#i got confused when i saw ur ask tho cuz i had no memory of liking that post u made about the selfship questions | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

matoitech · 4 years ago

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hello u dont have to answer this if u dont want, but ur situation with gender is scarily similar to where im at except im in the mindset that im nb wlw and dont rlly kno whats going on. I guess if u kno how to explain it, I wanted to ask how u made that jump or how u could tell it isnt just a "womanhood is like that" kind of thing and is actually "i am a guy"

oh man i wish i had smth that would make it Click for u easier cuz i def understand being rly confused abt this kinda thing.. i got a few Thoughts, idk if they will help u out but hopefully they give u some more thoughts to chew on that will maybe help anyway. this got so long oh hell sorry gbfhg

i think like the main thing as like a tip b4 we get in2 the Meat of it is it is good to relax and b open to thinking abt bein a guy as a possibility, i dont know if this will make sense bc i do not know how to explain it rly but when i was struggling 2 figure stuff out what i had rly needed 2 know was that being a dif gender can just feel like You (but as u become more comfortable w it, you but happier!) for some reason i thought u had to meet certain criteria to b ‘allowed’ to make what seemed 2 me at the time a Leap but thats not how it works lol. u as u r right now can b a guy if u want to or r considering it. u dont have to feel different and u dont have to think abt ur body a different way or anything. sry if this part doesnt make sense its difficult for me to verbalize lol

it was hard for me personally bc ppl would b like ‘if u Want to b a dif gender than b one’ but like i said in those last posts, for a long time i genuinely did not know i Wanted to be a guy/was a guy, or whatever. i had no conscious longing about it or anything, that came later once i was more comfortable w accepting it. i didnt have ‘i want to be a boy/am a boy’ moments i can rly consciously remember putting into those words as a kid, cuz i just did not care about gender on that level till i was a teenager. like i cannot stress this enough, ur life and feelings abt gender n whatever do not have to match up with what u have commonly heard the trans experience is about. once u figure stuff out and r more comfortable w urself u may look back and notice things that may b like that common trans experience, but remembering this stuff or having these childhood experiences or whatever in the first place is not a ‘requirement’. like i said, no requirements for bein a dif gender

for me like.. knowing it for sure... making the Jump as it were. like its kinda embarrassing but literally the way i Found Out was i was feeling all sorts of things whenever i watched promare and i just felt this INTENSE longing whenever i saw galo that i later realized was just me rly feeling the Gender w him and being envious of that.. it had happened w other chars b4 growing up, but i had never rly noticed to that extent till now. and one night i was thinking my usual ‘i wish i looked like galo i wish i could be a guy’ maybe for the first time in like a Conscious thought, when i had never rly heard it in words b4, and i kinda stopped and was like. what? i WHAT? and then it clicked and it was like a euphoric moment for me. easily top 5 best 2 ams of my life. it is kind of a hyperspecific experience but it is also not UNCOMMON rly lol

also figuring out my sexuality was intertwined in that bc i was iding as a butch nonbinary lesbian and i had tossed the idea of ‘maybe id b more comfortable as a man’ around a bit but the idea of being a straight man didnt feel right 2 me, but luckily i kind of made the connection of wait im a man and im attracted to men at like the exact same time, it had to b both at once for me personally to figure it out and b happy about it. idk if thats smth going thru ur head at all but it was for me and was part of my Journey i guess and may help to think abt it a bit lol

and while yes its absolutely about what makes u more comfortable at the end of the day, i think it wouldve helped for me to hear ppl say that just bc the idea of being a dif gender (in this case Man) might make u feel confused and maybe even uncomfortable rn, that doesnt necessarily mean u r not one if youve been struggling w this and wondering, it might just mean u havent had that clicky moment and r ready to rly think abt it yet. i have grown much more comfortable w myself over time as ive figured this stuff out and i am still open to figuring out more abt myself and i think thats a good place to b at! just b open to stuff like this that u maybe had never thought would have a positive effect on you or make you happier.

speaking from experience i think if ur confused and maybe even miserable telling urself that womanhood is just like that and u gotta suck it up and get used to feeling uncomfortable and bad, u dont have to live like that! im not saying that ‘oh im actually a guy’ is gonna b what everyone who is struggling w thats answer is cuz obviously thats not true- and im not saying how i just described it is even how u feel- but like. as someone who thought that same thing but less consciously. womanhood does not have to be a confusing sad experience, its not an inherently miserable experience, it is possible it just isnt for you and trying smth else might make u feel better. and that can b rly hard to figure out in the moment, cuz ur Used to feeling like this and even if youve heard it can b different it might b hard to have that ‘oh theyre talking to ME, it can be different for ME not just everyone else’ moment lol

also i dont know if this is relevant to u but im saying it in general 2 anyone who needs it i guess; being a man isnt a bad thing and it doesnt make u an inherently bad person, manhood and masculinity r not inherently or naturally toxic or something. thats a harmful mindset to have for multiple reasons and a whole nother post so im not gonna b like and now a word about transphobic red flags but like, worth mentioning that that can b harmful or dangerous to trans ppl, transmascs and transfems.

my god this got rly long... if anyone else has went thru a similar thing and has anything 2 add, feel free to :0 hope i somehow got around to answering ur question w all the rambling! i am just one guy and my experience may or may not b helpful to hear about, especially bc my memory is not the best lol <3 hope it helped at all tho!

