#i guess it comes down to i just love vox machina you guys

[mostlyanything19]

Oh I’m rewatching the Legend of Vox Machina in preparation for season 2 this Friday and I like it possibly even better than on the first view! (I’m always a bit hesitant with New Things, and watching something you like so much while not sure if you’re gonna like it like this made me a little apprehensive last year. At least during the first two or three episodes. (Also I finally just got used to the art style I guess)). Honestly it’s a really fantastic show, I’m getting very excited for season two!!

[demigoddessqueens]

like I love you

Partly based off an anon ask about first time with Vax, and a follow-up convo with @southside-otaku , I’ve decided to make a part 2.

Yes there’s smut to start off AGAIN, 18+

The morning was just barely starting as the sun’s rays peaked into your room. Or was it now both your room? Considering the sleeping form and arm pulling you close, what happened last night was no dream at all.

Turning to your side, the gentle sleeping form of famed Vox Machina rogue Vax’ildan greets you. It really was a lovely sight first thing in the morning. His soft touch, hair strewn across the pillows, gentle snores and legs still intertwine with yours. Feeling the heat of the moment, you leaned towards to place a chaste kiss

Guess the whole sleeping form was a façade since your lover’s warm brown eyes opened as soon as he felt you. “G’morning, my love.” You scoffed lightly as you leaned down again for his lips. “Morning to you too, love….hmm you were so good last night. So perfect for me.” Vax’s grip tightened more as he moved to kiss your neck. “Likewise for you, although I’d say you were better.”

The rogue indulged more in the aftercare with you, tender kisses and touches growing more heated by the second. You could feel him growing more as it pressed against your leg, and your desire becoming slick as well. “Seems as though you want a repeat of last night, Mr Vessar. Who am I to stop you?” He hitched up one of your free legs over his hips as he slid so easily into you with a sharp gasp. “No man or woman would be mad enough to let you leave their bed after such a night. I intend to make good on that.”

You gasped as he pulled you closer, tighter to where those brown eyes melted more into you. Filling you to the brim as you shuddered still from the night before. He was here, there, everywhere all around you in your passions. Molded so perfectly to each other’s forms. You left a trail of love bites across his neck and collar bone, raking your nails down his back. The lustful moans of “no idea, nngh, how pretty, how good-oh fuck-you feel!” spurred you on as you pulled on his hair. You thrusted your hips more to meet his, wanting this to go on as long as possible with your bodies accepting and satisfying each other throughout the morning.

It was a different scene at the breakfast table. While you and your love languished away in your love making, the rest of Vox Machina had heard you both in the first early hours of the day. Scanlan was more than eager to break the tension once it dawned on them what FINALLY happened. “We’re gonna run with this until they get down here.”

They could see past the act when you both tried to come into the kitchen at separate times, both muttering casual “Good mornings”. Vex could see the love struck expression on her brother’s face, and when you both sat across from each other then she let the floodgates open.

“So, brother…seems as though we should be congratulating you for becoming a man.” Vax immediately started coughing on the small morsel of food he had eaten before the hits kept on rolling. Grog howled with laughter as Keyleth offered a sympathetic yet sweet “I’m so happy for you guys.”

Scanlan and Pike’s words only made your face heat up more. “When’s the wedding?? Who knew y/n had a set of pipes?” You turned your head towards Percy for any respite, but that look behind his clouded glasses said otherwise. “Honestly y/n, I didn’t realize how good Vax felt—.” Vex quickly cut him off before hearing more about her brother’s skills.

Well, this was going to be interesting from now on. You looked at your shell shocked lover with a look that said “well we had to let them one way or another.”

[sunshowermess]

The Legend of Vox Machina...Kinda Review!

Mostly stuff i liked or caught after watching it 3 times.

Spoilers under the cut! Read at your own risk cause its A LOT!

Thoughts

Episode 1

Matt doing the voice over is amazing. Also his little "Well that was something. " at the end.

Murder-hobos is a cannon party or was... Oops! XD

The bar fight was everything and also had everything. Like you will have to watch it a few times to catch every little Easter eggs.

Here are a few:

I love that they're a shit team, like they kept bumping into each other and stuff. XD

Vax's little drunk dance dodging. XD

Percy dodging blows in the most snobbish way!

Grog "saving" Percy was hilarious.

Percy's gun misfiring! Nat 1, right there!

Kiki barfing into a guy's mouth. X(

Vax robbing a guy and trying to act casual during the fight

Scanlan serenading that chick naked and then proceeding to eat her out. XD

"Percy if you want to join you have to ask first!" - Scanlan is up to fucking anyone. XD I love it! All inclusive!

Vex and Vax's " Well fuck you!"

Scanlan after accidentally peeing over a guy: " Ha ha so sorry sometimes it has a mind of its own!" XD OMG!

Also the guy that gets pissed on not only is voiced by Matt but also looks like him! I died!

I like that everyone's reaction to seeing Scanlan's dick is "... egh"

They mentioned the Briarwoods so soon!

Percy trying to explain the meaning behind Vox Machina is me!

Uriel hiring them cause he likes Trinket is hilarious.

Scanlan's introduction song of everyone was awesome but I'll be honest the hip hop bit kind of took me out. Felt out of place. Idk, weird little nitpick.

Skyship looks so cool!

Grog running and giggling like a kid on the skyship should not be this cute!

Did I mention how fucking beautiful everything looks, cause it fucking does!

Vax with kids will always be so sweet.

I'm guessing Pike has problems with her magic cause of the whole dying thing. It's cool, shows you that even though they are hard to kill, there are still consequences.

Vax and Kiki being sweet was cute.

I like this little, Vex can feel dragons, thing. A nice nod to the dragons being her favorite enemy and will be awesome for later episodes but I hope they explain this ability later.

Dragon! ! !

I have to say although the 3D animation stands out it's not bad on the eyes.

Grog protecting Pike! And Vax protecting Scanlan!

Vax: "Grog you dumb brave asshole!" YES! :D

"Oh man! Grog is down already!" Same Scan man!

Kiki gets frightened! I love how they show that, I was always curious how it looked during the games.

The sky above the dragon before lightning hits looks absolutely gorgeous!

"I'm trapped under Grog's ass!" XD

Grog really out here quoting Monty Python with the " just a flesh wound" ! I am dead!

Vax and Vex being siblings has my whole heart!

Scanlan blushing after Pike tells him to put her down was so innocent, which is a weird thing when it comes to Scanlan! XD

Grog giving Pike a piggyback ride was so cute!

Vax's voice when he finds the boy and calls to Pike is so heartbreaking!

Hearing Scanlan tuning his lute in the silence after the boy died gave me chills. It's like the sound of hope or justice, idk I'm being cheesy. XD

Also Scanlan's voice shaking a little when he says that they'll have to kill the dragon, is such a small touch but soo amazing! Especially coming from him.

The end credit music is soooo good!

Overall great episode. It felt a little rushed but I expected it, seeing as they had a lot of information to cram in.

Honestly the difference between the beginning of the episode and the end is soo jarring! Like it almost seems like two different kinds of episodes. Like one is jokey and a little meta and the other is like legit dark fantasy adventure. I wonder if that will continue on in the next episodes cause it honestly takes you out a little bit.

The cast gushing over the episode is everything !

Episode 2

Those soldiers being killed was brutal!

"Their machinations run deep" I feel like I've heard them say that in game.

The council: Its a dragon.

Vox Machina bursts into the castle: OMG! Its a dragon!

The council: We know!

Also "Doom? We don't know the meaning of the word!" That is peak Vox Machina right there!

Council: "How did you escape the dragon?"

Scanlan: "We don't reveal our secrets!"

Percy: "We hid and it flew away" Thanks Percy. XD

Trinket getting pet by the guards made me laugh so hard!

Vex and Percy being suspicious of the skinny evil looking dude was on point!

Grog "I didn't catch anybody's name. " Same!

Vax blushing at the mention of Gilmore! XD

Pike teasing Vax and him ruffling her hair as they go to Gilmore was adorable.

Gilmore! THAT MAN IS GLORIOUS! So extra!

The hug from Gilmore and Vax's dopey smile has me melting!

Also Gilmore can't stop draping himself all over Vax and I love it!

Tusk Love! With Fjord and Jester! Gilmore would have it!

Also if the Mighty Nein end up being cannon in the show will that mean Tusk Love is a literary classic. :D

Gilmore and Vax flirting is everything I ever wanted!

Third wheel Pike is so done!

The little squeak of despair Gilmore let out when Vax showed him they only have like 3 silver to pay him, killed me!

Saw a Sprinkle cameo! Also Triceratops skull, nice nod to future episodes.

Scanlan and Grog are the ultimate duo! And of course they stumble on Mr Creepy, of course!

"Vex said you have dick for brains which I don't think is possible. " Oh Grog! I love you.

Grog rolling behind the cart! XD OMG! That's a Nat 20 on stealth there!

Scanlan patting Grog's head as he is standing on his shoulders. :)

The Chroma Conclave rug!

"Dreadful taste in art" Snob Percy strikes again!

Mr Creepy gets killed: Scanlan plucks string is distress.

Fuck room! XD

So happy they put in, Percy using big words and being annoyed that no one understands him.

Also Vax being a little shit and encouraging Grog's confusion. Yes!

Scanlan look! My hands are in da booty! XD

Vax: gushing over Kiki.

Vex: So done with it.

Vax calling Grog "Big Man" made me squeak in delight!

Percy sees all the gold in a cave: "Seems excessive for a council member. " XD Sir, you have a treasury full of gold!

ÖH! The infamous Troll dick! Finally!

Pike: "We could be drunk for weeks! "

Grog: "Days even! " Peak Grog right there!

That whole final fight was Fucking Amazing! So epic!

THE ANIMATION !

Vax protecting Vex from the falling rocks! T_T

Pike protecting Scanlan like a Badass!

Kiki protecting Percy!

Percy: "Did Gilmore tell you how to kill this thing or did you flirt the whole time! "

Vax: "Oh fuck, right" I died at that! :D

"You watch yourself peasant!" Scanlan's fake Percy is quite accurate. XD

The the guitar riff when Scanlan goes "Gotcha" gave me chills!

Percy Naruto-running made me snort so hard.

Scanlan saving Vax with the giant hand looked So Freaking cool! The slow-mo and everything!

The fastball special will always make me grin like a goof.

I would like to RAGE! - Enough said!!

Grog standing in front of the sliced head of the dragon looked so badass!

Vex running with the gold!

Scanlan grabbing the troll dick! XD

Oh how I've missed respectability! - Oh, Percy! You snob! XD

Vex and Vax having a moment about their new keep!

Vax smiling like a goof while watching Kiki being awkward is their whole relationship, just FYI. :D

Why are these evil people so Hot and in Love?! Can they stop, cause I need to hate them!

Overall it was even better than the first episode!

Everyone already knows that the animation and voice acting was amazing so i won't dive into that but!

The thing I was most worried about was that they wouldn't show them being friends and caring about each other and these two episodes proved me wrong!

They all love each other so much! All these little moments! The teasing, the bickering, the protecting, the calming each other down! Ugh! Sooo good! I hardly ever see that in other shows and it's such a shame cause it's so important!

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E91 (Jan. 21, 2020)

Good evening, everyone! Sorry about missing last week; @eponymous-rose​ was out of town and I had some other commitments. Regardless, here we are! Brian is looking handsome and cold, as are Sam & Travis on the couch. Everyone is wearing coats. Is the heat broken?

That said, tonight’s guests are Travis Willingham & Sam Riegel.

Brian starts us off asking Sam if he’s remaking the Wire in Beverly Hills. Sam basically embodies that hello fellow kids meme tonight in a hand-knitted beanie from his wife, a bomber jacket, a yellow tee, and skinny jeans. They quickly photoshop in smoke trailing out of his mouth. We’re just a few minutes in and this is off the rails already.

Announcements: The next issue (#5) of Vox Machina comics comes out Wednesday, Feb. 19! It’s also available online at Dark Horse Digital and Comixology. And that’s it! Huh.

Episode 91: Stone to Clay

Brian tells us this is the first time ever to have Sam & Travis alone on Talks. I’m stunned and so are they. Sam says, “between me, Brian, Dani, and Travis right now, there’s four tens on this show right now.”

We’re already into questions less than ten minutes into the show. Truly this is a remarkable night.

63 in game days and 21 episodes passed between Caduceus’s first mention of Stone (episode 71) and Fjord connecting the dots. Travis blames the internet connection and his really bad ADHD night, as that was the night he and Laura remoted in from the hotel.

Brian tells us that when Ashley used to skype in, she could only see Matt & couldn’t see or really hear anyone else.

Travis says there was a huge delay for him between mouths moving and the audio coming through, and then that audio was pretty distorted. Laura could handle it okay, but Travis just heard a jumble and couldn’t parse it.

Sam took a CBD bath the other day and found it exactly as relaxing as a normal bath. Sam & Travis commiserate about taking baths only to have their knees pop out of the water. Tall people problems smh

Caleb & Nott completed the spell in less than a week, including dealing with the Angel of Irons & brokering peace treaties. Travis though the laughter was going to be Helas.

Travis says he definitely didn’t hear the name the first time (he remembered dust but not stone from the lava pits). “Look! Yes! No, I was not listening before! Thursday nights are my times to enjoy my friends and food! Marisha is an amazing note-taker; why would I ever take my own? This is how I got through college!”

Sam says he keeps a mission checklist in his head and has for ages. He has a page in his notebook labeled “To Do” that includes things like visiting Kiri or Shakaste, in case they have downtime and need ideas.

Travis asks if he continues writing in his (apparently) very small handwriting, and Sam says he has to leave room for Laura to draw all her dicks. They all marvel that she is actually a very good artist.

Travis honestly still thinks the Stone name is a huge coincidence, especially since Taliesin didn’t have access to Fjord’s last name when he created Caduceus’s last name and backstory. Sam challenges Travis that even if that were true, doesn’t he think Matt will find a way to tie it together?

Travis says Fjord doesn’t want anything to do with the last name and it’s not even his real name. He’s not convinced this isn’t a coincidence.

Travis did a lot of research into orphanage naming conventions when coming up with Stone. He does have a backstory as to how the orphanage manager picked Stone as his name.

Travis thinks Matt would have emphasized the Stone name more sooner if it had been a true connection and not coincidence.

Brian: “He does like to take credit for coincidences, doesn’t he?”

Nott didn’t think there was a catch in the ritual; Sam was more surprised they were allowed to achieve the milestone at all. He was shocked it happened so soon in the story and that the spell is relatively easy to cast.

He didn’t know it would fail, but there was a moment when he wasn’t sure if he wanted to go through with it. Travis agrees everyone was shocked when it didn’t work.

Fjord’s current stance on faith and destiny hasn’t changed since the last time he discussed it. Faith is a slow thing for Fjord and he really does think the name is a coincidence.

Sam as a player is excited to see what comes next for Nott; “if she had been transformed into Veth at that moment, I would have been excited to see what comes next. The fact that it’s still Nott makes me excited too. I’m excited to see more of Nott since she’s the best character in the M9.” He also confesses he was a bit relieved, in part because it’s delayed the inevitable. At some point she must decide if she is going to stay or go with the M9.

Cosplay of the Week: @kajicosplays​ on instagram of a lovely lady Percy. Brian: “Isn’t it fun when Taliesin’s characters live?”

Deep down, Nott knows she will do the transformation at some point, but at that last moment where she had to make a decision she had to check in with herself to make sure she was ready. Sam Riegel as a D&D player also knows that you have to trust your DM and make choices.

Brian misreads the word “ribbing.” Sam teaches Travis what rimming is. We all learn a lot about each other.

Sam thinks Fjord can realize when the time comes to set jokes aside. He thinks Fjord was very respectful. Travis has honestly forgotten that the conversation took place.

Travis has Dani answer from Fjord’s perspective. It’s actually pretty insightful, talking about how Fjord recognized someone hesitant to give up these newfound powers that have become intrinsically tied to self-worth.

Fjord has always been loyal, and Travis sees his protectiveness of the M9 as a logical extension of this.

Right now, he has found some agency & self-direction and is hopeful to share that sense with everyone else (he especially mentions Yasha).

Sam & Travis start quoting from Half-Baked. This is chaos.

Nott does want to stay with the M9, but she also wants to go home for sure, both of those things. The kiss with Caleb wasn’t necessarily a goodbye; it felt like the closing of a chapter. It felt like something to mark the end of the experience.

Now they’re quoting Beverly Hills Cop. Oh, boy.

“You look like you wrote Pitch Perfect.” When did this turn into a roast?

Fjord has no memories earlier than the orphanage (The Driftwood Asylum). There were a couple dozen kids there aside from him; Travis thinks some of them might have been named Stone. It also operated as a small child-labor workshop for carpentry & woodshop stuff. “It was a terrible place all around.” He has no images of parents or being dropped off.

Sam thought the Nott transformation would be more endgame, though he feels it makes sense that it’s not. “While Nott transforming into Veth was my original goal, what’s great about these long games is that your goals can change two or three times before the end. Now I can explore all these other things: does she want to go back and be a housewife? How does she rectify her obligations to her husband and child to the life that she’s made with the M9? It’s so exciting and interesting.”

Brian asks a hypothetical: if she could transform back but lose all Nott’s memories, would she do it? Sam: “Oh, that’s tough. I don’t know.”

Fanart of the Week: a lovely piece by @pen_draws with everyone in the hot tub.

Travis is very trepidatious about returning to the open ocean after rejecting Uk’otoa. He wants to make sure the third temple is sealed. It feels like it would be too easy for someone not to come and try to collect the job he left half-finished. He also wants to go back to Darktow.

Sam doesn’t know if Nott is still in love with Yeza, although she definitely still loves him. He’s playing with the idea of a high school sweetheart being exposed to the world and then going back home. But Yeza’s amazing, a great guy, perfect. “I guess we’ll find out when/if she turns back into Veth.” Sam feels guilty talking about him. “He’s a fictional character and I feel guilty that he might be watching the show.”

Neither Nott nor Fjord trust Essek. Travis: “He just went from being cold and aloof to being really warm. I know there’s been time and he’s lived an isolated life, but...time will show if he’s being genuine. All of our haunches were up. All of us were on level five alert.” He’s being so helpful that Travis doesn’t trust Mercer with him.

Fjord never ever considered becoming a paladin of the Traveler. “No. Fuck no!” The Wildmother reached out and directly intervened to save him. Travis gets super creepy bad vibes from the Traveler’s relationship with Jester (Sam agrees).

Nott feels more pressure when her own problems become the focus. It’s hard for her to open up and talk about her feelings. She’d rather pick up on other people’s problems. Sam also acknowledges it’s more pressure on him (and anyone) as a player when the whole table is looking at you.

And that’s that! Is it Thursday yet?

[ravenquingvax]

Vox Machina

A Critical Role Fanfic

By @bonthescottishvamp

Content Warnings For - Swearing, Talk Of Violence, Death Speculation

| Vox Machina have once again found themselves in the middle of something bigger than themselves.

Tensions are high as the party of seven try to mentally prepare themselves for the coming battle. |

{AO3} * link coming soon *

Huddled together in a ruined cobblestone shack in the centre of Whitestone, the building barely held together by it's wooden support beams and crumbling walls, Vox Machina are terrified.

"We can't just hide, that thing out there is going to crush all of Exandria if nobody does anything soon."

"Perce, I love you, but that thing is a colossal fucking titan made of motlen rock and fucking obsidian!"

"My sister is right, what the hell are we supposed to do against that thing?"

"Keyleth can turn into a water elemental, Vex has ice arrows, I have ice bullets, Scanlan can probably think of something smart for once, I guess,-"

"Hey!"

"-Grog can take a hit and a thousand then still stay up, Pike is a goddamn angel, she'll think of something, you-"

"I have wings, I run fast and I have a dagger that can turn into a flame."

Percy sighs, "You'd make a damn good distraction, I'm not going to lie."

"Ah, so I just fly around and distract it while it throws burning obsidian fists at my face and spews lava on me?" Vax cocks his head to the side, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I don't think stabbing it is going to do much, but if you think you have a better idea, then please, be my guest." Percy scoffs.

Keyleth sighs.

"We shouldn't argue, if we're going to have any chance of defeating that thing we must stick together and work as a team... This may be our last fight if we aren't careful."

"Keyleth is right, Darlings... We can't let this thing tear our family apart." Vex nods.

"No, you're right, we can't let this be our ending. Not when we've come so far now." Percy nods and sighs.

Scanlan sits up, "Oh, no way in the nine hells is this our final chapter. That lava fucker is so going down!"

"We're doing this then? Just running out there and hoping beyond all fucking hope that we live?" Vax asks, nervous.

He has a bad feeling about how this will go down.

"If I may, before we go-" Grog starts, only to be cut off by the ground shaking for a moment as something crashes into something else and screams rip out through the air outside.

A beat passes and the shaking soon subsides.

"Fuck..." Vex hisses, squeezing her twin's hand tightly, Vax squeezing her hand back just as tightly in reply.

"You were saying, Grog?" Percy says, fixing his glasses and preparing to get up and run outside.

"If this is our last battle, if anything happens to any of us out there, I just want it to be known that I'm proud of everyone in here," Grog starts, "I couldn't ask for a better family or herd."

"I think we can do this, but just in case, I should say this now..." Keyleth smiles softly, "Guys, each and every one of you are my world and I love you all so very, very much."

Vex and Vax nod, looking at eachother, Vax speaking first;

"Guys, it's been one hell of a fucking honour."

Vex chimes in next, "We have been so lucky to meet you all and fight beside you."

"Whatever happens out there, guys? I have never once regretted tagging along with you all," Pike pipes up, "I just regret not being around as much lately, but after this? I'll make it up to all of you!"

"I lost most of my biological family a long time ago, but then I found a new family I love just as much," Percy sighs, looking around the room at everyone, "you people don't know your worth to me, not a tiny bit."

Scanlan smirks, head tilted, "My song used to be one line repeated over and over again, then I met six of the most beautiful muses in the whole world and my song became a symphony." he pauses.

"If this must be the end of our song, let's go out with a bang, yeah?" he looks around, getting some nods.

Then Grog puts a hand out, nodding his head again.

Vax puts a hand over Grog's, Vex placing one of her hands on top of Vax's.

Percy is next, Keyleth following before Pike.

Then, as Scanlan places his hand over Pike's, Grog nods again and speaks;

"Vox Machina, let's fuck shit up!"

With that, their hands all duck down before being flung back up with a passionate cacophony of cheers and whoops from all around the battered party of seven.

Trinket, who has been hiding quietly behind Vax and Vex, suddenly stands up on his hind legs and roars at this.

With that, everyone gets up and readies themselves for the fight to come.

One last head nod rolls through them like a wave…

And then, they run out screaming themselves raw.

That lava fucker was going down. It had no say in this.

Vox Machina was coming.

[cameoamalthea]

That time Artagan Straight Up Choked a Guy

I have heard it thrown out, as evidence that Artagan is not a nice person, that he wanted to strangle someone to death. Context is important, as in the fact it occurred during a safe and consensual transaction as part of a deal where terms were agreed upon.

Here’s a breakdown of what happened:

They call on Artagan by drawing a penis and writing the message (laughter)

SAM and TALIESIN: "Cum see us--"

MATT and ASHLEY: "--4 a good time."

TALIESIN: "Time" circled.

MATT: "This is Vox Machina, by the way."

Then they tell him they actually want something from him, to allow them to go back to the material plane from the fey wild without losing time (as part of the Feywild is you might come back years or decades after you left).

LAURA: It's been a little crazy, actually. We were hoping that maybe we could seek your aid? Please?

MATT: "Define the request, please."

LAURA: Okay, so you know how time is weird when we go back to the other plane of existence?

