#i get that is selfish of me but eughh…

[ranuunculus]

i feel bad for cancelling plans over and over with a certain group of friends but it takes so much energy from me ghhhghh

[bluwavez]

dear god i think what angers me about jinhwa is the conscious realization of the fact that this shit happens in REAL life. there's a lot of manipulative, narcissistic, abusive, disgusting mfs in real world such as him who's in position of complete power and that most of the times they cannot be put into justice because aside from how fucked the stupid system is, they already have their hands in the throat of their victims - groomed them to be their "dogs" since young. and we, as audience, feels utterly helpless for not being able to do anything, given how we can see the situation in a different light. which then makes my heart break more for deepdive (and venus) truly like i CONSTANTLY pray for jinhwa's downfall and for justice to be served in any way, shape, or form possible euGhh

yeah, no, i completely agree and i think that's the horror of jinhwa. sometimes, i fear i have to be so on the nose with him because there was a time where i wasn't so in people's face about him being a bad guy and they glorified him. it was so weird because jinhwa, to me, has always been a bad guy, like, objectively so. he's always groomed yoonah, he's always been a shitty dad to Noah, and he's always been a sleazy selfish businessman, but if I'm not shoving that in people's faces like I am now, he's just a hot rich man. jinhwa is very heavily rooted in reality as men like him are the reason why we have the kpop industry we have today and why its in such a wretched place at the moment (it's always been but you get the point kjdnfsd).

i think one of the sad realities I've had to face with the plotlines involving jinhwa, especially noah and yoonah, is they love this man very dearly no matter how wrong he has done them and will continue to love him no matter what he does as that is the system he's set up for them essentially. even when jinhwa was dead, both of his biggest victims loved him and grieved him. it's a very tragic story but one very grounded in reality, in my opinion, as it's a very hard and long process for victims of abuse, especially when the abuse isn't physical, to really leave their abuser. which you can see in every aspect of noah's life, but if i get into that i think this will be even longer than it already is sdfkjsdfs

thank you so much for your thoughts, nonnie! i love yapping with yall about this 💙

[cloverpurr]

just finished reading sky and here are som of my thoughts <3 probably a lot so . yeah . spoilers for sky obviously

am i the only one who finds frostpaw and splashtail's relationship weird. because is splashtail not, like, a grown man. a full warrior. and is frostpaw not, like, what, 7 moons old? 8 at the latest? of course they arent mates but am i the only one who finds that weird because i feel like im the only person talking about it. hell i even saw one person say they thought it was cute. maybe its just me

also frostpaw's whole thing at the moonpool when she's trying to reach starclan and being liek "maybe i should be a warrior apprentice instead. that way i can become mates with splashtail and i can be happy with him and we can become mates and have kits together and ill name one of them after my mother" and i just...... eughh...? i mean i think it'd be so much more gross if splashtail was the one talking about being mates with frostpaw, a child, and sure it could just be written off as a silly kid crush where she isn't actually being serious about it but... y'know... the erins are weird like that...

also. not a big fan of how sunbeam was written because it feel like for the whole book she's just being such a lil bitch to lightleap and lightleap is being nothing but nice to her. rowankit DIES and sunbeam is like "oh well at least blazefire, an adult who has much higher chances of surviving greencough (or whitecough, whichever one it was) than a kit, survived". and then not comforting lightleap and like SEETHING when she even so much as SEES blazefire and lightleap... sitting next to each other???? it could just be that i havent read river in a while but genuinely i dont get why she's so sour towards lightleap and blazefire all of a sudden. i get lightleap was reckless, injuring both sunbeam and blazefire and even confining blazefire to the medicine den for some time, but... as far as i remember, that was it??? idk man.

also the... the whole... "clan-swapping" and "clan-swapper" thing. im sorry but berryheart's whole posse of people against "inter-clan relationships" (which is what they call it in the book) really just. uhh. doesnt sit well with me? all of them saying that fringewhisker of skyclan brought greencough to their camp and them saying that "clan-swapping" should have never been allowed since fringewhisker bringing the sickness to shadowclan led to rowankit's death genuinely reads to me like they're the kind of people to think that people from china brought covid-19 to the u.s.

