#i felt a bit nostalgic so i thought i'd post these

[heliosphere-underthesky]

2023 vs 2014 (current sketches vs initial concepts)

Here are some moons with their original designs from 2014! I wanted them to have some essence of the original concept, but with plenty new twists.

Featured moons:

EARTH: Luna (The Moon)

MARS: Phobos and Deimos

URANUS: Miranda

PLUTO: Kerberos

[satinroses]

How Yan! Adepti react to feeling jealous (separate)

A/N: I FINALLY finished all the 10+ story quests I had lined up that I was procrastinating doing. It was gruelling. I've never pressed space bar so much in my life. By the end I couldn't feel my ass as I'd been sitting on it for too long BUT on the positive, doing Xianyun's story quest made me nostalgic for Liyue and got me motivated to write a little bit! I may do a harbinger one if I feel a bit silly, I'm not sure yet but please let me know if that's something you might be interested in! <3

(also i’d usually give this a little final read through but i am so exhausted so i just wanna get it posted so please forgive any silly mistakes or inconsistencies)

Word Count: 7.0k words

Includes Zhongli, Xiao, Xianyun, Ganyu

Warnings: Yandere Behaviours, if you are uncomfortable with dark themes please don't read! obsessive/possessive behaviours, younger Zhongli has serious issues - honestly all of them do, threats, violence, murder, manipulation, stalking, implied somno (depends how you read it) in Xiao's excerpt, some truly earth shattering delusions

Ganyu:

Renowned throughout Liyue Harbour for her mild manner and keen work ethic, the overworked secretary of Liyue Qixing was always a welcome sight around the harbour. It had taken Ganyu months to push past her bashfulness alongside countless encouragements from her colleagues and friends to confess her feelings to you.

It had only been once Captain Beidou had drunkenly declared that she would tell you herself if Ganyu didn’t muster up the courage that the Qilin had decided to tell you. Her cheeks flushed pink as she stuttered out her confession to you in the evening lantern light of Liyue Harbour.

Much to her delight you did not coldly reject the woman, instead you pressed a soft kiss to the corner of her lips before muttering that you felt the exact same way.

In her thousands of years of life Ganyu cannot recall a time she's known more peace than the time she has since shared with you. Your mere presence coaxes the insomniac into a gentle slumber. Every day she gets to spend by your side is a day in which the woman is glowing with giddiness, so much so that even the conqueror of demons had noted the positive change to Ganyu’s disposition.

Ganyu had always adored her position as secretary even if it had caused her immeasurable stress, she had always strove to serve Liyue in whatever way she could and never resented her position in spite of the responsibility it entailed however now that Ganyu had something to treasure, someone she wished to hold close she couldn’t help the annoyance that crept over her when she was asked to work overtime for the 5th time this week.

The Adeptus wanted nothing more desperately than to return to your shared home (she had insisted you move in with her as soon as possible and you simply couldn’t say no to her large violet eyes as they glimmered with unshed tears at the thought of you rejecting her offer) and monopolise you for the evening, ushering you into bed and holding you as tightly as the poor qilin could, whispering sweet nothings into your skin.

Ganyu prided herself on her maturity but even she couldn’t prevent glowering when she was denied yet another precious night in your company after Baiwen begged Ganyu to stay and help fill in some paperwork. 

She had dedicated herself to ensuring the smooth running of Liyue harbour yet even she could not fend off the envy that shadowed her as the thought of you running around the harbour without her. Every single person that was allowed to gaze upon your face while Ganyu was away from your side were rapidly earning spots on the Qilin’s list of enemies (a list she had only created 20 seconds prior)

Due to Ganyu’s soft and sensitive demeanour it’s easy to forget the sway she holds over Liyue. Several of the Qixing owing her favours after her years of servitude, she is in possession of countless embarrassing secrets she has gained access to due to her position. She holds the ears of the wealthiest people in teyvat as well as having fought ferociously in the archon war in bygone millenia.

Ganyu helped construct the very nation of Liyue into what it has become, moulding it with her very hands into the prosperous land it is. The people of Liyue have seemingly forgotten that Ganyu’s servitude is entirely her own choice. She does not serve the Qixing because she sees them as above her, she serves the Qixing because she wishes to, because she understands Liyue would collapse without her guiding hand.

Perhaps people will remember that when a man who makes a flirty remark to you will have a letter left on his doorstep detailing a solemn secret he long thought buried.

Perhaps people will remember that when the girl who blushed when your hands brushed as you both reached for the same bag of wheat is arrested for fraud despite her desperate claims to the contrary.

Perhaps people will remember that when the vendor who overcharged you goes bankrupt the following morning.

Perhaps people will remember that when the treasure hoarder who accosted you for your mora is found weeks later deep in a cave in Minlin, impaled with countless frosty arrows.

Rest assured, if people forget just how fierce Ganyu can be then she is more than happy to remind them.

Xianyun:

Xianyun often considers herself above such petty emotions as jealousy and possessiveness. 

She loudly declares herself one of the most measured of the Adepti, harbouring centuries of combat prowess and mechanical genius, raising two independent and fierce young woman on Mount Aocang, remaining a fierce and honourable servant to Morax and enduring the insults that flying rat that accompanied the traveler spewed at her, intentionally and not. Xianyun regarded herself as a dignified and patient woman.

After centuries of not being proven to the contrary, to the mighty Cloud Retainer there is no issue that cannot be overcome with the technical brilliance she has acquired or the thrumming power of the illuminated blood in her veins or so she had believed until recently.

Despite the mystery and majesty the Adepti commonly shrouded themselves in as they dwelled in their mountainous retreat, Xianyun had always been vigilant in ensuring that she honoured her vow to Rex Lapis and safeguard any of his subjects she comes across.

After doing her divinely ordained duty centuries ago and saving a young man from a rock fall she had since become accustomed to receiving offerings from the man's family and his descendants in the centuries since then. 

As an adepti offerings of thanks and acknowledgments of her mercy were not uncommon, especially to one so revered as cloud retainer. Even so she continued to be surprised that his descendants remained vigilant in offering their sincere gratitude towards her centuries after she saved the man.

If you asked Xianyun herself she would claim she holds none of the descendants in higher regard than the other however if you were in her presence when a certain individual climbs up the path to Mount Aocang you would be able to see in the way her breath hitches and she stops her sentence, her entire being frozen as she watches them set down the home cooked meal and offer a gentle prayer of thanks.

Even in her crane form her eyes never once stray from the visitor. She trails her vision over them, intaking every aspect of their appearance. how their hair falls over their face, how their breath comes out in warm puffs after the exertion of the climb, how they let a satisfied grin fall upon their face as they set the meal down.

Despite her tenacity and confidence Xianyun has still not formally introduced herself to her visitor, instead opting to watch from afar. She goes out of her way to personally ensure that your journey to Liyue harbour is safe and uneventful as she trails after you in her avian form, her eyes on the path ahead of you. She is more than ready to dart down and defeat any hillichurls or geovishaps or clear the rock slide blocking your path before you’re even aware the obstacle is there.

If anyone were to inquire about her vigilance in ensuring your safety she would puff her chest out and remind them of her contract with Rex Lapis and the duty she had to guard Liyue Harbour and all its inhabitants. 

Shenhe and Ganyu have long given up on inquiring about you after a flustered cloud retainer gave them the same monologue about her sworn duty to Morax for the 27th time.

Does she do this with every visitor to her domain? For thousands of years one has been a most faithful servant to Morax, to question one fulfilling their duty is to question ones-

As far as Xianyun is concerned she is simply doing her duty as an adeptus, there is no ulterior motive and she will ensure that she emphasises this to every person who inquires about her interest in you.

