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flightlessangelwings · 2 years ago

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His Hers and His- A Messy Pile of Affection story

Frankie Morales x fem!reader x Benny Miller

Word count- 2.3k

Prompts- “What do you think of my last name with your first name?” and the rainbow photo in the moodbard

Warnings- canon compliant (takes place during and after the movie), bisexual mmf thruple, established relationship, mention of canon character death, light angst, lots of fluff, mostly fluff honestly lol, focuses a lot of Frankie and Benny, nondescript s.mut, happy ending, no use of y/n

Notes- MPOA IS BACK!!! I’ve been wanting to write this one for over a year at this point and I figure my pride celebration was the perfect opportunity to finally do it!! This is written so that it can be read on its own but also follows the mpoa storyline. Fic is tagged if you’ve missed previous parts and want to go back and read it all! This is one of the fics I’m the most proud of overall and I’m so attached to this truple!! Enjoy!

@flightlessangelwings-updates is my update blog so feel free to also follow and turn on post notifs to stay up to date on when I post!

Moodboard by me!

“Are you sure about this baby?” Frankie asked, the anguish apparent in his eyes.

“Yeah,” you exhaled deeply. Your hands trembled.

“We can’t turn this down, baby,” Benny chimed in, “It’s getting the boys back together and one hell of a payday! You know I’m in.”

You looked between them with wide eyes. When the text from Santiago came in late last night, both Frankie and Benny knew how good an opportunity this was. A simple recon mission with a big payout, it should have been a no brainer. And Benny was eager to reply with a yes. But, Frankie seemed more reserved, more tormented over it. You and Benny were his entire life now, and Frankie didn’t want to put any of that in jeopardy. He couldn’t lose Benny… or you…

“I trust you guys,” you finally broke the silence. Frankie could tell you weren't happy about them going, but you also weren’t going to be the one to decide for them, “Just,” you sighed, “Look after each other, ok?” you kissed each of their cheeks, “And both of you betting fucking come back to me.”

Benny grinned widely, “You got it, babe.”

Frankie’s smile didn’t quite reach his face as he wrapped both you and Benny in his arms, “I’ll watch over him,” he kissed you both, “I promise.”

“Oh shit I’m gettin’ a Ferrari!” Benny shouted with excitement as he dug through the open walls and pulled out handfuls of cash.

The rest of the guys worked quickly to gather as much of the stash as they could in the short amount of time, and were always alert to any sudden changes within the house.

But Frankie couldn’t help but pause and watch over Benny for a short moment. The pure excitement that was almost childish made his heart flutter, and Frankie glanced around, making sure the area was secure before he lowered his gun more.

Benny felt his boyfriend’s gaze on him, and he turned around with a big grin on his face, “Baby,” he got Frankie’s attention, “We’re all getting Ferraris,” Benny darted across the room, dropping the money in his hands in favor of cupping Frankie’s face.

Before Frankie could react, Benny placed a big, passionate kiss on his lips. The whole world seemed to stop for a moment, and as their lips connected, it was just the two of them. Nothing else existed, nothing else mattered, just Frankie and Benny, two thirds of a trio that was unstoppable.

“His, hers, and his Ferraris,” Benny murmured against Frankie’s lips before he kissed him again.

“We gotta get home first,” Frankie whispered back as his eyes fluttered open. His heart skipped a beat as he looked into Benny’s eyes as saw all the passion, all the emotions, all the joy written plainly across his face.

“Yeah,” Benny agreed as he took a small step back, bringing them both back to reality, “Let’s get back to our girl.”

“Are you assholes done yet?” Santiago’s voice broke them out of their trance, “In case you forgot, we’re still in the middle of a mission here.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Benny mumbled, “Don’t be jealous, Pope.”

“Ay dios mio,” he mumbled as he went back to gathering the bags of cash.

But, as quickly as things turned up for the boys, everything went sideways. WIll got shot. The family came home. Guards ran through the house. Everything seemed to crash down around them as Frankie, Benny, and the rest of the crew found themselves in the middle of the rainforest, stuck until the storm passed.

They all settled in a ditch for as much cover as they could get and settled in for the night. Frankie and Benny hardly left the other’s side throughout the escape, and it was only to check on his older brother that Benny broke away. He handed Will an apple with a soft smile on his face.

“You’re a good man, Benny,” Will groaned softly through the pain, “Frankie and your girl are both lucky to have you.”

“Thanks, man,” Benny blushed as he looked down on the ground, flustered for a moment. But, he picked his head back up and looked back at Frankie, who sat on the other side of him with a shit-eating grin, “You hear that, Frankie?” Benny snarked, “You’re fuckin’ lucky to have me!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Frankie waved his hand, “Don’t let it go to your head,” he snickered.

But, the playfulness melted away quickly as Frankie looked at Benny, grateful they were both still alive. And Benny’s expression matched Frankie’s as his thoughts mirrored his boyfriend’s. Benny inched himself closer and slid his hand in Frankie’s as he rested his head on his shoulder. Frankie gave his hand a soft squeeze, an unspoken promise to both Benny and to you.

I’ll watch over him… Frankie’s own words echoed in his head.

“You know,” Benny broke the silence after a few moments, “I was thinking of something else we could get with our money.”

“What’s that?” Frankie asked.

Benny picked up his head and grinned brightly at Frankie, “Rings.”

Frankie’s mouth dropped open and his heart pounded in his chest, “His, hers and his rings?” he asked in a hushed tone.

Benny nodded, “What do you think of my last name with your first name?” He paused, “Or we could hyphenate them. Or her last name and your last name. Or all three and make up something new… I don’t give a fuck!” he chuckled, “I just want to be married to both of you.”

Frankie let out a mock gasp, “I always imagined this was how you’d ask me, Ben,” he laughed.

“Man shut the fuck up,” Benny playfully nudged Frankie.

“But yes,” Frankie whispered as he pulled Benny closer, “I want that too… To marry you both,” he placed a soft, sweet kiss on Benny’s lips, “But first, let’s get back to our girl.”

Benny nodded as he settled against Frankie’s body, relaxing in his strong, comforting embrace, “Yeah.”

You paced your bedroom nervously. It had been almost a week since you heard from Frankie and Benny, and with every passing hour, you were more and more scared that you’d never see them again. You couldn’t focus on work, you barely slept, hardly ate… All your time was consumed with worry. The nights that you were able to sleep a little were only after you cried yourself to exhaustion.

“Come back to me, guys,” you whispered to your pillow that their scent barely clung to anymore, “You fucking promised me,” your tears turned angry for a moment as you emotions overwhelmed you.

It was the middle of the night when your phone finally rang. You jumped out of a dreamless sleep and immediately picked up without even looking at the screen, “Frankie?! Benny?!” you gasped.

“Hey baby,” Frankie’s voice immediately soothed you.

“We’re alive, sweetheart,” Benny’s voice sounded more distant, as if Frankie was the one holding the phone and Benny was right next to him.

“Fuck,” you breathed as tears of relief spilled from your eyes before you could stop them, “Holy shit, guys I’ve been fucking worried sick! What happened? Where are you?” you couldn’t help the outburst of emotions after finally hearing their voices after so long.

“We’re ok, baby,” Frankie tried to calm you, and it killed both of them that they couldn’t hold you and tell you that everything was fine.

“Shit went bad,” Benny sounded more serious for once, “But we’re ok.”

“What…?” you tried to ask but your boys interrupted.

“Listen, we don’t have a lot of time,” Benny said, “We just wanted to call you and tell you we're ok.”

“We have a flight out tomorrow,” Frankie spoke next, “We’ll see you soon, baby. Promise.”

For the first time in over a week, you finally felt hope again. You felt like things were alright. Your boys were coming home. You could hold them again, kiss them again. You weren’t going to be alone in your large bed anymore.

“Love you, baby,” Benny’s voice broke you out of your thoughts.

“We love you so fucking much,” Frankie echoed.

“I love you both too,” you wiped away a tear and you sniffled, “Just get back to me ok? And take care of each other, and the guys too.”

You wrung your hands together as you stood in the airport. Never had you felt more nervous, and never had time felt like it dragged on than it did in that moment. You stared at the screen, watching for any change on the boy’s flight.

“Shit,” you mumbled to yourself, “Of course it’s delayed.”

Every minute without Frankie and Benny felt like an eternity, and like a stab to your heart. You wished you had never let them go on this mission, but you also knew you couldn’t deny them that if their minds were set. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust them or anything… you were scared. You were terrified. And for a few long days, you were worried your worst fears were about to come true.

It wasn’t until you saw the board change that their plane landed that you finally let out a heavy breath.

No airport reunion held more emotions than when you saw Frankie and Benny walk through the terminal. You gasped as you felt like you were dreaming. They looked tired, like they had been through hell. But, as they walked hand in hand, their faces lit up when they saw you.

All three of you bolted towards each other, and you erupted into a pile of sobs and mumbles and kisses the moment you were close enough. You all wrapped your arms around each other, holding each other as tight as you possibly could. Kisses echoed between the three of you in your little huddle as you all let out sighs of relief in between incoherent mumbles of how grateful you all were to be together again.

“I was so worried, you guys,” you sobbed, “I thought… I thought I might never see you again,” you buried your face on one of their shoulders.

“We told you we’d come back to you, baby,” Frankie murmured.

“We went through shit,” Benny kissed your temple, “But we’re back. We’re here.”

You looked back and forth between your boys, “You’re never fucking allowed to do that again, you hear me!” Soft laughter erupted between the three of you as the tension melted away. “Come on,” you took both their hands, “Let’s go home.” The three of you reunited at last… the world felt like it started to turn again, like the stars were bright in the sky, like food had a taste again… everything was ok now.

“Home…”

That first night was filled with tears and sorrow as Frankie and Benny told you what happened and why they were delayed getting home. You cried with them, holding Benny as he told you what happened to Tom. You knew they went through a lot, and they both were changed men because of it.

But, after a few days, the boys told you they wanted to show you something. Fully trusting them, you let them take you into the car, not knowing where you were going. It didn’t take you long, however, to realize where you were as they pulled into the lake that held a special place in all your hearts.

The sun was out and the fields were a lush green. And, a soft rainbow lit up the skyline in the background, making it the perfect setting. You let out a deep sigh as you remembered the night here that changed all three of your lives forever. This was the place where Frankie told you and Benny that he loved you both for the first time. This was the place where your relationship completely changed for the better.

“What are we doing here?” you asked as you stepped out of the car.

“Well,” Benny sighed as he looked at Frankie, who nodded at him, “We wanted to ask you something…”

“And this is as good a place as ever,” Frankie added with a smile.

Before you could ask what it was, both boys dropped down to their knees, and you let out the loudest gasp as you covered your face. Tears immediately formed in your eyes as Frankie and Benny said your name.

“Will you marry us?” they asked in unison as they opened a simple container.

Inside were three plain rings. Nothing extravagant, not even a small diamond set on any of them. They were just three simple bands that Benny and Frankie picked up from a street vendor before they left.

“Guys…” you sobbed as they stared at you with pleading eyes, waiting for your answer, “Yes!” you launched yourself at them, toppling all three of you to the ground.

The boys broke out into laughter as you three turned into a tangle of limbs, clumsily trying to hold onto each other as best you could. Frankie was able to reach out and grab the box they dropped and he sat up first, slipping the rings on your finger then Benny’s. Benny’s face was bright as the sun as he took the box and slid the last ring on Frankie’s finger.

“It’s not the rings we hoped for,” Frankie admitted softly, “But…”

“It’s perfect,” you cut him off as you cupped his face, “You’re both perfect,” you turned to Benny and did the same.

“Let’s go home,” Benny said.

The three of you piled back into the car, the mood completely different than before. You all were giddy and happy and excited for the next chapter in your lives. And that excitement carried into the bedroom where you laid tangled in each other for hours. At times, you didn’t know who was inside who as the three of you made love in every position you could. You all were just too desperate to be connected, to feel each other, that it didn’t matter.

Once the three of you were completely spent, you all collapsed into a tangle of sweaty, naked limbs. Heavy breaths filled the room as you all sprawled out across each other. And it was perfect. It was how you three were meant to be. You, Frankie and Benny, together in your messy pile of affection.

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borisbubbles · 1 year ago

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Eurovision 2023: #23

23. GERMANY Lord of the Lost - "Blood and glitter" 26th place

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Decade ranking: 66/116 [Above Hurricane, below Fyr og Flamme]

Well, we've arrived in the zone of Mild Like, also known as the "I like them, buuuuut". There's eleven of these motherfuckers in this vaguely positive purgatory, so let's do some but-kicking for Goodness.

As you know, I didn't like the 2023 contest much, so a lot of these entries are either mixed with slightly more good than evil, or kinda bad but i enjoyed them anyways. Bringing up the rear of that crop is Lord of the Lost, who are kind of both?

Honestly, kind of a similar deal to Latvia. It seemed Germany would finally be getting televote points courtesy of a non-embarrassing entry that wasn't also dead on arrival, and it also looked like the televote score would be a sufficient enough amount to avoid dead last for a year... but then they only scored 15 televotes and finished last anyway.

The problem is two-fold. The first one is that Voyager exist, jesus talk about an outclass. "Promise" is several magnitudes better than "Blood and glitter" both as a song and an act, the literal centrepiece of the Grand Final's ironclad Estonia-Moldova streak. (expect several of songs from that streak to rank ABSURDLY high). By the time Germany were up, only a short while after Australia, you instinctively compare the two and realize LotL doesn't pack the same impact (issue #2)

Why though? Well, I hypothesize "Blood and glitter" doesn't quite know what to do with itself. The start is great, though. I love the first minute or so of "Blood and Glitter", a camp unapologetic fiesta of body horror (in part because Chris forgot to un-untuck himself oop), grindhouse metal and LGBT allyness. We ALL like a bit of "Blood and glitter, Sweden bitter".

At least, i hope you did, because you're going to hear that line all the time during the remaining two minutes.

See, once "Blood and Glitter" hits that second minute mark, it succumbs to its own inane repetitions and rapidly turns into a non-event. THIS IS AN UNACCEPTABLE RECOURSE FOR A GLAM ROCK SONG. NO amount of Danny Voyager absense can amend that. Is it that difficult to just... provide different words for the bridge and final chorus? More aggro camera cuts? A wider colour pallette near the end? (yeah i know Blood, but WHERE IS THE GLITTER?!) A dress change? Some form of growth, some form of evo? When even the folks that know no English pick up on the persistent rehashing because the bag of tricks has been EMPTIED by the halfway mark.

So like Latvia, I don't think Germany deserved another bad result, but once it happened, yeah of course it did. Would not skip on the playlist though. And hey, nobody can take away from them that they are King Charles's favourites. 😊 (lol i'm like 85% sure Charles had no idea who they were and walked into them by chance but who am i to shatter dreams?)

THE RANKING

also for the first time since I started blogging, a mid-ranking placement REVISION!

Nature is healing. 😇

#Eurovision #Eurovision Song Contest #ESC #ESC 2023 #Eurovision 2023 #Liverpool 2023 #Germany #Lord of the Lost #Blood and Glitter #BorisBubbles #Youtube

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poursomesunaonme · 3 years ago

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writer appreciation !!

@maries-gallery sent out a post months ago that i forgot to rb with my own so i just decided to post myself hehe

anyways, my gal @maries-gallery never fails to immerse me in whatever scenes she writes ! u constantly amaze me babe and yall when she throws that good good french dirty talk into her fics… i MELT

@ob-levi-on if anyone can make me simp for giyuu more than i already do, it’s cielo. her characterization is on point ! works wonders when my imagination runs a little short >:)

@princess-jaeger / @erenergic if anyone needs an eren fic, ill send aleks’ entire masterlist. she never fails to astound me with her creativity and plot and dear god this shit is THICK with content so GOGOGO

@cyancherub cassie dear GOD cassie’s entire masterlist is god-tier. anything. literally anything. the amount of kinks ive discovered for myself while reading their work - embarrassing.

@killerbananas in addition to being one of the most wonderful human beings ive ever met (and helping me start this blog all those months ago), i can dive headfirst into a literal sentence that kb writes. the vocabulary??? the grip on language??? i am always in awe.

@lacheri who knew that i could fall in love with levi so many times ? cherry’s masterlist is chock-full of goodies that i need to reread every month otherwise i’ll keel over and die

@whats-her-quirk my jean-bo sisterwife - just when i think i can’t love jean more, juney hits me with the most scrumptious shit ever to hit tumblr’s dash

@thegetoufather ever need a thousand feelings while reading something ? try out aman’s masterlist. never have i blushed and cried so many times in one sitting.

@postwarlevi eliza’s mind !!! dear god !!! my heart skips a beat at her work :’) you can tell how big of a heart she has in how much her writing lifts your spirits

@bakatenshii … i have no words. jk i have thousands. angle’s work has me on a whole other plane of existence. who knew i would be comatose on the floor with a literal paragraph???

@bokutosdove in addition to being one of the funniest people on the mf planet, no one has me simping over beefcakes more than lani ! (seriously tho if u ever need reaction media, hit my baby up)

@putridsimp my fellow monsterfucker and villain apologist, no one gets the gears grinding for those hoes more than the queen of the swamp. pls go peep putrid’s masterlist bc you don’t get to see this kind of content around

@kweenkatsuki cycling through laughing, crying, and horny is just the regular for reading one of marq’s works. just INCREDIBLE

@heavenlyres yall know the feeling of moving with a piece? thats every time i read one of L’s fics. capturing motion is hard imo but L just has such a grip on language its UNREAL

and to anyone ive forgotten, you’re all incredibly amazing. any work that you put into whatever you do is worth it. your talents don’t go unnoticed - so don’t ever give up on what you love doing, as much as it may seem to be exhausting. kith kith

#🌼bean brain #i love u all so much!!

