#i get really freaked out and anxious and overthink stuff all the time bc of ocd

[decompose1]

does someone ever do something kind and you can envision the sims +2 friendship icon above your head

[zzencat]

Thank you for your effort 🙏 please take care of yourself.

Before I ask my tarot related question , I have another question. I'm an INTP too. As a very rational person, how do approach intuition & channeling?

my tarot related question: how I would know he is my FS? How would I recognise them ?

[ You can tell if anything explicit comes up, I'm a full grown adult]

these are good questions AB! a fellow intp yeaaaaa!!! but i do have to warn you to get ready for some reading:

advice on intuition + channeling

AB!! you’re basically already done with what you need to do! you’ve there’s not much to do anymore- it’s really all in your hands now! cards are saying you can literally start whenever you want! it’s normal to be anxious about it or overthink it. walk into it and be ready to learn. the answer is right in front of you :)

make sure to rest yourself and your mind. be aware of your surroundings and take them in as they are, at its core—at its most fundamental properties. also, if you do some meditation, great! if you don’t, this could help quiet your mind and boost your awareness for better receiving of messages. also when it comes to channeling messages. usually whatever comes to mind is your channeled message, and even more so if you can’t keep your mind off of it. even if it doesn’t make sense, let it come through.

now intuition, is all about trusting your gut. it’s the feeling that you get first off the bat, for example, when you feel something is off. it can be all over the place and then you lose your sense of trust in it, but the key is to trust it. that feeling that’s just lingering and warning you. how can you distinguish between your intuition and a talkative mind? find a quiet space, close your eyes, breathe, and enter into a state of total calmness (the environment is customized to your own liking but it should bring you to peace and a “mental middle ground”, a place that completely calms your anxiety. rmr to keep breathing also!! 😅) doing this brings you back to rational thinking, an open and accepting mind, free from biased thinking. once youre calm, you should be able to decipher what your intuition is trying to tell you, even if it takes a bit. your intuition can freak out a bit but it bounces back. also!! intps like us already do cartwheels of abstract thinking throughout the day, and intuition works well with the abstract world and theories, so you should be ok from here!

also whatever stagnancy you may have faced before deciding to take this on was a period of preparation—a spiritual shift of some sort. so yeah! just…onwards! you’re more ready than you think- the ball’s waiting in your court.

future spouse dynamics, characteristics, + some sexual stuff

your future spouse is probably not aligned with his higher self’s emotions. the cards suggest he seems to have dealt with trauma, possibly from family, probably due to high expectations and low emotional support. they seem to be joyful and prosperous, but he deals with a broken heart and is often sad or deal with depressive symptoms. this person is more action oriented, but might be timid in sharing thoughts, ideas, or the next step due to doubt. he could use some work on his intuition. i don’t think he’s the best at expressing himself verbally so your energies could be imbalanced there. they’re rebellious and probably have the tendency to be impulsive, retract again, and then come out when comfortable again. the cycle repeats. this person gets confident and then unconfident. up and down moods and cycles. the job they’re in now or at the time of your relationship will earn plenty, but he needs to watch where those spendings go and how he conducts work. he’ll need to work out a lot of mental and emotional issues before and during your relationship (bro needs to seek out therapy for example), or this could lead him down a not-so-great financial path or huge losses materially. he might spend a lot on you as well, probably to overcompensate, bc what he’s learned growing up is money = love. there will be many times where he acts cold. there’s a huge chance that your relationship with him will help him improve and see things differently. instead of being indecisive, he’ll be more confident with his direction in life and what he wants to pursue. i also recommend slowing down and building the relationship off properly, not rushing. it would also help to open him up slowly and have frequent understanding and conversations. this dude is kind of a tough nut to crack (major understatement).

for sexual messages, you have to soothe this guy into having sex. this dude isn’t so great at love and seems pretty lethargic so you’ll have to coax it out. this could mean make-up sex or sex after having a discussion or argument. after you’ve resolved things, that would be an ideal moment to have sex and make it up to each other. there’s such a huge imbalance of energies, trying to get one or the other to do something that would be beneficial to their health and wellbeing, but the other is being so stubborn about it for no reason. i think a lot of your fights or misunderstandings are around behavioral issues, and not on your side, AB, but more on his. the dude could use some vitamin D too so some sex under the sun would be nice, some sun shining through the window. your balance and fairness turns him on a fair amount- also your hair too. the dude craves comfort. that’s what gets him the most. maybe some food and drinks as well, but incorporated a bit later!

