#i got told i had 'a chick's bathroom' the other day bc i have too many products in tje sjower

[sangfielle]

cis people are always finding exciting new ways to innovate in the field of gendering pointless bullshit you've never thought about before

[realcube]

trying to be nice to their crush hcs

navi | masterlist | taglist

thank you to 🍦anon for this cute request!

characters: tsukishima, kyōtani, sakusa & suna

content warning: swearing & sexual references 

kei tsukishima 

♡ this is all yamaguchi’s fault （︶^︶）

♡ he found out tsukki had a crush on you bc he mentioned you a lot in conversation so yamaguchi interrogated him for answers then lo and behold, the beanpole had a lil thing for you 

♡ you sit in front of tsukishima in homeroom while yamaguchi sits beside him so when you leaned back and asked him if you could borrow a pencil and he spat back a snarky remark about you being too irresponsible to care for your own pencils, yamaguchi hastily offered you one of his own before scolding tsukishima 

♡ he explained to his clueless friend that being nasty to people isn’t a good way to get them to like you 

♡ so perhaps he should be nicer :)

♡ honestly, tsukishima would’ve just looked yamaguchi straight in the eyes and went ‘no’, if it wasn’t for the fact you shot tadashi the sweetest smile anD PLAYFULLY BLEW HIM A KISS AFTER HE JUST GAVE YOU A DAMN PENCIL LIKE WTF 

♡ after that, he decided to give up his current personality and pick up a new one 

♡ jk jk 

♡ but he had to binge a whole bunch of those youtube psychology videos that are like ‘psychological tricks to make people like you’ and ‘THESE 5 MIND TRICKS WILL MAKE YOU THE MOST POPULAR PERSON *EVER*’!!

♡ spoiler alert: he wasn’t the most popular person but perhaps that was bc he only went to the effort of using those tricks on you 

♡ god bless him; he tries hard, he really does. (not his best, just hard)

♡ but you don’t have to be extremely observant to realise that he’s began acting different around you and of course, it confused you seeing tsukishima being nice

♡ what irritated you was how dismissive he was being of your questions though, as he was clearly trying to lead you to believe that you were crazy and he’s just always been a nice guy 

♡ but as soon as he figures out that he angered you, he’ll instantly switch back to him normal self - draining his mind of the hours of phycology studying he did last night to just pretend like it never happened 

♡ and if he’s feeling flirty, he might be extra mean to you （￣︶￣）

♡ also he makes a mental note to never take yamaguchi’s romance advice ever again 🙄

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

you sighed, removing your hand from your bag after desperately rummaging through it in search of a pencil once again - deja vu. once you accepted that a pencil wasn’t going to materialise out of thin air, you peered over your shoulder and tapped the corner of yamaguchi’s desk, who wore a suspicious grin which you decided against questioning. 

“yamaguchi, do you think i could borrow a pencil again? sorry, this is the last time, i swear. i’ll be sure to get some on my way home after school tod--” 

yamaguchi dropped the line him and tsukishima had rehearsed many times beforehand, while clutching his pencilcase dear to his chest, “woah, (y/n). you’re so irresponsible. sorry, i can’t lend one of my pristine pencils to someone who is too forgetful to remember to buy some; what if you forget to return it to me?” 

tsukishima cringed at how forced it sounded but he couldn’t help but admire yamaguchi's dedication to his role. this allowed tsukishima to swoop in, pencil in hand, “here.” that wasn’t in the script but he panicked! okay, now, eye contact. 

you just sat there and stared at both of them with the most dumbfounded look plastered on your face. what just happened?  why were they both acting like they were in drama class?  and why are they both so bad at acting? they’re both passing performing arts for fucks’ sake!

kentarō kyōtani 

♡ sorry but i firmly believe kyōtani is the sorta guy to be extra mean to ppl he fancies smh

♡ the rest of them just act (somewhat) like themselves around their crush but kyōtani is himself2 (himself^2)

♡ like one time yahaba found you trembling in your locker bc you had gotten mud on mad dog’s white shoes so he chased you through the hallways of the school, threatening to trek mud on your forehead 

♡ yahaba took it upon himself to investigate as to why kyōtani was so rude to you and he got his answer as soon as he mentioned your name to mad dog and the boy’s face immediately flushed red 

♡ so after practise, yahaba schools mad dog on how to get chicks (⌐■_■)

♡ in short, his advice was ‘good guys get laid’ and for kyōtani’s understanding, ‘good’ and ‘kind’ were interchangeable 

♡ mad dog wasn’t completely oblivious to how he treated you and he was aware that he was far from ‘kind’

♡ although he usually doesn’t listen to people in general, yahaba seemed to know what he was talking about so he figured there was no harm in trying to be nice 

♡ but ngl, he just spent the rest of the day wondering...what is kind?

♡ after a few messages back and forth with yahaba, he figured that the best place to start was by apologising for - y’know - chasing you around the whole school 

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

“oi!” kyōtani bellowed through hallway, paying no mind to the students that cast him dirty looks as his sights were locked on you. standing unsuspecting by your locker, stuffing your textbooks into your bag until you heard his deep voice echo through the hall, to which you visibly perked up and began frantically looking around.

he marched towards you, hands in pockets and when you noticed him out of the corner of your eye, you were more than ready to drop all your shit and bolt away. but he didn’t let you as before you were able to take off on your heels, he grabbed your shoulder and spun you around to face him - then he noticed your hands raised in defence by your face and your head hung low.

his heart sank and his grip on your shoulder immediately softened, “i’m not gonna punch you, idiot.” he spat, rolling his eyes and gritting his teeth, trying to appear angry in hopes you’d mistake his light blush for pure rage. 

“i just wanted to say that i felt bad for chasing you through the halls yesterday - you didn’t stand a chance so i guess it was a bit unfair.” he said, frowning as you replied with silence so the duty fell on him to fill it, “and i got the stain out, anyway so.” 

more silence. lovely.

suddenly, he puffed his cheeks out as his eyes snapped to meet yours and he roared, “ARE YOU GONNA FUCKING SAY SOMETHING OR ARE YOU TOO BRAINDE-”

“are you wearing eyeliner?” 

and that was the true story behind why you missed last period, because you and kyōtani had a 30 minute conversation about eyeliner and make-up, then he convinced you to skip the rest of class with him so he could buy you ramen as an apology gift.

so yeah, he figured that perhaps he should try being nice more often.

kiyoomi sakusa

♡ he didn’t need someone to tell him to be nicer, he’s just predisposed to attempt to show kindness to someone he is fond of

♡ in his mind, showing kindness, respect and stripping himself of all his personality = the only way to be desirable 

♡ (ofc this takes place before he meets atsumu tho lol)

♡ so it’s not the realisation that’s the problem for him, it’s the execution 

♡ like how is he supposed to be nice without either sounding creepy or condescending? 

♡ *cut to sakusa practising in the bathroom mirror* ‘your hand looks- no-’ he scoffs, flicking cold water onto his face, ‘your hair looks cool- pretty- nice?’

♡ *camera pans to sakusa laying in bed, staring intently at the ceiling while imagining vivid and scarily detailed scenarios about ways he could mess up while talking to you* 

♡ *camera zooms in on sakusa’s face as he manifests a nicer version of himself*

♡ he might - depending on how insecure he is - watch one of those psychology videos or read a wikihow for help

♡ but other than that, he independently tries to alter his personality in order to gain your favour bc..true love ?

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

you smiled as a basketball rolled up to your feet during gym class, followed by the sound of someone approaching you and upon raising your gaze, your eyes met sakusa’s unmistakable black ones. his face hovered only a few inches away from yours due to the fact you had both reached down to pick up the ball at the same time.

he quickly pulled himself away, tucking the basketball under his elbow as he adjusted his mask so it properly covered his face to ensure that you didn’t see the light blush slowly spreading across his cheeks. he then proceeded to blurt out what he had been rehearsing for the past few nights, “oh, thank you, (y/n). your hair looks lovely today, by the way.”

you giggled, holding your hands firmly by your side to avoid fidgeting and making it obvious that his sudden comment flustered you, “thanks, sakusa. and, if we’re handing out compliments today, i didn’t know you were good at any sport other than volleyball but you’re doing surprisingly well at basketball.” you joked, your lips slowly curling into a cocky smirk, “though, i don’t think you’d stand a chance against my team.” 

god, you’re such a tease. you make it so hard for him to be nice to you. so, of course, your comment returned his ability to utter almost every sarcastic comment that comes to mind - screw being likeable. “you think so?” he quirked a brow, tossing the ball onto your lap then pacing backwards, “go on, then.”

rintarō suna

♡ it was probably those tips on social media that told him he has to be nicer 

♡ and plus he saw terushima get all the chicks and he was just sitting there like ‘where are my bitches at? 🥺’

♡ anyway, all the guys on social media that had girls lining up outside their door always had one thing in common: misogyny  obnoxious personalities !!

♡ and his whole personality was a sacrifice suna was willing and ready to make for just a crumb of cooch  🤲

♡ though you weren’t exactly his crush yet, suna thought you were the best person to carry out this experiment with bc he heard through the grapevine that you had a crush on him so perhaps this would make you happy

♡ he didn’t prepare much beforehand though which he immediately regretted as soon as he approached you bc admittedly, his game plan of ‘be self-assured but friendly’ was a bit vague 

♡ so he basically just had to bullshit through a whole, awkward conversation with you while wearing a forced ‘bold’ smirk which, in reality, looked as though he had just seen tiddies for the first time 

♡ hardly self-assured or friendly 

♡ also, the fact you thought he was playing a prank on you must’ve drastically altered the results of his experiment 

♡ at one point he says something extremely stupid you’d just quit playing along and just blurt out ‘wtf is wrong with you today’

♡ to which he’d be like ‘ahaha, nuthin much bbg, how bout you?’

♡ THE EXPERIEMNT ISN’T OVER UNTIL HE SAYS IT’S OVER OKAy?!

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

you rubbed your temples in order to soothe the throbbing headache suna gave you simply by existing. like yes, you had a crush on him 10 minutes ago - but that was before he came up to you and started acting like terushima on dodgy medication. “oh and your skin is glowing bab--”

“jesus christ, rintarō, shut up!” you cried, gripping the edge of your skirt to prevent your self from delivering a swift punch right to his stupid face. he’s seriously gotten on all your nerves at this point; firstly, by spamming your phone in the middle of the night asking for homework answers (accompanied by cursed memes) as he actually managed to wake you up. secondly, by acting so oblivious to the fact you clearly had a crush on him and now, this!

heat rose to his cheeks in embarrassment as his creepy smile instantly fell right back into his resting bitch face, “this isn’t working, is it?” 

“what’s not working?”

suna scoffed, rolling his eyes - his façade having evidently disappeared. “this.” he sighed, looking around as if someone was going to save him before his eyes finally settled on you and he was reminded of what he wanted in the first place, his sparkle was rekindled for just a moment which caused him to blurt out, “just fuck me already, i’m not asking for much.”

[wantaichi]

haikyuu + skincare hcs

ever think abt how they treat their skin? probably not. but like. do they wash their face like a normal person? have a 32 step skincare routine maybe??

msg me for any character who’s not here and i’ll drop their routine for u

masterlist.

karasuno

sugawara. lives up to his title as mr. refreshing. cleanses, tones, and moisturizes. !chefs kiss! keeps a jar of aloe vera face gel in his fridge, his mom had a spare. carries around a 100-sheet pack of oil film, more out of habit than of need. good skincare just makes him feel in control of his life, ok

ennoshita. fuckin’ spotless. part of the 0.0001% who don’t sweat easily. doesn’t have a complete regimen but never skips out on cleansing and toning before bed. actually reads the product ingredients and googles the benefits before buying. neutrogena type of guy. 

asahi. facial scrubs are his holy grail. like. dead skin? stubborn hair follicles? haha not on his watch ヾ( ･`⌓´･)ﾉﾞ trims his goatee every 3-4 week bc a well-groomed beard goes hand in hand with proper skincare. a sucker for aromatic products. lavender? shea butter? SOLD.

daichi. “healthy lifestyle is key to healthy skin“ typa dude. rly just thinks natural is the way to go. drinks 8 glasses of water, eats his veggies, exercises regularly, gets 8 hours of sleep. sounds like smth off wikihow if u ask me. probably is.

tsukishima. cetaphil hoe. brand loyalty embodied. on it for 5++ years, and never once considered switching. BUT. his routine ends at step 1. cleanse. and that’s it. the fuck he need a 32 step skincare routine for? long as he gets a day’s worth of grime and dirt off his face, he gucci

yamaguchi. sensitive skin’s got him constantly changing/exploring different products. rode on tsukki’s cetaphil agenda for the first few years of puberty (rly just out of curiousity) but dropped out when his skin got used to it. thinks pimple patches are a blessing to mankind.

tanaka. fuck. chaotic greasy. asks for oil film from suga just to stick it on his forehead, lets it stay there. uses whatever’s in the bathroom to wash off, aka majority of saeko’s products. got yelled at once to “get his greasy ass over here” and got slabbed with aztec healing clay mask. converted to clay mask hoe after 20 minutes. “mm this shit’s dope!”

nishinoya. fuck. chaotic greasy part ii. but make it baby face. only does skincare when chillin at the tanakas. homie got him to try the clay mask bc chick’s dig that. “bro, u mean the mask or boys who do the mask?” “both bro” “awshit bro gimme that” thinks splashing some water twice a week is enough

kageyama. ? this yalls mans? oblivious to the whole concept of skincare, only acknowledges general hygiene. uses whatever’s on the soap holder to wash his face. probably dove. doesnt really have much skin problems to begin with, only breaks out once a year. living proof that god has favorites.

hinata. only started taking skincare seriously that time a huge ass zit grew on his chin. yachi offered him her unfinished bottle of cosrx (she’s a hoarder and u kno it), and has since been giving him all her leftover bottles. basically gets to use good quality products for free smh

nekoma

kuroo. not very big on the idea of skincare per se, but supports any brand on that cruelty-free and vegan agenda. reads the product ingredients like a children’s book. “mm phenoxyethanol and retinyl palmitate.. i’ll take it.” always leaves the saleslady stunned.

kenma. too lazy to adopt a routine. but regularly uses his mom’s facial wash. you know. those mom brands. has a stash of facemasks from lev’s trip to korea —> only form of skincare he actually appreciates bc he can simultaneously play his games and be all bout dat self care 

lev. abuses his perks of having a sister. casually uses all alisa’s imported, high end stuff. la prairie. estee lauder. la mer. and she doesn’t mind bc her “levochka deserves all the finest things”. boujee ass russians

yaku. baby face. when god made it rain collagen, he was freestylin in a pool full of it while we was all sleepin. doesn’t exert much effort, just cleanses and tones bc it’s part of proper hygiene. girls envy him. parents in their 40s wanna be him. 

seijoh

oikawa. SKINCARE HOE KING. fuckin high maintenance. goes to the derma for his monthly laser facial treatment. on broke days, he settles for a diamond peel. skin so smooth it puts the entire female population to shame. spends his savings on those clinique eye creams. probably modeled for the face shop once

iwaizumi. homie reeks of male cleanser. might either dove men or nivea men. there’s no in between. oikawa internally screams everytime he witnesses his bff wash his face. two words. aggressive. rubbing. bordering on hostile he might actually skin his face off

mattsun and makki. fuck. drugstore cleansers. the ones that come in sachets. agreed to take turns in buying bundles for sharing. sometimes sneaks a pinch from oikawa’s clinique products when he’s not looking. haha dumb hoe. may have an addiction to charcoal nose pore strips just so they can compare blackheads

fukurodani

bokuto. buys whatever’s on sale idfk. genuinely wants to get on kuroo’s go green agenda but too lazy to look around the store. normally just uses the bubbles from his soap or shampoo. his belief: if it cleans his hands and his ass, then it can fuckin clean his face too

akaashi. healthy lifestyle + decent regimen = pretty skin. cleanses and tones. tried his mom’s aloe vera face gel once and got hooked. shit’s relaxing as hell. owns a bunch of facemasks, sometimes uses but keeps forgetting to take them off before falling asleep. uwu af

dateko

futakuchi. doesn’t have a routine cause “who tf needs that” and “obviously not me.” or so he says. secretly the biggest spender on skincare in all of dateko. owns a bunch of anti wrinkle products and probably one of those jade rollers. but no one needs to know that. just wants everyone to think he’s naturally pretty

aone. told by futakuchi that “knitting your brows too much causes premature wrinkles, but not like i’m an expert on that hhhahaha dont get me wrong.” can’t rly do anything bout it. he was born with that face. also buys whatever’s on sale

shiratorizawa

ushijima. surprisingly blemish free? but not entirely smooth? just spotless? basically a rock? never went past step 1: cleanse. never realized he’s been skipping out the 31 next steps. cetaphil hoe.

tendou. dry. crusty. compensates by sweating a lot through practice. might be effective if he’d stop leaving the foam on longer than recommended, thus leaving his skin dryer than his love life. yeah, i went there.

shirabu. flawless at first glance. until you lift those uneven ass bangs. tbh its nothing serious except “are we gonna ignore the fact that his whiteheads follow the shape of his bangs” as pointed out by tendou. uses whatever cleanser his mom buys for him

semi. decent skin care routine. a big boy who’s fairly knowledgeable on other brands outside cetaphil and dove/garnier/nivea men. takes him less than 5 minutes to pick a product bc he’s tried them all, knows what works, knows his skin type in and out. stan semi for clear skin.

see inarizaki + sakusa here

[yuiopiklmn]

hello :) can i request a sam winchester (if you’re doing him) one shot where the reader has some sort of ability that can help them so they start taking her along since she doesn’t have any family or a job and her and sam fall for each other? something fluffy bc i love sammy 🥺🥺

Sam Winchester One Shot (unless you want more)

Request above

Warnings: Language, and not edited

Parining: Sam Winchester x f!reader

Word Count: 1263

Make your own Request or just write it in "ask me anything"

More works by me

I came home from a very long night of studying at the library, and the moment I stepped into my dark apartment it smelled horrible. If it was one of my roommates cooking I wouldn’t be shocked but the moment the light turned on it shone on 3 dead bodies. The bodies of my roommates, my friends, and the only family I had left. They were my people and they laid dead with slash marks through their faces, and their hearts ripped from their chests. Tears were uncontrollably falling down my face as I called 911.

They hurried over and I answered all the questions I could. After their bodies were covered, and the police left I packed my things. Everything that could fit in a duffel I took and I left my apartment, the only home I’ve known for the past couple of years. I left a note on the counter for my landlord with the rent for this month. I drove down the streets late at night with my headlights as my only source of light, and a couple of traffic lights and street lamps, to the nearest hotel.

I got a key and headed straight to my room. Nobody questioned me as I slowly walked through the halls with tears still running down my face. I opened the door and threw my duffel on my bed before sliding down to the floor. I silently cried before falling asleep with my legs propped up and my head in my arms.

I woke up to a knock on my door. I looked in the bathroom mirror fixing myself up while yelling that I would be there in a minute. I opened the door and two handsome men stood opposite of me in black suits. They held up their badges which showed they were FBI. I welcomed them in, and while they took their seats I offered them a drink.

They explained that my landlord told them I’d be here and they asked many questions about last night, and I explained it the same way I did to the cops. They looked at each other and the taller one said, “Miss, can you tell us about anything that was out of the ordinary? Like any strange smells, or tiny bags.”

“I mean it smelled like a corpse, what am I supposed to say?” “Like, did it smell like sulfur?” chimed in the second one.

“No it didn't, all I know is that the moment I walked in and turned on the lights they were covered in slash marks and had their hearts ripped out. The police didn’t even acknowledge that, so why are you two curious?” “Well you may not believe us but we aren't the FBI, we are hunters, and we think that your roommates were attacked by a werewolf. My name is Sam and this is my brother Dean, we kill these things,” said ‘Sam’ “So you guys are telling me that you committed identity theft to get answers and to tell me they were attacked by something from Twilight.”

“Well the first part is correct, but things that lurk in the night are real. Witches, demons, vampires, werewolves, everything you can imagine,” Dean explained. “If I believe you then what do we do?”

“We kill the bastard that hurt your family.”

“I want to come with you guys.” “Sorry sweetheart, but you aren’t coming,” Dean said.

“Well sorry to disappoint you but I will get my revenge on whoever the hell did this to my family.”

“Dean, I think we should let her join.”

“Fine, you can come, but first may we know your name.” “My name is (Y/N).”

“Good to know, now let’s kill this son of a bitch.”

TIME SKIP

The monster was dead and it turns out it was one of my roommate's ex-boyfriends which I wasn’t surprised at.

Dean was talking to some chick and I sat by Sam at the bar, who I personally find hotter between the two even though all of the chicks were pulled more towards Dean.

“So what are you going to do now that the werewolf is dead?” He asked, and I turned my attention away from my drink to look at him. “Live life I guess, I miss them though. My roommates were everything to me and they were my only family left since my parents died in a car accident,” I answered.

“I know how you feel. My brother is all I got, yes he is a pain, but he has always been there for me since our parents died,” We looked at each other with sympathy and shared a smile, “What if you continued hunting with us? We have a nice place to live, you did really well without any hunting experience, and we could be your new family. What do you say, (Y/N)?”

“I say…..hell yeah let’s do it.” We raised our glasses and shared a quick ‘cheers’ before downing them.

After a couple more hours of drinks, and funny stories to keep the subject off of our lost, loved ones, we headed out. Dean agreed to letting me join and we headed to my hotel to pick up my stuff.

TIME SKIP AGAIN

I have been living with boys for quite some time and I became really good friends with their angel roommate named Castiel. I also learned that I had powers from Cas, specifically I was an angel. I found that really weird since I would’ve known if I had powers or at least I would’ve known I was an angel. He explained that since I didn’t know they were pushed and buried away, I had to train to gain them back. I worked really hard with him and I was able to heal people, mostly, and I had lots of practice since the boys got injured a lot.

After a while I also noticed that I had feelings for Sam. I wanted to tell him, but I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. Dean caught on pretty quickly and would tease me often, and since he cared about us both he encouraged me to tell him.

One day I walked up to him and pulled him into the kitchen for some privacy.

“Sam, we need to talk.”

“Is everything okay?” He looked at me with caring eyes and my heart did a flip.

“Yes, everything is okay…..I just wanted to tell you something.”