She even goes so far as to have Shenhe and Ganyu give her regular updates on your life when you haven’t been out Mount Aocang in a long time (read: over 24 hours)

Upon formally moving to Liyue Harbour, Cloud Retainer assumes the name of Xianyun and decides to use her mortal form to officially introduce herself to you. She will not allow you to know of her true identity as the subject of your reverence until she believes you are both adequately acquainted. One wishes simply to know you she thinks to herself

Again this is merely her curiosity at work she convinces herself. she merely wishes to know you are safe or so she attempts to convince herself, ignoring the tender fluttering in her chest at the thought of seeing you up close. 

No this is simply her duty as an adeptus. She takes her contract seriously, nothing more. 

She doesn’t seem this invested in any of the other citizens? One does not have to justify Oneself to the likes of you.

From the updates she had instructed Shenhe and Ganyu to deliver when she still resided on Mount Aocang she knew you frequented the Yanshang Teahouse. Unsure of when you would decide to visit it again she simply decided the best course of action would be to go to the teahouse every night from midday to closing until her eyes could meet yours.

On the 4th night of waiting to see you again she was growing antsy and entertaining thoughts of banging down every door in Liyue until she found you once again, her eyes darting around the room frantically. Her vision danced from face to face in a frantic tango until it settled on a familiar one.

Her entire being relaxed as she saw you seated at a table, soft hands clasped around a cup of tea taking tentative sips. The warm glow in your eyes made her feel as though she was feeling the warmth of the sun on her skin for the first time yet seeing that tenderness and affection directed at the person seated opposite you made her illuminated blood simmer as violent imaginings filled the adepti’s mind, a thousand different inventions to bring nothing but distress to your counterpart.

Equally Xianyun’s mind raced with a dozen different ways to fix this situation. No one but her deserved to see the soft glow in your eyes. No one but her was worthy of your reverence. To see you sharing the admiration she thought was only reserved solely for her... One would not stand for it.

You do not survive fighting in the front lines of the Archon war and a thousand tribulations afterwards by allowing slights against you to go unanswered. Xianyun was no stranger to seeking out her own justice. 

Such a shame for the person next to you that they are visiting from Fontaine and as such she has no obligation to hold back. Even if they were from Liyue she is not entirely sure even Morax could prevent her from exacting her bloody vengeance.

Although she had originally decided to stay in Liyue harbour permanently she now found herself longing for the recluse of Mount Aocang, her only little world where the only people that mattered were the two of you. That was all she needed. You would soon learn that was all you needed to.

She would pack tonight and leave for Mount Aocang at first light. 

The next time you would set foot on the mountain you would not be leaving again.

Xiao:

The conqueror of demons

The vigilant Yaksha

The bane of all evil

Throughout his many millennia of life Xiao has been called by countless titles but from you he longed only to hear his name on your lips.

After saving you from a few hillichurls he had anticipated the usual stuttering of gratitude that was so common from mortals, however what he didn’t expect was how his heart tugged at the sight of relieved tears in your eyes. Large wet eyes looking up at him with unabashed admiration.

The adeptus was puzzled by the clear reaction his body had to the tender gaze you bestowed upon him. With flushed cheeks and dilated pupils the vigilant yaksha quickly fled from the scene, not even muttering a word. He spent the night attempting to disregard how the gentle trembling of your lips replayed in his minds eye or how he simply couldn’t rid himself of the thought of how soft and supple your skin had seemed in the cool moonlight of Liyue.

The following day and night the yaksha busied himself with slaying the beasts and scum that loitered within the vicinity of the Wangshu inn. When you disregard the fervent replaying of your interaction yesterday that thrummed through his brain, the day had passed exactly as he had anticipated. 

Torment.

Suffering.

Misery.

These were parts of his day that was not foreign to him. They certainly were not comfortable but there was an air of familiarity around these emotions. Perhaps his day would have ended in a similar way had it not been for the sound of hesitant feet making their way onto the top balcony of the inn. 

He peered down from his position on the inn's roof inquisitively. Verr often made a point of ensuring any visitors to the inn avoided the top floor in order to grant the Adeptus much needed solitude. 

Instead it was… you. Again.

In your hands sat a plate of almond tofu, your fingers gripping the porcelain plate almost hard enough to smash it as you called out hesitantly

“Adeptus Xiao?” 

His hairs prickled as he heard you call out his name. Hearing his name on your tongue, echoing your pronunciation of every syllable, rewinding and replaying the noises you made. The hitch of your breath before speaking, the breathiness of your words, the fondness in your tone despite your nervousness.

He wanted desperately to drop down and greet you, to ask you to say his name again. He would beg if he had to yet he couldn’t move

“If you’re here… Miss Verr told me you enjoyed almond tofu so I’ll just leave it here for you. I-” 

You cleared your throat, your voice gaining some timbre as you gained some confidence speaking to what you hoped was the Adeptus that had saved you

“I wanted to thank you for saving me yesterday, without you i wouldn’t be here now”

You placed the plate onto the balcony before giving one last hopeful glance around. No sign of the adeptus. Regardless you whispered a soft hopeful prayer that the adeptus would find the token of gratitude you were leaving him.

As he heard your footsteps retreat down the staircase of the inn he finally allowed himself to breathe again. Leaping down onto the balcony of the inn with feline grace, he picked up the dish you left for him. His mouth pooled with saliva, his appetite was not for the almond tofu before him. As he traced the sides of the plate where your hands had once been, his heart fluttered like a teenage boy with a crush.

Xiao had spent the day thinking of you far more than he would dare verbalise but this new interaction with you had fanned the spark of interest into a blazing obsession. To think that he had been on your mind too, it was overwhelming for the adeptus, he almost didn’t want to believe that one such as himself could be blessed with something so tender to cherish as you.

He took care to watch over you vigilantly, rarely straying from your side. Ensuring your safety and acting as your shadow became his priority, however he still maintained a distance between you both, fearful that perhaps he may frighten you away with the intensity of his desire to guard you his karmic debt might overwhelm him in your presence.

The yaksha’s usual post at Wangshu inn was quickly abandoned in favour of his new perch on your roof. Of course he would never wish to invade your privacy but when you leave your bedroom window open like that… surely you must have some idea that the yaksha has taken an interest in you. Perhaps you know Xiao is there, you’ve seen him in the corner of your eye and this is your way of inviting him inside and you're simply too timid to declare it.

Even if you haven’t seen him and this isn't an invitation, clearly your senses are rather dull and you cannot be trusted to watch over yourself. He has been trailing you for weeks now so if you truly haven't noticed him then that’s all the more proof that he should slip inside your bedroom window… to keep a better eye on you while you remain defenceless as you rest.

Those are the two primary justifications he cycles through as he tentatively slides through your window, his feet silent on your floorboards after thousands of years mastering the art of agility. He wanders around your bedroom, flitting through the little trinkets you had scattered about; pretty seashells, crystals, a vase of silk flowers, your outfit for the following day. 

He huffed out a breath at your mortal amusements, countless little testaments to your interests, a dozen tributes to your fascinations. Despite the superfluous nature of these curios you had scattered about, because they were small remnants of you he simply couldn;t bring himself to feel disdain for them, not when they brought him just a little closer into your world.

After he had thoroughly explored every countertop in your bedroom, his eyes darted to what he had been attempting (and failing) to ignore this entire time. Watching your peaceful slumber brought him more relief than he cared to admit. He perched tentatively on the side of your bed.  Despite his attempts to restrain himself, he simply couldn’t prevent the wandering of his hand across the soft blanket that covered you.