thank you for waiting and for sending your ask in!! best of luck 😸👍

[inumaki-roll]

hi !! if it’s okay i would really appreciate a matchup because i’m curious and ngl need some comfort 😭 i’m female, straight, i’m indian-american (but tbh i’m only really fluent in english and my mother tongue i’m not.. that fluent in ? i can speak some though), rapunzel-length darkish wavy hair (hair was dyed a caramel color before it’s still there but faded nicely), glasses, i rather not say like my physical appearance like weight and stuff (it gets me triggered 🙁) same goes for height but i guess kinda.. tall-ish? idk but i’ve rarely seen tall girl appreciation so that would be nice windwjfnsnsn. i love gaming, anime / shows / movies (anime the most), EDITING !!! (i love photo & video editing) reading, writing, listening to music, sleeping.. & i like to chat / hangout. i like getting to know people but only if it’s reciprocated. i’m an ambivert, ISFP, aquarius, i’m considerate, kind, understanding, easy to talk to, trustworthy, loyal, patient, funny, observant, good awareness, spontaneous / bubbly, random? (like.. i can say funny random things). i can be super confident sometimes but then get envious and feel really insecure about my appearance. sometimes i can overthink a lot and get very anxious and would need comfort and reassurance. i get overwhelmed and stressed easily when it comes to like homework ? and feel upset when i don’t successfully accomplish something that i want to do or if it’s taking a while and beat myself up about it. i never half-ass things. i’m a night owl, i sleep through my online classes 💀 i love teasing, playful banter & joking around a lot but to an extent. i know when to not cross the line and don’t tolerate that kinda stuff ? i make sure to communicate. i can be blunt & straightforward. it takes a lot for me to genuinely be pissed off like it kinda has to build up overtime...? to the point where i would act out of character if that makes sense. i try to be kind when communicating unless it’s like i’m being ignored intentionally i’m gonna be passive aggressive lol. i don’t like repeating myself (when it comes to stuff like communicating, etc), i hate when i’m ignored or when things aren’t reciprocated. i can be fragile sometimes and tear up.. i’m an angry crier jandjsdnsj & i hate arguing it makes me so so so anxious. i hate being jealous or having feelings bc idk how to deal w it and guys have treated me like shit ?? so i’m like ew wtf is this 🤔 ? oh no not again 😭 and deny to myself of having any feelings and will never act on it. kinda like tsundere to my crush ?? but like i’m not super mean mean more like playful mean ?? & esp if they’re like cute & shy i’ll probably just tease them. i don’t have the heart to intentionally be mean unless we’re joking, etc. but even then i never go too far with that. for my preference of guys it’s all over the place so i don’t really have one ? 😭 umm i love going into detail and i can ramble a lot. i can be clingy sometimes and affectionate if i’ve known the person for some time or feel comfortable with them. i have trust issues & i’m on my guard whenever i meet anyone new because you never know & i’m tired of that stuff. oh, i’m super shy and quiet like... if i’m talking to a cute boy i just malfunction.... i just can’t 😭 i literally don’t know what to say even thru text so i legit just giggle. it’s so easy to make me flustered / shy 💀 also my face turns red super easily like it’s so obvious to even see that i’m blushing even when i’m laughing 😭 and i think i unintentionally make it obvious if i like someone...... 😭 like i’ll just stare at them and want to get to know them and try to be friends with them etc. also i love giving compliments and getting to know people (depending if they aren’t dry, etc). i think i’m good at comforting people(?) or well i try to and i would say i have good advice? i can kinda read people and remember their mannerisms, etc. oh & i have good memory, too. (1/2)

thank you for the request !! and this is very detailed so ty for that bc it helps if it’s detailed !! i ship you with..! 

➽───────────────❥

Kiyotaka Ishimaru 

Makoto Naegi 

or 

Nagito Komaeda 

➽───────────────❥

taka would def appreciate that you never half-ass things !! he’d literally admire you for your determination you put into things !! i also think he would like a straightforward s/o !! he would also admire your loyalty and kindness bc being a rude person is not welcome in a school environment >:( !! 

makoto would DIE if you teased him. he’d be blushing so hard please. also i think naegi would love having a tall s/o since he’s on the shorter side !! (i agree w him tall girls are <3) he would also be able to comfort you if you were upset !! he has lots of patience and all the time in the world to listen to his s/o rant when they’re angry !! 

