#i gotta start wearing shoes again 😔

[deadestofdoves]

I've only spent maybe an hour out of bed today. I can't tell if it's because I'm sick or if it's bc they haven't turned the heating on and it's freezing out

[ronearoundblindly]

you're right, we havent given mr jake jensen a lot of attention lately 😔🫶🏻 can we get an E for him?

We are all on the Jake train now, y'all...

From this dirty ask game, which is appropriately named and thus MINORS DNI.

I feel like I need to say this before we get started--

In regards to the previous discussion of his sexual routine: to be clear, you didn't make Jake cry because of attempting to set time aside for him. He just really didn't like the idea maybe not having already spent time--good time--together or romancing you, etc, that would make you feel the need to schedule things. Things that aren't a specific date out and so forth. He knows he over-reacted. He sees that now. He just had gotten a bit lost in work for a week. Instead of interrupting him then, you set aside some time, and then he kinda lost his shit thinking he'd neglected you or that you thought that...

It's fine. He's fine now. He still hates the idea of scheduling anything but trips though.

E - Extra Info

Jake really, really likes strip poker, but it's pretty obvious he just wants any excuse to be in his boxers. Dude doesn't really like wearing clothes (except he's perfectly fine still having his socks and boots on?? so definitely no foot fetish there). That might be a bit of a thing, actually. If you rock some awesome shoes--be it high heels or platforms or the chunkiest combat boot known to man-- you're not taking them off for sex; you're stuck in those till he's done with you. Period.

The question of if he seduces you back came up in the previous ask, too, and absolutely, yes. He's just...so fucking awkward about using pickup lines and stuff that Jake's seduction is more like...showing his enthusiasm instead of a well thought out plan. He'll take over, he'll take what he wants, but ultimately, he's very sweet about communicating what it is he's excited for.

Like you wearing his bulletproof vest. There's lots of straps he can hold onto. Or his leather gun holster, nothing underneath. That works both ways because he'll wear that for you and nothing else, too.

As we all know, Jake really likes to laugh. He enjoys those moments of levity even--and maybe especially--during sex, so if you do use something on him or make a game of it, it's a big turn on to him that he can be comfortable and goofy and you're still ready to fuck him because goodness knows that's all he wants in the world.

Does Jake have any dark fantasies or desires?

Hmm. Really good question.

I think what I'm getting at is that he is a real tit-for-tat man; if he has any desire to bring it to the bedroom, he's open to whatever it is being done to him. He would never ask you to go through something he wouldn't (degradation, humiliation, roleplay, anal, whatever). If I've said it once, I'll say it again: pure. switch. energy.

He's not the most articulate about these things. He still blushes and chuckles when certain things are brought up, no doubt, but he's just, idk, interested. If you wanna try it, so does he. He'll even research the fuck out of it and buy all the supplies and be ready.

Just. Don't. Schedule. It.

The only organic thing in all of life that Jake gives a fuck about is intimacy. That's gotta be organic or it takes the fun away. He needs the fun. He needs the laughter.

Thank you for asking!

I love him so much.

[Main Masterlist; Light Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

[laco-myles]

[at lunch table] Ok, to all men here, this is kinda a weird question but how do yall fit ur dick in ur pants.

“Ummm we just do..?”

“But doesn’t ur schlong get in the way??”

Do you think I can do my eyebrows with whiteout?

“Mikayala NO”

I would fuck your dog because you told me that hes a rat

[kids run past the open classroom door screaming because of the thunder]

Math Teacher: P U S S I E S

What if girls wore velcro pants instead of normal ones.

If a cocaine addict dies and you cut open his lungs, will you find the fresh cocaine there?

Me getting about 5 other people to scream backstreet boys outside the classroom.

Kid: [walks out in the pouring rain to “go to the bathroom” and doesnt come back for about 40 minutes] Sorry Mr. Luu I got stuck in the bathroom stall.

Teacher: What’s one example of genetic selection?

Kid 1: umm dog breeders

Kid 2: Hitler!

Math teacher: What’s your shoe size

My friend: 13

Some kid in the back: BIG FEET BIG MEAT

“You better come to practice or else I’ll succ ur goddamn toes Evan.”

