#i first posted this 2+ years ago but its not working anymore so im reposting

[hotshotshitshow]

im not trying to be mean forreal but you arent gonna have people rbing your stuff if you don't tag it! 2 give an example your most recent piece has 7 tags total, two of which are personal tags that no ones gonna search so lets say 5. in addition to the ones you included which werent bad you should also include stuff like the medium (ex: #traditional art) and of course #artists on tumblr. tagging aesthetics that fit also goes a long way. plus a (no guilt) caption requesting that people boost your work. something important to keep in mind with tumblr is that its really good for circulating art LONG term rather than most social media platforms which prioritize feeding the neverending ratrace for whatevers trending. I am in no way a big name artist but my most circulated posts come from people tag searching and queueing. obvs theres usually gonna be the most attention over the first few days but also give it time! don't be afraid to repost or find niches who will circulate your stuff. post art and then link it in oc discords, too this isnt meant to admonish you btw more it makes me sad to see you get discouraged. you have a unique and compelling artstyle with genuinely swagful characters so the idea of you peacing out saddens my heart. i hope this helps, cya

Hey first off. I genuinely appreciate this, I am ngl I knew I shouldn't have posted that last night cuz I knew I'd be embarrassed about it later and well!! Here I am, feeling like a damn fool!! Sincerely tho, your words do mean a lot.

However, the one thing that trips me up is that back when I did use Tumblr more regularly, like several years ago, they had made it so that only the first five tags on a post were searchable, and everything else wasn't visible in tag searches. Has this changed? It's been a long time and I have no idea what's changed with Tumblr in the past few years but I've just been operating on the assumption that only the first five tags "count." Also I am just ... Not good at knowing what to tag things other than in the most straightforward way possible 😬

I definitely absolutely get discouraged way way way too quickly and I acknowledge that, it comes from years of a building frustration of posting on social media and never feeling like it goes anywhere while also watching those around me grow their followings. It's come to a point where it feels like if something I post "fails" then it tanks my mood on a hair trigger. And it's not healthy!!! This is largely why I've stopped posting publicly anywhere. Bc the reaction I've built up is so instantaneous and intense that it's completely unhealthy for me. Sorry to vent at you!! It's all just sort of coming out. I've absolutely poisoned the way I view interaction on social media for myself and it feels very entrenched and I don't really know what to do about it.

I want to share my art with people and I want them to like my art and asking for reblogs directly on art posts is something that always felt gross to me but idk maybe that's what I gotta do. I have this notion in my mind tho that if my art is good and people like it, they'll reblog it because they want to, not because I asked them to. It doesn't feel like people are sharing my art bc they genuinely like it if they're doing it bc I asked them to. And then people don't reblog my art, so it gets interpreted as "well, I guess nobody thinks my art is very good, otherwise they'd want to share it!"

This all feels very immature of me and I hate that this is how I feel. I definitely am very deeply in the mindset now of "well, nobody appreciated my art much when I did post it, so now nobody gets to see it anymore." Idk how to grow past this tbh. I am absolutely only shooting myself in the foot. Oh well whatever!!!

Anyway. Thank you again for this, and also if you did actually read this, thank you for your time and energy. I don't think you were being mean at all, you said what is true, I think. I hope you have a lovely day.

[totallytododeku]

Crunchimation - Todoroki x reader

> Todoroki and his s/o go to the mall and the reader gets hit on by the cashier

Genre: fluff

Word Count: 1400

☁⭐❤⭐☁⭐❤⭐☁⭐❤⭐☁⭐❤⭐☁⭐❤⭐☁⭐❤⭐☁⭐❤⭐☁⭐❤⭐☁⭐❤⭐☁⭐❤⭐

This week had dragged on for what felt like a month. Both Present Mic and All Might had given a your class tests today, and Aizawa had made you train extra hard. Finally, Friday had arrived, so right after school you and your boyfriend had walked to the local mall.

Since you had moved to the area to attend UA, you had never been to this particular mall. Shouto was showing you around while also shopping a bit for himself, but you didn't mind a few stops to get him socks or a new watchband. You two were even able to grab some soba at a noodle shop, which you ate as you walked. It was gone in less than five minutes.

