#i guess this goes in the paradoxposting tag.

[dailyoyo]

okay so the rough idea of this came from jokingly tossing around the concept of adult yoyo going to law school and becoming a corrupt lawyer (no i dont remember where it came from). and it somehow turned into a general joke of a terrible au where theyre all adults and none of them were ever rudies, never meeting each other and many of them ending up either miserable, worse people, or both. evil-ass au

(art by mod pseud. i hate looking at it) as previously stated yoyo becomes a lawyer. who is, like, evil on purpose. like he saw the "slimy lawyer" stereotype and was like "I WANNA DO THAT FOR REAL". if he was in ace attorney his name would be a play on perjury probably. he might be actually competent as a lawyer but he is definitely cheating non-fucking-stop

since this is based on paradox canon beat is gouji's kid. and well realistically speaking if beat never runs away he just grows up to continue the vicious cycle. but as much as i like writing cycles of abuse that kind of just makes beat Less Interesting Gouji. so for the sake of this we decided he fatally pushed gouji down the stairs as a teen and inherited teh company way too young. and grew up into a deranged rich failson who kiiiind of still has good intentions and recognizes that rokkaku group is corrupt (AND POSSIBLY STILL LITERALLY KILLING PEOPLE?), but doesn't know how to meaningfully change it so he just goofs off and does dumb shit instead. possibly at some point in time he burns the rokkaku hq down on purpose and lawyer yoyo defends him in court about it. and yoyo is trying to be chill but he hates beat for being annoying and wants to wring his neck

mew is, unfortunately, a cutesy true crime vlogger. i'm so sorry. it would be funny i think if she ended up making vids on the rokkaku arson case

corn gets the gifted kid crash and burn syndrome. he works in IT at rokkaku group and he hates it there. he fantasizes about becoming a hacktivist and leaking gov docs and shit like that but hasn't the time or resources for it. probably makes obscure open source software that does really niche shit in his free time for fun. stable enough income to have his own apartment.

gum doesn't have a permanent residence, makes use of her childhood friend status to crash on corn's couch. drifting in and out of jobs, never able to hold one for long, getting fucked up at bars and parties in her free time. might have a complex about being a "burden" to her best friend though she doesn't admit it's eating away at her.

i guess cube and combo never end up going to japan and just continue whatever they were doing in america. at least coin survives! (unless he comedically dies for some unrelated reason. struck by lightning or a falling piano)

maybe garam actually successfully becomes an entomologist. it'd be nice to give SOMEONE something actually cool here LMAO. but tbh i feel like he'd be more likely to drop out of college partway (unmedicated adhd kicking his ass.) and just vibes getting by on a retail job and doing his own thing posting really sludgy splatoon-ass music on soundcloud and posting pics online of cool bugs he saw.

i don't know why i feel this way but i think soda just slowly becomes a shut-in :(

boogie is established in paradox to like, have an apartment and a mediocre mundane job already, but she feels like one of the hardest ones to imagine wtf she's doing in her free time if she's not a rudie? (maybe it's just because i havent dedicated enough thought to her. i need to fix that though maybe in a better context than this one.) like if she's not doing graffiti and skating i feel like she'd STILL be doing stunts and shit? like idk parkour and dangerous tiktok challenges and stuff?

i HAVE NO IDEA for clutch. robs a bank and fucking dies idk man

jazz funnily enough in paradox is stated to have JUST been a regular speed skater until the death ball incident, after which she was just so done with this shit that she was like "whatever. im doing graffiti crimes now". maybe in this au shes the ONLY one whos actually a rudie

the robots probably just dont even get made.........

also almost none of these guys would even end up knowing each other, MUCH less be friends. also their names would be different bc they arent going by street names but im not giving every single one of htem legal names XD i dont even know when some of the guys i hc as trans would have transitioned in this timeline??

This evil-ass au sucks. Sorry.

i need to talk about the evil cursed-ass None Of The GGs Become Rudies au at some point i keep thinking about it. its so funny awful