#long post #NINE PARAGRAPHSSSS #fess replies #anon

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supremequeenofthejellyfish · 7 years ago

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I read your tags on that byeler post and holy shit i love u this made my day like this day just started but i wont read anything better, pls do tell more

OH MY GOD THANK YOU???!!!!! that whole thing took me like 45 minutes to write oh my god, its so nice to be noticed for once haha (also ur day just started? I’m so glad I made ur whole day lmao. It’s currently nighttime where I am.) Anyway, tumblr deleted like half of my tags from that post cuz I guess I wrote too many? idk man, it was horrible, whenever I tag posts I always check it on my blog to see if it worked correctly cuz tunglr.cob is always messing things up and BOI WHEN I SAW THAT I WAS FUCKING LIVID OH MY GOD U HAVE NO IDEA. Ok so I’m going to try and recreate my tags below from memory, in bulleted form. they won’t be exact but I’ll try my best (here’s the post now go read my tags if u haven’t seen them lol)

If you ask mike, it was only lasted a few days, and the rest of the gang looks into the camera like they’re on the office

At first, mike is pretty nervous about the topic, like he’s super worried (mike: do u h8 me bc I like bois 2???)

(Literally everyone at once: are you serious?? Have you seen will, That boy is gay as fuck.) (will didn’t say the second part he was not ready for that, ya boi was shook)

Mike is “low-key” relieved (and by low-key I mean extremely high key that boy literally collapsed on the couch from relief)

(Dustin: Mike seriously?? We’re ur best friends how could we possibly hate u??)

Even if any of them did have qualms, they wouldn’t show it. They were all outcasts, and they stuck together no matter what

Lets be real tho, they probably didn’t they are all best friends and love each other unconditionally

Mike hasn’t told anyone that he has a crush on will (eleven: Crush?? Mike ur literally in love with him.) he actually begs eleven not to tell them (Mike: Please, you can’t say anything to them, I’m not ready yet.)

Eleven agrees, but internally she’s all like: Mike, they already know, ur so fucking obvious, Lmao.

Except will tho, will low-key (read: high key) loves mike too, but neither of them have realized it yet because they’re both oblivious idiots

Everyone sees that they’re in love except for them and its so infuriating

Eleven has to endure mikes “pining phase” for MONTHS b4 she basically forces them into a room together (alone) to confess

She has to for her own sanity (but also because she wants her bffs to be happy.)

But seriously if mike didn’t say anything soon she would have to kill him and then herself (yikes, he was actually that bad lol)

Will went through a pining phase too (his started about a year b4 mike and eleven broke things off) although instead of pestering Lucas, Dustin, or Max about it he literally has 3 (three) spiral notebooks (college ruled, not that wide ruled bullshit) full of doodles of Mike with hearts around his head (and a fourth one in progress)

He was supposed to be using them for schoolwork, but he gets distracted a lot in class

No one (NO ONE) Is allowed to see those notebooks except for will himself

(Max, probably: Hey will can I borrow you’re notes, I lost mine? Will, slamming notebook #4 shut: NO! Max: *is visibly shook*)

poor Joyce has no idea why he keeps going through so many notebooks?

Anyway, the whole gang is together for a sleep over in mike’s basement (where else would they be?) and eleven takes mike aside and tells him that he has to tell will 2nite or she will fucking scream (she’s totally not kidding)

Mike: but what if he doesn’t like me back?? He’ll probably hate me if I tell him that……

Eleven: mike ur so stupid omg he fucking likes u back ok trust me

(She caught a glimpse of notebook #2 a while back when she and mike were nearing the end of their relationship, and she never told anyone.To this day, will doesn’t know that she saw it)

Mike: *skeptically* ok but even if that’s true I cant just say it in front of everyone

Eleven scoffs, drags mikes by the wrist over to will, drags will by the arm and basically throws them both into the bathroom and locks them in with her powers

Mike: ELEVEN!! OPEN THE DOOR!!! LET US OUT OF HERE OH MY GOD ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!?!?!?!

Eleven: nope :) (how does she do that this is a verbal conversation) not until you tell him.

Will, a very confused boy: huh? Tell me what? Mike what the fuck is going on?!?! What is she talking about??

Mike eventually confesses everything to will (except the pining phase, that was fucking embarrassing)

(Eleven tells him about it later, and mike tries to deny it, but will thinks its so cute???? Like so cute he wants to puke hearts??? But that might just be the butterflies in his stomach)

Mike tries to be smooth when he’s confessing to will but he’s a stuttering fucking mess

Will is so shooketh he doesn’t know what to do with himself so he just grabs mikes hand and says “me too” (he’ll deny it later, but he was on the verge of tears pretty much the whole time)

Mike smiles like the big goofy idiot he is, and eleven, seemingly satisfied opens the door

The gang claps and cheers, and mike and will are confused. Then they look down at their hands, with their fingers still intertwined and are more confused

Lucas: took you long enough

Mike and will: ????????????????

