#i felt so bad for this one guy bc within the first 5 mins we had basically told him ‘this looks great no notes’ and then she made us nitpic

[blueskittlesart]

wait, the teacher makes every person's crit TAKE 20 minutes to finish? because I initially read it as you move on to the next person once it's been 20 minutes, but that's normal so that can't be what you're complaining about

homegirl set a timer on her phone for 20 minutes and made us talk about one singular piece for the entire 20 minutes. if we ran out of things to say and the timer was still going she would start calling on people and forcing them to nitpick until the timer ran out. literally traumatizing

[taecheeks]

Annual Writing Self Evaluation 2018

I wasn’t tagged in this but I wanted to do it so here we go

ALL FICS MUST HAVE POSTED ON AO3 IN 2018

1. Number of stories (including drabbles) posted to AO3: 10

2. Word count posted for the year: 774,856 lakdjflkjfladklf

3. List of works published this year (in order of posting): (my wips are in order of when I last updated, not when I first posted)

Through Time I Found You (I feel like I posted this 9837473 years ago, I can’t believe it’s been less than a year since i posted my last ziam fic)

Enticing

play with me

Greedy

Wandering

media naranja

Kinktober ‘18

Maybe

Home For Christmas

Nodus Tollens

4. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction/Zayn, BTS

5. Pairings: Liam Payne/Zayn Malik, Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung, Park Jimin/Min Yoongi, Park Jimin/Min Yoongi/Jung Hoseok, Kim Namjoon/Kim Seokjin, and Kinktober has multiple pairings.

6. Story with the most:

Kudos: Nodus Tollens and then media naranja (this one was the fastest to get kudos, so I’m adding it)

Bookmarks: the same ^^

Comments: Nodus Tollens and then Through Time I Found You

7. Work I’m most proud of (and why): Nodus Tollens because it’s a lot different than what I’m used to writing and it was very difficult plot wise and characterization wise, but I’m happy with the way it turned out. There’s things that need to be fixed because I kind of just wrote and let the plot develop itself, and I was sure people wouldn’t like the plot twists. I also love my characters, I’m so attached to them. It’s also my longest fic and I don’t feel as if it’s dragging on, so I’m happy about that.

Also, media naranja. I wrote this fic as a break from the angst in nodus tollens and I was attempting to write a crack fic, and just a stupid/dirty overall fic and I actually got really great feedback for it. It made me really happy write it and really happy to see it do well. 

I didn’t think Through Time I Found You was last year but since it was, I’m going to mention that one too. That was SO hard for me to write because of the dialogue and because it took place in the 18th century. But my writing really improved because of that fic (and my amazing beta for that fic). 

8. Work I’m least proud of (and why): None really. I post a lot of pwps that probably could be better, but there’s none I would say I’m not proud of. 

9. A favorite excerpt of your writing: ugh this is hard did you see the WC from this year kldjalkfjda. Here’s something from NT I was really excited to share:

“The new living room is a little off putting. Taehyung’s definition of homey means a little messy - his tattered couch a big eye sore in the middle of the room but after a few nights cuddling with Taehyung on it, he’s starting to fall in love with it.

Taehyung’s a little messy too, their relationship or whatever it can be called a little messy, but Jeongguk’s past the point of falling in love with it.”

And then here’s one from Wandering bc that fic is my baby and sope are platonic soulmate brothers and I need them to be happy and finish the story okay:

Admittedly, Yoongi has never understood the phrase “seeing red” when angered.

He understands now.

It is a volcano inside of him, moments away from erupting and destroying everything around him. The only thing keeping him from yelling at the group of people in the waiting room, who never fucking called him, and the doctors who waste his time, is Hoseok.

The shallow breathing doesn’t calm his anger, but it keeps the tremble in his limbs at bay. The flinch of Hoseok’s fingers against his own makes it difficult not to squeeze on tight in a hope of waking him up.

It is too difficult to look at him bandaged up, his face so swollen and bruised he is almost unrecognizable. So Yoongi rests his cheek on their clasped hands where he sits beside him and stares at the monitor instead. He’s thankful they took the breathing tube from him, it made it too difficult to look at him.

“Never thought I’d wake up next to that face.”

Yoongi rubs his sleep ridden eyes against the soft sheets. There is a slight quirk to Hoseok’s lips as he makes an attempt at squeezing Yoongi’s hand.

“Savor the moment, it won’t happen again,” Yoongi mumbles as he sits up. It is still difficult to look at him, but Hoseok doesn’t look his way either so he can divert his eyes for the time being. “Special circumstances.”

Hoseok attempts to laugh, but he ends up groaning instead. “Don’t make me laugh. I feel like a bucket of shit.”

