#i forget i’m a human that ppl see and not merely a vessel for chryzure thoughts. things are weird. cant explain.
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isnfindifjdijd face in my pillow and screaming bc actually what if i don’t deserve to give myself a present for my birthday? is that cheating? will it even feel special to me?
#it is midnight i have to go to sleep#i oscillate wildly between ‘im the best fucking gift giver in the world i deserve a gift from myself! all my friends love my gifts!’#to ‘man they’re probably jst being nice to me… my gifts aren’t that great…’ smacking myself with a stick!!!#memorie.txt#god i jst. ughhhhhh. i dunno i feel like the only time i’m going to get a gift that would make me feel special is when i’m the one buying#it for myself……….. i’m so frightened i’ll never feel like i’m special to my friends#not bc they don’t value me but hehe it’s the weird mental stuff i’ve got going#i forget i’m a human that ppl see and not merely a vessel for chryzure thoughts. things are weird. cant explain.#having a weird and bad brain moment so i jst need to go to sleep!!!
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