MATT: "Weird? Time is *fun* when you go back."

LAURA: Exactly. It's so much fun. We're in dire straits over there. The world is about to be taken over by an asshole that wants to be a god, and we're trying to kill him, and we're here now, and we're hoping that we can hang out here and rest and go back and only a few seconds have passed? Maybe a minute or two?

SAM: Is that something you can control?

MATT: (chuckles) "Are you telling me that you would stumble into this space unannounced, summon me here under the pretense of a good time, and then request me to bend the very essence of time passage between my plane and yours?"

MARISHA: We can show you a good time first.

LAURA: We definitely do want to show you a good time about it.

LIAM: And what is your idea of a good time? Unbutton, unbutton.

TRAVIS: And we certainly don't expect that to be accomplished without something given in return. Of course.

During the course of this conversation, he asks how they’ve been, and Vax tells him:

LIAM: I'm unkillable for a while.

MATT: "*That's* fun."

So in exchange for this huge favor, he asks for two things:

MATT: "Tell you what. I'll help you under two conditions. One: should you go back and defeat this wannabe god thing you speak of and all is well and you're heroes and you have all of this influence and money and everything's grand, we can discuss maybe creating a doorway for me that allows passage. I'll come visit and see what strangeness your world seems to have whenever I'd like."

MARISHA: I don't know if you'd like it.

MATT: "Oh, I'm sure I can figure out a way."

LIAM: It's real dicey at the moment.

MATT: "But I'm sure if you succeed, that won't be a problem, and if you fail, well, then I guess the deal's off, anyway."

TRAVIS: Very true.

LAURA: Good point.

MATT: "Second: I wish to strangle you until death."

Archfey have a weird sense of fun. What is unpredictable and unexpected is fun. The weird time displacement, that’s fun. A mortal suddenly unkillable, that’s fun. He wants to test that, and they did offer a good time. A new experience is a good time.

LIAM:  I'm sorry. Come again?

MATT: "I wish to put my hands on your throat until you expire. If you say you're unkillable, well, that's a new experience entirely."

LIAM: Okay.

Vax consents to the deal, then makes additional specifications.

LIAM: I have one further request on our end. Can you send us backward in time?

MATT: "I'm afraid it doesn't work that way, but I could give the mere passage of an hour."

SAM: Mere passage of an hour? That's good, yeah.

MATT: "Day for an hour. I think it's a fair trade, yes?"

MARISHA: Can you give us a full day in order to make sure that he does come back?

MATT: "Sure. Day for an hour. 24 hours are yours to do as you like."

MARISHA: You would come back in 24 hours, right?

SAM: Can I ask one question first? Will you be pleasuring yourself during this?

MATT: He actually laughs at this and goes, "I think the process will be enjoyable enough."

SAM: Oh. I respect you so much.

TALIESIN: Since we're making a deal, I want to make sure of a few things, because I love making deals. First of all, as perhaps a token of friendship, do you have any idea what this is? I am still apologetically naked and wet.

MATT: "It's a pulse stone."

ALL: A what?

MATT: "A pulse stone."

LAURA and SAM: What is that?

MATT: "It's meant to distract undead.

SAM: How do you activate it?

MATT: "It just does."

So overall Artagan is helpful, giving information just as a token of friendship, and being very honest about what he wants. Just to experience what it’s like to kill someone, consequence-free. This is a consensual transaction.

LIAM: I walk up to Artagan. All right, fucknut, let's do this.

MATT: "You believe this? You really believe you're going to come back if you die?"

LIAM: (clicks tongue)

MATT: "Fair play. To the immortals." And he takes your throat and begins to squeeze, his eyes locked in, and he keeps watching you.

TRAVIS: I step up behind Vax in case he has an involuntary reaction to reach up to his arms. Just to keep his arms down.

MATT: He locks in.

LIAM: No fear, remember.

MATT: Yeah. Without making any other noise, continues to apply pressure. Eventually, your vision begins to go dark.

The party agrees that this is weird, but it’s not malicious and it does not do any lasting harm. Vax cannot die and he can’t even fear death. There’s pressure and then his vision goes dark. Matt summarizes:

MATT: It was a fascination with something different and new and you said "cannot die," and that immediately piqued his interest. Even the nicest of fey are weird and have their dark sides.

[critical-ramblings]

In honor of Sam and Matt playing MtG, here are my color predictions for everyone’s characters.*

Keyleth: Green/White. Her duty to her community weighs heavily on her, as does her responsibility to Vox Machina. Also, she loves being a druid and having that connection to nature. Beyond her natural abilities, she goes out of her way to acquire books and knowledge about the natural world.

Grog: mono-red. I mean, barbarians and rage always lean red, but Grog’s strong emotional bonds to the rest of VM are also in that slice of the color pie. He favors the simplistic approach--smash things until they’re dead--that red mages are so well known for.

Pike: mono-white. Putting Pike in the ‘healer cleric’ box and forgetting about her does a huge disservice to a character as deeply thought out as the rest of VM! But with so little screen time, it’s difficult for me to say IF she would be dual or even tri-colored. Sarenrae’s guidance keeps her on the straight and narrow.

Vax: Black/Red. While often seen as a villainous combination of colors, Vax’s self-reliance and distrust of authority are the very essence of black. Also, any servant of the Raven Queen is going to brush up against that part of the color wheel. It’s his prankster nature and wild emotions that put him in red--Vax feels things Very deeply, but he was also one of the members of VM most ready with a quip or a joke.

Vex: Green/Blue/Red. Her time in the wilds of Tal’dorei and her bond with Trinket put Vex in green. Her deftness in handling social situations and in haggling give her blue, while her devotion to her brother and her teammates put her in red. She has a bit of a temper, our Vex’halia.

Scanlan: This guy. One of the most versatile spell-casters in VM, on top of all of his layers of shallow jokes, make him VERY DIFFICULT TO PIN DOWN, COLOR WISE. I have to put him in Blue, because Ioun chose him as her champion. But Scanlan???? mono colored??? I GUESS.

Tary: White/Blue. His artificer skills put him solidly in blue, but his arc was all about learning how to relate to actual human beings (and not Doty) and then how to establish himself as part of his community at home. His work on the Darrington Brigade is more white than anything else.

Percy: Black/Blue. Again, his sheer intelligence (and using his cleverness as a crutch/identity point) land him in the ‘blue asshole’ category where people USED to think Jace lived. (They were incorrect, but that’s another story.) His struggle with his darker self, while ultimately successful, does leave him with some major tendencies towards black magic. He was never interested in ruling Whitestone, only in exacting revenge for the deaths of his family.

CAMPAIGN TWO:

Caleb: mono-blue. Perhaps while under Ikithon’s tutelage he leaned more black/blue, but nowadays Caleb is motivated by a ferocious search for knowledge. His tendency to use spells that control the state of battle are also very blue--indirect and manipulations of poeple/things around him.

Beau: Blue/Red. Her impulsive nature and frequent outbursts make her solidly red, while her recent forays into true nerd-dom make her blue as hell!

Fjord: Blue/Green. His constant curiosity about the world around him is Very blue, but it’s not just his new dedication to the Wildmother that puts him in green. It’s his sense of being, of searching for a place where he belongs in the order of things.

Nott: Blue/Red. In a surprising turn of events, Nott is the same color identity as Beau for completely different reasons! Her blue comes from her high intelligence, her dabblings into tinkering and alchemy. Though she wouldn’t classify it as book-learning or nerd-dom, Nott is fascinated by the way the world works and trying to figure it out. Scientifically! She has to be red, though, because her ferocious love for her family and for the M9 isn’t the impersonal love of community that comes from white. It’s purely a person-to-person bond, which is more in red’s wheelhouse.

Jester: Red/White. Her fun-loving and purely chaotic nature put Jester squarely in red, but it’s not (just) her access to healing magic that adds in the white: it’s her unwavering faith in the Traveler, the only person she sees as a Higher Power. If he asked her to jump off a cliff, she would do it no questions asked.

Yasha: mono-white. Ashley’s got to get something for making two characters who are so wildly different, and yet remain in the same color identity. Similar to Jester, Yasha’s faith and belief in the Stormlord put her in white, as does her protective nature towards the M9. But more than that, it’s her attitude towards her tribe that cements my choice: though she has every right to hate them, all she feels is that she ‘owes them a death,’ meaning that she still considers herself to be one of them AND under their rule.

Molly: mono-black. Some people says black characters are villains. I say there’s more depth to the color than just being the wheelhouse of demons, vampires, and undeath. Mollymauk, for example, is exactly the self-centered asshole that black magic embodies. He’s ambitious, he’s bossy, he’s got to be right at all times. He’s the kind of character who thinks of the group as his, and therefore no one better fuck with them. He loves them, yes of course he does. But it’s the same place that the Tiffany Aching quote comes from:

“All witches are selfish, the Queen had said. But Tiffany’s Third Thoughts said: Then turn selfishness into a weapon! Make all things yours! Make other lives and dreams and hopes yours! Protect them! Save them! Bring them into the sheepfold! Walk the gale for them! Keep away the wolf! My dreams! My brother! My family! My land! My world! How dare you try to take these things, because they are mine!“

Caduceus: Green/Black. I mean. Any grave cleric is going to at least ask themselves about being black. A grave cleric of the Wildmother? Who grows tea from people’s graves? 10000% Golgari.

*I was going to do color predictions for the cast, but: 1. that kind of analysis of Real People makes me uncomfortable, and 2. play style can be VERY different than color identity, and getting the two mixed up is too complicated for me. Like, I would never have pegged Matt as a Grixis player. (although it makes total sense now that I think about it.)

[kimabutch]

JLCR: kimabutch edition

To celebrate somehow reaching 1000 songs on Jam Like Critical Role, the giant fan-created playlist that I’ve been curating since February, I’ve decided to put together a mini-playlist of own, featuring two of my favourite songs for each member of Vox Machina and The Mighty Nein! Each song has a YouTube link, but you can find the whole mini-playlist on Spotify here.

By mini-playlist I meant that there are “only” 36 songs, and also that I’ve pulled out my favourite lines and explained why I associate the song with them, so that this whole thing is approximately 5400 words long. I tried to restrain myself, but, well, Jam Like Critical Role is a testament to my lack of self-restraint. If it helps, I’ve tried to incorporate a diversity of artists, eras, and genres, from folk-punk to techno, country, dream-pop, classical, and beyond. I hope you find something you enjoy.

Grog

We’re Going To Be Friends, Jack Johnson (cover of White Stripes), for Grog and Pike’s incredibly wholesome childhood friendship. While many of the lyrics describe friends at school, which is not totally accurate for them, I can just imagine the two weirdos playing among the bugs:

“Walk with me, Suzy Lee/ Through the park and by the tree/ We can rest upon the ground/ And look at all the bugs we’ve found”

Not to mention Pike teaching Grog his ABCs:

“Tonight I’ll dream while in my bed/ While silly thoughts run through my head/ Of the bugs and alphabet”

I just love these two silly monstahs.

Giant, Juno Reactor: to balance out that last song, have some techno that makes me want to yell “Vox Machina, Fuck. Shit. UP!” and split Kevdak in half with a nat 20 from the sky. Appropriately named for our goliath friend, this song always temporarily convinces me that I, too, am a seven foot tall barbarian (which is not recommended while you are trying to do anything that requires brainpower.)

Keyleth

I Lost Myself, Lauren Mann and The Fairly Odd Folk, for Keyleth’s self-doubt about whether she can do her Aramente (or whether she even wants to) and fear that she’s hurting everyone:

“I’ve got voices in my head Making me think that this is where I end Hey, what do you see, if anything What do you see in me”

This specifically reminds me of her Aramente, and how it taught her so much more than she was expecting:

“You and me we made a plan To travel from here to there and back again Somewhere on that weathered road I found the dreams that I’d been looking for”

And “Hey, we’ve got the world to see/ So let’s forget our anxieties and get on our way” makes me think of Keyleth and Percy’s friendship, and how both of their stories are about trying to figure out what to do once you’ve achieved your goals. I want to think that after the story ended, they were still occasionally able to leave behind their responsibilities and travel the world together.

Take Us Back, Alela Diane, for a post-canon Keyleth, reminiscing on the old days and eventually outliving the rest of Vox Machina. I get a strong image of Kiki coming down from Zephra to see her friends:

“Atop the crags and cliffs the air is thin/ So we’ll find a mountain path on down the hill/ Meet me where the snowmelt flows/ It is there, my dear, where we’ll begin again”

And of her listening to Scanlan’s music, centuries later; they’d be the last two alive: “I’ve a friend who lives out by the river’s mouth/ He knows the fiddle’s cry is an old sound”

And then Keyleth, alone, listening to a river’s gurgle or the wind’s howling, and almost thinking she hears her friends: “Muted voices, just beyond/ The silent surface of what has gone.”

Percival

The Devil Spoke Here, Chicken Little, which I think is actually about the aftermath of a protest, but which I feel works eerily well for Percy’s development following the Briarwood arc. The beginning reminds me of his guilt, feelings of brokenness, and anger issues after he’s cast out Orthax — right down to his guilt about guns:

“There’s bullets in the streets/ and broken dishes on the floor/   enough anger in my heart/   to take the blame for it all/   I could take every bullet back/   if I could never feel like that”

It also covers Percy’s realization, after his conversation with the Raven Queen, that he’s free from the judgment of the gods, and acceptance that he’s the one who has bad thoughts for the greater good:

“I have no god for guidance/ still I’m praying all the same/ may everything I do/ be done for everybody’s gain”

And then this, for a reason that I can’t quite explain, feels so much like Percy’s forgiveness of Ripley at Glintshore, and his death at her hand:

“May we always fail/ with the best of intentions/   with our hearts always pure/   and our souls only human”

Wandering Star, Portishead: the weird trip hop vibe to this song somehow feels appropriate to Percy, and in particular to his darkest thoughts. The song addresses the possible punishments for these thoughts: “Wandering stars, for whom it is reserved/ The blackness, the darkness, forever.” It helps that this is an allusion to a Bible passage about atheists.

The second verse makes me think both of Percy’s relationship to the concept of eternity (because of the “needle’s eye” — a parable about the entrance of heaven for the rich) and his raven mask:

“Those who have seen the needle’s eye, now tread Like a husk, from which all that was, now has fled And the masks that the monsters wear To feed, upon their prey”

Additionally, “Doubled up inside/ Take a while to shed my grief” is reminiscent of Percy’s revelation, in the last episode, that he just really fucking misses his family. This whole time, something inside of him has been curled up into a little ball like the teenager he was five years ago, grieving his family.

Pike

Holy, Jamily Woods: a song about self-love and self-assurance, underscored by Christian imagery:

“Though I walk through the darkest valley I will fear no love/ Oh my smile my mind reassure me I don’t need no one […] Woke up this morning with my mind set on loving me”

Many of the lyrics can be interpreted either as the singer being self-sufficient because her god is there — or being sufficient even beyond her god: “I’m not lonely, I’m alone/ And I’m holy by my own.”

I think both interpretations work for Pike: that she has found (or is attempting to find) peace when she’s not with her friends, or that although she worships Sarenrae, the Everlight doesn’t necessarily interfere in her day-to-day life and she makes her own happiness. Either way, the song makes me feel at peace in the same way that Pike does.

The Otherside, Ohbijou, for Pike’s feelings about Scanlan during the year gap. Particularly, I’m reminded of Pike’s attempts to talk to Scanlan on the earring: “With things left unsaid so unsatisfied/ And a burning to hear your voice just one more time.”

And in these lyrics:

“And it’s so silly for me to worry/ About situations that don’t exist/ We create these problems and try to solve them/ Why waste each passing moment?”

I hear Pike trying to figure out her feelings for Scanlan, but shooting herself down because he’s gone, why even try?

Scanlan

The Pilgrim - Chapter 33, Willie Nelson (cover of Kris Kristofferson), which really encapsulates, for me, Scanlan’s complex relationship with religion: the fact that a guy who regularly produces lightning from his dick, messes with people’s memories, and actively attempts to cultivate a drug habit finds himself praying to the Everlight at night and eventually becomes Ioun’s chosen:

“He’s a poet, he’s a picker/ He’s a prophet, he’s a pusher/ He’s a pilgrim and a preacher/ And a problem when he’s stoned”

The lines “He’s a walking contradiction/ Partly truth and partly fiction” reminds me of all the identities he’s taken on, both for fun and to shield his emotions from his friends, whereas “Taking every wrong direction on his lonely way back home” makes me think of Scanlan’s long road back to Vox Machina after leaving them.

Handle With Care, Traveling Wilburys: almost every single song on this album works for Scanlan, so choosing just one was a real challenge. But this song is so good for all the shit that Scanlan’s been through (and all the shit that he’s been), and his relationship with Pike through all of that:

“Been beat up and battered around/ Been sent up, and I’ve been shot down/ You’re the best thing that I’ve ever found/ Handle me with care […]”

“Everybody’s got somebody to lean on” reminds me of Scanlan’s feeling, in episode 85, that he’s the odd one out in Vox Machina.

The last verse encapsulates Scanlan acknowledging his own fuck ups, working to make them right, and eventually, having a healthy relationship with Pike:

“I’ve been uptight and made a mess/ But I’ll clean it up myself, I guess/ Oh, the sweet smell of success”

Taryon

Father and Son, Cat Stevens, for Tary’s relationship with his father and his decision to leave home; the song is a duet of sorts. I think the father’s part of the song is a little generous for Howaardt Darrington, but retains the message of (somewhat condescendingly) trying to keep his son at home and have him reconsider his far-reaching plans: “I know that it’s not easy to be calm/ When you’ve found something going on.”

The son’s part, though, captures Tary’s frustration with his father’s strictness and inability to actually understand his passions:

“How can I try to explain?/ ‘Cause when I do he turns away again/ It’s always been the same, same old story/ From the moment I could talk/ I was ordered to listen/ Now there’s a way and I know/ That I have to go away”

And the last verse is some real closeted gay feelings that always make me tear up:

“All the times that I cried/ Keeping all the things I knew inside/ It’s hard, but it’s harder to ignore it”

What’s It Gonna Be, Shura, not so much for the song’s lyrics, but for its music video, which is all about falling for a different gender than you expected, and which is incredibly sweet and beautiful.

That being said, you could definitely take the lyrics to be about his crush on Percy and his obliviousness about who in Vox Machina is sleeping with whom:

“Do I tell you I love you or not?/ 'Cause I can’t really guess what you want/ If you let me down, let me down slow”

Vax’ildan

Glorious, Muse, for Vax’s early relationship with faith. He can’t help but feel drawn towards Sarenrae’s light, even as he has doubts and perhaps even anger towards the gods:

Faith: It drives me away/ But it turns me on/ Like a stranger’s love It rockets through the universe It fuels the lies and feeds the curse And we, too, could be glorious”

He wants that glory that he sees in Pike, but he doesn’t know how to approach it or reconcile it with his life experiences. And then he finds his whole world shattered as he’s chosen by the Raven Queen, and he once again has to find faith, though in a way that he never expected:

“I need to believe But I still want more With the cuts and the bruises”

Fields of Gold, Sting: a song from Vax to Keyleth. I can imagine them so perfectly in this scene, perhaps during their year of downtime, with the winds of Zephra blowing through the fields and their hope beyond hope that they’ll be able to stay together:

“Will you stay with me? Will you be my love?/ Upon the fields of barley/ We’ll forget the sun in his jealous sky/ As we lie in fields of gold”

“See the west wind move like a lover so/ Upon the fields of barley/ Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth/ Among the fields of gold”

Years later, Vax knows that Keyleth will see those fields again and think of him: “You’ll remember me when the west wind moves/ Upon the fields of barley.”

Vex’ahlia

Half Jack, The Dresden Dolls: a truly haunting song about the pain and unavoidability of being her father’s daughter — she’s always half Jill (her mother) and half Jack (her father.) The whole song is incredibly painful for Vex, and the lines:

“It might destroy me But I’d sacrifice my body If it meant I’d get the Jack part out”

always makes me think of “If I could pull the blood of you from my veins and give it back, I would.” Also,

“But if you listen/ You’ll learn to hear the difference/ Between the halfs and the half nots”

reminds me of her asking Percy if she looks like she comes from money — or a younger Vex, in Syngorn, gradually realizing why everyone looked down on her and Vax. Lastly, isn’t “I see my mother in my face/ But only when I travel” absolutely heartbreaking for her?

Fall Down or Fly, Lindi Ortega, only partly because Lindi Ortega strongly resembles my headcanon for Vex. The other part is because of my abiding love for how Vex learned to fly, and how that worked with her character arc: from the first time, in the Briarwoods arc, that she discovered her love for flying, to her flaunting convention and stealing the broom, to Percy modifying it for her, to her friends cheering her on with chicken target practice, and finally to her soaring through the skies with confidence. And the song captures that so well for me, as well as her decision to keep going even when her father, Saundor’s words, and her own self-doubt bring her down:

“This is your life/ You can fall down or fly/ You can burn out a shot if you want/ This is your life/ You can live it or die/ You can quit now or try if you want/ But don’t you give up, don’t you give up”

This also reminds me of how much all of Vox Machina adores and supports Vex (and I will join them in crying about how awesome she is):

“You said what is there to lose?/ Do it if you choose/ I got faith in you/ Everything you do/ I know you are gonna make it to the top”

(I also maintain that a modern Vex would be really into country music, particularly the genre of country song in which women tell people to fuck off.)

Vox Machina

Call Them Brothers, Regina Spektor feat. Only Son, for Scanlan’s departure from Vox Machina and the whole team’s attempts to deal with it. I first heard this song in an absolutely heartbreaking TAZ animatic, and my pain increased exponentially when I realized how much it also worked for Critical Role. It’s perfect, in my opinion, for the sense that their family, which has seen them through so much, is irreparably broken — “That’s it, it’s split, it won’t recover/ Just frame the halves and call them brothers.”

But then you also get “Over and over, they call us their friends/ Can’t we find something else to pretend?” for Scanlan’s insistence that Vox Machina doesn’t really care about him, and “Find your fathers and your mothers/ If you remember who they are” for “what’s my mother’s name?”

Maybe this should go on Scanlan’s playlist, but I think “The hunt is on, everyone’s chasing a shot” also works for the way that the rest of Vox Machina independently searched for Scanlan during their year of downtime… and the feelings of defeat in the song just feel appropriate to the whole group.

(I actually have a playlist full of songs for episode 85, because I enjoy making myself sad; it took a lot of effort not to put them all here.)

Freaks, The Hawk in Paris: I can never decide whether this is a Mighty Nein or Vox Machina song, but I’m putting it here mostly because “If you come along with us, the doors are never ending” is absolutely hilarious in for Vox Machina’s single greatest enemy.

That, and there are a lot of lines that work for individual members of the group: “We have a flair for the shade and the inbetween” (Vax); “We like to run with the wolves from the darker scene” (Keyleth); “When we turn the safety off, the shots are automatic” (Percy); “All our friends tell their friends we’re so dramatic” (Scanlan); and “We’ll make you swoon, make it hurt just a little” (Vex).

Additionally, “We have a plan, we’ve got the means for your liberation/ You’ll only have to blur the lines on a few occasions” makes me think of the Briarwood arc, and I makes me think of Percy dramatically revealing his identity to the priest — and cut to Grog pulling out a guy’s tongue.

Anyways, if I learn to make AMVs by the time that the animated series is released, this will be the first that I’ll make.

