#i get so mad cleaning up other peoples messes that arent mine so i just usually dont

[swaglet]

clap for me. i cleaned my entire repulsive disgusting as fuck bathroom that i have to share with my brother because i couldnt take living in this fucking filth anymore

[hatsukeii]

hey! can i request some headcanons about how tsukki, kuroo, and kageyama would act if they had a really short s/o. i’m vv short and i feel like some headcanons about them teasing their short s/o is bound to have me laughing :)

Tysm for the request ahsgjs😳💕

Under 5’5 gang wya😔✌️

Btw these are for fem s/o because I don’t know how to write male s/o, sorry🥺

I mean you can totally imagine it as a male s/o those, it’s only bc I made a period joke that I say it’s for fem s/o:)

Tiny bit of thought up headcanon for the boys too, just a tiny bit.

Btw imagine their partner as one of the managers for the volleyball team, gives me more ideas to work with haha:DD

(Slight angst that I made up for Tsukki because no one knows where the fuck his dad is and I love him so much oh my god-)

🌊Kageyama🌊

- “Aww look at you cutie.”

- “Hey, smack that dumbass for me. I’m too tall to.”

- “Is that a dress for you?”

- Actually doesn’t constantly remind you of how short you are.

- Knows how genes work and understands there was almost nothing you could do to prevent being short.

- Doesn’t mean he won’t occasionally tease you for it though.

- “Oh? You want some milk? Is it to grow taller? Your bones probably need it. Here, have as much as you want-” *Smack.

- Thinks you look adorable when you’re mad.

- “You really expect me to feel threatened when you look like Kirby?”

- Piggyback rides all the time.

- “Tobio, I’m tired.”

- “Hop on.”

- You once slept over at his because of a storm after his volleyball training, without your parents knowing because they were on vacation.

- It was really late at night, and Kageyama didn’t want you going home yourself.

- This meant you didn’t have any clothes.

- I mean yeah you brought extra shorts to school because of your time of the month, but you didn’t have a shirt.

- “You can borrow mine, don’t worry. Go clean yourself up.”

- You came out of his bathroom, and he almost passed out.

- “Wh-why arent you wearing any pan-”

- “I’m wearing shorts under this. Your shirt’s just really long.”

- He was so flustered he avoided looking anywhere under your torso for an hour.

- “Thanks for letting me stay over last week, here’s your shirt back.”

- “Keep it. It looks cute on you and I get to see you wear a makeshift dress.”

- Cuddle sessions are great.

- You can lie on him in any position, and he would still be able to reach out and grab your hand or play with your hair.

- He gets to be the big spoon, and he loves it.

- Protecting you is Kageyama’s new duty.

- He takes it a bit too seriously.

- He once threw Tsukishima into a wall because the middle blocker decided it would be a good idea to take your phone and go through it.

- “Do that one more time, and I’ll do something way worse than that.”

- He looked like he was about to go on a killing spree.

- Even Tsukishima was taken aback. He hasn’t messed with you since.

- Whenever Hinata does something stupid, you’re on smack duty.

- Apparently Kageyama’s “too tall” to do it.

- It’s a bit hard for you to give him forehead kisses, or cute little cheek pecks.

- But he doesn’t mind at all.

- Because he fell in love with your short cutie pie kirby chipmunk tiny ass, and he wouldn’t change anything about you.

♠️Kuroo♠️

- Makes fun of you like at least 3 times a day about your height.

- “How’s it feel like to be like shrimpy over there?”

- “Oh, sorry, I can’t hear you whining from down there.”

- “I’d totally let you kill me, provided you can reach my neck.”

- Knows not to make you mad though.

- Last time he decided to tease you by holding the coffee you brought to school above his head.

- You pounced onto his back and choked him with your arms until he gave you the cold brew you got from Starbucks.

- Being his short girlfriend had its advantages though.

- Kuroo, being the extra™️ boy he is, can pick your tiny body up with ease.

- Meaning whenever he hugged you, he’d pick you up and spin you around like in a broadway musical.

- After that, he would continue to hold you up and nuzzle your head into his neck while laughing about that grand gesture.

- Loves it when you wrap your legs around him while he gives you piggyback rides.

- You once fell asleep on his back.

- So he brought you home and carried you up to your room in a bridal carry.

- Likes to play with your hair while waiting for the bus with you.

- Also like to hoist you over his shoulder when you get annoyed just for shits and giggles.

- Likes to give you nose kisses. A lot.

- He knows you’re tiny, but that doesn’t mean he thinks you’re weak.

- He knows fully well your fiery ass will stick up for yourself, so he’s not super pressed about it when people make fun of your height.