Dustin grabs them by the shoulders and pulls them into a group hugThey stay like that for at least 10 minutes, mike and will hugging each other in the middle, and everyone else crowding around them

Mike pecks will on the cheek and then whispers into his ear quietly: “I love you so fucking much, Will.”

Will Is basically a tomato at this point, a happy tomato, but a fucking tomato nonetheless. (Mike had never seen him so red)

He buries his face into mikes chest, and whispers back: “I love you, too, Mike” (mike blushes almost as red as will)

The others pretended not to notice this little exchange, but oh god did they notice, and it was the cutest fucking thing they’ve ever seen

After awhile they break apart, because its getting hot in mike’s basement

mike and will are left standing outside the bathroom door, still hugging each other. (Neither of them wanted to let go just yet)

Will holds on to mike like his life depends on it, and eventually he hears “Jesus will I can’t fucking breathe”

Will lets go immediately, and mike puts an arm around his shoulder and leads him to the couch

Every one is waiting for them, and no one can stop smiling (especially mike and will, god, those 2 are so fucking in love with each other its not even funny)

this took me way longer than I thought it would omg. I added a few things that weren’t in the original tags that got deleted but they fit in pretty nicely? idk lol I thought it made it that much cuter haha. This was originally supposed to be just a response to the post but I got a little carried away. Tbh I probably put more effort into writing this than I put into my actual homework that I get actual fucking grades on lmao (help). Speaking of which, I have homework that I have to go do now, hahaha. hope u like it lololol

#anonymous #byeler #mike wheeler #will byers #stranger things #stranger things 2 #eleven #Max #Lucas sinclair #dustin henderson #Nancy wheeler #barbara holland #Karen wheeler #ted wheeler #jonathan byers #Joyce byers #did i miss anyone??? probably but whatever #ok now I really have to go do my homework

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freckledbabysbf-blog · 7 years ago

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11 Questions Tag!!

(or more like i’ve been tagged 7 times and im just gonna answer all of them)

Basically, you have to answer these 11 questions, create 11 new ones and then tag 11 people to answer your questions!

thank you neha for tagging me! @3rachaa

1) which stray kids member would you want as your best friend?

honestly?? probably either felix, seungmin or changbin. i think felix would probably bring out good sides of me, seungmin and i could be soft together and changbin and i are just lowkey the same person so

2) who’s your ult bias and why?

i dont even know at this point, i have like 5 tbh. its ncts mark, because he got me back into kpop because idk i just thought hes really inspirational and shit. then theres seventeens the8 because honestly he just snatched me and damn im lowkey in love with him ngl and hes so talented and god damn beautiful i just cant. then theres ma boy v, aka kim taehyung aka the guy that has had me smitten since 2014 and i just love him because damn his voice and hes so adorable and just damn. also im a hoe its also suga because ngl hes like exactly my type and hes so damn admirable and just i dont even know how could i not love him? And last but not least our boy felix somehow did it and im not sure how but he did it and im still confused

3) how’s your day been?

im really sick but except that today was a chill day, i had a 5hour nap and basically couldnt talk all day so

4) what’s something that you’re excited about?

honestly? my best friend and i have a tradition of staying on my step dads farm in between christmas and new year every year and this year my other best friend is joining us and im super exited for that

5) how’d you discover stray kids? what was your initial impression of them?

i saw the teaser of the hellevator mv and was like, damn jyp u got a new group ready to snatch me?

6) ice cream or cake?

questionable because i dont eat either bc it most of the time isnt vegan but probably ice cream

7) what’s your fave food?

i have no favorite food tbh

8) favorite ice cream flavor?

idk proably hazelnut ig

9) what’s your ult group? why do you love them?

the same as with ub, its in between nct, seventeen, bts and now also stray kids and right now id say my main focus is stray kids? i just love them

10) what’s your role in the fandom? (ex. parent, the baby, etc.)

im that one gay cousin who just dissapears from time to time

11) rant about anything ;)

honestly felix eyes are so beautiful and dont let me start about his damn freckles man this guy is a whole 20/10 like damn bro chill ur already basically everything i want as a boyfriend stop being perfect hard working and lovable

thanks mari pt 1 @jiggyjisung

1. whats your fav cold drink?

does water count?

2. chocolate chip cookies or oreos?

both are not vegan but if they would be probably chocolate chip i dont like oreos

3. are you still in school?

sadly yes i am and its stressing me

4. do you have a job or volunteer work?

not really i sometimes do errands for my moms cinema tho

5. Do you have any pets?

pets that are actually mine? at the moment not but im getting kittens soon

6. am i gonna finish this without making stupid questions?