Once he had traced his hand against your form, separated only by the blanket, he let his hand grasp onto a corner of it. Slowly peeling the blanket off of your form like a present that the archons had carefully wrapped just for him, golden eyes darkening as he drank in your body, covered only by sleep wear. 

His deep, trembling intakes of breath stopped only when he saw your brow scrunch as you tossed in discomfort, reaching for the blanket he had since removed. Any moment you would wake up, he was sure of it. With no time to cover you back up with your blanket and even less to put your ornaments and baubles back in their spots he slipped back out of your window silently, returning back into the shadows to observe you faithfully.

The following nights he didn’t dare creep back into your bedroom. You now kept the window shut and curtains drawn. He would be dishonest if he said he wasn’t slightly frustrated by this development but moreover he was glad you didn’t simply ignore such an occasion. After all you didn’t realise it was him in your room, for all you know it could have been some debauched pervert. He would be thankful that you’re so vigilant about your safety if that was the extent of your preventative measures, however it was not.

You now had a friend staying with you. Admittedly you could just be having them stay with you as a deterrent or precaution to any unsavoury folks and yes he likely did give you quite the fright but you have no need for anyone's protection but his. You need only speak his name and the conqueror of demon’s is at your beck and call. He would be your undeterred shield, your unyielding blade to set upon any who would harm you if only you would let him.

Being around you makes Xiao feel tender and breakable for the first time since he signed his contract with Rex Lapis. He should hate how you make him feel but he can’t… he’s not sure he could hate anything pertaining to you. Well perhaps one thing: that friend who seems insistent on escorting you everywhere. Perhaps Xiao wouldn’t mind it so much (he definitely would still mind) if your friend wasn’t so liberal with his gaze, just by analysing the man for a few moments Xiao could tell he had less than noble thoughts about you.

After about a week of being on such high alert your friend convinces you to get out of the harbour, that perhaps some time away would do you some good. Perhaps you could go to Mondstadt for a week or so together. Usually you would be inclined to disagree with his spontaneous ideas but for almost a month Liyue has been smothering you. Initially you attempted to ignore the oppressive gaze you felt upon you, convincing yourself it was a mere delusion, a cruel trick your mind was playing but after last week you were certain there was a real cause for concern behind the gaze that followed you wherever you roamed.

Upon overhearing this conversation Xiao’s blood ran cold. Going to Mondstadt means leaving the area in which he can best protect you. Going to Mondstadt means you’re in far more danger than he could allow, sure he could ask that troublesome bard to keep an eye on you but that simply means opening himself up to questions he’s not even sure he knows the answers to just yet. 

The accursed day finally arrives despite Xiao’s feverish wishes to the contrary. You begin the trek to Mondstadt when the sun is high in the sky, he keeps his eye on you, eagerly awaiting any moment you might need help, any opening for him to sweep in and keep you in Liyue for even a second longer. Perhaps this time he might mutter a word to you, tell you ‘you’re welcome’ when you inevitably drown him in gratitude or extend an offer of an escort all the way to Mondstadt (of course he’ll be escorting you regardless of whether you’re aware of it or not). 

Instead you make it all the way to Wangshu inn without issue, much to the yaksha’s irritation. As the sun began to shrink into the horizon and the stars began to glimmer softly in the gloam coated sky, you beg your friend to stop in the inn for the night, hesitant to continue on with the daylight quickly dwindling however they refuse, insisting that you were practically at Stone Gate already and to keep on going for a little while longer, spewing empty promises of protecting you if anything might attack you. You shifted nervously, your eyes looking askew but you conceded, following dutifully after your companion through Dihua marsh.

As expected you didn’t get far in the dark without bumping into several hillichurls however much to your misfortune it wasn’t just a handful of meagre hillichurls. The mitachurl towered over you, his thick club raised in the air before slamming down next to your head as you rolled to the side. You darted out from under the beast, your eyes searching through the chaos for your friend only to be met with a distressing view. Your supposed friend fleeing the battle, their eyes searching for yours, tinged with pain as they mouthed a quick “I’m sorry” before continuing their desperate flee, leaving you to fend against the hillichurls alone.

Betrayal and dejection flooded you as you watched the person who had promised to protect you both from whatever had been watching you and whatever beasts you may bump into in the darkness. The stinging in your tear ducts and burning in your chest became dampened as you felt a swift tap to the back of your neck as your world faded into darkness. You felt no pain, no more betrayal as you collapsed. 

- 

Xiao had originally intended to take advantage of this situation. To appear by your side when the battle seemed lost, saving you if only to see your eyes light up in recognition of the yaksha before you but when he realised that wretch was fleeing from the battle, surely leaving you for dead he couldn’t stand still for another moment, his fingers curling around the air, instinctually craving the weight of his weapon to rest in his palms. 

Using the end of this spear he hit you with just enough force to send you into the soft slumber of unconsciousness, catching you gently before laying you down on the grass, cradling your head like one would a newborn babe. With you carefully positioned out of his path he donned the mask of exorcism that usually sat at his waist, the karmic debt swirling around him in much higher intensity.

Slaughtering a small camp of hillichurls was a small feat for the conqueror of demons however he would not stop there. Xiao refused to rest until he felt that justice had been served for you, his most beloved.

Xiao scooped up your sleeping body before taking you back to Wangshu inn. When he first took up the mantle of protector of the inn Verr had offered him a room as thanks for his service and until now he had little need for it. He entered the dusty room and lay you down on the bed, brushing hair out of your face. The room was filled with only barebones furniture but perhaps tomorrow he would go to your home and bring you some of your pretty ornaments to make it seem more homely for you.

He allowed himself one small indulgence before he would head back out again to seek retribution for you. He removed the glove on one of his hands and took his bare, trembling fingers he traced across your lips. Memorising every inch and crevice of your soft lips beneath his fingers brought him a sense of unfathomable peace he had not felt since… he couldn’t remember anytime he had felt a sense of calm remotely similar to this.

Despite it paining him to do so the yaksha managed to force himself out of the stupor you had coaxed him into with your gentle breathing and sweet scent. Placing his glove back on and summoning his Jade winged spear the adeptus took off into the night once more.

When he returned to the remnants of the hillichurl camp, it didnt take long for him to find a trail. Following the dragging footsteps in the dust led him directly to your ‘friend’, now curled up at the foot of Wuwang hill, snot coating their face as their sobbed into their hands, wracked with grief and distress at their actions.

Even now the adeptus couldn’t muster even an illusion of sympathy or understanding, seeing them in this state only made his loathing for them grow.

They had truly deluded themself into believing they were a worthy protector for you? They couldn’t even defend themself.

With the hatred clawing up his throat like bile, Xiao couldn’t contain the Karmic debt slithering over him. His grip on his polearm tightened as he raised it above his head.

The fact that they truly believed themself to be a competitor for your affections would have almost been humorous had it not been for their display of cowardice not even an hour prior.

He plunged his weapon into their soft flesh methodically, his grip not faltering for even a moment. If it weren’t for his concern about you rousing afraid and alone, he would have taken his time and drawn their suffering out. He would have shown them that a few measly hillichurls were the least of his issues, instead he gritted his teeth, deciding to place your happiness and safety over his own desperate lust for vengeance.

Xiao quickly turned to abandon the scene. Even staring upon the filth’s body, thinking of the warmth and affection you had shared and how quickly they had forsaken you… No, he couldn’t end it like this. He turned back around to the almost corpse- the last few vestiges of life were flickering. Xiao resolved to make the last few breaths of air your friend would take as painful as possible. Digging his foot into their chest before he raised his polearm once more. Cutting and slicing, skewing and carving until all that remained after the frenzy was a mound of meat, muscle and bone.