- However he will get protective if he’s thinks you’re starting to get offended by the comments.

- Likes to compare you to Kenma, much to his annoyance.

- “I am nowhere near as short as your girlfriend Kuroo fuck off.”

- Likes to go on trampoline park dates.

- Wants to see how high you can jump. (Spoiler alert: pretty fucking high.)

- Tries his best to get onto the wall every time you guys go there, but always fails.

- You just sit on top of the wall staring back down at him, enjoying the temporary height you have.

- “Kuroo, how’s the weather down there?”

- “Screw you!”

- Laughs his ass off at your random outbursts in the morning when you haven’t finished your coffee.

- Holds your head back when you try and punch him.

- Secretly wants to see you mad, because you look so fucking cute.

- Compares you to fluffy things like marshmallows and chipmunks.

- “You look like a baby squirrel, I love you.”

- And whenever he says that, he means it.

- He would take your short ass over anyone anyday. No questions asked.

🌙Tsukishima🌙

- *Breathes in deeply* Here we go.

- Will not stop fucking making fun of your height.

- I repeat: Will NOT.

- “Hey shorty.”

- “You can’t fight me. You can’t even reach my shoulders.”

- Balances his stuff on your head when he’s going through his bag.

- Uses your head like an armrest.

- He once balanced his water bottle on your head, and you spilled the water all over him.

- You were laughing your ass off at how pissed he was.

- No one in your classes knows how you two ended up together.

- It doesn’t matter at all though.

- Your first kiss was awkward, to say the least.

- He has to bend down a whole ass 20-30 centimetres to reach you.

- Couldn’t be happier when it happened though.

- The entire Karasuno volleyball team was watching secretly.

- From then on, you two have been the power couple of the school.

- You guys didn’t seem like a couple though.

- You two playfully banter so much other students that didn’t know you guys thought you were enemies.

- Now onto the advantages of being Tsukishima’s short partner.

- One thing Tsukishima is great at, is being a bodyguard.

- Anyone else that makes fun of your height will be destroyed.

- He once blocked a ball and aimed it at Lev’s face during the training camp because the Russian told you you were “too short to be Tsukishima’s girlfriend” and that there was “no way you guys are dating.”

- It took half an hour to stop his nose from bleeding.

- No he didn’t break Lev’s nose, just made it bleed.

- Thinks you’re the absolute best at cuddling with him.

- Made you a dinosaur plush. Made. Not bought.

- Watching dinosaur documentaries curled up on Tsukishima’s chest while he strokes your hair and gives you forehead kisses is the best feeling in the world.

- When times call for it though you don’t hesitate to give the blond affection even if you’re a small bean that has to be protected.

- There was this one time before the match against Shiratorizawa, where Tsukishima had a huge anxiety attack in the middle of the night. Like 2am in the middle of the night.

- “Hey- Love are you okay?”

- “Plea-please, help, I’m- please, there’s no one home I need someone-”

- “I’ll be right here, give me five minutes.”

- With both your parents gone for a very long business trip, you basically zoomed to Tsukishima’s house. His brother was in his university dorm for the night because of early morning training the next day.

- Being the bad bitch you were you picked the lock to his house and swung open the door to him room, to see his tall figure curled up in the corner of his room on the floor, shaking, strained sobs coming out of his mouth.

- You kneeled down next to him, burying his head in your sweater, cradling his head while he sobbed.

- “My dad... he’s dead. Fucking dead. I was waiting for him to come back from Tokyo but then mom fucking called and he got hit by some drunk hunk of shit and now I don’t know what the fuck I can do-“

- “Oh shit... it’s okay, cry it out, it’s fine, shhh...”

- This went on for about half an hour. Just you, letting him whimper and sob into your sweater while you whispered sweet nothings into his ear.

- It was that night, that he realised he had fallen in love with your pipsqueak ass.

Whooo Jesus got a bit carried away there, I don’t care though, I like writing angst anyways lmao I’m keeping that in and using it for fanfictions someday;)

[tylerwritez]

Saturday, June 19 2021

I dont know how I feel about the day yet cos right now its only 10:13. I dont post these exactly on the days I write them, but I write them on these exact days nonetheless.

My throat still hurts, my ass hurts, oUch,.... I'm sure you know why. Like, when you suck dick, it takes throat strength to make sure you don't fucking vomit everywhere and like. I OBVIOUSLY dont have that strength since I had to wash vomit outta my hair this morning

Hes so hot tho oh. My god.

Whatever. New day. So we talk about new things.

