#i genuinely dont kno if i even want deeper friends tho like wat am i talking about sigh | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rpgbabe · 11 days ago

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im meant for the streets but like regarding friendship instead of romantic partnership lol. i feel like every time i have a friend they only like me bc i will actually give them my time and attention unlike other ppl but in the meantime theyre always looking for the next best thing like someone more interesting compatible fun spunky etc im just like a placeholder to come back to every time they realize their new recruit isnt gonna work out like ok back to harriet ig. idk im probably overthinking and it's just that i've never rly had a good friend to begin with so it's not that deep but it rly does feel sometimes like ppl only care about me when theyre not occupied with someone new. and at this point now i cant even bring myself to put in the effort with any friends i might make cuz im like ur prob gonna end up half-assing this too so why bother lol. but i feel bad then cuz its like how can u form a bond when ur not putting the time in but idk if i even care anymore i think more n more i just keep accepting im not meant to have friends i dont think my personality suits it anyway bc i lov being alone

#also tho i feel like ppl tend to go all in at the beginning and act like they rly love u but then that naturally fades away #so it's like kinda exhausting for me to like go thru that honeymoon period in good faith like...#i dont loveu.... o.o i dont know u... and ull prob hate me? so why are we pretending #but ig its fun to pretend for a bit too and its like an icebreaker dude idfk anything maybe im jst socially inept (iam)#but also maybe i just expect more out of friendship than others like i do have friends theyre just like strictly ppl i do things with #not like ppl id talk to abt shit so like maybe thats just what most friends are anyway and im expecting too much?#either way this is rly not that deep idk why i just always crave platonic love #perhaps the problem is........................... literally everybody's main hobby in life is getting drunk and i dont drink lmao #like what tf they gonna do with me they not bringing me to the club so like ofc im not their friend #i need gamer neet friends who are boring as hell like me. which i mean thats most my 'friends' anyway its just rly shallow connections #i genuinely dont kno if i even want deeper friends tho like wat am i talking about sigh #maybe i dont appreciate what i have enough but maybe its also ok to want deeper connections

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