#i got a nice dv/a bomb so i feel good

[meganwritesfanfics]

Clandestine Meetings (Joel Miller x Reader) Chapter 5

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Joel Miller x Reader

Joel has tried his best to stay away from Y/N, but it seems the universe has other plans. When he runs into her on the street, the two confront their feelings and everything gets a lot more complicated.

Word Count: 1735

Rating M: For later chapters, angst, discussion of DV. Talk of injuries.

It was a good week or so  before Joel saw Y/N again. Soon after the bomb incident, he and Tess had gone out to get supplies to trade. They usually didn’t stay away for more than a couple days, however even when they got back, Joel made it a point to only pick jobs at times when he didn’t think Y/N would show up. He felt guilty about the way he had treated her, however he knew Tess and Tommy were right. The feelings he had for Y/N, whatever they may have been were dangerous, not only for himself and the people around him but also for Y/N. He knew that her shit husband hurt her, and he didn’t want to be the cause of making it even worse. And so Joel’s world had fallen back into the colorless routine it had been before. 

That was why when he had accidentally ran into her on the street, it had taken him by surprise. But what took him even more by surprise and what caused his entire body to vibrate with rage were the bruises that littered her face and neck. She had a black eye, a busted lip, and what looked like finger bruises from where someone had gripped her neck tightly. 

The minute he laid eyes on this, he roughly grabbed her by her shoulders, turning her so she was looking at him, taking her completely by surprise. 

“Who the fuck did this to you.” He snarled his eyes darting between each bruise. 

“Joel?” Y/N asked shocked. 

“Was it that fucking husband of yours,” Joel continued. “I’ll fucking kill him.” 

Suddenly Y/N pushed Joel back hard snapping him out of his rage. 

“Why the fuck do you care.” Y/N snapped. “A few days ago you wanted nothing to fucking do with me, and now you are going to commit murder for me?” 

“Y/N,” Joel sighed as he looked around to make sure that no one was watching them. 

“No, Joel, when I had come back I was going to ask you… I thought you…” Y/N groaned, “Ugh forget it, listen I get it, I’m a pain in your ass right, I cause problems right, I waste your precious fucking time right!” She screamed and her screams were starting to grab peoples attention. 

Quickly Joel grabbed her hand and dragged her into a near by ally. As much as she protested and fought him. 

“Y/N,” He said calmly but still she fought him. “Y/N!” He shouted as he gently took her face in his hands and she instantly went quite. “Listen to me, I had meant what I said before, if anyone hurts you, especially your husband, I want you, no I need you to come to me, I will take care of it.” 

Y/N reached up and wrapped her hands around Joel’s wrists as she sighed. 

“I can’t keep up with your mood swings Joel.” She said quietly all the anger fading into sadness. “One moment you are nice and boarderline sweet and the next you are an absolute dick.” 

Joel dropped his hands and took a step back as he looked at the ground. 

“I’m sorry about before I… things are complicated.”

“Of course things are complicated, the world is fucked Joel. But I thought maybe I had found someone who made things just a little less complicated, someone who made things make some sort of sense. But I guess I was wrong.”  Joel could see tears welling up in her eyes. “I better go, and don’t worry I will stay out of your life Joel.” 

“Wait,” Joel reached out and grabbed her wrist and when he did she let out a loud cry. He instantly let go. 

“I’m sorry, it’s… I fell the other day and…” 

“You know you can cut the bullshit with me.” Joel instantly replied and Y/N just looked up at him her eyes filled with an awful sadness and yearning. “Can I see it?” 

Y/N hesitated for a moment before she walked forward and lifted her long sleeves so he could see her swollen and bruises wrist. 

He seethed as he gingerly took her hand in his. 

“It’s fine, I think it is only fractured.” She said and Joel’s head snapped up his eyes filled with rage. 

“It is sure as shit not fine.” 

“Well unfortunately it just is what it is.” She sighed as she took her hand out of his and pulled down her sleeve again. 

“It doesn’t have to me.” Joel took a step closer towards her. 

“I don’t really have another choice, if I leave, either he will kill me or he will send F.E.D.R.A. to do it.” 

“I could kill him.” 

“And then F.E.D.R.A. would kill you, not going to happen.” She snapped as she leaned up against the brick wall. 

“Why are you with him?” Joel asked surprised at himself for the asking such a question. 

Y/N couldn’t help but smirk sadly. “That is a story for another time cowboy.” 

