#i find it wild that a lot of my mutuals have never seen my wattpad bc that’s where i originally got a lot of attention for my fics years ago

[rosesradio]

changing up the ol’ wattpad bio 📝

[theglowyscorpio]

all set | eren x reader

a/n: this is a story in the making, currently available at AO3 and Wattpad. If you like it, please don't hesitate to give me some kudos, leave a comment or maybe follow me on my social media! <3 Any feedback is highly appreciated since I'm just getting started!

pairing: eren yeager x female reader

tags: mature content, alternate universe (modern setting), college/university, recreational drug use, implied sexual content, M/F, F/F, the author is not religious lmao

word count: 4.3k

current chapters: 2/?

playlist: this one was made with a particular playlist in mind. they are really great songs that help to convey this chapter, so I hope you have a time to check them out! :)

a. slomosa - kevin b. upsahl - drugs c. rosenfeld - like u d. kaiba - overdose e. lil kapow - tinman f. bodega - how did this happen!?

***

all set

I lost count of how many parties I went to this week. There was one at Shina, another at... Sasha's. Wait, was it? Or Ymir's? Honestly, both their houses look fairly similar and we always see the same faces over and over again, regardless of where we are getting wasted. Definitely two at my house. The timeline is blurry at this point. If my liver could talk, it would spit out "Screw you, Eren." and I wouldn't be able to disagree.

Classes will start next week so everyone is acting like we're going to stop doing all this for the rest of the semester. That never happens.

I barely enter Reiner's house and the music is already piercing my head. My ears will soon tell me to go screw myself too. The bass was loud. But it was good.

— Hey, finally — Reiner says, giving a hard slap in my back. I can't even get mad at him because he probably didn't mean for it to hurt. Fucking strong bastard.

— Sorry. Lost track of time.

— You know where the things are — he leaves me behind and disappears through the noisy music.

It's hot inside. August has been particularly cruel this year. I'm using a black t-shirt, which is luckily pretty thin, and my black Adidas pants that are somewhat breathable. My hair is in a bun. I will probably be sweating soon, though. Reiner's AC won't do miracles with this amount of people since it is specially packed today. I guess I might see some new faces tonight, huh.

This fact already makes things more interesting.

I walk through the room and then arrive in the kitchen. Connie and Sasha are there.

— Eren!! — I barely open my mouth to talk and Sasha is already giving me whatever weird drink they made. Their drinks sometimes are... unusual, for the lack of a better word. Most of the time they are simply pure shit. They call it scout's fuel, always the same name regardless of what's inside. Maybe that's why my liver hates me so much.

— Thanks — I'm already used to the goddamn gasoline taste — I guess you both want to get us wasted tonight.

— It's our personal mission, so enjoy the fuel — Connie says laughing, raising his plastic cup. I love this duo – who doesn't? – and I can't help but laugh with them, even though it tastes so bad — Everyone is already here, come on — I follow them and find all the familiar faces I've seen all week: Bertholdt, Historia, Ymir, Mikasa, Annie, Armin, Jean, everyone.

The girls look hot, even though I'm used to them. Either way, I avoid hooking up with my friends since the last time didn't work so well. It's better to avoid Mikasa today.

We all sit together while drinking. I light a joint I had already prepared at home and say — Am I crazy or is Reiner's party bigger than usual? —, releasing the smoke a few seconds after. This one is the best grass we could get around our area, I've saved it primarily for today and now I see that might have been a great decision on my part. I'm glancing through the room and looking for some girls, might share this shit with one - or a few - of them later.

— Thank god, I was tired of seeing your ugly faces every fucking time — Jean says. The girls look at him and he rushes to add — I mean, the boys, of course. It's always nice looking at all of you, ladies.

It's not enough to avoid Annie's kick anyway — We can say the same of you, horse face.

Reiner arrives at the perfect time and explains — Since the new semester starts Monday, news about today traveled fast and we got a lot more company than usual.

— Do you know all of them, Reiner? — Historia asks — I've talked to a bunch of them tonight and there are people from all over the campus and from all years as well — Historia always looks pretty, her blonde hair shining even in the low light of the party. Guys make a line to talk to her at all parties so there's no surprise that she's already familiarized with the whole scenario. I wonder what Ymir thinks of it. Probably followed her during this little field trip.

— Hell, no — he grabs the joint of my hand and sucks deeply — I know some of them and some are Bertholdt's friends but there are some random people.

— I bet Reiner knows a lot of the girls — I take my joint back from his fingers — I assume they aren't Bertholdt's friends, though — and grin.

— Hey, I don't see you with any new company either, dude — Bertholdt tries to grab my weed as well, but I avoid his advances. He instead grabs my cup and drinks all of it, leaving me empty. He makes a funny face at the taste. Suit yourself, man, I think to myself, laughing on the inside.

— Yeah, but I'll work on it in a sec — I tease him knowing that he can't handle much of Sasha and Connie's fuel. He always knocks out before everyone. I hope he realizes he needs to stay awake to try anything with Annie. Someday. He simply never gets there.

Hange arrives almost falling over Ymir and spilling her drink on the floor in the process — I think we should all make a toast and make this last party a wild ride!!! — her yelling stabbing us louder than the music.

— Bitch, you are this fucking drunk already? — Ymir says to her, holding Hange's weight on her back — What the hell did the gasoline duo do to you?

— Okay okay, enough with the questions, let me fill your cups because this is the night! — Sasha says, just pouring all that mystery liquid that soon will go straight to our heads — Also, Reiner, where's the food?

We raise our plastic cups and Connie yells — To the new semester! — and we drink, feeling the immediate burn on our throats. It's hard being a scout.

— I need to get laid today — Jean says as he lays his back on the couch — Gonna arrive for the classes pretty motivated next week — he then rests his left arm at the back pillow, behind Mikasa's head.

— You should start roaming, then — her cold delivery puts Jean's subtle attempt at flirting six feet under the ground, as usual. It was pretty damn quick, but I could notice Mikasa glancing at me and then looking the other way. Yeah, I think I need to start roaming soon, too.

— That sounds great, then let's do that!!! — Hange grabs Jean by the arm and they disappear amongst the crowd.

— When all this fun ends, I'll be the one who will probably have to take him home after he gets slapped by some girls — Armin and Jean live with me so we normally go back together. Armin is the responsible one between us, which is not exactly hard considering how Jean and I are — Gonna at least drink some beer before that happens.

— I'll go with you, this drink sucks — Annie says, finishing the drink anyway and following him. We always drink the last drop of it, we never learn.

The girls went dancing, the music was exceptionally good today. A lot of bands I already liked plus some I have never heard before. I need to remember to ask Reiner for this playlist later. Connie was already surrounded by a different group, everyone likes to talk to him. He is popular. The rest dispersed as well and I could hear Hange's screams far away. This is going to be a night for her, indeed.

I start walking around, meeting a lot of people from my classes and others from the campus in general. I talk to all of them and drink a lot in the process, which feeds my need for nicotine every time. I grab my pack of cigarettes and while smoking, I see Levi.

— I must be dreaming — I say, letting the smoke leave my lips with a smile. It reaches him and looks at me with a deadly expression. He is smoking as well, but he only admits one specific brand of cigarettes and hates all the others. Levi usually doesn't show up at these "brat" parties, as he likes to say, since he's a few years older than us. I normally see him at Shina's, which is a popular club slash bar near our university. He's the owner so we all met him there, after going so many times. Shina has the best parties and the best drinks of all the clubs near us. And it couldn't be any other way, since Levi is a perfectionist. There's also a small stage there, where indie bands perform from time to time. My band does some gigs there sometimes.

— Hey — he replies, as cold as ever. He's Mikasa's cousin, so they have the same expressions and hard-to-approach vibe — Already high, I see.

— Always. In fact, today I hope to be higher than usual. What miracle brings you here?

— Some people from the staff decided to come here today so there are fewer brats to piss me off — he drinks what's probably a high priced whiskey and continues — and there's a new girl at the club so we have been showing her the area for a few weeks now.

— There's a lot of new girls here today — although I know Levi doesn't give a crap.

— So? — yeah, he doesn't.