Beauregard

Saint Simon, The Shins, for Beau’s escape from the Cobalt Soul. The song expresses frustration at weighty intellectualism and how much it doesn’t teach you — which i think is something Beau felt strongly with her monk teachers:

“After all these implements and texts designed by intellects/ So vexed to find, evidently there’s still so much that hides […] Since I don’t have time nor mind to figure out the nursery rhymes/ That helped us out in making sense of our lives”

So she tries not to care about anything because it’s safer that way (“The cruel, uneventful state of apathy releases me”), and she runs away:

“I’ll try hard not to give in, batten down to fare the wind/ Rid my head of this pretence, allow myself no mock defence/ Step into the night”

I think the last part of the song could also work for her meeting the Mighty Nein and starts understanding friendship and love: “Mercy’s eyes are blue when she places them in front of you/ Nothing really holds a candle to the solemn warmth you feel inside you.”

Jonas and Ezekiel, Indigo Girls, because what kind of lesbian would I be if I didn’t put at least one gay-written song on Beau’s playlist? This one is about road trips, wandering, and looking for a purpose:

“I left my anger in a river running Highway 5 New Hampshire, Vermont, bordered by College farms, hubcaps, and falling rocks Voices in the woods and the mountaintops”

But also contains one verse that I think fits her strict family, her new family in the Mighty Nein, and the “devils” — or tieflings — of which her family would certainly not approve:

“Now when I was young my people taught me well/ Give back what you take or you’ll go to hell/ It’s not the devil’s land, you know it’s not that kind/ Every devil I meet becomes a friend of mine/ Every devil I meet is an angel in disguise”

And something about this reminds me of her journey into Xhorhas and attempts to uncover conspiracies and work out the truth: “In the war over land where the world began/ Prophecies say it’s where the world will end.”

Caduceus

Born at the Right Time, Paul Simon, for Caduceus’s belief in destiny and his place therein. The chorus describes his occasional naïveté, and the happiness of his life in the Blooming Grove, with his family:

“Never been lonely Never been lied to Never had to scuffle in fear Nothing denied to”

And then gets into his conviction that his goddess and the world itself put him where he is:

“Born at the instant/ The church bells chime/ And the whole world whispering/ Born at the right time”

The very chill vibe of the song is also very Clay, to me.

Happy All the Time, Danny Schmidt: the singer himself has said that he doesn’t know whether or not this song is ironic and/or melancholic, so I’m going to go with a sincere and cheerful interpretation for Caduceus, with maybe a hint of nostalgia for more peaceful days among his family. It’s got some incredibly lush and occasionally strange nature imagery that I think is perfect for him:

“I took the time to breathe cause I was happy all the time/ Among the rootbuds and the weeds cause I was happy all the time/ But the peat moss and the leaves took turns with both my feet/ Until my toes took root and I was happy, I was happy all the time”

I think Caduceus is still happy, but he was definitely at peace as a hermit.

Caleb

I Miss That Feeling, Tennis: a song about panic attacks and how the physical effects, when described, almost seem like falling in love. It works not only for Caleb’s panic attacks, but also, relatedly, his relationship with fire, which scares him, even as he likes the way it feels — “Something like pleasure, you’d never believe it.”

The fiery way that the singer describes panic attacks is also very Caleb:

“I miss that feeling/ Flicker hot and hovering/ Like my own discovering/ Eagerly, tenderly/ I miss that feeling/ Flicker spread into an itch/ Into a burn, into a twitch/ Slow and even”

It brings me back to the first time we saw it, in the gnoll mines. Also, “Every little thing starts trembling/ Recorded by the needle of an EKG” feels very reminiscent of his hospitalization, though from a modern perspective.

Putting the Dog to Sleep, The Antlers, for Caleb’s very tentative trust in the Mighty Nein, and in particular his friendship with Beau. I think this song really encapsulates Caleb’s pain and skittishness, especially near the beginning of their campaign, as well as his desperation (unknown even to himself) to love again:

“Well, prove to me I’m not gonna die alone/ Unstitch that shit I’ve sewn/ To close up the hole that tore through my skin/ Well my trust in you is a dog with a broken leg/ Tendons too torn to beg for you to let me back in”

And this feels like something that Beau would say to Caleb — upfront and caring all at the same time, reminding him that his actions affect everyone else and asking him not to run:

“You said, ‘I can’t prove to you you’re not gonna die alone/ But trust me to take you home/ To clean up that blood all over your paws/ You can’t keep running out […] Kicking yourself in the head/ Because you’re kicking me too.’”

By the end of the song, Caleb is starting to believe her, and even asking her to trust him: “Put your trust in me/ I’m not gonna die alone… I don’t think so…”

Fjord

Release the Kraken, The Daysleepers: I added this to Fjord’s playlist back when everyone was speculating that his patron was something kraken-like, and even now that this is clearly not the case, I think it still works for Uk’otoa (Uk’otoa) and his attempts at freedom: “It pulled the ships down/ It’s rising from the deep below.”

But also for Fjord’s relationship with Avantika — for his attempts to get close to her in order to save himself and his friends:  

“Turn the lights down Careful as a serpent’s tongue Move without a sound Gentle as the cold wind moans”

I think “When you sold love/ Your heart becomes a monster” is some of what Fjord felt after those encounters: like he gave part of himself away.

21st Century Child, Daggy Man, for Fjord’s self-hatred and the masks he puts on. Many of the lyrics could fit several characters (particularly Beau, Caleb, and Scanlan), but

“I hate the sound of myself/ When I’m being honest/ Sounds like somebody else/ And I don’t wanna listen/ To the whinings of a 21st century child”

just perfectly captures his feelings about his voice and his past self — weak and whiny, and not who he wants to be. And then we get these lines, which feel like a good summary of his issues with identity and deception:

“And I’ve struggled with how/ Others perceive me/ And I can’t tell if I’m better/ Or just better at deceiving And I’ll keep going until I’m called out”

Jester

The Sweetest Sounds, Ella Fitzgerald (cover of Richard Rodgers), for pre-stream Jester barely waiting for her exciting life to begin. I first heard this song in Rodger & Hammerstein’s Cinderella, and while there is something fairy-tale-like about Jester, I think this upbeat, jazzy cover fits her well:

“The most entrancing sight of all Is yet for me to see And the dearest love in all the world Is waiting somewhere for me”

I can just imagine a 10-year-old Jester listening to the band at the Lavish Chateau play this song, dressing up in Marion’s clothes, and pretending she’s in a storybook romance.

One Hand in my Pocket, Alanis Morissette, which really captures her beautiful complexity:

“I’m free, but I’m focused/ I’m green, but I’m wise/ I’m hard, but I’m friendly/ I’m sad, but I’m laughing”

because Jester is so many things all at once, and none of them negate each other. It’s so hopeful (“What it all comes down to/ Is that everything’s gonna be quite alright”) and comforting (“What it all boils down to/ Is that no one’s really got it figured out just yet”) in a way that really reminds me of my favourite blue cleric.

The whole song has such a fun, free, summer vibe that always makes me smile — just like Jester.

Mollymauk

Carnival Overture, Antonín Dvořák (Leonard Bernstein & New York Philharmonic Orchestra): one of my favourite pieces of classical music ever — when I hear it, an entire music video about a carnival plays in my head. The exuberant theme that bowls you over from the start reminds me of Molly’s effervescent, ostentatious personality.

The slower and quieter part in the middle with the violin and woodwind solos gives me a picture of Molly and Yasha sitting alone in the evenings just outside the carnival encampment, cuddled together — Yasha talking about her wife, Molly telling jokes, and the both of them making up names for constellations and flowers. Then the quick-paced minor section makes me think of the bloodhunter tiefling in combat, deadly with his swords and vicious mockery — before the return to the joyful, triumphant original theme.

Wonderful Everyday, Chance the Rapper & The Social Experiment**: this is sort of a cover of the Arthur theme song, but in the absolute best way possible. The meandering, loose, and extraordinarily happy vocals always remind me of Molly’s way of living.

Although some of the lyrics are more optimistic than Molly (I think he’d laugh at “Everybody that you meet/ Has an original point of view” and say that their points of view are usually bullshit), the message of appreciating every single day is just wonderful for him.

And the last bit hits me like a ton of bricks:

“And when I go down/ I'ma go down swinging/ My eyes still smiling/ And my heart still singing”

“Eyes never shut,” indeed.

**not on Spotify, sorry!

Nott

The Sore Feet Song, Ally Kerr: at first it appears to be a simple song about traveling long distances to find your love, which certainly describes Nott’s search for Yeza: “I walked ten thousand miles, ten thousand miles to see you/ And every gasp of breath I grabbed at just to find you.”

But the second verse is where it really gets into Nott’s thieving, rat-eating, badass ways:

“I stole ten thousand pounds, ten thousand pounds to see you I robbed convenient stores cause I thought they’d make it easier I lived off rats and toads, and I starved for you I fought off giants bears and I killed them too”

I love this strange little goblin.

Fox in the Snow, Belle & Sebastian: this song has always been a bit of a mystery to me, but the lyrics remind me of Nott’s intense vulnerability after she was transformed into a goblin — and in particular her self-image as something animalistic:

“Fox in the snow, where do you go/ To find something you could eat?/ Because the word out on the street is you are starving/ Don’t let yourself grow hungry now/ Don’t let yourself grow cold”

The second verse, which switches to describing a human girl, reminds me of pre-transformation Veth, more acceptable in body but no less socially ostracized than Nott:

“Girl in the snow, where do you go/ To find someone that will do?/ To tell someone all the truth before it kills you/ Listen to your crazy laugh/ Before you hang a right/ And disappear from sight/ What do they know anyway?”

I can just see that exact scene play out with a young Veth, right down to the “crazy laugh.” I’m glad she found Yeza, but she must still have been pretty lonely without any other friends.

Yasha

Into the Barrens, Grizfolk, for Yasha’s years of blank wandering after Zuala’s death. This song fits Yasha so well that for months, I somehow tricked myself into believing that Ashley had put it on her playlist. But I feel like this encapsulates her hopeless feelings, away from all society, not living for anything or anyone:

“Cast me away, my shadow’s cold/ Into the barrens where I will grow old/ Well, I’m not looking for answers/ And I’m not looking for gold”

And I can see this verse for the beginning of her relationship with the Stormlord, following voices she can’t understand as she wanders, barely alive:

“The voices in my head/ They echo in the wind and I begin to sway/ I follow what they say/ I can’t see their eyes, but I hear howling through the haze”

Dreams, Fleetwood Mac: technically a break-up song, but I can’t help but think of Yasha’s ever-present guilt and her memories of Zuala when I hear:

“Listen carefully to the sound of your loneliness/ Like a heartbeat drives you mad/ In the stillness of remembering what you had/ And what you lost”

The storm imagery also works for Yasha — “When the rain washes you clean, you’ll know” makes me think of her fight with the Stormlord on the boat, which allowed her to open up to her friends. And it touches on Yasha’s opaque dreams (“Now here I go again, I see the crystal visions/ I keep my visions to myself”).

(Ally and Stevie also have a lesbian mash-up of Dreams and Rhiannon, two of the gayest Fleetwood Mac songs, that I associate strongly with Beauyasha.)

Mighty Nein

Old Black Train, The Blasting Company (from Over the Garden Wall): trains don’t exist in Exandria (yet! — Percy or Taryon should get on that) but this is more of a metaphor for life. It reminds me of the Mighty Nein setting out from Alfield, not knowing the twists and turns they were going to face, the places they’d go, nor the family they’d become:

“This journey is a long one/ It will take you all around/ Life rushing by your window/ Before it lays you down”

Then there’s this verse:

“Oh come on now young stranger/ Weren’t you someone’s son? How’d you find this depot 'Cause it ain’t where you belong”

which feels very appropriate for many members of the Mighty Nein, separated as they are from their families and wandering in lands that aren’t welcoming to them. There’s also a verse that’s reminiscent of the graveyard they passed on the way to Zadash, which more and more feels like a portent of things to come:

“You will pass a graveyard/ Stones worn by the years/ The train’ll stop a minute but don’t let it leave you here”

Sailing, Leisure Cruise: another song about transportation, although this one is a little less metaphorical. As you can probably guess, I associate it with their adventures on the Mystake and the Ball Eater, which begun by total accident but which, in my opinion, was a turning point for the group, and ultimately helped them grow closer together:

“And to our surprise we’re sailing The high seas in the middle of the ocean […] We’re sailing the wildest mystery And to our surprise we’re happy and free”

Okay, so maybe “happy and free” is a bit of an exaggeration for that arc (particularly for poor Nott) but I think there were a lot of moments in which the Mighty Nein learned unexpected lessons about themselves.

And I think this is a good summary of the Mighty Nein’s modus operandi: seize every passing opportunity, because you don’t know what tomorrow will bring:

“Maybe it’s today Maybe it’s tomorrow But we have to make a play Or the chance will fade away”

And that’s a wrap! Thanks for listening and reading. Love you all <3

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E32 (August 28, 2018)

Tonight’s guests are Liam O’Brien and Sam Riegel!

Announcements: 

No Talks Machina next Tuesday, but they will be back the following week to discuss episode 33 of CR. Next Tuesday, instead of Talks, they’re filming something very special for the new channel. Sam: “You are? Oh, god.” 

Handbooker Helper premieres tomorrow at 10 AM Pacific Time at youtube.com/criticalrole! The first episode focuses on dice basics. 

There’s a new charity drive for the Pablove Foundation, dedicated to research toward ending children’s cancer; they’ve already hit the first $20k benchmark, which means Sam will be DMing a game of Crash Pandas! The next goal is $50k, which will be used to establish a research grant.

@critrolestats for this episode:

Nott has successfully disguised herself 12 times since the campaign started.

Caleb’s most-cast spells (in order): Alarm, Firebolt, and Identify.

The party has spent 55 of their 81 days together on the road.

Gustav’s sentence in Trostenwald lasted 77 days. He averaged about 7 gold, 8 copper per day of work.

Is Nott freaked out after her adventure with Jester went so badly? “Nott is always freaked out to do anything, but is starting to loosen up a bit and trust that-- at least up until this last episode-- trust that her friends could get her out of most scenarios. Maybe she’ll be a little more hesitant in the future.” She might “take one of the responsible ones along, like Fjord or Caleb.” Liam: “Yeah, you should bring someone sharp and level-headed, in case you need to go to a hospital...”

Caleb loves that a fan points out the parallels between Caleb’s similarities to the protagonist in the Dark Tower books: “Caleb wants to do really specific things, and he is not done with that. They’re potentially harmful, and I think that before he started traveling with these people, the main thing was getting them to trust me, and form a working relationship, but the bigger problem now is, does their friendship become a problem? Do I want to get close to you if I know potentially that I’ve got to walk away from you at a bad moment?” There’s another element he can’t talk about yet where he took more direct inspiration from The Dark Tower. He’s not sure yet which way Caleb will end up veering, and whether there’s a point where he’ll prioritize his friends over his long-term goals. “For all characters, there’s what he tells himself is the deal, and what’s really the deal. I’m enjoying not knowing where the hell it’s going.”

“Nott doesn’t really much care about Gustav, but also does not give a shit about money. It’s a means to an end for her.” Other than providing a little security for herself and Caleb, “the other stuff is way cooler, the little buttons and stuff.” When the opportunity came to pay so much for Gustav’s release, “she was like, ‘Yeah, sure, great.’”

Sam and Nott both wanted to know more about Molly’s past. Liam wanted to know, but Caleb didn’t care. Especially since Molly emphasized not caring about his past, and they didn’t know each other too well, Caleb was satisfied to just take that at face value. Molly’s experience was also interesting as a complete opposite to Caleb’s own experience of being completely consumed by his past.

Sam and Liam talk about how they both think about the show constantly throughout the week. Liam: “And I also spend 10% of my week thinking about Vax, too.”

Gif of the Week: Caduceus learns how much money 400 gold is. There may or may not be a live voiceover version of the text.

Why does Caleb still use fire? “Caleb feels like he needs to work through it, ‘cause fire’s not going anywhere. Maybe something that will come out eventually is the reason that fire is his first and he has a real affinity for it now. The fire is natural progression. The Fireball is something that Caleb got just from leveling up, so I took that for him to be understanding what he can already do and magnifying it. It’s the strongest weapon in his arsenal. He needs to master the misery and the pain so he’s ready to deal with facing his ex-teacher someday, or other people.” On Beau being the one to bring him back each time lately: “He likes that. It’s a flawed friendship, it’s not affectionate the way Caleb and Nott is, but that’s okay. The instinct to bet big and tell her everything came from a sense of shared interest, and shared point of view. They’re still very different, but there’s a lot in common there.” A lot of the things she does has been reaffirming his choice to take a chance on her.

Nott’s aware that she’s been more and more powerful, and so she’s been drinking less in battle situations. “She’s still skittish and gets nervous about stuff, but they’ve survived and succeeded in enough fights now that she’s becoming a little more brave.” Liam asks if Nott knows how gifted she is. Sam: “She’s aware that she can do things better than other folks in the group, but she probably would not think those things are the most spectacular.” Liam talks about how Caleb and Nott are “two different kinds of gifted weirdos.” Sam: “Just like us. Except for the ‘gifted’ part.”

Caleb was impressed by Caduceus’ approach to the Ettin encounter.

Sam: “Something that I just decided about goblins: they have short lifespans, and they’re also super brutal and just attack and they’re mean and get hungry and all this stuff, so I just thought, maybe goblins are just like unrestrained id.” A lot of Nott’s character came from that thought.

It felt really strange for Nott and Caleb to be welcomed by Alfield when they arrived. Caleb’s concerned about their amplified visibility in the Empire, which isn’t sitting well with him. At least when they’re affiliated with the Gentleman and the criminal element, it keeps the visibility away. Nott’s hesitant to be in the spotlight, but has also realized that cheering means fewer thrown rocks, so that’s good.

Fanart of the Week: Jester and Caduceus strolling through town.

There’s a brief foray into autoerotic asphyxiation. As you do.

Liam, Taliesin, and Marisha have all met SideBySamuel. The mystery continues.

Caleb on the dodecahedron: “It’s a little too perfect.” It confirms what he believes---that it has to be possible to manipulate time---and drives him forward. He wonders about the source that this thing is a splinter of. He’s also wondering if the Academy’s project is one and the same. “Time travel is good. It definitely does not endanger present reality.”

“What is Talks Machina, Brian?”

Brian: “We have to put a stop to this.”

Sam: “On the surface, Nott noticed that Caleb mentioned Astrid and probably just thinks that it would be nice to have a young lady in his life.” Dani: “I called your ex-girlfriend the other day, and we’re having lunch.” Sam: “I hear she’s a doctor...” Liam: “I’m tired of coming over to these dinners, ma.” Sam: “I hear the wizard down the street got married...”

Liam on Astrid: “That would be bad stuff. Bad news. I don’t know if it’s good or bad, but it’s complicated.” Sam: “Astrid has got to be either super bad guy now, super dead, or something else we don’t know about.” Liam: “One of the many things Caleb wonders about every night before he goes to sleep, about both his friends. He doesn’t know. It’s been 16 years since he saw them last.” He’s 33 now. The fire happened when he was about 16, he was in the asylum for 11-ish years, and then he was traveling on his own for about five.

Nott worries about Caleb “about the same” in battle, but she’s definitely noticing the others stepping up, especially Beau, to watch out for and protect him. Sam points out that Liam’s strategy has been excellent lately to keep Caleb out of danger. “Nott always has an eye on Caleb, and Sam always has an eye on Caleb.” Liam: “That’s what Vax did. I would override common sense consciously because I thought it was in-character.” He still has to suppress his first instinct to have Caleb fling himself into danger for his friends.

On the surface, Caleb knows it’s not a good thing for Nott to be so affectionate toward him, but deep down, Caleb really appreciates Nott’s affection. “With Beau, there’s no affection, but he feels like he should be called an asshole and a shit, and he feels like he deserves it. It will keep him sharpened and on task.” He likes, on an unconscious level, what he gets from both of them for different reasons.

Which pet does Nott want to eat first? The weasel. Definitely. Sam ventures a theory that the pets represented the members of Vox Machina. The truth is out there, Sam.

To Caleb, it felt a bit wrong to turn his back on the Empire given everything that’s happening right now and everything that has to happen there in the future.

Talks Machina: After Dark: When It Gets Dirty (Big Dick Peanut Butter Energy)

Liam brings out both his Speak-n-Spell voice and his ~Cuddlefish~ voice. He also does a Nott impression. Sam: “You sound like Miss Piggy on acid.”

Nott’s not looking forward to the beach. Caleb’s interested in the beach in a Death in Venice kind of way. Brian ventures a guess that they’re going to discover that Caleb’s just inexplicably super ripped.

What tricks do they want to teach the pets? Liam: “Maybe ‘Die Instead Of Me’.”

Does Beau secretly have a gooey center? Sam and Liam, in unison: “Ask Keg.”

Nott feels safe with the M9 around, not because they protect her, but because they protect each other. “She’s always relied on Caleb for protection, and now I think she’s relieved more than surprised that she doesn’t have to put that burden on Caleb, or each other. That they have a support group of people that can help them and keep them out of danger.”

Nott expects Jester’s mom to be a “real sweet, fine, fancy lady.” Liam: “Caleb had good parents, and everything that Jester describes does not sound great to him.” He doesn’t say anything to her about it because he doesn’t feel like he can give advice. Dani: “My parents that I killed were awesome. As a child of great parents, that I murdered...”  He keeps asking about her childhood, and he’s fond of her, so he’s dismayed about what he hears, but he feels like he can’t say anything about it.

Liam: "My least favorite thing about Sam is how much of a fucking food snob he and his wife are. It’s unbearable, mostly because I want the food.” Sam: “The thing that I love most about Liam is that he’s a gentle love, but he’s a kind soul. He wants to help people. But he can’t because he’s too busy.” Liam: “True, true, true. What I like about Sam is he’s the living embodiment of Shakespeare’s Fools. He’s seemingly a buffoon, but if you know him well, you know that there’s no end to the depth and soul of his character. He is skating on talent and wit.”

Liam: “I don’t know how cameras work.”

[nicolewrites]

heartstrings - ii

hey it’s been less than 48 hours, but this keeps getting longer and longer. originally should have been a one-shot is likely going to be ~4 parts now. Just a slight warning, some mentions of alcohol abuse and past abusive relationships. Anyways,

part i

Rating: T Genre: Romance Characters: [Vax’ildan and Keyleth] [Percival de Rolo and Vex’ahlia] Words: 6258

Kiki @keylethashari has tagged you in a tweet: New Q&A up and we’re talking music! creds to @vexmachina @vaxmachina @burtreynoldsesq @thelumineers and others!! // CR1 Vaxleth+Perc’ahlia YouTuber/Musician/Celebrity AU

AO3

“So, one more time, if we sign this, then we get complete creative control over our album plus we can keep releasing videos and stay active on YouTube?” Vex asked as she flipped to the second page of the heavy contract before her.

Cassandra nodded. “It’s definitely important that you guys get to keep your brand which is two siblings making videos and singing together. We just want to help you be able to distribute your music. We can hook you up with collaborators or producers or even just get you better equipment.”

Vax exhaled and fiddled with the corner of the contract. “And there’s no rush, right? No pressure on us to have an album out in the next month or anything?”

Cassandra smiled. “Well I figured your first step could be to record some of your more popular covers and release a cover album. It will be a good way to both introduce you to the studio and better quality recording equipment as well as reintroduce the world to the Vox Machina they already love. 

Vex and Vax made eye contact. Everything that was being proposed seemed in their favour and Cassandra and Whitestone had definitely been the most respectful of the fact that they had shot to fame so suddenly that they were still adjusting. In all honesty, Vax could have been ready to sign with the label from the first meeting they had, but they did need time to consider all of their options. 

Conclave Recording Studios had offered them a much larger signing bonus, but that contract had been riddled with little hooks that robbed them of certain royalties, their creative freedom, and even control over their YouTube channel. That had been an easy deal to turn down, even if the money was a little tempting. 

