#i got confused when i saw ur ask tho cuz i had no memory of liking that post u made about the selfship questions

[nyxypoo]

HIII NYX !!! 🤍🤍 dropping by to ask you about you and the first f/o that pops into ur head !! what do you two have each other’s contact name saved as ?!? do you guys have matching wallpapers or … are your wallpapers pictures of each other ?! ALSO !!! WHO FELL FIRST !! and what was the story behind that > <

HI HI ZEVIE first one that pops into my head? kiryuuuuu

i'd have him saved as "pinky pie 🫶" and his contact for me... idk could be anything from my name with some hearts to like "loml" and then him having a field day when sakura asks what it means

i'd definitely have either a candid or a 0.5 pic of kiryu as my lock screen. but for him (and this is 120% based on a drabble or hc thing that i saw BUT I COULDNT FIND IT AGAIN 😭 BUT IT WAS SO SO CUTE AHH) a candid too and (i think) little hearts on it (IT WAS SO CUTE IM CRYING THAT I CANT FIND IT) so in a way matching cuz we have the most random pics of each other that the other doesn't know about

i fell first 🧍‍♀️ BUT CAN U BLAME ME?? no cuz he's a cutie!! and the story behind it erm... i think it'd be way too long (and really bad) if i tried to come up with that and write it out rn, i can't think... but maybe one day ill write it!

[matoitech]

hello u dont have to answer this if u dont want, but ur situation with gender is scarily similar to where im at except im in the mindset that im nb wlw and dont rlly kno whats going on. I guess if u kno how to explain it, I wanted to ask how u made that jump or how u could tell it isnt just a "womanhood is like that" kind of thing and is actually "i am a guy"

oh man i wish i had smth that would make it Click for u easier cuz i def understand being rly confused abt this kinda thing.. i got a few Thoughts, idk if they will help u out but hopefully they give u some more thoughts to chew on that will maybe help anyway. this got so long oh hell sorry gbfhg

i think like the main thing as like a tip b4 we get in2 the Meat of it is it is good to relax and b open to thinking abt bein a guy as a possibility, i dont know if this will make sense bc i do not know how to explain it rly but when i was struggling 2 figure stuff out what i had rly needed 2 know was that being a dif gender can just feel like You (but as u become more comfortable w it, you but happier!) for some reason i thought u had to meet certain criteria to b ‘allowed’ to make what seemed 2 me at the time a Leap but thats not how it works lol. u as u r right now can b a guy if u want to or r considering it. u dont have to feel different and u dont have to think abt ur body a different way or anything. sry if this part doesnt make sense its difficult for me to verbalize lol

it was hard for me personally bc ppl would b like ‘if u Want to b a dif gender than b one’ but like i said in those last posts, for a long time i genuinely did not know i Wanted to be a guy/was a guy, or whatever. i had no conscious longing about it or anything, that came later once i was more comfortable w accepting it. i didnt have ‘i want to be a boy/am a boy’ moments i can rly consciously remember putting into those words as a kid, cuz i just did not care about gender on that level till i was a teenager. like i cannot stress this enough, ur life and feelings abt gender n whatever do not have to match up with what u have commonly heard the trans experience is about. once u figure stuff out and r more comfortable w urself u may look back and notice things that may b like that common trans experience, but remembering this stuff or having these childhood experiences or whatever in the first place is not a ‘requirement’. like i said, no requirements for bein a dif gender

for me like.. knowing it for sure... making the Jump as it were. like its kinda embarrassing but literally the way i Found Out was i was feeling all sorts of things whenever i watched promare and i just felt this INTENSE longing whenever i saw galo that i later realized was just me rly feeling the Gender w him and being envious of that.. it had happened w other chars b4 growing up, but i had never rly noticed to that extent till now. and one night i was thinking my usual ‘i wish i looked like galo i wish i could be a guy’ maybe for the first time in like a Conscious thought, when i had never rly heard it in words b4, and i kinda stopped and was like. what? i WHAT? and then it clicked and it was like a euphoric moment for me. easily top 5 best 2 ams of my life. it is kind of a hyperspecific experience but it is also not UNCOMMON rly lol