“Sure, anything, what’s up?” “I don’t want to ruin our friendship because it matters a lot to me, but I like you a lot. I realized this a bit ago and I-” I was cut off by a pair of lips that were attached to mine. I quickly kissed back, but he soon cut it short.

“I like you too.” He blushed while rubbing his neck.

“ABOUT TIME!!” Dean said while peeking his head by the door frame with Cas by his side.

“Dean what the hell!!” I said, very flustered.

“You both told me you liked each other and Cas and I made a bet on who would have the balls to ask the other person out....Cas pay up.” He looked at Cas with his hand out and Cas reached into his coat pocket and handed him $5.

“You guys were betting on us?!” Sam said.

“You better believe it brother and I won, you have no balls man.”

“Shut up!!” Sam andI were bright red, but then we all burst out laughing and it was one of the best days of my life.

A/N: Sorry if that made zero sense. I want to do all the requests I get, and I may not like Sam a whole lot because I’m a Dean girl. I still wanted to fulfill this lovely person’s request. I hope you enjoyed it. I might make a part 2 to “Visiting Austin” next so drop a follow, send in more requests, and leave a like. Also please check out “Angel” . It's a book I’ve been passionate about for almost 2 years now and I would love for you guys to read it. See you in the next thing I write. Bye my bumblebees!!!!

[jay-and-dean]

Not in love

(Dean x Reader)

This is a request from @acklesterritory​ :

Hey Jay. I think you know me by now. You got me hooked on your last series fic and you know it. I just wish for a Dean x Reader fic where the reader is just like 8 or 9 younger than Dean and love him to the moon and back, can take bullets for him but still don't want to admit it even to herself bc she thinks 1. He deserves better 2.She's not good for him 3. She got honor & hates to beg for love.

Warnings : Angst, Swearing, Smut.

Words : 7.3k (I know...)

Note : I took the liberty to insist on the “she doesn’t want to admit it, even to herself” because I thought it was very interesting. I really hope you like it, and @acklesterritory​, I’m sorry it took so long <3

Want to read more => ***MASTERLIST***

___________________

           You look across the room searching for familiar faces. Hiding behind your glass of this cheap whiskey they gave you, your back on the wall, you sigh.

           Flannel everywhere. A room full of hunters, that’s rare and, well, loud. You love hunting, it is your life and unlike most people, you regret nothing about it, yes it can be gloomy and dirty, but it's a life of adventures, where almost everything is possible.

           But hunters…

           That’s different. Most of them are machos, rude, lout. They only talk about guns and you don’t really like guns, they are necessary but you would never act like them : like a stupid kid collecting toys. They keep saying they are humble people, bragging about how simply they live only this glass and their gun, owning nothing else... but the truth is they are conceited bastards ; narrating their feats on a loop. They live in violence and it rubs off on them, nothing stays pure about them, and alcohol makes them smelly and moronic... The one you met before at least.

           No, you never liked hunters. And they never really liked you.

           You don’t talk to them if you don’t have to. You really don’t need sexist comments, or behaviors close to harassment, like you suffered a few times, so you just act like they were all the same. Bang the hunter chick… A fantasy for most of them. But yet, you tried two or three of them along the years, and no thank you. Sweat smelling selfish boors.

           When they don’t try to convince you to suck their dirty cocks, they make fun of you for hunting, just because you don't look like the typical monster killer. In the best case, they ignore you.

           Of course, there are some exceptions, and you started to meet the good ones. Like Jody. Maybe it is because she’s a woman, maybe it is because she isn’t a hunter for long but you really love that woman. And the hunters she introduced you to were always the kindest and smartest.

           Your eyes find Sam. Sam Winchester himself. He’s the biggest exception ; how can a man so good be a hunter ? His soft face remembering you of the good times you had together, his friendship enlightening your days with trust and joy.

           He looks at you and winks, you wink back of course. It’s his way to tell you he is with you -he knows you don't like this kind of event- and your way to tell him you’re good.

             But, to be honest, the only man you really want to talk to is always the same : Big brave impressive Dean Winchester. The other exception.

When you first met him, you really thought he was just like all of them. The first thing that made you change your mind was his smell : Dean doesn’t smell like old sweat and rancor, but like some delicious manly sweet boy. His face of course too : the man is so handsome you’re still not sure how he is even human and there is no ounce of stupidity on his features…

But the childish laughs and the touching fear of not being enough to be loved, the bravery of his soul and the nobility of his heart are what made you change your mind for good. He let you into his life, into his house and heart like he does so generously, that’s when you decided you needed him in your own life and became a devoted friend.

You lost him when you arrived the hunter funeral of some douche -at least you decided he must have been a douche- you never knew, and your eyes never found him again after that. You hate that. It’s really weird that need of knowing where Dean is all the time.

At least here you’re pretty sure he’s not hitting on some girl… Almost sure. What if he was ? Your heart races and your stomach make knots.

Oh shut up Y/n… He’s an adult, he does what pleases him.

You sigh and hesitate to go looking for him. You’ve been avoiding everyone for an hour, you're bored, and now, you miss your best friend anyway.

Your best friend. Not only your best friend, but the best friend. A friend that makes you breakfast because he knows your laziness can make you skip it when it’s too early, that holds your hand during horror movies, a friend that lets you take selfies with him, even if that makes him grumpy, and on most of your photos, you’re annoying a frowning Dean.

In a deep inhale, you decide to throw yourself in the crowd, holding your head high, and wearing that cold look of yours, the one you wear when you really don't want people to feel like they can approach you.

You find a bottle and pour some whiskey in your almost empty glass, that's when you hear it : Dean's captivating laugh. Turning around, you catch sight of the man you were looking for.

He's standing in the kitchen doorframe with a beer in his hand. Form this angle, you can see his slightly pointy ears and smile without pointing your finger on what makes you beam each time you see his face.

You hesitate for a second, you want to join him but he's talking to two of the type of men that you usually avoid. When you decide to leave him and maybe go back to your calm place next to the stairs, he turns his head to look at you, like one of the men had told him you were staring, and he smiles quietly.

"Y/n !" he calls you from across the room, making your heart beat a little faster.

He raises an arm and invites you to join them with his hand. After a short hesitation, you walk toward him. And as he always does, he welcomes you by wrapping his arm around your shoulders protectively.

"This is Y/n, she's the one who killed the freaking Kraken" he introduces you with a large grin, and for a second, you're mesmerized by the strength emanating from him. "Y/n, this is Leroy, and Mike."

The two men greet you and Mike eyes you from head to toe.

"I didn't know the famous Dean Winchester had a girlfriend" he says, and you know exactly what he's doing. This is not an innocent question, it's a territory question, but you’re not a property.

"Huh ? No she's not my girlfriend..." Dean starts and you roll your eyes.

Mikes downright laughs and you feel a needle going through your heart. What is so funny ? Thinking that a man like Dean could like you ? That a man like him would settle down ? Does he laugh because he thinks you're available ?...

"What's so funny, Mike ?" you snap sternly, making him stop right away.

Dean turns his gaze on you with that look again. A look you've seen a few times lately, but you can't read at all, like he needed to understand you, his deep green eyes searching your face. Something unreadable between confused and sure, between tender and angry... Puzzling.

You push Dean's arm and sigh, why is he acting like this anyway ? You take a sip of your drink and glimpse another unreadable look between the three men. Jeez you hate this kind of moments... Before Dean can say anything, Jody calls you and you take a deep relieved breath.

"Excuse me Deanie... Dean" you correct yourself. The last things you want is to give them anything else to talk about or to embarrass your friend.

"Tell me when you want me to drive you home" he says in a kind smile.

"Just... enjoy the... funeral" you say realizing how weird it sounds, but you know Dean doesn't have much occasions to meet other hunters.

After a smile, and a friendly touch of his arm, you leave, a little sad that you have to share him all the time, missing the days you had just the two of you last month, when Sam went on a "hunt" alone with Eileen.

The best days of your entire life... The first two days, you drank and played all the games Dean knows : pool, poker, some gambling in shady clubs, drinking games with the money you made... It was the first time you actually were drunk for 48 hours straight. The days after, you both just stayed at home, cooking for each other, watching lame movies in the Fortress of Deanitude, falling asleep close to each other like puppies... But after that, the weird look on his face appeared.

"Y/n" Jody puts a hand on your shoulder. "I was wondering where you were, I know you don't really like those kind of... event" she says kindly, filling up your glass. "But, hey... I should have known, of course you were with Dean" you really don't like the smile that appeared on her face.

"What does that mean ?" you frown.

"I mean... Dean and you" her smile won't fade despite the stern look on your face. "Come on !" she says a little annoyed now.

"Dean and I are friends" you state, your voice a little lower than usual.

"Yeah but..." she looks confused now. "Y/n... You like Dean, everyone in this room can see it, I mean it's written all over your face whenever he's in the room, and it’s… It’s cute, don’t…"

Your throat becomes tighter, and you can feel your palms sweat so you cut her.

"I don't" you turn to look at him and catch him looking back. "You're mistaking Jody. Dean is my best friend. He's not into relationships, and I'm not either."

"Yeah..." she nods. "Okay, I'm sorry Y/n. Just... Sam thought..."

"Sam !" you cut her. "You talked about this with Sammy ? Am I the only one not aware that I like Dean now ?"

"Y/n..." Jody tries when you rub your face with both hands.

But you leave. In an attempt to hide the anger raging inside of you, you mutter something about going to the bathroom before walking to the stairs.

 ***

 Loving Dean... No she said liking Dean but whatever, that's stupid. Dean is... It would be like loving the Sun, it just doesn’t make sense. And you're not a desperate teenager, good thing you don't love, no like, Dean, because you wouldn't even tell him anyway.

You find the bathroom and sit on the edge of the bathtub. What did Sam say to Jody ? What did he say to Dean ? At this thought your breath shakes.

"Y/n ?" Sam's voice calls you through the door. "Can I come in ?"

"What if I say no ?" you mutter and he enters.

His too tall frame takes all the tiny room all of sudden, and looking at him from so low doesn't help, but he squats to face you.

"Are you okay ?" he asks with too much caution and it makes you roll your eyes.

"Why wouldn't I be ? I just needed space for a second, Sam.”

"From Jody ?"

You sigh, not knowing what to answer to that.

"Yeah I know you...” he continues. “You don't run to hide in bathroom when everything is okay" he searches your face.

"I didn't run" you protest kindly. Seeing he won't stop looking for answers in your eyes, you just shrug. "She said something... It's not her fault."

"Was it about Dean ?"

"Wh-... What do you all have with Dean ?" you protest but your next words get stuck in your throat when the man you're talking about is standing right behind Sam.

"Sam" he says and his brother just gets up, like he had nothing more to say to make him leave the two of you alone.

Sam touches your shoulder like you had been through something lately and walks away. When he's out, Dean closes the door and sits next to you on the bathtub in a little grunt, his thigh against yours.

"I told Sammy to let you alone, but you know him, he never listens to me" he gives you a corner smile. "He thought something was bothering you..."

"Nothing is bothering me" you say.

"That's what I told him, because I know when you need your space, you really want to be alone... But I also know you have something on your mind" his hand finds your leg.

Why does he do that ? Now Jody put those things on your mind, you are aware of every one of his gesture. Does he think you lo-like him too ? Is he trying to seduce you ? To sleep with you maybe... Is it his fault you can't take him off of your mind ? Did he somehow, put ideas in your head too ?

It’s true that lately, he’s been closer to you. He’s attentive and sweet, somehow, he acts like you two shared a bond the others don’t understand ; but do you ? That time you got out of the cinema together, he had this weird pause, was he trying to ask you something ? Dean and you are really good friends, and for a long time, you noticed opening up to him is easier than with other people. And it's both ways. You’re the only one Dean talked about Mary for example, when she came back, when she left them, when she died… Again.

Maybe people are just mistaking a perfectly good friendship with flirting. Why does that makes you that angry ? Maybe because the idea of Dean and you together is just insane : He’s Dean Winchester, if he ever chose to be in a relationship, it will be with someone worth it…

You look at his hand and realize your lips made a thin line. You remember falling asleep next to him to wake up in his arms, you never really thought of that, it was just natural, but do friends do that ? He has to stop making this friendship weird. And that unreadable look…

"What did Jody say, I saw your face change" he gives you his drink, for you to take a sip of it.

You can't tell him.

“Nothing special, she was kind as usual” you just shrug.

“Yeah, she is, that doesn’t prevent her to be clumsy… Was it about your dad ?” he asks.

Your lips forms a corner smile, he’s the first one to not bring up… well… himself.

           Dean is the only one you talked about your dad in details. He was a hunter, a weird kind of hunter : he only went after demons, with books and exorcisms, you don’t think he ever touched a gun or knife, with his glasses and skin frame. He looked more like an exorcist from what you recall, and he had a regular job too, at the museum. You never really asked how he acknowledge demons, but you always imagined him finding books and ancient spells all alone at night in the museum library… Like in movies. He was quite a joke among hunters, despite the amount of successful exorcisms he proceeded. He died when you were seven anyway, and your life went down closer to Hell since then. Until you met Dean… and Sam.

“I know you’re uncomfortable around hunters, and that one or two of them made fun of your father…” Dean continues.

“It wasn’t about my dad” you just say, wanting to rest your head on his shoulder like you often do, but not daring this time.

“Okay… Was it about me ?”

You frown : not him !

“Why would that be about you Deanie ?” You put on your mocking smile. “Not everything is about you.”

“You were saying something about me when I came in.”

Your smile dies and you look down. He’s Dean, you never lied to him.

“Jody just said we were always together…”

“And ?” he asks, obviously having no idea how that could bother you.

“Like it was, I don’t know, fishy…” you complete your sentence.

He grins and bumps your leg with his.

“Does she think we’re having sex and stuff ?” he wiggles his eyebrows, which usually makes you laugh but this time his words hurt your guts.

“That’s ridiculous” you sigh.

“Is it ?” Dean just pouts making your blood boil.

“Wh- You’re… Jesus Dean !” You get up to free your thigh from his warmth. “You’re incredible !”

“In the good way ?” he cautiously asks making you groan. “Oh…no, bad way.”

He gets up, trying to take your hand, but you put both of them under your back.

“Why do you act like that ?” he frowns.

“Why do you act like that !”

“What ? I act as usual !” his eyes search yours.

You don’t answer, and look down. What can you tell him ? Do you really want him to back off ? Probably not.

“I’ll take you home” he says.

“No. No, Dean, I’m okay, really, go talk to people, I’ll take another drink and…”

“I don’t like it here either” he cuts you. “I don’t fit here, and people don’t stop asking me about the Demon part of my life, I don’t know how they heard that… Or Hell, Purgatory. I feel like… I don’t know… People admire me for Hell, but I…”

“Yes” you just say, knowing he’s talking about him torturing souls, about the fact that he will never forgive himself for saying yes to Alistair.

“And they think the Demon thing is funny” he chuckles to hide the pain. “The worse is, I know at some point I would have like them, but now, after all that…I don’t know, I just don’t fit in.”

“I’m sorry” you say, finally reaching his hand, you know Dean really don’t like people reminding him about those days. You sigh, the idea of him hurt way more unbearable than the touches you want to avoid. “Two hours drive, we still can watch a movie when we’re home.”

“I’ll take my jacket” he smiles, putting his hand on your back to lead you outside.

           He got you just like that. You were determined to stop being so close to him, and just with a heartbreaking word, he got you asking for more…

           You go down the stairs just before him, trying to swallow the pain in your throat, what is this freaking pain anyway ? Your best friend is awesome, nothing sucks about it, and people can think what they want.

“My my… Dean Winchester and his “not girlfriend” coming out of the bathroom where they locked themselves together” Mike says and Leroy laughs along with a few other guys.

Before you can think, you take three quick steps toward him and punch him, triggering a chain reaction : He is taken aback but his friends take a threatening step toward you. Dean pushes you back to place himself in front of you. Silence falls, and Sam appears on your side.

“Are you crazy !” Leroy yells, checking his friend’s bleeding lip. “It was just a joke !”

“Maybe she’s just tired of your jokes” Dean states, annoying Mike who’s already furious with pain and humiliation.

“Keep your bitch on a leash, Winchester” he spits but Dean’s fist makes him fall on his butt this time.

“Dean !” you call, afraid he will go to a fight.

“STOP !” Sam shouts. “This is funeral, let’s cool down. We’re leaving… We’re leaving” he repeats with his hands open at shoulder height. “Dean. Now.”

           Dean grabs your arm and follows Sam outside, his face his stern and you can’t read how much he’s mad at you. He opens the door to you, and you sit in the backseat with your heart in the back of your throat, it was your turn to be shotgun.

           You wipe the few tears that overflow your defenses in your sleeves during the ride, trying not to think too much about how it hurts to know he’s mad at you, trying to keep your thoughts logical, and not indulge in stupid fantasies.

           Sam tried to talk about the event but Dean just cut him with a grunt that means shut up, put some music, and focused on the road.

 ***

             By the time Dean’s precious car enters the garage, you’re still not sure what to think, and what to do. You look at him in the rear-view mirror, but there is nothing you can read, his bright eyes are lost in front of him.

           When the engine stops, you get out of the car in a sigh, looking at your hurt hand. You know you shouldn’t have reacted like that, but to be honest, you really have no control of your emotions lately.

           Dean just walks out of the garage without a word, that’s when you realize he’s not just pissed, but furious. Your stomach contracts in pain and fear. The idea of Dean, your Dean, that man you would die for, being angry at you, thinking bad things about you, it makes you nauseous.

What if you had lost him ? In the bathroom, you were hard on him but he was so sweet, he always is with you… Now you obviously crossed a line, and you don’t even know which one.

You don’t even remember why you were so hard on him… Oh yes, because he’s too friendly, too close.

What kind of reason is it ?

           Sam waits for you, forbidding you to finally cry like you desperately need to.

“Y/n…”

“I know, I’m sorry Sam” you sigh, trying to escape a talk you really don’t want to have.

“Just talk to Dean…”

You let out a dark chuckle.

“No, Sam. I’ll just let him alone, he’s obviously mad at me.”

“You know Dean practically as much as I do… You know he’s hurt” Sam says and it’s like a punch in your heart.

Why would he be hurt ? Nothing makes sense. Maybe after he told you how rough the night was for him, he hoped that you would just be here for him, and not make a scene… Dean doesn’t open up often, but when he does, he needs you to be there.

           Maybe Sam is right, it’s time to make things about him, and not you. You could die for him, you could go to Hell for him… So you can face his anger.

 ***

           Entering your room, you sigh. Thinking of Jody’s words, you rub your face.

           His bathrobe is on your bed from the las time you wore it, just before you left for the funeral. Now you think of it, you always wear it.

One of his t-shirt is there too, and another on the chair, you know there are at least three others on your closet… How did you end up with half Dean’s clothes in your bedroom ? Oh, right, it’s because you’re always in his room, and change here when you decide to stay for the night after the third movie ended and he fell asleep during it.

           You look around. When you hanged this photo of him on your wall, you managed to convince yourself that it was to annoy him, because he doesn’t like it : he was sleepy and makes a weird face on it. But he got used to it, and you never removed it from your wall. That seems weird now.

           And this little bowl on your desk… Looking at it, you realize it is filled with only Dean : Theater tickets from when he invited you to watch Star Wars, the button that got ripped from his flannel and that you never fixed, an identity picture you stole from the last fake idea he made…

           You have an old tape player here, you bought it when he made you one, with songs he thought you would like, and your Ipod is abandoned on the side of it since then…

           Everything you have here is linked to Dean. Maybe you have to admit he’s way more important than you think, maybe you missed something.

           You sigh again, he deserves better. You owe him an explanation, and if he’s angry, you’ll listen to him anyway. He’s Dean, and he’s everything to you. It’s impossible to explain, but you can’t let him be hurt if he is.

 ***

             You knock, waiting with apprehension. Thinking maybe he will grunt, yell, ignore you. But he just opens the door with a stern face, staying in the door frame. You’re not welcome, and that alone hurts.

“What do you want Y/n ?” he asks harshly.

Your blood run colds, you search his beautiful green eyes, but he closed the gate to his soul.

“I’m sorry for… you know making a scene.”

“It’s okay” he states, starting to close the door.

“Dean, wait…” you half panic, but when he turns toward you again, you have no idea what to say. “Dean…”

“I know my name” he says.

And his ice-cold words make you mute. You look down.

“Sorry” you mutter.

“The last t-shirt you took is one I like, please bring my robe when you give it back” he adds, closing the door.

 ***

             Your tears fall on the t-shirt in your hands, you did lose him for good. But why ? How did you manage to screw the only thing that matters ?

           Dean is not unfair, so there is a reason he’s furious. But in the din of your heart breaking, you can’t think clearly. Maybe he realized your friendship wasn’t healthy, but why did he agreed to watch movies back in the bathroom ? Maybe he guessed you love, no, like him…

           You sniff in the t-shirt, his smell somehow calming you. You already miss him so bad it hurts, living without this friendship will be close to Hell…

           But you deserve what’s happening, or –better- you never deserved him. It’s Dean freaking Winchester, this man is a diamond soul wrapped in a masterpiece body, more precious than the stars… And he gave you his friendship. What did you do to thank him ? Reject his touch, embarrass him, and involve him to a fight for nothing.

 ***

             You put the neatly folded t-shirts and bathrobe next to him on the kitchen table, trying to avoid looking at him so he doesn’t notice your eyes are red from crying all night.

“Hi, thank you” he says, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Sorry for keeping them” you mutter, still hoping a little that he will add something, maybe even something nice, but his mouth stays shut.

             His mouth stays shut all day.

           Walking in the too big bunker, you try not to cry again. It’s silent, you don’t dare playing music like you sometimes do, or going to the Dean-cave to watch a movie ; what movie anyway ? The only ones you said you would watch, you want to do with Dean. You can’t focus on reading and you already checked social media twice, not interesting, he is not on it…

           You miss him. You miss him like crazy, and your heart weights two hundred pounds. You will be erased easily, Dean lost people so dear to him, get rid of a bad friend shouldn’t be a problem. That’s at least some consolation : you hurt him but it won’t last. For you in the other hand… It’s like there has been no sunrise today, like night never stopped. You saw the daylight outside, but it didn’t reach you at all.

And when night falls for real, sadness invites a friend of his : fear wraps its ice hands around your neck, whispering in your ear : What if he went out ?

           Dean going out was never an idea you liked, because you’re possessive maybe, and like to have him spending evenings with you. You fought that idea with all your strength because it was just a childish whim, but it never faded. So you always made sure he had something funnier to do at home, and it worked almost each time.

