a lot.

Eventually the sun got near the horizon, causing the most beautiful array of pastels in the sky. Bucky looked down to find Y/N taking it as a cue to get out of the water. She found the ladder and slowly made her way up. Bucky’s heart races as he sees her in a small bathing suit. Those had definitely changed since the 40s. The red bikini looked like it was made to be on Y/N’s body.

Bucky glanced away, feeling like he was violating Y/N’s privacy while also betraying Steve by merely looking at his girl. But he found Y/N once again after a few moments. Now that there was no one to catch him, it seemed Bucky had lost all self-control.

Y/N’s back was too him now. She sat on the dock with her feet dangling in the lake as she stared out cross the water. Bucky could tell by her body language alone that she was paralyzed in worry.

She stayed like that for hours. But Bucky had gone back downstairs to the kitchen to start making them something to eat for dinner. He had a view of her through the window over the kitchen sink. Every once in awhile he’d check on her. She didn’t look like she’d moved a muscle.

Bucky sighed. He had to go out there. It was getting cold and sitting in a wet bathing suit wasn’t going to make it any better.

Y/N was so lost in thought that she hadn’t heard or felt Bucky’s approaching footsteps. She jumped when she felt a thick blanket being draped around her shoulders. Bucky didn’t say sorry, just started walking away.

“Bucky, wait!” Y/N squeaked, surprising herself. He froze and glanced over his shoulder at her. “Please?” She added softly.

Bucky slowly walked back and sat down next to her on the edge of the dock.

Silence filled between them.

Bucky found no reason to break it. He didn’t even know what he would say anyway.

“Sometimes I think about Steve and I living somewhere like this.” Y/N started, looking out into the water. “The house wouldn’t be so modern, of course. Just a little cottage on the water, isolated from the rest of the world.” She sighs. “But then I tell myself I’m being an idiot.”

“Why?” Bucky asked. His participation startled her so much that she finally looked at him.

“Can you honestly ever see Steve settling down?” Y/N scoffed. “You know him even better than I do. Steve will never run away from a fight. If he sees something that’s wrong, he can’t look the other way. When I first met him, I found it so admirable. But recently I just wonder if I’ll eventually get in the way of it. I love him. And I’m ashamed to say it, but I wonder what having a family would be like with him almost once a day.”

“You don’t think he wants those things too?” Bucky challenged.

“Do you know how selfish that would be?” Y/N retorted. “Can you imagine me pregnant while Steve’s away on missions? Can you picture us raising a family when he could leave at any moment and never come back?” Her eyes watered up now. “What kind of woman would I be asking Captain America to stop saving the world just so we could have our stupid little fairy tale?”

“A woman that loves Steve Rogers.” Bucky justified softly.

Y/N studied his face for a moment.

A single tear slid down her cheek and she wiped it away roughly with the back of her hand. “I could never ask him to do that.”

Bucky allowed himself to watch her with a look of sympathy as she stared out into the water.

Y/N sniffled and seemed to change her entire mood on command. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be saying any of this to you. You’re his best friend.” Then she laughed to herself. “And you don’t even like me.”

“That’s not true.” He corrected her so quickly that her gaze snapped to his.

Bucky looked down at his hands. “I’m sorry I’ve made you think that.” Then he looked out onto the water as if it was going to give him the words. “I’m… I’m still working on the whole socializing thing.”

“You talk to everyone else.” Y/N argued. “You talk to Tony and a few years ago he tried to fucking kill you.” Then her voice softened. “Did…Did I do something wrong?”

“No.” He assured her quickly. “No. You’ve never done anything wrong.”

Y/N just nodded her head, believing him but racking her brain for what it could possibly be then. She opened her mouth to further interrogate, determined to get to the bottom of it since they were finally talking.

“Come on.“ Bucky cut her off before she could ask anything else. “I made dinner and you need to eat.” He stood up and offered her his hand to help her up. She eyed it for a moment before taking it.

Bucky realized it was the first time he’d ever even touched her. He dropped her hand as soon as she was on her feet. But he still felt like he held on a second too long, mesmerized by the feel of her soft skin.

“You cooked?” Y/N asked as they started down the long dock.

Bucky smirked. “Don’t sound so surprised, doll.”

“Sorry. I just didn’t know that was something you could do.”

Y/N ran upstairs to shower real quick before dinner. When she came back down, Bucky immediately recognized Steve’s shirt.

“Aha! I knew he’d have it.” She muttered to herself. Before Bucky could ask what she was talking about, music started playing through the house. She must have found the control pad for the whole house.