also figuring out my sexuality was intertwined in that bc i was iding as a butch nonbinary lesbian and i had tossed the idea of ‘maybe id b more comfortable as a man’ around a bit but the idea of being a straight man didnt feel right 2 me, but luckily i kind of made the connection of wait im a man and im attracted to men at like the exact same time, it had to b both at once for me personally to figure it out and b happy about it. idk if thats smth going thru ur head at all but it was for me and was part of my Journey i guess and may help to think abt it a bit lol

and while yes its absolutely about what makes u more comfortable at the end of the day, i think it wouldve helped for me to hear ppl say that just bc the idea of being a dif gender (in this case Man) might make u feel confused and maybe even uncomfortable rn, that doesnt necessarily mean u r not one if youve been struggling w this and wondering, it might just mean u havent had that clicky moment and r ready to rly think abt it yet. i have grown much more comfortable w myself over time as ive figured this stuff out and i am still open to figuring out more abt myself and i think thats a good place to b at! just b open to stuff like this that u maybe had never thought would have a positive effect on you or make you happier.

speaking from experience i think if ur confused and maybe even miserable telling urself that womanhood is just like that and u gotta suck it up and get used to feeling uncomfortable and bad, u dont have to live like that! im not saying that ‘oh im actually a guy’ is gonna b what everyone who is struggling w thats answer is cuz obviously thats not true- and im not saying how i just described it is even how u feel- but like. as someone who thought that same thing but less consciously. womanhood does not have to be a confusing sad experience, its not an inherently miserable experience, it is possible it just isnt for you and trying smth else might make u feel better. and that can b rly hard to figure out in the moment, cuz ur Used to feeling like this and even if youve heard it can b different it might b hard to have that ‘oh theyre talking to ME, it can be different for ME not just everyone else’ moment lol

also i dont know if this is relevant to u but im saying it in general 2 anyone who needs it i guess; being a man isnt a bad thing and it doesnt make u an inherently bad person, manhood and masculinity r not inherently or naturally toxic or something. thats a harmful mindset to have for multiple reasons and a whole nother post so im not gonna b like and now a word about transphobic red flags but like, worth mentioning that that can b harmful or dangerous to trans ppl, transmascs and transfems.

my god this got rly long... if anyone else has went thru a similar thing and has anything 2 add, feel free to :0 hope i somehow got around to answering ur question w all the rambling! i am just one guy and my experience may or may not b helpful to hear about, especially bc my memory is not the best lol <3 hope it helped at all tho!

[supremequeenofthejellyfish]

I read your tags on that byeler post and holy shit i love u this made my day like this day just started but i wont read anything better, pls do tell more

OH MY GOD THANK YOU???!!!!! that whole thing took me like 45 minutes to write oh my god, its so nice to be noticed for once haha (also ur day just started? I’m so glad I made ur whole day lmao. It’s currently nighttime where I am.) Anyway, tumblr deleted like half of my tags from that post cuz I guess I wrote too many? idk man, it was horrible, whenever I tag posts I always check it on my blog to see if it worked correctly cuz tunglr.cob is always messing things up and BOI WHEN I SAW THAT I WAS FUCKING LIVID OH MY GOD U HAVE NO IDEA. Ok so I’m going to try and recreate my tags below from memory, in bulleted form. they won’t be exact but I’ll try my best (here’s the post now go read my tags if u haven’t seen them lol) 

If you ask mike, it was only lasted a few days, and the rest of the gang looks into the camera like they’re on the office

At first, mike is pretty nervous about the topic, like he’s super worried (mike: do u h8 me bc I like bois 2???)

(Literally everyone at once: are you serious?? Have you seen will, That boy is gay as fuck.) (will didn’t say the second part he was not ready for that, ya boi was shook)

Mike is “low-key” relieved (and by low-key I mean extremely high key that boy literally collapsed on the couch from relief)

(Dustin: Mike seriously?? We’re ur best friends how could we possibly hate u??)

Even if any of them did have qualms, they wouldn’t show it. They were all outcasts, and they stuck together no matter what

Lets be real tho, they probably didn’t they are all best friends and love each other unconditionally

Mike hasn’t told anyone that he has a crush on will (eleven: Crush?? Mike ur literally in love with him.) he actually begs eleven not to tell them (Mike: Please, you can’t say anything to them, I’m not ready yet.)

Eleven agrees, but internally she’s all like: Mike, they already know, ur so fucking obvious, Lmao.