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himbohood · 3 years ago

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facedown - @himbohood

a repost from my previous blog! i’ll be putting my old writings in my queue just so i can get them back on my blog. wanna be added to my tag list? click here!

paring: calum hood / female reader

about: this is based off of an experience i had with an ex-boyfriend and i started thinking about how this would be if i put calum in that memory instead. thus this was created. uni!sos

warnings: smut.

word count: 1688

The days she wasn’t bombarded with work or classes, she usually took up residency on her boyfriend's couch. Calum Hood split rent with three other guys and at this point in their relationship, she had meshed in well with the group. The atmosphere of the small three-bedroom house was more relaxing than any home Y/N had previously been in. With guitars hanging haphazardly on the wall and concert posters pinned up wherever the boys could fit them— this tiny house had become hers as well.

She sunk comfortably in the soft cushions of the couch, her legs lying lazily across Calum’s lap. Michael, one of the aforementioned roommates, took control of the TV. He switched back and forth between YouTube channels before landing on a let's player of some sort. Y/N briefly overheard something about Overwatch but then quickly tuned out after that. She didn’t entirely know if it was just how Calum looked with the LCD screen shining back on his strong features— but the urge to crawl into his lap got harder to resist.

Scooting closer each time he laughed along with his friend, Y/N let her hand brush against his chest. She figured Calum knew what she was hinting at because his hand moved dangerously close to the bottom of her fleece shorts. Y/N cursed herself for not just getting up and texting him to follow her back to his room. Though, she figured this was much more fun. Michael was seemingly oblivious of their silent sexual tension. If she wasn’t in such a haze of arousal, she might have joined in. Her mind just kept drifting away from the reality of the moment. The absolute need to be fucked by her boyfriend was the only thing that was important. Flashes of dirty memories ran through her brain and just the thought was enough for Y/N to fill a flutter in her stomach. She would have done anything at this moment for Calum to bend her over the back of this couch and fuck her senselessly. Maybe if she asked nicely, he’d pull her hair or spank her.

The thoughts her heavily amplified by his beautiful voice booming about whatever the fuck he and Michael were talking about. She didn’t understand how he could be so subtle at rubbing the soft skin of her thigh. How could Calum not break concentration on his conversation as he gave Y/N the smallest amount of stimulation for her problem? She knew he didn’t want to seem rude, but she could tell by the bulge against her legs that he was just as interested.

“ I think that I’m gonna go and pick up some food— you guys want to come with?” Michael said, finally getting up and heading towards the exit.

“Nah, we‘ll pick up something later. Thanks, though.” Y/N finally spoke after Calum did, “Yeah, I’m not really that hungry right now.”

Whenever that door shut, the two of them had the entire house to themselves. She didn’t have any time to blink before Calum snatched her up and pulled her in his lap. Y/N gasped at the sudden sensation and didn’t wait to roughly grind her hips down onto him. He made the prettiest noises and that only made her problem worse. She was sure that at this point he could just kiss her and she would cum.

Her voice became a sort of wine as she spoke, “ Cal, please touch me.” It was most definitely a beg because she didn’t have time to take things slow. Michael would be back soon and she really wanted the opportunity to ruin her vocal cords screaming Calums name.

There was a chuckle and then his lips made contact with her skin. They landed on her collarbone, teeth grazing the soft skin and vibrating it as he spoke. “ What’s gotten into you? Thought you were gonna fuck me in front of Mikey or somthin’” As he spoke he made quick work at pushing her shirt just over her breasts. Y/N let out a soft laugh, at his comment— moaning loudly when he bit the skin right above her breasts. “If we don’t hurry up I might have to fuck you while Mikey watches.”

Calum let out a low groan and quickly wrapped his arms around her midsection. Lifting Y/N he supported her by placing his hands firmly on her ass. He made quick work at getting them back to his room. As soon as her feet touched the ground, Y/N crawled on the bed. Caum watched in awe as she lay on her back and shimmied off her shorts and underwear. With her legs wide open, she was at full display for him. “You expect me not to eat you out when you look that good?” He teased, walking towards her as he pulled off his clothes. “We’ve got plenty of time for that later,” Y/N promised, discarding her shirt and bra. “If you fuck me well enough, I might sit on your face.” Her face was bright pink after speaking, half distracted by Calum hovering over her.

“I think I can do that.”

His hands explored everywhere they could. He saved the best for last. He didn’t tease her, figuring that she had already edged herself just from sitting on the couch earlier. His thumb came in contact with her clit and Y/N let out an almost painfully loud moan. She was slick before he even touched her. That didn’t entirely surprise Calum but god was it pride boosting. “You don’t even need me to get you ready, do you?” His words were a soft mumble, catching her lips in a very much needed kiss. He pulled away just for a moment, getting ready to angle himself in— but before he could she spoke. “Cal, fuck me from behind. I want you deep.”

Y/N didn’t have to ask twice because before she knew it Cal was directing her to turn around. She rested her head on his pillows, eagerly shaking her ass up at him. “Please fuck me, Cal.”

He lined himself up with her entrance, hand moving to brush down her spine as a sort of warning before he pushed in. She let out a loud, gasping-for-air type of breath when he bottomed out inside of her. “Fuck— Cal, baby you’re so big.” She moaned out, pressing back onto him as if to say more. She put her hands behind her back, asking Cal to hold them without even speaking. She didn’t know if it was her previous begging, but Y/N brought that same energy as he pulled her back against his chest. With one hand gripped tightly on her hip and the other grasped around her breast, Calum made quick work in starting his agonizingly slow pace.

At the mere thought of friction, Y/N’s knees were weak— but now that she was finally getting what she wanted the idea of being quiet was a joke. The slow thrusts of his hips didn’t last long. Y/N figured he was just getting his balance because soon enough both of his calloused hands landed on her hips. He gave her a kiss that almost read farewell before pushing her face down into the pillows.

“ Mmph— fuck you look so good like this baby,” his voice filled the room with soft, pleasure-filled mumbles. Y/N could only respond in incoherent gasps and mewls, eagerly bouncing back on his cock in desperation. One hand left her hip and the loss of it almost stung, but it went away when that hand traced up her spine and tangled in her hair. The loud noise of his hips snapping against Y/N ass practically filled the tiny house.

Her knees were weak and her forehead was covered in sweat. She tried so hard to tell him that she was close, but whenever her words failed her, she was happy that he just knew. Calum fucked her mercilessly into the bed, his hand now finding her clit and rubbing firm calculated circles against it.

His name was the only thing that she could think as she fell apart. Screaming his name in praise, in thanks, in rejoice as she came around him. She fell from an unbelievable high and only felt it coming back as he focused on his orgasm.

She could only imagine how his face looked as he fucked her. His soft grunts were perhaps the most beautiful sound in the world, but what was even prettier was what he said next,

“ Baby— fuck, I’m about to cum.”

She hated that he had to pull out, but the empty feeling was almost made better by the warm ropes decorating her back.

She relaxed on her stomach as Calum lazily brushed a finger through the mess on her back and pressed a firm kiss to her shoulder.

“Let me get a towel, yeah?” and with that, he wandered into his ensuite and wasted no time in cleaning Y/N up. Falling to warm up space beside her, Calum eagerly pulled her on his chest.

They sat for a moment, relaxing in the post-sex high. His hand brushed through her hair, lips leaving kisses across her forehead. She sighed, nuzzling her face against his chest before doing the same to him. Her fingers ran through his hair and her lips littered his skin. It was quiet for a bit— the world didn’t exist… until, well until Micheal made it known that he had been back for around 15 minutes.

“ Are you guys done fucking yet? I bought you food, so if you’re not done I’m eating it!” His highly annoyed voice boomed through the house which elicited a laugh from both Calum and Y/N.

“Fuck,” she laughed, “Guess we lost track of time?”

“I’m gonna be real honest with you, I forgot he was even coming back.” and with that, the only important thing the two laughed together and rolled out of their haze to get dressed and eat the food Micheal had so graciously got them.

#calum hood fic #calum hood smut #calum smut #calum hood x reader #calum hood one shot

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imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl · 4 years ago

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White Lies (Pt. 12 of 21)

Pairing: Keanu Reeves X Reader

Word count: 2.2 K

Summary: Keanu found the girl almost dead, in the wrecks of what was once her car. While she was in surgery, stuck in a coma, he gathered the best doctors of New York to attend to her. They told him she is likely to have some kind of brain damage, what may lead to memory loss. And this possibility added up wit the fact that she's pregnant, made the council come up with an odd idea. They asked Keanu to pretend to be her husband, since the stress of finding out everything that happened could put the baby in danger. He reluctantly agreed, but only if she does has some kind of memory loss. He still goes she'll wake up soon, with her memories intact.

But when you finally wake up, there's nothing inside. You're quick to find your head is empty, void, like a blank canvas. The only thing that brings you some relief, that makes you feel less lonely is the mention of a husband. And you can't wait to meet him, because you know you can't deal with this by yourself.

<- Previous part (11)

Next part (13) ->

{Keanu Reeves Masterlist}

{John Wick Masterlist}

Honeymoon

Keanu silently enters the bedroom, his eyes immediately finding her, on the balcony. With her hands on the glass railing, her attention is on the beach outside. He struggled a lot to rent this house, but he wanted the best for her. It's beautiful, slightly isolated for privacy, and if they walk out the back door, they'll be with their feet on the sand.

He doesn't want to think much about what comes after this trip. He only prays that what's left of these two weeks will go by slowly, so he'll have more time with her before... Before whatever comes next. (Y/N) doesn't know the reason for all his schedules, the reason behind all these places he's taking her. She lived her childhood here, in a neighborhood half an hour from this house. Keanu had to ask Laura for help, to know the places to go. Laura doesn't think he should tell her yet, but he can't do this anymore. He can't do this to her.

The wind messes with her hair, and he's happy the weather helped. The sky is clear, in an amazing shade of blue with only a few clouds that make it look like a painting. Taking his phone from his pocket, he snaps a picture of her, and the clicking noise gives away his presence, and (Y/N) turns around, a smile on her lips.

“What are you doing?” She asks, making her way back inside the bedroom, walking over until she's standing before him, head raised to look into his eyes.

“You're so beautiful, I had to take a picture.” A picture he'll keep, to mend his broken heart when this is over.

“Then why do you look so sad?” The question makes him realize he's been letting it show. And that's not supposed to happen.

“I'm not. I'm so happy to be here with you that I can't even put it in words.” It makes her smile grow brighter, and Keanu feels like he could live the rest of his days just looking at her.

“So am I.” She grabs his sides, hands full of the fabric of his shirt. (Y/N) always does that, like she's asking for his attention. As if she didn't have all of it. But he finds it cute, and it never fails to warm up his heart. “Where are we going today?”

“We're staying home. The doctors said to take things slow, remember?” With a hand, he cups her cheek, thumb rubbing her soft skin.

“But it's only been three days and I'm completely fine.”

“I know. But will it be so bad to stay in today? With me?” The words make her giggle, as she tiptoes, beautiful, pink lips chasing his.

“It would be amazing, as are all my days with you.” Bending down, he kisses her, the taste of her lips almost too much for him to deal with. Overwhelming, inebriating. And Keanu is addicted. If only she was his. Truly, completely his, to love and cherish, for the rest of his life...

You move to the bed with Keanu, and you quickly settle down. But you're not in the mood to just lie there, and since he doesn't want to take you out, it's the perfect day to do something fun in the house. “I have an idea.” Smirking, you climb on him, straddling his hips with each arm on the sides of his head. This is always a funny position since Keanu is a lot taller than you. Staring him from above is a nice change.

“Let's hear it.”

“There's a pool here so... We should go for a swim.” Keanu raises his eyebrows, a little surprised since you can't swim at all. But that's not where the whole idea ends. “Naked.”

“What?” The funny expression on his face makes you giggle. “Say that again.”

“Let's swim naked.” Sitting up straight, you shrug your shoulders.

“Sweetheart, you know drones exist right? The chances are small but never zero.” Keanu lightly holds your hips. “But we can go to the pool in normal swimsuits and take a bath in the tub after. And then get naked.”

“Uhm...” Looking away, you fake a thoughtful face. “The whole point is to get naked so why don't we just skip the pool and hit the tub?” Without waiting for an answer, you get off the bed, giving him a look before heading to the bathroom. You can't hold back the smile when you hear him following you.

•••

With you back resting against Keanu's chest, you relax in the warm water, even though the temperature is lowering. You have both your hands on your belly as Keanu places soft kisses on your neck and shoulder. You're still catching your breath, but you'll never tell him you get more tired with time. It's the baby, the doctors said, it's normal to feel a bit more tired than normal as time passes.

“So we have decided on the name.” He says, and you nod. “Sophie or Liam.”

“Sophie or Liam Reeves.” You agree, testing how the names sound. “I can't wait to find out which name we'll be using.”

“Me neither.”

Smiling, you feel a funny sensation. Like a pressure, a movement. Quickly, you place your hand on the right side of your belly, bellow the bellybutton, suddenly worried, and just about to tell Keanu something's wrong when you feel it. A soft, little kick under your hand. “Oh my God.” You mumble, barely able to hear yourself.

“What? What's wrong?”

Without saying anything, you take his hand, placing it on the right spot, hoping, waiting the baby will do it again, apprehension forcing both of you into silence. Then, you feel it, and you turn your head a little to look into his eyes. Keanu looks... Amazed. Blissful.

“Our baby is kicking, Ke.” You whisper, unable to hold back the smile.

“I love you.” He says, eyes set in yours, right before repeating the sentence to your swollen stomach. “And I love you too.”

Turning back around, you lie against him once more, hands above his. “I can't believe it. This amount of happiness is... Unbelievable.”

“You're beautiful, do you know that?”

Furrowing your eyebrows at the sudden compliment, you chuckle, cheeks heating up. “Why that now?”

“I just need you to know.”

Taking a deep breath, you move, once again straddling his hip, making small ripples on the water. “And you are so unbelievably handsome sometimes I wonder if you're real.” Running a hand through his jaw, you feel his stubble under your fingertips. “I love your beard. And your hair.” As you speak, you distribute kisses through his face. “Your face, your body, your voice. The kindness, gentleness, and honesty.” Keanu suddenly moves underneath you, as if bit by something. “What?”

“Nothing, beautiful. It's nothing.” Smiling, he kisses your lips. “Wanna take a walk on the beach?”

“Mhmm.” You agree, kissing him once again before standing up and leaving the tub, grabbing a towel. You're not anxious this time, eager to cover up. You feel comfortable around Keanu, and even if sometimes you still feel self-conscious, he's always there to reassure you he finds you beautiful. So it's not a problem anymore, to let him see your body. “I'll wear that dress you bought me.” You say, letting your hair down from the loose bun as you dry yourself.

“I'm sure you'll look gorgeous.”

“Maybe.” You mutter, winking at him before leaving the bathroom.

Half an hour later you're seating shotgun as Keanu drives through a cute street with colorful houses. You snap some pictures of the place, wondering why he took this route. Probably he thought you'd like the neighborhood, and he was right. “It's beautiful here.” You tell him, stealing a glance.

“It is.” After the short answer, he goes silent again for some seconds. “Let's stop here.”

“Alright.” He parks the car and you jump out, immediately kicking your shoes off and starting to walk on the sand.

“Do you want an ice cream?” Keanu asks, gesturing at a small store nearby.

“Yup.” Nodding, you smile as he tells you he'll be right back.

Moving closer to the water, a hand holding your sandals and the other keeping the hair off your face, you let the ripples reach your feet. The water is a bit cold, but you enjoy it.

“(Y/N)?” An unfamiliar voice calls, and you immediately turn at the source of the sound. A short, blond-haired guy is smiling at you, a hand protecting his eyes from the sun. “(Y/N), I... I heard about you but I didn't believe it.”

“Uhm... Sorry. Do I know you?”

The question lights up his face with recognition. “Oh, yeah. For a moment I forgot about the accident. I'm Michael. We were friends when we were younger. We went to Elementary school together.”

Your existence is not a mystery anymore. The news channel already showed your face more than once, and some magazines and online blogs talk about you every once in a while. Keanu Reeves' secret wife, with a child on the way. So it's not really a secret anymore. “I have a childhood friend in New York. Do you happen to know her name?” You decide to check since Laura has been your friend since kinder garden.

“Laura Marshal. I remember her.” The man rubs his neck, squinting his eyes. “We dated for like a month.”

“So you're that Michael.” Smiling, you offer your hand and he happily shakes it. “Sorry for not remembering.”

“No, don't even say that. What happened to you sucks. I mean, the accident.” He speaks fast, and you giggle.

“No need to sugar coat it. You can talk openly about the memory loss, I'm alright with it.”

“Yeah. But after I heard about the accident, which was horrible, let's make this clear, I couldn't believe what the news channels were saying about you and Keanu freaking Reeves.” Michael says his name in a lower voice, stepping closer as if telling a secret.

“Well, nobody knew about the marriage because we wanted to keep it private for as long as we could.” That's always the question that follows. People still find it insane how you just came out of nowhere, being Keanu's wife. “But with everything that happened, accident, memory, the baby, it would be quite difficult to keep it in the shadows.”

He makes a funny face, furrowing his eyebrows. “But that's not it, Uhm... Weren't you with Daniel?”

