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molnlycke · 3 years ago

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100 DAYS OF SUNLIGHT BY ABBIE EMMONS REVIEW

As a disclaimer I want to say that I found the Youtube channel of Abbie Emmons by one of her ‘write with me’ videos. Following that I watched some of her WritersLifeWednesdays vlogs and thought, this woman has tremendous passion and work put into her craft. She actually gives valuable advice, and the themes of her videos are pretty good. So when I saw that she has a novel of her own published, I wanted to see how she incorporates the stuff she talks about into practical work. This is how I started reading her debut novel: 100 Days of Sunlight.

I was curious, okay?

But oh man, what is this?

This book… I’m sorry it’s just so bad. The mess of glaring problems, plotholes, the …characterisation. Abbie Emmons says every good story is character driven (which I wholeheartedly stand by if it is executed well!!!) but what should I get from this, honestly?

There are too many things screaming PROBLEMATIC here.

But let’s start at the beginning.

The exposition––the first chapter’s building don’t make no sense. It has a twist in it alright, but why start with something that turns out to be a dream (or a scrap of a memory in this case) of the actual past, only to get dumped with everything else that also happened following that scene? All of this is told from the protagonist’s reminiscing of said happening.

- To be clear the book starts with the scene of an accident–the accident in which the protagonist, Tessa loses her sight. A drunk driver with a pickup truck runs the red light crashing into the car Tessa and her grandmother are in. Soon it turns out that’s only a recurring nightmare and she’s been home for one or two weeks (maybe? I don’t remember precisely). By this time she has already lost her sight. Tessa runs the audience over all that happened after the accident (basically in those weeks she got discharged from the hospital etc. etc.) Now my question is why not start the book from the accident itself? It all gets narrated either way.

The next problem is the way first Tessa’s grandparents, and then the WHOLE BOOK just downplays consent. Why? Why would you do that?

- Tessa’s grandparents “know better what’s good for her than she does”–that’s an actual quote from the novel btw. Nothing glaringly alerting in that, I mean adults often have this way of thinking about children. Until… they try to arrange a stranger to help Tessa with transcribing her work. Tessa is a poet with a blog where she posts her work on schedule. Ever since the accident, she doesn’t feel like writing (or blogging for that matter). She’s shut herself off from the virtual world, doesn’t touch her laptop, nor speaks with her internet friends. (Because ofc she’s homeschooled, doesn’t like to go out at all and only has internet friends in the first place.) She’s in her room for most of the day, cries a lot and tries to cope. Whether her coping is good or bad I’m not qualified to say, but she thinks of herself as selfish, lazy, cynical, and depressed most of the time––everything she never wanted to be, things hates with every fibre of her being. She blames herself and basically detests life for beating her down to the ground. She feels she can’t get up even though she’s told, her blindness is a condition that can go away in ninety-something days’ time. I think feeling these emotions are pretty reasonable for a teenager. It’s been like three weeks since the accident, and her newfound blind perspective of life. That can’t be easy. BUT her grandparents know this isn’t healthy, Tessa needs to write. “I haven’t written one verse, one line, one word of poetry. I have no desire to. I have no inspiration, no joy. It’s all gone.” - Tessa from ch.1 So what do Granny and Gramps do following their infinite wisdom? Play the girl. And I’m like, sure dude, harass the child into doing what you want. Sure, don’t try to get her professional help or a psychotherapeutist or something if you think she’s faring so terribly. Sure, run an ad for hiring some part timer to transcribe for the poet who doesn’t want to write anymore. Sure, do it all behind her back. I mean she has PTSD and is blind for now, but yeah, this will most definitely help. Good job! For goodness’ sake they treat the girl like she’s been locked inside her room for months?!

When they share this brilliant plan with Tessa, she freaks out so much the elderly retract the ad. But not before the son of the newspaper’s owner gets a scrap of this new, possible past time activity and decides to be a creep and essentially stalk Tessa. But that’s for later.

Tessa explicitly tells her grandparents she doesn’t want to meet new people, doesn’t want to write, what she needs is time. So the next thing Granny does is pushes an unknown, teenage boy into her blind granddaughter’s room for a chat. Against Tessa’s repeated objections! There’s so much nonsense going on in the sequence of the story. Like one day there comes a boy–a stranger, knocking on the door, saying he’s this and this’ son and wants to help. And because, at a glance, he has prosthetic legs, you invite him first into the house then into your blind teenage granddaughter’s room? Without actually knowing if he is who he says he is? Without knowing the first thing about him? But even if that part is true, and he is who he says–the son of the newspaper’s owner, let’s not forget the mildly stalkerish way the guy’s been acting.

Granny shares a shit load about Tessa’s problems, then flat out tells her to meet Weston. “I told you I don’t want help. And I certainly don’t want anyone touching my laptop. I don’t want to write. I don’t want some stranger coming into my house and feeling sorry for me!” That’s Tessa speaking with Granny prior to the meeting. I mean it’s no biggie if she’s against the whole idea because he could help, right? Is this the American way of handling things? Someone give me a spoon that I can boink myself in the head with to get around this type of mentality.

At the first meeting Tessa has meltdown, screams at Weston and cries. Tells him she doesn’t need help. Tells him not to bother. Tells him she wants him OUT OF HER ROOM. Weston leaves before telling her he’ll be back the next day. And Granny and everyone else is fine with that. So in the following days the nuisance has the audacity to come over, small-talk the grandparents into loving him because he’s so charming everyone is in love with him a little. (That’s another thing from the book, I shit you not, the dude straight up thinks things like this. Yes, I know it’s self-deceit.) Weston forcibly takes over Tessa’s room which is basically the last place she feels comfortable at? Never mind, now someone’s popping in randomly when they think it’s cool, telling her what to do––“I know you don’t need me. But you need to write.” Bitch I think you need to fuck off from people’s lives who don’t want you in it. Just an advice.

One time Tessa wakes up to Weston barging into her room (“...he walks into my room without knocking, at 9.00 a.m., when I’m still in my pajamas”). Granny’s off to do her things leaving the boy to stay and make himself at home. Huh, quite reasonable.

Weston forces Tessa to accept there’s no fleeing this situation––one, the three of them (him and the oldies) constructed for her. Because it’s helping.

That’s basically the question of: where’s the line between wanting to help someone and pushing them even deeper when they’re already at a bad place. But since this is a YA romance everything is nice and good and sorted at the end so Tessa can thank her loving family for forcing their volition on her.

- Here’s another lovely example of consent portrayed in the novel: “I told you I don’t want to go outside.” Weston laughs. “You also told me to get out of your house and never come back.” “And you directly disobeyed my wishes.” “And you’ve been enjoying it...” Please tell me I’m not the only one seeing what’s wrong with this whole dialogue. It’s so disappointing and frankly, discouraging, to see an attitude like this written by a woman, targeted at a young, female audience.

- Oh, there’s their first kiss as well. It’s really really romantic. Weston asks for permission then doesn’t wait for the answer! “I’m gonna kiss you. Is that okay?” It’s not fair, because I don’t give her any time to reply. Instead, I press my lips against hers. Without permission.” ...So why did he even bother to ask? To seem nice? Well, as the saying goes it’s the thought that counts… So is this how consent works? NO! But consent never stood a chance in this book at the first place.

Next up; Characters.

*not @me side-eyeing Abbie’s video about how to craft a strong female protagonist* - I’m not gonna say a lot about Tessa. For me she falls flat like a cut-out. She’s paper thin, and dumb, although she’s the novel’s protagonist. Funny though, I feel she has less to give to the story than Weston, and it’s not just the length of their respective chapters. There’s like 600-700 words from Tessa’s POV (mainly about Weston 80% of the times), then we get a 4k word count chapter from Weston (mainly about his own journey and overcoming his struggles). Tessa’s chapters are either shallow or about her time spent with Weston. Opposed to this Weston has a full arc of him getting over the loss of his legs and standing up from it (quite literally). See what I’m talking about? All I get from Tessa before the accident is that she’s a writer, homeschooled, likes her colour coordinated books, and waffles (like Abbie ha!) (*whispers* and she wears her hair in a messy bun, ofc she does). Oh and she can’t live without WiFi. All I get after the accident is that she’s hurting, angry and blind. And now she has Weston. So her backstory is…..?

- Weston. Oh man where to start. Now he has a backstory. From it we can conclude how idiotic he is. That’s not recklessness or being a teenage boy. I’m sorry but his behaviour is simply idiotic. Sometimes he’s really grown up (taking care of his baby brothers and all) other times he has like 1 (one) braincell operating in his head. Bearing weeks of pain, and not saying anything about it to anyone because that’s not superhero like? WHAT??? He experienced, at the least, three weeks of torturous pain and several days of fever and dizziness, popping Advil like it’s candy. Still, the only one who realised this is his best friend at school and his 10 year old brother who was at the scene of Weston injuring his legs in the first place. What about the parents one might ask. Well Idk. Obviously a 13 year old is so good at deception and sneaking around that adults can’t catch on! On this note I want to gift Parents of the Year Award to Mamma and Pappa Ludovico. With parental supervision like that I’m baffled the child lived up to the age 13.

Weston is the nightmare male lead people usually salivate after in k-dramas stuffed into the body of a 16 year old American boy. Now I’ve never understood those people and their preferences of the bratty, entitled, but oh-so-handsome males and I still don’t understand to this day. Where’s the appeal? Don’t ask me.

I’ll just put down some quotes: “It’s the first time in three years anyone has ever met me without that look of pity on their face. The first time anyone has ever looked at me and not seen me. The first time anyone has stood before me—with perfectly normal legs—and complained about their own problem. The feeling is exhilarating.” So basically this is the so called ‘No one has ever treated me like this. Except this girl, my God, she’s intriguing’. Weston enjoys Tessa’s rude behaviour. “So she’s stubborn. She’s rude. She’s a spitfire wallflower who lost her sight and now hates anyone who tries to help her. Game on.” ...Are you five? “Tessa is the only Dickinson who doesn’t like me.” I have no idea why that could be. But, listen, listen: “I turn around in the desk chair, throwing her a hard look over my shoulder. She’s still sitting rigid and stoic on her bed, staring at nothing. She’s actually really pretty. Her eyes are bluer than mine—the enhanced kind of blue you see in contact lens commercials. She has freckles, too. Just a few, thrown across her nose and cheeks. Her hair is braided today, less messy. She looks so serious. I liked it better when she was screaming and crying.” Idk somehow this sounds like every badly composed romance I’ve ever seen. Let’s just say the progression of the relationship between Weston and Tessa infuriated me 90% of the story. You can help others without being an ass. You can also help others without being a horrible love interest, but that’s for another day. YA contemporaries don’t work like that.