7. trick question all these questions are pretty stupid

i am aware

8. do you like anime (wow such weeb)

i might like anime, youll never find out tho (yes)

9. do you like video games (wow such nerd)

i mean im totally not obsessed with little nightmares or anything

10. what temperature is it where u are?

well outside its like 0° C inside idk

11. whats ur level of weird

changbin

mari pt2

1. Whats good fam?

bye

2. Did you eat yet

its midnight, yes i ate a small dinner

3. What time is it?

00:09

4. are you tired?

nope

5. Still in school or nah?

yyes

6. are you a keyboard, cuz you’re my type *wink wonk*

thanks ur not (jk ily ur cool)

7. did you like that ^^

i love me some shitty pck up lines

8. So whatcha doin rn (besides this)

texting and listening to music

9. chocolate chip cookies or oreos

chocolate chip

10. do u got any pets

nope still not

11. mac n cheese or lasagna

both not vegan but probably lasanga

thanks my dear ela ily @incorrectfelix

if you could magically learn any language, real or fictional, which one would it be?

probably korean tbh

Do weekdays have a colour for you?

not really

If so, which ones?

nah

Sweet or savoury?

savoury

If you could do anything right now, what would it be?

having a movie night with all of my close friends i miss them a lot

What‘s your favourite haircolour?

black and brown probably, but ill also never say no to some good looking dyed hair thats lowkey washed out

Favourite kpop quote?

“My current boyfriend is Shownu and my next boyfriend will be Wonho” - I.M

Favourite type of weather?

snow and rain im all in for that cold wheather

What got you into KPop?

my friend back in 2014 and then mark lee

Do you have any ships? Which ones?

to many tbh, i love taegi? like sign me the fuck up. celara (thats the shipname of my siter and her girlfriend and i support it) , changlix, poly evryone and idk man i ship a lot of people

Describe a memory, any memory.

hi im about to share one of my favourite memories from this year with you, like it was a quite warm saturday evening and i was out with my friends and maybe a little drunk but we all were and we were just talking and honestly that was the moment i realised i love my friend so much i could never let go of them ( i like talking about memories so if anyone wanna know some of my fevourite memories im open to share them)

Favourite names?

i really like charlie, noah,nico, lee (yes i like my own names fight me) , finn, michael and lucas

thanks for tagging me @dabkingfelix

1: Do you prefer tea to coffee??

tea all the way coffee is way to bitter for me

2: When was the last time you laughed so hard that it hurt??

just now, bc my throat is sick but my friend send me a joke

3: List 3 things can be found in your room on a daily basis??

pens, clothes and pacifiers

4: What’s your favourite season??

fall and winter

5: If you were reborn, would you change your gender??

well i mean i am transgender so yea i guess i would

6: Who is your favourite fictional character??

probably lee jordan and fred and george

7: What was your dream job when you were a kid??

i always wanted to be an artist

8: What’s your favourite scent??

vanilla and cinnamon

9: Name 3 personality traits you seek in other people??

honestly, loyality and creativity i guess??

10: Do you lick or bite ice cream??

god i dont know

11: Do you believe in horoscopes?

nope not really

thanks @thestraykidsfreak

1. Milk or cereal?

cereal

2. The group that got you into Kpop?

bts (and lowkey vixx) in 2014

3. Who’s your Stray Kids bias?

felix and changbin

4. A thing you really like about yourself? (appearance, character trait, whatever)

that i can draw well and that i get quite freckly in summer

5. Do you get along with your family?

i guess

6. Fave band that isn’t Kpop?

one ok rock lol (or pierce the veil, sue my emo ass)

7. Have you ever considered learning Korean?

yes im lowkey learning it but its on hold bc of school rn

8. What’s the last compliment you gave someone?

i like your eyes, they look as dead as u (to my best friend. she might've hit me)

9. Have you ever changed your bias? And if, how often?

the only group where i actually changed my bias is seventeen where i went from jeonghan to woozi to the8

10. Do you have any nervous habits?

i scratch open my skin, i pick at my skin and i fidget

11. What made you get a tumblr account?

well this one the cereal debatte my actual first one? idk anymore tbh

thanks emma ur cool @straykidshizzle

1. What do you like most about your physique?

i like my nose and eyes

2. What is your biggest talent?

drawing probably

3. When do you feel the happiest?

when im with my friends

4. What is your favorite memory?

this year the moment i was outside with my friends where i thought wow im really glad i got all of you, in general a night between christmas and new year on my stepdads farm laying on my bed at night with my best friend listening to teneriffea sea by ed sheeran

5. What is your current homescreen background?

for my phone, felix for my laptop some random hot guys collarbones

6. If you got a free plane ticket to anywhere, where would you go?

probably korea, thats the place i wanna go most right now

7. What did you want to be when you were young(er)?

artist

8. How would you describe yourself?

im really bad at that but a highkey socially akward small shy boy that just wants to get accepted and doesnt know how to handle social situations

