#i gave jouka some parts of me but a lot of his characteristics + thought process is very alien to me

[pendraegon]

hello hello can u tell us about jouka's curse?

YES if you want more on vouniverse here’s my tag for it: vouniverse

YES jouka time<3 i literally love talking about him, if given the chance i would NEVER shut up about him which might be kind of egotistical but i’ve really put so much thought and care into almost every aspect of him (for example mireuk’s rapier is supposed to represent lancelot’s red hilted sword BUT there were truly some aspects that came as a surprise or like...that i realized much later like how jouka’s torn red silk around mireuk’s new sword can represent again like how they’re both doomed to kill the person they love most, but also, that it’s the red string of fate that connects them!!! literally i was like “oh shit my subconcious mind that was SOOO sexy” aosdjfassa), but it’s always very different and heart warming when someone else cares for jouka too, you know? 🥺😭💌 this is gonna be long so i’ll put it under a read more here<3

i had inspiration for jouka’s curse from diana wynne jones’ howl’s moving castle! i always loved the concept of how even though sophie was cursed at first by the witch of the waste, it is her own power and subsequently her own self-hatred that keeps her in that state — likewise, i wanted jouka’s self inflicted curse to (im just gonna copy and paste what i wrote last night in a text post bc mind broken aosifjdsaofda:) it’s supposed to represent how negative self thought can cause people to spiral into further negative self reflection to the point that it’s impossible to get out of, or rather, it takes genuine reflection and assessment and the desire to change and make mistakes and get better to truly foster a sense of self-love and self respect.

for jouka he’s the bastard son, he’s technically the eldest, but he’s not because he’s NOT a proper tae, and throw in the fact that he’s the only half-elf? yikes. (i wanted him as a half-elf because i was like...well...........you know. when you’re multiethnic. how it is.) and tie that into the fact that despite the fact that he’s obviously hated and despised by the town + his father and step mother, he still WANTS to belong — even though he’s seen as less than dirt or a nuisance or even the fact he’s a scapegoat, even though he fucking hates everyone for how he’s treated, he still wants to belong, he still wants acceptance, he wants these people to want him too. [of course, lem and aino aren’t like this at all, if anything i’m very adamant that the siblings all truly love each other (which like we see bc jouka’s “korean” name has the same character that lem’s and aino’s do which is what occurs in siblings — they’re all “hwa/hua” and lem and aino GAVE jouka that character which shows of their acceptance of him as their brother) despite the fact that there may be tension between them in regards to lem burdening the responsibility of the silk trade and being jealous of jouka’s “freedom” while jouka doesn’t want to take lem’s place but he wants that respectability that isn’t given to him and then later on with jouka leaving aino and aino being understandably upset and simultaneously not wanting to see him again but wanting to reunite.]

SO, jouka at his core is this....he’s this little half shadow of what-could-bes and what-ifs and childish dreams which is why it’s so easy for him to slip into other guises, like, that of germy. jouka himself isn’t even THE real jouka, jouka goes by seokhwa even though his REAL name is seokga, and isn’t that scary that jouka doesn’t even know WHO seokga is?

ANYWAYS CURSE. so. mireuk of course we know because i’m telling you this that he’s actually the “hero” of the story and that the eventual twist is that he’s doublecrossing the people in power at the end this entire time — mireuk who stabs jouka because jouka is, rightfully infuriated, that someone he loved would destroy their village, destroy aino’s hardwork, implied to have killed lem or have been responsible in lem’s death but the worst part is that it’s not just that at all? jouka, who hated the village even though he longed for acceptance and connection, jouka who wanted to destroy and grind everyone to dust who was cruel to him, for jouka — if mireuk had told him, if mireuk had said that he was going to set the village on fire and kill, jouka WOULD have been fine with it, as long as aino was okay — for jouka, his disgust stems also not from his self hatred and lack of self worth but from the fact that he wishes that were him, that he was the one who was setting the fire aflame, that he was the one to hurt and destroy and kill. jouka is, a kind person, he’s gentle yes, but he’s not a good person — he’s never really been a good person in that all he cares about only are his siblings, lem and aino, and mireuk (and eventually, nyx) and now seeing the fact that mireuk killed lem, how can jouka reconcile that? SO mireuk stabs jouka in the shoulder and tells him to run as far as he can — and maybe i was like...a bit too indulgent in that i too have a shitty shoulder, but in that scar that one of the loves of jouka’s life gives him (the other love of his life being, nyx, of course), a physical manifestation of jouka’s self hatred is present, it bubbles up, it debilitates him, it glows and it grows and it overtakes his body. jouka uses music to temper that and i’ve talked about that before and how that ties both into finnish and korean mythos/shamanism. but when jouka then goes to the elves and the elves say that it’s life threatening it truly is supposed to represent how jouka’s hatred at everything is something that he internalizes so much that it’s killing him slowly and painfully and that not even his implied godhood can save him because if you believe in something enough, of course it’ll be true — and for jouka who is this like literal ball of loathing and missed chances and regrets and so so so very contradictory, it’s something that he blames on mireuk while knowing deep down that it’s HIM that’s the problem the entire time but unwilling and too scared to actually look into it.