#i guess every other time i've bought these they have been stale

[publicdomainbooksdevotee]

I love you stale salzige heringe.

[rival-the-rose]

Eating disorder rambling under cut

Eating disorder etiology is so weird. I've been sick again, so I've had another baby relapse. Or, another dip in my larger trend down since my peak recovery in early December and then getting sick end of December. It's just like clockwork, I get a fever or go on antibiotics or vomit and then every eating disorder urge hits even if I've been recovered for months. And I know the pop culture (and even psychiatric) understanding of eating disorders is skewed and shitty but it's somehow still surprising to me when my thoughts are not centered on my body or health or whatever. Like, I think people expect safe foods for ed ppl to be salads or whatever, but today the only food I've been able to eat is old stale tortilla chips that probably should've just been thrown out. It's still "virtuous" food, like morality is still the criterion by which the food is considered "safe", just a different system of morality I guess? And typing out the implications of that morality system makes me sad (ie, the only food I'm worthy of eating is just short of garbage, but my brain presents it as... idk. Something less depressing than that. Like this is gonna help save the world, but it doesn't come with wanting a system to only eat food like that or feed others like that). It's just so weird to go from pretty happily eating three meals a day to feeling morally repugnant if I feel full. Or even right now my usual coping method of thinking of the cheapest meal that is still a complete diet just seems both overwhelming and like I don't deserve that. Like I don't deserve beans and rice with salsa+sour cream, and also that meal is too hard to make.

And there are body thoughts but those feel more conscious somehow. Like the fact that I can barely wear the size 2 pants I bought when I came back this fall really really bothers me but those thoughts almost come as a reaction to whether or not I'm eating. Idk. I just feel like right now I can see how organic and insane it all is, but usually I can't see that on my own. Which either means progress or I'm extra crazy RN. It really makes me wonder what about the illness is triggering - my inactivity+lack of productivity leading to feeling like I don't deserve food? That would make sense but would have to happen at a higher order of thinking than I think this is. Just missing a meal? Maybe I'm constantly closer to relapse than I think and one meal is enough to throw it all off. But sometimes it feels like there actually something physical that changes when I get sick like my brain falls into an old rut that sick me is too tired to yank it out of.

I wonder if someday I'll be able to look back on this the same way I do the pica I had when I was anemic - raw meat and cigarette butts hold zero appeal for me now but were so enticing at the time and it felt so normal. I hate the idea of still struggling like this in another 15 years. But I don't know how to stop being terrified of gaining weight, or to stop soothing that fear with the thought that actually I do know how to lose weight and it's relatively easy. I've never truly had a healthy relationship with food or exercise but I hope I can soon. The idea of spending my entire life like this, of being like the 80 year olds in the hospital, is horrifying. Objectively, the thought of spending my youth like this is even more horrifying (even though my current agreement with myself is to stop this behavior when I'm 40). And on having that thought, I asked myself to get up and eat, and I couldn't do it.

Anyway. I'll pull my shit together soon esp since we're going out of town which usually will make it way easier to eat.

[krizaland]

An idea i've had in my head for awhile now, what if when Zim first got to Earth, his s/o was the first one to introduce him to chocolate, if there wasn't anything like it in space?

Ooh! What an interesting idea! I actually headcannon that only the Tallest can have the really yummy snacks (i.e Chocolate, donuts, cake, cookies, name brand snacks, ect.) While everyone else gets stale chips and off brand snacks.

I also headcannon that Earth junk food is actually really good for Zim. Like it’s better for him than actual Irken food.

Ok so this fic takes place before Zim and Reader became a couple So it’s basically Zim finally being able to describe how he feels about reader.

Also this request reminded me of CHOCOLAT by Teddyloid. So I hope you don’t mind me including it.

“Come on! Come on! Where is it?! WHERE?!” Zim whined as he frantically ran around the park.

Ever since GIR had let Zim’s robot bee loose, Zim had been searching every nook and cranny for it.