Oh Weston, what a knight in shining armour. Three years prior, he had this thing with Clara Hernandez–a girl from school. It wasn’t real dating but they spent some time together (he walked her to class ooooh~~~) so she became “at the time, my unofficial girlfriend”. Things change after Weston’s accident, of course. He tells her he doesn’t want to continue their ambiguous relationship. And that’s alright, it’s his choice, BUT he then kind of passes the girl to his best friend, so she won’t annoy him anymore? The way he narrates the whole thing is...ugh. “But she wasn’t even dumping me, and we weren’t even dating. We were thirteen years old, for crying out loud.” See, this is Weston thinking about what happened. And this is him telling Rudy about it: “What were you talking to Clara about?” he (Rudy) asked. “I dumped her.” Following in another chapter they talk about how now that the coast is clear––Weston and Clara are through, Rudy should hit on Clara: “He wanted to resist the whole thing and deny his obvious crush on Clara Hernandez. But he couldn’t do anything except laugh and shake his head. He knew I was the best friend he could ever ask for.” Such a kind and caring person for handing out the girl he doesn’t really want to his best friend. Give him a medal for that one. Idk this whole business irked me to no end, like Clara was his possession or something. (Yeah, and the poor girl eventually ended up with Rudy, not like she had any other choice…)

- Downplaying female friendship. Yeah, that one happens as well. When Tessa talks with her friends (her blogging circle) the only thing we as readers can glimpse about their conversation is “Tell us more about the boy,” like... really? Because once again that’s the only thing a group of friends can talk about when one of them suffers an accident resulting in trauma. And Tessa’s answer? “At first, I didn’t like him. I thought he didn’t understand anything about me—even though he acted like he did. And I’m not sure that he understands much, even now. But he’s kind. And patient. And he kept coming back to type poetry for me, so I’ve kind of been forced to make friends with him.” The reply of her friends… “Aw ... He sounds really cute.” Yeah, really cute, forcing you to be friends with him. “How can you not be in love with a boy who makes you waffles?” Well, friend no.5, it’s not that hard… But there’s more. After Tessa gets her sight back the only thing we get from this supporting bubble of warm friends is as follows: “LIV: TESSA HOW ARE YOU FEELING ME: a lot better actually ME: my headache FINALLY went away MARIA: yayy!! ALLISON: PRAISE THE LORD ME: yeah fr KATE: So glad to hear you’re doing better, Tessa! It must be quite a transition omg… GRACIE: I can’t even imagine ME: it’s been pretty crazy ME: but good ME: I guess ME: ugh idk mixed emotions LIV: ???? LIV: TELL US EVERYTHING LIV: if u want to lol ME: ahhh well ME: Weston is kind of not talking to me anymore,” That is it my friends. Two to three sentences about her condition and it’s time to talk about the boy. Is this really how shallow anyone would want to describe the protagonist and her close-knit group of friends talking for the first time after one of them lost their sight? Then again, talking for the first time after she got her sight back? I’m disappointed to say the least.

- I didn’t care for any other character enough to jot down my observations. They were bland, they were there to help the main couple, nothing more, nothing less. Weston’s kid brothers were cute and Rudy seemed like a normal, sane character (I applaud him for that). All I can say is the families in this novel are something else.

The romance.

Okay, let me state before anything else: I like romance if there’s balance. I like romance when the people involved are equals. I believe a relationship, and a good one at that, should have cornerstones. One of them has to be that equality. It also doesn’t hurt if none of the involved parties are assholes. The romance can be of any trope as long as the happy ending is tied to said relationship being healthy. And I don’t mean sorely the end product; the way that relationship is constructed step by step should resemble these things. If not, at least call them out for it. I’m not the advocate of perfect characters or relationships (any kind, not just romance) because that would be really unrealistic. It can be bad, yeah, it can be toxic, or a little messed up in the middle. But for crying out loud reflect that in the storytelling! Do it especially if the story is planned for a younger audience! Now let me make another statement: What I don’t like is that in mostly American YA het-romances there are rarely any of these things.

- This one here is probably supposed to be the writer’s well liked trope of hate-to-love romance, but I feel the concept of kindergarteners is more fitting. The boy forces, the girl yields. But it’s okay because he likes her and wants to help.

There are some cases of harassment sprinkled in, as in one party objecting the other’s closeness or presence and the latter not giving a damn about this. Real respectful; but, hey, that’s part of consent too so I guess it simply flew over our heads in this particular story. A fresh and original concept on romance, wholesome and healthy. And the thing is, Weston actually knows these things. He literally says so in the book, “...until I intruded on Tessa’s life, however it happened.”

And of course Tessa is more pure than fresh snow on white lillies; she’s basically a lotus. Weston is the first boy stepping into her room. Give me a second to freak out about that. It’s so exciting! (Mostly by knowing the circumstances in which he did that.)

The other thing that annoyed me was Weston’s entitlement and holier-than-thou attitude. He knows everything better than Tessa. He knows Tessa better than she herself does WHEN HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT HER. That’s the moral of the story. No, but I’m not kidding, some of his thoughts set me on fire. “She wrote about sunlight and oceans and falling in love, when I’m pretty sure she has no idea what it feels like to fall in love.” I’m sorry, but do you know Tessa? (besides stalking her via the grandparents)???? The audacity, I’m cackling.

- Can someone tell me why Tessa speaks with Weston if she doesn’t want to? I mean besides that this way the story can go on. She actually starts their conversation on the second day. Me, personally, don’t talk to people whose presence I can barely tolerate. How silly, I know.

- Weston annoys the shit put of Tessa for like five minutes but he talks to her, (for his own selfish reasons may I add––Weston, honey, if you want people not to pity you try helping blind little kids who actually want your help) and brings her flowers, and chocolate so I guess it’s reasonable that approximately four days later Tessa’s attitude shifts to comparing him to sunlight. “Weston is everything And all at once. Weston is gentle And harsh. Weston can be blindingly bright But then he can also be Delicately soft. Weston is a paradox.” – Oof girl.

- Let me tell you kids just because someone annoys or teases you and you tolerate it––that’s not the get-go to life changing love. Even though he’s the first real life boy whom you’ve ever spent casual time with. But he’s the first boy who ever showed you real attention, you say. Well then, that’s a grace girls have to accept. Or so this book and so many others try to make us believe. The sad thing is, there actually could’ve been a conflict––if one wants to write about opposites attracting each other so much––without making the story so cliched and weak.

Plot-holes.

- Maybe it’s nitpicking for some, BUT… why was Weston in his dad’s office in the first place? I never got around to the reason of that. He loiters around there once a week, that’s what the book states. Well, okay, he is there inspecting the motivational quotes collection on the wall while his father just works away. And am I supposed to believe the man is all cool with this? What is Weston doing there? For what reason? The answer is easy: he simply had to hear the phone call of Tessa’s grandfather retracting the ad.

- Now why does his father–the owner of the newspaper–accept calls regarding ads in the first place? Is this really how things work? Other employees do nothing? I’ve worked at a small printing company in the past. The management only accepted calls regarding ads if there wasn’t a single soul anywhere near the perimeter of the office. There’s a department for jobs like this. Bosses don’t qualify.

- About the already mentioned beautiful first meeting, where sparks fly, and the lovely couple can roll off a great start... If Tessa didn’t want to meet anyone why didn’t she lock her door? That’s a pretty easy task. At first I thought maybe there’s no lock on the door. But wait; after the disastrous meeting she locks herself away. “The door is locked, and Grandma has stopped trying to open it.” Sooo there was a lock after all…...okay…….

- Why is almost everyone in this book freckled with blonde hair and blue eyes? Okay, this really is just nitpicking, but like, is there some symbolism in that? *bounces eyebrows* Ehem, if you know what I mean.

- I’m not sure if this is an actual plot-hole but I was really surprised by the lack of anxiety Weston’s approach triggered in Tessa. Essentially, Weston is a stranger at the start of the book, with whom she gets locked into a room, without anyone else in there, when she’s still adjusting to the fact she can’t see. I especially looked out for it; Weston closes her door every time he’s over at their house to speak with her. I mean the first time she’s angry; but what about later? She doesn’t even seem nervous or affected by this at a time when her blindness is still fresh. Yet, when they go to Barnes & Noble, a public space with people around, Tessa is anxious the minute Weston leaves for a bathroom break. Like okay, some strange dude tries to pick her up and she’s rightfully terrified, but all she has to do is call out. Now both of these scenes are pressuring and scary, but where’s the difference? Tessa is nervous when the stranger approaches her in the book store, a big and open space with people around even before said stranger tries to initiate skinship. She tells him to leave her alone. But she did just that when Weston first went to see her. And Weston didn’t give a shit about it, much like the high schooler at the book store. And I’m supposed to believe with Weston she wasn’t apprehensive at all? Of course she wasn’t… he’s the love interest.

The whole book store scene makes me so uncomfortable and NOT because of what you’d think. It’s simply distasteful to create a scenario like that only to draw it back to… yes, you guessed it, Weston. He’s the saviour sweeping Tessa off her feet with “Get your hands off my girl” and chasing away that jerk. Why is it that still, in the year of *looks at smudged handwriting on hand* sometime past the 1890s there’s the need to use The Jerk™ hitting on the girl and The Nice Guy™ saving her by making her seem like his property? Oh did I forgot to mention the jerk smelled like cigarettes, and his pants were falling off his ass. I’m surprised he wasn’t wearing a leather jacket or had piercings just to fit the look to a T. That usage of my girl ...ugrghgh I can already feel white hairs sprouting from this. Look, I’m not against the idea of belonging to your beloved. If you want to say it, cool, do it. But when it’s not consensual, and you’re not a couple who already expressed to one another the wish to be viewed that way maybe DON’T FUCKING USE IT. Not to one up another guy trying scare the baddie away. Man, don’t do that. *channelling my inner LE to rap the last line really loud* What’s even better than this? Tessa’s reaction: “Despite the gravity of the situation, I can’t help but smile and get butterflies all over again.” REALLY???? Please donate braincells to this girl. She really needs it.

