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randomposterofstuff · 3 years ago

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Soldiers by Choice - Chapter IV

Author's Note: Hi, all! I'm back with a new chapter. Real-life priorities still continue to demand my attention. Lol. In any case, here's Chapter 4.

Chapters: I | II | III

Also available on Ao3. Check my tumblr page to click on the 'Archive of Our Own' tab!

CHAPTER 4: Draws and Positions

Summary: Levi and Mikasa perform an exhibition exercise for the new recruits of the Survey Corps. Erwin deliberates on Mikasa's current role.

Year 847

---

“I would like to officially welcome you all to the Survey Corps.”

Rows of faces, most of them young, some of them slightly older than the others, look up at their Commander from his place on the raised platform. Behind him, his officers are standing in attention.

The sun has just begun to rise over the flag of the Survey Corps, which sways from its place on top of the main fortress of the regiment's headquarters. The Wings of Freedom fly in the sky overlooking the cemented courtyard where the soldiers have assembled.

“You have all accepted the responsibility of being humanity’s vanguard against the Titans. And for this, I commend you all for dedicating your hearts.” Erwin raises his right fist to his chest, saluting the new recruits. “It takes great courage and resolve to endure your fears for the sake of forging a better path for humanity. We are glad to have you fight alongside us.”

The Commander then brings his fist down to assume a more neutral stance. “At the end of the month, we will be venturing into Titan territory to establish more bases and reclaim more lands.” Erwin’s voice resounds in the open area, with its standard tenor of solemnity. “That being said, today is not only your first day as official members of the Corps. It is also your first official day of training as such. You will undergo routine drills in preparation for the expedition. My officers will oversee and assess your performances.”

“And to better prepare you for what to expect in the Titan Forest, Captain Levi and Lieutenant Mikasa Ackerman will perform an exhibition exercise once you finish your drills.”

At this announcement, awe and astonishment color the features of the new recruits. Several pairs of eyes widen, and excitable murmurs can be heard amongst them.

“You guys are in luck!” Hange cheerfully announces from their place in the officer’s line. “You all get to see Humanity’s Strongest and the Woman Worth a Hundred Soldiers in action!”

Awestruck gazes then find the captain and lieutenant at the far right of the line of officers.

“It’s really them!”

“The Ackerman duo in the flesh!”

“They say they’re the strongest in the entire military!”

Levi resists the urge to roll his eyes. “Tch. Starry-eyed brats.” He mutters, looking at the rows of recruits.

Beside him, Mikasa stands with her arms crossed behind her back, likewise observing the newest members of the Survey Corps. “I thought that after a few years, you’d eventually get used to these reactions.” Although her expression is neutral, there’s a humorous lilt to her voice.

“Annoying brats are always going to be annoying.” He grouses. “I don’t have your level of tolerance.”

She hums in amusement. “In any case, I look forward to settling the score later.” She shifts her gaze to him, a glint in her dark orbs.

His eyes reflect the same gleam. “We’ll see about that.”

Their rivalry began when they had their first sparring match together.

---

- 3 years ago -

Levi flew through the air as he watched Mikasa swerve herself around a thick tree branch using her steel cables. She used the impetus of her movements to propel herself towards him to attack. But before she could reach him, the captain re-shot his hooks to maneuver himself upwards and create more distance between them.

The lieutenant gave chase. And the moment she reached the same aerial height level, Levi aimed his cables at a branch behind her to launch himself forward with great speed, taped blades ready to strike.

But they only sliced the air where her head had just been a second ago. Mikasa quickly bent her torso back to dodge. She then flipped her body downwards mid-air and allowed herself to fall backwards for a few seconds before shooting her cables below her. The hooks latched onto a branch beneath her, and she used her momentum to swing over and under it before launching herself at Levi with her own taped swords. He blocked her attack with a swift parry before pivoting away to calculate his next move.

Wanting to see how his then-newly appointed lieutenant would fair against him, Levi had challenged her to a spar. Mikasa had accepted, similarly wanting to test her strength against his. He had suggested that they train “Ackerman” style. Intrigued, she had agreed.

And so, they trained in the way of their clan – by dueling in the air with 3DM gear. The Ackerman clan prides itself in training its members to be prepared for any threat – whether it be Titan or human, under any circumstances. In the course of their duel, they had traversed all over the forested areas of the headquarters’ training grounds.

The spar had lasted over an hour and eventually ended in a stalemate when they were forced to stop due to their gas supplies almost running out.

“It looks like we’re going to have to call this a draw.” He had remarked as they regrouped onto a large branch. Once they landed, they both took a moment to catch their breaths – the match had left them fairly winded.

“You’re a good fighter.” Levi said as he sat down across her on the branch. “But your technique could still be better.”

Mikasa raised her brows, curious about his assessment. “How can I improve?”

“The explosive power of your attacks is impressive.” He commented, remembering the nearly overwhelming force of her strikes against his taped swords. “But you need to move more quickly when avoiding a hit. It’s easier to evade and parry on the ground because you can control your center of gravity. But when using 3DM gear, you have to exert more effort in controlling the execution and speed of your movements.” He continued, recalling how she would barely evade his attacks at the last moment before they could land on her.

“Your reaction time is good, and so are your reflexes. They let you dodge in the air effectively enough. But you can still do better.”

She nodded at his comments, filing them away in her mind for future reference. “I see. Thank you for the feedback.”

“Sure.” He replied. “You got any comments on my technique?”

Mikasa’s eyes widened subtly at the question – mildly surprised that her captain would ask her to critique his technique. She took a moment to think.

“Your attacks are swift, and you use your momentum well to your advantage.” She replied after a few seconds. “Your speed also gives your strikes the natural force needed to land hits on an opponent. But I’ve noticed that you mainly rely on this natural force to attack. Conversely, you consciously apply more strength into your parries.” She explained, remembering that she received more feedback from his blades when he blocked her attacks than when he struck against her swords.

“Your natural offensive power is already strong on its own, but if you were to consciously apply more force to your strikes like with your blocks, they would be more powerful and more difficult to repel.”

"Hmm." When she had finished, Levi lifted one of his taped blades and gave it a small swing, contemplating her comments. "Duly noted."

Levi re-sheathed his swords before speaking again. “The next time we spar, there will be a winner.”

Mikasa hummed. “Definitely.”

There was an underlying challenge in her otherwise neutral voice, and the corner of his mouth curved upward almost imperceptibly as he quietly accepted it.

---

The early morning sun steadily rose up in the sky as the new recruits performed their drills. On his horse, Mike oversees those who were running the obstacle tracks. Halfway to the end, some recruits were beginning to fall behind under the weight of the packs on their backs. “You need more stamina than that if you want to survive beyond the Walls!” The section commander gruffly yells, steering his horse alongside the struggling soldiers. “Keep moving!”

Hange and Moblit stand on a large branch in the forested areas as they observe the recruits racing against each other in 3DM gear. “Come on, you guys!” The Titan-scientist calls out to them. “Titans can run at speeds faster than this! You need to go quicker if you don’t want them to catch you!”

They see one soldier finally reach the checkpoint serving as the finish line. “Moblit, how many minutes did it take for him to finish?”

The executive officer checks his hand watch. “9 minutes and 17 seconds, Section Commander.”

Placing their hands on their hips, Hange throws their head back as they sigh loudly. “Not fast enough!”

---

Hours later in the afternoon found the recruits crowding at the edge of the forest.

“The exhibition shall begin momentarily.” Erwin announces. “During expeditions, Titans can and will approach from any and all directions. So, to have a more effective simulation, a handful of soldiers have been assigned to launch flying targets from different areas in the forest. Captain Levi and Lieutenant Mikasa will dispense of both flying andstationary targets. They will traverse through the forest, so we will keep track of their progress by following them at a distance with 3DM gear.”

More excitable murmurs once again erupt from the crowd.

“Flying targets? No way!”

“We never dealt with those during cadet training!”

Levi tsks as he adjusts the straps of his 3DM gear. “Shadis and the others should make flying targets a standard part of their training.”

“To be fair, Hange only came up with the idea 2 months ago.” Mikasa comments while securing the tie of her short ponytail; she had let her hair grow just past her shoulders over the years. “It’s likely that none of the Commandants have even heard of it yet.”

Levi only gives a non-committal hum as they proceed to their respective starting lanes.

Mikasa stops at the right-side lane while he walks further to the left lane.

“Looks like they’re ready!” Hange says, observing that the two Ackermans have already drawn their swords and grapples.

“Very well. On my count.” The Commander announces. “3, 2, 1. Advance!”

Both dark-haired soldiers shoot their hooks at the exact same moment and propel into the forest. In his lane, Levi sees a few targets positioned some distance in front of him. Angling his blades sidewards, he increases his speed and twists from left to right, effectively beheading the stationary targets in the blink of an eye.

In the other lane, Mikasa slices through the neck of one mannequin and sees a shadow flash in her periphery. She promptly maneuvers herself upwards to the sky and she shoots her hooks into the wooden body of the airborne target before swerving towards its nape. As she dives back to the forest, she sees its severed head free-falling and Levi decapitating another flying target some distance away from her.

They continue flying through the forest, leaving scattered trails of severed wooden heads and destroyed targets in their wake. A lone target then sails towards the sky, nearly halfway in between their lanes.

They propel towards it, with Levi’s grappling hooks latching onto its left side and Mikasa’s onto its right. Realizing that they’ve both claimed the target, they share a quick look mid-flight.

Synchronizing their timing, they angle their blades and simultaneously swerve. Twin streaks of silver fly across the sky from both directions as they strike the nape and send the head hurtling off the body.

A yellow flare is then shot upwards in the wake of their attack – indicating that it was the last target, thus signaling the end of the exhibition.

As they descend back towards the ground, Levi turns to Mikasa, a knowing look in his eyes. She smiles slightly.

It’s another draw, then.

---

“Woah. Did you see that?!”

“They’re amazing!”

“The Ackermans really are the best!”

Murmurs of praise flow from the recruits scattered amongst tree branches at the end of the exhibition. Amidst the awestruck commentary, Erwin quietly observes as his best soldiers make their descent.

From behind him, Hange and Mike have their own exchange. “I’ve seen them in combat countless times already, but I can never get over just how good they are together!" Hange says, a broad grin on their face. "Before, I thought that no one could ever keep up with Levi. But then Mikasa came along!"

“I’ll say.” Mike comments. “Ackermans are really something else.”

Their Commander hums, catching their attention.

“Something on your mind, Erwin?” The Titan-scientist prompts.

“There is.” Erwin confirms. “I think it’s about time we have another meeting with the other section commanders.”

---

THE NEXT DAY

“Captain Levi. Lieutenant Mikasa. May I come in?”

Levi briefly wonders why Moblit is alone at their door before responding. “Come in.”

The door opens, and the Executive Officer enters and salutes them. Both Levi and Mikasa return the gesture from their respective desks.

“What does Hange want?” The captain asks, noting that the section commander would send Moblit to them if they were too busy with research or anything Titan-related.

“Section Commander Hange is with Commander Erwin and the other section commanders, Sir.” Moblit explains, his hands clasped behind his back. “I’ve been ordered to come get you and the Lieutenant.”

Mikasa raises her brows in mild surprise. “What is this meeting about?”

“I wasn’t told, Ma’am. Section Commander Hange merely told me to escort you to the strategy room.”

“Tch.” Levi grumbles. “Typical of Hange to keep us in suspense.” He then moves to stand. “Well, we better go and see what they want.”

---

Once they enter the room, they are greeted with the sight of Erwin seated in the middle of the long strategy table. Hange, Mike, and the other section commanders occupy the seats by his sides.

As per protocol, both Ackermans salute the Commander, who raises his own fist to his chest.

Erwin then gestures to the vacant chairs in front of them. “Have a seat.”

“So, what’s going on?” Levi asks once seated, crossing his arms over his chest. “Looks pretty serious since you called all of your section commanders, Erwin.”

“It is.” Erwin confirms. “We’ve been discussing Mikasa’s current position.”

The captain’s eyes widen slightly, not having expected that. His lieutenant wears a similar expression. “What about my current position?” She asks, a tinge of uncertain surprise in her tone.

Erwin’s expression remains level until the curve of his mouth slightly tilts upward. “It’s been decided that you are now ready to be a captain.”

Mikasa’s eyes widen even further at the news, a layer of astonishment on her features.

“So, you’re taking my lieutenant away from me.” Levi says dryly. In the back of his mind, he recalls that Mikasa was partnered with him to prepare her for the role because she was too young for it 3 years ago.

He looks at the soon-to-be captain. While Levi agrees that she’s now ready, he feels a twinge of disappointment. “I suppose good things have to end at some point.”

“Actually…” Erwin’s slight smile remains. “…I’m not.”

The Commander’s response simply served to perplex the two Ackermans. Mikasa’s brows furrow in confusion. “I’m sorry, but I don’t quite understand.”

“Me neither.” Levi narrows his eyes, bemused. “Tch. Always the cryptic.”

Erwin lets the small smile linger for a moment before resuming his level expression. “It’s been agreed that Mikasa is ready for more responsibility.”

The Commander then turns his attention to the woman in question. “Mikasa, your performance, both as an individual soldier and as Levi’s lieutenant, has been exemplary. You can keep a calm mind during the direst of situations, you also possess good strategic acumen, and you are undoubtedly one of our best soldiers. We all agree that you are ready to be a captain.”

“The usual protocol would be to give you command of your own squad. But it’s been agreed that keeping you and Levi together in the same unit will be more strategic and beneficial in the long run.”

Erwin goes silent for a moment, gauging their reactions. Levi’s expression is mostly neutral, save for the annoyed tilt of his brows – no doubt a response to his earlier ambiguous answer. To his right, Mikasa sits quietly, waiting for him to continue.

“We’ve reviewed past expedition reports and evaluated both of your performances. You match Levi more closely than any other soldier in the legion. In the past, no one has been able to coordinate with him in attack sequences because of the gap in skill levels. But your respective abilities complement each other in battle, and your teamwork is remarkable. The success rates of missions you’ve had together are also the highest in the entire Survey Corps.”

“You guys are obviously the dream team!” Hange chimes in. “We’d never dream of breaking you up!”

Though Mikasa maintains her calm demeanor, she allows a small smile at the assessment. “Thank you. But I still don’t understand how me being made captain relates to all of this.”

“You performed very well as a lieutenant. And your talents will be better utilized if you were given more responsibility.” Their superior explains. “So, it’s been decided that you and Levi will be made co-captains.”

Mikasa’s lips part slightly in surprise. Their Commander continues to deliver more unexpected news.

“Co-captains?” There’s skepticism in Levi’s tone, but it’s not unkind. “How will that work?”

“You will both have the same level of authority, but your areas of responsibility will be delineated to avoid conflict.” Erwin replies smoothly, having planned the details carefully. “Your respective authorities are autonomous from one another when dealing with your corresponding obligations. But if either one of you is unavailable, the one present will also assume the former’s responsibilities.”

Levi remains quiet for a moment, contemplating the news. “Hmm. That makes sense.”

The Commander makes another slight smile at the remark before turning back to Mikasa. “Do you have any concerns or questions about this arrangement, Mikasa?

She glances at Levi. He’s watching her as he waits for her response.

“None at all.”

---

Levi sits on the common sofa back in their office as he pours tea into two cups before handing one to Mikasa.

“To your promotion.” Gripping his own teacup by the rim, Levi raises it to her, a small smile on his face.

She takes a moment to silently marvel at the rare display of social geniality from her now co-captain before smiling. She clinks her cup against his, careful not to hit his fingers.

When she takes a sip of her tea, she raises a brow at the taste. “Did we run out of chamomile?”

Levi takes a drink before replying. “No. There’s still plenty.”

Her brows further rise upward in response. The tea of the day depended on who was preparing it, so Mikasa was mildly surprised that Levi brewed something else other than his preferred blend.

Seeing her confusion, he elaborates. “Black tea isyour favorite, right?”

Surprised, Mikasa blinks at the comment before nodding. “It is.” She smiles at the thoughtful gesture. “Thank you.”

“It’s your promotion, after all.” He says before taking another drink.

She chuckles lightly. “We’re finally equals now.”

The remark was meant in jest, but Levi stills briefly at it.

“We’ve always been equals …” he states evenly, lowering his cup from his mouth, “… barring the formalities in rank.”

He meets her gaze. “Have I ever treated you as anything less?” He asks, voice serious.

The question causes Mikasa to pause. Even though Levi had a higher rank, he always asked for her ideas and considered her input. And despite having more experience, he never once underestimated her skills.

She shakes her head after a moment of contemplation. “No.”

“Well, there you have it.” He says, holding her stare for a moment longer before he resumes drinking his tea.

Mikasa likewise returns to her cup, sipping the warm liquid. “I’m glad we’re still in the same squad.” She admits, tone soft. They had built a unique rapport over the years, and she realized that she would miss it if she was re-assigned.

Another small smile flits across his face. “Same here.”

---

End Note: I've come up with a lot of ideas for this fic. And it's gonna take time for me to fully flesh them out. Haha. That being said, I really can't guarantee regular updates because of real-life stuff. *cries* But I will try my best regardless. Let me know what you think so far! Comments and reviews would be very much appreciated!

#rivamika #rivamika fic #mikasa x levi #levimika #levi ackerman #mikasa ackerman #levi x mikasa #aot #snk

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intubatedangel · 4 years ago

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Cold Snap: Chapter 4

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 |

Anna walked through into the large living room, turning to the TV. Carl was stood beside the counter, phone to his ear, gaze locked on the screen. A newscast was showing aerial footage from a helicopter. A banner along the bottom was headlined with MOMENTS AGO, and scrolling text described the scene. Not that it needed much describing. The boat was pouring with smoke, people crowded on the fore deck. Anna watched, gasping as the fuel tank explosion sent a gout of flame into the air and shook everyone on board.

"Anna?" Sara asked on the phone.

"I saw." She gulped, exchanging a glance with Carl. They both nodded. Their plans for the day would have to wait. "We'll be right there." Anna told Sara, before hanging up, she headed into the bathroom, grabbing two towels. She tossed one into the sink, soaking it in warm water. She gave her chest a quick scrub to remove the lingering gel, then wiped away as much sweat as she reasonably could. It was an old trick nursing school trick, when you had a short break and needed to freshen up. It would have do. Carl entered the bathroom behind her, and she handed him the wet towel, using the other to dry herself.

They didn't say anything, both processing what they had seen. Not in the way that someone in shock might have to process an event. They were going over the details they had seen. The footage wasn't great, but the signs of blood and bandages were pretty clear. There was the fire factor too, and given how cold the river was, hypothermia could be a big complication. Carl's mind was focused on treatments for the worst case scenarios. Anna thought more about the bigger picture. Triage and dividing her nurses to cover as many bases as possible safely and quickly.

Once dry she slipped around Carl and went to the wardrobe. Grabbing her last set of spare underwear and scrubs. She changed with a sense of urgency, Carl joining her soon after. Anna didn't waste any time sorting her hair. She ran a brush through it a couple of times, then fixed it in a basic ponytail. She went to the living room and looked through the window, down to the road. Traffic was already slowing down, with the river road likely blocked and emergency vehicles overriding lights in multiple directions. The police department would be clearing routes to the hospital, but none would pass this way.

She heard Carl coming though, dressed and ready. She looked at him and shook her head as she went to the front door. "Walking will be quicker." He nodded and they both left the apartment.

The kettle finished it's 5-minute boiling cycle.

* * *

Jones ran towards the back of the boat, waving his arms at one point as the boat rocked, presumably a patrol boat pushing off. It wasn't big enough to be another explosion. He hadn't considered the prospect but thought it unlikely. What was left to explode? As he neared the back of the boat, he could feel the tilt getting more substantial as the rear compartments flooded first. A part of him hoped that the luggage area wasn't one of them. A hope that was dashed when he reached the top of the rear stairs.

The waterline was already halfway up the stairs, which with the tilt of the boat were now almost vertical. It was murky too, not the horribly polluted mess it had been in years gone by. For a city river it was remarkably clean. This was just the standard murk of a natural river, suspended silt and foam, plus whatever dirt was being pulled from the inside of the boat. He couldn't see any sign of the girl. He would have to go in. He pulled off the life jacket, which would only hinder him here, but grabbed the small waterproof flashlight.

Just looking at the water made him feel cold. He took a couple of deep breaths, gritted his teeth, and jumped in. He did his best to contain a half-scream-half-growl, as the cold water shocked his system. The initial shock over, he swore. Loudly. Then turned to the task at hand. Placing the flashlight between his teeth, hooked a foot under the steps, rotated to face down wards, then pushed off, cutting through the water.

It stung his eyes as he kept them open, looking for any sign. It didn't take him long. The girl, Shona the kid had said, had long blond hair that was spread out in the water, acting almost like a flag, guiding him to her. She was dead. Clinically at least. That much was obvious. Motionless, blue lips. He didn't bother checking for a pulse or trying to give her some air. It would be pointless with her lungs full of water. Her only hope was that the cold would prevent any major damage. Jones knew that cold water drowning was one of the best-case scenarios for a full recovery. He just had to get her out and get her to help as soon as possible.

He grabbed one of her arms, pulling on it, hoping it would be simple. But she was trapped. He pushed himself closer, down her body length, to get a good view of the cases covering her legs and waist. He could feel his own air starting to run low, but realigned himself, planting his feet against the floor, grabbing the heaviest case in both hands. He pushed off, taking the case with him, moving it just far enough to roll it away from the girl. He did the same for another case, then, lungs starting to burn, he took a chance. He got one arm around her waist, pulled her upper body closer to his shoulder with the other. Then, cradling her tightly, he pushed off in a smooth firm motion. The was a moment of resistance, as the bags and cases tried to keep hold of their prize, then they relented. Shona was free.

As soon as he felt it Jones kicked off the bottom, but his legs were almost fully extended already and there was no dramatic rush to the surface. He had to swim with his legs, each motion needing more oxygen. He could see the light from the stairs, and swam towards it, spitting out the flashlight, letting it sink away. He felt desperate as he crossed the final few yards.