-

Xiao crept into the room hoping you still remained asleep. A rare smile blossomed across the pale face of the Yaksha as he saw you curled up on the bed.

Dropping his spear by your bed Xiao stared at you longingly 

He had waited so long for the moment in which he could express his feelings to you properly. He wanted to show you he loved you without fear. Now that you were lying in his bed, eyelids closed and breathing deep, Xiao made the decision that he could indulge himself fully before you woke up. 

Just this once as a reward for saving you.

He’s sure you won't mind after all the time and energy he has devoted to ensuring your safety he’s almost positive you would be fine with him taking his fill. 

Surely after two millennia of selflessness he has earned the right to be a little selfish.

With one swift step Xiao turned around to lock the bedroom door behind him.

Zhongli:

The reaction of Zhongli varies significantly depending on which phase of his life he is in. The man who goes by the name Zhongli has mellowed out considerably since his days as Deus Auri, If someone had stolen your attention away from him they may be greeted with several snide remarks and biting threats, if somebody stole your affection away from him then Zhongli would have a much less pleasant reaction however if either such thing occurred during his younger years as the Lord of the Adepti and God of contracts it is unlikely any potential suitors will escape unscathed.

In his youth Zhongli was far more of a slave to his draconic instincts than he was willing to admit. Upon the realisation of his intense feelings for you, the warrior god is far more frightened than he lets on. You are so fragile in comparison to him, so breakable. Not only that but humans are so flighty. Where Adepti may be content to sit on the same mountain top for centuries in solemn meditation, the same cannot be said for mortals. He has watched them flit about, to and fro for centuries and he would be lying if he didn’t find the mortal proclivity for change rather unnerving. 

He has watched humans profess undying love for one another before turning around and betraying their vows to each other. It’s not that he thinks you’re anything like those adulterers, really he doesn’t but… you humans are slaves to your desires (he says, completely unaware of the irony his statement brings), he doesn’t want you to bring harm to your relationship because your human heart is fickle (you have not been made aware of your ‘relationship’ with the Lord of Geo) so he shall personally ensure that no one and nothing will allow you to stray from him.

And yes this is all because he cares about you and definitely not because when he sees other mens eyes flit across you he has to use every ounce of self control to prevent him from smiting the filth where they stand for allowing their lecherous eyes trail across you like a cut of meat at the market or a pretty jewel to possess (again, completely lacking in the necessary self awareness to recall how his own lustful eyes rake across your form).

Any man that makes an advance towards you shall meet a grisly end.

The shopkeeper who gave you an extra bag of rice on the house flees Liyue harbour muttering nothing but reverent prayers and desperate pleas for mercy to Rex Lapis for his transgression.

The Physician who helped bandage up your torso after you were wounded by a follower of Osial was offered a far more lenient punishment. Any place his skin may have made contact with you is carved off, his life is only spared as he was helping you however Morax cannot help the way his claws dig into his palms leaving fresh welts in the calloused skin, still unused to this humanoid form, unable to contain his rage at the thought of another touching you in a state of undress, even if only to heal you. Your bare skin is for his hands alone. If someone had to dress your wounds then they should have summoned him (please note that he has not made his affections for you known to you or anyone else for that matter)

After his most recent battle, felling yet another God who rivalled him for the position of Archon, Morax who had decided to take some weeks to allow for Liyue harbour to recover and the Adepti to rest. However when he learns it was a follower of Osial who dared to mar your delicate skin… He is rallying his Adepti with a fervour and aggression unseen from the warrior god. No one is entirely sure what has incited Morax to take such a devotion to ensuring Osial is destroyed but with his pupils in slits and his grip on Vortex Vanquisher so tight it looks as though the staff may snap, none of the Adepti are brave enough to question their lord.

Despite being renowned as the most fearsome of fighters no one, not even the closest of Morax’s allies had seen such a slaughter brought down by the Draconic lord of Geo. 

Barbaric.

Savage. 

Monstrous.

A slaughter.

Countless words could be used to describe the massacre Morax unleashed upon Osial, the Overlord of the Vortex and all his followers; however those were the most commonly repeated in the months following the extermination.

All knew to be wary of Morax, however that was the day the people of Teyvat truly learned to fear his wrath.

He hoped that when you looked out of the bay of Liyue Harbour and saw the Guyun Stone Forest, a complete destruction of every remnant of Osial and his forces, you would be reminded of his love for you, you would realise Morax is clearly the superior choice compared to all the other men around you.

Who but Morax could give you Teyvat?

Who but Morax would engulf the world in flame if only to see you smile?

Who but Morax could and would give you every comfort mora could afford?

He had frequently entertained various plans for his courtship with you; however the one his mind spun most frequently was to win the Archon war and assume his role as one of the chosen seven. Then he would raise you up as his consort, granting you immortality and binding the two of you eternally in a contract of marriage. 

Of course that didn’t mean he couldn’t let his mind wander to other fantasies, his mind swirling with thoughts of spiriting you away to his palatial domain and keeping you there for days, weeks, months, years, however it took for his insatiable desire for you to be satiated. Only then would he leave his domain to win the war and return to you as the victor of the brutal war and one of the seven, finally able to rest a crown upon your head. 

Admittedly he had yet to confess his desire to take you to wife or even that he loved you so desperately and fervently that it was one of the few things that managed to frighten the lord of contracts.

But surely you knew, even if he hadn’t verbalised it. He refused to believe you didn’t feel the tug between you both, reeling you together. You simply must understand what it's like to look into his eyes and feel as though you’re seeing clearly for the first time in your life. You have to know what its like to feel as though every step apart is energy wasted. You too must crave to feel his bare skin against your own, willing to merge into one if only to bring you both closer together.

Even if you somehow did not feel the same things… surely you must feel his gaze upon you. When he looks down at his city his eyes rest only on you, no matter how much he tries to break his gaze away from you.

Besides he doesn’t need words when he has made his romantic intentions towards you more than obvious in the way his draconic instincts have been roaring for him to. You have accepted his gifts of courtship happily, you clearly understand that he can fulfil his role in providing for you and any young you may have. He has seen you wearing the glaze lily in your hair, the very same lily he had his adepti scour the war torn lands for days to obtain. 

Admittedly you seemed rather hesitant to accept the chests of mora and countless jewels he had left on your doorstep but equally you didn’t reject the gifts. As far as he was concerned that was proof enough that you had accepted his offer of courtship. By all draconic standards you were now officially entered into a contract with the rising Lord of Liyue and he would not take any contract lightly.

Despite the occasional event where some filthy wretch had to be taught to keep their lecherous eyes and hands off the Lord of Contracts future consort and the fact that he had not been able to converse with you about the future of your relationship, he believed his ‘relationship’ with you was going exceedingly well. 

In spite of this and much to the rage of Morax, another reprobate had decided to give you an offer of courtship.

Morax can feel rage thickening in his veins, viscous and violent. Watching you blush softly at the Mortal’s meagre proposition. He understood mortals were far more inclined towards change and adaptation than a being such as he could even begin to comprehend as a deity that stands unchanging as stone, refusing to be eroded by the sands of time or the winds of change. Even so he did not expect such a flagrant betrayal. You don't even have the decency to look shameful as you forsake every thoughtful gift the lord of contracts had spent countless hours pouring over to ensure you received only the best.

Even if Rex Lapis didn’t currently have the time to display his affection verbally he had ensured that he had more than made up for it with his opulent gifts, only the finest for his future consort.

He had been desperately trying to restrain himself from stealing you away to his personal realm every time he saw you pass through the centre of the harbour. He had managed to restrain himself, displaying such self control and patience that he surprised even himself but a man has limits and the prime adeptus could stand no further insult.