You were enjoying yourself just being with him, when something caught your eye.

"Shouto! Look!" You grabbed the fabric of his sleeve in both your hands, bouncing up and down excitedly on your tippy-toes. "There's a Crunchimation at this mall! I have to go!"

He blinked, expressionless. "What's Crunchimation?"

You gasped quietly and immediately tugged him by his sleeve towards the wall, away from the congestion of mall-goers. "Crunchimation is my faaaavorite store! It's where I got most of my favorite anime merch! They carry a super cheap, SUPER high-quality line of collectable anime figurines!"

"...So it's like a otaku gift shop?"

"Not just figurines! They have some stuff for cosplay, too like wigs and accessories! Maybe they even have the new issue o-" you gasped again, eyes nearly popping out of your head. "Are those F/A plushies?!? No way!" You whipped around to look Todoroki in the eye, on the brink of tears. "I need to buy that stuffed F/C."

Todoroki raised an eyebrow, wordlessly reminding you of the shelves of anime merchandise you already had in your dorm.

Solemnly, you put a hand on your boyfriend's shoulder, closing your eyes. "I'm sorry, but I have to go buy that F/C. I must rescue it. " You raised your other hand in a heroic fist. "As a F/A fan, it is my sworn duty to support the franchise economically. Today, I will bring F/A Studios-" you glanced at the price on the toys in the display case "...nine dollars and ninety-nine cents closer to funding the next installment in the F/A series!"

Todoroki furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Wait a second, I know that anime, you watch it all the time. They're not making another seaso-"

"Of course they are! They've got to! " You cut him off mid-sentence. "You know what would be awesome? If they made it into an GAME. Oh, man, they're totally gonna make it into a gam-"

"They're not going to make it into a ga-" "Shouto! I know you're jealous of F/C, but I can't just leave them here! They need to come home with us! To be a part of our family!" You cracked a smile, your deadpan delivery begginning to fall apart. "We have to raise F/C, Shouto! No one is going to love and respect F/C as much as me!"

By now, he was chuckling along with you. "Hey, how does 'Todoroki F/C' sound?" you teased, giggling.

He rolled his eyes and gently pushed you in the direction of the store. "Go rescue F/C from Crunchimation, Y/N. I, uh, still have a bit more shopping to do, but I'll meet you back here in ten minutes." Todoroki smiled fondly at you as you flashed him a grin.

"Thanks, Shouto, I won't be long!"

You turned on your heel and skipped through the welcoming doorway to otaku heaven.

You were hit with the comforting scent of freshly printed manga, like that of Barnes and Noble. Shelves packed with new issues of tens of dozens of different manga: some series you've re-read three times, some series you were excited to try but never got around to, and some series you'd never even heard of.

"May I help you?" A deep voice cut through your musings.

"No, thank you, I'm just browsing this part of the store. I'm here for the stuffed F/C up front."

"Oh, you like F/C, too? He/She's my favorite character..." You glanced up at the tall, odd-looking boy in the Crunchimation uniform.

"You know, today we have a special offer..."

"F/C is a boy/girl."

He hummed in response, obviously not listening to you. His eyes had dropped from your face, shamelessly checking your body out. You cleared your throat, uncomfortable. His beady eyes snapped back up to yours.

"Oh, really?" you asked, not all that interested. You perused the rows of folded graphic tee's, settling on one with Totoro at the bus stop.

"Yeah," the boy drawled, "if you buy one of these shirts, you get a pair of socks for free."

You backed away from the t-shirt section, smiling awkwardly. "Oh, no, I only have enough money on me for the F/C doll, but thank you." You darted away without waiting for his answer. What a creep, you thought wrinkling your nose in disgust. He obviously hasn't seen F/A, either. You grabbed the first F/C you saw, eager to leave.

"Here." You placed the doll next to the cash register.

"Just this?"

"Yes, just that." You gritted you teeth in frustration.

"You know...You could always just take a shirt now, and...pay me back later. " Once again, he wasn't looking at your face. "Here, take these. I think they'd look great on you." He slid a flat, rectangular package across the counter.