The dynamic of relationships.

- This is mind bogging for me. Almost all relations (excluding the most fundamental ones) serve a sole reason: cheer on and make the main couple happen. This book is promoted as a love story, one, not limited to romance. It’s a love story of family bonds, love between brothers, and grandparents, and friends. And that’s true for Weston… but for Tessa??? I don’t think so. But maybe that stems from how underdeveloped Tessa’s character is.

- The main couple’s dynamic is so stilted. Weston basically caused the state he is in, Tessa suffered an accident caused by outer circumstances. She’s the victim of a drunk driver, while quite frankly, Weston’s the victim of his own stupidity. And yet, since Weston decided to fight for himself he expects Tessa to do the same. Now that’s a nice thought, even if it’s about someone you barely know and met maybe two times in your life. Is that a reason to harass the other and tell them what to do, not taking no for an answer? I highly doubt it. Weston wanted to get better so he pressed himself, but he made that choice himself. It’s beautifully written down not once, not twice, but multiple times; how hard it was for him to choose between 1, the easy way––the flat grounded desert and 2, the hard scaling and rocky mountain range. He chose the mountain range and that’s admirable. What’s not admirable is, that from what I get from this book, Tessa never had the luxury of a choice. Because other’s never gave her time or let her decide for herself. Tessa says Weston is stubborn and obnoxiously optimistic. I think he’s just obnoxious, period.

- At the end of the book Tessa narrates how ashamed she feels and how her heart is breaking “Because of what Life has done to Weston.” For one, is Life responsible for what happened to Weston? I’d liked to read about how Weston tells the story of losing his legs to Tessa with a straight face, because all thorough the book he never once did that. To anyone. If that happened, he ought to admit how incredibly stupid he had been. As well as the consequences of his own decisions, every time he went on without saying a word or asking for help. That stubbornness is his character trait. Yes, it is, but we never get to see how that affected his family, there wasn’t one paragraph about his parents talking about it with him.

- On this note why is Tessa always so ashamed, feeling like she’s the brute, saying sorry to everyone at every chance? It’s not like others apologised to her once. This character trait only perpetuates the notion how everything others impose on her is fair trade because they only want to help. And either way, she only feels apologetic about standing up for herself.

Mentions of notable things that annoyed me.

- The judgement if a girl need makeup or not, because *banging pots and pans* she’s beautiful no matter what in the boy’s eyes. And he tells her just that. “Are you wearing makeup?” I ask, without thinking. Tessa smiles just a little. “Yeah,” she says. “Grandma helped me with it. This feels like… a special occasion.” “You don’t need it, you know. You look beautiful without it. But you look beautiful with it, too. You always look beautiful. Even when you’re crying.” Tessa really needed to know your opinion about her wearing makeup Weston. Kudos for you for telling her she doesn’t need it because she looks beautiful without it, but it’s okay to wear it as she looks beautiful with it too. Great input man!

- At this point I’m not even surprised, but there really was the girl staring at something, asking if it’s pretty. (Okay, Tessa couldn’t stare but she was probably imagining––here it’s the sundown, bc of the whole sunlight theme). Then the boy answering, “Yeah, it’s pretty.” Not as pretty as you, he thinks while staring straight at her. Hello, is this a Disney production?

Conclusion.

All in all is this the worst book ever? No. Are there unforgivable problems with it? Not explicitly.

My biggest problem is what message it sends about relationship patterns, patterns I hate with a fiery passion. It’s the same old shit I grew up with, and it’s the same old shit that doesn’t seem to change after twenty years. Not even now when,––with the help of the era of internet––everyone is suddenly so woke. But are they, really? All I saw about this novel is the raving reviews praising it to heavens. And there are themes in it that deserve praise––the acceptance of one’s self, the loss, the forgiveness, the overcoming of hardships of life––but what about all that’s left? What about the execution?

Bottom line is, because this is a book, everything gets resolved and all is happy and fine at the end. However in real life, coercing others to do things against their will isn’t a glorious idea. Disregarding consent isn’t acceptable. Helping with the stubbornness of a mule isn’t really helping. And last but not least, perpetuating a mindset and a budding relationship like the one presented in this book––for a young audience shouldn’t be okay.

#100daysofsunlight #abbie emmons

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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1141

survey by lets-make-surveys

1 - Do you have a favourite day of the week? What is it about that day that you like so much? I feel like I just answered this recently, but let’s go with Friday again. Always nice to fade out after work and to finally close all my work tabs and chats, and not feel obligated to reply to anyone for a couple of days.

2 - Would you describe yourself as a sociable person or not? I’m not the most sociable person, like I don’t always have the energy to be at the maximum level of perky, but I am to an extent. I no longer find it difficult to approach people and strike up a conversation.

3 - Who was the last person you spoke to out-loud? What did you speak to them about? My mom. My former director, Ysa, sent me a scented candle earlier tonight - as a parting gift since she got promoted and got reassigned to my employer’s sister company - and I just asked my mom to light the candle up because I’m scared of matches and fire.

4 - Do you prefer tea or coffee? Coffee; I never drink tea.

5 - What's your ideal weather? When was the last time you had that kind of weather where you live? Any kind of weather where the temperature is anywhere below 25ºC (which is already considered quite chilly here) is fine with me.

6 - Who was the last person (apart from family) that you spent time with? What did you get up to? Does virtual count? I had a Jeopardy night on Zoom with my orgmates a couple of weeks ago. I might miss out on a couple of people, but I was with Peter, Elis, Andi, Carmel, Robin, Laurice, and Mik. Apart from that, my uncle treated me, my kuya, and my cousin Luke to lunch the morning after said Zoom call.

7 - If you have pets, when was the last time one of them got on your nerves? Oh my god, just this afternoon. I was in a Zoom call with a client and besides our PR agency, there was another marketing agency in the call who was also pitching their presentation deck. The entire call was pure bliss on my end, no one was making noise at home – the second it came to my speaking parts, Cooper started howling and barking like crazy because idk, maybe he saw an animal outside or something?? In any case it suddenly got very loud and I got caught off-guard, and I ended up stuttering several times as I was trying to focus.

8 - Do you have to wear a uniform at work or school? If not, what do you tend to wear? The only time I had to wear a legit uniform was in private school, which I attended from preschool to high school. We do have business casual dress code at work, but that in itself is pretty flexible so I don’t really count it as a ‘uniform.’

9 - Would you rather live in a house with a swimming pool or an indoor cinema? Indoor cinema. I watch a lot of things that I’d love to be able to view with a much bigger screen - plus it’s a lot easier to maintain than a pool, lol.

10 - When was the last time you were at the beach? August 2019 :(

11 - Do you own a credit card? If so, do you currently owe any money on it? Could you afford to pay it off tomorrow if necessary? No. My parents also advise against getting my own credit card since I could pick up some bad spending habits from it, according to them. That sounds scary enough so I’m ok with my debit card.

12 - What do you tend to wear to sleep in? Does this vary depending on the time of year? Usually something light, short, and airy since I live in a tropical country that never gets to enjoy temperatures lower than like 23ºC.

13 - What do you tend to have for breakfast, if you eat it? Fried rice, hotdogs, and bacon strips are filling enough for me.

14 - If someone offered to cook you a three-course-meal of your choosing, no budget - what would you have? Oysters, filet mignon, and macarons.

15 - How many hours of sleep do you typically get each night? Is that enough to function or would you rather have more? Anywhere between 7–9 during weekdays, and like 3–4 during weekends because revenge bedtime procrastination is real. Yeah, I’d say it’s enough on both ends.

16 - Does your house have a loft/basement? Are they functional or do you just use them for storage? We have neither.

17 - When was the last time you did a load of laundry? Do you need to do some in the near future? I don’t do the laundry at home.

18 - Are you addicted to anything legal? What about illegal? I guess vaping? I’m a lot more reliant on it now versus the past few months, and I get a little restless whenever I have to charge it for an hour or so.

19 - Do you suffer from road rage? What kind of thing tends to set you off or wind you up while driving? A little bit, but I obviously haven’t had to express it in a while because of my much-lessened time on the road due to Covid. Standstill traffic is the biggest factor, but standstill traffic + stupid drivers who are impatient and end up not following the road lanes is the quickest way to irritate me and set me off.

20 - What kind of animal did you last see in the wild? Is that a common sight where you live? I have no idea, and that’s precisely because I live in the suburbs in a city which would not make them a common sight.

21 - How is your hair styled at the moment? Low side ponytail.

22 - Do you post a lot on social media? If so, what kind of thing do you tend to post on there? Not as much as I used to. I’ll probably post 5–7 tweets (versus the 50+ I’d post when I was younger) and share like 1–3 Facebook posts a day. I could talk about pretty much everything on Twitter since that’s my main dump - be it rants, my feelings, what I ate, the latest dumb thing Cooper did, etc. On Facebook I mostly share memes, at least family-friendly ones that wouldn’t alert my relatives lol.

23 - What are you watching/listening to at the moment? Nothing for either. I can hear some birds chirping outside since it’s finally getting brighter again, but that’s it.

24 - If you have multiple pets, do they all get along with each other or are there sometimes fights/scuffles? Cooper has actually finally settled down a bit so I’m starting to feel more comfortable letting him out with Kimi in the same room/floor. He understands that Kimi doesn’t like being disturbed so even though he’s in the mood to run around and be energetic and play catch or whatever, he always takes the time to tip-toe around Kimi. They’re not best buds by any means, but it’s enough to leave them be and not worry about a fight breaking out anymore. Sweet boys.

25 - What are some habits you have in common with your parents? My dad excessively blinks when he’s feeling tense or in an argument; I ended up picking that up from him. With my mom, it’s mostly phrases or expressions that she likes to use.