Zim was on the verge of a breakdown when

“Hey, Zim. Looking for something?”

“LEAVE ME BE- Oh it’s just you” Zim blurted out as he put a hand on his chest.

“Yeah…Are doing ok?”

“Zim is fine! I’m just looking for my robot- I mean perfectly normal toy bee! Now leave me!” Zim stuttered as his PAK sparked a bit.

“Oh, well do you need any help-”

“Nonsense! Zim needs help from no one! Just go on and do your…Y/N things you do here” Zim interjected as he tried to shoo you away.

“Alright suit yourself.” You muttered as you went over to a nearby bench and sat down.

Zim tried to resume his search but kept getting distracted by you. Every so often he would peek over his shoulder and watch you type away at your phone.

Eventually, Zim couldn’t take it anymore! He decided his robot-bee could wait, right now he needed to be with you. Even if it was only for a moment.

He sighed as he plopped down next to you.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” You asked as you put your phone away.

“Eh? Um, Yes! I uh, sure did.” Zim lied as his PAK sparked a bit.

“Okay then, I guess..” You giggled as you pulled out a bar of chocolate from your jacket pocket.

Zim let out a gasp as his eyes widened in shock.

“How did you get that?!”

“Get what?”

“That! How did you get that rare delicacy?! Tell me!” Zim demanded as he gestured to your chocolate bar.

“Oh, you mean my chocolate bar? I just bought it at the chocolate store across the street” You mused nonchalantly.

“EH?! YOU INFILTRATED YOUR PLANET’S CHOCOLATE RESERVES AND SURVIVED?!” Zim yelped as he grabbed the sides of his head.

“Chocolate reserves? What? No! It’s just a store that sells chocolate-”

“FOOL! Chocolate is only reserved for the elite! Now! Tell me! Tell me how you managed to secure such a rare delicacy…” Zim’s voice quivered as he curled his fingers infant of his face.

“What the-? Chocolate is for everybody not just the elite! What kind of place only lets the elite eat chocolate- Oh wait! Sorry! I forgot you’re from another country! Do they really not let people eat chocolate where you’re from?” You asked as you gave Zim a sympathetic look.

“Don’t be ridiculous! Chocolate is one of the rarest snack foods in the galaxy! Only the elite are worthy of such confectionaries!” Zim announced dramatically as he pointed to the sky.

“What? Chocolate isn’t rare at all! I mean ok there are some brands that are a bit fancier than others but almost all chocolate is available for everyone to enjoy. Not just the elite.” You explained as you started to unwrap your chocolate bar.

Zim was about to respond but was distracted by you opening the chocolate bar.

“You’re opening that chocolate in plain sight?! ARE YOU INSANE?! PUT THAT DELICACY AWAY! QUICKLY! BEFORE YOU’RE NOTICED!” Zim screeched as he reached for your chocolate bar.

“Zim! Calm down! Look, I know chocolate is rare where you’re from but things are different here. Nobody’s gonna arrest me eating chocolate.” You explained as you kept the chocolate bar out of Zim’s reach.

“But you could be executed! Or left on planet..SLUDGE!” Zim shuddered and squeezed his eyes shut.

“What? No! Zim nothing bad is gonna happen to me for eating chocolate in public. I’ll prove it, see?”

Zim tried to stop you but it was too late.

You broke off a piece of your chocolate bar and popped it into your mouth.

“See? Nothing happened!” You reassured as you chewed.

Zim blinked in shock for a moment as he looked at somewhat-eaten chocolate bar before looking back at you.

“Mmm! So good! You have to try it!” You insisted as you broke off another piece and handed it to him.

As nervous as he was, Zim had always wanted to know what chocolate tasted like.

He remembered how the Tallest would always brag about how yummy it was and mock everyone else for not having some.

Zim looked around the park for a moment. No one seemed to even notice you munching on your chocolate.

Zim let out a sigh. While he would never admit it, he did trust you. You were always there for him when he needed you and you always protected him from Dib.