Cautiously, you lifted the plastic-enclosed garment. It was a pair of lacy, thigh-high stockings, probably meant for some skimpy cosplay. A scantily-clad anime girl smirked up at you from the package.

"Look, I hav-"

"Excuse me, sir, but just what do you think you're doing talking to my s/o like that? In fact, you should never talk to anyone like that, you scumbag. You're disgusting and you should be ashamed." Todoroki slammed a ten dollar bill onto the counter. "I'll definitely be sending a scathing e-mail to your employer," he said coldly. With that, he grabbed your hand and the doll and strode out.

As soon as you reached a quieter area under the escalator, Todoroki turned to you. "Y/N, are you okay? What happened?" He grasped your shoulders gently and held you at arm's-length to search your face, then punctuated his question by pulling you into his arms.

"That guy was the only one in there and he was hitting on me really weirdly and I was really uncomfortable." You scrunched up your nose, leaning into his chest.

"Oh my god, Y/N, I'm so sorry! If I had just stayed with you, none of this ever would've happened!" Todoroki's angry voice contrasted his gentle embrace. "I should've been there to protect you," he growled.

"No, it wasn't anyone's fault. Neither of us should have to worry about that kind of thing!" You pulled back slightly to look up at your boyfriend. "I think you handled it very well, though."

He smiled softly. "I wish I'd just stayed with you, but I'm glad you're okay. We can go back to the dorms whenever you want, or we can keep shopping." He paused, reaching into one of his shopping bags. "I know it doesn't make up for leaving you for so long, but I thought you might like this. I actually had it made and just picked it up."

In his hand was a silver, heart-shaped locket. You gingerly picked it up and opened it. Inside was your favorite photo of you and Todoroki. The hinged side was inscribed with, "Love, Shouto".

You flung yourself into his arms, eyes stinging with tears. "Oh my god, Shouto, what the heck? It's beautiful, thank you so much, I love it! I love you!" Your voice cracked with emotion, making you both laugh.

"If you're going to cry, then we should definitely head back to the dorms." He gently took your hand, both of you heading towards the exit.

"Will you watch F/A in my bed with me?"

He paused, feigning irritation. "...Only if we can take a nap after."

You smiled to yourself, looking forward to the short walk back to the dorms and a quiet night in with your favorite anime - - and favorite person.

"Deal."

[vampexx]

I have tried a few times now to write this post but I just couldnt go forward with posting it, thinking its too personal...

But...here it goes...

I have always been a painfully shy, paranoid and self conscious person so being this open is really scary for me to say the least due to my struggles with confidence and self esteem...

And drawing has been something I did for as long as I can remember...and it was something that helped me growing up...

However, ever since high school in 10th grade, I have had almost all my drive and love for drawing drained from me from comparing myself to the other, "better," students in my art class and from my own art teacher who at first, in 9th grade, started as a somewhat positive influence but then the next year being really negative and rude.

I was the student that was told, "youre not done, go back to your seat, keep working," when going to my teacher for advice. When he said this, he would only glance at my work before turning me away. All while the other students received kind, positive and constructive criticism when I did not.

He even addressed me, out loud, in front of the class, regarding my low grade, saying, "the only reason you arent failing my class is because you did your homework last night."

For context: the homework assignment was some drawing exercises...and the reason my grade was low was because, it was towards the end of the year, I had completely given up on myself and my art so I didnt turn in a project. One, because I never cared enough to finish it and two, it was an act of rebellion on my part.

That was the first and only class where I actually had an F-....I didnt even know it was possible to get that low of a grade...but trust me, it is. My math grade was never even that low.

Now, this art class was something you had to submit a portfolio for it to be reviewed so these 2 art teachers could decide if you were accepted into this art program or not. (It was exoensive too, if I remember correctly, it was like $200 per semester, and I did this for 2 years).

And against my own self consciousness, while feeling like I was far less qualified than others, I challenged my self doubt and fear of rejection and tried out anyways...

And a few weeks later, I found out I was accepted. That moment went down as one my top, most proud moments. I was proud of myself for a change.

Only for that to change a couple years later...where the little pride and confidence I had left in not only myself, but my skills in art, just dropped so low.