The name doesn't sound too strange, and after some seconds, you remember Lucia saying something about a Daniel... Yeah, she asked if you were considering the name for the baby and if it meant anything to you. “I don't know anything about a Daniel. Was he my friend too?”

“(Y/N), you and Daniel were–” Michael stops talking suddenly, eyes on something behind you. At someone.

Chuckling, you know who he's staring at. Turning around, you smile at Keanu. “Hey, babe. Come meet my friend, Michael.”

“Holy shit.” The guy mutters under his breath.

“I think he might need a selfie.” Shrugging your shoulders, you take the ice cream from his hands and start licking it.

“Hi. It's nice to meet you.” Your husband politely says, shaking Michael's hand. “You want a picture?”

“Please. I love Matrix. It's like my favorite movie. I'm such a big fan.”

Rolling your eyes, you take Michael's phone and snaps a couple of pictures of him and Keanu. The afternoon passes by with you three chatting. Michael is still quite impressed to be seeing Keanu face to face, and it makes you giggle every once in a while. When the night starts to fall, you say goodbye and head back to the house.

The trip does have this honeymoon style. It's just you and Keanu most of the time, even though Michael introduces you to two more people, Amanda and Kyle, who also claim to know you. Your husband eventually said that you grew up in this town, and he wanted you to see it. It does make you a little sad that you don't remember any of it, but Keanu soon makes you forget these thoughts. He's always so kind and loving, you didn't think it was possible to fall further in love with him, but that's exactly what happens.

Somehow you managed to convince your husband on staying one more week. It took some begging and creativity, and of course, some video calls with your doctors, but it worked in the end.

But the day comes when you're packing your things, just about to head off to the airport. You just finished with your baggage and answered a call from Michael, who wanted to say goodbye and ask you to bring Laura next time. You happily agree before hanging up, and that's when you remember the person he mentioned. The same Lucia made a big deal of. Waiting for Keanu to finish his shower, you scroll through your phone, eyes moving to the bathroom door when it opens.

“Hey, Ke.” You mutter, getting up to your feet. “Do you know someone named Daniel?” At the mention of the name, Keanu gets tense. You notice he tries to hide it, but it's crystal clear to you. It just makes everything stranger. “Michael mentioned a Daniel and so did Lucia.”

“Yeah, I know...” He mutters, avoiding your gaze.

“Ke, you're scaring me. Who the hell is this Daniel?”

@multific @inumorph @aestheticallywinchester @bvbwestfall @liviiii98 @allie1804-fan @gian-giannina @playboygeniusphilanthropist @partypoison00 @mariafetamina @fortheloveoffanfic @trin303

#keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves imagine #keanu reeves fanfiction #keanu reeves fanfic #keanu reeves #imagine keanu reeves #john wick imagine #john wick fanfiction #john wick #john wick x reader

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jamaiskookie · 4 years ago

Note

i would like more soundcloud rapper yoongi x idol y/n please it’s so cute

v-live alert! -myg

pairing: idol! y/n x soundcloud rapper! yoongi

wc; 2.9k

a/n: lots of you asked, and so you shall receive. ps, i wrote this really rushed but i kinda love it. lmk what you think, love you guys <3

[V LIVE] Surprise LIVE!

the v-live notification. or, more accurately, the sound of war. alternatively, you dance around your studio on a livestream and yoongi has a mental breakdown.

masterlist PREV

“i miss you too!“ you say, replying to one of the first comments that pop up on the live.

you probably should’ve showered before going live... and you probably should’ve changed out of sweats.

whatever.

it’s not like your fans haven’t seen this before.

half of your pre-debut pictures are just downright disgusting.

the number of viewers on the top of your phone begins to climb up to the thousands, increasing every half a second.

it always amazes you how many people show up to your lives. sometimes you wonder if your fans genuinely have nothing better to do. how do they always show up so fast?

the comments begin to flood with greetings and exclamations of ‘oh my god i’m so early!11!1’ and the multicoloured heart pop up on your screen, building up an impressive stream of likes.

“where am i?“ you read through the comments and look around, as if you forgot where you were. “in the studio.“ you grin when the comments flood with questions asking if dreamcloud is getting new music.

you can’t answer, of course, but it’s fun to see. you squint at your phone, which is propped on an elaborate setup that you spent the past twenty minutes preparing.

(three books on one eyeshadow palette and a selfie stick gingerly placed on a small stool)

((you pray to every deity out there that it won’t fall))

“i was just bored,“ you shrug, speaking to the screen. “so i decided to come on here and talk to you guys. how have you been?“ you ask.

hundreds of comments answer.

“i’m alright“

“i’m good!“

most of them contain some form of sappy declaration like ‘my day is much better now that you’re here!’ it makes you smile. how cute.

the v-live notification.

or, more accurately, the sound of war.

that cursed, terrible ding! haunts yoongi’s darkest and most terrifying nightmares. the sheer amount of panic that rushes through his veins when he hears that godforsaken noise, god.

the number of lives he’s missed- yoongi can’t even bear to think about it.

so maybe it was a blessing in disguise that yoongi put his phone on do not disturb so he didn’t have to hear that disgusting sound. instead, he found out the news via a gorilla’s screech.

“Y/N’S LIVE RIGHT NOW STARTED FOURTY SECONDS AGO HURRY UP YOONGI GET YOUR ASS UP AND STOP STUDYI-“ jimin yells from his room down the hall.

yoongi almost falls out of his chair scrambling to get to his phone. it’s not like he was really studying anyways- more like using his pencils to tap out a cool-sounding beat on his desk out of boredom.

watching your live > passing his music theory class.

priorities.

with shaky hands, he grabs at his phone, slumping onto the floor and he sees the familiar blue icon with the notification popped up on the screen.

[V LIVE] Surprise LIVE! Y/N: let’s chat <3

an unnatural squeak that slightly resembles the sound a mouse slips out of yoongi’s mouth.

even when he was a baby starrie and was glued to his phone at all times, he’s never been this early to a live. he unlocks his phone, cursing his momentary clumsiness. he clicks into the live, smiling when your beaming face blasts up on his screen.

you haven’t gone live in so long- it’s nice to see your face again.

“- how have you been?“

“good.“ yoongi types out in the comment box, mumbling the words as he’s typing. “way better now that you’re live.“ sometimes yoongi cringes at himself when he types these things. i mean, who could possibly guess that min yoongi, resident scary-emo-couldslapyouintheface bad boy socially un-responsible simped over a k-pop idol?

he can already see his reputation go down the drain.

he also wonders what it says about himself that he’s a 20-something college student who’s life practically revolves around you, an idol who’s just about a year younger than him.

but dreamcloud is a part of his identity now. he identifies as a starrie no matter what. you know how the old saying goes-

once you stan, you can’t unstan. or something like that, he’s honestly not sure.

you tuck your head onto your hand, diligently trying to keep up with all the comment. with a gasp, you nod at something. “oh, you’re right, user yoonalova98!” - that’s another thing special about you. whenever you read out comments, you also read out the username of whoever wrote it.

you explained in one interview- that it’s cooler to give credit and talk to your fans as if you’re just chatting as friend. saying the username feels like you’re saying their names.

what kind of lucky fan would get their comment read aloud by Y/N?

ugh.

yoongi blinks when he remembers that technically, he’s sort of part of this group of elite, recognised fans.

his twitter stan account got almost five thousand more followers after Y/N replied to his selca. the post itself has tons and tons of likes and retweets.

insane, that Y/N- Y/N herself- knows of his existence. Y/N- the love of his life, has seen his FACE. she commented three HEART emojis below a selfie that he took.

if he thinks about it too much, he’ll start feeling faint again.

“our anniversary is coming up soon! i can’t believe it’s been three years already. time does pass by when you’re having fun.“ you say. yoongi thinks that it’s rather ironic that you would forget your anniversary, when yoongi’s had a calendar countdown to January 14th since the beginning of september.

“ahh,“ you say, leaning in closer to the screen. “from user lialiarach, ‘did you watch jisoo unnie’s acting debut’ - i did! we all watched it and cheered her on during the premiere!“

jisoo’s new drama is good. it’s a fantasy-horror blend, and he, jimin, namjoon and jin finished all 16 episodes in two days when streaming hit Netflix.

your head tilts and you smile. “song recommendations?” you wonder aloud, and yoongi scrambles to get a pen and notepad out. you don’t do ‘y/n’s listening parties’ as much anymore, but your taste in music is impeccable and he collects all the songs in a playlist.

it’s called ‘wedding tunes’ (jimin named it, not him, yoongi swears)

everytime he tries to change it back, it somehow switches back to wedding tunes the next day.

it’s disturbing how good jimin is at this kind of stuff. hopefully yoongi won’t have to bail him out of jail one day.

“okay!“ you say, pulling your laptop open. you hum as you scroll through some page that yoongi can’t see- and he anxiously waits for the first song to be played with twitchy hands and a strong grip on his pen.

the first bar plays out and yoongi’s already in love.

“this is,“ you say over the music, double checking just to make sure. “don’t need your love by NCT...“ you squint. god knows there are too many NCT members. “dream! NCT dream featuring HRVY.“

“NCT dream...“ yoongi mumbles to himself, writing the song down on the notepad.

“you know,“ you say over the music, spinning in your chair and nodding to the beat. “i’ve only met the NCT guys a couple times at music shows and such but they’re all so nice. i can’t remember all their names, but i’m decently familiar with their faces. how do they even have 23 members? how does it all work??“

you dance around the studio, singing along nonsensical lyrics that don’t make sense but sort of fit the rhythm of the song (??)

“don’t need your loo-ooove-!!! dum dum duhhhh duhros noya!!!” yoongi stifles a laugh. there’s a reason why you constantly forget lyrics on stage.

which is quite ironic, actually, because half the time you’re forgetting the lyrics to a song you wrote yourself.

afterwards, you play all the hidden gems- and yoongi’s proud to say he’s familiar with quite a few of them.

airplane by j-hope (a youtube star turned successful rapper-vocalist-dancer)

sweet night by v (the internet’s resident eye-candy)

and then you continue to scroll through your laptop, biting your lip and murmuring quietly to yourself. you glance once back at your phone screen.

okay, listen.

yoongi knows that he’s delusional, okay?

but everytime you look straight in the screen it’s almost like you’re looking directly at the camera it’s almost like you’re staring into his soul. which makes zero sense, but it still makes his heart skip a beat.

let him dream, please

“what am i scrolling through?“ you say, reciting a question from the chat. “soundcloud, user chachachae.“

soundcloud?

oh.

that’s pretty cool.

he didn’t know you had a soundcloud account!

you usually post all your covers and random shorts to instagram or another one of your personal blogs.

for a moment, yoongi indulges himself by wondering if you’d ever listened to his music. his soundcloud account is linked in his twitter bio, after all...

but he shakes those thoughts away as fast as they came. he doesn’t need to entertain himself with such silly thoughts.

“ooh, this one’s good!“ you say, clicking onto something.

still with you by JAYKAY (pffftt haihdkahjd) starts playing and you lean back, humming along. yoongi knows this one too!! now he’s 3 for 3!! he and you do share a similar taste in music, so maybe it does make sense.

even though you’re actually main vocalist and lead dancer, you do listen to a lot of rap music. but the music you make is nothing like the old school hip hop tracks that yoongi is partial to.

the music you make- how can he explain it?

sweet like honey with a little bit of tang.

like barbecue honey!!!!

ok that was a bad analogy.

all of his favourite dreamcloud tracks are written by you- cloud nine, up in the sky, are u still here, quicksand- the list goes on and on and on.

it’s like listening to your voice solves anything he goes against. bad day? dreamcloud. something to celebrate? blast your debut song. in need of a party song? easy fix. he gets aux cord rights? (granted, this doesn’t happen very often, since seokjin insists that his music taste is superior to his friends.) but anyways, y/n can fix it.

listening to your voice feels comforting. it invokes something in him that he honestly cannot explain with words. you’re his inspiration. not just in music- but in life. he admires how you’re able to smile through anything, how you take responsibility for your own actions.

he admires your kind heart, which offers generosity and forgiveness to even the most underserving people.

he admires your passion, for music, for your members, for the smallest things. he admires how you’ll love everyone and anyone.

even though he’s never really met you, he feels like he knows you. he wishes he could, anyways. he wants to thank the person who’s gotten him through such bad days.

yoongi curses himself again for being so delusional.

he keeps telling himself that he can’t get so attached. then he’ll end up like one of those creepy fans who are convinced their idols actually like them.

blech.

“okay, next song!“ you exclaim cheerfully. “i really like this one, guys. he’s this soundcloud star. he makes really cool music.“ yoongi readies his pen. if this person really is a soundcloud star, then there’s a high chance yoongi knows of him. a smaller chance that he actually knows the guy personally; either online or from real life.

you press the space bar almost obnoxiously, like you’re about to reveal something grand. you look into the camera, and you lock eyes with yoongi- through that cursed, horrible screen.

the first note plays and yoongi thinks that it sounds... oddly familiar, actually. for a moment, he sighs in disappointment. this one doesn’t sound as great as the previous few songs. almost like it’s incomplete, imperfect. something about it bugs him at the very bottom of his gut.

jimin figures it out before he does.

“AHHHHHHHHH YOONGI!!! OH MY GOD-!!!! YOONGI ARE YOU SEEING THIS? YOONGI!! HYUNG!“ yoongi grumbles, wondering what the hell jimin is screeching about now.

“oh, for fuck’s sake,“ he mumbles. the difference between him and jimin is the way they express their emotions. while yoongi bottles it all up, choosing to deal with things alone and slump around, jimin has no other choice but to scream things out. it’s a wonder they’re such good friends, really. “what is it now?“ yoongi mutters to himself.

“yeah yeah, a gentle breeze- “ and then it hits him. all at once.

“holy fucking shit.“ he whispers to himself, slumping down on the floor. he can barely hear what you say next.

“this song is called people by agust d. he goes by the name suga on social media-!“ yoongi falls down, gasping for air. “i’m a fan,“ you remark casually. “mr. suga producer-nim!! i’m your fan! please continue to make good music!“ you chuckle. “what am i doing right now? he probably isn’t even watching.“ you stare innocently at the phone camera, as if you don’t even know that you’re changing someone’s life right now.

out of his peripheral vision, he can see jimin rushing into the room, crouching next to him and placing a hand on his back, murmuring something yoongi can’t hear through the sound of his sobs.

huh. when did he even start crying?

“he makes rap and really cool hip hop music. you guys should give him a listen. his lyrics are really meaningful, too.“ you nod along, reciting the lyrics word for word- even though you really can’t rap.

“what kind of person am I? am I a good person? or a bad person? many of ways to judge just a person. everyone will live on, everyone will love, everyone will fade away“ you headbang along to the beat.

yoongi slides down the wall inch by inch. he wonders if he’ll faint or vomit first.

other people seem to make fun of people like him- people who find solace in idols, in music. that’s partially why he doesn’t like disclosing the fact that he’s a diehard fan of an idol girl group.

but in hindsight, that’s so stupid. who gives two fucks about his interests? hell, yoongi’s been depressed half his life. and if a group of girls who sing songs and perform make him feel better, what’s so wrong with that?

jimin’s voice is a little clearer now, and so is yours. you’re singing along to the lyrics- the lyrics that he wrote. the lyrics that he spent hours agonising over, wondering whether his shortcomings and anxiety in his life were worth posting on the internet for his measly following to see.

wondering if the music he made had any impact at all, if one day he might see his dream come true, to see his music being played in public. wondering if anyone might hear his songs and think that it helped them get over a bad day. just like you have for him.

yoongi’s sobs wrack through his body, tears flowing freely on his face. he’s crying hard. ugly crying, like a baby throwing a temper tantrum. his cries echo through the room. if he could see himself right now...

well, he doesn’t want to think about it. he’s sure it’s not a pretty view.

jimin looks over him, smiling proudly. his eyes are glassy, and he tucks yoongi’s head in his chest, putting his arms around him and embracing him.

yoongi’s shoulders shake. if it was any other day, he would usher jimin out the room. he hates it when people see him being vulnerable. even his own family hasn’t seen him cry that much.

but right now, he can’t bring himself to do anything but cry. other people may ask why this is such a big deal, why someone emotionally constipated like min yoongi would cry like this for such a small matter.

this, he doesn’t know how to explain either.

all he can think about is how much it means to him. that someone he admires so much is now, in turn, saying his music- no, his life- is good. nothing much else. but just knowing that you’ve listened to his work, that you know of his alter ego’s name...

his crying sounds grow larger.

jimin pets at his hair. “shh,” he murmurs. “it’s okay.” jimin’s voice also grows a little shaky. he tears up, but continues to comfort the crying boy in his arms. “you did it, hyung. it’s okay. you made it. you did it. why are you crying? this is good news! this is so great! i’m proud of you, we’re all so proud of you.”

yoongi tries to speak; it doesn’t go very well. but when he tries again, he manages to choke something out.

“i did it.“ he says, before burying his face back into jimin’s hug. the two boys sit on the ground, crying together. an hour passes, then two.

slowly, yoongi drifts off to bed on the ground, the melody of his own song blended with sound of your voice echoing in his head.

my ordinary became your special, my special became your ordinary. so what? what if you just brush by? what if you get hurt? sometimes you might get hurt again, sometimes you might shed tears. so what? so what if you live like that?