“You look it,” says Yoongi, but the joke doesn’t feel genuine. He knows he should call the doctor, but there is a flicker of fear in his chest at the idea of leaving his side.

“What’s the damage?”

The doctors had told him the moment he stepped inside of the room, but Yoongi couldn’t focus on anything but the sight before him and the rage he felt at whoever did this.

“They broke your face. A um - in your stomach. Stitches, lots of stitches.”

A tightness takes over his throat and he swallows it down as he finally moves to the door to call the nurse. He can’t say it. Stabbed .

“I don’t remember much. It was dark. Nari, is she okay?”

Yoongi’s heart drops into his stomach as he sits by the bed again. “Your parents are out of state. But mine are here if you need them.”

This seems like a better thing to tell Hoseok, but it makes his chest ache.

Assholes, they always have been.

“I told them I was your brother so they would get off my ass.”

Hoseok snorts. “Idiots. You’re too ugly to be my brother.”

10. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

Ah, I received so many great reviews this year. I am quite lucky.  I think my favorite recently was the latest on Nodus Tollens, which says: “ WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK” x 3934 lmao

11. A time when writing was really, really hard: This year has been pretty good for writing. The last couple years, I’ve been struggling. But this year, not so much. There were times where the plot was a bit heavy and difficult and I couldn���t figure out how to get it to where I wanted, or I realized I messed up a timeline and I had to work around that, but overall, pretty good. 

12. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: Um Sope in Wandering. Like, it was supposed to focus on the romantic ships in that fic but it focuses on the platonic ones more. And sope a lot. I really, really enjoy their relationship in that fic.

Also, Bobby in Nodus Tollens. He’s a minor character in the fic, but I also get a lot of feedback about it. He’s a, bad guy but with a tortured past so you feel for him and realize he’s not really a bad guy. That trope, I’m protective of him and I’m sad when I write his scenes.

13. How did you grow as a writer this year: Specifically? Not sure. I got better at commas lmao. I’ve tested myself and wrote things I hadn’t before. I went from really dark to comical stories, I wrote different kinks. I wrote characters as bad when they aren’t in real life, which I normally don’t like doing. I’m not usually a big fan of writing characters OOC, but I’ve gotten more comfortable if it’s appropriate for the story I’m writing. I put a lot of my own self into stories, I wrote about something very traumatic that happened to me in one - something that I haven’t even talked about really. 

14. How do you hope to grow next year: I can be a bit repetitive within my writing, I am working on this and I hope I improve. (Like for example, in the fic I’m about to post in a few days, I wrote JK saying he’s suffering and dying like 343 times lmao.) I also really suck at outlining and planning out fics in advance, which hasn’t been a huge issue but it’s offered me some roadblocks that I need to focus on bettering.

15. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): Oh man, well I’ve read some really amazing fics and the writing was so beautiful that it offered me a lot of motivation. @strawberrysuga is always a huge support for me and my writing, even though ambra offers me like 9897 au ideas when I’m trying to focus on the 8979 ones I’ve already written. There’s a lot of people on twitter who come to me between updates and though I write for myself, seeing their feedback and their love and encouragement has been such a good influence on me. 

16. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: Oh yeah, every one of my fics has part of me in it whether it’s a character based on someone I know, or an event in my life. Wandering has a lot of it; the police scene, Taehyung hating cheese (me), it takes place in NE where I grew up. One of my fics has a scene based on me and my girlfriend. Umm so yeah a lot lol

17. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: So, this year was a good year for me and I was nervous because I was in a new fandom. As much as I’ve done well, I’ve never really gotten negative comments on my fics before until this year. And none of them were about my writing or my storyline, but unnecessary/rude comments. Like someone didn’t like how often a side ship showed up. Things like that. They bothered me, not necessarily because I took it personal, but because I can’t believe people can be so rude and think it’s okay to be that way lol. I think this will always continue to happen, I think it’s best to ignore these comments and try to focus on the good ones. Because the bad ones stand out, but there were very few compared to the good ones - but the bad always stands out more than the good. And it’s important not to focus on the bad. 

18. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I’m actually writing a fic right now I’m very excited to post. It was supposed to be a ‘I’ve never kissed anyone, please teach me’ type fic, but it’s not quite that anymore haha. There’s a lot of frog references because Jungkook’s an animal biology major who loves amphibians lakjldfkjda 

19. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read: since I stole this, you can steal this from me and say I tagged you mwah

[keiiro]

Explaining myself just for myself bc I felt like I needed to... o)--( No one will read this but I have no one to rant to abt this td;lr so.