With a great gasping breath he broke the surface, dragging in few deep lungful’s of air, remembering to breath out steadily and expel the co2 that must have been building. He rearranged the body in his arms, getting a better look at her. In the open air her hair had fallen and clung to her face. He brushed it away, without any tenderness, feeling how cold her skin was. He knew there was absolutely nothing he could do but get her out. And there was the problem. Submerged in the water he had been unable to really sense direction. During the short time he had been under, the boat had tilted further, enough that there was no chance of climbing the steps, not with a pulseless young woman in one arm.

* * *

Lucy watched the cop go rushing off, shaking her head. She wanted to go with him. Help him. But she was the only proper medic on board. And as she had told Jones, Patients come first. She got the splint wrapped around the young man’s arm. She didn't dare try to reduce the fracture herself. She had no idea how many knocks it taken. Instead, she used the splint to stabilise the bones as they were, loosely wrapping anti-septic coated bandages over the wound. It would do.

She followed it up with a neck brace, then waved over a cop. "I need a spinal board from a patrol boat, and some spare hands." She requested. The cop nodded, immediately going to do as she asked. She checked the young man’s pulse while she waited. It was rapid, a little thready, but not excessively concerning. The head injury could become a problem, but there wouldn't be anything she could do if he did have a brain bleed. The best thing would be to get him to a neuro unit as soon as possible, and in the meantime try to reduce his pain and stress levels. To that end she shot him up with a moderate dose of morphine, which seemed to calm him.

The cop returned with the orange board and two others. They should have all had training in spinal boards, it was part of the required first aid course for river patrol, but Lucy coached them through it just in case. They log rolled the young man, placing the board before rolling him back, then they tied down the straps, crossing his body and making everything secure. By the time they were done and Lucy could look around, she could see that they were the only ones left on board.

"Ok, nice and easy." She said, standing up slowly and in concert with the other three. It was only when she was standing that she realised how badly the boat was faring. Luckily the patrol boat was level with them, so they could shuffle sideways along the tilted deck, instead of having to walk up a 30-degree slope. They reached the edge of the boat and she directed two of them down into it, while she and the other balanced the spinal board on the rail.

Carefully they eased the board down into the patrol boat. Lucy looked out at the river. All the other boats were on their way to shore. She looked at the sinking rear of The Beetle. There was still no sign of Jones. "Do we wait?" A cop asked, clearly tracking her thinking. They were the last boat. The last chance for Jones and the possible casualty. She cursed, looking out over the river avoiding the eyes of the cops. They were putting the decision in her hands. Patients Come First.

She opened her mouth to speak, when she noticed something odd. One boat wasn't heading for shore. It was making a mad dash in their direction, skipping and bouncing on the waves of the river. "No." She ordered. "Get this one to shore. Go as fast as you smoothly can." She said starting to turn away.

"Wait, what about you?" The officer asked,

"Patients come first." Lucy told him. She rushed towards the cabin without looking back.

#Medical Drama #Cold Snap #Cpr #Defib #Resus writing #Anna Swift

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concussed-to-pieces · 4 years ago

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The Mettle Of A Man; Part Seventeen

Fandom: Fallout (4)

Pairing: Eventual Paladin Danse/Female Sole Survivor

Rating: Holy shit M.

AN: Tagging @anonymouscosmos, @culturalrebel, @mercy-and-malice, @deepkittycollecto and @nelba! Enjoy!

Part One: ArcJet

Part Two: The Prydwen

Part Three: Orders

Part Four: Finding Brandis

Part Five: Weston Water And Oberland

Part Six: Meeting Preston And Matthew

Part Seven: Radstag And Radstorm

Part Eight: The Return To Sanctuary Hills

Part Nine: Domestic Ruminations

Part Ten: Institutionalized

Part Eleven: Two Weeks, Three Days

Part Twelve: Haylen’s Warning And The Glowing Sea

Part Thirteen: Under Fire

Part Fourteen: Dichotomy

Part Fifteen: The Litany Trial

Part Sixteen: Nice Try

[!TRIGGER WARNING!: This installment contains intense recounts of previous abuse, intense depictions of self-loathing, self-deprecation and brief mentions of depression. Stay safe!]

Cade caught Danse before he could depart after the rest of their unofficial 'war council' had been dismissed, the medical officer inquiring, "How are you coping, Paladin? I hope that your adjustment to your newfound knowledge is going well." The arch of his eyebrow indicated plainly that Cade was looking for a clear answer, possibly to dissuade his own concerns.

"I am still uncertain, Knight-Captain Cade." Danse stated bluntly. "I know that Quinlan's reports are accurate. I know that I must be a synth. But it is...it's difficult to wrap my head around it."

"My door is always open, Danse. As it's been since the day you were assigned to the Prydwen." Cade reminded him. "I can't say I've ever had the pleasure of doing a mental evaluation on a synth, but…" he trailed off thoughtfully. "Hmm, that's not quite right. You and I have had sessions before. Maybe synths aren't so different in their cognition. Perhaps this is a nature versus nurture scenario."

"Perhaps." Danse allowed, but he knew that he sounded less than optimistic.

"Maybe in a day or two, once everything has calmed down and you've had time to think?" Cade suggested. "Collect your thoughts, then come see me and we can discuss your current state and the repercussions of Maxson's treatment."

The paladin nodded, relieved that Cade didn't wish to immediately evaluate him. It had been an incredibly stressful and arduous several weeks. More than anything, the paladin was longing to finally get some sleep.

After he spoke to Haylen and Rhys, of course. They deserved his gratitude, if only for their combined efforts in delivering the tip-off that had literally saved his life. To say nothing of their care for Elizabeth in his absence, even though they were unable to free her. They had kept her alive, and that was more than the paladin had dared to hope for.

Danse watched Cade depart, his mind miles away now. Backhand would be incredibly busy in the lead up to the assault. He felt almost irritated by that; it was unfair to ask so much of her so soon after what had transpired. But the luxury of time was no longer on their side. Danse understood, in a practical sense, that they needed to strike as fast as possible. It was entirely within reason that the Institute already knew of their plans and were preparing their own countermeasures.

It still didn't erase the hollow sensation in his gut, the fear that Backhand was all too willing to stretch herself paper-thin for her various factions. He promised himself then and there that he would do his best to absorb some of the burden.

As much as she would allow.

The memory of her ripping her knuckles apart on the manual release of his armor, talking to Matthew's parents, taking her helmet off and smiling at him. Thank you, Danse or I thought you were dead or please don't do that to me again --

Danse chewed anxiously on his lower lip. As much as she would allow. As much as he could feasibly handle. It should have felt odd that he was trading one leader for another, but Danse could only rationalize that it must be another portion of his programming.

"Paladin Danse, sir?"

Rhys . Danse started, turning around. He hadn't even heard the knight approach down the catwalk. Hell, he hadn't even realized he was spacing out in the hallway. "Yes, Knight?" He replied, nodding out of habit to acknowledge Haylen beside Rhys.

"Elder Brandis said you wanted to see us, sir." The knight stated, sounding a bit hesitant. "He said we needed to discuss...certain things."

Of course he did . Danse sighed heavily, bracing himself for some level of a disappointment-fueled tirade.

"Danse, I'm so sorry." Haylen blurted out, her voice shaking. Danse was startled, tilting his head while she carried on, "I wish there had been some other way for me to tell you. You must have been terrified ."

"I was certainly confused, if nothing else." The paladin admitted with a wry smile. "I am immensely grateful to both of you, regardless of my own trials. You followed your training and stuck to your guns, and I couldn't be more proud." He deflated slightly. "Even if the pride of a synth means precious little."

"The synth shit doesn't matter to either of us, sir." Rhys muttered. "We don't care. We're just glad you're back and that Maxson didn't manage to kill you. That's the important part, right?"

"In a way." Danse agreed, grimacing. "Our battle is far from over, however."

"Hey, we're doing something. That's more than a lot of people can say." Haylen reasoned, ever the optimist. "I've got faith in whatever plan you guys come up with."

"Thank you for believing in me." The paladin murmured, giving the only surviving members of Squad Gladius a stiff salute.

"We know you, sir. You protected us, trained us. Built us up from basically nothing." Rhys sounded angry, his typically-sullen expression gone even more sour. "You think we could ever turn our backs on you? You're not that stupid."

Haylen began to protest, "Rhys-"

"Haylen, you and I both know he'll just self-deprecate until he dissolves. I'm not letting that happen." Rhys grumbled at the scribe, who fell silent at his reasoning. Her eyes were narrowed to slits and the sight was immensely entertaining to Danse, who couldn't keep a nervous chuckle from bubbling up in his throat.

"I'm certain the two of you are aware of the devastating depression you dragged me out of all those years ago in the Capital Wasteland." Danse clapped Rhys on the shoulder and caught Haylen up in a rare one-armed hug. "How many times will you two save me? Should I start taking you for granted?"

"Paladin Danse, sir, w-we…" Haylen trailed off, her lower lip quivering. She buried her face in Danse's ribs and Rhys grunted.

"Haylen, c'mon . Pull it together." He huffed, his own eyes looking suspiciously wet. "Listen, sir, I think I've made our position pretty clear. We follow your orders. Learning about that shit with Maxson-"

"I'm so angry! " Haylen interrupted him, glaring upwards. "God Danse, I'm furious . What he did to you is unforgivable, inexcusable." She announced hotly. "Everyone assumed something was going on, but we also assumed it was consensual ."

" 'Everyone' ?" Danse echoed, a weird surge of retroactive embarrassment seizing his body. "I suppose I should be thankful you all were so willing to offer me the illusion of privacy." He mumbled.

"He's never coming anywhere near you again, sir." Rhys stated, his jaw set in an angry scowl. "I don't care if he's the last of the Maxson line. I'll break his fucking skull."

His words stirred Danse's guilt to life, the ugly feeling rearing its head once more. "It is a difficult situation to be in. I do not envy our elders, past or present." Danse tried to pose the sentence with a modicum of compassion, though he was unsure of the attempt's success. The paladin knew that despite Maxson's position of power, Danse bore a majority of the blame for not standing up to the elder until it was too late to prevent his spiral.

"Difficult, my ass ." Rhys growled under his breath.

…

"So we've got Preston, someone by the name of John D., the…" Ingram narrowed her eyes at the readout. " Atom Cats ?"

"Yep. Real into their power armor. And Zeke owes me a favor." Backhand explained, continuing to scroll through her Pip Boy notes. "If I can get them to walk across the pond and cover the Castle, that will free up more Minutemen to join us."

"Should I ask how you managed to ingratiate yourself with so many of these people?"

"I'm a sucker for a lost cause." Vega answered, her tone dry.

Ingram snorted, shaking her head. "Lucky for us, I imagine. Also lucky for us that you're the forgiving sort."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Proctor." Backhand retorted. "I'm just not yet in a position to combat your aerial superiority."

"Whew, gonna' file that one away for later consideration."

A soft knock on the comm doorway interrupted the two women, and Vega turned to see Danse peering cautiously into the room. "Paladin! You're just in time, we were about to start rallying the troops. Want to lend a hand?"

"What needs to be done, General Vega?" The paladin asked, his posture gone stiff and proper.

Backhand could feel her smile dim slightly, but she reined herself in. They had all been through so much, she reasoned, and old habits were usually a comfort. "Well, I've got a few calls to make on my own, but if you can get in touch with Lieutenant Garvey that would be a huge help."

"Understood."

Proctor Ingram (who had been watching their exchange with poorly-veiled interest) stepped out of the way so that Danse could settle down at the desk alongside one of their many radio switchboards. "Vega, I think the two of you can handle this." The older woman remarked, giving Elizabeth a sly wink behind Danse's back. "I'll start whipping the base camp into shape. Make myself useful, y'know. Ad Victoriam."

Vega went bright red as Ingram saluted, the proctor sporting an absolutely infuriating smirk. "B-But Proctor--"

"No buts! You guys handle the easy stuff. I'll manage the elbow grease." Ingram then mouthed talk to him! , before strolling out of the comm area. Backhand swore under her breath, thumping her fist into the desk in mute frustration.

"I can leave, General Vega." Danse offered, making her start and whirl to face him.

"No no! No, uh, you're fine. You're not the problem here." Vega assured him, waving her hands nervously. "I'm just...I'm a little uptight, that's all."

"Will your forces refuse to join us?" The paladin asked, his rigid posture easing slightly as he tipped his head back to look up at her. He continued in an undertone, "Would it be simpler to do it with your troops alone? Do you truly need the Brotherhood?"

"We do need the Brotherhood, yes. But I don't think we'll need them for the fighting. We'll need them for the mass casualty options and the refugee care after the fact." Backhand began to pace, mostly so she didn't have to maintain eye contact. The paladin looked fatigued yet determined, and it pained her to know that rest was still so far away for them. Rest and the possibility of actually speaking with him about the thing that had been on her mind in one form or another since…

Well, it had been a long time.

"We'll need help rebuilding more than anything. Not a lot of settlements will be keen to take on synths, so I'll need to figure out some kind of alternative. I really need to talk with Nick and Dea--er, John D ., and get their input on this whole engagement." Backhand rubbed her temples. "And here I thought getting in would be the hard part!" She tried to joke.

After a moment of silence, Vega heard Danse clear his throat. "General... Elizabeth , I know you already have many responsibilities, all of them miles more important than my own struggles."

Backhand looked over at him expectantly, a little confused.

"I have to give Cade a full report." The tall man said abruptly. "I...he wants to know everything that's transpired." He stared down at the floor, the heel of his boot scuffing the grating beneath them as he rushed to add, "I know it's selfish of me to ask you to--I mean, you've been through so much, b-but I was...rather, I am uncertain of this endeavor, and my ability to maintain my composure during it. You tend to have a mollifying effect on me for some reason."

"You want me to be present when you give your medical officer the full rundown?" Vega raised an eyebrow, further confused. Danse was a soldier , surely he had endured a full physical before?

"I am overly anxious. It means reliving some portions of my past that I find...traumatic."

"Oh." Oh . Backhand felt stupid as the truth dawned on her. Everything that's transpired . Of course Danse would want someone he trusted with him, this wasn't a physical exam at all. "What about Haylen or Rhys? Are they more appraised of the situation?"

Danse was shaking his head before she had even finished. "I did my best to keep everything that happened quiet, though it appears that I was unsuccessful. I was told that was my only option, and I did not wish to disobey Maxson's orders."

"That fuckin' asshole." Vega growled. "Alright, if you're sure it's me you want with you, I'm here."

"You don't have t--er, that is, I regret taking up more of your valuable time, General Vega. I promise after this meeting with Cade, I will be fully at your disposal." He assured her, seemingly pained by his current state.

"Danse, I don't care about that. I don't want you better just so you can get used up again, I want you better for you . I'm sorry that all of this robs you of the proper time to regroup, y'know?" Backhand apologized, her words deliberately quiet as she boldly laced her fingers through his own. "Once we're done here, though, you need to take some time off. General's orders."

"I would have to speak with Elder Brandis on the matter. As his most senior paladin, I am unsure if he would be able to permit me that luxury." Danse replied unhappily, giving her hand a gentle squeeze before he released it. "' A run ashore ', always just out of reach."

"I'm getting you time off, even if I have to kidnap you myself."

The paladin's chuckle in reply to her threat was subdued, but it still sent a frisson of happiness through her body. Backhand choked down the guilt of having those feelings in the first place for just a second, choosing to bask in the warm sensation.

"When you're ready, General, I'll need the proper frequencies to speak with the Castle." Danse's request brought her crashing back down to earth, and Vega rushed to oblige him.

There's always something else to do .

…

Two days later, on the cusp of their attack on the Institute, the both of them were seated in Knight-Captain Cade's main office aboard the Prydwen. The older officer sat across from them in the cramped space, a clipboard propped up on his knee.

"The only questions I'll ask will be strictly for clarity's sake." The knight-captain informed Danse quietly. "If you don't want to answer, that is entirely acceptable and within your right, but the more information we have, the better."

Danse nodded, the motion stilted. "I understand, Knight-Captain. I'll do my best to cooperate."

Vega squeezed his hand. God knew she didn't like this one damn bit, but she was going to stick it out for him. After all, he had gone to bat for her against the elder . Loyalty like that was in short supply. "I'm right here with you, Danse." She said softly. He had gone pasty white beneath his usual windblown complexion, and he gripped her hand wordlessly.

"If you could start at the beginning, Paladin. Or as close to it as possible." Cade prompted him.

"Yes, I...of course." Danse rasped. "The first time we engaged was shortly before the Brotherhood lost Knight Cutler."

Cade looked at him over his half-moon glasses, seeming perturbed. "That was...so this was a prolonged assault."

"Not an assault. I did as I was ordered." The dull tone of Danse's voice, the way his eyes had gone almost grey ...Vega wanted to know how the hell Maxson had ever justified this. "I could not bring myself to question Arthur. He came to me, at first simply asking for help even though it was an order. He said he couldn't sleep. I...I never told Cutler. I didn't think it was relevant. I thought I was helping the new elder." Danse looked up at Cade. "I know what it's like to not be able to sleep for all the thoughts in your head."

"Was there a specific point in time where his behavior shifted? Perhaps when it became more clear to you that there was something wrong?" Backhand was grateful for the delicate way Cade phrased the question.

"I…" Danse's brow furrowed. "...had just come back with...after what transpired with Cutler. Four days on base. I was furious with Maxson for stationing Cutler out there, furious with myself for not saving Cutler. I was grieving and hurt both physically and emotionally, as you recall." Cade inclined his head. "I assume you also recall the bite on my arm that appeared shortly thereafter. That was a...result of my inability to perform."

"Ah." Cade murmured, jotting something down.

Bite? Vega could feel Danse trembling. "I-I was...unable to function or perform for him in a satisfactory manner and that was his method of voicing his frustration with me." Danse swallowed hard. "I was mourning , Cade." He sounded like he was begging the other man to understand, begging him not to judge.

Perform for him. Backhand sucked in a deep breath through her nose, willing herself to stay silent.

"After that, I would just comply. It was never as bad as that time. I would perform for him to the best of my abilities." Danse paused, "but I never sought him out, and nothing occurred without me being ordered to do so." He then proceeded to rattle off a distressingly-long list of dates, every time that Maxson had coerced him. "I was not interested in...well, anyone , after Cutler." He muttered after a brief pause, "the term broken seems fitting."

"You weren't allowed proper space to heal yourself after what happened with Cutler. You were injured and then forced to deal with someone who kept prying open your wounds because they enjoyed lording their power over you." Cade theorized, his voice a little sharper. " Broken is not fitting in the slightest, Danse."

The paladin shrugged. "Whatever the terminology might be, then."

" Traumatized , Danse. Emotional wounds take time to heal, just like physical ones. Losing Cutler in the way that we did-"

"I deserved it!" Danse cut off the medical officer, leaning forward and clenching his free hand on his knee. "I failed Cutler, Cade! I should have gone after him sooner! The treatment from Maxson is what I deserved ." His eyes were wild, frantic. "He's an abuser, but I am a man deserving of every last instance of that abuse for my inaction when it came to Cutler!" The paladin reasoned intensely.

Cade sighed, rifling through his clipboard. "Danse, you did not deserve or garner punishment for the consequences of Maxson's orders." He informed the other man quietly. "You were simply a man who lost someone that he cared deeply about."

"And to find out that I'm not even that much!" Danse spat. "I'm still trying to cope with the reality that I am a living lie . My identity as Paladin Danse is nothing but a memory now. Everything I held dear, everything I ever believed in is completely gone. Can you imagine how that feels?" Danse was nearly shouting at this point, moving to stand. "I started out as nothing , and I've ended up as nothing . And I don't know what the hell to do about it!"

Backhand brought her hand up over his elbow, hauling him back down into his seat. " Listen to Cade, Danse." She growled. The paladin fought her grip briefly, but ultimately slumped in the chair. Good thing too, Vega wasn't exactly up to full strength just yet. The large man was shaking again, his breathing coming in harsh bursts. "It's okay, it's okay." Vega found herself repeating the phrase, rubbing circles on his back between his shoulder blades. Many members of military factions found repetition comforting and Danse appeared to be no exception, the large man heaving a massive sigh under the weight of her hand.

"Danse, I'll fully admit to being out of my element here. I never expected to have to treat a synth." Knight-Captain Cade said plainly. "However, I've known you for many years. We have an established rapport. Your body is indistinguishable from an ordinary human body, as proved by my records. Your mental processes and pain responses are normal for a human. I suppose what I'm trying to say is learning that you are a synth may not change all that much, despite what you may be feeling."

Danse choked out a forlorn noise that might have been a sob, burying his face in his hands. "I'm so confused." He confessed plaintively. "You're saying I did not deserve punishment for my failings, but...how else am I supposed to atone for Cutler?" He looked up, tears welling up in his eyes. "How am I supposed to reconcile with these human emotions, Cade? I barely kept myself under control when I believed I was human!"

"Your feelings have always run deep, Danse. Your empathy for your fellow man has landed you in hot water more than once." Cade gestured at Vega. "According to our infiltrator, even the most brutal of synths feel regret and remorse just like we do, though they have not been taught how to cope with it."

"I still feel like a human. Nothing feels different, yet now I constantly second-guess everything I do. I've had a plan from the beginning to shape my future, but I have to wonder about whether that's a lie as well." Danse remarked bitterly. "I had...I had hoped…" he trailed off, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter."

Backhand could feel her heart breaking the longer he spoke. His true identity was an immense blow to him, and on top of it he was still struggling under the burden of the guilt he carried due to Cutler's demise. He blamed himself for Arthur's demands.

"Listen to Cade, Danse." She urged. Her hand was essentially on autopilot as she traced small patterns on the center of his back, moving up and down his spine without rhyme or reason. "You're not to blame for what Maxson did. It's not yours to bear. Trust me, coming from someone who's more than willing to take on other folk's problems, that weight is not yours."

"But-"

"You trust me, right?" Vega interrupted him softly, cupping his face so that he had to look at her.

"With my life, General Vega."