           But now he’s mad, you suddenly feel the anxiety sharpen its blade. And a new thought hatches in your head…

The idea of him making love to someone terrifies you.

Why ?

… Because you are in love with him.

I love him so much…

             Your head falls loudly on the kitchen table and you whine at the screams of your heart. It hurts, it hurts more than a demon punch, more than a monster breaking your bones, more than losing your family… more than anything.

           Loving Dean… You don’t even deserve to feel this way about him. You will never be anything close to good enough for him.

Stupid.

           A noise makes you lift your eyes shyly off the table and the fear and the sadness tighten their grip on your throat.

Dean is here.

           He finally got out of his bedroom to eat something, opening the fridge, he doesn’t look at you.

“Did you eat something today Y/n ?” he asks, his body mostly hidden by the big door.

“Y-yes” you try to lie, but your voice breaks and he closes the door to finally look at you.

He searches your face, but when you feel tears threatening to soak your cheeks, you look down and put your hand on your forehead to hide, pretending you’re just resting your head on your fingers.

“I’m sorry” he states in a sigh, like he knew for sure he was the one making you cry… Like he did it on purpose.

“You did nothing wrong” you whisper, knowing your voice will betray you again.

He sighs deeply, staying there, in the middle of the kitchen, and you pray he will just leave soon to his room, because holding back the tears is becoming impossible. But he stays here, you can feel his presence even if you don’t see him, and hear his breathing in the deadly silence.

           After a very long minute, you clear your voice a little and lift your head, unable to hide the pained frown on your face.

“It’s okay, Dean, you don’t have to stay here, I just… I just have a headache” you lie.

Usually, you would talk to him, he has always been your best friend, but right now what can you say ?

I love you…

That’s insane.

“Listen…” he starts low, rubbing his face. “We can’t… We can’t go on like this.” His words are like broken glass in your ears, you don’t even know what he is talking about. “I will… I will leave for a few days, weeks… I…”

“What !” You can’t hide the panic, anger slowly replacing sadness in your chest.

“It will be better for the two of us” he states, hurt all over his perfect face.

But nothing can be better without him, you already didn’t bear him being away when you didn’t acknowledge your love for him…

“Better ?” you almost snarl. “What is this even about Dean ?” You get up, feeling your blood boil as you lean on the table with both hands. “I’m sorry I made a scene but… What the… Why the hell are you so mad at me !”

“I’m mad because you find it so repulsive to be with me, that you punch people who insinuates it !” he raises his voice now, his right hand open toward you, the gesture he has when he’s about to consume with anger.

Your eyes widen.

“What ?”

“You know what I’m talking about Y/n ! You…” he looks at the ceiling biting his lower lip, like he was weighting his words. “What is the problem with Jody saying we are always together ? Huh ? WE ARE !”

When he finally yells, you close your eyes hard, like when someone hits you, and the tears you’ve been so cautiously holding back fall heavily on your cheeks. But he doesn’t stop, pointing his finger at you.

“What is the problem with people thinking we are together Y/n ! We… We fucking act like we were for months ! Now you know how terrified I am by what we have, you know me ! You know everything Y/n ! I told you fucking everything ! GAVE you everything !”

Tears appear in his eyes and he takes a deep breath, wiping his cheeks with one hand.

“Just… Make up your mind” he says low, anger suddenly vanished from his voice to leave there just sadness. “I-if you’re so repulsed by the idea of being… I… You can’t look at me like I was your future, then lock yourself in a bathroom because people noticed.”

“Dean…” you have no other words.

“Sammy keeps joking about me being so slow to make a move…” he lets out a dark chuckle then shakes his head. “I have no idea what you want from me… I have nothing left to give you. I… I try to read you, but…” a big unique tear falls from his eyes again.

“I think I love you” you bite your lip at what just escaped it.

“Well until you know…” he whispers like that wasn’t a scoop, making you gasp. “I can’t go on like this.”

He turns to leave but you run after him, unable to let him leave you like that, still stunned by his words.

“Dean ! I do… I do” you sob. “I’m sure !”

You grab his shoulders and stand before him, searching his face for a moment before letting your head fall on his chest to sob, like you’ve been dreaming of all day.

“I’m sorry… I do… I love you like crazy…”

He puts a hand on your neck and you feel his chest shake a little, like he was holding back a sob or a scream. He smells so good…

           And you both stay here for a moment, you’re unable to look up, terrified by what you could see in his eyes, trying to proceed what he just said, what it means… You’re playing memories in your head, and it’s like you saw them with light for the first time… Dean wanted to kiss you this night after the movie, when he took your hand in his on your way to the car… He wanted to kiss you.

           You take a deep breath and look up, immediately finding his piercing green eyes staring back at you. And, gathering your courage, you lift your body on your tip toes, shyly putting your lips on his.

           You didn’t know you were craving for it so much.

When he bends his head slightly to crush his plumb lips on yours, you heart skips a beat, and a new fire burst inside you. He cups your face, nibbling at your lower lip with his tongue joining his teeth. You take a shaky breath, your lips parting slowly.

You can feel anger still irradiating of him, his hands roughly grabbing the side of your face to deepen the kiss. His tongue is conquering, his fingers could bruise you.

“I know you’re a proud woman, and… I really like this about you” he almost groans between burning kisses. “But this was…”

He doesn’t finish, lifting your thighs strongly to wrap them around his waist. Your fingers are in his hair and you let his smell invade your every thoughts.

           Will you really make love to your best friend ? Will you really welcome him between your legs ? Let him sink inside you… Your stomach shake, and you a burning feeling strikes your core powerfully, your inner walls clench.

“Dean… I want you” you let out in a moan, the only feeling of his body keeping your legs open making you see stars.

           He starts walking, somehow managing to hold you and kiss you, his hands digging in your ass cheeks, and the delicious steady dance of his footsteps making your crotch brush his lower stomach.

           When he enters his bedroom, closing it with his foot behind him, you put your forehead on his, pushing it back slightly to make him look up and reach his lips. His unbelievably soft lips.

           He throws you on his bed, managing to place you in the middle of it, before he crawls on top of you.

           Dean, your Dean… crawling up between your legs, his lips swollen by your kisses, and his eyes devouring you. You never felt anything more intense. Tears fill your eyes : Sex, you know, but love ? You weren’t even that nervous on your first time.

           His lips reach your neck, he kisses, licks, nibbles at your collarbone and jaw. He’s feasting. And you want to explore this body you love so much, but your hands are glued to his head for now, unable to really realize that this man laying between your legs is actually Dean.

“Those evenings with you…” he full on groans now. “Those nights having you close, smelling you…” he’s opening his belt, his delicious mouth still on your shivering skin.

“I…” you know you have to say something, but everything that comes to your mind seems dumb. “I wanted you to touch me… But you…”

He sits on his ankles to take off his flannel and shirt, and your words are lost.

           Throwing it across the room, he let his body fall on yours again, only keeping his weight from crushing you with a hand next to your face.

“But I ?” he asks when your shy palms finally dare to explore his chest.

“But you…” it’s your turn to kiss his neck now, stealing a moan from him. At this sound you feel another earthquake down your core. “You’re Dean…” you pant. “You’re Dean freaking Winchester.”

“What does that even mean” he groans low.

But he lifts your shirt, and you feel like a virgin, your shaking hands helping him to get you out of your close. You lose your voice, unable to tell him what it means exactly, to tell him how impressive he is, how brave, how heroic, how beautiful… To tell him how ridiculous the idea of him wanting you seemed, how he deserves the world, how scared you were to love him…

           It’s not your body that makes you shy : he knows it already. Those scars, he saw them when they were still held by stiches, the little fat around your belly, he held it so often in his hands, during fight, while patching you up, during your nights in his arms… What makes you shy is that need, that hunger irradiating of him, your craving for that intimacy with the man you love.

           You close your eyes a second, just to bath your senses in his touches, in his smell ; and when you open it again, he’s tugging at your pants.

           You gasp when your panties roll down with it.

           You gasp when his teeth nibble at your inner thighs.

           You gasp again when he kisses your folds.

“Dean !” you cry out.

He hums, his tongue tasting you softly and your eyes roll inside your skull.

“Finally” he mutters before another lick, surer, more firm. “Finally.”

           You once read that sexual pleasure was strongly increased when love was involved, it left you wondering, you never knew love after all…

           Now you’re already shaking, trying to hold back the jerks of your hips, while Dean is soaking his mouth and chin on you, his tongue and lips sharing your clit.

“Dean !” you grab the sheets, looking down at him.

           But before you can fall of the edge, he crawls up your body again, kissing you fiercely, making you taste yourself on his lips. You never tasted yourself… And you blush at how much you like it.

           One of his hand grabs your thigh strongly to keep it up on his hip, and the other finds your hand.

           Staring deep in your eyes, he intertwines his fingers with yours, an expression of awe on his features. You can’t stop staring at him, at how that fearless warrior is now gentle. Dean needs love, he needs touches and he craves for that tenderness he barely received in his oh so dark life.

“I love you” you whisper.

“I love you” he answers with his lips grazing yours, and your heart grows the size of the galaxy.

           The hand holding your thigh let go for a moment to slip between you, and the motion itself rekindles that coil in your belly.

“Shit…” he groans, letting his head fall on your shoulder.

“Dean ?”

“I don’t have a condom…”

“Shit !” your voice echoes him. “I… I’m on birth control and I’m very clean… You ?”

“I am too but if you don’t want to…”

“I want !” you answer a little too quick. “I… I really need you.”

           He lifts your head, a tender smile on his face.

“Oh now you need me ?”

Before you can say anything, the tip of his cock teases your entrance and you gasp, clinging to his back, your finger enjoying the firm moves of his muscles. He pushes in slowly, shallowly thrusting, letting your body time to adjust him inch by inch… It’s already so much, and your head digs in the pillow in shaky moans.

“Fuck…” he whines.

           After another minute of grinding softly, of kisses on your open mouth, of whispered curses, he bottoms out.

           In a loud moan, your hands grab his ass but meet his jeans, still up on half of it, so they roam the curve of his lower back, and the sensual dance of it. He’s there, on you, in you, and you can feel everything. His chest becomes sticky from sweat, and drag your hard nipples in the slightly up and down movements of it.

           He’s making love to you. Dean. Your Dean. His moans in your ear, his fingers squeezing yours, his cock twitching inside of you…

           You let your knees fall apart from each other, enjoying the weight of the man you love caging you with his huge body. And you lose control…

           You cry out and he groans in return, starting to thrust stronger, faster. Your walls are fluttering hard, your whole body burns… And you come in a strangled gasp, both losing track of the world completely, and perfectly aware of his gasps, and the ropes of cum coating the deepest parts of you.

“Y/n !” he groans in your neck, his hips still grinding on yours.

           It is true : Sex is really different when love is involved.

           He stays here for a minute, his body slowly stilling, panting hidden in your neck, your loving hands in his sweaty hair, softening inside you like he didn’t want to leave, ever, and almost crushing you…

           After a while, he finally move, probably earing your breathing whistle a little, and lays on his side, facing you, an arm still wrapped around you.

“People will talk about us” he says low.

“I don’t care…” you smile, your guilt probably visible on it.

“Now you don’t care that people know ?” he chuckles softly, pushing a strand of your hair out of your face.

“I was the one that wasn’t ready to know… I am now. I am in love with you.”

He pecks your lips.

“And I am with you, now, please… will you stay tonight ?”

“Yes.”

“Forever ?”

“Sure.”

_____________________________

***FEEDBACK IS GOLD***

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[snarkwriteswrasslin]

sprung spring | take you home; adam page [m]

Prompt Used:

  “I’ll feel much better if you let me walk you home.” + comfort sex + drunk sloppy sex + “Oh my god you’re so much better than the last person I was with.” + A breathy demand: “Kiss me” - and what the other person does to respond. + needy/clingy sex

Notes: 

Okay, so… I have literally… Never… used my given name in a work of fiction before and… ya girl found out it’s hard to write dirty things when the OC has your name. Pure self indulgent smut because fuckkit yolo, I needed this. Some of the dialogue prompted above was changed to reflect the situation these two were placed in, fyi. This is mature content, so nobody under 18+ up in these parts. Also, I owe a serious hug to @heelsamizayn​ & @wrestlingismyguiltypleasure​ because no matter how many times I whined and bitched and got all squirmy whilst writing this, they really kept me going and I love them for that.

Warnings: 

alcohol tw ( it’s the OC this time), clingy unprotected sex, sawwwft!Adam, lots of teasing (and hopefully tension, I was  really trying to play at heightening that here) and yeahhh.. It’s tame. I promise ya’ll… I’m going to write actual harder / filthier prompts, I just… had a mighty need. Anyway, that’s all the warnings.

Pairing: 

Adam Hangman Page x OFC, Ashley

Ashley narrowed her eyes at the bottle before glancing up at Shane and shaking her head. “I-I’m good.”

“Aw, c’mon hon. It’s just a little drink.” Shane was stepping closer, right in her space all over again. He’d been plying her with drinks and trying to get her to dance or talk to him -or the most annoying request he’d made so far, “Smile, darlin. Ya look prettier when ya do.” and it was starting to rub him the wrong way, the way she kept resisting. She could almost feel it radiating off of him.

Ashley was at that state of drunk where it was more annoying than endearing and now that it seemed to be irritating him that she wouldn’t just give in, it only gave her all the more reason to resist. It wasn’t as if it wasn’t almost cringe inducingly clear what the asshole thought he was doing and she just wasn’t having it.

At all.

Not even slightly.

Rather than even partially entertain his offer for another drink or to go dance with him, Ashley sighed and rolled her eyes in sheer boredom, taking the drink and taking a sip as she scrolled through her contacts list.

As usual, she hovered over Adam’s number in her phone and that loneliness crept in all over again. More pronounced. More tinged with regret.

She found herself missing him so much that before she even realized it, she’d pulled up the text bubble from their last text conversation and she found herself grimacing at the date.

Had they really not spoken at all in nearly 3 weeks?

And then Ashley found herself going back over the last time they had spoken face to face. Before she realized the true depths of her feelings and Adam drunkenly tried to kiss her and in a blind panic, she’d backed away.

Not because she hadn’t wanted him to kiss her, but because she’d been afraid of what might happen if he did kiss her.

And now, Ashley thought bitterly, hugging herself a little as the thought came, I’m lucky to get a Hi, how are you over text out of him..

With a sigh, she finished scanning their last brief text conversation and then, when Shane cleared his throat impatiently, she remembered that apparently, this guy expected her to pay all her attention to him and she put her phone down. Biting her lip, she settled warm brown eyes on the other man.

“I asked ya if you wanted to dance, darlin. They’re kinda playin our song.” Shane chuckled, holding out his hand. When she started to shake her head no, he gave her a sort of put off glare and muttered something to himself about tonight being a complete waste. All his buddies told him not to walk over and try talking to her; they all told him she was bound tighter than molasses from the knees down and every single night she’d come in this week so far, she’d managed to shoot down anyone who thought they might possibly stand a chance of takin her home. I clearly should’ve listened, Shane found himself thinking, because now I’m out fifty bucks and she looks more annoyed with me each second that passes and that real gorgeous chick I know I coulda won over left an hour ago with Greg.

“W-we don’t have a s-song?” Ashley’s brow quirked and she shook her head, holding up her glass. “I-i’m good, actually.” Ashley muttered as she took a long sip.

Moron, do you seriously think I want to dance to this song… with you? Because no. Ashley thought to herself as she glanced around the crowded bar, face falling when she remembered that Adam wasn’t in town right now, he was on the road. When Ashley realized what Shane had just muttered about the night being a total waste, she mildly shrugged. “I-i don’t r-recall askin y-you t-to come up n’ t-try pourin the booze to me, either. Play s-stupid games, w-win stupid p-prizes.”

As Shane grumbled “Fine, suit yourself, darlin. Don’t come lookin for me when it’s late and you can’t find a ride home.” and made his way onto his next target, Ashley let out a long and deep breath, blowing at dark bangs as they flopped right into her eyes, laughing off Shane’s words.

She went back to her phone, scrolling through her contacts.

“Maybe Shayna’s up.” Ashley mused to herself as she pulled up what she thought was a text conversation she’d been having with her friend earlier in the day while they were both stuck in their office working through lunch.

What she didn’t realize -and wouldn’t just yet, was that she hadn’t texted Shayna at all.

She’d texted Adam… The subject of the earlier conversation.

→ First of all, pretty sure I just completely eviscerated this one guy’s poor ego. *eye roll*. Guess whose NOT having the sex right now bc she gets mouthy when she drinks?

→ This bitch, that’s whomst. In my defense, he was the one who kept pouring the drinks to me. I just took ‘em. You know me, guy stood about as much a chance as… Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I chased him off. Like usual when we’re out at this bar.

→ But seriously though.. Maybe it’s the alcohol and the fact that I’m lonely and I’m salty because I’m not getting cuddles rn like youuuuu but…

→ Okay, u were right earlier.

→ It’s late and I’m drunk, otherwise I’d never say that. Maybe a little lonely too. Enjoy your shallow victory and the sex you’re probably getting rn, lmao. ILY Shayna!

→ I know ur probably busy with Samuel - sexy times and all that but… You win. You’re right.

→ I love him and god… I miss him so much it’s making me an even bigger bitch lately, so.. Sorry for that I guess. I wish I’d just… Kissed him back. Climbed him like an actual tree, giant he is… Shoved him against the wall, tangled my fingers in that hair and tugged his mouth against mine. Maybe even rubbed myself against him a lil bit too, just to see if that yummy cologne he wears all the time rubs off. At least then I’d… Well, I sure as shit wouldn’t be sitting here, shooting down pushy douchebag assholes and drinking alone.

→ Anyway, have your moment. I love Adam Page. I always have and it scares the living hell out of me. You were right. Now there’s only one problem… How do I make the big idiot answer my calls?!?

→ don’t answer that rn. Tomorrow… When drunk Ashley isn’t out and doing dumb shit and can think clearly.

→ Okay, no… answer meeee… I just… I need to know what to do here? Pls. I beg of you. If you don’t answer me, I swear to God, I’m gonna wind up drunk dialing.. >.>

–

The cell phone was going batshit crazy on the bathroom counter and Adam mostly ignored it in favor of soaking under a long hot shower. It had been a long drive; made longer by the fact that he was all beaten and banged up from the past few shows but trying to soldier through as usual. Parts of him admittedly ignored the phone because he thought it was most likely one of three people and none of them he wanted to talk to right now.

No, Adam thought to himself, the one I wanna talk to more than anything I can’t talk to now… He sighed as he thought about the way he got too drunk; out of control. He’d tried to kiss her that night and just the sheer look of panic in big brown eyes right before she bolted the hell away in a hurry had been more than enough to make him realize where he stood.

He couldn’t face her after that either, so he’d been keeping a low profile. Trying to distance from… his actions.

Just thinking about it had him both cringing and feeling that raw surge of pain he felt that night all over again, fresh as ever.

She hadn’t texted him or tried calling either, so that only further confirmed his suspicions. And now, Adam thought to himself as the phone buzzed one last time and he stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist after drying off his face, you lost your best friend. The one you could talk to about anything. You messed that up. Being a jerk that night and coming on way too strong.

He picked up his cell phone only halfway glancing at it at first. But when he actually read all the messages, he wound up dropping the phone on the bathroom tiles with a quiet thud. Then he stood there, trying to get his head around everything he’d just read, all the texts from Ashley to what she apparently thought was her best friend Shayna.

About him.

He took several deep breaths and then got himself at least partially together before even attempting to answer the barrage of texts.

← Where are you?

← Are you drunk right now?

At re-reading that her shooting down men when she went out with Shayna was apparently a common thing, Adam let out a few shakier breaths and bit his lip, raising a hand to his head and dragging thick digits through damp hair as he let it sink in.

Blue eyes scanned the next message after hitting send.

← Nevermind, screw it.

← I’ll be there in 10.

← And me and  you? We’re gonna have ourselves a serious talk.

After throwing back on the jeans and tee shirt he’d had on before showering, he grabbed his keys and headed out. He knew the bar she always went to because they’d hung out there on more than one occasion.

“Bastard who was pourin the drinks to her better hope he’s long gone when I get there.” Adam muttered as protective urges reared their head and he found himself more than a little worried. Ashley wasn’t a drinker by any stretch of the imagination. And given the rambling in the texts she thought she’d sent to Shayna just now, it was.. A safe guess that she was at least two thirds of the way to being too drunk to function.

And it had him more than a little concerned because he knew how the guys at this particular bar got when they saw a pretty girl sitting there, drinking alone. His grip tightened on the wheel as he sped towards the bar in question.

When he was in the parking lot, he tried to call her cell phone but it went straight to voicemail. Without wasting any time, Adam killed the engine to his truck and got out, hurrying into the bar, blue eyes darting around all over as he tried to pick her out in the crowd.

Maybe she hadn’t left yet. God, he could only hope.

–

“I-i’m gonna stop you right there. Just because I-i’m a lil tipsy right now..” Ashley stared up at the man who’d taken the seat next to her at the bar after Shane vacated in a hurry earlier. “Don’t mean I want any part of y-you.”

“Aw, c’mon darlin. Pretty little thing like you shouldn’t be sittin here, drinkin all alone. C’mon.”

“I’d a-actually prefer it, if you w-want the honest G-god’s truth.” Ashley waved over the bartender, signalling for more bourbon in her glass. She fixed her eyes on the man and raised the glass to her lips. “Thanks f-for the drink though.”

Before the guy even got a chance to respond, a throat cleared loud; almost protectively, from behind the two. Ashley didn’t even have to turn around to know exactly who was standing behind her, but what she was having trouble grasping in her tipsy state, was what exactly Adam was doing here now.

“Just do yourself a favor and leave, buddy.” Adam stared down the man intently, arms folded over his chest, moving to step closer to Ashley’s stool, lightly pressing against her from behind.

“Adam? W-what the hell?” Ashley drawled, turning on her stool almost immediately, brown eyes locking on him with a questioning gaze. “I… y-you w-weren’t home.” she could feel herself starting to sober up just a little at his sudden appearance. She frowned a little, shook her head sadly.

Adam moved to step between her legs and he leaned in and down, brushing his lips against her own as he muttered quietly and firmly, “Kiss me.” catching her chin with his finger curled beneath it just when she went to look down. “My eyes and mouth are right here, darlin.” Adam coaxed, gazing at her mouth intently.