Joel made his way towards her putting one hand on the wall and leaned in closer to her. 

“I’m sorry about what I said, I didn’t mean it. It’s just, I don’t think it is a good idea for you and I to hang around each other.” 

“You afraid I’m going to get you roped into trouble Miller,” Y/N smirked a smile finally creeping its way back onto her face. 

“It’s not just myself I’m worried about its Tess and…”

“Tommy?” She interrupted. Joel gave her an inquisitive look. “One upside to having a husband who works for F.E.D.R.A, I can get access to everyones files. How do you think I know so much about everyone.” 

“You looked me up darlin’’?” Joel smirked inching even closer to Y/N. 

“Oh I had to, with the dark and stormy aura you give off,  I had to see what you were all about.” 

They were silent for a moment, the space between them was growing smaller with each passing second. 

“But you are right, it might be better if we just keep our separate ways. I don’t want to get you in trouble. And Tommy’s in enough shit as it is.” 

Joel’s blood ran cold. And Y/N watched as Joel’s face fell and his eyes went wide with fear. 

“Don’t worry F.E.D.R.A doesn’t know. But hell that boy does not do a good job hiding it, I could spot him from a mile away. You need to tell him to watch his back.” 

Joel just nodded, his thoughts wandering off to nightmare he had about Tommy getting caught or killed. He could feel his chest start to tighten up and his vision start to blur. 

“Joel,” Y/N called as she saw his demenor change. But to him her voice sounded far off, it echoed like she was in a tunnel. “Joel?” She called again as she placed her hand gently on his cheek. With her touch he steadied his vision righted itself and the tightness in his chest lessened. “Where did you go?” 

In that moment, standing so close to her, her hand on his cheek, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her, to pull her in close to him and never let her go. His rational mind kept telling him what a bad idea that was, how many things could go wrong. But he didn’t care he just kept pushing those thoughts away. That was until he thought about Sarah, and the ever familiar constant pain he felt flared up again. He couldn’t feel that pain again, not in any capacity. And it was too risky to open his heart up again. Especially since Y/N didn’t seem like she had any plans to leave her abusive huband. 

Clearing his throat,  Joel backed  up crossing his arms in front of his chest. 

“So what are we going to do?” He asked. 

“About what?” She said hurt at his distance. 

“About us?”

“Is there an us?” 

“I mean… I don’t want to not help you when you need it. But I also got to think about keeping Tess and Tommy safe.”

“Yeah,” She looked down at her feet sadly. 

“And I like being around you.” 

“I like being around you too.” 

“Is there anyway I can get you to just keep your head down and try not to cause problems?”  

“Not a chance.” Y/N snapped her head up to look back at him. 

Joel sighed sadly. “That’s what I thought.” 

They stood silent for a few moments, and Y/N could feel herself starting to get choked up. 

“So I guess that’s it.” Y/N said. 

“Y/N…” 

“Well, it was nice knowing you Joel Miller. I hope you have a good life, I mean, as good as any of us can hope for in this shit storm.” Y/N started to walk away and Joel stayed behind watching her. 

She hadn’t even made it out of the ally before she stopped. “Oh fuck it.” She mumbled under her breath as she turned and marched back to Joel. 

“Y/N?” Joel asked confused. 

“Kiss me.” She snapped and Joel froze. 

“Wha…” 

“There is this feeling between us, and I hope to God you feel it to, but it feels so different than anything I have felt in a while. I can’t explain it but when I am with you, things feel better. It’s almost like you bring color…” She started when Joel quickly pulled her into him and kissed her. 

The spark that he felt in his stomach when their lips met, sent goosebumps all over his skin. This kiss wasn’t just a normal run of the mill kiss, this was something more. It made his chest tighten but not in a bad way. And when he felt her open her mouth slightly and he deepend the kiss, he thought his heart was going to explode. 

They broke away only to breath, and when they look at each other they both smiled, Joel’s hands on her face, his thumb rubbing her cheeks. 

“Not bad cowboy.” She smirked. 

“Oh I’m just getting started darlin’ “ Joel growled seductively as he kissed her again, pushing her back into the brick wall.