On top of that, my academic grades while in this art program, were also dropping considerably due to the amount of stress I put myself through trying to meet everyone elses expectations and standards.

My painting and drawing teacher (the nice one, not the rude one) would encourage my love and skill for cartooning, charcoal and shading. My digital art teacher (the one who ended up being so rude to me in the following year), helped me realize my strengths in photoshop and with a tablet. He did praise me a few times, which did help, but it didnt last very long.

My downfall was the art class that I took in 10th grade, with my previous digital art teacher, which was "figure drawing." Basically, it was learning how to draw anatomy and being anatomically correct which I found out very early on, was not my strength....and it was the whole focus of the class for the entire year so I was screwed. My strengths were cartooning and caricatures, not anywhere near anything anatomically correct. I kean, I could draw a skeleton, but when it came to human figures and poses....I dont know why but I had a tough time. So that was the year that things really went downhill fast.

It just took the fun out of drawing and turned it into something that felt too forced.

However, in my experience with this class I learned something about myself that Im actually glad that I did...

Its that art is just a hobby for me. I learned that I hate drawing on demand, in a certain time frame, and drawing what someone else wants me to draw.

I want to draw only on my own terms and at my own pace.

I couldnt see that about myself because I was too concerned with everyone else and their skills in drawing.

A few years after I quit the art program, I really didnt draw all that much aside from little doodles and unfinished sketches on the edges of my homework and class notes. I didnt like anything that I drew anymore.

And when you lose love, drive and interest in something you were once so passionate about....it leaves a gaping hole in you. It makes you feel pointless, like there nothing special about you. Nothing that sets you apart from everyone else. It really is as depressing as it sounds.

I was lost.

However. I FELT FREE. I didnt have a constant reminder from several different people that I wasnt as good. No one to make me feel lesser than someone else. No one to put me down.

As a result, my academic grades improved back to As and Bs (excluding math in the 11th grade, I had like a D).

---

And I realize now that maybe I didnt learn all of this the hard way for no reason. Maybe its to also help someone so they dont have to learn the hard way like I did. Or maybe, its to reach out to those have experienced the same or similar things as me so that they dont feel alone. So that they know that them and their skills are still very much valuable and valid.

Because everyone goes at their own pace, no two people are ever the same.

Anyone can be good at anything.

Now I didnt want this post to discourage anyone from taking or considering an art class. Please understand that my experiences are unique to myself. Art classes are actually very helpful as long as your surrounded by positive and encouraging influences.

Just remember to be careful. Respect yourself and your abilities. Be patient with yourself. Have faith in yourself, dont give up. And last, but not least, know your worth and what you deserve when it comes to treatment.

---

Anyways, so up until a couple of years ago, I slowly started to get back into drawing.

I do love to draw, along with architecture and interior/ fashion design.

Im working to rediscover myself, even though I dont want to do it professionally...

So as I did years ago, I will challenge my self doubt again and try to put myself back out there.

So as anxietal as I am, I want to ask...

Would anyone be interested in seeing something I drew?

Might be an odd question and it might sound attention seeking but Im really just testing the waters....

I will add one little doodle I did the other day just to see....

I know its not that great and thats its nothing amazing but....its something Im proud of...however small it may be.

Im not sure how I feel when it comes to reposting...

I feel like I dont want people to repost it...

In case I ever feel like taking it down...

Idk.

Anyways....Im literally shaking Im so nervous...

But...Im trying to repair some old damage.

Have a miraculous day and thank you for your patience.

Again, please dont repost. At least until Im a little more comfortable.