Still, Cassandra had come back with a counteroffer once she learned that the twins were considering other avenues and had presented them with total control, no restrictions on their channel, and a bonus bigger than Whitestone’s original offer, though not quite at the same size as what Conclave was willing to give. 

Vex smiled at Cassandra and picked up the pen. “Well, this all sounds perfect to me.”

“I can agree with that,” Vax added as he flipped to the final page. 

They both signed their names on each copy of the contract and Cassandra scrawled her name in beside theirs. The beautiful woman who had been lurking in the back of the office stepped forwards and signed as the witness before she clasped her hands and gave both twins a radiant smile. 

“I look forward to working with both of you!”

Vax raised an eyebrow and glanced at Cassandra. The record owner smiled and patted the beautiful woman on the back. “Vex’ahlia, Vax’ildan, this is Zahra, the publicist I previously mentioned. She’s in charge of my most important clients and I know you’ll love her.”

Zahra grinned widely. “I can already see that the two of you will sell as you’ve managed to prove that yourself with your channel.”

Vex stood up and held her hand out for Zahra to shake. “Well, darling, I’m sure it will be a pleasure to work with you as well.”

Zahra winked at Vex. “Aren’t you charming! I can see what Percy likes in this one for sure.” Vax rose to his feet and gave Cassandra another curious look. He glanced back at Zahra who was leaning against Cassandra’s desk, still smiling. “You know Percy?”

Zahra waved her hand. “Entirely too well. He used to be my client before I passed him off to the very capable hands of my friend Vanessa. Plus, I’ve been working with Cassandra for a while and you don’t work with one de Rolo without seeing the other at every turn.”

Cassandra shrugged. “Well, I can’t deny that, I am having lunch with Percy today. You are welcome to join us if you’d like, Vex, Vax.”

Vex smiled. “I’d love to, but don’t tell him I’m coming, I’d like to see the look on his face when I just appear.” Vax shook his head. Typical Vex’ahlia. He slid his phone out of his pocket and smiled faintly, an idea flitting across his mind. “I have to pass, but this has been a pleasure.”

The three women in the room shrugged and returned back to easy conversation as Vax opened a new message. 

[Vax] so i know this is probably a little last minute, but how’s today for that raincheck from Scanlan’s.

The reply was almost instant.

[Keyleth] oh you are alive aha. today is actually perfect for me. what did u have in mind??

-

Vax had seen enough of Keyleth’s videos to know that she absolutely adored the vegan lunch place on 6th Street. When he had suggested it, she had sent him four texts of incomprehensible gibberish to show her excitement. Vax had simply smiled and excused himself from Cassandra’s office, calling an Uber as he went. 

When he arrived at the restaurant he decided that this place was exactly the type of place he would expect Keyleth to frequent. It was decorated with dozens of plants and succulents as well as some casual bohemian decorations. It almost reminded him of the room she often filmed her videos in, so it made sense. He had managed to beat her there, so he stood on the curb, hands in his pockets as he waited. 

He waited for seven minutes before a car pulled up and she flew out of the backseat, smiling like crazy. Her red hair was tugged into a ponytail and she was wearing denim overalls with a floral blouse. Her eyes twinkled as she caught sight of him and she pulled him into a tight hug. Vax hugged her back and caught a strong floral whiff that was probably perfume, but he liked to think that Keyleth, the radiant ball of sunshine, just naturally smelled like flowers.

“It only took us two months to reschedule this thing,” Keyleth laughed as she pulled back, leaving her hands resting on his shoulders. 

Vax shrugged. “Self-employment is incredibly difficult,” he said teasingly. 

Keyleth retracted her arms and smiled at him. “Very funny.” She looked up at the restaurant and smiled. “Have you been here before?”

“Melora’s Garden? No, I haven’t. I actually stole the idea from one of your videos.” 

Keyleth laughed and Vax immediately wanted her to do it again. “So you do watch my videos.” Vax smirked. “I’ll admit to that when you admit to watching ours.” “Vox Machina? Only one of my favourite channels lately.”

“Come on, let’s eat. I have news.”

Keyleth linked their arms and pulled him through the front door. “News?”

She turned away briefly to motion to the hostess that they needed a table for two, but she quickly turned her bright, curious green eyes back to him. Vax led her, following the hostess, and kept his mouth shut. As they sat down across from each other, Keyleth linked her fingers and rested her chin atop them, leaning forward.

“Come on, don’t keep me in suspense!”

“Well, I’ve been so busy lately because Vex and I signed with Whitestone this morning,” he revealed.

Keyleth’s beautiful smile spread from ear to ear. She reached out and squeezed one of his hands. “Vax! Congratulations! You guys definitely deserve this. Does this mean I’ll finally be able to buy one of your albums and do an entire video dedicated to why it’s one of the best of all time?”

He squeezed her fingers back in return. “Well, Cassandra wants us to release kind of a ‘Greatest Hits’ of the channel album first before we release any original stuff. She said it would be the world’s reintroduction to us as a real music group.”

Keyleth nodded. “I guess that makes sense, but in my opinion, you guys were a real music group the minute you decided to release your first video. Besides, I happen to think the couple of originals you guys have done have been your best work.”

Vax chuckled. “Thank you, but I don’t think we quite have the mindset to record an entire album of originals at this point. Songs like Phoenix never would have even been finished without your help, you know.”

Keyleth cocked her head. “Vax, I gave you like 7 words of feedback total. The rest was all you: the music, the lyrics, everything. You guys made that happen, not me.” She smiled at him again, but it was more tentative, like the shyer Keyleth he’d met at Scanlan’s party. 

Before he could reply again, a waitress was filling both of their glasses with water and smiling down at them. “Are we ready to order?”

Vax’s brain stalled. He had been so caught up that he hadn’t even glanced at the menu in front of him. Keyleth seemed to notice his deer-in-headlights expression, and she smiled politely at the waitress. 

“I think we need a few more minutes.”

The waitress nodded and bustled off to help someone else. 

Keyleth nudged the menu towards him, smiling. “Better take a look before she comes back and we’re still sitting here stupidly.”

Vax chuckled and picked it up. He flipped the menu up and skimmed his eyes over the selection of Buddha bowls. He paused when he realized that Keyleth was just watching him and hadn’t even looked at her own menu. 

“Kiki, are you going to order?”

She waved him off. “I’m getting Bowl 7, I already knew that.”

Vax put the menu down and grinned at her crookedly. “I think I’ll get the same.”

Her eyes twinkled as she slipped the menu out of his hands. “Well that’s easy for the waitress, isn’t it?”

-

Lunch was great. The food was different, but tasted delicious and Keyleth and him were able to keep a steady flow of easy, fun conversation. She talked about her father and her home and how she decided to move to L.A. Vax, in turn, told her the simplified version of why he and Vex left London and how important it was for them to have a fresh start. 

Keyleth listened with rapt attention and made insightful and supportive comments whenever Vax struggled to put something into words. Talking to her felt like one of the easiest things he’d ever done, even when he was recounting the worst times of his life. Even though she hadn’t known the struggles he had, she was patient with him and she didn’t assume anything about him or his sister. 

He gladly would have sat and talked with her in the restaurant for longer, but as they were finishing their meals, Keyleth’s phone started vibrating with repeated notifications. She frowned and unlocked it. It immediately took her to the Twitter app and Vax watched her face pale as she looked around nervously.

“Keyleth?” he asked cautiously. 

She sighed and turned the screen towards him. “Sorry,” she mumbled.

Ashari Army @keylethsashariarmy • 7 minutes ago

GUUUUUUUYS. @keylethashari is having lunch with someone?? They’re at Melora’s and it LOOKS like a date?? Can we get our best investigators on this ASAP. 

Vax blinked as he scanned the tweet. It had a hundred retweets and three hundred likes. People were replying, eagerly urging the original account to post a photo. Keyleth pulled her phone away and dropped it into her purse. 

She stood up and held out her hand for him to take. He hesitated before he accepted it and let her pull him towards the back of the restaurant. The staff members there looked up as they approached and exchanged looks between them.

Keyleth smiled politely. “Hi, I’m Keyleth Ashari, is the manager here?”

There was a brief scuffle as two waiters slipped into the back and reappeared with an old woman who brightened when she saw Keyleth. 

“Oh! Keyleth, dear, what can I do for you?”

Keyleth brushed some hair away from her face and dropped Vax’s hand abruptly. “Uvenda, I think there’s someone here trying to take a photo so I was wondering if you would be able to charge my card for the meals and let us leave out the back?”

Uvenda nodded immediately. “Of course. Just come with me this way, alright?” For the first time, the old woman turned her eyes to Vax and the soft, affectionate look she carried for Keyleth vanished in favour of a much more suspicious, guarded look. “And you are?”

Keyleth’s hand slid into his again. “Uvenda, this is Vax.”

The old woman raised an eyebrow and smirked a little. “Of course. Anyways, right this way dears.”

They were escorted out the rear of the restaurant and Keyleth laughed as they walked through the back parking lot to the next road. She glanced back at the restaurant and giggled. 

“That’ll teach them to ruin my dates.”

Warmth spread through Vax’s stomach. “A date?” Surprise shuttered her features and he laughed. He stepped up, draping an arm over her shoulder. “Don’t worry Kiki, I’m not some internet fan reading too much into things. This was two friends out for lunch.”

She beamed radiantly at him. She ducked out from under his arm and danced away from him, twirling as she laughed. “God do I ever miss freedom and anonymity though,” she said, glancing back at him.

Vax slid his hands into his pockets and watched her. She was as radiant and as beautiful as the sun, even if she could be awkward and goofy and shy. She was alarmingly human and charming and he knew exactly where her popularity stemmed from. And he understood her. Her charms and her stumbles and her desire to have one uninterrupted afternoon. 

She paused in her step and glanced down at the pavement, where her shadow was cast across the pavement. A sly smile slid over her face. “Hey, Vax, come here for a minute.”

He stepped up next to her so their silhouettes were aligned. She slid her arm around his waist and gave him a side hug. She paused and snapped a photo of their entwined shadows before she stepped back. She tapped something out on her phone before she slid it back into her pocket, beaming. 

He raised an eyebrow. “Don’t I get to see?”

“You’re following me, aren’t you?”

He shook his head, but he couldn’t help but smile as he pulled out his own phone to check Keyleth’s Twitter account.

Kiki @keylethashari • Just Now

Sunny days are the best days!! #shadowart | at Melora’s Garden

The tweet was accompanied with the picture she’d just taken of them. Fans were already filling up her replies, demanding to know who she was posing with. Vax smiled at her over his phone and she gave him a gentler, bashful smile. 

“It’s okay, right?”

He nodded. “I’d like it, but that might give people the wrong impression.”

Before he could say anything else, his phone vibrated with a text. 

[Vex] Percival and I are going for drinks on Friday. 

[Vex] Get on my level, darling

Vax smirked as he typed out his reply. 

[Vax] Check Twitter, Stubby.

There was a long moment before Vex replied.

[Vex] OH SHIT so thaaaat’s why you bailed on lunch. Well. 

Keyleth cocked her head at him. “Vax?”

He pocketed his phone. “I believe I was promised a full day of adventures, no? Lunch is one thing, but you must have other favourite parts of the city to show me.”

-

Vax was on the couch watching a fail compilation that Keyleth had sent to him, when his twin senses started tingling. Obviously, there was no way that it was actually a thing, but Vex and Vax had both always been very reactive to the approach of each other, so one night Kima had called it twin senses, and the name had stuck. 

He looked up just as the door opened and Vex walked in. She was wearing an emerald green blouse and black skirt and her lipstick and dark hair were just the tiniest bit mussed, but it was enough to know that her date with Percy had to have gone at least mostly well. To his surprise, Vex didn’t even glance his way as she headed straight for the kitchen. 

He rose carefully and followed her, stepping over the heels that she kicked off on her way there. He walked into the kitchen and found her measuring a generous amount of gin into a glass before topping it off with club soda. She sipped it with what could almost be described as anger, and Vax furrowed his brow. 

“Stubby?”

She spun so fast that she almost dropped her drink. “Jesus, Vax, you scared the shit out of me.”

“You walked right past me. I was in the living room,” he said. Despite his initial impression that her date went well, wariness crept along his mind. “Weren’t you just at a bar?” he asked, gesturing to the heavy drink she was holding like a lifeline. 

Vex pursed her lips. “Can’t exactly get drunk on a first date, no matter how charming the movie star is.” She gulped down more of the drink, furrowing her brow at the bitter alcohol taste. 

Vax stepped past her and poured himself a drink, sipping it slowly. Vex drained her drink quickly and snatched the gin from him as she poured another, not even bothering with the soda this time. 

“Vex?” he asked carefully. “Are you okay?”

She shrugged. “I’m fine, darling, just some paparazzi that interrupted a moment I would have rather been private, but I suppose that’s what I get for liking the charming movie star.”

Vax took another slow sip of his drink. “Oh.”

She waved a hand at him. “Since you’re hanging around Keyleth a lot, you must notice that her fans are absolutely rabid. Percy’s like that, except they’re all major magazine headlines.”

“And you told him you were uncomfortable?”

She laughed. “He was more uncomfortable than me. We’re having dinner at his place on Wednesday as so to avoid such things next time.”

He nodded. “Well, I’m glad you had a good time.”

Vex glanced between her empty glass and the bottle once more before she smiled tentatively at Vax. “I like him, Vax, I really, really do.”

Vax tucked his arm around her and hugged her. “I’m glad.” He paused, not wanting to overstep. “For the record, I like him much better than-”

“That’s not hard,” she said sharply, cutting him off. Drunk, honest Vex’ahlia was gone and she had been replaced with the guarded, colder version of his sister that came out anytime she spoke of their last year in London. 

Vax frowned, but he let it slide. He managed to wrangle the bottle away from Vex and get her in bed, but as he stared at their liquor cabinet, he couldn’t help but feel it would be better entirely empty permanently. 

-

The ringing of his phone woke him up the next morning. He rolled sideways, grabbing it and staring at the screen. He raised an eyebrow, but answered it quickly.

“Shaun?”

“I’m assuming she hasn’t seen it yet, has she?”

“Seen what?” he asked. He sat up and rolled his shoulders. He rubbed his eyes and adjusted the phone at his ear.

“I’ll send you the link, just give me a moment.”

His phone buzzed with a text and Vax switched to speakerphone so he could open it and stay on the call. Gilmore had texted him a link to a tweet by the Hollywood Reporter.

Hollywood Reporter @THR • 9 hours ago

‘Light of the Night’ actor Percival de Rolo caught locking lips with one half of YouTube pop-folk duo Vox Machina. 

The tweet was accompanied by two photos. The first was Vex and Percy looking cozy and happy at some bar and the second was Percy planting one on Vex as her arms locked around his neck. Vax cursed. 

“I’ll take that as a ‘no’, then,” Gilmore replied carefully. 

Vax sighed. “I should go make sure she doesn’t lose her shit. Thanks for the call, Shaun.”

“Of course.”

Vax hung up the phone and bolted out of his room. To his surprise, Vex was already awake, pacing around the living room in an oversized sweater as she spoke urgently on the phone in low tones. She looked a little surprised when she saw Vax, but she just gestured to her phone helplessly and he nodded.

Vax headed instead for the kitchen and started a cup of coffee. The pot was almost completely done brewing by the time Vex strolled in after him, looking more exhausted than she’d been in a long time. Vax didn’t say anything, he just held his arms open and let her walk into them, resting her head against his chest tiredly.

“Zahra and Vanessa are working on spinning those photos. I’m honestly not that bothered, but Percy isn’t happy.” She paused looking up at him, a small smile on her face. “He wanted to keep this between us for a while.” 

“He seems serious about you,” Vax commented, still carefully watching Vex’s face.

She shrugged and withdrew from him. “I guess so,” she replied noncommittally. 

Vax held in a sigh. The tinge of vulnerability and emotion Vex had shown was back behind layers of practiced smiles and charm. Something was wrong, and he didn’t know how to get her to admit it. He wasn’t sure where this was stemming from as all the time they’d spent in L.A., he had yet to see her looking like this.

He poured her a cup of coffee instead and tugged on the end of her loose braid. She grumbled and swatted at him, but at least he got a genuine smile out of her for it. 

-

Vax was feeling oddly nervous as he walked across the lobby of the apartment complex. He’d been here a few times before, but this felt different. He made eye contact with the security guard who waved him towards the elevators with hardly a second look. Vax stepped into the clean elevator and punched the button for the 14th floor. He slid his hands into his pockets and rocked onto his toes as the elevator ascended.

The doors opened and he let his feet guide him to apartment 1417. He knocked on the door and waited for a long moment before the door swung inwards. Instead of the freckled face and green eyes of Keyleth like he’d been expecting, Vax was met with a man he didn’t recognize at all. 

The guy had sharp features and brown hair that hung just lower than his ears. The stranger raised an eyebrow at Vax and shifted his weight before he stepped back from the door and motioned for Vax to enter. Vax stepped in cautiously, still eyeing the man with mild confusion. 

“Kash, who was at the door?” Keyleth called from further in the apartment. 

Vax walked through into her living room, accompanied by the man apparently named ‘Kash’. Keyleth looked up from where she was sitting cross-legged on the floor. She beamed when she saw Vax. 

“You’re a little early aren’t you?”

Vax shrugged. “Like five minutes.”

Keyleth giggled and stood up. She crossed the room and wrapped him in a hug. She smelt like flowers again. She stepped back and looked from Vax to the other man. She straightened suddenly and laughed. 

“Wow I forgot you two haven’t met yet. Vax, this is Kashaw, my publicist. Kash, this is Vax’ildan, he’s one of Zahra’s clients.”

Vax glanced at the other man who had visibly relaxed as he nodded. “You’re part of Vox Machina, right?” Kashaw inquired, crossing his arms.

Vax nodded. “Yeah, that would be my sister and I.”

“Zahra thinks you guys have got the stuff to make it big,” Kash said. 

Vax raised an eyebrow and glanced at Keyleth. She rolled her eyes. “As you can tell, Kash is definitely a ball of sunshine who is brilliant with people. But, as you probably couldn’t tell, he’s engaged to Zahra and they both work together at the agency.”

Vax glanced at Kashaw again. His brain really couldn’t seem to process the fact that this guy was engaged to the bubbly, enthusiastic manager/publicist Cassandra had introduced Vex and Vax to. It seemed almost comical to align the two in his brain. 

“But, we’re not here to talk about Kash and his terrible people skills. We’re here to make a video!” Keyleth said excitedly. 

Kashaw nodded. “Well that’s my cue to leave. Remember what I said, right Keyleth?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yes, yes, I’ll be mindful of what we share. It’s not a live stream so we can always edit out anything that doesn’t fit.”

With that, Keyleth’s publicist vanished and Vax heard the apartment door shut behind him. Keyleth immediately grabbed Vax’s arm and pulled him to her couch where they sat side by side. She stared at him. 

“You’re sure you want to do this, right?”

Vax smiled. “Kiki, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to.”

She nodded. “Well, I know, but usually you and Vex are a packaged deal, so I just wanted to make sure you’re comfortable with singing on your own and stuff.” Vax laughed. “If you were anyone else, I would say no, but it’s all good.”

She smiled. “Well then, let’s start, shall we!”

She stood from the couch and moved into the armchair across from him. She fiddled with something on her camera before motioning for him to move over so he was out of frame temporarily. She hit the record button and moved into position on the couch. 

“Hello everyone! Welcome back to Variety Thursdays where I make whatever kind of video feels right!” She smiled charmingly. “I know people have been begging for another collaboration video and for another one about music, so I have decided to deliver on both of those fronts.”

She pointed at the camera. “Now, last time I made a music video, I talked about my favourite groups including one that I’d just discovered through my good friend Scanlan Shorthalt. I’m happy to say this video has changed a lot of things for me, including the fact that I’m not just raving about the incredibly talented Vox Machina to a camera since,” she paused, reaching over to grab Vax’s arm so she could yank him into view, “I’m actually sitting here with half of Vox Machina as we speak!”

Vax smiled for the camera and looked back at Keyleth. “Your video opened a lot of doors for us, so really, I think I should be thanking you for everything.” 

She bumped their shoulders together. “Nonsense. You and Vex are crazy talented so I’m definitely a big fan of yours.” She grabbed the stack of papers from the coffee table. “Let’s get to the whole point of this video! The people want to know you! Of course they know me, but let’s talk about the mysterious YouTube Twins who just popped out of nowhere with crazy vocals.”

Vax shrugged. “Vex is the singer. I play guitar mostly. But, if you’re asking, we moved here from London about 5 years ago for a couple of different reasons. The channel is actually due to pressure by a close friend of ours, Shaun Gilmore, who thought we were talented enough to get somewhere.” He looked more closely at the camera. “So Gilmore, I guess we owe you a bigger thanks than previously given.”

Keyleth beamed at him. “And you and I started chatting after I talked about you from Star Search, and we’ve become friends since then.” Vax smiled. “Honestly Keyleth, I really think we ought to credit Scanlan and Pike a bit more. They’re the whole reason I didn’t chicken out of talking to you since they invited Vex and I to that party where I literally crashed into you.”

“Yes, of course, we cannot forget the contributions from the others that actually taught me how much of a dork you are in real life.”

“Hey, you’re the one who snuck us out the rear of that restaurant.”

Keyleth smiled at him and for a moment Vax forgot the cameras were rolling because she was all he could focus on. She was an absolute natural and she made him feel at ease even though he could still get nervous in front of the cameras for his own videos. 

“So can we talk music then? Because you guys just announced that you’re signing with Whitestone Records, right?”

Vax nodded. “Yeah, Cassandra has been great to work with and Vex and I are really excited. We decided to produce some of our best covers first and do kind of a ‘best of the already released gems’ for our first outing, but we’re definitely not a one-trick pony. The channel isn’t going anywhere and you can definitely expect more original content in the future.”

“Oh my gosh, please let’s talk originals because Phoenix is amazing and so is Victory Lap. We know that you wrote most of Phoenix and Vex is the genius behind Victory Lap, so is there anything you can tell me for a hint?” She cast the camera a sly glance. “Well, I guess me and the people who’ll be watching this video.”

Vax looked around jokingly like he was looking for an eavesdropper. “Well, I guess, since I already cleared this with Vex, we can talk about something I’ve been cooking up.” He cleared his throat and Keyleth beamed. 

“A pretty girl picks up the pieces that the world said would never be masterpieces,” he sang gently. “She spins gold from the rubble, breaks away from all of her troubles. And she climbs, and she climbs, and she reaches for mountains of glory. She is glory. She is beauty. She is powerful, wonderful, swinging for the fences because she’s not going down without a fight. Step back stranger and watch out, she shines bright.”

When he finished the verse, Keyleth was staring at him in awe. Vax instantly felt subconscious. He wasn’t used to being so free with his voice, especially without his trusted guitar, but he really liked where Bright was going. It had a similar message to Phoenix, but it came from the heart and that made it true. He had written that part, obviously about Vex, while she had written the next lyrics about a boy who wore the shadows as a cloak until he finally chose the spotlight. 

“Vax, that was beautiful! I cannot wait for it to be done, and I absolutely must be the first person you send it to, okay? And that’s definitely not a request, it’s a demand. Everything you and Vex write is so powerful and deep. It’s beautiful.”

He gave her a small half-smile. “Thanks Keyleth, you’ll be the first on my list to know.”

She knocked their shoulders together and smiled brilliantly. “Good. Now let’s get to this game I made because you’re either going to love it or hate it and I can’t wait to see which one.”

-

A week later, and it was finally time for Keyleth’s video to release. Vax was hanging out at her apartment again as Keyleth finished lining it up in her queue. She clicked one more thing on her computer and looked up at him. 