Me and my friend singing: i take a look at my enormous P E N I S and my troubles start melting away ~

Me, standing on top of a big rock outside: I GOT A BIG P E N I S

my teammate walking by: I S A B E L L E

“My dad is an asshole and his name is Edmund.”

“B R U H MY DAD IS NAMED EDMUND AND HES AN ASSHOLE TOO”

“OH??ON GOD??”

I’ll never be a Mormon because i would have to wear the special mormon tightie whities.

“In Mormon religion, God gives you a heavenly name and you can’t tell anyone or else youre going to hell.

Friend: I bet my Heavenly name is xX_Pussy_Slayer_666_Xx

Crush: hey isabelle can you help me with this problem

Me: ya sure

My two friends from behind me: yeah isabelle go get that ass!

“Mom sold me to One Direction again 😔”

Ugh Nate is in Cancun right now while we gotta take this dumbass quiz what a rat

“Haha called the teacher by yelling ‘Ayo bruh’”

“Shut up Luna at least I don’t go to class high on weed.

public school quotes:-feel free to add more

For my student government campaign I want to remove all the toilets from the Juul room

dude like wtf is water

“What if girls had balls at on point but we got so cold we just FROZE THEm off”

“is that why y’all always be stealin our hoodies”

“no we take em cause all y’all are petty bitch asses who need to get your shit together”

Yo why’d my dad have to give my mom another X chromosome I didn’t ask for this

Yea the volley ball broke the ceiling so we all have to sit outside

“When I’m president I’m gonna make hoe work illegal”

“you mean home work”

“No”

Yes I sleep in braids so I don’t have to brush my hair

Lmao that sexual behavior servey is a mood wish I could relate

Some kid: I want to dieeee

hallway: meee too bitch the fuck

“Why do you have scrunchies on your leg”

“the aesthetic”

*slaps ass* NOICEE

Entire stairwell: *singing don’t stop believing by journey*

teachers: YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW

Raindrop. Drop top. I just got merked by a porkchop

“This is my shank”

“That’s a comb”

“Prove it”

Don’t be a petty ass whore and go get me a ruler

Why you so good at drawing this looks like a bell pepper

Hahaha nut hahaha

Get off buzzfeed and help us with our science project

“If I were to snap my neck rn who would stop me”

“Don’t snap ur neck”

“Damn Ok”

My grandmas a witch so I’m not aloud on the ouiji board or she’ll like curse me

“Haha science is gay”

”No it’s bi”

“How do you know”

“Bismuth”

*throwing ping pong balls at people* take that demons

“How’d you come out”

“It all started May 1, 2003, when my mom pushed me out of her-“

“NO STOP”

Boi imma bout to boof so hard

I just lost brain cells listening to you speak

I mean I want a middle part but i know I’ll look like Edna mode or some shit

I’m glad I’m a irrelevant cause when the zombie apocalypses hits I’ll be taken last cause theyll all be millennials/ gen z and go for the politicians first

I mean we stan mom jeans but like I have two dads

Drop them socks boi Gimme then toes

Yea sneaking out is good but have you heard of fruit punch

I have the sleeping schedule of a god damn possum please help

If we do another frickin gizmo I’m gonna kashoot myself that’s s promise

“Can I be the statistical analyst”

“I’m already tracer”

If I could time travel once l’d go back like five months and fix my amazon music recommendations

Yea I have anger issues I almost ate a lizzard

Hahaha penis ahaha

Yea he put a lock on the empty locker next to him so we are putting school bucks in there and at the end of the year he gonna unlock it but keep the lock on so when Mrs Jones takes it off to open it they fly everywhere

“Carson won’t stop eating erasers”

“It’s my religion”

“What religion is that”

“Crippleism”

Ham baguette

“Do pencils conduct electricity”

“Depends how hard you try”

Is tHaT a ChALLEnGE??!?!

You think everything is a challenge shut up

You can’t sit back here you’re like 3 nothing

Bro if you don’t add me to that gc I stg imma suck ya foot

Feel free to add more-