Bucky scrunched his nose. “What is this?”

Y/N’s jaw dropped dramatically. “Oh, god. Hasn’t anyone been educating you? This is Nick Drake… one of like, the best folk artists ever!”

Bucky shrugged. But his heart was smiling at her reaction and the smile on her face as she listened to the soft music. Suddenly he was jealous of his best friend, imagining Y/N passionately sharing all of her favorite things with Steve and trying to tutor him on a century of pop culture.

Bucky had made vodka penne with Italian sausage for dinner. Y/N had two huge bowls of it and continued to tell him how good it was. Other than that, they really didn’t speak to one another.

After eating in silence for quite some time, Bucky lifted his head and glanced at Y/N with a little smirk. “I think I like Nick Drake.”

He swore he’d never seen someone’s entire face light up like that. Y/N was beaming with a proud smile from exposing him to something new.

But just when Y/N felt like her and Bucky were finally getting somewhere, Bucky disappeared after cleaning all the dishes. Y/N sighed and decided on watching a movie alone. She figured she could expose Bucky to a movie or two as well. But clearly he wasn’t interested.

It was a few hours later that Bucky came down from the roof to find Y/N passed out on the couch with the television still on. He glanced at the screen to find a movie with a giant shark tearing apart a boat. Bucky swore he could remember Steve mentioning the film to him before.

Bucky walked to Y/N. He gripped her shoulder gently. “Y/N…Y/N, wake up. You have a bed.”

She barely stirred and groaned in disagreement. “Imma stay here....” She mumbled.

“Come on, doll. I’m not going to let you sleep on the couch. Steve would have my head.”

Y/N either ignored him or had gone back to sleep.

Bucky sighed in frustration. He didn’t want to overstep, but he also didn’t know what else to do. Without dwelling on it, he slipped his arms underneath Y/N’s back and behind her knees. To his surprise, she reacted by wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her head in the crook of his neck.

Bucky’s entire body stiffened. He could smell her perfume… or maybe that was just her natural scent. No matter what, it was intoxicating. Her hair was so soft on his skin. She felt so small in his arms.

He had to shake his head lightly to bring himself back to reality. Her soft breaths on his neck were not helping. He took the stairs slower than necessary, wanting to make this small moment last for as long as possible.

Eventually he was setting her down on the bed as if she was the most fragile porcelain doll. “Goodnight, Steve…love you.” Bucky couldn’t even bring himself to be disappointed. Of course Y/N thought he was Steve. She was half asleep and felt the hands of a super soldier carrying her to bed. It was probably something Steve did at least once a week.

“Goodnight, doll.” Bucky allowed himself to whisper before closing her bedroom door.

---

Bucky had never been one to sleep in. Even before he went to war.

That’s why he had to stop himself from laughing when Y/N came down the stairs like she’d come back from the dead. Her hair was a mess, somehow she wasn’t quite walking straight, and she glared at the sunlight as if she were being personally attacked by it.

“Not a morning person?” He asked, laughing lightly.

Y/N groaned and moved to the kitchen counter and immediately laid her head down. “Ugh…I’m waiting for mankind to become nocturnal. Maybe it’ll happen before I die.”

Bucky chuckled at that and slid a steaming cup of coffee in her direction. She looked at him like a hero. He couldn’t help but note the two splenda and one crème she put into it.

After the first sip, Y/N’s gaze became serious. “Did you hear from Steve?” She looked down at the mug and fiddled with the handle.

“No, I haven’t.” Bucky answered softly.

Y/N just nodded and looked out the window, trying to control her tears.

“Y/N, I’m sure he’s fine. We can’t always make contact with people when we’re out there. Don’t worry yourself.” Bucky didn’t know what else to say. He was never on this side of war: the waiting game. Back during WWII, it never even fazed him how hard it was for all the girlfriends, wives, and parents back home. He was too busy trying not to get killed.

Y/N finally met his gaze. “Bucky?”

He nodded.

“I’m gonna need to you to distract me today, okay?”

Bucky swallowed. “Okay.” Then he scratched the back of his head. “How exactly should I do that?”

“I don’t know!” Y/N panicked almost comically. “That’s part of your job!”

Bucky looked around and suddenly thought of something. “Y/N? Do you think you could show me some more music? I think I’m more behind than I originally realized.”

With that, Y/N smiled. And like magic she turned to the control pad and started naming off a trillion bands and genres. After a few minutes she looked at Bucky who appeared completely dumfounded.

