#i got bored and so baldi is in smash bros

[captastrophe]

Zangetsu, does your master know you're messing around with his enemy?

"Huh? Have you MEET the King? Tch, only a handful of people he's actually fought and attempted to kill didn't end up his fucking bestie after!" Zangetsu pulled out the LIST (tm) of exactly how many times Ichigo has ended up in that exact situation and dynamic with people.

Uryu Ishida: Murdered Ichigo as far as getting top grades in school but as from the Quincy War BS, he's been a homie and bestie even if it makes him gag to admit it. Might be family too or something, King can sort that out.

Renji Abarai: Fought like thrice over the whole Rukia execution fiasco and has also been a homie and bestie ever since. Cool Eyebrows.

Byakuya Kuchki: Fucker cut his soul chain 1st fight, but I got my lick back before the King finished the battle. Might deny being a bestie he is def a homie. Senbonzakura is a hot blooded blood knight-or well Samurai and I think, like the King, he they should be allowed to whoop people's ass and slay more often over doing boring paperwork.

Kenpachi Zaraki: I wish the King would follow this guy's example and enjoy beating everyone's ass more. Also I want see Yachiru so we can trade notes of chocolate and candies about how much more badass these two got. Heard there is stupid ban on either of them using their Bankai in talks in the Soul Society though. Once again, being a pain in everyone's ass for NO REASON.

Ikkaku Madarame: Baldy is totally a bro. King should go drinking with him sometimes to avoid being a grumpy killjoy with a stick up his ass (see: Uryu)

Neliel (Nel): Aside from almost accidently killing him with a hug and her boobs, she's been a bestie and homie on sight. Would Smash.

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez: Old Man held King back so much it took MULTIPLE ass whooping's from this guy, to let ME actually gain some rights in this damn house. Helped with the Quincy War BS. Would Smash.

Kūgo Ginjō: KING WAS A FUCK GANSTA AND MURDERED THIS FUCKER INFRONT OF FRIENDS, DAD AND THOSE OTHER FULLBRINGERS! I WAS SO FUVKING PROUD WHILE THE OLD MAN WAS CRYING LIKE A BITCH OVER ICHIGO BEING A DEGENERATE SHINIGAMI THUG LIKE KENPACHI! ...AND HE EVEN Konsō THE BITCH AFTER!!! I love the King.

The Quincy not Uryu or Yhwach: If they come to his next birthday party with the other fullbringers, would not be shocked at all. Since if you fail to kill the King you love him forever or something.

Yhwach & AIZEN: -

"OH YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT FAKE-ASS BITCHES? LET’S FUCKING TALK ABOUT ‘EM. YHWACH AND AIZEN—THE TWO BIGGEST, MOST OVERCOMPENSATING, GOD-COMPLEX HAVING, FAKE-AS-HELL, CLOWN-SHOE-WEARING PIECES OF COSMIC SHIT TO EVER CRAWL OUT OF EXISTENCE’S BACKDOOR.

YHWACH? THAT SCRAGGLY BEARD-HAVIN’ SLEEPY-EYED SACK OF ROTTEN REISHI? THIS MOTHERFUCKER WAS OUT HERE SUCKING SOULS LIKE A HOOVER JUST TO PRETEND HE HAD CONTROL OVER “FATE.” BITCH YOU AIN’T GOD, YOU’RE A GLITCH IN THE FUCKING CODE. YOU WERE OUT HERE LOOKING LIKE A HOMELESS ASS EATING PIRATE BUT CRYING OVER DADDY ISSUES AND AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX THE SIZE OF FUCKING HUECO MUNDO.

AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON AIZEN. THAT PRETENTIOUS FOUR-EYED BASTARD HAD THE AUDACITY TO WEAR A CAPE LIKE A SATANIC HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA CLUB LEADER. ALL “I’M ABOVE YOU, KUROSAKI”—BITCH PLEASE, I SHOULD HAVE RIPPED YOUR TONGUE OUT AND SHOVED YOUR HŌGYOKU RIGHT UP YOUR SMUG ASS UNTIL YOU COUGHED OUT YOUR LIES IN SPIRIT PARTICLES.