~ people by agust d

tags; @jksbbyfacebunny @extremeobsessions101 @dwcljh @stonyiscanon @bishuthot @s0seo @cecedrake2217

225 notes · View notes

secondpubertyscene · 3 years ago

Text

8.14.21

This year has been one of major change. In Octavia Butler’s Parable of the Sower, there’s this quote, “God is Change. Beware: God exists to shape and be shaped,” and I think for the first time since reading it, I get what was being said. While I subscribe to the idea that there is a higher power of some kind, I also believe that we (as in, us as individuals) have great power as well. That power lies in our ability to change, to grow, to persevere. This year has been one of major change, and we really have to talk about it.

It is easy to look at this last year and think, “Well, that fucking sucked” because frankly, it did indeed fucking suck. I could write you a list of things that brought me great pain this year, unbelievable, undeniable, unrelenting pain that still lingers now. But, see, the beauty of it all is that none of that pain happens in a vacuum. Along with the pain, I’ve come through it all with more wisdom, more compassion, more empathy, more gratitude, more peace, more love, and more confidence. I’d like to share how those things all are connected, but first I would like to acknowledge something.

While I don’t know for sure if this is just an American thing, it does seem very clear that Americans aren’t fantastic at processing grief, death, and pain collectively. We often are encouraged to suck it up, to shut up about it, to not make others uncomfortable with our tears and trauma. I believe this is in large part due to the fact that American Exceptionalism doesn’t quite allow us to acknowledge when our systems have failed us or when we are suffering in the “greatest country in the world.” I don’t intend on participating in that toxic positivity or to dismiss the seriousness of the year past. I simply intend on acknowledging the nuances of my experiences, the complexity of it all. Now, let’s begin.

Without recounting every moment in large detail (in part because that would be far too much and also because I don’t need to relieve my traumas today), the events of the last year have been as follows: 1) COVID hit, 2) I had a severe emotional breakdown that resulted in a short stay at the hospital, 3) my grandma passed away, 4) I broke up with my partner of a year, 5) I was officially diagnosed with adult ADHD (inattentive), 6) I got into a PhD program for sociology (fully-funded), and 7) I moved to Ohio (two weeks ago now). So much happened in what feels like a blink of an eye. When you’re a kid, you think a year lasts forever. Now, a year feels like a couple months!

Anyhow, all of these things had super intense negative impacts on my life and most of them had super intense positive impacts on my life. Let’s talk about how. I won’t say that COVID had any “positive” impact on my life, because it’s still currently making things difficult and it is still destroying lives (full worlds) every day. The emotional breakdown that I experienced shortly after COVID began, however, was the impetus for some of the greatest change I would ever make in my life. It began with new therapy, medication for the first time ever to treat my mental illnesses, and a new relationship with boundaries.

Out of this breakdown, I came to realize a few things. 1) I wasn’t really feeling most of my life up until that point. That isn’t to say that I didn’t feel at all or that I wasn’t aware of my feelings all the time, but to say that most of the time, I numbed everything out that was too hard to bear. I didn’t cry, I didn’t write, I didn’t even take the time to try to identify exactly what emotions I did feel. I just lived through it and waited until I felt better. Or, I would breakdown with rage and then feel better. Therapy, especially the group therapy I participated in for a couple weeks after leaving the hospital, changed that in huge ways for me.

Because I was able to sit in my pain, in my discomfort, I was able to actually work through some of my issues. I began to identify the areas in my life that made me genuinely unhappy and began to grant myself permission to feel disappointment. I granted myself the permission to expect more, to want more. I granted myself the permission to set boundaries without guilt or shame. I granted myself freedom. It is an ongoing journey of mistakes and back-peddling and trying again, but it is mine and I am proud of it. Had I not had that breakdown, I don’t know that I would be where I am now.

My grandma dying is one of the most painful things I’ve experienced and honestly, I haven’t dealt with it all the way yet. I didn’t get to say goodbye to her in person, I still am battling the feelings of guilt despite knowing that there likely was nothing I could have done, and my chest still feels heavy thinking about her. Even as I write this, I feel that pain. I know she is not truly gone and that she lives within me, but oh, I do miss her physical presence. The nagging, the phone calls, the hugs, the cooking, her soft hair and beautiful hands. I miss her. Because of her, though, I have been able to rehabilitate another relationship in my life. The relationship I share with my mother.

My mother is a lot of things, but for whatever reason I continually forgot that she too is a victim of hardship brought on by nothing but sheer luck. In this last year, she lost her mother, the man that she loved, multiple cousins, friends that went back to childhood, and who knows who else. She suffered a lot this year and she has suffered a lot over the course of her 61 years of life overall. For the first time, I have been able to really acknowledge her as a full being with a complex history and understand her as a person, rather than just as a parent. I’ve set new boundaries with her as a result, boundaries that have completely change the dynamic of our relationship and will continue to do so as we both learn more about each other. Gone are the days where she relies solely on me for emotional support or financial support. Gone are the days where she feels comfortable talking down to me and then expecting any kind of favors from me. She understands and respects that I am an adult, that I am independent, and that I can terminate our relationship should it get to a point where I feel unsafe again. While this might sound like a threat or even negative, it is in fact quite the contrary.

We now share the belief that I deserve better from her and that my continued relationship with her is founded upon our mutual growth. That’s a beautiful thing that arose from us being pulled together by the loss of someone we both loved more than we maybe even loved ourselves. Thankfully, though, I have come to love myself more than anyone else on this planet. This newfound self-love and respect resulted in the severing of my relationship with my partner.

I won’t pretend like my ex was this horrible person because she wasn’t. She was kind, loving, intelligent, hilarious, unique, complex, and so many other amazing things. I still love her with all of my heart and have thought about her every single day since we broke up. It is not for lack of love that our relationship came to a close. The issue was that I needed more than what she could give. I needed someone who could really sit in my shit with me without invalidating my feelings jokingly because they didn’t know what else to say. I needed someone who could make me feel safe and secure, not fearful and insecure. I needed someone who understood boundaries as openings for futures, not closed doors. I needed someone who could show up for me the way I showed up for them, even when they hurt me, even when they lied out of fear. She wasn’t able to do that. She wasn’t able to stick beside me during the worst days of my life. She wasn’t able to see me beyond our relationship. When my grandma passed and our relationship was on the rocks, she made it about us. She didn’t stop pestering me about our relationship for long enough to give me support on losing someone who meant the world to me. I couldn’t trust her after that and I also realized, I wasn’t required to.

Boundaries in that relationship weren’t healthy. I felt unseen, unprotected, and sometimes even unloved. While I am sure that she has grown even more since we have parted, the reality is that when I ended things, I knew that doing so was the most fair thing I could do for the both of us. This is because I deserve someone who sees my value inherently. I deserve someone who takes the time to understand me, to love me, to see me. Not just see me and them together, but me as an individual separate from them. More importantly, I needed to be able to ask for those things without feeling guilty or bad. As of now, I still don’t know that she sees me as me, as a singular person, and maybe she never will. That is okay. I still love her anyway. I just love me more now. As a part of that love I’ve grown for myself, I also now have sought out more help for myself. This seeking of resources led me to realizing that I was ADHD and helped me change my life.

Being diagnosed with ADHD at 21 felt absolutely ridiculous. How could I be ADHD when I can sit still most of the time and have a pretty decent amount of impulse control? The answers came from my psychiatrist, breaking down the stereotypical understanding of ADHD and allowing me to find myself within the diagnosis. Finding the right combination of medication has been difficult, but what hasn’t been hard at all is finding more resources that help me manage my symptoms. It’s because of some of these resources that I am able to sit here and write this.

A huge part of ADHD is this perfectionist mentality that makes it nearly impossible to start or complete some tasks. Every time I sat down to write in the past, I told myself that I absolutely had to write every single day, once a day, or I should just not do it. When it came to this blog especially, I had so much shame when I failed to post for a long time or had a lull, that I would either consider deleting the whole thing to start over, or just never posting again. I realize now that those were just cop outs for my brain, that I can write as little or as much as I want because it is for ME. It doesn’t have to be perfect; it doesn’t have to be anything but what I need it to be. Waiting for perfection would have me waiting forever because it’s simply not how my brain works. Accepting that is a large part of how I got into my PhD program.

I’m not going to lie. I am still trying to figure out all of the feelings I have regarding this PhD program. I am shocked that I got in, shocked that I got full-funding, shocked that I am now in Ohio, shocked that I am in my own apartment, and overall shocked that I’ve made it this far in general. While I do not believe that I am stupid or not capable of greatness, I am realizing that I’ve always seen myself pursuing something more straightforward. When I was younger, I had a pretty clear idea of what I wanted to do even as those things changed. I knew what was required of me, I knew what I would ultimately do, and I took refuge in that. Doctors go to medical school. Chefs go to culinary school. Forensic anthropologists get masters degrees and do field work. It felt clear cut, straightforward, safe. This is uncharted territory. What do you do post PhD? What do you do DURING PhD years? I suppose I’ll just have to find out!

Anyhow, this year has been intense. Change is always present in our lives and sometimes it brings with gifts that we can only receive when we’re healed enough to take them. I’m hoping to keep healing, keep growing, keep loving, and keep going. I’m learning so much about myself and about the world. I’m loving myself more than I have in the past. I am incredibly proud of where I am. And I’m not done yet.

#personal blog #vent blog #black ftm #black transman #black tpoc #black mental health #personal writing blog #sociology #sociology phd program #covid #grief

6 notes · View notes

uwua3 · 5 years ago

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Hello! I'm a new follower and I just love your writing so far!! You're really good at depicting The Whole Scene™ so you made me love my favs even more 😳 It's like my heart melts when I get to the extra soft parts 💖 If it's alright, may I request some fluffy hcs of Banri and/or Juza with a soft/baby-ish s/o who likes cute things? Or in general an s/o who's kind of opposite to either of them 👉🏻👈🏻 Thank you! 💞

hi!!! welcome to my writing blog~ :D i’m so happy you said that 🥺 (i appreciate the trademark no Suing in this household) i’m so glad when it gets soft it makes your heart go 💕💞💓💗💖💘💝 always feel like that!!! i’d be more than honored to baby the two tough boys of autumn~ they are secretly Baby no i do not take criticism but you’re welcome!!!

summary: this is the one time major misunderstandings work out for the best

warnings: swearing

author’s note: hello, everyone~ it’s been 4 days since i last posted a fic TT i’m so sorry!!! i hope this makes up for the absence~ it’s a bit long! please love banri and juza with all your heart ♡ fair warning, i design both readers to have dresses on but everything else is gender–neutral :D

word count: 6,482 (total) — 3,532 (banri), 2,950 (juza)

music: liar liar – oh my girl (banri), just right – got7 (juza)

sugar, spice, and everything nice!

🍁🥇 settsu banri

banri was thrifting and saw the most god–awful, terrible piece of clothing he had ever had the misfortune of seeing in his life

it was a bublegum pink sailor uniform esque shirt, embellished with the most pastel ribbons and lacy accessories ever, and was decorated to put harajuku to shame

“who the hell would want to buy this shit?” banri muttered to himself, holding it up to grimance at the girly details that hang from the ugliest shirt he had ever came across. before he could put it back to hide amongst the clothing rack, a gentle, barely noticeable tap on his shoulder made banri turn his head with a glare

“what—” banri’s eyes widened, his jaw slightly dropping. oh my god, if there was a human embodiment of the fucking shirt he was holding, you would literally be it

you were nervously smiling at him, clad in a pastel pink lolita–styled dress, with even more bows at the corset bodice and ruffles at your poofy skirt. you had the largest singular lace bonnet in your curled hair and adorned the biggest, widest circular glasses (they had to be fake). you clasped your hands together with a high–pitched laugh, banri wanted to disappear and never come back to the store again

how could people like you just exist? you walked around like a doll everyday and for what? banri looked down at his clothing for a second, all black again. maybe, he shouldn’t be talking if he was like death everyday...

“sorry~ but are you interested in that shirt?” you asked cutely, batting your eyelashes as you looked up at banri. he blinked, not realizing he was still holding the fashion industry’s worst abonimation as he quickly tossed it towards you, not bothering to check if you even caught it

“no, bye.” banri forced out, moving from the aisle to leave the godforsaken pastels and bright colors. it was all giving him a headache, there was no way this color spectrum ever existed to someone and they liked it. everybody move over because banri was gonna puke

banri flipped through more clothes, pushing through the racks with ease, trying to push the mental image of pink out of his mind until something landed on his head

quickly pulling it off with a scowl, banri deadpanned at the shirt. pink, sailor uniform, ugly ribbons and bows, check. it was that shirt again... what the—

you stood next to him, with the most angelic smile possible despite the passive aggressive look in your eyes. banri noticed your hair was slightly messed up, that he must’ve done something. he never thought he’d fight a pastel lolita in the middle of one of his favorite thrift stores, but here he was, glaring down at you like it was a big deal

“what do you want?!” banri cursed, about to throw the shirt back to you before you forced it in his hands, surprising him with the amount of force your short self managed to produce. you smiled even bigger, and banri suddenly knew he couldn’t cause a scene because no one believe him if you started a fight

“let me pick your clothes!” you offered, yet there was no room for disagreement. oh god, this was revenge for screwing up your look, wasn’t it? banri blanked again, about to tell you to fuck off before he called security (yeah, security on the most non–threatening person here), before you shoved another outfit into his arms

“go change! i want to see you in it!” you insisted, banri’s eye twitched as he took in the colors. all various shades of pink... you did know there were other colors right?

maybe it was because he knew you would start a scene if he didn’t try, but banri mumbled something about annoying people and their loud fashion sense before slipping into a dressing room. you clapped when banri begrudgingly agreed to it, pissing him off even more

(you didn’t know why you were forcing this stranger to be pastel for once. one look at his all–black attire and you felt a part of your soul die for a second)

when you heard the most dragged–out, emphasized swear behind the door, you knew you had to see it

“are you okay in there~?” you asked, waiting patiently outside with a devious smile. revenge was sweet, you almost forgot about how that shirt had messed up your hairstyle for the day

(banri suddenly regretted ever messing with you, you were the devil in pink)

“i know we just met, but fuck you.” banri deadpanned, stepping out from behind the curtain with the resignation of a quitter. you threw your hands over your mouth, stifling your snickers as you observed him top to bottom, wondering how you even fathomed such a creation

banri stood before you in the same sailor shirt, ribbons and bows alike, that somehow fit him. you had given him basic pink shorts that clased with his giant black boots (he made a stomping sound whenever he walked)

“i hate this, i am never wearing this again.” banri admitted without difficulty, expecting you to go away so he could shop in peace but you giggled, nodding in satisfaction at your mistake. he couldn’t believe it, he was embarrassing himself and sacrificing his dignity just because some moral conscious was aware he probably ruined part of your fit

“i’ll buy it for you!” you said and banri pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing with so much exhaustion even though it was the afternoon. is this how sakyo felt dealing with three kids all day? banri was this close to calling him up just to apologize for all the batshit crazy things he’s done

“no.” banri stated, not offering an explanation before turning around, about to head back into the dressing room before you stopped him, pouting your lips with a stubborn look

“come on! why not? i’ll do anything!” you pleaded, giving him your biggest puppy dog eyes as you kept repeating “please~” loudly. banri was about to tell you off before he noticed the store customers glancing at the odd duo, groaning before he rubbed his face

“anything?” banri asked, realizing his mischevious smirk was back on his face as you narrowed your eyes at him, wondering what the hell he was planning

when you hesitantly nodded, banri wolfishly grinned as he leaned against the door frame, crossing his arms and looking down at you (you would’ve burst into laughter at how banri tried to look intimidating in pink if you weren’t too plagued by your surprise at his sudden attitude change)

“okay, let me pick your next outfit.” banri said and you winced at the memory of his previous outfit, considering your options before shaking his hand, knowing whatever was about to happen would be one for your social media

it only took about two hours before you actually agreed to try anything on banri picked. it was all animal print, mismatched neon colors, and flannel. you refused every single time he held anything up, bruising banri’s ego even further

“jesus, you have no taste.” banri complained, just wanting to see the most pastel person he’s seen wear something normal for once. you two bickered easily, fighting like there was no tomorrow and warranting nervous glances from the store employees (who nearly alerted security when they saw you almost knock over a whole display chasing after banri)

finally, banri chose something you wouldn’t be caught dead in. it was close to what he had before, a black turtleneck with a silver–zip bomber jacket. he was nice enough to choose a black pleated skirt for you to wear with black oxford that had 3d white daisies

you actually liked it, believe it or not

in return, you adjusted your pick for him (much to banri’s relief when he muttered “thank god” as you put the pink sailor shirt back). you adjusted the theme to be a mixture of black & pink, picking a pink sweater with a black stitched heart surrounded by lace that read “i’ll kill you” and a pink button down underneath. you let him wear basic black pants (just so he wouldn’t have actually killed you) and found the cutest pink sneakers with black shoelaces!

by the time both of you finished, banri didn’t seem as mad and actually nodded at your choices

“not bad, punk.” banri joked as you swatted at his arm, ignoring the way he rolled his eyes at your antics. you two made your way into opposite changing rooms and went out at the same time, staring at each other wide–eyed for about three seconds before banri pushed his finger in the center of your forehead with a smirk

“see! you don’t look as bad now.” banri winked as you nearly kicked him, rubbing your forehead with a frown. you two fought all the way to the cash register, paying for each other’s new outfits as you wore them out the door, holding your originals in a bag

“happy now? gotta go or else my friends are gonna kill me.” banri rolled his eyes, shoving his hands into his pant pockets as he was about to go the opposite way. you grabbed his sleeve, impatiently shoving your phone in his face as he adjusted to seeing his own pissed off expression stare back at him