How dare that vermin stand where he should, face to face with you, gazing into your eyes, drinking in the warmth that pooled into your cheeks, his arm extended with a meagre sweet flower clutched in his sweaty palm, the stem already drooping from being clutched so tightly.

Perhaps if you begged softly for the poor fools life Morax may bestow a rare act of mercy and only remove the man's eyes or tongue rather than his life, if only to see his beloved happy however all thoughts of Mercy were dashed when you accepted the flower with a soft smile gracing your face.

He didn’t think it was possible for his beloved’s glowing smile to inspire such a primal rage within him.

The city of Liyue harbour came to a stand still as their mighty Lord descended upon their city with a swiftness imperceptible to the naked eye to stand between you and your would be suitor. 

A clawed hand clasped around the mortal man’s throat, blood trickling out of the small incisions the razor sharp claws of his humanoid form.

The man gasped for air however Morax’s grip was not dissuaded. His hand only faltered when he heard a familiar voice cry out

“Lord Morax! Please! Please release him i beg of you” 

He turned his attention to you now perched on your knees, grasping at the bottom of his robe in a desperate plea and display of reverence. Although his blood still simmered with the fury of betrayal both at you and the wretch that had tempted you away from his side, seeing you now on your knees for him, tears welling in your soft eyes he simply couldn’t stay angry, not at you at least.

He threw the young man down on the ground with a sickening crack, watching him writhe around desperately clutching at the wounds on his throat.

No more waiting and no more distractions. This little infraction has persuaded him to do exactly what he needed to this entire time. 

Taloned hands scoop you up, pressing you close into a solid, warm chest as you are quickly whisked away from the harbour and everything you had ever known. He should have known better than to allow you to wander freely without his stewardship or guiding hand to lead you.

Thankfully here in Morax’s private domain you two will be able to remain unbothered for as long as he sees fit, remaining far away from any man that may dare to tempt you away from him and he can rest easy knowing you will be tended to by the servants whilst he goes out and deals with the rodent that tried to damage he and his beloved’s relationship. 

Not that it shall matter anymore once the mortal is disposed of. After all, despite his reputation as a war monger and monster, Morax is capable of understanding and empathy. You cannot help the fact that it is human nature to wish to try every experience, to culminate a portfolio of countless events and adventures, it really was a failing on his behalf to not keep a closer eye on you. Not to worry, from here on out he shall never part from your side, he shall be with you every moment of every day to remind you of your vow.

Of course if he wins the archon war, and he will, he knows in his very bones that he was born for the role of archon then he shall have the power and authority to raise you up by his side, as his consort and bestow you with eternal life and only then you shall truly remain at each others sides, forever. He shall not even entertain the thought of you being stolen from him again, covetous creature that he is.

[plutosbow]

𓊆ྀི❤︎𓊇ྀི , tgm — bradley bradshaw x f!reader

`` 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧' , 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧' ? ``

summary: a sunday morning of sleeping in calls for your specialty; half-burnt pancakes. but it's always the effort that charms bradley, anyway.

warnings: none! just some silly fluff and perhaps bradley pining over you (isn't he always?)

note: this is the first little blurb i've decided to flesh out more than others, lmk if i should start posting my stuffs :3, (i don't really know how tumblr works but if anyone has some requests for miles teller characters i'd totally try to do them!)

there was a soft light that beckoned itself into the bedroom, like a staircase to heaven as your dreary-minded eyes followed its path onto bradley's visage. right through the crack in the blind that he always complained about since it only ever reached his side of the bed — that thought made it impossible to stop a smile from tugging at your lips.

his expression twisted in his slumber, eyes wiring tightly shut in a feeble attempt to drown out the warm rays adorning his face. you always felt bad, but thanked the sun silently in the end because it allowed for domestic tidbits like this to be available to you - and only you. shifting at a snail's pace beneath the covers, you leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to his temple before rolling from the warm confines of the bed.

as much as you enjoyed your times of quiet with bradley, you enjoyed treating him to the little things in life even more. a day at home with your boyfriend called for celebration because you knew just as well as him that these moments were fleeting. downtime was barely even a word between the two of you, but that was the price paid when dating a pilot — and unfortunately, he was worth every ounce of worry that plagued you when he walked out the door with death hanging over his head.

but, he was here now. that's what mattered.

you were swift in preparing breakfast, perhaps a bit too swift as you clumsily forgot to spray the pan before pouring pancake batter into it. it spat and hissed at you, like it was wincing in agony and trying to bane you to hell before it died. you couldn't dwell on it, though, not when it still managed to make the kitchen smell like sweet dough and something nostalgic sprinkled in beneath the waft of burning batter.

a second pan was laid down, and this time it was methodical enough to have been prepped for eggs that plopped down into its gentle dip. a much kinder sizzle ensued, earning a satisfied hum from your lips as you went on tending to the curdling pancakes (could they even be called that, now?). the aroma of them crying for help was enough to rouse the grizzly bear from his surprisingly light hibernation — only let on by the groan that was pouty enough to put any sassy teenage girl to shame.

you didn't look back on account of the fact that you were trying not the burn the eggs — not on fire, which was a feat in itself — and you just assumed he would shuffle his way in and groggily mutter something about waking up 'so early', and then plop down at the counter while he waited for the meal. that was too generous of an idea, though, because his former growl from the bedroom had not been out of frustration (well, sort of), but out of a longing for you to have been in bed beside him.

thick, calloused fingers snaked their way around your waist and curled into the tender flesh of your hips, earning a soft hum from your throat. it was a sound that bradley had grown fond of, whether you be pining for his attention or whining at his incessant teasing — he could always count on that sweet, purring hum to fall from those pretty lips.

"my lady, my lady," he rasped, voice dry and scratchy as he recited his little morning mantra. his head dipped down, nose pushing your hair out of the way as his face pressed into your nape. you can't stifle the soft giggle that bubbles up in your throat at the tickle of his mustache and slightly stubbled chin. "i was expectin' .. room service .. on this fine mornin'?"

you scoff with a roll of your eyes, flipping the eggs and using this motion to elbow him in the gut. he tenses and grunts, hands gripping the gentle dip of your hips like they were a safety blanket to him.

"room service costs extra, mister bradshaw," you tut, grabbing the pancake-contaminated spatula to begin painstakingly scraping them off of the poor pan. "and i'll have you know, i am not a cheap commodity." your words earn a low chuckle from his crackling throat, lips migrating from your nape to your ear, his mouth finding your earlobe to give it a small nibble - just innocent enough for a morning like this.

"a high-end gem such as yourself must be making somethin' extravagant, no?" bradley chuffs softly, peeking down at the pans as his chin rested into the dip of your shoulder. he winces idly at the scraping sounds that ensue from your assault on the .. pancakes?.. his brows crease, and he bites his tongue for a moment.

you .. never were the finest cook in the world.

bradley found that worth more than any perfect dish.

"hm," he clicks his tongue before you even had a chance to respond, "flapjacks with a side of black tar 'n soppen eggs; gourmet." the pilot cooed, making you laugh and frown simultaneously at his unfiltered jab at your skills. you always knew the effort payed off more in his eyes than the actual taste of the food (thank goodness). you flip the ashy, flaking pancakes onto a plate and try tending to the barely edible eggs, but it seems all too lost as you resort to just turning the burner off.

even though you knew he never minded your ineptitude in the kitchen, it was moreso a personal duel when it came to your absentminded degradation over your failures.

"good-lookin'," came that husky voice, tinged with slight guilt after realizing you hadn't responded to his silly jab after some time now. a hand trails up your abdomen to let the pad of his thumb run along the edge of your jaw. you can't see his face, but one can assume his brows are quirked in silent question with a hint of a plea in hopes you'll forgive him (silly. over something that never even hurt you to begin with). it earns a soft giggle from somewhere in your chest.