Star seems kinda sad but I dont really know why? She said on her story that people dont really go outta their way to talk to her... idk. I shot a good morning dm and now I'm here. I made my bed. Packed up my shit. Every time we pack things up my parents rage cos they always find shit they dont want to see: monster cans, evidence of my self harm, etc.

We have 1 more week then school is OVER and I move outta this house cos of the divorce. Jay will be gone too... I still have his insta, but I might ask for his number... just in case. I always get weirdly attached to people I fuck even if there was never any romantic part of the relationship. We are just friends.

Apparently we are going to the pick n pack today with my friend let's call her Zara. It's notfar off from her real name but whatever. Basically pick n pack is where you go to a vegetable garden and pick vegetables

I have a test soon but idk if I'll study for it. I NEVER really put work into studying or pay attention in class and I'm holding an 82 average. I got a 39 once, so once I retake that quiz I might be in the 90s. Sorry Mr. Renal, I simply can't bring myself to care about your class 😢

I LOVE my art class tho. It's just doing ART!!!! ART TIME!!!! Art is the best and I would post some of mine but my irls would proabably find me then. Like my name isnt ACTUALLY Jude Shepard. I'm just using it as a penname and also cos that's what they called me in my dream. But other than that everything I tell y'all is real. I'm making buttered toast rn.

3:38 p.m.  sat june 19th

I've decided to include a song recommendation with every entry. Today's recommendation: A Match Into Water by Pierce The Veil

Okay so it turns out we didnt go to pick n pack with Zara. Instead we went to downtown... White Ave. It was sunny n we walked a bit, got lemonades and a bit of candy, went into stores, idk. BUT. The notable part of this is that next to the farmers market there were all the usual activist groups: falun gong, vegan, whatever... but one of them looked like it was a LEFTIST GROUP, possible marxist.

I wanted to talk to them so badly and wanted to see how I could help the cause. See, I'm a communist. AND IM NOT HERE TO DEBATE THAT. I'm here to talk about my days. Anwyays I wanted to talk to them sO BADLY. but my parents wouldn't leave me alone. And like. I hate political discussion with them. They just upset me and they get mad and I CANT AFFORD TO MAKE THEM MAD. I play everything that goes on with me on the Down Low, I dont talk about anything about myself because if I do, I get less freedom in my life. They have control in my life, so I have to appease them. Because of this, I unfortunately did not get to talk to the communists :(

Hopefully they're still there next time... I'm kinda mad >:(

Also Star replied to my good morning text... I told her to have fun shopping since that's what she told me she was gonna do... she just said "thanks" and I was concerned because THATS NOT HOW SHE TYPES? I feel like shes sad over something but i dont know what.

The day me and Jacob did stuff, I was supposed to walk her to her bus stop like I always do. But I didnt (duh) I took Jacob home.

But IT WAS ONE! DAY. And I told her my dad called me over so.... I apologized too and she seemed mad at herself, but in the way that's intended to make you feel bad.

I dont understand her sometimes. I LOVE HER. DON'T GET ME WRONG. I love her so so much shes such a great supportive funny attractive girl! But soemtimes she gets upset and I can never tell why: is it the depression? Is it me? Is it soemthing else entirely? And she'll never tell me.

Whatever, I'll ask her how she is tonight and maybe we can Talk :/

I might never tell her about Jay... :P I might never tell ANYONE about Jay. It's our little secret I guess >:))))))

Man see? I'm no saint. I guess that's what'll make this blog worth reading. I'm a bit conflicted about the whole thing cos I KNOW this is morally not right but. I'm doing it anyways. What can I say? I'm used to lying and hiding things for my benefit. I had to do it to survive and now? Now I do it for funsies.

I'm gonna pack some more stuff, TTYL ♡

UPDATE: we had to go look at houses for the move (since my parents r divorcing) and I didnt get to pack much of anything yet

I'm definently over my cal limit today...

        Cold sweet or carbonated drinks help with my throat pain so I'm downing them like they're NOTHING and since we have no zero  cal cold drinks I'm DEAD... and no, water does NOTHING.

Jeez, its raining out.

And FUCK JAY cos hes still on my mind.

Its 4:11 p.m. now.

Its now 7:56 p.m.

I kinda feel like an edgy main character in an edgy movie rolling up to the park and sitting #alone in the Treez like the emo band music video protagonist I am.

Sometimes its exhausting to talk to people I care about in a serious way or that I talk to in a more sincere manner like Star and Jay and others. Even if they're just friends. If our interactions are serious and not really casual and usually play out like long deep conversation, I feel like to respond to or even read their messages, I need to have like an hour allotted to conversation. Soemtimes I see the messages early and have to pretend I didnt see em cos I dont have internet to respond or time to respond its. Funny. Idk.