Except will tho, will low-key (read: high key) loves mike too, but neither of them have realized it yet because they’re both oblivious idiots

Everyone sees that they’re in love except for them and its so infuriating

Eleven has to endure mikes “pining phase” for MONTHS b4 she basically forces them into a room together (alone) to confess

She has to for her own sanity (but also because she wants her bffs to be happy.)

But seriously if mike didn’t say anything soon she would have to kill him and then herself (yikes, he was actually that bad lol)

Will went through a pining phase too (his started about a year b4 mike and eleven broke things off) although instead of pestering Lucas, Dustin, or Max about it he literally has 3 (three) spiral notebooks (college ruled, not that wide ruled bullshit) full of doodles of Mike with hearts around his head (and a fourth one in progress)

He was supposed to be using them for schoolwork, but he gets distracted a lot in class

No one (NO ONE) Is allowed to see those notebooks except for will himself

(Max, probably: Hey will can I borrow you’re notes, I lost mine? Will, slamming notebook #4 shut: NO! Max: *is visibly shook*)

poor Joyce has no idea why he keeps going through so many notebooks?

Anyway, the whole gang is together for a sleep over in mike’s basement (where else would they be?) and eleven takes mike aside and tells him that he has to tell will 2nite or she will fucking scream (she’s totally not kidding)

Mike: but what if he doesn’t like me back?? He’ll probably hate me if I tell him that…… 

Eleven: mike ur so stupid omg he fucking likes u back ok trust me

(She caught a glimpse of notebook #2 a while back when she and mike were nearing the end of their relationship, and she never told anyone.To this day, will doesn’t know that she saw it)

Mike: *skeptically* ok but even if that’s true I cant just say it in front of everyone

Eleven scoffs, drags mikes by the wrist over to will, drags will by the arm and basically throws them both into the bathroom and locks them in with her powers

Mike: ELEVEN!! OPEN THE DOOR!!! LET US OUT OF HERE OH MY GOD ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!?!?!?!

Eleven: nope :) (how does she do that this is a verbal conversation) not until you tell him.

Will, a very confused boy: huh? Tell me what? Mike what the fuck is going on?!?! What is she talking about??

Mike eventually confesses everything to will (except the pining phase, that was fucking embarrassing)

(Eleven tells him about it later, and mike tries to deny it, but will thinks its so cute???? Like so cute he wants to puke hearts??? But that might just be the butterflies in his stomach)

Mike tries to be smooth when he’s confessing to will but he’s a stuttering fucking mess

Will is so shooketh he doesn’t know what to do with himself so he just grabs mikes hand and says “me too” (he’ll deny it later, but he was on the verge of tears pretty much the whole time)

Mike smiles like the big goofy idiot he is, and eleven, seemingly satisfied opens the door

The gang claps and cheers, and mike and will are confused. Then they look down at their hands, with their fingers still intertwined and are more confused

Lucas: took you long enough

Mike and will: ????????????????

Dustin grabs them by the shoulders and pulls them into a group hugThey stay like that for at least 10 minutes, mike and will hugging each other in the middle, and everyone else crowding around them

Mike pecks will on the cheek and then whispers into his ear quietly: “I love you so fucking much, Will.”

Will Is basically a tomato at this point, a happy tomato, but a fucking tomato nonetheless. (Mike had never seen him so red)

He buries his face into mikes chest, and whispers back: “I love you, too, Mike” (mike blushes almost as red as will)

The others pretended not to notice this little exchange, but oh god did they notice, and it was the cutest fucking thing they’ve ever seen

After awhile they break apart, because its getting hot in mike’s basement

mike and will are left standing outside the bathroom door, still hugging each other. (Neither of them wanted to let go just yet)

Will holds on to mike like his life depends on it, and eventually he hears “Jesus will I can’t fucking breathe”

Will lets go immediately, and mike puts an arm around his shoulder and leads him to the couch

Every one is waiting for them, and no one can stop smiling (especially mike and will, god, those 2 are so fucking in love with each other its not even funny)

this took me way longer than I thought it would omg. I added a few things that weren’t in the original tags that got deleted but they fit in pretty nicely? idk lol I thought it made it that much cuter haha. This was originally supposed to be just a response to the post but I got a little carried away. Tbh I probably put more effort into writing this than I put into my actual homework that I get actual fucking grades on lmao (help). Speaking of which, I have homework that I have to go do now, hahaha. hope u like it lololol

[medullah-oblongata]

