#i found so many cool shells i’m so stoked. i have to find a way to display them all

[chaiu]

florider trip from a few weeks ago ^

[larksinging]

okay it’s @patrickbatman ‘s birthday today and instead of picking one dynamic or au to write i wrote. snapshots of a bunch of different ones. mostly some of our kamunami aus but with a cameo from some ocs

jay i cant even being to describe how much you mean to me. youre easily my best friend and someone i really admire and enjoy spending time with. this year has been rough but youve hung in there and im so proud of you. you have a certain creativity and thoughfulness that goes unappreciated a lot i think but you deserve the WORLD. so i hope you have a nice birthday <3

i. seaside date

The waves lap lazily at the sand, only the sound of the boat rocking and distant sea birds echoing around them. Chiaki leans over the edge of the boat and looks down as the fish all circling around them. She dips her hand in the water, the way Gundham taught her, and finds they all swim up to nibble her fingers. She giggles, turning her hand over until Izuru interrupts her.  “We’re almost there.” 

Chiaki looks up. “Where?” 

He just presses a finger to his mouth. She sits up and frowns slightly. But it’s only another moment before Izuru brings the boat to a stop and points down at the water. She peers over the edge and sees shades of emerald dancing beneath the water. Sea turtles, practically swarming around them. They glide effortlessly under the shade of the boat. One even breaks the surface, and Chiaki’s able to run her hand along its slick shell. It’s soft.

“This is incredible,” Chiaki watches them disappear, and then looks back at Izuru. “How did you…?” 

He doesn’t answer. Sometimes he does that. He just leans forward and presses a soft kiss on her lips, and then starts rowing again. 

ii. meeting

A burst of fire hits the door just as it closes behind her. Chiaki leans back against the safety of the metal and slides down to the floor. She’s exhausted and rattled from that last room alone. But this one looks safe. So she takes the time to pull her shoe back on and hesitant pull out her bandages, looking over for supplies and… uh…

Someone looks back at her. 

He’s crouching next to a fire in the corner of the room. His hair and eyes are dark and wild and he’s just staring at her. 

“Uh.” Chiaki can’t move. “Hello?” 

He doesn’t answer. 

“Sorry if I’m intruding, I just... “ She trails off, not really sure what to say. She was running from a trap room, what else is there to it? He doesn’t move still, so she hesitantly gets up. 

“My name is Chiaki,” She says, more gently. Maybe he’s shell shocked. “What’s yours?” 

He still doesn’t answer. Instead he pulls something out of the fire on a stick, and offers it up to her.  When he finally speaks, his voice is hoarse and gravelly. “Food.” 

“Oh.” Chiaki goes over to him, hesitantly, and takes it. It… doesn’t look appetizing, and smells weird, but it does smell sort of like food. Beggars can’t be choosers. “Thanks.” 

“Chiaki,” he repeats. “Chiaki.” 

Well. It’s a start. 

iii. the first ending.

There’s not a lot of places left to go. The mob’s coming for her, and she’s running out of steam. Charly runs through the forest, the blood on her face obscuring her vision. If she could pick them off one by one, maybe-- Ah. There’s someone alone on the dock.

Her footfalls make the old wood creak. Charly tightens her grip on the knife in her jacket pocket, which has become slick with blood. As she approaches, the figure turns and she sees white hair-- 

“I killed you,” Charly hisses. “Twice.”

Charlie looks back at her. “What did I tell you? It won’t stick.”

She charges at Charly, trying to wrestle the knife from her hands. They’re both covered in blood, and Charly decides that Charlie’s gonna be covered in some more very soon. Or… whatever that stuff is. 

With one last shove Charly gets the upper hand and plunges the knife into Charlie’s stomach. The other girl stumbles back with a gasp. Her blood -- not blood, Charly saw it before, it’s too dark and thick to be blood -- glistens in the moonlight. 

“Stay dead,” She says. She watches as Charlie stumbles closer, practically collapsing into her arms. 

What comes first is the sound of metal through flesh, then the white hot pain. Charlie wraps her arm around Charly’s neck, holding her close as she drives the knife into her stomach as revenge. 

“Come with me,” Charlie whispers. Both their strength is leaving their bodies, now, but Charlie grabs her collar and tugs her down. 

