#i gotta get ready for my own roadtrip!!!!

[rubyklaasje]

this, to me, is klaasje at the end of roadtrip fic

[spicysix]

「eddie munson X gn!reader • roadtrip!AU」

2.5k words | prev | next | masterlist | ao3 warnings: none! this is just a fluffy filler! songs of the chapter: let me know - KISS • me and bobby mcgee - janis joplin

Tuesday, July 29

Eddie had really ordered food and was really watching Golden Girls on the TV when you woke up a few hours later, and the sun had set already. You giggled and stretched, went to the bathroom, and when you came back he had your meal ready  — an entire pizza for you and an entire pizza for him. You sat side by side, backs to the headboard, shoulders touching, sharing warmth. It felt so good. It felt simple.

You talked a lot, too. At first, you just got to know each other better. You told Eddie more about your childhood and your grandma, her hippie ways that you knew your mother had inherited from the pictures around your childhood home. The jewelry and bijous you kept from both of them, still your favorites to this day, and how they were all that was left of them for you to keep.

Eddie, in return, talked about his own childhood with Wayne, how he’d spend his summers with him before fully moving in, how Wayne showed him his hobbies and Eddie learned how to work on cars, fish and play his guitar. He said he looked forward to taking Wayne on a grand fishing trip one day hopefully, how he’d love to be one of those people on little boats fishing on Lewis Lake as you had seen the day before.

Then, he got up from the bed, discarded the empty pizza boxes and came back with his guitar case. Opened it in front of the two of you, and the guitar inside it was the same one he used to lure the bats in the Upside Down. You looked at it for a minute too long. She was beautiful. But she also gave you some bad chills.

“I haven’t played her ever since that night.” His voice was barely above a whisper, and when you looked at him you thought you’d never seen him more sad. “Couldn’t.”

You didn’t know what to say to that, so you just rested your hand on top of his knee. He kept watching the guitar, and you kept watching him, for what felt like ages. Suddenly, he took a deep breath and took her out of the case, holding her as one should hold a guitar.

“What’s your favorite song?” he asked. You were startled and a mix of feeling honored and dreading.

“You don’t have to-” he cut you off.

“I want to. C’mon. Your favorite?”

You answered him and thankfully he knew that one. Thought about it for a while before tentatively stringing the cords of his guitar. The sound wasn’t loud, and it felt a little off without an amp plugged in, but you could still recognize it.

He just hummed along for the first verse before looking up at you for just a second. “I don’t know the lyrics, you gotta sing,” he said and smirked before looking down to see what his fingers were doing again.

You laughed and sang along, off-key as always but it didn’t seem to matter. You were having fun, and judging by the wide grin on Eddie’s lips, so was he. He finished your song and you clapped with enthusiasm before he followed with a song of his own choice. You recognized it from one of his tapes, and this time you were the one just humming as he sang out loud.

When he finished that one, he rested the guitar back on its case and opened and closed his hands in fists a few times.

“Long time without playing, I’m rusty,” he said with a half-smile, half-grimace, before getting up to put the now-closed case back near his bags where it was before.

In the meantime, you tucked yourself under the sheets and settled to watch some more Golden Girls before sleeping again. Eddie chuckled when he saw you, but didn’t waste his time before doing the same and lying on his side facing you, his fingers once again caressing your cheeks.

“Y’know, I was going to ask you to drive because my feet hurt like hell from all the walking with the wrong shoes yesterday,” he started, “But you were being so bitchy I decided it was best not to,” he finished with a smirk.

You knew it was a joke, that he was teasing you, but you felt the guilt bubbling inside your tummy nonetheless.

“I’m sorry, Eddie. I shouldn’t have acted so passive-aggressively,” you murmured while looking down, but he cupped your face and made you look at him again.

“Hey, no, it’s okay. I didn’t act on it too.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t treat me like shit all day.”

He called your name with a sigh, “You didn’t treat me like shit, you were just a bit moody. You apologized, it’s past now, right?” You nodded. “Kitten just gets grouchy without kisses, huh?”

There was a smirk on his lips as he leaned in to kiss your face, and you giggled. You remembered how you compared him to a feral kitten when your journey had just started and he was cagey and grumpy, and you now felt like you had finally won his undoubting trust. It was both funny and endearing how he found a way to nickname you the same thing in return.

“You’re ridiculous,” you said with a weak slap to his arm.

“Hey! No name-calling, don’t go bitchy again.” You snorted and he gave you a peck on the lips before pulling back and staring right into your eyes, going serious again. “Just... Let’s talk, okay? We don’t wanna complicate it, right, so we have to talk.”

You nodded again and he smiled sweetly before leaning back in and kissing you once more. Your stomach was swirling the most delicious of turns as his hand slipped from your face to the back of your neck, bringing your faces impossibly closer. You once again let your hands get lost in his mane, increasing his frizz and tangling his hair, but he didn’t seem to mind. His tongue was slow and lazy moving against yours, no rush, no hurry, and his hands were leaving warm traces on your skin under your shirt.

Even if leisurely, the pace still escalated and soon enough he was practically sitting on your thighs and taking off his shirt before diving back to kiss your neck, leaving wet kisses and nibbles along the way. Your hands were going up and down his shoulder blades and you couldn’t hold back your sighs as his fingers traced your chest over your shirt. You scratched his back and he hissed in delight before pulling back.

Only then you realized you hadn’t seen him without his shirt before.

You traced his scars as gently as you could. They weren’t as pink or as jutting as the ones on his neck and jaw, probably from being less exposed to the sun. Eddie watched you studying him.

“Do they hurt?” you asked, not taking your eyes or your fingers off his scars.

“Not really. Sometimes they’re sore, and if I overuse my abs it can be a little painful, but it’s not like I’m hitting the gym every day,” he answered with a snort and you smiled.

You sat up with him still on your lap and bowed down to kiss his skin tenderly. You felt him shudder under your fingertips, and the goosebumps that waved through him. You started at the ones near his hips and went up until you reached his chest. You couldn’t help but chuckle at the fact that his left nipple was missing. You licked the skin where it once was and he sighed.

“Do you miss it?” you asked, smile still pressed against his skin as you looked at him from under your eyelashes.

“Sometimes, I mean, it’s kinda weird to have just one.” He laughed and you crossed his chest to kiss the other one still remaining.

“Was that one also pierced?” you asked again, feeling the cold of the barbell against your lips and giving it a gentle tug with your teeth.

Eddie hissed. “Yeah, it was.”

He didn’t wait for you to ask any more questions before grabbing your jaw, pulling you away from his chest, and leaning down to kiss you again. His tongue invaded your mouth immediately, and it was fiercer this time, faster, more desperate.

You felt like your body was on fire.

He maneuvered the two of you until you were lying down again and he was in between your legs, your ankles crossed behind his back. He was slowly grinding on you and you couldn’t help but moan when his hand reached up and he teased your nipple with his calloused fingers. He laughed against your skin where his face was pressed to your neck before giving it a kiss.

“Should we keep it simple?” he asked and for a second you wanted to kill him, but he was right. You weren’t sure if you were ready for more just yet.

You nodded and his hand left your chest, coming to rest over your shirt again as he kissed you slowly to help you down through your highs. You cupped his face in return and soothed the scars on his jaw and neck just as you did to the ones on his torso, and you could feel each other’s smiles against your lips.

“Do you need another cold shower?” he asked, that teasing smirk again and you laughed loudly.

“Let’s just sleep,” you answered as you got up to close the curtains and turn off the lights. You didn’t turn off the TV, just lowered the volume so the light of it was still illuminating the bed and the low humming of Golden Girls could help lull you to sleep.

As you lied down beside him again, he didn’t wait until he fell asleep this time, he just caged you on his embrace and buried his face on your neck again while still conscious. It felt like pure bliss once more, and you could bet a few dollars that you both went down to slumber in synchrony.

Wednesday, July 30

As you woke up the next day, late in the morning, you noticed how much you needed that good night of deep rest. Your body was feeling limp, and your eyes were a little heavy, but it felt all so worth it.

Eddie woke up as you were in the bathroom, and as you left he was changing his clothes into something he could wear outside.

“Thought we could go for a walk?” he asked, and you nodded before grabbing some clothes of your own to change into.

It wasn’t long before you were in the van again, Eddie smiling wide and excitedly singing along to KISS making your mood also go high up. No map in hand, no place to go, no plan to follow. You were simply driving around the town and watching as it passed you by. Missoula was a very touristy place, with a lot of outdoor options to enjoy the nature, and everywhere you looked you saw people who were ready to go on trails and hikes.

The sun was covered by clouds, a summer rain approaching, but it still wasn’t enough to sour your and Eddie’s moods. You looked at him across the front bench of the van, a loud guitar riff echoing and vibrating through your soul, his smile big and bright and for your eyes only, and you felt better than you did in a good while.

Eventually you reached a park and you took your sweet time walking around it, seeing the families having their fun, enjoying the cooler weather, and Eddie held your hand in his as if it was his second nature to do so. You pointed out trees and plants and he picked up a flower for you.

“Is this against the park’s rules? Am I killing nature?” he asked as he handed you a few dandelions, whites and yellows alike.

“Well, if it is let’s get out before the park cops catch us,” you answered with a laugh and he held your hand as he pulled you forward, the two of you practically running and laughing loudly, unbothered by the people staring.

You left the park not much later, the dandelions peeking from the back pocket of your shorts, and headed downtown where you found a records store. You and Eddie looked through the tapes and vinyls and when you found Joplin’s “Pearl” you couldn’t help but whine in frustration.

“This is my favorite of hers,” you said, and Eddie came from where he was looking through the metal tapes.

“It’s her best one. You should get it.”

You chuckled. “And play it where, Eddie?”

He shrugged with a smile. “We’ll get a record player when we arrive at wherever we’re going.”

He picked up the vinyl with one of his hands, using the other to grab yours once more and dragging you to a thankfully empty private listening room for you to listen to the record. He placed it in place on the player, Side B first because he was weird that way, carefully setting down the needle in a random song instead of the beginning.

You recognized the guitar immediately and turned to Eddie with a big smile.

“This song is very fitting, I think. Fate’s messing with us.”

He chuckled and grabbed your hand to spin you once and twice in the tiny space of the room and you couldn’t help but giggle.

“I was playing soft while Bobby sang the blues, windshield wipers slapping time,” you sang along and Eddie smiled as he watched you, his hand still on yours. “I was holding Bobby’s hand in mine, we sang every song that driver knew.” You threw him a pointing look and he laughed loudly again.

“Yeah, okay, it’s a fitting song,” he admitted.

“Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose,” you sang again, and he nodded with the lyrics. “Yeah, feeling good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues. Yeah, feeling good was good enough for me.”

He used the hand still on yours to pull you closer to him, his chest pressed to yours as his hand moved to your waist and the other found the nape of your neck.

“Good enough for me and my Bobby McGee.”

He kissed you then, as Janis’ voice still surrounded you, and you didn’t think you’d ever get used to it, or if you’d ever get tired of it, of his lips on yours. Your hands found his shoulders and you were still swaying softly to the sides as his tongue caressed yours and you chuckled into the kiss as you thought about calling him Bobby from now on. You felt his smile against your lips, and he didn’t know what you were thinking, but you thought it was enough to know that kissing you made him as happy as kissing him made you. It was sweet, and hungry, and as fitting as the song was for the two of you.

Lord, I called him my lover I called him my man I said I called him my lover, did the best the best I can

end notes: we're approaching the end and i'm not ready for it

taglist (is open!): @amira0303 @rupsmorge @wyverntatty

[chronicas]

I will send u cat photos in a bit, but for rn: what ocs have a death grip on you rn and why? (this is an essay) (but i am also being silly) (i would like an essay) (english class essay) (minimum word count 500) (thats a joke)

Oh shit I missed this one yesterday, but yk it's appreciated today too :) Anyways definitely the main OC that's been on my mind lately is Sammy. He's just sooooo coooool. She's got all my favorite narrative elements, subversion of the horror genre, anti-military sentiment, weird old man adopting a weirder kid, and Riot Grrrl. She's really got it all. But I think mostly what's going on in my head is how I'm gonna structure the comic. Webcomics are a great way to break into making comics, but because you're only uploading a page or two at a time you gotta keep the audience captivated with only a small amount of information. I'm excited to explore horror comics because I think horror is a genre that IS good at keeping your audience drawn in with minimal info. I'm glad so many people have shown interest in Sam because I'm not ready to commit to AoC which I've been working on for so long, or MotA which I hope to make as a graphic novel.

I'd go into wayyyyyy more detail on Sam and her whole deal if it weren't for the fact that by this time next year he'll have his own comic.

However I can talk about her anyways. Mainly stuff that won't happen for quite a while like Sam actually joining the band. The bandmates still need names, except the drummer, who's name is Imani. I'm most excited for the band because it will mark the most lighthearted part of the comic right before shit gets real bad again. It's the first taste Sam gets of being a normal teenager, she gets good at bass, hangs out with her friends, has sleepovers, all the shit she never got to have growing up. Then of course the roadtrip picks back up, but this time with three more teenage girls. The tone'll stay lighter for a while, but having the other girls around makes things more complicated, in a lot of ways that are just, normal teen drama bullshit less than "this is a horror comic".

I hope mainly that all y'all like my comic. I wish I could promise a more frequent update schedule, but right now we're lookin' at a page a month. Still, I'm excited to introduce y'all to Sam properly :)

[yumeinikki]

The first time it happens Bucky had laughed it off. He had probably personally invited it even. The huge media circus that was Captain America's wedding. So many people. So many important people. Something was bound to go wrong. So when Sharon gave him an apologetic smile before he even had the chance to sit down for breakfast, he knew exactly what was going to happen.

"Suspicious person spotted on the roof" she had said. The pain clear in her eyes. But the venue was compromised. And with their guest list no one wanted to take the risk.

By the second time they didn't even get to the venue. Only making it to the car for a roadtrip from DC to Delacroix with Torres and Belova (Sam's idea) when Torres got the call.

"Sin's been spotted near a crucial powerplant" that's all Bucky had to hear to know she was up to no good. But in all honesty. He didn't mind skipping the roadtrip.

By the third time Bucky started believing it might be an actual curse. Making a mental note to check in with Dr. Strange next time he'd be in New York. Though it was probably his own fault for kissing Sam goodnight with a cheeky "Third time's the charm" and very specific instructions to not come see Sam before the ceremony.

So when he finally had coaxed Sarah into even letting him go near Sam's room, with ample warning before hand, he gave a soft knock.

"Sweetheart, I know you said no peeking. But does it count if I'm in my uniform and not ny tux?" Bucky asked through the closed door

"We gotta go beat up some bad guys hmm? Saw it on the news" Sam replied. Bucky could hear his weight shifting behind the door, it opening slowly as Bucky closed his eyes obediently.

"It's what I get for marrying People's sexiest man alive, hottest groom of 2032 and GQ's man of the year, third year in a row. Everybody wants a piece of you" Bucky said, letting out a breath he didnt know he was holding as Sam chuckled softly, about to retort when he felt Sam's lips press against his own.

"You better not be peeking" Sam said as he pulled back, Bucky could hear him hold back a sigh. So he gently pressed their foreheads together.

"You think it was this hard for Steve?" He asked.

"I don't know" Bucky admitted. "I guess not, but then the world thought he was a popsicle. And I'm not quite ready for something that extreme. Besides, I'll gladly fight for your honour of actually getting to marry you. We'll make them regret it"

Sam laughed, Bucky melting as he felt Sam's breath against his skin. "Torres will be here with your uniform soon. You get ready, I'll tell the guests" Bucky said, pulling back reluctantly. But not before Sam could steal another quick kiss. "No peeking" he has repeated as Bucky pulled back. Giving a salute before he turned around as he heard Torres approaching.

By the fourth time Bucky found himself clumsily adjusting his speech. Leaving out a few of the colourful nicknames he and Sam had for each other. Quite sure Sam would never let him live down calling him 'his favourite asshole' in front of Riley.

By the time most guests had left and Riley was asleep in Sam's arms from way too much excitement Sam turned to Bucky.

"You were gonna call me asshole, weren't you" he said

"Favourite asshole. And in my defense, i wrote this speech a year ago" Bucky replied, holding his hands up in surrender.

"How were you planning on explaining that when she grows up?" Sam said, shaking his head.

Bucky pondered for a moment. "Well, I was gonna start with that full body slam. Also that time you didn't move your seat up. That time you made me sleep on Sarah's couch instead of your bed. Should I go on?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Remind me why I even married you?"

"Beats me, Sweetheart, last time I checked you hated me" Bucky replied with a smirk, leaning in and sealing their lips together.

"Yeah I hate you Mr. Wilson" Sam replied.

And as Riley lay curled up in his arms Bucky realised that someone, somewhere had probably been looking out for him. That curse might've been a blessing after all.

[theasstour]

𝐔𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐄𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟕.𝟕𝐤 𝐍𝐁: 𝐚𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐨𝐥, 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐩𝐡𝐨𝐛𝐢𝐚

Tuesday, 13 December 2017

Tooley Street was always busy, whether there were a horde of people walking to and from the riverside and underground, or cars driving by at a ridiculous speed. London Bridge station on the other side of the road to where Y/N and the gang sat at Caffé Nero, looked like a small insect in comparison to The Shard that reached like a pillar above the partly cloudy winter sky. The blue painted brick building beside it, The Shipwright Arms pub, was a lively addition to an otherwise very bleak street.

The winter wind by the riverside was horrendous, but Y/N had offered to come with Annalise on her cigarette break, so she had only herself to blame for exposing herself to more of the biting cold than completely necessary. From where the two were sitting, they could just make out Tower Bridge behind them, bare trees rising up along the streets that indicated summer was long gone and winter had arrived.

Y/N had spent a lot of time just sitting outside the last few days. Whether it was on a bench by Regent’s Canal, in the grass at Shoreditch Park, or at a table outside a café with a coffee in hand. She had just been sitting there, staring out at nothing. Thinking. All she had been doing since finding that watch was think.

She had tried to find some kind of logical explanation as to why that watch had the coordinates for her family’s Newport cabin, but there was none. What kind of connection did George have to Newport? To that cabin? Had he just fucked her and left it there because he knew who Y/N’s sister was? And where was George now? She had not seen him since that night in October, was he still around? Or had Y/N just missed him when he had been, and this had all just been a huge coincidence. But Y/N somehow knew, deep down, that this was far from a coincidence and she should not treat it as one.

“You have to come to Monnickendam,” Annalise said, blowing out a puff of white smoke.

Y/N looked away from a man across the street who was arguing passionately with someone on his phone. Shoving the thoughts of the watch that was laid on her desk in her room, out of her head. She had not told anyone about it, this was not something she wanted everyone to know about because she had no idea what it meant. The only person that knew was Harry, and she would like to keep it that way.

“I’ve never been to the Netherlands,” Y/N said.

“Even more of a reason to come.”

Y/N smiled. “Buzzing. I haven’t travelled much in Europe, mostly been to Brazil with my family.”

“When you come to Monnickendam, we have to take the train to, like, Germany or France. Andorra is also so beautiful, I think you’re gonna love it.”

“Make a roadtrip out of it.”

“Exactly.”

Y/N’s smile grew. “Had you been to London before you came here for school?”

Annalise brought the cigarette up to her mouth. “Loads of times.”

“Really?”

“Yes, we went here around Easter in 2012 the first time, and I fell in love. Went here four more times, then to an Open Day last year.”

Y/N nodded. “Was Helmond your first choice then? Did you like it the best?”

“No, Battersea was, but I’m happy I ended up at Helmond.” Annalise breathed out white vapour. “Helmond’s prettier.”

Y/N laughed. “The aesthetic is more important than the uni itself, innit? If you can’t take decent Instagram pictures there, what’s the point of spending the next three years at that place?”

Annalise laughed along with Y/N, taking a last drag. “I rarely use Instagram.”

“I used to. I loved to like document my life, to let all my friends and family know what I was doing at all times. But then I found Snapchat, and it’s just better.”

“You know that if you, like, save a picture or video in the Snapchat app, Snapchat owns it?”

Y/N blinked.

“At least what someone at home told me once.”

“Doesn’t Instagram do the same?” Y/N asked.

“Think so,” Annalise said, walking over to the litter and stumping her cigarette out in the ash tray on top of it. “Ground rule: don’t save anything onto social media. Anyone can save and see your pictures.”

“Basically,” Y/N mumbled, looking over at the man she had watched earlier. He was still arguing with someone over the phone.

“Ready to head back inside?” Annalise asked.

“Yeah.” Y/N got up and the two strolled back over to the Caffé Nero their three other mates were sat in. Thian, Hayden, and Chloe were all sat with their laptops in front of them and books in the centre of the table behind their screens. Chloe was talking animatedly as Y/N and Annalise approached, Hayden busy with something on the laptop in front of them while Thian sat with a book in his hands, looking at Chloe as she spoke. Y/N took off her puffer jacket, hanging it off the back of her chair as she sat down, adjusting her black V-neck jumper and loose denim jeans.

“…the problem isn’t that. The problem is the fact that they never clean up after themselves. That’s the problem,” Chloe said, groaning loudly. “And when I ask in the flat groupchat if anyone wanna be social, no one answers. I swear, all of them hate me.”

“Maybe they’re just busy,” Thian suggested.

“They always say that, but I know two of the boys are in Dave’s room playing something on that PlayStation.” Chloe crossed her arms over her chest. “Should I learn how to play FIFA?”

“You don’t have to impress them,” Y/N said, turning her laptop back on to finish the essay for Critical Reading that was due that Friday.

“No, I know. But if I want to hang out with anyone in my flat, I gotta do something. What games do you play in the PlayStation, Thian?”

Thian stared at Chloe for a second, mouth working before he mumbled, “I didn’t bring one to uni.”

“Alright, then what did you play at home?”

“Call of Duty.”

Chloe scrunched up her nose. “Isn’t that a war game?”

“Yeah.”

“Nah, I’m not into that.” Chloe grimaced, looking at something further away. “I’ve never really played PlayStation. One of the blokes I dated in college gamed a lot, but I couldn’t be asked to sit around and just watch.”

“The three in my flat play GTA,” Y/N said. “At least that’s what Nathan wants to play, Harry and Mason just go along.”

Chloe’s face instantly lit up. “Oh, my word, Y/N. You have to make Harry teach me how to play something on the PlayStation.”

There was a slight pang in Y/N’s chest at the sound of his name leaving Chloe’s lips in that way. Y/N opened, then closed her mouth, then opened it again. “I don’t really hang out with them when they play it. I’ve had so much to do these past months.”

“That’s fine, Nathan can keep us company,” Chloe said, leaning back in her seat. “Make Mason come, too. God-“ She grinned, letting her head fall between her shoulder blades. “-Your flatmates are fit.”

“Harry’s fitter than Mason,” Hayden chimed in.

“No, definitely Mason,” Annalise said.

“I can’t choose. Depends on my mood,” Chloe mused.

Thian kept quiet, staring pointedly at his laptop.

“Can you do it? Make them teach me?” Chloe begged, sticking her bottom lip out at Y/N.

Y/N took a deep breath. “I’ll try.”

Chloe grinned.

“They might be busy, too. Might not get to it till after Christmas break.”

Chloe waved her hand. “That’s fine. I just want to hang out with someone from my flat eventually.”

Y/N glanced down at her laptop again, trying to forget the conversation she had just had with the other three. Chloe continued chattering on about something of no significance, Y/N did not care to listen as she wanted to finish her essay before she had to leave for home coming Saturday. Though her coffee was cold now as she took a sip of it, Y/N still appreciated the taste of caffeine. It woke her up, made her more alert and focused.

Ever since she was seven years old, her papai had made her coffee to drink. He always said “coffee is as vital to a Brazilian’s existence as tea is to a Brit’s” and she had drunk it ever since. She loved the taste of it much more than tea, but seeing as tea was much easier to make, she had come to resort to it here in London. Home in Nottingham, there was always a brew in the making or one ready for whoever felt like having a cup, made with a proper coffee machine that Davi had invested proper money in. He had bought it back in 2001, and it worked just as well as it did back then. Y/N, like her papai, loved the coffee from that old coffee maker more than anything else. She could not wait until she was home with her parents so she could drink proper coffee all the time without going to the nearest coffee shop to do so. The instant coffee Nathan often made smelled and tasted rank, Y/N would have no other coffee than her papai’s and a cup made at a coffee shop.

“I’m gonna go buy a muff,” Hayden said, getting up from their chair. “This essay is doing my head in, I need something to sooth the pain.”

“Oh, could you buy me a scone?” Thian asked, putting his hands together as if he was begging on his knees. “I’ll pay with five stellar knock knock jokes.”

“Make it six.”

“Deal.”

The two shook hands and Hayden grinned as they looked at the other three. “Anything from the trolley, dears?”

Y/N and Annalise chuckled. “No thanks,” Y/N said, Annalise saying the same thing.

“No, I’ll just add to this,” Chloe said, patting at her stomach.

“Add to what?” Hayden asked.

“A belly.” Chloe gripped the little that was protruding from her tight denim jeans. “I’m trying to start working out for bikini season, to remove that extra uni weight, you know?”

Hayden looked absolutely lost, so did Thian, and Annalise looked to not be paying any attention at all. Y/N, however, felt a familiar pang in her chest. It was a small explosion she had felt before, one that would taint the rest of her day. Instinctively, she put her scarf around her chest, letting it fall over her stomach.

Hayden did not comment, instead they just walked up to the till, ready to tell the lady working there their order. The table fell silent, but not for the reason Y/N wanted it to. No, they were all just busy with their essays. Y/N knew that it would be impossible for her to concentrate on the assignment now that the only thing she would be thinking about for the rest of the day was Chloe’s comment. Chancing a look over at her friend, she saw her flicking through a book in her lap, completely unbothered, Annalise was cocking her head to the side as she wrote something on her Mac, while Thian was watching Hayden pay for their food. None of them had batted an eyelash. Which was nothing new, Y/N was used to no one picking up on covered up fatphobic comments.

She knew that Chloe had not said those things with her in mind, that the statement had been about her own body only. But Y/N could not help but feel the comment in her very soul. She could remember her mates from school in Nottingham making comments similar to that one, so hearing it wasn’t alien, but it stung as much as hearing it that first time.

“Here we go,” Hayden said, putting the scone down on Thian’s keyboard.

“Scones are so bloody good,” Thian moaned, taking a huge bite out of his. “If we had to fuck a food, I’d fuck scones.”

The table went quiet, all looking at Thian. He just continued on eating, humming some Alesso and Conor Maynard song that was always playing on the radio.

“Why did you just say that?” Hayden asked.

“Felt like sharing my thoughts with the class.”

Hayden raised their eyebrows before looking at the laptop in front of them. “The class did not need to know.”

Thian shrugged his shoulders and Annalise laughed, Chloe joining in after a little while. Y/N smiled at them, but her thoughts still drifted back to Chloe’s comments just a minute earlier. She spread her scarf out over her stomach, wishing she had worn something that wasn’t so tight fitted.

Friday, 15 December 2017

“Sorry we’re late,” Mason said as him and the rest of the rugby team streamed into the seminar room. Hayden, Y/N, Thian, Chloe, Annalise, Nathan, and Annalise’s two friends were all sat around one table, already having started a round of Uno.

“Oh, don’t worry,” Hayden smiled. “I’ve put Uno decks on the other tables.”

“Cheers.”

Mason and the rest of the team sat down, all chatting amongst themselves and letting go of heavy sighs as they took their seats. It was clear that the last training session for the team this year had not only been cold, but also immensely tiring. They all looked very ready to travel home for Christmas break, and it looked like a few already had.

Y/N felt their struggle with the cold. She herself was wearing a mini linen skater dress in black. The skirt was loose, making it comfortable to hide her belly in – she had not stopped thinking about Chloe’s comment all week, but it would not stop her from looking really fucking good – and the waist was open, baring some of her skin and rib tattoo to everyone. Her skin protruded around the straps that were wrapped around her waist, connecting her skirt from her top, but there was nothing she could do about it, so she just tried to stay out of Chloe’s vision. The plunge neck revealed a very deep cleavage and skin, making it so Y/N had put on two silver necklaces to top of the outfit. The rest of the top had long sleeves and a nice collar, which was why Y/N had bought the dress. It was slutty, but in a modest way.

The rest of the gang around the table had also dressed up, ready to go out after this. They all had their last lecture of the semester today, meaning that their Christmas break had just started, and they wanted to celebrate before everyone travelled to their separate locations the next day. Chloe to Oxford, Thian to Bristol, Hayden to Sheffield, Annalise to Monnickendam, and Y/N back home to Nottingham. It would be weird not to meet up with them, to not go to lectures and stress about assignments for the next month. Then again, Annalise had made a Snapchat and Messenger group to ensure that the gang would talk every single day. And knowing her mates, Y/N was sure they would.

During a break between rounds, Y/N got up from their table after making sure that her polyamide shorts underneath her dress didn’t roll down her stomach. She wore them to prevent chafing, knowing that if she did not wear them underneath her skirt, it would be hard for her to wear anything the next day. She did the zip of her chunky sock boots before making her way over to Mason’s table.

“Alright, Y/N?” Mason said as she came closer, giving her a small smile.

“How’re you lot finding the society?” she asked, looking around the table, meeting Kai’s eyes.

Kai beamed. “Good, it’s nice to spend some time with the whole team off the rugby pitch.”

“You’re dressed up,” Mason pointed out. “What’s the occasion?”

“Uno Society.”

Mason smiled. “Trying to pull some rugby players, are ya?”

“No. No, rugby players.”

Mason only raised his eyebrows as if he didn’t believe her, smile widening.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “You’re just as unbearable as Harry sometimes.”