April 30, 2017 - 9:39 AM

Okay so lately I have been kinda distant with him like unintentionally and I didn't realize it. And he called me out on it too asking if everything was alright or why I have attitude cuz I would give him one word responses. So I would say like nothing is wrong n stuff but then I had convo with raman a few days ago and told her that he thinks that and she was like it's probs cuz it's kicking in that you're coming home and u know u won't see him and stuff so ur scared and u want to end it. And I'm like hmm maybe but idk. So whatever but then I realized that I have been kinda mean. And so last week he called and asked if it was ok if he came to see me this weekend and I said no lol but obvs I wanted to see him. So today I was hanging with friends and then he msged and was like is it still a no? But then we were done hanging and I'm like no come. So he drives all the way out here but idk why I got distant again. But then he's like ok let's go do something so on our way to niagara there was this park near brock with like a bridge n shit lol and he knew about my fantasy of doing it in the forest anyway so we were just walking and talking about our issues and then I'm like let's go in deeper like off the path and he's like why?? With a look on his face and I'm like LOOOL no not cuz of that I just wanna see. But then we reached the end and I was like damn this is the perf spot. So yeah we did it LMAO. He was saying no but I'm like stop being a pussy no one will come. But yeah we heard a couple noises after a while so we had to stop just in case but it was fun LOL. But anyway after that we drove to niagara to walk around and eat. And yeah we like talked some more about our sitch and I was just like I think it's time for a reality check for the both of us, like if it hasn't worked it's never going to. And he was like no I have a feeling it will work. And then we had normal convos too. And then I went to go pee and he fricken pays for my dinner even tho he knows I always like to pay for myself. And yeah then we were driving home, he couldn't stay the night cuz he has a reception and soccer playoffs tomorrow, and he was just like idk super nice when I had an attitude and idk whyyyyy I got like that like fuck. But yeah then we came home and he was just gonna drop me off but I was like no park in visitor so I can say final goodbye. Then we had a convo in there but it lead to making out and then he did end up coming up for a bit lol but then after an hour he's like ok I gotta go for sure now. But then I was like ok nice knowing you and idk like he actually got sad and was like I don't think it's the end stop saying that and I'm like no man it has to be like it's just not going to work. And I wanna use this next month to get over him cuz then in June I'm already gonna be sad about leaving like I don't wanna be triple depressed. But yeah so I kinda ended it with him but idk if it's the right choice. He kept saying it wasn't the end and that he would still talk to me and I said no. And then when he was leaving I was trying to say proper goodbye (I was still in bed, he was putting on clothes and shoes) and then he's like okay lock your door and I'm like don't be mad. But he was just like I'm not mad but why would I be all smiling and happy when the girl I like wants to cut me off? Lol and I was like ok true and I let him go. But now idk like what the fuck is wrong with me. Why can't I just knowwww what to do?!?!? Oh rip and when we were leaving the park we saw an aux cord and he forgot his today and I'm like da f man wanted to jam to brown music. So we saw one there and I'm like I dare u to steal it. And he's like I dare u to steal it. Lmfao so I did but then we saw a car coming in and I thought someone might come back for it but they didn't so then we did a drive by steal lmao. And then at home he was like oh u can keep this and I'm like no I don't need it I use usb cord. And then he's like ok I will then, another memory of you to torture me LMAOOOOO - So the above is what I sent to my cousins after a weird day. He came over for like 6 hours and I just gave him so much attitude (except when we were doing it) and then over dinner and on our walk and in bed we talked about our issues. But he said to wait until vancouver so he can figure it out, and I kept saying I knew it wasnt going to work. He was so good with handling my attitude and still tried to make me laugh. He tried to make me stay and said we could make it work, even though we have nothing in common. But I just dont get it and he doesnt get it either, we’re confused. He also said he could see it working out and that he wants to be with me, but I was like I dont know, i feel like we’re both gonna feel trapped and unhappy if we continue with this, especially towards marriage. And he disagreed and said he would make me the happiest. I just didn’t agree. And then he said “fine just let me regret it for the rest of my life.” and I said no, that I thought it was and wanted it to be mutual. And he said it wasn’t the end and that he didn’t agree, but I still let him go. He kissed me on the forehead, too. Now I feel like shit, my friend said she was disappointed in me and that I was incredibly rude and evil, and so I said sorry to him and all he said was “it’s ok.” I don’t know if I should respond or not so im just not going to open it. I really need a sense of direction in my life, everything is a messs.