#i got myself sedated not enough for that but to the stage where sex w/ him is. fucking amazing
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#the (not actually) worst part is in an attempt to drown out the thought n the noise#i got myself sedated not enough for that but to the stage where sex w/ him is. fucking amazing#the kind that the high lasts for days#which is what got me hooked to begin w/ (it's nowhere near as good if i'm clean n sober)#(cause he likes me so much better high? or cause i'm less anxious n don't freak out over shit. idk.)#but FUCK if it isn't hard to resist when i can feel him callin me back home n i know how good it'd feel n i might be actually happy for days#as a downside it makes me a whole lot more receptive to him remodeling my entire goddamn brain#so i rly rly rly need to not fucking do that!! but fuck!!!!!#spdrvent
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