“Nah, Harry’s worse than me.”

“Right.” Y/N took a big breath. “Chloe over there, the blonde,” Y/N said, motioning behind her with a nod of her head. Mason’s gaze immediately fell on Chloe. “She’s wondering if you and Harry can teach her how to play the PlayStation.”

Mason blinked, looking over at Kai as the bigger man clapped his hands together before laughing.

“Is that funny?” Y/N asked.

“No, it’s not. I just knew Kai would react like that,” Mason said. “But I’ll do it. After Christmas at some point.”

“Nice, I’ll tell her that, then.”

“Why does she need someone to teach her how to play PlayStation?” Kai asked, and though there was laughter in his voice, Y/N could tell his question was sincere.

“Some blokes in her flat never want to be social, they just stay in this one room playing PlayStation, and she’s kinda left out ‘cause she doesn’t really know how to play.”

“That might not work out,” Kai said, smiling still.

“Worth a shot, either way.”

“Maybe she just wanna spend time with this hunk,” Kai grinned, putting a hand on Mason’s shoulder. “Or the other hunk that’s not here.”

“Speaking of him,” Y/N said, putting a hand on her hip. “Not that I care, but where is he?”

Kai grinned, sitting back in his chair. “You don’t care? Not at all?”

“No, Y/N doesn’t like Harry much,” Mason explained, completely unbothered. “He’s working. The team’s popping by The Stag’s Head later to check on him since it’s his last shift and all that.”

Y/N nodded, suddenly remembering how Harry had told her that a few weeks ago.

“What’s the bellend done to you?” Kai asked.

“Another time, Kai. We’re in the middle of a round,” Mason said. “I’ll find a day that’s good for Chloe to come over.”

“Wicked,” Y/N smiled. “See ya.”

“Later, mate.”

Y/N walked back to her table, sitting down in her seat again. “Sorry,” she said when Hayden gave her a look. “Chloe, Mason said he could teach you how to play PlayStation sometime after Christmas break.”

Chloe squealed. “Really?!”

“Yeah, he’ll text me saying when.”

“Ahh! Buzzing!”

Y/N gave her a smile before the gang went back to playing.

Though she was physically present over the next hour or so, Y/N’s mind travelled back to the flat and the watch on her desk. Besides assignments, Christmas, and what Chloe said on Tuesday, that was all Y/N had spent her time thinking about. She would be in bed, about to go to sleep, then just get out of her bed and look at the watch, study it carefully. Maybe there was another message of sorts on it, maybe she was supposed to do something with it. But other days she did not want to touch that watch. There was something about it, something about how it had just been left in her possession so casually, something about the fact that she had not seen George since that night, that did not sit right with Y/N at all.

Throughout the rest of the night, after the Uno Society, while the gang was sat at a pub, and then dancing at a club later, Y/N could not bring herself to enjoy herself thoroughly. All her energy went back to that watch. She wanted to understand what it meant, why George had it, and what she was supposed to do with the information. Was she even supposed to do anything at all? It only made her want to travel down to Newport even more. She had to now. Her parents might think about getting rid of that cabin, but Y/N had to revisit it one last time before that happened.

Y/N did not drink that night; she was afraid of the conspiracy theories she would form if she did. She had one cocktail at the pub they went to, but could not do more than that, and her mates did not ask questions as to why she was not drinking, something she really appreciated. It was late when she announced she would be going home, and so she called Nathan and made him stay on the line with her as she took the tube back to Haggerston Station. Once she reached Orsman Road, she could hear his snores on the other end, and hung up halfway down the road to the flat. However, in the distance, she saw a stag’s head sign hanging out on a metal pole, protruding from the building opposite her flat building. She suddenly remembered what Mason said, and crossed the road, making her way over to the pub.

A small group of lads made their way out of the pub as Y/N reached it, the last one holding the door for her. She smiled and thanked him before walking inside. Now that she wasn’t affected by alcohol, Y/N was finally able to take in the pub properly without having the slight haze of alcohol taint it. The lights were comfortably dimmed, not too much so you could not read the menu, but just enough so that a person’s facial features would be a tad blurry. The red that ran along the wall behind the dark bar counter was subtle, giving the bar a sense of holding onto the secrets of each person who walked through the front doors, like a Victorian murder mystery. Y/N could see Sweeney Todd’s barber shop trapped in the same colours.

“Excuse me, miss,” a man walking out from behind the counter said, grey hair and broad shoulders. “We’re closed.”

“Oh,” she said, looking around the dark pub. “I… I thought I might find Harry here.”

The man narrowed his eyes a little. “He’s got a new girlfriend? So soon after the other ones?”

Y/N felt herself narrow her eyes back at the man. Girlfriend? Harry’s had girlfriends – plural – since he started working in The Stag’s Head? There was a very strange combination of a lot of different feelings that swarmed around Y/N’s body, suddenly making her feel seasick. She was about to abort her mission, to say she would just catch Harry at home, when there came a voice from the door leading out into the smoking area.

“Y/N,” Harry said, turning the lights off outside and closing the door. It looked as if he could not quite believe his eyes as he saw her standing there, like he had not thought she would ever show up to his work like this. Without seemingly able to help himself, his green eyes fell down to her green dress and her exposed legs. He quickly looked to his other co-worker, clearing his throat as he walked behind the pub counter. Y/N could swear she saw a slight pink hue to his cheekbones.

“I’ll leave if you’re busy.”

“No,” Harry said, the word coming out a little too quickly as if desperation got the better of him. “No. Not busy.”

The grey-haired man raised his eyebrows at Harry. He must have seen something in Harry’s demeanour, because he said, “You’ll be alright to close up on your own?”

Harry smiled. “It’ll be a nice way to end my time at Stag’s Head.”

“Nice,” the man Y/N now suspected was Harry’s boss, said. “Pop by with the keys tomorrow, will ya?”

“Yes, sir.”

The man gave both Harry and Y/N a smile each before he started on his walk up to his office. The pub was suddenly very quiet, not a single sound came from inside, just the distant siren outside and the low buzz of the city. A place that was usually bustling with noise, energy, and anticipation, was now left with the latter. Y/N looked around the place, unsure of what to do with herself now that it was only her and Harry there. Harry watched her, picking up the Cif spray from where it stood under the counter. She felt his gaze on her as she walked along the booths, touching the red velvet cushions, a rush of goosebumps travelling up her spine at the knowledge that she had his full attention.

She turned around, leaning her bum against a table as she took in the liquor behind Harry. He was washing the counter, looking over at Y/N again, eyes falling to her mid-area that was expanded slightly at the pressure the surface behind her was providing. He quickly looked away again, biting his lips together as he focused on the counter in front of him. Y/N could not help a small smile.

“What made you show up to my work, then?” he asked.

“Can’t a friend show up to another friend’s work?”

Harry let out a strangled chuckle. “Alright. That’s very nice of you, but I don’t buy that for a single second.”

Y/N raised her eyebrows. “You don’t?”

“There’s gotta have been another reason as to why.”

“Okay…? What’s that?”

Harry shrugged his shoulder, spraying more Cif onto the counter. “You were bored. You didn’t want to be around your other mates any longer. You wanted to see a delicious man with an irresistible Northern accent clean up a pub since it’s his last shift ever here tonight.”

Y/N let out a laugh, placing her hands on either side of the table beside her. “None of the above.”

“Alright,” Harry said, coming out from behind the pub. “What didn’t I cover?”

“You weren’t at the Uno Society meeting.”

The answer came so effortlessly, as if her subconscious had been holding onto the answer for Y/N until she was strong enough to know the real reason. Her hands instantly gripped the table harder, feeling embarrassed for admitting vulnerability so easily. She blamed how easy it was to talk to him, how he just seemed to throw a lasso around her deepest secrets, her most private desires, and drag them out of her.

Harry looked over at her from where he was cleaning the tables a bit further away in the pub. “Had work. Would’ve been there if I didn’t have to be here.”

She nodded, looking down at her black boots. For some reason, his words warmed something inside her. Hearing someone care about something she cared about made her feel special. Then again, someone she just met on the street could tell her they hated Marmite, something Y/N also did, and she would feel equally as fuzzy inside. Finding small bonds, small preferences, small somethings that connected you to other people, made you feel like you weren’t alone, but it also made you feel special, made you feel seen and understood. It was as if someone opened a door into their soul, and giving you a warm handshake, welcoming you into them and their life.

“The lads had a blast,” Harry said, now closer to Y/N as she had zoned out for a minute and some.

“They did?”

“Yeah, it’s nice to just sit down and relax like that. We don’t really get to do that.”

Y/N watched as Harry hovered by a table, leaning over it to clean it. His black tee shirt stretched over his broad back, his shoulder blades visibly working as he ran the cloth over the table in front of him. The outline of his muscles, the way they were so hard against the soft fabric of the tee shirt, made Y/N’s body feel very hot all of a sudden. He worked so carefully, sliding his hand holding the cloth so slowly over the table, paying it his undivided attention. She adjusted her position against her table, looking away from Harry as he stood back up, his black trousers that had been tight around his buttocks, slacking at the lack of pressure on the material. Get a fucking grip, Y/N screamed at herself in her head, focusing on the wall in front of her. She saw Harry look at her over his shoulder, gaze lingering on her for a few seconds. Y/N suddenly found it very hard to draw a proper breath.

“You’re mad I didn’t show up?” Harry asked.

Y/N was silent, her brain completely blank. “Didn’t show up…?”

She could see his smug smile in her peripheral vision. “Yeah.”

“To what?”

His smile widened and he focused on a table closer to her. “The Uno Society.”

She closed her eyes. Her checking out Harry while he had his back to her had not just made her forget the whole reason why she had showed up to The Stag’s Head in the first place. His body looking the way it did, him caring about the society, him teasing her to get a reaction out of her… Why the fuck did he have that effect on her?

“No,” Y/N said, refusing to look at him still. “I’m not mad.”

“Then why won’t you look at me right now?”

Y/N could feel her hands instinctively grabbing harder onto the table behind her. “No reason.”

“You know,” Harry started, she could hear the smirk in his voice. “You can try all you want, but I still know you.”

She huffed. “You wish.”

“I don’t gotta,” he said, chuckling a little. “Don’t gotta wish when I already do know you. Wish I knew you better, wish you’d just open up to me like you did so easily before, but that’s for a later time.”

That made her look over at Harry, her eyebrows drawn together as she just watched him clean yet another table. He… Did he really think she would one day open up to him again and they would go back to being friends like they used to? Was he really that optimistic? Had he thought about it? About them and their friendship? And what a future with her alongside him at uni would look like? Her eyes landed on his bicep as it flexed, holding his body weight as he leaned against the table again. Her gaze following his arm all the way down to his hand, long slender fingers wrapped around the edge of the table, and the thick veins over the dorsal part of his hand made something in Y/N’s brain short circuit. That along with the casual way he was leaning his hips against the table, staring down at it with his head cocked.

What the fuck, Y/N said to herself again, looking away from him. What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck?! How was she supposed to stay neutral, to not find him attractive, to not want to sink right back into old habits when she allowed herself to study him and look at him like that. She had to stop. This was getting out of hand.

“You’re uncharacteristically quiet tonight,” Harry said, working slowly as he cleaned up the table in the booth beside the one she was stood leaning against.

“No, I’ve just got things on my mind.”

“What things?”

Your broad shoulders. Your hands. The way you stick your tongue out of your mouth when you are concentrating. But Y/N said none of those things, as doing so would sentence her to a lifetime of humiliation.

“Insignificant things.”

“When they’re taking up a lot of space in your head and preventing you from being present, they’re not insignificant,” Harry said, sounding a little serious all of a sudden. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, there’s nothing inherently bad on my mind, just… I’ve got a lot of… thoughts,” Y/N said, not knowing how else to explain it without giving something away.

“What thoughts?”

Y/N narrowed her eyes at him. “Thought you did Architectural Studies, didn’t know you also had a degree in being Nosy.”

Harry let out a laugh, coming to stand in front of her with the spray and the cloth in his hands. “I’m very nosy.”

“Glad to hear you’re self-aware.”

“But right now I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Bloody hell, Y/N thought, could he just fucking stop being so nice? So fucking adorable? And fit? It made hating him so much harder than it already was.

“I’m okay.”

He took a step closer. “What’s been on your mind then?”

“Just… life.”

“Has uni exhausted you?”

“Yeah, but it’s not what I’m thinking about.”

Harry took another step closer. Y/N’s palms were suddenly very clammy.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked again, a small smile on his lips as if he was challenging her.

“Maybe you just have to face the fact that I won’t tell you and you can’t figure it out on your own.”

“Nah,” Harry said. “I’ll figure you out.”

Y/N watched as Harry took another step closer, her heart suddenly beating very fast inside her chest.

“I just gotta…” He trailed off, now standing directly in front of her. Tip of his shoes against the tip of hers. Without a warning of sorts, he leaned closer, bending over her until his head hovered beside her own. Chest wavering above hers, touching as she drew in a precipitous breath and he did the same. Their bodies did not brush against one another again, an invisible, burning shield was built to keep them apart the second their upper bodies made contact. As if the universe was telling them that by touching like that, the world would go up in total flames around them.

Harry’s sudden closeness made her breathe in a little too harshly, she was sure he must have heard it but she simply did not care. The reaction her body was having to him being so close was electric, it made all the hairs on her body stand on end. She didn’t know what he was doing that close to her, thinking at first that he must have wanted to whisper something in her ear, to say something to her that would undoubtedly make her glad she was leaning against something solid for support.

But she heard the familiar sound of the Cif spray, and a second later, Harry reached his cloth behind Y/N’s back, cleaning the table. She felt his breath against her neck, triggering something radioactive inside her. The oud aroma of his cologne, with notes of cedar, patchouli, and spicy saffron filled Y/N’s nostrils. In those seconds when Harry hovered above her like that, his warm body inches from hers, breath fanning against her skin, his aroma, and aura mere inches from hers, Y/N was conflicted as to if she wanted time to speed up or slow down some more. She knew that if she stayed like that, with Harry so close to her, for much longer she would go absolutely mad and have an impossible time resisting him if he were to try something like he had done in the living room the week before.

No sooner had she thought that, he pushed off, face lingering just centimetres from hers. “I just need to take a look,” he said, speaking as if he did not mind if the whole world was watching them. He raised his hand, about to touch her chin. For what reason, Y/N did not know, but she didn’t ask any questions. However, he stopped, as if touching her was something he could not do. Y/N was glad he hadn’t, because God knows how her body would have reacted had he tenderly touched her jawline like it looked like he wanted to.

“Take a look?” Y/N mumbled.

“At you.”

A small breath left her lips.

“Maybe the answer to what’s been on your mind is somewhere in your eyes,” he said, eyes suddenly falling to her lips. “Or your lips.” He glanced at her forehead. “Or in the slight lines that appear between your eyebrows when you’re deep in thought.” He looked down at her hands on the table edge. “Or the way you’re gripping the table so tight right now.”

Jesus Christ, she was about to explode. Y/N let go of it immediately, standing up and forcing Harry to take two steps back. His intense glance lingered on her, falling to her lips as she opened her mouth to take a breath.

“It’s getting late,” she said, fingering the hem of her leather jacket as her heart continued to hammer away inside her chest.

“Wait for me, yeah?” Harry walked over to the next table to clean it, doing it way faster than all the other ones. Biting his lip and moving his hand with the cloth over the table as if to make up for time spent on something else, cleaning very slowly and standing too close to her.

“No, I can walk home by myself.”

“I know you’re capable of walking, but I don’t like you being out in the streets all alone late at night.”

Y/N looked over at Harry as he cleaned the last booth, seeing the determination to finish as quickly as possible.

“It’s just across the road,” she said.

“Please just let me walk you across the road, then.” Harry walked behind the bar counter, putting the cleaning supplies away.

“You make me sound like an old lady.”

“Just-“ He appeared from behind the counter. “-Wait.” He then disappeared into the backroom where he only stayed for a few seconds. Y/N would have thought that since he enjoyed working at The Stag’s Head, he would have at least lingered for a few moments to take in the last time he would ever be back there. But instead, he emerged wearing his coat, locking the door behind him, mere seconds later. He turned the lights off, and, walking over to where Y/N was standing, placed a gentle hand to her lower back, guiding her in the direction of the door that she could only barely make out in the dark. Goosebumps instantly ran up Y/N’s back and she inhaled at the pressure of Harry’s hand on her body. He held the door open for her and Y/N stepped outside, watching as Harry locked the front doors to The Stag’s Head for the very last time.

He looked around them after locking the door, checking up and down the three streets that came to a crossroad just outside the pub. Once his eyes finally met Y/N’s again he gave her the smallest smile, then motioned for her to lead the way back to their flat. She wanted to roll her eyes, but she could not find it in herself to do just that in that moment. Though it was just across the road, she very much appreciated Harry’s company back to their flat. Distance was nothing when the roads were dark and the faces of the figures walking past were left blurred by the dim streetlamps.

Harry held the door for Y/N once again, letting her be the first to enter the building. She strolled upstairs, unlocking their front door and watching as Harry gestured for her to walk on inside. The flat was dark, except for the warm yellow lights Nathan had twined around the railing of their terrace and the changing colours of the luminous Christmas tree in the living room. The kitchen was usually left in darkness, as was the rest of the flat, but since their eyes were used to night outside, it wasn’t hard to navigate their way to the stairs. They took their jackets off, and without her leather jacket on, Y/N was very aware of how much of her skin was exposed to Harry. Her dress showed off her legs, arms, and parts of her back to him, and she knew that, if he walked behind her up the stairs, he would get a good look at her bum.

She took her boots off and started up the stairs with her purse in her hand, hearing Harry make his way up them as well. If any man were to walk behind her up the stairs, Harry was one she trusted not to take the mick, to not look up her skirt and make her feel uncomfortable. But… after everything… she still didn’t want him to see her knickers. However, facing her door, she heard Harry walking up the stairs. Taking a deep breath, she turned around to face him once he reached the first floor. What happened next happened so suddenly that Y/N barely managed to wrap her head around it before the moment was gone.

She had just turned around to face Harry when he walked up over to her. Taking a step back at the sudden closeness, she felt herself breathe in sharply as Harry’s face lingered only centimetres from her own again. Though the person standing in front of her was a man, a completely different person, something inside her brain took her back to that night when they were 16. He hadn’t been this close to her since then, had not touched her or looked at her like this since then. His eyes flicked down to her lips, and then to meet hers, wet lips parting as if the anticipation was killing him.

And Y/N had to painfully admit, it was killing her, too. As much as she had tried to fight it, it was impossible to now. She wanted Harry to kiss her. Not tenderly kiss her like you would peck a person you were in love with, or to gently rub his thumb over her cheek as a show of affection, or to hug her tight when they met up for lunch. No, she wanted him to fucking kiss her. She wanted him to grab her face and kiss her hard; desperately, needily. She wanted them to fumble to take each other’s clothes off, and for him to make up for how bad that first time together was. There was absolutely no denying it, Y/N wanted Harry. She really wanted him. All these months, all those moments spent trying to push the thought away, she simply could not anymore. There was a hunger inside her for him, but only in the sexual sense. She could never fall in love with this man, she just wanted to fuck him. And she wanted to fuck him bad.

Her own lips parted, and she looked into his eyes with an expression she hoped he could read, because she needed him to understand. Once again, Harry raised his hand, hovering between them as if he were unsure what to do with it. Fingers twitching, she could see he was conflicted, whether he should touch her cheek as it looked like he wanted to, or if he should stop himself. Y/N let her eyes fall to his hand, to tell him she wanted him to touch her. She wanted to feel him somewhere, anywhere on her. Just looking at him, she could see he wanted the same as her. He wanted to feel her body, to explore it in a completely different way to last time.

Harry’s hand fell out of view, and just as Y/N thought he was going to let it hang limply, uselessly, at his side, she felt something on her waist. A warm pressure, snaking around the black linen of her dress. She waited for him to pull her closer to him, for their torsos to connect, but it never happened.

“Y/N,” Harry whispered, eyes falling to her lips again.

She did not answer, instead just tilted her head so it would be easier for him to kiss her. With her eyelids hanging low over her eyes, her body language not showing any sign of protesting, and with her lips parted, Y/N hoped the message was coming across clearly. Harry leaned in closer, his nose almost touching hers. Her heart was beating so fast and hard it hurt. Her hands were clammy. All her attention focused on Harry and the electricity they created on that spot where his hand rested. He leaned down, lips hovering just over the crook of her neck, making her close her eyes. Breath against the hair of her shoulder, lightning shooting up Y/N’s back. He slowly leaned back out again, nose hovering beside hers. The anticipation was absolutely killing her.

“I…” But he drifted off, eyes falling to her lips again. She could feel his breath on her mouth, could smell his cologne. The tension was making her dizzy, she just wanted him to bloody kiss her already.

She was just about to do it herself when she felt his warm hand drop off her waist. She blinked, and the next second, Harry took a step back. He only looked at her, mouth working as if he was trying to find the right words to say, but there were none. So, as if blinking himself awake from a sort of dream, he took another step back. Suddenly, he opened the door into his room. He stopped in the doorway, looking back at Y/N. Again, he tried to say something that must have died on the tip of his tongue, because again, he did not utter a word. It looked like he physically could not say them out loud. Instead, he closed the door, leaving Y/N standing alone out in the dark hallway.

Y/N’s eyes rested on the door to the bathroom, trying to go over in her head where it had just happened. Had… Had Harry just walked away just now? Had he teased her in the pub, then done almost the same just now, only to walk away? What had gone wrong? Why had he not kissed her? What had made him step away? What had made him stop? Y/N could not answer a single one of the questions, and she doubted Harry would give her any. She closed her eyes, resting her head against her door behind her. This was exactly why she had not wanted to live with Harry, this was why she had not given in to his charms and flirts before. Now, because of what had just happened, because of how awkward that had just been, they were back to square one. Just living under the same roof as him infuriated her. She could not fucking stand Harry Styles.

NEXT UPDATE: Sunday, 4th April, 9PM GMT!

Huge thanks to my AMAZING beta readers! 🏛️ @aileenacoustic 🏛️ @devil-in-bw-the-sheets​​ 🏛️ @sunflowerstache​ 🏛️ @fromyourstrulyh​​ 🏛️

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[laurenairay]

Happy Early Birthday!! I think you should do blurb #7 for Fred, #11 for Skinny and/or #5 for Rig :) But those are just the vibes I get. I love your writing for them!

Thanks for requesting this one, anon! I’ve been on a real Big Rig kick lately, so I hope you enjoy this! 

Tagging @texanstarslove @danglesnipecelly @tippedbykreider @princessphilly because you guys put him on my mind this week with all that thirsting. This is not thirsty in the slightest...but oh well!

“You win, happy?”

*

Another day, another long shift. You groaned when your knees creaked as you stood up out of your car, more than ready to collapse in bed already. It had been a long day. A long week. Hell, it had been a long year. Locking the car, you shook out your stiff limbs before heading into your apartment building. One good thing about paying for an apartment you could only just about afford was the security of the building, the solidness of the electrics and plumbing…that at least kept any extra costs down. The peace of having an apartment all to yourself helped too.

Because sometimes all you needed after a long day of work was the peace and quiet of your own space. Not that you didn’t try to make time for your friends – you did when you could. And of course, you were friendly with a few of your neighbours too, always chatting and catching up where you could. It was a good situation. Not an amazing one, sure – but maybe one day. For now, this was good. It worked. Just about.

As you reached your floor, stepping out of the elevator, you almost crashed into a human wall. Speaking of friendly neighbours…

“Hey, Jamie, sorry about that,” you laughed, side-stepping out of his way.

He just waved his hand to dismiss the apology, letting the elevator doors close and move on, making you smile. Jamie Oleksiak, your neighbour three doors down, super sweet and always ready to lend a hand with anything you needed. One of the only people in your life that had seen you at your lowest points, the times when you were most exhausted. One of the only people that always asked, and genuinely too, about how you were doing. The fact that he was built like a tree and had the face of an angel was just a bonus.

“Hey, I’m just heading out to grab some food with some friends – did you want to join us?” he asked hopefully.

As sweet as that offer was…

“I literally just finished work – maybe another time? All I want to do right now is sleep, sorry,” you said, shaking your head.

“Damn, you worked overtime again?” he winced.

“Gotta get that money somehow,” you shrugged, smiling wryly.

“But like…”

He trailed off, grimacing, sending a sour note through your body. Was he really judging you right now? Sure, you worked long hard hours and had the tiniest apartment in the block…but seriously?

Jamie saw the unimpressed look on your face and winced again.

“I didn’t mean anything bad. It’s just…you can’t keep doing this to yourself,” he sighed.

“What, working? Working to keep a roof above my head?”

Jamie pursed his lips, clearly not happy with your sharp tone. “Working yourself to the bone. When was the last time you didn’t take an overtime shift, hm? When was the last time you actually took time to yourself?”

You laughed, bitterly, shaking your head. Like he would ever be able to understand.

“Jamie I don’t have time for this, I-”

“You never have time!” he retorted, cutting you off mid-sentence.

And that was it, you were done.

“You win, happy? Yes, I’m fucking exhausted. Yes, I wish I could sack it all off and just vegetate on my couch for a whole weekend. But I can’t, Jamie. I have bills to pay, work to do, food to put on my plate, rent to cover. I know you have more money that sense, but I don’t,”

Okay, that was mean. You didn’t mean that. He was a good guy, you knew that.

Jamie flinched back like you’d slapped him, forehead creasing with hurt. “That’s not fair,” he murmured, “I’d give you all the money you needed if you even let me,”

You groaned, tilting your head back as you closed your eyes briefly.

“That’s so not the point, Jamie. You’re missing the entire point. I work to survive, that’s literally all I can do. I don’t have any other choice,” you sighed.

“So that’s it? I just get to watch you work yourself into an early grave?” he scowled.

“No-one said you had to watch,” you shot back.

Because fuck him for judging you.

But Jamie shook his head, laughing shortly, eyes shining with a fire than made you swallow heavily.

“No, no-one did say I had to. I choose to be your friend, to have you in my life, because you’re an amazing person. You’re caring, and sweet, and you put everyone before yourself. Even when Mrs Kramer’s dog is yapping at all hours of the night or the Dane twins are being little shits. But there’s only so long you can go on like this before you break down. You can’t keep going on like this,”

The sadness in his voice, true heartbreaking sadness, made a lump rise in your throat and tears spring to your eyes. You knew he was right. There always was a breaking point, a stage someone would get to before they couldn’t carry on anymore. You’d seen it in so many people…and you knew he was right, that you would get there too. But what could you do?

“I don’t know what I can do, Jamie. I don’t have much of a choice,” you murmured.

Jamie stepped closer towards you, hands coming to rest on your shoulders, the warmth comforting and strong.

“Let me help you,” he said firmly.

“Jamie…” you sighed.

But he just shook his head, smiling. “Let me help you, at least with the little things? Like, cancel your Netflix subscription and use my account. That’ll save you at least a bit of gas money for your travel to work. And let me put you on my grocery delivery service. That’ll save you money and the hours after work that you can use to relax a little more,”

You swallowed heavily, looking away from the intensity of his gaze. It was too much. His generosity was far too much.

“I can’t, that’s too much,” you said shakily.

“It really isn’t,” he replied firmly, making you look up at him again, “You’re my friend and I can’t bear to see you suffering when I can help,”

Then he broke off, tongue darting out to wet his bottom lip, as if he was nervous. What was he nervous about?

“I…I care about you. So much. I just want to help you where I know I can. I want to see you smile again,”

Your breath caught in your throat at the look in his eyes, so genuine and warm and…something else you couldn’t put a finger on.

“I…”

“Please say yes?” he asked.

The hope in his eyes made your stomach fill with traitorous butterflies, and you knew you were done for. He really had won.

“Okay,”

“Okay?” he grinned.

“Okay. But if you’re paying for the groceries then I’m going to cook for the two of us at least once a week, when you’re not away on a roadtrip,” you said firmly.

Because if you could do something to gain back some dignity, then you absolutely would.

But that look was back in Jamie’s eyes, the one you couldn’t identify, and it made your heart beat a little faster. No, not the time.

“Alright, that sounds good to me. Any excuse to spend more time with you,” he said, smiling softly.

You bit your bottom lip to hide your smile. Now really wasn’t the time.

“I’d better go. But I’ll talk to you soon?” you said, trying to keep your cool.

“Yeah, of course. I’ll call you to sort out details, yeah?” he said, that beautiful smile still in place.

You just nodded, smiling back at him as he pressed the button for the elevator, before walking quickly towards your apartment. Your head was spinning at the events of the last 5 minutes, barely able to comprehend what you’d just agreed to, but as you opened your front door and looked back down the corridor, you spotted Jamie still looking at you. He grinned, sending a wink your way, before he stepped in the elevator out of sight. You felt your cheeks heat up with warmth and you couldn’t help but laugh under your breath as you walked into your apartment, kicking the door shut behind you. This was not how you had expected your day to end up, not in the slightest. And you knew that there was only more to come, at least where Jamie was involved.

[fireladybuckley]

A Thousand Knives of Ice

Fandom: 9-1-1 Pairing: Evan Buckley (Buck) x Eddie Diaz  (Buddie) Prompt: Falling through the ice Word Count: 10,661 Summary:  While on a roadtrip through the Canadian Rockies with Eddie and Christopher, Buck attempts to rescue a child with disastrous consequences for his own safety, leaving Eddie to take charge and nurse him back to health.  Rating: PG Author’s note:  I had an absolute blast writing this!  Please let me know in the replies or reblogs if you liked it!  It’s my first Buddie fic, but will most assuredly not be my last. :D

               “You know, I think I’m actually getting used to the cold,” Buck grinned as he hopped out of the SUV, pulling a knitted toque onto his head, a few curls of hair sticking out the front.  “Maybe they’ll make me an honourary Canadian soon.”