NAGITO WOULD NEVER ARGUE WITH YOU !! he’d always speak to his s/o in a soft tone if he was upset, he would never ever even think of hurting your feelings. you’re clingy ?? so is nagito. he is touch starved and if you show him a bit of affection he’d follow you around like a lost puppy. and if you’re ever insecure, nagito would immediately try to make you feel better !! he can’t have his s/o thinking badly about herself :( 

➽───────────────❥

Tadashi Yamaguchi 

or 

Kenma Kozume 

➽───────────────❥

yamaguchi is insecure himself, so he would never want his s/o to feel that way about herself !! he’d try his best to make you feel better !! and he’d be so flustered with teasing omg. also, this boy would almost never argue with you, like he literally can not because it’d also make him sad. also he’d often go to you for advice. 

kenma would love playing videogames with his s/o !! he’d also be a little tsundere as well so if you teased him he’d act like he’s unbothered but he’s freaking out on the inside. 

➽───────────────❥

Sero Hanta 

okay i hc him as a little forgetful and since u have awesome memory 😏. he’d think you being shy is adorable !! and it’d cause him to get shy as well !! i think he’d also like listening to music w you !! and he’d also be good w helping u when you’re anxious !! 

➽───────────────❥

- mod rantaro ✧･ﾟ: *✧

[hufflautia]

Hope you’ve had a great day today 💛

funnily enough, i literally just stopped crying. today was a bad day, I don't know 