Thank you

[kates-coming-home]

I had to repost because tumblr lost the other post??? Little fic idea I got from an anon sent to @minikate--24-05 about Toni the dog Word count: 1872 Pairing: kinda Kibbs "Gibbs I need help" Abby wheeled around on her chair facing her friend with a defeated look on her face. "Can you remember Toni? Well she needs a home because Ka-, after Kate, basically Toni needs a home and I was looking after her for Kates parents but they don't want her anymore, something about having a cat and too much stress getting her to their house. So she doesnt have a home and my landlord wont let me have a dog even though I begged him. I was going to ask Tony but it'd be too awkward, having a dog called Toni while being named Tony and Mcgee was that adamant he wouldn't be able to look after her and Ducky already has to look after his Mum and the Corgis and I doubt Ziva would take her so she has no where. But she really needs a home and she can't go to a shelter because if no one adopts her she'll be put to sleep and Kate wouldn't want that and even if she gets adopted she might not go to a nice-" "Whats your point Abbs?" Gibbs stopped the goths rambling, putting a caf-pow in her hand and pushing her chair over to the computer. He briefly glanced up at the drawing Kate drew of Abby as a bat but he felt his heart pang in his chest so he quickly averted his eyes. He still had her notebook hidden in his desk draw, and often caught himself flicking through drawings of the team with tears in his eyes. "Can you take her? I can help you look after her and stop by to walk her whenever I'm not at work, I just want her to have a nice home and you could give her that." "I don't really have time for a dog Abby" "Please Gibbs, if I could take her I would but my landlord said no and shes the sweetest little thing ever, you wont regret it. Kate would want someone she could trust to look after her. Plus I'd help, she already has toys and a bed and food so you wouldn't need to buy her anything. She could sit in the basement and keep you company when you work on the boat. Please, Gibbs." Looking into Abbys eyes Gibbs knew he had no choice in the matter. Damn the soft spot he had for his favorite lab rat. "Okay Abbs, but you better help me look after her" A sparkle came back in the goths eyes as she flung herself into his arms. "Thank you thank you thank you! I'll come round yours at 11 tonight to drop her off and give you all her stuff. I'll bring some take out food as well amd I can sit and watch you work on the boat" "Okay Abbs, now what have you got for me on the case?" Abby swung back round on her chair and pulled up fingerprints on the monitor. "I managed to pull some partial prints from the gun, but not enough to run through the system, but they have enough points so if you brought me a suspect I'd be able to match them. Now the bullet that Ducky pulled out of the marines body matched the bullets from the gun..." ~~~ Gibbs closed the casefile, glad it was a simple case that didn't require much paper work. Jealous ex-girlfriend that shot him after seeing him with his new girlfriend. He pulled his jacket from the back of his chair and made his way to the elevator, the rest of the team had left about an hour ago, making it quarter to 11. So if he broke some basic traffic laws he would make it home in time for Abby. He made his way out the building, wishing Harry a goodnight before locating his car and driving home. Pulling up he noticed the goths hearse was already parked at the other side of the street so he checked his watch. 2 minutes to 11, he wasn't late which was good. He climbed out his car and opened the door of his house to be greated by a high pitched barking at his feet. "Hey girl" he scooped the dog into his arms and carried her to the basement where Abby was waiting with chinese food. "Gibbs, I'm jealous! I've known you for years and you've never greated me like that but you warm up Toni on the second time of seeing her" Gibbs gently placed Toni back on the floor, patting her head one last time before straitening up and sitting next to Abby on his work bench. She passed him food and chop sticks before digging into her own food. "I already took Toni for a walk before I came over so she'll be okay untill tomorrow morning, you'll need to take poo bags with you, I put them in the kitchen along with her food and water bowl, I put her bed down here so she can keep you company while you work, but she liked to sleep in my coffin so if you ever go sleep in your actual bed instead of sleeping on your work bench she'll probably follow you up. You need to make sure theres water down for her all the time, and feed her atleast twice a day and walk her in the morning and night, but she'd be quite content to just roam in your garden I think." Abby