             Eddie, who had just gotten out of the vehicle on the other side, rolled his eyes and smiled indulgently at Buck’s enthusiasm.  Less than two weeks ago at the beginning of their month-long trip, Buck had sworn he’d never be warm again and complained incessantly about the cold.

             “That’s because it’s like 2 Celsius,” Eddie laughed, slamming his door and moving around to the back of the SUV.  “It’s unseasonably warm for this time of year.”

             “What’s that in Fahrenheit again?” Buck asked, squinting through the sun and watching a raven fly past them, cawing in its deep, croaking voice.

            “35 or 36,” Eddie replied, pulling open the trunk and watching as Buck bounced on the balls of his feet, clearly itching to go and explore.

             Eddie, Buck and Christopher had been on this road trip for about ten days, driving from Alaska, down through the Canadian Rockies.  Eventually they would head back down into the USA, following the mountains down through Utah and back home to LA.  It had been a blast so far, and Eddie was never sure who was more excited every time they stopped somewhere new: Buck, or Christopher.  Buck hadn’t done much travelling when he was younger and Christopher was obsessed with mountains after doing a project on them in school the previous year, so it had seemed the perfect trip to take.  Christopher had really wanted to see the mountains in winter, so Eddie had pulled him out of school a couple of weeks early before Thanksgiving break.  Eddie knew he really shouldn’t miss so much school, but after everything Christopher had gone through last year or so with moving to California, losing his mom, the tsunami, and everything else, Eddie thought he deserved a special break.  Buck had agreed, and so they’d appealed to Bobby to let them go and flew to Anchorage, where they rented an SUV and began to drive.

             “What’s this place called?” Eddie asked as he dug around in the trunk, pulling out the sled and Christopher’s winter jacket.  He’d lost track of all the places they had stopped in the last few days, first around Jasper and now near Banff, Alberta. 

             “Lake Minnewanka,” Buck read off the nearby sign, pointing at it.  “Ooo, they have boat tours.”

             “Probably only in the summer though,”  Eddie pointed out.  “Pretty hard to boat when the lake is frozen.”

             “Ah.  Right.” Buck seemed disappointed, and Eddie was unable to resist giving him a quick hug as he came around to his side of the SUV.  

             “Sorry Buck,” Eddie chuckled, patting his shoulder.  “I promise, we’ll come back someday in the summer.” 

             Buck laughed and pulled on his jacket as Eddie moved past him to get Christopher ready.  Buck was looking around eagerly, the sight of the large dock in the distance drawing his attention.  He was aching to explore again, but he reigned himself in as he listened to Eddie talking to Christopher.

             “Ready to go down to the docks, bud?” Eddie was asking Christopher, who grinned at him but shook his head.

             “I gotta pee first, Dad,” he said, holding up an empty Gatorade bottle.  Eddie laughed and helped Christopher get out of the SUV, looking over and seeing that Buck was still staring longingly down at the lake.

             “Go ahead and look around,” Eddie told him, steadying Christopher as he stood for the first time in a couple of hours.  “We’ll be a little while.”

             “You sure?” Buck asked, reaching out and ruffling Christopher’s hair fondly, prompting a giggle from him. 

             “Yeah, go on.  We’ll meet you down there in a few.”

             “Okay!  See you soon,” Buck said, leaning over and giving Eddie a quick kiss on the cheek.  Buck stepped back and watched Eddie slowly lead Christopher towards the bathrooms and then began to walk down a long hill towards the docks, face turned upwards, letting the sun soak into his skin.  Considering it was still very much colder here than it ever was in LA, Buck was finally not feeling too cold and he smiled as he walked, thinking he could get used to this.  It was a nice change not to feel sweaty every time he went outside, though he thought he would never get used to the kind of cold they had experienced when they’d landed in Alaska, which had been in the -30s. 

             Buck slowed his walk as he stepped onto the docks, looking around.  The large lake, which curved out of sight in the distance, was surrounded by multiple mountains and the view was breathtaking.  He had seen photos of this place in the summer, when the water was turquoise with glacial dust, but now the ice made the dark blue water beneath seem cold and limitless, and in places there were streams of bubbles that had frozen into white, oblong  spheres beneath the surface.  Making a mental note to point these out to Christopher, Buck continued up one fork of the large T shaped dock, barely even noticing other people around until he heard a scream behind him.

             Buck whipped around at the sound, instantly on edge and alert, scanning the small assortment of people scattered around.  Another scream brought his focus to a small family, a woman and a young boy on the dock, looking out over the lake in horror.  Buck followed their gaze and his eyes locked on a flash of pink, which he realized a moment later was a woolen toque, not unlike the one he was wearing himself.  Adrenaline pumping through him, Buck was already running towards them as the mother screamed again.

             “Help! Someone help! She fell through!”   The mother was clearly panicking, unsure of what to do as she was torn between jumping out onto the ice herself and staying with her younger son.

             “Stay with him,” Buck ordered as he skidded to a stop beside her and looked over to see the girl floundering in the water about thirty feet away, desperately trying to grab hold of the ice and screaming.   Buck lowered his foot over the edge of the dock and found, after putting some pressure down, that the ice was solid, at least this close to the dock.   Carefully, he stepped completely off the dock, arms out for balance.

             “What’s her name?” He asked the mother as he unzipped his coat and pulled it off, intending to use it as something the girl could grab onto.

             “Molly, she’s Molly,” the woman sobbed, clinging to her younger son.  “Please save her!  I can’t swim!”

             “I’ll get her, don’t worry,” Buck told her reassuringly, already edging away from the dock, trying to be careful but also acutely aware that the girl was quickly freezing in the water. 

             About fifteen feet from the dock, Buck felt like the ice was thinning and looked down to see spiderwebs of cracks starting to splinter away from his feet.  A wave of fear shot through him and he cautiously lowered himself down to the surface of the ice, remembering from a training video long ago that it was the best way to spread his weight and not break the ice.

             “Molly, just hang on, I’m coming!” Buck called to the girl, sliding closer to her on his belly, ignoring the chill of the ice quickly sinking through his shirt.  The girl was still screaming and crying, trying to hold on to the edge of the ice she’d fallen through but kept losing her grip.  As Buck got closer he estimated she was maybe seven years old and quite small;  if he could get a good grip on her he should be able to pull her out.

             Once he was about six feet away from her, he could feel the ice moving under his weight and slowed to a stop, worried that if he went any further it would collapse under him.  Sucking in a sharp breath as some water that had slopped over the edge of the ice from her flailing soaked into his shirt and against his skin, Buck did his best to ignore the sharp stabs  of the cold and tossed his jacket towards the girl, holding on to the opposite sleeve.

             The edge of the other sleeve fell just short of the hole and Buck swore, creeping closer as slow as he dared, feeling his heart hammering in his chest as he knew the girl was in severe danger of hypothermia the longer he took.  He crept a good six inches closer, then tried to toss the jacket again, letting out a breath of relief as the other sleeve hit the water this time.

             “Grab hold of the sleeve, Molly!” he called to the girl.  “I’ll pull you up!” 

             “I c-can’t!” Molly cried, trying to grab the sleeve, but Buck could see she was losing control of her movements, her muscles no doubt completely seizing from the cold. 

             Steeling himself and thinking he was probably going to regret this, Buck began to edge closer, focusing entirely on the ice around him and the little girl’s face, every sound in the background fading, even the mother’s screams of fear.  Finally, he was only a couple of feet away and he reached out his hand, gritting his teeth as the frigid water splashed onto him, soaking his arm, splashing his face. 

             “Come on, Molly!  Grab my hand!” he shouted to her, trying to stay as far back as he could while still holding his arm out.  “You can do it!”

             Buck was about to call to her again, encourage her, but when he reached a little more, trying to move his hand closer to her without actually moving closer to her, he felt the ice crack below his chest.  Buck immediately froze, trying to decide if he should try to back up again, but he knew intrinsically that it was too late.  He knew a single moment of panic in his mind, as he heard and felt the ice under him crack again, vaguely aware that Eddie’s voice in the distance was calling his name, before the ice completely gave way under him and he was plunged into the dark, icy depths.  

             Buck’s whole body was submerged before he even had a chance to realize the ice was gone and every skin cell was screaming simultaneously in agony  from the cold.  It felt like being stabbed by a thousand knives, like being consumed by fire and ice at once and Buck momentarily couldn’t think or move, his body rigid with shock as all of his muscles seized up.

                                                              * * *

             Eddie had just gotten to the docks with Christopher when he’d seen Buck lower himself to the surface of the ice many feet from the dock and realized something bad was happening.  He’d told Christopher to stay where he was and bolted across the dock past a few other people to where the mother was crouching, holding her other child and sobbing.

             “You!  Call 9-1-1!  And please watch my kid!” Eddie ordered, spinning around and pointing at the person he’d just passed, who was watching everything proceed with a look of horror on her face, then pointing towards where Christopher sat in his sled at the edge of the lake.  She started as Eddie pointed at her, surprised to be addressed, but she nodded and immediately dug for her phone in her purse, moving towards Christopher as Eddie continued to the edge of the dock nearest the hole in the ice.

              Eddie called to Buck multiple times, trying to get his attention, but Buck seemed laser-focused on the little girl thrashing in the water and Eddie realized he wasn’t hearing him.  Adrenaline pumping through him now, Eddie looked around wildly and on the other side of the docks saw a coil of rope hanging on a mooring post where he assumed a boat was usually tied in the summer.   Eddie sprinted towards it, nearly wiping out on a slick patch of ice as he tried to stop too quickly.  The rope was frozen to the post, but with a few good pulls Eddie was able to get it free.  He hoisted it over his shoulder and sprinted back towards the other side of the dock, hoping beyond hope that he’d get back and get the rope out before the worst happened.  

Unfortunately, Eddie has just come to a stop beside the mother when the ice gave way.  Eddie screamed Buck’s name, watching, horror-struck, as Buck’s form disappeared under the surface of the water with a splash.  Fear and panic gripped Eddie’s heart as he waited, terrified, seeing no sign of Buck except his green wool hat floating to the surface.  

                                                               * * *

             Something slammed into Buck’s shoulder as he floated there, suspended a couple of feet under the water, still in shock.  The impact startled him enough that he was suddenly able to move again, and he forced his body to pump his arms so that he could right himself.  After a moment of furiously swiping his arms, his head finally broke the surface and the sound of his coughs and gasps for air reverberated around them.  

             Eddie nearly cried with relief when Buck’s head appeared above the water, and he frantically began unwinding the rope, unsticking it from itself where it was frozen in several places, desperately trying to move as fast as possible. 

             Buck, meanwhile, realized that the thing that had impacted his shoulder was the little girl’s frantically kicking legs.  He was only a few feet from her now and though his entire body still felt like it was being stabbed while simultaneously on fire, he tried his best to fall back into firefighting mode and channel his adrenaline into helping her.  Her movements were quickly weakening and he swam the distance between them, grabbing her around the waist and holding her tight to his chest.

             “I-I’ve g-got you,” he told her, trying to sound confident even though his voice was shaking as he shivered violently.  She clung to him, sobbing and shaking like a leaf, as he struggled to swim sideways towards the side of the ice, every stroke more difficult as the cold quickly ate away at his strength.

             At the edge of the ice, Buck grabbed hold of it, testing how strong it was.  It would definitely not hold his weight, but it seemed strong enough to hold hers.  Desperately kicking in an attempt to keep his blood flowing and to keep them afloat, Buck extricated the girl from around his neck.

             “I’m g-going to push you up onto the ice. You need t-to crawl to your m-mom as soon as you’re up th-there, okay?”  Buck told her firmly, trying to convey how important it was that she do as he was asking, despite his shaking voice.  She was clearly still terrified but she nodded through her trembles, and he smiled at her, trying to reassure her. 

             “You’re r-really brave.  You’ve g-got th-this!” he told her, maneuvering so he was behind her and she was facing the ice, facing the docks.  He took as deep of a breath as he could manage with his tight chest muscles, steadied his grip on her waist and hoisted her as hard as he could.  She didn’t raise up nearly as high as he’d expected her to, his muscles starting to seize up considerably from the cold, and she floundered awkwardly on the ice, her ribs stuck on the edge.  He pushed again, as hard as he could, and felt her move upwards and forward this time.   The momentum of pushing her so hard forced him back down, though, and he choked on the icy water as his head was submerged again.  The frigidity of the water over his head gave him an instant, piercing headache and he struggled to get back to the surface, shuddering as the icy water streamed from his hair down his face and neck.  The next moments were a confusing mess of flailing limbs and splashing water.  Molly accidentally kicked Buck square in the nose at one point as she tried to propel herself forward and Buck noted in vague surprise that his face was so numb he’d barely felt the impact, though seconds later felt oddly warm blood join the water pouring down his face as he rose above the surface again, coughing and spluttering.

             Finally, through joint effort, Molly was completely out of the water.  Buck grabbed hold of her feet and gave one last push as hard as he could, the momentum shoving him backwards.  She slid forward on the ice as Buck fell back into the water, his head submerging below the surface yet again.

                                                              * * *

            Eddie was practically vibrating with adrenaline and panic as he watched Buck trying to save the girl, frantically uncoiling the rope.  He finally managed to unwind it all and ran over to stand beside the mom as Buck tried valiantly to lift the girl onto the ice.  Eddie watched helplessly as Buck had to keeping pushing her upwards, forcing himself back under the water several times in his attempts.   Eddie called Buck’s name again, but Buck didn’t hear him. 

             Quickly and expertly, Eddie tied a large loop in the rope, knotting it tightly.   He slid the loop around his shoulders to make sure it was large enough that Buck could get it over his own and pulled it off, satisfied that it would be the right size.   He urged the mom and her son to move away and planted himself firmly on the dock, knowing he’d get better traction here than on the ice, as much as he desperately wanted to rush forward onto the ice and save them.

             “BUCK!” Eddie yelled in fear and dismay, watching as Buck managed to get the girl up onto the ice, but then disappeared below the surface yet again.  Shaking himself, Eddie wound up and threw the loop towards the girl, who gave a little yelp of fright as it landed right in front of her face.

             “Sorry!  Grab the rope, sweetheart!” Eddie called, trying to focus on the girl while also watching the water, waiting for Buck to resurface.  Molly managed to get an arm through the loop and held on as tight as she could as Eddie began pulling her in.  She was light, even with her sodden winter clothing, and she slid quickly across the ice towards them as he pulled.

             Within moments she was right beside the docks and Eddie reached down to pick her up, looking out at the water at the same time.   The cold water from her jacket stung his hands as he set her down beside her mother, fear gripping him.   Buck had been under too long.  Eddie was just starting to think he might have passed out and was about to leap onto the ice without another though when Buck’s head finally reappeared, and Eddie could hear him gasping and coughing.  Both relief and intense worry set his body alight as he turned to the mother and tried to instruct her as fast as he could. 

             “Get her to your car and get all of her wet clothes off.  Wrap her in a blanket or warm, dry clothes but don’t warm her up too fast or she could go into cardiac arrest.  The paramedics should be here really soon.”

             The woman nodded, clutching her sobbing daughter to her side.  She picked Molly up and began to run along the dock and towards the parking lot, her son trailing behind her.  Eddie spared a momentary glance to make sure Christopher was still sitting where he’d left him, the woman with the cell phone beside him, then turned back to the ice.

             “Buck!  BUCK! Can you hear me?”  Eddie yelled as he gathered up the rope and began to wind it again so he could throw it out to Buck, who was just barely clinging to the edge of the ice and looked like death, even from this distance.

                                                              * * *

             It had been very hard, that last time, to get himself back to the surface.  Buck had been in the water for at least seven minutes by then and his muscles were so stiff he could barely move.  The sensation of a million knives stabbing his skin had slowly been replaced by a numbness so complete he felt like he was barely in his own body anymore.  He’d stopped shivering and struggled to find which way was up.  He swallowed some water as he ran out of breath just as he’d finally broke the surface, coughing violently and choking on the water, awkwardly trying to keep himself afloat and keep his head above water.  He tried to hold on to the edge of the ice, but he couldn’t feel his hands and everything was so slippery that he kept losing his grip, forced to clumsily tread water with his rapidly stiffening limbs.

             It was several moments before Buck realized he could hear Eddie’s voice calling to him and looked around, finally seeing Eddie’s form on the docks a good way away.  Buck’s brain seemed to be lagging behind, processing things slowly, but he eventually managed to focus on Eddie as he clung to the edge of the ice, forcing himself to kick every so often to stop himself completely sinking under the water again.  Buck attempted to heave himself upwards, but he had used so much of his energy getting the girl out that he had none left to hoist himself.

             “I’m going to throw you the rope!”  Eddie shouted, worriedly watching as Buck clumsily tried to hold onto the ice but kept slipping off, everything too slicked with water to hold his grip.  “Put it under your arms!”

             Buck tried to call back to him but felt like he couldn’t get enough air to speak, so he gave a weak thumbs up, letting out a soft cry as he lost his grip on the ice once more and fell back, spluttering as a wave of frigid water splashed over his head.

             Eddie bit his lip in worry and determination and launched the rope with a practiced swing.  It unfurled beautifully in the air, but stopped many feet short of the hole on the ice.  Swearing, Eddie pulled it back as fast as he could, winding as he went, realizing he was going to have to step onto the ice for the rope to get close enough.  The girl had gotten much closer to him before he’d thrown it the first time.

             Buck was rapidly losing control of his muscles as he tried to keep himself afloat.  His arms and legs were so stiff it took all of his effort to move them, all of his brain power to remind himself to kick to keep his head above water.   The only thing that kept pulling his attention was the feeling of the blood still pouring out of his nose.  He was too numb to feel the pain, but his blood felt sickeningly hot as it trickled out of his nose, dripping onto his lips and chin.   He tried to keep wiping it away, but the stark contrast of the scarlet blood on his pale fingers made his stomach churn.

             Eddie could see that Buck was having difficulty holding on and felt his hands shaking as he finished reeling in the rope.  As he adjusted his grip to throw again, he could see Buck slowly tipping backwards as he fruitlessly tried to grip the ice, and Eddie worried that he was starting to black out.

             “Kick, Buck!” Eddie shouted, winding up to throw the rope again.  “You can do this!”

             Relieved as Buck clearly heard him and sluggishly righted himself in the water, Eddie stepped onto the ice and crept a few feet forward, stopping only when he was sure there was enough rope to reach.  He planted his feet as firmly as he could, swung, and released the rope.   Thankfully, this time the rope landed right in front of Buck on the edge of the ice.

             “Grab it!  Under your arms!” Eddie yelled, trying to encourage Buck, who looked absolutely bedraggled and exhausted.   Eddie’s heart broke for him as Buck tried valiantly to grab at the rope and missed several times before his stiff fingers finally caught on the thick cord. 

             Buck tried as hard as he could to be fast, but his muscles were so stiff he could barely lift the rope once he got a grip on it.  He couldn’t feel his fingers or his hands at all, so maneuvering the rope was difficult.  He managed to get it around his neck and under one of his armpits, but he was having trouble bending his other arm enough to thread it up through the loop.  He could hear Eddie shouting encouragement at him, noticed the tone to the words becoming more frantic the longer it took him to move.

             Finally, after another minute or so, Buck managed to get both arms through the loop and settled it under his armpits.  Eddie immediately began to pull until he felt resistance, as Buck’s chest bumped up against the ice.  Buck reached out slowly, achingly, trying to pull himself up, not having a lot of luck.  Some of the ice broke under the weight of his arms and he cried out as a fresh wave washed over him.

             “Come on Buck, kick! You can do this,” Eddie called to him, his voice cracking slightly with emotion as he watched Buck struggle to the new edge.  “I love you, I’m right here, you can do this!”

             Buck looked up at Eddie through the haze of pain and exhaustion, trying to draw strength from his words.  He could see that Eddie, the man he loved, was clearly scared out of his mind and worried for him, and he knew that somewhere, Christopher was probably scared too.  The thought of the two of them filled him with metaphorical warmth, and he felt a last wave of strength and determination wash over him.

             As Eddie yelled “Pull, Buck!” and tugged on the rope, Buck let out a shout of determination, pain, and anguish and heaved himself upwards as hard as he could, clinging to the rope, using every ounce of his remaining energy.  He heard Eddie let out a whoop of relief as Buck managed to get his elbows out of the water and prop himself on the surface of the ice, which mercifully held him this time.  Eddie dug his heels in and began to pull, hard, nearly slipping on the ice himself but just managing to stay upright. 

“Kick! Kick as much as you can, Buck!” Eddie yelled, his muscles straining as he pulled.

             After an enormous amount of effort on both of their parts, Buck’s upper body finally left the water and he splayed out on the ice on his belly, drops of crimson blood hitting the surface under his face.  Eddie kept pulling, taking a few steps backwards as he did so until he was at the dock’s edge.  He hopped back up onto the wooden surface so he would have better traction and then began to pull Buck in as fast as he could.  Buck was too weak to help, too weak to do much of anything but attempt to hold on to the rope as he was dragged forward, leaving a wide swath of water shining on the surface of the ice behind him.  It felt like hours were passing as he moved across the surface a few inches at a time, and eventually he felt so weak that his head drooped, resting on his outstretched arm.

             “Buck!” Eddie cried when he saw Buck’s head loll, thinking he had passed out, but then Buck moved his legs on his own and he realized he was still conscious.  Still, spurred on by the fright, Eddie pulled as hard as he could, sweat pouring down his face from the effort, and finally Buck was within reach.

             Someone he hadn’t noticed nearby rushed forward and helped him pull Buck up onto the dock and Eddie hit his knees on the wood, pulling Buck into his lap, barely feeling the shock of the cold water soaking into his pants.  Eddie was unable to stop himself touching Buck’s face, pushing his sopping hair out of his eyes, putting his hand around Buck’s head and tilting it towards his, his hands shaking with relief.   Buck moaned, taking fast, shallow breaths, mostly limp in Eddie’s arms, his eyes firmly closed as he stirred feebly. 

             “Buck, Buck!  Stay with me,” Eddie pleaded, as Buck’s eyes refused to open and he moaned softly again, once again scared that he had lost consciousness.  As though through sheer force of will, Buck’s eyelids fluttered weakly and then slowly opened, and his gaze met Eddie’s. 

             “Eddie,” Buck murmured, his voice so soft and breathless Eddie barely heard it.  It wasn’t a question, more like an acknowledgement and Eddie felt tears well in his eyes at how broken Buck sounded.  Eddie stroked Buck’s cheek and leaned down, pressing a kiss to his frozen lips, so thankful to be holding him again that he momentarily forgot everything else.   He hadn’t realized just how scared he’d been until this moment, holding Buck in his arms.  

Eddie had almost lost Buck so many times already; in the fire truck explosion, in the tsunami; hell he’d almost gotten taken out by a driverless, flaming car careening down a hill when they’d gone to Texas.  Almost losing him again had terrified Eddie so thoroughly that his hands now shook uncontrollably as he stroked Buck’s hair, whispering to him that he was okay, that he had him, that he would be just fine.  Buck’s eyes slowly closed again and his head rested heavily on Eddie’s chest, still regularly letting out small gasps for air, clearly unable to take a proper breath.

             After a moment, Eddie shook himself; Buck needed care right now, not emotions.  Swallowing the lump in his throat and blinking back the tears in his eyes, Eddie got to work.  First, he reached down and began tugging Buck’s sodden forest-green sweater off of him, pulling it over his head and tossing it aside.  Buck moaned as his bare skin was exposed to the air, and Eddie shushed him gently, reassuringly.  Eddie quickly stripped off his own jacket and button-up t-shirt, leaving him in just a tank top.  He quickly used his t-shirt to dry off as much of Buck’s skin as he could, feeling horrible for him, his skin icy cold everywhere Eddie touched.  Once he was as dry as Eddie could get him with the t-shirt, he carefully sat Buck up, drying his back as much as possible as well.

             Buck groaned as Eddie sat him up, feeling all his stiff muscles resisting the movement, but he did his best to help stay upright as he felt Eddie pulling his arm into a jacket sleeve.  It was a weird sensation; he could see Eddie pulling the fabric over his arms, but he could barely feel anything.  His skin felt like cold stone, unresponsive to touch.  He could kind of feel the weight of the jacket once it was properly settled on him, but couldn’t really feel the touch of the fabric on his skin.     

             “Come on, Buck, we have to get you up,” Eddie said encouragingly, bending over in front of Buck and reaching for him.  Buck whimpered involuntarily as he clung to Eddie’s arms and Eddie all but picked him up, Buck’s muscles screaming in protest.  He nearly fell over as soon as he was standing, his knees buckling instantly under his weight. 

Buck was breathing fast and shallow and felt dizzy as hell as he teetered on the spot; the only reason he didn’t collapse was because Eddie was holding onto him.  Eddie wrapped his arm around Buck’s waist and pulled Buck’s arm up behind his neck, supporting the vast majority of Buck’s weight as his legs refused to do the job.  With a lot of encouragement Buck was able to shuffle forwards, and Eddie half-carried, half-dragged him slowly along the dock.  He glanced back only once, vaguely noting that Buck’s jacket was laying on the ice, then looking away, focusing instead on where he could see Christopher still sitting on his sled, the woman he’d had call 9-1-1 still standing on the shore beside him.

             It took many long minutes to get Buck even close to the edge of the dock; the farther they moved, the more heavily Buck leaned on Eddie, what little strength he had very quickly leaving him.  Eddie shivered slightly in the cold breeze and felt instantly guilty;  if he was cold in his mostly dry tank top, how the hell did Buck feel?   Eddie’s head and heart suddenly lifted as he heard sirens approaching, and a moment later, an ambulance pulled into view at the top of the hill and parked, killing the sirens.

             “Eddie,” Buck muttered, speaking to the ground because he could barely lift his head, his speech slurred. “Need to stop.  Can’t feel my legs.”

             “Just a few more steps,” Eddie told him, tightening his grip on Buck’s waist and pulling him along.  They were almost to the end of the dock, and there was a bench on the shore that Eddie could sit Buck down on for a moment, just until the paramedics got down there.  Eddie saw the mother waving at the medics and they went over to her car first, where he could just barely see a small figure wrapped in a blanket.

             Buck groaned but did his best to obey, shuffling forward like an old man, his grip on Eddie getting looser instead of tighter as his energy waned and he came dangerously close to collapsing.  They had barely made it to the bench when Buck stumbled and began to fall.  Eddie managed to steer Buck to the side and he collapsed on the bench instead of the ground, Eddie losing his footing as well and nearly falling again.

             “Dad!” Christopher shouted at him as he righted himself, and Eddie realized he’d be so focused on Buck he hadn’t heard his kid calling to him.  “Is Buck okay?”

             “Yeah, mijo, he’s okay.” Eddie made sure that Buck was securely lying on the bench before turning to the woman whom he’d asked to watch Christopher.

             “Thank you so much, I really appreciate you watching him,” he told her gratefully, the stress and mounting worry evident in his voice.  She smiled grimly at him with a nod, then looked over at Buck.

             “Is he okay?” she asked, in a very different tone than Christopher, and Eddie knew she thought he’d been sugar coating it for his kid.

             “He will be, he just needs to warm up and get a lot of rest,” Eddie said, running a damp hand through his hair.  “Can I ask you one more favour?”

             “Of course.”

             “Can you go up there and tell the medics they need to come down here too?  In case the mom forgets.”  Eddie didn’t blame her if she did;  if it was Christopher who had fallen in the water, he would have been laser-focused on him too.

             “Absolutely,” she agreed, nodding.  She started to turn away, then looked back at him with a smile.  “Tell your husband he’s a hero, when he’s feeling better.”  

              Eddie found himself smiling at this, feeling his heart swell as he thought of Buck.  The brave idiot had scared the shit out of him once again, but Eddie swore it only made him love him more.

              “Not husband yet,” he said, looking over at Buck, who was still lying where he’d fallen on the bench, “but don’t worry, I plan on telling him the second he’s coherent.”

              The woman smiled and turned to make her way up the hill, and Eddie pulled Christopher’s sled closer to the bench, sinking down onto it beside Buck.  He gently pulled Buck onto his lap, half-sitting him up so he could lean on Eddie’s chest, holding him close as they waited. Buck gave a very soft gasp followed by a moan and turned his face towards Eddie’s chest, he soaked hair leaving a wet spot on Eddie’s tank top.

              “Did Buck save that girl?”  Christopher asked, pointing in the direction of the water, and then the parking lot.

              “Yeah, he did,” Eddie told him, squeezing Buck to acknowledge him.  Buck, while still conscious, had his eyes closed, and Eddie got the impression he wasn’t really hearing them.  Eddie slipped his fingers down to Buck’s throat and surreptitiously took his pulse as he explained to Christopher a sanitized version of what had happened.   

            Buck’s pulse was slow, slower than he’d expected, and Eddie swore inwardly, worried that he’d progressed beyond light hypothermia into moderate, which was much more problematic.  Eddie looked around to see if the woman had reached the medics yet, and was pleased to see the two paramedics already leading a stretcher down the hill, the woman standing at the top and watching their progress.  She saw Eddie looking and waved, and he waved back, beyond grateful for her help.

              The medics got to them quickly and Eddie briefed them on what had happened.  Buck seemed to have stopped making any effort to sit up or move by that point, so Eddie helped the medics lift him onto the stretcher.  Once he was settled they strapped him in and Eddie gave his cold cheek another stroke before they started to push the stretcher up the hill.  Eddie nearly went with them without a second thought, remembering at the last moment that he still had to get Christopher back up the hill too.  