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[crestmade]

i keep telling myself that im gonna write and then i play ov/w w friends for several hours

[canaryatlaw]

alright, so today was overall pretty good. My alarm went off at 9:25 (I realize I have zero uniformity in my wake up times, except Tuesdays and Thursdays, if I don’t have any other engagements) and it took about a minute to convince myself to get out of bed but I made it, and that’s what matters. I got ready and headed to PT for my 10 am appointment. It was pretty good, apparently we’re gonna finish up this week and move to a home exercise program while I see an orthopedist because I’ve been in PT since April and that’s kind of ridiculous. I was walking back home and checked the bus timer app at 11:31, and it had one coming in 5 minutes, which was way too soon being that I still had to get the rest of the way home and get changed, and the next wasn’t until another 22 minutes, at 11:53, and I was supposed to be at the DV clinic by 12:30, so I sighed and figured I’d be running a little late. While I was waiting for the bus it occurred to me that I could call an uber and probably get there in time, but I didn’t feel like wasting the money (it’d probably be $20-$25) and it wasn’t a big deal really if I was a little late. Got there around 1 and nothing had happened yet, so all good. The clinic was running super slow, so the four of us that were there ended up getting recruited to do some grunt work- namely, folding envelopes, then folding letters, and putting them in other envelopes along with the first envelope as a return one (because they were asking for donations, yay non-profits) and I mean as law clerk I’m more than used to grunt work, so I really didn’t mind. We had some good conversations and such, and two of them got called to a case, so it was just me and the other girl who’s from UChicago, and we had a nice conversation, it was pleasant. I eventually ended up getting recruited to do an interview with a kid (he was 18, still in high school) who had filed a few days without the assistance of the clinic, so his info was pretty thin, and his emergency got denied but he was hoping the clinic would take on the case going forward, so my job was to basically write out a non-affidavit affidavit regarding the incidents to give them a better idea if it was a case worth taking. Nice enough kid, filing against his ex-girlfriend who may or may not be pregnant with his child (she’s the special kind of cray that would potentially fake a pregnancy to be manipulative) and was doing a whole bunch of stalker-ish things, like jumping the fence into his backyard and banging on the door at midnight, and some limited physical abuse (mostly getting slapped) during their relationship. We talked for a while, ended up getting about 10 or 11 incidents, so that was pretty solid. Things were winding down in the clinic about then, so I went to my supervisor to review the incidents he had given, and he was actually really surprised by how crazy some of the ex-girlfriend’s behaviors with, and he said with male victim cases he always has to do a gender swap in his head and ask how would he feel if the genders in this case were reversed, and obviously if it was a man doing these things it would be very worrying, and just because the abuser is a woman here doesn’t mean it should be treated any different, I mean, stalking is stalking. So I thought that was a good way of thinking about it. I ended up sitting with my supervisor and another of his colleagues for a while just trading stories and such, I told them the time I sat in on an OP hearing and the judge just started ripping into the abuser, and I could barely contain my laughter because it was legit the funniest thing I’ve ever seen (not being disrespectful at all, she was just owning him so well it was fantastic to see) and they thought that was pretty amusing. Around 5 I ended up heading to school, taking a slight detour to Target because I needed to pick up a prescription as well as some melatonin because I was totally out and I’m not at all confident I can fall asleep without it at this point. So I grabbed those and walked down to school, stopping in the lounge quickly to microwave my dinner, then headed up to class. Adoption law was pretty good, we had a guest speaker for the first half of the class which was interesting, but then we had to do a quiz which was super annoying and I definitely fucked up a few of the answers because it was open book and I was just looking at the wrong stuff haha but oh well. Class let out, and I headed home. When I arrived I started watching Designated Survivor, a few minutes behind live. It was another solid episode, as has this whole season has been pretty much. I absolutely loved Kirkman totally owning the Turkish president and kicking ass in that fight, I felt bad for the son in that plot but I was ultimately happy he didn’t get in trouble for an incident that clearly was not his fault. The whole Hannah/secret agent guy who’s name I don’t know plot was kind of odd, I can’t say I was expecting the killer to be the lady’s assistant, and I’m not sure where they’re going with it, but I’m willing to wait and see since they’ve been pretty solid on delivering so far. When that was over I turned on this week’s Brooklyn 99 from last night and watched that, which was of course way too hysterical. I then watched Jimmy Kimmel for a while before getting ready for bed, and here we are. Tomorrow should be good, I’m glad the week will be over, even if it means I’m that much closer to finals which I feel totally unprepared for, but then again I remember feeling exactly the same way last year at this time and was worried I was gonna bomb all my finals, and I ended up with three A’s and one A- as my final grades, so I think it’s safe to say that fear might not be founded in reality. Here’s hoping, anyway, Alright, I think I’ll go to bed now. Goodnight my dears. Sleep well.