“you have to take a picture with me!” you insisted, your bubbly demeanor really not fitting your “goth” approach (courtesy of banri, of course)

banri glared, knowing this wasn’t apart of the deal before you feigned sadness, wrapping your arms around yourself as you looked around like it was really unfortunate

“oh... are you not photogenic? that’s too bad...” you mocked him, pretending to not notice banri’s fists clench as he furrowed his eyebrows. of course he was good at taking photos! he’d show you, alright

“give me your phone.” banri demanded, taking it without a warning and holding it at a distance with an effortlessly cool pose, doing his usual smirk with a casual peace sign

“say ‘worst day ever’.” banri snapped the picture when you got into frame, putting your chin on his shoulder due to your height difference as you smiled cutely, contrasting his entire vibe

when you actually went through the selfies, they were perfect. damn it! of course he was good at everything, including somehow making black look good on you and be the ultimate photographer

“let me tag you, these are actually...” you were about to say something else until you noticed he was walking away, not bothering to say goodbye as you called his name

“yo, banri! what’s your instagram handle?” you yelled, holding your phone up. banri didn’t even look behind him, just throwing up a single middle finger towards you as he turned the corner. what a typical teenage boy

it was so like him, you didn’t even bother chasing after banri as you posted the set of photos you took with him with the caption “worst day ever with this emo punk, someone find him for me”

when banri made it the dorms, he took out his phone for the first time in forever and felt the vibrations. he never got this many notifications, itaru was probably telling him to get online or he’d beat his ass—oh

oh, you didn’t

kazunari (of course it was him) had tagged him in a familiar picture, with too many emoticons and exclamation points to begin with. banri scrolled through the comments, all complimenting his cool face despite being in pink (banri already knew that) and... wait... shipping you two?!

you two were completely different! if you two stood next to each other, you’d be two opposite ends of any spectrum possible. yet, banri couldn’t help but read all the comments on your post, saying how you two looked good together

banri zoomed in on the photo and moved to your face and huh... maybe they were onto something...

banri clicked on your profile and as expected, it was all soft like sanrio personally made it. you were an angel in each of your pictures, posing with stuffed animals, pastel café sweets, and anything that looked like it came out of a kid’s show. banri was scrolling mindlessly, screenshotting some as he slouched on the sofa, exhaling sharply through his nose at some childish pun you had in your captions

when banri was near the beginning of your feed, it had happened. he accidentally tapped too fast (blame it on his gamer hands), liking your picture from years ago

banri paused. after a minute, banri slowly unliked your picture, shut the app, and threw his phone across the room. it landed on the other couch with a thump as banri slid down the seat with the loudest groan ever, covering his face as he refrained from screaming

that’s what he got for stalking your entire fashion page despite hating your style

the damage had been done. you followed him and instantly dm–ed him with the full, unedited selfies of you two

(banri didn’t follow back until like, a month later for no reason other than he was petty)

banri became your immediate go–to fashion guru, believe it or not. moving past his horrific sense of animal print, he actually wasn’t that bad at picking clothes (banri said it was something about growing up with an older sister)

whenever you needed advice on an outfit, you sent him a text and got a response within minutes (the more he hated it, the more you wore it). any time you went to another up and coming clothing store, he was by your side (unwillingly holding your bags with multiple threats). banri even took your pics for your page, pretending like it was a huge nuisance whenever you asked anyone to take a photo (they always came out awful and he claimed he was tired of hearing you whine 24/7)

you and banri’s interest in fashion was the foundation of a competitive and sarcastic friendship that formed between you two. you exaggerated your pink clothes by making sure to be as pastel as possible whenever you hung out with him, and banri made a point to be all–black and dark down to his silver earrings despite the weather

you posted him more and more on your socials despite his style clashing with your feed. your followers seemed to love him, hyping up his coolness even if you two bullied each other in the comments like an old married couple. it was becoming expected to see banri’s account tagged every time you gave him credit for the post (he always used it against you just to make you mad)

over time, when banri went to see you, he didn’t insult your style anymore even if he tried to (his insults were even half–assed). he took your bags on his own accord and acted like they didn’t weigh a thing. he started taking more photos of you on his own phone, like it wasn’t a big deal he had shocks of pastel throughout his rather dark camera roll

banri didn’t know when it happened, but the moment he looked at the pink sweater you bought him the first time he met you and didn’t react, he knew

oh shit, he didn’t hate pink (or you) anymore. he might have even... liked it

(he might have even liked you)

it was nearly closing time, the employee about to close up shop before banri was seen sprinting towards them, barely out of breath as he skidded to a stop near the concerned worker (understandably so, since it was dark and a whole teenager nearly trampled them)

“oh? banri? what are you doing so late?” the employee recognized the regular customer and banri almost threw up at what he was about to request. he took a moment to compose himself before banri sighed, gesturing towards inside the store

“you remember that really ugly pink sailor shirt that is probably a fashion crime?” banri asked and it didn’t take long before the worker nodded, even grimancing at the memory of such a loud shirt

“yes, no one is really willing to buy it—” the employee was interrupted by a wad of money from inside banri’s wallet as he went through it, wincing at his own purchase that he clearly didn’t want

“i’ll take it. keep the change.” banri went home that day with the same pink shirt he swore he would never wear again

the next day, banri was dressed and the whole dorm went silent. no one dared breathe a word, and banri rolled his eyes, crossing his arms

“what’s wrong? never seen a man wear pink before?” banri raised his eyebrows, casually getting ready to go see you with his backpack strapped. once again, everyone was staring at him (when he left the dorms, the room burst into hysterical laughter)

when you saw banri in that shirt, you suddenly knew. it was as if his behavior made sense, this is way of telling you he didn’t hate you as much as he acted to

as he came up to you pretending like he was still cool in the most pastel pink shirt ever, you couldn’t help but grab him by the sailor collar and give him something long overdue

(the whole mankai company spammed your page with fairy cyberbully comments and likes when you posted a picture of banri in the sailor shirt with the caption: “best boyfriend ever”)

(you ended up keeping the sailor shirt, banri claimed it suited you a lot more than it did for him) (damn, not even one insult about how ugly it was when you expressed how much you loved it)

ever since, your feed became more of punk pastel than anything. anything you wore, banri most likely had in black. you two even shared jewelery and banri often mixed up your earrings with his own (you loved his piercings and often bought the most intricate ear cuffs just to see them on him)

despite your opposite styles, you guys actually shared many of your items together like clothes, accessories like bucket hats and backpacks, even make up! (it took quite some time before banri accepted you painting his nails though, at first it was black, now he allows the occassional pink middle finger if you ask)

(banri liked it the most when you two had matching nails, it was just satisfying to see when holding hands)

you guys were also that gamer couple. you know what i’m talking about, if you guys had a gaming room together, half the room would be pastel pink and his set up was a basic all black

(you two had matching cat headphone sets, yours obviously the pink ones and banri pretended to hate his own pair of ears)

(they really weren’t that bad, he even began wearing it around his boys despite the jokes)

(“shut up, bastard! my partner likes them!”)

as expected, you two got stares every time you went out in public. while you were bright and happy from the anime sparkles around you to your adorable, enthusiatic energy, banri was always by you looming over everyone with a sharp glare and even more aggressive tongue

but this was unexpected: you had banri whipped. wrapped around your finger, even if he would never admit it

(he could go one moment cursing someone out, threatening a fight before he talked to you with a quieter, more relaxed tone. of course he could start shit with you, but for some reason, his voice and demeanor automatically became nicer when he saw you)

(this meant he could never stay mad at you for too long)

an example of banri being absolutely soft for you would be the time you were about to dye your hair and he wanted in

while he was helping you equally do the style and making sure it fit your liking, you giggled at the sight of your boyfriend in the mirror, focusing intently on your hair and the two seperate dyes

“ri, have you ever thought of black hair?” you asked nonchalantly as banri brushed the dye on your hair, giving him a moment to think as he shrugged

“eh, i already dye my hair. never thought about that color.” banri responded, already too busy making sure your hair was completely covered (he was a good hair stylist even if he had never done it before)

“what do you think about matching hairstyles?”

it felt like deja vu. when banri walked into the dorms again, everyone was staring at him. except this time, it wasn’t his sweater (he was back to all–black this time), but his head

oh my god, his hair. his vibrant, half–pink and half–black hair now

“you like that person so much! you dyed your hair that shade of pink?!” practically everyone in mankai was aware banri was whipped for his one and only angel, even if it looked like he came out of hell himself just to be with you

whenever banri saw pink now, he didn’t hate it anymore, and he especially didn’t hate you

🍁🍰 hyodo juza

when juza saw you, he felt like he was on a sugar rush from how cute you were

it was another day helping the director with her grocery shopping and an extra amount of time allowed the two to visit the new bakery that opened downtown

while izumi was making small talk with the server, juza awkwardly hung behind her as he tried to not make it obvious he just wanted to eat every single dessert in the family business

as he was counting the tiles on the floor (how did they design them to look like it was made out of candy?!), a swish of a puffy skirt moved past his line of sight as juza glanced up, feeling like he had downed a whole box of those valentine’s candy hearts at once

you were a waitress, happily bringing customer orders to their tables with the cutest smile ever. you wore a mint green & brown uniform with a big bow at your dress shirt collar, floating around like a fairy with a trey at your hand and gracefully taking requests in the other. if “you are what you eat” was true, you would’ve only ate sweet foods because you were that adorable

then, juza noticed you had some really nice hair clips and thought they were super cute

when you looked up from writing something on your notepad (he noticed it was really elegant cursive), you caught his eye and it was like love at first sight for juza

for you, not so much

you had made eye contact with the most intimidating, tallest boy in the entire bakery. you nervously smiled, waving before hurrying into the kitchen, feeling his stare on your back as you hid in the break room with a sigh of relief

just your luck! you had met some guy who probably didn’t even like sweets, he looked like he wanted to fight you or something! why was he staring at you like that? you anxiously peeked your head from the door frame and went back immediately when you noticed he was looking for you

oh no, was some thug trying to fight you? in a bakery?

when izumi finished up her conversation and bought a speciality cake to go, juza obediently followed her outside as he glanced back behind the counter, trying to spot your unique hair accessories again

as the bell above his head rung, he knew he had to come back to see you and find out where you bought those dessert–themed clips

at first, it began with casual visits, pretending to survey the area after explaining his association with mankai in the most bare minimum way possible. you didn’t struggle convincing someone else to cover your shift quickly when you noticed the scary tall guy up front. then, it became ordering random things to go and hoping he’d at least see you to ask a simple question. you did everything to hide behind tables, hoping you wouldn’t have to confront the gangster

(“he’s back again?! how many more desserts can he order?” you whined, poking your eyes over the front desk to see his frame entering past the window)

for some reason, juza couldn’t stop thinking of your hair clips. they were sweets, for goodness sake! nothing had made him happier, they were so tiny and adorable, they brought him instant serotonin even if he had some tough image

(maybe you were also super cute too, and he just needed an excuse to see you)

after weeks or so of failed attempts to catch you working, juza began sitting down and eating in the bakery, much to your misfortune

“how can i avoid him now if he spends a hour here every afternoon?!” you panicked even though juza’s back was turned to you. he happily ate his food, getting distracted by the quality of the sweets to notice you were basically staring at him

“are you sure he wants something from you? he comes here every day, he seems like a nice boy.” the owner vouched in his favor after talking to the offstandish teen at the register. sure, he was a bit rough around the edges, but he was much more respectful than any of the rotten kids who came in the shop!

ugh! the baker didn’t get it, there was no way someone like that didn’t want to start something with you!

out in the dining area, it took all the sugar in his body to actually make juza ask for a very specific server in detail. when someone had brought him his strawberry milk, juza cleared his throat with an awkward attempt at a smile (it looked more like a grimance than anything)

“uh... do you know if, a server with candy hair pins is here?” juza murmured, looking down at the table with an embarrassed blush as the waiter didn’t think anything of it, calling your name without another warning. you squeaked, dropping behind the counter as juza tilted his head in confusion

(why were you hiding? was there something wrong? what happened? juza thought, unaware he was actually the problem)

when you heard a series of footsteps stop near you, you hesitantly looked up from your crouching position and saw juza staring down at you with a concerned expression. his eyebrows were furrowed and he had his hand out

you took his hand and closed your eyes, fearing for your life. was he gonna yank you to your feet? push you over? trip you so you’d fall for real? you weren’t ready for a fight!

yet, none of that happened. juza gently lifted you up and made sure you were fine by observing your outfit to see if anything was wrinkled, muttering something about being careful and staying safe

you blinked, trying to process how incredibly wrong you were. juza was perhaps the nicest customer you had met in your entire career as a server, even taking the time to actually confirm you were okay with no ill intentions whatsoever

(suddenly, you remembered all the times you actively avoided juza and felt the guilt as he nodded at you, unintentionally lowering his height so he’d seem more approachable)

“sorry to bother you, but uh...” juza trailed off, trying to figure out how to phrase his next sentence. before you could respond, his hand landed on your hair and a beat of silence passed between you two

“cute.” juza forced out, and wanted to slap himself. cute?! no, say cute hair clips, ask where you got them! juza was internally panicking and you were doing the same as you looked up at him with wide eyes

it was so awkward and humiliating, juza couldn’t pull his hand away because his whole body was on shutdown. oh god, what could he do now? this was possibly the worst first impression in human history

“i’m cute?” you warily asked, staring at him with a slightly amused expression as juza blanked. you felt his hand subtly shake as it was your turn to be concerned over how red his face was

“no—i mean, yes, but, not like that! i mean...” juza finally lifted his fingers to poke at your hair decorations and you let out a sound of understanding, pointing at your own clips

“oh? you mean these?” you asked and juza nodded, like he was extremely thankful you understood him. he pushed his hands behind his back, nervously leaning back and forth on his feet as he looked away like the cupcake display was the most interesting thing in the world (it probably was)

“where did you, uh, get them?” juza quietly questioned and you giggled, patting them proudly as you stood a little bit taller from the unintentional praise

“i made them! thank you for asking!” you smiled, about to move away before juza accidentally held onto your arm, releasing his hold when he saw your shock. he definitely needed to learn how to be more socially acceptable one of these days or else he was gonna get in big trouble

“can i commission you?” juza muttered and there began your friendship with the big tough delinquent juza who really adored small, cute things (like yourself!)

any time juza was particularly fascinated with a dessert on display, you would show him a sketch sample of accessories you could make based on his favorites. surprisingly, juza was very comfortable with expressing his love for sugar because you felt the same way!

every day when juza came to visit the bakery, he’d always have something new to say about your homemade accessories and seemed fascinated by your adorable fashion sense

(he had been particularly obsessed with these dangly earrings you made that looked like little dango sticks. it was like a child had been playing with your ears the entire time)

it was about a month later when you made the final designs of the hair clips juza ordered and you knew they were your best work yet

you had multiple favorite desserts and fruits of his molded in clay or shaped in resin on a various sizes of clips and pins. you decorated them with the sole goal in mind to see how pretty they would look against juza’s dark purple hair

this would be the first time you two met out of the bakery, so when juza came and saw you didn’t look any different (hair accessories and all), he thought you were so sweet

juza’s entire face practically lit up when you presented him the clips. foods like ice creams, lollipops, and popsicles were all accessible for him as he struggled to find the words to show his appreciation for your work

you two sat on a bench in the park as juza gently took the clips, turning them carefully (you looked down and almost laughed at how tiny they looked in his hands)

when you asked for a model picture for your business page, juza’s shaky hands were clearly untrained in the art of hair clips as he put one in an awkward position and tried to look up to see what it looked like

“uh... i’m not very good at this.” juza admitted, embarrassed as he stared at his feet. it didn’t take you long to take over, moving closer to giddily pin juza’s hair back

(it was soft, you were almost jealous of how everything about him was the embodiment of “gentle giant”)

“it’s okay! here, let me.” you insisted and juza gratefully passed you your work, staring at everything but you as his cheeks became even redder. you were so close and leaning over him, trying to put them in cute positions as your fingers ran through his hair

(juza felt like the first time he saw you; like he was on a sugar rush as he noticed how nimble your fingers were on him)

when you were done and leaned back with admiration, juza looked at you with a small smile as he reached up to touch the designs you put in his hair, feeling the handmade pins against his calloused fingers

“cute~” you lifted your phone up, about to take a picture. juza didn’t know why, but he covered the camera with his palm as he lowered it, looking at you with the same focus he had everytime he saw you

“you’re cute.” juza froze. oh gosh, did he actually just confess that?! you were surprised, feeling his hand over yours. yet, you didn’t want to pull away. in fact, you wish your phone was out of the way so you could completely hold his hand

“you’re cute, too.” you responded, using your other hand to brush the loose strands of hair back from his face as you smiled

when juza came back to the dorms with the cutest, most pastel, childish hair clips, no one had time to say a word as he ran to his room and threw himself onto his bed. juza rolled onto his back, placing both his hands on his hair and putting them in front of his face as if he couldn’t believe it

he just held your hand! he was your boyfriend now! you liked him even if he was the complete opposite of you! juza silently shoved his pillow over his face, kicking the air uselessly

as your boyfriend, you and juza had much more in common than you thought. juza loved your cute sense of style, always trying his best to compliment your aesthetic by wearing more of your hair accessories and modeling for your page (apparently, he had the perfect hair color for it)