26 - Where's your favourite place to swim - the ocean, a pool, river, lake etc? Beaches.

27 - When you're saving your place in a book, do you use a bookmark or fold your pages down? Or something else? I either remember the page number or do a tiny dog-ear. Bookmarks aren’t the right match for me lol, I’ll most likely end up losing them.

28 - What's your favourite kind of cereal? Sweeter ones.

29 - Is any part of your body hurting at the moment? Is there a specific incident that caused the pain? Yeah, my neck had actually been seriously stiff during my last shift and I couldn’t move my head unless I moved my entire body along with it. It’s died down now but I can definitely still feel the strain. My left shoulder in particular feels very strained at the moment and I’m feeling a considerable level of discomfort from it as I take this.

30 - What was the last thing to make you laugh out loud? 2 Days 1 Night, the usual. The Korean style of video editing is phenomenal and can literally make anything funny.

#survey #surveys

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deamabilisworld · 4 years ago

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My struggle with gender, philosophy and feminism

During my army days I was fascinated in metaphysics. This is what sort of got me into mathematics and philosophy. They are really intertwind topics. However, I gradually shown interest in philosophy of gender.

I can think of multiple reasons for that:

On an analytic stand point, partially under the influence of daoism, the dualic image of things appealed to me. I’ve grown convinced in the idea that there are two negating views of the world and we must accet both as living beings. It was convenient, like many of the old world writers, to assign them to the concept of gender. Not as attached to sex. Human beings developed a lore under the concept of duality, and attached to sex the idea of gender which relates to this duality. The polar genders (and whats between them) seem engrained in many cultures and especially western lore, and it has influence on the way we preceive the world.

This sort of lead me to the second reason: While philosophy historically attempted to create an impersonal frame of mind, one of pure logos, being, godliness which would rationalize basically everything, there was also this frame which attempts to understand things from the personal, from context and from emotional connection to them.

And of course, the fact that I am transgender made me think about gender a lot. As I read more I realized how useful philosophy is to rationalize these thoughts. Being transgender is not only a personal emotion, it is highly rationally justified when you understand the analysis of language, culture etc.

Sidenote: no, philosophy doesn’t mean only ‘post modernism’ and def not ‘illogical’. I should write on the topic at some point, but most of my reading focused on the british or ‘analytic’ philosophy which really attempted to ground itself on mathematics (as the root of language) and science. At first, because like most of us, I believed in medicalism and biology as the root of all knowledge, evolutionary psychology and all, and then gradually discovered both from the empiric standpoint and the philosophical standpoint how unsound this position is, as I progressed through reading of the analytic tradition (and read my loverboy, Wittgy).

Anyway, back to present day Emma.

The Rowling incident resulted in a major split in the feminist movement in Israel. What happened basically was this: The Slut Walk in Israel started off by queer anarchists. One of its major leaders was a queer trans woman with a beard called Dan Vag. TERFs and liberal feminists really didn’t like the idea and put a lot of pressure and shaming against the Slut Walk.

Dan Vag committed suicide after this atrocies public shaming. Since she was a source of inspiration to the queer anarchists, her death broke the community down. The new leaders of the Slut Walk, or more specifically the Tel-Aviv Slut Walk were mostly cis women, both TERF and liberal (along side, began a mass marketing movement of the walk, a lot of social media coverage, association with major political figures and of course: capitalization from the walk by selling t shirts and merch).

The topic declined in the following years until Rowling raised her ugly head which raised the awareness that the feminist circles in Israel are not safe for trans and bisexual women. This brought a major split within the movement. The Slut Walk currently is much more gay (lead by a lesbian woman, open to trans people) and yet still very liberal (though not libertarian, they sided with the TERF circles).

Anyhow, thing is, that though trans were outcasted from feminist circles before, it was always more subtle and manipulative. The Rowling incident made everything louder and more exposed. Which is a good thing. It finally opened a discussion which should have occured years before. So... I guess... thank you Rowling for being such a dumb, vicious person.

Thing is, while there is much good intention, most of the discussions are made using Facebook which is sort of shit for discourse. I should note, we have many doctors and academics who were willing to take the time and write very serious posts about the matter (sadly no rational argument or post from any figure with knowledge supporting the TERF side, almost as though it is mostly a load of rubbish and they repeat the same dumb arguments over and over again), but seeing as though they are mostly posted in Facebook, most people don’t come to contact with the information and it is quickly forgotten. Plus, most of the discourse on Gender Theory within our circle remains very... undergrad and below level.

Enters ol’ narcissist me. People pushed me for some time, and I thought about it myself, of preparing a YouTube video about the topic. But I had two major issues:

A. I wished to cover the TERF side as unbiased and maturely as possible

B. I wished to bring something new and insighting to the table and not repeat the abundant information that is avaiable everywhere (which TERFs don’t seem to read or be able to understand God knows why).

Ben Shapiro’s gender video was just translated to Hebrew, and I prepared a script for it but I felt bad replying to such an idiot. While he argues similar things to many TERFs, I don’t see value in replying to them because none of his points holds up to scrutiny more then 5 sec.

I was actually insulted. They are willing to hold extremely lazy believes, that are so easy to debunk, and not think for even 5min about the people who are hurt by that. They are not the ones who are hurt by their views and I can see why thinking about these topics places them in inconvenience so I guess it doesn’t matter for them. You know... the banality of evil and all that.

But then I remembered I studied Deleuze during the last summer vacation, and I remember his view on Science in Desert Island which intrigued me, specifically with relation to intersex.

Specifically, the fact that science attempts to induct from cases to general theories, and then apply them to different phenomena, implies that science would attempt to enforce sameness and eliminate differences. Thus, for instance, by creating the binary presentation of sex, intersex become an anomaly for the theory, which is either ignored or regularly supposed to be contained in one of these two categories for convenience. Likewise, statements as 'Women have property X' don't fully describe which category has property X: people of similar sex hormones balance, people with a certain genetic markup, people with a female or male anatomy etc. Thus the description increases our underdeterminancy and raises the issue of under-diagnosis in trans and intersex people.

I also saw a rescent video which made me think about this issue further:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcOhfOrz0HM

And I had many thoughts:

It’s an interesting take on the issue, it can demonstrate many of the things people don’t understand about sex and gender in an easy to follow manner, Deleuze is a very sexy man and it would be a great opening video about the binary view on sex.

Anyhow, this got me excited.

I mailed a few of my professors, some professionals I know for Deleuze and stuff, one of them was even interested in making it a complete research with me about Deleuze and gender (apparently, not a topic discussed enough cause everyone is at the other party, parising Foucault for the same shit over and over again while forgetting that Deleuze guy who was a serious golden boy).

Anyhow, I’m excited about that.

#blog #terf #queer-anarchist #deleuze #ludwig wittgenstein #analytic philosophy #daoism

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jtin97 · 5 years ago

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Love Sucks

First of all I’d like to make it very clear this post has nothing to do with firing shots and trash talking the girl whom I loved for such a long time. This is my story about heartbreak, betrayal, mental health and how I dealt with it because not enough people and especially men do this. It has taken me 365 days to bring myself to do this and if it can help just one person in a similar position to how I was, then for me it will be worthwhile.

It all started when we were 15 (September 2012) , in school, we were best friends. Spoke every single day and only when friends mocked us for flirting and saying how good we were together, we both thought – maybe. I asked you over on a weekend, spontaneously. We watched Tarzan on video. We had an unbelievable time and romantically, it just worked. I asked you out, you said yes and we were young and so, so happy with each other for the next 5 and a half years - it was just pure love. You were the kindest and most reliable person in the world, we could share absolutely anything together. We did things together I could only dream of at the age we were and I felt like I was the luckiest person in the world; 2 proms, multiple holidays, so many adventures and loads in between. We did everything together. Virtually all my memories from the age of 15-21 you were there with me. We were both on the same page with life and got on with each others families so well and that’s all you really want.

Fast-forward to September 2017, we had our 5 year anniversary. I surprised you with a weekend in Paris, I booked a top floor room right next to the Eiffel Tower, absolutely breath-taking and we shared it together. We had a ball wandering around the streets of Paris, going to these small café’s for food as well as getting ice cream and crepes throughout the weekend. It was mini breaks like this that I was looking forward to doing much more of in the years to come.

A couple of months afterwards, something changed with me. To this day I really do not know what instigated it because at the time everything in my life was just perfect; but I was depressed. I start work at 5 in the morning and would often go several days a week without a wink of sleep; for months I was constantly drained and I couldn’t always give you the 100% attention I was so consistent on in the previous years and for that I’m sorry but I tried my best, I honestly did. It’s an indescribable feeling, some days I felt okay and others I just wanted the ground to swallow me up and never come back; I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. But even though feeling like this for months I never really spoke to anyone about it, I thought it would just be a phase that would pass but it just wouldn’t go. I remember coming home from work once and started balling my eyes out to my mum and just telling her everything I was struggling with and then telling my best mate how I felt. My only regret is not speaking out to family and friends. I always perceive myself as a macho, strongminded person who keeps things to themselves if there’s a problem but with this – I couldn’t handle it. It wasn’t until after telling my mum and best mate in February/March time I slowly began to get back to being myself and being happy again but it was a torrid few months mentally.

The purpose of this was to put into perspective how quickly everything could change and no matter how bad you feel, it gets better. On May 17th 2018, I received an anonymous message on social media saying that my girlfriend is cheating on me, telling me who it was with, how she was doing it and how long it had been going on for. I was shaking, a mess and thinking surely not, she wouldn’t do that. I was at work at the time and showed my best mate and he just said ‘she wouldn’t do that, no chance’. I didn’t reply, I just told my girlfriend I was seeing her after she finished work. I turned up at 11:30pm, shown her the message and she promised me that she would never do that to me – apparently she’s not that type of person, I believed her – at that time I would’ve trusted her with my life. You’re with someone for 6 years, you have to trust them and I know for sure that she’s never lied to me about something so serious before. I was always still cautious, but I’m too much of a nice person so just let it go. When in reality, why would someone randomly message me something like that with such specific details, alarm bells should’ve been ringing for me.