"i bought extra syrup last errand run to make sure you can drown out the taste of mustard gas, my love." you hum, swaying a bit as you shift away from the counter and squirm around to finally face your big ol' grizzly bear. at your words, that exact expression you expected to see from before quickly lightened. a crooked grin curled up on his stupidly kissable lips and his head tilted almost expectantly.

"maybe i like my breakfast with a lil' bit of radioactivity." bradley retorts before burying his face into your neck, letting his stache poke at your flesh and make you squeal and wiggle around. now satisfied at your ticklish state, he grumbles something inaudible and presses open-mouthed kisses against your exposed collarbone. his tongue is too dry to really give you the full effect, so he compensates and gives your ass a good and satisfying squeeze.

you squeak at that, letting one hand curl into his tousled up locks while the other drifts down his bare back. he keens at the sensation of you tugging his hair, broad arms consuming you further like a moth to a flame — your body a burning star in his foggy vision. he keeps kissing, not lingering long enough to suck against the skin but it fills you with contentment anyway, because the softness of the embrace is far more fulfilling than sex could ever be in that moment.

he was more desperate than a starved dog, it showed in the way his grasping motions along your body were so fervent yet .. straining to be tame. your thumb rubbed against his scalp and you sway absently along the kitchen tiles with him, breakfast merely an afterthought as your bodies consume one another in their loving warmth.

"missin' ya so much. all the time, sweetheart." bradley murmurs, hoarse voice tugged by the vulnerability rearing its ugly head in his heart. you crane your neck and hum softly, lips pressing into his temple to leave a warm, wet kiss in their wake. it was an action that always hushed his aching mind when it was on the cusp of spiraling, something only you could ever do for him — a jockey who soothes their racehorse that froths at the mouth before each race.

"i'll always be here, honey. always gonna make you shitty breakfast, always gonna tolerate that loud mouth a' yours." you mumble against his prickly, stubbled face. the soft, whiney sigh that slips from his lips reassures you that your words, in fact, soothed the raging stallion in your grasp.

his mouth latches onto your collarbone once more, this time lingering for a beat too long and making a suctioned pop as he pulled back. cloudy hazel eyes peer down at you while his dry tongue flicks out for a second of thought.

"go lay down, sugar," bradley mutters - his voice stirring from deep within his rasped throat. it managed to make a familiar warmth bubble up in your stomach. ".. 'm gonna pour myself a cup of orange juice and give you some good goddamn art on this blank canvas 'a mine."

that thought alone makes you chew the corner of your lip to suppress a stupid, cheeky smirk, and you scurry off before he gets a chance to question you and your unbridled excitement for the mere opportunity to be adorned in his artwork (he never called those methodical hickeys of his anything different).

you can't help the fuzzy sensation that begins to pour down from your heart and sift into each crevice of your innards. you can't even recall the last time the two of you started off a morning so soft and tender, and it makes you pause in the hallway to glance at bradley while he looks through the fridge. a quick double take, just to make sure.

he was here.

and oh, he was so pretty, goddamnit.

PART 2 HERE !!

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

[JP] Galileo Galilei: Destiny in Motion

This post contains a detailed spoiler.

Not 100% accurate. I didn't proofread this one, so there may be grammatical errors.

Translation under the cut.

(Mitsuki's POV)

Fate moves just as time follows the present.

Like me and someone else I have yet to see.

My blurred vision gradually became clear.

(Huh? Where am I?)

I suddenly found myself standing in a dark hallway.

(This is the hallway I passed through when I time slipped from Louvre. How did I end up in this place?)

I probably fell asleep.

I was looking around, thinking that I might be dreaming when一

???: "Come. Come here. Take my hand."

(Who is it?)

A husky voice I'd never heard before reached my ears.

Strangely lured by it, I walked forward and saw a bleak-looking prison cell.

???: "Why did this happen?"

(There's someone inside the prison cell.)

???: "Why do you only believe what others tell you and not check it out yourself? Why don't you try to see it with your own eyes?"

???: "Why do people refuse to face the truth?"

He said it in a quiet voice, but it sounded as if he was trying to squeeze out some unwanted emotion.

Then the sound of footsteps approached, and a dignified old priest-like man arrived.

Priest: "A heretical scholar who denies God's teachings一wait, no, a filthy heretical monster."

???: "Don't tell me that's why I'm一"

Priest: "There should be no such thing as a sinful monster. May you burn in the fires of God."

The old man glanced one last time at the speechless man and left.

???: "I hate them. I hate all of them."

???: "It's all because of this blood."

???: "Ah, but this is how hatred is created and how this world gets distorted."

(What am I seeing?)

I don't know if it's just a dream or if it really happened, but一

(I can feel this person's emotions so painfully.)

A heart-wrenching lamentation, and yet his wistful eyes were as beautiful as purple crystals.

Mitsuki: "-----!"

I opened my eyes and saw the familiar canopy of my bed.

I looked outside the window to see that it was morning and knew I was just dreaming.

(That was a weird dream. I followed the voice and ended up in a place I didn't know.)

(Someone was angry一no, someone was sad.)

I tried to remember, but the memory of the dream faded away.

That evening一

I came to the city's university to deliver a Blanc to Isaac, who has recently been working late.

(I don't come here often, so it's refreshing. It reminds me of my school days.)

I felt nostalgic despite being in a different country and time.

I decided to walk around the school building, when suddenly...

(Hm? What's that?)

Something caught my eye, so I entered the classroom.

On a table positioned near an open window, an old-fashioned telescope stood on a pedestal, pointing up at the sky.

(Did someone use it in a lecture? Maybe I should tell Isaac if they forgot to put it away.)

Even as I thought about this, I couldn't help but become curious.

(Sorry, but only for just a little bit.)

As I looked into the lens, the moon appeared in front of me, floating faintly in the evening sky.

Mitsuki: "Wow, cool."

???: "What are you doing here?"

Mitsuki: "I-I'm sorry!"

I looked up in a panic, hearing a sharp voice.

(Eyes like purple crystals...)

I was drawn into his beautiful eyes as our gazes met, and at the same time, I felt a strong sense of déjà vu.

(I think I've seen his eyes somewhere.)

Man with purple eyes: "You don't look like a student."

Mitsuki: "Oh, I'm sorry! I was visiting the university on an errand, but I saw this and got curio一"

Man with purple eyes: "You're in the way. If you’re an outsider, leave."

He cut off my words sharply.

(Right, I shouldn't have entered the classroom without permission.)

Feeling sorry, I bowed my head and stepped toward the classroom door, but the sensation I had felt earlier bothered me, so I looked back at the man.

(Why do his eyes look so familiar?)

At that moment, a shooting star appeared in the sky.

Mitsuki: "A shooting star!"

Man with purple eyes: "-----!"

The man's eyes widened slightly, hearing my sudden outburst, and he looked up at the sky through the window.

Mitsuki: "Oh, there's that cloud over there again."

As I approached the window, the man also turned his gaze in the direction I pointed.

We both looked up and watched the sky. Then, I heard mumbling from next to me.

Man with purple eyes: "Beautiful. Even in this day and age, I still find myself looking up at the stars."

("This day and age?")

I looked at him, suddenly curious about his words.

(Huh?)

His mood and facial expression softened slightly as his eyes, searching for stars, gazed intently at the sky.

(I wonder if he likes the stars.)

But when he noticed my gaze, he became cold again.

Man with purple eyes: "You still need something?"

Mitsuki: "N-No."

(I know, I was being rude by staring at his face.)