(he even let you put his hair down for certain posts, his usually slicked–back hair laying flat against his forehead as he didn’t look at you, his head turned as he blushed. “it’s not that bad, right?” he’d ask and you always complimented him no matter what)

although juza kept his rather grunge neutral look, he admired the way you were so bright and liked calling you dessert–related endearments just because you were the embodiment of sweets. he 100% thought you were the most adorable thing in his life and had to be made of pure sugar

in order to support your style, juza liked coordinating his clips with yours. he’d text you the night prior just to gain insight on what type of look you were going for and come to your bakery with something similar (even if your coworkers liked poking fun at his serious, stoic face that only changed around you)

he also came in with a new phonecase and you nearly fainted from how cute he was. he had a case that had those little squishes on them, he admitted he liked feeling them whenever he got a little anxious (it was such a cute habit, you had bought him a whole stock and it was like a little kid on christmas morning)

(you also made earrings out of a pair, he would not stop touching them)

whenever he noticed kids staring, juza never failed to advertise your business like his life depended on it. yes, your customer base actually did grow, somehow thanks to your most unlikely model yet

however, juza wasn’t the only one who had adjusted his style, you did too!

you two actually had had matching letterman jackets, yours in pink & white with a “j” in large letters and his black & grey with your first name initial as well. sometimes, you guys even switched just for the fun of it

you even got to wear his usual “10” purple jacket every now and then, even though he never said anything about liking you in his clothes. he’d just casually leave it around your place, acting like you wouldn’t notice the dark outerlayer in your mass of pastels

as you two were dating, juza wanted to be the best boyfriend possible for you as he wondered what to get you for your anniversary coming up. as juza subconsciously rubbed his clips with a thoughtful look, he suddenly had a lightbulb moment

that’s it! he should make you something in return

when you began seeing juza less and less around the bakery, you were nervous as what he was up to. juza barely hid anything from you since he was such a poor liar, so it was clear when he avoided talking about what he did after school now

in reality, juza was becoming frustrated with how big his hands were. every time he tried to make something, he was too forceful and caused the line to snap. the amount of beads he had lost at this point was laughable as juza tried to not knock over the bracelet–making kit on the table

(it took yuki coming by and taking pity on his crouched over form for him to go somewhere, muttering to himself about how he needed this to be perfect or else he’d die)

(juza always had a strong respect for jewelery makers, but it increased much more once he realized how clumsy and small his attenton span was)

just when you thought juza had forgotten your anniversary coming up, he randomly texted you out of no where asking if you were free. you looked at your shift and agreed, knowing you needed a break and not questioning a thing

when you walked out of the bakery, juza was already there with a small bag, his foot tapping against the sidewalk. before you could even ask how he’d been, he shoved it into your hand with an embarrassed blush (he was so nervous, he swore his heart skipped a beat)

“happy anniversary.” juza mumbled when you opened the small mesh, drawstring bag with a gasp. you slowly pulled out the beaded bracelet with a shocked look, seeing multiple silver dessert–themed pieces hang. there were mainly purple and black beads with four white blocks spelling out “juza”

juza showed you his wrist and he was wearing a beaded bracelet in a similar style, except his was your aesthetic with various pastel shades and your name on his string ending with a cute heart

you teared up and juza winced, rubbing the back of his neck as awkwardly looked away

“that bad, huh?” before juza could die of embarrassment, you shook your head and pulled him into a hug, surprising him when you stood on your tippy–toes to give him a kiss on the cheek

“i love it, this is the sweetest gift ever.”

“only for you.”

when juza slipped the bracelet onto your wrist, you knew you were never gonna take it off

who knew the scary, intimidating boy from the bakery was the sweetest person alive?

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coffeeandcalligraphy · 4 years ago

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Apparently I’m a poet! | (Giant) Poetry Update #1

Hi everyone!

I realized today I’ve never updated you guys on my poetry ever, and so here’s to starting poetry updates on this blog! A bit of my background in poetry: in December 2019 I began writing “serious” poetry (I had previously written a chapbook that I wouldn’t count lol) so I’m pretty new to the form! I mostly dabble in prose poetry. Let’s dive into everything I’ve written so far.

About: A cyclical, toxic relationship & the desire and yet inability to help someone you love.

I wrote this prose poem in 20 minutes after reading THIS article. I had never written a prose poem but was intrigued by the form, and this strange poem came out of it. At the time, I was working through some personal feelings and found it strangely therapeutic that poetry was the form I finally felt comfortable to write about myself. I felt a certain release I’d never felt in writing after drafting this poem, and though I was uncertain about it, it was the first thing I ever submitted to a literary magazine! To my surprise, it was picked up by Grain Magazine (print-only) and I couldn’t be happier!

About: Immigration, matriarchy, grief, homesickness, mangoes.

Like MWLOTW, I wrote this prose poem in 20 minutes, the occasion being my university’s poetry contest (I was eyeing that prize lol). I actually was going to not submit entirely because I didn’t have a short story prepared, but then I realized... why don’t I just... poem? So right before the deadline, I wrote this poem, sent it in, won first prize and the rest is history lol!

About: A wordsearch poem and poetic homage to my experience with talk therapy

I have no idea where this WILD idea came from, but like with all of my first year writing assignments, it was 100% WEIRD. I thought it would be cool to ~invent a new poetic form that is essentially wordsearch poetry. A reader would be able to parse the particular phrase they see for almost an unlimited amount of combinations (each reader would take away something different). I adore how this poem turned out, and I’d love for it to be picked up somewhere though I’m not actively submitting poems right now.

About: An advertisement for all different types of skin, including human. :) You want it? They got it.

This is a bizarre little prose poem I wrote in a twenty-minute midnight fever dream, promptly forgot about, saw Augur Magazine had a new issue it might fit into, submitted it because in this house we don’t self-reject, and voila, it is now forthcoming in Augur’s winter issue! I can’t describe it beyond it being a literal advertisement for skin. :) I told you it was a midnight fever dream. The piece itself didn’t change much from first draft to what it will be published as, just a few minor line edits and of course, 100% bizarreness.

About: The journey of locating and planting a species of berries that doesn’t exist.

This is one of my most personal poems to date and it holds a very special place in my heart because of the person it is about! This is another prose poem, but unlike the others, wasn’t written in 20 minutes lol! It took me days to really feel comfortable within this poem and finish it off. I had written the first stanza or so within a half hour, but didn’t feel right with how the poem was going, and gave it a break. I came back about a week later and finished it off, and now it is one of my dearest poems. I can’t talk too much about the contents because it is personal, but I love poetry so much for the sole reason that you can write for the people you love in an incomprehensible way.

I’m going to leave this update here, but I hope to be back soon when I write more poems! Poetry is a new form to me, but is so refreshing, and as someone who has always approached language in a “painterly” kind of way, it is the perfect medium to experiment with!

--Rachel

#writing #amwriting #writeblr #writerblr #writingupdates #poetry

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 5 years ago

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pls scream about Leo a lil bit cause my love for that man is neverending and i live for you guys' blog,,, and ur comte love fuels me??? head empty except for those two pureblood clowns

HNGNGNG I hope that both you and everyone that reads my shenanigans knows how utterly understood I feel when I see anyone stan Comte, if not both of those idiot purebloods bc good lord...I live for two tired fossil men that just want DOMESTIC BLISS. Literally they have no brain cells beyond respect women and we love that for us, it’s spectacular!!

Under a cut bc I went off and is long:

That being said I’d be happy to yell abt Leo!! Where do I even begin, this man was the reason I got into Ikevamp in the first place, and I’ve read just about every single one of his events at this point. He just makes me so TENDER!!!!!! For whatever reason the first thing that came to mind was this one time he lies about being jealous and MC is lolol u a fool if you think I can’t tell when you lie to me. And he’s so fuckiNG SHOOK?????? It’s even funnier because she’s internally like [I’m not 100% sure but for a second there he almost looked mad...time to test this theory even if it’s just A GAME T H E O R Y] And he’s so fucking pikachu meme that shit sends me. I can’t handle the fact that he’s so used to people just assuming he’s fine, that he can handle himself. That he’s lived for so long without really anyone noticing at all. (Comte absolutely notices and will lightly roast him, but doesn’t really push him about it or wants to overstep). And so when MC just actively pays attention and is so gentle with him he’s just floored???

God I’m crying now, but I will just never forget the funeral scene in his fucking rt. This asshole, this absolute moron, straight up tries to come at us with “yOu GeT uSeD tO iT aFtEr HaLf A mIlLeNiUm, i’M nOt SaD”. Like are you serious. Come here and let me hold you before I throttle you. Absolute clown. He’s just always trying so hard to get by on his own and it breaks my heart. How long...how long has he lived just getting by, nursing his own wounds and dragging himself up all by himself. HE LEFT HOME AT LIKE 14 (whatever the fuCK SOME TOO YOUNG AGE) AND RAN STRAIGHT INTO THE HANDS OF PEOPLE THAT HATED HIM FOR HIS TALENT. HE REMEMBERS HIS MENTORS DESTROYING HIS UTENSILS WHILE TRYING TO ESCAPE PARENTS THAT WHOLEHEARTEDLY REJECTED ANY EXPRESSION OF LOVE OR COMPASSION FOR HUMANITY THAT HE CHERISHED SO DEEPLY. I DON’T NEED SLEEP I NEED TO HUG HIM IMMEDIATELY FUCKING HELL.

Like.........there’s just........I don’t know how to explain it, but I once saw it explained so well in a post. It was basically talking about Castlevania, and how in that show Dracula sees humanity’s folly and develops so much hatred he just goes straight to murder rage. And while in some ways I understand that, I understand even more deeply Trevor’s response to humanity’s fear and violence. He says that he knows they’re short-sighted, that maybe we all just don’t deserve saving...but that he’s going to do it anyway. Leonardo just so much gives me that energy of knowing there’s so much pain in the world, but all we can do is keep walking--keep trying, even if we have to claw our way forward. Because if you only see the awfulness in front of you, you forget the way that strangers make silly faces at babies to make them laugh on the train, how a friend will put everything down to race over to someone and comfort them with some ice cream--do anything they can to distract them from the hurt. How the sight of a child crying will prompt careful cooing from a stranger as to their bravery, an offering of cool water, the gentle placement of a bandaid. How a pair of teenagers will spot a lost child in milliseconds and help them seek out their parents protectively. There is so much wretchedness, but also so much beauty in it all, and the older I get the more I see myself wanting to believe in the latter. I want to be hopeful, and easily impressed, and full of love. To be bitter and jaded accomplishes nothing, and only becomes a worsening self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you seek negativity, the more you will find it; and worse, create it.

I also scream a little bit bc like. I’ve gone on and on about how Comte is very obviously in love with MC all the time, and sure that may be true. But...I really don’t think Leo is exempt from that either if I’m honest lmfao. Only because what does Leonardo do when it isn’t his route? He almost never shows up. Once in a while he might appear for a split second in a scene, but he almost never converses with MC beyond those short moments. While Comte is the one to pine openly, I’d wager Leo is the opposite. He pines in absolute silence, because he knows that if he gets any closer--he’s going to fall. He’s going to enjoy it too much, going to keep seeking out more before he can stop himself. And losing another person he loves...he just can’t do it anymore. In his first meeting story he talks about seeing MC’s eyes and feeling like he’d known them all his life, and even in his MS he speaks to just being completely fascinated by and enamored of her. She doesn’t hesitate, always does her best, meets people head-on and without much hesitation. After a lifetime of people that are probably just immediately interested in him for his talents, or always seeking out his company for the novelty, this is someone that doesn’t give a single fuck if he’s Leonardo da Vinci. Sure she’s aware, and sure she’s impressed to some extent, but her respect--her attraction and admiration--is something that has to be earned.

There’s something so refreshing about how their love was written. Sure it’s the whole fake marriage to a real relationship, but it’s also a kind of subtle enemies to lovers pulled off masterfully. MC is 100% minding her own business, just wants to do what she must in order to get home, tries to focus on her work to keep from thinking about how much she misses her old life. She doesn’t rely on anyone, doesn’t talk about how hard it is or how scary it is or how confusing. And even Leonardo forgets in his curiosity, is just chillin and also just trying to do the bare minimum to keep from getting too attached--figures he can admire her from a distance. And then he sees her staring at the hourglass. And suddenly, he can’t just watch her do that herself. Just wait for the hard times to pass, just sit with her own loneliness--that hollowing silence. There’s something so moving about it because he reaches out precisely because he knows that feeling to his fucking marrow, and literally just cannot watch somebody else do that to themselves. Sure he’s been dealing with it for three hundred years, BUT THIS GOOD BABIE CHILD DOES NOT DESERVE THIS. SHE WORKS HARD AND DESERVES NICE THINGS!!!!!!!! And so he drives her crazy as he races ahead of her, intercepting any attempt for her to preserve that silence and hide. She doesn’t see any pattern to it, and that’s just how he likes it--he doesn’t want her to worry about the how or why.

Like I fully remembering playing in Japanese and being like oh my fucking god this is hilarious, this man is just a wild fucker and I love this. I was enjoying myself, mostly laughing and shaking my head. But then it just gets so, so serious. I was having so much fun that I, like a fool, forgot the anime effect. If you’re having fun, it’s going to come crashing down without mercy soon enough. And it does. He helps a little girl without any hope play her violin again, and maybe I’m just too English major but I was fucking FLOORED when I realized I didn’t see that that was straight foreshadowing. That little girl without hope? That was MC (and by extension depending on how you play, us). Though the metaphor isn’t quite so easily mapped without a physical space, the connection is clear when you think about it. With his careful social awareness, he makes a place for MC to exist in the mansion so naturally--as though she was meant to be there from the start, crafts a positive impression of her presence with each of the residents. And he does it with zero expectation of anything in return; he’s just happy to see her not stressing herself out anymore or trying to do everything alone. MC doesn’t fall in love with him despite their differences, she falls in love with him because they are the same in a singular and all-encompassing way that matters; they both care about other people so deeply, to the point where they will forego any personal needs in order to make that person’s life easier. Whether it be muting their own hardship, or working to involve another person in a new space (or opening up to the point of self-destruction to keep a person from feeling alone), they go above and beyond what anybody asks of them--perhaps strong to the point of their own detriment, in some cases.

It’s why I always laugh when he says to Sebastian “That cara mia, she has a good heart.” Of course she does, Leonardo; it certainly takes one to know one.

And because I literally have no brain cells beyond being in fucking love with Leonardo THE LAKE SCENE IS AN AFFRONT TO MY DIGNITY AND SELF-CONTROL. HOW DARE YOU, SIGNORE. HOW DARE YOU ASK ME TO SIT THERE AND WATCH YOU OPEN YOUR HEART TO ME AND NOT BAWL MY EYES OUT AND TRY TO KISS YOU ALL AT THE SAME TIME. SIGNORE “hAhA yOu’Re So SmAlL yOu LoOk LiKe YoU’rE DrOwNiNg In My CoAt.” I WOULD DROWN AND DIE HAPPY--BITCH I TELL YOU THAT.

Like. I can’t think of another route I’ve ever done where I spent a good amount of time like “lmfao this guy is so wild im gonna punch him” to just be in a whirlpool of my own tears, regretting my entire fucking LIFE days later. Like Leonardo’s cultural impact???? Fucking immeasurable, I wish every white man disaster I ever met had a hidden heart of gold in all of his boyish dumbassery, an ICONIC himbo of our time.

Also because I remembered it before posting and I am Dying^TM. The event where MC was a pureblood and he was human. That entire fucking event. I literally can’t think about it without screaming and crying. Her just so flustered at his reaction to her like “oh look, free real estate” as he plops her in his lap, absolutely no fear, treating her like a princess because of her noble title despite NO NECESSITY BEYOND PLAYFULNESS BUT ALSO STILL MEANING IT IN AN EARNEST WAY, being charming to no END just to see her laugh or look away shyly.

WHEN HE SAID. WHEN HE SAID “...Can’t leave you alone, or you might go off someplace I can’t follow.” I. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU STRIPPED DEVOTION DOWN TO ITS BARE ESSENTIALS!!!!!! GAH HOW MC HERSELF SAYS “I would tell him the truth but...he’s much too generous for a human. I know he would offer his life without a moment’s hesitation.” How Leo describes the aftermath of her biting him: “Lucky for you, I’m a true gentleman, Unlike my principessa, who took me like a storm” HELLO??????? H E L L O ???????????????????????? ARE WE JUST GOING TO SLEEP ON THE FACT THAT HE LOST HIS ENTIRE SOUL WHEN SHE BIT HIM???? I--

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

(Also as much as I love him the cigarillos have got to go at some point, boy do you have any idea the shit secondhand smoke does good lordt)

#asks #ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp leonardo #ikevamp comte #can you feel me going through 800 different emotions in the course of writing this #fucking hell #he absolutely kills me i love him so much #would do ANYTHING for him #if you listen v closely you can hear the soft sound of me grabbing tissues #god i was just rewatching some of his events and i just #THE SHEER WARMTH OF HIS PRESENCE HOW IT WASHES OVER YOU WHILE READING #IM SHAKING AND CRYING I LOVE HIM SO MUCH #SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#like leo is just one of those routes where its like 'my life was before and after this moment'#otome is honestly destroying my standards OTL #he just makes me feel So Much my coherence disappears #brain cells???? don't know her only Leo tiddy #in conclusion: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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carols-review-box · 4 years ago

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My Thoughts on Ginny & Georgia: Season 1

These are my thoughts.

Right off the bat, I want to address that this is, by no means, a comprehensive review. I’m not even sure if it can be called a review. These are just my thoughts on the show, and it may or may not cover everything (in fact, it most certainly won’t cover everything), and I’ll try my best to write it out in an organized manner, but I can’t make promises. (Though, in all fairness, this is just a blog for my own entertainment, and I don’t expect anyone to actually read it.)