On Monday 11th June, I found out my wonderful sister had two cancerous tumours in her neck, something you never want to hear in your lifetime. I told close friends and my girlfriend who were very caring of the situation. The next day, my girlfriend broke up with me; completely out of the blue. She said there was just nothing there anymore and things just weren’t the same. I still loved her with all my heart and try to fight my cause but I couldn’t force her to stay with me if she just didn’t love me anymore. I thought that was that. The whole of the Wednesday, I was crying for about 12 hours straight, an absolute mess. My 3 best friends picked me up and convinced me to go to a local quiz (which we came last in) to help me take my mind off everything and it honestly did me the world of good (thanks lad if you’re reading). I got home and my phone went off. She text me asking for me to go over, which I instantly did. She said sorry and that she loved me, wanted to be with me etc… But after that nothing was ever the same.

On the following Friday, I went on holiday with my 3 best friends, all in relationships so not a typical ‘lads holiday’, just a week in the sun with some beers. Due to the week I had, I was so close to not going but I really needed to try and clear my head and get away from everything. I had a great week with them and it was exactly what I needed at the time – relaxing and watching the World Cup. They were the only people who had an idea of what I was going through at the time and gave me all the space, time and support I needed to keep me going through a very confusing time where I had a lot to take in.

I got back from my holiday and I could start to notice things were really not the same. Suddenly she started distancing herself from me and became really secretive about her phone and would not let me even touch it. I would never go through her phone behind her back in the 6 years we were together. It was her privacy which I respected and trusted her but for 6 years she was never like this so I had a hunch that something wasn’t right and having my suspicions I needed clarity there was nothing going on which I never really got.

On July 18th 2018, one of my friends had a house party, everyone took their girlfriends and it was so great. Me and my girlfriend were having so much fun – dancing, drinking and joking with each other, just like old times. As standard, she had too much to drink, I ended up looking after her and after it all I misplaced my phone. I borrowed hers to use the torch to try and find it. I seized the opportunity of having her phone and looked at her messages with the person who she was supposedly cheating on me with. I saw that she was. I wasn’t on her phone for long but I can still recite almost every word I saw in the minute I was on there. I saw was that she was messaging him that night saying how much she loves him and how she wants to be with him instead of being at this party with me. I was devastated, heartbroken and had never felt so worthless. I went up to her and calmly said that its time to go home. I walked her home to sleep in my bed, hand in hand as she was incapable of walking herself (took an hour by the way!!) and confronted her because I then knew the truth and inevitably she told me everything. She was cheating on me for months and I was dumb enough to be completely oblivious to everything. That night I led on my side facing the wall crying my eyes out whilst she was fast asleep.

Stupidly, I tried working things out with her which now I regret even attempting. She never really said sorry about what she did and said that she would stop talking to him but in reality it was a work colleague so that was never going to happen. We met up a couple of times, we would cry together because we both knew it was the end. I would cry to her telling her I would never get anyone better. Although, in reality I will. A year on, I haven’t put myself out there on the dating scene as I find it incredibly difficult to trust someone and this experience has severely scarred me.

The last time we met up was August 21st 2018 and after that rarely did we make contact. It was the first time in 6 years I hadn’t woke up saying good morning or saying goodnight to her and I really struggled with the feeling of that. The following week was the hardest week for me, my best mate went on holiday and I spent the whole week reflecting and crying over everything that had happened in the previous months. I didn’t speak to anyone or do anything, I contemplated life so many times, I just couldn’t deal with how I felt. The feeling is just inexplainable but I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let her win.

After this I felt so low again but constantly upset at the thought of betrayal, not depressed. It took me about 7 months just to get my head round the situation and get over it completely. But once I got over it I’ve been living my best life. In the last 4 months I have:

ü Lost 3 stone by going to the gym regularly

ü Been to two concerts

ü Had a weekend in Prague with my best mate

ü Went to a festival

ü Went on a holiday with 6 friends

ü Booked a holiday to New York

It was not until a couple of months after we broke up that I actually told people what happened. I didn’t tell my best friends, my parents – no one. The best thing to do was to tell someone and when I did it was the biggest weight off my shoulders. I always have and always will be a quiet person and keep myself to myself. But telling people was THE BIGGEST RELIEF in the world. Everyone I told was so supporting and where I thought everything was my fault, they made me realise that I was a great boyfriend to her and someone in the future would be lucky to have me, I did so much for her.

Although I’ve been slating her for most of this I was in no means a perfect boyfriend. For sure there are things I would have done differently, especially in the months prior where I was feeling low – I needed you to step up. I was always so kind to you. When I went on a night out and a girl ever came to talk to me, the first thing I would say is that I have a girlfriend and show them my screensaver – a picture of her. Although it sounds sad, it’s the sort of person I am and always will be. I would love to have someone in my life who could do that same. I spoilt her rotten the time we were together and everything I did was to make her happy. Seeing her smile and laugh was all I wanted to do. I know in a room of 1000 men I will never be the best looking person but there will be few who would treat someone better than me and one day someone will come along who will teach me how to love and trust someone again.

I’ve been too quiet and reserved about all this but seeing as you’re now engaged and shown very little respect for me, I’m finally speaking. Although you broke my heart, made me incredibly depressed, shattered my confidence, left me to feel unwanted and unimportant, made me feel the need to shutdown from everything in the world, and make me feel like I never wanted to speak to a girl or wanted a relationship ever again, I have to thank you because of what you did.

§ Thank you for making me realise I’m much stronger than I thought I was.

§ Thank you for bringing my family closer than ever.

§ Thank you for making me closer to my friends.

§ Thank you for showing me exactly how not to handle a long-term breakup.

§ Thank you for showing your true colours early on in life before kids and serious money was involved.

§ Thank you for making me become a better man.

I wish you all the happiness in the future and hope everything works out for you in your relationship, but I know for sure I would not trust a girl who did what you did. If I was your fiancé I’d be incredibly paranoid that you’ll do what you did to me, to him.

The purpose of this post is to highlight how disgusting cheating is. It literally tears the victim apart and if you cannot guarantee loyalty; end the relationship before they get hurt twice the amount. Never take someone back after cheating, if they have it in them to do it once, they’ll do it again. If someone is reading this in a similar situation you’re worth so much more and things will get better and you will find someone in the long term, talking to someone is the best thing you’ll ever do and keep your head up. Time is the best healer.

Love is a magical thing, if you have something special don’t take it for granted.

Sometimes you have to step out of the frame to see the picture

#relationship #cheating #mental health

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lostinruans · 6 years ago

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Those Two Days

Ok. So I’m quite hesitant to post. Because I generally know who is reading and watching (although I dont know when or how or why they read). And this gets me angsty and insecure. Like it’s a safe space for me to post, but I get afraid to share some things. Or everything. Or don’t know how to prevent things from possibly being misinterpreted or misread (which most things prob are or will be because I’m wild and inconsisten with my feelings) but here goes Lolol.

(Actuat post starts here):

Ok. So: yeah. Lolol. Ooo awk start.

Ok. So we haven’t met in a while. A part was that we’re both busy and our schedules don’t seem to align or at first glance they don’t. We’ve just been Coexisting, but more like existing on separate lines and planes and then sometimes meeting because of preexistent measures and events etc. Another part is that I’m not watching your child. This was partly willing and partly unwilling, but opened an opportunity to work Tuesday’s because Monday’s are trash, literally. They’d make me take out and clean the trash and trash cans and it’s not as fun or easy as it sounds- even with a power washer. But it was also unwilling since I’m mostly okay with watching your child and it gives me a break from regular life and work. But whatever. I’m angsty.

Anyways Lolol. So you asked to meet. And I literally was like “uhhhhh.” Because i didn’t know what to say, but also didn’t know what it’d say if we met ?75 also because I wasnt ready, but also because it has been a long long while. And I’ve been told before, many times, to not hide or run from others, especially you. But I think it’s just hard when you have so much emotionally processing, but when you try to explain or bring it to others, it’s harder to put into words. It’s also hard to talk to someone about faith when you’ve been feeling like dry, dead, or rotting fruit, or that you say you feel nothing From God but you aren’t really “trying.” But even when you try, there’s not much of anything at all. like there have been prayers repeated weekly. Prayers spoken and whispered until I cried. And I’ve just been this stump in the ground, not knowing if I’m living or dead; growing or rotting.

But anyways Lolol. That’s not the point of this post. The point is that, the day you asked, I said we would talk about It later. But that was an excuse. I just wanted to delay what was mostly inevitable. I wanted to meet, but i was anxious and scared and uncertain. (But honestly, how pathetic is it that after like 4 years I’m still running and hiding). But later that night, a bunch of people came to fellowship so we didn’t even have time to touch base. And the car ride was... ehhhhhh. It was me wearing an emotional paper bag on my head. Buttttt yeah. Back to the stuff. So that was Friday. And Saturday and Sunday was mostly me doing stuff related to school and work, but also me dealing with the bits of the “issue” still picking at the sides of my heart. And I think I wasnt sure how or when to ask, but also I’m just super awkward in general which made it all the more difficult.

And so, I kinda sorta or whatever stirred up “courage” to passively ask about meeting up. Through messenger (LOLOLOLOL I’m so weak and sad). And no reply. Ok that’s cool. You’ve got your own fam and work and stuff. And then you read it. And I saw that you read it. And I was like, ok he’s prob chillen with his fam or eating dinner. That’s cool. I’ll wait. But no reply. So I’m just thinking about the read message. And l here is where the fall begins.

In total, it was at most two days later (Sunday night, vs Tuesday something) where I didnt have guts to “bump” the post, to which you said you didn’t have your schedule sorted out. And in my mind i was thinking “oh cool” but also “bruh” but also “why didn’t you say that earlier instead of letting me over think and dramaticize these false scenarios in my wicked head.” Haha. So dramatic. But no, like. Everything that could’ve gone or went work, went on in my head during those two days you left me blank.