            Eddie said some words of reassurance to his son, who was upset at seeing Buck being wheeled away on a stretcher, though he wasn’t even sure what he had said as he started to pull Christopher’s sled, following the medics up the hill.  He, too, was upset at seeing Buck being wheeled away, the nightmare of the fire truck explosion and Buck’s crushed leg flickering in his mind as he walked, and it was hard for him to think of anything else.

              When they got to the top of the hill, Eddie saw the medics were checking Buck’s vitals and so hurried over to their SUV.

              “Are you okay to wait here, mijo?” Eddie asked, lifting Christopher up and placing him gently into the backseat.  “I want to go and make sure Buck’s okay.”

              “Yes Dad,” Christopher said softly.   “Tell him I love him.”

              “I will.” Eddie kissed Christopher’s forehead, made sure the engine was running and the heat was on so he wouldn’t get cold, then closed the door and headed back over to the ambulance.

              Buck seemed slightly more coherent, his eyes heavy-lidded but open and trying to speak to the medics, though his words were still slurred and his voice very quiet.  He was visibly relieved when Eddie came into his line of vision and let out a small sigh, looking plaintively up at Eddie.

              “I thought you left,” Buck whispered, weakly reaching for Eddie’s hand.  Eddie, feeling his heart break even more and guilt kick at his insides, pulled Buck’s hand to his face, kissed the back of it gently, then wrapped both of his hands around it. 

              “Of course not,” Eddie told him firmly.  “Never.  I just had to get Christopher into the car.  He says he loves you, by the way.”

              “Love him too,” Buck mumbled, his eyes drifting closed for a moment before he forced them open again.  “He okay?”

              Eddie shook his head, exhaling in both exasperation and a soft, disbelieving laugh.  Even in this state; so cold he could barely move or speak, blood still dripping sluggishly from his nose, icy hair plastered to his head, all Buck could think about was other people.

              “He’s fine, Buck.  He’s just worried about you.  I am too.”

              The medics spoke up at that point, telling Eddie that Buck was stable but that he should get checked out anyway, and asking if they wanted transport to the hospital.

              “What about Molly?” Buck asked, his voice breaking as he attempted to speak.  Neither medic heard him properly, so Eddie repeated his question for him.

              “We advised the mother to take her to hospital.”

              Buck and Eddie both looked over at the car next to the ambulance.  The mother was sitting sideways in the passenger seat with the door open, her daughter sitting in her lap, wrapped in a blanket.  The mother was obviously still extremely distraught, still crying, her hands shaking as she clutched her daughter closely. 

              “Take her instead,” Buck said immediately, his voice a little louder this time, a little more firm.  Seeing the mother so scared and upset seemed to give him some strength, and Eddie squeezed his hand.

              “Buck, you need to go to the hospital,” Eddie told him, though he could already tell by the look in Buck’s eyes that Buck would literally argue this until he passed out from exhaustion if he had to.  Sighing, Eddie rubbed his eyes, feeling a distinct pain in his head behind them as the medics reiterated to Buck that he needed to go to the hospital. 

              “My boyfriend is a medic,” Buck insisted, trying to sit up, clumsily pulling at the strap over his chest.  “He can take care of me.”

              Eddie sighed again, but knew there was no point arguing.  Plus, he had to agree with Buck’s assessment of the mother of the girl.

              “Look, he’s right,” Eddie said, gesturing to the car beside them.  “She’s in no fit state to drive.  Take the girl, I can bring Buck to the hospital myself.”

              “I don’t need the hospital,” Buck told him, but since he spoke so quietly it was easy for Eddie to pretend he hadn’t heard.  The paramedics looked at each other a bit uneasily.

              “Are you sure?  He should really get checked out as soon as possible.”

              “I’ll bring him straight to the hospital,” Eddie promised, ignoring Buck’s wordless noise of protest.  The medics had Buck sign a form declining care, and one of the medics began to unstrap him as the other approached the mother.  

            Eddie suddenly felt the enormity of all of this slam into him at once as he watched the paramedic undoing Buck’s leg straps  and felt unbearably exhausted, actually having to shift his weight to stop himself falling over.  Seeing Buck on this stretcher like this, blood on his face, his hair plastered to his head, paler than Eddie had ever seen before; it was suddenly more than Eddie could handle.  Goosebumps erupted on his bare arms as a cold breeze ruffled his hair and made the water on his shirt feel even colder, but Eddie refused to let his feelings get the better of him and took a few deep breaths, looking away from Buck for a moment and shoving away his weakness into a dark corner of his mind.  Buck needed him to be strong, capable Eddie right now and that’s what he was going to get. 

              Eddie helped Buck sit up and then carefully held him tight as he stood, his legs still as weak and wobbly as before, but at least they didn’t have the daunting hill stretching before them this time.  It was easy enough for Eddie to lead Buck to the SUV, and once he was settled in the front seat, Eddie quickly dug through their suitcase in the back until he found a dry sweater for Buck, tossing the wet one in a corner of the trunk.   He helped Buck take off his jacket and get the sweater on, as it would warm him better than the jacket, pulling the coat back on himself before hurrying over to the driver’s seat.     

              “I don’t need to go to the hospital,” Buck said almost immediately as Eddie got into the vehicle and closed his door, tossing the key hub into the dash tray. Eddie reached over past Buck and pulled his seatbelt down, buckling him in, ignoring the look Buck was giving him. 

              “You’re going to the hospital,” Eddie said, pulling out of the parking space and driving off. 

              “Eddie, I’m fine,” Buck said in a pleading tone, his voice cracking.  “Please… I really don’t want to go.”

              Buck tone was one of desperation and Eddie glanced over at him for a moment as he waited to turn onto the highway.  Buck looked very upset, and Eddie could only imagine what he was going through as all the memories of hospital visits in the past rushed through his head. Eddie didn’t blame him for not wanting to add another one, especially in another country.  Especially when they were on vacation.  But still, Eddie was worried about him.

              “Buck, you were in that water for a long time,” Eddie said, unable to banish the uncertainty from his voice, shaking his head as he pulled out onto the highway and began to accelerate back towards the townsite. 

              “And you’ll take care of me.  Right?”  Eddie glanced sideways to see Buck give him a ghost of a smile and sighed as he felt his will crumbling, rolling his eyes at his own weakness.  He was quiet for a while, going over Buck’s symptoms in his mind, well aware that Buck was still looking at him.

              “Fine,” Eddie relented, and sensed rather than saw Buck sag with relief.  “But with a caveat,” Eddie continued immediately.  “If you feel worse or get any new symptoms you have to tell me, and it will be up to my discretion whether we get you checked out or not.  Got it?”

              “Okay,” Buck agreed in a small, breathy voice, leaning back against the seat, clearly exhausted.  Now that they were on the highway at a stable speed, Eddie let go of the steering wheel with one hand and reached for Buck’s, wrapping his warm fingers around Buck’s frigid ones.  Buck made a soft noise that Eddie wasn’t entirely sure was happy or sleepy, but either way, Eddie held Buck’s hand until they had to turn off the highway about twenty minutes later.  Their hotel was thankfully very close to the turnoff, and Eddie parked, darted in to check in, and then came back out.

              Eddie realized Buck had fallen asleep in the front seat and Eddie hopped back into the driver’s seat, reaching across to take Buck’s wrist.   Eddie settled two fingers over his pulse point and counted, satisfied that the rate was higher than it had been before, which hopefully meant he was stabilizing.  After watching Buck sleep for a moment with a small smile on his face, Eddie decided to take Christopher up to the room first, not having the heart to disturb the poor guy just yet. 

              Fifteen minutes later, Eddie had brought Christopher and all the luggage up to the room and came back for Buck, who was still sleeping peacefully in the warm SUV.  Eddie opened Buck’s door and slipped a hand up to Buck’s neck, gently stroking there before moving upwards and stroking his cheek gently instead, trying not to startle him.  He noticed that Buck had started shivering again and was glad; it meant he was slowly getting warmer.

              “Buck, come on,” Eddie said in a gentle, quiet voice as Buck stirred, slowly opening his eyes and blinking sluggishly at Eddie.  “Let’s get you upstairs.”

              Buck was very sleepy and still weak, so Eddie took his sweet time helping Buck out of the car and into the building, into the elevator and down the hall a short ways to their room, attracting a curious glance or two from the couple of people they passed. 

             Without telling Buck, Eddie had upgraded their basic room to a King Deluxe suite, so there was a separate master bedroom with a king sized bed and a wonderful ensuite bathroom, with a double bed in the living room for Christopher.  Buck looked around in faint surprise as Eddie led him into the room, smiling weakly as Christopher cheered their arrival and waved.   Christopher immediately got up and padded over to them, wrapping his arms around Buck’s middle as Buck steadied himself on the wall so he didn’t fall over onto him.

              “Glad you’re okay, Buck,” Christopher said into Buck’s sweater, and Buck smiled, weakly rubbing his back, his hands trembling.

              “Thanks b-buddy.  I’m g-glad too.”

              Eddie got Christopher settled in front of the TV again with a snack and led an exhausted, shuddering Buck into their bedroom, closing the door behind them. 

              “We need to warm you gradually,” Eddie said, as he noticed Buck looking longingly over at the large jacuzzi tub.   “No hot bath until you’re at a stable temperature for a while.” 

              Buck sank sadly down onto the bed, hoping he would at least be allowed to sleep if he wasn’t allowed to have a bath or go in the hot tub.  His shivers were unending and Buck stared down at his shaking hands, his eyes slowly closing even as he sat there.  

            Eddie came over with a warm, wet cloth and took Buck’s face in one hand, gently dabbing at the drying blood on Buck’s skin with the cloth until it was clean, his touch as light as possible to avoid hurting him.  Buck let out a soft noise of distress and pressed his cheek into Eddie’s hand.

              “Come on, let’s get those wet clothes off of you,” Eddie said placatingly, giving Buck’s cheek a stroke before tossing aside the cloth and helping Buck take off his soaked boots, socks, pants and boxers. As much as Eddie wanted to comfort Buck, getting him warm was more important.  

             Eddie helped Buck into a pair of warm, dry underwear, and then pulled back the blanket on the bed.  Confused, Buck was too weak to protest as Eddie gently pulled Buck’s shirt off, Buck immediately crossing his arms over his pecs in an attempt to feel warmer. 

 “What are you-” Buck started, watching with growing confusion as Eddie peeled his own t-shirt off, leaving him bare chested. 

              “Body heat is the best way to gradually warm someone,” Eddie explained, flashing a brilliant smile at Buck that would have made him weak in the knees had he not already been weak in the knees.   “Come on.  We have an hour until Christopher’s movie is over.”

              Buck smiled faintly as Eddie helped him lie down, his body feeling extremely heavy the moment he was horizontal.  He was absolutely exhausted, and his eyes were already closed by the time Eddie joined him in bed and pulled the blanket over them. 

              Eddie let out a loud, involuntary gasp as he pulled Buck close, Buck’s chilled skin pressing against Eddie’s warm chest, the chill shocking him more than he’d expected.  Buck let out a very small laugh at the sound of his gasp, and Eddie felt Buck relax in his arms as he snuggled up against Eddie’s front.

              Within a few minutes, Buck began to shiver harder.  Buck whimpered and Eddie held him even closer as he shook, his whole body twitching.  Eddie had been expecting this, but clearly Buck hadn’t, if the way he curled up tightly against Eddie’s chest was any indication.

              “W-why n-now?” Buck asked, shivering so violently he could barely speak, his teeth chattering and his hands trembling as he reached up to push his hair off of his forehead.

              “Because before you were too hypothermic to even shiver,” Eddie explained, leaning forward and kissing Buck on the forehead, reaching up to stroke his hair.  “I know it feels shitty, but I promise it’s a good thing.  It means you’re warming up.”

              Buck let out a small groan and ducked his head, resting it on Eddie’s arm, letting out a long, shaky breath.  Eddie pulled Buck to his chest and held him close as he trembled, as he let out small gasps and moans as the shivers wracked his body.  Eddie’s heart felt like it physically hurt as he listened to Buck’s ragged breathing, his weak gasps and whimpers as the convulsions continued. Eddie wished nothing more than to be able to take away the horrible feeling from him, to be able to protect Buck from everything in the world. 

              “You’re a hero, you know that?” Eddie murmured after a while into Buck’s damp hair, kissing the top of his head.  “You saved that little girl.”

              “You w-would’ve d-done the s-same,” Buck replied shakily in a muffled voice, his head still tucked down against the crook of Eddie’s shoulder.   Eddie shrugged.

              “Yeah, but I didn’t.  You did.”

              “O-only because you w-weren’t th-there f-first,” Buck protested, and Eddie laughed softly, kissing Buck’s forehead again.

              “Just take the compliment, Buck,” Eddie said in quiet exasperation, shaking his head.  “You’re a damn hero.”

              Buck didn’t say anything else, but Eddie felt him smile against his bicep.   Eddie kept up a slow, gentle stroking of Buck’s back to comfort him and within a few moments, Eddie felt Buck’s weight press more heavily into him.   He continued to shiver, but not as intensely, and Eddie could tell that he’d fallen asleep.  Knowing that he’d likely be out for a while, Eddie gently extricated himself, gave Buck a quick kiss and covered him with the blanket, tucking it all around him so he was nice and snug. 

              Eddie pulled a long-sleeved shirt on and headed out into the living room so Christopher didn’t feel abandoned, watching the rest of the movie with him and playing a round of Kids’ Trivial Pursuit with him.  A couple of hours later, Christopher was cheering his victory against Eddie when Eddie heard Buck’s soft voice calling.  Eddie laughed, ruffling Christopher’s hair, and hurried off to check on Buck while Christopher reset the game.

              “How are you doing, Buck?”  Eddie asked, coming into the room to see Buck propped up on the pillows, looking somewhat more alert than he had. 

              “S-still c-cold,” Buck shivered, pulling the blanket up to his bare shoulders.  “B-but I’m h-hungry and don’t want to l-lie here anymore.”

              Eddie smiled and came over to Buck’s side of the bed, sitting down and taking Buck’s hand, sliding his fingers over Buck’s pulse once more.   Buck looked at him with a bit of a sad, vulnerable expression on his face, which melted Eddie’s heart and made it hard to concentrate.  He was pleased to feel that Buck’s heart rate had increased again and felt stronger than it did before. 

              “Come on.  Let’s get you some food,” Eddie said once he was done, shifting to take Buck’s hand and pull him into a standing position, realizing belatedly that he was still mostly naked.

              “I sh-should probably p-put some c-clothes on,” Buck said, crossing his arms over his chest again to try and keep warm as the cool air of the room wafted over his skin. “D-don’t want to scar C-christopher.”

              “Right,” laughed Eddie, rifling through their suitcases and finding Buck some sweatpants, a t-shirt and a hoodie and helping him get dressed.   Once he was dressed and standing unsteadily by the bed, Eddie took his hand to lead him out into the other room.

              “Wait,” Buck said, as Eddie started to pull him forward.  Eddie stopped, turning back to him curiously.  “I… I didn’t get to say anything b-back there, but I h-heard what you said.” 

              “What do you mean?” Eddie asked, though he thought he knew.  Back when he was trying to pull Buck in, when he was trying to encourage him, he’d been shouting all kinds of things, not even really aware of what he’d been saying, though he suspected he knew what he’d said. 

              “You… you said you love me.”  Buck said quietly, biting his lower lip a little, suddenly bashful.  “Did… did you mean that?  O-or was it just because you were afraid I w-was dying?”

              Eddie looked down at him for a moment, thoughtful, then reached up with both of his hands and took Buck’s face gently in them.  Eddie leaned in as Buck’s eyes fluttered closed and pressed his lips to Buck’s, stroking Buck’s cheeks with his thumbs as he kissed him.  Eddie felt Buck melt into his embrace and smiled into the kiss, slowly pulling away many moments later and looking down as Buck’s eyes opened to meet his.

              “I love you,” Eddie said simply with a light shrug, smiling and taking Buck’s hand once more.  Buck seemed momentarily stunned, but then his face lit up, his grin nearly as bright as it usually was despite his continued shivering.

              “I love you too.”

                                                            * * *

              A few days later, Buck was enthusiastically ready to leave the hotel once again.  He had slept a lot over the last few days, and he hadn’t stopped shivering until well into the night the day of the incident.  Eddie had extended their stay by a few days so Buck could rest, and he’d been alternating between sleeping in the king-sized bed with Eddie or napping on the couch, often with Christopher snuggled up beside him, watching (or sleeping through) a movie.  They played board games several times, as Buck could sit, wrapped in a blanket, and be perfectly comfortable.  Eddie had taken a quick trip to a nearby grocery store for snacks and had been ordering meals so that Buck didn’t overtax himself going out, which was nice the first two days but was starting to irk him by the third, as he was starting to feel a little suffocated.  

            The only major downside to his recovery had been discovering how sensitive his skin was after being so cold for so long, especially his fingers.  When Eddie had finally cleared him to have a nice warm bath, Buck had yelped as he sank into the water and submerged his hands; they felt like they were burning, the same sensation as having a hot shower with a sunburn. This meant the hot tub was out of the question and Buck had sulked about that for a while, wanting nothing more than to submerge himself in hot, bubbly water. 

              Thankfully, the sensitivity had subsided over the last few days and now they were, finally, heading out for a day’s sightseeing.  Their first trip was to a nearby hot springs, on Buck’s insistence that he was better.  It was snowing and the effect was magical as they watched the snow melt as it hit the steamy barrier floating up from the springs pool.  Christopher was mesmerized and Buck was mostly just pleased that he was able to soak without (much) pain, finally feeling like his old self again.  

            The only obvious sign that anything had happened was the purple bruises under either of his eyes from when the girl had kicked him in the nose.  Eddie had insisted that they weren’t as obvious as they felt, but Buck still felt self conscious about them, trying to avoid looking people in the eyes when he met them.  It also made kissing Eddie a little more difficult; Eddie’s nose had accidentally bumped his despite Eddie being as careful as possible just that morning and the sudden pain had taken Buck’s breath away. 

             Buck and Eddie followed behind Christopher as he led them up and down the town’s main street, going in and out of gift shops, buying souvenirs and fudge, getting an ice cream from a famous ice cream shop, even though it was cold outside.  Eddie pulled Buck into an outdoor supplies shop and bought him a comfortable new jacket and a teal knitted toque like the one he’d lost, getting both Christopher and himself the same hat to match, upon Christopher’s excited request.

             They stopped to have lunch at a cute little pub with great Irish food and were just stepping away from the door when something collided with Buck’s leg.  Buck looked down in surprise to see a young girl, who threw her arms around his waist.  He looked around, confused, until he saw the girl’s mother approaching with her small son in tow, and realized this must be the girl he’d pulled from the water.

             “Hi Molly,” Buck said, smiling, patting her on the back as she clung to him.  She said nothing, but her grip on his waist tightened as he said her name.

             “I’m so sorry we didn’t get to thank you the other day,” the mother said to him as she came level with them.  “Thank you so much.  I can’t even begin to repay you for what you did, you nearly died for a little girl you’ve never even met.”

             “It’s alright, ma’am,” Buck said, feeling his face flush as he felt rather than saw both Christopher and Eddie watching them.

             “We’re firefighters,” Buck said, gesturing to Eddie and himself.  “It’s what we do, I didn’t think anything of it.”

             “Cool!” The little boy behind his mother poked his head around her side to stare at Buck and Eddie.  “I wanna be a firefighter when I grow up!”

             Eddie grinned and high fived the little boy, who seemed star struck to meet two real-life firefighters.  They spoke with the mother and her kids for several minutes, until Christopher started to shift uncomfortably, feeling cold from standing in one place for too long.

             “Well, we won’t take any more of your time,” the woman, Eleanor, said.  “Thank you, again.  Both of you.  If there’s anything I can ever do to help you in any way, please, don’t hesitate to call.” 

             Eleanor pressed a business card into Buck’s hand so he would have her phone number and peeled Molly from Buck’s side, where she still was, refusing to let go. 

             “Thank you,” Molly said in a tiny voice, looking up at him, before dashing back towards her mother and hiding behind her, suddenly shy.  Buck laughed, then waved as they walked away, Molly looking back him several times and giving him a small wave before they disappeared around the corner.

             “Told you,” Eddie said, taking Buck’s hand as they walked slowly in the opposite direction back towards their car.  “You’re a hero.”

             Buck felt himself blushing again as he tried to wave off Eddie’s words, but as Christopher cheered in agreement and Eddie pulled him over to give him a kiss, Buck had to admit it felt pretty good to know that he’d saved that girl and he was no worse for wear besides the bruises on his face.

             “Fine, fine,” Buck said gruffly after Eddie had pulled away from the kiss as Christopher let out an “ewwww!” and they all laughed. 

             They got back to the car and Buck helped Christopher into the back seat, buckling him up before closing the door.   Buck turned around to see a squirrel bounding across the sidewalk right near him and watched, wrapping his arms around his chest as he shivered a bit in the cold air, even though he was in his snug new jacket. 

             “I thought you were an honourary Canadian?” Eddie teased, coming around the side of the car to see what he was looking at.

             “I was, until I spent twelve minutes in a freezing lake,” Buck lamented, and Eddie made a noise somewhere between concern and a laugh.  “I will never complain about being too warm in LA ever again.”

             Eddie actually laughed then, and clapped Buck on the back.  They both jumped into the SUV, Buck behind the steering wheel this time as Christopher excitedly asked where they were headed now.  They’d had quite the misadventure here but they were ready to continue on their journey as a family, just the three of them.  

                                                         * * * 

Thank you so much for reading!  Please let me know what you thought!

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Tag list:  @outside-the-government​​ @littlecarowrites​​ @star-trekkin-across-theuniverse​​ @stormsnevercometostay​​ @southernbellestatues  @mad-girl-without-a-box​​ @reading-in-moonlight​

[kareofbears]

plainly in truth, chapter 3/5

"Without you around, it's sorta like stuff is just kinda...bleh."

—

Or: hiding, confiding, and misguiding.

read on ao3 or below the cut :)

Ryuji grips the letter like it was silver and he was a werewolf in the full moon.

He picks it up, skims over the first line before putting it down beside him, feeling worse every time he does it, only able to read the fine-printed lettering from the flickering lamp post above him. The constant change in light would normally bug him, but he doesn’t really care about it now; it’s not like the words would change in his hand, and he’s long since needed to actually read it to know what it reads.

His feet dangle over the canal, enjoying the way a rush of adrenaline would go through him when he looks down into the deep waters. It’s late enough in the night that even with the city lights around him, he can’t gauge how deep it goes.

Soseikawa Park was only a five minute walk from Odori Park, but with the narrow river and steeped hills, Ryuji found it secluded enough to let himself sit. Breathe. Not exist, even for just a few minutes. It’s like having his own bedroom, except it smells faintly like a sewer and there’s an intersection about ten meters above where he sat underneath the overpass. If he can ignore the never-ending rumble of cars and trucks driving above him, it can almost be considered peaceful.

He lets himself fall back, the grass tickling the back of his neck and his spine screaming in relief. They’re heading out again in two days, which means more days of being in an inescapable RV surrounded by his best friends who are keeping an eye on him because they’re good people who don’t know how to mind their own fucking business.

Idly, he lets his hands pull and brings it to his face—blades of grass. He lets it get taken by the wind. After brief consideration, he shoves the letter back into his pocket before he can do the same thing to it.

He is so tired.

Blindly, he hits the vague area of where his pocket is and fishes out his phone, hitting the first speed dial before he can talk himself out of it. As two rings go by, he stupidly hopes that she doesn’t pick up, as if she hasn’t ever missed a phone call from him even when she’s at work.

The third ring gets cut off halfway through. “Ryu!”

Despite himself, he grins. “Hey, ma. Checking in for the weekly call.”

“I was just thinking about you,” she says, and he can hear the laundry machine run in the background. “I was wondering if you had eaten today.”

“Ma, you ain’t gotta worry about that kinda thing anymore. I’m a big boy now.”

“You’re breaking my heart!” He can almost see her, phone tucked in the crook of her neck, work-worn hands folding her laundry as fast as she can so as to not hold up the next person in line. “It doesn’t matter how big you are, you’re my boy. How can I not think about whether my boy is eating or not?”

“All I’ve done on this trip is eat, ma.”

“Oh, and Akira! How’s that handsome boy doing? Still taking the world by storm?”

That pulls a genuine laugh from him—he never needs to hold back when it comes to talking about Akira, at least. “You know it. He’s the only guy in the world who can stand toe-to-toe with me in chowing down. I swear, he’s slipping some of it under the table ‘cause he’s so damn fast. Forty seconds! Forty seconds to inhale an extra large beef bowl! Blows my mind, seriously.”

“Could never do anything in halves, can he?” she chuckles, before the quality of her voice shifts. “And are you enjoying yourself?”

He hesitates. “Yeah, of course. It’s a roadtrip across Japan, how can I not?”

“Good.” There’s some crackling over the receiver, and he guesses she’s probably adjusting the basket full of clothes on her hip. “That’s all I want to hear. As long as you’re happy, Ryu, I’m a happy old woman.”

Ryuji opens his mouth, ready to console her.

I’m always happy!

You worry too much, ma.

There’s nothing to worry about.

“Sorry, but,” he swallows thickly. “I think they’re calling for me? So—”

“Alright,” she says, and he might be imagining the disappointed tinge to it. “Call back when you can, okay sweetheart? I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” he clears his throat. “I love you, ma.”

“I love you too, Ryu.”

He hangs up, letting the phone slip out of his fingers. It lands hard on the flat grass

For a long moment, he just lays there, listening to the gentle lapping waves and cars honking with impatience of people who have somewhere to be. He tries to meditate for half a minute, with all the information he had learned from a couple of YouTube videos, and gives up, because of course he does. Squeezing his eyes shut, he can’t do anything about the creeping dread that’s in his stomach getting stronger, squeezing and squeezing until he feels sick. It’s like his insecurities are having this huge fight against each other, feeding off of one another until it gets too big for him to handle and all he can do is breathe and try to do something about it.

And he’s fucking sick of it—breathing. He’s sick of the stupid breathing techniques, sick of counting down from ten and waiting for his own heart to chill out because his brain won’t stop reminding him of everything he did wrong, of shit he’s still doing wrong because at least this way, nobody knows what he did was wrong. It’s just him that can point and laugh at himself, and that’s way better than having the world do it for him.

He doesn’t cry, because he’s not a crier. He’s the type of guy to throw a fist through drywood before shedding a tear, and he hates that about himself. Rather than do something that will actually help, Ryuji lays there, perfectly still. Listening. Waiting for a meteor to fall on him, or for the overpass to crash its entire weight on top of him.

Instead, he hears footsteps.

His heart rate slows by a fraction, and opens his eyes to meet gray ones. “Hey.”

“Hi,” Akira says, a smile in his voice. “How did you know it was me?”

Ryuji almost feels offended. He would know Akira by sound alone, the way his heels would click in the Metaverse. The way the balls of his feet would strike the earth, hardly muffled by grass or cheap sneakers or anything else as trivial. Ryuji would know he was there; no matter how blind he was with hatred for himself, his love for Akira would always guide him back to where he needs to be.

“Lucky guess.”

“One hell of a guess.” He plops down onto the grass and Ryuji lifts his head, allowing Akira to wiggle until he could use his lap as a pillow. “Your turn,” Akira says.

“My turn to what?”

“To ask me how I knew where you were.”

“Oh.” He lets his eyes slide shut again. “I kinda just assumed you could do that.”

“You assume too much of me sometimes.”

“I assume the right amount.” Ryuji refuses to shiver when he feels long fingers start to card through his hair. “You’re giving me goosebumps,” he sighs.

“That’s a good thing, I think.” The fingers pull away and he’s about to complain when he feels something gets thrown over his torso. “Here. You always end up forgetting to wear an extra layer when you go out like this.”

Ryuji rearranges Akira’s jacket over himself. “Sap.”

“You know it.” He resumes combing through his hair, and Ryuji lets himself relax, just a little. It’s strange—it’s hard as hell being around other people nowadays, and even though Akira can make him feel that sometimes, mostly it helps the eternal twisting of his stomach to settle.

“You’re good at that,” Ryuji mutters.

“Thank you. I’ve had plenty of practice with Morgana.” And just to make it worse, he uses a little bit of nail on his nape, sending electricity running down all the way to his fingertips.

His mouth twists unhappily. “Don’t do shit like that while talking about the cat, for the love of god.”

Akira does it again, like the little shit he is. “You still have that weird thing with your neck?”

“Quit it!” Ryuji slaps his thigh and he can’t muster much anger when he can feel Akira’s shoulders shake from silent laughter. “You’re not as funny as you think you are.”

“You’re right.” Gently, softly, like the world’s lightest feather, he feels lips brush his temple. “I’m funnier.”

His eyes open, and his entire vision is obscured by curly black hair and tender eyes. “You’re right,” he breathes. “You’re funnier.”

Akira bends down again, and Ryuji catches his lips, overflowing with something soft but unafraid, and it’s so good that Ryuji reaches for his cheek just to make it last a little bit longer.

When they break off, Akira kisses his temple again, this time on the left side. “Do you know what day it is?”

“Uh,” he scratches his head, brain a little fuzzy. “Tuesday?”

“It’s Wednesday, and I meant the date. It’s August tenth.”

“Okay?”

Akira thumbs at his collarbone. “I know this might be a little lame that I know it by heart, but I left Tokyo on March 19th. That would mean it’s been—”

“One hundred forty-four days since you moved away,” he finishes. “I know.”

Akira blinks, and then laughs, and Ryuji knows it’s an especially good one because sound actually comes out this time. “Yes,” he says, elated. “Exactly what I was thinking.”