threw a piece of chicken down for Toni who caught it before curling up next to Abbys feet. "You made the poor dog sleep in your coffin? And I know how to look after a dog Abbs" "I didn't say you couldn't I was just making sure you knew everything. Also her toys are in a box next to her bed, you might want to unpack them tomorrow morning so she has something to do while you're at work. Ill probably stop by tomorrow night to make sure she's settling in okay, Im gonna miss having her around my appartment" Abby put her finished takeaway box down on the bench next to her then leaned on Gibbs shoulder. "I miss Kate too" Gibbs put his arm around Abby, pulling her into a sideways hug, and discarded his food to the side. "I know Abbs, I know." He tried to pull up a tough facade for the sake of Abby but she saw right through it, turning sideways on the bench to pull her silver haired fox into a proper hug. She pulled back a few moments later and looked him in the eyes. "Im gonna go use the restroom quickly, I'll be back in a moment." With that she swung her legs of the bench and jumped down being careful to avoid landing on Toni. When she had made her way up the basement steps Gibbs stood up and made his way to the box of dog toys in the corner on the floor. Sitting down next to it he pulled the first toy out, a pink octopus, missing one of its legs and eyes, it's nose hanging on by a thread. Toni ran up to the octopus and stole it from the older mans hands before setting down in his lap and chewing on one of the remaining legs. "Hey little girl, I know my house isn't the most exciting place in the world, but welcome to your new home." Gibbs said in a soft voice, before noticing Abby had taped a picture in the inside of the dogs bed. Straining his eyes he noticed it was a picture of Kate, his stomach dropped and his heart squeazed tightly in his chest before he looked away. "I knew your Mummy you know, she was one amazing woman, and I loved her very much. You were lucky to have her for a Mum, even if it was only for a short time. Im sure she spoiled you, and I'll do my best but I'll never be as good as a parent to you as Kate was. She was always good with animals amd children, I can remember a case we once had, where there was a blind little girl that had been kidnapped, and Kate found her and looked after her so well. Kate always had the biggest heart on the team, and sometimes it got her in trouble but it was one of the best things about her." The little dog had fallen asleep in his lap, but he continued his ramblings anyway, glad to get some of it of his chest. "I still walk into work everyday and expect her to be sat at her desk, awaiting orders or annoying Tony. Tony was her team mate, she actually named you after him as a joke, but despite teasing him all the time I know she loved him like a brother. Did you know she once stayed with Tony while he was seriously sick, even though there was a chance that she would get sick too, she thought he was dying and if she got sick too there was a chance she would die, but she didn't care. Like I said, she had the biggest heart. Your Mummy actually died protecting me, and I'll never forgive myself for that, Im just an old bastard, a gloomy gus as she once called me, but she still had so much to live for. Promotion, starting a family, meeting new friends, but she gave it all up for me and I hate myself for that, it should have been me-" "Gibbs," Abbys sad voice broke Gibbs out of his trance like state. "Kate wouldn't want you to blame yourself, she gave her life for you because it was her duty to protect you, and I doubt she'd regret that choice" Abby sunk down next to him against the wall and snuggled into his side, gently stroking Toni's head who was still asleep on his knee. "Sorry Abbs, I didn't mean for you to hear that" "Rule number six, never appologise it's a sign of weakness" "I know, but you can make exceptions for friends" Gibbs placed a gentle kiss on the goths forehead, "It's getting late, you should go home and get some sleep" "But what about you? Will you be okay?" "I'll be fine Abbs, plus I have Toni here now to keep my company" "Can you atleast sleep in your actual bed tonight then?" "Sure Abbs, come on I'll walk you out" Gibbs gently scooped Toni up and placed her in her bed before offering a hand out to Abby. He followed the goth up the basement steps and watched her get in her car from his front door. When she turned to wave him goodbye he signed I love you before closing the door and walkimg back down to the basement. Toni had woke up again and jumped on his work bench, letting of a little growl when Gibbs reached for his tools. "Whats the matter girl?" When the dog nugged his hand with her nose he smiled, petting her head softly, "just like your Mummy then, knowing what she wants"