From S1, I’ve said multiple times that I’m in Voltron mostly for Sheith, that VLD isn’t usually the type of show I like to watch. I simply have a preference for dark and complicated dramas/stories. I don’t like cartoons much, actually ^^;; I’m sorry, but a show really has to grab me with its writing or characters for me to be invested in it even a little without me having a ship there. (I uh, hyperfocus on romance. . v.;; I don’t ignore plot tho I swear.. I mean if it’s objectively well written (side-eyes naruto and 500 other series)) Like Steins;Gate. FMA. Skip Beat. Inception. etc. In my case, my criticisms about the show, i.e. the pacing, were always there since S1. I don’t think I like... betrayed LM or JDS by being hurt and having such a negative outlook on this. I think my comments were fair.

Before this.

I was in the Sherlock fandom, knee-deep in TJLC (The Johnlock Conspiracy, yes, humilating, I know, but the sad thing is the real S4 that was written was so bad that we thought it unthinkable that it would be... like that trashfire). I remember near the end of an episode of S4, before the other eps aired, I really liked this one popular blogger. Pearl something. She was really good at making me feel more relieved in the bigger plan. Even though already with episode 1, I was already incredibly disappointed in the writing of S4 and regretted every time I defended S3. The sister’s storyline. Was so. Bad. There were so many plot holes. I don’t even. Pearl--She sent the message to have faith. And as a result I crashed incredibly hard, 40x worse than Shiro’s retirement. Her account ended up hacked and she went MIA. I was there through Apple Tree Yard, being sent the message that apparently two middle aged het ppl hooking up within 15 minutes of meeting and having 5 mins of bad sex that she made sound like he rocked her world but it was just so goddamn sad--and apparently sexual assault--is more valid than a canonized mlm couple. Though really, even if they did, since S3 would still be an incredible disappointment. (the cases in the wedding ep were so, so dumb) Just because even though I knew there wouldn’t be a fourth episode, I was in so much shock I just. ...I was there for the probably-troll fansite for “the lost episode” with friggin Sherlock scripts hidden in the coding. The horror stories go on.

Before that, I was in the Naruto fandom, as a hardass SasuNaru fan. Everyone getting hetmarried at the end was a real shoot in the fucking face, this coming from someone who also likes NaruHina. I. My faith in authors. I just. Yeah, that kerplunked.

I decided to give the benefit of the doubt to Isayama Hajime (Attack on Titan). I used to defend him, pointing out and believing his Imperialistic comments were mistranslated or blown out of proportion. :) Then he said the Chinese and Koreans lives were bettered because of Japanese takeover. Which I ignored because I love Eruri. I don’t care for the writing of AOT/SNK, never really had. I tried to have faith in him. And then apparently he’s now using Jewish WW2 imagery in the series in a way that’s. ........ Basically, it’s been debated whether this is anti-semitic. Idk. I’m not touching that trashfire outside of Levi remembering Erwin frames anymore. So yeah, faith in yams was DIRT. Oh, and then Erwin died. Which hurt much, much worse than this with Shiro, and would’ve hurt more even had Shiro died.

I believed in Bryan Fuller, a lot. He still supports Hannigram fanzines and literally wears shirts of them making out. He told a beautiful, dark mlm romance and I. It didn’t stop him from calling their relationship a “bromance”. He gave no explanation and I was very. Every time it felt a little no-homo’d, I bit the inside of my cheek.

I was in the Supernatural fandom, and I loved Destiel terribly so and I’m not. even. going to start.

Death Note, Piano no Mori, Sam Esmail re: Mr. Robot, goddamn Yana Toboso, Magi, X-Men, many others.

I mainly stan a pairing in the D.Gray-man fandom, and I can’t. Over many years, the mangaka has said things/put things in in a certain way that I decided to overlook. Stereotypical transphobic “okama” inserts. The novel she approved where it was said a guy’s first kiss didn’t count because it was with a guy. Um. Frankly, I didn’t like the Alma arc...... at all. I found that it was mostly tell and not show w/ Kanda and past!Alma’s romance.... and I’m just like........ he was white in his past life his was completely different... and they were lovers in their past lives but their portrayal in their present lives are only as friends? Um. ok I’m rambling and there’s a lot of stuff too but. My point is, I don’t expect anything of her anymore. I don’t hate her, I just don’t respect her as much anymore. I don’t have faith in her anymore to write the absolute best, and she proves me right in recent chapters quite a bit. I’m still quite mixed-feelings there. (Also, I know a lot of people made fun of kls for being so emotionally dependent on kl, but. I’ve been stanning Yullen since 2006. Over ten years. It is literally my life. It’s the main reason if not the only that I’m still alive. The other is my merch. Once I tomb my merch, sayounara Earth.)