9. What’s the best thing that happened to you this week?

its monday night so i guess its my friend saying shell visit me tomorrow because im sick and my other friend who i thought didnt like me anyymore asking me to meet up on wednesday

10. Who is someone you really admire? (and why?)

lowkey my sister because she just does whatever she wants and my best friend because she does what she wants but shes still on top of her class and just wow i just really admire all of my friends (thats lowkey shitty tho bc that lowkey fucks with my mental state)

11. Who was the last person you hugged?

well, probably my mom or dad and except them lotte, a girl whos on my team that i drove home with together

thanks for all the tags man

my questions are:

1. whats your hogwarts house ? (slytherin im a snek)

2. cats or dogs ? (cats)

3. favorite star constellation ? (cygnus and the summer triangle)

4. kakao talk or line ? (kakao)

5. a stargazing date or a library date? (stargazing)

6. natrual or dyed hair (both but natural ig)

7. sexual orientation? (gay)

8. haikyuu or kuroko no basket or free (?yes im a whole weeb rip)

9. produce 101 season 1 or 2 ? (2)

10. girl groups or boy groups? (bg)

11. kermit or pepe? (kermit)

i tag : @fehlix, @leader-chan, @dani-edgy, @ultiz; @jisxngie ; @f3lix-lee; @koalachris; @jenaipaidemots (what an url), @squishywoojin , @jeongn @felixsfreckles

if you dont want to or have already done it dont worry!

#tags

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brothalynchhung · 5 years ago

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2019 overview.

this year.. was fucking two years in one. also a little late again but whatever. this is going to be long as FUCK.

started 2019 in dubai

spent the first couple of days in Dubai on the beach

YOOO AS AM WRITING THAT IT FEELS SO FUCKING LONG AGO HOLLYY SHITT

went to London and just fucked around dt and chinatown lost that damn snake ring fml

I got drunk eating dumplings watching Jeffrey star in that bed LMFAOOOYOO LMFAOOOOOEGJEORIGHSREUG

got back to Ottawa and it was straight GRIND from the get go

back to my last semester of uni

back to club m (omg.. I miss:( kinda lol)

started that govt job

back to social media marketing for Dubai

3 jobs + school basically

did that dumbass STUPID FUCKING govt job all the way in quebec that I woke up for and travelled for everyday

would go straight to gym, work again, or school fml

wasn't entirely bad I kinda needed it cuz I applied to a million jobs during that time and did school work LMAO also printed a lot of important shit and got paid so whatever

CAME TO TORONTO IN MARCH W TRAND OMG I FORGOT THAT WAS 2019

SAW VINCE STAPLES!!

AND The fortune teller who like prophisized all this shit goddddd

iconic if I must say

little did I know...

I miss movati fml lol

working at club Monaco omg ugh they gave me life honestly

fun times w trang cc precious Courtney mich JACK Amanda Raman donia even tho she annoying lol and whoever else I worked w jana jil Daria honestly I just miss Courtney LMFAO uhh jenn was cool too

I'm never going to forget that place I swear to god I have so much loyalty and pride for my memories for that place im never going to take my experience there for

chilling with avid Vinny and like Alex a bit LMAO he would randomly ask to chill it was weird

that Chinese dinner and chat time thing in his car WHAT WAS THATTT

chilling like a scrub a cu with hector and that crew goddLMAO

avin vin rideau gang

visiting avid at nordstorm the Rui girl and Herman lol he was sofunny

MY BODY IS FOR ME NOT THESE BITCHES LMFAOO

last class with strangle omg he was iconic honestly

trang pargol fidede zainab mannnn honestly shoutout old Ottawa friends

xinyii!! and jelly!! my last times with them

I miss Xinyi so much :( im so happy I got to see her before leaving she was so nice I wish her so much success

remember working those last shifts at cm like.. yo I feel like things are going to change and my days are numbered.. I feel it.

did interview after interview, applying EVERYDAY to escape

the amount of focusing I did on applying around feb and April like I was just focused on working and getting out of there

did two interviews in like 2 hours always on the go always moving always working

and then like clockwork.. at the govt job.. went to the bathroom knew? to bring my phone with me.. and then right when I left I got a call from mk went into that empty conference room and got the offer. cried. accepted. life changing

I honestly just left that place... went to cm and just.. resigned... put my two weeks in...

and it happened literally in my last week of the govt job..

like fate

immediately went home told cc precious fam

fam weren't happy

BUT I FINALLY ESCAPED!!!! LOOKING BACK ON THIS BLOG AND EVERYTHING I FINALLY F I N A L L Y GOT OUT OF THERE THE BITCH ASS CURSED SHIT CITY NEVER GOING BACKEGIUEHGEIRUGH

shout out precious for helping me honestly he helped so much

found my place through hmida who held it down

that whole condo scenario LOL godddd my landlord a HOE

met zgy gvy at precious while I crashed a night

THE MILLIONS OF RIDESHARESSS GOODDDDDD

remember the one I took last minute from Yorkdale LMAO that one wasn't bad honestly I slept good

moving my things packaging them up. like yo.. lol

bringing the boxes from shoppers godddd LOL

finally landed in Toronto with my place

waiting outside for 5 hours for my damn keys crazy with my suitcase lol...