Zim figured you wouldn’t try to get him in trouble. Thus, he decided to give into temptation.

Taking a deep breath, Zim cautiously took the piece of chocolate from your hand. He gave it a sniff and let out a few chirps. What a delectable aroma! Most Earth food smelled vile but chocolate smelled amazing!

Without another second of hesitation, Zim popped the piece of chocolate into his mouth.  

What followed was pure bliss.

The sweet flavor of the chocolate gently kissed his tongue, as it melted in his mouth and gently slid down his throat. He didn’t feel nauseous in the slightest! On the contrary! He felt better than ever! His squeedilyspooch felt light as a feather as his PAK sparked a bit.

No wonder chocolate was considered a delicacy! That stuff was incredible!

Zim let out a purr as he let the taste linger in his mouth.

“Good right?”

The sound of your giggly voice woke Zim from his trance.

“Eh?! AH! Yes! Delicious! Delicious! Give me more…” Zim’s voice quivered as he reached for the rest of your chocolate bar.

“What’s the magic word?”

Zim sighed and dragged a hand down his face.

“Please?”

“That’s better” You giggled as you handed him the rest of your chocolate bar.

Zim quickly snatched the bar out of your hands and begun to greedily devour it, letting out a few excited chirps as he did so.

“I can’t believe they wouldn’t let anyone have chocolate where you’re from!” You giggled as you patted Zim’s head.

Zim jumped a bit at the sudden contact but calmed down when he realized it was just you.

“Heh. Sorry for the scare.” You took your hand off of Zim’s head.

Zim stopped eating for a moment and scooted closer.

“Do it again.”

“What?”

“Do it again…Please” Zim’s voice was laced with a slight plea.

“Um, sure thing.” You giggled as you begun to gently pet Zim’s head.

And with that, Zim resumed eating, this time he slowed down and took a moment to really savor the chocolate. He let out a purr as he unknowingly leaned on you.

Zim couldn’t believe he was so afraid to try chocolate! He was so worried about getting sick or worse in trouble. However when he finally tasted it, it felt like he had entered a state of pure bliss. The sweet flavor comforted him and made his worries disappear.

He never thought that an Earth food, or heck anything on Earth could possibly make him feel this way. Then in his state of chocolate-induced euphoria, Zim finally realized something.

The way he felt when he tried chocolate was the same way he felt about you.

Zim would never admit it, but he had grown quite fond of you. You were always so kind and patient with him. You respected his boundaries but made him feel so special!  

At first, he was scared he had gotten sick but over time he realized that wasn’t the case. These feelings while strange and scary, felt so sweet and pure.

For the longest time, Zim could never describe these strange feelings he had for you.

Now he could finally find the words.

To spend time with you was like eating a piece of chocolate. Although he would never admit it, Zim wanted to savor these feelings forever.

Zim soon found himself in a chocolate wonderland. As he explored his new surroundings, he came across a large chocolate pond.

SPLISH!

You gracefully emerged from the pond.

Zim blushed as you casually stepped out of the pond and gave him a warm smile.

“I see you before me. You see me before you. Never thought that I’d fall in love with you.” Zim sang as he gazed into your eyes.

“I will take your soul, if you take my heart.” You sang as you gently took his hands in yours.

“Fly away together, far away forever.” You and Zim’s voices melted together as you both sprouted chocolate wings.

“Chocolat Chocolat, you make me feel… Chocolat Chocolat, so sweet and pure…Chocolat Chocolat, I’ll savor this moment forever…” You and Zim flew into the chocolate sky and soared above the heart shaped clouds.

“Chocolat Chocolat, you make me feel… Chocolat Chocolat, so sweet and pure…Chocolat Chocolat, I’ll savor this moment, so take me to heaven or hell I don’t care where…” You and Zim danced atop the heart shaped clouds.

The two of you danced and swayed as you both gently descended to the ground.

Zim toppled over a bit but you quickly caught him. You then gently took his hand and begun to lead him though a chocolate park.