One of the first things I thought was simply that you were busy. But no, busy wasn’t enough. To me, busy means you’ve got other places to go, other people to talk with, other things that you need to tend to. And you’ve got a kid and another one on the way. But Busy people make me feel like shit. Hahaha. Not that it’s bad to be busy, but it just shoves the idea back up my mind that I’m not worthy right now. That my meeting or my issues are not of high value because of everything else in life. And I feel bad because I feel incredibly selfish and needy. And I stop. I avoid it because I dont want to be a burden, when each has their own load of burdens to carry already. And like. Yikes. Yeah.

And the second thing I thought of was another stem from the root of selfishness, which was Why did I swerve. Like, why didn’t I just say “sure I’d love to meet” or “of course. It’s been a while,” but instead I was so dumb and weird and awkward and just replied “uhhhhhh// let’s talk about it later.” And like, my excuse would’ve been that I was at work, but the reality of it is that I didnt know if i wanted to meet. Which is selfish in that a meeting includes more than one person or party, and by, in a sense, denying the desire to meet, I also deny the other party’s request and desire to meet. And that’s rude lol. But from this, I despised myself even further for being so self absorbed in thinking that this meeting was for me or was based on my need and want.

And another thing I thought was about all the past mentors I’ve had before, which was “oh no. I did it again. I pushed away yet another person. Another person who just cared and I didnt try to care or love as much. Or I cared too much and hurt both of us.” Like I felt that I am too difficult to love and care for. I imagined patience must’ve gone dry, or consideration had gone stale. That I’m so emotionally and socially draining, depressing, fruitless and hopeless that maybe even you, the one of the most graceful people I know, that you, one of the most spoiling and over considerate and kind people i know, had finally given up on me. That you, too, see that the crops you’ve been given watching so carefully and intently had yet to provide fruit. That after four years, the fruit i had produced were rotten and wicked and cursed or had only lasted an hour, if lucky perhaps a day or two.

And so I hate myself for this, but I also, deep in the back of my head, wonder why you didn’t just save me from all this and say you didn’t have your schedule sorted out on Sunday. Or instead of leaving my publicly known crazy, wicked mind on a two and beyond day trip, that you just say “lemme get back to you. Like anything. Something.

A word, a phrase. Something to tell me I’m not being ignored or brushed under the rug. Like yeah. You’re busy. But a word tho lol. Or something. Or a “hey sorry brb” lol. Something to tell me I’m not trash or somewhat of worth. Like yikes.

Those days, those two single sad ass days. I’m so tired from thinking like this and from processing from rotting piles of most likely false situations that I cant even stay awake for work.

I’m such a sad person. Why am I like this.

Yay. Feels so good to feel bad.

Lol. I don’t even know the purpose of this post anymore haha. Nice. Just like me and my life, I dont know the purpose either. And that’s such a good feeling. Thanks, God. You’re so good at helping me grow. ☺️

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emerygoat26-blog · 6 years ago

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What the Heck is Going on at AnthonyColpo.com?

Ladies and gentlemen,

A month or two ago I locked up most of the articles on this website, in anticipation of turning it into a paid membership-only affair. My original plan was to do this with a minimum of fuss and carry-on, and to simply announce to my newsletter subscribers when the transition was complete. Those who wished to subscribe would be given information on how to do so, and those who didn’t think my content was worth paying for would be duly wished “Good night and good luck!”

However, the transition has taken longer than expected, mainly because a little thing called “life” keeps getting in the way. Bloody hell, life, why must you be so obstinate? Yes, while many readers seem to think I sit at my computer all day, enjoying a leisurely life of smoking cigars, drinking cognac and eating cannolis while some mysterious billionaire benefactor pays me to answer people’s questions and write free articles, the reality is somewhat different.

Actually, it’s a lot different.

Anyway, as a result of the delay, I’m getting an increasing number of emails that read something like this:

“Hi Anthony,

greetings from the Caribbean! I’ve been searching for your awesome article titled “The Night I Partied With a Room Full of Miss Spain Contestants” but I can no longer find it. When I click on the link it now just brings up an empty page. By using the information in that article, particularly the section describing your interaction with Miss Mallorca, I was able to score a date with a stunning Miss Trinidad and Tobago contestant. We hit it off real well, and we are now happily married and my beautiful wife recently gave birth to a healthy baby boy! All thanks to you!

However, I am now in something of a quandary. As I celebrated my son’s birth, smoking cigars, drinking cognac, and eating imported cannolis with my billionaire friends, a thought suddenly hit me: When my son grows up, I want him to have the benefit of the knowledge imparted in your article, so he too can one day marry a beauty queen and have a son who will also marry a beauty queen, who will also have a son who will marry a beauty queen, and so on.

However, the article is now offline, and my dream of pairing up my son, his son, his son’s son, and so on, with stunning beauty queens is now looking decidedly shaky. What happened to this article? Can you please put it back online? PLEASE!

Kindest regards,

Ricky Ricard.”

To all you folks who have sent emails like this, now you know why most of the articles on my website have seemingly vanished (there are about two dozen or so articles that can still be freely accessed).

As to why I am switching up the format of my website to one where paid access will be required to access most of the current and all future content, there are two main reasons:

Main Reason One (1): Writing detailed, thoroughly-researched and fully-referenced articles and freely posting them on the Internet is no longer financially viable. In fact, looking back, it was never financially viable. However, a somewhat naive sense of altruism kept me doing it, despite a little voice in my head often asking me: “What the fuck are you doing? It’s a nice day outside, turn off the computer and go for a ride, for chrissakes!”

Which brings me to the second major reason:

Main Reason Two (2): Posting free content on the Internet, and getting little in return except abuse, hate and whining from butt-hurt low-carbers and vegans, as well as requests for even more free information from people too lazy to follow-up with their own research, just doesn’t do it for me anymore.

I discussed the latter phenomenon in yesterday’s post:

http://anthonycolpo.com/anthony-can-you-please-do-my-thinking-for-me-no/

Seriously, I never cease to be amazed when people write to me, pissing and moaning that they're confused and don't know who to believe. What do they want me to do? Repeat everything I've already said, post another 50 references they won't check for themselves, and then send them some flowers?

One of my closest friends runs a very highly regarded mechanic shop here in Melbourne. It's not at all unusual to walk into his workshop and see a Ferrari on one hoist, a Lamborghini on the other, a race-prepped WRX on another, while a bunch of other similarly potent and exotic vehicles sit in and around the workshop waiting for their dose of TLC. His clients include some of the most famous people in Victoria, everyone from gangland figures to sports stars to some of the state's wealthiest businessmen. They bring their cars to my friend for one reason: He knows his shit, and he's the best at what he does.

I can only imagine the response if someone walked up to him in his workshop, and said:

"G'day mate, I read about you on the FriskyFerraris.com.au forum, and the consensus there is that you are the best. However, I then went to the SlickTreads.com.au chatroom, and they said someone should give you $5 so you can go buy yourself a clue. I'm confused, and I don't know who to believe. What do you have to say in response to the claims at SlickTreads.com.au? Can you write me up, like, a 5,000 word rebuttal or something?"

My friend would look at this person for a moment, to assess just what kind of a nutjob he was dealing with. He would then make it clear he is a very busy man, and suggest in no uncertain terms that this person take his business elsewhere. When this person had extricated himself from the premises, my friend would turn to everyone who had just witnessed this most ridiculous enquiry and remark, "Did you get a load of that lunatic? He read a bunch of bullshit on the Internet and wanted me to comment on it! Like I've got nothing better to do!"

The reasons for my friend's hypothetical actions seem pretty straightforward to me. But others just can't seem to understand why someone would respond like this. Take the following email from “Brendan”, for example. I’ve reprinted it below, along with my reply. Please note I’ve reprinted it in a manner that will not identify Brendan, and I’ve also removed the typos and edited some of the saucier language from my reply (however, the F-Bombs are still there, so if you have an anaphylactic reaction to swear words, close this page now).

Why am I reprinting this correspondence? Because to me it typifies how most consumers of Internet information simply have no idea what goes on behind the scenes for those putting out free info and getting fuck all in return. It’s not just me – I have it on good authority that a number of free content providers in the health, diet and physical training arena are disillusioned with the lack of positive social and financial return, and considering whether or not they should continue.

Anyway, here’s what Brendan had to say, and here’s what I had to say in return, and below that is some more stuff that I had to say after returning from my return. Or something.

Brendan writes:

Hi Anthony,

I'm a customer of yours, from [a place far, far from Melbourne], and this is my first time writing to you.

Based on your most recent "grow the fuck up" email, I have a suggestion (nay a critique) for you.

First let me say I get it...I get it...I get that people whinge to you and want you to take responsibility for their issue....but I'd like to respectfully suggest (and I mean those words, they are not throw away) that your advice, whilst accurate in itself, is mono-dimensional and thus of limited use to people. Not that I'm suggesting you are not entitled to deliver it in whatever way you please, but rather that if your true intention is to help people past their 'block' or their cognitive dissonance then surely you realise that the tone is as, if not more, important than the message.

My personal guess is that you know this very well but it doesn't fit your modus operandi, so, like inconvenient data that doesn't fit one's belief, you chose to ignore it. That's a personal criticism I know, and again...it's not that I'm suggesting you are not entitled to be this way if you choose, you are of course-- but my intention behind it is to share what I learned painfully through what I guess you'd call 'independant thinking', plus to reflect it back to you in the hope it helps you be more effective. We need people like you to be effective...not just to be there!

My guess above is based on a few things, one being that you have expressed favouritism for animals instead of people. It's as if you find people to be a nuisance! Fair enough, but my point is if you really want to help people and not just indulge your humour, then why not give them something useful for their deeper 'issues'. Your nutritional information is extremely useful, you've done more than many in that regard, so I suppose it's a bit unfair of me to suggest you should now also turn your attention to addressing the next level of concern in humans...namely the subject of your last email...that people can't seem to think for themselves, but I really do think you are in a good position to do just that.

Would it not be better to either write a book or an article (would probably need to be a long article albeit), or even suggest a resource list, where people can go and learn HOW to think for themselves. Your tone suggests that people can just cop the fuck on and start to think for themselves...but you know in your heart this is not the case....people (who can't do this) can no more do this than they can start speaking a foreign language they dont know.