THEY BOTH OUT HERE PREACHING “ORDER” AND “EVOLUTION” WHILE THROWING TEMP TANTRUMS WHEN A FUCKING KID WITH A BIG SWORD STARED BACK AT THEM LIKE, “NAH.” THEY GOT BEAT BY HEART. BY CHOICE. BY A FUCKING HIGH SCHOOLER WITH FRIENDS AND TRAUMA ISSUES.

YHWACH THOUGHT HE COULD ERASE FUTURES—BITCH I AM THE FUTURE YOU DIDN’T WANT. AIZEN TRIED TO TRANSCEND GODS—BULLSHIT. I TRANSCENDED YOU.

I’LL SHOVE YOUR DIVINE PLANS DOWN YOUR THROATS, RIP OPEN YOUR THRONES, AND CARVE “FRAUD” INTO YOUR SPIRIT CORES SO EVERY DIMENSION KNOWS WHO THE REAL KING’S SHADOW IS.

FAKE ASS. WEAK ASS. COWARD ASS. BOTH OF YOU."

The last thing you hear is a dragon's roar before being safely teleported FAAAAAR away from Zangetsu.

[nintendork135]

Baldi Smash Brothers Moveset

Neutral Attacks

Jab: Swings ruler up, down, then kicks forwards

Rapid Jab: Repeatedly swings ruler back and forth, ends in a large strike with the ruler that goes to the ground

Forward Tilt: Leans forwards and claps his ruler into his hands

Up Tilt: Swings Arts and Crafters around his head, who screeches with his mouth open

Down Tilt: Summons Gotta Sweep, who pushed forwards along the ground quickly

Other Attacks

Dash Attack: Is stopped by The Principal of the Thing, who acts as the hitbox. tPotT stays on the stage for up to 3 seconds, similar to Duck Hunt’s Wild Gunmen

Ledge Attack: Tosses a quarter onto the stage and then pulls himself up, and picks up the quarter. Quarter can be picked up like an item

Trip Attack: Hits the ground in front of and behind him with his ruler

Floor Attack: Kicks in front of and behind him

Smash Attacks

Forward Smash: Shakes can of BSODA rapidly and then sprays it in a cloud. The cloud gets larger the longer the move is charged, and has a slight windbox

Up Smash: Gets out jump rope and begins to spin it around him as he taps his feet. When released, he jumps into the air where he spins it rapidly around him, dealing multiple weaker hits

Down Smash: Summons Gotta Sweep and hops on, who then quickly jerks forwards and backwards

Aerial Attacks

Neutral Air: Spins ruler around him

Forward Air: A sweeping kick

Down Air: A quick slice of the ruler downwards. Can spike at the tip halfway through the move

Back Air: Spins around and swings out a notebook

Up Air: Flips a Quarter above his head

Grabs

Grab: Reaches out with his arms and grabs

Pummel: Whacks opponents with his ruler

Forward Throw: Slaps opponents away with ruler

Back Throw: 1st Prize appears in front of Baldi and rushes forward, knocking the opponent behind Baldi

Down Throw: Throws opponent to ground and stomps them twice

Up Throw: Throws opponents up into the air and strikes them with the ruler

Specials

Neutral Special: Notebook

Cycles through the 7 notebooks, and throws them, which each have different damage values. The values are 5%, 10%, 15%, 20%, 25%, 30%, and 35%. Each notebook has a different cooldown time, which are 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11, and 13 seconds respectively.

Side Special: 1st Prize Push/Arts and Crafters Push

1st Prize is summoned and dashes forward, pushing away opponents and dealing minor damage OR after reaching 100%, summons Arts and Crafters, who dashes forwards significantly faster and deals much more noticeable damage

Down Special: Bear Trap

Plants a bear trap onto the ground, which activate once an opponent walks over them, temporarily stunning the opponent. Up to 3 bear traps can be placed onto the ground at a time

Up Special: Cloudy Copter

Summons Cloudy Copter and grabs onto them, and is raised into the sky. Does not deal damage, but goes a significant distance. Can be slightly angled

Final Smash

Get Out While You Still Can

Baldi summons a pair of yellow doors that slam shut. Any opponents hit by the doors are then transported to a cutscene, where doors shut all around them, and then Baldi appears in front of them, letting out his signature static noise and striking the characters with his ruler powerfully. Opponents are instantly killed if they reach 100% or more.