“I go to the park, wait for you to come. I believe in you. Only one is you…You will be my angel. I will be your spirit..” Zim sang as he continued to walk with you.

The Tallest appeared and started pointing and laughing.

“Look at him! He’s holding hands with a human!” Red chortled as he doubled over.

“Yeah! He’s so dumb!” Purple added.

BONK!

BONK!

SPLASH!

You chucked two chocolate balls at both Red and Purple, causing them to fall into another chocolate pond.

“It doesn’t matter what they say to us…”

“Chocolat Chocolat, you make me feel… Chocolat Chocolat, so sweet and pure…Chocolat Chocolat, I’ll savor this moment forever…” Zim gently took your hands and continued to dance with you.

““Chocolat Chocolat, you make me feel… Chocolat Chocolat, so sweet and pure…Chocolat Chocolat, I’ll savor this moment, So take me to heaven or hell I don’t care where…”

Zim begun to whisper a few things in Irken as he swung you around for a moment.

He was just about to pull you into a kiss when

“Zim? Are you ok?”

Zim awoke to find that he had not only finished his chocolate but was snuggling into you!

Zim let out a scream, jumped to his feet and ran all the way back to his base.

“What am I gonna do with him?” You sighed as you shook your head.

[nicolewoo]

Speakeasy Part 1

Pairing: Fergal Devitt X Reader. Finn Balor X Reader

Scenario: Desperate to make enough money to live on during the great depression, Reader gets a job at a Speakeasy, and finds a dangerous ally. Can she trust this man and his stories or should she listen to her friend's advice and steer clear of him?

Warnings: Part 1 has no warnings. Future parts probably will.

The minute I walked in, I could smell it.... the stale smell of cigarette smoke and alcohol were practically oozing out of the walls. This wasn't going to be good for my throat, but then again, this wasn't going to be good for anything except paying bills. It's 1930 and a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do.... especially living alone in Chicago.

I had a job at a diner, but the breakfast tips weren't enough to get by, and I'd been frantically trying to get a job in a proper theater. The problem was that everyone wanted dancers that could sing. I had the singing part down. The dancing? Well, I've got 2 left feet. No matter how many lessons I took, I just couldn't dance. So, here I am, in a speakeasy, getting ready to try out for a bunch of mafia guys, risking getting arrested just so I could pay the bills.

Count your blessings, girl. A lot of people are a lot worse off. I told myself as I remembered leaving Hutchinson Kansas due to The Great Depression. I remembered the sight of homeless families and bread lines and brawls for crumbs. Yes, I was doing something illegal, but I was going to be able to live because of it.

I was shaken out of my thoughts with the sound of a trumpet squeaking out. I knew before I even looked that it was my friend Tony getting my attention. “You made it. You look great, doll.” Tony said coming up to me. “Let me introduce you to the band.” He placed his hand on the small of my back and led me over to the stage.

“Marty,” Tony called out getting the band leader's attention. “This is Y/N, the singer I told you about.”

Marty barely looked up from the sheet music he was reviewing, “Hey. Let's hear those pipes, doll.” He sounded less than enthusiastic. “Guys.” He yelled to the band. “Give me some Mean to Me.”  He motioned me over to the mic.

Ok, well, let's do this. I sidled up to the mic, trying to insert some extra swag into my walk so I'd look more experienced than I was. The music began and I reached up to hold the mic stand as I started to sing.

“You're mean to me. Why must you be mean to me?” Marty looked up with a look of surprise.

“Gee, honey. It seems to me. You love to see me crying.” Tony gave me a big thumbs up to encourage me.

“I don't know why. I stay home. Each night when you say you'll phone.” I started to see the band members nodding and smiling to each other.

“You don't and I'm left alone. Singing the blues and crying.” I saw a couple of men come from the back room to see who was singing, but I couldn't make out their faces in the dark room.

I was ecstatic to see such a great reception, and I was pretty sure I'd gotten the job. As the song swelled to the harder part, I focused on hitting all the right notes and making the song sound as sexy as possible.