Levi is a pretty successful business owner and even I have to admit that he's hot – is not only common knowledge but a mutual agreement between everyone –, so girls are always trying to get him, but he doesn't screw most of them. He doesn't fuck brats, period. He says he doesn't have the patience. That makes the girls even more desperate. He has the highest standards of every guy I know. When he was still in university – the same we all go –, he screwed not only the hottest girls but also the professors - which went after him and not the other way around. At least that's what I've heard. I think Levi never had to actively look for any girl, to be honest.

I can only laugh at his reply. That's just so him.

— If you want more stuff than what's already in your system, Floch is over there.

— I want, actually. I was going to look for him — I see Floch's red hair among some folks. Floch is usually as busy as Connie but with less than half of the charisma.

He finishes his cigarette, blowing its last white smoke into the air, and we both hear a loud HELL YEAH!! coming from all the other way across the room — Tsk, is that Hange?

— Pfft, it was before, I think it's Sasha now — he doesn't laugh at my reply. He never does. I think hell would freeze while heaven catches on fire.

I think about the music again. It's so good today, what the hell — Hey Levi, don't you think this playlist is too high quality for a Reiner party? I don't get it, his music taste is always pure trash.

— That's from our new girl — he drinks the last drops of his whiskey and starts to leave — You might find her around here — he then suddenly stops and looks at me — Don't get your hopes up, though.

I am not able to ask what he meant by that because he leaves too quickly. Time to look for Floch.

— Hey, Flo-

— Here.

— You didn't even let me finish.

— I know what you want. You are not in the mood for cocaine so you want MD instead, blah-blah-blah-blah. Is that kind of night — he pauses for mere seconds — Am I wrong, Eren?

— Nope, right as usual — Floch is the main person you go to when you need drugs. I mean, good drugs. He looks like your standard rich boy – which he is, by the way – that can do no wrong, but you can get the best stuff from him. I've always found this funny. The weed I have today was his work. He knows my taste well.

Reiner's frat house is huge, so there's plenty of room to walk. I'm approached by a bunch of girls on the way but for some reason, none of them piques my interest. I am pretty set on going after something new today and I have no problem getting laid. It happened every single day this week and it truly happens anytime I want. Which, okay, boosts my ego a little bit. Maybe a lot. I might even have hurt some girls in the process. I was never slapped though, unlike Jean. So that's a win in my book.

I see a few of my friends again, mainly Historia and Reiner, and they are talking to a girl I've never seen before.

She has long black hair and short messy bangs, the kind that goes a little above the eyebrows. I didn't know black hair was my thing until now. Her face has the perfect features, at least for me. She's wearing a sleeveless white top that is so tight that hugs her figure perfectly and makes her breasts look amazing. That type of top that shows the girl's side boob, and I'm a total sucker for those. It is also short so you can see a bit of her waist. And I don't even have to see her ass because I already know it is probably too damn good. Her light blue ripped jeans are cool as well and she has black sneakers. I like her style. She has a bunch of tattoos - a lot on her right arm, one on her left hand, and probably some that I couldn't see because they were behind her clothes. I intended to, though.

Fuck, she's hot.

Historia looks mesmerized talking to her, which is a very privileged view from where I stand because, as I've already said before, she is also beautiful. But she isn't exactly hot. This girl is. Way too much. Oh, and Reiner is there too. Whatever.

I can see a lot of guys want to approach her but none of them do. I went for it. Wasn't this night supposed to be wild?

— Hey, Eren! Guess what, Y/N is the new DJ at Shina! I was telling her how we go there all the time.

— Hi, Eren, nice to meet you — she says, with that kind of smile that people who know they are hot make. I do that too.

— Hey, Y/N — I say. And as I told you seconds before, I'm good with that type of smile as well so that's what she gets — Levi told me he came with the staff and a new girl, so I suppose that's you.

— Yeah, I'll start there next week.

— I talked to him about the party's playlist because I knew it couldn't be Reiner's.

— Yeah, it's Y/N's. She prepared it for the party when I invited the guys from Shina yesterday. We were in the same high school. — Reiner says that looking at me with a face that shows "See that, dickhead? I've known her for some years now".

— It's pretty good! I can't wait for the next party at Shina's to see your set! — Historia was always an angel.

REINER, WHERE'S THE REST OF THE ICE, MAN??, someone screamed far away.

— Shit. Catch up with you later, Y/N.

Too bad, huh, Reiner? He gives me a look that I can't quite figure out what it is, but I know for sure it wasn't a look of support. In the fucking slightest.

— I think Ymir is calling me as well, sorry!! — It was painfully obvious that Ymir wanted to make out with Historia for some time now. They never did. I think only Historia hasn't realized yet that Ymir is thirsty for her for god knows how long.

After Historia left, there was only me and her — So, by any chance, do you go to the same university as us? You look our age but Levi said you are new here — I tried asking this without looking at her body, but looking at her face was even worse. Her eyes were piercing me in the best way possible.

— I'm not exactly new, I'm from the same uni as you guys, but I took a gap year — she takes a sip of her drink — You probably never met me but I'm in the same year as you all are now.

Since Reiner knew her from high school, he also knew she was at the same university all along and never told any of the guys. Smart fucker.

— So that makes you a year older than me — I smirk at her.

— I guess it does — she smirks back as she lights up a cigarette and blows the smoke at me.

Ok, looking good so far.

I'm pretty high at this point, the MD and the music are making me horny, so I don't even bother to pretend that I'm not looking at her body. I'm looking at everything.

— You took something, didn't you?

— Do you want some? I can show you later where to get the best stuff. Anything you are in the mood for.

— I'm all set — she shows me her tongue and I see the acid. The view makes my own tongue feel lonely, maybe I should use it to steal that from her mouth. I hope she's horny as well.

We talk a lot about music since it's something that we both enjoy. She's passionate about it, I can tell. She asks about my band with true interest. Doesn't sound like small talk. She touches her hair and it makes me want to stuff my face in it. She has the smile that makes you want more. Her voice has the same effect.

The loud music allows us to talk near each other's ears. I hope she moans as loud as her playlist. The girls usually love my hair for some reason, either if it's in a messy bun as it is right now or if it's loose. They all love my green eyes too. She can see all that with somewhat detail since we are so close, even though it is a little dark here. If I take you to a room you can see me better, I almost blurb it out. I can see her too and that kills me.

She looks receptive to me but normally at this point I would be already hooking up with the girl. This time it isn't happening. I never have to work so much. I think I understand why the other guys didn't approach her before. She's a little intimidating to talk to, and that comes naturally to her – it doesn't seem to be on purpose. I flirt with her the way I normally do but she is hard to get, she hits every ball I throw. I remember what Levi said before. Oh, right.

But I'm vibing way too much at this point, I think if I touch any part of her I'll get hard immediately.

— This gap year you've mentioned... Did you go anywhere specific?

— I know it will sound cliché, but I went to Europe.

— Where in Europe?

— Everywhere — she says — I went down — the corner of her lips forming a smile  — And up. Everywhere. — and I can swear she sounds flirtatious as hell. I want to bite her lip.

— That sounds... Awesome. — I think she wants to bite me too, or at least I hope she does — Was there any particular reason to leave? If that's not too much to ask.

— Hm, I was kinda... — she stops to think for a few seconds as she holds her hair up and makes a ponytail, looking at the ground, the cigarette glued to her now closed lips. Her neck became exposed, it looks soft as hell and I can't wait to bruise it. She releases the smoke, that flows into the room, and looks deep into my eyes, as deep as I want to be inside her right now — ...stressed.

I reach my limit at this point.

— I can help you with the stress if you want.

— Really? — she's looking at me with the same teasing look and I'm doing the same, so we both know that's not a question I have to answer. Her tongue quickly passes through her top lip, her mouth forming a little wet smile — I don't think I need any help though.

I threw the ball and she hit a home run. My team was out.

I was not expecting that.

We hear some of the guys from Shina calling for her — Oh, they are calling me — Y/N looks at me again and says — See you around, Eren — giving me the same fucking grin I wanted to bite before.