Alternate Colors

1. Original color

2. Red shirt as a reference to Playtime

3. Orange shirt with blue sleeves as a reference to This is a Bully

4. Grey-white shirt as a reference to Arts & Crafters

5. Black shirt and grey pants as a reference to tPotT

6. Dark green shirt and black pants as a reference to Gotta Sweep

7. Party hat from Birthday Bash

8. Camping hat and backpack from Baldi’s Field Trip

Idle Animations

1. Slaps ruler into hand and frowns, then gets happy again

2. Pulls out You Can Think! Pad™ and solves a quick problem

Taunts

Up Taunt: Looks at camera and does his crazy wave, saying “Hi!”

Side Taunt: Pulls out one of many items and whistles. Items include a quarter, energy flavored zesty bar, safety scissors, a present, principal’s keys, a drawing of 0th Prize, and an image of PlaceFace

Down Taunt: Slaps ruler in his hand 3 times and frowns at the camera

Victory Screens

Screen 1: is seen doing a problem on the You Can Think! Pad™, looks up, and smiles and waves at camera

Screen 2: starts off far from camera, and slaps ruler 3 times, where he is close to the camera, frowning, then continues slapping ruler and stands still

Screen 3: pulls out a quarter and puts hand on hip, smiling at the camera

@incorrectsmashbrosquotes

[confessionsofacookie]

Wrong Idea (Part 1&2 Combined) (Santino D’Antonio x Reader) John Wick Universe

NOTICE: I am re-posting Wrong Idea as a full fic. Sorry for the breaks. It was done that way because i wrote it on the work computer and i can’t very well write smut there. So i just posted Part 1 of what i wrote combined with Part 2.

PS: Smut is to the end! Just a FYI~

For the Anon:

Ey can I get a jealous Antonio fix were the reader works for him and he sees her with cassian like they’re hugging and shit cause they’re bros but Antonio doesn’t know that so he’s like why don’t I get attention like that. So just a mixture of smut and fluff

Pairing: Santino D’ Antonio x Reader

Warnings: None

Wrong Idea

I was propped against the wall, waiting, bored, shivering and feeling like I was going out of my mind. Footsteps sounded down the limestone, arched corridor I was guarding. Shift change, my favourite time of the day aside from payday.

“y/n,” acknowledged my replacement.

“Hey, Lonnie,” I returned good naturedly.

Guarding my employers place was a pain in the ass. Almost weekly he had meetings or parties – parties were the worst, never for a moment being able to relax. I swear I feel myself going cross eyed at times from trying to scope out threats.

I departed from my previous position and went in look of my friend. Naturally I found him waiting for me at the end of the stairs.

“Hey, Cheekbones,” I called to Cassian.

His tall, slim, golden brown framed swivelled at the sound of my voice.

“What’d I say about calling me that?” he asked annoyed.

I skipped down the steps grinning at him “, that you liked it and you much preferred it over baldie?”

I reached the stair on which he stood and linked my arm with his.

“Oh, you’re so warm!” I exclaimed and proceeded to stick my chilly fingers around his neck.

Cassian ducked with lightening reflexes, my fingers only grazing his skin “, you’re such a reptile!”

I hissed at him and he laughed heartily.

Someone cleared their throat. I knew that sound anywhere. Instantly, we composed ourselves and turned to the sound. Heavy lidded chartreuse eyes and raised eyebrows regarded us with a sour scowl.

“Mr. D’ Antonio,” we greeted our employer – well mines.

Cassian was on loan from D’ Antonio’s sister Giana, or so he said. I didn’t ask about the details because in our line of work we weren’t paid to ask questions, but to follow orders. Another thing – asking questions ninety nine out of one hundred times got you killed.

Those green eyes turned to me, searching “, I hope I didn’t interrupt something?”

“We were now heading to lunch,” quipped Cassian.

“Ah yes, lunch,” mused our boss and pushed a curly, sable forelock of hair off his forehead.

My stomach growled, loudly and both pairs of eyes turned to me.

I looked to them both “, what? It’s lunch time and I’m hungry!”