I saw one of the men who'd come in from the back signal to Marty, but I didn't know what the signal meant. I peeked at Marty, but I couldn't read his expression. He made me wait until the end of the song.

“Ok, kiddo. You got the gig. We'll see how tonight goes, and if you do well, we'll talk about something permanent.” Marty showed no emotion. I'd gotten the impression that he'd gone through a lot of singers, and didn't expect any better from me. “Guys,” He yelled over the sound of instruments playing different sections of the songs and talking among themselves. “We start a full practice in ½ an hour, so go get some food now. We're gonna be busy tonight.” He dismissed the band with the same lack of emotion as when he'd hired me.

Tony ran to me as excited as me. “You did it, doll!” He hugged me tight. Then started to lead me outside. “Lets get some chow.” He said as he pointed to a diner across the ally from the speakeasy.

As we sat down, I asked, “So, does Marty want me here or what?”

Tony chuckled under his breath, “Oh yeah yeah! He doesn't show emotion,” he explained. “But don't worry. You're in!” He assured me.

“I didn't know what the signal was from the guys in the back.... or even who they were.” I explained.

“Yeah, Hey. So....” Tony paused. “Ya know not to talk about... ya know.”

He didn't finish his thought, but I knew what he meant. Although I'd never spent any time in this seedy underworld, I was no dummy. “Say no more.” I replied.

“Ok. If you have any questions, just come to me, but not at the club.” He assured me. “Just focus on singing and let them do their stuff.” His gaze bored a hole in me, and I nodded in understanding. “Most importantly,” Tony reached over and put his hand on my arm, “DON'T get romantically involved with any one there. Do you understand?”

“You don't have to worry. I know who they are.” I assured him.

Tony was like a big brother to me. He'd been a regular at the diner where I worked; me always starting my day as he was ending his over breakfast. We became great friends, and Tony and his wife had taken me under their wing, inviting me over for dinner, watching out for me. Working at the speakeasy wasn't what Tony and his wife wanted for me, but when I couldn't get a theater job, they had finally given in and got me the audition. Tony had promised his wife that he'd protect me from the going ons of the club.

After dinner, I sat with Marty going over what songs I knew and what songs I needed to get to know in order to keep working there. He was pleasantly surprised at my song knowledge, and we both felt we had enough to put on a good show tonight. It was perfect because Marty had had to sing himself since losing their last singer. We went over the songs with the band until we were comfortable with each other's styles.

Afterward, I practiced in the back, pouring over the pages of sheet music Marty gave me while tinkering the notes out on an old, out-of-tune piano in a side room, hoping to add in some of these songs soon. The closer we got to show time, the more anxious I got. It was more than if I'd be entertaining... I was worried about getting arrested. Tony had assured me that if the cops came in, and I couldn't get away in time, he'd bail me out before morning, but still. A proper girl like me didn't get arrested. What would my parents think if they were alive? I pushed those thoughts out of my head and tried to focus on the music again.

I heard the band start, happy music flooding through the whole building. I peaked out at the crowd and was shocked to see the club almost full already. What surprised me the most was the class of the people in the club. I had expected to see hardened criminals and desolate prostitutes, but instead, the crowd was full of Chicago's best. Ladies in fine dresses with fringes everywhere. Men in tuxedo suits sporting walking sticks and monocles. I glanced at my own aged floor length dress that I'd bought from a theater who was throwing it out, and lamented at the state of it. Would these rich muckedy mucks accept me in this ragged thing? Before looking at them, I thought I'd looked good, but now. Now, I was wracked with every insecurity I'd ever felt.

I saw Tony rise from his seat at the bandstand and come backstage to me. “You ready?” He asked all excited.

“Tony!” I almost started crying. “Those people. They're all so fancy. This dress is so old and ratty.” I started to say, but he placed his hand on my shoulder.