She walks away and I see that her ass is, as I suspected from the very beginning, too damn good.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

After this, some time has passed. I look at the clock. Yeah, maybe a lot. I couldn't tell before because I'm drunk and drugged. I see most of my friends, all fucking wasted. Armin is holding up pretty well, Bertholdt's is knocked down for God knows how long, Mikasa probably smoked way too much weed (who am I to judge?) and looks dead on the couch. I don't see Ymir, Historia nor Reiner - there are too many people in this house to keep count. Sasha's eating something in the kitchen, I can't see what it is, but certainly, she got hungrier than normal after smoking some pot Connie gave her. Connie always holds his drinks well, he's still talking to a lot of people. I pass in front of one of the bathrooms and Hange is there, getting everything out of her system. Oh, and Ymir. There she is, holding Hange's hair, looking as pissed as ever. Levi probably went home hours ago. Jean is making out with some chick, he's going to score tonight. To be fair, he always does, but never with Mikasa.

I saw a lot of pretty girls today and I went for none of them. They tried and I shut them down, even the ones I normally fuck. There's someone I want to taste tonight and she's nowhere to be found. The guys from Shina are missing too, so I know I won't see her today anymore. Damn.

I'm not pissed at her but I'm pissed at the situation.

— Armin, I think I'm going to take off, are you coming?

— Yeah, I'm already pretty tired — he gets up — Jean's probably going to stay here.

— Yep. Probably. — Am I pissed that Jean's getting laid? Even though I could have as well? With someone else, at least? My mood feels off.

— I'm going with you too, I've lost count of how many assholes I had to shut down today. I think I even punched a few — I don't have to look to know that's Annie speaking — You were right, Eren, is it especially crowded today. In the shittiest way possible.

— Then let's go.

— Wait, I need to get my bag first, I left it in Reiner's room.

— I can get that for you, wait up.

— It's a black one. Small.

I sign a thumbs up for her and climb the stairs. I am hundred percent sure I'm going to see someone fucking there but that's the usual. I'm pretty sure I've already seen some people screwing in the corner of the living room minutes before. No one cares.

I open the door and see Y/N in her underwear, putting her white top back on. She does indeed have other tattoos.

— Hey there! — she says smiling, as she also puts her jeans back up, making little jumps so they pass through her ass. Her hair is not in a ponytail anymore.

I say hi in a confusing way.

— I came here to get my friend's bag — I look around for milliseconds like I don't know where the hell I am until I see Reiner lying - clearly naked - under his sheets. Can't be anyone else, with that bleached hair and huge biceps.

What? Ahn?

Hey... Wait a second.

Historia? Clearly naked as well? What. The. Hell. I guess she's not exactly the angel I thought she was?

They are sort of awake, sort of sleeping, kinda like on a different planet. You know, the type of thing that happens after a really strong fuck? That sort. They look exhausted. They look destroyed. And not in a bad way. AT ALL.

— Oh, I saw a bag before. Here you go — she gives me Annie's bag. She's all dressed now. She notices my confusion, I'm too high to act any other way — I've told you I don't need any help — her eyes piercing mine for the hundredth time tonight. Her smile hurts now. Ouch.

She grabs her sneakers and walks towards me and the door:

— I'm all set.

She leaves the room as I hold Annie's bag.

Yeah. I was not expecting that.

***

Thanks for reading (if there's even anyone here lmao). Chapter 2 will be uploaded later but it can be read now at AO3 or Wattpad.

[heyyyharry]

Chapter 4: From Now On

(from the My Girl Trilogy: Be My Only)

…in which Harry finally makes a promise he can keep.

Word count: 5.3k

AU: actor!Harry, older!Harry, younger!Y/N, (4-year age gap).

Chapter 3: Ruby - Harry wants to be good enough, and Y/N is confused.

Wattpad link

ANNOUNCEMENT: After this chapter, I will take a two-week break to study for my finals. I'll be back on July 4 with the preview for chapter 5. Thank you so much for reading! Please vote and comment! :) - Allie.

.

.

.

Harry wished he had a better reason to show up here. Any other reason, just not Y/N.

In a year, the only 'conversation' he had with Isaac was at the hospital, when Isaac said "I'm glad you're safe", and he replied, "thank you for showing up." So if he told a stranger how close they used to be, he doubted that person would believe him. Everything was his fault, and he had a lot of nerves to show up at Isaac's studio only to ask about Y/N.

But what else could he do? Many people were worried about her, himself included. She was the girl he loved, too, and he needed to make sure she was okay. She had been just fine when they met at the bookstore this morning. So as unpleasant as Harry knew this confrontation might be, he had been so eager to talk to Isaac to find out why.

Sadly, the feeling wasn't mutual.

Isaac walked toward him. No, he walked toward the door behind him, actually. His serene blue eyes were ice cold as he switched off the last light in the room, making it obvious that he wanted no guest. With a flat but cautionary tone, he said, "we can talk tomorrow. I'm getting ready to leave."

Harry didn't let him through, he took a large stride to stand in Isaac's way, trying his best to remain calm as he muttered, "it's about Y/N."

Isaac scoffed, shaking his head. "Of course it is."

"No, you don't get it—"

"Shouldn't you be more concerned about Ruby? One at a time, mate."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Harry asked when Isaac pushed right past him. The tension was obvious but Harry should've seen this coming. He knew better than anyone the consequences of silence. Silence turned to suppressed emotions which turned to anger, so here he was, dealing with what he had started in the first place.

"It means what it means," Isaac said through gritted teeth. He had never used violence in his life, but his words right now weren't different from a powerful punch. "Since you and Ruby are back together now, you should worry about her instead of following Y/N everywhere she goes."

Harry remained as still and pallid as a corpse, unresponsive to his best friend's attack. He wasn't usually good at tolerance, Isaac was. But right now, the situation had changed them both. Harry sucked in a breath, ignoring the mean accusation, because what Isaac thought of him didn't matter anymore.

"Nobody knows where she is," he blurted, stopping the other man the second he attempted to walk away. "Her father called me earlier. They were supposed to meet up at 5 PM but she didn't show up. He couldn't reach her nor you, so he called me. I already came to the bookstore but Alice said she'd already left. That's why I'm here, I just want to make sure she's okay."

The reaction Harry received wasn't one he wanted to see. He had assumed Isaac must've known where Y/N was. She was his girlfriend after all. So why was he giving Harry this look, as if he was just as clueless as everyone else?

"I-I left my phone at home..." Isaac stuttered as he shook his head. "Have you gone to her place?"

"Yeah, but she wasn't there," Harry uttered. "You haven't spoken to her?"

Isaac let out a controlled breath, as if the words he wanted to say were still circulating his mind, not yet ready to flow outward. Harry wished he could fill up this grim silence with just anything, but he knew better than to speak up. And so he waited for an answer, one he couldn't have seen coming.

"We broke up."

Isaac made it sound like no big deal, but Harry knew those words weren't as easy as they sounded, which left him perplexed. At first, he'd assumed Y/N was the one who had called it quit. She had always been afraid of commitment and people leaving her, so she might've freaked out and walked away.

But then Isaac added, "when I spoke to her...she didn't take it very well." And now Harry could figure out the reason why.

"Is it because of me?" His voice trembled as he pointed a finger to himself, and the look on his best friend's face was already the answer. "Are you insane? You broke up with her because of me? Nothing is going on between us, mate! She was just looking out for me as a friend and she was clearly happy with you! Y/N hasn't been happy for so long, you can't just take it away from her by leaving her like that!"

"You think I wanted to?"

"Then why did you?!" Harry never wanted to raise his voice, but his bad temper had taken over him. It was only until he saw Isaac's startled expression, that he took a deep breath to calm himself down, and try to think of all the places Y/N would go to when she was sad.

"There's this bar..." he spoke after a while. "Shit, I forgot what it's called, but...I can show you the way, maybe you'll find her there."

"I won't go."

That simple answer caused Harry to widen his eyes. "Are you fucking kidding me? Go, she's your girl!"

"She's not my girl," Isaac calmly said. "She's never been."

Harry was totally stunned as words bounced around inside his skull, yet they couldn't form a proper response to that statement. And so he stood there, gawking at Isaac until came a question that hit him just as hard. "You love her, don't you?"