Even as I thought this, my chest thumped, and my cheeks grew hot.

Mitsuki: "Um, were you waiting for the shooting star?"

Man with purple eyes: "Yeah."

Man with purple eyes: "If my observations are correct, I can see a meteor shower this time of the year."

Man with purple eyes: "I was going to wait and watch the moon, but I'm lucky to see it at dusk."

The man answered my question as he gazed toward the sky again.

Though, it was more like a monologue than a conversation.

Mitsuki: "I haven't seen a shooting star in a long time, not since the meteor shower in 20XX."

Man with purple eyes: "20XX?"

Mitsuki: "Oops, I misspoke."

Man with purple eyes: ".............."

When our eyes met, that strange feeling came back again.

(I think I know this person after all. His voice also sounds familiar.)

Mitsuki: "Um, have we met somewhere before?"

I asked boldly, and the man raised his eyebrow.

Man with purple eyes: "No. If you want someone to talk to, find someone else."

Mitsuki: "That's not what I meant. I just had a feeling."

(Good job on saying such stupid things, Mitsuki.)

I looked down, feeling embarrassed, as the man let out a sigh.

Man with purple eyes: "I'm not denying your statement without any basis."

Man with purple eyes: "I'm an astronomer. I'm temporarily working at this university while I'm traveling."

Man with purple eyes: "I've only arrived recently in this city, so I’ve never met you before."

He explained his story like he was proving a theory.

(Then I guess we can't have met.)

Mitsuki: "Have you traveled that long already?"

Man with purple eyes: "Yeah."

Man with purple eyes: "It's a long journey, like the stars in the sky."

Despite his words, the man lowered his gaze slightly, and his eyes, which previously reflected the sky, faded behind his delicate eyelashes.

(His eyes have a faraway look in them.)

His wistful eyes were as if they were on a never-ending journey.

(Huh?)

The image of the distressed man in the dark prison cell passed through my mind for a moment.

(Was that the dream I had last night?)

(But why did I suddenly remember it?)

I felt confused by the scene that suddenly came back to me.

I was speechless, and before I knew it, the man was staring at me.

Man with purple eyes: "............"

Mitsuki: "U-Um..."

Man with purple eyes: "What's that sweet smell you have?"

He took a step closer to me, his purple eyes captivating me so much that I almost forgot how to breathe.

*Bell chimes*

Man with purple eyes: "-----!"

The sound of the college bell rang out, and we took a small gasp.

Man with purple eyes: "It's late. You should go home."

Mitsuki: "Okay. I'm sorry for bothering you. Excuse me."

I hurriedly back away from him and turn on my heel.

(For a moment, I thought he was going to bite me.)

I have no idea why I felt that way.

I don't understand the strange déjà vu, the dream, or this pounding in my chest.

(But一)

Before leaving the classroom, I turned around one last time.

Mitsuki: "Um, my name is Mitsuki. What's yours?"

Man with purple eyes: "............"

(I don't really know why, but I want to know about this person.)

Holding only this thought, I stared straight into his clear purple eyes.

For the first time, he showed me a look of hesitation.

Man with purple eyes: "Galileo."

Mitsuki: "Eh?"

Galileo: "The same name as the astronomer condemned for seeking the truth."

His wistful eyes looked like the eyes I had seen in my dream, or so I thought.

After Mitsuki left the classroom, Galileo muttered to himself.

Galileo: "Why did I foolishly and honestly give my name when I could've used a false name?"

However, there could be no "Galileo Galilei" here in 19th-century Paris.

He reconsidered the fact that he just happened to have the same name as Galileo Galilei and thought that the girl would think so, too.

Then he remembered Mitsuki's eyes on him.

Galileo: "Those eyes look like they are earnestly seeking the truth."

Unable to resist her unexpected sincerity, he uttered his true name.

At the same time, it was also true that he felt an inexpressible urge to smell Mitsuki's scent, even if it was only a little.

Galileo: "She was a strange girl, the things she said and did, and that scent. If we ever meet again一No, let's not. As long as I continue this journey, I will never see her again."

That's right, as long as the divided destinies do not intersect again.

Muttering this to himself, Galileo put the lid on the telescope lens.

(Mitsuki's POV)

I was lost in a dream again tonight.

------------Flashback------------

???: "Come. Come and take my hand."

---------Flashback Ends---------

(Is that voice really Galileo?)

The sad man I saw in my dream, the cold man I met in reality, and now the voice inviting me一

(What kind of person are you really?)

As time chases the present like the stars in the sky, my destiny and his begin to intertwine.

-> Francis Drake's Story

[specialinterestshows]

Hey there!

The Samijey anon again here. I saw you post requests are open for WWE characters, thought I'd shoot my shot again. But obviously no pressure at all. In case you forgot..

https://www.tumblr.com/specialinterestshows/750101779991183360/hey-there-im-not-usually-that-much-of-a-finn-x?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/specialinterestshows/750138178539831296/thats-sweet-of-you-to-reply-looking-forward-to?source=share

Anyway if at all, I was wondering if you could please do a Fic about them. You can do whatever you like, although if there is smut, I'd luv it if it were bottom Jey. Although as mentioned last time a bit of Jealous Jey would be fun too. Anyway thanks for indulging me and being so nice to me last time. Won't be offended if you say no to this as its not your usual ship. 💕

Happily!

The following is a Sami Zayn x Jey Uso fic that has turned into a three-parter. Enjoy!

Warnings for this section: Jealousy, depression, alcohol/intoxication, excessive drinking, throwing up

-

Gimme Another Shot (Part 1/3): Then

Jey Uso hated seeing Sami Zayn anything less than happy - it almost physically pained him. So when he informed Sami that he had arranged for the two of them to meet up with Kevin Owens, the grin forming under the bushy ginger beard and tackle of a hug he received in response was a relief. Sami’s warm embrace was returned immediately, making Jey’s heart soar - until it ran into the clear, glass window that was Sami’s verbal response as the hug ended:

“I can’t wait to see Kevin! I miss him already.”

That’s why he was happy: to see his old tag team partner. Never mind the thought and effort Jey had put into this, keeping it a secret until the last minute. But tonight was about Sami, so Jey’s smile never faltered the entire walk to the bar - though his eyes now lacked a certain spark.

Once the two of them were in sight of the place, Kevin was easy to spot. Sami practically ran up to the man and jumped into his arms, the two of them laughing and exchanging a few words. Jey felt a bit awkward, following behind the two as they entered the bar.

“Hey, thanks for setting this up, man,” Kevin told Jey as soon as the three of them found a good place to sit, “I wasn’t sure about you after everything with the Bloodline and all, but this really means something. Drinks are on me tonight.”

With that, K.O. flagged down the bartender and ordered a round of beers.

Despite Kevin insisting on paying, Jey had been running a secret tab of his own so he could sneak a shot every now and then - when the sight of the two men joking together happily was just too much.

Sami and Kevin finishing each other’s sentences?

Take a shot.

Nostalgic story about them as a tag team?

Take a shot.

Kevin putting his arm around Sami?

Take two shots.

It was better than giving into the urge to punch Kevin Owens in his smug fucking face.

The men he sat with seemed to be too wrapped up in each other to notice anything was off, until Jey narrowly avoided falling out of his seat trying to get the bartender’s attention.

“I don’t remember you being such a lightweight,” Sami commented, one eyebrow raised.

“Took some extra shots,” Jey admitted, refusing to look Sami in the eye.

Sami sighed.

“C’mon, you’re staying with me tonight,” he said, throwing Jey’s arm over his shoulder as he moved to stabilize the man, “Someone needs to keep an eye on you.”