“Bucky! What are you doing? You should be taking notes!”

That continued for a couple hours. Not only did Y/N play song after song but she would give a 30 second preface for exactly why she was in love with it. Bucky couldn’t stop smiling. Watching Y/N talk so passionately about something… He didn’t think any man could witness it without falling in love with her.

“Okay this just makes me so happy. I can’t listen to it without dancing like an idiot.” Then, without warning, she grabbed onto Bucky’s hand and tried to drag him off the couch.

“No, no, no Y/N.” Bucky disputed. Lucky for him, he was far stronger than her and didn’t move an inch as she pulled on his arm.

“Bucky, come on! Please!” She begged through laughter.

He couldn’t say no to her. It was impossible.

Y/N cheered as she finally got him off the couch. She gripped both of his hands, completely ignoring that he tried to pull his metal arm away. There was no formal technique, no style that Bucky could recognize. He just let her sway him where she wanted to and jump around.

And for the first time in this new life, Bucky found himself genuinely laughing. It’d been so long, he’d forgotten what it felt like: to lose his breath, for his stomach to hurt from the exhaustion of it. Y/N was now instructing him what to do, which were really just ridiculous moves that she wanted to see the infamous Winter Soldier perform. Bucky blushed and refused her demands, deciding to twirl her in circles instead.

The room hadn’t stopped echoing laughter until the music was cut off and there was the sound of ringing. “Incoming call from Captain Rogers.” The control system said in a much more robotic voice than FRIDAY.

Y/N’s heart jumped and she practically leaped over the couch to get the phone.

Just like that Bucky’s little moment of laughter and bliss was over.

Bucky overheard Y/N talking really fast in the other room. She was asking questions at the speed of light, worry evident in her voice.

20 minutes later, she appeared back in the room holding out the phone. “Steve says he wants to talk to you.” There was a small smile.

“Hey, punk.” Bucky greeted.

“You should be good to head out tomorrow morning.” Steve was talking in his Captain voice. It either meant that the mission had been rough or he was still worried about Y/N.

“Roger that.” Bucky answered.

“Hey, Buck? Whatever you’re doing… thank you. Y/N said you’ve been taking care of her. I owe you one.” Steve voice couldn’t have been more earnest.

“You don’t owe me anything.” Bucky argued.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” With that, Steve hung up.

---

Bucky landed the jet and Y/N practically bolted out of her seat.

Steve was waiting in civilian clothes. Him and the team must have gotten back a little bit earlier than expected.

Bucky walked down the jet’s platform just in time to see Y/N being embraced by Steve. He watched as his friend held her close. But he looked over her shoulder to meet Bucky’s gaze. With one look, he thanked Bucky with all of his heart for protecting the most important thing in his life. Bucky gave him a nod.

Y/N pulled away from the hug but kept Steve’s face grasped in her hands. “Is everyone okay? Did anyone get hurt?”

“No, no… we’re all fine.” Steve assured her.

Y/N sighed in relief. She wouldn’t have been able to handle it if any of the team had gotten hurt trying to keep her safe. She never asked for that.

Then her expression became innocent as she stared into Steve’s baby blue eyes. With the look alone, she could be 10 years younger. “Steve?” She murmured timidly. “Can we go home now?”

Steve smiled at the question and subconsciously brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “Yeah. We can go home now.” He kissed her forehead.

Bucky was walked up to them, holding both his and Y/N’s bags. Porthos was stuck to his side like glue. It was still strange how easily the dog had accepted him.

Steve grabbed Y/N’s duffel from his friend. “Thanks, Buck.” To Y/N, it sounded like he was just thanking him for the bag. But Bucky knew it was much more than that.

Steve turned to Y/N and offered his hand for her to take. He whistled for Porthos to follow them out.

They were almost out of the hangar when Y/N whispered something to Steve. He nodded and watched, as Y/N turned back and practically skipped back to Bucky.

Bucky looked at her with confusion. She hadn’t forgot anything.  

Y/N hesitated for a moment before she slowly gave him a hug. The close contact made Bucky’s body stiffen. But he glanced at Steve, who was wearing an amused smirk, and finally wrapped his flesh arm around Y/N in return.

She pulled back and smiled sweetly up at him. “Thank you, Bucky. For everything.” Then she kissed him on the cheek and skipped back to Steve.

Just like that, Bucky was left alone in a total daze.

---

Part 4 

There ya go! Like I always say, I love hearing from all of you.  Today was kind of rough, not gonna lie. Some fic appreciation would be so lovely.