Anwyays I'm binging chocolate in a park alone and like. Rotting my fucking teeth OH WELL 🤷🏻‍♂️ whatcha gonna do.

Its 8 now so I should head home. I just biked to the s4ve 0ns to get my dad white choclate but. If I'm going to s4ve 0ns... YOU BET YOUR ASS IM GONNA STE4L SHIT. THAT PLACE IS EASY AS FUCKKK.

Also I'm kinda addicted to sh0pl1fting. The THRILL I get from it is so insane. It's fun! And you get free stuff! I know If i get caught I'm risking a lot. I'm aware. But I dont really care. Every step I take nowadays is risk taking. So why not take more?

I dont care about nonsense therapy. Fuck that.... actually I'll explain why i dont go to therapy for my shit:

1. I cant

2. I don't trust it

Anwyays yeah.

My throat still hurts. Idk, I just like to be in the sun and shit ALONE.

ALONE! It's so funny to me how now I like my time alone but as a kid I'd proabably kill for some positive attention. Well... it's more complex than that, but I wont go into it tonight.

Pls watch me die of diabetes soon from eating all this fucking chocolate.

My parents said to stop drinking monster and I wANT THEM TO TRUST ME so i can go out with my friends... but also I shoulda got monster outta spite. Heart palpitations my ASS.

Tonight I'll be talking to Jay AND Star. At the same time. Which is awkward... Which is MY OWN MESS TO CLEAN UP. I actually accept full responsibility. But also its awkward.

Whatever. I'll sort it out.

My parents arent being as complicated as usual. I guess they're tryna reverse all those years of... emotional neglect i guess? Something.

Something. Which isnt nothing.

But also I think they're guilty over the divorce. Like. Today my dad was like "do u ever feel sad? Blah blah blah... how do u feel rn" and I was like smiling tryna play off his question like it was absurd and I said "uhm idk... *fake laugh* normal?"

THE TRUTH WAS THAT I WAS A BIT CONFUDDLED ABOUT WHAT I WAS GONNA DO REGARDING. LITERALLY CHEATING. ON MY GF. WITH SOME DUDE IN MY ART CLASS. JUST FOR SEX.

But then he was like "this isnt normal." And he looked all sad.  But on my way to the park here, I thought about it a bit more. And actually... it IS normal. The divorce rate is smthn like 60 percent in the states and 40 percent in canada... which is where I live.

Yknow... if my irls find this,,, all I have to say is sorry. Be as mean as you want.

I've already accepted my fate as a degenerate scumbag anyways lol.

Actually... how DO I feel? Hmm... laying in this field.

Urgency.

I have a lot of stuff to do.

Physical pain, but that's not. A FEELING.

I guess anticipation to TALK TO PEOPLE.

Regret from my binge... I better get home.

You know what's so funny to me? I cant purge on my own... but dick makes me vomit. Like the one time I DONT want to throw up, I do. Damn okay.

Well its 8:18 so I'm going home maybe. Soon. For now, I think I'll stay a little longer.

Yknow one thing I didn't expect to be sore was my arms... which I used to prop myself up to... yknow, suck Jay...

I still remember he said: "you're trembling." And I was like FUCK because I thought the trembling was HIM... •_• it's okay though I'll learn to do better.

Idk tho... I feel comfortable with him. Even as nervous as I am and embarrassed to be. Naked. In front of soemone else. And such. He makes me feel comfortable. Look, I did my best, DUH of cOURSE I did my best, I'm the type who will work hard at stuff even if they're getting hurt. I didnt mind honeslty. My goal in that part was just to make him feel good. Equal exchange, yknow? He did the same thing to me.

But like, he can tell when I gag and he tells me not to hurt myself and of course I keep going, I'm not about to SToP. But. I dont kNOW. Him talking to me like that makes me feel a lot safer doing stuff like that you know?

I like when he starts kissing me and touching me like he cant contain himself its almost animalistic and VERY FUCKING HOT

I feel like I talk about him too much but you gotta realize that was my FIRST time

1. Sucking dick

2. having MY junk sucked

3. Having anything put. Inside me. (It was just his finger but stILL)

So yeaH. Of course I'm gonna talk about it. A lot.

He said I was adorable. He said he likes how, when he leans over me, I take in a breath... how he could make me flinch.

THATS HOT ISNT IT.

I feel like I'm getting lost in his charm when I shoULD be tryna fix shit with my girlfriend. She seems sad and I'm worried.

But there isnt much more to say until I DM her tonight...