why but my anxiety was just quite bad today and I was panicking before school started. something happened in my first class and I overthink a lot, so my mind was like, “oh my god why did they write your name last, do they hate me, am I boring, am I forgetful, people are always forgetting about me” and “my teacher doesn't like me, why didn't he respond, I'm embarrassed, why did you have to say what you said??” my English teacher does these “mindfulness” moments in which we sit in silence for a minute and reflect on the day, and I literally started crying. after the minute ended, I just stopped bc I didn't feel like crying anymore, and suddenly my brain said, “ur so fake, ur just acting, why did u stop crying all of a sudden, u just want attention u crave attention ur such a faker!!” also I keep thinking about something that happened years ago with my dad, I don't rlly wanna get into it but I think it would be good if I just say it so that its not jammed in my head. basically, I was really young, like in elementary school; my dad asked me if i wanted to sleep in his room with him, and originally, my mom was sleeping with him and i shared a room with my little brother. however, i was like hmm maybe, and then my dad said, haha ill pay u 5 dollars. at the time, i said YAY OK but now i realized that's so fucking creepy, yall know what its insinuating right?? anyways, i said ok, bc it was just a change from the usual sleep schedule and i liked spending time w my dad, so my mom went to my brothers room (it was a king-sized bed so it was ok, it wasn't a small bed that we had to share or anything like that) and i went to my parents room. basically, what happened was that we went to sleep, and in the middle of the night, (the next part makes me feel so uncomfortable and i feel queasy writing it) my dad slapped my butt really really hard to the point where i woke up and i was like ?????? and then he rubbed it softly immediately afterwards. i didnt know what happened, and i told my sister the day after, and she was confused too. recently i was thinking about it and I'm still confused and a lot more uncomfortable with what happened. here is my theory and i was very upset by it bc no one would want to think things like this- maybe my dad likes hurting women during sex and it was a reflex that night, but once he realized it was me, he tried “soothing me” or some shit by rubbing my butt (i literally hate this, i hate the fact that this happened and i don't like typing it out). no one wants to think about their parents sex life so this was just disgusting to think about. also my brother and mom keep arguing and fighting with each other, and I'm sure i have trauma from hearing my parents argue all the time so i rlly don't like it when they fight. my brother has explosive anger and he literally screams at her, which is very disrespectful; however, she screams at him too and sometimes hurts him, which scares me. I'm not worried about my own safety, I just hate violence i hate abuse, that scares me. so much stuff has happened in my life, and it results in a lot of trauma and other stuff that i don't even know about. i just know im really fucked up, im damaged and it just all felt like crashing down on me today- like everything thats happened, i was feeling anxious for no reason, i was thinking about the past, and i started crying again while watching netflix after school, so i just kept crying and i talked to myself out loud about my day and why i was feeling the way i was. that did help to some extent, and after i did that, i stopped crying, and then my brain said “why do you shut off your crying so easily, you seem fake, you seem like you wanna be sad and cry just so that you can see your pretty little tears drip down ur face like an actress, ur so fake ur so fake ur faking it ur not actually sad”, and the hardest part was that i didnt even object to it bc i didnt feel like anything was real, i felt like i didnt know who i was. i was like ok bitch whatever maybe ur right maybe i am faking it. i dont even know how to explain it, but its like being tired of that nagging and negative voice that you just submit to it, and you say ok whatever sure i am faking it, but in truth, the sadness i was feeling was real and genuine. about 10 min ago, i saw that someone tagged me in a fanfic and while i was reading it, i literally started bawling. i guess it was bc i saw in my email inbox that people had sent me asks, and i was happy bc i thought that maybe the person who sent me the fanfic idea responded back with more details. i was anxious about that before, bc i was thinking, oh god what if they just never respond, what if they just dont care about u anymore. when i saw the asks notifications, i felt a lot of relief bc i thought to myself, oh phew ok people still care about u. when i was crying while reading the fanfic, i couldn't stop crying, it felt endless. i couldn't just stop crying like i had before, and it reminded me of the time when my mom was going out to meet someone that she met on a dating app, and it was in the earlier times when she started doing this; she had gotten involved with some terrible men in the past, men who catfished her and were rlly vulgar and gross. im sure this was somewhere in June, when i had just posted chapter 1 of the slytherpuff series bc when i was freaking out about the date, i wrote about it in my journal and i know that it was somewhere in June bc i wrote something like “mom is going out to meet someone and im nervous, please please please i hope shes ok and careful, im really nervous and scared, no one likes my writing, mom is probably in danger, oh god oh gosh”. it was just a whole bunch of negative and anxious thoughts, including how i was feeling about the whole situation with chapter 1, so that's how i know it was somewhere in June. anyways, basically i was really scared for my mom bc shes had a bad history with online men and i was scared that someone was gonna kill her. i read and listen to a lot of murder mysteries, so my mind was going absolutely wild. i remember on that day, i went to take a shower after writing that entry in the journal, bc showering makes me feel better. when i stepped into the shower i started crying bc i was really scared for her and i was hoping she was safe and ok but i was just feeling so scared so i was crying and i couldn't stop crying. that was the scary part because i just kept bawling and i couldn't stop like i usually do; my brain said ok that's enough, you’ve cried enough, but my heart just kept going on and on and my brain said ok ok jessica holy jesus that's enough and eventually i sucked it up and was kinda ok afterwards but still sad and numb. that was similar to what had happened about 20 min ago. also im sure i was also sad today bc yesterday, my mom talked to me about in-person college visits, and her demeanor was very rushed and controlling. she said, “ok jessica we’re gonna do the college visits, we’re gonna drive there, and your dad is gonna come home for that. tell him that you need to do that, ok? tell him we do the college visits together.” i said that colleges are doing virtual tours, and her facial expression was very strained, she was like “DO NOT TELL HIM THAT. dont tell him that, ok?!” and she was pointing her finger at me and everything. she said, “tell him we’re going to do the physical college tours, which colleges do you wanna visit??” and she kept telling me not to tell him about the virtual tours. it reminded me of whenever she told me to say this or that to my dad over the phone, and i was upset, like oh great ok so dad’s coming home and i dont even wanna see him bc i dont like him that much, and now im gonna have to lie bc dad is probably gonna already know about the virtual tours and im gonna have to pretend that none of the colleges are doing virtual tours. in essence, today was a terrible day. while i was crying my eyes out when reading the fanfic, i wanted to tell something, i wanted to reach out to lee and jolie, but my brain said that i would burden them, im always telling them about stuff that happens (concerning my family or other stuff) and its probably getting too much for them.  my brain said that they wont be able to help anyway, im still gonna have to deal with the stuff im dealing with, and no one can help. that's a sad thought, it seems so helpless and sad. sometimes i overthink the smallest things, and when i see a text from lee and jolie that doesnt seem “right”, i think, oh gosh they hate me now, why did i have to say that?? i usually see my therapist every Thursday, aka today, but we didnt meet this time bc her schedule is becoming busy so now we’re gonna do it every other week, so next week i shall see her. perhaps she can help. 

thank you for this ask, it seemed so out of the blue bc no one rlly sends asks like this anymore. while writing this, i literally thought to myself, shes like an angel sent from heaven

[welcome-to-the-petting-zoo]

Hey! I just wanted to ask if you guys have any advice for avoiding things in media.... I have contamination OCD and all the health stuff going around is making me worse and worse and worse.... It seems like everywhere I go (even to places I get comfort from) it’s there. I really do NOT need to know anything more about health, it’ll probably make things worse. I’ve tried muting/blocking words, but things still make their way through. Love y’all! Thanks!

