#i felt so useful at that job and so optimistic abt that relationship and then i just felt so discarded

[bogusfilth]

i was gonna make a post abt how being a student again has made me eat really unhealthily again and then i remembered how when i was working in the summer i was living off guru & sandwiches from the dep. so maybe i just never really recovered from the six month depressive episode i had after i got fired and then broken up with in the winter of last year.

[elkrisen]

the high priestess, the hermit, strength, justice, & the star! sorry if its a lot at once but i feel like this ask game was made for u and am genuinely curious abt the answers

the high priestess: do you trust your intuition?

I feel like I don’t have a simple answer for this. I was told at a very young age by my mother that my intuition was a special gift - one that would grant me insight and grief in equal measure. My mom is the most intuitive person I know, my whole life I’ve heard her listen to the “still small voice” within her to guide her actions and ultimately, when she ignored it, create consequences. I say this because seeing someone else follow their intuition makes it seem natural and correct to do so and I think that’s an important part of my relationship with mine.  I think that I follow my intuition very instinctively its rare for me to chose a direction based on logic/practicality I’m always seeking for the little tug within me to tell me where to go, who to connect with, what path to follow. I also use it in my divination practice and especially within my connections with other people. I don’t think a lot of things through, if I know something about a person or a situation it just comes out of me without conversing with my intellect just straight from spirit to speech. That all being said, I am full of self doubt. I second guess my intuition all the time, I always think my cards/pendulums are lying to me, I don’t believe anything until it’s already happened because i am terrified of being wrong and suffering because of it. I think that even though I lean into it, ultimately I do not trust it which is something I’ve felt very called to work on.  

the hermit: how do you get in touch with your emotions?

I struggle a lot with both expressing and accepting my emotions. If I dislike a feeling I’ll cut it off or shame myself for experiencing it. It’s a defense mechanism because I feel like my emotions exist outside of my control and the idea of expressing something that I haven’t figured out the moral implications of before it’s out of me is terrifying. I used to bypass this by expressing my emotions through my writing/art when I was younger by writing stories about my experiences or creating personal comics where I could draw a 2D version of myself experiencing and expressing the emotions I struggled to let out. In the present, I usually journal out my emotions or talk about them out loud with myself. I’ve been working a lot on just letting my emotions come out, whether I find them useful or appropriate for the situation and while it’s been difficult it’s nice to just exist within feelings that used to make me feel so uncomfortable. 

strength: in what ways are you strongest?

I think I’m very emotionally strong. I’ve been put in a lot of positions where the lives/saftey of other people were in my hands I think I’m able to bite back my fear and use my abilities to calm down or reach the person causing the conflict as well as the ones affected by it. I connect a lot with the image on the “strength” card, the woman with her hand in the lions mouth. I have a lot of empathy for others, and in that I am able to make people feel safe and understood in a way that leaves people feeling empowered instead of dominated. I’m resourceful, I am physically and and emotionally impossible to kill, and there’s a part of me that refuses to give into despair that keeps me pushing forward to the horizon line. I was recently told by a deity that they considered me “a strong warrior” which is something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately because I struggle a lot with feeling weak and limited by that weakness so it was affirming and eye opening to be told that by a war deity. I think that I desire authenticity to such a fierce degree that I refuse to be limited or reduced to someone that I’m not, even if I don’t have the words or the vehicle to express that person yet. I think that even though I struggle with honesty and true expression, the fact that I so desperately seek it even when it’s difficult or I don’t measure up to my expectations is something I admire about myself. 

justice: do you believe in karma, or that hard work manifests as success?

I absolutely believe in karma. I was told something by a person I briefly connected with that “we are all meant to teach each other lessons. it is not your job to know what lesson you are teaching.” she told me this after I expressed that I desired revenge for everyone who had hurt me and didn’t trust the universe to exact it in the way I knew they deserved. it calmed the fire in me a little, thinking about how maybe it isn’t about justice from my hands and that I should be focusing more on what I’m learning from other people then what terrible things I could inflict on others in the guise of a “lesson”. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen justice handled in that way my violent inclinations would like but I’ve let go of a lot of my attachment of being it’s master. I think that hard work manifests success/karma are more connected than they are opposing belief. It’s impossible to manifest without pushing your energy into the world - you cannot create “good karma” without action, and you cannot have action without hard work. It all weaves into the other, movement is the most important thing ultimately I think. 

the star: are you an optimist? why or why not?

I think that I would consider myself an optimist. I think part of my spiritual journey has been trusting that the universe not only knows me, but has plans for me and whenever I let go of my white knuckled grip I always get what I ask for. I was laying in my bed today right after packing my last box and I realized that life wasn’t about seeking superficial success or admiration from others but to trust your own understanding of yourself and following its direction. I do not fear the future but I worry about the way it’ll unfold. I struggle with asking the same question a thousand times because I don’t believe the answer. I do ultimately, believe I will be happy, that it will end well, that life is meant to be enjoyed. I haven’t been proven wrong since believing that so I will continue that belief.  