also also i.... really don't like nightheart that much in this book. im sorry i think he was great in the previous book though a bit, yknow, angsty, but i feel like in this book it must have been written by a different author because he's nothing BUT angst now. sure in the last book he was edgy but that could totally be seen as him being edgy because, y'know, he had a reason to be edgy. and angsty and upset. he failed his warrior assessment 3 times. of COURSE you'd be embarrassed and upset and angsty about it all. but idk, in sky it just seems like he's angsty about. really nothing besides "oh my grandma squirrelflight is making me do APPRENTICE DUTIES because theres NO APPRENTICES IN THUNDERCLAN RIGHT NOW. i guess ill just be STUCK DOING APPRENTICE DUTIES for the REST OF MY LIFE!!!!!" n its like dude....... chiiiiiill.....

frostpaw though is probably my favorite character so far but i don't know, something was just off about how she was written. somethnig was just OFF about this book in general, it very much seemed like it was written by someone who wasnt familiar with the characters of the previous book and accentuated their personalities to the point where they're all just one-note now. nightheart is angsty. sunbeam is selfish. frostpaw is............i dont really know acutlaly SJDKKJG but. i do like frostpaw's pov the best but mostly because i just really want to see what happens. little baby frostpaw, as far as we know, doesn't have a connection to starclan and riverclan is just in SHAMBLES becauyse of it. but i just love that. i hate the whole "we can't tell any clan about this" thing though, but ig that just comes from a pacing standpoint. i never liked it in media in general when something happens n characters are like "we cant tell anyone about this or else we'll be seen as weak" or something.

though the confrontation at the gathering between the leaders (mostly tigerstar n leafstar) and owlnose is really funny SKJDKJJKG i like it when tigerstar is like "....so reedwhisker became leader and then got sick and all of his lives were just taken away like that? he got greencough so bad it killed all 9 of his lives?" and owlnose is liek "it was REALLY bad-" idk thats just funny. this book does have a few funny things in it . i laughed a coupl times JKSDLKJJKG...

but uhhhhhhhhhh overall i think this book was. uh. interesting, to say the least. looking forward to the next book though :]

[tf2headshotcanons]