Hi anon! I’m sorry to hear that you’re having a rough time. Cat asked me if I had some advice, since I have a phobia for contagious diseases, so I get how this situation can play into a lot of fears and worries our brains are already way too busy with.

Unfortunately, I personally fluctuate between completely isolating and distracting myself, and being reminded of All That Shit and then obsessively keeping up-to-date, reading research. Both work in different ways - I feel good when I’m able to ignore my anxiety, doing things I find fun, but we all know adulting forces us to interact with the world, so it’s not a good long-term strategy.

On the other hand, keeping informed helps me get a feeling of control over my anxiety - as long as I don’t get sucked in, and start overthinking, etc. etc.

What has worked best for me, is making some simple rules for myself, because I know what happens if I let myself get emotionally involved, or spend too much time thinking about the ways things can/will go wrong:

1: I try to have a list of things that I can do if I need to be distracted. On this list is both small creative projects, cleaning and organizing tasks and things to watch/check out on the internet. You probably know best how you can distract yourself from your anxieties!

2: Whenever my phobia is triggered or I’m simply reminded of The Way Things Are, I let myself spend the shortest possible time necessary to feel informed and therefore a bit more in control, by doing a very brief sweep of some ressources about current news, and then I immediately close it all down and pick a thing from my list that will keep me away from all reminders for a while.

This keeps me from being too anxious; If I don’t let myself react to the trigger by seeking out information, I’ll personally just ruminate and be unable to stop thinking about it, while getting short factual answers about the situation gives med concrete things to consider when calming my anxiety.

But it’s important not to do more than that, and instead let my mind do something completely different for a while. Is this very productive when it comes to getting things done and not turning into a hermit? No not really. Is it keeping me sane and relatively happy in a fucked up situation? Yes.I guess my point in the end is, that there probably isn’t anyway to completely avoid being triggered by this situation, bc even people without the good luck of being predisposed to that Premium Edition Contamination Anxiety, are freaked out and scared. It IS scary, and it’s a reasonable response to scary situations to be frightened as heck.

What we need to remember is that the most important thing we can do while this is happening, is take care of ourselves and others, and if that means closing off all access to social media and only checking your email once a day, that’s fine. If it means drinking hot cocoa and knitting and Definitely Not Thinking About The Thing, that’s fine. Do what’s necessary, it’s not a weakness, and you’re not obligated to keeping informed about things that trigger you, that’s not helping anyone and least of all you. Your mental health is as important as your physical health in all this, and if that means you’re less productive or less social or less informed, that’s super duper fine.

Take care of yourself! I hope my ramblings helped a little, or at least maybe can help you feel less alone. Always feel free to reach out to us, we want to help if we can. Love, Bear

[ves-abs-roq-pas-blog]

The Last Four Months

Hi Ves!

Wow it’s been a long time since i’ve used that greeting! I just wanted to catch you up on the happenings and problems these past few months lol.

Back in June all the way until August, I was really happy here. I was still excited and I truly enjoyed moving here and the time I spent in Texas so far. It wasn’t until the end of August/early September when things started to get bad. It was when school started.

So i guess I have to take this back all the way to last February when I first decided to move. I was never actually sure of my decision-if it was the right one or not. I decided so quickly without really thinking much. The thing I never told anyone is that I kind of decided to move to run away from Jersey. I don’t know if you remember about this, but a while ago, around the same time I decided on Texas, I dropped my biophysics class and was really upset about it. Well, I guess that was one thing I ran away from. I was thinking about how it was so hard to face everyone after giving up like that. That class was also a requirement to graduate with a physics degree at Rutgers, and I wasn’t sure I had the strength to face going back into that class again. I hated failing and instead of getting back up and trying again, I kind of just ran away. Around that time was also the time I started skipping out on going to MBC and going to different churches while lying to everyone saying I didn’t come home for the weekend. I really was not enjoying church and I wanted to switch churches really badly at that time but I kept thinking about how awkward it would be to move churches while still being in the same town as everyone. And praise and worship made me feel so fake. I wasn’t enjoying what I was doing and wasn’t in the right spirit and I was supposed to lead the congregation into worship when all I could think about was if I was playing the right chord and what Mel could possibly correct me on this time. And then I thought of how i switched my major to Physics and if that was the right decision. I let so many people (push, his friends, and my professor) sway my decision to switch, but I didn’t know if it was what I really wanted. So instead of staying and fixing all these problems, I was like “okay i’ll move to Texas, start new, and forget all these problems”