They both collapse into the water. As it grows darker -- is that her vision, or the water -- Charly just watches them both sink. 

iv. seasons.

The flowers are starting to wilt. Their petals turn brown and wrinkled, the trees shifting to blood red. Before, she wouldn’t really have cared. But now Chiaki knows that Izuru will wilt with the seasons, too. 

Chiaki plucks a flower with her claws, watching it practically disintegrate on her. She frowns and stares until she hears someone comes up beside her, and immediately her tail starts to wag. Only Izuru stokes her fur like that. 

“How are you feeling?” She coos softly, pressing her muzzle into his hair. The flowers there are growing a bit taller than usual. That’s not good. 

Izuru runs his hands along the fur of her muzzle and cheeks. “It’s warm today,” he responds, which she notes as a non-response. Hm. 

He’s right, though. After a small cold snap, the sun’s come out. Winter will be here soon but it’s not here yet. So she offers her claws hand, her tail still wagging. “Do you want to take a walk through the garden?” Really, she wants to say: stay close to me. I’ll keep you safe. 

Izuru’s eyes soften and he takes her hand. That’s all the answer she needs.

v. repeat

It happens again. Again. The cornstalks part around him. He isn’t what he was before, even her. The Entity isn’t happy. His body has been twisted more for its purposes. What is he now? He doesn’t look at reflective surfaces. 

He hears a faint click click of someone trying to unlock a chest. He pulls himself through a broken window, shambling in its direction. In the shadow of the building, the chest is untouched. Is he hearing things? No -- the nearby closet creaks. His claws close on the handle and he swings it open and-- 

Again and again she hides in the closet, he sees her blood, blood on his hands, his claws, again and again-- 

They both freeze. His claws are raised to grab her collar but he doesn’t. He reaches and brushes them gently over her face. 

She says a name. He doesn’t hear it. She reaches up, touches his face. 

(They used to hold hands.)

She slides past him in a breakneck run. He turns to watch. Let her go, says one part of him.

Hunt, whispers the Entity. 

He moves. 

vi. goodnight.

Ironically, the lighthouse is quieter in the day. Afternoons tend to be slow and lazy when the heat settles in. Izuru drags himself into the kitchen to refil the ice in Snom’s cooling pool (one of those little plastic ones, always filled with water and ice and a ramp up). Once that’s done he looks around for the Pokemon, as they usually come scurrying for new ice, but they’re… nowhere to be found. 

Hm. Izuru ties his hair up in a lazy ponytail and goes looking. Snom’s not in Chiaki’s streaming room. They’re not in the living room. There’s… not that many other places to look, since there’s no way it’s up in the light. 

He steps silently into the bedroom. Chiaki’s napping peacefully in her bed, and there’s Snom nestled up against her. They look up and chirp softly at Izuru, and then snuggle closer to Chiaki. 

An… odd feeling grips Izuru. He’s still learning how to recognize things like this, these positive emotions, and to name them. But he chooses not to right now. Instead he simply crawls into bed next to Chiaki and wraps his arms around her. 

She doesn’t wake, but makes a soft noise and settles in against him. He presses his face against the back of her neck. Snom chirps again, and settles down. 

He falls asleep more quickly than he’s ever before. He’s never felt like this. 

[nadziejastar]

Master Xehanort touched down in Radiant Garden and surveyed its surroundings. The ruler of this world was said to research the heart through different methods than the Keyblade Masters. Though the man's studies did interest him, it was not yet time.

Master Xehanort strolled around this world and found a lone man. He had a dangerous look in his eyes that concealed a darkness in his heart incomparably greater than that of anyone else in Radiant Garden. 

No matter the world, one didn't have look far to find hearts infested with darkness. After all, no heart was entirely free of it. It all boiled down to proportions; a little nudge to a heart with more darkness than light, and everything would begin falling into place.

"You there." Master Xehanort had seen several people dressed in the same uniform as this man.

"...What do you want, ya old coot?" The man with dark, slicked-back hair turned around with annoyance. Master Xehanort's golden eyes regarded him.

Exactly. It really doesn’t make any sense how easily those two became apprentices. Since when can any random person just knock on the front door and talk to Ansem, anyways? Dilan and Aeleus were the guards. They knew Lea and Isa were trespassers. Plus, they had secret evil experiments they didn't want Ansem to know about. Why on earth would they ever grant those two kids an audience with Ansem the Wise? If they knew that those two trespassers wanted to talk to Ansem, it's more likely that they would have just kidnapped them on the spot and locked them up, rather than letting them get access to Ansem the Wise. 