“K-kiss me, he s-says.” Ashley drawled, biting her lip, staring right back at his mouth just as intently as he stared at hers.

Her hand raised, resting across the back of his neck, fingers tangling in and tugging his hair free from the bun he’d thrown it into, threading through it once she had. Her legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer and her other hand curled in the front of his tee shirt, tugging his mouth down to her level a little better. Once she’d done that, her lips trailed lazily over his mouth, tracing the shape of his lips, making him give a quiet groan and his eyes flutter open and closed. By the time her tongue was slipping past his teeth, his tongue was fighting against it for complete control of the kiss and he’d leaned into her so much that her back was right up against the edge of the bar. His teeth scraped at her lower lip as the kiss deepened, both of them panting for their next breath and dizzy from it.

His hands slid beneath her ass and he scooped her up, not bothering to break the kiss just yet or untangle her from his body. Her legs squeezed his waist harder and she rubbed against him more than a little. Once they were out in the parking lot again, Adam stopped, sitting her on the railing around an outdoor sitting area, pulling her into another deep and almost bruising kiss.

“I-I was just… about to l-leave. Walk.”

Adam chuckled and shook his head no, nodding to his truck. “I’d feel much better if you’d let me take you home, darlin.”

Ashley eyed him, hints of a pout on her lips. “Y-you s-stopped e-even t-talkin to m-me.” she sighed and shook her head sadly, muttering under her breath, “I-it is m-my fault.” and Adam tilted her chin to make her meet his gaze when she looked down, shaking his head. “It’s not, darlin. Not at all.”

“I-I fucking r-ran. S-seriously?” Ashley whined, her legs squeezing at his waist as she wrapped them around him all over again, staring at his chest for a few seconds, blowing out an exasperated breath, because the more she thought about her choice to run the night he finally kissed her, the more it did truly exasperate her. Of all the times to panic… It had to be then. The worst possible one.

Adam chuckled and leaned down, muttering softly against her mouth, “If it makes you feel any better, darlin.. You made up for it. And it drove me crazy, not talkin to ya.”

“G-good.” Ashley giggled and poked out her tongue as she looked at him. “B-because it m-made m-me really cranky. H-holy s-shit, so cranky.” she giggled again, making Adam laugh and scoop her up into his arms, making his way towards the truck. “I know.”

“H-how?” Ashley’s brow raised as she stared up at him, resting her head against his shoulder. “I-I literally o-only told Shayna…”

“You texted the wrong person, actually.” Adam teased as he unlocked his truck, sitting her into the passenger seat. Ashley’s mouth opened and closed and she palmed her face, groaning in sheer embarrassment while laughing softly.

Adam got into the truck, starting the engine and Ashley was raising the console, curling into his side as soon as she’d moved to the middle to sit, tucking her legs on the seat beside her. Adam chuckled, slipping his arm around her shoulders. “You’re awfully cuddly tonight, know that?”

“Mhm.” Ashley purred, her lips brushing against his neck, making him grip the wheel just a little tighter. By now, the embarrassment over what she’d done was melting away and her internal filter -the little she actually possessed to begin with, was at an all time low thanks to having drinks poured into her all night by random and far lesser appealing men. “Is that a b-bad thing?”

Adam bit back a groan and barely resisted bucking his hips as he felt her lips clumsily moving along the side of his neck as she nuzzled into him and chuckling quietly, he gave an answer. “Not at all, darlin. Except for the fact that you’re getting me all sorts of stirred up right now.” he muttered, the truck coasting to a stop beneath the red light a block away from his place. When he did, he turned to look at her, wasting no time in pulling her mouth up to his as his hand went from squeezing her thigh to slipping between them, rubbing her through her jeans as he swore quietly because he could feel how warm she was and it only made him think about how wet she might actually be.

“Maybe t-that’s what I’m trying to do.” came pouring out before she could stop herself from saying it. Not that she would have either way, but she was at least trying to show a little restraint, still partially shocked that he was there and that she’d somehow managed to confess everything to him under the guise of texting Shayna.

Maybe it was a good thing that happened, Ashley thought to herself as she slipped her hand down, trailing it along the inside of his thigh, then up… Sucking in a sharp breath when her hand settled palm down against the bulge already straining and growing, pushing against his jeans. Adam’s hips snapped and he locked eyes with her, biting his lip, the hand between her thighs starting to move a little harder and a lot faster. Ashley rocked her hips against his hand and sucked in a sharp breath as Adam leaned in, teeth tugging at her earlobe and catching as he muttered against it in a whisper, “If that’s so, darlin.. You’re in for it. Just wait.”

“What if I don’t w-wanna wait, hm?” Ashley muttered as her lips brushed against his neck again and Adam’s breath caught in his throat before making the remark aloud, “Got a lot to make up for, me and you.”

“Mhm.” Ashley could feel herself getting wetter and wetter with every single word he said. She knew he had to feel her thighs clenching tighter with each word he said because his hand was currently buried between them, palm down against her dripping and throbbing heat, rubbing through her jeans and by now she’d trapped his hand where it was. A shiver passed through her body as she continued to rock her hips against his hand, a quiet whimper of frustration coming when all that lead to was him, slowing down way too much for her liking at the moment. She pouted up at him and bit her lip as he leaned in, closer and closer, pulling her face towards his.

“Could take all night.” Adam was turning his head slightly, tugging her neck closer as he ghosted his lips along it, the pressure of his hand reaching an almost feverish frenzy as he growled against soft skin, “Maybe even tomorrow.”

“Oh?” Ashley’s eyes fluttered open and shut and she bit her lip, her hips rocking faster to meet his hand and the way it cupped and rubbed at her heat. Just enough to make a little friction, not by any means enough to give the amount of friction she actually craved.

He was teasing her.

Just the thought had her pouting in sheer frustration as she locked eyes with him. “Tease.”

“Ain’t exactly teasing if I know exactly what I’m gonna do to you when I get you home.” Adam pointed out, giving her a smirk. Ashley swallowed hard, breath catching in her throat at his words. Her mouth opened and closed and it had Adam chuckling quietly because this was one of very few times he’d truly seen her with a complete lack of something clever to say in response.

“Cat got your tongue, darlin?” he practically purred the words as his hand started to massage all over again and almost instantly, she started to rock against it more urgently.

“Adam… Fuck.” she gasped quietly, eyes fluttering open and closed as she started to palm at the way he was strained against his jeans.

The light went green and the careful and almost teasing movement of her hand in his lap felt so good that for about half a second, Adam didn’t realize it had.

“Light’s green, Adam.” Ashley’s voice was teasing, she gave a soft giggle as Adam took a few shaky breaths, nodding as he hurried from beneath the green light, turning down the next street. His house was in view, only a few seconds away and yet… It felt like a million miles away.

Almost the second he was parked at the curb in front of it, he was reaching out, pulling her over the console and into his lap, his hands and mouth all over her, mouth latching onto her neck and leaving a string of hickies down the side as he bucked himself into her from below and his hands disappeared up her shirt, slipping beneath her bra before finally getting frustrated at how in the way it was and unfastening it, gripping her breasts in his hands, palming and squeezing at them as he growled against her mouth when his mouth finally rose to meet and conquer her lips again.

He leaned into her so heavily that her back met the steering wheel and the horn in the center, making them both laugh only to have the sounds of their laughter swallowed by a deep and frenzied, needy kiss. The kiss broke and Ashley backed away slightly, biting her lip, wiggling around in his lap, bucking herself right against the prominent bulge strained and about to burst through his jeans. “I think that’s our sign to go inside, Adam.” she muttered the words as she felt her face burning hot and she bit her lip, squirming around in his lap just a little more, harder, desperate to keep the friction going. Adam nodded, killing the engine and getting out of the truck, carrying her up the steps, stopping to unlock his front door, with her body pinned between his body and the door as he did so. Twice he had to grip harder just because she started to trail her lips down his neck and chuckling quietly into the kiss he stole, he gave a triumphant and joking ‘Yee haw’ when he got the door unlocked at last. Ashley gave a soft whimper as he stepped through the door, shutting it behind him and locking it. He sat her down on a sturdy console table that ran the length of the back of his sofa and stepped away to pull off his boots and Ashley took a few deep breaths, tried to pull herself together.

This was really happening.

Finally.

Adam met her gaze as he straightened to stand again and he stepped between her legs, devouring her mouth hungrily, his hands cupping her cheeks and caressing. “You’re sure, right? Because once we cross the line, darlin…”

Ashley gripped his jaw, guiding her mouth back down against his greedily as she whispered needily into the kiss, “Fuck me, Adam. I don’t wanna remember anyone else but you.”

Adam’s teeth clenched her lower lip; tugging. She was clinging to him and it was driving him crazy because there was… Still too much clothing in between them, keeping them apart. He scooped her up off the console table he’d sat her on to take off his boots and started to carry her down the hall, stopping halfway to put her back against the wall, tearing her shirt up over her head, tossing it onto the floor. Ashley tugged impatiently at his tee shirt, finally getting it up and over his head, tossing it onto the floor a few feet away from where her own shirt lie. Adam did away with the pesky bra next, letting it hit the floor softly, an almost primal growl bursting from his lips as he dipped his head low, dancing his mouth over the tops of her breasts, leaving behind beard burn and littering soft skin with bites with each time his mouth connected with her bare skin.

Ashley writhed around in his grasp, rocking herself into him, gripping his hips tighter with her legs, whimpering aloud, her head falling back and softly hitting the wall as her eyes fluttered open and shut. Her hand gripped his shoulder, fingertips digging into and dancing over his skin, sending a shiver through his body and making him groan as he glanced up at her, biting his lip. Ashley stared right back, both of them struggling to catch their breath but too caught up in the moment to bother putting a halt to the deep and biting and almost bruising kisses. She took his face in her hands, pulling his mouth deep against her own, her tongue trailing over the outline of his lips before parting them, her body rubbing against him even more frantically. Her hand raised to tangle in his hair and in the process, a photo clattered to the hallway floor noisily.

“Let’s take you to bed, hmm?” Adam’s breath against her skin as he mumbled the words into her neck quietly had Ashley whimpering and rocking against him even more frantically. Adam growled quietly as he bucked himself right back against her, starting the walk down the hall to his bedroom all over again. He kicked it open, a quiet creak of the frame echoing through the stillness as he stepped inside and shut it behind him, tossing her against the mattress as he stared down at her hungrily. Ashley went to raise up, reaching for the waistband of his jeans but Adam pushed her back against the mattress all over again, making her pout and give a frustrated whimper as he chuckled softly and leaned down, hands going down her bare skin, sending goosebumps to it’s surface as he lowered his mouth down, ghosting it slowly over her abdomen before raising to whisper next to her ear, “Uh uh darlin. Let me take care of you.” in a husky and firmer tone.

He started to lazily trail his mouth over bare skin all over again, the blunt of his teeth tugging at her nipples as his tongue circled them and he caught her eye, winking at her, his hands drifting down between them, unbuttoning and unzipping her jeans, lingering to rub and squeeze her cunt before hooking in her waistband to tug her jeans and panties down all at once. Ashley tried to rock her hips upward, desperate to feel any kind of friction, frustrated beyond belief by all Adam’s teasing, but almost the instant she dared it, Adam was on his knees, kneeling in front of her, parting her legs with his hands and ghosting his mouth up the inside of her thigh slowly, occasionally placing a soft bite against her skin.

When her fingers tangled in his hair, he grunted against her skin, grazing his teeth against it, his tongue slowly making a lazy broad swipe upward. Ashley whimpered when she tried yet again to rock her hips against the way Adam had her pinned, just hoping to at least make an attempt to steer him where she needed him most, but he chuckled quietly, the shake of his head that he gave making soft hair brush against her skin and sending a shiver through her body. “I’m holdin you still for a reason, darlin. Now c’mon, be a good girl. Be still and let me take care of you.”

“Adam, please.” Ashley begged, trying again to rock her hips upward, only to pout when she realized just how determined Adam was to hold her in place and tease her relentlessly.

“Be patient, darlin. We got all night.” Adam’s tongue was trailing lazily over her folds as he said it, the taste of her on his tongue making him half growl his words as they left his mouth. He smirked a little to himself when he felt her not only try to rock her hips upward to meet his mouth but her hand curling in the comforter on top of his bed and in his hair, tugging as she whimpered and whined, her cries of frustrated pleasure echoing off the walls of his bedroom and shattering the silence around them.

Her breath caught in her throat as she felt his tongue make a long stripe over one side of her cunt. And then, straight across the middle, finally, another long stripe across the opposite side to which he lazily chuckled “A.” as he met her gaze with a teasing smirk. Ashley rose up slightly, staring down at him, biting her lip as a series of needy whimpers and loud whines left her mouth and her toes dug into the comforter. One long and broad stripe and then another curved stripe had her shivering and arching her back, fingers tangling in his hair as she tugged gently, “Fuck.”

“D.” Adam was at it again with the smirk, lowering his head almost a split second later to get back to what he was doing. His tongue trailed a familiar pattern over her folds and he muttered quietly against her cunt, “A”. and Ashley shivered even more because it hit her what he was doing, spelling out his name. “Adam, please… Need you, baby, please.” she begged almost frantically, desperate to ease some of the ache rapidly building because of all his teasing. Despite the urgent begging, Adam’s tongue rolled lazily, the one slanted stripe required to form one side of the M and then the two stripes required to form the middle of the M and finally, the last stripe. “M.” he groaned as his nose bumped right against her pelvic mound and he buried his tongue as deep in her pussy as he could, tilting her hips upward, pulling her closer to his mouth as he savored the taste of her as it started to fill his mouth. He could feel her body starting to tense up and another smirk came, pressing against her soaked warmth as he started to slow way down on the movements of his tongue. When he felt her fingers tugging at his hair again and noticed that she was digging her toes into the bed too, the smirk on his face grew.

Yeah, he was teasing. Taking his time with her, making this last. He’d waited so long already, now that it was happening, he was just… Really savoring the moment.

“Adam, please!” Ashley choked out, back arching away from the mattress slightly, eyes fluttering open and shut as she tried to keep frustrated tears at bay. When she felt him leaving a string of bite marks on the inside of her thighs, she whimpered and tried to rock her hips against his grip at them to no avail.

“Not yet, darlin. Just a little longer, I swear.” Adam breathed against her cunt as his tongue rolled lazily over the folds before slowly slipping in all over again, starting over with his little teasing torture. Ashley’s grip tightened in his hair and he paused, glancing up at her with lust blown eyes. “Pull as hard as you want while my head is buried between your thighs, darlin. C’mon. I like it.” his tone was firm, almost demanding.

And it only served to make her even wetter, she could feel the wetness coating her thighs, dripping. Adam growled quietly, tongue moving a little faster, flicking over her clit, lingering and trailing a lazy circle, grazing his teeth against the circular bundle of nerves as he chuckled against her, “What’s wrong, darlin?”

“You know what you’re…” Ashley writhed beneath the grip Adam had on her lower body, keeping her legs spread wide for him as his tongue slowly dove into and out of her soaked heat, “doing. Tease.”

“Oh, I’m not teasin at all, darlin.” Adam chucked again quietly, “Just said you better not dare cum yet.”

“Adam, it’s all I want to do! Fucking… ahh, hurts. I’m aching, baby, c’mon… Please?”

Adam continued to lick, adding two fingers and Ashley hissed sharp, her breath catching in her throat, her entire body tensing as she tried to do as she was told and resist the urge to cum. The more teasing she endured at his fingers and mouth, the harder that became.

He could feel her body tense up so tight, the way she was propped on her elbows to watch him had her arms shaking. He definitely felt her toes digging into the comforter by now too. Giving a soft nip to the inside of her right thigh as he stopped for a second or two, he muttered quietly, “Okay darlin. Now.” before raising her hips just a little, burying his tongue back deep inside her, rocking her hips against his face faster, his tongue swirling inside her cunt in a frenzy as he felt her shaking all over, heard her gasping for her next breath as she moaned out loud over and over, her cries of pleasure and his name filling the air and driving him over the edge, making him lick and suck harder, faster. He loosened his grip on her hips and she rocked them against his face almost shamelessly, he muttered quietly against her skin, “C’mon, darlin. Don’t stop.” breathing heavily.

Ashley’s hips started to slow and Adam lowered her legs, crawling up her body after dragging the back of his hand across his mouth, his eyes locked on her intently as he leaned down, pulling her into a deep kiss, breaking the kiss quickly to raise up, his hand lowering and wrapping around his thick length just to trace the tip right over and slightly between her folds, shivering himself in anticipation, growling quietly. His hips pinned her hips against the bed and she dug her nails into broad shoulders as he sank into her slowly, carefully, stopping to kiss her cheeks and mutter against her mouth, “You okay, darlin?”

“Yeah.” Ashley answered, trying to rock her hips against him once she was adjusted to the way he stretched her out and filled her up. Her nails trailed lightly across his shoulders, digging in slightly when he sank into her even deeper, his hips smacking against her hips softly and slowly, placing kisses all over her mouth and face, trailing them down her throat as he muttered lazily, “So sweet I could eat you up.” as he met her gaze and slowly licked his lips. Ashley wrapped her legs around his hips and the new angle had him groaning, his hips sporadically crashing against her own for a few seconds as she took his cock as deep inside her as he could go, buried to the hilt. Her hands moved over his face, raising, dragging through his hair after pulling his mouth against her own for a deep and slow and greedy kiss. The kiss broke and he gave a lazy peck at the corner of her mouth, driving deeper and slower into her as he did and muttering softly, “Gonna get way too used to this, I think.”

“I already am.” Ashley breathed out against his skin, making him shiver. He’d always had a weakness when it came to gentle touches against his neck. The fact that she seemed to be enjoying brushing her mouth against the spot, or gently nipping at it with her teeth only had him giving a quiet growl and slamming himself into her slower and with much longer strokes. When she tried to speed him up, he chuckled and his hands lowered, gripping her hips, holding them so that he controlled the pace as he muttered against the shell of her ear, “What’s your hurry, darlin? We’ve got all night.”

Bleak sunshine was starting to peek through the curtains by now and Ashley giggled softly against his neck as she clung to him and he continued to attempt slowly and deeply fucking her into the mattresses on his bed, “It’s morning, actually.” as her forehead softly bumped against his collarbone and he chuckled as soon as the realization hit him too. “Well then, smarty pants, we have the rest of the day. Either way,” Adam’s mouth trailed lazily over her skin, leaving an erratic trail of marks in it’s wake, “we’ve got nothin but time.”

“You make a good point.” Ashley’s breath caught in her throat as his cock bottomed out, brushing against a spot that felt almost magical with each time he did so. She clung to his body, her moans and whimpers only drowned out by his answering groans and the occasional growl.

“I’m so.. Fuck, I’m so close. Please?” her begging had him giving a soft and quiet laugh, capturing her mouth in a deep and breathtaking kiss as he muttered into it, “Me too, darlin.. C’mon, let go for me.”

He sped up his thrusts, almost frantically chasing his oncoming orgasm as she dug her legs into his sides and her nails into his shoulders, raking them down his back as he growled against her skin, feeling her clench tight around him, feeling her body start to spasm, feeling her biting at his skin gently as he fucked her through her orgasm and straight into his own. He tried to stop but every time he tried, she’d grab hold of his hips and rock against him, begging for more until finally, he was throbbing, emptying inside deep, filling her up as he pressed into her heavily, covering her face in kisses before lazily kissing her mouth and having her deepen it as she breathed against his lips, “ That was amazing.”

“Better than the last guy, right?” Adam was only half teasing, but her answer really went a long way to fully reassure him when as he sank back against the mattress, pulling her on top of him and wrapping his arms around her while staring up, she smiled and gave a soft giggle, nodding as she leaned down and mumbled into his mouth, “You were so much better than the last guy. Ten million times better, baby.” before deepening the kiss he gave…

[begging-tobe-thin]

I’m so happy here’s why

I went out to a big party the other night and this was a stretch because my parents are super strict but I left my phone at my friends house and told them I was there, in total I traveled about 2 hours( getting that sweet sweet exercise)

I found a place that sold really cheap decks of Marlboro reds so that made me happy and I struggle with talking to people so I was suuuper anxious about going but I was also anxious because I hadn’t gotten to weigh myself in a few days when we got there it was freezing but stupid me still wore a short dress( size xs and it finally feels a little to big) we hung out at a park for a while and then moved onto my crushes house and got pretty drunk I started out with a beer and had to go sit in the bathroom from a panic attack bc of beer cals but I finished it and this super sweet 18 yo told me I was allowed to drink as much of his vodka as I wanted to I had about 2 plastic cups full and then finished the beer, I didn’t take my phone and I was drunk so I actually got to socialise it was like all my anxiety disappeared and I got to make so many friends it was like they happiest I’ve ever been, after a while of just chatting with people a few leave and some start to fall asleep, so I’m sitting outside smoking with the vodka guy, my friend and a girl my crush has been on a few dates with, we where all just talking about some really deep topics and my crush finally came out I got so happy and he sat next to me and was comparing how small my hands where compared to his and he was pouring candle wax on my hand and just friendly bullying me for a while, I was so fucking happy I know I don’t have a chance and I’m not jealous of the chicks he is messing around with but I have such a big crush on him we kept chatting for hours and he hugged me a bit bc I was shivering and when we went inside I kept play fighting with him and then I hid under a table and he took my smoke and was holding them over my head when suddenly he lifted my over his shoulder and carried me around and I got really anxious thinking I was gunna crush him and then he like yelled about how small I was and pat me on the head and istg I blushed so fucking hard in... IM SO HAPPY three days leading up to this at like less than 100 cals a day and I’ve been getting so much exercise going out and exploring and when I got home from the party I weighed my self and I was 54 on the dot UNDER MY FIRST GOAL WEIGHT FINALLY IM SO HAPPY. I’m super sick today and I’m not going to work but I’m too anxious to call In sick so I’ll probably get fired and school is starting again soon but that party was everything I needed to keep going

Tldr: I’m REALLY HAPPY, I HAVE A CRUSH AND I LOST WEIGHT/BROKE THRU MY FIRST GW

[fancat-not-fangirl]

Flying in the Face of Danger

a/n #1: ok so I’ve decided that I’d start posting more of my writing on tumblr bc idk. I like hurt!Dean a lot, so that’s what most of it will be.

a/n #2: Speaking of hurt!Dean’s, if anyone knows any good ones where he gets hurt and either Sam or Cas is protective, please send me a link. I’m running out. I’ll take literally anything I can find. I’m desperate.

a/n #3: This is one I wrote a while ago. It’s on my ao3 and ff.net. This is more of an emotionally hurt Dean than a physical one. Whatever. The demon here is an OC. The fic is set somewhere between seasons 2-6.