How would the mercs react to their s/o being a virgin? Love you! 💝💝

And I love you too, Random Citizen! (This is a duel reference, 10 points each!)My virgin senses are tingling! Too much? ;D Imma trilp.Demo: He just laughs. Not at them, but just finds it amazing that someone their age is still a virgin. Actually, he worries that they'll be used in one of Merasmus' spells for their pure blood. Hot dawg! He's casual aboot it ( ;) ). Honestly, he acts as though it's nothing, because he knows overthinking is just plain harmful - and that kids, is why he drinks :D He tells them not to worry. Meanwhile, he sets up a nice dinner date and a movie at his house. To which they get freaky deaky. But he makes it so casual and relaxing they they're both bantering with each other.Engi: Eughhh, do you wanna know? WELL TOO BAD! As well all know, Engi is very soft spoken, polite, maybe a bit awkward. But like an onion, this mofocker has layers ("Stop singing!"). He's really a kinky cowboy - kinda like those strippers. Just imagine that around Spy! Anyhow, he's comforting and gentle, promising them that he'll make their first time special. And does he fuck! Now I'm not sure if any of y'all know about this, but if you've ever watched Green Mile, you'll know there's a scene were he cuddles his wife from behind in the kitchen - which ultimately escalates to sex. That's honestly how I picture Engi instigating it. It's so heat of the moment and spontaneous that the lover doesn't actually have time to think nor worry about doing something wrong. BUT they do consent! And the eughh? Welllll eheheheh~ he may involve his mechs~ Whaaat? You asked!Heavy: We all guessed this one. He doesn't flinch, but raises a brow. Admittedly, it's odd, but he doesn't think bad of them. It's actually kinda cute they'd save themselves for the one - for HIM! It's in honour and duty to make the first time the best time. Like Spy, he starts slow - either by hand or orally - before moving on to the Great Beyond. His love making is very slow and gentle, not rough like the other Mercs would expect. Hes arguably the true gentleman. He wants this to be perfect. It's almost set up like a Honeymoon.Medic: Out of all the Mercs, Medic's probably the dickhead out of them all when it comes to virgin lover. Why? Because this motherfucker sold his soul, so I'm guessing virgins are kinda scary. He probably laughs at them and finds it weird. Oh! But this is the PERFECT opportunity to experiment. When he gets them to agree to losing their virginity, he does not hold back! He's rough, kinky, weird! He's the BDSM psycho everyone makes him out to be and full of dirty talk. Surprisingly, this is exhilarating and addicting to his love. From their, they're the fuckin opposite of pure XDPyro: Pyro is... Judging by his innocent nature, he may be a virgin himself. OR. Or, he's Superman in the Sheets. Pick ya poison. Either way, when he's informed, he just cuddles them because they're so pure and cute! Much later, they're probably play fighting or watching something they shouldn't, and get it on. It's sudden, it's fast, and it's bloody wild! What a way to lose ya V card!Scout: Starting with Scout, now a small counter argument. Spy denotes Scout as a virgin. Although being a virgin is not bad, Spy (who can read people like the Monthly) uses it as an insult - to his own son! Now Spy is in the know, he's the Merc sentinel. Nothing escapes him. Simply put, he knows that sexual experience means a LOT to Scout, and if he's lacking wellll... He feels less of a man. In ED, he obviously says "Wanna do it?" To the "Tramp" HOWEVER in A Cold Day in Hell, he tells an imaginary Pauling that he's "saving himself". Now, I'm not sure which actually came first, but going on the comic's information, it's clear that he's actually holding out for "the one". So as much as he wants experience to be a "sex bomb", he really wants his first to be with someone important to him (and we can probably chalk this up as inspiration from his single Ma). TLDR? Well, what I'm trying to say is that Scout is also a virgin, and they've been holding out for each other. How sweet! He doesn't laugh and even awkwardly confesses he's one himself. They're first night - whilst lacking experience - is very passionate and important, both learning the ropes about each other. They're both awkward, but it's actually the special day for them. Scout takes the piss a lot, but he's actually... Quite kind about this. Oh, but he doesn't know when to shut up. *Matthew Santoro Voice* He gets freaky~!Sniper: Oooo tricky dicky thicky ricky. Now, I waved between seeing him as a virgin, and seeing him as someone who pays for prostitutes on lonely nights to get rid of the urge. So I'll do an even split. Virgin Route: He's... Surprised. How can someone as gorgeous as his lover not be taken like that yet? In a way, it's a confidence booster as he awkward admits to being new on the playing field too. He worries about getting it wrong or not pleasing his lover. He worries too much, actually. The first time is passionate but arguably more awkward than Scouts. But he works to keep them happy and satisfied, even if his first time is a bit shitty. Hooker Route: Similar awkwardness, especially because he has an emotional attachment to the person he's shagging now. He can just be rough, selfish and distant like he can with a prostitute. He tries his heart and soul to make it as loving and passionate as possible, so a lot of kisses! But he also doesn't judge, but he is shocked.Soldier: Holy fuckin Dooley. I-I... Don't want to think about it actually XD Hahah! Well, he's taken back, and maybe doesn't believe them. Who hasn't had sex!? It's awesome and fun! You're missing out! His intentions are pure and he means no harm, but his humour and forwardness can be a little off putting to his love. But that's just Sol for you! However! He promises you that he'll give you real passionate sex, the American way! Yeah, now you feel my awkwardness, hahah! But uh, yeah! He wants them to feel the love of sex and get intimate with them, when they're ready he takes the lead. Though I promise you he'll do something stupid like coat himself in honey so you feel more relaxed. He'll also be humorous and encouraging, definitely handing out compliments. That's... Uh Solly, I guess? XDSpy: Next! Hmm now this is kinda Scout inspired. I'd imagine with all his "expertise" that Spy may actually see himself as some kind of sex God (or at least one of Pyro's creepy cherubs!), so he knows different types and been with plenty of people, including more than his fair share of virgins. As a result, it's not new to him, and most likely not a surprise. If it is, he gives a small look of shock but changes quickly to compassion. Because it's someone he loves, he's rather gentle and comforting, heck, believe it or not, he's probably proud and amazed someone could be a virgin for so long in such a sexual world. Either way, he starts slow - specifically, he'll either start with his hand or orally - assuring them that they can stop at any time. He melts them into it. When he's not busy being a cunt, he's actually one of the more sensual and sensitive lovers. And despite his pickiness, he's actually the last to judge. 🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑Hey mate, I know this is more on a personal level (and I'm not trying to call you out or anything), but if you are a virgin and are genuinely worried what others think, I'll tell you this. Someone who truly loves you won't judge you or think you're "prude". They'll accept your choice and listen to you if you're ever uncomfortable. Trust your instincts, alright? Anyone who judges is probably Fried Chicken Tramp level Anyways ;D And if it makes you feel any better, I'm 19 and "pure". Take it from me, it's like being a unicorn nowadays - ONLY LET THE WORTHY RIDE YOU! ... Bit much? 😭 Either way, take care, you little nugget, you!