The rapid sincerity of his reply startled her and Backhand needed to take a moment, steeling herself yet again. "I know you trust Cade too, and I know this won't be a quick or easy process. But you accepting that whatever happened was not your fault would be a huge first step."

"I...If I do…" Danse paused, hesitating. "Vega, if I forget about him..."

"Hey, nobody said anything about forgetting. You told me about Cutler, about how important he was to you. There's no way someone like you could forget about him. But you need to forgive yourself, you have to understand that losing him was not your fault." Once more she found herself in over her head, but she did her best to tell him all the things she wished someone had told her when Sergeant Cathan had died.

"He was...he was everything to me." Danse's voice cracked. "And I had to--I had to, he was...I had to."

"What happened to Cutler and his team was an immense tragedy, and a needless one at that." Cade spoke up from his seat, his brow furrowed. "Maxson outed himself quite thoroughly during the trial, I would say. It will be difficult for him to explain his actions away when so many witnesses heard exactly what he said."

Elizabeth felt Danse go still, the paladin hanging on to Cade's every word. "Am I even permitted to be happy that he may face consequences?" He asked uncertainly, wringing his hands. "Is that a breach of protocol, Knight-Captain?"

The medical officer shifted his weight, leaning forward to prop himself up with his elbows on his knees. "I can't promise you swift justice, you know how the Brotherhood operates. But Arthur invoked the right of a litany trial, then proceeded to break his own terms. To say nothing of the fact that he nearly killed someone uninvolved in the trial." Cade shook his head. "His abuse flourished in secrecy. Now that everything is out in the open, I do not believe even his status as the last Maxson will sway the other elders when they pass judgement."

"Thank you, Knight-Captain." Danse closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. "I...thank you, Vega." He continued, a little quieter. He caught her hand in his own, giving it a cautious squeeze. Almost as if he was imitating her gesture from earlier in the week. "I have so much to think about."

"Agreed. Shall I put in a request to Brandis for a leave of absence?"

Danse visibly recoiled at Cade's suggestion, his eyes going wide in dismay. "No! No, I am needed, Knight-Captain. After our assault has been carried out, and the Institute has been wiped from the map, I…" he hesitated, like the words were caught in his throat. "I will gladly take a leave. Until then, however, there is still work to do."

"There is always work to do, Paladin." Cade chided. "Remember what I told you? You will burn yourself out and the Brotherhood can ill afford to lose you."

"I'll see to it that he takes time off after our successful operation." Backhand stated firmly. Cade raised an eyebrow at that and Danse flushed across the bridge of his nose, stuttering a little. "Your health is important to me, Danse. You can be as stubborn as you want, but I'm not letting you weasel out of this."

"I suppose that will have to do." Cade sighed. "Do you have any questions for me, Paladin?"

Danse shot a sidelong glance at Vega that she was relatively certain she wasn't supposed to see, the large man worrying his lower lip. Maybe it was just wishful thinking on her part, though, as Danse shook his head after a moment. "No, I...I just have some reflection to do." He got to his feet abruptly, saluting both Cade and Elizabeth. "Ad Victoriam, Knight-Captain. Ad Victoriam, General Vega."

Cade returned the salute absently, already absorbed in writing something else down. Vega was a little slower, her query of, "do you need me, Danse?" coming out softer than she had intended.

She wanted to believe that the paladin hesitated before he replied, "No, General Vega. I can manage."

Part Eighteen

34 notes · View notes

redrobinhoods · 4 years ago

Text

Sticks and Stones | Chapter 5, goodbye to the silence

AO3 Link | 2,300 words (approx) | Chapter 1, Chapter 4

Chapter Summary: Stone grows more comfortable with Riyo's presence as the war draws to a close.

“Senator Chuchi?” Stone stopped just inside the doorway to Fox’s office. He’d expected the room to be empty, not to find Riyo sitting in Fox’s chair, her feet up on Fox’s desk, with Rys slumped over on the desk opposite her, asleep.

“Commander Stone!” She greeted him. “Fox is off responding-.”

“-to the prison breach.” Stone finished the sentence for her before he made up his mind and stepped fully into the room, allowing the door to close behind him. “I thought I’d just return these datapads without a conversation, but it appears I was mistaken.”

“He asked me to keep an eye on Rys while he was gone.” She gestured apologetically to the sleeping man.

“Right. It’s physical time for the officers.” That meant hypertests. “I should’ve told him to take the day off.”

Riyo raised her brows. “Do clones get days off?”

“No.” Stone laughed. “But we give them anyways. Can do that here, without a Jedi breathing down our necks. And the Chancellor doesn’t care so long as he’s got Thire to run around for him.”

“How is Commander Thire? I assume he’s accompanying the Chancellor on his trip to Naboo?”

“I didn’t know the Chancellor was leaving Coruscant any time soon.”

“He’s taking a week off at the insistence of his aids.”

“Well, Thire has a physical scheduled for next week. He’s not going anywhere with the Chancellor.” Stone drummed his fingers against the stack of datapads in his hands as he contemplated if his next question was worth asking. “Riyo, assuming that the Redrobes are handling everything on Naboo, would you mind if we borrow Fox from you sometime next week?” For a moment, Stone feared that the look upon Riyo’s face was anger, he had seen that look many times before he or his brothers had been admonished by a senator, then she laughed.

“He’s your brother, Stone.” She straightened up in Fox’s chair and threw on her senatorial tone. “I give you permission to take care of Marshal Commander Fox, Commanding Officer of the Coruscant Guard, for the duration of one night in the upcoming week, provided that he be safely returned to a bed on that night.”

“What about early the next morning?”

“Or early the next morning.” She slouched back down into Fox’s chair and changed her tone. “What do you have in mind?”

“To be honest, Riyo, getting him and Thire absolutely piss drunk.”

Riyo laughed again and shook her head. “Fox will enjoy that. And I imagine all three of you need it.”

“We’re going to win this war, Riyo. It’s just a matter of staying alive until we get there.” He had initially been skeptical of Fox’s belief that the war was soon ending, but something was changing in the Senate. In just the past few days, something was in the air that hadn’t been before. The Outer Rim Sieges were coming to a close, and with them, an anticipation that Stone hadn’t felt since his last months on Kamino. They were all waiting for something promised, and something said that the time would be soon.

Riyo smiled up at him, then her gaze flickered towards Rys, who hadn’t stirred throughout the conversation.

“He’ll be alright.” Stone promised her as he made his way to his brother’s side. Shifting his hold on Fox’s datapads, he reached down to clasp Rys’ shoulder. When his brother didn’t stir, an idea came into his head. “Have Jek and Rys ever told you of the rampant corruption in the Guard?”

“No, they haven’t.”

“Well, you see, apparently some of the commanders are too soft to hold their men accountable for things such as betting rings and pranks. Because of this, they’ve gained some confidence in their actions.” Stone let go of Rys’ shoulder and reached for the datapads in his arms. “They’ve stopped believing in consequences.” Using the juts and crevices of the armor, he was able to lay the datapads across Rys’ shoulders without any casualties. “But I have nothing else to do this afternoon. Could you pass me the datapads on the cabinet?”

---

“That was you?” Rys stared astonished across the table at Stone while Jek laughed into the back of his fist. “I thought it was Jek, I’ve been snubbing him all week!”

“I told you I was innocent!”

Stone shrugged and swirled the blue liquid in his glass around. “I saw a chance and I took it, nothing more.

“I just didn’t know you had a sense of humor, Commander.”

“Rys!” Thire protested.

“I just might. Don’t tell the men.” Stone spared a glance towards Fox as he raised the glass to his lips. “At least I’m not the one shoving my men into trashcans. Not that Kilo didn’t deserve it.”

Fox lowered his head in faux shame. “Actions have consequences. I could’ve fit you too, you know.”

“I have too much dirt on you. Thire and I, we’re safe from the garbage.”

“And what dirt does Thire have?”

Thire raised his brow. “Your holonet history. And the stories Thorn told me, but I feel that the holonet history comes off as a better threat.”

“What does the Chancellor’s holonet history look like?” Jek pressed.

“Boring. Now, Mas Amedda’s history…” Thire shook his head and took a sip of his drink. “That’s a whole ‘nother can of joopas.”

“You’re a menace to Coruscant.”

“I’m just enjoying my one free week. I don’t have to worry about the Chancellor, I am a model of physical health, and they fixed the water heater in the barracks so toasty showers are back.”

“That’s the most important thing on that list.” Rys agreed. “Hot showers.”

“The Kaminoans must’ve hated your batch for going through all that hot water.” Stone said.

“Commander Thorn did log a few complaints about his squad using too much hot water on deployment.” Thire gave a weak laugh. “When most of your men are hot water fiends in a galaxy with water rations, beings get angry.”

Fox matched Thire’s sad smile. “That’s why I let him and Stone sweep your batch up.”

“Jek and Rys were forced on me by Thorn.” Stone corrected. “Sorry, you two.”

Jek shook his head sadly. “It’s okay, we know we were unwanted.”

“Don’t say it like that!”

“How else do you want me to say it?”

When Stone laughed, he turned towards Thire to watch his brother’s reaction. With the Chancellor gone, Thire’s headaches had subsided little by little each day, and with them the stress of waiting on the leader of the Republic. Now, surrounded by his fellow commanders and batchmates, he seemed entirely at peace. It only made Stone hate the Chancellor more. As a figurehead, he still had Stone’s respect, and Stone would do anything that he’d asked out of loyalty to the Republic. But Stone was growing to despise the man.

He’d tried to talk Thire out of it. Tried to get him to take on a new duty, fill his time with things that he couldn’t be taken away from. But Thire had refused and Stone would respect his wishes.

The energy that had been in the air before had only grown over the past few days since he had talked to Riyo. He and Thire had talked about it, late at night when the trepidation was too much for them to sleep. The Senate felt different. The galaxy felt different. Even Wolffe, on Cato Neimoidia, had shaken his head when talking to them two days ago and confessed that something felt wrong even there.

Stone wasn’t sure if he wanted the war to end anymore.

---

But as with all things, wars begin and end whether one wants them to or not.

Stone’s heart leapt in his throat as the barrage of tri-droid fire hit the line of riot shields, sending some of his men flying through the air. This was wrong. This was very wrong.

“Hold rank, hold!” He shouted at the clatter of armor that rose around him. “Close the gaps and hold.”

They had never trained for something like this. Sure, they had been trained for riot shields, for city combat, and for aerial strikes. What they hadn’t trained for was using riot shields against aerial strikes. And the Coruscant Guard had never been given any form of battle-ready shielding. Even the legions of men who fought with them didn’t have their field-gear. All of that was on the Venators, and nearly the entire fleet was above the city at the moment. They had nothing.

“We’re going to be slaughtered out here!” Jek yelled above the clamor around them.

“Hold the line, Jek.” Stone growled. “We’re the only cover these men have.”

The open area around the Senate had not been built for war. There was nowhere to hide, which, while good for fending off local crime and providing little to no sniper perches, made it a hard position to hold.

“With all due respect, Commander, this is not a riot. This is not what we’re here for!”

“We’re here to serve and protect the Republic, Jek. With our lives if necessary.”

“And this much death is not necessary.”

“If we lose this battle, there will be so many more dead. Hold the line.”

Another burst of fire from the tri-fighters rained down, and Stone’s grip tightened on his shield in anticipation. It was only a matter of time. While the shields held off the fire of the battle droids before them, they were no match for the tri-fighters. They had no match, nor any means of pushing them off. Anti-aircraft weapons were not supplied to the Guard either.

Stone raised his comm. “Fox, where’s that air support?”

“We’re trying. The Separatists have the airspace; none of our ships can get in.”

Stone watched the group of tri-fighters circling back around. “Tell the admiral that if he can’t get any ships in, we and a good portion of the one eighty-seventh are going to die.”

“I know, Stone. I know.” Fox sounded tired. He had no reason not to be, for all the two of them knew, this could be the last time they spoke. Stone had to give him something.

“If we get out of this, you’re buying me and the one eighty-seventh captain drinks, okay? I’m going to hold you to that, Fox.” The fighters were lining up again. “I’m going to hold you to that drink.” He tightened his grip on the shield once more as the tri-fighters made their run. But this time, there was no fire. The tri-fighters streaked overhead and disappeared into the sky above.

“Stone? Stone do you read me?”

“They left. The fighters left.” Stone rose from the duracrete, keeping the shield before him to deflect the incoming blasterfire from the battle droids. But then that was unnecessary as the droids stopped and began to fall back. “Fox, what’s going on?”

“I’ll call you back.” And the comm clicked off.

Stone turned back to look for the purple-painted captain of the 187th, who he found making his way through the crowd towards him. “What did I miss?”

“I came here to ask you the same. Should we press after them, sir?”

Stone would have preferred the captain made the call, but this was his ground, and he was the commander. “Our objective is to guard the Senate building. This could be a feint to draw us away.”

“I agree, Commander…?”

“Stone.” He extended his hand.

The captain took it. “Law. Pleasure to serve with you, sir.”

“Likewise. This is far more exciting than it usually gets around here. I’m glad to have you and your men at my side.”

“Just glad we can help, sir.” Law’s helmet moved down as the light from Stone’s comm caught his eye.

“Excuse me, Captain Law.” Stone raised the comm back to his helmet. “What do you have for me?”

“Stone, I need eyes on the Chancellor. Thire’s comm is dead.”

Stone froze as his mind ran through scenarios. “They had the airspace.”

“The Jedi aren’t communicating with us. Please, Stone. I need someone to talk to me.”

“I’ll look.” He lowered his comm and turned back to Law. “Hold the line. If they come back, we need to be ready. I’m going to check on the Chancellor.”

“Sir, yes, sir.” Law gestured for one of his men to take Stone’s shield, leaving him free to sprint up the steps behind them into the building.

It was quiet, too quiet. But the senators sheltering in their offices were not his concern. Stone took the stairs two at a time, the most his armor would allow, as he ran to the saferoom. The halls were quiet there too, but the sound of coughing and groans reached his ears as he drew closer.

The Jedi that had once guarded the Chancellor were dead. Bodies of the Red Guard, the Senate Guard, and the Coruscant Guard lay around them. Stone took note of their identities to mourn later as his eyes scanned over them until he saw the armor he was looking for, laying helmetless on the ground before a medic. Stone made his way over as fast as he could with the bodies between them. “Thire.”

“We failed, Stone. We all failed.” Thire rasped. Above the collar of his blacks, Stone could see a sharp red bruise around his neck.

“We failed you.” Stone reached down and brushed his fingers across Thire’s hair. “They should have never reached you while we still breathed.”

“One of the Jedi, she ran after them.”

“I don’t know what happened to her, Thire. I’m sorry. What did they do to you?”

“Grievous grabbed me, threw me into my men. I don’t know why he didn’t just stab me.”

“Because you’re the Chancellor’s favorite Corrie. Can’t deprive him of that.” Stone joked, gaining a pained smile from Thire for his efforts.

“I changed my mind. You can be his favorite now.”

“I’ll consider it.” Stone smiled fondly down at his brother before withdrawing his hand. “I need to comm Fox, tell him that you’re alive.”

“I’ll be here.” Thire tried for a laugh, but what came out was a hoarse cough.

Stone reached down once more to squeeze Thire’s shoulder before he rose and made his way out of the room to somewhere he wouldn’t be overheard. He didn’t know what treasonous things he might say if Fox asked.

#commander stone #riyo chuchi #clone trooper rys #clone trooper jek #commander fox #commander thire #foxiyo #my fics #sticks and stones fic

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holding-infinity-and-a-book · 4 years ago

Note

4, 7, 10, 18, 21, 22, 30, 38, 42, 48, 56, 61, 65(considering the fact that you almost die at least once everyday), 73, 83, 90 and 94 for the ask game

AJAKSJSKSJSK ILY

4. How did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Quiet, needs to talk more, very obedient, needs to talk less

7. Earbuds or headphones?

Earbuds cause headphones hurt my head

10. Game you were best at in P.E.

Dodgeball, Langdi, Kabaddi and King. I’d play badminton but I wasn’t the best and the rackets were horrible

18. Ideal weather?

Extremely cold weather where you have to wear jackets and bundle up and no acs and then you can wear shorts and skate at 6.30 am and have others look at you like you’re insane and eat ice cream in 4 degree weather and really make them think you’re insane but you’re just enjoying it because shorts in cold weather is love

21. Obsession from childhood?

Mythology. My first book was a 365 myths and then Amar Chitra kathas and kathaasaritasagars and now I’m into greek Roman Norse and Egyptian myths as well thanks to Rick Riordan.

22. Role models?

You for one

My uncle and this guy i know irl

30. Places that you find sacred?

Ambaji and Dholka [not to be confused with dhoklas] and they’re sacred not cause of the gods present there, they’re sacred because every stone there has a memory for me

38. Lemonade or tea?

Lemonade 100%. I can not drink tea and I do not like it as well and nimbu paani is wow anyways

42. Jacket pockets or Pant pockets?

So in general - pant pockets. But I have this amazing jacket which has deep pockets on the inside like a magicians cape and I love that so if there are deep inside pockets then jacket pockets

48. If you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

Raw mango. I probably have more raw mango in my system than blood anyways.

56. Favourite tradition?

Every year during Diwali we go on a vacation with dads closest childhood friends and those vacations are 🥺✨❤️

61. Favourite line you’ve heard from a book/movie/TV show?

Aah theres too many

Book - “Na razrusha’ya. E’ya razrushost.” I am not ruined. I am ruination. [from The Grisha Trilogy]

Movie - GAAVWALLO! SUICIDE!!! [sholay]

TV show - the star plus mahabharat theme song. nothing else comes close.

65. Any permanent scars? [I WANTED SOMEONE TO ASK THIS SO MUCH AAAHH ILY]

Ok so

I have a scar on the side of my thigh which the doctor said would go away in 6 months and it has been the same for 5 years so I think it’s permanent and i got it during some trek or something

I have another one on my arm it’s much more recent I got it like a year or two ago and it’s not a scar scar it’s just a strip of skin but it’s 50 times lighter than the rest of my hand so it kinda shines and i want it to be permanent I hope it is

I have one below my left big toe idk how I got it but it’s a scar and has always been there so eh

And I got this one just this week while trekking through a thorny forest and it’s a proper deep lined cut on my other arm but i don’t think it will stay for a very long time

I have one below my neck on my back but it’s artificial from a surgery

ooh and I also have one on my right ankle thanks to aerial

73. Favourite weird flavour combo?

idk the flavours but I love mamra/murmure/corn snacks with nimbu and maggi masala

83. Writing or drawing?

Writing. I love painting but I don’t draw beforehand because I don’t like to draw basically. Writing 100%

90. Luckiest mistake?

Buying His Dark Materials trilogy when i wasn’t interested at all in it. Now it’s part of my soul. And the best thing was I had unknowingly bought a limited edition so yay.

94. Favourite season?

All of them. I can’t live without summers mango and shorts neither without monsoons getting completely drenched rain or winters hoodie and strawberry weather.

From this post

#didi #you just asked a bunch I’m crying ily #game #scars tw

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tigerkirby215 · 4 years ago

Text

5e Rainbow Dash, the Element of Loyalty build (My Little Pony: FIM)

(Artwork by 14-bis on DeviantArt. It’s remarkably hard to find “regular” artwork of Rainbow Dash, but it probably helps that I’m looking on DeviantArt.)

From DOTA to garbage brony shit! Anyone who’s been around either my YouTube or DeviantArt (no I’m not linking them) would know I’m a brony. It’s been awhile since I’ve watched the show but I do still genuinely love the community. Say what you will but the brony community is dedicated, artistic, and genuinely friendly.

I came up with this concept awhile ago on r/whatwouldyoubuild and once again in an attempt to branch out from League of Legends I figured I’d take a crack at probably the most iconic pony of the show. Yeah suck it Twilight you may be the main character but do you have spectrum hair?

GOALS

10 seconds flat - Rainbow needs to fly fast; fast enough to make a sonic boom of color.

Time to take out the adorable trash - SUPER ACTION HORSE; SHE REALLY KICKS!

Egghead - Rainbow’s got a colorful personality, with plenty of quips in the heat of the moment.

RACE

Pegasi fly. You know what D&D race is known for flight? Aarakocra! Flight is basically all you get as an Aarakocra, but you get to fly a whopping 50 feet as early as level 1! Other than that you get some Ability Score increases: a +2 to Dexterity but I’d suggest moving that Wisdom increase to your Charisma instead thanks to Tasha’s. The only other important thing of note is that you get Talons that do a d4 slashing damage; perhaps more of a gryphon thing but if you DM lets you deal bludgeoning damage instead you could consider these to be hooves.

If Aarakocra isn’t allowed: Flight is kinda a requirement to play Rainbow Dash, but it’s not a requirement for the build. Feel free to use whatever race you want and adapt this build to it.

Chances are if your DM isn’t allowing Aarakocra then they won’t allow other flying races like Winged Tieflings. Though I would perhaps suggest asking your DM if you can nerf the Aarakocra’s fly speed down to 30. Because yeah: 50 foot flying speed at level 1 is kinda crazy.

ABILITY SCORES

15; STRENGTH - Applejack may be the workerpony but it takes a lot of body strength to kick the clouds into shape!

14; CONSTIUTION - Dexterity would be more in-character but Constitution is far more useful. Feel free to swap CON and DEX for better roleplay but worse health.

13; CHARISMA - I’m pretty sure RD has a solid 70% of the fan content made about her specifically.

12; DEXTERITY - Who would’ve ever guessed that flying fast takes dexterity?

10; WISDOM - Rainbow Dash can be a bit of a hot head at times, acting without thinking when her ambition gets the better of her.

8; INTELLIGENCE - Finish studying for that exam yet?

BACKGROUND

For someone who uses the Athlete feat in far too many builds it’s rather surprising that I don’t use the Athlete background from Theros more! As an Athlete you get proficiency in Athletics and Acrobatics for all sorts of aerial sports, along with a language of your choice (pick your fancy) and while you’d normally get Land Vehicles see if your DM will perhaps allow Air Vehicles?