[deiupvote]

It's been a while since I've been able to update, I'm sorry if this post is as long as my prior one. Alot has happened in the last few months and I haven't been able to post information about it until now. It's nearly impossible to explain the situation without a long backstory so you'd have to have seen my prior post. I'll try to give a short summary here.https://ift.tt/2A6qbhq I spent almost 20 years living with my mother. I have 3 younger siblings. 16 of those years I suffered through abuse. Had her hold a knife to my neck, kicked me down the stairs frequently, beaten me with extension cords/bats/fists/chairs/belts/etc, beaten me unconscious & bloody countless times, verbally abusive aka telling me i was worthless and how she couldn't stand me or how I looked like my dad daily. I lost count of how many times I woke up to heavy closed fist punches to the face at like 3am on school days because the dishes weren't washed or I didn't fold her laundry or whatever and then being forced to do chores until I went to school. Teachers weren't helpful. Family turned a blind eye. My dad wasn't around. This wasn't once in a while. This was everyday. I didn't have much freedom as she rarely let me leave the house (Deadbolt lock on the front door and I wasnt allowed to have keys) or get a few hours of reprieve outside of school where I did horribly because the only thing I was interested in was people liking me instead of actual schoolwork. I've called the police on her a total about 2 times. She never got in trouble and the police generally believed her over me and she'd dismiss all my allegations. I was a really skinny kid, I was not a threat and I couldn't defend myself. Either way, I hated violence so I never raised a hand to her or took it out on anyone else. My only reprieve was all the ways I sabotaged her food, the satisfaction of making eye contact as she ate off of a spoon I rubbed between my buttcheeks or when she enjoyed a cup of my special home brew lipton tea. Lots of little malicious compliances which usually ended with punishment.It was just her and I (my older sister was taken away very early) until I hit my teens when my younger siblings were born (not all at the same time). She didn't beat them as bad and treated them fairly better. I was alone for most of it. I didn't really connect with them because they were always around her and I tried to minimize the time spent around my Mother when I hit my teens and after when I started having slightly more freedom. After abusing me for years then carrying on to abuse my siblings, lying to me about having a place to live if I went to college, countless other reasons, and her literally laughing at me when I told her I was homeless.. This is after I explained how it's been hard for me and how the abuse affected me. She's never owned up it. Never apologized. Nothing. I was done. I decided I was going to ruin her life. Regardless of whether it makes me a bad person or not. I had photos of my own bruises/cuts/etc saved from YEARS with my mother. My little sister sent me a few via social media. I compiled it all and went to CPS. They went with police to do a check and coincidentally got there while my mother was beating my sister. Cue an emergency removal and her losing her kids. I reached out to her job and made them aware she lied about her degree (I was the one who wrote all her resumes and etc). She lost her $75k+ salary job days later and got blacklisted. I even deleted every single gmail account and etc I made for her just because fuck her.But as this is an update and not a repost of how trash my past was, I'll try not to repeat myself too much.UpdateI'll give an update on me personally first. My camera was stolen and instead of trying to get another one, I decided to take a break from photography. I appreciate all of the support you guys gave me after my first post. It's been extremely hard, taking pictures was the only thing I really did that helped me feel okay but I'm learning to build resilience. In the mean time, I swallowed my pride and moved into a homeless shelter in my city specifically for people with jobs & a savings. I'll be able to continue saving while I work on bettering myself as a person. I created an action plan and mapped out all my goals and how I want to achieve them. Up until recently, I wasn't even planning on being alive. Sorry if that's too dark. I honestly always had these thoughts wishing my mother would have finished the job with me and made life easier. But as of late, I'm becoming more and more curious of what I'm capable of if I gave myself the chance. I've been able to visit my younger siblings and have gotten to know my little sister abit better because of the experience. I feel like a horrible person for admitting I still feel nothing for them or really anyone, but I won't let my feelings get in the way of the promise I made to myself or them. I've also only drank 3 times in the last 4 months compared to every other day in the past, which isn't great but its a change.My younger siblings are still with CPS but I can't go into detail. My mother was supposed to go to a hearing to get them back but things got complicated (important). My mothers best friend's son (who I've known 8yrs) does his best to relay all the shit my mother tells her while they talk on the phone all day. Things had gotten worse for her. She hasn't been keeping up with her mortgage payments. Her fiance, my youngest siblings dad, is no longer her fiance anymore and is trying to file for custody. I heard she was a wreck then went ghost but it didn't make me feel better. There weren't supposed to be any winners. Honestly, I wasn't even going to update. I initially