"What are you talking about?" He released a breathy laugh, though the voice in his head said 'yes' without pause. Isaac wasn't a mind reader, he was just a good friend who knew Harry from inside out. Taking a deep breath, he gave a sad crooked smile to hide the fact that he was distressed, and eventually spoke, "then why are you torturing yourself by being with Ruby?"

"I...I'm not...I'm not with Ruby." Harry shoved his hands into his pockets, his eyes shifted to the side to avoid Isaac's piercing stare. "I just...want Y/N to be happy and she's obviously happier with you. I'm fine with just being there for her though."

"You know that she's not happier with me." Isaac slowly shook his head, watching the smile slip from Harry's face. "She loves you...She always has. I guess the three of us wanted to believe otherwise, to make everything less complicated. But we're only making it worse, because we've been lying to ourselves, and to each other."

"Isaac..." Harry trembled. His stomach shifted uneasily, and he noticed his fingers had gathered into fists, resting firmly by his sides. It wasn't hard to apologize, but it would be hard if the apology wasn't accepted. But if he continued to hold it back, he might lose this friendship forever.

Taking in a deep breath, he broke the silence, "I'm sorry. I know I've done so many selfish things that ruined our friendship. But...I missed you. I wish we could be friends again, though I can only expect you to forgive me and leave everything behind us."

Isaac rolled his eyes and released a snort which made Harry's heart pound harder in his chest. "So that's a no?" He asked quietly.

To his surprise, Isaac shook his head. "You need to stop being friends to be friends again, H."

That sentence was all it took for a slow smile to spread over Harry's gaunt features. His happiness was so contagious that Isaac had to break into a grin as well. Sighing, he told Harry, "I was angry at you for so many things, yeah. But no matter how fucked up you are sometimes, you're still a brother to me."

"Thank you," Harry muttered, feeling all the tension pouring out of his chest when his best friend stepped forward to pat him on the arm.

"Now go," Isaac said, his face turned serious again. "Before she does something crazy or stupid. We both know how she is."

.

.

.

Harry had only been to this bar twice; the first time was to pick up Y/N, because she had passed out on the counter; then for their first unofficial date, she took him there again. She had mentioned that it was one of her go-to places when life turned to shit. So he took a wild guess that she was there tonight.

It had been a year, but he still remembered the other route through an alley which she had shown him before. He couldn't risk being seen going to some bar to pick up a drunk girl, not while his movie was being promoted, and his drama with Ruby hadn't cooled down yet.

Parking his car on the side of the street, he walked on his own along the cobbled road sandwiched between abandoned buildings on the sides. If Jeff knew he was walking around London instead of staying at home for his wounds to heal, he would get in so much trouble. But right now he was too scared to pay attention to the pain. The echoes of his footsteps made it seem like somebody was following him, like one of those movie scenes that made him hold his breath and cover his eyes. Y/N wasn't afraid of the dark corners of the city, but he did. Now he began to wonder how he had walked this path the first time without fear. Maybe it was her presence by his side that had made him feel safe. He hurried his feet to go faster, until he saw the yellow beams of the only lamppost ahead, and sighed in relief. He'd made it.

He pushed the metal door open, the feeling of panic rose in his chest. The loud music made his skin tingle as he slipped through the crowd, trying to look for a familiar face. The thought of her pressing against warm bodies and being touched by strange men made his blood boil, but thank God, she wasn't on the dance floor. As he struggled to make it to the bar, he found her sitting there with a bottle in her hand, slurring senseless words to Andrew the bartender, who wasn't even listening. Stepping closer, he reached out to touch her arm.

"Bambi, hey..."

She pushed him away immediately. Her head snapped back and her eyebrows creased when she finally recognized him. This time she didn't flinch as he placed both hands on her shoulders, so he crouched down to meet her gaze.

"Let's go home, yeah? Go home with me."

Y/N thought for a moment, but right before she could speak, the bartender interrupted her.

"Here you are, Harry," he said.

"You remember my name?" Harry asked, making Andrew chuckle.

"Your girlfriend has been rambling on about you for three hours. You two need to sort your shit out, I can't have her here every time you fight."

"More, Andrew, more!" Y/N shouted, slamming her fist on the counter.

Harry used all the patience he had left to shake his head, and try to talk some senses into her. "You've had enough, kid. I'm taking you home."

"I'm not going home...not with you..." She scrunched up her nose, stabbing a finger at him. "You ruined everything. I was happy...and now you're here...and I'm not happy. And everything...everything is your fault!"

Harry exchanged looks with Andrew, who quickly turned to the other guests, as he wanted nothing to do with this problematic couple. Y/N picked up her beer again. This time, Harry snatched it from her and put it down where she couldn't reach, causing her to frown.

"Go home to your girl. Leave me the fuck alone," she grumbled. That little attitude was driving him insane and he couldn't take it anymore. He grasped her face, forcing her eyes back on him so she knew he was serious.

"My girl is here, and she's making me so fucking angry by acting like a brat." His jaw clenched when she shot him a glare. "I swear to God I'll carry your drunk ass to the car if I must."

"Please do," he heard Andrew say but ignored because his mind was racing with plans. He was trying to figure out how he would carry her out of here with his injured knee. Fortunately, he didn't have to. Y/N got up on her own, nearly slumping onto the floor but regaining her balance just in time. With a sigh of relief and a hand on her waist, he guided her towards the back entrance.

"Andrew! That girl didn't pay!" A waitress shouted once the troublesome pair had left. But Andrew didn't even care. He gave her a shrug, raising his eyebrows. "I would've paid her to leave."

.

.

.

The moment they stepped out of the bar, Y/N immediately turned into a different version of herself. Before, she had refused to let him touch her, not even to keep her from falling down or walking into a wall. But now she was all over him. She rested her forehead against his chest and draped her arms around his lower body, snuggling into his side like a nice little kitten. His clothes were also soaked in the harsh scent of drink. Still, he held onto her body, knowing if he let go she would collapse. She was struggling to keep her balance. If she was sober enough to get a joke, he would tell her she looked exactly like Bambi now, with her legs swaying from left to right.

"You're a pain in the ass." He chuckled when she lifted her face to inhale his scent, the tip of her nose brushing against his jaw.

"You smell good," she commented with a smile and her eyes snapped shut. He didn't know if she was aware of herself saying it, but he quietly thanked her anyway.

As they kept on walking, Y/N began to hum a silly song from a commercial which she didn't even remember the lyrics, so she went "la la la" for the second half, causing him to burst out laughing. But then, she stopped walking immediately. As she slipped right out of his embrace, Harry halted and turned around, still holding her hand firmly for fear that she might fall.

"This...this is where we kissed..." She whispered to him with a little smile that made his heart leap. He looked at the brick wall on his right, taking a deep breath as his heart slowed down.

He nodded. "Yeah, it is."

She kept staring at that wall while his eyes were fixed on her. Both of them were reminiscing about the passionate moment they had shared right in this spot, and their first time in his car. He remembered everything as if it was yesterday. The noises she had made, the touch of her hands, the way her body had felt against his, her kisses, the look in her eyes. That was the night which had changed everything for them. He would give anything to go back.

"Let's stay here," she broke the silence, now holding his right hand with both of hers, squeezing it tightly as she closed the distance between them. 

"Let's stay here, we can be happy here," she repeated the same thought he'd had just a couple of seconds ago. If they could freeze space and time, he would agree and stay here with her for as long as she wanted. But now she was drunk, and he couldn't risk her safety by standing here for too long. Shaking his head, he withdrew his hands from her grip and took a step to hold her face.

"We need to go home, love."

She refused, pulling him back when he intended to pull her along.

"Don't go."

Harry thought he had misheard something. He was only gawking at her until she said it again. This time, her voice broke, and she choked on the words. "Don't go, please...If we leave this place, you're going back to her...I...I don't want you to...Please stay with me..."

Those were the things Y/N would never say when she was sober. Her pride would never let her fall into such a vulnerable state, that she had to admit she was scared and insecure. When they were children, she would get mad every time he called her short, or skinny, or weak. She always wanted to believe she was big and strong and capable of everything. But now she let it all go to tell him she was actually afraid, afraid of not being good enough, afraid of losing him. And he blamed himself for making her feel this way.