THEN FINALLY GOT TO MY FIRST PLACE!! MY FIRST RENTAL CONDO ALL ON MY OWN NO ROOMATES JUST ME

unpacking my things

like just finally having my own place mannn that was my dream for such a long ass time

getting around dt a bit getting used to tdot...

crazy exciting

then... 3 days in..

...

met that bitch that fucked me up

met everything I ever wanted in a person? physically and interest wise and yet?

nothing?

SO CONFUSED I MET SOMEONE WITH EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I WANTED

first hookup? lost v?

new city new job new life new home lost v new everything

in 3 days.

my life crazy..

spent the whole time like until October till low-key NOW just thinking about it bitterly

my feelings up and down I was drowning in obsession and confusion

I know I fucked it up but it was fucked up since the beginning

shook everything about what I thought I wanted in gl or a person

standards are definitely raised and all men trash and hoes Idgaf

I feel nothing towards nobody

my whole mind switched to money and power.

gl I love you but you're not here and we got a lot growing to do so imma see ya ass in a couple of years

anyways started working at mk!!! craziest 3 month probation thing I had

HOWWW DID I DOOOO ITTTTTTT

met so much people... holy shit.. zgy,gvy,hailey,gab,aisha,priya,rach,lisa,alex,DANIA, goddddd

clubbing.. mon., thurs... weekenddd... wake up... 8:30 work

how did I do it.... fuck lol

met a lot of hoes.. fucked with Sunday once more before he died bye bitch ass hoe.. Leo, sleeve, uhhh that's it I think actually

CABANNNAAAA

OMG I SAW SEAN PAUL LIVE ICONICC YOO THIS FUCKING YEAR LMFAOOOOO

omg YEAH I SAW NCT IN MY FIRST WEEK OF TO WITH PARGOL LMFAOOO YOOOOO

damn this year was crazy I keep forgetting shit

all the weird ass ppl I met at cabana omg the humber guy YOO THE ASIAN GUY WITH MY KEYS LMFAOOO ZGY FUCKLMFGIESH

omg tsf lmao and like yeah all the clubbing ppl in to fuck

half and half like didnnt know if I liked it or not but it was crazy

still think about that Frans night the damn milkshake and food omggg

just spent summer exploring to trinity Bellwoods ossington like summer stories clubbing stories

managing my double life lol

SPIDERMAN OBSESSION LMAOOOO TO DISTRACT MY MIND FROM THAT BITCH ASS HOE LMFAOOFREJGIEURHSTESUIH THEN I FOUND OUT HE HAS A WHOLE WIFE AND BABY YOOO LMFAOOO

good distraction made work fun when I needed it during my last months of probation LMAO

omg going home during lunch and then back to work ICONIC

leaving the girls at my place and coming back for lunch LMAOOO god really iconic honestly showering and going back to work sleeping hoeing all that LMFAO

omg the time I left Leo at my place YOO LMAO

still have that expensive ass sweater LMFAO WAT A SIMP

those drunk texts he sent Me in august and I punked him off LMFAOO 😩😂

men trash

darren Chris rob goddd all those damn ppl I met the one guy who saved me during that blacTHE BLACKOUT CABANNA NIGHT GOD THAT WAS A MESS LMAO TITTIES OUT EVERYTHING but yeah he was low key useless I forget his name highboy but whatever

YOOO THAT GIRLS TITTIES I SLEPT ON NGEIRGHEUHUE ICONIC

I got catfishes twice 😩 the change bitch and the John bitch airehguerihserh FUCKKK LMFAO

AND THEN THE CHANG BITCH WAS TRYNA SAY OH U JSUT LOOK TO ARAB THATS WHY WE HAVNET TALKED AGAINL IKE BITCHHHHH FIRST OF ALL UR A WHOLE CATFISHFHERGUERBKSHETERU AHERUIGESRUYR LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

and then I catfish Sunday to punk him off for revenge and call him a thot and thought he was talking about me for catfish when it was just about another bitch he was hoeing with cuz he a hoe.. Jesus my life wild

SO MUCH SHIT THIS SUMMER UHERGHSREG

gained weight fml I don't even wanna mention it iDONT WANNA TALK

even if it is muscle I dDONT WANNT TALK ABOUT IT

the cabana pool jump... godd... walking home drunkregiuhersguhe fucK

summer was crazy

nada and mama coming wow that was annoying I rlly can't do family even though I love them

getting high swimming the catfish racing munchies arguing with Alex LMAO

eating out with Dania gab Lisa the normal ppl I met lool

a lot of stress of money and where I want to go I was in a hella rush idk why I think everything happening so fast made me not want to slow down at all but im finally slowing down

priya end of the year rebel tiff stuff

basically drowning in depress and regret around the end of summer cuz everything calmed down and I had the time to think and reflect about everything and yeah.. got super depressed