Your main feature Echoes of Victory makes it more likely that ponies all around Equestria have heard of the great Rainbow Dash! It also allows you to participate in some sporting events to earn a living when you’re not at work clearing the clouds.

(Artwork by nightcreepmax on DeviantArt.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - ROGUE 1

Starting off with Rogue levels because skill proficiencies are always nice! Take Perception, Persuasion, Insight, and of course Performance with a backing track by Daniel Ingram! You also get Expertise in two skills: Athletics and Acrobatics will help with Wonderbolts-tier stunts!

You learn Thieves’ Cant as a Rogue, which is like a language... but awesome, and only shared by other awesome Rogues. But of course the main appeal of a Rogue is their Sneak Attack, allowing you do an extra d6 of damage through the power of friendship! (Or having advantage on your attacks.)

You can only sneak attack with a finesse weapon but I’d suggest wielding something like a rapier and flavoring it as a really sharp horseshoe. See if your DM will allow you a bludgeoning finesse weapon.

LEVEL 2 - ROGUE 2

You’ve heard of Rainbow Dash, now get ready for Rainbow Disengage! Cunning Action lets you Dash, Disengage, or Hide as a Bonus Action.

LEVEL 3 - BARBARIAN 1

I hope you didn’t expect Rainbow Dash to be the sneaky type! Barbarians get Unarmored Defense at level 1, so you can ditch the leather jacket and instead get AC equal to your Constitution plus your Dexterity!

But of course the main appeal of playing a Barbarian is the ability to Rage with the power of friendship! You can enter a Rage as a Bonus Action for advantage on strength checks and saves, extra damage on melee attacks using strength, and resistance to bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage. Your Rage lasts 1 minute but ends early if you are knocked down or go a full round without attacking or being attacked.

You may note that you can only use strength for Rage’s damage bonus damage, which of course conflicts with the Rogue’s requirement for Finesse weapons... Guess what! You can use strength with Finesse weapons, meaning you can Sneak Attack with your strength!

LEVEL 4 - BARBARIAN 2

Second level Rogues get to play with danger! Reckless Attack lets you give yourself Advantage on your attack rolls at risk of enemies having Advantage against you. Now here’s where you cheat the system: if you have advantage on an attack... you can sneak attack! “Oh yeah; that is awesome.”

Additionally: do you know what helps with death-defying stunts? Looking forward. Danger Sense gives you advantage on Dexterity saving throws against effects you can see coming. So if someone throws a ball of fire at you just dodge out of the way!

LEVEL 5 - BARBARIAN 3

Third level Barbarians get to choose their Primal Path, and to smite your foes with the power of awesomeness the Path of the Zealot will let you channel a Rainboom into every hit! While raging, you can channel Divine Fury into the first target you hit to do additional damage equal to a d6 plus half your Barbarian level. The damage can be either Radiant or Necrotic; Radiant makes more sense but if you think Necrotic damage would be more useful it’s nice to have that option.

You also have the power of plot armor thanks to Warrior of the Gods. If you die you can be revived without the use of expensive diamonds, because My Little Pony is a kids’ show. Man can you imagine if they killed off one of the main characters in a kids’ show? That would be wild.

Additionally Tasha’s provided Barbarians with Primal Knowledge for some more skill proficiencies. I’m sure you picked up on some Survival skills at Wonderbolts camp; it’s good to be able to survive if you break your wings and get stranded in the wilderness.

(Artwork by radiostarkiller on DeviantArt.)

LEVEL 6 - BARBARIAN 4

4th level Barbarians get our first Ability Score Improvement: as much of a meme as taking Athlete is Resilient (Strength) is far more useful for keeping alive and avoiding danger.

LEVEL 7 - BARBARIAN 5

5th level Rogues get an Extra Attack, so you can attack twice in a round! So awesome! Additionally your movement speed increases by 10 feet thanks to Fast Movement, so you’re a little closer to reaching Sonic Rainboom speeds!

LEVEL 8 - ROGUE 3

Third level Rogues get to choose their Roguish Archetype. Man I wish there was a Rogue that was based on moving fast and taunting their foes... oh hello Swashbuckler! Swashbuckler gets two features at third level but it’s basically 3 features in total: Fancy Footwork lets you dash move normally away from a target you attempted to stab, making them unable to attack you with a reaction.

Rakish Audacity meanwhile lets you add your Charisma to your initiative rolls, and it lets you Sneak Attack an enemy in melee if they don’t have friends nearby, even if you don’t meet the requirements to Sneak Attack! Of course you could just use Reckless Attack for Advantage to Sneak Attack, but at least your Sneak Attack increases to 2d6!

LEVEL 9 - ROGUE 4

4th level Rogues get another Ability Score Improvement: more Strength will let you “kick” (read: stab) harder.

(Artwork by Skitsroom on DeviantArt.)

LEVEL 10 - ROGUE 5

5th level Rogues get Uncanny Dodge to be as potent as a pony. If you get hit on your turn by an attack you can see you can use your reaction to take half damage instead! Additionally your Sneak Attack damage increases to 3d6.

LEVEL 11 - ROGUE 6

6th level Rogues get Expertise in two more skills: Persuasion will be useful in the future, and Perception will help you mind your head.

LEVEL 12 - ROGUE 7

7th level Rogues get Evasion for some truly death-defying stunts! If you succeed on a Dexterity saving throw you’ll take no damage instead of half damage, and even if you fail your save you’ll only take half damage instead of full damage! “Danger is my middle name!” Additionally your Sneak Attack damage is now 4d6.

LEVEL 13 - ROGUE 8

8th level means another Ability Score Improvement: cap off that Strength so that you can succeed at any athletics contest. “Look ma; no wings!”

LEVEL 14 - ROGUE 9

9th level Rogues can make quips that bronies will buy tee-shirts of. Panache lets you taunt, or lets you charm! As an action, you can make a Persuasion check contested by a creature’s Insight. The creature must be able to hear you, and the two of you must share a language.

If it’s an enemy it’ll have disadvantage to hit anyone who isn’t you, which is good because you’re a bulky Barbarian girl. The effect lasts for 1 minute but ends early if one of your friends hits them.

Alternatively if that person was just some average everypony, you can charm them! Everyone’s friends with Rainbow Dash, after all! Unless you’re not, obviously. Then you can have a 5d6 Sneak Attack!

(Artwork by Dawnf1re on DeviantArt.)

LEVEL 15 - BARBARIAN 6

6th level Zealot Barbarians gain a Fanatical Focus. Once per Rage if you fail a saving throw you can reroll it, because you’re a main character and you’re just that awesome.

LEVEL 16 - BARBARIAN 7

7th level Barbarians get Feral Instinct: so you know how you’re adding your Charisma to your initiative? Well now you have advantage on initiative checks too! Additionally, being around Pinkie Pie means that you know how to react to surprises: and that reaction is to RAGE!

Additionally Tasha’s gives you Instinctive Pounce, letting you move half your movement speed when you Rage. So it’s like half a dash!

LEVEL 17 - BARBARIAN 8

8th level Barbarians get another Ability Score Improvement and I’ll leave this up to you: more Charisma will give you better initiative and an easier time taunting your foes, but more Constitution means more health and armor.

Just decide if you want to be an awesome fighter or have awesome one-liners. Either way you’ll be awesome!

(Artwork by Underpable on DeviantArt.)

LEVEL 18 - BARBARIAN 9

You know how you’re probably rolling most things with Advantage? Well Brutal Critical allows you to add an extra weapon damage die to any crit you might make. So instead of 2d8 + 12d6 + 4, it’ll be 3d8 + 12d6 + 4. “Another great feat of heroism!”

LEVEL 19 - BARBARIAN 10

10th level Zealot Barbarians are so awesome everyone else can benefit from their awesomeness. Zealous Presence will let you use your Bonus Action to give all allies within 60 feet advantage on attack rolls and saving throws until the start of your next turn. You can only use this ability once per Long Rest, so save that Rainboom to truly turn the tide!

Additionally Tasha’s Primal Knowledge gives you another skill proficiency, so take Animal Handling to take the Tank as the tank.

LEVEL 20 - BARBARIAN 11

11th level Barbarians get plot armor, because they’re in a kids’ show. If you’re knocked down to 0 HP Relentless Rage allows you to make a DC 10 CON save while raging to instead drop to 1. You can make this save multiple times but the DC increases by 5 every time and well... your Constitution isn’t exactly earth-shattering, so you’ll probably get two uses out of this at best. Still: defying death twice is more than enough to beat the bad guys! I mean probably.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

I liked it... A LOT - So. Your weapon does a d8 + 5 of damage, your Sneak Attack does 5d6, your Rage does a d6 + 8, and if you crit all your dice get multiplied and you get to add an extra d8 on top of that. In short: you can do a total of 1d8 + 6d6 + 13 damage with one hit (average of 42 damage), or 3d8 + 12d6 + 13 damage on a crit! (Average of 76 damage!)

Seriously; I’d do it for anypony - You work fine alone but the Elements of Harmony work best with friends. Panache helps you keep your friends safe and Zealous Presence lets you make them awesome!

I hate losing - You’re certainly tanky with nearly 200 health, but you know what’s exceptionally fun? Cheating death near constantly. You’ve got two chances to go down to 1 HP instead of 0 while raging, and if they do happen to knock you down Rarity won’t have to sacrifice any diamonds to bring you back! No need for a robotic Rainbow Dash today!

CONS

If I go down, I’m going down flying! - Your AC isn’t great, as you had to invest everything into Strength to be able to smash people big time. Well at least you can wear Medium Armor right? Oh wait you can’t because armor will stop you from using your wings.

Want to know the opposite of agility? That! - So I like level 1 in Rogue for skill proficiencies (by the way you have a surprising amount of them thanks to Tasha’s), but while DEX saves are really nice with both Evasion and Danger Sense you’re lacking Constitution saves. And I mean, let’s not address the elephant in the room of your pitiful Wisdom and Charisma saves.

This competition isn’t for the weak - This build is rather MAD, requiring high Strength, Constitution, Charisma, and at least 13 in DEX. I’m just saying that this might be a build you want to point buy for: put 12 into DEX (+2 from race makes it 14) and 14 in Strength, Constitution, and Charisma. Heck, you can even get one of them up to a 15 with Point Buy!

But ponies aren’t just born awesome. (I mean, they are. Have you seen that mane?) You’ve gotta work to be awesome! Fight the good fight for your friends and save Equestria from both basic friendship troubles and world-ending villains! Participate in a few races while you’re at it and maybe try to find a pet too. Heck, maybe read a book too while you’re at it. You egghead.

(Artwork by JaDeDJynX on DeviantArt.)

#dnd #dnd build #dnd guide #dnd Rogue #dnd Barbarian #My Little Pony #Friendship is Magic #rainbow dash #brony #my little brony

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newtafterdark · 4 years ago

Text

Taste of Metal - Chapter 8: A Lecture on Trespassers

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26157634/chapters/65517814

Summary: What if the overwhelming VR experience Gordon went through, had a deeper purpose than just being a simple simulation & a freelance debug job for him?

But most importantly- what if Gordon Freeman listens to Metal & used to be in a band? aka. the “Metalhead Gordon AU”

- - -

Gordon had to admit that it had been a while since he organized such a big breakfast. It brought his years at MIT back to mind where he and his roommates somehow collectively managed to keep each other on their feet, food included.

But his worries over the possible mediocrity of what he, Dr Coomer and Bubby might have created - with him being the only one who had actual physical experience with cooking - went right out the window when he saw the looks of amazement and gratefulness at the table.

Despite having said that he needed neither sleep nor food, Benrey had stacked his plate with a bit of everything that had been brought on the table. If he had been any other person, Gordon would have been concerned. But it was likely that everyone at the table either hadn’t had a proper meal in quite a while or had never had the chance to have one before.

So when Benrey was carefully layering a pancake with ham, a fried egg, cheese and peanut butter, Gordon just watched with a soft amused smile.

Meanwhile, Tommy was losing his mind over the concept of Nutella-Banana toast.

“I-I can’t believe I missed out on this! They never had anything like this at the Black Mesa cafeteria!”

Gordon chuckled.

“Doesn’t surprise me, bud. But now you can have that every day if you want.”, he added with an assuring smile.

Tommy nodded in excitement, already in the process of making another Nutella-covered toast, exchanging his left-over banana slices for Darnold’s strawberries.

Darnold added the banana to his honey wheat cereal in thought, then looked up to meet Gordon’s gaze.

“Apologies in advance for prying, Gordon… but I do have a question, If you don’t mind.”

Gordon blinked over the edge of his mug, cutting the sip of hot cacao short.

“Sure, man! What’s up?”

“Well… I recalled your reaction from last night when Bubby talked about exploring the world outside. You seemed… alarmed. Why?”

Gordon set his mug down, brows furrowed as he looked at his plate. He figured he’d have to tell the Science Team about the outside world eventually...

“It isn’t as safe as you’d think, guys.”

“No place is ‘safe’, Gordon.”, Bubby scoffed while cutting his omelette into bite-sized pieces.

“I am aware, but this is… simulation levels of ‘not safe’.”, Gordon clarified.

“What do you mean, Gordon? D-Do you guys had natural disasters recently? We understand! We can deal with stuff like that! No worries-”, Tommy threw in, but Gordon held up his hand.

“Let me… go get my laptop. I need you guys to know what’s going on.”

With that said, Gordon got up and went into his bedroom, missing the confused glances the Science Team exchanged among each other.

When he returned, Gordon set up his projector and plugged the connection cable into his laptop. He let out a sigh, then opened a folder on his desktop.

“Alright, welcome to class 101 of ‘Gordon explains what the fuck has been going on on Earth that shit’s fucked up outside’...”, he said, adjusting his glasses and getting into lecture mode.

He watched as the Science Team huddled closer to each other at the table, curiously looking at the projection on the wall… but still keeping at it with the breakfast. Gordon smiled softly before reminding himself of what he was doing.

“... August 10th, 2013. San Francisco. We thought it was a 7.1 earthquake at first. Bad enough to begin with… but then the video feeds and photos got to the news...”

The Science Team watched with high attention as Gordon opened up a video file of a news recording.

The Golden Gate bridge was swinging dangerously in clear view- until the camera focused on something else.

Something huge.

Something absolutely massive.

What emerged from the waters could only be described as a leviathan of a monster. It tore the bridge down with ease and almost instantly made its way towards the city, dragging itself through the water completely unphased by the military attacking it with comparably small aerial strikes.

“We called it “Trespasser” since it was the first of its kind we were forced to face.”, Gordon added, his voice sounding heavy with memories.

The video ended and Gordon turned back, facing his friends.

Tommy had his hands covering his mouth in shock, Darnold was holding Sunkist oh-so-gently with horror in his eyes, Bubby was clawing at the table as he stared with wide eyes and even Dr Coomer sat there with concern in his face.

The last person Gordon expected to be shocked by this though, was Benrey, who looked positively mortified.

“Dude, w-what the FUCK?”, he managed to stutter out.

“Y-You say it was the ‘first”? There were m-more?!”, Tommy asked.

Gordon just nodded at that.

“The next one arrived 6 months later in Manila-”

“Six months… that was barely time to rebuild the other city...”, Dr Coomer mused, more to himself than to the others.

“Then came another one 4 months later in Cabo San Lucas-”

“They were arriving faster???”, Bubby exclaimed with horror.

Gordon nodded, pulling up pictures after pictures, playing videos to put emphasis on the seriousness of the whole ordeal.

“It was a disaster… We faced smaller ones than Trespasser occasionally… but the big ones got even bigger over time. We faced several each year until only recently. As you can imagine, Earth is still very much damaged in a lot of places because of this. Some areas are completely uninhabitable because of the acidic and poisonous nature of the Kaiju remains-”

Benrey almost chocked on a piece of bacon-

“You guys called them ‘Kaiju’??? Like, uh- Godzilla? Big Lizard???”

Gordon let out a soft chuckle.

“Yeah… one of the lead scientists behind the research of these beasts is a massive nerd. At first, he only called them that at work to differentiate the samples he got… then the names actually stuck over time in the official reports.”

Coomer raised his hand.

“Gordon, how did humanity fight these beasts? It looks like the military was once again absolutely useless!”

Gordon clicked through his files, looking positively excited to show off whatever humanity's defence system had been-

“So, uhm, before I click play… basically humanity got together and formed the Pan-Pacific Defense Corps or PPDC for short. Within the PPDC was the research division… and that included the scientists and engineers who worked on these-”

What the team saw next in the projection, made several of them gasp in excitement and astonishment.

The video showed a dragon-like kaiju getting absolutely wrecked by what could only be described as a massive robot.

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME???”, Bubby exclaimed.

“Yooooo, what the fuuuuuuuck, man...”, Benrey added, holding his head in his hands, eyes still glued to the projection.

“This… h-how-”, stammered Darnold, staring in awe.

“Oh, that is quite the fine work of robotics, Gordon! Very sturdy by the looks of it!”, Dr Coomer observed, giving an approving nod, “So you used these to defeat the kaiju in one-on-one fights?”

“Well, if we could, we had more Jaeger facing one Kaiju- and yes, my nerd buddy at the PPDC also named the class of the robots.”, Gordon clarified with a chuckle.

Tommy perked up at that.

“That man is your friend, Gordon? Can we meet him?”

“Well, I haven’t talked to Newton in quite some time… and not with Hermann either… I could e-mail them and ask where they’re stationed so we could meet and catch up? Heh… yeah, I should do that. Newt especially would love you guys!”

Meanwhile, Bubby leaned back in his chair, arms crossed and glaring at the images still being projected.

“So… the reason it’s dangerous outside is that these things could pop up anywhere at any moment?”, he asked.

Gordon made a so-so motion with his hand.

“Not quite. The Breach, that’s what we called the portal to their world, was closed not too long ago… but we still deal with the damages and the toxic kaiju remains...”

Gordon pulled up a photo of an entire coastline glowing in an unnatural blue in broad daylight.

“We call this ‘Kaiju Blue’... the closest comparison I could make is that it’s… like acidic oil-like blood. Basically don’t get near any of this at any point. Compared to it, the Green Sludge back in Black Mesa was just a glow-in-the-dark kiwi slushie.”

That comment earned Gordon a few chuckles and amused huffs.

“But yes… this is the main reason I want you all to be careful when we go outside. The PPDC still studies what the fuck this stuff can do to a human body… and I don’t want to find out what it might do to you guys. Just… no slurping the toxic alien juice, please?”, Gordon pleaded.

To his surprise, the team gave him assuring nods.

“Gordon, normally I would say that you’d be a party pooper… but since we’re all new to this terrifying information, be assured that we will listen. After all, you’re now the specialist!”, Dr Coomer said with a smile.

Gordon’s tense shoulders relaxed at the reassurance. This was a welcome change from what he had been used to from the Science Team in the simulation.

“Thanks, guys. I… I know this is a lot to take in- and please take your time to process it! - but I just… I needed you guys to be aware.”

“Oh, it’s alright, Gordon! I-I think it will slowly sink in over a few days, right guys?”, Tommy asked, turning to the others at the table.

“I’m already done processing… but we need your laptop for more research, Gordon. I want to know more details on that whole disaster before I take even one step outside.”, Bubby muttered before sipping on his now cold coffee.

“Of course! And don’t be afraid to ask me about anything, related or unrelated to all this! Honestly, the more I can help with you guys being prepared for the outside world, the better I feel about our whole situation.”

Gordon turned off the projector for the time being and sat back down at the table.

“And, uh… thank you all for listening and letting me explain? I’m not used to that from you guys… but yeah, thanks.”, he said with a weak but grateful smile.

Darnold reached over, putting a hand on his shoulder, while his other hand was still gently petting Sunkist.

“Hey, know that we’ll always listen to you from now on. The simulation was one thing… but this is reality. I think I speak for everyone when I say that while bantering with you is álways fun, we won’t push your buttons to a frustrating level anymore. Especially while you’re still recovering.”

Gordon simply nodded at that, playing with the rim of his shirt.

Suddenly, he stood up once more, startling Darnold slightly.

“Gordon, a-are you okay?”, the mixologist asked.

Gordon nodded, looking quite serious all of the sudden.

“I… I want you guys to meet someone.”

Benrey visibly perked up.

“Oh shit!- is it son time? Haven’t seen him around so… uh… road trip to go see Gordon Jr?”

“I can’t wait to meet your son, Gordon!”, Dr Coomer chimed in.

“W-Well, we don’t need to go anywhere to meet him… uhm… give me a second, I just need to go get my closet key-”

“CLOSET KEY???”, gasped Tommy in shock.

“TOMMY, DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT IT WILL MAKE SENSE IN A SECOND I SWEAR!”, Gordon yelled back while he was scrambling to find his keys.

The entire team watched in a mix of judgement, curiosity and excitement as Gordon unlocked the storage closet that Benrey had sat on top of earlier that morning.

They saw his anxious expression completely melt away to make way for a loving gaze as he pulled out something orb-shaped from within the closet depths.

A sleepy chirp-like sound suddenly emerged from what Gordon was holding.

“Hey… ‘morning, bud. Dad’s finally back home...”, Gordon said with the most gentle voice any of the Science Team members had ever heard him speak with.

Another chirp, this time a bit louder-

“....dad? DAD! YOU’RE BACK!!!!”

Suddenly the orb-shaped object launched itself out of Gordon’s arms and flew in rapid circles around him, making the man laugh. He reached out and pulled the orb out of the air, hugging it close.

“I am! Hey, uhm… dad brought some friends over. They are really excited to meet you. Do you want to go say hello to them?”, he asked gently.

The Science Team watched in anticipation as Gordon walked back to the table, arms wrapped protectively around something that was as big as volley-ball.

Tommy gasped softly as he leaned over to get a better look.

A small screen on the orb slowly came into view, displaying a curious little face consisting of numbers and symbols.

Two appendages, seemingly constructed in part out of computer mice, pulled the small being further up as it looked warily over Gordon’s arm at the Science Team.

Gordon smiled proudly at the display of mutual curiosity.

“Everyone… meet Joshua.”