"I'm not going anywhere, love." He moved closer so their lips were only two inches apart, his thumbs caressing her cheeks slowly. "I'm gonna stay with you, alright?"

"Why should I trust you this time?"

"Because I love you."

She sniffled, her eyelids drooped as her lower lip quivered. From the way she was gazing at him, it was hard to tell if she was sensible enough to remember this in the morning. But Harry couldn't hold it back anymore. He'd been dying to tell her, and he must, or else his chest might explode.

"I love you so much," he mumbled, his voice was breathy and gruff. "I'm gonna love you for as long as you want me to, yeah? From now on, you're my one and only, there's never gonna be anyone else."

She looked at him with her Bambi eyes, and he expected her to say something as her lips parted. But her face was white, and dripping sweat, and tears. Before Harry could react, she lurched forward. The foul-smelling liquid was sprayed all over his favorite Gucci shoes, freezing him to the spot.

His entire body stiffened for a second as she kept on throwing up. So all he could do was rub his hand up and down her back, until she finished and stumbled back into his arms. Now she was clearly unaware of what was happening.

"Alright." Harry sucked in a breath. "Guess we're going back to my place."

.

.

.

Y/N opened her eyes to the dimly lit room, not sure if it was day or night as the drapes were so thick it completely prevented natural light from sneaking in. Her throat was burning, but instead of getting up to get some water, she wrapped herself in the soft duvet and curled up on her side. Her head hurt like someone was hammering her skull, and she was trying so hard not to fall back to sleep again.

But then, her eyes shot open. This scent. Fuck. She pulled her face out of the pillow and finally looked around the room. No, no, no, no. This cannot be real. This is Harry's room. I'm in his room!

She propped herself up, blinking rapidly for the dizziness to go away, and sliding out of bed as fast as she could. Her clothes were nowhere to be found. Instead, she was wearing one of his big white t-shirts with only her panties underneath. The last memory she had of last night was her throwing up all over the place. And so she cursed under her breath and prayed that she hadn't done anything foolish, like having sex with Harry and not remembering anything now. Despite her aching feet, Y/N headed downstairs to the kitchen.

Just like she had guessed, Harry was already up, and he was making breakfast.

"Morning," he said with a smile when she walked in.

Y/N knew she shouldn't be so straightforward, considering how awkward this situation was already. But as she was barely awake, her mouth was quicker than her brain.

"Did we have sex?" The question slipped out before she could stop herself. And now she could feel her cheeks burning up as he gave her a funny look.

"No." He chuckled, resting his weight against the table as he told her how he had found her in that bar. He said he'd come to see Isaac, and so she guessed he knew about their breakup already. He was polite and didn't mention it. She hoped he didn't know he was the reason.

"...I couldn't let you sleep in your dirty clothes so I gave you a bath and—"

"You gave me a bath?" Her face scrunched up in shock, causing his smile to expand.

"You smelled like sweat and vomit, Bambi. I didn't have a choice." He rolled his eyes, handing her a glass of water. "Don't worry, I didn't do anything to you. I put you in the tub and literally sprayed water on you like I always do to my mother's cat."

Though mad at him, Y/N couldn't stop smiling at the joke. She tilted her head back and quickly gulped down the water as if she'd been thirsty for years. When she finished and put the empty glass on the marble counter, she ignored his bulging eyes and carefully glanced around the kitchen.

"Where are my clothes?"

"In the dryer," Harry said, the corners of his lips turned up. "I'll go get them for you."

He walked right past her, and she didn't spare him a single look. All she could think about right now was the questions she should ask when he returned. Or should she pretend like nothing was wrong, and leave as soon as she got her stuff back? She wanted to leave. Not because she hated being around him, but because she didn't trust herself with him. One look in his green eyes and she would grow too attached that she could never walk away.

Y/N couldn't remember much of last night, but what she remembered was what she couldn't ignore. Until now she still wasn't sure if those were solid memories, or ones her mind had created under the influence of alcohol. Harry would know the answer, because he had been with her the whole night. But the problem was that, she was too afraid to ask for the truth. She stood there for a moment, pondering while fidgeting with his shirt. Eventually, she made up her mind and walked back to the living room, just in time Harry returned downstairs.

"Here...I couldn't get the stain out of your sweater, but let's hope nobody notices..." He chuckled nervously and handed the folded clothes to her. She took them, muttering a soft "thank you" when the only thing in her mind right now was, fuck, I'm gonna walk out of here smelling just like him.

"Are you staying for breakfast?" His voice pulled her out of her own thoughts. She looked up, about to decline, but his caring gaze caused her knees to go numb in an instant. All of her pent-up emotions turned into butterflies, and now they were going insane in her stomach. She feared that if she opened her mouth, they might burst right out of her body. She needed to take a deep breath, and calm down.

"Last night..." Y/N spoke, not noticing that she was holding his wrist now. "We were in the alley, right?"

Harry nodded, releasing a breathy "yes" that showed how anxious he was, but his eyes never left hers. Her grip tightened when she swallowed hard, to get rid of that uncomfortable lump in her throat so she could go on.

"And I remember you saying a few things...I don't remember exactly...but...I just..." She let out a shaky chuckle just for the sake of lightening up the mood. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't finish that sentence. Shaking her head fast, her eyes darted away from his. "Never mind. It's silly..."

As she let go of Harry's wrist, his fingers grasped hers instantly. She flinched in surprise as anticipation filled her lungs, almost leaving her breathless. He took the clothes from her and laid them down on the couch. Then, came the words she thought she had only heard in a dream.

"I love you."

Y/N's face was white as chalk. Her eyes and her mouth were wide open, and although she was staring straight at him, she appeared not to notice him at all. Ever since she was nine, she had envisioned this scene many times before, but now that it was happening for real, she didn't know what to do, or what to say.

Harry disregarded her reaction, as he stepped forward and brought her shaky hand to his chest, placing it right where his heart was. "I love you," he repeated as if she hadn't heard it loud and clear the first time. "That's what I said last night, you didn't hear it wrong."

So the second time then. He's said it three times.

Y/N had no idea why she was counting, but she needed to stay sane while the voices in her head were going insane. Harry, on the other hand, looked as relaxed as ever. He was nervous too, but he seemed certain, like he had thought it over so many times before to not mess it up.

"Told you I loved you and you threw up right afterward, so to be honest, I was a bit offended," he joked to lighten up the mood, but she was too shocked to laugh along with him.

"Anyway..." He awkwardly cleared his throat and furrowed his eyebrows again. "I know...I should've said these words when you wanted to hear them the most. It's late now, a year late, or maybe more. But I love you, only you. And I'm never leaving you again, I promise."

Y/N drew a sharp breath, and withdrew her hand when Harry had finished. Her expression dulled for a moment until she heard him whisper, "please say something."

"What do you expect me to say?" She spoke at last. But instead of being offended by that disappointing response, Harry cracked a gentle smile.

"Anything," he told her.

Y/N swallowed, finally releasing the hem of his shirt she was wearing, but unsure where else to put her hands, so she tucked them under her arms, almost hugging herself. She could feel her heart beating in her ears. A second ago she was overjoyed, and now she was filled with anxiety.

"I...uhm...I need time to think..." She admitted, glancing back up to catch his eyes. "Can I...have time to think?"

"Take all the time you want, just don't disappear on me again." He frowned, cupping her face. His touch was soft yet it made her entire body tense. Eventually, she stopped fighting herself, and relaxed with the comfort of his presence, by nodding her head. He caressed her cheeks, running his thumb down to her lips which were slightly parted, as if expecting something.

"I'm not telling you I love you to hear you say it back," he whispered. "I just want you to know that I'll do anything for a second chance. You can think about it, and tell me when you've made up your mind. Is that alright?"

It was definitely alright. But the problem was, Y/N had so many questions right now. She knew Harry would never hurt her on purpose. So if he wasn't sure about his feelings for her, he wouldn't have said he loved her, repeatedly. But what about Ruby? Why was she here the other day? Also, how and when had he realized he loved her? There were so many questions that she wanted to ask, yet she was panicking and her mind was a mess. She needed to be alone so she could think this through.