just wanted to tell someone for once but one thing changed my mind. Something I was not expecting months after I set this all in motion. A phone call from my mother. In the past seeing her calls, even after movingg out, would set me on edge but that hasn't been the case lately. It was just another thing that happened. Just another event. Meaningless but at the same time... She always had my number but NEVER reached out. Even when things first started going to shit, I doubt she even gave me a second thought. But I'm sure you're all curious to know what was said.My mother is gone. A few weeks after my post, the state I'm in brought felony charges up against her. She left the country shortly after and went to her home country in South America. I have no idea how she was even allowed to leave but they didn't take her passport. She avoided specifics on that part. She mentioned staying with a family friend temporarily and tried to frame it as a short vacation. She didn't even start off with a hello, she started the conversation by ordering me to go somewhere quiet before launching into a sob story about how things have been going for her. This is after months of no contact. After laughing at me for being homeless and denying she ever abused me months ago. Just yammering away like it was nothing but I let her talk. It was surreal. I felt so cold just listening to her talk. It was like talking to a stranger. She mentions losing out on "so much money" and how she doesn't know how all it happened and then finally she hits the topic dujour.Cue her bringing up my little sister and the night of the emergency removal. She starts complaining about how she misses my little sister and brothers, mentions something about how it messes up tax season?, and then she had the audacity to start trying to convince me that I should go talk to the caseworkers for her to back up her claim that " she never abused them or me and I should know that..." She said that to me. After everything. Of all people. 9 minutes into the conversation. Like nothing ever happened. But it wasn't anything new. Of course I cut her off but at that point my mind was already made up. I asked her if she remembered when I used to make iced tea for her all those years. She was a little thrown off but said yes. I paused for a few seconds before slowly telling her in detail about all the ways i sabotaged her lipton iced tea. She tried interrupt me once but I didn't stop talking. I told her about how I'd always put too much sugar and she'd never taste it and keep drinking more which was why I always insisted. There was just silence on the phone but I know she was listening. I told her waiting until after dinner when I got home from school to shower so I could rub her spoons between my buttcheeks for maximum damage and how I'd mix it into her food to mask it. At this point I'm not even sure she's listening anymore but im still describing specific days I remember doing it that I know she would remember. She finally LOUDLY interrupts me screaming at me disgusting evil things. She cursed me the way she used to back in the days when shed be standing over me with an extension cord beating the skin off of me when I was younger. She's blaming me for ruining her life and how she wish she had a better child (All without knowing that I directly caused the destruction of her current life though she's speaking about the past). I just let her waste her breath. She couldn't touch me or my siblings. It only lasted a few seconds. Now I remember spending years daydreaming of all things I'd say to my mother if I had the chance but I just bottled it up with all my other baggage and kept trying to exist. A lot of people from my original post also gave me some ideas.When she finally shut her mouth I calmly told her "Look Mom, You don't know what abuse is and honestly its your own fucking fault this is all happening to you. Also, my bad for pissing in your iced tea." Then I just hung up the phone and blocked her number. That was the last day I drank. I haven't talked to her since. I'm not sure she's aware (or maybe she is) how bad of an idea it was to leave the country with all this going down, even if it was for a few weeks. At this point im done with her. I don't want an apology. I just want to move forward and be a better person. I know that's hard to believe after everything I just told you but it's the truth. I try my best to put as much positivity into the world and share it with the people around me as much as possible. But fuck her. I don't know if she knows it was me but I didn't tell her. I'm sure she can guess though if she really tried. Anyways.. That's my revenge. It's still actively fucking her life up but im not taking any active part in it. I wish it wasn't like this. I wish I had a real family that loved me and I knew how to love back the right way. I wish I had a real relationship with my mother and none of those things happened. I wish I could have turned out like one of the happy people in the world but I can spend spend all day wishing. Sorry for the super long post. This is my last update. Wish me luck next year.TL;DR - My mother abused me for most of my life. I had to drop out of college and support myself after she basically drove me to homelessness. She laughs at me about me being homeless and denies abuse. So I ruined her life by reporting the abuse my siblings and I dealt with resulting in an emergency removal by CPS & her getting criminal charges, exposing her lies to her job which she lost, putting her in a situation that ruined her engagement, and ultimately causing her to flee the country which might result in even worse charges if/when she comes back. via /r/ProRevenge