Plus the very same people who may come across to you as analytically dumb...may only be that way in a certain field...say health or nutrition, but may be the opposite in other areas...like say finance or relationships or military prowess. The thing is that giving people tons of information, with links to articles etc, doesn't do it for them. Some people don't think in the same way papers are written, they can't understand statistical bias, have no knowledge of bench / tissue / cell culture investigations etc etc.

Is it your job to teach this? No, but you'd probably be able to make a good go of it. It may not even be to do with paper reading...teaching the very principles of independent thinking may be the way...or explaining how the philosophy of science evolved and why we are where we are might be a good place to start.

Our modern world grew up with the unanalysed idea that people use facts to make decisions...and still for many of us this SHOULD be the case. But it isn't...we all, you included, make decisions based on emotions and historical pre-programming. (Although it's hard to swallow at times...the US presidential election is a perfect case in point!)

In some ways you are demonstrating the extent of how 'insane' you are...doing the same thing over and over hoping for a different result. Shouting at people to get them to think for themselves is the perfect way to get 'them' to think like the rest of the herd...the opposite of what you want. Maybe you don't see these people as your 'tribe' but you certainly do seem to attract a lot of them!

Which I suppose brings me to the last point...what is it that you really want? If you really want to help then it seems you need to change your tune (literally and figuratively) so that you can reach those you seem to attract but can't seem to change. If on the other hand what you really want is to maintain your hegemony in the online world of don't-take-shit-hard-talking-say-it-like-it-is gurus...then I suppose you can delete this email and continue as you are, ie very successful in that regard!

Thanks for reading,

Brendan

My reply:

Brendan,

I appreciate the effort that went into your email, but with all due respect, the reality is you are over-analysing and way off the mark.

And the reality is that, until you've been where I have been and experienced what I have experienced with this whole internet escapade, you are wholly incapable of making any informed comment on the matter. The best you can do is offer your subjective opinion as an outsider, one who does not even begin to have the experience and knowledge that comes with traveling along the trajectory I have.

The source of my dismay is quite simple: For years, I posted carefully researched and fully-referenced articles on the internet for FREE, and forced NO-ONE to read them. I did this out of the belief that we the public were not being presented with the full truthful picture on matters pertaining to diet and health, and I figured (very naively, as it turns out) that by posting this information I could make a difference.

And while there are some nice folks who write to simply say thanks and ask for nothing more (i.e. decent people with a bit of gratitude), others write to thank me for the abundance of free info I've posted by virulently abusing me, pissing and moaning, and/or wanting me to explain shit even further because they are too lazy to do an independent appraisal of the evidence themselves.

I wonder what the response from these jokers would be if I responded, "fine, I'll furnish even more information, provided you come and wash my car/mow my lawn/clean my yard/etc"?

Yeah, Brendan, "insane" I know - expecting people to actually show a little gratitude for what they are given and to appreciate that other people's time is also valuable.

And the real cracker is I even get people moaning about my writing style and claiming I'm vitriolic. Meanwhile, cretins like Harley "Durianrider" Johnstone make $5,000 a month posting bullshit on Youtube ... falsely calling people steroid abusers, pedophiles, accusing them of "sucker-punching", and threatening to slash their throats.

Do a web search for a nutter called "RooshV", and check out the size of his following. Among his ‘civil’ literary contributions to the world is a call to make rape legal behind closed doors (!) No, not directly related to the diet arena, but it should give you an indication of what's required to really capture people's attention these days.

And need I mention people like Michael Eades, who belittled female academics while his followers cheered him on, but when I give him a dose of his own medicine all of a sudden I was the one who was out of line?

Or that bombastic grandmaster of hyperbole Robert Lustig, or champion cherry-picker Gary Taubes, who both portray everyone that disagrees with them as feeble-minded, outdated idiots, all the while spouting the most ridiculous bullshit themselves?

Given the celebrity status and financial success of all the above-mentioned, I can only conclude my communication style is far too civil!

But no, I'm the one who's writing style is too hostile for the world's soft-cocks. Interesting how these accusations almost always come only after I've written something the accuser disagrees with.

Sorry Brendan, but being involved in such a fucked-up arena just doesn't work for me anymore. I know it may seem, from the comfort of your armchair in your little "cottage" that maybe I'm just a wee bit excitable or have unrealistic expectations, but the reality is this internet writing gig has exposed me to a darker side of human psychology, one that people are too restrained/embarrassed/cowardly to express in person, and I'm just well and truly tired of it.

And if people want to be told what they want to hear, or need to be spoon-fed info because they are too dumb/lazy to think for themselves, or want to be titillated by scandal and gossip and "controversy", fine, but it is NOT my job to do this.

"Your tone suggests that people can just cop the fuck on and start to think for themselves...but you know in your heart this is not the case....people (who can't do this) can no more do this than they can start speaking a foreign language they dont know."

Actually I don't know this in my heart because what you have just said is BULLSHIT. A big fat, sloppy, odiferous patty of bovine shit.

Firstly, maybe you have found learning a new language insurmountable, but millions of people have been able to successfully learn foreign languages. Shit, I've met people who are fluent in 5-6 foreign languages. Why you think learning just one is an impossible task when people all around the world have done it, and are doing it as we speak, is beyond me.

Secondly, if I was able to learn how to go to a library, pull up studies, and read them, why can't others do it? Nowadays, a trip to the library is often not even necessary - many of these studies are freely available online.

Please tell me what magical quality I was endowed with that allows me to do these simple tasks, but not most other Homo sapiens? I have two arms, two legs, and one fucking brain just like everyone else. No-one taught me how to do this, I was not found in a paddock next to a chunk of Kryptonite and raised from infancy by a group of Mensa members, nor did I receive divine revelation from Librarius, the Greek God of Research. And - I may be going out on a limb here - but I confidently bet everyone else who's been able to successfully check out the literature for themselves wasn't either.

There's nothing magical about it, Brendan - the ability I have to get off my ass and read research for myself instead of relying on other people's questionable relaying of it is probably just the same trait that allows me to jump on a bike and go ride for a couple of hours, or to go in the gym and lift heavy shit up and down for 45 minutes or so - while others sit around, piss and moan about their poor condition, and get sucked in by sleazy diet gurus.

It's called being self-reliant and having a modicum of motivation, instead of being a lazy twat with a sense of self-entitlement who expects everyone else to do everything for him.

"In some ways you are demonstrating the extent of how 'insane' you are...doing the same thing over and over hoping for a different result."

This is the only thing you've written that has any basis in reality. Damn straight I must be crazy to keep thinking I can make a difference when what people really want is instant gratification, scandal, gossip, quick-fix gimmicks and so on.

But don't get too self-congratulatory, I came to this realization long before receiving your email. Several weeks back I locked up most of the articles on my site and am in the process of converting it to a paid membership-only site. My content is high quality, I believe it's worth paying for, and if people don't agree then the new barrier of having to make a financial contribution to access this info should help them kindly fuck off.

"It's as if you find people to be a nuisance!"

Fuck, now why would I believe that LOL

---

So there it is folks. AnthonyColpo.com will, sometime soon, be a paid membership-only website. It either has to start earning its keep, or it goes offline for good.

Brendan asks what is it that I really want, so I shall tell him. And you. Apart from the usual (you know, cute Spanish/Venezuelan wife, bigger house so Ramone can have a permanent girlfriend, apartment in Barcelona, race-tuned Nissan GTR35 with number plates that read "MANGIA MANGIA", and another set of 180mm Rotor 3D+ cranks) I guess it would have to be this:

That when my time on this crazy blue ball we call Earth is up, and it's time for me to relocate to that big Ballearic Island in the sky, I'd like to be remembered back here on Earth for more than just being able to deadlift 2.5 times my body weight or having nice glutes (ladies, please do not misconstrue what I just said. You should always feel welcome to tell me I have nice glutes. I will never hold that against you, hell no).

Yes, one should leave a legacy that goes beyond grunting like a wounded rhino as he pulls a stubborn barbell from the floor, and he should also be able to leave a legacy that goes beyond walking past a group of girls and hearing them giggle and say something about a "cute butt!" Although both are truly wonderful legacies, in my humble opinion.

But I think it is also most wonderful if one can walk into his heavenly bathroom, look in his heavenly mirror, and say to himself:

"You know, I made life back on Earth just that little bit better for a bunch of people. Right now, there's a guy in Trinidad and Tobago who's married to a beauty queen, with a healthy son who will probably also grow up to marry a beauty queen, who will then also have a son that marries a beauty queen, thanks to me. And there's a guy who kept blowing up on the same damn hill every time he went for a bike ride, until he read my article why Low-Carb Diets are Terrible for Athletes. Now he's competing in A-Grade criterions. And then there's all the non-Italians I introduced to anisette, tiramisu and cannoli. That right there should qualify me for sainthood - no wonder they let me straight in when I rocked up to the pearly gates. Oh, and there's that sizzling hot Lebanese girl in Brunswick who ... wait, that wasn't exactly a selfless act, so probably not relevant here."

Yep, corny as it may sound, I would like to help others. But I only want to help those who are prepared to help themselves. And, call me selfish, but I definitely do not want to help members of that bizarre sub-species that loves nothing more than to profess it's hatred for me but then continues to read everything I write. I mean, what the fuck?

And in the process of helping others, I definitely do not want to go friggin' broke.

The plan at this stage is to charge US $9.99 per month or so via a simple Paypal subscription. And before I get fellow Australians pissing and moaning about the US pricing, that’s where the bulk of my readers come from, so my hands are tied. Ever tried typing with tied hands? It sucks.

In return for this modest monthly sum, subscribers will get access to a monthly newsletter report featuring at least one sizable article and some research updates. And maybe even a picture of Ramone, I know how much some of you like him.

While Brendan seems to think I should waste even more time teaching the critical thinking skills that our modern education system doesn’t … um, no. Of course, I don’t expect everyone to be on the same knowledge level as me (I mean, if you were, you probably wouldn’t need to subscribe to my content, right?), but I do foresee a certain minimum level of intelligence and rationality among future subscribers. Not only that, but I’m guessing those who would be motivated to pay for my content are already largely on board with my approach and my contentions.

