#i guess i identified a lot with [REDACTED] for a reason huh

[djevelbl]

Storytime bc I can NOT keep this shit to just myself oh my god this is HILARIOUS

Ok so me my mum & dad we're talking about how children are different regardless of where they came from, right? and so my mum launches into a story (you know it's good when my mum, the beacon of memory in our household [seriously that woman forgets NOTHING] launches into a story):

She says as a set-up that my brother had one (1) temper-tantrum when he was preschool age and my father spanked him twice — he never had one ever again.

Then, it was my turn.

One day in preschool I, apparently, didn't wanna go home for whatever reason preschool-aged me thought was adequate for the occasion, and so I proceeded to have a temper-tantrum.

Quick context, I have a shitty ass memory and all I remember from things like preschool are like. two things and everything else I've been told — for example, I've been told many many times how I apparently had a deep seated hatred for this one little plasticy backpack/suitcase type combo that every time I had a temper-tantrum and I happened to bring it to school, bitch wouldn't leave the classroom without being banged against a couple walls at least.

So anyway, it's time to leave and I'm probably making my best impression of a radiation nuke alert going off; my dad's not having it tho — he tells me we're going home. I just wail harder.

Ofc, because he's himself and raised on a different mentality (not an excuse, just an explanation; don't lay harming hands on your kids ppl) he spanks me.

My answer?? I ran beneath the fucking school bus.

NOBODY could get me from beneath that bitch — my dad moved around that thing and I just scurried to the other side like an overzealous lizard, or maybe a rabid and feral raccoon; my grandma didn't even dare intervene, she knew this was a hopeless endeavor.

It took my mom noticing from her at-the-time job — which was close-by so she could sort-of see what was happening — to start leaving and think huh, the school bus ain't going home yet. wonder what's happening to get my havoc-wrecking ass hauled back home.

As my mom oh-so-eloquently put it: "she didn't even wanna go home with (dad), she had a murderous look every time the idea was brought up."

I was apparently basically UNINTELLIGIBLE when explaining the situation STILL FROM BENEATH THE FUCKING SCHOOL BUS, so the convo was something like:

Mom: what happened? Why are you beneath the school bus sweety??

Me: little child rabid noises, crying and screeching, it vaguely sounds like a velociraptor screaming actually

Mom: ok, and what did daddy do?

Me: even more unintelligible screeching oh my god is that even a language???

So yea, I was a rabid little preschooler huh