“I told you dude, we’re really on that telepathy shit.”

“We really are.” A pause. “I miss you.”

He’s about to joke—I’m right here, you big dummy—but find that he just can’t. “I miss you too.”

They can’t say what they mean: I will miss you. Summer vacation doesn’t last forever, and two months will always be a hell of a lot shorter than the rest of the ten months that they’ll be apart. Somehow, he dreads seeing Akira gone, and he’ll dread seeing Akira back in Tokyo because it would mean that he’d actually have to see what Ryuji’s really like. Actively pushing away his best friend just so he doesn’t have to see his failures; doesn’t that just make him the worst piece of shit in the world?

There’s a gap, though. A little loophole. A crack in the timeline. A place where maybe he’s allowed to be a hollowed out version of happy; the now.

“Tomorrow’s our last day in Sapporo?”

“Yeah?” Akira replies, surprised at the change in tone.

“Which means Jail stuff is done, right? All your grocery shopping and Sophia Prime’s been ordered and packed up?”

“Yes,” he says, a lilt in his voice. “It’s all done.”

Ryuji sits up and faces him, reaching for his wrists, relishing in the heartbeat thumping against his palms. “Let’s do something. I don’t care what, but let’s do something. Eat at a diner, go to a museum, rob a bank, whatever.” He runs his thumb along the veins there, long since those bumps have been ingrained in his brain. “Let’s do something, just you and me.”

“Are you asking me out on a date, Sakamoto?” He has a cocky look in his eye, and Ryuji’s half-tempted to kiss him again just to wipe it clean off his face. “You know I’d follow you anywhere.”

He knows. That’s the scary part. Would Akira still follow someone he doesn’t know as well as he thinks he does? “I’ll get us lost,” he jokes.

Akira doesn’t laugh. “I’d rather be lost with you than learn to lose you.”

It’s been ages since he’s been flustered at anything Akira does, but he feels a rush of heat crawl up his neck. “I’ll—” Ryuji shakes his head, willing his embarrassment to go away. “Shit, uh—”

“I’ll pick where to go,” he interrupts, a little too smug for his liking. “I’d say I’ll pick you up at your place, but…”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re a comedian,” Ryuji rolls his eyes. “I’ll be ready whenever.”

“Fantastic.” Akira checks his phone, wincing. “It’s late.”

He grips his wrist tightly. “I know.”

Thankfully, he’s never needed to explain much to Akira. “Okay,” he says softly. “Ten more minutes?”

“Yeah.” He lets his eyes slide shut once more, letting out a breath. The world will keep spinning. His stomach will keep twisting. Time will keep marching on, but at least he has this. “Ten minutes sounds good.”

—

The first words that Futaba says as she enters the RV was: “Oh, hell.”

“Hello Futaba-chan, Yusuke-kun,” Haru greets cheerfully from the booth. “How was your shopping trip?”

“...Fine,” she replies, stepping aside to let him in, lugging a four-foot tall canvas in his arms that accidentally hits the ceiling. “Got a new Featherman action figure.”

“I got a canvas,” Yusuke answers from behind the wall of white. “Though I assume you can see that.”

“I can.” Her smile doesn’t falter, and it’s making the hair on Futaba’s nape rise like a nervous animal. “Quick question, since you both are here…”

Haru pulls a tote bag from underneath the table, and it’s so heavy that when she throws it on the table, her teacup nearly topples over. “Would you like to take a guess of what’s in this bag?”

A billion jokes pop into Futaba’s head, but both of them stay silent, terrified and confused. They both knew this was coming, but they didn’t expect her to be so forward about it.

“I suppose that’s a pretty strange question, I’m sorry. Let me try again.” She reaches in and pulls out thick, heavy textbooks, all brightly coloured and consist of beaming, diverse students on the front cover. “Care to tell me why you were both looking at cram books while we’re on our fun roadtrip?”

Yusuke pushes Futaba aside, eyes on the books and wide with shock. “You bought them?!” he exclaims.

“Wait—” Futaba hops repeatedly, trying to catch a glimpse from over his shoulder. “You bought all of them?”

“Of course.”

“But why?”

She thinks about it for a moment. “Hmm, think about it this way. If Akira’s in charge of the group as a whole, and Makoto’s in charge of the more analytical aspect of things, think of me as a somewhat stern yet loving parent who doesn’t quite know how to mind their own business.”

“I thought that was Ann’s job,” Futaba mutters, heart hammering in her chest.

“Now,” Haru leans forward, and as if to prove her role, speaks in a gentle tone. “I’m not mad at you. That would be ridiculous. But I saw you two looking at these books, and I know how expensive they can be, so I’ll give them to you.”

She blinks. “You would?”

“Absolutely!” Haru smiles wide. “On the condition that you tell me why you need them.”

Futaba and Yusuke exchange a glance, before Futaba makes a T with her hands. “Timeout!” she yells, dragging Yusuke by the collar out of the RV.

“What do we do?” he whispers once the door is shut. “It’s not as if we can tell her.”

“I don’t know, maybe we should?” she pushes up her glasses. “Damn, the things money can buy you. Our vow of silence is getting thrown out the window for two handfuls of yen.”

He looks her dead in the eyes. “I would tell the world my deepest secrets if it meant having lifetime access to a grocery store.”

“Don’t say that, you sellout!”

“I’m not selling out. My art already reveals the deepest portion of my soul, it’s not my fault that the common observers cannot pick up what I’m putting down.” He squints against the setting sun. “She’s waiting. What do we do?”

“Okay, okay, okay, just let me—” her mind whirrs rapidly, and for a second she really feels like Sophia. “Give me a second.”

“I have a suggestion,” he points at her. “If we’re not averse to lying, let’s tell them that you need them for school. You’re struggling with academics, you need a bit of outside help, so we took a look at the textbooks.”

“Good idea! Wait.” She frowns. “They’ll never buy it. Let’s say that you need them.”

“I’m at the top of my class!”

“But they don’t know that!” She balls her fists together, determined. “Okay, let’s do this.”

“I didn’t say yes to this.”

Futaba kicks the door open, making Haru pause wiping her spilt drink mid-stroke. “Inari’s struggling with his classes!”

“I—“ Yusuke stammers. “Yes,” he confirms. “I’m struggling with my classes. They’re mighty indeed, and even I find them difficult. I am...struggling.”

Haru looks at them doubtfully. “Yusuke is?”

“I am,” he answers as Futaba says, “He is.”

“Yusuke,” she repeats, gesturing to the neatly-stacked pile of textbooks on the table. “Is struggling with precalculus?”

They stare at her. “Yes,” Yusuke says, slowly. “I am struggling with previous calculus.”

“Out of curiosity, Yusuke,” Haru scratches her cheek. “Do you know what a parabola is?”

“Of course I do,” he replies with the wisdom of a thousand monks. “It’s a self-contradictory statement.”

“That’s a paradox,” Makoto corrects from the steering wheel.

“What the heck?” Futaba jumps a foot in the air. “Why are you here? Why were you hiding?”

“I like to sit here a few hours before we start another road trip,” she says, before glaring at them. “You two. Does this have to do with Ryuji?”

“T-timeout!”

Futaba makes a beeline to the door again, but Haru’s faster. She slips past them, standing in their way, perfect smile still in place. Sometimes Futaba forgets how strong she is in negotiations; her and Yusuke were probably tutorial levels compared to the upper management of Okumura Foods. “Answer her question, please.”

Yusuke sighs, tired. “You know what you’re asking for, don’t you? If we tell you what’s happening here, it would be breaking the trust of one of our teammates.”

“Yusuke!” Futaba hisses. “Are you really thinking about telling them? It’s not even our secret to tell.”

“No, it isn’t.” He makes eye contact with Makoto. “But she made a point. What would make us better friends: if we kept a secret to the grave while letting him suffer, or tell someone who can help even if it means being some sort of tattletale?”

“But…” she trails off, resolve crumbling. “Dude. It’s going to suck so much.”

“I know.” He pats her head, before moving to Ryuji’s backpack once more. “Don’t worry, I’m willing to take his anger if need be.” Yusuke gestures to the booth. “Everyone, take a seat. It’s about time this finally gets cleared up.”

Smoothing out the envelope in his hand, even more crumpled than when they had it last, he clears his throat, takes one last glance at Futaba to make sure. At her tentative nod, he begins to read its contents in a loud, clear voice.

When he finishes, they sit there, staring at the thick paper in silence.

“Oh my god,” Makoto breathes. “I knew it was bad, but—”

Haru shakes her head. “Not this bad. And he talked about it so much, but we didn’t even…” she glances down at the textbooks, idly rubbing its spine. “I didn’t think much of it.”

“None of us did,” Yusuke says. “But does that make it any better?”

They fall in silence again, but Futaba can hear the answer loud and clear. Hell no.

The door opens forcefully, pulling them out of their stupor.

“What’s up, my beloved friends!” Ann calls, shopping bags in tow. “God, I’m gonna miss Sapporo. Things here are so cheap compared to Tokyo, sheesh!” She sets them down, laughing when nobody says anything. “Jeez, what’s going on? Did I miss something?”

“Ann-chan,” Haru says carefully, all sense of cheer, for intimidation or otherwise, gone. “Take a seat. There’s something you should know.”

—

The Ferris wheel looms over them, blocking out most of the sunset behind it. “Nice,” Ryuji grins appreciatively. “I should’ve seen this one coming.”

“You should’ve,” Akira agrees, tugging him into the open carriage. He goes in willingly. “It was staring at you the whole time we’re in Sapporo. And besides, every romantic movie has a Ferris wheel scene, doesn’t it?”

“Oh yeah? Name one.”

“Death note.”

Ryuji makes a face, and Akira laughs. “Yeah, I know. Bad example.”

It’s a tight squeeze but they sit next to each other, ignoring the bench in front of them. The seats are hot, and even though it’s nearly evening, the heat barely eases up on them. Still, he finds himself pressing himself against Akira. He runs cold, much colder than Ryuji; narrow wrists are ice, prominent collarbones frost.

The two of them lean over the window, pointing out random scenery as if it were the first time they were seeing them. Restaurants, statues. Weird looking cars and flower beds. Decorated high rises and insects that fly by. It’s like they were tourists, or a retired couple who just want to travel the world. He’s never wanted to be old before, but Akira always has a way of making him change his mind.

Like clockwork—Ryuji makes a joke. Akira laughs. His heart feels lighter.

When he finds himself leaning against him, feet up on the bench, Akira wraps his arms around his shoulders unhesitatingly. Ryuji wonders if he can hear the way his heart thuds inside his bones. He wonders if he knows it's for him. The Ferris wheel stops, right at the very top, gently swaying like it were a giant cradle. They’re not very high up, but it’s far enough that he feels like he’s left the entire world behind.

Ryuji presses his lips against those wrists, relishing in the way he can feel the heartbeat increase. “You nervous?”

He can feel his head shake behind him. “I’m happy, I think,” Akira says in a hushed voice, like it was a secret, like it was a sin.

A breeze flows through, and Ryuji closes his eyes when lips press against just below his ear.

Would it be worth it to have a Palace? A Jail? Would it be worth it to lose himself, just to be in this moment for the rest of time?

Carefully, he flips himself sideways, just so he can press more of himself against Akira. The carriage rocks gently, and the metal bench underneath them is sharp and uncomfortable. Arms tighten around him. Chest to back, knee to knee, they couldn’t be closer, but Ryuji leans back, wanting nothing more than to bottle the rhythm of his breathing and the smell of his soap.

I’m happy, too, I think, he wants to say. If we stayed like this for the rest of our lives, until our skin is permanently tattooed into the hot steel and our bones are the only thing they take out of this bench because the rest of us had already rotted, then I’d be pretty damn happy.

Craning his neck backwards, Akira is already staring.

Then he’s kissing him—once, twice, again and again, and Ryuji realizes that something’s different. This wasn’t the kind of kiss he was used to. There was a desperate air to it, an urgent edge from both of them that neither was ready for. Stealing each other’s breath and giving it back; the cycle continues, the clock keeps ticking.

Ryuji pulls himself up, not breaking the kiss, cupping his cheek and soaking him in like a flower to the sun; an endless yearning, like he’d shrivel up and suffocate if it vanished. The sun framed Akira, and for a split second, he feels like he understands what Yusuke sees on a canvas.

When they part, foreheads leaning against each other, Ryuji lifts a trembling hand to wipe the tear that rolled down Akira’s cheek.

“What’s up?” he asks softly. “Is something wrong?”

“I feel like you’re a miracle, Ryuji.”

How do you respond to that? When the person who said it feels like they’re the one who’s magic, who’s too good to be true?

“Fuck miracles,” he says, pulling Akira in again.

—

The circuit felt like it ended too soon, but it’s night when they finally stepped off, holding hands and faces flushed. He hopes the ride operator doesn’t hate them, but he’s in too good of a mood to really complain.

Ryuji stops in his tracks when he sees who’s in front of them.

“Ann?” Akira questions, taken aback. Eyes dark and brows pulled close together, clutching her purse like a weapon of war—she looks like she’d just seen someone set an orphanage on fire.

Her voice is shockingly deep, gaze fixed on Ryuji. “I’m borrowing him for a second.”

Before either of them can say anything, Ann takes him by the bicep, and he can only glance at Akira before he’s dragged back into the Ferris wheel.

“Did you even pay—?”

“Don’t start,” she hisses, pushing him on the bench, hard. “Don’t you dare start, you damn liar.”

His blood runs cold. “What?”

No. That’s impossible.

“Don’t play dumb with me.” She shoves her hand in her bag and throws something rubber at him. “Do you know how long it took me to find a good one here? I spent my entire day in the shopping district—not looking for clothes, or shoes, or whatever the hell I thought would be fun. No, I spent our last day in Sapporo looking for that.”

Ryuji looks down at the hot compress in his hands, a lump in his throat.

“Because you weren’t doing anything to your knee,” she continues, jaw tight. “Despite me trying my best to help you get better. I thought that you must’ve been really fan-freaking-tastic at hiding the pain that you told me about. That I trusted was the truth because you’re one of my best friends and I trust you. I trust you with my life, my secrets—” Ann grits her teeth. “What the hell?”

“How did you find out?” he asks hoarsely.

She knows. If she knows, they could know. If they could know—

“Damn you, it doesn’t matter how I found out!” she throws her hands in the air, voice so hurt that it twists his insides impossibly tighter. “You think I would care? You think that this is important enough to lie to me about? Dammit, I don’t care that you—”

“Don’t say it,” he begs. “Please.”

“I don’t give a single shit that you failed second-year, Sakamoto!”

Her words ring against the steel walls, deafening.

Bile crawls up his esophagus, and he readies himself for another attack. But for some strange reason, his vision doesn’t blur. Instead, anger kicks in like it always does.

“You don’t care?” he asks, incredulous. “This doesn’t even have anything to do with you!”

“It does when you lie to me about it!” she yells back. “Do you not care about me? About your friends who would go to hell and back for you?”

“How dare you—!”

“You lied to me, you hid it from everyone else, you ignored our advice because it doesn’t mean shit to you.” She points a finger at him. “And look where that got you.”

“Shut up.”

“We all noticed, you know! Each and every one of us noticed that something was up, even the literal robot—”

“Shut the hell up, Ann.”

“And for what? All you accomplished was hurt our feelings, hold in yours, and keep it from the love of your life—”

Ryuji stands up, rocking the carriage and nearly toppling Ann off her feet.

“It’s because I fucking hate myself!”

She grips the barred window, eyes wide. They stare each other down for a few long moments, before the ride comes to an abrupt end. The door swings open, allowing a cheery greeting from the oblivious employee.

And then Ann sighs, shoulders deflating. “Come on,” she jerks her head to the door, before stepping out herself. “Let’s go.”

“What?” he asks, puzzled. “Where?”

“If we’re going to delve into the psyche of Sakamoto Ryuji, we might as well do it with some food in front of us.”

—

The cafe Ann takes him to is bright, filled with pastries and crowded with people—stools are pastel blue, baristas are wearing cute bowties, and each cup of coffee comes with an alarming amount of whipped cream on top. Sojiro would have a heart attack if he walked three kilometers of this place, but Ryuji’s glad that the resemblance is far and away than that of Leblanc.

The booth is pressed into the corner of it all; up against the window and far enough from the main bustle that they’d have to really put their all into it if they wanted to take their order. On one side sat Futaba, nervously tracing shapes on the window while Haru sits beside her. The opposite end has Yusuke and Makoto.

They all look up when they hear the bell chime, and Ryuji almost laughs. “It’s been a long ass time since I’ve seen you guys look so serious,” he remarks, sliding next to Makoto while Ann sits next to Haru. “Where’s the food at? Come on guys, food’s good for you.”

He raises a hand. “Excuse me! We’re ready!”

“Ryuji,” Futaba’s voice is brittle. “I—”

“Hold on shorty,” he reaches to pat her head, voice coming out soft. “We’ll get to that. I promise.”

A waiter comes, takes their drink order, and leaves. When he does, Yusuke places a heavy hand on the table. “I was the one who told everyone.”

“That’s not true!” Futaba cries out, and everyone jerks back in shock. “That’s bull! I’m the one who told him to go through your stuff ‘cause he was worried about you, but I’m the one who actually—”

“No, I’m the one at fault here,” Haru casts her gaze downwards. “It was really none of my business, but I forced these two to tell everyone here. I’m so sorry—”

Ryuji sighs. “Guys, it’s fine.” He’s met with an incredulous look. “Okay, it isn’t, but none of this is your fault, you know? I’m not mad.” His gaze shifts to Ann. “But you’re allowed to be mad at me. I know I shouldn’t have hidden it.”

She gives him a weighted look. “Then why did you do it?”

“Ann,” Makoto warns.

“No, I’m not budging on this.” She leans forward. “He lied to me. Lying doesn’t get you anywhere good. That was really stupid of you.”

“Ann!” Futaba cuts in, horrified.

“You’ve seen what happened with Shiho.” Ryuji flinches back like he’s been hit. He knows. Ann knows he knows. But she keeps going anyway. “She lied to me about what was happening, and I lied to her back. It kept going and going, and—” she snaps her fingers. “She’s gone from my life. For how long? I don’t know, maybe until we graduate. Maybe until her rehab ends. Maybe longer. Who knows? All I know is if we had just—talked, or—” Ann shakes her head, frustrated. “From the start. Tell us what happened. And afterwards, let us help you, or I swear to god I’m going to cry, and I know you can’t stand it when people cry.”

The silence is deafening, even with the clamor of people and voices around them.

Ryuji lets out a breath. “Yeah, alright.”

She raises an eyebrow. “You will?”

“I will,” he repeats, idly checking his pulse. Heart rate is a little quick, but in no danger of having another breakdown. “I’ll tell you everything.”

The waiter chooses that time to drop off their drinks; all cold except Haru, nursing a hot cup of tea. They definitely didn’t buy enough to justify the god-knows-how-long they’re going to spend here, but they’re just gonna have to suck it up.

“Alright,” he starts when they’re alone again. “We going from the start?”

“The very beginning,” Ann confirms.

With one last glance at his friends, he sighs, sits up straight, and flashes them the biggest grin he can muster:

“Hi,” he greets. “I’m Sakamoto Ryuji, and I failed my second-year of high school.”

No one’s expression shifts, not even an inch. He can’t help but be a little impressed. “You guys know that I’ve never been the greatest with books. Shit, screw greatest—I’ve ranked bottom five ever since I started middle school. Didn’t help that my leg got fucked to high heaven and everyone started hating me. Nearly dropped out a couple times. Had no one, really. Worst time in my life, hands down.

“So imagine this dumb little kid, middle of April, running into this guy.” Without meaning to, the grin shifts into something more genuine. “Good-looking dude, super smart, real charmer but you wouldn’t be able to tell just by lookin’ at him. And that guy saved my life. Ten, twenty, thirty times over. He was so great that the dumb kid obviously fell in love with him. But what’s even crazier is that the guy fell in love with the dumb little kid, too.

“Crazy, right? Sounds made up, but I promise it’s true.” He catches Futaba’s expression shift to exasperation. “I know, I can’t believe it either.”

“That’s not what I meant, you sap,” she says.

“Yeah, but that dumb little kid,” he explains. “Couldn’t believe it. Literally couldn’t believe it. Thinks that he struck the lottery, struck by damn lightning. I mean—” Ryuji laughs a little. “How can someone so amazing and cool be in love with such a moron? What made it worse…”

He gestures at all of them. “Was that the guy had so many people in his life who was also amazing. His social circle was made up of, and correct me if I’m wrong: a successful journalist, a politician, some dude from the mob, a random child who breaks gaming records on the daily, and I’m not even counting people from this goddamn table. So dumb little kid knows, he fucking knows that somehow, someway, he tricked the cool guy into falling in love with him. The kid sucked, no, sucks,” he corrects. “At everything. Can’t do anything worthwhile.”

“Ryuji…” Haru whispers.

“Almost done, I know it’s running on kinda long,” he promises. “So the dumb little kid became kinda obsessed with the group’s ‘activities’, and it’s obvious why he would, right? If he knows he’s not good enough for the guy he’s in love with, then he can at least try to be. But since he already sucked at school to begin with, dummy over here completely bailed on school and ended up flunking so bad that he failed an entire year.”

An entire year. An entire year.

It’s becoming harder and harder to breathe, but he’d rather get hit by a truck than lose it in front of so many people. Gritting his teeth, he does what he knows is bad, what every google search and YouTube video says you should not do—he pushes his feelings, far and hard away from himself, so far that it’s like it doesn’t even exist.

It works surprisingly well.

“And, uh—” Ryuji clears his throat. “He hid it. Because you know the one, single thing that’s worse than realizing you’re not good enough for the other person?”

No one answers. “Waiting for the day that they realize that you’re not good enough for them.”

“And that’s pretty much the bulk of it.” Reaching for his mug, he takes a sip of his lukewarm lemonade. Damn, he really did talk for a while. “I didn’t want to tell the rest of you because one, it’s really fucking embarrassing that I failed, and two—”

“Akira can’t know,” they all say in unison.

“Exactly, you guys get the point by now.” He drums his fingers against the table, trying to ignore the blatant gloom cast on all of their faces. “Question time starts now, if anyone wants to ask anything.”

Makoto opens her mouth, but he beats her to it. “If anyone even thinks about feeling pity, or be all ‘no, you’re smart actually!’, I am walking out of this cafe and I am not looking back.”

“What about summer school?” Makoto asks immediately. “If you didn’t want us to know, then you could’ve taken that without even telling us.”

“Summer school was never an option.”

“And why not?” she slaps her hand against the table. “It would’ve solved this entire situation!”

“Because Akira was coming home for the summer,” he says simply. “And I wanted to enjoy my time with him without this hanging over my head.”

Her jaw drops open. “But...that’s…”

“Stupid?” he offers. “Idiotic? Really dumb? Potentially throwing away my entire future? Yeah, I gotcha. Another part of it was that the thought of staying at Shujin for another minute makes me want to jump into traffic, if that helps make me look a little better in your mind, miss prez.”

Makoto’s expression of confusion freezes, taken aback by the harshness of his words. Ryuji cringes at himself. “Sorry.”

“No,” she says finally. “The fault is mine. I have no right to judge your actions, or to pretend I know what kind of stress is burdening you.” Hesitating, she asks, “May I request another question?”

“Shoot.”

“What were you going to do when we eventually go back to Tokyo?”

As expected of someone who went head-to-head against the ace detective in front of the entire school; her questions are brutal. “I don’t know, honestly. I was planning on ignoring the problem for now and just sort of,” he gestures vaguely. “Enjoy the summertime sun?”

“A moment,” Haru goes through her bag. “It’s a long story, but I have these—”

The second the books peek out of her tote, he recognizes the cover immediately. “Cram books? You bought some?”

“Yes!” she answers, mistaking his reaction for eagerness. “It’s a very small gesture, but I’d love for you to have them.”

“I—” he leans away from them, breath catching in his throat. “No.”

“No?” she blinks.

“Not now, senpai.” Trying out his new trick again, he forces his heart to slow down, forces his breathing to regulate again without any of the techniques, and forces himself not to feel any of the fear that he’d normally have to go through. It works, but barely. “I’m not—I don’t think I’m ready to deal with that yet.”

“That’s fine.” Haru puts them away, and as hard as he tries, he can still see how dejected she was. “I’ll hold on to them for you.”

“Thank you.” He glances around. “Any last takers? Q&A is almost up.”

“I have one,” Yusuke pipes up.

“Go for it.”

“How are you?” he asks genuinely.

Ryuji can’t help it—a laugh gets pulled out of him. “How am I?” he repeats.

“Yes. How are you?”

“Uh,” he laughs again. “Not good, man. Not good.”

Everyone startles when Ryuji stands abruptly. He slams down the rest of his lemonade, relieved at how it helps his parched throat. “Alrighty, that took a lot out of me! Let’s get out of here, I’m sick of being surrounded by fake coffee and poser cafe fanatics.”

“I’ll take care of the bill,” Haru says, following his lead and scooting out from the booth.

“What? No, come on. I don’t care how rich you are, at least let me pay half.”

“Ryuji.” She looks him dead in the eye. “I’ll take care of the bill.”

“...Yes ma’am.”

Slowly, they all start filing out, some exiting the cafe while Makoto goes to the till with Haru. Ryuji reaches for Ann’s elbow before she can leave. “Hey.”

Turning her head, it’s as if her lips were permanently stitched downwards. “Yeah?”

“I’m really sorry I lied to you,” he says, somber. “That was shitty, and it doesn’t matter what I’m going through—you can’t deal with lies. I get that. I won’t put you through that again.”

Ann kisses her palm before slapping it against his forehead. “You better not,” her voice drips in affection. “You said not to console you—”

“I did, and I meant it.”

“But I’m here for you,” she rubs his skin harder, and he winces at the chafing. “You know that, right? No matter how crazy the shit inside your head gets, I want you to talk to me.”

“I know it,” he says, not just because he wants the friction to ease up. “I know it now, for sure.”

“Good.” Ann releases him, and goes to join Haru and Makoto up front. “You might want to head out. Someone’s starting to make a fuss.”

“What?” he turns around, making direct eye contact with Futaba, nursing a blank expression on her face. “I see.”

The bell chimes once more when he steps out, relieved at the cool summer air that hits him. “Shorty,” he says in lieu of a greeting. “What’s good?”

“Here.” Ryuji glances down at her, who’s holding a familiar, now very-crumpled envelope between her fingers. It’s weird seeing her hold the letter announcing his failure like a bomb, but he understands the sentiment. “I had to show Ann because she wouldn’t believe me until I got some proof.”

“Thank you,” he says, shoving it in his pocket. “I’m not mad at you, you know.”

“I know you’re not.” She swallows and stares down at her shoes. Her laces were covered in little beads and stars, something he had bought for her during a weekend hangout once. “This isn’t me pitying you, or showering you with some kind of boohoo potion.”

She swallows again. “I failed my first year of high school. It was for a completely different reason—guilt for who I thought I killed rather than wanting to be something else. But I know. I know so much about what you’re going through.”

Futaba looks up, and his heart wrenches when he sees the tears in her eyes. “I’m so, so sorry if I made you sad, or that I kept calling you stupid back then,” she sobs. “I don’t mean it, and I’m so mean to you all of the time but I don’t mean any of it. I told everyone your secret because I wanted to—” she hiccups, and she pushes her glasses to the top of her head. “I wanted to give you your own version of what the Phantom Thieves did for me, but I reached out to you guys back then. No one forced me to do anything, but I took that choice away from you.”

He pulls her in his arms, and her tears are hot even through his shirt. “I know, Futaba,” he says, patting her head. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

She hits his chest weakly. “Me taking care of you?” she sniffs. “I’m literally the one crying right now.”

“Just for now though,” he shrugs. “Next time I cry, you’ll be the one handing me tissues, I swear.”

They stand there, the two of them standing in the middle of Sapporo while people give them weird looks—Futaba, unable to stop the tears from flowing down her cheeks, and Ryuji, refusing to ever let his emotions make things worse for everyone else again.

—

When they get back to the RV, each of them emotionally exhausted, Ryuji goes to kiss the top of Akira’s head. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Akira looks up from his card game with Morgana and Sophia. “You look like you had a wild night. Ann take you all somewhere fun?”

“Totally,” he says, sliding the letter back in his backpack. “Best night ever.”

“Take me next time. Sophia’s kicking our ass.”

“She is not!” Morgana denies, tail swishing. “Just a little,” he relents.

“I’m gonna get ready for bed,” Ryuji announces, hiking his backpack on his shoulders and heading out, before running into Ann outside.

“Oh my god,” she says, disturbed. “He really, really doesn’t know.”

“Yup,” he moves past her. “And we’re keeping it that way.”

[electrictoes]

A New Road Home

For @dailysvu's Amanda Rollins Week

Day 1: Roadtrip Characters: Amanda Rollins, Sonny Carisi, Jesse Rollins, Billie Rollins, Carisi family Relationship: Amanda Rollins / Sonny Carisi Warnings: None

Read on AO3 Sonny had casually dropped it into conversation, late on Christmas Eve as he was helping her put together the unnecessarily large doll’s house he’d bought the girls for Christmas - “Do you have plans for New Year’s?” - and somehow, when she’d looked over at him under the Christmas tree lights, and he’d given her a stupid smile and insisted the girls would love it, she had agreed to drive out to the Poconos to spend the weekend with him and his family.