“It’s ready!” 

Vax sat up from where he was sprawled on his couch. “Twitter time?” She nodded, snatching her phone and typing away. After a moment, Vax’s phone buzzed with the notification. He opened it so that he could retweet it and craft his own message.

Kiki @keylethashari • Just Now

It’s Variety Thursday again and I finally decided to talk music again and this time I brought on my friend @vaxmachina! Check it out and give Vox Machina’s channel a sub when you’re done! youtube.com/watch?v=huYiNbw 

He retweeted Keyleth’s message and wrote up his own tweet.

Vax @vaxmachina • Just Now

Made a video with @keylethashari the other day. There’s singing, some laughter, and some other good stuff. Check it out -> youtube.com/watch?v=huYiNbw 

Keyleth laughed and looked at him. “Eloquent, aren’t you?”

“Vex is the social media wizard, not me. Besides, it gets the meaning across, doesn’t it?” “Hm, I guess it does.” Keyleth paused heavily and held eye contact with him.

After several seconds of fighting off a smile, he cracked and they both burst into laughter. 

-

Vax got home much later that night than he’d intended. He had ended up helping Keyleth cook dinner as they goofed off and had a good time. He figured that Vex was either asleep or out with Percy so she wouldn’t mind him being out so he even let Keyleth talk him into watching the Little Mermaid with her before he finally headed home. 

He unlocked the door quietly and stepped into the apartment. “Vex’ahlia?” he called cautiously. 

There was no immediate response so he assumed that she was out somewhere. His assumption was almost immediately proven wrong as he stepped into the living room and saw her. She was sitting on the floor in front of the couch with a half-empty bottle of whiskey in her lap as she stared blankly at the wall. 

Vax cursed under his breath and hurried to her side, kneeling next to her. He grabbed the bottle from her and planted a hand on her shoulder. “Vex’ahlia, what are you doing?”

She snapped her head to him and tried to snag the bottle back, but he lifted it out of her reach. “Give it back, Vax,” she said sharply. 

He sank to the ground next to her. “Vex, talk to me, please,” he begged. “Something is going on, I know, but I can’t help unless you talk to me.”

“I don’t need your help. Just give me the damn bottle.”

“No. And I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me, so you can tell me or we’ll just sit here until we’re old and ugly.”

Vex was silent next to him. Vax didn’t say anything as he waited for her to speak. Something was definitely wrong and he needed her to open up to him so that he could help her. When she still said nothing, he exhaled slowly.

“Vex’ahlia, you’re my twin sister. I love you and I want to be there for you. When you’re hurting, I’m hurting too, so please, just talk to me.”

She exhaled shakily and looked at him. Her eyes were wet and full of shame. “Everything is going great, I’m just being stupid.”

He guided her face up so that she would look him in the eye. “Nothing you ever do is stupid, okay? Just talk to me.”

“It started on Instagram. We were just gaining momentum after Keyleth’s first video and I was feeling better than I had in a long time. This random account followed me and kept leaving these horrible comments and direct messaging me all of these hurtful things. It started out as just general insults, but they started hitting closer and closer to home until I realized the truth,” she broke off, her shoulders trembling. 

Vax hugged her tightly and she took a deep, calming breath. “The things that this account was saying were things they never should have known. Personal, dark things that I left behind in London.”

Vax knew what she was going to say next before she said it. “Saundor,” he breathed. “He’s been harassing you this whole time?”

She nodded mutely. “And I just couldn’t block him, couldn’t get him to stop, because every time I tried I would be back to that scared, horrible girl in London who couldn’t get out of a bad place until my entire world was turned upside down.”

“Vex’ahlia, look at me.” She did. “He is scum. Nothing he says carries value because you are radiant and beautiful and stronger than everything he could ever throw at you. He is the biggest blemish you’ll ever have on your life and it’s okay for that to still hurt. Your vulnerability is your strength because it makes you passionate and strong in the face of everything you’ve survived. We left him behind in London, and let me reaffirm for you, he is going to stay there.” She was trembling next to him, so he pulled her into a tight embrace, resting his head atop hers. “I love you so much, Stubby, and nothing he says will ever be true or make me think any less of you. I’m going to block him for you and if you want, I think we should go to the police to make sure he can’t get in contact with you again. But, if you aren’t ready, that can wait, and we can just focus on getting you sober and back to the radiant, wonderful woman that I know. The one we all know.” He kissed her hair. “Okay?”

“Okay,” she replied weakly. “I love you, Vax,” she murmured softly.

“I love you too, Vex, so, so much. Don’t ever forget that.”

He pushed the whiskey bottle to the side and ignored his phone as it vibrated with new messages on Twitter from his and Keyleth’s video. He hugged his sister tighter and murmured words of comfort until she felt safe enough to drift off. He would be there for her to make her feel safe and loved until she could step out of the dark, horrible shadow that Saundor had left on her life.

[silver-lily-louise]

Vengeance - a Critical Role fanfic (Vox Machina campaign)

My first CR fanfic! I recently started watching the show and I love it. This is an alternative version of events from the end of episode 57 (Duskmeadow) and episode 58 (A Cycle of Vengeance). It occurred to me that if I was a rakshasa bent on vengeance against Vax, I wouldn’t target him first - so I thought I’d explore what might have happened had Hotis been a little less direct.

Warnings: violence, blood, alcohol, emetophobia tw

Pairing: None (I mean, there’s blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Perc’ahlia, I guess? Super duper minor detail.)

Length: ~4.7k

~oOo~

At first, Vex doesn’t know why she’s awake again – but then the quiet knock at her door comes a second time. ‘Yes?’, she calls out softly. The door opens slightly, and Vax’s head appears. ‘Hey. You still awake?’ he asks, also keeping his voice low. She groans, sitting up in bed and yawning. ‘Well, I am now. What time is it? Why are you awake?’ ‘I couldn’t sleep.’ Vax shuffles into her room. Trinket, dozing in the corner, looks over sleepily – then resettles as he sees who it is. As her brain wakes up properly, Vex starts to get a little worried. Vax definitely looks perturbed – not quite meeting her eyes, hands fidgeting with a bundle of fabric he’s carrying – and as he continues to speak, there’s an unsure note to his voice. ‘I just… um, would you mind walking with me for a bit? I know it’s late, but...’ Vex interrupts his distracted pause. ‘Alright,’ she says, clambering out of bed. Vax tosses whatever he’s holding at the foot of the bed. ‘Here, put that on. It’s cold.’ He gives her a half-hearted smile, and leaves the room to wait outside.

Curious, Vex shakes out the bundle to reveal a beaded robe. Blue silk, from the feel of it, intricately embroidered with black thread. She’s a little bemused by the gift, but it’s beautiful, and when she slips it over her pyjamas it’s soft and comfortable. She leaves Trinket to sleep and joins her brother, the bedroom door closing with a quiet click. Vax gestures down the hallway and they walk together in silence.

When they reach the tower at the top of the stairs, Vex is grateful for the extra layer. The night air this far north is cold, just as Vax said. He closes the door behind them and makes his way to the edge of the balcony, leaning lightly on the balustrade. ‘Beautiful night, isn’t it?’ Vex hums in agreement, glancing up as she walks over to stand beside him. The sky is brilliantly clear, without even a wisp of cloud to dim the stars; the moon is almost full, and its generous light spills across the silent castle grounds. She refocuses, remembering why they’re out here in the first place. ‘What was it you wanted to talk about?’ Vax lets out a deep sigh, looking down at the courtyard below. ‘Vengeance,’ he says, his voice barely above a whisper.

She’s taken aback, but only momentarily – her mind flashes back to the destruction of Emon, the roar of the great red wyrm. The ruins of Byroden. Her anger, never far from the surface these days, begins to simmer again. ‘Well, I can understand why that would be on your mind.’ ‘It’s all I’ve been able to think about for some time now,’ he continues, before turning towards her with a smile, the expression discordant against his words. His left hand comes up onto her shoulder, and he meets her eyes for the first time that night. ‘It’s all I can think about. But finally – finally – the time has come.’

Vex opens her mouth to ask what he means – they won’t be ready to face Thordak for some time, surely? – but all that comes out is a choked cry of pain. She glances down to just below her ribs, where there is now a dagger embedded, before meeting Vax’s eyes again. His grin widens, and he chuckles darkly. ‘Oh, and believe me – I intend to kill your brother, too, for what he did to me. But this-‘ he snarls and twists the dagger, and she can’t stop a whimper escaping – ‘this is the pain he truly deserves.’

His form flickers for a moment, and Vex catches a glimpse of russet fur. Underneath the agony, in the last clear part of her mind, the pieces click into place. This isn’t Vax. You’re unarmed. Run!

The spell of her shock is broken just as the creature draws back the blade, arcing overhead to come down for another strike. Vex raises her arm to knock it away, and runs like hell for the door. ‘Jenga!’ she shouts, hand flying to her earring. ‘Jenga! West tower! Jenga-‘ The door won’t open, and her shouts devolve into a wordless scream of pain as she feels the knife sink into her back. She turns around in time to see the creature raise its weapon again, still wearing her brother’s grinning face. Out of options, she plants her feet and fights back tooth and nail.

***

‘Jenga! Jenga! West tower! Jenga-’ Scanlan nearly jumps out of his skin as the desperate cries and the scream that follows disrupt his focus, the book falling to the floor as he leaps to his feet. There’s a moment of panic as he grabs his shawm, his hand cone, his sword; but his sharp mind latches on to the most important piece of information – west tower – and the Dimension Door spell is complete almost before he has time to think about it.

His new surroundings flash into place, and he whirls around to see Vex falling against the door, covered in blood – and a dark-haired assailant, raising a dagger for another strike. ‘Oi!’ Scanlan shouts, reaching out towards the figure. The hold person spell fizzles into nothingness, but the figure turns around, snarling. Scanlan steps back in shock as he recognises the face of Vax, twisted into feral anger – and then backs up further as Vax advances on him, swinging the blade. The first strike passes just over Scanlan’s head, and he yelps in surprise, hand flying out instinctively. ‘Stay back!’ The second strike glances off a purple energy barrier, as Otiluke’s Resilient Sphere seals up tight.

Scanlan stares at his friend, breathing heavily. ‘Vax, what the fuck is going on?’ The figure inside the sphere starts slashing at the barrier, and its appearance slips away from familiarity as Vax’s face is replaced with that of a tiger. Oh shit, Scanlan thinks. Not Vax. Well, that makes more sense.

Keeping half his attention on the sphere, Scanlan runs over to Vex, who’s now slumped against the door with her eyes closed. ‘No, come on, Vex,’ he chides, his voice a little shaky, but still resonating with power. ‘Come on, wake up.’ Magic blossoms into the air, and as it makes contact with Vex, her eyes flutter open again. He smiles down at her. ‘There you go. Hi.’ She blinks up at him, confused, and then suddenly afraid. ‘Scanlan – Vax – it’s not Vax – ‘ ‘I know, I know,’ he says, raising a hand in reassurance. ‘I mean, you guys fight, but that seemed a little extreme. But he’s dealt with for the time being. Don’t worry.’

There’s a quiet bump at the door, followed by an almost imperceptible scratching at the lock. Scanlan smiles, and gently drags Vex further out onto the balcony. ‘I’m guessing that’s your real brother right now.’

***

‘-ga! West tower! Jenga-‘ Vax startles awake to Vex’s voice, shouting for help before being cut off mid-scream. By the time his conscious mind has realised what’s happening, instinct has taken over and he’s already out of the door, boots jammed onto his feet and belt haphazardly fastened around his waist.

He sprints down the corridor, half-alert to what’s going on around him – the sounds of fighting echoing through the walls, Trinket roaring, gunshots as a stranger staggers out of a screaming Percy’s room and straight into Grog’s axe. Vax ignores it all for the time being, darting around the scuffles that spill out of the bedrooms and pressing down the corridor towards the stairs. West tower. Get to the tower.

He climbs the stairs two or three at a time, channelling every ounce of the haste spell into single-minded movement. He reaches the top, grabs the handle and pushes. The door quietly thunks against the frame.

Heart hammering, he kneels down at the lock, suddenly cursing the adrenaline that got him this far – but thanking whoever’s listening that he keeps the lockpicks on the belt with his daggers. He can hear Scanlan’s voice. Good. She’s not alone. Seemingly endless seconds later, the lock clicks softly and releases. Daggers in hand, Vax kicks the door open.

Outside, he first notices a familiar, tiger-like figure, fruitlessly hacking at the inside of a magical sphere. Then Scanlan, who’s got a look of intense concentration on his face, but still shoots a lazy smile in Vax’s direction. And lastly, his eyes find his sister, lying bloody on the ground.

‘Fuck! Vex’ahlia!’ he swears, rushing to her side and falling to his knees. ‘Holy shit.’ He lays both hands on her shoulders, willing whatever divine power he can muster to try and fix her broken form. Her eyes, glassy and unfocused, widen for a moment as they find his, but then she seems to relax as the healing magic enters her system. ‘Oh,’ she says, her voice small and weak. ‘It’s you. Hey.’ He swallows hard. ‘Hey.’ His voice cracks, but he clears his throat and regains his composure. ‘Fucking hell.’ ‘Yeah, fun night,’ she agrees, and starts pushing herself up to a sitting position. ‘Hey, hey, careful,’ he admonishes gently. He reaches out to help her, taking her weight as she leans against him. ‘I’m alright.’ She rolls her eyes, then sways a little and blinks rapidly. ‘Ooh, okay, that was a bad idea. But honestly, I’m alright.’ She places a hand just below her ribs, wincing slightly at the touch. It glows dimly as she attempts to further cure her wounds, and Vax watches as a couple of scrapes on the back of her hand heal over. As she’s casting the spell, Percival’s voice comes over the earring. ‘We’re clear down here. Heading up to the tower.’ Vax’s heart slows with further relief. He raises a hand to his ear to reply. ‘We’ve still got one guy up here, but Scanlan’s got him locked down. Come join the party.’ He turns his attention back to the furious rakshasa, quelling his own anger in favour of a bitter, mocking smile. ‘What’s the matter, fuckface?’ he calls out. ‘Things not going to plan?’

The rakshasa snarls, but gradually stops attacking the sphere, apparently realising that it’s pointless. Its expression shifts into a malicious grin as he turns towards them. ‘No matter. I can be patient. Mark my words, half-elf; I’ll take you, her, and all of your friends.’ Vex seems to flinch a little at the threat – whether it’s out of anger or fear, Vax isn’t sure, but he tightens his arms around her all the same. ‘Yeah, fuck that. You’re staying right there until we figure out how to kill you for good this time.’ Scanlan umms and ahhs a little at that. ‘Well… that sphere won’t hold him forever,’ he says quietly. ‘If you’re saying that our usual brand of violence isn’t going to cut it, I suggest we figure out an alternative pretty damn quick.’

It’s at that point that the rest of them start appearing on the balcony – Grog charges out, the rage in his eyes fading as he takes in the lack of hittable enemies. Percy follows, then Pike (and Vax quickly averts his eyes as he sees her state of undress). Keyleth’s the last out, circlet slightly crooked on her head. ‘Wait, is that Hotis?’ she says incredulously, and looks towards Vax in disbelief. He nods, then turns to Pike (very deliberately focusing on her face). ‘Pike, we don’t have a lot of time, and this fucker’s proved pretty hard to kill in the past. I don’t know if it’ll work, but I figure there’s nothing wrong with trying a little holy condemnation. Would you?’ Pike pulls her concerned gaze away from Vex’ahlia to look at Hotis with a calm sort of anger. ‘Okay. Gather round, everyone – we can take him together.’

The twins watch on as the other five members assemble around the sphere. Hotis’ attention flickers between all of them, looking slightly nervous, but still sneering. ‘Fine. Take your pointless violence – but this is not the end. I’ll come back for all of you.’ ‘Shut the fuck up,’ Grog growls, and Scanlan drops the sphere. There are a few seconds of uproar. Grog swings his axe with a furious bellow, Percy’s gun goes off, there’s a crack of thunder as Scanlan summons a lightning bolt, and a further flash of light as Pike and Keyleth rain fire and divinity down on the rakshasa. Above it all, there echoes a screaming howl – and when the smoke clears, Hotis is gone, a pile of blackened remains where he once stood.

***

Vex is the first to speak again. ‘Well, that happened. Thanks, guys.’

The silence broken, a flurry of conversation ensues. Pike comes over and casts her most powerful healing spell, while Grog runs down to fetch her a robe. Percy goes to alert the guards of the attack – not just the rakshasa, but the assassins that apparently got into a few other rooms – while Keyleth realises that they might not have been the only targets, so she and Scanlan run to check on their friends. Vex just sits there, exhausted and leaning heavily on her brother, who’s watching her like a hawk now the rakshasa’s been disposed of. ‘What happened?’ he asks, once most of the others have cleared off. ‘Why were you even out here?’

She sighs, suddenly annoyed that she fell for its ruse. ‘It came to my room disguised as you. Gave me this,’ she says, gesturing at the robe, ‘and asked if we could talk. The fucker’s good – he even fooled Trinket, so he must have made himself smell as bad as you do, too.’ Vax gives her a half-smile, which she returns briefly. ‘So, I followed him out here, and then he stabbed me. A lot. If it weren’t for Scanlan showing up when he did, things might have gone very badly.’ ‘Well, thank the gods for insomniac gnomes,’ Vax mutters, and she laughs weakly, nodding in agreement.

There’s a brief interruption as Grog returns with a robe for Pike – trailed by a very concerned bear, who was reportedly battering the bedroom door in a desperate attempt to get to Vex once things kicked off. She laughs as Trinket licks her face (‘Oh – oh, thanks, Trinket, thanks for that,’) while Vax reaches over to scruff behind the bear’s ears, and does absolutely nothing to help. Pike, now covered up with a far-too-baggy robe and frowning thoughtfully, gets the conversation back on track. ‘Vex, you said the rakshasa gave you that robe? Can I see it?’ ‘Yeah, sure,’ Vex says, sitting up a little straighter and attempting to remove it.

Her vision whites out in pain for a second. She comes round to Vax’s voice, which is just shy of frantic. ‘-ahlia! Vex!’ She opens her eyes and sees him and Pike looking down at her, their expressions fading from fear to relief as she wakes. ‘Ow,’ she complains. She doesn’t bother to sit up again, just stays slumped in her brother’s arms, even more exhausted than she felt before. ‘That hurt.’ ‘Maybe it’s the movement straining the wounds?’ Pike suggests. ‘I can help take it off-‘ ‘Wait!’ Vax interrupts, holding out a hand to fend off Pike’s advance. ‘Wait, wait. Let’s figure out if we’re dealing with something more serious here. No rash actions – last thing we need is for you to survive that dickhead, and then get finished off by a fucking cursed piece of outerwear.’ ‘Well, if it is something magical, Allura might know,’ Pike says. ‘Or Gilmore?’ ‘Or Zahra,’ Vax adds. ‘She’s in the castle, right? Let’s go find her.’

They begin to limp down the stairs – one of Vex’s arms around Vax’s shoulders, the other held in a vice-like grip by Grog – but don’t get as far as Zahra before running into Percy. ‘Is everything alright?’ he asks, scanning their expressions. ‘Besides the obvious, I mean.’ ‘Robe’s cursed,’ Grog supplies helpfully. Percy raises his eyebrows, looking to the others for confirmation. ‘Well, we don’t know that it’s cursed, per se,’ Vex says. ‘But I can’t take it off without it really fucking hurting. It’s like it’s attached to my skin.’ ‘We were going to ask Zahra to take a look at it,’ Vax says.

Vex can practically see the thoughts whirring behind Percy’s eyes as he thinks it over. ‘You could ask Zahra – she’s fine, by the way, didn’t even wake up until we went and checked on her - but I think there’s a faster way to deal with this particular problem. Follow me.’ ‘Where?’ Vax asks, a little warily. ‘The ziggurat,’ Percy replies, and starts leading the way.

They make their way down to the underbelly of the castle – painstakingly, with Percy asking her how she feels practically every five feet – until they get well within range of the orb’s anti-magic effect. Pike attempts a spell to double-check they’ve come far enough, and when it doesn’t work, Percy motions towards Vex with a go ahead sort of gesture. ‘Alright. Try to take it off now – slowly. If this doesn’t work, we’ll try something else.’

Trying to ignore the building anxiety, as well as Grog and Vax hovering either side in case she passes out again, Vex undoes the robe. Thank goodness I’m wearing something under this, she thinks; and then she gently tries again to remove it. It slips off her shoulders no problem, and they all breathe a sigh of relief. ‘Alright, good,’ Vax says, kicking it away from her gingerly as it falls to the floor. ‘Good call, Percival.’ Percy smiles, but doesn’t look totally convinced. ‘Well, we’re not out of the woods yet. We don’t know if destroying it will have any negative effect, for one thing - but for now, let’s get out of here. I think we’ve spent more than enough time around that damn orb.’

The group starts the ascent back up to the castle, Vex supported between Vax and Percy this time (‘Thank you, Grog, but I think I’ve got enough bruises,’ she says). Both Vex and the robe cross the anti-magic boundary without an issue, and there’s another collective sigh of relief. There’s a brief moment of confusion as Keyleth appears with Gilmore (‘No no no – Gilmore, this one’s the real Vax!’), before they all reach the main dining hall. Cassandra, Zahra, Kash, Kima and Allura are already there, waiting for them in various states of disarray. (Kash, in particular, is covered in blood.)

In the last few hours before dawn, Vex listens as plans are made to deal with the aftermath of the attack, people coming and going to run various errands. She doesn’t take much in, too tired to pay proper attention - she gleans that everyone is safe, and that they have a short grace period before Hotis shows up again. That’s enough for her right now.

Eventually, Vax nudges her, and she looks up at him groggily from where she’s practically collapsed on the table. ‘Come on, Stubby,’ he says, getting her to her feet. ‘Time for bed.’ She doesn’t protest, and lets him half-carry her back up to her room, Trinket in tow. When he puts her to bed, she doesn’t let go immediately. ‘Wait, wait,’ she says, putting her other arm around his neck and pulling him close. ‘Love you,’ she says, her words slightly muffled in the crook of his neck. Vax exhales heavily. ‘Yeah, love you too.’ His voice is a little shaky and thick, but when he pulls back there’s a smile on his face. ‘Get some sleep. You’ve been enough trouble for one night.’ She laughs, and he leaves, the door shutting behind him and the sound of Trinket’s snoring already filling the room again.

***

Hotis laughs with her brother’s voice as the world goes dark around her. It turns into sobbing, the real Vax begging her to wake up. She knows she can’t. She turns over, feeling the bedsheets brush against her living skin, trying to dispel the vision.

The rakshasa turns away from her, advancing on Scanlan, who doesn’t duck out of the way in time, his head cleaved from his shoulders. ‘No,’ she whispers, squeezing her eyes shut. ‘Stop it, he’s fine.’

Trinket bellows and rushes her attacker, then howls in pain as he’s stabbed in the heart. ‘Everything’s fine now.’

The magical sphere is dropped and Hotis cackles, striking out at Keyleth, who falls down dead. Pike screams and falls. Grog falls. Percy. Vax- Vex sits bolt upright, groaning quietly and rubbing her eyes. The curtains block out a fair amount of light, but she knows that it’s been hours, and sleep still won’t come despite how tired she feels. She doesn’t even feel like she’s rested – it’s like she’s been running for her life for the last eight hours or so, not lying in bed. And I thought this night couldn’t get any worse, she thinks bitterly.