Summary: For a case, Dean has to take a trip by plane. Alone

()()()()()()

This particular demon had been bothering them for a while now. Always getting in their way, making their lives much more difficult than necessary. For example, he seemed to find pleasure in sending demon assassins after them. In short, he made their lives hell.

Exorcising him meant that there was always a small chance that he could return. And they couldn’t take any chances. So Sam and Dean decided to play it safe and burn the bones.

Except the bones were in Hawaii. Of course they were in Hawaii. As if anything in their lives was ever easy.

And of course it was Dean that had to fly there because Sam chose that exact time of year to get horribly sick.

Dean had tried to reason with him. He really did. He had tried to convince Sam that Dean should stay and take care of the nose blowing snot spewing cough obsessed moose. But Sam wasn’t having any of that.

“Killing this bastard is more important than a cold,” Sam had told Dean after almost hacking his lungs out during a particularly bad coughing spell. Then, looking more pointedly at Dean, he’d continued with, “And I’m not a kid anymore Dean. I can take care of myself.”

And after days and days of arguing, Dean had relented and bought a plane ticket, flying all the way to Hawaii and back, without throwing up even once. (Or at least that’s what he’d tell Sam.) 

And now he was waiting for his luggage in the airport, still slightly nauseous from the flight but he’d never admit that.

Truth be told, the flights had scared the crap out of Dean Winchester. Back when he and Sam had exorcised that demon years ago when their dad had still been alive, at least he’d had Sam to comfort him. To make fun of him and his Metallica. To squeeze his arm when they hit an especially rough patch of clouds.

This time, all Dean had had was a lady on his right who spent the entire time talking away with her friend, and a man on his left, who seemed to hold on to the firm belief that Dean was, in fact, a pillow, and not one of the fiercest hunters in the entire Western Hemisphere.

But even the best hunters get scared. And right now Dean was terrified. The smell of the too many bodies in the plane still clogged his nose, and the soft mush that the flight had called food was fighting its way back to the surface. Dean could still feel the vibrations of the plane if he didn’t keep moving, which was why he kept up an agitating pace walking back and forth as he kept waiting and waiting for his bags. All of the people here were just as impatient as he was, eager to go home to their families, to their jobs, to their lives. 

What was Dean going home to? Stingy motel rooms, crappy diner food, hours and hours on the road, almost getting killed every few days. Dean didn’t even know if he could call that a home.

Screw this airport. He needed to get out. Soon. 

Everywhere he looked reminded him of that plane. Of the stingy old seats. Of the tiny cramped bathroom that swayed under your feet and made you nauseous. Of the horrid silence broken every few minutes by a cough or a baby’s cry. Of the endless shaking and turbulence of the plane. 

Of the hours upon hours of chilling fear of that small one in a million chance the plane could go down.

The airport seemed to dislike the fact that if it denied Dean his luggage any longer, Dean would rub two parallel lines into the floor with his pacing, so it finally gave up his bag. He would have taken it with him in carry on, but God knows he had too many guns and knives in the bag for him not to have been stopped at security. 

Grumbling to himself, Dean pushed through the crowd of people and hauled his bag off the line. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the man that had used him as a pillow slumped against the wall, waiting for something or other. Hah. Dean thought. At least this time it would be the wall that had to endure the snoring, not Dean.

Following the flow of noisy people out of the terminal, Dean sighed as he realized that he would have to spend another hour or two in a taxi. He’d have to answer stupid questions like “How was your flight?” and “Where are you headed?” And he couldn’t just tell the taxi driver his location in case he was being tailed, so of course Dean would ask him to drop him off three blocks away from the motel room. That would mean another twenty minutes of walking, Dean calculated. Twenty minutes before he got to see Baby again. Before he got to their room and could take an incredibly long shower to wash the airplane out of him. Twenty minutes before he got to see Sam and breathe in that Patented Little Brother Scent that Sam always seemed to have. Dean had high hopes that the airplane musk would get flushed out with Sam’s smell. Not to mention hearing Sam’s voice. Oh how tired Dean was of the constant bickering and mumbling everywhere around him, not being able to make out what was being said but also never quite having a full moment of peace and quiet. 

Dean walked past a row of windows that opened to the line of airplanes outside. Repressing a shudder, Dean remembered the one time on his flight to Hawaii he had braved a glance outside the airplane window at the ground below, and had almost heaved up his lunch. 

The faster he got out of here the better.

The sea of people, including Dean, finally made it out to the arrival dock. He saw families launch towards their loved ones and envelop them in hugs. He saw one girl burst out crying at the sight of her boyfriend, holding up a sign that said ‘Welcome home! Will you marry me?’ Smiling softly to himself, Dean couldn’t help the sad twinge in his gut. It wasn’t quite jealousy, but definitely something akin to it. These people didn’t know how lucky they were, with their normal jobs, peaceful lives, caring families. With their homes. 

Dean shook his head and moved on. He craned his neck, looking for someone that looked like they drove a taxi. Damn it, it was just his luck that they would all be taken by the time he got out-

Dean’s eyes latched onto a sign being held high above the others. He read the word ‘JERK’ spelled out in big bold letters, and followed the arm holding it down down down to Sam’s smiling face. Sam, whose nose was red and had bags under his eyes and was definitely still sick. That didn’t stop Dean from striding over to his brother and pulling him into a quick hug. Inhaling deeply, Dean relaxed at the familiar and comforting smell of his little brother.

Sam let out a noise of surprise, but returned the embrace, coughing a bit when Dean pulled away. 

“I thought you were strictly against chick flick moments?” 

Dean grinned at the sound of Sam’s voice. He’d never admit it to Sam, but he had missed his little brother like crazy on his trip.

Giving Sam a playful shove, Dean teased, “The plane messed with my head. I thought you were Angelina Jolie.”

Sam stuck his tongue out at Dean and was about to say something else when he sneezed. He dug around in his pockets for a tissue, and gave Dean a panicked look when he couldn’t find one. Chuckling, Dean reached into his own pocket and gave Sam a tissue. One of the many Dean had for times like this; when Sam spent too much time thinking of others and not enough to think about himself. But that was alright, because Dean would always be there to think of Sam for him.

“C’mon, Sasquatch. You’re sick as a dog. Let’s get you home so I can see what crap you’ve been doing to yourself to ‘get better’ while I was away.”

“I can take care of myself, you know. I’m not a helpless five year old anymore.”

“You sure about that?”

“You’re a jerk.”

“Bitch.”

And as they left the airport side by side, it registered to Dean that he had used the word ‘home’. But at the sight of Sam’s laughing face as Dean slid into the driver’s seat of Baby and told his car how much he missed her, Dean realized that this was exactly what he was going back to. Hours and hours of driving with Sam at his side. Joking and laughing with his brother about that man that had used Dean as his personal pillow. Listening to Led Zeppelin full blast on the road, with Dean and Sam singing along. Both brothers staying up late, watching crappy motel TV.

Home.

Dean was home.

[whatadaze]

the long-awaited rant

(lol jk nobody was waiting for this) 

i’m glad that i took the time to process the clips today + gather my thoughts + feelings before writing down my thoughts bc i’ll be honest, i was NOT a super happy camper this morning lol 

but now, i am calm, cool, + collected so here goes

update: this is so fucking long holy shit like this is my warning to you right now lol 

i’m just going to start off with where skamnl went “wrong” i guess you could say. i don’t know if it’s mistranslation (but at this point, i’m pretty sure it’s not) but for me, everything went to shit starting from the conversation with marie. don’t get me wrong, i was excited for liv to finally talk to her, after all, she’s the only other person liv would’ve been able to talk to in regards to the party. and i expected her to say something similar to the girl in the og (i forgot her name lol). what made me disappointed was when marie said nothing happened and liv felt relieved. i mean, her relief is understandable because she just found out she didn’t have sex with m*rris, but what happened to her is still...awful. liv has literal video proof of her getting assaulted + i think marie mentioned that she went to the bathroom so the viewers are aware that the video was probably filmed during that time. yes, m*rris was “so drunk he could barely stand on his two feet” but the video was like...fifteen seconds long and who knows how much time passed between m*rris passing out and marie going to the bathroom. anyway, m*rris’s involvement with the video is unquestionable because...it’s his hands...in the video...that he sent to liv...

but anyways,

so liv is relieved that she didn’t sleep with m*rris and everything seems like it’s going to be all good, right? wrong. liv confronts noah at school and everything goes to shit. i think this was skamnl’s attempt at the people need people clip, but it still kinda felt short? like something was missing. which i’ve been feeling like that for the past couple episodes but that’s another convo for another time. noah packs up his things, tells liv he doesn’t love her anymore, and liv let’s him go. she’s obviously upset, but i think in the next clip, it kind of seems like she’s kind of given up? she just seems tired + dejected and on top of that, she has that whole music label thing to deal with. which BY THE WAY, i’d like to mention that i loved how liv finally spoke up and told her dad what she truly felt. (woot woot) liv doesn’t know what to do anymore and it isn’t until ralph + esra kinda give her that PUSH that liv begins to think of a plan (was it a good plan? i’ll get to that in a bit lol) 

i’m going to go on a little bit of a tangent that i already kinda talked about before but after the clip i just talked about, people were upset about esra telling liv to go beg for forgiveness because here’s a boy who writes you poems and you’re packing?! i don’t think she meant it that way. i think it was more like “here’s a boy that you love, that “i don’t know who i am anymore” kind of love, and you’re just letting him go?” ms. liv “i don’t have time for love” reijners giving up on the boy who finally got through that barrier she put around herself? esra knows that this isn’t what liv wants to do, and THAT’S why she said what she said. 

ok so now we have today’s clips. 

let me tell you, i was so frustrated because this is the last episode and we’re having THE most “ooc” clips right before the long-awaited party clip. i genuinely enjoyed the og people need people clip. i thought it was super important + when willhelm jumped out of the car, yes it was cheesy as fuck, but i kind of liked it? but i knew that with noah extra boom hitchhiking, they were going to go in a different route. did i rEALLY think that liv was going to dress up in a wedding dress and show up at his house? hell no. did that happen? yes. lol 

but now that i had some time to process it, here’s my take on it. 

so noah doesn’t know liv was sexually assaulted by m*rris and he most likely hasn’t seen the video. scratch that, i know for a FACT that he didn’t because i just refuse to believe that he would’ve reacted the way that he did if he watched it. so that being said, people have been giving noah shit since the whole “confrontation” clip but HE DIDN’T AND STILL DOESN’T know about the assault. whether or not liv tells him, we’ll just have to wait and see, but that’s fucking important. there’s already been a shit ton of posts talking about this so i will try to keep it short but if you see things from noah’s pov, his reaction makes sense. okay so with that in mind, liv knows noah doesn’t know. and judging from her reaction after her talk with marie, i don’t think liv is aware of how serious what she went through is? because she now believes nothing happened and everything is okay (maybe i’m wrong on that, but skamnl is portraying it that way). there was no “going to the police” or anything like that and frankly, i don’t think there will be. maybe if the season or episodes were longer we would’ve had that, because it is so important + necessary to include that. but they didn’t and so i’m just going to assume that the seriousness of what liv went through was kinda swept under the wrong (but like i said, we’ll have to wait and see because the episode still isn’t over). that is NOT me saying that it’s not important because I BELIEVE THAT WHAT SHE WENT THROUGH IS FUCKING SERIOUS. with that being said, liv is trying to figure out a way get noah back, to remind him “why they belong together” so to speak. i think she channeled her inner noah in this moment. she showed up at his place, did this ridiculous gesture of wearing a wedding dress to remind him of all the times he asked her to marry him, and told him he looked like a painting. these are all things NOAH would do, so of course it felt ooc. and the thing is, if you think about how guarded + reserved liv was in the beginning, this can be seen as growth. she is stepping out of her comfort zone, doing something that she would’ve never normally done for the boy that she loves. some might see it as a humiliating or degrading act, but i don’t think skamnl meant it to be. we see how nervous she is, we see how she doesn’t really know what to say + when noah leaves, it’s like “okay, i did this thing that i would’ve never done, gathered up all my courage to show him how much i love him, and he still left” so of course she cried in the park, hell I WOULD HAVE TOO. but when i first watched it, i was like, this is so embarrassing. i felt so fucking embarrassed for liv. i hated it. i HATED IT. and a little part of me still does, because i had this idealized version of liv in my head. BDE badass cool chick liv reijners. but the thing is, at the end of the day, she is still a teenage girl who is figuring out who she is, what she wants in life, and discovering what it’s like to be in love all at the same time. that’s a lot of shit to deal with.

so she does this grand gesture, and noah leaves, but he comes back. let’s be real, we ALL knew he was going to come back. noah “i’m out of breath running down the stairs” boom wouldn’t have survived hitchhiking with that huge-ass bag. which like, can i just ask: what the fuck was in that bag because noah wears like the five same shirts so...his art supplies? HAHA anyway, noah probably knew he was being an idiot + i’ve seen people say that he came back without any real reason to. this is what i think: 

the clip cuts in and out of liv crying so we don’t actually know how long noah was gone for. we can assume that liv was alone for a while (at least 5-10 minutes or so?) i mean, you have to be crying a shit ton for your mascara to run like that. but anyway, if you assume that it took about that time for noah to decide to come back, he probably took that time to process everything. he knows that liv is sorry for not listening to him + seeing his brother. he’s one of the people who knows liv best, i mean, he was able to read her from the beginning. he knows that what she did took a lot of courage and is something that she would’ve normally never done but she did it for HIM. and i think noah realized all of this + finally went back. and then he sees liv, a sobbing mess, and he probably knew that this girl loved him back. all the insecurities he must’ve felt, the sadness + confusion, must’ve disappeared in that moment. seeing her in such a vulnerable (and embarrassing) state was enough to dispel his doubts. 

and finally, after two weeks of hell, these two art dorks made up. 

i think i touched on some of the main things people were upset about already but here’s some more things i’ve noticed

i’ve seen people say that the writers chose to humiliate liv + keep in scenes that were degrading or embarrassing to her character. i thought the same things okay!? i’ve felt ALL the things that most people felt the past two episodes + i still feel some of those things right now. but i’m trying to understand from the writers’ pov why they chose to keep these things in and certain things out. i don’t think keeping in the scene of liv chasing after noah was humiliating or degrading. it was important bc it showed liv finally come to terms with her feelings in PUBLIC. she didn’t care who saw her running after a boy or crying after him. she didn’t have her walls up anymore. and noah didn’t push liv (i hate when i see this argument). she fell. does it make it any better? of course not. but it’s important that we don’t villainize characters that shouldn’t be villainized. if anything everyone should direct their hate towards the real villain, fucking m*rris. and liv crying in the park, that was a problem too. why include this embarrassing moment, right? it’s so humiliating + liv would never! and you’re right, liv WOULD NEVER. but she is. because she’s in love. and love makes you do stupid things like cry in the park in the middle of the day while wearing a wedding dress. we’re seeing a different side of liv because liv being in love IS a different side of her. 

i’ve seen people say noah was “victim blaming” and i can see where they’re coming from. he tells her “i told you to stay away from him” and then liv apologizes. yup, sounds like victim blaming to me IF HE KNEW WHAT HAPPENED. so here’s what i mean: 

if we assume that all noah knows is that liv got super drunk + almost slept with m*rris, then yes, it’s kind of understandable why noah said what he said. is it any less shitty? OF COURSE NOT. i’m not saying that kind of behavior or response is okay. all i’m saying is that i don’t think he was trying to “victim blame” liv nor do i think that’s what the writers were intending. and i’m not even going to talk about the whole “crybaby” thing because there’s already a lot of posts on that + i’m not dutch lol 

i feel like i didn’t mention a lot of things but this post is already hella long so i will wrap up with this: 

do i think this season is perfect?

of course not.

it IS true that i think skamnl prioritized aesthetics over content. that’s not me saying that the clips were useless because when looking at the episodes as a whole, the clips are necessary. after all, it’s the little details that build up a character + help create the backstory. we learned so much about liv during this season and the characters are more fleshed out than the og + some remakes (i haven’t watched all so i can’t really form an actual opinion on that lol) but anyway, they changed up a lot of the characters and i love that they did that. but the thing that backfired on them is the thing that i love most. they kept the original storyline with completely different characters so sometimes, things they decided to do might’ve felt ooc. 

another thing is that i still think the season was supposed to be longer, or at least the writers thought it would be. so if that was the case, then the feeling of something missing makes sense because there aRE things that are missing. TWO EPISODES WORTH OF CONTENT are missing. and it must’ve been super hard for the skamnl team to decide what to keep + what to throw out. do i think they made the best decisions with that? no. but i don’t think they’re would’ve been a perfect outcome either way. 

and lastly, cancel culture. guys, this has been said many many times already but cancel culture is so fucking toxic. also, skam is a show that literally portrays imperfect characters making questionable decisions. it’s not supposed to perfect! how can you expect perfection while also expecting skam to be “realistic”. it’s just not possible. sometimes, the person you love won’t react the way you want them to. sometimes, you do crazy stupid things because in that moment you feel like there isn’t any other option. sometimes, you act fucking ooc because you can’t think straight. 

that’s life! that’s the beauty of love + living! 

so don’t hate or cancel the show because of some questionable decisions in the last two episodes because the first eight were (pretty close to) perfection if i say so myself. 

oh! another thing i’ve seen

the girls let liv do this because when has liv ever suggested to do something like this? they all know how much she loves and misses noah. she has never asked them to do anything for her + here she is, asking them to help her with this crazy grand gesture she has planned. what did you expect? them to say no and not support her? it was obvious that they were all confused at first, but they saw how excited she was. she thought this was a good idea + they did what they do best, SUPPORTED HER. so no, i don’t think they were being ooc either. 

okay wow. 

i knew this was going to be long, but didn’t imagine it would ever be THIS long lol if you read the whole thing, thanks for taking the time to indulge me + my thoughts :-) i love you haha

i’m so sad this season is coming to an end, but i’m hoping that we will get a s3 renewal announcement soon! i love this show and the fandom (most of it anyway lol) and am thankful for all the highs and lows we’ve experienced together. i don’t know why the fuck i’m acting like the season is already over, we still have two more days hahahaha i’m feeling sappy now. 

so in conclusion, this isn’t me saying that the two clips were perfect by any means. there were still a shit ton of issues like the lack of communication. the fact that noah still doesn’t know the truth about what happened between liv + m*rris. the fact that the sa plotline hasn’t been mentioned again. liv’s music label plotline. there are still SO MANY LOOSE ENDS. and idk how skamnl will wrap it up. i have a (bad) feeling that things will be “easily fixed” and that bit bothers me, but like i said before, it all boils down to the lack of time skamnl has. if they had longer episodes or a longer season, i just KNOW this season would’ve been (even more) amazing 

maybe i’m just trying justify everything skamnl writers did + defend them because i just love the show so much haha maybe i’m just overanalyzing + overthinking (as always) but this is just MY opinion on the matter. if you disagree, that’s great! please let me know, i’d love to hear!!! that’s what i love about this fandom! we can all share our thoughts + feelings! 

whew, okay now i’m really going to go now

byeeeeee :-) 

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

The Girl With A Red Shirt (A Red Shirt, part II.)

A/N: This is for @papisully, bcs I just wanted to, alrite? Also, you, as the reader, are drunk as hell in this, just letting you know. Also, the reader is drunk and cocky as shit, so let me live, pls. 

Description: Victor Sullivan, treasure hunter and a businessman in his late thirties. One day, he got back from his gig and met a cute girl in his favorite laundry; just to forget his talisman there. And so, the trouble with the girl starts.

Mood for this one-shot: It just somehow went from Location by Khalid, went through Let’s Get Lost by G-Eazy and Devon Baldwin and somehow ended up at Tumblr Girls by G-Eazy. But you know the drill, listen to what you like to.

Warnings: I might get too carried away by smut. I did an oopsie. 

“Don’t ask me why,” Sully said to the cell phone he had pinned to his shoulder with his head. He was smoking a cigar, calling someone and shaving at the same time. His mind was blown away not even a half an hour ago and he was actually curious about how many things he can multitask at once. “But Imma not gonna come tonite.” 

“But we’re finishing the last pieces of the gig!” A woman with an Australian accent shouted back. She seemed to be mad at him and Sully couldn't say even a word back. They were almost done, after all, and he will be missing during the most important meeting of all. “You know how useless can you be when you get the intel on paper and not personally!”

“I just can't come to see ya tonite, Chloe. I have some different things planned.” Except his planes came to the sight before twenty minutes, maybe even less. He wasn’t sure about that. 

Victor just needed his red shirt back, because he didn't feel complete without it. It was his talisman, after all, wasn't it? And a ridiculously hot girl who chewed bubblegum all the time had it on and she asked him to take it off. 

Was he actually mad to miss this opportunity? Bet your best cowboy hat that he wasn't.   

“You suck my blood so much it isn't healthy, Sullivan. You’ll have to count on Nathan to give you the intel. But I'm genuinely scared of the idea, God knows what would he tell you,” Chloe answered in a seriously irritated tone. 

She and Charlie Cutter were usually the brains of the operation, Sullivan was the money giver and transport reinsurer and Nate was used to be the dumb monkey and muscle. 

“Why couldn't you choose any other day?” She asked when Sully shouted a curse word out loud. He cut his chin on a place where it seriously hurt and he almost killed himself, when he jumped over a stool in his bathroom while he searched for a piece of toilet paper to stuck on the wound. 

“Some plans just come without expectation, love.” He answered when he saved himself from bleeding out. 

“Okay. But you'll need to study OUR plan then, don't forget about that.” She finally gave up and hung the phone. Sully finally got the time for himself to have a quick shower, put some cologne on and to choose clothes to not look like an old archeologic discovery. 

He settled down on a plain white t-shirt, his bomber which he wore while he was driving on a motorcycle and some old pair of jeans. He looked like a man close to his forties, he couldn't lie to himself. But at least he had some personal style.

And Y/N looked like she was into him, so he wasn't worrying as much as he would normally do. Having a woman of her age showing him some affection gave him boost on his pride and gave him some sort of confidence. 

Okay then, he answered her text finally. He was smiling wickedly to the screen of his phone while his tongue was stuck out a bit. Just tell me the place where we'll meet. I'll be there. 