If you’d asked Amanda even two years ago if she ever thought she’d spend New Year’s Eve in a cabin with the Carisi family she would probably have laughed in your face. But with every year she’d known Sonny their relationship had evolved and changed - and now he was sat on her living floor assembling toys for Christmas morning, a screwdriver in one hand as he enthused about how much fun he’d had on these Winter vacations as a kid - and when they were done with this he’d be helping her set up fake snow footprints and getting the girls’ stockings ready for the morning, before he drove out to Staten Island in the small hours of the morning so he could be with his own family for Christmas - and Amanda would be lying if she said there wasn’t a part of her that wanted him here for Christmas morning, wanted to share the girls’ excitement with him. He had - allegedly at his mother’s insistence - given her an invitation for Christmas dinner on Staten Island, but it had felt a bit too much like intruding - and she and the girls would be going over to Liv’s after they’d opened their presents anyway.

Accepting the invitation for New Year seemed like a good compromise - and the girls had never really been on a vacation before, so even if it was just three days it would still be an experience for them, and an opportunity for her to relax, too.

Sonny’s parents and siblings had all driven out at first light on Thursday to avoid holiday traffic, but Sonny had court in the morning, and Liv had only been able to give Amanda a half day - which was fair since she was ducking out of working the rest of the weekend - so it was mid-afternoon before they had the girls bundled up into the back of Sonny’s car; they were both very excited about the prospect of the mini-vacation, and Jesse was overjoyed that they were going in Uncle Sonny’s car - “It’s much shinier than your car, Momma,” she had said; the fact that Sonny didn’t regularly have two small children eating and traipsing muddy shoes in the back of his car didn’t seem to matter much to Jesse.

Amanda finished buckling Billie’s car seat as Sonny put the last of the bags into the trunk and walked around to the driver’s side door. She closed the back door but hesitated before getting in.  “Sonny?”

He walked around the front of the car, concern on his face. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m just- are you sure your family are okay with-” she gestured from herself, to the girls and looked up at him, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.

“Are you kiddin’ me? They’re so excited to meet you all.”

Amanda nodded. “Okay,” she reached out to open the passenger side door and he placed his hand on her shoulder briefly, reassuringly, before he moved to get in the car.

“We all set?” he asked, turning back to look at the girls; Jesse cheered enthusiastically and Billie copied her. He laughed, looking over at Amanda. “And you, Rollins?”

“Yeah, all good. You know - if you want to split the drive-”

“Nah, it’s only a couple of hours,” he said, as he pulled away from the curb. “An’ the way you drive? Not in my car.”

She rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone, “Any music preference, chauffeur?”

“Whatever the lady wants,” he said. Jesse leaned as far forward as the straps of her car seat would let her, asking if she could choose the music. “Or you can grab my phone and put on the Jesse playlist.”

“You have a Jesse playlist?”

“Of course I do - it’s our cookin’ jams.”

Amanda grabbed his phone from where he’d dropped into the cup holder and swiped through his apps until she found his music - he wasn’t kidding about the Jesse playlist, and Amanda was touched that he’d gone to the effort of curating a playlist just for her daughter. Not only that, but she saw another titled Billie, she thumbed over it, glancing sideways at him to see if he’d noticed - she felt a little like she was snooping, but it was worth it when she saw the collection of lullabies he’d saved. She swallowed back the emotion that tightened her throat, and he looked over at her, puzzled. “You okay?”

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She hooked his phone up to the speaker and Jesse immediately began singing along - the playlist was a mix of hyperactive pop songs and Disney soundtracks, and she smiled to herself as Sonny mouthed along to the lyrics too.

Despite the enthusiastic sing-along, Billie was asleep about ten minutes after they made it out of Manhattan, and Jesse’s singing volume gradually dropped, though she was still muttering the words to herself as she traced patterns in the fogged up window, leaving finger prints on Sonny’s car that Amanda was sure he wouldn’t care about.

She turned the volume down and leaned against her own window, her head propped up on her fingertips. She watched Sonny drive for a few minutes, until she felt her eyes begin to close.

The next thing she was aware of was the car pulling to a stop, and she blinked her eyes open to see they were in a parking lot. “We here already?” she asked.

“Nah,” Sonny shook his head. “About halfway - bathroom break,” he said.

Amanda turned her head to the backseat, where Jesse was fiddling with her car seat straps - she’d worked out how to undo them herself a few months ago, but she knew to wait until she had permission.

“You okay, Jess?”

“Yeah, I gotta go,” she said, “Can I get out?”

Amanda nodded, and Jesse unbuckled herself as Sonny got out, opening the door for Jesse to clamber out of the car. Billie was still fast asleep. “I’ll take her,” Amanda said, unbuckling her own seatbelt.

Sonny shrugged. “Sure, I was just lettin’ you sleep.”

It was cold outside - the temperature had dropped even further over the last hour, and Sonny was rubbing his hands together while Jesse did an impatient jig, both of their noses and cheeks reddening already.

Billie was awake when they got back to the car, Sonny had turned in his seat to pull faces at her; Billie was giggling away, reaching out to grab at Sonny’s hand as he made to tickle her. Amanda smiled fondly at him as she helped Jesse back into her car seat.

“Are you sure you don’t want to switch out?” She asked as she moved back to the front seat, but Sonny just shook his head. He was still tickling Billie and Jesse was laughing hysterically at them. Amanda watched them for a moment - taking in the way he was with her girls - something she never got tired of seeing. He was the first person to hold Jesse after her, one of the first to hold Billie; he’d been there for every milestone, every birthday - he’d even stopped by the apartment to cook dinner after Jesse’s first day of kindergarten, just so she could tell him about her day. Amanda was nervous about this weekend - about spending time with his family, about making the right impression so that she wouldn’t lose him. Family was everything to him, and it meant so much to her that they were getting to be a part of that.

“We should get going,” Sonny said once Amanda was buckled back into her seat.

He reached out to stroke Billie’s hair back from her face, and she grabbed at his hand and pressed a kiss to his palm, “More, Uncle Sonny!” she said, grinning at him. He gently pulled his hand back, turning away before Billie could plead with him - he was never good at saying no to the girls.

“Let’s get this road trip going,” he said, turning the music back up, much to Jesse and Billie’s delight.

It was dark by the time they pulled up outside a large cabin, flanked by two smaller ones on either side - there were four cars already parked up, and Amanda’s nerves began clawing at her again. Sonny turned to look at her, “Hey, you okay?”

“Is it too late to back out?” she joked; his face dropped and she shook her head quickly, “I’m joking, Dominick, I- I’m just nervous.”

“They’re gonna love you,” he told her, “I promise.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Sure I do - I love you, so they will too,” he said, his eyes widening slightly as though he’d realised what he said, he opened his mouth to say something further, maybe to clarify what he meant, but the door to the cabin opened, and the words died in his throat. Mia walked down the steps towards them, and Sonny turned away from Amanda, opening his door and stepping out to greet Mia with a hug.

When they broke away, Mia leaned into the car to greet Amanda with a smile, “I’m the advanced guard,” she said, “I thought you might like a friendly face before-” she gestured back to the house; with the door now open they could hear music and laughter and Amanda’s stomach churned.

“Hi Mia, thanks, that’s real sweet.”

Mia nodded, “I’m so excited to meet these two!” she said, turning to look in the back of the car; Sonny had opened the back door and was helping Jesse out, Billie straining at the straps of her chair for her own freedom.

“Momma,” Billie yelled impatiently, and Amanda steeled herself before opening her own door, emerging from the car and into the frigid air just as more footsteps came from the cabin.

She recognised Sonny’s mother immediately from the photographs she’d seen; she was beaming at them as she came down the steps. “My baby,” she said, and Sonny winced, embarrassed, as she reached up to pull him into a hug, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “You’re finally here.”

Amanda unbuckled Billie, lifting her from the car seat and into her arms. Billie’s head dropped onto Amanda’s shoulder, and she rubbed at her back as she watched Sonny with his mother.

“I had to work, Ma,” he protested.

“You work too much,” she countered, releasing him at last, her eyes moving now to Jesse, who was hovering nervously at Sonny’s side. “Ah - the famous Jesse!”

Jesse’s eyes widened, “Famous?”

“Sure,” Sonny said, putting a hand on Jesse’s shoulder, “This is my mom; she knows all about you.”

“I hear you’re a good little chef,” Mrs Carisi said, reaching down to give Jesse a hug.

“Uncle Sonny’s teaching me,” Jesse said, leaning her weight back against Sonny’s legs; she looked almost shy, her cheek pressed up against Sonny’s jeans.

“And is he a good teacher?”

Jesse nodded, “I’m getting real good.”

Mrs Carisi smiled again, touching Jesse’s cheek briefly before her eyes came across the car towards Amanda. She froze where she stood, aware she was being taken in, Sonny’s mother looking at her as though debating whether or not she was good enough to have a place in her son’s life - or at least, that’s how it felt to Amanda. “Is this your mommy, Jesse?” she asked, a smile coming across her face.

“Yeah!” Jesse said proudly - she pulled away from Sonny, standing tall and grinning at Amanda. “An’ my baby sister. She’s called Billie.”

“Well,” Mrs Carisi said, “It’s very nice to finally meet the woman my son is so enamoured with.”

“Mom!” Sonny called out, horrified. He threw an apologetic look at Amanda, but his expression was so stricken that she couldn’t help but smile.

“It’s really nice to meet you too, Mrs Carisi.”

“None of that,” she said, “You can call me Mom just like everyone else in this family.”

Amanda nodded, still feeling a ball of anxiety in her stomach. Sonny’s face was flushed, and while it could probably be attributed in part to the cold, Amanda could tell he was a little embarrassed by his mother’s enthusiasm.

“What’s everyone standin’ around in the cold for?” A man who could only be Sonny’s father had emerged from the cabin and was walking towards them.

“Hi Dad,” Sonny said with a smile.

“Hey Sonny - good of you to put in an’ appearance.”

Sonny held up a hand defensively, “I was workin’-”

“Yeah, yeah,” Mr Carisi clapped Sonny on the shoulder affectionately, “I didn’t raise you to leave ladies standin’ out in the cold now, did I?”

“We’re just-” he shook his head. “Dad, this is Amanda.”

“Well, I figured as much, unless you got another girl hidin’ in Manhattan,” he walked over to Amanda, holding out a hand for her to shake, “Nice to meet you.”

“You too,” she smiled as she shook his hand. Billie reached out a hand of her own, pressing it against Mr Carisi’s cheek with a big grin. Sonny looked enough like his father that Billie was immediately enamoured with him.

“And who’s this little lady?”

“This is Billie,” Amanda said, stroking her back; Billie drew her hand away from Mr Carisi, curling into Amanda, giggling shyly.

“Lovely girls you’ve got here,” Mr Carisi said, nodding at Billie and gesturing towards Jesse who had wound her arm around Sonny’s leg and was watching his father curiously. “Let’s get you all inside and warm.”

“Are you Uncle Sonny’s dad?” Jesse asked, and when Mr Carisi nodded she held out her own hand for him to shake, which he did with a laugh. “I’m Jesse.”

“Hey Jesse, you like hot cocoa?”

“Yes!” Mr Carisi held out his hand for hers, and with a brief nod from Sonny, Jesse released his leg and allowed Mr Carisi to lead her towards the cabin.

Sonny grabbed their bags from the trunk and made to follow his father. “Carisi, give me one of those,” Amanda said, gesturing with her free hand.

He shook his head. “I got ’em.”

“Carisi?” Sonny’s mother said; she looked surprised, perhaps at the formality of using his surname over his nickname.

“Momma calls Uncle Sonny Carisi sometimes,” Jesse said, turning back towards them. “And he calls Momma Rollins. And sometimes he calls me Rollins too ’cause he thinks it’s funny.”

Mrs Carisi nodded in understanding as she led the way into the cabin, Amanda and Sonny following her. “Okay, so your dad has put the travel crib up for you-”

Sonny sighed, “Mom, I told him we’d sort it-”

The cabin opened up into a large living space - several couches arranged around a log fire, rugs and cosy blankets around the room. To the left there was a hallway which they followed Mrs Carisi down as she spoke.

“Yeah, well, you’re late,” Mrs Carisi said dismissively. “Anyway, Mia and Teresa are in the little room, and we’ve got you all in the big room.”  She stopped in front of a door halfway down the hallway.

Sonny looked at his mother, his eyebrows knitted together. “Wait, us all?”

“What? You think your father and I don’t know what you get up to when we’re not around?” she said with a laugh. “Anyway, you’ll have those babies in with you so you’ll be on your best behaviour.”

Sonny looked mortified, but his mother didn’t stick around to discuss it further, she opened the door for them and then walked back the way they came.

The room she’d let them into was large, with a double bed against one wall and a raised twin bed against another, with a ladder Jesse was going to be itching to climb. As Mrs Carisi had said, Sonny’s father had assembled a travel crib between the two beds. Amanda put Billie down on the floor, letting her toddle around the room as she took one of the bags from Sonny, depositing it on the bed.

He dropped the other two bags beside it, and turned to look at her. “Amanda, I’m really sorry about this-”

“Sonny, it’s fine,” Amanda told him, shaking her head. She opened up the biggest bag, pulling out a fresh diaper for Billie as Sonny paced the room anxiously.

“I never told them we were together,” He insisted, “I’ve always said we’re friends, I don’t want you to think-”

“I don’t,” she said firmly, “Look, it’s really sweet your parents have invited us up here, and I’m sure you and I can handle a couple of nights sharing a bed.”

He flushed. “We don’t have to- I mean- I can take the twin and Jesse-”

“As funny as it would be watching you climb up there, do you think Jesse is going to let you sleep in that bed once she sees it? You know how many times she’s asked for bunk beds since she went for that play date at Marley’s house?”

He stopped moving around and came to stand beside her, still looking apologetic, “I can speak to my mom, I’ll explain again. I can always-”

“Dominick, stop arguing with me.” Amanda said firmly.

“Is he drivin’ you nuts already?” A voice asked from the doorway, Amanda turned to see Bella standing by the open door, watching them. “Hi Amanda, it’s good to see you again.”

Amanda nodded, “You too.”

“Hey Bella,” Sonny said, walking across the room to give his sister a hug.

“What are you arguing about?” Bella asked.

Amanda nodded her head in Sonny’s direction, “Your brother’s making a fuss about sharing a bed with me.”

Bella pulled a face, “Mom and Dad do not care,” she said.

Sonny groaned, “Bella, come on, I’ve told you a hundred times-”

“It’s not like that,” Bella said, imitating Sonny and rolling her eyes. “Come on, Dad’s rounding up the kids for marshmallow toasting.”

Sonny turned towards Amanda and she gave him a smile - one she hoped reassured him, and conveyed a confidence she wasn’t feeling, “You go on ahead, Billie needs a diaper change.”

“I can-” he began to offer, but she shook her head.

“It’s fine, I’ll catch you up.”

Amanda was grateful for a moment to gather her thoughts - to mentally prepare herself for a whole cabin full of Carisis. Things were going well so far; she didn’t think she’d offended anyone and Jesse had been charming everyone she’d met. Sure, Sonny was a bit apprehensive - more worried, she suspected, about what she thought of his family than the other way around, despite the fact that it would be hard for his family to top hers in the embarrassment stakes. She genuinely wasn’t concerned about sharing a bed with him, either - if she was honest it was something she had thought about before - not specific to this trip, just generally, on nights when he’d crashed on her couch and she’d been tempted to invite him into her bed, but had thought better of it because of what it would mean.

When she eventually emerged from the bedroom she carried Billie back down the little hallway, and then followed the sound of voices to the back of the cabin, where Sonny’s father was standing over a fire pit, helping a girl a little older than Jesse - Bella’s daughter, she assumed - to toast a marshmallow. Sonny was standing in almost a mirror image of his dad, his hand over Jesse’s smaller one, helping her to do the same. Jesse kept turning her head to look up at Sonny, checking she was doing it right - she had a grin right across her face and Amanda was happy to see her looking at ease here amongst Sonny’s extended family. As Sonny guided her back from the fire, Jesse turned her head and spotted Amanda, calling out to her, “Momma! Look!”

Amanda suddenly felt a whole host of Carisi eyes on her - his parents, his sisters and their respective partners, the assortment of nephews and nieces - she almost retreated back into the house, but Sonny met her eye, giving a small nod and a bigger smile, and she stepped towards him. Mia caught Jesse’s attention, guiding her to where Sonny’s mom had laid out mugs of hot cocoa, and Sonny crossed the space towards her.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” she nodded. She could still feel eyes on her, on them. She knew that it came from a place of love, that Sonny’s family adored him and wanted for him to be happy, but fear still preyed in the back of her mind - that his family would look at her and find her wanting - that they would think she wasn’t good enough for Sonny, whatever place she had in his life.

“Amanda, if this is too much-”

“No,” she shook her head, “Look how much fun Jesse’s having,” she nodded toward where Jesse had sat down next to Bella’s daughter, both in child-sized lawn chairs - they each had a mug of hot cocoa cupped between their hands - their marshmallows long gone - a sticky mess trailing across Jesse’s cheek as she talked animatedly with the small girl next to her. “I want this for her,” Amanda continued, “For them to have… you know… family. Not just the crazy nonsense mine bring.��

As the evening wore on, one by one the children succumbed to tiredness - Amanda put Billie down a little after seven, but the older children fell asleep where they sat, Jesse included. Once they’d moved inside, Amanda had found herself tucked into Sonny’s side on one of the couches; she wasn’t sure if it was engineered or not, but as time went by she moved from merely being sat next to him, to having her head resting against his side, his arm draped across the back of the couch. Jesse was asleep at the other end - a blanket draped over her by Sonny’s mother.

They had the TV on as midnight approached, and as the minutes ticked away she began to make a decision - she had never felt safer and more loved than this moment, curled into Sonny, his family around him, accepting her and her girls as though they were meant to be a part of the picture; when there was less than a minute left on the countdown she grew bolder, moving her hand from his arm to his chest; he shifted his gaze from the TV to her, an unasked question lingering there, and she tilted her head, moving her mouth closer to his ear, “I want-” she hesitated, “I want you to-”

Everyone around them began counting down the last ten seconds of 2020, but the words she was trying to get out got caught in her throat, and she panicked as time ran out, not wanting to miss her shot. As the countdown reached zero, and as the ball dropped, Sonny took her cheek in his hand, pressing a tentative kiss to her lips - he knew without her saying, and she kissed him back; all her hopes for the new year, for them, swirling in her head. He grinned at her as they broke apart, but before they could speak, Jesse clambered over her, awoken by the noise of celebration.

Her eyes widened as she looked between the two of them, her mouth slightly agape. “Is it the New Year, Momma?” she asked.

“It is baby,” she said, and Jesse grinned.

“My wish came true,” she said, looking up at them with tired eyes.

“Let’s get you to bed,” Sonny said, pulling away from Amanda slowly and holding out his arms for Jesse, who let him hoist her into the air. Amanda watched them go, sinking back into the couch and glancing around the room. She didn’t think anyone had noticed them; too preoccupied with their own midnight kisses, but Mia caught her eye across the room and smiled reassuringly at her, and Amanda leaned back into the couch cushions to wait for Sonny to come back.

They stayed up for another hour or so - Amanda was tired, but she was enjoying the atmosphere; when Sonny had returned he’d put his arm around her and she’d curled back into his side. No one said anything, conversations continued, and she felt content, listening and watching Sonny and his family interact.

Gradually, everyone retired for the night - Bella and Tommy carrying their two children to bed; Sonny’s parents wishing them all a Happy New Year once more before going themselves - his mother hugging Amanda too as she made her way around the room. When and Amanda and Sonny got back to their room, she checked on the girls first; both still fast asleep.

Sonny went to the bathroom to change and when he returned he hesitated before joining her in the bed. “Is this - is this still okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” she said. She understood his cautiousness - a brief New Year kiss didn’t have to change anything, but it had the potential to change everything.

“I didn’t plan any of this,” he said, his hand rubbing at the back of his neck,  “Not that I don’t want- but I honestly invited you up here because I thought you an’ the girls would enjoy it. Not for-”

Amanda laughed, “As seductions go, Carisi, setting us up to share a room with my kids wouldn’t have been the best one.”

He flushed, “I’m not-”

“Dominick, come to bed.”

“Right,” he said; he turned out the lights before joining her; she couldn’t see him - it was so dark up here, no street-lamps or car headlights shining in through the curtains - but she could sense him lying on his back, stiff as a board and she reached out for him, moving closer and resting her head against his chest.

“Is this okay?”

“Yeah,” he whispered back, “Yeah, definitely.” One of his arms came around her, holding her close to him as they both drifted off to sleep - promises for the rest of the weekend, and for the year ahead, remained unvoiced, but they hung in the air between them, waiting.

The rest of the weekend went by in a blur - walks through the snow, with Jesse stopping to make snowballs every few feet, Carisi’s family laughing and joking around, his hand finding hers as they walked, their gloved fingers entwining; building snowmen together, watching Sonny and his father debate the best way to structure them; hot cocoa each evening around the fire, Sonny’s arm around her, Jesse and Billie curled up beside them. As time went on Amanda, relaxed more, felt more at ease with Sonny’s family and less like an intruder they were assessing. His mother was kind, his father was too, in a more subtle way - his sisters were friendly and welcoming - his nieces and nephews embraced Jesse and Billie as part of their family without hesitation. It was almost like something from a holiday postcard or a Hallmark movie, but Amanda let herself enjoy it - it was the opposite of spending time with her own family, and while a part of her would always long for the kind of relationship with her parents, with her sister, that eight year old Amanda had wanted, this was what she wanted for her girls; and, she thought, as they packed up the car again on Sunday afternoon - this was what she wanted for herself too. Sonny, in her life in every way he could be - and all these people who loved him unconditionally, who had shown nothing but love for her and her children too.

The drive back was quiet - the girls exhausted from a weekend of fresh air and adventure; Amanda had switched to the Billie playlist once they’d set off, and both Jesse and Billie were asleep soon after. She watched Sonny out the corner of her eye as he drove.

He turned his head towards her, as though he could sense her gaze on him. “You okay?”

“Dominick,” she said, keeping her voice low, not wanting the girls to wake up.

“Yeah?” he asked, his eyes flicking back the road.

“Thank you… for inviting us up here, for letting us be a part of your weekend.”

He turned to look at her again, a smile filling his face, “Thank you for comin’, I know they’re… I know it’s a lot, an’ I’m so glad you were there.”

“Your family are great,” she said, and she meant it. She let a moment or two go by before she spoke again. “But I’m most grateful for you. We’re lucky to have you.”

“I’m the lucky one,” Sonny said, “You don’t give yourself enough credit, y’know?”

“I don’t-”

“Don’t argue with me, Rollins,” he said, half joking. She didn’t.

He helped her get the girls and their bags up to her apartment; a guiding hand on Jesse’s back as she sleepily dragged her feet up the stairs, Amanda just behind them with Billie in her arms. When they got inside, Jesse threw herself onto the couch, and Amanda put Billie down beside her.

She turned to Sonny; he’d put their bags in the hallway and was leaning against the wall in the kitchen. “Do you, uh…” she hesitated; they’d had a great weekend, and she didn’t want it to end just yet, but he was clearly tired, and she had two sleepy children to get settled.

“I should go back to my place,” he said; he sound reluctant to leave, though.

“Yeah, okay.”

“I’ve got a bunch of arraignments tomorrow morning and I should look over the files before.” Amanda nodded, but Sonny made no effort to move.

Amanda didn’t push him; busying herself in the kitchen getting drinks for the girls; she was reaching into the cabinet to get a plastic cup for Jesse when she felt his hand on her lower back, and she turned to look at him. He glanced over to where the girls were occupied by the television, before he leaned in cautiously, his lips hovering barely a centimetre from hers. She closed the gap; it was a brief kiss, barely more than a touch of their lips, but her heart sang all the same. “I thought we could start the year off how we intend to continue it,” he whispered as he pulled back, his face still close to hers. She kissed him again.

“That’s a good plan,” she said, resting her hand on his chest. “Thank you again - for this weekend. It was a lot of fun.”

He smiled at her, “Maybe we can do it again sometime?”

She nodded, and he kissed her once more before reluctantly pulling himself away; she watched as he went to the living room, pressing kisses to the top of both Jesse and Billie’s heads and wishing them goodnight. They both frowned up at him, clearly unimpressed that he was leaving - their matching pouts made Amanda smile.

“I’ll see you guys soon,” he promised.

Amanda walked him out, “You should, uh, you should come over after work tomorrow,” she said. “If you’re not sick of us.”

He nodded, “Never gonna be sick of you,” he said, leaning in for one last kiss before he left.

She watched him walk down the hallway towards the stairs before she went back inside, a smile lingering on her face.

[girlgrouptrash101]

Dating Poly!LipSoul

Request: “Dating Poly!LipSoul and Poly!ViSeul, please! I'll wait until Olivia is of age to request HyeWon😅”

A/N: a sad life pretending LipSoul aren’t divorced while I was writing this smh

- C

I don't think you're ready for the chaos that is about to ensure when it comes to LipSoul I really don't

Did someone order one tsundere and a girl that makes dinosaur noises for attention??? no??? well you're getting it anyway <3

both you and Jinsoul's favourite pastime is embarassing Lippie, her reactions always make it worth it

she literally stands there like... I don't know these guys as you and Jinsoul scream vine references at each other from across the supermarket

all the other shoppers are just there like 👁️👄👁️

but you both know Lip loves you guys anyways, the big grin on her face a complete contrast from her playfully scolding words

When Jinsoul's hungry and she tries to deafen you and Kim Lip with her aegyo... like damn let's just eAt okay we GET IT FJDJDJ

(but neither of you will ever admit just quite how cute she is,,, though you and Lippie are ever so whipped)

Kim Lip going super mom mode whenever you or Soul gets sick

"hey guys what's up- OH MY GOD DID YOU JUST COUGH BABY WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME JINSOUL SOUP NOW GO GO GO GO"

she just doesn't like seeing either of you unwell, and with her undivided attention, you and Jinsoul always get better in no time :]

Your dates are rare enough due to work and schedules, so you three tend to go on more adventurous dates when you can to make the most of your time

one of your favourite locations is probably the zoo, all of you just getting way too excited to see the animals jfjdjs

(ft. Jinsoul stretching her neck and sticking her tongue out to imitate the giraffes when you finally reach their enclosure)

the best bit is when Lippie loses her reservations and just enjoys herself, taking both yours and Jinsoul's hands and skipping around, getting excited whenever she sees one of her favourite animals 🥺

If you guys don't feel like going out, staying at home works just as well,,,, getting a takeaway and playing board games until like 2am also sounds like a fun time

except for when monopoly arguments almost ended your relationship... let's just stick to snakes and ladders or Uno or sumn oKay???

PDA is kept to a minimum until one you guys sleepy after a long day n then it doesn't matter who's watching y'all just tired and need hugs

speaking up hugs,,, Jinsoul just opens her arms and you two fall into her, girlie is the best for bear hugs

she also loves to be in the middle of your cuddle piles when she can be, nothing makes her happier than holding her two babies close

also you and Kim Lip being like let's not go wild with presents this Christmas okay??? gotta save??? and Jinsoul is like hehe yeah sure and then buys you both like a fucking planet each or something

but then you and Lippie save up to buy Jinsoul the new gundam she wanted and my god,,, the TEARS when she opened it 🥺🥺 soulie was just not expecting it at all uwu

CEOs of sharing each others clothes like what even is owning your own stuff

especially Lippie like she loves wrapping herself up in yours a Jinsoul's clothes, it makes her feel all fluffy and soft heheh

matching pyjamas that jinsoul picked out and Kim lip is like.... you really want me to wear that but eventually ,,, with enough of your pouting and Jinsoul's eyebrow thing she gives in hehe

baking dates that tend to be you and Jinsoul vibing and Kim lip having a panic attack every time you dAre stray from the recipe

but then it turns out good and she's like 💅💅💅 that was all me don't even know what you mean I made these myself xoxo don't be jealous

Roadtrips!!!

you guys like to go on little trips to the most secluded places where you know there aren't that many people around so you won't be disturbed

n you book a nice lil hotel room and spend a few days exploring the area, you guys love to go to little seaside towns especially

late night walks on the beach, the cold sea water just reaching your toes as you three walk hand in hand

then getting up early to head out and buy the most fresh fruit from the local market, living in your own little world with the two girls you love the most

It's often been discussed that, in the future, you three would definitely want to live in a little lodge near the sea, with the most beautiful seaside view and gorgeous little garden

for now though, you know they're priority is their idol career and you support them 100% through that

plus you get free tickets to every loonaverse concert and cinema theory event etc I mean what more could you ask for

Also be prepared Choerry is basically your child now I'm sorry I don't make the rules that's just how it is

Kim Lip CEO of being really reserved and then sometimes just out of nowhere comes out with how much she loves both of you so much and you and Jinsoul are like 🥺🥺🥺

ft Jinsoul saying ‘I Love You’ 3474985309457 times per hour

overall 10/10 best girlfriends would reccommend lipsoul for top tier cuddles and endless uwus

NSFW From Here:

Either of them can top if they really want to, it just depends on the mood or who's feeling what

usually Jinsoul takes the lead, but she isn't very rough, just super duper loving

will literally spend forever kissing all over you and Lippie, just looking at you both with the most loving eyes because she's so whipped

Kim Lip would be more likely to top when she's pissed off and wants nothing more than to just hear you and Jinsoul scream her name to calm her down

Kim Lip's neck and collarbones are her most sensitive places, mark her up there please and THANK YOU

for Jinsoul, it's her thighs, nothing drives her crazier than you or Lippie marking her up there, it just makes her legs shake from the sensitivity

Jinsoul being so fucking loud like don't ever do shit at the from unless you want every single member to hear you guys

one time Jinsoul went out and bought a strap on,,, completely red faced the whole time and so embarrassed to bring it home

but when she showed you what she bought, Kim Lip was like "come on then let's try it out" like girlie was completely unphased

and that was when Lippie found out what her new favourite toy was oop

Let Jinsoul sit on your face and she will be ever so happy, she gets so whiny,,, especially when you grab her thighs and just let her use you to get herself off

ok I really think we need to talk about Kim lips hands now I mean,,, not that you wouldn't mind them being wrapped around your throat but like.... you wouldn't mind them being wrapped around your throat

I feel like Lippie in public would either be super reserved or such a tease, her hand inching further and further up your thigh until either you or Jinsoul would be squirming in your seats

just depends on her mood tbh,,,, soulie wouldn't initiate anything in public but would definitely find it hard to sit still if you or Lip started something

aftercare can be anything from showering, to a bath, to just being pulled in to a cuddle pile by a rather sweaty, yet very blissed out Jung Jinsoul

[ugosidatsukola]

A gay ass doodle of my nightguard n Springy to go w/ some writing because I’m too lazy to do a whole mini comic rn  vvvv

“Here, siddown and I’ll put something on TV.” Grimm mumbled, setting aside a tray that sported an assortment of tools it’d brought from the garage. 