I don’t expect authors to be perfect but. I think it’s reasonable for me to not be able to have faith here. Most of the times I held onto faith, it was crushed. I already had faith in that they’d return everyone to their original lions, because honestly I wanted them at each other’s side while saving the world together, in a way that I found most beautiful. I mean, the only thing that could beat that tbh is Shiro getting his own mecha, which I find unlikely. Oriande arc was done already and the white lion accepted Allura and the comic version was just a Robeast, so I found it very unlikely that he would pilot white. 

I don’t really know if this is all so childish. It’s hard to care about a lot of things when you, well, deal with dark thoughts every day, and I’m such a bad adult that before worrying over worldy issues, I can’t. even help myself. I don’t eat most days. The entire past weeks I’ve felt like passing out. Vomited on monday from nausea. major depressive disorder. been to two psych wards, the first time for a month. chronic headaches, chronic back pain... being 24 without a degree because I still haven’t finished studying the language I even need to get into the school I want mmmmmm I’m pretty worthless, man. Shipping’s my best distraction. Yes, I know it’s not healthy. But it’s either that or me being dead so.

Anyway. I’m just trying to say that I think it’s fair for me to be bitter like this. I personally think I didn’t take it very far, but. I think it’s fair that I/we’re upset.

[fuck-customers]

so i just started working at a very busy coffee place. i'm technically still in training but we're so understaffed they have me running entire stations by myself (despite having like 1 day of training) so i'm kind of slow :/ i was working the warming station (where we heat up food) and this customer complains that i'm being too slow. everyone writes abbreviations for things on the bags but i haven't memorized what the abbreviations are or where each food item is kept (keep in mind this is my first job, first time working at this station, AND first time working unsupervised) and to be fair, i was slowing things down bc i had to keep asking my coworker who was at the register what abbreviations meant and where specific food items were kept. my shift manager was working the coffee bar, she was the only one making drinks. it was literally just me, the shift manager, and another barista at the register. (ideally there's supposed to be another two people working to refresh the coffee and clean up) there's a line of maybe 15 people, and another 5-10 who have already ordered. i'm already stressed having to run from the warming station to the bar to drop off food. so this customer gets to the register and goes "you guys are very slow today" the barista at the register goes "i know sir, i'm very sorry, we're understaffed right now." and the guy goes "well when can i expect to get my food at my drink?" and the barista goes "it might be a couple minutes sir, we have quite a queue right now." the customer goes "well can i speak to your manager?" and my shift manager, who was busy making drinks this entire time, has to STOP and say "that's me. we can talk if you like but it would require me to stop making drinks for now." the customer goes "oh so i talk to you?" cuz i guess he assumed he would get to talk to our store manager, who isn't even here today. the shift manager again says "yes sir, you would speak to me. but it would require me to stop making drinks and there's no one else who can make them." he points to me, and i'm still frantically trying to heat up people's sandwiches and stuff and get them in bags and hand them out, and he says "well can't she make the drinks?" this pisses my shift manager off and she goes "sir, she's still in training and isn't even supposed to be working the ovens unsupervised. she doesn't know how to make drinks yet." (which is true. the store has been so busy that no one has been able to teach me how to use the espresso machine bc it's always being used for customers) the customer starts to get REALLY huffy and he's like "well it's your job you know" and my shift manager says "sir, i'm aware and we're doing our best. you're welcome to order your coffee and your drink and wait, but i'm sure there's another coffee place within walking distance." the customer leaves, someone is able to clock in and take over the drinks, my shift manager is so upset, not only by the customer, but by the lack of staff (there's 4-5 people in the back, but they're all on their lunch break and it's in our policy that employees have to take a full 30 min lunch break, and they're not allowed to clock in until it's up. union rules i guess? it's legit tho, i just learned about it in the digital training) so she runs back there and starts ranting about how uncool it was for the store manager to line up the shifts like that. she's really angry that i have to work the warming station (but she assured me that it's not cuz i did a bad job, it's just that they needed me to do it at all) and i'm getting so frazzled listening to her that i'm starting to make more and more mistakes. i ended up shaking so badly i dropped some granola bars on the ground while reaching to grab a brownie out of the display case. the shift manager could tell i was beginning to break down and she started crying bc she felt bad for me, which made me start to cry too. luckily we were in the back room so none of the customers saw. she gave me a hug and let me leave 20 mins early. all my other coworkers gave me hugs too and let me know that i did a really good job. they were all super cool about it and i really appreciate them. they sent me home with some cookies too, and my shift manager said she's gonna talk to the store manager bc it was a really unfair situation that everyone got put in. even with all this i still really like this job, and while i'm embarassed i cried and i really hope it doesn't make the store manager think i'm not capable enough to handle that environment, i'm still excited to go back tomorrow and try again. this is my dream job bc i go to this coffee shop almost every morning, but maybe all my enthusiasm will get beat out of me in the next couple weeks. i hope not. everyone here is really nice.