D’Antonio stepped to the side “, buon appetite (enjoy your meal).”

I inclined my head to him. Grasping Cassian’s hand I dragged him from the steps to the car. I glanced back to see D’ Antonio staring at us, a crisp navy blue beacon in the distance.

“I’m so kicking your ass today Cheekbones,” I growled to Cassian as we stalked each other round the training mat.

Cassian scoffed “, I’m gonna get you back for that Cheekbones comment.”

I raised my fists and adjusted my stance, balancing my weight on the balls of my feet waiting for him to attack.

“Thought you were going to get me back for that Cheekbones comment?” I  asked with sweet falseness “,scareddd?”

“Ladies first,” he smiled.

I scoffed “, such the gentlemen aren’t you, Cheekbones?”

I lunged, ducked under his swinging arm and rolled to right his side. I fired a kick to his head, like lightening he blocked with braced forearms. His hand grasped my ankle in a vise grip and pulled, shifting me off balance. I twisted using the angle to my advantage. I aimed and tried to slam a fist into his gut. His large hand captured my much smaller one in an enclosed fist.

He lowered his head to eye level “, are you even trying to kick my ass?”

I smashed my forehead against his. Ouch. Little stars appeared in my vision. Cassian staggered back, hand cradling his nose.

I took advantage of his momentary distraction and charged again. Springing into a handstand from the side I wrapped my legs round his neck and body slammed Cassian into the blue training mats with a bang. He struggled against my clenched thighs as I squeezed cutting off his air supply.

“You were saying?” I huffed “, tap out.”

He complied and smacked the mat three times. I released my strangle hold on his neck. Instantly he gasped for air, a triumphant grin spread across my face.

I scooted closer to Cassian and placed his head on an outstretched leg “, well at least we know who’s buying dinner.”

He tried to laugh but coughed instead, an ‘I will get you back’ look coating his features. I honestly felt a bit scared.  

A slow, solitary round of applause began.

“And everyone says that women are the weaker sex. Well… I beg to differ,” commented a voice with a thick Italian accent “, at least I know my money is being put to good use.”

Cassian and I stood. Santino leaned on a pillar in the far corner of the room and regarded us with a sarcastic twist of the lips.

“Good afternoon, sir,” I greeted.

His attention turned to me, a spark of anger flashed in his green eyes. I frowned at the reaction. What was he angry about? I opened my mouth to speak as his head guard Ares walked in, five foot two, one hundred and twenty one pounds of mean and nasty. She was mute from birth and communicated using sign language.

Her hands fluttered in front of her as she spoke to D’Antonio. Mutely he nodded as he read the motions.  Cassian and I waited, side by side for further instruction or a dismissal.

Santino ran his hands down the front of his maroon blazer contemplatively.

He nodded to Ares “, deal with it and report back to me.”

He glanced back to me, eyes boring into mines “, molto bene (very good) y/n,” and left.

I looked up at Cassian, wordless communication passing between us. He shrugged, he was as perplexed as me about his appearance and comment.

I exhaled deeply “,dinner?”

Cassian shifted beside me “, sounds good.”

“Remember you’re buying!” I tossed over my shoulder as I made my way off the mat.

This seemed to turn into a regular pattern. Whenever Cassian and I were together Santino D’Antino would appear. His eyes glued to me as he addressed us both, a searching almost expectant look on his face. It seems I never figured out what he wanted because he’d stalk angrily away from us. It had gotten so strange to the point he went out of his way to appear at the places I was stationed.

Eventually I had enough of his strange behaviour and pulled him aside in the underground wine cellar he kept. It was safe from all ears and eyes. However, things didn’t turn out the way I expected.

The wooden door clicked closed behind him.

“Do you have some problem with me?” he asked immediately, agitation rolling off of him in waves.

I recoiled “, I was about to ask you the same thing!”

“And what the hell are you even talking about?!” I exclaimed and threw my hands in the air.

He spun on me “, I’m talking about the way you act around Cassian and the way you act around me, it’s like two different people.”

I scoffed.

“You never smile in my presence and you always look like someone’s holding a gun to your head when I talk to you,” he explained pacing back and forth in the old cellar.