And so we stand before the castle gates today, not as trespassing children but in order to become Ansem the Wise's newest apprentices.

Ansem was apparently not someone who casually interacted with the general public. Leon, Yuffie, Cid, and Aerith had NO idea what the ruler of Radiant Garden looked like or how old he was. They all thought Ansem Seeker of Darkness was the real Ansem until Mickey told them otherwise. It didn't seem like many people knew much about him. In the novel, Axel saw Ansem the Wise on the Hollow Bastion computer screen and had no clue who he was. Mickey was able to see Ansem because he was a king from another world. Lea and Isa were just two school kids---nobodies.

Xehanort was never planning on losing his memory after gaining Terra as his new vessel. But he did plan on becoming an apprentice. And even then, he knew he couldn’t just knock on the front door and ask to become one. That’s weird and suspicious. It’s why Master Xehanort had to go through Braig. Without Braig, Xehanort would have never gotten anywhere near Ansem. And Xehanort was of particular interest to Ansem not just because he was a random unconscious person, but because he was discovered with Aqua's armor and Keyblade next to him. He was a very interesting subject to a scientist studying the secrets of the heart. What do Lea and Isa offer a KING other than an opportunity to babysit?

Subject was found in the central square shortly after dawn. Female, approximately fifteen years old. After seven days' observation, she spoke her first words, but could not provide a name. Subject exhibits signs of profound amnesia, and displays concern for which world this is. Her words suggest that she departed her home world with others, though she cannot recall the names of her erstwhile companions. All efforts to explore those memories have met with a rejection response.

After his initial experiments on me, Ansem the Wise ceased his research into the heart, his hand stayed by some fear I cannot fathom. Yet this new subject is like me: devoid of memories. She is the perfect sample upon which to continue my master's work. She, too, could benefit from it; by traversing the heart, we have a direct path into memory. I myself have begun to reclaim my lost past thanks to these very experiments.

Who is she? Whence has she come? These are questions no scientist could ignore. And the words she muttered, "May your heart be your guiding key"...

I still think the name "Subject X" was originally Isa, but now that I think about it, she kinda rips off of Terranort, too. An amnesiac from another world who was discovered in the central square? When Aqua was fighting Terranort, it was nighttime. So, when Ansem discovered Terranort, it probably would have been...shortly after dawn. Subject X departed from their home world with other friends, but can’t remember their names? Sounds like Terranort, too. He’d probably remember he had two important friends, but not their names. So Ansem wanted to help him remember his past. Man, nothing about Subject X is unique at all. She’s just a hodgepodge of different characters.

As noted in my earlier reports, I must solve the mystery of this "darkness of the heart." This paradise depends on it. I shall perform an experiment to probe the depths of a person's heart. One of my own apprentices, Xehanort, has volunteered to be a subject.

The young man has served me ever since I nursed him back from death's door some years ago. He had lost all his memories at the time, but later showed remarkable intellectual curiosity and readily absorbed my teachings, gaining deep wisdom. Any mental immaturity is surely due to his young age.

If I explore Xehanort's heart with psychological tests, I may be able to recall the past locked away within. My apprentice Even has also shown great interest in Xehanort's memories. But is he really the right subject? Xehanort does indeed exhibit extraordinary talents...Too extraordinary...Perhaps they are even superhuman.

Xehanort was a very unique person. He was an amnesiac that needed to be nursed back to health, but he also just happened to be mysterious and brilliant. Ienzo was an orphan whose parents were friends with Ansem or Even. They are exceptions. That doesn't mean anyone could just knock on the front door and become an apprentice. Why would Ansem just take on two random kids with no scientific background?

Not to mention that Lea and Isa apparently asked to become apprentices after Subject X was discovered by Ansem, since she was gone already. At that point, Ansem would have been aware that his apprentices were kidnapping people and that there were Heartless in his castle. He just experienced the worst betrayal of his life by the last apprentice he took in. Why on earth would he allow two suspicious kids in his castle at that point? I’m sure the other apprentices would have informed Ansem that they were trespassers.