The tall rabbit it was speaking to had no reason to object, instead settling down with a grunt on the brown leather sofa and immediately reclining. 

The ex-Fazbear’s Fright employee had since taken him into its home- well, their new home, actually. The decision had been hasty- after the fire, it didn’t seem safe to keep around the location, risking getting caught with the now-free animatronic. Grimm hadn’t caused the fire, it was more of a lucky break- but avoiding a lawsuit or blame falling on it was uh, the best outcome here. It posted a lease takeover ad and slipped away once the conditions aligned. 

They’d roadtripped home, back to where it’d grown up, a cozy mountain town where the houses were tucked along blue-tinted ridges, where you could choose to rent in-town, or slip away into the privacy of the peaks and forests to a more nature-immersed setting. Rent was nice, if you could manage to lease a place before the college students snapped them up. Of course, they’d settled on a little cabin-esque house that offered more privacy. 

Springtrap had to adjust to the kind of peace the Smokies had brought. There wasn’t the bustle of constant customers, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable quiet, as opposed to the decades alone in a backroom. He was on edge, unfamiliar with this kind of life and expecting things to take a turn for the worse once more, and Grimm saw that- but the tension subsided as the days passed, and the wildlife visited the house. 

Bird watching. He liked bird watching, and the little bird-identification book Grimm had given him, so he could spend days on the deck of the house watching the animals frequent the feeders he’d help hang and fill. He’d toss apple chunks to passing deer, and leave out dishes of leftover eggs, fruit, and fat trimmings from meals for the fox, raccoons and opossum. 

“Here, this belonged to my grandmother. We don’t talk anymore, but if she could meet you, I’m sure she’d want you to have it. She really gets people, stubborn as she is.” It had said, as he turned the bird watching book over and thumbed through it with interest, squinting at the letters with weakened eyes. “I’ll get you reading glasses, don’t worry.”

...

When he’d finally snapped out of his thoughts, there was the chatter of some video game streamer, cackling in the background. He also liked that, watching funny people play dumb games, listening to Grimm’s occasional laughs or snarky commentary over it. 

It was prepping some kind of rust-cleaning solution. This was the second tune-up session they’d had, the first having covered basics- cleaning him up, removing that... parasite. That parasite resided in a glass case on the coffee table now, which he took some humor in. This time, it was functionality, though. Making sure his joints could move comfortably, removing rust that threatened the inner workings, repairing wiring. 

“Mouth open, rusty.” It joked, reaching up to brush those sharp nails against his chin. He liked that feeling. 

“Okay, scruffy.” He quipped back with a chuckle, obliging the request with a creak as his jaw slid open. 

He tried to focus on the TV as it worked quietly, setting in rust remover on every exposed part of metal it could get to. It didn’t complain about the job, even though he could tell he posed some difficulty. It, however, just playfully swatted him and told him not to be weird when he had snorted idly as it worked at the more awkward parts of his frame, and poked its hands through the ragged holes in his body. 

It was while they let the rust remover sit that it was inspecting the rest of him, assessing what could be done. 

“I dunnnnnnnno, see... I guess we could probably douse you in fabric cleaner. I don’ know  how I feel about stripping off your suit n’ soaking it. You’re not like a Furby or somethin’... Would that hurt?” It was prodding at his broken ear, inspecting shredded and loose wiring. A finger touched a stray wire and he twitched, like a muscle spasm. Grimm winced. “-Shit, sorry bun.” 

“Uhh... not sure, if that... would hurt. Never tried.” He shrugged plainly. 

“Well, you’re not sun-bleached, obviously, but I don’t know if we’d be able to restore you to your original color even so... Not without me making new parts n’ patches. I can clean out the dust and dirt but you’re stained. What I can do for now is brush out these pills in your fleece and get those bloodstains out. You’ll be a fuzzy cuddly rabbit again.” 

Springtrap stiffened a little, an uncertain look on his face, the best he could manage. 

“Mmm, you didn’t like something I just said, what’s up?” It clued in immediately to his body language. 

“Th’ thing... about parts.” He mumbled, reaching up to touch the broken ear. He stopped short, trying not to get rust remover from his exposed fingers on the fabric, but the gesture was there. “I... dunno. If I want alla’ that.” 

“...I just... I think. That I like tha’ wear... Tha’ damage. It’s me. What he did t’ me, but it’s still th’ original... me.” The rabbit continued, voice rasping but still carried with emotion. Sentimental value. 

Grimm gave a humored huff and reached up to take his chin gently again. 

“I’m only doin’ all of this cuz’ you asked me to clean you up some more, not because I wanna change you or make you some sparkly new model you’re not. I’m not gonna do anything you don’t want. You call the shots here, Bonnie.” 

He didn’t have a heart to get racing, but he had those phantom memories of what it was like to be flustered, hot-faced, heart jittery. Those little traces of what it had been like to be alive weren’t his, but he took them gladly, as some kind of simulation of the real feeling. Those attributes, phantom feelings from memories of touch, taste, texture from William had merged with him- It was the little benefits from the bad. 

“I love you whatever way you choose to look, it doesn’t change anything for me. Mainly I just wanna make sure you’re comfortable and happy with yourself.” 

The rabbit tilted his head, grin seemingly wider than before as eyelids fluttered shut for a minute with a click. He gave a little, wheezy sigh and leaned forward to press his nose to its forehead. 

“Oh, you big gay lug.” It laughed, moving in turn to push a kiss to his own torn forehead. 

“...I’m... alright with th’ cleanin’, though. Like the sound’a bein’ a fuzzy cuddly rabbit again.” He chuckled. 

“Oh, good, because I love using this brush.” It was already in hand, ready to start teasing out the fabric pills. “Let’s get you lookin fuzzy again before I gotta scrub off that cleaner, bun.”

[rigginsstreet]

JULIA’S FICS MASTERLIST

so it’s my wifes ( @fredheads ) birthday and im a flop who doesnt have her birthday fic ready (it’ll be done... before the end of the month. absolutely should not take that long but thats the only definite timeline i have lmao) SO to celebrate, i think you all should read her fics and leave nice comments because it’s what she deserves :)

MULTI CHAPTER (unfinished)

She's The One (fem!fredsythe)

Just Like Heaven (fredsythe, alice - fred escapes the Sisters au)

talk about a dream, try to make it real (fredsythe, gladys - college au)

quiet mercy (fredsythe - the OG fred & the sisters of quiet mercy fic)

Papa (fred and artie exploration)

wanna be your backdoor man (fredsythe - h*rny neighbor antics)

With a Girl Like You (fred and gladys friendship)

all our costliest treasures (baby fredsythe at christmas julia i would like to see more... its your birthday i should not be requesting things my apologies)

but your kids are gonna love it (archie and jughead - back to the future au i never saw that movie so i cant say for sure but they do time travel so that checks out to me)

Riverdale High's Last Annual Father-Daughter Winter Fling (fred takes veronica to the father/daughter dance because hiram is in jail =/ )

i say the phrases that keep it all going (different takes of fred fp archie and jughead dying in each others arms julia where is the fredsythe one... just asking)

MULTI CHAPTER (finished [according to ao3])

wouldn't it be good (ensemble - everyones paired up and has to raise an egg)

love is like a heat wave (fredsythe summertime antics)

burnt toffee (halice - working at an icecream shop, falling in love, v cute)

if only in my dreams (penelope lies about having a boyfriend)

let nothing you dismay (alice cooper fixing christmas)

there's a blue light in my best friend's room (hal and fred bonding hour)

The Trials of Cheerleading (or, "Throwing In The Megaphone") (the parentdale bible just read it and forget anything else anyone [ras] has ever told you)

fred andrews adopts a gang (bet you cant tell what this is about)

from the rich to the poor they are mostly unkind (i think this is a sweet pea centric fic?? julia really has something for everyone but dont expect her to do this again)

fp's adventures in domesticity (fp taking care of the andrews household while fred recovers from getting blasted in the chest)

Oblivion (all the times fred has experienced god)

west of memphis (jarchie post 107 thats all i can tell you idk)

ONE SHOT

Wherever you go i'll be with you (fp and archie - a timeline after freds death)

that's as close as i'll get to loving you (fremary - fred asks mary out)

i'm only good at being bad, bad (gladys hating her deadbeat husband <3)

and all the miles in between (fp and tom on the bus to basic training)

excerpts from the same party (freds interactions...at a party... the title is pretty self explanatory but who doesnt love a party fic ammirite ladiez)

don't you know these days you pay for everything (fred, fp, mary - i remember this being fp playing wingman to get fred and mary together cuz he likes mary better than hermione.... read more to find out if im right)

tying faith between our teeth (fredsythe - au where fp goes to college and doesnt ruin his life)

and they were roommates (fredsythe - another college au)

The Construction Tree (jarchie - idk what this is about i dont read kid fics im sorry... but julias a bomb ass writer so im sure the jarchies will love it anyway)

flowers grow through cement (fred gaining weight and feeling insecure)

night creatures call and the dead start to walk in their masquerade (HALLOWEEN FREDSYTHE BABYYYY!)

get me a prescription for that one perfect touch (fredsythe sick fic)

i don't know where else i can go (more hal and fred bonding hour)

everybody's got a hungry heart (fredsythe sexy time with food... that sounds weird.... listen either youre into it or youre not)

not so typical love song (fp and mary bonding hour)

all the redemption i can offer (fremary after the shooting... im pretty sure... listen i have a bad brain i cant remember things just read it)

Simply Irresistible (fred is a ho)

took the words (right out of my mouth) (four times fred and fp say ‘i love you’)

if you wanna get it done you gotta do it yourself (fp and mary loving fred... who is a ho)

people livin' in competition (more fp/fred/mary nonsense with fp gay pining what a good triangle i would have liked to seen it...)

buy me a ticket on the last train home tonight (mary works at youth crisis hotline and fred calls in)

that's what they say when we're together (halram post high school au)

a good old fashioned romance (hiram flaunting his wealth instead of displaying emotions)

you don't know what (you) got (fred has great friends even though hes a bit of a putz)

watch your weight (more fredsythe food shenanigans)

Valuable Lessons Learned On The Tilt-A-Whirl, or "Babe, You Ought To Quit This Scene Too" (alice hermione fred and fp go to the fair)

what once was (jughead and the andrews after freds shooting)

you must remember this (i have no recollection of what this is about but it sounds jughead centric)

takes guts to be gentle and kind (idk what this is either lmfao but i know julia saved moose and midge in it... idk midge but good for her [granted this also takes place after 202 so keep that in mind])

FP Jones and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad House Party (or, "Nothing Good Ever Happens At One Of These") (oh i remember this one.... mmmm. title tells you all really)

and so please help them with your youth ( ‘fred teaches archie to walk. archie returns the favor’)

andrews & son (more fred and archie post 201)

Blueberry Pie (fredsythe - my review of this fic is just me clutching my chest saying ‘oh god, oh fuck’)

never drill for oil on a city street (part 1 of mary working at a youth crisis hotline and fred calling in and i should put this above the other fic but like... you can figure out one and two on your own i believe in you)

The Perils of Faking Illness (or, “two times Fred Andrews faked sick to get out of class and one time he actually needed a hospital”) (read the title)

healing, in three parts (fred fp archie and jughead attempt a roadtrip)

all along the watchtower (#fredandrewsisriverdale)

guess that we were too much of the same kind (fred getting visitors in the hospital)

sometimes wonder what's beneath the mess you've become (fred and alice bonding hour)

nice day for a white wedding (fredsythe hospital times babyyyy!)

The Unexpected Perks of Feminist Activism (or, "Fingertip Rules") (fred gets fucked in a skirt by fp thats all you need to know)

Any Way You Want It (reggie x moose idk what it is but if you like them here you go)

fun, fun, fun (till her daddy takes the t-bird away) (beach antics! freds a menace but fp loves him anyway...)

hands over the ears of my heart (fred and hermione share a bed but platonically)

the apocalypse comes sooner than you think (fredsythemione antics)

small as a world and large as alone (a series of drabbles about archie jughead and fred post 104)

do a good turn daily (archie x reggie post 103)

seven minutes in heaven (archie and reggie picked for 7 minutes in heaven)

tell me every terrible thing you ever did (archie drops jughead off after the pep rally)

[heartjwi]

could you do a bed sharing au with any of the dreamies,, ur choice im indecisive, like an e2l,,, im a sucker for bed sharing stuff 🤧🤧🤧

requests are open

going on spontaneous trips with the dreamies sorta became your thing™️

like expect someone to call you at 1 am and just be like:

“PACK YOUR SHIT WE’RE PICKING YOU UP IN 5”

and then y’all end up in the middle of no where in the middle of the night

but in the end, it’s always fun being with your best friends

except for jaemin

something about him just made your skin crawl

but it dont matter

cs u lit cher rally ignore him each time

you either stick with renjun or hyuck

no in between

jaemin is just,,,, he’s something else

anywho

the dreamies ,, yet again planned something spontaneously

and that is,,,

having a roadtrip across town

you don’t even know what the fuck they ate that day

to even plan something so,, out of the blue

and out of your own reach

like, you guys barely have any money combined for gas

and at some point y’all need to shower

that means staying at a hotel

and buying food

¿¿

but according to chenle, “money doesn’t matter. the memory with your love ones does”

so here y’all are,, packed in jeno’s car

“WHY DIDNT YOU GET THE MINI VAN” hyuck dramatically whines as he got in the passenger seat

the mf passenger seat

‘lucky bitch’ you thought as u squeezed yourself between renjun and jaemin

“why is y/n beside me and not jisung” jaemin complains

“cause i don’t want to sit with you” jisung replies on the other side of the car

jaemin grunts and avoids your physical contact at all costs

but obviously fails

every time jeno hits a speedbump you just fall right onto his lap

in which of course you remove yourself off of him in the speed of light

“you fucking suck at driving” renjun kicks jeno’s chair making the car brake abruptly

“I CANT TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE” chenle yells getting a paper bag and v*mits

car sickness yk??

the entire roadtrip was a mess

the sun has finally set and it was getting dark out

“yo um, i’m not gonna drive our asses all the way across town overnight i need me some beauty sleep” jeno looks at everyone with the rear view mirror

“theres a motel nearby let’s just stay there for tonight and tonight only” hyuck cleared out things, getting the GPS ready & working

“what are having for dinner?” you asked

“let’s just have some pizza” renjun suggests

“heh let’s try and not kill the pizza man” chenle snickers, remembring a certain scene from a music video he saw a few days ago

jaemin doesn’t say anything and just spaces out

you rolled your eyes at how he didn’t say anything

like i said, everything he does??? annoys tf out of you

“why are you so annoyed at him?” renjun asks you, playing with the hems of the blanket you two are sharing

“cause he’s jaemin. he’s so mean to me and i didnt do shit” you murmured, loud enough for renjun to hear

jaemin, who had his airpods on wasnt actually listening to songs

he was eavesdropping your conversation w renjun the entire trip

and he somehow felt bad that he was being mean to you

just the sudden realization hits him

but he brushed it off and continued to listen to everyones conversation

night time finally comes through and everyone is now at the motel

since renjun is ,, the legal adult in this situation

he booked everyone a room

with the limited budget y’all got atm,,, he only booked 3 rooms

“sad to say, two of us have to share 1 room together since all the two bed rooms are taken” renjun explains, holding out the three room keys

“let’s play rock paper scissors to determine the pairs” chenle suggested

“great idea bro” jisung whispers to chenle

“i know right bro” chenle giggles

you stared at the two kids in awe before being rudely pushed by jaemin himself

“move” he pushes past you

“dickhead” you muttered

“rock paper scissors.. shoot!” hyuck yells out

in the end the pairs were:

first room: jeno & hyuck; 

second room: jisung, chenle & renjun

(renjun gets that other single bed while chenji gets to share the bed)

and finally, the one bed room,,,

it was you and jaemin

“you gotta be fucking kidding me” you react

the 5 boys looked at the two of you uncertainly

especially renjun and jeno

“i’d switch rooms with you if you’d like” renjun offers

“yeah! you can have the lone bed y/n!” chenle smiles

but you both reject the offers

“are you okay with this?” jeno asks jaemin cautiously knowing how,, cranky he can become when he’s a tad bit tired

“yeah” jaemin mumbles

“are you sure-” 

“its fine. i can manage” jaemin waves jeno off

everyone slowly comes up to their rooms

you and jaemin stayed behind to get your stuff from the car

you got your small luggage and backpack and started trudging up the stairs

jaemin who was behind you couldn’t help but watch you in pity

he even started contemplating with himself whether or not to help you

swallowing his pride, he silently grabs both of your bags and sped walk to your room

you felt your heart flutter at his sudden actions

“snap out of it” you slapped yourself in the face

but still

you can’t hide that sly smile from your face

jaemin places your things by the door and went out to get some fresh air and some snacks

you decided that you’d use your alone time to go shower and pamper or some shit

after taking a cold shower (since the motel offers to PAY for hot water) you brushed your teeth and changed into pajamas

a little later jaemin comes back from his stroll

and walks in on you with your pink pajamas with a towel on top of your head

“cute” he comments, smirking at himself after seeing your flustered face

he does his business and later follows you to bed

there was a pillow barricade in the middle of the king sized bed

it was kinda awkward to move around since the bed creaks

and not to mention the mattress was hard as a rock

there was no TV in your room so to pass time, you stared at the ceiling fan in silence for god knows how long

till jaemin decides to break the silence

“i’m sorry” 

you sat up and stared at him— who was also staring right back at you

“for?” you raised a brow

“for everything. for being rude to you for no reason” he calmly states

“i’m sorry too” you look at him with a pout

jaemin chuckles, “i guess we’re even” 

after that, you and jaemin talk about endless things till the two of you got sleepy

“jaems, i’m tired” you whined

“this is the nth time you whined today. don’t get me started on your whines in the car” he nags

you scoffed, “bitch please”

“and don’t think you were trying to get handsy on me whenever you fall right onto my lap!” he accuses you

“like i wanted to touch you” you poke your tongue at him

jaemin rolls his eyes but laughs anyway

“since we’re friends now, lets get rid of this pillow barricade” he flings the pillow right onto the floor

“why though” you ask dumbfounded

“no reason” he giggles

“just admit you have a crush on me” you make kissy faces in front of him

he nearly gags but laughs yet again

you stared into his eyes which were sparkling

how come you never noticed such thing before?

“anyway, let’s sleep now” jaemin tells you before turning off the lights in the room

you two made yourself comfortable under the covers before hitting the hay

“goodnight jaemin” you whispered, closing your eyes

“sweet dreams, y/n” jaemin smiles to himself, before heading off to dreamland

the next morning, instead of feeling the cold and hard mattress, 

you found yourself hugging something warm and cuddly

you woke up to be in jaemin’s arms

[twilightknight17]

Today on P5S, we’re taking a nice relaxing dip in the hot sprin--

Fukuoka, Kyushu! The plan was to keep going straight through to Kyoto, but Makoto was hurting from all the driving, so we pulled over with the intention of spending the night in a proper hotel and having a good meal. Which, of course, means ramen, because we gotta try the local ramen in each place. ^_^

Even Morgana wanted to try, though he requested that Akira blow on it, first, because “feline tongues are sensitive.”

The plan was to stay in Fukuoka until Makoto was feeling better, but Zenkichi called and basically said we had to get to Kyoto right away. So after a night of sleep, we got up the next morning, and we finally learned why Haru hasn’t been driving, despite having her license.

My wife has a lead foot.

Apparently no one but Joker and Queen ever drove the Mona Bus, because everyone but Makoto seemed extremely surprised.

Supposedly it was eight hours to Kyoto. We were there by noon.

Anyway, this old bar is apparently Zenkichi’s safe house, if anything ever goes wrong on an investigation.

He’s tracked the list of names that we found in the lab back to a politician called Jyun Owada, who was apparently a Shido supporter. This guy would benefit from changes of heart, and one of his supporters is the CEO of Madicce, Mr. Akira Konoe. They determine that Owada wouldn’t have a Jail himself, but that he’s probably getting Konoe to influence people for him. Which means that, since Sophia sensed a Jail in Osaka (that we missed because we were all screaming at Haru’s driving), it’s most likely that Konoe is a Monarch.

So my dart hit the board, I just gotta see how close to the bullseye.

Zenkichi heads to Osaka for a meeting with Konoe to try to get his keyword, and convinces the kids to stay behind. They need to rest and recover so they can be at their best for the Jail. Plus, he’s put them up in the nicest hotel in Kyoto! Which means it’s time to go to the hot springs!

The boys are having a lovely time relaxing. Even Morgana’s chilling on a rock with his tail in the water, basking in the chance to really unwind.

.......Atlus. We need to have words.

Not only was this absolutely unnecessary...

It’s the exact same scenario as P3. We’re even in the same goddamn city. If I thought Gekkoukan would be willing to spend 40K per person a night, it might as well be the same hotel.

Apparently, the boys went in right before the time switched over, and didn’t realize. And now, once again, they’re up for an unjust execution. At least Yosuke and Teddie were actually peeping in P4.

Personally, I think a better plan would have been to start yelling, “Who’s there?” as soon as the girls came in. Sneaking just makes it look like you’re up to something nefarious. It was an honest mistake. And really, trying to get out without causing a scene isn’t a heinous crime.

We don’t see who knocked over the thing that got them caught, but they do get caught. There’s no gameplay here. Defeat is inevitable. And...

The girls jump immediately to accusing them of being perverts. Never mind that they’re wet because they just got out of the damn hot spring. And the boys try to explain. They try their best. They explain that they didn’t realize the time had switched. They explain that they’d gotten locked in without noticing, because the men’s side doors lock when it switches over. “It was an accident,” Akira says, plaintively.

And Makoto looks at these boys that she’s fought alongside for over a year. The ones who risked their lives to save her and everyone more than once. The teammates that she stood beside as they shot a god and saved the entire damn world. The ones who, on this very roadtrip, stepped in to defend Haru from Natsume being a harassing jackass... And she says...

She sounds actually angry.

And she beats them up.

For an honest mistake.

I know this is a trope, but in this particular instance, it’s stupid, and it feels incredibly out of character. None of the boys deserve this, but Akira least of all. He’s your goddamn leader; he’s done more for any of you than anyone else. He’s been falsely accused of shit over and over, and now he has to deal with it from his own teammates?

For shame, Atlus. Shitty writing, especially because this event is never going to be brought up again. Was this supposed to be funny? Because in this situation, it wasn’t at all.

...now that I’m done being cranky, let’s go check how Zenkichi’s meeting in Osaka is going.

Hm. Nowhere, apparently, because Konoe’s gone for the day. Weird. Zenkichi had an appointment and everything.

Now let’s check on... well fuck.

Commissioner Kaburagi, Zenkichi’s boss, is summoned by the commissioner general and the previously mentioned Owada. This asshole is claiming to have evidence that the Phantom Thieves are behind all the changes of heart. They hacked into EMMA!

You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve, when you’re the one behind this.

.......maybe this lady is better than I thought.

She says that there’s not enough proof, and that they need to look into things more. The commissioner general counters that the Thieves are going to be tried for murder. Because apparently they killed that poor man at the Okinawa facility after they learned how to get into EMMA.

Kaburagi knows this is bullshit and wants to investigate more, but they basically tell her to do it or else. And promise that she’ll be commissioner general one day. After the current commissioner general launches his political career with the capture of the Phantom Thieves, of course. And she’s just going to follow orders. Never mind. God. I didn’t misjudge her at all.

Konoe goes on TV and announces that they’re shutting down EMMA temporarily, because the Phantom Thieves hacked it and stole personal information. He also informs everyone that they murdered one of his employees. Zenkichi and I had the same reaction, which was “WHAT?!”

Look at this asshole.

Zenkichi realizes what’s going to happen and takes off for Kyoto. Cut to that night, where there’s an entire fucking squad of police outside of the hotel in riot gear. For seven teenagers. Zenkichi shows up and basically pleads with Kaburagi to stop and think, because the real mastermind is still out there.

Kaburagi snaps back with, “You mean like with your wife?” and Zenkichi shuts up. Low blow, lady. She also points out that he seems very attached to criminals.

Before Kaburagi can have the police storm the place, Zenkichi yells for the kids to run, and gets arrested for it. The kids make it to the safe house, but when they find out about the arrest, they want to go after him. They end up agreeing to let Makoto handle that, and then we get a look at King Asshole himself.

I hate how nice this man’s office is.

And I’m kind of afraid of EMMA.

Good luck with that, though. You’d have to break them first; you can’t change the heart of someone stable enough to have a persona. Not that this fuck would know that.

God, he’s like if Shido and Maruki had a fucked-up kid. He wants his own personal team capable of entering the metaverse and changing people, to make the world “better”. Holy fuck.

Somehow I don’t think you’re the one in the right, when you’re talking about making us a “sacrifice to bring about [your] new world order.”

So the next day, the Thieves get a text from Akane’s phone number, that basically says she’s been kidnapped. It’s clearly a trap, but they all agree that they have to go. According to the text, if they want her back, they need to come to Inari Taisha.

Also known as Fushimi Inari, the largest Inari Shrine in Japan. I’ve been there.

I have literally been right there. I have a picture:

And so the kids head into a Jail based on Fushimi Inari where the keyword is “Phantom Thieves”, and I try not to explode from sheer glee because oh boy I thought I’d have to wait a lot longer for this and also I didn’t expect it to be somewhere I know.

Eeeeeeeee~

They find Akane tied up and all go running towards her. Futaba trips, and before she can catch up, a huge cage snatches up the rest of them, because surprise, the Jail Monarch is Akane, and she’s absolutely ready to lord it over them.

Meanwhile, Zenkichi is getting beaten up in interrogation and taking it like a champ.

But it’s okay, because Makoto called in a favor. <3

Futaba managed to get back to the safe house, and Zenkichi met up with her there after Sae got him released.

So you know that bit in P5 where the phan-site poll hits 100% belief and we summoned a demon the size of a skyscraper? That’s Zenkichi right now, except he’s hitting Maximum Dad Energy and I’m pretty sure he’s going to summon his persona.

There’s a cool stealth sequence where you have to sneak by a bunch of shadows, because Zenkichi doesn’t have a persona. Futaba runs navigation for him, but it’s so funny because he... sneaks like a regular person. He doesn’t leap into cover with superhuman speeds.

It might have been cool to play Zenkichi With A Gun, but stealth mode was fun, too. XD

And then the confrontation with Akane. She gives the Thieves a choice of who wants their heart changed first, but before anyone can stupidly volunteer, Zenkichi shows up, and a few more things get revealed. Most importantly, the fact that Owada is the one who killed Zenkichi’s wife, and Zenkichi got death threats directed at Akane if he didn’t stop investigating. No fucking wonder he couldn’t solve the case. But Akane is too disillusioned to listen, because she doesn’t understand. And Zenkichi is forced to confront that at some point, he compromised his morals, telling himself he was doing it for Akane.

This line wasn’t sung, but I kind of wish it was, considering who his persona is. :P

Zenkichi admits that he might have been wrong. But he was doing it to protect the only family he had left.

“But at least I know what makes a person evil. Evil only cares about itself. It’s the mark of a man who would bring another to ruin and dare not show remorse.”

And his awakening was badass.

Shitty picture, but his literal shadow had glowing eyes while it was forming the contract. It was so cool. :D

Wolf is awesome. After beating up a whole hoard of shadows by himself, Akane got away, the Thieves were freed, and we all went back to the safe house to rest. And I swear, you take a nap for one hour, and cannot get any peace. XDDD

Thank you, darling. Now I gotta figure out what deck that’s from.

So that was today. Technically I only played for like...2 and a half hours?? But god, we hit the hot springs and everything just flung itself directly off a cliff and all I could do was hold on.

I have so many thoughts about things!!! But I need to see more first. But this has been fantastic overall.

[thiswasinevitableid]

7 with indruck?

7: I’m assigned to write a piece rounding up all the bad press that you, a famous celebrity, have been getting and you show up in my office and demand me to write a retraction and get the ‘real’ story”. I went SFW

“Dude! You can’t go in there! Hey, wait, dude, hold on!”

Jake’s voice jars Indrid from staring miserably at his computer screen. But it does nothing to prepare him for the stack of papers that slams into his desk. 

“Where the fuck do you get off man?” 

Staring him down is a man with dark hair, mis-matched eyes, a scar down his right cheek, and an extremely pissed-off expression. Indrid recognizes him instantly, both from T.V and his last assignment.

“Mr. Newton?” 

“Yeah, that’s me, the guy you been draggin through the goddam mud!” 

“I-”

“Where are you even gettin this stuff? Substance abuse, bad break-ups, the split between me and my team, who the fuck told you that bullshit?”