that bitch cc and her bullshit yo just fucking go bye

notice how there's like no memories with her like yeah there was but they were just annoying cuz she was annoying highkey

thanks for bringing my shit from Ottawa tho dumbass LOL eat a dick

THE HOT TUBBBB SUMMERSSS AND SUMMER NIGHTS

omg all my emo ass walks at night to the port and water and trillium park in the morning aiohreughresehre writing with my journal god that was actually nice tho

super peaceful so happy to live near the water highkey

always in between losing myself who am I what do I do now who am I like did I lost myself did I ever have myself

major existential crisis

how did I survive work god

musicmusiscmusicccc

moviesmovesmoves

readreadread

actually I had a lot of night walking home from the club sad

omg remember the ovo guy fucking loser liar

as usualllll

RECORDRESCORSDCRECORDDSSS SO MANY TDOT IS PERFECTT

ugh what else fuck too much shit happened OH YEAH

my birthday with the girls and the bbq!! the cake!! omg so nice :((( so funny lol

that weirdo ass man that I still see in the gym sometimes god help me lol

passing my probation!!!! and then like finally fitting in and feeling apart of mk and the “family” lol

CLARK KENT AND SCOTTISH MANS MAKING MY LIFE EVRYDAYYYYYugh love them

got a moomin from Scottish mans 🥺 love him

anyways got depressed drowning in obsession.. nothing surprising there 🙄

got high and drunk like bottom of the barrel...

right before pargol came LMAO

oh yeah I went to Ottawa because yo I was going out of my mind about losing myself.. needed to go BACK to the place I hated to find myself

went back and it was like??? everything was the same.. still saw vin and avid and Herman at Rideau still had bbt with them

still fucking around hector and that whole crew had Ivan his girl moe.. ribal..Kyle YO lol that weird ass club experience AS USUAL Ottawa clubs trash god

apple picking same year in a row wit z <3 and hamza and fams lol

saw the kids and got to be stupid again loool

anyways came back to my actual life

like it just felt weird knowing that the place I had all my memories and experiences in like.. felt nothing

even the forest felt weird like I didn't need to be there anymore?

as much as tried to drown myself in obsession and my past and bad habits.. I couldn't?

im being forced to move forward and learned Sunday was the last experience it was just eye opening

after the emotional shit I sat down again and had a whole purging

I never felt that bad and horrible and drowned in obsession since raglan..

like.. deleted the hidden pictures... the feeling.. like I've done this before...

that was the final straw..

you think its over just because I am dead but its not over..the games just begun.

never again.

anyways I met Aisha!!! love her vibe with her heavy

introduceed me to the sugar shit YOOOO LMFAOOO

THEN WE STARTING PIMPIN AND MAKING EXTRA MONEY

NO MORE MONEY STRUGGLE

GOT FUCKED OVER HEART TURNED COLD NOW WE FOCUSING ON MONEY CAREER POWER PLAYING THESE HOES FOR THEY MONEY AND RECLAIMING MYSELF

weird ass fucking people but get the money and go

stack up crazy and saving up this past few months

and just chilling w friends and therapy sessions

scheming and planning for the future

therapy sessions

got close with Lisa

oh yeah BOLO!! UGH BEST GYM

ALSO OMG I FORGOT I SAW BROCKHAMPTON AGAIN!!! AND SOMEHOW GOT TO THE BARRIER AND LITERALLY HAD SO MUCH INTERACTION WITH KEVIN LIKE SINGING TOGETHER AND THEN HE CAME DOWN SAID I GOTCHU AND TOOK TWO PICS WITH ME FUCKGIERGEIUTHSEUH THAT WAS INSANEEE MY LIFE WILDDDD

iconic holiday party and New Years with again like random weird ppl and my girls exemplifying how wild and fresh the whole experience of this year was

at least I be waking up warm and clean in MY PLACEby myself with no bullshit

just like.. got a new place new job new city basically live the life I always wanted? reading movies? new friends no problems? wtf how my life change so quick

new interesting experiences

getting drunk high dancing at my place out in these streets just meeting bare people all these new people and experiences holy shit...

and like yeah im not where I want to be but this progress and process is FUN now

everything a strategy and a move and love staying busy

wish I had more free time tho I never feel rested my life fucking crazy LOOL

that weirdo bitch who thought he was dating me UGHHH BOTTOM OF THE BARRELL JUST FOR A CAR AND FOOD BITCHARE U CRAZY

power trip crazy im so sorry jfc

anyways block and move on

met Chris and we still talking for like 3 months in a row god... lol gunna see him Saturday idk was the HALE going on

im like surrounded by hoes???? and I don't want it GOD I JUST BEEN FOCUSING ON ME AND MONEYFUCK EVERYONE ELSE

idek what else maybe im missing shit but this whole year wild best year of MY LIFE though

idk what the fuck gunna happen in 2020 cuz my split lives and the chaos and playing hoes and always thinking about opportunity and abundance and money got my mind and moves all wrapped in strategy but we only ONNLY ONLYYY GOING UP from here no excuses lets fucking go I always say this but 2019 was fucking wild and you know what.. lets fucking go 2020 LETS FUCKING GO as long as I don't gain weight LMFAO lets fucking GO. money and power on my mind exclusively. gl imma see you in 2 years. focusing on bigger things but at least im OUT HERE and ESCAPED and we onLY ATTRACTING AND MANIFESTING ABUNDANCE