She’s proved wrong again not even ten minutes later, when a familiar swirling sensation starts up in her stomach. ‘Oh, fuck,’ she gasps, leaping out of bed and grabbing the empty chamber pot just in time. She throws up into it, hard, retching loudly. Trinket wakes up and stretches, looking at her curiously. There’s also a knock at the door. ‘Vex?’ She’s still gagging too much to reply, but the door cracks open and Vax sticks his head in, concerned frown on his face. ‘You alright?’ ‘Did you sleep in my doorway again?’ she asks suspiciously, but has to turn back to the pot before she gets a response. She feels a hand on her back as Vax crouches beside her, not answering her question, waiting for her to resurface. Trinket pads over and sits beside her too, grunting in quiet distress.

She eventually finishes retching and looks up. ‘Ugh. This is the worst. I hate being sick.’ Vax pulls her up and then pushes her to sit on the edge of the bed, before handing her a waterskin. ‘Here, drink this. Slowly.’ She does as he says while he looks her over, hand under her chin, tilting her face side to side. ‘You look awful,’ he says matter-of-factly. ‘Did you sleep?’ ‘No,’ she says, suspecting that shaking her head would be a bad idea. ‘At all?’ ‘No. I tried, okay?’ she says irritably. He ignores her tone. ‘How do you feel?’ ‘Sick. And dizzy. And cold, and sweaty... fucking terrible, basically.’ She laughs mirthlessly and sips at the water, willing her stomach to calm down. ‘Hmm.’ Vax cups her face in his hands, lifting her gaze to meet his again. ‘Let me just…’ His eyes flash with a dull grey light, and Vex feels a small surge of warmth pass through her. ‘Any better?’ he asks. She considers it for a moment, shakes her head, and immediately has to take some more water. I was right. That was a bad idea.

Vax turns back towards the door. ‘Excuse me!’ he calls. ‘Need some help in here!’ A guard quickly appears in the doorway – one of the ones patrolling the hallway after the attack, Vex is guessing. ‘Yessir. What do you need?’ ‘Would you send for Lady Allura? Tell her that my sister’s unwell after last night’s attack, and that it’s an emergency.’ ‘Yessir. I’ll have her brought here.’ The guard disappears again. ‘We don’t know that it’s an emergency,’ Vex points out. ‘We don’t even know it’s because of last night. I could just be getting sick.’ ‘Yeah, well, we’re not taking any chances, so just shut up and drink your water,’ Vax says tersely – but he sits down beside her, hand returning to her back.

It doesn’t take long for Allura to arrive, along with Kima; apparently they stayed in the castle after the attack, their previous lodgings something of a mess due to Kima ‘beating the shit out of’ the assassin that came after them. Allura leans down towards Vex, worry written in her eyes. ‘How are you feeling?’ ‘Awful,’ Vex says, more miserably than she means to. ‘I couldn’t sleep – I kept reliving what happened, and what might have happened, and then I just…’ She gestures, embarrassed, to the still-full chamber pot. (Kima wrinkles her nose in distaste.) Allura gives a sympathetic smile, before her expression turns serious again. ‘It might be a lingering enchantment from the robe. Let me try something…’ She casts a spell that Vex doesn’t recognise, muttering under her breath, and Vex feels the impact of it washing over her – but there’s no change in how she feels.

Allura seems to read from her expression that nothing’s changed, and her frown deepens. ‘Perhaps this is a problem that can be better solved by divine means, rather than the arcane. Kima, would you take a look?’ Kima steps forward, reaching up to take Vex’s face in her hands. ‘Sure, I can do that.’ She hesitates for a moment - ‘Don’t you throw up on me,’ she warns – before she grasps both sides of Vex’s head, turning it this way and that, looking intently into her eyes and at the back of her throat. It isn’t long before she sighs in apparent frustration. ‘I don’t know. Honestly, you just look tired to me. I mean, I can try something, but I don’t have much more than what I’m sure he’s already done,’ she says, gesturing towards Vax. ‘What about your cleric? Have you asked her?’ Vax raises a hand to his earring. ‘Hey, Pike, you awake yet? Could you come to my sister’s room? We might have something of a problem.’

Pike walks in the door a few moments later – followed by Keyleth, Percy, and Grog, who all heard the message over the earring and came to see what was going on. Pike pushes her way through the sudden crowd and looks up at Vex, studying her intently (if a little more gently than Kima) for a good minute before she speaks. ‘Well, I don’t think you’re just getting sick,’ she says finally. ‘There isn’t anything physically wrong with you, other than the exhaustion. So if you’re throwing up and feeling this rubbish, there certainly might be a more sinister cause.’ ‘I could take a look at the vomit, for any evidence of poison and the like,’ Percy offers. Before Vex can get a word in to stop him, Grog and Vax enthusiastically agree, then silently bump fists as Percy heads to the corner of the room to inspect the chamber pot. Vex hides her face in her hands with a quiet groan. Wonderful. I’m going to survive all of this bullshit just to die of embarrassment instead.

Keyleth pipes up at that point. ‘Hey, Kima – did you try a restoration?’ Kima shakes her head. ‘Not exactly my specialty. Could be worth a go, though.’ ‘I can help with that,’ Pike says, and Keyleth nods. They each take one of Vex’s hands in both of theirs, and close their eyes. The rest of the room looks on intently as a breeze seems to come from nowhere, the magic thrumming through the air around them – and Vex gasps as she feels a dark tension lift from her chest, like something’s unhooked from inside her. The spell finishes, the energy fading. Keyleth and Pike open their eyes, smile, and turn to each other for a high-five. ‘Did it work?’ Vax asks. ‘How do you feel?’ Vex nods. ‘Yes, I think that did the trick. Thank you, Keyleth. Pike.’ Keyleth grins. ‘No problem. Take that, curse!’

Vex sighs, and gets up from the bed. ‘Alright. Thank you all- oh, Percy, darling, you can stop looking through that now. I’m alright.’ She ignores Grog’s chuckle as Percy looks up, his task focus broken, slowly realising that the problem is already solved. ‘Now, please – everyone out.’ Pike nods. ‘Yeah, we should go. You should probably get some sleep.’ Vex snorts. ‘Oh, never mind that. It’s what, three in the afternoon? No. I’m going to get dressed, and then I think we should all go get a drink.’

If anyone disagrees with her plan, they don’t do it anywhere near loudly enough to compete with the cheer from the rest of them.

~oOo~

[crtranscript]

Talks Machina: After Dark - March 14, 2017

Transcribed by Critter Ryan McClure, @IHaveThatPower and edited by @CRTranscript!

BRIAN: Welcome back. To Talks Machine in the Dark.

TRAVIS: Talks Machine!

BRIAN: Roses are red.

TRAVIS: Yep.

LAURA: Sorry we took a long time, we were eating. 

BRIAN: That’s okay how was your dinner?

LAURA: Oh my god, it was so good.

BRIAN: Really?

TRAVIS: It was good. I had a steak sandwich 

LAURA: Oh, it was good.

TRAVIS: Parts of it 

BRIAN: What’d you have, Liam?

LIAM: I had a tuna melt and a big wad of French fries in a hurry that gave me hiccups on the way back.

BRIAN: Laura, what’d you have?

LAURA: I had a kale salad.

BRIAN: Well, that’s--

LAURA: And ACTUALLY IT WAS REALLY GOOD!

BRIAN: It was?

LAURA: Yeah. It had chicken in it.

BRIAN: That’s all the time we have for tonight folks. Thank you to Ryan Green for dinner and giving us something to talk about.

TRAVIS: Yeah, Ryan Green! Thank you!

BRIAN: So, I got about 600 pictures of Orcus tweeted to me that I checked during the break.

TRAVIS: Uh-huh. 

BRIAN: Matt, if you’re watching--does Matt have Alpha?--Matt, if you’re watching, please introduce that character at once.

TRAVIS: Jesus.

BRIAN: I’m so scared.

LAURA: I’m terrified. If he does, we’re all dead. We can’t fight a god.

TRAVIS: Yeah, if you ever watched like the early, like, WWF days or the WCW, the Legion of Doom, the guys that wore the shoulder pads with the spikes coming out of them? That’s what he looks like. It’s awful.

BRIAN: Yeah.

LIAM: He’s like the, what, like the bass player for Gwar?

BRIAN: Uh, yeah, I would say more the keyboardist, but yeah.

LIAM: Oh, okay.

BRIAN: Uh, his name’s Tommy Bouche. Question for the cast from the Alpha Critter’s chat room.

TRAVIS: Sup, guys?

LIAM: Yeah!

BRIAN: In honor of pi day, we’re gonna start off very controversial--

LAURA: Oh, that’s why there’s a bunch of pies here. 

TRAVIS: Oh jesus.

BRIAN: In honor of pie day, is a cheesecake a pie? Like a pizza is a pie?

TRAVIS: No.

LAURA: No.

LIAM: No.

TRAVIS: No, not even a question.

BRIAN: If cheesecake is a cake…

TRAVIS: That’s offensive.

LAURA: Yep.

TRAVIS: Yep.

BRIAN: Is cheese steak--

TRAVIS: It’s an aberration. It’s like--

BRIAN: --a steak?

TRAVIS: --it can’t decide what it is.

BRIAN: Is a cheesesteak a steak?

TRAVIS: Nope.

LAURA: No.

BRIAN: Then how is a cheesecake a cake?

LAURA: Exactly.

TRAVIS: Yep. It’s not a cake, either. 

BRIAN: Moving on. Laura.

LAURA: It’s not really a cake.

TRAVIS: It’s a hybrid.

LAURA: What? 

LIAM: What are we doing?

BRIAN: Would you give up--

TRAVIS: Answering important questions, Liam, shut up.

[laughing] 

BRIAN: What are you looking at?

LAURA: The barrel. The initials on the barrel say KY.

BRIAN: Well, that’s what was inside of it.

LAURA: [giggling]

TRAVIS: Oh jesus.

LAURA: Oh my god, what if it was?

TRAVIS: Wine barrel of--

LIAM: When you buy it at Costco-- 

TRAVIS: --personal lubricant.

LIAM: --it comes in a very large drum.

BRIAN: No, Taliesin got it for me at Ren Faire.

LAURA: No, we bought it at the flea market, y’all.

TRAVIS: Taliesin got it for me, it should say KY. 

BRIAN: I said, I said, “Taliesin...in the back-back, where no one’s allowed at Ren Faire, do they happen to have any of those cool-looking medieval barrels full of lube?”

[laughing]

BRIAN: And he said...

TRAVIS: “How many do you want?”

BRIAN: He said “how many do you want,” yeah. Laura, would you give up the broom to save Trinket?

LAURA: Yes.

BRIAN: Would you give up Trinket to save the broom?

LAURA: No.

BRIAN: Would you give up either to save Grog?

LAURA: Yes.

TRAVIS: Oh, which one?

BRIAN: [singing] She’s got a soft side, people.

TRAVIS: Wow.

BRIAN: Which one? The broom or the bear?

LAURA: She would give up the broom to save Grog.

BRIAN: And then she would stop there.

LAURA: She would give up the broom to save Grog. I don’t think she would give up Trinket to save Grog.

LIAM: That’s her bebe [sic].

LAURA: Yeah, that’s my bebe [sic].

BRIAN: It’s your bebe [sic].

TRAVIS: But I’m your bay-bay.

BRIAN: Oh my god.

[laughing]

BRIAN: Oh my god. Great moments we’ll never live down in Talks Machina history.

[Nonsense noises]

LAURA: Don’t ever do that again ever. 

BRIAN: Dude. Liam.

LIAM: Yes.

BRIAN: Let’s quickly get the attention onto you at once.

[laughing]

BRIAN: Were there any goalposts you had set for the resurrection? Any missteps that would have had him not return if the roll passed?

TRAVIS: Hmmm.

LIAM: Um…

LAURA: Ohhh.

LIAM: Uh...I don’t--I’m sorry guys, I don’t want to answer questions about Vax and death.

BRIAN: I get it.

LIAM: Sorry.

TRAVIS: I like it.

BRIAN: I like that a lot.

LAURA: [gasping] SO YOU DID! YOU TALKED TO MATT! DID YOU HAVE THINGS?!

BRIAN: Don’t guess.

LAURA: [screaming]

BRIAN: Stop guessing.

LAURA: Okay.

BRIAN: Maybe tell, maybe tell me later if she was right.

LIAM: Sure.

BRIAN: Travis, does Grog secretly wish for love or to start a family of his own?

TRAVIS: Nope.

BRIAN: He seems to ask-- Liam--

[laughing]

BRIAN: --after hearing Laura’s bargain, how do you feel about going after--uh, no. To everybody--we kind of already answered that one--what was the most odd/weird place you’ve ever been recognized? [long pause] In a barrel full of KY lube.

TRAVIS: I’ve never, I’ve never gotten it.

BRIAN: That’s not true.

TRAVIS: No, for this show?

BRIAN: Oh, for this show, okay. I was gonna say, people recognize you all the time. 

TRAVIS: Aside from something that was like a San Diego Comic Con or something.

LAURA: Right, right, right. I mean, I don’t think any place is like weird. Nobody’s ever, like, followed me into the bathroom or anything. Except at cons.

BRIAN: Yeah, of course.

LAURA: But that doesn’t count I don’t think. There was--when I went to--there’s a Target right by our house, and one of the first times I went there, one of the employees when I walked in, like, smiled at me and I was like--smiled back and he just kept, like, staring at me and smiling as I walked by and I was like, “That is a very friendly employee, it’s a little uncomfortable though.”

BRIAN: Yeah…I hope you did this in the middle of the store, too.

LAURA: And then he was like “Laura!” and I was like “Whoa!” and he was like “I’m a big fan of Critical Role!” And I was like, “What, no way, that’s awesome!” And it was really great.

BRIAN: Oh, that’s cool.

LAURA: Yeah. He actually plays D&D with Eddy.

BRIAN: Oh really?

LAURA: Yeah!

TRAVIS: Oh snap!

BRIAN: Wow.

LAURA: Small world.

BRIAN: Everyone plays D&D with Eddy.

LAURA: I know. 

BRIAN: When we were in New York, lots of people would come up to Ash and talk about Critical Role. It was crazy. We’d be at restaurants and someone’d be like “I’m so sorry to interrupt,” and I’d be like “It’s fine.”

[laughing]

BRIAN: “We’ve only been together 5 years, we don’t really get to do this very often.” 

TRAVIS: Yeah.

BRIAN: But anyway, yeah, that was really cool. And everybody’s always nice.

LAURA: So nice.

BRIAN: Critters are always nice.

LIAM: My favorite--I’ve been noticed a couple times in person, but my favorite was kickstarting something to do with all this world and I got an e-mail back in like 10 minutes going “Is this Vax?”

BRIAN: Oh really?

TRAVIS: Oh, wow.

LIAM: I said, “Yes it is.” “THANKS!” 

TRAVIS: Thanks! Byeee!

BRIAN: That’s amazing.

LIAM: Thanks, byeeeeee.

LAURA: Okee byeeee.

BRIAN: Uh...oh!

TRAVIS: [imitating] Oh!

BRIAN: To all, seeing as you’re likely going to the Nine Hells soon, what would you say is your character’s greatest sin and what ironic punishment would await them in Hell? The answer for Keyleth: Lava.

TRAVIS: Is that what happens in the Nine Hells?

LAURA: No, that’s not--

BRIAN: It would be great, though, if they were like--

TRAVIS: You get punished for your sin?

BRIAN: --ha-ha, Keyleth! You must stay here in hell surrounded by lava--

LAURA: She’d just go fire elemental.

BRIAN: --and also doors--huh?!

TRAVIS: And children that you killed.

LAURA: She’d go fire elemental, she’d be great.

BRIAN: Oh, that’s true. Well, what’s your guys’ greatest sin? Not your characters…yours. 

TRAVIS: I would say, I would say probably just like willy-nilly killing in the early days, right? Pre-Pike finding him and domesticating Grog a little bit.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Other than that I’m fuckin’ perfect. 

BRIAN: So you, serial murder.

TRAVIS: Yep!

BRIAN: You--

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Serial murder, yep!

BRIAN: [To Laura] Probably theft? A broom?

LAURA: I mean, come on, I don’t think it’s her worst sin.

BRIAN: Well, tell us what those are.

LAURA: Like, it’s a broom. She’s killed people.

BRIAN: It’s not a broom to Chris Hard-week [sic].

TRAVIS: Hard Week?

BRIAN: What? 

TRAVIS: What?

BRIAN: It says...Liam! Question for Vax, if you could summon him please.

LIAM: Yes.

BRIAN: How does it feel to have a voice actor named Liam controlling all of your actions?

LIAM: [as Vax] Oh, well, um, y’know, he’s a bit of a dad, isn’t he? He’s a bit of a doofus, isn’t he?

LAURA: Yep. [laughing] I can’t, this is so uncomfortable!

LIAM: [as Vax] Yeah.

LAURA: This got weird!

BRIAN: Guys, if you could have one item--I stopped that [previous line of questioning] ‘cause she’s going to keep crying--if you could all have one item currently in Vox Machina’s possession for one day in real life--

LIAM: Somebody else’s?

BRIAN: --what would you pick and why?

TRAVIS: Anybody’s.

BRIAN: What if it was for the rest of your life?

TRAVIS: Oh, that’s a good question.

LIAM: One day with any item….

BRIAN: That’s why Courtney picked it, guys.

TRAVIS: I think I’d take...I think I’d take Whisper.

LIAM: Not for ridiculous purposes, for like--

LAURA: Actual use?

LIAM: --to have it, to covet it? You covet it? Let’s say it’s that.

TRAVIS: Well, yeah. To throw it and bamf wherever it lands? That’s pretty fuckin’ sweet!

LAURA: That’s pretty cool.

LIAM: [as Vax] You gotta catch me first.

LAURA: I feel like...well, I can’t decide. I feel like in real life, Raven’s Slumber--the necklace that Trinket goes in--is, I mean, that’s pretty amazing.

BRIAN: Pretty handy.

LAURA: [responding to Travis’s look] It’s a fuckin’ necklace you can put people in. 

TRAVIS: You get it for one day, you gonna, what, like charge people five bucks to go in the necklace?

LAURA: Oh, oh, oh, for a day!

TRAVIS: You gotta think this shit out a little bit.

LAURA: For a day, the broom.

TRAVIS: Dang it.

LAURA: For a day. For life, I’d go with Raven’s Slumber or Boots of Haste, because how friggin’ cool would it be to be able to get a bunch of shit done?

LIAM: It’s pretty cool.

LAURA: And you don’t get tired afterwards. The boots don’t give you fatigue.

LIAM: Yeah.

BRIAN: Can I answer this? I know I’m not part of Vox Machina--

TRAVIS: Yeah, go for it!

BRIAN: --but I am legally bound to you guys now.

[laughing]

BRIAN: If I could take one thing from Vox Machina, it’d be “Dotier” for a day, have him follow Denise to see where she goes at night.

DENISE (off screen): Wow.

BRIAN: Up next--

TRAVIS: Wait wait!

LAURA: Wait wait, Liam didn’t answer.

LIAM: I would either--

BRIAN: Kidding. Go ahead, Liam.

LIAM: I would probably take Taliesin’s d20.

LAURA: Oh, yeah, well.

LIAM: Would be the thing that I would want. Or, y’know, he’s not that strong, I think it would be cool to mess around with Pike’s gloves.

LAURA: Who’s “he”? 

TRAVIS: The Gauntlets of Ogre Strength?

LIAM: Vax.

LAURA: I thought we were talking about ourselves.

BRIAN: It’s in real life.

LAURA: This is real life.

LIAM: Oh, ourself?

TRAVIS: Yeah, ourselves. You in the real world.

BRIAN: Port it from that to the real world-- 

LAURA: What would you want?

BRIAN: --then use it for a day.

LIAM: Oh, then I want that fuckin’ d20, man--

TRAVIS: You go into Whole Foods, you take Whisper and you throw it down the aisle, your like boof and you’re like, everybody picture a guy--

LIAM: I would try the Deathwalker’s Ward, then, ‘cause I’d wanna fuckin’ fly all over the place.

TRAVIS: Yeah! That’s pretty good.

BRIAN: Ahhh.

TRAVIS: Grow wings?

LIAM: Yeah!

LAURA: For only an hour, though.

LIAM: Yeah, but then I’d look like David Bowie the rest of the day.

TRAVIS: That’s true.

LIAM: What’s wrong with that?

LAURA: That’s true.

TRAVIS: But then they would come after you--

LAURA: But you’d smell so bad.

TRAVIS: --and they would put you in some sort of federal prison like Legion.

BRIAN: Hey, no spoilers! I’m saving it for when Ash gets back.

TRAVIS: He’s dead, don’t worry about it.

[fake gasp]

BRIAN: Tonight, a walk-off.

TRAVIS: They’re all dead! [laughing]

BRIAN: If you could have any G&S or Alpha person--beside BWF, he is too busy with his home game--fill-in for playing your character for a one-off, who would you want from the G&S/Alpha crew to do it?

LAURA: To play our character?!

LIAM: Ryan Green.

BRIAN: No, to play--

LIAM: Ryan Green.

LAURA: Yeah!

BRIAN: --yeah.

LIAM: Ryan Green. 

BRIAN: Ryan Green?

LIAM: Yeah.

BRIAN: Okay.

LIAM: Mine.

BRIAN: Travis?

LAURA: What?!

TRAVIS: Oh man. There are just so many people that could play Grog. Denise? Yeah, Denise could be Grog. 

BRIAN: Denise could be Grog.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

BRIAN: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Denise, you wanna be Grog?

DENISE, off screen: Sure.

TRAVIS: SURE?!

BRIAN, imitating: “Suuure?”

TRAVIS: Fuck that, offer rescinded. Bullshit. I need commitment.

BRIAN: [laughing] She says “sure.”

TRAVIS: That’s milquetoast commitment. 

LAURA: She wants a cool character. Denise, how do you feel about Vex?

TRAVIS: Max, you wanna be Grog?

DENISE, off screen: Definitely.

MAX, off scren: Absolutely.

TRAVIS: Fuck, that’s what I’m talking about.

LAURA: I get Denise!

BRIAN: Alright, Denise has Vex for sure, Max for Grog, and Ryan Green for Vax.

TRAVIS: Son of a bitch.

BRIAN: I like those odds, however-- 

DENISE, off screen: Sorry!

TRAVIS: Hey, some of these offers only come once in a lifetime, Denise. It’s alright.

BRIAN: --because of her legal troubles--

TRAVIS: You’ll be thinking about that on a rainy day--

BRIAN: --she’s not allowed to be on camera.

TRAVIS: --crying over a glass of wine.

BRIAN & LIAM: [singing] Coulda been Grog, but it’s all over now...

BRIAN: Hey, how are you guys liking the flashcards? All the flashcard art?

LAURA: There is some graphic flashcard art.

TRAVIS: Is there?

BRIAN: We didn’t get to the flashcards on the Twitch show tonight--

LAURA: Yar.

BRIAN: --but flashcards are... 

TRAVIS: There’s flashcards?

LIAM: They’re--they’re enjoyable. They’re fun.

LAURA: Didn’t you see the one of just like a big ol’ wong of you?

TRAVIS: A big ol’ wong?

LAURA: That’s just like--yeah.

BRIAN: What’s a wong?

LAURA: It’s like a wang--

BRIAN:  To-Wong-Fu, Thanks For Everything?

LAURA: --but it’s like an extra, it’s like a dong. But, like, wang. 

TRAVIS: A dong-wang?

LAURA: A dong-wang. 

BRIAN: You meant to say dong and wang put together?

TRAVIS: I saw one, but it wasn’t very detailed. It just look like a big oval.

LAURA: You can call--

BRIAN: What’d you want to see, a Prince Albert?

LAURA: --you can call a wenis [sic] whatever you want to call it.

TRAVIS: I wanted to see like a veiny, triumphant bastard.

