#i get simon cowell i get jy park I GET THE LOVE OF THE GAME THE LOVE OF MUSIC

[hypbaest]

this is about how the industry is fucked (but u already knew that right?)

like i rmr seeing photos of harry at parties, on the red carpet, between studios, after 1d fizzled out and yet i was still in onedirectionland and...there was a point where i just Realized how fucking run under the bus he looked. and how cracked up he was. and how this lil tiny bab i loved so and projected so much onto was actually...being fucked big time by the System...the entire time i actively and vocally loved him. and i was complicit in that system. and i was A CHILD when i was. and it was really just because that was my Ideal Boy at the time and bops are bops. directioners were cannibals man. the shit i went thru was CRAZYYYYY. i dont even like to think abt it. i could put twt kpopies to shame SERIOUSLY and i was on the lighter side of things honestly!!! and a CHILD!!! EYE was exploited by the system too. fucking syco.... talk about parasocial...talk abt delusion...i wrote the book in real time...and i bet a lot of yall former directioners did too. esp if this was ur hellscape.

i see photos of harry and i cant even look him in the eye. i cant even listen to his music. always in my heart, really but damn. i know he’s seen the ugliest shit. and in part...because of the animal machine i partook in. yeah...yeah.......i dont feel good about that.

the reason i was hesitant abt kpop was because of the suicides. i couldnt understand how people could go on when that happens. i still cant wrap my head around it totally. what do yall honestly feel with jonghyun on the dash??? i couldnt do it yall. i cant judge. i know nothing. but i.....that moves something visceral in me...and it aint good, thats all i’ll say. it woulda been all bets off, if it had been my kpop boy. i would have never forgave MYSELF. thats all ill say.

and got7 uhhhh renewals or whatever r coming up. and its not life or death (OR IS IT???) and everyones like support the boys! kpop aint that real! everything is ok!! myself included!!!! and i cant help but think abt harry. and how i clown and mock and try to forget louis and niall and liam. and how zayn was long gone before i could even have a deep thought abt it. and no one ever brings him up...and no one talks about the entrapment and mismanagement of syco. or how larry was real in the minds of so many (and the strain that put on the whole group, LET ALONE harry and louis) and how stuck and stifled and CONTROLLED they were from all sides. and if u think that aint kpop...bro...when ppl literally DYING out here. wake up. (the difference i see btwn all kpop groups and 1d is how their companies are proactive towards fans’ crazy delusions and syco let everything spiral out of control)

it was on weekly idol, this past one, when somebody said something to jaebeom and he misheard. something like “you’re getting your pay” - and the way jb’s WHOLE DEMEANOR CHANGED IN THAT MOMENT OF MISUNDERSTANDING??? kind and hardworking and earnest and weird im jaebeom??? only child idol jaybee??? lil farm child porch sitting dreams bboy??? and it struck me. why the fuck would he just. break open like that. and maybe acting is good. maybe im a fool. but praytell: what fucking pay? and if you’re getting it, and that’s the reaction, then where has it been? and why?

among other things...

all things come and go. everyone gets their 15 minutes. capital is capital, right? negotiations are fought and won right? things can get better right? with hardwork right? you signed after u checked and double checked right? and thats only if ur own lovers dont eat you alive right? if you dont decay from the inside right? come on now.

and i always wonder....jay park left. this american. this leader. this TRIPLE THREAT. i always wonder why kpop hates him, why kpoppies scorn him...i wonder because as far as short kings go hes really a gem. he’s a good man. and it was jyp he left. yeah.

yall this is a business that eats people alive from every angle. it certainly is that serious. it is that real. whats a contract if you dont own your intellectual property? whats a agency if they get the final word? whats hardwork if you aint seein the money? what are you if you dont (or CANT) exist without them?

it aint just a parasitic relationship from the public side yall...come on