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medullah-oblongata · 8 years ago

Text

April 30, 2017 - 9:39 AM

Okay so lately I have been kinda distant with him like unintentionally and I didn't realize it. And he called me out on it too asking if everything was alright or why I have attitude cuz I would give him one word responses. So I would say like nothing is wrong n stuff but then I had convo with raman a few days ago and told her that he thinks that and she was like it's probs cuz it's kicking in that you're coming home and u know u won't see him and stuff so ur scared and u want to end it. And I'm like hmm maybe but idk. So whatever but then I realized that I have been kinda mean. And so last week he called and asked if it was ok if he came to see me this weekend and I said no lol but obvs I wanted to see him. So today I was hanging with friends and then he msged and was like is it still a no? But then we were done hanging and I'm like no come. So he drives all the way out here but idk why I got distant again. But then he's like ok let's go do something so on our way to niagara there was this park near brock with like a bridge n shit lol and he knew about my fantasy of doing it in the forest anyway so we were just walking and talking about our issues and then I'm like let's go in deeper like off the path and he's like why?? With a look on his face and I'm like LOOOL no not cuz of that I just wanna see. But then we reached the end and I was like damn this is the perf spot. So yeah we did it LMAO. He was saying no but I'm like stop being a pussy no one will come. But yeah we heard a couple noises after a while so we had to stop just in case but it was fun LOL. But anyway after that we drove to niagara to walk around and eat. And yeah we like talked some more about our sitch and I was just like I think it's time for a reality check for the both of us, like if it hasn't worked it's never going to. And he was like no I have a feeling it will work. And then we had normal convos too. And then I went to go pee and he fricken pays for my dinner even tho he knows I always like to pay for myself. And yeah then we were driving home, he couldn't stay the night cuz he has a reception and soccer playoffs tomorrow, and he was just like idk super nice when I had an attitude and idk whyyyyy I got like that like fuck. But yeah then we came home and he was just gonna drop me off but I was like no park in visitor so I can say final goodbye. Then we had a convo in there but it lead to making out and then he did end up coming up for a bit lol but then after an hour he's like ok I gotta go for sure now. But then I was like ok nice knowing you and idk like he actually got sad and was like I don't think it's the end stop saying that and I'm like no man it has to be like it's just not going to work. And I wanna use this next month to get over him cuz then in June I'm already gonna be sad about leaving like I don't wanna be triple depressed. But yeah so I kinda ended it with him but idk if it's the right choice. He kept saying it wasn't the end and that he would still talk to me and I said no. And then when he was leaving I was trying to say proper goodbye (I was still in bed, he was putting on clothes and shoes) and then he's like okay lock your door and I'm like don't be mad. But he was just like I'm not mad but why would I be all smiling and happy when the girl I like wants to cut me off? Lol and I was like ok true and I let him go. But now idk like what the fuck is wrong with me. Why can't I just knowwww what to do?!?!? Oh rip and when we were leaving the park we saw an aux cord and he forgot his today and I'm like da f man wanted to jam to brown music. So we saw one there and I'm like I dare u to steal it. And he's like I dare u to steal it. Lmfao so I did but then we saw a car coming in and I thought someone might come back for it but they didn't so then we did a drive by steal lmao. And then at home he was like oh u can keep this and I'm like no I don't need it I use usb cord. And then he's like ok I will then, another memory of you to torture me LMAOOOOO - So the above is what I sent to my cousins after a weird day. He came over for like 6 hours and I just gave him so much attitude (except when we were doing it) and then over dinner and on our walk and in bed we talked about our issues. But he said to wait until vancouver so he can figure it out, and I kept saying I knew it wasnt going to work. He was so good with handling my attitude and still tried to make me laugh. He tried to make me stay and said we could make it work, even though we have nothing in common. But I just dont get it and he doesnt get it either, we’re confused. He also said he could see it working out and that he wants to be with me, but I was like I dont know, i feel like we’re both gonna feel trapped and unhappy if we continue with this, especially towards marriage. And he disagreed and said he would make me the happiest. I just didn’t agree. And then he said “fine just let me regret it for the rest of my life.” and I said no, that I thought it was and wanted it to be mutual. And he said it wasn’t the end and that he didn’t agree, but I still let him go. He kissed me on the forehead, too. Now I feel like shit, my friend said she was disappointed in me and that I was incredibly rude and evil, and so I said sorry to him and all he said was “it’s ok.” I don’t know if I should respond or not so im just not going to open it. I really need a sense of direction in my life, everything is a messs.

#PM

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