[spacenintendogs]

i think abt the potential for wolf and katt and i'm just... GOD.

so i hc they actually were together and dated abt a year after the lylat wars after they kind of run into each other at whatever little place like a restuarant/bar on corneria and katt is fully aware of who wolf is and makes it known to him and he's like "ok everyone knows who i am?" and she then asks if he knows who she is. he says "i think we fought each other at one point during the lylat wars?" bc he genuinely doesn't know. why would he? he's probably only heard her voice through the communications channel and stuff. and she's like "okay sick just so you know i'm falco's friend" and he's like "ew."

but they keep talking and when katt doesn't disclose the type of work she does wolf can't help but laugh bc they're in the same boat in that regard. he says it's bc he did worse and she says she doubts it. katt explains that it's bc ppl know who he is like he said before, and that she's just smart enough to keep off the radar enough so she isn't in trouble. and he's like ok yeah.

and they kind of??? hit it off. they talk abt clothes (they have similar fashion sense), the ships they use (wolfen vs catspaw) and wolf is very cynical, i like to hc katt is more of an optimist. and she ends up asking him "what's stopping you from living?" and that's when he feels smth in his heart that's like oh

they end up seeing each other more and talking more to the point it's over calls and texting and she visits him and he visits her (star wolf usually in tow bc it'll be on the way to a job or smth). and finally katt asks wolf out and wolf is like YEAH. OKAY. AWESOME DUDE. I'D LOVE TO. bc i.... yeah i hc he never rlly had time for dating or to even think abt it and he's super awkward abt it bc genuine emotions.... emotional constipation... yeah

they're together for abt 3 years and it's good. they have arguments but it never devolved into anything damaging or a dealbreaker and stuff like that. she's wolf's first actual romantic partner. he rlly starts looking into himself and realizes he wants to tell her how he's feeling, how much he appreciates her, he wants her to know how he feels abt her and it's bc he wants to be better. he ends up wanting to be better for himself bc he knows it'll benefit... himself obviously but also everyone around him including her.

katt has dated before him, but she feels like he was her first like... she felt it would last. she'd been hung up on falco for so long and then here comes wolf who's alike to falco but the similarities stop. she worries at first if she does only like wolf for his similarities but then she starts thinking. wolf is actually with her and despite him having trouble, he's more upfront abt his feelings. he is trying, he doesn't brush her off. even as a friend, he doesn't act disgruntled by her presence. katt felt like wolf kept her steady, he kept her grounded in the reality they live in bc who he's known as effects everything for them. she gets caught up in the thrill of life so easily, she sometimes needs someone to just grab her hand and remind her she can't keep taking off the moment anything happens and jump head first into it a habit she and falco share

katt is wolf's first love. he says "i love you" first while they're on a date and he tried to explain how she makes him feel and he stops after bumbling abt and simply says "i love you." and katt says it back. they're both grinning like idiots the rest of the time.

their time dating is very much like, a genuine, sweet part of their lives they remember fondly, beyond fondly given their surrounding worlds they go to and live on. they do eventually break up, abt a year before the events of farewell beloved falco. katt starts her own team, with wolf's support but it becomes too much for them to handle and they know they can't exactly take any steps forward in their relationship. it's a mutual break up that they talk long and hard about and it's smth that they both kind of went "oh" abt. when wolf says good bye to katt as she leaves with her new team, that's when it's official. one more kiss, one more hug with them hesitating to let go, and it's done.

it's one of the only times star wolf can say they'd ever seen wolf cry openly. katt is sobbing by the time her ship takes off. it's a huge blow but they move on, they do what they need to do and they're glad that it even happened at all.

[hometownrockstar]

how abt sylvester for that ask game :]c?

my sylvster :) my first clown aside from the percie family... love him

Basics

full name: Sylvester Delgado

gender: NB trans man

sexuality: Bi

pronouns: He/They

Others

family: hes an only child but he has 2 parents who r actually supportive of him joining the clown troupe, which is new since basically everyone else ran away from their home to join it lol

job: actor-in-training (but they still act in the plays), theyre percie’s apprentice and they take their job very seriously

phobias: hes very easy to scare, he gets scared by those campfire scary stories the other clowns share sometimes at night, hes also scared of the dark

guilty pleasures: sylv would never feel guilty for anything he liked, he is a very confident person like that :] i guess he has the opposite of a guilty pleasure, he always hated those super long boring historical plays he’d used to have to perform in but he felt bad abt hating them bc everyone else would say theyre so important to the theatre culture or whatever

Morals

morality alignment?: neutral good i think (i am very bad at understanding the moral alignment things so excuse me if i interpret it wrong for these answers lol)

virtues: diligence!

This-Or-That

introvert / extrovert

organized / disorganized

close minded / open-minded

calm / anxious

disagreeable / agreeable

cautious / reckless

patient / impatient

outspoken / reserved

leader / follower

empathetic / unemphatic

optimistic / pessimistic

traditional / modern

hard-working / lazy

Relationships

pairings: genuinely didnt have any in mind for them before... maybe them n francy or leo would b cute :3

friends: percie is his friend and mentor! they have tea together often :) also i want him to be friends with evangeline but i have a feeling he’d get along better with maddie...