“I am not going to reveal my sources.”

“Oh now you get some fuckin ethics?”

“I was just reporting what people told me. I was assigned to round up the press around you now that you’re relaunching your show, and this is what I got. I’m sorry if that upsets you.”

“Upsets me?” Mr. Newton plants his hands on the desk, leaning into Indrid’s space, “buddy, I ain’t even on the same planet as upset right now. I’m actually feelin pretty damn calm, because I know who the fuck is to blame.”

“It’s not my fault” Inrid snaps back, “I got assigned it at random, so if you have issues kindly take them up with Woodbridge.”

“Sir, if you insist on raising a fuss in my office-”

“This him?” Mr. Newton points to Woodbridge as the editor appears from his office. 

“Yes.” Indrid glares at Woodbridge through his glasses; he told him these kind of stories would lead to trouble, and it wasn’t even his usual beat.

He braces for Mr. Newton continuing to escalate, but instead the stocky man takes a deep breath , holding his hands up apologetically.

“Look, I’m real sorry, shouldn’t have come in guns blazin like that, and I know you fellas gotta make a livin same as anyone but this kind of stuff-” he whacks the papers into Indrid’s lap, “y’all gotta remember there’s a human on the other end of it.”

“That’s a very fair point, Mr. Newton-” Woodbridge gestures towards the door.

“A human with a damn good lawyer.”

“Mr.Newton, free speech”

“Protects you from the government, not from the Duck. I don’t mind the break-up nonsense, that happened plenty during the first show. Leo, Minerva, and I have been through every relationship configuration known to man, accordin to papers like yours. But the shit about me drinkin? That could damage my career. So could the reasons your ‘sources’ gave for why the show ended. You tellin me you’d hire a fella who apparently yelled at his co-hosts day in and day out and ‘couldn't hack’ bein’ outdoors?” This last question he directs at Indrid, who shakes his head. 

“Mr. Newton, retracting the story would look very bad for us. However, we’d be more than willing to publish your side of the story.”

“Close, but my word ain’t enough to counter those claims about me bein’ incompetent. I’m goin’ on a month and a half tour to location scout and shoot the first two episodes. I want one of your writers to come with. Specifically, I want him.” He points to Indrid.

“Wait, why me? I’m not a travel writer, and I have a photography assignment due next week.”

“Because you’re the one who caused this mess, slim.”

Indrid starts to protest when Woodbridge turns to with a smirk.

“Start transferring your assignments, Indrid; you’re going on a roadtrip.”

----------------------------------------

Indrid grumbles to himself as he waits on the curb with his bag. Duck, as Mr. Newton has said to call him, told him to pack only one bag, and to bring his camera (“saw your shots when I was researchin you; you might like shootin out on the road”).

A motorcycle pulls up to the curb as he checks the time on this phone. He doesn’t give the vehicle a second look until the rider speaks to him.

“Glad you’re on time.” The helmet comes off, revealing Duck looking much calmer than the last time he saw him, “let’s get your gear on the bike and get goin’.”

Indrid stares at him in disbelief, “were you at any point going to warm me that I’d be doing this whole trip on a death machine?”

“Didn’t think I had to. Figured you knew this was how I traveled now, given all your, uh, thorough research.” Duck fixes him with a shit-eating grin as he straps his bag onto the bike, then hands him a helmet.

Indrid groans, jams the helmet on and awkwardly climbs onto the back of the bike.

“Gonna have to hang onto me, slim.” Duck’s voice crackles through his helmet, “don’t worry, I ain’t gonna bite you, even if I still kinda feel like it.”

“How encouraging.” He loops his arms around the T.V star, winces as the bike pulls out into traffic. There’s a laugh as he tightens his grip in fear, Duck’s body suddenly the only safe thing in the world. 

They zoom onto the freeway, and promptly come to a dead stop in traffic.

“Truly invigorating.” Indrid mutters. 

“Ain’t gonna be much fun until we’re outta the city. And I ain’t about to go zippin’ between lanes to cut ahead; great way to get us both killed.”

As they inch along, Indrid starting to sweat from the heat of the pavement, Duck asks, “did you ever watch the show?”

“Is there anyone who didn’t? Wild World was on every day. I’m fairly certain it’s still all Animal Planet plays some days.”

“Yeah but, uh, did you actually watch it on purpose?” 

“I did, now and then. I found Minerva’s tendency to try more extreme forms of exploration stressful, but I generally enjoyed what I saw. I’m not surprised you’re the one who picked the show back up; you were always oddly compelling on camera, and it was clear it was a passion project for you.”

“Yeah, it really was. Is. Feels weird to be doin’ it without them. Can’t blame ‘em for havin’ their own lives and goals though. Leo was ready to retire after the Gila Monster incident, and Minerva’s wanted to run an adventure bootcamp for years.”

“You know, if you hurry and explain everything in the next ten minutes, you can just pull off there and drop me at the edge of town.”

A chuckle, “Nice try, Indrid. You ain’t gettin outta roughin’ it that easy.”

“It was worth a try. Alaska was the last episode run, right?”

Duck’s posture shifts so subtly that, were he not holding him, Indrid wouldn’t have noticed it. 

“Yeah. Yeah it was. Nothin’ like gettin attacked by a wolf and takin a bunch of rabies shots to the gut to put you off filmin’.” 

“It really was a wolf? Everything I read said-”

“I’d misidentified what attacked us? Yeah, I know. American wolves never really go after humans, that’s why we were so fuckin’ screwed when this one did. Poor fella. He was sick. We coulda proved what happened except I told Leo to destroy the footage and we had a knock down, drag out fight over it until he did.”

“Why on earth would you do that?”

“Because I didn’t want my pain, Minerva’s pain, and the wolf’s pain to become some goddamn viral sensation!” Duck snaps. 

Indrid decides to drop it, feels Duck sag in the drivers seat. In spite of dragging him out into the wilderness, Indrid doesn’t bear Duck any bad feeling. And he doesn’t like seeing him sad. 

“I, ah, I always liked the episodes where you showcased moths and butterflies. Moths are my favorite creatures, they’re so varied but so overlooked.”

Nothing but the traffic around them, then, “I once saw a Luna Moth bigger’n my hand. Didn’t get it on camera but damn was it a stunner.”

“Where did you see it?”

“Now there’s a story…”

By the time Duck finishes the cars are finally moving, and Duck changes them into the lane leading towards the exit for a single lane, county highway. 

“Fuckin’ finally. Alright Indrid, hold tight.”

What follows is simultaneously the most thrilling and most terrifying four hours of Indrid’s life as Duck speeds down the road, win whipping around them and the world going by in a blur that’s much more alarming when not behind metal and glass. They find a rest stop, where Indrid shotguns an entire bag of skittles under Duck’s amused gaze, and get back on the road for an only slightly less terrifying four hours more. 

They stop for the night at a KOA (“you’re lucky, slim, I got us a cabin to ease you into things”). Whereupon Indrid is treated to the sight of Duck stripping off his road gear, back muscular and sporting several scars.

“How are you likin’ life on the road?” Duck asks, not turning but starting to undo his pants. Indrid doesn’t look away until he’s down to his boxers.

“You know, it’s growing on me.”

They make their first shooting destination the next afternoon, setting up camp in a mostly-empty campground before hiking off into the woods. Duck shoots B-roll while Indrid photographs, the pair working in near total silence before meeting up with their contact near a jumble of boulders.

“Nice to see you again, Thacker.” Duck shakes the man’s hand, and gets a pat on the back.

“Good to you too, sport. Who’s the new fella?”

“My biographer.”  Duck deadpans.

Duck spends the rest of the day filming as Thacker helps him find nest and burrows and creatures to shoot and narrate over. In spite of the show being done on a single camera, Duck is compelling as always when he talks about the natural world. 

Indrid just wishes he’d sprung for better hiking boots.

“Ooof.” He mutters, face down on his sleeping bag.

“Not surprised, we did about ten miles all told today.”

“I repeat. Oof.”

A kind, sympathetic laugh, “C’mon, you’ll feel better after some dinner.”

Later that night, as he’s climbing into his sleeping bag, Duck pokes his head into the tent.

“Psst, Indrid, come look.” 

Indrid follows him out, kneels by a clump of flowers when he waves him down. 

“See, look, riiight there” Duck points, “it’s a Hummingbird Moth.”

Indrid gasps, delighted, and watches the pollinator flit from blossom to blossom. Duck sits beside him, answering his questions when he asks them, until it’s too dark for either of them to see.

--------------------------------

Duck never thought he’d have a travel companion again. Not after Alaska, not after the attack and what came in the nights to follow. 

He certainly never assumed the wiry, silvery haired writer who’d nearl fucked everything up would turn out to be that person. But Indrid, for all his initial skepticism, has become an excellent partner. He’s easy going, eccentric enough that Duck’s own quirks don’t phase him, quiet;y awkward, and a damn good photographer. The fact his alienly handsome face has become a bit windburnt and his pale hair a little longer only adds to his charm.

Christ, Duck wants to rip those red glasses off and kiss him until he’s breathless. 

Currently, he’s missing the feeling of long arms around his waist, as he left Indrid back with a family whose jeep had run out of gas. They’re in one of the long, monotonous stretches of desert highway where passersby are few and cell phone service is unreliable, so Duck volunteered to ride ahead to the next gas station and bring some back. As the Jeep comes into view, he sees the family waving. Indrid is leaning against the car, smiling as if Duck is the greatest thing he’s ever seen. 

That settles it; when they make Santa Fe, he’s calling The Weekly Rounds and asking Woodbridge to extend Indrid’s assignment. And if the old man refuses, well, Animal Planet is thrilled to have him back, and made it clear they’d be happy to pay for an additional camera man.

------------------------------

This time they’re the only ones in the campground, and Indrid suspects it might technically be closed. Indrid could do this forever. He wants to stay like this, with Duck, day in and day out, have their evenings be like this. Duck makes a fire, keeping it small to be safe, and the evening progresses like normal, the two of them swapping stories and munching on the dinner they whipped up from leftovers from the last gas station. Then the moon rises, two days from full, and Duck doubles over with a groan. 

“Fuck, fuckfuckfuck.”

“What’s wrong?” Indrid moves to help him, but Duck raises his hand to stop him.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, ‘Drid, fuck, I thought I had another day, thought we could make it somewhere I could keep you safe.”

“Safe from what? Duck, please, you’re hurt, I can call for help, just hold on.”

“No” Duck snarls, still hunched over, “you ain’t callin anyone. What you’re gonna do is run, far and as fast as you can, away from me. Find a tree, find a cave, flag down a car if you can find one. Go, please, fuck.” He falls off the stump he’s sitting on, and in spite of his instructions Indrid tries to help him up.

“Go!” It’s a growl now, and when Duck looks up at him his face is changing shape. Duck drags himself away from the fire, into the shadows, and Indrid turns, starting to run. There’s howl of pain and he stops. He can’t leave Duck like this. He won’t.

Resolute, he turns back to the camp and immediately regrets his decisions. Whatever is in the shadows isn’t human, not anymore. It’s growling low and labored, as it rises onto two feet and howls. 

“Oh fuck me.” Indrid doesn’t dare turn his back, tries to slowly creep away and trips on a stray piece of firewood. The monster lowers to all fours, padding into the firelight across from him. It’s fur is dark and shaggy, it’s hands sport claws and when it opens it’s mouth to grin at him it’s teeth glitter like rows of knives. 

He has to keep the fire between him and it, even if he has to spend his night running in some Scooby-Doo style circle around the fire pit. It’s his only chance.

In one, large leap, the werewolf clears the fire and lands in front of him, front paws bracketing his body when he tries to crawl back.

“Told you to run, slim.” 

“I, I can’t.”

“Didn’t think you were stubborn to the point of dyin’.” 

“Y-you told me not to run from predators, and I c-cannot drive the bike. And, and I didn’t, I couldn’t leave you.”

“Ain’t that sweet.” Duck grins again, “but why do you think I told Leo and Minerva I wasn’t safe to be around no more? Because a werewolf don’t know friend from foe.”

“That’s, that’s a lie. Y-you clearly know me, you know your past, you’re not some mindless killer ahgod.” He whimpers as a muzzle finds the crook of his neck, inhaling deeply before sending hot, hungry breath across his skin. 

“Mmmmm, you smell good, sugar.”

“You’re not going to eat me.” Indrid says, eyes shut.

“You seem real sure about that.” Another snuffle, tongue dragging along his throat.

“You’re not because you are still Duck, just very large and covered with fur and with a mouth full of unnecessarily sharp teeth, and even though you seem convinced you’ve become bloodthirsty you are still you.” It comes out in a rush and he holds his breath as a clawed hand cups the back of his head. Duck tugs his head back, nosing along his exposed neck. He stares at the stares, praying they’re not the last thing he sees. 

“I could rip your goddamn throat out.” Duck says matter-of-factly. 

“Do you want to?” He whispers, hands coming up instinctively to protect his vital organs.

A long growl, and then Duck’s face blots out the night sky, “No. I don’t.”

“Ohthankgoodness.”

Duck rumbles out a laugh, “that’s puttin it mildly, slim. No one ever stuck around long enough to see what I’d do because I always hid myself or they had the goddamn good sense to run when I said too. Always assumed as soon as I was all the way changed, I’d wanna hurt people, even if they were people I loved.” He plucks Indrid’s glasses off, setting them carefully on the picnic table before using the pad of his thumb to wipe away a tear he hadn’t realized was there.

“What do you want to do instead?”

“In general, or to you?” 

“Both?” Indrid is puzzled by his phrasing. 

“Kinda amped up, like I wanna go for a run. Transformin’ basically releases a shit ton of adrenaline so your body just doesn’t collapse from the pain. But as far as you’re concerned…” the muzzle his back, snuffling at his face and chest, “dunno, mostly just wanna keep you close. Protect you. Some part of the wolf-brain is kinda just screamin ‘mine’ over and over again.”

“Oh. Ah. That’s, that’s good.” It’s also painfully arousing, but he’s not quite ready to admit that aloud yet.

“Probably helps that you’re wearing my shirt, since it means my scent is all over you already.”

“You let me borrow it AHHEY, gahthattickles” Indrid cackles as licks and nuzzles his face.

“Aww, didn’t know you were ticklish, sugar.” Duck grabs him, begins mercilessly rubbing his face on any exposed skin he can find.

“I’m not you are just very AHhehe hairy!” In retaliation Indrid reaches between them and scritches his fingers against Ducks chest and belly.

ThwupThwup

They both look at Duck’s tail with surprise. Indrid rubs his belly again.

ThwupThwup

“Didn’t know it did that. I mean, guess makes sense on account of bein’ kinda canine, but I guess I ain’t ever been really happy when I been like this before.”

“Should I keep doing that?”

“Fuck yeah. Hold on, here.” Duck adjusts so he’s on his back with Indrid more or less on top of him. Indrid resumes petting him, Duck making little happy whines as he does.

“Damn, that feels good sugar, ooh right.” 

“Why do you keep calling me that? It’s a pet name.”

“I, uh, fuck, um, fuck, I didn’t, meant to say, uh, fuck.” A deep breath as Indrid sits up to meet his eyes, “I’m real fuckin into you, ‘Drid. I, I didn’t wanna say nothin until we were somewhere you could bail out easily if you needed to. But I ain’t felt this way about anyone in years.”

“Is that wolf-you talking or you-you talking?” Indrid asks, toying with a patch of fur.

“Both. I wanna be with you, and wanna keep travelin with you as my partner, as my, uh, my boyfriend. As my mate. Okay, that last bit was definitely the wolf talking.”

“I...I would like that as well, Duck. I didn’t know how to say it, I was afraid that what happened with your friends meant you didn’t want to be close to anyone. Including me.”

Duck sighs, “I wish I’d known then what we figured out tonight. Maybe things woulda ended a little better between us three. I just, I couldn’t face the idea of bein’ out on a shoot with ‘em and havin this exact thing happen.”

“I must admit, the lack of a full moon is rather confusing.”

“It ain’t just the full moon. It’s a few days after and before too, and I thought I had one more before it hit. Plan was to sneak out of the hotel in Santa Fe and hole myself up in a cave somewhere.”

Indrid strokes his cheek, the fur a little coarser there, “That was what attacked you three, I take it.”

“Uh huh. We were trackin it, thinkin’ it was some kind of huge predator we might be able to film.  It jumped Minerva first, but she’s a tough one, managed to hold her own and only got scratched up. I pulled it off her and it bit me. I, uh, I shot it point blank while it was doin’ that. Turned into a man as it fell in the dirt. Leo and Minerva said I did what I had to but I...well, let’s just say I still see that fellas face a lot in my dreams.”

“No wonder you wanted the footage destroyed.” Indrid murmurs.

Duck nods, waves one hand in front of his face, “damn skeeters, c’mon, let’s get in the tent.”

The tent is a tight fit, but Indrid couldn’t be happier. He crawls onto Duck’s chest, nestling against his fur with a sigh. 

“Now if you have bad dreams when you’re like this, you have someone to to hold.”

Duck kisses the top of his head, “Thanks, sugar.”

Indrid falls asleep atop a giant wolfman, and wakes up to the morning sun and much smaller, human man sprawled beneath him, who he wakes with a flurry of kisses. 

They make Santa Fe by noon, riding in feeling freer then either of them has in a long time. When they ride out the next morning, Indrid has a new job and Duck has a new cameraman. But all either can think about at the moment is his new boyfriend, and the future spreading out ahead of them beneath the rising sun. 

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Like A Switch

Fandom: Marvel (Truck Driver AU - The Usual Stop Universe)

Pairing: Chubby!Bucky Barnes x Reader

As requested by anonymous: Would you be willing to write something with chubby!Bucky where he discovers he really likes being called “sir”? + Ooh I love chubby Bucky so much! Enjoy your holiday!!!! May I request something where chubby!Buck seems a little shy in bed at first and maybe self conscious and you say something that kinda flips a switch and he’s totally dominant and confident? Like maybe saying “sir” or something? +  @feelmyroarrrr ‘s request:  Bucky takes her on a weekend away And the 3nd up doing hardly any sightseeing as the hotel bedroom is just too inviting

Warning: smut

A/N: Read “The Usual Stop” here! 

“A vacation?” you look at Bucky curiously as you’re laying on the bed of a motel off the road in Oregon. 

Bucky nodded. He sat up against the headboard, with a shirt and his boxers. He set a hand on your arm, “You okay with that? Going on a vacation? With me?” Bucky loved you, there was no doubt about that. But because of his job and the way he looked, people didn’t see him as important or attractive. You’ve made it very clear with him that you loved him just as much, but Bucky was always afraid that you’d figure out this isn’t what you want, that he isn’t what you want.

You sat up on the bed and crawled over to Bucky, straddling his lap and resting your hands on his shoulders, “Of course I’m okay with it, Buck. I told you, I’m not going anywhere. Wherever you are, I wanna be. Whether it’s on the road or some beach in Florida. I don’t care as long as I’m with you.”

Bucky smiled at you with that same fondness in his eyes that you always see. He tapped his lips with his fingers, “Gimme some love, baby.”

You giggled, “Yes, sir,” and closed the distance by pressing your lips to his.

Bucky grabs a hold of your waist, pulling you in closer, deepening the kiss. You began to grind down onto his crotch and he could feel himself getting hard, but he had to stop. He needed to stop.

He pulled away with a sad sigh, “I’m sorry, Y/N.” this has happened before. When things were starting to get hot and heavy, Bucky halted everything. He wanted to have sex with you, he really did. He was just afraid. He was afraid that you’d look at his stomach and see how he’s not a guy you should be with and you’d leave him. He explained this the first time it happened and since then, your response is always, “Don’t be. Whenever you’re ready.” 

It made him feel even more like crap because you’d get all riled up just to end up being disappointed. Bucky wasn’t a virgin or anything. He’s had his fair share of one night stands and the likes. But this was different. He loved you so much and the thought of you leaving him because of how he looked...he couldn’t take it.

You pressed a gentle to kiss to his lips, “Don’t be sorry, Buck. I’m the one who should be sorry. I got excited,” you have a little chuckle and then climbed off his lap, “Let’s get some sleep, ya? All that needs to be done tomorrow is drop off the trailer and we’re home bound.”

You shimmied yourself under the blankets after turning off the bedside light, “Goodnight, babe. I love you.”

Bucky sighed as he slid into bed beside you, wrapping his arms around you, “Goodnight, I love you too.”

___________________

The hotel Bucky chose sat right before a beach. The sea breeze blowing through the balcony door. It wasn’t fancy or anything, but it sure beat the small motels that you were both used to staying at. 

You stood on the balcony, soaking up the sun. Your eyes closed and the sunlight beaming down on you. You looked like a goddess. 

You hear a familiar click and the sound of a photo developing. You turned around to see Bucky with his polaroid camera in hand, already shaking the photo to develop.

He gave a shrug of the shoulders, a smile painted on his lips, “You just looked like the most beautiful sight ever, I had to take a picture of ya.”

You giggled and sauntered over to him, your hands resting on his chest and you kissed his nose, “Can I see?” he handed it to you and slowly the color was coming to the picture. It was definitely a pretty picture. The way that the sun shined down on you gave a glowing effect, “I really like this one.”

Bucky hummed, “Put in your album then.”

You nodded and said, “Yes, sir.” You’ve been saying that phrase a lot lately, Bucky’s noticed. He’s also noticed that every time you’ve said, his pants suddenly get a bit tight around the crotch area. 

No surprise, he looked down and saw a prominent bulge in his pants. He silently cursed because of how much you and your words affect him, even without you knowing it. 

“Buck, I’m gonna take a shower. Get all the roadtrip sweat off me.”

He nodded, “Y-Yeah, sweetheart, you go ahead. I’ll just get a comfortable.” he waited until you went into the bathroom and heard the shower turn on. He then quickly undressed himself, laying on top of the bed in just his boxers. He freed his cock and fuck was he hard. 

He gripped his shaft, letting out a hiss of pleasure from the feeling. He closed his eyes and began to imagine you naked, straddling his lap. You looked so beautiful as you rode him. Your y/e/c eyes baring down at him, your lips red from the biting and kissing, your neck covered in his love bites. 

“You feel so good, Bucky. You fill me up so good,” you’d whimper.

“Fuck yeah, baby. Ride me harder, I know you want more. Take it all, sweet girl.” you’d smirk at the notion and move your hips faster, rocking on his cock hard and rough. His hands gripping at your waist, so hard you’d probably have nail indents on your skin. But you didn’t care.

“My naughty little girl, aren’t ya? You my naughty girl, Y/N?”

You’d nod and moan out a “Yes, I’m your naughty girl.” Just the image of your face filled with absolute, pleasurable bliss was bringing Bucky to the edge. His hand quickly pumping his cock. He could feel the pleasure building up and-

“Need some help?” his eyes shot open and there you were standing in front of the bed, clad in your bra and panties, hair still dripping from your shower.

“Y/N, I-uh,” he quickly grabbed his shirt and covered his crotch, “I-I’m sorry! I didn’t-”

“Bucky,” you crawled onto the bed and towards him, causing him to gulp, “It’s okay. I’ll admit, I’ve rubbed one off in the shower thinking about you too many times to count.” 

He groaned, “Why you gotta tell me that?” his cock twitching under his shirt.

You giggled, “Buck, I don’t wanna rush you or force you into anything, but aren’t you tired of pulling away whenever things get heated between us?”

“Yes, God, yes. I am it’s just..I just...it’s been a while since I’ve had sex and I really love you and all, but I’m not, ya know, the best lookin’, sweetheart.”

You snorted, “Bucky, watching you lay here completely naked and jerking yourself off was probably one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen.”

“Yeah?”

“Absolutely. And honestly, I’ve been aching for you so much. I want you, Bucky, all of you. Heart, body, and soul.”

“But my-”

“James Buchanan Barnes, you listen to me right now: you are the sexiest man I’ve ever met. Okay? And more often than not I think about riding the hell outta you.”

Bucky choked on his own spit when you said that, “You-wha-I-” he pauses and take a breath, “Straddle my lap, baby girl,” his voice going down an octave, his eyes now hard and looking right into yours. 

You smile excitedly as you pull his shirt from his crotch, throwing it over your shoulder, and crawling onto his lap. Already, you begin to find some friction, rubbing your pussy against his hard cock, which earned you a slap to the ass.

“Did I say you could do that, princess?”

You bit your lip as you shook your head, “No, sir.”

His jaw clenched and he licked his lips, “You do exactly what I say, got it?”

You nodded, “Yes, sir.”

Bucky growled as he wrapped one arm around you, pulling you closer, “Atta girl. Now, play with yourself. Get that pussy nice and wet for me.”

You whimpered as your hand slid to your pussy, rubbing against that sensitive nub. You could feel your walls slicken with your arousal. Bucky’s hand wrapped around his cock again, pumping it to a pace that matches your own. 

“Fuck, honey, you look so goddamn pretty like this. ‘M sorry it took me so long to do this.”

You shook your head and leaned in, pressing a reassuring kiss to his lips, “Stop apologizing. I love you and I’d wait days, months, or years for you.”

Bucky moans as you start to jut your hips forward, letting your clit drag along his hard cock, “I think that’s enough teasing now, don’t you, sugar?”

“Please, sir, fuck me? I’m ready and aching for you.”

Bucky grabbed your hips and rolled you onto your back. He took your wrists pinning them to both sides of your face, “You keep your hands right there, sweetness. Don’t you dare move ‘em, you hear me?”

You nod, “Yes, sir.” God, Bucky doesn’t think he could get tired of hearing that.

He takes his hardened length into his hand, and starts to rub his tip along your slit and down your slick, his pre-cum colliding with your own juices. He glides himself up and down, teasing your entrance a little bit more, “You ready for me, baby girl?”

“Pleas, sir. Ready for you.”

With ease, he slides into you causing you to gasp and him grunt in satisfaction. He wasn’t all the way in yet and you already felt so snug around him, “Fucking hell, Y/N.”

“C’mon, Bucky,” your legs wrap around him, pulling him closer and pushing him further into you, “More.” And with a quick thrust, he filled you whole. 

He stayed there for a moment, allowing yourself to adjust to him, “Lemme know when you’re ready, sweetness.”

You nodded, “I’m good.”

And without hesitation, Bucky thrust into you again. His arms had him propped up, his round stomach pressing against your pubic with every snap of his hips. You always found Bucky attractive, but right now, in this moment as he loses himself in the pleasure, he looks the most attractive he’s ever been. Naked and bare for you taking what he wants, taking what you haven given to him so willingly with so much trust and love. 

“God, baby! You feel like absolute Heaven!” he groans. 

Your fists clench beside you as you so desperately want to touch Bucky, to hold him. But your hands remain there because, you gotta admit, this more dominant side of him is really fucking hot.

One of his hands leaves your side as it runs down your body, leaving goosebumps in its wake, and to your pussy. His thumb rubbing circles around your clit to the pace of his thrusts. You were feeling hot then, now, you’re on fire. 

You let out the most sinful moan that Bucky’s ever heard and he loves it. He loves that you’re falling apart because of him. So he continues. He fucks you and he stimulates your clit all the while he’s getting off himself. And on top of that, he’s admiring you, taking in every perfection and flaw to your face. Watching you with hooded eyes as you stare up at him, lips red and puckered from the kissing and biting. A sheen of sweat starting to shroud your body. You’re a mess, but you’re his mess, his beautiful, wonderful, loving, sexy, mess.

“Sir, let me touch you, please. Wanna touch you.”

Bucky grits his teeth as he feels your walls clench onto him. He gives a nod, “Alright, baby. You can touch me.”

Your hands immediately fly forward, pulling Bucky down for a searing kiss, one that he moans into. His thrusts never falter. He removes his hand from your clit and leans forward more, deepening the kiss and pushing himself further into you. He grabs onto the pillow underneath you, gripping it hard. He feels himself coming closer to the edge. He thinks you might be too, but he’s too clouded by the pleasure. 

“Fuck, Y/N,” he murmurs against your lips, “Gonna-” he pulls out just in time for his seed to shoot onto your mound and stomach with a loud animalistic groan, his hand stroking himself fast and hard for every last drop. He’s panting heavy and he wants to lie down, but not before you’ve had yours. 

His fingers replace his cock, pumping two into you while his other hands works at your nub.

You hold onto the sheets beneath you for dear life as you cry out for Bucky, begging him to make you cum on his fingers, “Baby! Oh fuck, sir! Please, please, please! Right there! Shit!” you cry out one last time as your orgasm hits you full blown. Your back arches off the bed and your eyes are shut tight. Your mouth is open, a high shrill of pleasure emitting from it as Bucky’s fingers continue to help you ride through your climax. He finally relents when your body collapses back onto the bed looking limp and completely exhausted.

With a proud smile, Bucky lays on his side next to you. His arm propping up his head as he looks at you, “Can’t believe I’ve been missing out on that sight for this long.”

Through your post-orgasmic haze, you giggled, “I think it was worth it though.”

He hums in agreement, “I think so too.” 

You then slowly roll out of bed, walking around confidently, naked as the day you was born, “We should shower and get dressed. You said you wanted to check out that restaurant a couple blocks away, right?” 

Bucky immediately sits up, “Oh, sweetheart, I don’t think we’re leaving this room at all.”

You look at him confusedly, “What do you-”

“Now that I got a taste of ya, I don’t think I ever wanna stop.” you see that lustful gaze in him again and you see that he’s starting to get hard once more. 

You smirked, arms crossed over your chest, “I think I may have turned you into a sex fiend, Barnes.”

“Well, maybe you should c’mere and find out,” he says with a mischievous grin. And in no time, you’re going for round two because now Bucky just can’t seem to get enough of you.