Now, moving on. Ginny & Georgia, season 1. Where do I begin?

First Impressions

I first encountered Ginny & Georgia on Netflix when the website decided to auto play its trailer while I was scrolling through it. I watched--almost begrudgingly-- a short, 1 minute clip of Ginny complaining to her teacher about how all the books on the curriculum were written by white men. While I understand where Ginny was coming from, and while I understand that a lot of high school literature is written by authors who sometimes are not representative of their audience, Ginny’s introduction just came off as obnoxious and annoying. I thought, “Imagine moving to a new school, and that’s the first thing you say to the teacher.” I rolled my eyes, wrote the show off as another try-hard feminist woke piece (or something like that), and didn’t think I’d watch it.

Well, at some point, I obviously decided to give the show a try. And by the middle of the first episode, I was actually really surprised when Ginny didn’t turn out to be insufferable in the beginning. I say in the beginning-- because her character really slides downhill past a certain point.

Plot

Throughout the entire show, I was probably a thousand times more interested in Georgia’s plot than Ginny’s.

It makes sense-- Ginny’s plot is... well, pretty much a generic teen soap opera that I’ve seen hundreds of times before. There are some unique themes to her story that I’ve rarely seen portrayed in other shows, like her experience as a biracial person, but other than that, it seems to be your run-of-the-mill drama.

On the other hand, Georgia’s plot is fresher. I haven’t personally seen any black-widow narratives (if Georgia could be called that), so I was intrigued and curious by how her story would play out. Not to mention, I liked Georgia’s love interests far better than Ginny’s, but maybe that’s just my personal taste.

In comparing these two plots, I do feel like the writers did Ginny wrong. Georgia is given an interesting storyline with a relevant backstory and plot points that actually make sense, whereas Ginny’s story is mediocre, we rarely get to see her side of the past, and half the stuff that goes down in her life is either unrealistic and overdramatized or it just makes no damn sense.

Characters

I could probably talk a great deal about the characters in this show. I have the most to say about Ginny (75% of it is criticism, honestly), so I’ll dedicate an entire section to her later. For now, I’ll start with these characters:

Georgia: Georgia, oh Georgia. To put it simply, Georgia is a psychopath hidden behind a large smile and a buzzing Southern accent. For the first 5 episodes, I was so fooled by her act (and her beauty) that I forgot she’s a literal murderer and most likely not a good human being. But I guess that’s, in part, what makes her very interesting to watch.

Hunter: I literally felt nothing but a mixture of boredom and pity whenever Hunter was on screen. For the first 8 episodes, he is just an extraordinarily boring character-- and his boringness is used as a justification by Ginny to cheat on him (that’s where the pity part comes in). I enjoyed how how he got more character in the ending episodes, and I could understand his struggles when he fought with Ginny (in that scene). But if he wasn’t dating Ginny, then he would’ve been a completely forgettable character.

Marcus: Marcus ALWAYS looks like he’s high. I don’t think there’s a single scene in the show where he doesn’t look like he just smoked something. He also has little personality, other than being the “bad boy.” I guess his hotness makes up for it, or something?

Maxine: While I enjoy Max overall, I think she can be really annoying, talkative and insensitive at times. Emphasis on the last part, because she does this irritating thing where she says something racist, and then asks if she just said something racist.

Abby: Out of the friend group, I feel like Abby is the most dramatic without being overdramatic. She experiences things that a regular teenager would. However, she can be a bad friend at times, and I don’t like how the characters gives her a pass on some questionable choices she makes.

Paul: I like Paul. It is a little bit hypocritical of me to say Paul is a good character when he basically has the same exact personality as Hunter, but I’m going to say it: He’s a good character.

Zion: Zion is smooth, and I enjoy his little wisdom bits with Ginny. But he was introduced too late into the show, and I can’t see him being a good fit for Georgia.

Joe: I love Joe. Just like some of the other characters, he is kind of plain. Kind of vanilla, daresay boring, but for some reason, I love him. Maybe it’s because of his adorable connection with Georgia. Maybe it’s because he offers some much-needed comedic relief in this overdramatized show. Maybe it’s because he has attractive qualities, like running a “successful” business, or maybe he’s just my type. For many, many episodes, I wanted Georgia to get together with Joe the most.

Austin: I forgot Austin existed for half the time. Like, I know the kid stabbed someone, but in the grand scheme of things, he’s just so forgettable.

Character: Ginny

Ginny. Ah, where do I even begin with Ginny?

First, I’m just going to say this: I know the writers intended to depict a biracial person’s experience in America through Ginny. I’m not biracial myself, and I don’t fully understand the issues that biracial people go through, so I’m not going to comment too much on how the authors managed to fuck up. I say “how” and not “if,” because a lot of biracial people have said that Ginny & Georgia is kind of a bad example of their life, and also because even I can see the problems with the show from a mile away.

Getting that out of the way, I’ll start with Ginny’s overall character.

One would think that a character who is depicted as-- for a lack of better words-- as “woke,”... as in, a character who is supposed to have better moral values than others (the definition comes from the word’s general connotative interpretation from leftist media), would be a good human being. But time and time again, we see that Ginny is everything but.

These are my biggest issues with Ginny’s character:

1) She acts like she’s better than everyone else, but also like she’s super oppressed. I know these two personality traits aren’t mutually exclusive, but they’re not a good combination either.

2) She thinks she’s the only person in the entire town who has real issues. Other characters confront her about this, and she eventually mellows down, but it’s astounding to me the amount of people she had to offend before she got the point.

3) She can be really ungrateful and rude towards her mom. I know Georgia is not a perfect mother-- not even close-- and she can be genuinely crazy at times, but Ginny is very rarely appreciative of her mom’s efforts.

4) Despite Ginny’s intelligence, she is not smart. She commits a bunch of dumb mistakes. Now, some of these can be attributed to her just being a teenager-- like having unprotected sex, sending nudes, being peer pressured into stealing, etc. Whereas other choices-- most notably cheating on her boyfriend-- are just a product of her shitty personality.

5) There is a really bad implication concerning Ginny’s views on race. I can probably talk a lot about race in this show, but true to my word, I’ll keep this short and talk about the one thing that really bothered me: Ginny ignores the black kids. There’s a line in the show where Ginny says she’s too white for the black folks and too black for the white folks... and she uses this to justify never having any friends or not fitting in. But when she gets to Wellsbury, she’s accepted by everyone, including black people, yet she chooses to ignore them. She only sits with them near the end of the show when her friend group kicks her out. And she looks miserable.

Ginny likes to complain a lot about her white side, but all things considered, I think she has an issue with her black side instead. I don’t know if this is representative of the biracial experience, but I imagine this can’t be a good thing to portray on screen.

I know it’s crazy of me to say this right after I just ripped Ginny apart. However, despite everything, I actually like Ginny as a character. Do I like her as much as I like Georgia or Joe? No, but she swings more good than bad. What can I say? She’s entertaining (in the same way that Cheryl from Riverdale is entertaining). She’s at least somewhat relatable, and I wouldn’t have watched the entire season if I truly found her to be unbearable.

That being said, Ginny does have a lot of potential to grow, and I sincerely hope the writers do her better in the next season.

Themes

*At some point in the future, I may add more to this section.

Family: Despite a significant portion of this show being terribly unrealistic, I appreciate the show’s overall depiction of family and separation. For one, the show represents families who aren’t stereotypically nuclear. Our main protagonists are a single mother-daughter combo. The Bakers next door have a deaf father and a mother who doesn’t fit into a perfect mold. There’s a biracial family (Hunter) who connects far more with their American side than their Taiwanese-- so much that Hunter and his sister don’t even speak a lick of Mandarin. The small details and nuances which are added into the show makes them far more representative of the general American population.

Conversations: This show gives conversations that are far overdue in media. While Hunter and Ginny’s fight scene is 98% pure cringe, the remaining 2% of it is an important reminder on being biracial (or a person of color) in America. Many of us struggle with our racial identity, and it’s unproductive to compare who has it worse.

Overall + Rating

To me, the first season of Ginny & Georgia is a 6.5/10. (Five being the average; so this would be a little better than average). While it showed a lot of potential at the beginning, the show eventually devolved to nothing more than a standard melodrama-- even on Georgia’s part. It tried hard to be another Gilmore Girls but ended up falling quite short. I am looking forward to its second season though; and hopefully, it’s much better than the first.

#shows #netflix #7 #ginny and georgia #ginny & georgia #ginny&georgia

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samcroslut · 5 years ago

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The Devil’s Wife - Part 4 (Lucifer Morningstar Series)

A/N: Hey guys! Firstly, I am so sorry for the inactivity and i have explained why on my blog but I’m back with the highly requested next instalment of this series. I hope you all are well, like always, feedback is appreciated!

Tags:

@badwolf-in-the-impala @hismissharley13 @cole-winchester @lovereyes22 @rosepetalsandfandoms @anne-kollay @spnfan-96 @squirreln-moose @thatravenclaw04 @kittenlittle24 @lostgirl219 @inlovewithfreyamikaelson @chill-4-dayz

Warnings: swearing and some strong violence and of course angst!

inbox me if you want to be added to my taglist, or if I’ve forgotten you!

Back when all of this started, life was hard for the soulmates. Pressure building and building as the tension grew in heaven, it was their job to control and maintain peace with their other halves. The true purpose was never disclosed but you soon figured it out when your husband fell: to be the upper hand for God. Using you to get to Lucifer, to control him. Things were never built on good intentions like it is shown.

Upon Lucifer’s downfall, or uprising depending on your perspective, you were punished. your one task, the only reason you were created in fact was to control and understand him. you did just that but what the winning side forgot was that emotions would come into play. Siding with them wasn’t easy when you’re in love with the other. Unbeknownst to you, they expected you to just open your mouth and the information to fall out but that never happened. It couldn’t. The one thing you swore to do was protect him and that’s what you did, you’ll be killed before you betray your literary soulmate.

So when it came down to the dirty work you swore yourself never to speak of again, you lost all hope. A slight part of you expected there to at least be talk of a scheme made by your husband but no. Day after day you sat, tortured for eons, and not a single thought crossed his mind about you still being alive. It did hurt, but you learnt to live with it the hard way. The same stone walls surrounded you, suffocating your mind, and at one point you had hope; there was one guard who would look at you with emotion and would actually talk to you but that didn’t last long. Soon the other guards caught into your late night chats and spoke out about them. Hope vanished as fast as it came and that was a blow that you couldn’t recover from.

The door creaked open, the sound scratching through your eardrums. Shuffling back further so that you were as far into the corner of the cell you could go, the smell of sweat and mould filled your senses. Glancing only for a second you saw the same sight you saw every morning: the chair. The man entered with his usual back, never uttering a word. You just nodded your head and rose to your feet. It was time. Multiple guards surrounded you, two holding you in place while the other one took apart your chains and disabled the cage you were bound to. Once released, you stretched out, preparing yourself for what was about to happen. Cracking if your back and fingers sounded the room, colliding with the noise of him setting out the agenda for the day. At this point, you feared the pain but apart from that, it was something to pass the indefinite time. Hands clamped to your shoulder as they forced your movements towards the torturous chair. The thought of whether they felt sympathy for you filled your mind, there was always a weak link in bands of guards but he most likely was just scared to hear the sounds escape the chamber like they always do.

“So, what’s on the table for me today Mr?” That’s always how you started the day, and as he turned around with the blade gripped to his hand, your smile faltered. Here we go again.

He approached you with the same lack of emotion he always does, he said the same scripted questions he always does and then the screams started as the blade found its home in your back.

Your eyes shot open, the sight of soaked sheets hitting you first, then him, peaceful. Tracing his face with you toughened fingers, they somehow even managed to scar you there. Closing your eyes and ridding your head of those thoughts you escaped his grip and made your way towards the en-suite, feet barely touching the ground in order to avoid Lucifer’s disturbance. Reaching the bathroom you went straight for the shower, letting your mind go blank and focusing on the task at hand. As time passed, quicker than you were used to, you were starting to finish up when the door swung open. At first you didn’t even notice it until the gasp. Swinging round, you expected to see you husband but instead you were harshly mistaken when Chloe stood there.

“Get out!” She didn’t need to be told twice, the embarrassment filling her features. The minute the door thudded close, you sighed out of relief but it didn’t last long, then shame filled your body. Drying off as quickly as you can, you throw your hair up in a bun, the wet strands falling and framing your face. Exiting the bathroom and opening the drawers, hoping there was something you could wear. The sight of Lucifer’s old t-shirts made you feel a bit better, dressing yourself and grabbing some shorts you found as well. Taking a deep breath, you decided it was now or never. As you left the solace of the bedroom you expected Chloe to still be here, you were correct, she sat at the bar with her face still a slight reddish tinge. At least we were still in the same boat.

Clearing your throat to announce your presence, her head shot round, her mouth open to speak. You let her, making your way towards her.

“I am so sorry, I didn't hear the shower on. I’ve found that his bathroom is the cleanest one here and-” Reaching for a drink, something strong you interrupted, “It’s fine, i'll make sure that a cleaner is hired, the other ones should be better from now on so if you don’t mind using those ones instead, I’d be very grateful.” The authoritative tone in your voice just made her nod. Then it hit: the awkward silence. Swirling the whisky around in its glass you figure it best to tackle the problem head on.

“Are we just going to ignore the point of this uncomfortable atmosphere?” Raising your eyebrows at her, you came to the conclusion it would be better for her to give you her side of the story. “I didn’t really see much, the steam from the shower was a lot so.” Chloe hung her head and from that you knew. She saw it. “You aren’t stupid, and I appreciate your consideration but I know that you saw it Chloe. The scars, and i want to put it out there that they are none of your business. That and the fact I’d rather you not mention this to my husband.” And with that you gulped down what was left of your drink, placing it down on the table next to where she sat, looking at her for her agreement to keep her silence, she was in the wrong after all.

“Of course. Like you said it’s none of my business but, why not tell Lucifer?” Detective nature was starting to leak out of her and you could tell she wasn’t going to let this go. You smiled.

“Like you said yourself: it’s none of your business. I take it you’re here for my husband?” She merely nodded, straightening her back and raised an eyebrow. As you nodded, you made your way to the bedroom, needing to move the conversation to its end. You didn’t have all day to just sit there and be interrogated.

When you reached your bedroom, Lucifer was already sitting up, elbows digging into the mattress as he looked around for you. Smiling at him, you just admired him for a split second before he saw you.

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes this morning, darling. Sleep well?” In all of your existence, you have never seen him smile so widely. Stepping forward towards the bed, you drop down and rest on the side on the bed. Hand finding his leg and resting it there.

“I slept fine, my love. As much as I would like this to last longer, the Decker girl is here.” The smile on his face fell only slightly. Nudging him slightly, you stood up, attempting to coax him out of bed, even if it was the last thing you wanted. Wishing that it was possible to go back and spend all the lost time with him catching up.

~~~

Dressed to impress, the suit he wore was always impeccable, even all those years ago. The only time you saw anything but a perfect suit was when he was cast out. At least some things have stayed the same. Smiling, you sat on the sofa, gazing up at your husband. The amount of love you had for that man was so intense that sometimes it was hard to breathe being in the same room.

“What is your plan for today then, darling? I have to go with Chloe today but tonight we will have dinner together, sounds good?” Always so polite. Shocking Chloe to hear Lucifer ask for something, instead of just telling. She shook her head and scoffed. Rolling your eyes at the uninvited woman, you answered him.

“I'm going to go out with Maze, I’m in need of some better attire than this.” Referencing your current mismatched attire.

“We need to go, you can catch up with your wayward wife later.” This angered you, as did it for Lucifer, his sculptured head snapping towards her with his eyebrows raised.

“Don’t speak about my wife, or to her like that Decker. You don’t want me mad and on your service all day, that I can assure you.”

~~~

The day passed relatively fast, Maze and you catching up and gossiping as if nothing had changed. It was refreshing. Bags littering your arms, you both decide to call it a day; you needed to get ready for your dinner date after all. That thought brought a smile to your face for the first time in a long while.

“What’s your verdict on Decker?” Maze quizzed you. Back way when, you weren’t the quietest about opinions and little has changed. “Rude, uninvited and unwelcome from my end. She’s starting to show her feelings. This morning she interrupted me and decided the words to describe me best was a ‘wayward wife’. Good I’ll give her that but she needs to be put in her place.” Maze’s face was riddled with shock at your words but said little, “How is Lucifer taking your return?”

“Well we’re having dinner tonight, his idea, so I think well. Truth be told I haven't seen him smile so wide since we were young.” The happiness was short lived. “I wouldn’t be so sure, not to blow your bubble Esther but Chloe has got a hold on him. I wish she didn’t but she does. I just hope that you can loosen it.”

It was way into your dinner date with Lucifer, and you haven’t been able to get a word in edgewise. Chloe this, Chloe that. It was breaking your heart as the seconds went by and the only thing he can manage to think of is his new woman. Dropping your cutlery, you’ve had enough.

“Enough Lucifer!” You bellowed. He hadn’t heard that exit you in so long, even then it was a rare occurrence. “What is wrong Esther?”

He had some nerve, it honestly caused a laugh to escape your mouth. What’s wrong? Who does he think he is? Obviously over the years he had dulled.

“Is this a date or an excuse for you to confess your love for your new plaything?” Eyes wide with shock, he didn’t even try to think of an excuse so you continued on. “The entire time you father had me locked up, all I could think of was you. Hoping for you to come and get me, soon i realised that was bullshit. Was she the reason you never tried?! Because if she was, I swear to God I will kill her. The audacity you have to think that we can just continue on normally Lucifer, everything has changed and you don’t even want to admit it!” Fire was coursing through your veins and you weren’t gonna even try to halt it.