“Most kids spend the time just messing around with their friends. They put off the homework until the end and then help one another finish it.”

He was apparently speaking from personal experience. Was Axel referring to his own memories of summer vacation as a human?

“It’s not a bad way to spend your time. I hadn’t really thought about it since I became a Nobody…,” he murmured, almost to himself, before turning the conversation back to Roxas.

Also these are two underage kids who are still in middle/high school. How are they just going to become apprentices when they are still in school? They don't have any credentials. Ansem would need their parents’ permission, right?

“Stop changing the subject!” Olette scolded them.

“All right already…” Hayner stood up with a sigh. “You win. We’ll do the homework. Today’s the day for a pain-in-the-butt independent study project.”

Roxas had completely forgotten that there were any vacation assignments until now. Only three more days, and then it was back to school.

Since Isa was in such a hurry, I almost wonder if he was thinking Lea wanted to sneak into the castle simply as a way to put off doing their homework.

“We’d like you to tell us if anything’s changed in this town. There are heaps of weird things here, right…? Like, the strange stone steps, for example…”

Roxas watched Axel and Pence’s exchange. For him to think of a question like that, when he’s only seen the map…

“Ohhh… So you guys are investigating the Seven Wonders of Twilight Town, too?” said Pence.

Roxas’s summer vacation was heavily based off of Axel’s memories. And the novel made it seem like Axel had experience with looking for the various wonders of the town. 

The castle was a wonderland to us children. Within its walls, Ansem the Wise conducted his research, and the fruits it bore allowed everyone outside to live in peace and happiness. That alone was enough to stoke our interest, though not all of the rumors that escaped its walls were so benevolent. By night, the muffled sounds of human wails emerged. There was talk of dangerous human experimentation. Lea and I couldn't help but hatch a plot to steal inside and sate our curiosity.

The point is, these are just innocent KIDS who like to play, eat ice cream, and explore the "wonders" of their town. They’re not secret agents. The castle was a wonderland to them. It's probably similar to how the haunted mansion and ghost train were for Roxas's group.

Lea---A likable, upbeat boy who tends to jump into things without consulting anybody else-sometimes with disastrous results. He seems to be hung up on other people remembering him, and taught Ventus the importance of making friends. He and his own best friend, Isa, have bigger plans.

Isa---A quiet and cool-headed youth. Though he does come out of his shell when talking to his best friend Lea, toward others he is distant and untalkative. He also often scolds Lea, who has an opposite (though complementary) personality.

I just don’t buy that Lea and Isa successfully convinced the KING to make them apprentices and infiltrated a group of criminals, all as part of some grand master plan. Two sheltered kids pulled off something like that and somehow didn’t get locked up and become test subjects themselves? Highly unlikely. BBS said that Lea always came up with plans that he’d jump into without thinking, with disastrous results. The journal seemed to be hinting that sneaking into the castle was something that...wasn’t a very bright idea and would lead to something very bad happening. Like getting kidnapped, locked up, then experimented on. And that’s a lot more believable of a scenario. Lea would do things without consulting anyone. Probably why Isa scolded him often.

“Don’t sit on that.”

“Then put another chair in here.” He let his legs swing, the way he would sit at the usual spot.

“Somehow, I doubt that would stop you,” said Saïx.

Judging by the way Saïx and Axel interact in the novel, Lea didn’t pay much attention to Isa’s scolding. I like the one little mini-comic where Axel was the accelerator and he called Roxas the brake. But he remembered that Roxas wasn’t actually the brake. It was “the other guy”. Isa was the brake. He’d try to reign in Lea’s hotheadedness. I definitely see it being Lea’s idea to sneak into the castle, not Isa’s. Lea probably didn't even consult Isa when coming up with the plan. They got caught trespassing multiple times, but Lea was always undeterred. Those aren't the actions of someone who knew that dangerous human experiments were going on.

Axel followed after him. “No, it’s just that there’s something about Riku I’m interested in. I want to check up on something, but I thought I’d just get your permission first.”

“Hmph… Even without my permission, you’ll go looking as you wish, won’t you?”