Again, he wasn't waiting too long for a response. She just shared her location with him and he was more than kindly willing to see her. So Victor took his car and went on a short drive to see her. 

He came on the address that she sent to him after not even twenty minutes, looking at a house, there was a seriously loud party on. He had to say that he was disappointed. He looked forward to being alone with her; he really did. 

Not to mention countless scenarios brushing over his head. His imagination was more than kind when it came to those things. Which things, you might ask?

Things like having that girl sitting on his lap in that shirt which was his, slowly taking it off while her smile became larger because she could see the things she caused him, that beautiful pain in his lap. The slow blinking of her eyes while they became darker with lust while she took the jeans off her body, throwing them far, far away. Victor closed his eyes as he inhaled slowly, crawling off his car after that. 

There was a house full of people. Full of young chicks who were smiling at him while they sipped their beer with devils in their eyes. Some pop song was on and there were a few couples dancing, making out in a wild pace; everyone could see that they'll be in the bedsheets together in the next twenty minutes. 

Victor was never actually fond of parties. Yet he didn't seem to be the man, he liked to be with a woman in private, just him and her, not on a loud place, maybe on a walk or on a dinner. Not even at his marina days, which happened twenty years ago, he wasn't actually a party animal. 

The guys seemed to be amused by him; he was at least twenty years older after all. They were all buffed, all young and they seemed to be the funny ones, the cleverest in the whole world and the perfect lovers for someone like Y/N. And he was just there, an old man trying to look cool. 

Maybe he was reading to her in a bad way after all? Maybe he heard what he wanted to hear? Maybe she wasn’t into that idea? 

He almost turned around and walked off the house, letting her to keep his favorite shirt. But then he saw her. 

Well, at first he saw that shit which belonged to him. The shirt showed more and more as she jumped during the dance. Y/N was dancing on the table with another girl, in short, denim shorts and his shirt on, her ponytail was swinging from side to side and her eyes were partially closed as she sang the lyrics. 

He leaned onto a wall, smiling lightly as he watched her. She was smiling, dancing on the table and the youth was dripping from the tips of her fingers. Sometimes, she grabbed that second girl, pushed her body onto hers and put her hands onto the girl’s ass, sliding them into her back pockets.

“You're her dad or what?” A girl leaned next to him and offered him a cup of beer, watching Y/N on the table, putting the show-off. 

“Do I look like her dad?” Sullivan asked with amusement, taking the offered cup and smiled at the girl. She was a redhead with huge glasses on, yet she didn't look like a nerd. It made her round face cute and it just got along with her personal style. 

“If you are, she has an incredibly handsome dad, I must say,” redhead took a sip from her cup and then she trailed her look back to Y/N. “She’s always like that.”

“Seems to be funny enough to me,” Victor answered as he took another sip. He was becoming more and more thirsty as Y/N took the other girl’s to face into her hand, motioning that she might kiss her, yet she didn't. 

“If you like her, you better stop and you should find someone different. She’s almost unreachable for most of the guys out here. And, no offense, old pal, but you're definitely far after zenith for a girl like Y/N.” The girl patted his shoulder as she left him standing there. 

The song finally stopped and Y/N threw her hands into the thin air as the people around them started to clap. Then she high-fived the girl and accepted one boy's hand as he helped her to get off the table. Then she noticed him standing next to the door. Y/N felt as her smile grew a bit larger. She was drunk at that point; she always was when she was on a party of this type. 

Normally, she wouldn't be able to even foreshadow having something with a girl, but when she was drinking, she didn't care. When she was this level drunk, she was able to kiss literally anyone.

Or at least before. Now, she has one particular person on her mind. She wasn't truly believing that Victor will come there to see her. She thought he might not have the balls to strip the shirt off her. But she smiled when he truly came. 

“Hey there, washing lady,” Victor offered her his cup of beer because she seemed to be thirsty as hell. She didn't hesitate at all, drinking almost all of that beer. Y/N seemed to be really gentle, small and cute next to him. He was a giant next to her and that caught the attention of a few girls, including the redhead, and a lot of boys. Nobody actually believed that she would be into that guy, but these things happen.

“I'm glad ya here,” she threw her hands over the back of his neck, looking him to the eyes. Victor leaned in, forgetting all about him being a gentleman, putting his fingers into the back pocket of her denim shorts, bringing her lap closer to his. 

“Well, you told me to take the shirt off. Who am I to not to listen to a lady's wish?” Victor looked into her eyes as she smirked. He felt the redhead just focusing her stares in his direction and he was really proud to prove her wrong. 

Without any foreshadowing, she just leaned in and kissed him. Their lips crushed hard and he could feel her heat just slowly trailing his body as well. She was definitely drunk as hell, but Victor wasn’t complaining. It gave her the courage he liked and pushed him further as well. 

“Come then. I’m not able to wait for you any longer. You let me hang on for almost a week and you didn't come to wash your clothes in the meantime,” Y/N whispered with her eyes pinned to Sullivan’s, taking the cup out of his hand.

She tugged his hand as she navigated them through the house. Victor felt the stares surrounding them and yet he wasn't more proud until that day. 

They took a short hike on the stairs and Victor let her take the lead. She was looking around, changing short looks with other people. Every second she checked Victor. She was afraid that he would leave even tho he was holding her hand in a tight grip. He wasn't planning on leaving her there at any circumstances. 

Finally, she found a bedroom without anyone inside and she let out an animalish growl as she turned around and slammed the door shut, locking them. The music was loud so much Victor couldn't even hear his own thoughts which was actually a good thing. He didn't want to be bothered with his own thoughts. There was no space for rationality at the moment. 

It all happened so fast. Heated kisses stopped only when there was a need to breathe, fingers circled in his air and a smell of desire and passion in the air. Only growls mixed with the music could be heard in the thin air. His bomber flew off his body in an instance, just laying down on the ground just so he could feel her hands roaming his body. 

Then the shoes and socks left their bodies at an equally fast pace, disappearing into the unknown. There was no need for words, no need for anything. There was only her and him alone in a room and desire was burning on each of them.

"What the hell are you doing to me? Just rip the shirt off, stop teasing me, Victor." She begged into his lips and tried to take the shirt and take it off by her own force. Victor immediately stopped her, holding her wrist in a tight grip.

“You're so impatient, young lady,” Victor whispered as he pushed her and let her fall directly on the bed. “You need to learn some patience,” Sully whispered with a voice sounding more like an animal than himself. He had to say that he really adored that a young girl of her nature was able to do that to him. 

He learned how to have his own nature under control while he was in the marina. It looked like if it happened a hundred years ago, it was more than ten years ago and even now, sometimes the man who was working as a marina soldier showed up in him. Especially in times like this.

Victor wouldn't describe this part of himself like a dominant or selfish part, not at all. He just became sure in everything he has done, he was direct and he knew a few ways how to make her scream under his touch. All it took for her was a will to listen. 

“And if I don't want to be patient and I'll be a naughty girl?” Y/N asked as she swung on her knees, taking his belt to her small soft hands, trying to undo it with the grace of a horny beast. 

Victor held her wrists with a small effort to that touch, only a little push was needed to knock her off on her back, pushing his body directly on hers and letting his face rest in front of hers. He stayed in that position a while, he listened to her heartbeat and the rhythm of how she breathed. 

Y/N looked like a painting with her face full of the sweet expectations, she had rosy cheeks and a naughty light in her eyes. Her lips were swollen because of the urgency of the way he kissed her and he felt how much was her body trembling under his weight. 

She was sweet like honey and intoxicating like a shot of alcohol. His head was spinning a bit and if he couldn't feel the heat in between her legs, which was burning through their pants, he would stay in this position for forever. 

“Then I would have to use some methods which are used when I'm taming a little baby girl like you are,” Victor answered in a low, perfectly husky tone even though the voice was raspy and it was stuck inside of his throat. 

He lowered his hands after he made himself sure that she would stay in a position with her hands above her head, kissing her throat hungrily as he made a few of love marks and bites here and there. Victor couldn't help himself, some urge inside of him directly needed to mark her as his, for everyone to see when they left the room. He also expected her to stop him, but when she closed her eyes and panted in a sweet high tone, he knew that he's doing the right thing. 

His hands slowly lured over her, unfortunately, still clothed, body, caressing it through the fabric of his most beloved shirt. With a quick movement, he took off his white shirt and threw it all over the small bedroom. Y/N didn't even give him a quick look, because she used her own hands to unbutton the shirt. She slipped out of it, standing on her elbows and finally watched, how handsome he was. 

He was in good shape, without a doubt. His shoulders were really wide as the muscles were appearing perfectly clearly under his suntanned skin. He was scared and bruised in many places; her favorite was a light, yellow bruise under his left armpit. His body was through a lot and she knew it; he told her about what he does for a living. It wasn't a thing to wonder about.

“You are like some fucked up fantasy,” she whispered under breath when she touched Victor's chin while he unbuttoned her shorts. “Can I be your little dirty  kink?” 

“Let me taste and then we'll see, baby girl,” the shorts and panties were far gone now, as she lay in front of him with her legs opened to show him everything Y/N got. She was basically sinking into the mattress, even the little valley dividing her sweet fanny was wet. She was breathing heavily as he watched her, almost waiting for permission. 

Without any other things popping up in his head, he just leaned forward, showing his head directly to the place she was dripping from. His tongue was fast, rough and that's what she needed so badly. She screamed to the roof and leaned from him in a wave of pleasure; so his forearms circulated around the top of her thighs, holding her directly on his face. Victor wanted this girl to be his death and that was a thing he never wanted before. 

He wished to slowly drown in her dripping pussy, he wanted to close his eyes and slowly fall into the warmth of her lap, letting the tightness slowly choke him. Victor would accept all of that with a graceful smile. None of this was forced. He couldn't even remember a single time when he was kneeling in front of a woman, licking and sucking her like he was about to die and her pussy was the last thing that could save him. He growled into the sweetness as he was trying to get more of that juice. 

After a while, her body found its rhythm, slowly moving in the tempo of his tongue as her hand slowly risen up and twirled in his hair, tucking it gently. Her sweet pitches were the thing that was heating up to go further and further, even though his tongue and jaws were hurting.

“No, no, no,” Y/N said in a shaky voice. She tugged his lips from the hottest spot on her body and Victor looked at her with confusion. Was he too rough? Why didn't she tell him that he's not doing her good? What could be done better? “I want to come on ya, Texas. Take those fucking jeans off and just do me good with that dick you're hiding down there.” Y/N leaned in for a short kiss, tasting her own flavor from his lips. 

“I don't believe ya that ya haven't fucked woman in the woods. I mean, look at ya.” She said as she sat down on her ass and started to take her bra off, taking it with the shirt and throwing it on the ground.

“Look at me?”

“You look like a playboy, Texas. Your body just screams that you just lean woman on a tree and fuck the soul out of her body.” She smirked as she lied on her back, circling her fingers around the top of the bed. 

“I mean, I haven't tried it yet,” Victor smiled when he kicked his jeans on a nearby bookcase. He climbed on the bed in between her legs, watching as her breasts moved up and down. “But if you're up to this sort of things, you can teach me.”

“Fuck me hard, mister Sullivan and then well see,” she whispered in a quiet tone. He mumbled shirt curse word under his breath; he hadn't think about condoms until this minute. 

“Just do it, Texas,” she wiggled her hips from side to side with a smirk of a naughty girl. “I'm on my pills.” 

He didn't need any other words. This was everything he needed to hear. He wanted to fuck the words out of her mouth and the teasing out of her head. Victor took her left hand in his right, entwining their fingers together and crashing his lips into hers as he slowly buried himself inside of her. No words were needed at that moment. It was just the two of them, breathing, sighing of a high woman and animal man growls and the song downstairs just slowing down and thrifting into another one. 

He wasn't gentle with her at all. He was bouncing into her in a rough, quick tempo, he wasn't holding back anything. She was moaning his name with grace and gratefulness, being completely full of his dick. One of their hand was entwined with each other, holding each other in a tight grip, the second one was holding on the headboard od the bed, trying to hold it tightly from moving. 

They were already heard all over the second floor and they knew that, but nothing could stop them at that point.

Her little valley was burning hot and wetter than Niagaras, her boobs were jumping in the tempo which their bodies were moving in. She tilted her head backward, closing her eyes with a sweet symphony out of her mouth. Victor leaned into her throat and started to bite into the tight, firm skin she got there.

They weren't too far from achieving the heights of orgasm. At one point it seemed that she wasn’t able to even breathe as she whined and shaken bit, holding him close by putting her leg on his waist. He could feel her little sanctuary where he was buried tightening in light vibrations at first, just as those words escaped her mouth. 

“I'm about to come, Texas.” 

And that's what made the bomb inside Sullivan just wildly go off. He wasn't gentle with her until that point, but now he went fully in, fucking her into the mattress like a machine. Her body just moved into his as she arched her back and shook her head as the sounds were just escaping her mouth. They went higher and higher as the closed her eyes firmly and all of a sudden...

“Oh my fucking God, Victor!” Y/N screamed loudly out of pure extasy as her body shaken firmly, she held him in her arms as he continued on fucking her to release himself; now holding the head of the bed in his arms as the sweat was pouring from him onto her skin. 

Y/N was lucky enough to find a new level of ecstasy with him. Normally, the guys stopped when she was done, just handling their boners on their own; but Victor wasn't that kind of guy. He wanted to mark even on the place where no-one could see it. Her pussy was wet and handling him so good that he hadn't got any reason to stop until he felt, how the energy is released from him. 

Then, after all of that, he slowly put his forehead on hers, trying to catch his breath. He didn't even notice how wet both of them are because of the sweat and how red her cheeks were. She was still holding his back, trembling a bit, her eyes were closed. She held herself close to him, her pussy was holding his dick, her thighs were holding his waist and her hands were on his back. 

He could finally see what he caused to her - the left side of her neck was practically violet, full of bloody love marks and bites; there were a few on the other side of her neck as well, but not as much as on the other side.

“Are you alright, baby girl?” His palm slowly smoothed her wet hair, definitely released from the ponytail. 

“I've never experienced anything as good as this, Texas,” Y/N said quietly as she kissed him slowly, with that tender, post-sex passion. Sully slowly crawled out of her body, lying next to her, watching her slowly turning to lay on her belly. 

“So you asked if you could be my kink, did you?” Sully trailed his hand from her shoulder to her waist, gently caressing the skin of per perfectly shaped bum. She nodded, smiling into her forearms. “I'm sure you can. But what now?” 

“What about just take the clothes on and leaving this place together? Take me wherever ya want, Texas.” She sat, searching for her panties and denim shorts. 

“God. I want to fuck you again as soon as I can.” Sully whispered as she slowly put her bra on, hiding it underneath his white t-shirt and that motorcycle bomber. Her hair was all around her face in long waves and she was smiling, still having rosy cheeks and sweaty forehead. 

“So come on, we’ll see what we can do about that.” She tried to speed him up while he was taking his boxers and jeans on. When he was all tidily done, she took his hand in hers, taking him out of the house. Sullivan couldn't describe the pride when she moved her hair so every single person could see her marks. She showed them as war scars, she wore them proudly. 

So they left together that day. And the days after as well. 

[realcube]

secretly dating the haikyuu!! boys 🤫

summary: you’ve been dating your partner in secret up until now, when their team finds out 

characters: hinata, oikawa & bokuto 

thanks to anon for the request 💗

tw// fem! reader, sexual references, swearing

Shōyō Hinata 

he kept the relationship a secret bc of noya IEFBEVAGLEB

ok ok lemme explain

you said jokingly once that you were into shorter guys in response to hinata asking something lovey-dovey along the lines of ‘what did i do to deserve you? 😍’

and hinata has been on edge ever since pfft

i mean, he just thins noya is such a cool guy and an awesome upperclassmen- why wouldn’t you want him?

but he couldn’t afford losing you to this teammate so he did everything in his power to make sure that you never crossed paths with nishinoya- which included not telling his team about you 

it was so hard for him as well bc he wanted to show you off to his teammates so bad especially stinkyshima 🥺

but he couldn’t :((

you never really inquired about it though, even when he’d get all weird when you’d come pick him up from practise

then the faithful day arrived, when kageyama watched you stroll into the class, hand hinata something, place a kind kiss on his cheek before taking your leave

he didn’t question it though- he couldn’t be bothered lol

the only time he ever brought it up was 2 weeks later in the changing room when tsukishima was making fun of him for being unable to ask out a girl for an upcoming dance

so kageyama retorted with ‘it’s not like you get any girls either, shittyshima! even hinata gets more action than you!’

hinata’s blood ran cold and he froze

tsukishima hummed in response, prodding kageyama to elaborate, ‘i saw him kissing a girl in class the other day-- have you ever kissed someone before?’

although that last part was meant to be a dig, it sounded more like a genuine question

yamaguchi peered over his shoulder to join the conversation, ‘is that true, hinata?’

hinata stood frozen for a little while longer before releasing a heavy sigh, ‘yes. but please don’t tell anyone else.’

‘why not?’ tsukishima pried.

‘none of your business, stinkyshima!’

that nickname was what prompted tsukishima to stroll out of the changing the room and disguise ‘hinata has a girlfriend’ behind a cough in front of the whole team

‘you said you weren’t going to tell anyone!’ hinata yelled, slightly red from the fact everyone was now staring at him - including coach ukai, takeda, kiyoko & yachi

‘what? it was just a cough.’ tsukishima snickered but promptly received an elbow to the stomach from yamaguchi

daichi rubbed hinata’s back while reassuring him that he didn’t have to tell them anything he didn’t want to but meanwhile, hinata’s eyes were fixated on nishinoya 

‘i- i do have a girlfriend.’ he stuttered, figuring that he wasn’t going to be able to hide it forever  — plus, he felt foolish for not trusting you to begin with. ‘her name is (l/n).’

yachi choked on her water, ‘she sits next to me in class!’

ngl yachi probably had a lil’ crush on you at some point but these are just headcanons, not a full blown fic so i cba to write a love triangle

‘cool’ hinata murmured in response before continuing, ‘she said that she will come see me after practise today so i guess you’ll see her then.’

by now, most people were shooting hinata comforting smiles and muttering their congratulations but those were all drowned out by nishinoya and tanaka’s loud offers

‘wow, hinata. you really got a chick before your senpais. i’m not sure whether to be proud or jealous!’ tanaka said, wiping an invisible tear from his eye

‘proud, ryū! we clearly did a good job in teaching him how to make advances on the ladies.’ nishinoya cheered before turning to grab hinata’s shoulders and pull him close, ‘now, hinata, if you ever need advice remember that you can come to us! we’re kinda professionals when it comes to relationships and stuff!’

hinata nodded rapidly, his lips slowly curling into a smile as he wondered; what was i so worried about? of course (y/n) would never cheat on me and noya would never make moves on my girlfriend

when you arrived, you were rather confused when hinata greeted you with his usual vigour rather than his hasty, rushed greetings for when you met him after practise

also, you were perplexed as to why many peeping eyes were staring at the pair of you from the gym door as he peppered your face with kisses - and why was one of them Yachi?

‘uuh, shō, are those your teammates?’ you inquired, gesturing to the peepers behind y’all

hinata peered over his shoulder and chuckled at how ‘discreet’ they were being,’uh- yeah.’

suddenly, yachi and sugawara popped out from behind the walls, ‘hello, (l/n)!’ they both yelled in unison

you smiled, looking at them and realising this was probably the first time you’ve ever been acknowledged by his teammates

‘hi, yachi and--’

hinata hastily whispered in your ear, ‘sugawara.’

‘sugawara!’

hinata finally got to introduce you to all his teammates and he was so hyped 

he had a foolishly wide grin on his face the whole time 

he’s just so happy that the person he loves can finally meet the people who help him do what he loves 

Tōru Oikawa

y’all kept the relationship secret bc you didn’t want to get nasty glares from oikawa’s fangirls and he didn’t want to get teased by iwa so it was a win/win

although you had to be cautious when showing PDA, it didn’t mean y’all didn’t do it at all

there was just something about knowing that what you were doing was risky, which made you want to do it even more

so sometimes y’all would do that thing where you arrange certain times to ask for the bathroom during class so you could see each other in the corridor

and since it was during class, there was virtually nobody else in the hallway 

so y’all would literally just go for it

kissing as if you had never experienced human affection before

but since you both were so into it, you’d never notice kyōtani walk by, on his way back from the principal’s office

he’d even let out a low scoff every time

but you were both just so in the moment that you’d never even notice 

word spreads fast in the seijoh boys’ volleyball club, though

but slightly slower when it starts with kyōtani

like what reason does he have to tell anybody about what he saw? he doesn’t want to relive those events

but during a bitching session with yahaba, he spilled about oikawa and you since the captain had been working them extra hard lately, as if he was the coach tsk

so ofc the gossip spread across multiple bitching session from yahaba, to kunimi, to kindaichi, to watari, to hanamaki then finally to matsukawa

(iwaizumi didn’t get to know bc firstly he didn’t join in with bitching sessions and secondly, everyone knew that iwa would just immediately tell oikawa and that would ruin all the fun)

it got to the point where almost everyone on the team knew about you and oikawa so whenever he would walk into practise, a chorus of low giggles and whispers would spread across the gym

this had been going on for about a month now and at first, oikawa was too self-indulged to notice

but after a bit longer, he kinda noticed and brought it up to iwaizumi

‘hey, why does everyone start acting weird whenever i walk into the room?’

iwaizumi rolled his eyes, shoving a ball against oikawa’s chest, ‘what? no, they don’t; stop being so paranoid. now, throw me some sets.’

that was enough reassurance for oikawa to ignore it for a while but then hanamaki accidentally made one of the jokes a bit too loud

oikawa fell face first into the gym floor after tripping over his lace and the whole gym seemed to erupt into laughter

‘hah!’ matsukawa wheezed, ‘stop kissin’ the ground, tōru!’ 

‘mwah, mwah!�� yahaba teased

hanamaki suddenly chimed in, ‘yeah, save that shit for (y/n)!--’

silence spread like a plague across the whole gym room

it was only broken when iwaizumi let out a clueless, ‘huh?’

oikawa quickly scurried onto his feet, ‘how do you know about (y/n)?’

hanamaki chuckled awkwardly as he looked left to right for help but was just met by blank stares, ‘uh- she’s- erm, in my homeroom class.’

obviously, oikawa didn’t buy it

‘who told you about me and (y/n)?’ he inquired in a sinister tone of voice, his glare seeming anything but kind 

‘watari!’ he yelled accusingly, pointing his index finger at the poor libero 

after all eyes shifted onto him, watari wasted no time in redirecting everyone’s attention onto kindaichi, ‘it was turnip-head who told me!’