#metalhead gordon au #hlvrai #hlvrai gordon #benrey #tommy coolatta #hlvrai darnold #hlvrai bubby #hlvrai coomer #hlvrai sunkist #WELCOME TO THE KAIJU ZONE #newton geiszler #hermann gottlieb #both of them only mentioned by name... for now #pacific rim #but also I WANT TO SEE MY LITTLE BOY #HERE HE IS!!!!#hlvrai joshua #fanfic #fanfics

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chicgeekgirl89 · 4 years ago

Text

Country Roads, Take Me Home: Chap. 5

Fandom: NCIS LA

Characters: Marty Deeks, Kensi Blye

Read chapters 1-4 here

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Arches National Park was next on their list so off to Utah it was. They passed Bill and Carol at the additional campsite and ducked low in their seats to try and avoid direct eye contact. “Are they following us?” Deeks asked as he drove, glancing furtively in the rearview mirror.

Kensi turned around. “No, looks like one of the dogs got loose.” She raised her eyebrows. “With a string of sausages in his mouth. Gosh who are these people? It’s like being in a cartoon.”

“People we are going to forget about,” Deeks said firmly as he pulled onto the highway.

She turned back to look at him. “Oh really? You’re giving up on the ‘Carol and Bill are criminal masterminds’ theory?”

“Eric said they cleared, so they cleared. He’d never miss something like that.”

“No, he wouldn’t,” she agreed. “Now, let’s get back to our Bill and Carol free vacation. What are we doing in Arches?”

Deeks grinned. “Rocks. Lots of rocks.”

They spent the next two days in vacation bliss. After they arrived they did a major hike with a rock climb and got some pretty spectacular pictures among the red rocks.

The next morning dawned sunny and they ended up with a perfect day for an aerial tour of the park. The pilot answered all their questions and they got some spectacular views of the landscape.

From there they moved onto Rocky Mountain National Park where they rented bicycles and had a romantic picnic with incredible views of the mountains, valleys, and wildlife.

It was everything they’d dreamed a vacation could be, and neither Bill, Carol, nor their pack of wild hounds made a single appearance. But if they had known what was going to happen next, they never, ever would have driven to Yellowstone. They would have gotten in the RV and driven east until they hit the Atlantic and then they would have started to swim. Yellowstone was an unqualified disaster.

It started out pleasantly enough. They rolled into the park, parked the RV and got everything set up for a couple days of sightseeing. “I can’t believe it’s almost time to go home,” Kensi said as she washed up their breakfast dishes.

“We still have another entire park after this,” Deeks said.

“I know, but remember when we talked about packing up our kids and living life on the road?”

Deeks raised his eyebrows. “You mean when I was nearly blown up and you saved my life by dragging me me out on a door?”

She smiled. “Yes, that time. I was just babbling, but this road life is kind of nice.”

“You’re telling me you don’t miss work at all? Running down bad guys? Kicking ass?”

“I kicked your ass pretty good last night,” she said coyly, coming to sit in his lap.

“That’s true, you did,” he conceded. “I have the bruises to prove it.”

“You liked it.”

“Touché”.

She kissed him once. Then again. “Oh are we going another round?” Deeks asked as she reached for the hem of his shirt. “I thought we were going to see Old Faithful?”

“Later,” Kensi said, kissing his neck.

“Are you saying you want to see my Old Faithful instead?”

She stopped abruptly and wrinkled her nose.

“Too far?” he asked. She patted his shoulder and slid off his lap. “Yeah, too far. Moment over.”

They stepped out into the campground, looking for signs to guide them toward the geyser. They were walking toward the trail when Deeks grabbed Kensi’s hand and pulled her behind a car.

“Deeks! Ow! What the hell?”

“Sorry,” he said, eyes searching the parking lot. “Stay down.”

“What? Why?”

“Just…I thought I saw something.”

“Saw what? Deeks what is going on?”

“Oh shit!” Deeks grabbed her hand and pulled her along with him, scuttling past a few more cars.

She wrenched her hand away and glared at him. “Deeks, I don’t know what the hell this is but—“

“Shh!!” Deeks pointed past her. “It’s the Weekes’!”

“What?!” She whipped around and spotted two sets of legs and a pack of very familiar dogs between the wheel wells. “Oh god. We have to hide.”

“What do you think this is?!” Deeks hissed, gesticulating wildly at their crouched position.

“Why are they just standing there?” Kensi asked. “Why can’t they decide where they’re going?”

“I’m more interested in why they’re here in the first place! I thought we lost them in Nevada!”

“Apparently not!” Kensi said. “What are we going to do? We can’t just stay here, somebody’s going to see us.”

“I’m thinking,” Deeks said, looking around. “Okay, there’s a big, blue pickup over there. If we can get behind that I don’t think they’ll be able to see us before we make it to the trailhead.”

“On three?” Kensi asked.

He nodded. “One, two, three!”

They stayed crouched low and moved quickly between the cars. They were almost to the blue pickup when they heard, “Marty! Is that your ragamuffin head I see over there?”

“Run!” Deeks hissed.

But it was too late. Out of nowhere PD came flying at them, grabbing onto Deeks’ pant leg like a vice.

“Go on without me!” he said desperately, trying to shake free.

“I am not leaving you behind!” Kensi hissed.

“It is you!” Carol cried as she bustled over, holding two of the dogs. “I should have known when PD took off if was you for sure. He just loves you!”

“I can’t say the feeling’s mutual,” Deeks said with a wince.

“PD come here you little rascal,” Bill said, finally managing to dislodge the beast’s jaws. “Well it sure is good to see you two. We thought maybe you were hiding from us when we didn’t see you after Nevada.”

“Oh, nope, just must not have crossed paths,” Kensi said through gritted teeth.

“Well I am absolutely tickled you’re both here because we never did get to have that dinner. Tonight. You must come over. I’m making my world famous chicken and dumplings,” Carol insisted.

“Oh we really don’t want to impose,” Kensi protested.

“Nonsense, nonsense!” Carol cried. “The more the merrier!”

“Well we kind of had plans—“ Deeks said.

“Cancel ‘em!” Bill roared, clapping Deeks so hard on the shoulder it knocked the wind out of him. “You don’t want to miss dumpling night. Trust me.”

Deeks shot Kensi a look that said he fervently disagreed. “We won’t take no for an answer,” Carol insisted. “We have an excursion planned all afternoon, but we’ll see you at five!”

Kensi and Deeks trudged toward the trailhead, all joy of exploring the park gone. “We could fake falling into the geyser,” Deeks suggested.

“Maybe it won’t be so bad,” Kensi said.

“That is the third time their dog has nearly chewed my leg off!” Deeks said. “It might be murder!”

“Deeks, we have faced down armed robbers, terrorists, and Hetty on a full moon. We can get through this.” She reached for his hand. “At the very least let’s try and forget about it for a few hours while we go check out the geyser.”

The geyser was impressive, going off three times while they watched, but Deeks seemed distracted, giving only monosyllabic answers and fake smiles. Finally Kensi rolled her eyes and sighed. “You’re not going to let this Weekes thing go, are you?” He looked at her and wrinkled his nose. “What? Me? What are you talking about? I let that go weeks ago.”

She gave him a pointed look. “I saw you googling this morning.”

He looked at her guiltily. “I had a hunch.”

“Well detective, what did you detect?”

“Did you know there’s been a small to moderate sized robbery near every park we’ve visited on this trip? Which just happen to be the same parks Bill and Carol have visited?”

“Okay, all right. Fine Columbo. Let’s investigate.”

He stopped and stared at her. “What? What does that mean ‘let’s investigate’?”

She shrugged. “You can’t let this go. I’ve never known you to be wrong about your gut. Let’s go back and check out their RV.”

“Are you serious?”

“They’re gone for the afternoon, this might be our only shot.”

He shook his head. “I knew there was a reason I married you.”

They hustled back to the campsite and found the Weekes’ still out. “Are you sure about this?” Deeks asked. “I mean technically we’re breaking and entering.”

“They’re our ‘friends’. We’re just checking to see if they’re home,” Kensi said with a guileless smile. She tried the door and it opened immediately. “Besides, it’s not breaking and entering if the door’s open, right?”

“You know you’re a little scary when you’re up to criminal activity,” Deeks said, following her inside and closing the door. “I’m glad you chose NCIS and not bounty hunting or something.”

“Deeks, focus,” she said. “You’re the one that’s been in here. Anything look different?”

He flipped on the light and whistled. “Uh, yeah. That,” he pointed to an Xbox. “That.” Two MacBook Airs. “And that.” Several unopened DSLR cameras.

Kensi shook her head. “Maybe they’re just shopping. Taking things home for their grandkids?”

“Right.” Deeks reached into a drawer and pulled out a very heavy, very expensive looking necklace. “Just what every lady needs when hiking and camping.”

“Okay, you’re right. But it’s still circumstantial.”

They both continued looking, trying to leave everything the way they’d found it. “Whoa,” Deeks said when he reached the bathroom. “Either they hoard like you do or…”

Kensi peeked inside and found the shower full to the brim with electronics and other high end, expensive items. “Okay, either they have a lot of grandkids or…”

“PD you come back here you little rascal!”

“They’re back!” Kensi hissed.

“Out!” Deeks said. “Go, go, go!”

They stumbled out of the RV just as Bill and Carol rounded the corner. “Did they see us?” Deeks asked breathlessly.

“I don’t think so,” Kensi said, looking back over her shoulder. “No, they’re inside, I don’t think they saw anything.”

“We need to call Eric,” Deeks said. “See if he can match what we saw in there to the robberies.”

Eric didn’t answer, not surprising considering it was the weekend and he’d had plans to visit a convention in Sacramento. Deeks left a message with a detailed description along with the couple of pictures Kensi had snapped.

Unfortunately, they still had to go to dinner. “Well it doesn’t smell poisonous,” Deeks muttered as they approached.

“Why would they poison us?” Kensi asked. “For all they know, we’re just a happy-go-lucky couple on vacation. It will be fine. Eric will get back to us and we’ll get this whole mess sorted out.”

Bill and Carol had set up dinner on a picnic table next to the camper and refused any and all assistance bringing food back and forth. And Bill had been right, Carol’s dumplings were award worthy.

There was also peach cobbler and after dinner Bill pulled out a bottle of port. “That’s uh, that’s some pricey stuff there Bill,” Deeks said, eyeing the bottle. “You sure you want to use that tonight?”

“Well you know, when you get to be our age you learn that you gotta live a little,” Bill said, pouring generous glasses for each of them.

“If you’ll excuse me, I’m just going to use the restroom,” Kensi said, shooting Deeks a meaningful look as she rose from the table.

“Don’t mind the mess!” Carol called.

Kensi stepped inside the RV, honestly a little surprised that they’d allowed her in at all considering what they’d found earlier in the day. But again, Bill and Carol had no reason to believe Kensi and Deeks would be suspicious.

At least, that’s what she thought until she walked out of the bathroom and straight into the barrel of a rifle.

#NCIS LA #NCIS Los Angeles #Densi #Marty Deeks #Kensi Blye #Country Roads Take Me Home #Densi Summer Vacation #Chapter 5 #Arches National Park #Yellowstone National Park #Fanfiction #It's fall now #Oh well

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yoongi-sugaglider · 5 years ago

Text

Daegu Quarantine

Jungkook x reader

Gang/ zombie apocalypse au

Warnings:

Gore, violence, zombies, mention of drugs and drug dealing, weapons discharge in self defense, main character death, zombies, course language, zombies, drinking, did I mention zombies?

Summary:

They were the top of their game, known throughout the city as the smartest and most dangerous crew to ever hit the Daegu streets. But what’s going to happen when this group of young men encounter something right out of a horror film?

Word count: 2394

Part 10===Part 11===Part 12

“Alright Tae Bae, let’s see what’s going on with your system.”

In the time it had taken us to clean up after dinner, Taehyung had already set up everything he needed in order to communicate through remote video feed with his mentor.

I’d decided to join Taehyung and Jeanette in the security area of our basement living room, sliding in beside Jeanette on the overly large sofa and snuggling up beneath her blanket with a smile sent her way before focusing in on the conversation unfolding before us.

Tae was posted up on the floor, feet crossed in his lap and a large keyboard situated on top of his knees as his eyes roamed the information displayed on the massive tv hung on the wall. The screen itself flashed a myriad of information, lines of code and text along with a small set of squares at the bottom left corner that gave us a live view of the surrounding grounds and security checkpoints.

In the top left was a video feed of Black Rose, a sweet looking woman roughly my age whose smile lit up her whole face every time her eyes glanced back to what I assumed was Taehyung’s face displayed on her own screen. I couldn’t help but feel there was something more than the connection of mentor and apprentice between the two.

“I managed to trace the outside signal as far as the local area before I got cut off from it. Whatever it was that let them in was enough for them to feed my cameras a signal to loop come a certain time of day. That’s when the attack happened.” Taehyung frowned, glancing at the video image of the ashen haired woman and blushing brightly as he averted his gaze elsewhere.

“Sounds to me like they’ve been in your system before. Or are at least familiar with the type of code you were writing for it…”

I couldn’t help but glance over at Jeanette who seemed just as bewildered as I felt with all the technical jargon being thrown back and forth between them.

“Any idea what they’re saying?” I asked in an overly dramatic stage whisper.

Jeanette shook her head, blowing a bit of curly hair out of her eyes with a huff. “None in the slightest honestly. I’ve heard Jangmi talk like this before but it always goes way over my head.”

Tae snorted, his eyes darting to the two of us for a moment before focusing back in on his job. “Since I’ve got you here, could you run a backdoor screen for me? At least then I’ll know what I’m missing before we go whole hog on the fuckers.”

Black Rose shook her head, sighing lazily before typing quickly on her end. The sound of high speed clicking filled the speakers along with the sound of Taehyung’s own. The screen glowed a dark green color as line after line of letters and numbers and symbols flashed across it. Everything moved so fast that for a moment I grew dizzy just trying to keep up with it all.

Jungkook at that point wandered into the room, coming around the sofa to sit on its arm beside me and throw an extra long arm around my shoulders.

“Anything?” He asked, knowing that his words would interrupt Taehyung’s focus, he’d spoken in a low whisper just as Jeanette and I had.

“No clue to be honest, but damn if I wouldn’t be able to tell you anyway.” I glanced up at Kookie, blushing as he threw me a charming smile that, no matter how many times I’d seen it, still managed to make my insides flutter.

“Well let me see…” He looked over to the tv, eyes darting back and forth as he watched the words fly by.

“Every computer system, no matter how complicated, has a back door. They’re usually protected by something called a firewall, basically a shield the system has in place so your information can’t get stolen or your software can’t get hacked.” Jungkook’s fingers trailed along my shoulder, leaving trails of heat in their wake as he continued to watch the two computer geniuses work.

“What’s basically happening is Jangmi is attacking Tae’s firewall, trying to find any weaknesses in it to see how exactly the hackers got into our system.”

“HA!” A triumphant shout echoed through the speakers, jolting Taehyung out of his hyper focused stupor and causing him to stare at the screen in shock.

“Are you serious? That one line of god damn…”

“And here I thought I taught you well, little grasshopper. Such a shame that a tiny bit of code like that could cause such a massive amount of damage…” Black Rose hummed.

I couldn’t help but to watch in fascination as Taehyung basically melted down in front of us, rolling on the floor after discarding his keyboard and gripping his hair. He wailed like a little child, cursing and fussing and drawing full on belly laughs out of each of us as we watched him go on.

“One!! One goddamn misplaced comma...are you kidding me?” He groaned, reluctantly righting himself and pulling the keyboard into his lap once more.

“Well, fix it ya soggy noodle.” The woman paused, pulling a large cup into view and sipping from it before groaning in pleasure at the flavor of whatever her drink of choice was.

“I see you’re taking full advantage of the macchiato machine I got you.” Tae grunted, though his fierce typing belied the brief moment of a glance he’d made at her screen.

“Ya damn right I am.” Contrary to the accent she’d been speaking with, these words took on a distinctly New Yorker accent, one I’d only heard in movies and on youtube, but the change was so incredibly adorable I couldn’t help but giggle at her.

“I don’t uh...I don’t wanna interrupt but.” I glanced over to Tae who’s full attention was now on me.

“What is it Boss Lady?”

“Well, I’ve heard of like espresso machines but...a macchiato machine?”

Taehyung and Black Rose chuckled together, grinning a secret grin between the two of them.

“It’s not really like an espresso machine. Think of it like one of those industrial mixers you see in gas stations and stuff.” Tae typed into his keyboard, pulling up an image of the machine he mentioned. “It’s like a frozen yogurt machine but for macchiato mix.”

“It’s rather ingenious actually. All I had to do was get the right kind of mix and I’ve got all of my caffeine needs right here at my desk.”

“I prefer mine through a direct iv line.” A muttered voice spoke from behind the couch, drawing our attention to Yoongi who’d apparently been listening in on what we’d been talking over this whole time.

“Ah! A man after my own heart!” Black Rose grinned, giving Yoongi a thumbs up which he returned with a small smile in kind.

“Boss, we got an issue with Seokjin upstairs.” Yoongi frowned at Jungkook, though the look seemed to be more one of frustration than actual danger.

“What happened?” Jungkook stood, giving me a kiss to my forehead before heading back upstairs with Yoongi.

“Apparently his ‘second’ and I quote, ‘Is a no talent hack who couldn’t strip the paint off the broad side of a barn.”

“Overwatch?”

Yoongi sighed, “No, campaign mode on Halo…”

Taehyung snorted, returning his attention to the tv screen. “Alright. Let’s get that firewall fixed up and reverse track the signal.”

***

“Rose and Tae make a pretty incredible team huh?” Jeanette smiled softly as we watched the two work. We’d decided that speaking quieter gave us less of a chance of interrupting their focus as they worked.

“Yeah, But I kind of get the feeling there’s something between them. Don’t you?”

“Hmm…”

I’d known Tae for only a short time, he’d come to us only a few years ago. And even though it’d been going on nearly 4 years I still couldn’t help but notice that the young man hardly ever really smiled unless Jimin was around.

Of course it could have been because they were so close in age, but it seemed like he preferred to stay by himself. With his line of expertise and the type of work he did I ended up, well not really avoiding him so much as just giving him space. But he seemed to really appreciate it. We became close in our distance. And that was okay.

“Are you seriously eating gummy bears while you’re at your computer?” Tae snorted, shaking his head as he watched his partner sheepishly grin.

“Hey, the last time we worked together like this you fussed at me because I was eating seaweed snacks over my keyboard. I’ll have no more of you fussing at me you hear!”

The two laughed, seeming to enjoy egging each other on as they worked. It felt comfortable, and was definitely a side of Taehyung I’d never seen before.

“Any luck?” Jeanette asked. She cuddled further into the blanket, seeming on edge as she watched the interaction happen.

“Does East Side ring a bell?” Black Rose’s eyes wandered her screen, eyebrows furrowed and a small frown tugging at the corners of her lips.

“Yeah...actually it does.” I grunted, pushing further back into the comfort of the sofa.

“We were joined with them. A smaller branch of our main group that was in charge of keeping the East side of the city safe.Tension’s been high with them, even before all this mess came along.”

“I see. Well it seems like it was more than just tension.” Rose leaned back in her chair, iced coffee in hand as she pulled up an aerial view of the city for us all to see.

“This is satellite feed from a remote military camera that was monitoring the area a day ago. From the looks of things and going solely on the data I traced from Tae’s security hack, seems like these bastards have been plotting something for a while now.”

We watched intently as the feed zoomed in on the warehouse Kook, Yoongi, and I had run a rescue mission on not too long ago.

A group of people approached the front side of the building, busying themselves with something we couldn’t see while keeping a lookout for chatterers that happened to come their way. Rose accelerated the footage and we watched as, after moments more of fussing with whatever they were up to they retreated from the door.

“What the actual hell?” Tae whispered before yelping as a bright orange ball of what we could only assume was flames erupted at the door.

“So that’s how those things got in…” My body had tensed up at this point, anger pouring from me in waves as I leaned forward to glare at the tiny bodies pouring into the warehouse.

Rose cut the footage, a frown creeping onto her face as she glossed over what we now couldn’t see. “Looks like they made off with a bunch of stuff, some boxes and shit but dipped out before they could get overwhelmed. There’s no way anybody in there survived the wave of creepos that poured into the building after the fire settled.”

“Two of them survived...but not for very long.” I spat the words out bitterly, rising from the sofa and letting the blanket fall from my form as I began pacing behind the sofa.

Namjoon walked in, eyes following my every move as he walked around the sofa to sit in my place beside Jeanette, though he sat back at a respectable distance.

“I take it there’s bad news?”

Jungkook’s second in command was nothing if not astute and true to form; he'd gauged the atmosphere with no trouble.

“No oppa...shit news actually.”

I glanced over at him, eyes burning a hole into the back of his head despite the blush of red creeping up the back of his neck at the term of endearment.

“Well?” He turned to Tae, an eyebrow raised in question. But before the younger man could speak the sound of an explosion roared through the speakers, one so loud I could have sworn the ceiling above us rumbled along with the noise.

“What in the actual fuck?” I bolted over to the sofa, eyes wide as I scanned Rose’s video feed.

It seemed she’d been knocked out of view of the camera, which itself had been thrown from whatever stand she had set it up on and now lay on the ground. The only thing we could see was the trembling of the floor and a pale set of feet.

“Rose??? Rose can you hear me?” Jeanette had jumped from her seat, rushing over to the tv monitor and hastily scanning the live feed in the hopes of seeing her friend move.

“Shit...I’m okay...fuck...fucking god damn it what the hell?” A continued string of curses poured from the speakers as the feet finally began to move before disappearing from view.

Rose’s face finally came into focus as the camera lifted from the ground to focus on her dazed expression.”I don’t know what the hell that was but holy shit that fucking sucked donkey dick hole.”

“Bruh, the mouth on this woman I swear…” Namjoon shook his head, though the look of concern on his face never wavered.

“You good kid?” I asked, knowing the answer wouldn’t be pleasant.