I'm sure Lea never imagined that anything bad could ever happen to them by sneaking into the castle. He seemed like he was very protective of Isa. If he knew there was loud wailing and rumors of dangerous human experiments going on in that castle, I HIGHLY doubt he would have brought Isa anywhere near it. Lea had a habit of jumping into things, but he was still a caring friend. I can't imagine that he would knowingly put Isa at risk like that. And I definitely don't think Isa would ever go along with that plan, either. He cared about Lea's safety and would have put the brakes on that plan REAL fast if he heard rumors of human experimentation.

“He worries too much. Thinks he has to help Sora do everything…” Axel grimaced in irritation.

“But, Axel, aren’t you the one worrying about Riku and Sora?” Naminé giggled softly.

“Me, worry? You think I need to be worried about those two?” He stretched backward and rocked the chair back and forth, like a restless child.

Axel probably blamed himself for what happened to them. He is obviously emotionally stunted in certain ways. He could be quite ruthless. But at the same time, he is hung up on things like having a best friend and eating ice cream. Bottom line is that these were just KIDS. They were naive. They didn’t know what they were getting themselves into. Didn’t sound like Lea was EVER prepared for the possibility that breaking into the castle was dangerous. 

[herecomesthesonshine-blog]

Week One: Remember That One Time Our Tire Passed Us On The Road?

Week one is DONE! (dat rhyme tho)

One thing before I get started: I literally just sat down to write this based on some notes and stuff I took on a word document over the week. None of it is edited so there’s probably huge grammar and spelling errors and trust me, I wish I had the time to go over this and edit it and make it better. I will probably look at this tomorrow and cringe.

TL;DR Training is awesome I feel like I was busier as a theatre major My shoulders hurt Our tire flew off our van and down the road So many new friends I got to pet a dog Jesus Jesus Jesus

:)

First off, this week has been invigorating and, in such a good way, exhausting. I’ve met so many people whose names I have surprisingly remembered and Jesus is so evident. He is SO everywhere.

Speaking of the man upstairs, I tried to start my week with some church but ended up listening to a sermon online and man, that sermon totally encompassed what this whole week was going to look like.

Scott Rogers, AKA one of my favorite speakers from Cornerstone, spoke on Palm Sunday awhile ago about being relational at church. I wasn’t in big service that day so I decided to go back and watch it. Basically it was about how the reason we love our home church is because of the people there. The worship could be decent, the pastors could have really good sermons, and your children’s ministry could be a big party, but all churches have places where they come up a little short for people. What makes people love church is the people who love them while they’re there. They ask them about their lives, remember the details, and will ask about them later on. They’ll offer to sit with them and invite them to a Sunday BBQ right after and let their kids play together. IT’S ABOUT PEOPLE.

So lo and behold, this week was about the people. I met so many of them and they’re all wonderful. I made the decision Sunday night to be intentional, to get out of my shell that I crawl into because I hate hate haaaaate big groups of people (small groups up to 6 are cool), and to just try to live a life of LOVE. One of my favorite books of all time is Love Does by Bob Goff and I wish I had brought it with me. I really wish I had. I need some of the inspiration that man gives.

So anyway, training is great. There’s the usual things like how do you discipline a kid, how do you report suspected child abuse, and oh by the way never be alone with a camper where others can’t see you or hear you. Normal, working with kids stuff. Then there’s the fun aspect of learning chants and cheers and dances and opening your mind enough to rip up your cool card. Kids love it when you’re not trying to be cool. And I love that Sonshine pushes for that because CAMP is for the CAMPER. Ugh. Amazing.

Quick side note: Everything is humid and I’m dying. My body is just a bubble of sweat that I reside in. I have no skin, it’s all sweat. Everything is sweat. WHY did I have to come from a dry desert?

Quick side note #2: Living with 12 - 14 girls is difficult because you have to get used to the rhythm of calling shower times and figuring out which sink you’re going to brush your teeth at when there’s only 3 between the bathroom, kitchen, and upstairs powder room.

So training day two! This day was interesting. On the way to camp, while in this shady looking van, it starts to feel a little funny as we’re going down the road and then everything shakes as the rear left tire makes a noise that we assume is just a blown out tire. CUE TAHJ who yells “Oh my god! LOOK at our TIRE!!!” Prompting all of us to look out to the right to see our tire passing us up on the road as we slow down. Reaction: Shouting and panic laughter and Shaylee saying, “TAYLOR, TAYLOR! WE HAVE TO GET THE TIRE BEFORE IT HITS SOMETHING!” Taylor, by the way, ran down the street to get that tire out of a bush/tree/I-didn’t-actually-look-at-the-plant. 