"I don't think I can stay for breakfast...I'm late for work," she said but didn't move, because she loved the way he was stroking her hair.

Smiling, Harry gave her a nod. "Okay. Want me to drive you?"

"No, thanks."

She took a step backward to free herself from him and picked up her clothes to head out.

"Bambi!" He stopped her before she reached the front door, trying to contain his laughter when he saw how clueless she was. "At least put your clothes on, kid."

Her face reddened as she wrapped both arms around herself to hide her nipples from showing through the thin fabric, as if he hadn't seen her naked already. She could imagine the smirk on his face as she walked past him to go change. And fuck, she just wanted to disappear.

"That's the kitchen."

Goddamn it!

"I know that!" She shouted back, steering ninety degrees to the left, before she humiliated herself by walking straight into his kitchen. She had officially lost her mind, and it was only eight in the morning.

Soon she was on the bus to work, but he was still everywhere, on her body, in her head, in her heart. Her clothes smelled exactly like him, which was only making harder for her to resist thinking about him again. She might actually fall sick with her stomach contracting and her heart beating this intensely.

Leaning back, Y/N stared out of the window on the side, watching the buildings rushing backward, to keep her mind from analyzing everything he'd said before. That was what she'd promised him though, that she would think about it, and give him an answer. But the problem was, she didn't know where to begin. 

The sound of her ringtone caught her attention. Quickly, she pulled out her phone and saw her father calling, as expected.

"Hey, dad," she spoke right when he first said hello. "I'm sorry for not showing up yesterday, I—"

"It's okay, darling. Harry told me you were too sick to get out of bed. Are you feeling better now?"

"Y-Yeah...I'm feeling much better." She scoffed, silently thanking Harry for not exposing her crazy ass to Bradford. But she didn't know what he had said specifically to elaborate the lie, so she thought changing the subject might be a better idea. "Are you still in London? How's aunt Lynn?"

Bradford had been in the city for a day to visit her mother's sister, who had recently bought a new flat here. They were supposed to go together, but Y/N was in a bad mood and forgot. She didn't feel bad about it though, she'd never liked Lynn anyway.

"No, I'm already home. Your aunt was nice, but...her cooking gave me a stomachache."

Y/N chuckled slightly, shaking her head. "Well, now you get why I'd rather let Harry babysit me than her."

"Speaking of Harry," Bradford began, making his daughter instantly regret mentioning that name. "Lynn thought you two were dating because she saw him at my wedding. Did you know he was there?"

Y/N was still as a statue for a whole second. "N-No," she faltered, her eyebrows knitted together as she subconsciously pinched her own arm. "Did she mistake him for someone else?"

"No, she even talked to him. She told him you were with Isaac, so he came to the backyard to find you."

Her mouth opened and shut like a goldfish but no sound escaped. She stared blankly ahead despite her father asking if she was still listening. Only when the driver blew the horn did she snap out of it, and rose from her seat as the bus pulled in.

"I gotta go now. Call you later?"

"Sure, darling. Love you!"

"Love you, too."

As always, Y/N got off last, hurrying just wasn't her thing. She inhaled the fresh morning air, and blended into the crowd flowing down the wide avenue. Normally she would pay attention to her surroundings, so she wouldn't bump into those angry businessmen who were running late. But right now, her eyes were glued to her phone and her mind was going as fast as her feet.

As soon as she reached the first intersection and the crossing signal went off, she stopped, and sent the message she'd typed down to Harry.

[sunlightdances]

Blooming in the Shadows (1/6)

Pairing: Dean x Female Reader Rating: Overall PG-13 because of canon-typical violence. Also swearing. Words: 2,573 (this part) Warnings: Angst! Dean and the Reader swearing like sailors! Mutual pining with a dash of bed sharing and a slow burn romance added in for extra fluffy goodness. Summary: You and Dean Winchester are barely friends. His sudden reappearance from Hell brings you together, and you find yourself right back in the life you ran away from when you were a teenager. (Canon AU that takes place during season 4, specifically starting at 4.01 - for reference, Dean is 29) Disclaimer: I don’t own Supernatural or Dean Winchester. I also don’t own “Love is a Wild Thing” by Kacey Musgraves, which I used lyrics from for the title. I do own original elements of the plot. Please don’t repost my work on any other sites (ao3 and wattpad included!) - reblogs are welcomed, as are replies and likes! 

Links in posts are acting dumb, but you can find the master list for this fic on my blog, as well as my full master list :)

The gravel crunches under your boots as you walk slowly across the parking lot, your gun at the ready, your heart hammering in your ears. You feel half-deaf - the high pitched noise from a few minutes earlier enough to knock out the windows in this gas station, and the hearing from your ears.

It makes you jumpy - worried that something is going to have an advantage over you because your senses are muted.

Your car had all but died driving down this lonely stretch of highway, your hunter senses instantly on alert when the radio fizzled and faded out, your engine following suit soon after. Your car windows were the next things to bite it - the sound so piercing it shattered every window. You’ll have time to be embarrassed about the pained scream you had let out later.

“What the hell…” you whisper, looking at the doorway and the blown out windows, seeing salt lines spread across.

“Hands up.” A deep voice from behind you startles you, and you curse as you flinch. “Where I can see both of them.”

You turn slowly, and your hand drops when you realize who you’re looking at. “Jesus Christ--” you curse, gun flying back up at the ready.

His eyes widen as he recognizes you, and your own eyes harden, because no matter what your eyes are telling you, your heart knows this is not Dean Winchester.

Dean Winchester is in hell.

“Kid, you have no idea how good it is to see you.”

Another strike. The Dean you know would never be happy to see you, no matter the circumstances. “Don’t move,” you hiss, taking a step towards it. “Don’t fucking move or I swear, I’ll--”

“It’s me.”

Strike three.

“Bullshit. Give me one reason I shouldn’t take a shot right now.” You will your hands not to shake. You need to have the upper hand here.

“Do the checks.” His voice is sharp. You flinch again, cursing under your breath softly. “Do it.”

Still aiming your gun with one hand, you take a step closer, pulling a knife from your back pocket. He’s in short sleeves, so it’s not difficult to slowly move down, eyes on his, nicking him with the silver knife.

If he hears your audible sigh of relief, he doesn’t say anything.

“Wait,” you say before he can move, “One more.” The knife goes back in your pocket. You did your flask out of your other pocket. A quick flick of your wrist and his face is doused in holy water. His eyes scrunch in discomfort, but otherwise there’s no sizzling of flesh, no screams of fury.

It’s him. It’s Dean.

You both stare at each other, not sure what to do. You’ve never been huggers, so you say the only thing you can think of.