BRIAN: Okaaaay.

TRAVIS: Like, super--

LIAM: My favorite one was where they hid his cock with a cock.

TRAVIS: Oh!

LIAM: They put a chicken right in front of it.

[laughing]

BRIAN: Nice.

LAURA: That’s pretty great.

BRIAN: Did it cover the whole thing?

LIAM: Uh, yeah. It was a big chicken.

BRIAN: Must’ve been a baby. Guys, how much time do we have, Max-ologist?

LAURA: Five minutes?

BRIAN: Laura!

LAURA: What?

BRIAN: What’s the origin of Vex’s blue feathers? During the ritual, you mentioned Vax gave them to Vex during her darkest hours.

LAURA: Not her darkest hours, one of her darkest hours.

BRIAN: I think we’re arguing semantics at this point, but I’d like to hear your answer anyway.

LAURA: She’s had some dark hours in her life. Um, well, honestly, I saw this adorable fanart of him giving ‘em to her when they were kids and I was like, “I liked that. I feel like--”

BRIAN: Oh, give ‘em to her when they were kids?

LAURA: Yeah.

BRIAN: Send that to me! I want to see it!

LAURA: Okay. I don’t know where it is anymore, but--

LIAM: I do.

BRIAN: I don’t care. Spend as much time as you need to find it and send it to me.

TRAVIS: The curator knows.

LAURA: Originally, it was Kit’s, like, concept art that brought the feathers in. I hadn’t, like, said that. Obviously, you had her on the show and I didn’t give her a lot of notes.

BRIAN: “Make her hot.” 

LAURA: [laughing] Yeah. 

BRIAN: “Make me hot.”

LAURA: Basically. I told her dark hair, hazel eyes, and hot. Just make me look like a badass.

LIAM: The beauty of this game is if you say “Oh, seven years ago I slipped on a banana peel,” then it’s canon and it happened.

LAURA: Right, right! So I loved it. I love that he gave them to her. I love that she was upset and he gave them to her.

BRIAN: Kit, are you there? Just kidding. How great would it be if she just started booming?

TRAVIS: God that’d be amazing.

LAURA: Like in the episode--

LIAM: Three AM, don’t care!

BRIAN: Okay, here we go, lightning round. Laura.

LAURA: What?

BRIAN: You just answered a question, I’m going to Travis.

LAURA: Aw.

BRIAN: I’m sorry, I’ve gotta make it even or the internet gets mad.

TRAVIS: Yep. 

BRIAN: If you had your own “Dotier” following you around, what would Grog want him to do: draw pictures of Grog or write his story? Slash, pictures/pop-up book for Grog.

TRAVIS: That one.

BRIAN: And what would its title be?

TRAVIS: That one.

BRIAN: The pop-up book? 

TRAVIS: Yeah. The pop-up book.

BRIAN: Scratch n’ sniff?

TRAVIS: Yeah. Oh, god, that’s even better.

BRIAN: What would the title of it be? Grog’s memoir that “Dotier” is scribing.

TRAVIS: Grog.

BRIAN: It would just be Grog?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: But it would be spelled wrong.

BRIAN: It’d be spelled Gerg?

TRAVIS: Yeah, it’d be G-R.

BRIAN: It’d be Gr.

TRAVIS: Gr.

BRIAN: Liam.

LAURA: Wait wait, what was the thing you wrote on his forehead in the home game? 

TRAVIS: Dork!

LAURA: Dork!

LIAM: And you said, “Why does it say ‘Kord’?”

[continuous laughter throughout this part]

TRAVIS: I was a little drunk and instead of saying ‘Krod’, ‘cause I saw it in reflection, I said ‘Kord’ and I was like, “Dammit, fuck! No! It’s ‘Krod’!”

BRIAN: Kord.

TRAVIS: Shit! And Liam was like, “Life imitates art!”

BRIAN: Kord. Hey guys. Not guys. Liam, where’d you get that wonderful shirt?

LIAM: What, this one right here?

LAURA: Oh, the one you wore--

LIAM: --for our Christmas celebration?

LAURA: --yeah!

LIAM: Yeah. It says Spoiler Alert: Everybody Dies, and we all do. And I’m not talking about the game.

LAURA: Aww.

LIAM: I got it at Threadless.com.

TRAVIS: Game of Thrones.

LAURA: Threadless, man!

BRIAN: Threadless.com.

TRAVIS: All men must die.

BRIAN: That’s where you go for great shirts.

LAURA: Valar morghulis.

BRIAN: Here we go.

LAURA & TRAVIS: Valar dohaeris.

BRIAN: Liam, one more. How does Vax feel about the fact that when Keyleth returns to the Air Ashari, she is meant to stay and rule?

LIAM: I mean, he has no idea how to navigate towards this, but I think he sees himself, what he would hope for if he can work things out and make sure that his sister’s happy and everybody gets everything they want, he would be like a Jorah [Mormont] figure standing at her side, and then he would age out and die, and she would go on to another lover or husband or whatever and he would have his time with her and be thankful for it and pass on. He’s gotta get there, though.

BRIAN: What do you do--

LAURA: Why does she get to live an extra-long time? I don’t understand.

LIAM: Because she’s made of trees.

LAURA: Yeah, but she’s made of half-elf, like we are.

LIAM: But she turns into trees.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: Like she’ll be living forever as a tree?

BRIAN: But will she float?

LIAM: A thousand years.

TRAVIS: A ‘tow-zend.’

LIAM: ‘Tow-zend.’

LAURA: I know she lives a thousand years, I just didn’t know why she lived a thousand years.

LIAM: Because the Player’s Handbook says she does.

TRAVIS: If you can turn into a fuckin’ tree, you would live a little longer.

LAURA: Yeah, but you’d be stuck in place ‘cause you’re a tree!

TRAVIS: Are they like Treebeard?

LAURA: Why would you want to do that?

TRAVIS: Are they Treebeard trees or are they just--?

[Denise laughs off-camera.]

BRIAN: Of course you caught that, Denise. Sorry. Everything’s fine. Do you know what you should do?

LIAM: What?

BRIAN: Go off with Keyleth and do what people think I do with my life, which is live off the wealth of your betrothed.

[laughing]

LIAM: Keyleth and Vax need to play Call of Duty non-stop!

TRAVIS: Ah, if only that was the truth.

BRIAN: Oh man, it’s been a minute. It’s been a minute. Hey guys. We gotta wrap up here. Do you know why? AXYB is back and they are coming on at 9, but guess what? Gotta go back to Twitch, ‘cause it’s not on Alpha yet. It will be soon--no it won’t. 

LAURA: [laughing] No it won’t!

BRIAN: I get fed a lot of bogus info. You know what I mean?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

BRIAN: People try to trap me and try to get me to say a lot of bogus stuff on the show. 

LAURA: Who knows what--y’know, you just say it, y’know--

BRIAN: I say everything people tell me and then I let the internet sort through what’s true and what’s not.

LAURA: That’s right.

TRAVIS: The Loch Ness monster is real!

LAURA: I think he was just reiterating information that he got, and he believed it was true and he was just--[Travis covers her mouth]

TRAVIS: No more.

BRIAN: It’s a great show, though, you should watch it anyway.

TRAVIS: No more talky.

[Laura laughing]

TRAVIS: No more talky.

BRIAN: Travis, I’m not sure if you’ve been asked this before, but on a game-to-game basis, how often do you have an awesome strategy that you have to scrap because of your dedication to the role of Grog?

LIAM: So unfair.

LAURA: Because you’re such a good player, you’re the best of us.

TRAVIS: I think I have some lint in my belly button.

BRIAN: Denise, can we get tweezers and a close-up?

TRAVIS: Uh, what was the question? 

LIAM: Sometimes he tells me about his time at Rada [sp?] and on the West End--

TRAVIS: Yep.

LIAM: --and it’s just wasted. Wasted. Hidden away.

TRAVIS: All these plans that I had to go study at CERN, they’re just--

BRIAN: Do you ever have to abandon--like, say--I‘m going to try and interpret the question. You’re in the game, rounds are happening, you’re thinking, “Oh I know exactly what to do,” but then you have to abandon the strategy because it’s not something Grog would do because he’s a dumb-dumb.

TRAVIS: Never. No. I love playing a barbarian, because I didn’t know anything about D&D. I read, like, some of the Wizard class, Druids, spells, levels, cantrips, all that shit. Super intimidated me. I thought it would be too much. I only have to think about what I’m gonna hit, with what, where, and how. And that is, it works for me beautifully. I don’t have to get super-creative. Um, like, if I get really out of the box, I pull out the Alchemy Jug and ask for oil, ‘cause I think that’s going to make a kraken lurch. Other than that, it’s just like [rage noises] and that’s it. 

LIAM: We used to be brothers in arms with that, too. Don’t need it, don’t want it, don’t understand it.

TRAVIS: Yeah! 

LIAM: And I’ve only got level 1 spells and I’m like “Owww.”

TRAVIS: “It hurts, it’s taking years off my life!”

LIAM: “I ate too much ice cream!” 

LAURA: “Wait, wait! This is a concentration and this is a concentration--”

TRAVIS: I know, I know.

LAURA: “--shiiiiit!”

TRAVIS: I look every once in awhile to try and dabble and it scares the pee-noss out of me, so.

BRIAN: I--wizards are tough. Wizards are tough.

LAURA: Yeah, dude. 

BRIAN: I’m doing a lot of research, lot of late-night Matt Mercer calls. Lot of Venmo-ing him. He’s very expensive if you’re not in his game.

[laughing]

LAURA: He charges by the hour.

TRAVIS: He doesn’t give you the family--the friends and family, does he?

BRIAN: I asked him him for one and he said if you know any friends or family of mine that want to put--

[laughing]

BRIAN: Well, that’s all the time we have for tonight, folks. I’d like to thank everyone for joining. We should just do this [referring to roses] every week now. That’s it. We’ll see you next week, thank you for submitting questions to the Alpha Chat Room. Thank you Courtney. Thank you Max. Thank you Denise. Thank you everyone.

LAURA: Thank you Danny.

BRIAN: Thank you, Danny. Thank you Eddy. Goodnight moon.

LIAM: Goodnight, Mittens.

BRIAN: Goodnight, Mittens.

TRAVIS: Thanks, Chris! Thanks Ryan!

BRIAN: Thank you Chris, thank you Ryan, thank you Sax, thank you everyone.

DENISE, off screen: Selina.

BRIAN: Thank you Selina.

LAURA: Thank you Selina!

BRIAN: Thank you Amandine. Pre-thank you Amandine! For coming back to us. Legally, this time. I’m kidding.

LIAM: Thank you rose.

BRIAN: Love you guys. Thank you for watching. Thank you rose. 

LAURA: Thank you broom.

BRIAN: Thank you, broom. Goodnight! That’s it, Denise.

DENISE, off screen: Okay, BYYYYE!

[laughing]

[otdderamin]

Transcript Ep84 1:11:11 Hallway drinking party + analysis of Percy’s current mental health

NOTE: Making conjectures about anyone's mental health from purely observational information is inherently flawed. I emphatically suggest you don't do so for real people. It can cause us to make incorrect assumptions about them, misinterpret their intentions, incorrectly assess their abilities, or invite bias against them. I'm also very wary of psychological assessments for fictional characters. But sometimes a character’s actions only make sense when you understand their psychology, and it is for that reason that I’m sharing my assessment of Percy.

Many people have enough direct or indirect experience with depression and anxiety to empathize with them. They may influence who a person is, but in a mostly reliable way. You expect Vax to be mostly gloomy. You expect Keyleth to over-analyze everything. It's very hard for most people to empathize with bipolar disorder precisely because it can put a person's behavior all over the map. It's harder to spot the signs of since it keeps the person in so much flux. If you start to get a read on someone, and then they do something totally opposite of what you’d expect, it’s easy to doubt that your analysis. That said, this is only a well educated guess, I believe it's a useful guess, but it could be incorrect.

In Talks Machina Ep3 0:56:56, Taliesin says death left Percy, “feeling very committed to his current manic phase that he’s going through. There will probably be a, you know, a depressive phase at the end of this." Those two sentences use psychiatric language implying bipolar disorder, which Percy’s behavior is consistent with (painfully so, at times). He started out the broadcast fairly stable, but rapidly deteriorated into a mixed state (plus PTSD) when the Briarwoods were reintroduced. Mixed affective state is the most unpredictable and dangerous; consider the worst thoughts attached to depression with an abundance of nervous energy and lack of impulse control. He started stabilizing again after Whitestone was restored. But his role in killing Vex in Ep44 sent him into depression. He bottomed out in Ep57. Looking for help from the Raven Queen at all was a sure sign of desperation from a guy that’s largely ignored the gods. But more significant is the walk home. Casting hex on himself is the only deliberate act of self half from any of the characters so far, and he did it directly after talking to death herself. His mood markedly improved after that.

Ep84 is the first time we've seen Percy depressed since Ep64, while showing Vax the Raven Queen's Temple. In those 16 days, Vax has started coming out of his gloom. But that's not what we see in Percy's behavior. In Talks Machina Ep3 (0:56:45, post-Ep76), a fan said Percy "seems in better humors", and Taliesin explicitly referred to it as Percy's "current manic phase" (0:56:56). I think Percy can feel the edges of it in Ep64, anxious distress pushing him to very earnestly ask Vax not to trust him (1:56:32). It starts really showing itself when Ripley came back into the picture (Ep66). His expression of distress, through Ep68, shows classic signs of mania (compounded with PTSD): racing thoughts, rapid talking in Ep67, agitation, trouble focusing on required tasks, and obsessive focus. The way he handles Raishan in Ep70 shows a marked increase in self-esteem and reïnforces the hyper-focus. The way he kissed Vex in Ep72 showed even more marked self-esteem, increase in goal-oriented behavior, and, given his insecurity, increased risk-taking. The most dangerous manifestation was in Ep73 when he asked if they should protect Whitestone (1:37:28), was told no, and then stabbed Raishan (1:45:44). That is squarely in the ranks of a sense of grandiosity, racing thoughts, being overly goal-oriented, and "excessive involvement in activates with a high potential for painful consequences." (DSM-5). Which is also why he came up short explaining his actions. It seemed like a good idea in the high of the moment, but it's obviously a bad idea in hindsight. The mania backed off a bit after that, but it's the restless energy that pervaded his actions under pressure up until now.

But in this scene, we see that mood starting to crash. He’s still showing manic signs. He says he’s very tired in both Ep83 and Ep84 (0:50:11), but still stays up until 3 am. He’s aware that his ideas for pranking Scanlan might be impulsive and poor judgement, so he asks Pike to check him. But we see increasingly more signs of depression. His inflated self-esteem starts crumbling back to self-recrimination. The guilt and hopelessness start crashing in again. His agitation changes from a restlessness to do things into bitterness. We see him struggling to concentrate and be articulate (1:15:24). His preoccupation with death turns back towards his personal relationship with it (rather than outward towards Ripley, Raishan, and Thordak). This is the only episode where it was stated that he drank so heavily he can’t entirely remember the night before. Which could be a worrying symptom, but could also just be the release of that night.

Mania can be exacerbated by intense pressure. The need to react quickly and decisively tends to push the mind that way and keep it there. But once that pressure is gone, one tends to crash. If you think of mood like a wave, shorter cycles and higher amplitudes are both more dangerous and positively reinforce each other. So, if this was a fast and bad cycle up, there's a good chance that his mood will crash down quickly and badly (it might not, and further pressure could influence it). It's also possible that the sheer size of the stakes they've been playing for made Percy's manic cycle look worse than it really was. Any unnecessary risk taking could so easily end in such a huge disaster for them, or pay huge dividends. I do believe Taliesin in Talks Machina Ep3 (0:57:35), when he says that Percy's healthier than he was, but also, and importantly, that he isn't healthy.

Layered on top of his fluctuating mood are important changes in his outlook: he's become more emotionally open with his friends, he's increasingly feeling like he doesn't have control of or choice in the direction of his life, and he's become increasingly mistrustful of things like magic if he can't see how they work.

He was so closed off through the Whitestone arc that his friends could barely help him, even though he was in tremendous distress. Vex was the only one who got through to him at all. In his quiet conversations with Vax (Ep32 2:42:42, Ep44 1:15:21, and Ep64 1:51:03) he held a lot back, though a lot less in Ep64. There's a marked difference in how earnest he was in Ep67 1:36:46 when he tells Vex and Vax his fears about Ripley and himself. His conversation with Vex in the woods in Ep72 is similarly open. But we've never seen him as desperately frank as he is in this hallway (that openness leading to his tirade in Ep85).

Percy has a lot of interesting control issues. He's generally fine letting things, people, or situations be. He doesn't mind things being a mess around him and he has no constant need to bring order to things. But in high-stakes situations, combat, negotiations, and other things that scare him, he "is very much about the idea of creating bubbles of control" (Talks Machina Ep8 Twitch 0:54:58, bottom of the article). Magic has had a huge influence in controlling his life lately, but he has no basis to understand how it works, his way of trusting things, and he has no way to assert control over it. So, his reaction is to push it away entirely.

Rule of Whitestone is weighing more and more heavily on him. In Ep24 (0:20:09), while telling Vox Machina about Whitestone and the coup, he says, "I had nothing in my life other than my family. I was never really going to inherit anything. I wasn't going to run anything. I was idle." Julius and Vesper handled matters of court. Everything he's said about his early history suggest he had no interest in rule and probably not much specific training. His mental disorders make him inherently unreliable. He might learn to manage that better, but he'll never be free of it. Part of Percy's ego is a constant need to prove that he's more clever and capable than other people. So, to find himself in a role he's ill-prepared for would be a tremendous source of anxiety. When Cassandra asks him to commit to helping her run Whitestone (Ep73 52:36), he deflects, and his anxiety is palpable. In Talks Machina Ep5 (Alpha 1:05:55 for Ep78), Taliesin was asked how he felt about Percy and Cassandra's relationship. He says, "[Cassandra] is a representation of everything he's been ignoring while he's been out finding himself. He has been out finding himself, and he has discovered that he really likes that person, and is horrified that he may have to go back. He does not want to go back. He will go back. Probably-Maybe. Probably. Possibly. Who knows? But he's- yeah. She is a stunning example of his guilt, and everything that he has done wrong in his life, and every time he looks at her he is painfully aware of his own weakness, and is so guilty, so guilt ridden. He's not over that at all."

He's thankful to have his home back, but it's also an external reminder of the coup that may be causing him a lot of unspoken pain because of his PTSD (Cassandra as well, and I think he knows that). We don't actually know a lot about the events of that night, so we can't be sure how much of his guilt is appropriate, disproportionate, or delusional. We do know that a component of what he's feeling is survivor's guilt, given that he says, "I just… miss an awful lot of people, that's all. And I don't understand how we get to choose." (1:16:27) Staying in Whitestone, however much he loves the place, means resigning himself to a pained life he has little temperament or experience to do well in. So, it's significant that he sits in this hallway, this night, and says, "I know my life isn't my own. My life is all of yours. My life is my sister's. My life is, this castle's. My life ended." Vox Machina has been an escape from all of this, a chance to live his life on his terms for the first time. Now he's looking down the road and seeing, intellectually, that he'll have to give up that freedom. He's resigned to it, but he hasn't accepted it in any healthy way or he wouldn't say, "My life ended." Not that he'll have to restructure or make accommodations in his life, but that his role in his life is over.

This isn't that that different from Vax first resigning himself to being in the control of the Raven Queen as her champion. Vax was placed in that position by fate rather than will. Vax has been able to learn that that he's quite competent in that mantle, however much trepidation he still holds for his future. But Percy knows enough about what will be required of him to also know that it will never come naturally to him. All he bleakly sees is another mask to put on, to live for years as someone he's not, and never could be. The pain of this resignation is largely why Percy lashes out at Scanlan in Ep85.

 If you like this transcript, please consider donating to Critical Role Transcripts, @CRTranscript, to help them provide closed captioning to Critical Role. We'd like to share this wonderful show with as many people as possible, regardless of hearing ability or English language skills.

 Transcript method notes: http://otdderamin.tumblr.com/post/153539301510/a-note-on-my-transcription-method

 Scene runs: 1:11:12 to 1:31:03 https://youtu.be/KiGoxBJQ_I0?t=4272

 [Everyone starts out understandably upset, through the resurrection ritual. When it succeeds, most of their moods lift with relief. Percy's doesn't. He looks more introspective. His words drag, trying to resolve the last details needed to let Scanlan rest and recover.]

0:50:11 Percy: "I am going to go back to the castle, sit down, take this off, and, I think, sleep for a long while."

0:50:20 Marisha: "Yeah, what time of day is it?"

0:50:22 Matt: "At this time… the arrival here… it's pushing past sunset, I'm pretty sure. Or if not, it's probably early night, with the hour it took for the ritual."

…

[Kerrek and Grog started drinking in the hallway outside Scanlan's room, Ker trying to press Grog for information about resurrection rituals. Pike just joined them in the hallway. Ker went to get more alcohol.]

1:11:12 Matt, indicating Taliesin: "So, you wander in."

1:11:13 Taliesin: "Yes."

1:11:14 Matt: "Kerrek wandered away."

1:11:15 Taliesin: "I'm going to wander into the room,"

Percy salutes Grog and Pike sitting in the hallway outside Scanlan's room, drinking.

1:11:16 Taliesin: "with a nod, and just sit for a moment."

1:11:20 Grog, suspiciously pointing at Percy: "Wait! Prove that you're you."

1:11:23 Percy, studies Grog, scrutinizing the idea.

1:11:25 Percy, slowly, wistfully: "No…"

1:11:27 Grog, nodding, satisfied, "It's you."

1:11:27 Percy, slightly relieved: "Thank you."

Percy takes a drink and sighs.

(1:11:39 Taliesin, laughing: "I love you so much.")

1:11:41 Matt: "Alright, so you sit for a bit. Ker eventually returns with a second bottle of matching alcohol. Unopened though. The same-"

1:11:48 Pat, mimicking holding up two bottles: "Two! Two! Two hands!"

1:11:51 Matt: "Oh! So you go for a third bottle as well."

1:11:54 Pat: "Yes."

1:11:54 Matt: "Two unopened bottles of the same brackish liquor."

1:12:00 Percy sighs, clearly reflecting on something.

1:12:01 Pat: "And I'll pass one to both of the people that I was not drinking with before. I'll pass them off."

1:12:11 Matt: "Okay, so, Pike and Percival, you have a fresh bottle jammed into your hand."

1:12:14 Pike, singsong: "One for me!"

1:12:17 Percy: "I'll be passing this around a bit." He takes a drink, and salutes them with the bottle. "Mmm."

1:12:24 Pike, excitedly sitting up and smiling: "Should we all sit on the bed around Scanlan like a slumber party?"

1:12:28 Grog, deliberating in a high voice: "Is that creepy?"

1:12:30 Percy, dispirited: "Honestly, I'm thinking about going through his things. So, no, I don't think it is."

Pike and Grog laugh.

1:12:33 Grog, satisfied: "Well. Okay."

1:12:36 Matt: Makes a fart noise. "Scanlan is definitely alive.

They laugh, most heartily. But Percy falls back to a low mood far before the others stop laughing.

1:12:49 Pike, warmly: "What were you guys talking about, out there? If I can be so rude to ask?"

1:12:53 Grog: "Oh, us?"

1:12:54 Ker: "Uh… The liquor… is has, uh, fabulous brackish notes."

1:12:58 Grog, in his high dishonest voice: "Yep. Notes of brack."

1:13:03 Pike, laughing, seeing through him: "Great. Great."

1:13:05 Percy, without real pride: "Thank you. We make it here."

1:13:07 Grog, excitedly to Pike: "We were, um- I was also- talking about what a great job you do. Apparently, you're really rare."