“Yeah, though, the building I’m in probably isn’t.”

“Talk to me Jangmi, what happened?” Tae sat on his knees, seeming as if every inch of him was screaming to come to her defense.

“Well. From what my screens are telling me. Looks like those East Side assholes found me and are on their way up to my room.”

“Excuse me?” Jungkook had come down, surely drawn in by the commotion coming from the speakers that’d probably been heard all through the house. The others followed closely behind him, each wearing matching faces of either murder death stare or concern.

“I’m at the Daegu Grand Hotel. Have been for a while now. And like I said, from the looks of things the very people trying to get all of ya’lls shit are on their way up to greet me with a very impolite Korean gangster hello.”

#bts boulangerie #bts fanfic #bts jeon jungkook #bts jeon jeongguk #bts jungkook x reader #bts gang au #bts zombie au #bts angst #bts fluff #bts reactions #bts imagines #bts scenario #bts reader insert #bts x reader #bts jungkook #bangtan sonyeondan fanfic

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inupibaldspot · 4 years ago

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Saviour: Chapter 23

The atmosphere was completely different here.

The people who were with Garp were friendly. Everyone was smiley and some even fought back at Garp when he did something weird. Sure they were not that accepting towards Emilia in the beginning but it was only because they thought the child would not be able to take care of herself, increasing the burden on the ship. But spending about 4 years with them made Emilia like them a lot and vice versa.

However, in Akainu's ship the atmosphere here, for the lack of better words, was tense. Everyone seemed to be on the edge and most of the crew members, themselves were quite cold towards each other. After observing for few days, she realized that they were made that way by Akainu. Everyone near him had their back straightened and made sure everything they did was given their 100 percent. They even had training routine in the morning!

And it did not help at all that Emilia was handpicked by the admiral himself. Apparently this was the first time it happened because usually the members are send by a team who does the entrance test and those members were weak or useless, they would be kicked out by Akainu.

Akainu would also train her whenever he was free.

"Why" Emilia would ask.

"Because you would be a powerful weapon if trained properly." Would be his answer.

Other members would always use the word favoritism around Emilia. And because of that jealousy, they would always make sure to give the works which everyone usually avoided such as peeling the ingredients, washing the dishes or cleaning the toilets to her. Not to mention the accidental pushes. Emilia could not believe what she was faced with at first. She was a child. She was a 13 year old child and was being pushed around by full grown adults. Oh the pettiness of these people!

However she did not complain or fight back because alas, her rank was simply a 'sea man', one of the lowest rank in the marine, and the people around her were all higher ranks, at least compared to her. Not to mention that they were her seniors so for now she decided to just suck it up.

Akainu mainly focused on training haki more than anything else. He said that as you keep on progressing further along the Grand Line, many of the powerful people were Devil fruit users.

"If you were to ever find a Devil Fruit would you eat it?" Akainu asked one day as he walked back into the ship. They just saved a village which was being attacked.

Emilia walked fast, besides the Admiral and then stood at the decks as the waves took us to their next mission spot. She brought her hands on her chin as she thought for a bit. "No...I'd rather not." She finally said. If she were to meet up with Ace or Luffy later on, she didn't want to be someone who would be held back due to presence of water.

She lifted her head and her eyes met with her superior. His didn't say anything further and continued looking at her as if to make her justify her answer. "I personally don't have much knowledge on Devil Fruits so if I were to eat it, it would be a gamble." Emilia explained. "On top, not all Devil Fruits are powerful."

"But I would consider it if I have a Devil Fruits which can give me aerial abilities." Emilia added.

"And especially in the ocean , which is surrounded by water flying above water will be useful, if not for those type of devil fruit it'll just make us weak and it is more of a minus-" Emilia stopped. Crap! She forgot that the man next to her was a devil fruits user. Emilia shook her hands in panic. "That's is just my opinion! People, strong as yourself probably don't have to worry about these-"

"No." Akainu cut her off. "I was also going to advise you against eating a devil fruits as well."

"Your progress regarding both your haki and strength is quite fast." The tall admiral complimented, making Emilia mutter a small 'Thank you'. "When you get stronger, I plan to make you my right hand man at least that is if you are able to continuously get stronger. I have no need for a weak right hand man."

When the man spit those words out, the current right hand man who was behind them visibly flinched, making Emilia feel bad about him.

"And when that happens I want a strong individual who won't be affect by the ocean waters" Akainu stepped into the ship and stopped. He then turned around and and then stared at Emilia right at her eye. "I hope you understand what I am saying."

"Do you expect me to be a dog?" Emilia looked back at Akainu in the eye. "Who will do whatever you orders obediently wagging my tail?"

"Yes" Akainu huffed "This is the exact reason why I am training you."

Emilia eyes opened slightly in realization at how Zack and Akainu were complete opposites.

The man in front of her right now was dead set into training her into a human weapon who can be used against pirates.

However she remembered how Zack had a long talk with her once. Zack insisted Emilia to return back home and that she could return when she was older.

"You are a child, Emilia..." Zack eyes lowered, his hands laced together, frown evident on his age. "Children your age are to be playing around, having fun and not stay in the ocean. The ocean is a very dangerous place and we never know when we get attacked or engage in a battle here."

But Emilia refused profusely. The reason she didn't go back even when Garp asked her was because the marine is an organization where your rank can depend on people's opinion of you. She already had Garp and Tsuru by her side making her have the attention of the higher ups. As long as she completed all her missions with huge success, she would undoubtedly climb up in ranks fast which will definitely be useful later on. Now she can also use this man in front of her as long as she gets stronger.

Become your weapon who will shoot at your command. Emilia thought. Don't be delusional!

"Well It won't be happening, Admiral" Emilia stood her ground. Emilia was scared but she still stood her ground. Her heart was hammering against her chest, her hands which was clenched undoubtedly now developed sweat.

She needed to be stand against him. Human for if they continue to remain submissive will soon lose their confidence and be unable to take their own path. They would forever then walk under their peer's command.

Going against the scary Admiral was seriously frightening especially knowing the fact that this man can just chop her head off, and he won't be facing any punishment due to his high rank.

Akainu didn't say anything for a minute and then turned away. "Keep on training for now, cheeky brat."

"Huh?!" Emilia jutted her jaws out and rolled up her sleeve, hands made into a fist "What do you mean Cheeky Brat? Make sure to be careful when you're sleeping old man!"

Emilia shook her head violently at her thoughts. As if I can say that!

"Yes, sir" Emilia obediently nodded, before she smiled nervously and rubbed the back of her head. "But it might take quite a while for me to reach a high position to become Admiral's right hand man."

"You don't have to worry about that." Akainu huffed as he turned away and walked away, towards his office. "I have already been putting words of your contribution when we fight against the pirates in my reports so expect promotions."

"It seemed as we arrived." Akainu walked towards the exit as the ship finally landed. They were currently on pursuit of a pirate crew. They weren't strong or anything but was definitely slippery. They robbed places and then quickly disappeared making it severe.

However one of their crew member, their captain named Cross was particularly a very strong man boasting a bounty of 430,000,000 belli which was the main reason Akainu was leading this mission.

Emilia looked at a small house where the pirates they were after were supposedly hidden.

"How strong is your haki now?" Akainu asked as the other soldiers were waiting for their Admiral to give a green light to attack.

"I like to think I'm fairly strong since Admiral was the one training me." Emilia smiled. Of course both of them knew these were just polished words with no actual meaning.

"Hmm...."Akainu look at her. He then pointed at the house. "Why don't you cut down the house at once?"

Emilia turned her head quickly. "But the pirates might be inside, Admiral."

"Yes, I know. I want you to deal with them in one swoop." Akainu said. "It doesn't matter if they are killed."

Emilia unsheathed her word and held it. She started breathing heavily. This was an immediate order from a higher up. Sure during the past two years she got promoted in a high pace but she was still far away from Akainu.

She took in a deep breath and bend her knees developing her stance. Her haki grew from her hands and covered her sword.

You can't take life for granted... Once you kill someone you are simply a murderer.

Zack's words suddenly flew though her mind and just before she swung her sword her wrist tilted lightly but that was enough to cause a huge deflection.

I don't want to kill anyone!

She watched the haki's force from the sword swing through the roof of the building instead of going through is as she was instructed.

She let out a sigh and straightened her posture. Her body felt cold yet she was sweating.

Akainu who was beside her gave her a disapproving look. "You're still too weak." Such a waste.

The man gave a signal and ordered his men to go capture the pirates who were probably shocked at the sudden attack.

Emilia stood still for a moment and smiled defeated. To think someone else words would have such an influence on me.

The rest of the team rushed in and easily and quite quickly captured the pirates.

"We have been able to capture the crew mates however Cross was nowhere to be found. It is not sure if he was there from the start or not. "All the pirates except their leader was captured.

"But the crewmates said the captain was there with them just minutes ago. He may have escaped upon knowing Admiral was the one after him." Emilia continued.

"Cross is a man with a bounty of 430,000,000 Belli so he is a strong and dangerous man...We can't have him loose for long." Akainu replied as he walked back towards his office.

"Yes however I have issued a-" Emlia was stopped from explaining the documents half way.

"Captain Emilia, I apologize for forcing a sudden decision on you however from next time I want you to be mentally prepared. I want not a single moment of resistance."

"I apologize for my actions earlier." Emilia stopped and bowed deeply in apology. "Because of my actions the captain, Cross might have escaped."

As she straightened herself, she noticed white particles falling from the sky. She lifted her head and then looked at the sky in confusion. "...Feather?"

Emlia reached out her hands and when those feathers landed on her hands it melted leaving a tiny water droplet behind.

Her eyes glimmered in amazement as the sifted turned to look at Akainu "Admiral, Its snow! I've never seen them in such a shape!"

Weathers in Grand line was weird, from fire rain to tornadoes of different shapes and even the ocean suddenly splitting in two but Emilia has never seen anything as beautiful and simple as this. Since everything else would always be something which can kill her.

Emlia walked away and still looked around her in amazement then turned around and smiled at Akainu, one hand putting her hair behind her ears as the wind blew making her hair sway.

A sudden memory flashed by Akainu.

A woman who held out her hand in awe as snow fell on her hand and she then turned to him and smiled. "Aren't they beautiful, Sakazuki?"

Akainu's eyes widened. "Keira..."

He then shook his head and massaged his temple. What was he saying...She isn't-

"Do you know my mother?"

Akainu lifted his head quickly as he stared at Emilia in shock as she also looked back at him with the same expression. "What?"

"You said Keira, right Admiral?" Emlia said as she walked towards him. "That's my mother's name. Did you know her? She was also said to be in the marine years ago..."

"You're...you're her daughter?"

For the first time Emilia has been with Akainu, this was the first time she heard such a broken voice coming from the man.

"Where is she? Is she still fiery and stubborn? To think her child has grown so much and look so much like her..." Akainu raised his hand and placed his hand on Emilia's face. The first time Akainu saw her in the training ground he knew this girl resembled her. Maybe that is why he felt the need to take care of her and keep her by his side...

"Is she happy?" He asked.

Emilia opened her mouth and then closed it. Her fist behind her tightened as her memories flashed into her mind. "She passed away..."

Akainu's eyes widened.

"She passed away trying to protect me and the village." Emilia bit her lips.

Akainu stood still before he laughed. However Emilia could feel the pain laced with laugh. "Why did she even try fighting?..."

"Wasn't she a marine?" Emilia asked in a small voice. "I was told she-"

"Yes...A Marine cook!" Akainu replied making Emilia sweat drop a bit. When she heard her mother was part of the marine she automatically assumed she was a soldier not a cook. This was quite a twist.

"I guess that part of her that believed that her spatula can cause a concussion didn't change hahaha...."

"That idiot...." Emilia looked up to see Akainu's eyes slightly red. "That fucking idiot...." But that boldness and the way she wouldn't ever hesitate in her action is exactly the reason why I turned towards her.

"By the way-" Akainu suddenly turned towards Emilia. "Do you know your father?"

Emilia shook her head. "My mother never brought up anything related to my father and even when I asked she refused to talk about him."

"She always had a sad expression on her when I asked about him so I stopped bringing any talks related to my father." Emilia played with her fingers as she explained. "I guess the memories regarding him hurt her a lot...."

Akainu stood in silence for abit before he started. "Your father...His name is Ainsworth Eliott."

"Ainsworth...I thought the family name was my mother's." Emilia bit her lips in shame. Even though she lived with her mother for nine years, Emlia never really knew anything about her family.

"No..." Akainu shook his head. "Your mother was an orphan who was taken in by one of the marine chef after he lost his daughter."

"And your father was a pirate but then he also became a crewmate I worked with..."

Emilia's eyes widened at the sudden revelation.

Keira was always a cheerful and beautiful woman so many approached her however she never reciprocate their feelings.

Akainu loved Keira deeply. But she never looked at her with the same gaze.

But when a man named Eliott suddenly joined the crew her eyes changed when she looked at him.

They first started talking when Eliott refused to eat the carrot in the curry Keira made making her argue with him holding his spoon with carrots close to his mouth. Eliott with his rather quiet personality closed his jaw shut and head shook refusing to at it no matter what.

Akainu remembered looking at the scene with amusement.

Slowly they would have their food together. Keira would be cheerfully chatting while Eliott would stare at her and nod at her talks at times. When her spoon feel,Keria bend down to grab it, Eliott would quickly place his hand on the corner of the table so Keira would not bump her head on the edge of the table.

Akainu remembered wanting to do the same.

After spending months together, Akainu remembered one day walking out of a celebration to see Keria and Eliott on the deck of their ship one night.

Eliott stared lovingly at Keira as she continued to talk about random stuff but then stopped noticing the man look at her. Both of them held eye contact before Eliott raised his hand and held her chin, leaning in.

As much as Akainu didn't want to admit, back then before Keira closed her eyes and leaned in to kiss Eliott, her eyes had the most beautiful shade of blue with full of love and gentleness which was not directed at him. Akainu then turned away and walked away.

But the couple did not last long.

It was found that Eliott was a former pirate who had escaped from his crew. His crewmates did not leave him alone and tracked him down since he had too much inside information. Eliott was killed.

Akainu remembered the state Keira was in. She was so heartbroken and would cry a lot. Akainu even though he was a man full of ego would sometimes approach her and try to provide even the tiniest bit of comfort.

"Thank you, Sakazuki. You're a nice man."

She said but Akainu knew he was only doing this because it was Keira. If it were anyone else he wouldn't bat an eye.

But one day Keira packed everything and the hand over her resignation letter. Akainu didn't not want her to leave but...

"I'm pregnant..." Keira smiled as she caressed her stomach. "I'm leaving behind this painful past so that I can give this child a happy future."

Akainu had so many things to say but then the only thing which left his mouth was. "Take care..."

"Thank you for everything, Sakazuki." She smiled.

Akainu remembered her once bright blue eye were now dull...

....

(A/N): Re uploaded this

Also I received a message asking if I'm going to discontinue the book and the answer is no.

I'll complete it however the updates maybe slow at times.

Thank you once again and see you guys in the next chapter.

I also drew a now grown up Emlia but I suck at it lol.

#ace #portgas d ace #one piece ace #ace imagine #saviour #sabo #one piece sabo #luffy #one piece #one piece imagines #one piece imagine

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lycanomancy · 6 years ago

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the Fallout 4 pokemon au no one asked for.

I asked one (1) person if this was wanted and they said yes. So, here is a 17 page list of the Fo4 companions as gymleaders and Elite 4.

for followup on type choices, here ya go

edit// as i view this more ill probably make changes/adjustments

Warning- This post is 17 pages long in Google Docs. This is not a simple snack, it’s a Golden Coral buffet. For the love of Arceus dont open if you’re on mobile. Your phone will melt.

GYM LEADERS

SANCTUARY

Codsworth: Beats doing housework!

A Mister Handy that’s kept Sanctuary from collapsing for 200 years, Codsy is a gentleman through and through. His old owner supposedly dead, he’s still keeping the house spick and span. While tending to the Carrot Flowers, two little creatures wandered up to him, and the metal butler was smitten. Scavengers who come to pick through the ruins are met with a robot who is very insistent on not letting people steal from his neighbors, dead or not. After word got out to avoid Sanctuary if you didn’t want your Pokemon to faint, people started coming in droves to meet the challenge. “It’s just a robot, how bad could it be?” Answer: Quite bad. He doesn’t really have a Gym, but the Elite 4 noticed him enough to make him a Leader. His Badge is the Rust Badge, and he gives out TM61, Will-o-wisp.

Codsworth - Fire

Vulpix

Will-o-wisp

Quick Attack

Tail Whip

Ability - Flash Fire

Growlithe

Bite

Ember

Leer

Ability - Intimidate

DIAMOND CITY

Piper Wright: Can’t stop the Press!

Piper is a part-time gym-leader, part-time reporter, and full time sister. With her hectic schedule, her composed Grass types help her errands and keeping her sane. Piper’s paper, Publick Occurrences, used to be about news and advice for Trainers, but lately it’s been mostly accusing the city’s mayor of consorting with the shadowy Institute, known for stealing Pokemon and kidnapping people. Because of this, Mayor McDonough is constantly threatening to take Piper’s Gym (and Pokemon) away. She’s been arrested multiple times for disturbing the peace and causing fights among the citizens of Diamond City, no matter how hard her team tries to stop her. If you can withstand her onslaught of status moves, she gives you the Paper Badge and TM86, Grass Knot.

Piper Wright - Grass

Leavanny

Bug Bite

Protect

String Shot

Razor leaf

Ability - Swarm

Item - Sitrus Berry

Lilligant

Sleep Powder

Mega Drain

Magical Leaf

Growth

Ability - Own Tempo

Roserade

Stun Spore

Magical leaf

Leech Seed

Grass Knot

Ability - Poison Point

TRINITY TOWER

Strong: Strong is Strong.

Trinity Tower was a ruin after the war; but recently, Fighting-Type Trainers have made the place a Dojo, training themselves and their Pokemon with discipline and restraint. The Gym Leader doesn’t do any of this. Strong uses absolute brute force to decimate his foes and underlings. Strong came to Trinity Tower because he heard that Fighting-Types were strong against Normal-Types. After wiping the floor with the trainers, he demolished the previous Leader to the point the man went off the grid in embarrassment. Even though his underlings’ favoured Pokemon counter his own, his ferocity and mercilessness lets his Normal-Type Pokemon stand victorious. If you can fight his brawn with brain, he gives you the Berzerk Badge, along with TM64, Explosion, which he is so very sad his Pokemon can’t use.

Strong - Normal

Ursaring

Brick Break

Lick

Slash

Feint Attack

Ability - Guts

Tauros

Payback

Stomp

Horn Attack

Rock Tomb

Ability - Anger point

Miltank

Rollout

Stomp

Milk Drink

Defense Curl

Ability - Scrappy

THE COMBAT ZONE

Cait: The Irish Cage Fighter!

The Combat Zone was once a theater, before the war. After the bombs dropped, it was turned into a fighting ring. It had actually decent customers and audiences, until raiders took over. But, throughout it all (excluding before the war), Cait was the star of the show. She beats her opponents down and down and down, whether with her fists or her Pokemons’. She used to be the 5th leader, but after the raiders took over, her mental health went on a rapid decline and consequently, so did her battle ability. Now, she’s far better at beating someone’s face in with a bat than she is with Pokemon. Her Pokemon are very strong, but she just can’t use their power to her advantage anymore. Her badge is the Trigger Rush badge, and she gives you TM08, Bulk Up. Also - your biggest threat isn’t her Machamp. That Stufful will destroy you, your team, and your will to live.

Cait - Fighting

Stufful

Brutal Swing

Brick Break

Bulk Up

Thunderpunch

Ability - Cute Charm

Item - Sitrus Berry

Machamp

Karate Chop

Focus Energy

Foresight

Submission

Ability - No Guard

Hitmonchan

Mach Punch

Bullet Punch

Ice Punch

Bulk Up

Ability - Iron Fist

GOODNEIGHBOR

Hancock: Of the People, For the People!

As the Mayor of GoodNeighbor, John Hancock doesn’t want to waste time and resources for an actual Gym. To challenge him, simply walk up and ask for a battle. Since Hancock is the Mayor, he doesn’t have a lot of time to spend battling, so he fights only a select few of his challengers. First, they have to get in good with his town. If the challenger doesn’t follow the rules of GoodNeighbor and disrespects anyone in his town, they’re not getting a battle. Second, they have to get a reputation as a strong trainer. Hancock doesn’t like wasting his time with overconfident people who more bark than bite, and he doesn’t like crushing dreams of younger trainers who just want to prove themselves. If you can somehow defeat his beloved Scizor, he gives you the Isotope Badge, along with TM28, Leech Life.

Hancock - Bug

Heracross

Fury Cutter

Aerial Ace

Night Slash

Double Team

Ability - Guts

Scizor

Bullet Punch

Fury Cutter

Wing Attack

Focus Energy

Ability - Technician

Item - Sitrus Berry

Scolipede

Bug Bite

Rollout

Iron Defense

Poison tail

Ability - Swarm

Galvantula

Thunder Wave

Electroweb

Bug Bite

Leech Life

Ability - Compound Eyes

LOCATION UNKNOWN

No one knows.

The Sixth Leader is almost impossible to find. It changes daily. No one has ever fought the same Gym leader. Also, there’s no set gym. The Gym Leader will either be always on the move, or in a undisclosed, forgotten ruin that no one can find. They always have the same Pokemon and sunglasses, however, so some suspect it’s the same person being a jerk. The League claims that the leader hasn’t changed in years, and that the badge is authorized, but since no one can find the Leader, the badge isn’t necessary to fight the league. Apparently, the badge is the Cloak & Dagger badge, and the assigned Technical Machine is TM99, Dazzling Gleam.

Deacon - Fairy

Sylveon

Light Screen

Swift

Draining Kiss

Misty Terrain

Ability - Cute Charm

Item - Lum Berry

Clefable

Sing

Minimize

Magical Leaf

Metronome

Ability - Magic Guard

Florges

Swagger

Moonblast

Petal Blizzard

Wish

Ability - Flower Veil

Mimikyu

Shadow Sneak

Double Team

Toxic

Feint Attack

Ability - Disguise

Item - Sitrus berry

CAMBRIDGE

X6-88: Pokemon Redefined.