“Dean, what the hell?”

~~~~

Hours later, your hearing is almost back to normal as you sit with Dean in the grimy restroom of the gas station, watching as he washes his face and takes some antiseptic to the cuts littering his forearms and face. He winces, meeting your eyes in the mirror. You look away quickly.

“So…” He starts, clearing his throat. “Come here often?”

You meet his gaze with a blank look. “I was driving. Car stopped. Then the noise, and… you know the rest, I guess.” You stand, starting to pace. “How are you here? How is this possible? Sam--”

“Sam said I was in hell.”

You shrug. “Well, yeah.”

“Didn’t know you two still talked.”

You roll your eyes. “Are we really going to do this right now? One of you was going to hell - he thought I should know about it.”

He doesn’t say anything, and you’re about to tell him how typical it is that he’s ignoring you even though you’re literally the only one who can get him out of here right now-- you see that he’s staring at his shoulder.

There’s a fucking handprint burned into his arm.

“What the--”

“Fuck.” Dean finishes, and you think it’s the only time the two of you have ever been on the same page in your entire lives.

“Don’t panic,” you say, more to yourself than him, but he takes offense anyway.

“I’m not panicking. You don’t panic.”

“I wasn’t--” You stop yourself with a sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Never mind. We have to get out of here. Whatever that was… I don’t really feel like sticking around to find out how pissed it’s going to be when it comes back.”

Begrudgingly, he agrees. You gather up your bag and sling it over your shoulder, Dean following you out of the building, the sunlight reflecting off the broken glass making you shield your eyes.

Your car is only about fifty feet away. Dean stops halfway there. “Your car?”

You groan. “Really, Dean? How else are we supposed to get out of here?”

He glares. “I meant -- you said your engine died. Am I going to have to work on this car?” The again goes without saying, images of a teenage Dean grumbling as he changes the oil in your car flashing through your head.

You shrug. “I guess so, I don’t know. I didn’t do this on purpose, you know.”

He doesn’t say anything, but he’s not arguing either, so you take it as a win. He opens the hood and you watch as he goes to work with the few tools you had in the trunk, grumbling to himself the entire time.

You can’t help but be on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop - either for whatever blew out the windows in town to show up again, or for Dean to decide he’s had enough and leave you here.

“Get inside and turn the key, kid,” Dean says, and for once you don’t argue. You get in the driver’s seat and start the engine, laughing triumphantly when it starts right up. Dean peers around the hood, an answering grin on his face. He shuts the hood and slides into the passenger seat, tossing both of your bags over his shoulder and into the back seat.

“Careful, the glass--”

“Just drive,” Dean says, “You remember the way to Bobby’s?”

You glare at him, the car still in park. “Are you fucking serious?”

“Just wondered if you remembered where it was, seeing as how you turned tail and never came back as soon as you were old enough--”

“You can walk there, if you’d like.” Your voice is cold. You hate him. You hate that he has the ability to make you feel like you’re the absolute scum of the earth. As if you don’t feel enough guilt about the way you left things all those years ago.

“I’m--” He stops himself, closing his eyes briefly. He lets out a deep exhale. “Sorry. I’m just--”

“I know.” You keep your voice quiet. “Let’s just-- we’ll get to Bobby’s and he’ll know what to do.” Almost to yourself, you repeat it. “He’ll know what to do.”

Your foot hits the gas, and you start to drive.

.

.

.

Bobby reacts much in the same way you had, splashing holy water in both of your faces before he grabs Dean into a bone crushing hug. You stand there, arms wrapped around your stomach, trying to remind yourself that there’s clearly something bigger going on here, so you don’t have time to feel like an outsider.

“Don’t just stand there,” Bobby says, gruff, grabbing your elbow and tugging you in, so you’re awkwardly pinned underneath Bobby’s arm and pressed up against Dean’s side, the weirdest group hug in the history of mankind.

“Okay, okay,” Dean says, “I hate to break up this happy family moment, but we have to figure out what the hell is going on. How long have I been gone? Where’s Sam?”

You could hear a pin drop.

“It’s been four months,” You say quietly.

“That’s it?” Dean looks back and forth between you and Bobby. “That doesn’t answer my other question.”

“I haven’t seen or heard from Sam since we buried you.” Bobby says, and you freeze. Yikes, that’s not what you were expecting.

“Since you buried me? What the hell?” Dean asks through grit teeth.

“Sam was dead set against a hunter’s funeral. I couldn’t-- it wasn’t my decision to make. Lucky for you,” He adds, glaring at Dean, who rolls his eyes.

“No one’s heard from Sam in months?” He looks back at you.

You shrug. “He called me when-- when you died. That’s the last I heard from him.”

“He doesn’t want to be found, Dean.” Bobby says.

Dean runs a hand through his hair. “I-- I need some air. We need to find him.” Dean says, voice tight, before he pushes through the screen door and out into the yard.

You watch him go, wary, before looking back over at Bobby, who’s already looking at you. “What?”

“Did you get him out?” Bobby asks, almost a growl.

“Excuse me?”

“You brought him here. He was supposed to be in hell.” Bobby takes a step closer. “Did you make a deal?”

The air is practically sucked out of your lungs. Jesus, no wonder Bobby is so pissed all of a sudden. “No! God, Bobby.” You cross your arms tight over your chest. “I found him. It was coincidence, the whole thing. I don’t know any more than you do about how he got out.”

“I’m just saying, I know how you feel--”

You hold your hand up, “Stop right there. I don’t feel anything.” You’re so angry you can barely see straight. It’s not like you’re not relieved Dean isn’t being tortured in hell. No matter how much you two can’t stand each other, you’d never wish that on him. But you absolutely do not have feelings for him.

Maybe you did once, when you were young and stupid and didn’t know how the world worked. Before you realized what a fucking cliche it was - a young, starry-eyed hunter and the over-protective, broody type. God. What a riot. Sure, you thought he was attractive. You knew deep down he was a good person. It was easy for you to develop a crush on him when you were sixteen and constantly in close quarters with him.

But then he developed a mean streak, and you received the message loud and clear. You hit the road as soon as you felt confident enough to hunt on your own, and didn’t look back.

10 years earlier…

You’re struggling to keep your voice down as you stand almost toe to toe with Bobby in the kitchen, very aware of the Winchesters asleep in one of the bedrooms upstairs.

“I’m not asking for your permission,” you tell him.

“Good, because I’m not giving it.” He fires back.

You resist the urge to stomp your foot. Certainly wouldn’t help your case. “Bobby, I-- I am so grateful to you. You have no idea. But I have to do this. I can’t stay here anymore. I’m just in the way.”

“You’re not in the way. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“What’s going on?” A deep voice interrupts, and you turn to look at Dean standing at the bottom of the stairs.

He looks between you and Bobby, and then his gaze finally settles on the bag at your feet.

“Going somewhere?”

“I’m not doing this. I’ll call when I get to a motel,” you say, leaning in to give Bobby a hug before he can say anything else.

Dean says your name, but you ignore him. You shoulder your way out the front door, trying like hell to keep your tears at bay, because despite what Bobby thinks, this actually isn’t the easiest thing you’ve ever had to do.

“Hey!”

You stop, shoulders slumping as you hear his voice. Jesus, you really don’t want to argue with him. Not now.

“What the hell is going on?” His eyes are a little wild. You chalk it up to it being the middle of the night. “Where are you going?”

“I’m leaving.” You take the few remaining steps towards your car, wrenching open the driver’s side back door to toss your bag onto the seat.

“What are you talking about?”

“God!” You whirl around, “Why is this so hard for everyone to understand! I’m leaving. I’m going to hunt on my own, or find some friends, or whatever. I’m going.”

Dean actually looks a little speechless, which would be a first for him. “Why?”

You can’t help it, you laugh. You laugh so hard you know he’s probably thinking you’re possessed. “Isn’t this what you wanted, Dean? Now it’ll be just the three of you, the way it was before I came along and ruined everything.”

He looks like you’ve slapped him across the face. “I never--”

“Yes, you did. Look, I don’t know what I ever did to make you hate me so much, after all, it wasn’t my fault that demon killed my parents and I had nowhere else to go. But you do, and I can’t-- living here with all of you and constantly feeling like I don’t belong here is… it’s suffocating. I can’t stand it anymore. So I’m going.”

Dean shifts his weight, his hands going to his hips. “What about Bobby? Sam? You’re just going to turn your back on them.”

You try not to flinch at the way he pointedly leaves himself out of the list of people you care about.

“I’m not turning my back on anyone. I don’t belong here. I never have.” You can’t help but add, “You’ve made that perfectly clear.”

His mouth opens and closes again, like he wants to say something but doesn’t know how. You hate yourself for the tiny flare of hope that springs up inside you.

“If you go now, you don’t get to come back.”

And… that’s it. The last piece of your already fragile heart breaks. You’re surprised it isn’t an audible sound. A tear slips down your cheek, but you’re too exhausted to wipe it away.

“I have to go,” Is all you can say, softly, and you watch as he takes a half step towards you before stopping, clenching his fists at his sides. He turns on his heel and heads inside without so much as a backwards glance, and only when you’re in the car, pulling out onto the main road, do you let the rest of your tears fall.