We may have missed out on coffee that morning, but I got to meet and pet a dog so it was worth it. 

We did camp stuff all day in groups with a Head Counselor that basically is supposed to introduce camp to us. Luckily enough my group was almost all returners so I had a lot of people introducing me to camp. Ya girl got a little sunburnt, but it already tanned over. I got to talk about theater during lunch and found out my new friend Connor works in technical positions at a college theater nearby! Cool dude. This was also the day where we talked about reporting a suspicion of child abuse which I honestly cried a little about because it breaks my heart. I can’t even imagine. Y’know?

I also got to teach a game to the group of people I was with that day which I ended up getting a DLP for (describe, label, praise) and that was pretty sweet. I always knew I would fit in with a camp vibe but being affirmed is nice too!

It’s interesting to hear how tired people all. Being ridiculously busy this last year of school from 5 in the morning until midnight most nights was a lot worse than the schedule they have us on here. Granted, a lot of this is more physically demanding, but I don’t feel stressed yet. YET. I said yet.

On day three I got to find out where I’m placed (besides my art specialty camp) and I am in Explorers otherwise known as X-Life otherwise known as 1st and 2nd grade. I am not a group counselor and am instead “admin” while I’m not at specialty camps. I’m a extra body for the HCs to use as needed and wherever needed. To be honest, this job totally works out with who I am a person for all of you who know that Acts of Service is a love language that I am great at dishing out (yes, I’m tootin’ my own horn [beep beep]).

Throughout the rest of the week I also auditioned for skit team (and made it - holla!) and got to do some training for my specialty camp!

So the company that Sonshine is partnered with for arts related things is called Mainstages. They’re based out of New York City and the guy helping us out is named Ryan. He’s awesome. He gave me a binder full of fun games and a lot of ideas and a BAG full of FUN. Like I literally have an elephant puppet under my bed right now. And a rubber chicken. And a bunch of other fun stuff. I’m stoked. And nervous. it’s fine, I’m fine, it’ll be fine. Jesus is the one who put me here and I know he’s preparing me for it!

I get a big room at the specialty camps location, Bethel. It has a couple TVs and a small stage and a curtain and SO much SPACE. I have so many ideas. I got to meet all the wonderful people from this Bethel Church and they gave everyone part of specialty (Bethelty) camps a gift of just little snacks to get us through camp and they’re so, so nice. In fact, pretty much everyone in Maryland is nice. Where am I?

I also got to go do pool training with the people for our specialty camp and made some friends in those people as well. I get lots of questions about what I’m going to do in life since I’m graduated and about my tattoo. I ask a lot of questions @ internationals because I suddenly feel uncultured when they’re around. Whoops. Sorry, America.

I have gotten to do a lot of camp activities and make some really good friends in my explorer group! I think they’re all going to be good, good friends of mine.

Training week ended with a small “service” at Bethel. It was very worship based and I honestly had so many emotions and maybe almost cried at the end because the guitarist started playing the instrumental for How He Loves as the service ended and all my feelings from back when Ashley died came flooding back. I really wish I brought her memorial bracelet with me, but I know it would have ended up being ruined at some point while I’m here.

But anyway. Today, Saturday, was family camp day where we got to meet some campers and their families who wanted to come tour the camp and do activities and meet the staff. It was fun! I love this age group so far! I then got to drive the not-so-sketchy van as we (me and the Rutherford girls) got to go to Walmart and Giant and McDonalds for a Saturday night of shopping. I spent too much money. It’s fine (you keep telling yourself that, Becca).

I just want to end this a small appreciation bit. I am... so incredibly blessed. The way God has used me and the way he continues to use me is something incredible to me. The other night me and a handful of the girls stayed up until midnight talking about controversial subjects and how some Christians treat people and how people should be treated and where we stand on some things and it was so cleansing for my heart. I love hearing people’s thoughts and their feelings and their lives. The opportunities I’m being given at camp in just being able to serve and being able to share my passions about art with kids along with my passions about JESUS at the SAME TIME is so wonderful. I am in awe at how this all is working out. 

Praise the Lord, guys. Praise the Lord.