‘well, it was kunimi that told me!’ kindaichi shouted with no hesitation

kumini crossed his arms over his chest, ‘yahaba told me.’

yahaba’s eyes widened at the sudden accusation before turning to oikawa and defending himself, ‘mad dog was the one that saw you and (y/n) kissing in the hallway!’

mad dog glared at the pinch server, then turned to oikawa and shrugged 

oikawa was livid DIUVBEVILS

‘YOU ALL KNEW ABOUT ME AND (Y/N) BUT DIDN’T TELL ME?! HOW LONG HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN GOSSIPING ABOUT US FOR?!’

yahaba took it upon himself to reply, ‘mad dog only told me about a month ago-’

‘THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR A WHOLE MONTH?!’

faint hums of ‘yeah’ and ‘uhuh’ were heard across the gym hall

‘wait-’ iwaizumi cocked his head to the side, ‘are you dating (y/n)?’

this inquiry was only met by blank stares as oikawa pinched his temple, wondering what he should do now

‘why did you try to hide your relationship for so long?’ kindaichi asked before kunimi added, ‘yeah, can we finally meet her?’ 

matsukawa rolled his eyes, ‘she literally goes to our school; meet her in the hallway or something.’

oikawa shook his head, quickly shutting down matsukawa’s idea, ‘i’ll ask her to come over after practise today but be on your best behaviour.’ he sung, quickly grabbing a ball and going back to practising receives

everyone was rather shocked at how fast the captains’ demeanour changed

while you were at your own club, you got a message from oikawa asking if you wanted to meet his team

you had already met most of them outside of volleyball but you figured now was perhaps a good time to introduce yourself as oikawa’s gf to rub it in /j

before you arrived, oikawa made it explicitly clear that they weren’t to tell anybody about the relationship or else oikawa’s fangirls would come for you

they all agreed and patiently waited for you to arrive

honestly, iwaizumi was probably the only one with pure intentions when it came to finally meeting you — as he simply wanted to see the girl who has oikawa’s heart

the rest of them of the other hand 🙄

matsukawa and hanamaki planned to have a competition to see who could seduce you first 

watari, kindaichi and kunimi wanted to just tease oikawa in front you 

and yahaba was going to try get you to tell him all the gossip about oikawa 😈

(kyōtani left early)

so needless to say you were hardly charmed when you formally met the bunch of boys oikawa spends his time with 

‘so are you free tonight orrr?’ hanamaki questioned, promptly getting a slap to the back of the head from both oikawa and matsukawa

‘makki, a lady like her shouldn’t be spoken to like that,’  matsukawa pushed his friend aside, ‘watch this: hey, sweetie. what is a gal--’

matsukawa got the same treatment as makki except this time it was kindaichi pushing him away, ‘so how much is oikawa paying you to play his girlfriend?’

you couldn’t help but giggle, especially as you could see oikawa from over his shoulder, shooting him the deadliest glare

kunimi poked his head around kindaichi arm to look at you, ‘i’m guessing ¥3000 an hour.’

‘(y/n) is worth way more than ¥3000 an hour!’ oikawa yelled from behind the crowd of boys surrounding you 

yahaba hurried forward, slipped his arm around your waist and escorting you a few paces away from the others to whisper in your ear, ‘does oikawa have any embarrassing childhood pictures?’

you snickered, leaning in and whispering back, ‘yeah, i’ll send them to you on instagram.’

ok. although they weren’t the most charming- they were definitely a fun bunch lol

Kōtarō Bokuto

a secret relationship w/ bokuto has hardly a secret lol

plus, the ‘secret’ part is only gonna last MAX a month ✋

he tries to ‘act natural’ around his teammates but it’s a bit- too natural 

he’ll come back from a make-out session with you, lipstick smeared across his face and just be like ‘hey y’all! ✌ good vibes today’

or when he’d take off his shirt to reveal the scratch marks on his back, that he wasn’t even aware of 

or the hickeys that he wouldn’t even bother try to hide 

so the whole team were aware that bokuto had a partner- they just weren’t sure who it was

but they didn’t really mention anything to bokuto bc they srsly didn’t care which left bokuto under the impression that he was sneaky as hell

akaashi was kinda upset that bokuto didn’t tell him about you tho but he kept that to himself

everyone was silently curious as to who bokuto was dating but none of them actually spoke up about it

until one day, konoha was chatting to komi, thinking they weren’t being listened to since bokuto seemed preoccupied with practising spikes, ‘psst, komi. i saw bokuto walk home with (y/n) the other day, i think she might be the one he’s da--’

but bokuto develops super-hearing when you’re involved

he was now looming over komi and konoha in what felt like a blink of an eye, ‘what did you say about (y/n)?’ he asked in a rather gruff voice

both boys were taken back by their captain’s sudden change in mood but komi managaed to stutter out, ‘oh- konoha just saw you walking home with her the other day; you both make a very cute couple.’

all sense of menace or threat was washed out of bokuto’s tone as his lips formed a bright smile, ‘awww, thanks! we do-- wait!’ 

bokuto cut himself off and the boys started snickering, ‘so it’s (y/n) that you’re dating.’ komi stated the obvious, this time loud enough for the whole gym to hear.

bokuto couldn’t help but face-palm, his sweaty hands making a loud, wet slapping noise against his skin. ‘ugh! i wasn’t supposed to tell you that.’ he grumbled, eyeing everyone in the gym that was sending him astonished looks

after a while of sulking in his emo-mode..with help from akaashi, bokuto finally tried to see the positives in the situation

‘well, maybe today she can finally meet you all.’ bokuto murmured, eyes full of hope which could hardly be seen passed the strands of his deflated hair that hung in front of his face

‘sure.’ akaashi shrugged, seeing nothing wrong with this idea 

there was a lot of things wrong, though

firstly, you were at your own club which finished ten minutes after practise ended, which means bokuto had to use his puppy-eyes on everyone on the team to convince them into staying for ten minutes extra

secondly, bokuto was so hyped that you were finally meeting his teammates, an introduction for each person took like 5 minutes 

bokuto inhaled sharply to catch his breath from the last introduction he just did, ‘ok next, this is washio, he’s one of our middle blockers bc he is so damn tall - say hi, washio. his eyebrows might make you think that he is a meanie or something  — that’s what i thought at first — but he’s really not. he offered me some of his lunch after i forgot to bring money that day so he’s definitely a good egg. he’s also a really good blocker and he has similar hair to me so i think that’s why he’s so good. also, he’s really good at making tea.’

ok now imagine that but for every. single. member.

he also gives you an extra ass intro too lol

‘(y/n), this is onaga. onaga this is my beautiful, stunning, flawless girlfriend (y/n)  — she’s the sweetest person ever and she give the sweetest kisses on the face of this earth.’

please don’t be embarrassed he just loves you so much 

[menaenum]

July 22, 2018

My 20th birthday! Wow today was absolutely AMAZING!

So, lemme begin w/ the fact that I had no restrictions p much whatsoever (but still trying to be safe nonetheless)

I spent the night w/ Charles in his room (tryin to be sneaky when i had to go to the bathroom, i.e. going to 3rd girls floor, or sneakin at 5th floor)

We woke up past breakfast (bcs i could thereoretically get that any time!) I woke up around 9:33 and snuck down to get some Carbon elote and black beans and corn and came back to fall asleep a bit longer and drink some diet ginger ale

Then, around 10:30, i went up to my room to get into some clothes (+ some nuts and random pilfered food from other lounges! animal crakcers! hummus! indian food!)

It was rainy today, so I put on my black boots (faux leather, good for rain), tights (good for changing into/outof when shopping and keeps me p warm), big black skirt (room for bloating!!), grey sweatshirt (warm and comfy)~

I grabbed the Hanbok and went to Charles’ apartment (cursed be its name smh) Then we went and put it on and took nice pictures!!!)

After that, we lyfted to Ajoomah’s Kitchen!!! I got the seafood stew (which iwas told did not have mussels, but it did. hopefully i wont puke tonight.........), diet coke, and half kimchi half seafood pancake (hoonestly this was soooo good. so oily and soft and warm and ugh i could eat that sweet inner dough for days) and sidedishes (kimchi, seaweed, potatoes, cucumber, fishcakes, lil potatoes+carrots, beansprouts, sweet fried tofu) I had a lil rice too!

Then, we went to the Art Institute of Chicago to see the John Singer Sargent exhibit (meh, he’s cool but not cutting edge enough. charles loved it tho so~ and i enjoyed bein there w/ him! but i saw the Train Arriving at Gare St. L----- so that’s nice!) The next exhibit was on Danish cutlery and was also quite meh. Original Ikea i guess. We saw the Korean green pots next~ So calming~ But so few :/

Next, we went to Russian tea time! We got their house teea (v floral and warm). I got the Bourbon Bread Pudding with Caramel and Cinnamon (it was a bit dry and it was a bit too warm.) I like Charles’ desert a bit more. A Napoleon. It was creme filled and cool (nice in the warm room) but I didn’t really like the berry sauce so...c’est la vie

After that, we went shopping at DSW (where I bought a pair of Tiimberland knockoffs by Steve Madden that zip of the sides to replace the combat boots I stole from lizsal729), TJ Maxx (where i bought a cool pair of Levi’s!!!), and Burlington Coat Factory (where Charles bought me two striped shirts!)

Then, we returned to Hyde Park by lyft to go to Kikuya! I got tamagodon (with miso and salad!) It wasn’t ~as~ good as last time, but just barely. I wasn’t too hungry, but I wanted to eat it so bad and I ate all of the egg and lots of the rice. Charles had two sushi rolls and half my salad and a Perrier. I had a diet coke!

I came back to the dining hall and had more watermelon and pizza rind and some cottage cheese and lots of cantelope and a lil plum and diet coke and it was nice. 

When I got back to the lounge, my kids “surprised” me with a big 20 balloon and threw balloons off the balcony and it was amazing!!! Then the one dude brought me a diet ginger ale liter and yesssss dude! I just chilled in the lounge ot show my appreciation (+ while I had energy to bond, I did!)

For study break, we had cake. I had some of the bottom of the cake and a bit of icing. The bottom of the cake was p good actually. I had some pizza crush too from some chick and two pieces of lucky charms.

And two of my kids got me a gift! $10 at Target, some chocolates, and a super cute journal!!! Plus they wrote me notes and some others got candles and napkins and honestly I’m so happy right now. I also just snuck down to binge on some more of the Carbon (beans and veggies and that darned Elote which is just so good) 

Also, last midnigth (aka July 22 at the Awakening, I opened the Ramen bites. They were ~eh~ but Charles liked ‘em. I also got him mac’n’cheese at 1AM and watched house in his room while he ate. I love that boy.

When I got back to my room (present day), I opened up the weird Jewish peanut cheetos to put them in The Bag. I won’t open The Bag until Friday. I will eat 1 egg for lunch and sneak 1 Thing at Law School. For dinner, I will be respectful. Tomorrow, I will have 1 egg and a pear and 3 slices of watermelon for dinner. I will not touch the pasta. I will not touch the veggie burger. I will not touch the croutons. 

So overall, what I’m saying is, Emily in the future, you’re gonna be sad but don’t worry food and love and friendship makes it better and it exists. Chew your gum and be as happy as you can. You’ll make it!

[jouurnal]

14/12/20

PSYCH WARD 

SEAN

It was Australia Day. I was single. I had 3 weeks of being single. I had been talking to my ex and Alec at the same time... I felt desired but wanted more. I’d seen people hooking up at parties before and thought I’d try it. When I walked up to Nathan’s I saw Victor and thought he was cute and I’d probably make out with him. At the party, I hadn’t eaten anything because I wanted to look skinny. I was wearing my black and white stripy dress. It was tight. At the party I didn’t have any alcohol and didn’t know how things worked regarding who brought alcohol or who drank it. I went with a car of boys to get alcohol but didn’t have money so just awkwardly sat in the car hoping for free booze. When we got back, a chick had a bottle of vodka and I asked for some, helping myself. It was way more than I thought it was. I had around 3/4 of a cup full. After a bit of it I was more confident and went up to the pool table where Sean and Victor were cause I wanted to get with Victor. I was trying to be sexy on the pool table. I sat down next to Victor on the black couch. I was so out of it, I only just was conscious. I then went straight to Victor and hooked up with him, making out passionately. I don’t remember the next bit but I was lying on his shoulder and I bit it. I felt sick so I stumbled and somehow made it by myself to the bathroom to puke. I left the bathroom door open. Sean came in and I said “go use the toilet I don’t care” bc I thought he needed to go and I was trying to look after myself and please/care for him too. He sat on the toilet seat and motioned me to come over. I did. My body just obeyed. I sat on his lap and hugged him, thinking I’d just get a nice cuddle. He then tried to pull my dress up. I pulled it back down. He did it again. I kept pulling it down. Then Nathan came to the door on the right hand side where the light was coming in. It was dark in that bathroom. He knocked and said he’s coming to help. Bastian did too. I was so embarrassed when they came in because my skirt was up and I was afraid they’d see my pubic hair. Nathan pulled my dress down and put his arm around me and I started to cry hysterically. “What just happened? Did I have sex with him?” I was crying so much. Nathan made me a sausage sandwich and I ate it up. He kept reasurring me “are you ok? it’s going to be ok, you’re fine”. I was so embarrassed that everyone was looking at me. I felt so stupid. I didn’t want to make a scene. I was on the phone to my ex, crying. He rocked up. They were at the front of the house: ex, sean and victor. Ex had his back to me and Sean kept yelling threats and ex was going to fuck him up. He was so pissed. I was crying cause I was so concerned. Eden said “look at her, you’re scaring her”. That made him stop. Then ex walked me to his place and I was crying the whole time saying “I hope I didn’t have sex/loose my virginity to him”. When we got to his place i felt so guilty that I had hooked up with those other guys. I let him try to anal me as a thanks... He told me after that his dick slipped in my vag... I was pretty out of it still and don’t remember parts of this. Then my mum called and said she was there to pick me up so I ran to Nathan’s and said I had gone to Leone’s. I was scared I smelt of alcohol and was scared of her judgment.

I’m realising that this is why I feel confined in dark spaces and rooms alone with a male.

It’s why I feel embarrassed when/if I flirt - bc I link that to deserving mistreatment

It’s why I feel anxious about getting into a relationship - bc I think all I deserve is poor treatment

It’s why I feel afraid if I’m alone with a guy. That he’ll use/take advantage of me

I thought if I please a man sexually that I’d keep him...

Have I changed enough to not be so naive? Yes! I won’t tolerate bullshit behaviour - esp sexual. I won’t get drunk. I won’t be alone with a guy. I’ll barely be around any parties.

EX

Constant no concern for my emotional wellbeing and wouldn’t probe me to find out. I was very resentful and bitter constantly. He would say one thing then do another. He would always just want my body. Every time we hung out it was just my body. That’s all he wanted. I couldn’t get his attention off the fucking video games. So I used my body and felt shit after.

BATHROOM

I tried to out drink him in vodka... Then ended up in the bathroom puking and absolutely out of it. He made me have a shower when i didn’t want him to see my boobs... I stood in the shower facing the other way crying and scared, covering my boobs. Taylor had walked in and seen my butt... 

Have I changed enough to not be so naive?

I won’t date a man who treats me like this to begin with. I won’t be alone with a guy. I barely touch a man. If a man does something I dislike I’ll tell him: “that makes me uncomfortable, don’t do that again

[spunkyspy]

Were you able to catch dem and Ika's insta live? If so, do you have a recap?

Yea, I caught all but like 5 minutes bc my phone died fskjlddsj but sure! I’ll put it under a read more~

This wont be in chronological order btw just how i remember it

They started out talking about how they couldnt believe it was a new year already

They walked about how they were excited for bbcan6 and they also plan to watch CBBUS i think. Ika was more excited and Dem said it’ll be hard to watch bc he’ll miss it (as in miss playing/being in the house). 

They said that they had a hard time watch bbcan5 back and they had to drink a lot while watching lmao. Ika mentioned how she still thinks that Dem should have won. She said that she loves Kevin and she’s happy for him but she think it would have been a better season/conclusion if Dem had won (i agree lmao) and Dem just kind of nodded

Dem said he might try to watch feeds this year bc he never had but said it’ll be weird. Ika never has either but doesnt want to

She mentioned how she got in yesterday but they didnt say anything so they could have that first day alone together

She said she still gets nervous when she sees him and he still gives her butterflies

She said she usually hides from him when she first gets to the airport but he didnt want to give her time to do it this time lmao

He texted her the day she was gonna get there and told her to text him when she had her bag because he didnt want to pay for parking bc he wanted to trick her and thought it’d make her mad/make her think he was cheap (it didnt) and she said they were both texting and walking through the airport and she walked right past him and some guy was like oh your boyfriend is over there and she was like uh excuse me? and he said arent you Ika? and she said yes and he said he’s right over there with the flowers and she turned and saw him and freaked out (i guess the guy recognized her from BB?)

Ika’s flight was delayed so Dem ended up waiting in the airport for like an hour. He had his flowers and little sign and was sitting on a bench and this older lady came over and sat with him and said “I wish I was Ika Wong”

someone asked if they were gonna move in together soon and Ika said something like y’all are so nosy! Can we leave the nosiness behind in 2017? That’s for us to know and you to not find out (lmao) and the chick apologized and Ika felt bad and said she was just joking. 

Ika then went on to talk about their future house and how they have to have two separate bathrooms so she can leave her stuff everywhere and “pee in peace” (im pretty sure that was her wording lmaooo). She said “When we get our future house” and he said “when we build our house” and that he will build her her own bathroom lmao

they thought about going out last night and going ice skating but i was really cold and Ika said that Dem was the only person that she wanted to spend it with so why go out in the cold

OH LMAO Dem said when he first got out of the house he was really confused by people calling him Daddy and Ika thought he meant the Mom and Dad thing and she was like no it’s a good thing! but he meant literally Daddy skldfjsd

they were pretty tipsy bc Dem had just went to the liquor store and got them some wine and whiskey. Ika was worried about him going even though it was just down the road bc it was sketchy and he promised that he’d be back by 10:12 and it was 10:11 and he wasnt back so she called him lmao

They still have the little stuffed dog George from the house

Dem mentioned his cousin George and said he’s a more pumped up version of Dem and Ika said that she loves George but doesnt like hanging out with them together bc they pick on her and George thinks it’s funny when Dem picks on her lmao

She said that she never expected to find someone so accepting of her but Dem is and she was sitting on him and putting her clips in in lmao

Someone asked if Gary was ever gonna find a man and she said to leave him alone sdfkjsldkf and they mentioned that Gary said he wants a 750,000 dollar ring

She talked some more about how Dem cant move on if she dies and that she’ll haunt both of them sfkjsld she said he’ll have to tell all of them on the first date that he has a crazy dead girlfriend who will haunt them. 

Dem wants to take Ika snowboarding but Ika doesnt want to go lmao. He told her that he was sure she could get to the bottom of whatever slope thing he was talking about but that she probably wouldnt be standing. Someone mentioned that he should take her skiing instead bc it’s safer and he said yea you’re right

he mentioned taking her ice fishing too and Ika said no bc she’s scared that he’d push her in and be like “it’s finally my chance to get rid of her!” lmao

They started talking about when they first liked each other in the house and asked Dem when he thought she like him and he said like day 21-22, after he kissed her and she said no like day 8-9 and he was so surprised and mentioned how she was still saying all of the like friendshipmance stuff then. She said that they would hold hands under the covers early on so production and fans wouldnt see and was surprised that so many fans did. She was really surprised watching back at how affectionate they were. She also said that she was pretty sure Dem like her when he gave her George to sleep with in the have not room and he said “was that before or after i straight up told you i liked you” lmao and she said that she thought it was cute bc he was trying to be cute\

they were wrapping in up and about to end it and some ppl in the chat were like “dont leave!” and at the same time Ika and Dem both started talking about how whenever Dem has to hang up the phone, Ika is always like “NO dont leave me!”

okay that’s basically it! Im sorry it’s so long slfjskldf

[bb-bigbang-org]

EPISODE 1: “This house offers no cute people, and I hate it” - DREW

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CODY

I am playing up a character so I’m acting kinda cold to a lot of people saying short simple answers to DM’s mostly. 

MANDI

aaaahhhhhhhhhhhh. i think im actually really going to love this cast.

DREW

Alright ladies and gentlemen. I'm gonna make the first text confessional and I think its gonna be very simple. 

This house offers no cute people, and I hate it. I usually flirt with one man and woman in this house, and there is NO ONE cute in this cast. But I guess, this being the inaugural season of this ORG- I can't fault them because... it was probably hard for the production to find a solid group of people! That being said, the person coming closest to /cute/ is Andrew... but we'll see how it goes it from there.

DESIREE

Here are my first impressions based on the videos!

I want to be Katrina's friend. She seems like a super cool chick.

Austin seems like a good guy but it's hard to judge without a video and without chatting.

Mandi seems really distracted in her video and I worry that she will not have enough time for this game if she has so many other responsibilities.

Drew seems like a pretty chill guy, but for some reason I suspect that there will be some drama with him later on...

Pennino's a cutie. Voting him most likely to self evict. But he seems like a good kid.

Lukas is funny, I feel like he's going to be popular from the start... Not sure which way I should go with that but I should keep an eye on him.

Sooo I guess Frosby knows a bunch of people in this ORG which is certainly concerning. But he seems like a good guy.

Brooke seems like a lost sheep which may make her a good person to keep around for the numbers.

Kayla seems cool! Seems like she is knowledgeable about BBORGS but also seems pretty levelheaded. Also, she's pregnant! How sweet! As I mentioned in my video, I want to work in medicine with pregnant women so I love that.

Joe is cohosting another ORG I'm in and I feel like the other host doesn't like me so I wonder if he doesn't like me either.

Ashley seems great. She seems like someone I would hang out with.

Love Andy! I played in The Circle Online with him!

Sammy seems cool! He also mentioned time issues, but I feel like he would be active enough. He has respects for the hosts so I imagine he won't be missing too much, just might not be as active in the house chats. Probably a good person to keep around, though.

