#i generally default to him being VERY antisocial through inquisition and not really bonding with most people unless plotted

[banalras]

good morning, thinkin 'bout how every companion in veilguard is this 'expert in their field', sometimes paired with magical singularity sort of person. and theN you got aridhel/rook, who despite being this folk tale in val royeaux and part of the inquisition, is wildly unqualified, or feels that way at least.

he does it, and he plays the part convincingly for sure, mostly because that is the one thing he can do better than anyone, lie. but he spends 2/3 of the story convinced its a mistake and harding should have been chosen.

he can't get the nerve to straight up ask varric why the hell he chose him, specially knowing the kind of person he is. he just hangs around where varric is recovering or harding's room like a starving dog, talking about literally anything else but secretly needing their council so badly. he second guesses himself at every turn and is tormented by the anxiety that he will just get everyone killed, or fuck things up like he did on val royeaux or minrathous. the rest of the companions might be distracted by their own sidequests, but i think they do fail at first, partially because even though he belives in them, he doesn't belive in himself, and how can you get a group to work past their differences if you can't inspire that trust?

but there is never, even for a second, the hesitation to actually do the job. because that's the essence of him, and that is why he is exactly the right person for the job. because he will always take on the job no one else seems willing to take, just becaus he can't stand to see people suffer, it's near pathological. he might have been wrong on the execution before, but it's always about that and he won't stop. he has the drive to them all through it, and he has grown enough within himself (even if he doesn't see it), to do it right this time, and guide them instead of dragging them to the end.

he already tripped on that same stone as solas, of getting caught on the pain and believing anything justifies the goal. that the cause is so righteous you must do all in your power to make it happen, even if it means doing bad things.

does he fight with it? of course, daily. and he still makes choices based on anger, like leaving the mayor of d'meta's crossing to die a horrible death. did he deserve to die? yes. did he do it out of hatred and then had to face him again because of his choice? also yes.

it is specially hard having solas in his head, who pretty much represents everything he believed in before. a big part of him does agree with the things he says and did at first, and is a bit easier to manipulate because of it. but he's still too painfully mortal. he still grew up with a mom and dad, uncles and cousins, even if they weren't blood, they were still family, he still remembers that. it is what stopped him at val royeaux, because he just can't stare past the damage he does to others to get to that end, it doesn't feel like it's worth it. he saw it as a weakness first, he deeply hated that part of him that he saw as a lack, as the reason of his failure. because he wasn't strong enough to sacrifice his morals and so he couldn't save everyone. but watching solas' memories really opens his eyes to just how far you can slip on that narrative.

and then reaching the end of their path, he stops questioning if he's right for the jobm he just knows they have to do it. and his companions and the trust they place in him plays a big part in it. no one ever believed in him that way, he never gave them reason. but just the fact that they are following him makes him want to be worth that trust. even if he's not right for the job, he has to.