Who is the strange man that appeared out of nowhere to take over when the last Gym Leader moved? No one seems to know. The most heartless of both the Gym leaders and the Elite 4, he has no mercy for his challengers, and little respect for his underlings. As much as he appears to hate pretty much everyone, he strangely seems to like the 8th Gym Leader, who hates him. Despite how ruthless he is with training and work, and how hard he pushes people to push their Pokemon, he has been seen using baby-talk with his own. His Pokemon are wickedly strong, but if you can melt them down, you win the Harmonic badge, with TM79, Frost Breath. Also, he’ll be your #1 fan.

X6-88- Ice

Ninetales (Ice/Fairy)

Confuse ray

Ice Beam

Nasty Plot

Disable

Ability - Snow Warning

Item - Occa Berry

Aurorus

Thunder wave

Ancient Power

Aurora Beam

Take Down

Ability - Refrigerate

Glaceon

Hail

Frost Breath

Swift

Attract

Ability - Ice Body

Weavile

Embargo

Ice Punch

Night Slash

Beat Up

Ability - Pressure

Froslass

Will-o-wisp

Ominous wind

Destiny Bond

Frost Breath

Ability - Cursed Body

Sanctuary (Previously Cambridge and Boston Airport)

Danse: Shock and awe!

Danse’s old Gym was at the Cambridge Police Station, and then the Brotherhood Prydwen when it showed up. His battle tactics got the attention of the League, and they basically harassed him to accept. He only did because being a Gym Leader gives him and his Pokemon plenty of exercise and training. The supplies given as a ‘welcome’ gift from the E4 and the good rep he was getting for the Brotherhood didn’t hurt either. However, something happened within the Brotherhood, and Danse was kicked out. He’s still a Gym Leader, despite the protest of one of the Elite 4, and he now shares Sanctuary with Codsy. He has a shiny Skitty named Cupcake. His badge is the Authority Badge, and he gives you TM91, Flash Cannon. After being exiled, his mental health, much like Cait, has gone with the wind. Not only is he too mentally out of it to perform the best he can, his Pokemon are also thrown out of the loop, and are worried to death over him. He’s not nearly as powerful as he was a month ago.

Danse - Steel

Aegislash

Shadow Sneak

King’s Shield

Sword’s Dance

Sacred Sword

Ability - Stance Change

Metagross

Meteor Mash

EarthQuake

Hammer Arm

Agility

Ability - Clear Body

Item - Sitrus berry

Aggron

Earthquake

Avalanche

Giga Impact

Screech

Ability - Rock Head

Lucario (Mega stone)

Dragon Pulse

Aura Sphere

Psychic

Waterpulse

Ability - Steadfast/Adaptability

Item - Lucarionite

ELITE 4

Curie: Though dangerous, battle is quite vigorous exercise!

Everyone in the League agrees: Curie is an absolute angel, too good for the Commonwealth. As an Elite 4 member, though, she’s the most hellish devil from the darkest pit of...hell. An avid lover of poison types, and prodigal with potions and status healers, Curie doesn’t fight offensively, but defensively, planning out her strategy to outlast her opponents until the poisons and confusion does the damage for her. Honestly, she only uses poison types because studying them helps her find cures and medicines, which she gladly shares with anyone. After battling her, she’ll heal your Pokemon and give you more supplies, whether you win or lose. Curie won’t let you give up. She has an Audino that she uses as a nurse to heal both people and Pokemon. It has little pom-poms to cheer you on as you battle Curie.

Curie - Poison

Venusaur

Petal Dance

Poison Powder

Leech Seed

Sludge Bomb

Ability - Overgrow

Vileplume

Sunny Day

Sludge Bomb

Sleep Powder

Grassy Terrain

Ability - Chlorophyll

Gengar

Toxic

Facade

Confuse Ray

Shadow Ball

Ability - Cursed Body

Item - Leftovers

Scolipede

Baton Pass

Sword’s Dance

Iron Defense

Ability - Speed Boost

Dragalge

Dragon Pulse

Sludge Bomb

Water Pulse

Smokescreen

Ability - Poison Point

Elder Maxson: Ad Victoriam.

Intelligence, strength, power. These are some of many words used to describe Arthur Maxson, the Elder of his army, the Brotherhood of Steel. As the the Elder, Maxson personally makes sure his soldiers know what it means to be a Pokemon trainer. It isn’t about strength, defense, or speed, but raw determination, discipline, and respect for your team. Elder Maxson radiates power and generates respect. He stands tall, so his soldiers and Pokemon may look up to him. He walks with confidence, so his soldiers and Pokemon may march besides him with hope and vigor. Also, he’s kind of...racist. And pretty much anyone that isn’t a BoS soldier hates him. Has tried to personally kill the 7th and 8th gym leader - stopped because if he succeeded, he’d be booted from the E4, which he wants the BoS to have a firm foothold in.

Elder Maxson - Dragon

Altaria

Cotton Guard

Dragon Pulse

Flamethrower

Sing

Ability - Natural Cure

Flygon

Dragon rush

Earth power

Sand Attack

Faint Attack

Ability - Levitate

Garchomp

Dig

Dragon Claw

Double Edge

Brick Break

Ability - Rough Skin

Item - Sitrus Berry

Haxorus

Dragon Dance

Dragon Rush

Iron Tail

Reversal

Ability - Rivalry

Kommo-o

Clanging Scales

Dragon Dance

Fire Punch

Poison Jab

Ability - Bulletproof

MacCready: ‘Nother notch on my rifle!

Robert Joseph MacCready - a name that will bring a myriad of reactions depending on who you mention it to. Either despised or adored, people can agree on one thing only - the young man is way too good for his age. Picking up both a sniper rifle and a Fletchling at a young age to protect his people, MacCready is rude, greedy, materialistic - and a total family guy. His Togekiss and Drifblim were his wife’s before she died. He uses multiple tactics to win, and fights dirty. Defensive strategies and accuracy are key to reaching the Champion. If you lose, expect raspberries and ‘L’s and ‘neener neener neener’.

MacCready - Flying

Braviary

Hone Claws

Sky Drop

Rock Slide

Crush Claw

Ability - Defiant

Togekiss

Nasty Plot

Aura Sphere

Air Slash

Sweet Kiss

Ability - Serene Grace

Drifblim

Amnesia

Nasty Plot

Baton Pass

Shadow Ball

Ability - Aftermath

TalonFlame

Flare Blitz

Brave Bird

Steel Wing

Roost

Ability - Gale wings

Item - Sitrus Berry

Noivern

Hurricane

Dragon pulse

Supersonic

Water Pulse

Ability - Telepathy

Valentine: Peering deep into the darkness, wondering, fearing.

As the Commonwealth’s best (only) detective, Nick Valentine is always working. His room in the Elite 4 is his office, with papers stacked to the ceiling. His main office/workplace is in Diamond City, with his secretary, Ellie Perkins, running it while he’s away. It’s odd that he uses Dark-types, but people think he only uses them to fit his “Noir-Detective” aesthetic. They’re right and wrong. They do fit his aesthetic, especially with the black/pink color scheme with his Psychic types, but Dark types have a knack for solving mysteries. That knack, paired again with his Psychic Pokemon, help him immensely with cases. That, and their mischievousness is cute to him. Dogmeat, a shiny wild Mightyena, is often consulted for his nose-work.

Valentine - Dark/Psychic

Umbreon

Toxic

Confuse Ray

Double Team

Shadow Ball

Ability - Synchronize

Zoroark

Hone Claws

U-Turn

Night Slash

Embargo

Ability - Illusion

Absol

Future Sight

Taunt

Sucker Punch

Charge Beam

Ability - Super Luck

Espeon

Psychic

Morning Sun

Calm Mind

Attract

Meowstic

Psybeam

Reflect

Sucker Punch

Ability - Infiltrator

Gardevoir

Psychic

Signal Beam

Draining Kiss

Hypnosis

Ability - Trace

THE CHAMPION

Preston Garvey: Protect the people at a minute’s notice.

Before the Minutemen army collapsed, they prided themselves on their Pokemon. Every Soldier was given a team that could best help with building settlements and protecting them. Water, Electric, and Grass types were mandatory, for growing food, electricity, and clean water. Preston joined the ranks with a Mudbray he had since he was a kid, born from his dad’s Mudsdale. It was the only Pokemon of his to survive Quincy. After the massacre, he made it his goal to be strong enough to never let history repeat itself. After Sanctuary was able to defend itself, he set out to find weak Pokemon, as he was raised to believe the strongest creatures start out as the smallest. Now, that determination can be seen by trainers all across the Commonwealth. Preston has the ability to carry out the protection he swore to the people of the wasteland, and he will mow down anyone or thing who threatens them.

Preston - Mixed types

Dragonite

Outrage

Fire Punch

Roost

Thunderbolt

Ability - Inner Focus

Milotic

Water Pulse

Rain Dance

Ice Beam

Dragon Breath

Ability - Marvel Scale

Jolteon

Rain Dance

Thunder

Signal Beam

Shadow Ball

Ability - Volt Absorb

Arcanine

Extreme Speed

Flamethrower

Sunny Day

Solar Beam

Ability - Intimidate

Mudsdale

Bulldoze

Iron Defense

Superpower

Heavy Slam

Ability - Own Tempo

Item - Leftovers

Sawsbuck

Horn Leech

Aromatherapy

Sunny Day

Wild Charge

Ability - Chlorophyll

Item - Heat Rock

#Pokemon #Pokemon au #Fallout 4 #fo4 #preston garvey #paladin danse #elder maxson #nick valentine #john hancock #robert joseph maccready #long post #piper wright

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twopoppies · 7 years ago

Note

Do you know any larry fanfics on either ao3 or wattpad with 20+ chapters?

Hey there. So, I actually don’t read anything on Wattpad, and I don’t often read fics with that many chapters because I worry that they’re so long because they need a lot of editing and that drives me a bit bonkers. Having said all of that...here are some that I’ve really liked that I hope fit your request:

Long Fics

Night Out and Saving Symphony Hall by @helloamhere (Symphony Hall Series: 4 chapters and 19 chapters –– 137K total)

Night Out

Symphony hall was the first place Louis had felt at home in this city, and he always had the box to himself. Until tonight.

Saving Symphony Hall

“I think I have an idea,” Louis said. Slowly, and reluctantly, but with a growing sense of the inevitable. “God damnit, I think I have a really good idea.”

“Oh christ, that's the problem-solving face,” Babs said. “Last time we saw that face, he sold a company.”

“Wait, what?” Zayn asked.

“Right place, right time,” Louis said. “Also, fuck my life,”

“What?” Zayn repeated. Niall patted his hand.

“I usually just roll with whatever Louis is about to do,” he said. “It’s better for us all.”

“That’s the attitude,” said Louis, “I’ll tell you tomorrow. Tonight, I need to do some research. Zayn, give me your number. I’m gonna save our symphony.”

Yellow by 13ways / @13ways-of-looking (19 chapters –– I’m cheating because this one is amazing)

The city of Gotham turns blood red with a new, mysterious criminal element, a beautiful woman named the Blind Cupid.

She threatens to tear the fabric of the city apart, aided by her deadly protégé, the Cat.

Can Batman stop them?

Will he resist the bewitching allures of the Cat?

A Batman/ Catwoman AU

No One Does It Better by nodibs (22 chapters)

Harry's an alcoholic and Louis is a bartender. The first time they meet isn't the first time they've met.

This got longer than I expected so the rest in under the cut

Victorian Boy by DonnaHaywardsHead (29 chapters)

Victorian AU. Harry the virgin Duke of Somerset knows little of love, while Louis the sly Duke of Warwick knows too much. When the two dukes come together for the Bilsdale fox hunt in York, Harry finds himself drawn into Louis' bed. But when secrets from Louis' dark past come to light, Harry fears that the fox isn't the only one being hunted.

Young & Beautiful by velvetoscar (34 chapters)

Louis, to his horror, attends an elitist university in which the name Zayn Malik means something, Niall Horan doesn't stop talking, there are pianos everywhere, and Harry Styles, only son of a drug-addled, clinically insane ex-rocker, has a perfect smile and empty eyes.

Gods & Monsters by velvetoscar (20 chapters)

The instructions were simple: seduce and destroy Harry Styles. Not once did they discuss the option of Louis actually falling in love. So, naturally, that's exactly what he did.

These are some I really like that don’t have a lot of chapters but have a really high word count, so you might like them as well.

Domestic Monsters by @g-uttertrash (9-part series - 234K total )

Part 1: come on, jump out at me

Harry is a witch from a long line of power, an ancient line that’s one of the strongest left alive in their hemisphere. He can cast spells without a word if need be, fly on a broomstick, and has a black cat (a kitten, really) named Felix that is his animal familiar. He can shape galaxies in his cupped hands and can destroy them just as easily. He can choose exactly how to use his power, for encouragement and support, or for more nefarious causes if he wishes to.

And as fate would have it, he’s scared of haunted houses.

(Harry is a witch who carries around a stuffed pumpkin, Louis is a vampire with too much time on his hands, and their best mates Zayn & Niall aren't exactly what they seem...

Never Never Never Stop for Anyone (Sheylinsonverse) by aimmyarrowshigh spibsy (Lucy and Ramona) (430K over 10 chapters –– read the tags on this. It’s polyamory/BDSM)

Part 1: The World, It’s Turning Inside Out

The night before the first live show of X Factor's ninth series, George meets Harry and Louis in a nightclub.

Lightening Strikes Twice by dinosaursmate / @catfishau (104K)

“Louis Tomlinson,” Harry said slowly, shaking his head and betraying a slight grin. “What the fuck are the odds?”“Small world,” Louis said lightly, shrugging and holding his hand out to Harry, smirk playing on his lips. “Wasn’t sure you’d remember me.”“Haha! Please.”Harry slid his palm into Louis’, grasping and shaking it. It must’ve been… what? Thirty years?---Two tales, one story. One: a tale of a rock star taking a shine to a fan who is different from all the others, and two: a tale of an older, washed up rock star, who - on the brink of resigning himself to a life of loneliness - finds fate intervening.

For Reasons Wretched and Divine by @indiaalphawhiskey (94K)

Ten years ago, Harry Styles was just a nerdy kid with one friend and a debilitating crush on the captain of his school’s football team. He thought the stars were smiling down on him the day he and Louis Tomlinson were paired for their end-of-term Literature project. But because Harry’s life is decidedly not a fairytale, the budding friendship quickly leads to the least happy ending of all time.

Now, Harry Styles is a household name. Barely twenty-seven with two Grammy nominations to his name, the singer-songwriter is poised to take the music industry by storm with his highly anticipated third album. So, what happens when the best producer in the business is also the only person Harry’s vowed never to speak to again?

An AU in two parts. Two boys, two stories, and hopefully, two chances at love.

(Take Me Home) Country Roads by Awriterwrites / @a-writerwrites (86K)

“Sir, I can help you. Just let me — “ He tried moving closer but the eldest child blocked his way. He backed off, putting his hands out in a passive gesture. “I’m a physician. I can help,” he tried again.

The man shook his head vehemently, passing the cup back to his grandchild. “Tol’ ya. Don’t need ya.” All of the fire had gone out of his voice, leaving behind a frail, sick old man with barely any breath to talk.

“I have medicines...I could make you comfortable…” Louis’ voice was still small, but pleading.

“Mountain Mama cares for wha’s ailin’ me. Don’t need no fancy city doctors.”

Louis blinked at the man, still shaking from the coughing spell. Mountain — well, fuck. That backwoods, uneducated scam artist…

“Of course he is,” Louis said curtly.*****OR a Northern Exposure AU featuring Louis as the big city doctor, Harry as a natural healer, Niall as a secretive barkeep, Liam and Zayn head over heels for each other but they don't know it and a lot of hurt, comfort and moonshine in between.

Atlas At Last by @louisandthealien (84K)

He doesn’t know what he had been expecting out of the road trip itself besides burping contests and too much shitty gas station food with Oli and Stan, but in the brief moment before Harry ambles up his driveway, Louis idly wonders if this is about to become some sort of Gay Coming of Age story.

Maine to California in ten days. In which Zayn’s an open-shirt hippie they meet somewhere in Ohio, Liam’s the pastor’s son running away from home, and Niall’s the number they call on the bathroom wall.

It’s 1978. Harry and Louis are just trying to get to San Fran in time for the Queen concert.

Take My Breath Away by @realitybetterthanfiction (153K)

There is a prestigious school in the British Royal Navy classified as Premier Delta - or as it is known by its flyers, 1D. These select pilots are an elite set of Naval lieutenants who are trained in the skill of aggressive aerial combat. They are instruments of war, trained in times of peace. They are dogfighters, relentless and fearless in their mission to protect their beloved country. From their lofty vantage, they are always watching, waiting, and ready to lay it all on the line.

Lt. Harry Styles, call sign Sparrow, is a prodigy when it comes to flying. The owner of an unrivaled Naval pedigree, being a pilot was always written in the stars for Harry. With his trusty RIO, Lt. Niall Horan, Harry has made an unprecedented ascension in the ranks of the Naval aerial combat elite, and has been recruited to the esteemed Premier Delta flight school, carrying on his family’s legacy. What he finds there are unexpected friendships, perilous challenges, and something beyond what he ever thought possible. Because as his father had always told him, before the great Captain Styles went tragically missing in combat, you don’t fall in love with the sky, you fall in love with what keeps you on the ground.

I hope that gives you some fics you haven’t read before! Enjoy!

#mine #larry fic rec #my fic rec #long fics #Anonymous

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fightingorcavingintodepression · 6 years ago

Text

1/16/17 5:17 pm

I had my first panic attack I've had in a long time. I've gotten so bad at work my manager called me at 10AM and left a voicemail. I called him back and said I had a Doctors appointment and forgot to send out an email to the team. I hate lying, but i can’t realistically say I'm suicidal and won't even get out of bed every morning.

I ran to the bathroom and started dry-heaving for a good 2-3 minutes. Then I laid down on my bed and felt like crying, and then Stayed there for nearly another hour.

Kill me.

1/20/17

I'm eating lunch by myself at 3:06 on Friday. I've only hit myself a few times today. I ordered and shipped a present to Shara and it should get there tomorI'mrow, but today is her birthday. I deleted my Facebook and haven't been posting on tumblr, so I'm avoiding everything. I feel guilty and don't know what to do. I'm going to stop typing because I'm tearing up in the restaurant. I'm pushing all of my friends away. I saw Selina last weekend and it was so awkward. I can't even hang out with my best friend without it being awkward. I want to kill myself.

Please let me die in an accident.

10:56 pm I want to keep hitting myself until I don't wake up.

1/25/17 Wednesday 11:39pm

I'm at McDonald's getting a milkshake and food. I've "worked" from home the past three days because I don't wake up till 9 or 10. That's a lie, I'll wake up and hit snooze, but won't force myself into up. On Monday I stayed online till 11:30 and then said o had a doctors appointment and was gong to wfh the rest of the day, but the last two days I haven't even sent anything out. I deserve to get fired. My depression is destroying me.

1/26/17 Thursday 2:30pm

I woke up late at 8:50ish and got online. Did the scheduled work for Austin and once that was finished, drove into the office and got in at about 10:30 (I think). I ate lunch at my desk and I've gone back and forth to the bathroom and just sat. Only work I've done today is finally send an email I've needed to for weeks. Mom asked me to call her at lunch and I finally said I didn't really want to celebrate my birthday. I told her I'd decide on a weekend and give her a call tonight, but I'm not sure I can. It's now 2:48. I've been in the bathroom almost 20 minutes.

2/16 4:29pm

I woke up at 3:30 am and stayed awake, but then fell asleep and didn't get online from home until about 9:40. Came into the office about 12:40. I've done maybe an hours worth of work. I really hate myself. When driving into work nearly had an accident from someone driving recklessly and me not just letting them pass me. They cut to my right into a lane for cars getting on and drove on the side of the road to pass me since I didn't slow down. The driver even had people (possibly kids) in the back of their car. I hate myself, but that person as well if they can justify that type of driving that also may harm their own kids, let alone other people. I started yelling again in my car...it's getting worse.

I hit myself again this morning in the shower.

2/17 12:18am

I can see myself committing suicide within the next year. Depending if I don't get better, maybe not till after my parents pass.

2/20 12:33pm

I didn't get up again today (Monday) until 9:50 and log online. Then finally came in to the office about 10 minutes ago. Off to a bad start of the week. I should be fired. I did "clean" a good portion of my apartment yesterday because at&t suppose to be coming this week. It's still a terrible mess, but you can finally see the floor now. Next is the kitchen.

1:04pm - eating lunch by myself at wich which. Postponing going back to the office. Not sure if taking these notes is beneficial, or even a smart idea (hint, it's not)

2/21 12:31pm

Late again. Thinking of working from home tomorrow. Getting worse. Really worse. Spent too much money yesterday on gifts I'll probably never give.

2/24 11:52am

It's my birthday. Today hasn't been a bad day.

2/28 12:15 pm

In training. Feeling useless. My back is also killing me. Have my APA later today. Guess I'll find out how badly I'm doing or if we'll just pretend I'm doing fine when it's obvious I'm not. Not likely I'll get fired since I'm an ITA, but don't know. Just haven't been given a warning or anything

3/13 12:48pm

I'd been doing okay for a little while. Starting to get worse again. Started saying things again. Didn't wake up for work till 9ish. Didn't get in till 11ish. Need to stop. Want to hurt myself. Want to kill myself. Fighting it. Still doing bad. In the bathroom wanting to hit myself. Shara texted about doing stuff this weekend, and I almost want to back out. I'm suppose to do Aerials with gabby tonight, but want to use my weight as an excuse and say I'm over their limit (which may actually be true, but their website doesn't say and no one picked up when I called), or that I don't have the right clothes, or I'm having a panic attack (probably closest to being honest). And one of the other things that's bugging me in the back of my head today I'm hating myself most of all for it even bothering me.