“Doll, the minute you open your mouth, everyone is going to fall in love with you. You've got the voice of an angel. We can buy you more dresses when you get paid. In the meantime, don't worry about it. You look amazing, and the stage lights are going to hide any imperfections in the dress.” He gave me a quick hug as I heard Marty announce me.

“Ladies and gentlemen, We've got a special treat for you this evening.” How the hell did Marty have emotion now? He sounded positively jovial. I guess he was just a good actor. “Tonight, for the first time at Club Red, we are proud to present our new singer, Y/N.”

The crowd responded to Marty's happy announcement with excited applause. Tony took my arm and escorted me out to stage, depositing me in front of the mic before taking his own seat in the horn section.

We started with Ain't Misbehavin', and the crowd went silent as they focused on me. I prayed they were enjoying the performance, and I poured every ounce of energy I could muster into making the song sound sexy. I wasn't sure how I was doing until the song ended, and the crowd went nuts! They were applauding and giving me standing ovations. I even heard some lewd whistles from near the back where the mob guys had been earlier. I was a hit!

When I turned to find out what song we were singing next, Marty smiled warmly at me. “You did great.” He whispered just to me. “Am I Blue” is next.

The music sounded and the crowd quieted as the slow song changed the mood in the room.

“Am I blue? Am I blue? Ain't these tears in my eyes tellin' you.”

Marty whispered over my shoulder, “Go walk through the crowd, engage them.” he encouraged.

“Am I blue?” I slowly left the stage, pleasantly surprised when the spot light followed me with no notice. “You'd be too. If each plan with your man just fell through.” I placed my hand on a lady's shoulder emphasizing the phrase and she reached up to pat my hand in understanding. I wandered to another table. “Was a time. I was his only one.” I crooned to a table of men, and they smiled broadly at me. “Now I'm the sad and lonely one.” I continued to wander through the crowded room, placing my hand on a shoulder here, singing closely into a gentleman's ear there. The crowd was eating it up. “Now he's gone, and we're through. Am I blue?”

My eyes settled on a man at the table next to me in the back of the room. He was quite frankly the most beautiful man I'd ever seen, with a chiseled jaw, perfect black hair, sparkling blue eyes and his black tuxedo, black shirt and white bow tie matched by a white pocket square. He oozed money and sex. Logically, his table should have been the next I visited, but the way he was looking at me... lustfully... deterred me, and I skipped his table. He made no indication that my turn away from his table bothered him, but his eyes didn't leave me for the rest of the song causing butterflies in my stomach. He gazed so intently at me, I felt like he could see through my dress to my naked body.

I managed to gather my wits again as the song ended and I walked back up to the stage. This job was too important to me. It was this or I ended up being the one in the bread lines tomorrow. I couldn't let anyone, not even this wickedly beautiful man, get in the way of me making this money.

I stayed on the stage the rest of the night. I already had the crowd eating out of the palm of my hand, I didn't need to pander to them anymore. At the end of each song, the crowd cheered for me, and I noticed the lone man in the back smile as he gauged the mood of the crowd.

It was late... very late.... and I was tired when the show ended. “Heya doll. How bout I give ya a ride home?” Tony said as I started leaving the club with an extra few bucks in my pocket as the sun peeked over the horizon.

I was so tired, I could barely speak, but I nodded yes to Tony. He was full of energy, praising my performance, telling me how happy he was. Saying he was sure I'd be hired permanently tomorrow. I fell asleep in the gently rocking car, and Tony laughed when he had to wake me up. “Guess you're gonna have to get used to the schedule.” He teased. “Good thing you're not working at the diner this morning.” After I thanked him for the ride, Tony watched until I was safely in my apartment building before heading to the diner to get some breakfast before he went to bed. I didn't care that I was hungry, I took off my dress and fell asleep in my underclothes.

I dreamed of music notes flying through the air, of gathering them in a bag and presenting them on beautiful sheet music to the guests. I dreamed of the smoky bar and the man seated in the back and that he paid me for one of my music sheets, a small contained smile on his lips.