#i get shy posting stuff like this bc im scared i stray too far from canon

[dearestxiao]

my very self-indulgent personal headcanon for how modern au xiao looks like is early 2000s grunge garage band member

[minhmynchi]

this is so fucking embarrassing to ask lol but how does one uh. make friends lol. like. especially as an autistic person whose main friend groups are nt and i masked so well just to fit in that realizing this makes me feel lonely and i want a friend group that i can truly be me with

more rambling under the cut

while looking stuff up since i only found out i was autistic like a week ago i keep seeing that it's rly rly common for nd ppl to find each other and just stick together and like i've Done that before i could do that but for years now i haven't rly strayed too far from my current friend groups and i also have all sorts of Social Anxiety and its just like. oh god. how do i make a Group of Friends who would get it

like ig its cause i masked so well as nt that i got all my friends that i did but like !!! i don't have a lot of people i can talk to about this stuff but the very few that i do i feel ten times more comfortable just spilling things to them than i ever have w my friends and its like 😭 god im so awkward.

but the problem is that im already a busy person i work every day and im so incredibly shy and awkward and always afraid of making mistakes and me making this post is something of desperation bc i neeed like-minded ppl to talk to. one on one convos is okay but waugh. it'd be nice to have a group. and to have one that i can be semi-active in and not be scared of and not feel pressured to respond and who would understand me and be nice to me and to each other

do you see how embarrassing this is. this is so awful lol im 26 and i'm reaching out like this?? you mean i didn't naturally make and keep friends who are also nd??? like. sniffles. embarrassing of me for real