Now

Bobby checks you over for a concussion even though you insist you’re fine, and you convince him to go check on Dean, too.

You take the precious few minutes you’re alone to reacquaint yourself with the old house, running your fingers reverently over the spines of the books on the shelves, and smiling at the pictures of the Winchesters and Bobby.

You have to remember that whatever is going on here is bigger than you. It’s bigger than whatever bad blood there is between you and Dean. You decide you’re going to take the high road and help them with whatever this is, but leave as soon as they’ve got it handled. You won’t be a burden to them. Not anymore.

When they come back in, Dean’s sleeve is rolled up again, the edges of that burn mark peeking out underneath black cotton. You try not to stare at it.

“I got a hit on the GPS on Sam’s phone.”

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New chapters posted every Friday!

[lcydragneel]

First Love Pt. 2

NaLu AU Fanfic

Rated: T

Summary: Lucy’s best and worst memories all came from the same person. He was the one person who could make her smile the greatest, but also the person who made her cry the hardest. She does what she can to get over him, but how does fate repay her? By throwing him right back into her life of course.

(Fanfiction.net Version) (Wattpad Version)

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  Chapter 2: His Pink Hair

  Her high school years one of the best of Lucy’s entire life, and she cherished each day greatly.

  The blonde grew up without a mother and a harsh father who didn’t care about anything except his work. Meaning that she had grown up with a hard lifestyle that hadn’t included many good years to begin with. That was until she ran away from home, and put herself into a public school while working to pay the rent of a new apartment, at only fifteen years old.

  She had begun at Fairy Tail Academy for her first year of schooling, and that’s where she established her friend group. That group consisted mainly of Natsu Dragneel, Erza Scarlet, the gorgeous red haired girl who could scare any boy half to death with a glare, and Gray Fullbuster, Natsu’s childhood friend and semi rival he always fought with.

  Those three were her happiness, her first actual friends. Of course there were others she met after, such as Levy McGarden, a fellow bookworm who later became Lucy’s closest friend;Gajeel Redfox and Juvia Lockser who joined the school a little bit after Lucy. The boy, Gajeel, was known for his many piercings which he got away with despite being against dress code, and Juvia was known for her obsession over Gray. To say she had a crush on the poor guy was simply a major understatement.

  Mirajane Strauss, her sister Lisanna, Cana Alberona, and many more were also many other names to add to the list. Nonetheless Lucy had found something most didn’t find in school, a family.

  Her close knit of friends were all she needed to help her through life, and they loved her way more than her own father had when she still lived in her old house.

  The year she joined, the blonde girl and the pink haired boy had clicked after relentless obvious flirting for what seemed forever. All their friends could see the evident attraction between the two except for Natsu and Lucy themselves.

  Eventually the two had discovered their feelings for one another were mutual when they’d fallen into a kiss and began dating immediately. Natsu wasn’t one to formally ask a girl to date him, and she knew it very well. It was just understood that they were dating, and no one even bothered to question it.

  How they acted during their time together was absolutely adorable to everyone. It was the perfect relationship that people dreamed of having.

  Not that he would ever admit it to his friends, because Natsu had a masculine reputation he slightly tried to uphold. Although, he was just known for being a hot headed pyromaniac, so having a romantic sweet side known wouldn’t do much damage anyways. If anything it would make him seem all the much sweeter.

  Their relationship was one practically everyone envied. Lucy could need assistance with the most simplest task, and everyone knew she just had to call his name and he was there. That is if the two were ever apart in the first place. That alone was rare since the two were practically attached at the hip.

  They had a balanced relationship. When one was dancing, laughing, and fighting with his friends she would laugh and stand to the side half amused by his antics. She was the calm when he was the chaos. Of course every time he’d get himself in trouble or bruised up badly in a battle she would always let out a few complains about his actions before patching his wounds up.

  How he acted with her was different. She was a mostly tranquil writer who spent her days consumed in books, with a soft side for fashion. She had a lot of pride in her appearance, but she wasn’t ever overconfident which always cause some embarrassing moments with wardrobe mishaps. Her bubbly personality allowed the young man to be able to joke and tease her for every one of her quirks he’d claim was weird.

   “Lucy, I love you so much.” Natsu had cooed, walking down the sidewalk with his girlfriend hand in hand, walking for their Sophomore class.

 “I love you too, Natsu,” Lucy giggled happily, “Now c’mon or we’re going to be late for class.” The couple squeezed each other’s hand, continuing down their route to school.

  Even though the hallways were packed with students of their large high school, it didn’t matter to the two of them. They could be in the midst of a battle and not notice anything going on besides each other. In the moment Natsu and Lucy were together, hand in hand, gazing into each other’s eyes;they were in their own utopian paradise of love.

  As the two arrived at the main doors of the school, they hesitantly let go of each other's hands to face each other. “Bye Lucy, I’ll see after first period. I’ll walk you to your next class afterwards, love you.” He told the slightly shorter girl with a wide grin. He had acted as if the two were having a final farewell, the class period only lasted forty-five minutes.

  “Thank you Natsu,” the blonde girl replied before getting on her tiptoes to peck his lips, “try not to set the chemistry lab aflame again please.” She let out a light giggle with furred eyebrows, obviously aware that he would still end up catching something on fire despite her plea.

  “I’ll try, see you.” He replied, giving her a light hug before separating to walk in the opposite to his class period.

  Even then it hurt for the couple to be apart, because they were practically inseparable. They were the lovey dovey gooey couple with the cliche relationship you would see in movies, but they didn’t care. No matter what anyone said, it was always Natsu and Lucy against the world.

  “Lucy are you okay, what’s the matter?” A voice called, snapping her out of her thoughts.

  “What?” The blonde responded, dazed after her mind had gotten lost deep in thought remembering past memories. She took a listless glance around her to take in her surroundings, noticing she was standing in a walkway of a rowdy football stadium pregame. How could she have blanked out in such a busy boisterous place?

  After seeing the hair color of the man she had past, her mind must have created a flashback that just about pulled her out of reality.

  “I asked, if you were okay. When I came back, you were just standing here looking confused.” Levy said with a concerned look on her face. Lucy was usually such a lively girl to be around, so seeing her with a bewildered expression was rare.

  “Oh yeah, sorry. I just thought I saw someone.” Lucy mumbled in reply, with a shake of her head, not wanting to explain her vivid thoughts.

  “Who did you see?” Her blue haired friend inquired, curious who the girl had seen. Levy wasn’t even sure a person existed that would have such a stunned look overtake the girl’s face.

 “I can tell you later, it’s not important. Sorry…” She waved her off, turning back to the stairs. Her best friend didn’t want to pry, because she knew if something was truly bothering Lucy she wouldn’t hide it. They both trusted each other with their lives, much less secrets as well.

 Not too long after they picked a spot and sat down did the game begin drawing their attention to the football field. Lucy’s eyes zeroed in on the players and her gaze never strayed from other team, determined to find her target. The boy who had bumped into her was wearing the other team’s colors, so she tried to see if it actually was him or if it was just her wild imagination. She hoped that she was wrong, but she couldn’t know for sure from that distance. Nonetheless she wouldn’t stop until she found out, one way or another.

 Not until after the game ended did she get a clue. Magnolia State had won with 20 more points than the other team and Levy, of course, was ecstatic for them. Her voice cheering louder than anyone in the vicinity and Lucy cringed more than once when she’d inadvertently got an earful of Levy’s boisterous yelling.

 When they announced the winners the visiting team took off their helmets as well, disappointed with the results. Lucy immediately noticed him again, and only when he turned around, did she realize with increasing uneasiness, that it was indeed him.

 “Lucy, you have that dazed look again. What’s wrong?” The bluenette asked with much concern. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

 “Natsu is on the opposite team, right there.” She said pointing weakly across the way, voice cracking upon saying his name. She hadn’t said his name in years, not even the thought of his name had entered her mind. So much nostalgia was in that name, so much pain and heartbreak that she’d dared not let those syllables even cross her mind.

 “What? That can’t be him… Oh, wait. Oh my gosh, it is Natsu!” Levy gasped, her hand covering her mouth in astonishment as she turned to face Lucy.

  The blonde had a blank expression plastered across her face, even though so many feelings were turning in her heart and yet she knew this was only the beginning of what would be a painful experience.

[ritamcgee]

What To Say To An Ex You Want Back Sublime Tricks

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I Want My Ex Wife Back Wattpad