I really fucked up, didn't I? I totally fucked up and now my brain is all confused. But I have to remember that Jay is only about sex. He would be nice to cuddle, since hes fucking HUGE and I'm kinda on the short side, but he doesnt talk to me out of love. He does it out of lust. And yeah... I really only want sex from him too. But like. Star and I are COMMITTED. We got our feelings wrapped up together. Emotionally and romantically.

So. I should proabably like... stop fucking with Jay. Tell Star what I did. And hope she forgives me. That's the morally correct thing to do.

But like... do I EVER make the morally correct decision? No. Not really. I'm a piece of shit. Whatever. Its highschool anwyays we arent mating for life. IM NOT SAYING WHAT I DID WASNT BAD. IT WAS. VERY BAD.

but I'm gonna keep making bad decisions.

I DO FEEL BAD.... but look. If we're being logical about this and tryna maximize my benefit here,, I should keep Star as my girlfriend and TREAT HER WELL... but with Jay as a fuckbuddy on the side. Hes leaving the school soon anwyays so then we'll hang out less...

That's my plan, anyways.

I KNOW I'm a bad person. I'm aware. But it's just a fact of life.

I'm cheating with my cards here in so many places: stealing, lying, cheating, disobeying my parents, not paying attention in class.. IM KIND OF AN ASSHOLE KID. Idk. It's kinda whatever to me. I'm fucking harry Houdini, okay? I can get out of anyhting. This isnt me being cocky... I have historically gotten out of MANY tight situations, even some that risked my life, and I'm still here. I think I'm a walking lucky charm or SOEMTHING

Welp, we know if gods real I'm going to hell.

I dont really care. Idk. I guess I'm just at that risk taking phase in.my life. That doesnt  justify anything... but it explains it. And it's possible to explain without justifying.

Man,,, I guarantee whoever reads this blog is gonna hate my guts.

Whatever. It's my fucking journal/diary lol.

I can sorta say whatever I'd like.

It's funny because I always thought I was trustworthy and had no commitment issues BUT HEY I GUESS NOT.

I keep telling myself, cut him off, YOU AVE A GIRLFRIEND, FESS UP AND APOLOGIZE... but then I picture his STUPID smirking face and I CANT.

Maybe I am in love double.

Doesnt matter if I am... i still did a bad thing.

DAMN.

Well... I'm headed back home now. 8:41. I'm gonna pack my shit, change, watch youtube,,,, I guess I should check my google classroom and like. do my fucking homework... cos I haven't done it yet.

Then I'll update yall.

11:51 p.m.

Hey guys I'm back with an update.

I talked with both of then... star doesnt seem interested in having an actual conversation,,, shes just talking  about  random bs. Which is fine but I dont rly get what shes saying half the time COS SHES NOT BLUNT ENOUGH. and then the other half shes going on about how much she hates life. Like.

I do love her. We've bonded. I AM concerned about her. But sometimes I feel like she doesn't really try. Like I can talk her down from suicide all I want but everything I say is wrong and cliched and based off my own experience with suicidal thoughts and like... my mentality has always been sorta toxicly masculine. Push through, and push through alone. I CANT ALWAYS HELP! And it makes me feel shitty. Idk. She'll be okay, I know so cos of her story posts and drawings.

I feel bad but I know I can't help much. We talked a little. Idk, we didnt get anywhere. I love her but shes acting in a way that tells me soemthing is wrong but I CANT FIX THAT THING. SO. yeah, theres not much to say. I wish I could take away all her pain but I can't.

I talked to Jay as well... I DONT KNOW WHATS HAPPENING BECAUSE I LIKE HIM SO SO MUCH. SO MUCH. HES LITERALLY PERFECT. sexy, kind and super considerate, he always makes sure I'm comfortable... I dont KNOW,,, hes sweet.

Hes not romantically interested in me. Which is a bit sad. Sometimes I want to tell him "I love you!!!" But then I remember that we are, in his words, friends with benefits. Fuck buddies. Two horny teenage boys who just wanna fuck... and be friends. That's all. That's us. We aren't romantically involved nor will we ever be. I hate how my brain gets so attached to anyone I fuck... especially since I kinda see Jay as an "older brother" figure, which makes no sense until you actually meet him and vibe with him... and like,,, I've always wanted that?

Tommorow I'm gonna ask for him to come over to watch a movie... but idk if I should actually ask because my parents kinda hate me now for fucking up so much. I'll do my homework and clean my room first... which will take up all my time proabably :( it's okay. Maybe some other time :(

I dont want him to lose interest in me though.

.... its 1:56 a.m.

Okay. Okay. I'll say it. I love him.

Goodnight, tumblr.

-Jude