Cody hasn't provided much info except being Australian, which is pretty cool. lol

omg Chloe's video... She seems fun, seems like the kind of drunk to give a stranger a pep talk in a bar bathroom.

KAYLA

First day in the Big Brother house and I'm already part of two alliances. One I know was made by Cody the other...I'm not sure. Cody really wants this HOH which seems risky but, that's his choice, I guess. I really don't want to win HOH at all. Like...bruh lol so if somehow my guess was accurate...I'm gonna yeet myself into oblivion. Like, I want Cody to take the fall. Let him make the bloody first moves haha

FROSBY

Frosby is back in the saddle and I already have no idea what im doing... yet again. But ya know what im here to have fun god damiit and fun is what im going to have. First off im glad to see joe made this season bc BOOM instant ally gotta love the guy. 2nd Im already making some fast friends, what can I say I love talking to people. PRetty soon im going to have so many allies I wont know what to do. This season my main goal is to try and make a little more friends with more of the ladies. I realized in my last season of BB I didn't have a single girl for an ally and I feel like I sold myself short on some good quality allies. SO im going to try my best and talk to everyone and make allies with as many people as I can so I can safely make it through the early evictions. Also my plan is play it cool with challenges until post jury time and then I step up my challenge game! That is all I got for tonight ill probably come back tomorrow with a view on big players in the game. FROSBY OUT 

CODY

TO sum up my first day of this game I am playing it hard and fast! I am ensuring that I have a majority alliance and it’s awesome because I was quite lucky to have a few pre game connections going into this so I’ve utilised all of them. And it helped that Brooke wanted to make an alliance with me and a few other people from it

I pitched to everyone that the game of Big Brother is a difficult one to navigate through which is the reason why I created this majority alliance. Now my goal is to win this HOH and start the game from the top. When I am at the top is when my aggressive nature will truly start to kick in. First of all when I decide who I nominate I am going to request an alliance chat with them and tell them that I’m on top they are on the bottom and they both have 0 chance of winning the game. Then proceed to put them on the block

Now hopefully me being so aggressive it will actually be a weird way of showing how loyal I am to my alliance. This could easily backfire of course but the idea is for them to perceive me as a goat. When in reality that’s what I want them to think and I will do everything I can to aggressively get things my way in this game. And if I find out that any of my allies are going against me and the alliance I’m going to be aggressive about how I call them out for it. And hopefully the perception will still be “yeah this guy might be mean but he’s also very loyal to his people let’s take someone else out over him”

PENNINO

So i'm here! I'm really happy to be here. But I see some faces like Joe, Kayla, and Brooke, which I know, and I'm kinda scared about playing with them, but I really need to start talking to people. 

MANDI

So, the first day Cody made a nine person alliance. which is fine and all because i am in it but he is literally running the alliance and im not sure i really trust him at all yet.. so we will see how fast this will blow up.

KATRINA

Oh boy. I’m in over my head. There’s so many new people and I have no clue how to play this game. It’s so hard keeping track of people and who they are. I think a lot of these people know each other and have played with each other before which scares me. That means I have a disadvantage. I am an outsider and they won’t see me the same as those people that they’ve already played with. I’m going to try and stay under the radar but be very friendly since that’s what worked for me in the last org that I played in. I’ve met some really nice People so far. I really like Andrew and Austin. I hope the people that I’m talking to and making friends with her trustworthy. I would really hate if I started becoming really good friends with somebody and they turned out to go behind my back. That would really suck if I was one of the first people to leave.

DESIREE

For the record, I do not want to win the first HOH. Its too early for that power and I don't want to make a splash yet. I would rather just watch from the sidelines this week.

As my theme song said - "Take one step at a time, there's no need to rush."

JOE

I feel like I’ve made some solid bonds with the people around me. Came in knowing a lot of people, and they seem like they’re all willing to work with me. I think Mandi and frosby will be my go to’s. Surprised frosby still wants to work with me after last game but I feel like I can trust him. I think I’m in a good spot for at least these first few weeks. 

BROOKE

Watching Lukas blow up unde9able is great. Especially since I was the one that ratted it out to him. He came to me and said Cody has a nine person alliance and since he’s HoH, I didn’t want to lie to him. He promised me safety in return of telling him who’s in it. I’m just gonna kick back and relax and hope he doesn’t nominate Kayla. 

DREW

Unde9nable got leaked already? I wonder who told the HoH... not I, but I did tell Chloe- and girl its a MESS. I gotta act like I'm in some sort of trouble with Lukas, but after speaking with him earlier, he knows that its a front. I literally am just not feeling Cody, and his ass needs to GO. Glad to see that I have some people agreeing with me that he's fake, he sounds robotic, and that he's disingenuous! LOVE THAT FOR ME!!! 

ASHLEY

Hey hey it’s already day 2 feeling okay. I kinda wish that the one on ones weren’t in my private messages but it’s okay. I am getting to know people and it’s cool. Pretty good so far. I like Lukas and Sammy. And I’m glad I didn’t win HOH I don’t want to be first and have a target.

CODY

So I’m not entirely sure what’s going to happen moving forward with my game. Obviously the HOH plan and alliance failed and I made the decision to stir the pot a little and made a particular comment which got reported. And it made me realise it’s best to stop the crazy persona. 

I do feel like I do have some legit relationships in this game, people such as Joe and Kayla I’ve talked to a lot. I’m not entirely sure that they will want to play with me moving forward through. Thankfully I do have an alliance with Brooke which she started and like I said I do feel like I got a good bond with Joe and Kayla. However it’s probably not gonna be enough. I just spent some time chilling in voice chat with a few people and we had a good time. We talked essentially 0 game though which was absolutely fine, the only thing we did talk about was just me apologising for my actions however I feel like I’m definitely a dead man walking but I can try to use that to my advantage and say that I am an open number. I just hope that does not make me perceived as a wildcard

DESIREE

Daily Thoughts for Day 2:

HOH Competition: I was really trying not to win the first HOH competition, but I didn't throw it necessarily, I just didn't try at all. I didn't want to obviously throw, but I figured not trying would be enough not to win. WELL turns out I tied for 2nd out of 16 houseguests. WHOOPS. That was close. Anyway, Lukas won! I feel okay with Lukas as HOH. We have talked a bit and he consults with me game decisions, so I feel pretty safe. We don't have an explicit alliance, but we have said we'll have each other's back this week at least.

9 person alliance: So, apparently there was a majority alliance created in the first 24 hours of the game. Even worse, it seems that Cody created the alliance and just added random people in without consulting them first. That seems messy af. Lukas blew up the alliance in the house after someone leaked it to him. I mean, are you surprised it got leaked if people didn't even want to be in it? I would have leaked it too! Lukas may have created a target on his back by blowing that up, but it seems like most people in the house are on his side because most people weren't committed to that alliance anyway.

House Meeting: After the alliance was exposed, Cody decided to call a house meeting. He explained that he came in here and decided to play a "drill sergeant" character. He quickly realized that he was rubbing people the wrong way after he got reported for threatening physical violence. He will play as himself from now on. He was trying to save his own ass, but I think it's too late for him.

Houseguest Connections:

The person I'm the closest with in the house so far is Frosby. We got to chatting on the first night about board games and the conversation just flowed really easily. He was a part of that 9 person "alliance" but that doesn't really concern me because I believe that he was just added willy nilly and didn't have any stake in it. Other than that, I've talked game with Lukas the most. I don't have any solid alliances formed, but I wanted to wait until week 2 to really start solidifying things. I prefer to take the time to get to know people before committing to alliances.

MANDI

well first nomination ceremony went good!! i totally forgot pennino was in the game.😳 i feel bad because he is in such a different time zone then all of us buuuuut. i was nominated so thats good. i am trying my best to just be social with everyone. i have talked to ash and desiree on vc but other than that i havent talked to them at all. i have yet to talk to pennino at all. but other than that i have mostly talked to everyone either through dm or in the house chat. i am honestly scared this game.😂 i have no idea what ANYONE is thinking. im worried about brooke and kayla because they are so close and know about me and joe. i know they are eventually going to try and break me and him up. joe will always be my number one and i will always protect my little brother.😎

PENNINO

So this is a bad situation. But I want to work with Lukas. Keep your enemies REALLY close

ANDREW

My thought on my housemates so far.

(They will be rank 1-15 purposely, it’s just a first impression rank, not everything in written in stone) 

1. Lukas (we’ve had a good connection, very fluid conversation, nice dude, TOP ally rn, he wasn’t part of the 9 person alliance)

2. Frosby (he contacted me, and he was very nice, very cool, he was part of the 9 person alliance, and we were both a bit Wary about it too.)

3. Mandi (my twinsie)

4. Sammy (he’s very nice, a bit busy, but when he has a break, he talks and it’s very fluid)

5. Desiree (i know her from another org, and she maybe an ally, like be a huge threat because she knows I play a good social game)

6. Katrina (i respect her for her career choice, also she said I was funny, and well now I love her lol)

7. Chloe (party girl, fun to talk to her, that character can also be an act, but benefit of the doubt)

8. Drew (he’s Zen, cool, i like him)

9. Ashley (she’s cute, i like her for now)

10. Kayla (i got no solid opinion of Kayla rn)

11. Brooke (she’s very active, i like that, but she has already a social game going on, and obviously I’m not part of it, but that can benefit me, for now)

12. Joe (who?)

13. Austin (weed bro, doesn’t talk much)

14. Cody (catfish)

15. Pennino (he’s very young, and has a very weird time difference, I’ve played a previous org with him, and he didn’t talk at all, i bet he bites more than he can chew)

That’s is my initial ranking of my houseguests.

My strategy for this game is “smile and wave”, this is 80 days, and the dying star will be mainly based on vengeance on another houseguest or if they think it’s a threat. Keep it cute, this game is basically called the “long con”. I’m ready to play.

DESIREE

Daily Thoughts for Day 3:

Lukas nominated Cody & Pennino today, and then Sammi, Chloe, & Frosby were picked. I feel good with the nominees, Cody already blew up his game and I haven't really talked to Pennino at all. I am happy to not be picked for POV as well, because I want to lay low in the game for now. I am happy that Frosby got picked though, because he is my ally so if he wins I can at least feel involved from the sidelines.

CODY

Alright so according to a few people I might actually be safe...it’s hard to believe anything that you are told in this game. But if I’m safe then fuck yessss I’m back in it. 

It seems as though people’s views and thoughts on me have changed mostly and the votes actually might not all be coming my way. However I’m still not expecting to be kept safe because they could just be trying to make me feel comfortable! 

If I do survive I am going to try and lay low for a bit. I’m probably going to throw the next HOH, still undecided. I don’t wanna draw too much attention onto myself because if I’m in a position of nominating people straight away after surviving then people might change how they feel about me yet again especially if they’re on the receiving end of a nomination

I am also probably not going to set up any alliances either unless I feel I absolutely need to. I think instead I’m going to try and be looked upon as kind of a floating free agent. I might only try to win vetos if I get picked for them

DESIREE

Daily Thoughts for Day 4:

Sammy won POV and didn't use it. I think that was the right decision. Final nominees are Cody & Pennino. Lukas told me he doesn't care who goes home and that it's up the house, but it seems like Pennino is a pawn here. I think if there is someone in the group who is so obviously making waves, they should go for the first week. In the coming weeks, we can worry about bigger threats, but first week, I'm more in favor of evicting the person who is the most controversial.

ASHLEY

Trust ratings so far (1 most & 15 least)

1. Sammy

2. Joe

3. Brooke

4. Kayla

5. Drew

6. Mandi

7. Lukas

8. Chloe

9. Katrina

10. Frosby

11. Desiree

12. Austin

13. Andy

14. pennino

15. Cody

MANDI

UGH. i dont know who to vote for.😭 everyone is so back and forth. everyone wants cody out because he rubbed them the wrong way, and pennino. people want him gone because he isnt very active, but he is sooo nice. but also i love drama and cody is a good drama started. WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO.😭😭 no one is giving me answers on who is going or who is staying.

ANDREW

Trust Ranking: 

1. Lukas

2. Frosby

3. Mandi

4. Sammy

5. Desiree

6. Austin

7. Brooke

8. Katrina

9. Drew

10. Chloe

11. Cody

12. Ashley

13. Kaya

14. Joe

15. Pennino

From 5-to 13. It can totally change during time.

DREW

Absolutely gaggin. 

Like this is how the first week is gonna end? People are gonna claim that CODY is the least threatening player than a 14 year-old. Absolutely bonkers man. Did I sign up to play Big Brother or Hopscotch? Like my god- the way that Ashley and Brooke are going around trying to PERSUADE the other houseguests that Cody is the one to keep. AND it doesn't help matters when I'm supposed to be aligned with Joe/Mandi/Katrina, and they're all like- yeah Cody isn't a competition threat and a vote shield!? 

AND WHAT OF THE DAMN 14 YEAR OLD? HUH? WHAT DOES THAT MAKE HIM?!?

Like I understand that Pennino isn't the most active, but why are we gonna be wasting a WEEK on him when he's probably gonna strike out for inactivity or something down the line?!? LIKE I DON'T UNDERSTAND. Everyone here is thinking on the short term, and I honestly hate it. I really do. 

Bollocks. I'm just so over everything that has transpired in the last 24 hours. And if this is any indication on how the rest of the game will be- then I'm gonna make it my damn mission to make sure that I get Ashley, Brooke, Frosby, Joe, and Andrew out of here. Trust and believe.

MANDI

soooo. kayla and sammy came to me and said they wanted to flip the votes and evict cody. i told them if they had the votes i would go wherever the house went. well my alliance with joe, drew, and katrina said we had the votes to keep cody. we have frosby, brooke, joe, drew, katrina, ashley, desiree, and maybe chloe?? i dont know and then me. i told sammy that they didnt have the votes to flip and that cody would be a good vote shield if we were ever on the block with him. so i finally convinced sammy to keep cody. sorry kayla and austin! i am just going where the house goes. i honestly dont care who goes home but i think keeping cody is our best option going forward in the game. plus pennino hasnt talked to me at all and i think i can trust cody.

BROOKE

Kayla really wants Cody gone but I think he should stay.. I really don’t want to go against her or lie to her but if I have to, I will.

WEEK 1 CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKxuIySz2d8

[defunctblogtobedeleted]

9/1/17, 1:04am - Girls, Fertility, Etc

Ok, computer’s tryna brick out on me so that’s a pain in the ass but I really wanted to write about this week before I got too far away from it because it was fucking incredible lol.

That date with Sally that I left off on ended up going absolutely phenomenally.  It almost crashed and burned though. Right when I got off work and we were supposed to meet up she stopped responding to me. I thought she pulled the dirtiest flakeout I’ve ever seen when I got around waiting for 45 minutes, but eventually she told me where to meet up with her lol. At her apartment complex I stood out in the lawn, waving at this cat that was on its hind legs staring at me through a glass door. As I’d wave it’d shimmy around. Such a cuuutey. She finally came outside after a bit, and she said she kind of wanted sushi which I was just going to suck up. But as we walked across the parking lot her dog freakkkkked out whining, it was so loud and tragic sounding that we decided to just stay in and get food delivered if we wanted it later. (We didn’t, probably should’ve, I hadn’t eaten all day lol) First I got to know her pets a bit. Her dog was rambunctious as fuck, and her cat was the calmest friendliest cat I’ve seen in a fucking minute. Like snuggling up on my hand licking me to pieces friendly. I fixed her dog’s collar, and she was kind of impressed immediately by how well I got along with both of them. I made us some coke and rum, we sat down and watched the tick and cuddled with her pupper in the dark for a while. After three episodes and three more coke and rums we were both pretty fucking tipsy and started to ignore the show in favor of just talking about shit. We were talking about chinese food (she loved that I’d tried all her favorites at Gourmet Kingdom), and religion and a whole bunch of stuff, tried to restart the show a few times, but got distracted making out instead lmao. We fucked on her couch. We both wanted to smoke one of her cigarettes but she didn’t have a lighter, so she dared me to run naked across her apartment complex parking lot to get one from my car. I popped outside and was immmeeddddiately almost spotted by this family of like 5 or 6 people that walked out at the same time. Hid behind a tree and tweeted about it lmfao.  So when I got back we sat outside on the porch, her on my lap, both of us naked smoking cigarettes and chatting about whatever. It was a beautiful fucking night. Then she invited me back to her bedroom and we had sex some more and passed out.

I woke up throwing up with a terrible hangover. Probably should’ve eaten something. She didn’t remember much, but we talked about how she had a good time and we want to see each other again. It’s just hard with my schedule taking up all my weekends. I guess we’ll see.

So Sunday I came back home, ate some wendy’s and nursed my hangover by finishing watching the tick (pretty solid, actually. Definitely enjoyed it). When I felt better I hit up Becky to see if she still wanted to hang out. She said she still wanted to, I went into the bathroom to wash up and found out Sally fucking chomppped my neck, gave me one of the biggest hickeys of my life lmfao.

Hanging out with Becky was awesome, too. We watched the new Death Note movie, and she’s really into horror movies so we watched Children of the Corn since neither of us had seen it. Went down on each other and went out to chipotle lol. While we were eating she told me that she does the same finger gun-point thing I do, and that apparently it’s a stereotypical bi thing. That’s fuckin neat/weird lmao. We went back to my place, watched the first episode of stranger things and then fucked a bunch, cuddled and talked about anime for a long time. Bonus self esteem points for a girl wanting to fuck the shit out of me totally sober lol.  I’m supposed to see her again tomorrow before I head out to work. Gonna go to her club meeting where she’s gonna teach me some japanese! Pretty fucking cool. Both of them are awesome. There’s no way this could backfire on me, right?!

lol anyway, Monday I went out to hang out with smith and dan all day. Smoked and played melee for hours. Got bodied in tournament, probably shouldn’t have entered lol it’s too hard to play high. I was like napping under a table. Hung out at smith’s that night playing rivals of aether and smoking, got caught up on Dragonball Super with him, was super cash. But the reason I stayed there was for my fertility test on tuesday! Almost fucking overslept and missed it lmao, but made it there late enough that they’d still see me (called ahead thank god lab appointments aren’t so strict). Got the results just a couple hours later and I’m sterile! Fucking made it, fam. No more pregnancy scares, nothin. So pumped actually lol. Hung out with Karn for a sec before heading back home to gboro. Was going to skip entering the tournament because I felt really off, but did anyway and managed to get fourth. Pretty neat, but missed making some money by thiiiis much lol. 

Went out to karaoke and smoked with some people out back again. People fucking love me there, I love greensboro so much. It’s like living in easy mode where everyone just thinks you’re great.  Actually for the first time someone hated me instantly it was this fat chick who was making these 4 bear pun jokes and I was reallllly stoned and just didn’t get it so I was like “why? Is it because you’re a bear?” and I snorted and she fucking gives me these Daggers and says “no it’s because my name is Panda, you fucking asshole.” lmao I guess my fat shaming comes out a little too easy.

There was also this suppppper plastered dude there who saw that me and this girl knew all the words to this song that someone was singing (I mean it’s karaoke people pick fucking popular songs), so he claps us both on the shoulders and he was like “HEY. Have you (points to girl) met him?” so we like semiawkwardly shake hands lol. Then he claps his arm around my shoulder and gives me this sly look and says “eh? I’m pretty good, huh?” I about laughed my ass off hahahah.  She was fairly cute. Had some acne, but a nice body. I thought she was going to have to hate me bc she was friends with that panda girl (which occurred afterwards) but then when she saw me sing she actually wanted to talk to me a bit. Complimented me a bunch, said I did great. I said I’m glad to hear it because i’m never really sure. And she said “well it doesn’t really take much to please this crowd.” I asked her what she did and she said wait tables, and I say yeah but what about for fun I think. She said Well I hate myself so I’m here most of the time. I Actually laughed my ass off that time. Was just like “same, tbh. Too me for me.” I’ve been getting drunk and saying ‘t.b.h.’ a lot like it’s a better word lmfao. Idk. her name’s mary though. I had hit up my gay queen friend Josh to see what he was up to, and he encouraged me to hit up the bar near my house to hang out with him and his friends. Is like referring to his friends as the queen’s guard and shit it’s all way too tryhard for me. We were gonna go party at someone’s house so he had me pick up a bunch of beer. Instead we went back to his place and had a really long heart to heart and made out for a while. He was a much better kisser than most guys and his lips were nice, but godddd fucking damn do I hate the roughness of dudes’ faces. I warned him a bunch of times that I was just teasing him and that we weren’t going to hook up, but he wanted me to stay and cuddle with him, so I did. He was talking shit saying he could beat me at smash bros, so I had to lmfao. We played a bunch and made out some more and he wanted me to give him a massage or some shit because I had been rubbing his shoulders earlier, but I wasn’t really having it. We ended up hanging out until like 7am so I was just like “alright nah I’ve gotta go to sleep now.” Then in the morning I said I had to go throw up and was going home even though he wanted me to stick around. It was honestly a pretty weird experience, not in that it was awkward that he wanted to hook up with me so bad, but moreso in that a lot of the things he said or did to try to get me to stay or hook up with him were like... literally the exact same kind of moves I had pulled with girls in the past. Like I heard my own words coming out of his mouth and that was very amusing. Like I literally laughed in his face when he was talking about some positive characteristic of my personality. I mean we did have a nice heart to heart about a lot of shit, but He kept saying shit like “i know we had a connection the moment I met you” and shit, and it made me think he was just trying too hard to see shit that wasn’t there. Acting like that other dude who wanted to hook up with me while I was stoned as balls. Maybe all dudes really are pigs? bahahaha. w.e.  Actually, nah. Like Josh’s friend Prevo or whatever was actually a super respectable dude, seems like he really cares about his daughter and everything. But at least most are. At least I am lmfao.

I remember I got some great hot dogs from this woman on the curb named cherl. Ball park franks. Delicious. I spent way too much fucking money celebrating my infertility that night hahahaha.

So the next day I took it easy. I really didn’t feel all that great, it wasn’t totally a lie to dip from Josh’s. So I sat around watching hearthstone and shit until I got motivated to watch Becky’s favorite anime. Kyoukai no Kanata (beyond the boundary) had me fucking hooked instantly. Was really good, binge watched it until like 630am. Then slept most of today.

And at work earlier I finally beat that hearthstone challenge thing I was working on the past two weeks too. Fucking luckedddd out it was super satisfying because I was like actually hating it intensely hahaha.

So this week was fucking prime. Always feels cool to be getting up to story worthy shenanigans. Excited to see Becky again tomorrow.

Something something motivational signoff. <3