3/20 4:39am

Mild depression acting up. Want to "call/email" out of work. Smacking myself a bit the past day

3/22 6:14pm

Didn't go into work today and haven't done any work so far. Needing to get a report and presentation done before tomorrow. Depression has been really bad this week. Sleep is getting off. Whispering harmful things to myself and hitting myself more often.

3/24 10:44am

I want to hurt myself. I'm doing really badly this week. No point even coming into work. Can tell I'm being replaced in all areas. Went to lunch with people. Faked it. Now I'm back at the office (2:04pm) and hiding in the bathroom. I feel like I'm gonna pass out. I want to pass out.

I want to die.

3/25 5:02pm

Doing bad today too. Didn't get up till noon. Went to the park to walk, but had negative thoughts the entire time and it didn't help. Convinced myself to go out to dinner at Las Margaritas that I normally get take out from. I plan to make myself sit in the living room when I get home to get out of my bedroom/bed. It feels pathetic, but right now the smallest things feel like an achievement.

3/27 1:41am

I want to kill myself. I just want it to end. I don't want to hurt my family though. I wish I could make them forget i existed so I wouldn't feel guilty about it.

3:06am still lying awake on the couch. The longer I stay awake, the longer I postpone till tomorrow comes.....or that's how it feels. Ready to kill myself.

3/30 8pm

I now weigh 245 pounds. I write this as I sit in line at chick fil-a getting a meal for two people and a milkshake

3/31 6:38

Deleted all of my social media. Specifically tumblr, which I can't reactive. Gone forever.

4/6 1:12pm

Was doing better for a bit because work was busy enough to distract me. Getting too busy now. Think I overheard two people saying they don't want to work with me, and storage team disregards my existence. It's a new feeling when I feel like I'm doing some good work, but know I'm also doing terrible in other areas and people no longer want to work with me. Hitting hard and really want to hurt myself again. I need to make some life choices before I end up committing suicide.

4/7 1:36pm

It might be good to just quit before June. If I sold everything I had, I could pay off all my debt. I'd be left with nothing, but wouldn't leave anything for people to worry about.

4/17 10:21am

So overwhelmed.

4/19 9:08am

Sitting on toilet at home. So overwhelmed at work. Can't get anything done and nothing is going right.

6/1 11:02am Thursday

Hadn't been in the office in almost a week. Had Friday off and Monday for Memorial Day, but lied and said Tom had knee surgery on Tuesday and then wfh on Wednesday. Getting bad again. Realized I hadn't been writing in here for a month and a half. Not sure if that's a good win or not, since I mostly only remember to when I'm getting bad again.

6/25 2:15am

Depression getting bad again. Suicide would be nice. Just want it all to end. If I could sleep for a year, I'd take it.

6/27 12:40pm

Didn't go into work until almost 11 yesterday. Working from home today. Can't even answer a phone call. Have a meeting at 2 and then will probably shower as unavailable the rest of the day.

6/28 3:06pm

Woke up at 5 and still didn't go into work today. Stayed showing as away all day and said I had issues with Skype and car issues

7/14 12:50pm

JB texted me asking if I was off. I should just kill myself. Lying through my teeth. His pa

7/18 3:28am Tuesday

I want to die in an accident so no one I care about thinks it was a suicide.

7/20 1:59pm

Didn't go into work until 12 today. While I was in the shower, my phone range and I just started cursing thinking it was my manager. Already had my lie made up going to say my car stalled this morning coming into work. Didn't have my phone (which is why I didn't pick up if it was them), but luckily a cop pulled over and called a tow truck....

Haven't had to use my lie yet, but going to use parts of it tonight to get out of going to a coworkers house for game night.

I really hate myself.

I need to call in my medicine to see if they'll prescribe it again, even if it doesn't seem like it's helping.

7/31 9:04pm

In line at Taco Bell. Didn't go into work today or Friday. Meant to send an email saying I was taking my mom to doctors and would be back Tuesday, but overslept and didn't bother. Don't want to go in tomorrow either. I haven't been replying to Shara and I feel terrible, but I'm not in a good place either. Hadn't been replying to family until Mom called worried and acted like I just forgot to hit send on some texts. It's easier to act like nothing is wrong with people who don't know I'm not good mentally. I saw a post on Tumblr that describe what I'm feeling. I'm pushing people away so it's easier when I want to kill myself.

9/5 11:42am

Moved to new apartment. Enjoying it so far. Had a 5 day weekend from labor/took Thursday and Friday off to move. 1st day back at work and already feeling overwhelmed and counting down till 4:30. Kill myself creeping inside my head again.

9/21 10:02am

Want to die. Want to die. I just really want to die. Kill myself. Kill myself. I'm so tempted to kill myself. I'd make it look like an accident so not to hurt my family. But I need to find homes for Yen and Shani, or plan accordingly. Could drop them at a shelter, but include some cash to help care for them (1k?). Then someone who is a good person, but just had money trouble would take them. I'm not sure I'll live 15+ years to outlive them. I take that back; I know I won't. I don't even know sometimes if I'll make it to tomorrow. I'm not actually making any attempts or plans to do it, but every time I walk in to work or leave, I hope a car hits me. Kill me kill me I just want to die.

10/18 9:52am

Overslept and didn't go into work today. "Working" from home online. Depression episode kicking in again. I just want to die.

10/31 Tuesday 12:02pm

Didn't get into work until 11 today. Called into the 8:30 conference and answered some emails to appear like I was working, but hardly got out of bed. ~Read back through some of these notes just now and now I've got in the back of my head the idea of starting to hit myself again. I know this is a downward slope, but really want to go to the bathroom stall and do it anyways just so I don't feel numb. It's lunchtime, so no one should be there to hear it. ~~I ended up going to get rubber bands and paper clips instead. Still hit myself s few times, but people kept coming into the restroom while I was in the stall.~

11/1 2:16 pm

In drivethru for chick-fil-a. Working from home rest of week probably. My anger is terrible. Called someone a cunt in the drivethru for honking and it wasn't even at me. My window was down, so think the person in front of me may have heard. I'm a terrible person and hate myself.

11/16 9:14am Thursday

Just got into work. Feel exhausted and drained as always. Just noticed it’s coming up on a year in January when I started making these notes. I honestly don’t know if I’m doing better or not. I’d say I’m not. Definitely not.

12/5/17 2:36pm

It’s a Tuesday, and I’d not been in the office for two weeks (11/21) between workin from home on Wednesday because thanksgiving was the next day, off Thursday and Friday, and then all last week I just never came in. Yesterday I “worked” from home, and today I didn’t get in till about 12. And the only thing I wanted to think about while walking into work because I forgot my headphones and couldn’t drown out the thoughts with music was how I wanted to kill myself. I have a meeting from 3-4 with new agile team (honestly probably only real reason I forced myself into the office). I wonder how fake I can present myself today. Hopefully it won’t be terribly interactive and mostly just informational.

1/14/18 11:27pm

I didn’t go into work at all last week. Was online only Monday for the entire day, and then Wednesday for the day on do-not-disturb. Skipped Tuesday and Wednesday completely though. Need to force myself to go into the office tomorrow. I hate myself. So much to catch up on. I cleaned a bit of the apartment, but still need to do more. My oncall starts next week, and I pray it’s quiet.

1/22/18 3:10am

Won’t go to bed because then the morning comes faster. I’m oncall this week and I just pray nothing happens at all. Even one ticket. Please don’t. I think I have an appointment this Friday about my antidepressants, but honestly I’m not sure. Please let me be left alone this week and work from home. I’ll even make sure I get work done.

1/23/18 12:30am

I’m pathetic at work.

2/4/18 6:43pm Sunday

Out grocery shopping. Tried to do small talk. Wanted to help bag like I do sometimes, but not doing well, so just awkwardly typing this on my phone. I HAVE to get work done when I get home, but haven’t been doing well. I’ll be lucky if I get anything done or I do it in the middle of the night (especially with my sleep schedule).

2/5/18 11:52am

Didn’t get anything done last night, but was able to wake up early and get it submitted by 8 (only one other person has anything uploaded so far). What pisses me off is another teammate setup a meeting at 2 with no heads up. That little amount of time and a same day meeting? Fuck that shit. I’ll attend, but doubt John will and don’t blame him. I said I was going to the doctor earlier, so purposely missed the one actual meeting I had today. Couldn’t get out of bed. Hate myself. Submitted a service request for the lights to be fixed in my apartment, so that’s the one useful thing I’ve done. I was wrong, John did accept. I hate myself.

5/7/18 Monday 8:59am

On the train in to work. Only going in for the ITA orientation and then probably leaving. Probably will stay an hour to get hibachi for lunch and then leave. I’m oncall this week. Please please please don’t have any tickets or sde’s after hours. Please god. Just this once. I’ve been doing so well with my depression, but the last week and a half it’s been dipping again and I’m afraid. On the chart at my therapy office, id finally for the first time dipped below the number for being depressed! I know I’ll always have depression and depression slumps, but it’s scary going back into my first one after doing well for almost two months. I don’t want to go back into that. I really don’t. Please just don’t have my oncall this week go badly. Dear god, just please don’t. I don’t want to breakdown in tears from anxiety this week. Make my next oncall worse, but just let me not have to worry about anything this week. Please.

5/7/18 Monday 11:21am

Doing better mentally once I got in the office and moving. It’s sad how easily that change can happen. You’d think I’d be happy, but just makes me realize how easily I can drop again. Part of me knows I could stay at the office and continue working, but the other half doesn’t care. I’m eating hibachi and then taking the train home.

5/10/18 1:02pm

Finishing up lunch at hisaki and then going into office. Have to recount all of the WebLogic VM counts manually.....

All the work before I did is basically useless.

Time to go through 400+ (maybe less since a good number are in the shared environment) and find out their host count. I shouldn’t really be complaining. Just didn’t want to have to do/worry about anything till after my vacation.

Now it’s 1:32 and I’m sitting in the toilet just waiting for the day to end. Shoot myself shoot my self I just want to shoot my self.

5/23 5:12pm

Felt sick the past few days. Worked from home. Throat is killing me, but in line at McDonald’s and going to get

5/25 Friday 11:27am

Hardly worked at all this week. Ignored a voicemail to call back my PO. Work is frustrating me.

I just hit myself for the first time in a long time again. Chest, face, head. It felt good

5:57pm clenching my fists in drive through. Want to hurt myself

5/28 Monday 2:04pm Memorial Day off work

At the bbq place getting Togo food. Been in bed all day/all weekend really. Felt sick, but also depressed. Stomach was so upset, didn’t take antidepressants yesterday. Going to take them for today when I get back. Still, I’ve not been doing well at all. Hitting myself more. Mainly the chest. May even do it on the way home. Just feeling numb again. Started reblogging suicidal/depression posts on tumblr again. It’s pathetic. Like a cry for help to the two I know who are on tumblr, but one never acknowledges them, and the other rarely gets on anymore. I have therapy this Friday (o think?) and have no improvement to speak of to the doctor. Overslept one from depression, but rescheduled the last one due to work issues. Slit my throat. Want to die. Let it end. Started singing those little tunes to myself the last week or two. Want to hurt myself. Really just want to drop dead from an accident. Get someone to take care of my cats, and then my family won’t think it’s a suicide.

6/12 10:59am Tuesday

Sitting at train station going into work. Just got back from surgery follow up and everything is fine. Spent maybe 10 minutes there in total. Now I’m going into work to eat my unhealthy lunch hibachi chicken and soda as always. I’m sad all the team. I have an in person meeting from 2-2:50, but will probably leave after that. Unless I ask Carter if he needed help with patching and he says yes, which is why I’m considering if I even should?? Wow, that’s pathetic of me. I only have to make it till EOD Thursday. Then I’ll watch Lily for the weekend, have my therapy session on Friday, and (maybe?) visit Mom and Tom on Sunday.

6/24 Monday 10:46am

I may barely make it into the office for an 11am meeting. This isn’t going to be a good week.

7/3 Tuesday 6:11pm

I missed my medicine twice in the last week (I think? Or only once). But just don’t care to take it anymore since I’ve noticed

7/9 Monday 12:15am

This isn’t gonna be a good week. I can already tell.

7/22 Sunday 1am

Doing patching. Teammates were being fucking useless, so I got offline and said I was having internet issues. It’s been a fucking hour and they’ve not done shit. The job is still hung exactly where it was when I left off. They’ve not tried to do anything at all. There are two more groups that have to run for Linux, and we’re already 2/3 hours of patching there is from 11-2am. Cancel the ticking job you dipshits. I even sent an email basically telling you to!!! I did all the ducking work for you!!! Instead you just sit there for an hour doing nothing!!! Cancel the fucking job!! If it gets to 1:30am and still nothing, I’m sending a follow up email and ccing myself. I’m not even suppose to be in charge here!! They are!!! At least Brandon should be. Daniel is ridiculously new, but clearly knows more, so make the ticking call too, for fuck sake.

- they finally did when I was typing this all out. And of course it was the new kid, not the guy who is a full time employee who should be making the call. Then again, I’m a waste of space too. Just got fed up with them and quit with a bullshit excuse. I’m trash. Now that I’ve calmed down, I hate myself again.

Thursday 7/26 2:54pm

First time I’ve been in the office I think nearing 3 weeks? I’ve not been taking my antidepressants as consistently. So tired all the time. Hardly get out of bed. Didn’t go to therapy last week. I need to call tomorrow to cancel next weeks too unless it’s early in the morning. And also schedule more since I don’t have any after that. And also reschedule one on a different day for my medicine.

Just got off my 3pm call. PO wasn’t there, so I basically lead. Talked for like 5 fucking minutes before my team lead said they’ve been doing it manually the last 4 days. So basically I’m a fucking idiot and out of the loop. I’m definitely not Sr IT analyst ready. I’m just gonna leave work. I hate myself. Put myself on do not disturb and closed my laptop. Ran and caught the train. I’m so ducking fat and out of shape. I should just go skydiving by myself and not pull the parachute. Quick and easy. Could I do it in a body bag so it’s less of a mess for the people who have to clean it up? Sky dive, pull the bag out midair. Put it on and zip it up. Splat. Done. Kaput. 😊

How many weeks vacation do I have? Just use it all at once and disappear. Then when it’s up I just never come back. I wanna jump in front of a car or train, but not okay with the impact it’d have on the person driving. If I jump off mountain, the only person it might hurt is the people who found me? Plus annoy the people who have to clean me up.

Could have a suicide note and send it in so the police can find me easily? Idk. Can’t do anything till my cats are okay.

8/14/18 Tuesday 10:19am

On the train to work. Only going in to have an in person meeting. Didn’t wake up till 9:20 and only jumped up because of the daily Standup call at 9:30. Have patching this week and next. Alex is out the rest of the week, so I’m in charge of Windows....never done it by myself, yet alone enough with someone else to be confident. Need to send out the email as soon as we get Tom’s email tomorrow. Get the jobs running and finish documentation. I think Wednesday only has noreboot servers and is a small window? Hopefully okay.

I’ve not been taking my medication. Haven’t been to the doctors in really long (therapy/antidepressant doctor). I have roughly 35 days to get in better shape/health/mental state before going to Samantha’s to see Welcome to Nightvale. Will it happen? No idea.

Still on the train. 10:27. I feel so num. no emotion at all.

5:49pm - on the train home from work. Got a lot done today, so feel somewhat decent. If I can bury my head in work and actually get stuff done, I won’t notice my depression sometimes.

9/5 Wednesday 10:51 am

Have a big kickoff meeting I’m leading. Has a shit ton of people in it. Don’t feel confident. Stomach is nauseated. Want to hurt myself too. Get it over with. Cut my throat. Let me die. Die die die die.

9/20 Thursday 11:05am

Have barely worked the last week since the hurricane hit and we’re in storm mode. Had my first “shift” start at 6 this morning, and I was the only one in the room. Was a good thing I came in to the office. Actually got some stuff done. Just really tired since I couldn’t get to sleep till 2:30 or 3, and got up at 4:22. Going home right at 2. Today hasn’t been bad, but I’m exhausted and sad at myself for being so fat and out of shape.

Animal crossing

Love Nicky

Clash royal

Good fantasy

9/26 11:53am

On train into work. Have two in-person meetings this afternoon. I regret volunteering to do the ITA stuff. Just added stress with no good outcome. My stomach hurts too. Don’t know if something actually wrong, or just anxiety of everything with work, deciding to go to the BigFix event tomorrow during work hours, and text Samantha lying I can’t come to the show. Too many lies happening at once due to my anxiety. I guess I do have anxiety. My depression making my life difficult makes me have anxiety. God my stomach hurts. Kill me kill me I want to die. Slit my throat just want to die. Just disappear I just want to disappear. First steps I need to take today to help fix my anxiety

1. Call and reschedule therapy as soon as I get off train DONE

2. Talk to Cathy and then John about change freeze issue with Websphere maintenance. Then get communications out. SENT AN EMAIL

3. Prep documentation for ITA meeting at 3. WORKING ON

4. Plan what time to leave tomorrow

5. Text Samantha for details (address, what time I should get there, etc)

6. Plan to drive home after show

Die die die die die die di die die die die die kill me

10/3 Wednesday 2:51pm

I’ve not been into work since last Wednesday, and hardly online all this week. Finally got a text from manager this morning asking what’s up. Ready to kill my self.

10/4 Thursday 1:24pm

On the train into work for a 2pm meeting I’m hosting. I may barely make it in. Barely. Or I’ll be late. Shocker. I’m useless. I look and feel disgusting. Literally just need to know if Cathy will fight if we have to push the qa and prod environment during a change freeze. If not, what will happen if we have pushed test and dev, but can’t push prod/qa for months?? I highly doubt that’s okay.

11/1/2018 Thursday 1:12pm

Waiting for the train. Overslept for therapy and then an important meeting I said I’d be late for, but not miss the entire fucking thing. I’ve pretty much given up on therapy for now. Doesn’t make a difference, and won’t get another appointment for 2-3 months, if they’d even give me one with how many no-shows I’ve done. My stomach acid is killing me.

Have meeting. Schedule jobs for 5. Go eat hibachi. Take train home. Meeting is at 2. Doubt chuck will be there. Cathy may call in or not. Literally just depends if John/srini at there. If not, will be over in 10 minutes. If they are, just keep chugging along with Websphere (need to plan how to do QA and PROD along side OS patching.

Wednesday - do it right after patching for Linux/aix. Try and include windows in the patching, or same scenario.

Do we think it’s worth doing adc/cdc groups still? Or just all at once?

Thursday - Linux/aix I do manually (hit B & C right at 5, and then A when it finishes)

11/29 Thursday 9:25am

Going into the office. I’m just really sad. I’m up to 283lbs without any clothes on. I’m working nights now with patching at work. I’m rude to the point that I don’t even move my bag on the train. It’s just all really sad. It’s not bad enough I’m hurting myself or suicidal thoughts, but I’ve just been emotionally numb. I quit taking my medicine for about a week or two, but then noticed an increase in anger, so started taking them again.

12/18 Tuesday 3:39pm

Sitting at a jimmy johns nears my apartment eating. On vacation from work, and watching Lily till Thursday, but I’ve had to be online some because patching still isn’t being covered by the EDC, even though Matt apparently was handling it but clearly didn’t? I’ll be up anyways, so I’m not mad mad, but more just annoyed, because I’m not doing this come January. Pretty depressed though. Sleeping all the time. I weigh over 285lbs now. Maybe I’ll die from a heart attack in 2019? I’ve not been taking my medicine lately, but I’ll run out soon anyways unless I schedule an appointment with my doctor. Definitely see my anger spiking some when I’m not on it while driving or the sorts. Last Friday I went into work and ran into my manager(s) which was good. Talked some, and mentioned about the possibility of moving to Durham. Would be okay, but did mention Charlotte is better career wise, which is true (but I’m okay with that?). I’m just sad all the time still. Apartment is a mess almost always, which isn’t good for the cats. I hardly ever clean their litter boxes, and it’s disgusting for them. Which reminds me I have to take them to the vet. I should call when I get back to schedule something and also clean their litter boxes before anything else.

2/18 10:02am

On my way into work to train one guy on patching, even though I’ll probably be the one having to do it the rest of the week. Was in an accident yesterday. Car hit me from behind. Surprisingly still shaken from it. I’m pathetic. Have to call insurance today since they said they were closed yesterday. Hopefully it’s just visual damage. The bumper popped off a bit, but I don’t know if it can just be popped back into place. I know nothing about cars. Other persons was much worse, but no one was hurt at least. I wish I was hurt. Just kill me. Be done with it all.

Work is never ending stress, this fucking house is too. AND I JUST REMEMBERED IM ON-CALL ALL THIS WEEK FFS. Please let it be quiet. I’m begging you. With all the SDE’s and ongoing stuff, don’t let there be anything for me. Slit my throat.

2/20 Wednesday 2:04pm

Sitting at a car body repair shop getting an estimate by Statefarm. Hopefully should be fine. Work is stressing me out. House is too. I’m responsible for getting the WebLogic patching done, but it’s all up to Srini looking at the problem servers. It’s not fair to him as I’m sure he’s swamped, but he’s the only one who can fix it. Also that one guy who sent that needs to go fuck himself. Passive aggressive fuck. Then with the house. They finally responded saying they want their roofer to take a look, which is fine. Just don’t come back and argue you’re not doing anything. I’m so done with that shit. Just offer to pay half and be done with it. Then my mental health is just terrible. Want to hurt myself. When I get home may take a butter knife or something and hurt myself. Cut my throat. Not even going into the office tomorrow even though I said I would. Fuck Friday. Please be a quiet oncall week. I’m beginning you, just like I do ever time I’m oncall. It’s pathetic. Wish I had cancer instead of Tom. Let me die instead of him. Mom needs him. Just let me die.

It’s Wednesday. Need to make it through the weekend. “Work day” just tomorrow. Have other work to do, but I’m not as worried about the after hour work for IE9 IE11 and office 2010 SP2. Slit my throat slit my throat

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