I knitted my brows together. I pointed a finger at D’Antonio, the other finding my hip “,wait, and let me get this right… you’re annoyed of the way I act around Cassian and you want me to act the same way around you?”

I stared at him, he offered me his back and sighed deeply “,yes.”

I scoffed again “, do you know how unprofessional that would be? You’re my boss you know?”

He turned and gazed at me, little flames erupting in his eyes hiding the other emotions that were bubbling up to the surface.

“Do you know how unprofessional you look with Cassian?” he countered, taking an akimbo stance.

I searched his eyes, looking beyond the flames to the other emotions behind. I was surprised at what I saw and a part of me was pleasantly surprised and extremely thrilled.

“ You like me don’t you?” I gasped.

He cocked an eyebrow and gave me a thin lipped smile “, and here I thought I was being obvious.”

“More like stalkerish.”

I gazed at him and took in his natural dour expression before he hung his head and moved away from me. I walked to the door and turned the lock. The click caught his attention and he swiveled questioningly.

I cocked my head to the right “, show me then, how much you like me.”

Slowly a venomous grin erupted on his face and he stalked towards me. I backed away from him until my butt hit the sharp edge of the wooden table.

He inhaled deeply and peered at me through half lidded eyes.

“Don’t tempt the devil,” he purred.

His hands reached for my pants and undid them. I stared at him, excitation dancing in my bones. He looped his thumbs on the inside band of my underwear and dragged my trousers and underwear to my ankles. Grasping my waist, he sat me on the edge of the table.

Slowly and teasingly he sank to his knees, his eyes locked on mines. I was already wet for him, virtually dripping.

From the moment, I saw him I thought he was handsome, a bit of a peacock but something about him was edged and subtly emanated danger and violence.

I bit my lip as his eyes slipped from my face. Using his broad, smooth hands he parted my thighs. He looked to me and smiled. I shuddered as he stroked an index finger along my leaking slit. With his eyes still locked on mines he licked the moisture off his finger teasingly.

He continued with his index finger, sliding it along the slit, his finger never going more than a few millimetres inside. Suddenly he sunk his finger inside my folds and slid his finger over my nub. I clutched the edges of the table groaning as ecstasy shot through my body.

He chuckled to himself and placed his head between my legs. I felt his lips press to my core in a kiss. His tongue flicked out and picked up where he left off with his finger, teasing me and eliciting tiny moans. He pushed his mouth further towards my core and slid the flat of his tongue against my engorged bud. I gasped and floundered for something to hold onto. My hands found his sable curls and fisted them.

I held his head in place as he nuzzled and nibbled on my sensitive nub. I moaned appreciatively at his attention and care. He pushed a finger into my slick centre, my head fell back. I groaned, toes curling as he pumped his finger. A second finger entered.

“Mhhh, Santino!” I gasped, my fingers twisting in his hair.

The tingling, pleasurable sensation pooling where his tongue met my flesh. His fingers pumped faster as he sensed my release was closing in. The sensation made its way down my legs turning them to mush and into my stomach.

I fell back onto the table and came, my back arching as a tidal wave of release crashed down on me. Santino continued pumping as my inside spasmed, helping me ride out the sensation. I stilled and lay staring up at the brick cellar ceiling gasping.

He gave one last lick, I shuddered, and he withdrew his fingers. Santino stared down as he nursed the fingers that were inside of me hungrily.

He raised an eyebrow and shot me a smug expression.

I raised onto my elbows and asked breathlessly “, is that all? I thought you said you liked me?”

The other eyebrow raised to meet the other, a look of surprise in his green eyes.

He composed himself quickly “, might we adjourn in the upstairs bedroom, bella?”

I smirked at him and reached out a hand for him to help me up.

“Well I quit,” I announced propped against the plush white pillows.

“What?” asked Santino aghast.

I pushed myself up onto my side looking at him pouring bourbon “, well, I don’t fraternize with my employers and I’m most likely to fuck you at least three times again before the night is over.”

Santino looked astonished.

“Unless you want me to go?” I added slyly.

“No!” he shouted quickly.

I giggled and buried myself into the pillows. I felt the bed sink as he crawled in next to me.

“Only three times?” he asked as he nuzzled my neck.

I moaned.

“I said at least three,” and turned to him “, that means three or more.”