As such, I plan to spend less time in future on debunking-type articles, and more on practical how-to articles , with science-backed info that people can put into use pronto to improve their health, body composition, and athletic performance.

Having said that, I know some of you are big fans of my hunky debunkery, so if there is some new bullshit health trend or dodgey diet study making the headlines, then rest assured I will sink my teeth into it, chew it up, and spit it out in the form of a ruthless dissection with more references than you can shake a bottle of Alhambra Especial at.

NOTE: That was just a figure of speech, please do NOT shake a bottle of Alhambra or any other carbonated beverage in real life, if you are at a public gathering the results upon opening will not enhance your social status.

So, ladies and gentlemen, I guess this is the point where some of us will need to say “adios!”

If you:

Don’t like me, my writing style, my hair (or lack of it), my name, my ethnicity, my eyebrows, or whatever other trivial and utterly irrelevant trait you have decided to take offense to;

Don’t think my content is worth paying for because, hey, there’s plenty of free stuff available online from such literary giants as Jimmy Moore and ItsTheWoo;

then it’s been nice knowing you, happy travels!

Also, if you subscribe to the myopic and patently stupid Anglo-Western approach to diet and health, which revolves around the “blaming and shaming” of individual foods and macronutrients, be it fat, carbs, protein, meat, wheat, yadayadayada, then definitely do NOT subscribe to my content. As an Italian-Australian prodigal son who fell victim to this bullshit many moons ago, I nowadays adhere to the Mediterranean/Asian approach, which revolves around moderation and a complete lack of dietary neuroticism. Go ahead and sneer, ye low-carbers and vegans and pimpers of all things gluten-free … but may I point out that Japan, Spain, Italy and France all sit in the top ten of world life expectancy, while the US – ground zero of the totally misguided Blame, Vilify, Avoid approach to nutrition - sits at # 31.

And Japan, Spain, Italy and France all have far lower obesity rates than the US.

Yeah, carb-free/fat-free/cholesterol-free/gluten-free THAT, you dietary racists …

And while you poor nutritional bigots sit there eating your tasteless tofurkey, or labouring your way through your 50th burger patty for the week, with nothing in the way of tasty carbs to follow it up with, I’ve just finished some lovingly roasted chicken, a bowl of oven-roasted crispy fries, and I’m making good progress on this stubbie of Monteith’s Black Beer (bless the Kiwis, they sure know how to brew a good drop).

By the way, for fellow residents of Australia and lovers of beers that do not taste like bland, lifeless, yeasty-tasting piss, Monteith’s Black Beer is currently on special at Dan Murphy’s. Just thought I’d point that out. And no, I do not work for or have shares in Dan Murphy's, I’m just spreading some discount boutique beer love.

Um, anyway, where was I…

Oh yeah, the paid membership site thing. What more can I say folks, except stay tuned for further announcements as to when the new site kicks off in earnest.

Stay safe, and remember, things go better with prosciutto.

Ciao,

Anthony.

---

Anthony Colpo is an independent researcher, physical conditioning specialist, and author of the groundbreaking books The Fat Loss Bible, The Great Cholesterol Con and Whole Grains, Empty Promises.

For more information on Anthony's books, click here.

---

The Mandatory “I Ain’t Your Mama, So Think For Yourself and Take Responsibility for Your Own Actions” Disclaimer: All content on this web site is provided for information and education purposes only. Individuals wishing to make changes to their dietary, lifestyle, exercise or medication regimens should do so in conjunction with a competent, knowledgeable and empathetic medical professional. Anyone who chooses to apply the information on this web site does so of their own volition and their own risk. The owner and contributors to this site accept no responsibility or liability whatsoever for any harm, real or imagined, from the use or dissemination of information contained on this site. If these conditions are not agreeable to the reader, he/she is advised to leave this site immediately.

Source: http://anthonycolpo.com/what-the-heck-is-going-on-at-anthonycolpo-com/

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sywtwfs · 8 years ago

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Replies

PSA: Sorry for the delay, the last few days have been busy! We are cracking down on our inbox in the future because it’s getting too big to manage. Please remember to check the blog first, or try a Google search. 95% of the time, Google will give you an answer faster than we will. (We have about 40 asks in our inbox right now.) Thanks for understanding! If you still can’t find any information by yourself, go ahead and ask us.

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How are the base values for combination jumps computed?

Add the base values of the jumps in the combo. If it’s a sequence (with a “hop” in between the jumps), the BV is 80% of the sum. This information is in our intro to jumps guide, so please refer to that next time.

Figure skating have referees. I never knew they have them until now. What exactly do they do? It's not like fights would break out on the rink for them to call foul or something, right? Perhaps they are the ones who can forbid skaters from performing if shouldn't anymore? Do they dock points in the score? I'm confused by their presence.

“Event referees are in charge of the event on which they serve and act as the event spokesperson. They also manage the panel of judges and, depending on the size of the competition, may serve as one of the event's judges as well. The event referee is responsible for timing the programs, taking certain deductions (in IJS), deciding on all protests with respect to their event, conducting pre-event meetings (usually held at qualifying competitions), and allowing a skater/team to restart a program that has been stopped” Source. Next time, please try Googling this!

What exactly are entries and how do they work? (Sorry I'm new here)

I’m not sure what you’re trying to ask; please be more specific. Entries to competitions are the competitors at each competition, but I don’t know if that’s what you’re asking.

hi so i have a kind of dumb question. let's say that there's a skater and he has a 4T planned but since he wants to somehow get a higher score he changes it while skating the program during competition (so i guess not officially) to let's say 4Lz. Will it be counted as a normal 4Lz or marked as invalid because it wasn't the initially planned jump?

It would be counted as a 4Lz. Skaters are allowed to deviate from their planned content; it happens often. But they have to be careful that while changing their jumps around, they don’t break any layout rules, or they might get a jump invalidated.

for the 4cc, does everyone do the fs or just the top people?

The free skate cutoff for ISU Championships is top 24 after the SP for singles, top 20 for ice dance, and top 16 for pairs.

what do you call that spin??? where skaters kick the ice then raises a leg then kick the ice again? (haha sorry i think i am not making any sense)

If you’re talking about the flying entry to the spin where the skater kicks the ice a few times, it’s called a “star”.

What do skaters do after they practice? (During competitions) do they got back to the hotel? Or they have to stay in the arena? Or are they free to go on a little tour of the city?

They can do whatever they want. Some of them hang out at the hotel or go sightseeing.

Hi, this may be a silly question so I apologise in advance, but what's the difference between the official practices and unofficial practices at competitions? When you buy tickets to go to the practices, that would be the official one, right? Can spectators watch the unofficial one? Sorry I'm just really confused, thank you so much in advance.

There isn’t really a clear distinction, but official practices at competitions are the ones on the official schedule and are considered part of the competition. They also have a larger media presence and sometimes the audience can watch, depending on the event. If a skater wants extra time to practice, they might need to rent ice time at a different rink nearby.

What's the biggest surprise winner of a major competition that you know of? I mean, has there ever been a situation where a skater that no one expected to podium, or wasn't expected to do better than Top 6 (or 10 or whatever] ended up with gold? And to follow up to that, would such an unexpected victory have to depend on all the top guys flopping, or has it ever happened that some low-ranked skater suddenly pulled way more skills and just blew away even fairly clean higher ranked guys? Thanks!

Well...plenty of examples, but since 4CC just happened, Kevin Reynolds winning 2013 4CC was a pretty big surprise. All the favorites bombed and Kevin just happened to have two great performances.

What are the challenger series?

Scroll to the bottom of our intro to competitions post.

Each event has an opening ceremony?

Not every event. Larger competitions usually do.

Where can I see all the competitions and not only the majors? For example Open ice mall cup or Olympic hopes

Some of the small competitions provide livestreams, most of them don’t. Videos from fans sometimes pop up on Youtube but many of them are just never recorded.

Hi! Do you have any idea why it could be that the isu stream does not work for me? It sometimes starts loading and then says that "an error has occurred". My country most certainly does not broadcast anything, so it shouldn't be geoblocked. Maybe something to do with flash player or browser? I am just asking in case you have any ideas(:

As long as any TV company in your country has the rights to show ISU competitions, it doesn’t matter if they actually show it or not - the ISU stream will still be blocked. If that’s not the case and you are still having technical difficulties, try refreshing the stream or using a different browser. Sometimes the ISU stream can have issues.

Hi, do skaters need to pay licensing fees for the music they use in their programs? Has there ever been a case where a skater has to change their program because of licensing issues? Also, who is the skater in the gif on your sidebar? Thanks!

Skaters don’t pay licensing fees for music, rinks and competition organizers do. We’re not aware of a skater changing their music because of licensing issues because the rinks usually take care of it, but it might have happened before. The skater in our sidebar is 2010 Olympic bronze medalist and World Champion Daisuke Takahashi of Japan, one of our favorite skaters. :)

what is silver doe award?

Some kind of Russian sports award. Apparently Evgenia recently won it.

I feel a bit stupid asking this but... 1) if a skater finishes their program but are unable to salute the judges (fainting, panic attack, asthma attack, etc..) what happens, do they still get scored and placed?2) What if they can salute but can't manage to leave the ice without help, or faint after saluting? 3) and what if they manage to get off the ice but have to be taken in charge medically immediately or faint right at the boards, and can't go to the k&c?

If they completed their program, they will still be scored. If they have to stop partway through and cannot finish the program, they will be listed as Withdrawn and will not be scored.

How do competitions decide who gets to skate in the gala? Are there certain criteria?

Medalists are automatically invited to the gala, the rest is up to the competition organizers. They usually invite the more famous, big-name skaters, and crowd favorites who have entertaining exhibitions, regardless of where they place.

why is shoma's team japan jacket shiny while yuzuru's is matte?

Because there are many different styles of Team Japan jackets.

Are there any videos of the mens press conference from 4cc?

No, only a few news clips from Japanese TV. I haven’t seen a full video anywhere.

this might be kind of a dumb question but what's a jumping pass?

A solo jump or combination. For example, the singles short program has 3 jumping passes, but 4 jumps because one of the jumping passes is a combination with 2 jumps.

#anonymous #replies

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