1:13:16 Pike: "What do you mean?"

1:13:17 Grog, with admiration: "Apparently, you and your resurrections, they don't always work. Which is amazing."

1:13:25 Pike, matter of fact: "They don't always work."

Percy subtly flinches.

1:13:27 Grog, impressed: "I didn't know that!"

1:13:28 Pike: "They don't. We've been very fortunate. We've been very fortunate… What did you- why do you ask, Ker?"

1:13:39 Ker: "I've never actually seen anything like that before. It was quite an experience. Am I still wearing my armor?"

1:13:50 Pat: "I might actually ask that out loud."

1:13:53 Matt: "And he is! He's still wearing his armor, unwashed. A few of you have gotten washed," Taliesin nods, indicating himself, Travis shakes his head "A few or you are still going over the events of the day. Grog is not washed."

1:14:04 Ashley: "Not yet."

1:14:05 Laura: "Grog never washes!"

1:14:06 Matt: "Yeah."

1:14:06 Travis: "Parfum du Grog."

1:14:07 Laura pretends to gag.

1:14:08 Matt: "So yeah, he is still wearing his armor."

1:14:09 Pat: "You get the marvelous spectacle of a slightly older, slightly portly man shrugging out of a full suit of chain mail. It's entertaining. And then just dumps it on the floor, and then the padding underneath."

Kerrek sighs in relief.

1:14:39 Grog: "That's a lot of shit you wear, man."

1:14:42 Ker, deadpan: "You know, what I forgot over all these years? Like, the sweat gathers in your ass."

The others laugh in agreement. Percy barely manages a laugh in contrast. His fidgeting suggests increasing agitation.

1:14:51 Grog: "Right. Yeah."

1:14:53 Pike: "Swamp ass."

1:14:54 Marisha, laughing hard: "Swamp ass."

1:14:55 Pike: "Swamp ass."

1:14:55 Marisha, laughing hard: "Butt crack. Yeah…"

1:14:56 Pike: "It's a thing."

1:14:57 Marisha: "It sucks."

1:14:57 Ker: "You'd think that I would remember, but, no. I had forgotten that."

1:15:04 Pike: "It just drips right in."

1:15:05 Percy, deadpan: "I forget, and then suddenly I remember, that I met you all in a prison cell."

1:15:15 Pike, fondly: "I remember very well.

1:15:16 Percy: laughs mirthlessly.

1:15:19 Percy, sadly, "It's not fair, is it?"

1:15:21 Grog asks, "What?"

1:15:24 Percy, increasingly downcast, struggling for words: "Well, just one day… You lose so many people, and then just one day you just stop. And at what point in your life, it just…? You decide that suddenly, for no reasons, it just… You're just not allowed to die yet. You're just- Your life isn't your own anymore. Suddenly, you've done what you were supposed to do, and now you're back, and… it's just not yours anymore, is it? And what of everybody else? It's not fair. Any of it. … I don't know." He takes another drink, and starts drinking more often.

1:16:04 Grog, puzzled and inquisitive: "What? You don't think your life is your own?"

1:16:07 Percy, emphatically, tinged with distress: "I know my life isn't my own. My life is all of yours. My life is my sister's. My life is, "he looks around like he's feeling trapped, "this castle's." He takes a long drink. "My life ended."

1:16:24 Pike, concerned: "Do you feel-"

1:16:27 Percy, with a pained smile: "I am very glad to be here." He laughs grimly, then continues sadly. "I just… miss an awful lot of people, that's all. And I don't understand how we get to choose."

1:16:42 Grog, with dawning understanding: "Oh…"

1:16:47 Pike, consolingly: "I understand."

1:16:48 Percy: "I know."

1:16:50 Grog, whispering to Pike: "I just got it, too."

1:16:52 Pike, whispering to Grog: "Yeah."

1:16:52 Percy: "I know you don't, Grog. I'm so grateful that you don't."

1:16:57 Percy sighs, staring at the bottle in thought a few moments. Then raises it in a toast.

1:17:00 Percy: "To the unyielding unfairness of the universe."

1:17:03 Grog: "Yep! Raising drinks."

They all raise their drinks.

1:17:04 Liam: "I'm not even here, and I'm raising it."

1:17:06 Marisha: "Yeah, I'll- cheers to that."

1:17:07 Liam: "Fuckin' a."

1:17:08 Ker: "I'll drink."

1:17:12 Percy, taking a long pull: "And that it decided that we get to keep this bastard." With a wry, rueful smile, "Hardly fair."

[Percy instigates pranking Scanlan, his tone one of affection.]

1:18:09 Taliesin: "I don't know if Percy is that… has that much of a lack of propriety. I'm really debating, though. How much have we had to drink?"

1:18:18 Matt: "Well, that's up to you. Other members of this room have gotten quite drunk."

…

[They prank Scanlan, dressing him in one of Pike's nightgowns and smearing pudding on him.]

1:21:48 Taliesin: "I'm going to smear some of [the pudding] on his forehead so he can read it in the mirror, backwards, it's just going to say, 'No. Never.'"

…

[Kerrek helps them tie Scanlan up.]

1:23:23 Matt: "Yeah. Alright. And with the presentation complete, your… diorama con Scanlan, the evening draws late. Now probably a good two thirty, three o'clock in the morning on completion."

1:23:40 Percy: "It is time for sleep."

…

[The next morning.]

1:30:29 Matt: "Kerrek now wanders in, very hungover."

1:30:32 Percy: "Good morning."

1:30:34 Pat: "Yeah… Very… Yeah… I look every bit as old as I am."

1:30:42 Grog: "Yeah! Swamp ass!"

1:30:46 Pike, cheerily: "Hey!"

1:30:48 Grog: "Are we not…?

1:30:52 Keyleth: "Swamp ass?"

1:30:52 Pike: "I remember!"

1:30:52 Percy, looking confused: "I don't remember, what?"

1:30:54 Pike: "He was talking about his butt getting sweaty."

1:30:57 Percy, hazily recalling it: "Oh. That got weird, didn't it?"

1:31:00 Pike: "It happens."

1:31:01 Percy grimaces like he's still trying to come to terms with the morning, and probably hung over.

 1:31:03

[cinaed]

Critical Role Thoughts

So to distract myself from current events, I started watching Critical Role. It was one of those shows where like three eps in I was like "Eh, this is fun, but I don't know it's engaging enough to keep watching" and now it's a month later and I've marathoned up to episode 48.

The show has made me laugh harder than any other canon in a while, but it's also got some amazing character development and emotional arcs, and I look forward to eventually catching up on the whole thing.

....also I sort of want to write a fic about a librarian who's a cleric of Oghma has been trying to set up a public library that hires Vox Machina to track down a stolen book from her collection, and shenanigans ensue. Mostly because Vex would cry over the terrible business model (what do you mean you let people borrow books and they DON'T PAY YOU?) and Grog would be very confused over this much fuss over a book. It doesn't even have any pictures!

So! Rambling thoughts on Critical Role up to ep 48 behind the cut.

I love everyone in this misfit family. Scanlan took a while to grow on me because I'm not a fan of poop jokes, but he's had such good character development with the Kaylee thing! Also his friendship with Grog is wonderful! I also love all of his songs, and feel like he needs to do more limericks, though I wouldn't mind Vex doing a few as well. And I hope they never let him live down that he flirted with his own daughter, haha.

It's amazing to me that Vex and Vax aren't played by real twins, because they interact so perfectly. I'm a twin myself and yeah, we talk to each other pretty much exactly like that. Also I love Vex and her greed, like, it shouldn't be so charming, but it is! My heart was in my throat when she died and they resurrected her. Also Trinket is great. I love him. Vax is a disaster, but I love him anyway, and am very worried about this whole Champion thing. Also I loved his thing with Gilmore and am a little sad that that seems to be over, even though I also enjoy Vax/Keyleth a lot as weirdos who deserve each other.

Keyleth tries so hard and is the least charismatic princess I've seen, but she's so great! I love how new she is the world (her betting on Grog during the Crucible fights was a thing of joy, and her occasional getting drunk on like one or two glasses were some of the best scenes), and how she tries to be the moral center of the group even if sometimes she goes a bit too far and comes off as sanctimonious. She's doing her best!

Grog! Man, honestly Grog makes me laugh the most? That time when he was bartering and Vex was off in the background going "I sense someone is losing a shitload of our money!!!" was beautiful. And we're getting into his backstory in the show, so I'm getting a bit emotional over him. Life in the herd sounds AWFUL, and I love that he's a Goliath with a heart. His plaintive "I wish Pike were here" broke my heart. But also can Scanlan and Pike please get that sword away from him? It's bad. Grog, it gave you a dream about killing Pike! THROW IT AWAY.

Percy! Percy, Percy, Percy. Does he make more or less terrible decisions than Vax? It's hard to say, honestly -- on the one hand you have his deal with the smoke demon, giving a cursed sword to Grog, and getting Vex temporarily killed, but on the other Vax pissed off the blackmarket gang in Emon and also seems to have sold his soul to a goddess, soooo -- but I do enjoy Percy a lot. And I sense he and Vex are going to be a thing, which pleases me. I really love their dynamic together! ...though I also started the show shipping Keyleth and Percy, whoops, but I guess they're meant as more siblings, the brother Keyleth never had and a sister for the one Percy thought he'd lost. I really enjoy his relationship with Cassandra and hope they get more interactions soon.

Pike! I am happy that Ashley Johnson is such a success on Blindspot, but I also long for whenever she gets a break from the show, because I love Pike's interactions with the group. She and Grog have such an amazing friendship, and I also enjoy her rebuttals of Scanlan. Also she kicks major ass.

How is Matt Mercer so amazing? How does he keep track of all the NPCs and their various accents?? My favorite is definitely Gilmore, but runner ups include Sherry, Victor the gunpowder merchant, Allura, and Kima. And Jarrett! I love how everyone is a little bit into Gilmore and Jarrett, and who wouldn't be, they're both super dreamy.

...I can't believe Emon got destroyed! And Westruun! And Keyleth's fire Ashari family! When Matt starts a new campaign, it's no holds barred, apparently. Like, Jesus, that was a rough couple of episodes. I legitimately teared up when they found Gilmore and Vax cradled him in his arms and Gilmore did the whole "Ah, I hoped your face would be the first thing I'd see after I died!" GILMORE FOUGHT A DRAGON FOR VOX MACHINA, YOU GUYS. WHAT A GUY.

And now it's time to watch Vox Machina try to grab more vestiges (hopefully with less fatal attempts) and Grog have to deal with his awful uncle. Uh, good thing I have the weekend off, because I am just sitting here watching like 10 hours straight of this show....

[ellekandera]

Another CR Rant I Guess

Hi, me again. So, the other thing I did was a bit cathartic for me not just in posting things to Tumblr, but also letting off some thoughts that had been in my head for a while. Well, I’m here to do it again cause I have several things I’ve always wanted to put to Tumblr but was too afraid to. Yay. Okay, anyway, topic for this one: Fort Daxio, or more specifically, why it wouldn’t have worked.

Yeah, yeah, that was awhile ago, but this is something I’ve had thoughts on for a while so I feel like finally getting it out. I have a few strategy reasons, a few narrative reasons, but mostly I have reasons via comparison. Comparison to what? Well, what everybody compared it to: Helm’s Deep.

Now, what I was initially thinking was probably the same way everybody else was: a Helm’s Deep type scenario?! Sweet! This is gonna be awesome! I mean, who wouldn’t want there to see Critical Role in a Lord of the Rings circumstance? I would! I would love to see Vex shield-surf down a flight of stairs while shooting down baddies left and right! Grog jumping over the ruined rubble of a wall into a pit of enemies only to come out unscathed and just reeling for more! Scanlan blowing (HA) a giant warhorn to rally the troops for this last stand! It would be glorious (as Gilmore would say)!

But, then, it really got me thinking. Not just think off the top of my head, either, I actually went back and rewatched the Lord of the Rings trilogy and even skipped to that part in the books just to check it out, and, uh, yeah. No. Fighting Thordak in a Helm’s Deep would have been bad. REALLY bad. Even fighting Raishan, or Thordak’s armies, would have been bad. Why? Well, I have several somewhat okay-written reasons as to why and now I’m gonna explain them! *awkward cough*

Okay, so, reason number A) Helm’s Deep was a super long shot. Like, seriously. It was. They didn’t go to Helm’s Deep just because it had strategic value, they went because they were trying to hide. Well, not really hide, more like keep them as safe as possible cause the Uruks were wrecking shit. Could’ve worked, too, but not for the long haul. One) they had let go Grima who they knew was working for Saruman and he knew about Helm’s Deep enough that he provided the guy with a key point they could exploit which was bad, and two) Saruman would’ve found them eventually and they may have been more heavily fortified but they were still severely undermanned and morale would’ve been lower than low. Maybe even had less men cause of sickness or starvation. Don’t even get me started on the odds. 10,000 Uruk-hai vs. a handful of Rohan peeps is a shitty situation. Better in a fort, but still shitty. They were just lucky they had the three musketeers with them. In fact, they wouldn’t have won the battle of Helm’s Deep in the end if it wasn’t for Gandalf coming in with the reinforcements which basically was clutch.

Yo, let’s also talk about strategy a bit, cause there’s some major differences between the battle that would’ve happened at Daxio and the battle of Helm’s Deep. Uno) All the Uruk-hai were on foot, which was a severe advantage because the only way they were getting in was in one of the three ways they tried (and succeeded in). One of the only reasons they won was because the reinforcements Gandalf brought in were all on horseback. The enemies Vox Machina would’ve faced at Daxio were not only on foot, but on wyvern and flying flaming bird, and a DRAGON. Let’s also mention this is a world where there are multiple Gandalf’s, not just one. Yeah, that would’ve been bad. Dos) Numbers again cause numbers in battles are important. They didn’t have nearly enough people to fight all their enemies in Daxio, and that was practically the almost downfall of Helm’s Deep besides Saruman’s cheating with the bomb. They needed more people if they had any hope of winning against Thordak’s armies, and Vox Machina would have eventually been drawn into the fray which would have been TERRIBLE because one of the reasons they did so well against Thordak (and so badly against Raishan) was because they hadn’t burned any spells or lost any HP yet. Tres) Did I forget to mention the dragon? Cause a dragon at Daxio would’ve been bad. Especially Thordak in his giganotosaurus mode. Like, does everybody remember Harrenhall from Game of Thrones? You know, the fortress that was a pretty good fortress then the Targaryens came with their dragons and fucked all their shit up? Yeah, imagine that. Plus, there’s the mountain that could have been collapsed on top of them, or the buildings, or the ground if they had gone into the bunker Keyleth had set up. This is all assuming that Thordak would even SHOW UP seeing as how the smart thing to do would be to just send his army in waves to kill them off. Plus insanity.

Reason number B) Now, during the battle to Helm’s Deep, our party members (Legolas, Gimli, and Aragorn) had to roll really well. Like, really well. Legolas is fucking Percy cause he gets Nat 20’s like nobody’s business (the shield surfing was a Nat 20 for SURE). Gimli is basically Grog and does a shit ton of damage but ain’t the most smart about his moves. Aragorn is our lovely bitter baby Kashaw cause he’s got the strategy know-how and honestly I’m still salty about how Kash and Zahra aren’t full-time members of VM because WE NEED MORE OF THEM COME ON. *ahem* Anyways, those party characters rolled really well at Helm’s Deep, and VM has not had the best dice rolls in the past. Not to mention Gandalf, the guy who the DM allowed to use his old character from his other campaign and now they’re super overpowered so the DM has to constantly find ways to nerf him (I played with one of those people in the first and only D&D campaign I ever played. It was not fun). Again, if Gandalf had not shown up when he did, they would have lost for sure. Also, let’s not forget the NPC that showed up in the movie, Haldir, got killed cause he probably rolled a Nat 1 on his perception to check if an Uruk was behind him.

Let’s also mention that from a story POV, fighting at Fort Daxio would not have been very satisfying. “It WAS for Helm’s Deep” so you say, and there’s a reason for that. It’s because Helm’s Deep was a last stand. I don’t think any of them were too hopeful about their odds, and that last charge they had into the mass of Uruks was because they didn’t want to die cornered in their fort like cowards and it was also to give the innocent people in the tunnels a chance to escape. VM and their armies would not have that moment of almost utter defeat before victory. They had to win the whole way through or not at all. Going into Thordak’s territory for this fight was perfect for our storyline because it was tense, there was a larger space for the armies to get around and distract Thordak’s forces, and VM wouldn’t get boxed in.

So, yeah, that’s it. That’s what I have for why Fort Daxio would not have worked, plus a few other reasons but this got kinda long. I will say doing these is pretty fun, so I think I’m gonna put up a few more ranty things. I’ve got some in my head for Lord of the Rings so we’ll see how that goes.

Thanks for sticking with it all this way and remember: VM is still alive.

THANK GOD.

[daniellethamasa]

Hey all, Dani here.

Well things are about to get real interesting around me. The county I live in in Ohio just got its first confirmed case of COVID-19, but as of right now, my workplace is still open. We’ll see if that changes by the end of the weekend. Is it wrong that I’m hoping things stay open long enough for my book order from yesterday to reach my house? Like that package should reach me by Tuesday or maybe Wednesday. Just let me have those 8 books and then everything can go on lockdown. I know that sounds ridiculous, and I do want people to be safe, so I understand if my shipment is put on hold. I just, the books will be so lonely locked up in a warehouse for a couple weeks.

Okay, so I saw this post over on Sahi’s blog, My World of Books, and it sounded like a fun book tag. And I haven’t done a tag in a while, so this seems like a good time to do one. Anyway, please go check out Sahi’s blog because there is a lot of great content over there, and Sahi is awesome.

Rules:

Thank the person who nominated you

Answer all the questions down below

Pingback to the creator: Ellyn @ Allonsythornraxx

Nominate 5+ bloggers to do this tag

*Feel free to not take the term ‘book’ too literally, please recommend graphic novels, comics and other works too!

1. Recommend a book from one of your favorite genres

My favorite genre is fantasy. I read a whole bunch of it, so that’s going to make this a little bit difficult. Let’s see what I can come up with.

It wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be. I haven’t talked about this book in a little while, and the sequel is out in July.

Here’s the unfortunate part about this duology…a deadly plague is sort of a bit plot point. Apparently it’s bigger in the sequel/conclusion than it is in the first book, but it’s still a fairly big point in the first one. So, if that’s going to affect your current anxiety or mental state then perhaps stay away from this recommendation.

Is it weird that I sort of want to re-read this book soon because of the global situation? Am I just a very weird individual? Yeah, that’s probably true.

2. Recommend a short book

For a short book…how about a series of short reads? The Vox Machina Origins comic series is about to complete its second arc. The first arc was 6 issues of like 24 pages each, or collected into one volume, and the arc has 5 of the 6 issues out, again like 24 pages for each issue. There is action and magic and camaraderie and shenanigans. It’s a pretty good read.

And if you can’t leave your house then you can totally get the digital version through places like Dark Horse Comics or Comixology.

3. Recommend a book-to-screen adaptation

Okay, this one is easy for me. But you know what, I’m just going to go ahead and give you two recommendations. First up is Black Clover, and I definitely recommend both the manga and the anime (Just take my advice and watch it dubbed, not subbed–main character Asta has a habit of annoyingly yelling everything in the subbed; it’s not fun. Dubbed has it mellowed out a little bit). It is a fantastic adaptation.

And honestly, I’ve read both story collections from the Witcher series so far, and those books are what were used to adapt the first season of the Netflix show, and I have to say that they did a pretty darn good job adapting the world, the monsters, the magic, and the story. I’m definitely impressed.

4. Recommend a book out of your comfort zone

I’m still not the biggest reader of science-fiction. I love to watch it but I don’t read it that much. This book was one that took me a while to read because it was out of my comfort zone, but it is one that I’m glad I read and I actually need to read it again. Oh, and there’s also a fantastic TV series based on this 9-book epic sci-fi series, so feel free to check out “The Expanse” as well, either before or after reading the books.

5. Recommend a book series

Hmm…what series shall I recommend for you all today? Okay, you know what, I’m going to recommend a comic series for you guys. Actually, as I tried to find the appropriate image from my WordPress media collection, I realized that I actually have a few different completed graphic novel/comic series that I haven’t talked about in a while, so I might have to do a graphic novel recommendation post soon.

I love Sandman. It’s a great series, with so many different tropes and genres mashed together into a truly wonderfully epic story. Follow Dream, his sister Death, and all of his other siblings, plus a huge host of other characters through this 10 volume set. Seriously, you won’t regret it.

  6. Recommend a standalone

You do know that I mostly read fantasy series right? This is not cool, to make me try and find a standalone book to recommend. Oh boy. Let’s see what I can come up with.

Okay, okay, I found one, and it’s one where I’m immensely sad about the fact that it is a standalone. I was really hoping for this to be like a trilogy, but alas, it wasn’t meant to be. Anyway, this is a pretty fantastic fantasy read. It’s Pokemon meets Avatar: the Last Airbender, which I thought was a very intriguing concept.

7. Recommend a book you don’t talk about enough

Oh man, this one is hard, I talk about a lot of books quite frequently. Hmm…let’s look through my WordPress media and see if I can find something for this one.

Okay fine, so this is technically more than one book, but you know, I haven’t talked about them in a while, and now seems like a good time to recommend some completed series that people can totally binge-read right now if they so choose.

I was way more into the spin-off series Bloodlines than I was the original Vampire Academy, though both are great series. I just liked Sydney and Adrian more than I did Rose and Dmitri. No hate, please. They are both good couples.

Actually, hmm, I probably am overdue for a re-read of these slightly angsty YA vampire romance books.

8. Recommend your ‘staple’ book

My staple book, my go-to recommendation for the past like 5 years continues to be Colorworld by Rachel E Kelly. I am obsessed with this series and think it is just an absolutely fantastic read. I could gush about these books over and over again, and for a rather long time as well. Actually I do have reviews up for the whole series, so you can check those out: Colorworld, Teleworld, Lumaworld, Shadoworld, Dreamworld, Waterworld: Ezra, Waterworld: Charlotte, and Waterworld: Xavier.

9. Recommend the book/s that got you into reading

Umm…Dr. Seuss???? I have literally been a reader my whole life, so I was too young to recall what book really got me into reading. If you want to go with what book(s) I first majorly fangirled over, that’s a different story.

Why yes, I do have the complete Animorphs series on my bookshelves. I pretty much ordered every single one of these from the Scholastic bookfair/booksale thing they did back in elementary school. And no matter how many book unhauls I do, I just can’t bear to part with any of these books. There are a couple I want to get nicer copies for, because childhood me was not always as good about taking care of books–so #9 and #13 definitely need replaced. I think everything else is fine.

I actually need to re-read these sometime. Oh, I actually did see online that for right now you can read the whole 54 book main series for free, so if you’re at all interested, you can check that out.

10. Recommend 3+ bloggers who recommend great books

Flavia @ Flavia the Bibliophile

Kathy @ Books and Munches

Sofii @ A Book. A Thought

Okay, well I guess this is where I’m supposed to tag people. This is always my least favorite part of doing tags, honestly. So I’m going to slightly cheat, and tag the three bloggers I recommended above and then two more so I hit that 5 blogger mark in the rules.

Flavia @ Flavia the Bibliophile

Kathy @ Books and Munches

Sofii @ A Book. A Thought

Danielle @ Life of a Literary Nerd

Becky @ Becky’s Book Blog

YOU! (if you want to, dear reader)

The Ultimate Recommendations Book Tag Hey all, Dani here. Well things are about to get real interesting around me. The county I live in in Ohio just got its first confirmed case of COVID-19, but as of right now, my workplace is still open.