And for a while it was great, but when school started, I absolutely hated it. My friends from Rutgers were texting on our group chat about where to get lunch and I was really upset that I couldn’t be there with them anymore. And I hated all my classes. I missed my physics classes and my classmates and professors at Rutgers. I still to this day love Rutgers more than my school now and that’s my biggest regret was leaving behind that school. I was so unhappy with my school that it was so hard to focus on any of my schoolwork (plus i was working and i was running out of time ot devote to studying). I ended up failing my first exam. And by failing, i mean legit failing, I got a 62 on it, the worst grade I’ve gotten in college. I was freaking out about everything. I began freaking out about my future too because I was so unhappy at this school, but I was stuck here until graduation because it’s affordable, and they had a program where I could get my engineering degree here instead of transferring to a university. It made me really upset, especially when Cookie and I went to visit University of Houston. I fell in love with the school and Josh, Cookie, Dane (another friend we have here who already goes to that school), and I wanted to go to U of H all together and experience university and I was too scared to tell them that I don’t think I’d be a part of that. Community college sucks lol.

I wasn’t making any friends, I was doing so bad in school, and I wasn’t getting any opportunities here. One of my biggest “what if’s” was not taking the research position I was offered because I moved here. I was so scared that I would never get that opportunity again, and I think I proved myself right because I can’t land anything here.

Then it was time to get an apartment and move out of their house. Tita Donna was asking my mom when we were going to move out and it was really embarrassing because we really were trying, but it was so hard to find one that was in a safe area and I really started my bad anxiety during those 3 weeks. No matter what we did, we really couldn’t find an apartment. There was one that we got approved to and it was in such a sketchy place I couldn’t even sleep at night thinking of how I was going to live in that place. My brother works until 10 or 11 every night and I had no idea how I could be on my own in that scary neighborhood. It got to a point where everytime I thought about it, I would just start crying (even in class) because I was so scared. I really never felt fear that bad in my life. I didn’t want to stay in their house any longer because that was just rude, but I didn’t want to live in a place with crime and gangs, especially when it was an hour away from Josh’s house in case of emergency. All that plus school plus work and i just couldn’t breathe. Sometimes I couldn’t even get myself to go to class because my anxiety was so bad I didn’t even want to get out of bed and face the day. That only put me in a worse situation because it made me more behind on my schoolwork. And as all this was going on, I was trying to hide it from my parents because I didnt want them worrying about me because there was a lot going on with them at home (which also added to my issues but i wont go further into that bc thats my parent’s personal stuff lol).

I started feeling like I really made the wrong decision. I was panicking that I did the wrong thing and messed up God’s plan for me. I was freaking out and didnt know what to do and just wanted to start over and try again.I was seriously thinking about dropping all my classes and flying home without even telling my parents. I wanted to go home and take a break to think about what I was supposed to do next. Maybe go back to Rutgers and try again.

My mom called me one day and I couldnt hold it anymore and I just started crying and told her everything and asked to come home. She didn’t know what to do either lol. She didn’t want me to give up and come home. She and my dad told me that they were doubting it too and wanted me to come home but told me to just be strong and that they believed I could get through it. They were saying that doubt was holding me back from the blessings God has for me. They said that moving would be really hard but worth it because if i stayed behind in jersey, I’d be stuck and never learn how to trust God, take chances, and unlock all the blessings behind the door.

I was telling my mom about how I felt really guilty that they were paying my tuition and I was failing and how I might have to graduate late and all that. And I was scared of my mom getting mad at me because me graduating late was never an option. Last year, I was on track to graduate early and I’ve always been on that end of the spectrum, overachieving and all that and I was scared to tell her that it changed. They were okay with it though, they said that sometimes some circumstances are uncontrollable and if i cant graduate in time because of moving schools, it’s okay. It’s not the worst thing in the world and life goes on. They told me I could transfer to U of H after finishing my prereqs if school really makes me that unhappy. They said that it doesn’t matter how long it takes me, as long as I make my hard work and theirs worthwhile. We also found a really nice apartment near here (one finally approved our application thank God). And I’m doing a lot better now. It’s just sometimes I still get random panic attacks and feel kind of just frozen and don’t know what to do even if theres no reason behind it. Everything could be going just fine, but I still feel uneasy and anxious and I hate that.

I start my new job tomorrow and I’m trying to stay calm about it but it’s kind of making me anxious because it’s another new place with new people and what if I suck at it? I just can’t stop overthinking everything and thinking of the worst possible things that can happen in any situation. But I know it’s just my mind playing with me, everything is okay, it’s just hard to remember that sometimes.

Thanks for listening

Love, Abs