“She told me about your scars,” It was barely a whisper coming from him but that whisper made you stop in your tracks. You scoffed, the one thing you told her not to do, she even agreed not to. “I didn’t want to mention it because it’s something that you should bring up, it’s your pain to share. I’m not going to pry it out of you.” His words were soft and sincere.

“I will tell you what happened Lucifer, just not yet. I have barely come to terms with it myself and I know it was a long time ago for you, but for me it was like it was yesterday. I asked her not to tell you that Lucifer, it wasn’t her place to say shit and yet she does. She cannot be trusted and I certainly don’t. She has come into your life and has a seemingly stronger grip on you than I, your wife does. So I am going to only tell you this once: she isn’t welcome in this house and if she does come here, she better know what she is risking. Am I clear?”

At this point, you were both stood up and fuelled. “That is hardly fair Esther! You are my wife, My literal soulmate and i will always support and love you but this is my life. She is my friend and I trust her.” He tried to approach you but you stepped back, alarmed that he would defend this woman.

“Since the moment I met her she has insulted, betrayed my trust and interrogated me. So no, this is fair! No one has the right to treat someone so badly without reason and the funny thing is, is that she does! The Decker girl is head to toe in love with you and I refuse to let her ruin a relationship I have endured hell for!” Panting, you looked at him, hoping that he would understand now,

“She’s isn’t I love with me! This is ridiculous Esther, what has gotten into you woman?” Lucifer was angry now, but you didn’t care. You understood everything now. Shattered, you let the tears that had been building in your eyes during his response.

“You’re in love with her..”

#Lucifer Morningstar #lucifer x reader #lucifer imagines #lucifer tv show #mazikeen #tom ellis #devils wife au #lucifer

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lunawings · 4 years ago

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I... RECOVERED MY NEOPETS ACCOUNT........................ whathaveidone

(long)

So apparently Neopets like THAT Neopets had some HUGE drama recently, like the most drama it’s EVER had despite the fact that it’s literally half broken with Flash support being dropped and yet people REALLY FREAKING CARE about it so much that they literally sell pets for hundreds of dollars and I found that to be... incredibly interesting.

Although my very first account has been long lost to the winds of time (probably purged), I first began playing Neopets sometime around the summer of 2000 and it was a HUGE part of my life. I quit sometime in 2005 after some drama with a Neofriend made me just not really feel like playing anymore. The last time I logged in was 2008 to update my email and the site ran so sluggishly with the ads I just gave up. At that time I didn’t actually even know about the conversion that had taken place. The first time I heard the term “UC Neopet” was literally a week ago while watching this amazing video by possibly the best Neopets YouTuber.

So although the ads problem has technically not changed, nowadays thanks to ad blockers it’s no longer an issue! With a Chrome extension and short adjustment period, Neopets is almost exactly how I remember it....... after all these years..................

I was able to recover two of my side accounts by email. One of them appears to have been hacked, with all my pets nowhere to be found.... (And sadly I don’t remember their names to check out where they’ve gone.) The second account was an account I made specifically to adopt a Lutari! Other than that it had no rare pets, so they were all intact... although they weren’t pets I remembered too well. I think they were just pets I adopted from the pound with good names.

My main account... was no longer associated with my email, even though I had evidence that I had updated it all those years ago. My heart sank. This was what I was afraid of. Shaking, I typed the username into the search and... there it was. My old account. With all my old pets. It still existed.

I contacted support and after a little back and forth I got them to send me a temporary password. I logged in and...

There they were. My most prized pets. My Draik. My Krawk! They were all there!!! And I even had a somewhat decent amount of NP in the bank too?

So I really have no idea what happened. If someone did hack my account, I have no idea what they were in there to do? Maybe I loaned my account to someone at some point and forgot about it? Whatever the case... They’re all back. I’M BACK! For YEARS I’ve been wondering if my account still existed. After I heard Neopets started purging inactive users the idea of looking up my old Neopets and finding they’d been wiped from existence was TERRIFYING. Despite not having seen them in ages they’re... they’re my babies.... and I left them dying for FIFTEEN YEARS because I was afraid...... AHHHH--

And to top it all off the lab ray finally changed one of my pets back to male which I had literally been trying to do for YEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRSSS finally completing his lab ray training so I could morph him back into his original species. And with enough NP left over to buy the Ghost Paint Brush I always wanted for my other pet too. AHHHHHH

So at first I was like..... WHATHAVEIDONE but now... I think this was a good decision. I have zero interest in NeoCash nor any of the stuff that didn’t exist back in the day. There are no must-have UC pets for me, and most of my old dreamies aren’t even my dreamies anymore because of the converted art. All there is for me to do is just play games, do dailies, and spend time with my wonderful pets. It’s another thing besides Reddit and Tumblr I can do while I’m sitting in a waiting room or riding a bus. The mobile site, or rather what they made of it so far, isn’t bad. Good lord smartphones did not even exist the last time I played Neopets. What I would not have GAVE to play Neopets anytime anywhere in 2003.............

So, the reason I asked if anyone here played Neopets was actually because I was hoping to find other active users I could talk to about how much my VWN pets (...I’m learning the lingo) may be worth, if there is anywhere legit to trade (I heard bad things about Pound Chat), and other things. (I also just wanted to see if anyone would know what I was talking about if I brought up Neopets.) But regardless I’m delighted to see the neopets tag on Tumblr is actually fairly active. I shouldn’t have been surprised! I mean... Tumblr and Neopets users definitely seem like they would have relevant interests and significant overlap. (Down with the ship and all...) So if you are a Neopets blog like this post and I may follow you!

So that’s my Neopets rant. Good night.

#neopets

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vitaliciouscreations · 5 years ago

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Untitled Miraculous Ladybug Short

With a glorious shout of “Miraculous Ladybug!” a swarm of magical, glowing ladybugs erupted into existence and flew all over Paris, fixing the damage the relatively short akuma battle had done to the city. Alya watched the wondrous sight with the same amount of glee she always did and trained her phone’s camera on the magical beetles. They faded away after fixing all the damage to Paris, and Alya cut the recording now that the battle was done.

She quickly uploaded the footage to the Ladyblog so her viewers could see for themselves how the battle had gone. She’d check their reactions to the footage later, but for now her focus was elsewhere. She started up a brand new recording and aimed her phone camera towards where Ladybug and Chat Noir were having a post-battle chat.

Ladybug was laughing, and she tapped Chat Noir on the nose with her index finger affectionately. He laughed too, smiling in such a way that Alya knew there was no place he’d rather be. Then he leaned in and—!

It was only Alya’s practice in holding onto her phone during akuma attacks that stopped her from dropping it. She barely held in a scream of excitement. Ladybug and Chat Noir, kissing! Again! This would get her blog so many views! Oh my gosh, what if they had finally made it official?!

Alya was abruptly startled out of her reverie when Chat Noir stumbled backwards and landed on his butt. Ladybug’s hand was outstretched in his direction, but she didn’t look like she’d been trying to catch him. No, it actually looked like she’d pushed him.

Ladybug stumbled backwards too, and it was only then that Alya noticed the expression on her face. She didn’t look happy. No, she looked horrified. Sickened. Betrayed.

“My Lady?” Chat asked from his place on the pavement. Ladybug took another step backwards, her movements jerky, and she brought a hand up to her mouth.

“Y-you,” she stammered between her fingers, her voice sounding shakier than it ever had during even the worst akuma attacks, and it was then that what must have truly happened clicked in Alya’s mind.

Ladybug and Chat Noir had just kissed, and Ladybug hadn’t wanted to.

Ladybug turned and threw her yoyo out, snagging it on a nearby building and pulling herself away. “My Lady!” Chat Noir called out after her as she fled, stretching a clawed hand out after her. Alya’s mind, frozen, barely processed this. Her body took over for a moment, pushing her into sprinting after Ladybug.

Phone firmly clutched in her tight grip, Alya raced through Paris’ alleyways until she caught sight of a flash of bright red out of the corner of her eye. She turned on a dime, nearly crashing directly into a wall, and jogged down the alleyway Ladybug was standing in.

Her back was to Alya, but as soon as she heard Alya’s footsteps she whirled around. Alya had no idea what to do, no idea what to say, as she caught sight of the unshed tears beading at the corners of Ladybug’s mask.

Ladybug’s expression changed in an instant from upset to terrified. She looked afraid. Afraid of Alya. But why would she be afraid of Alya?

Alya got her answer a second later when a quiet beeping rang through the alleyway. A beeping she recognized from her time as Rena Rouge. A bright pink light appeared around Ladybug, and Alya’s eyes went back up to Ladybug’s face. Her expression still frozen on her face, absolutely terrified.

Alya slammed her eyelids shut.

Silence. Complete and total. Alya stood there, eyes and mouth shut, and waited.

After several seconds, Ladybug spoke. “You closed your eyes?” Her tone was undeniably skeptical.

“Of course,” Alya replied. “I know how important your identity is to you.” The you can trust me part went unspoken, but was definitely implied.

Ladybug went quiet. Alya waited for several more seconds for her to speak, but she didn’t.

“I’m gonna come over to you,” Alya said. “We can sit back to back so you’ll know I can’t see you.”

A beat passed. “Okay,” Ladybug agreed.

Alya took a careful step forward, eyes still closed. When her foot didn’t hit anything she cautiously set it down and began to take another step forward.

“Here,” Ladybug said, and Alya felt a warm hand grab onto her arm. She let Ladybug guide her down the alleyway, trusting her favorite superheroine just as she always did, and soon enough she was sitting on the ground with Ladybug’s back pressing against her own.

Alya opened her eyes. A few feet in front of her there was an unremarkable brick wall. From what she could tell, Ladybug had the exact same view.

She stared at the bricks and swallowed. Licked her lips. Took a breath. “Ladybug,” she started. “Did you want Chat Noir to kiss you back there?”

Alya could feel Ladybug shifting behind her, but Ladybug didn’t answer.

“Or did you not want him to kiss you?” Alya continued. “Because if it was unwanted, that counts as sexual assault.”

“He didn’t mean it that way,” Ladybug said immediately. Alya’s face stiffened, and her mouth bent into a frown. She didn’t like how much that sounded like an excuse for Chat Noir.

“Besides,” Ladybug continued. “I’ve done the same thing to him during Dark Cupid.”

“That’s different,” Alya replied quickly. “Chat would’ve wanted that kiss had he been in the right mindset.”

Ladybug made a sound Alya couldn’t quite interpret. “That’s a dangerous path of thought to go down, Alya. And even so, it doesn’t change the fact that he didn’t want the kiss when I gave it to him.”

Alya went silent. She wasn’t quite sure how to refute that argument, but she knew it was wrong. She just didn’t know how to put it into words without giving Ladybug space to argue.

“Alya’s right,” a high-pitched voice said, and Alya jerked in surprise. She panickedly whipped her head around to check the alleyway even as she realized that such a high-pitched voice had more than likely come from Ladybug’s version of Trixx. What were they called? Kwami?

“You kissed Chat during the Dark Cupid fight because you suspected it would undo the curse on him,” Ladybug’s kwami went on. “Not because you wanted to. You did it out of necessity. Think of it more like CPR than kissing. You were saving him from something, not kissing him as a romantic act.”

“Exactly!” Alya exclaimed, glad to have someone else backing her point. “But there was no need for you two to kiss this time. The battle was over. The akuma was defeated. So if Chat kissed you when you didn’t want him to, then that is sexual assault.”

This felt so weird. Normally Alya would be the first to defend Paris’ favorite couple and would do so with everything she had, but here she was telling Ladybug that Chat Noir was wrong to kiss her. But he was wrong to kiss her. At least in this instance when Ladybug hadn’t wanted him to.

“But…” Ladybug said, her voice sounding uncharacteristically timid.

“Hey.” The voice of Ladybug’s kwami came again. “Alya’s right. ‘Sexual assault’ is a fairly heavy term and brings with it a connotation you might not like, but if Chat did kiss you without knowing for sure that you wanted him to do so, then that isn’t okay.”

“Tikki,” Ladybug said. Alya could feel her shaking her head, her pigtails brushing softly against Alya’s neck. “Chat’s a good person. You know he didn’t mean it that way.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that he did it,” Alya said harshly. “Regardless of his intentions, he did do it. And that’s not okay. You don’t have to make excuses for him.”

Behind her, Ladybug went quiet. Alya wanted to turn her head and look at Ladybug, see what expression she was making, but she knew that she shouldn’t. She kept her gaze firmly on the brick wall in front of her, willing herself not to give into temptation.

Finally, Ladybug sighed quietly. Alya could feel the tenseness in her shoulder blades fade away. “Tikki,” she said. “You should eat.”

Ladybug shifted behind her, and Alya could hear a soft clicking noise. A few seconds later the smell of fresh-baked cookies tickled her nose, adding another temptation for Alya into this situation. Perhaps she would stop by Marinette’s on her way home and order something that would ruin her appetite by the time dinner rolled around.

“Are you feeding your kwami cookies?” she asked, a hint of amusement coloring her tone.

“They’re her favorite food,” Ladybug replied, and Alya could hear that same hint of amusement in her voice.

Alya huffed a laugh. “Huh. I didn’t know kwamis could eat.”

Behind her, Ladybug stilled. Alya stiffened up, careful not to glance behind her. Had she just said something wrong?

“Oh yeah,” Ladybug said quietly. “I forgot you didn’t know about that.”

Alya went quiet, waiting for Ladybug to elaborate on that, but she never did. They sat in silence for several seconds before Alya asked, “Didn’t know about what?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Ladybug said.

“C’mon,” Alya drawled. “Tell me. You can trust me.”

“Can I?” Ladybug asked, her voice a low whisper, and Alya froze in place. Everything seemed to freeze with her, too, even her lungs. Alya felt like she couldn’t breathe as Ladybug’s quiet words resounded through her head.

“Of course you can,” Alya forced out after what must have only been a few seconds but felt much longer than that. She stared at the brick wall in front of her, feeling shaky. “Why would you ever think you couldn’t trust me?”

Alya’s first time receiving her miraculous comes back to her in a rush. She’d hesitated to give it back because being a superhero was one of the best moments of her life. But she’d given back eventually! She’d wanted to keep Ladybug’s trust in her intact! So then why—?”

“Why did you post that video about all of the miraculous stuff in the Louvre?” Ladybug asked, abruptly derailing Alya’s careening train of thought.

“What?” Alya asked.

“That video on the Ladyblog,” Ladybug said. “About all of the stuff in the Louvre that might depict past holders of the Miraculous. Why did you post it?”

Alya blinked, confused. “Why wouldn’t I post it?”

Behind her, she could feel Ladybug stiffen. Alya waited, but she didn’t say anything.

“I’m a reporter,” Alya explained. “It’s my job to deliver the truth to the public. And the public deserves to know the truth about the Miraculouses.”

“Does Hawk Moth?”

Alya blinked again. “What?”

“Does Hawk Moth?” Ladybug repeated, louder this time. “Does he deserve to know that information? Even if it could put innocent people at risk if he did?”

Alya didn’t reply.

Ladybug sighed. “Alya, when I gave you the miraculous of the fox I thought you understood the importance of confidentiality and keeping secrets out of dangerous hands. I hide my identity even though it complicates almost every aspect of my life because if Hawk Moth discovered that information he could target my family and my civilian identity.”

“I know,” Alya said.

“And yet you posted that video on the Ladyblog anyway, for everyone, including Hawk Moth, to see. If that scepter had been in Tibet than Hawk Moth likely would have won thanks to information you helped put out there. And who knows what else he could find out if he begins scouring history for signs of miraculous users. I just—” Ladybug cut herself off with a sigh.

“Sharing the truth with the public is important,” Alya defended. “As a journalist, it's my duty to report the truth—”

“If the truth is so important to you than why did you publish that interview with Lila!” Ladybug snapped.

Alya fell silent. The urge to twist around and look at Ladybug had never been so strong. Her hands clenched against her thighs.

“I’m sorry,” Ladybug said, sounding exhausted. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

Alya let herself relax a little bit. Just a little bit. “What did you mean by that?”

“Huh?”

“What did you mean by that?” Alya repeated. “When you said ‘if the truth is so important to you than why did you publish that interview with Lila’?”

She could feel Ladybug again stiffen against her back. A long moment of silence passed. “Alya,” Ladybug said. “Lila isn’t my best friend.”

“...What?” Alya asked. Ladybug was quiet, so Alya leaned back into her forcefully and again asked, “What?”

“She’s a liar,” Ladybug said, her tone surprisingly vicious. “And I despise liars, so you can be sure that she and I are not friends. And whatever other claims she’s made to you, no! Any other thing she’s ever said to you should be doubted.”

A long moment passed. “What?” Alya said again, this time her voice quiet.

“If you really cared about the truth,” Ladybug said. “You would have checked with me before posting any of those interviews with Lila. You would have posted that picture you took during Oblivio with full context. But you didn’t.”

Silence. Complete and total. And then, “Tikki, spots on!” and Ladybug jumped away.

Alya sat there, feeling shell-shocked. Feeling terrible, really. And feeling even more terrible for feeling terrible because deep down she knew that she had no one to blame for this but herself.

#miraculous ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #alya cesaire #ml fic #ml salt #alya salt #adrien salt #lila salt #please nobody come after me for this I just want to write stuff #also this is me clearing the air on my issue with the dark cupid episode lmao

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