Jey ducked out from under Sami, insisting, “Psh, I’m good-“ before losing his balance and falling to the ground.

This time it was Kevin that leapt to Jey’s aid; but the moment he touched the other man’s arm, Jey pulled away as if the contact was physically painful.

“Fuck outta here!” Jey almost shouted, “You got the guy, now you wanna act like a hero too, huh?”

The accusation seemed to come out of nowhere; Kevin turned to Sami, looking concerned, but mostly confused.

“I got him,” Sami said reassuringly, giving Kevin’s shoulder a gentle pat.

The two said their goodbyes and a moment later, Jey felt a kinder, more familiar touch helping him stand steady.

“Place I’m staying is just around the corner,” Sami told him, “I can walk us both there.”

Good, Jey thought, ‘cause I ain’t never gonna get tired of your arms around me.

“So, what made you drink so much in the first place?” Sami asked once the two of them were walking through the city.

“Couldn’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout you ‘n… Kevin,” Jey admitted, gaze fixed on the sidewalk, “S’been a while, but… I felt sick when he held you today, same as he did after I hurt you. I ain’t never wanna hurt you, uce, but you leavin’ the Bloodline… I took that personal. I mean, I called you my brother. You know what that meant to me?”

Hearing those same words again ignited something in Sami; imagined arguments with Jey that he played in his mind over and over started flooding back.

“Respectfully, I don’t think you realize just how difficult it was for me,” Sami said through gritted teeth, doing his best not to scream it from his core, “Do you really think I didn’t care about you when I left? That it was easy for me to move on? When I was with the Bloodline, I woke up every morning, looked in the mirror, and couldn’t recognize the man staring back at me. I couldn’t live like that anymore.”

“I get that, but… it took so long for me to trust you. And when I did…” Jey’s voice became a whisper, “I ain’t trusted no one like that since.”

Jey paused, then suddenly leaned away from Sami before dropping to his knees and throwing up in a nearby bush. Sami knelt beside him patiently, pulling out an extra napkin he snagged at the bar and offering it when Jey seemed finished.

“I “unno how many times I cursed my own hands for beatin’ you down,” Jey admitted, words running together as he used the napkin to wipe away a few tears, “But even on the worst days, thinkin’ ‘bout you givin’ me another shot kept me going.”

Unsure of how to respond, a wash of melancholy seeping into his core, Sami decided to play it off.

“I think you’ve had enough shots for tonight,” he joked, rising to his feet before helping Jey do the same, “C’mon, we’re almost there.”

A few minutes later, the two stood in front of Sami’s room.

“You stayin’ in a place like this?” Jey scoffed, stumbling into the dingy motel room, “You deserve better. Like you always deserved better’n… just me.”

“Hey, don’t talk about my guy like that,” Sami said without a second thought, “You’re better than anything I could ever ask for.”

Jey looked surprised and almost touched for a moment - before crouching suddenly and throwing up into the small trash bin near the door.

[end part one of three]

Part 2: https://www.tumblr.com/specialinterestshows/757086910737956864/gimme-another-shot-part-23-now

-

Tag list (thank you!)

@domripley

[duckielover151]

Some OPLA Thoughts: Episode 8

(I'm probably gonna make a separate post on bigger, overall thoughts... I want this one to be exclusively about the final episode.)

Oh man, guys... I can't believe it's over. How am I supposed to make it to season two? I have no idea how you binge-watchers who finished it a day or two after it came out have survived this long.

Everything about this final episode was just beautiful... I want to cry.

I really loved that they opened the episode with Nami getting her tattoo and chained up in the map room. (We saw the chains in the previous episode, but it felt like her imprisonment there was just a little bit in question, as she gave herself up to Arlong in this version.)

However! Okay, so they bring it back around to Nojiko telling the whole village about what Nami's really been up to, and the Straw Hats have to stop them from charging into a fight they clearly can't win. And that's fine. In line with the original canon... (Even if it actually felt a little unnecessary in this version.) But that made it super disappointing that we still don't really get that iconic shot of the crew walking up to Arlong Park.

But the fight was really great. It just all looked so good! And it was great to see Usopp finally get his moment to shine. And flashing back and forth between the different fight scenes was rather reminiscent of the anime in a way I found strangely nostalgic.

And Luffy standing atop the wreckage of Arlong Park was the first moment I really felt that he could be king one day. I almost don't know how to explain it. You know those moments in the anime where you're kind of just awestruck by his own potential and... goodness? Not to go off the deep end, (^^') but there's almost something holy about it. A moment where you know you're looking upon someone destined for greatness. It doesn't happen often. But I thought it was great to end this series on one of those moments.

But what I really loved, of course... was that there was still another 30 minutes reserved to wrap this up after Arlong had been taken care of. I'd been worried about pacing for this last episode, but it was concluded really well.

I've seen some mixed opinions about this, but I actually really loved the Garp vs. Luffy fight. I've already accepted that this version of Garp is a little different. I thought this-- the reveal that he just needed some final proof that his grandson was ready before taking his dream seriously-- was a great conclusion to that little character arc. I felt like he did finally start to feel a little more like his authentic, anime self near the end. More serious for the sake of the tone of this live-action... but that's fine. I'm sure he'll be back, and I'm curious to see what that dynamic will look like, going forward.

Post-Arlong there was literally nothing to be anything but hype about. The reveal of the first bounty poster! Getting to watch all the reactions to those posters! (Zeff hanging it up under the Employee of the Month section of the board XD) Coby and Helmeppo officially being taken under Garp's wing! The return to the iconic East Blue outfits! The castoff ceremony!

THE FLASHBACKS TO THEIR CHILDHOOD SELVES AS THEY ANNOUNCED THEIR DREAMS!!!!!!!

(That sort of thing always gets me.)

I think I saw an announcement recently that they've begun filming for season two and I. Cannot. Wait.

[basofy]

some thoughts regarding joyful (not definitive)

this is more of a personal post about my relationship with this game, but i realized something important a while ago, and it's that, out of the 3 times i've played lisa the joyful, i had never played it again after changing my mind about buddy

yes i disliked her at first im so sorry, i was biased on brad and didnt like others dunking on him GHAGFSGF the first 2 times i played i didnt like buddy a lot, the 3rd time i was starting to take her more seriously but i honestly just replayed for the battles and secrets, didnt even finish it back then.

so i have to say, outside of the new content, replaying joyful felt absolutely necessary for me, after starting to emphatize more with buddy (which ive been doing for like a year and half, still never played again) and not only that but my thoughts on rando. i've been looking wrongly at him since the start becuz i thought he was simply just nice 'rando did nothing wrong' then i realized he, in fact did things wrong, and i had become a bit, hmm, disinterested in him, because i had in mind his flaws too much and it started to feel like he didnt care much about buddy. sorry if this is mean as hell rando fans, but luckily playing again gave me a different view of him. i think rando cares, he cares as much as he can but he cant just agree to everything, there are things that simply just oppose eachother and i think this eats him alive and makes him a little lame in how he handles things. i noticed he mentions the kidnapping at the start quite a lot, which he could be feeling intensely guilty about, even moreso, with the implication that buddy was assaulted, which he even asks her about right after. and even if buddy doesn't bring it up ever again, he seems still worried about this. and i liked paying attention to that. i enjoy not seeing him as perfect but he is still caring

on the topic of buddy, i started to become more and more attached to her over time and it actually pains me to think about her sometimes. much like with lisa, thinking about how they were literally just kids going through the worst makes me cry at times. during this playthrough of joyful i had something strange happen and it's that i'd get actual goosebumps reading some of the dialogue, the things buddy would say to rando, the kidnapping, the flavor text in battles and things the enemies would say to her. i think i finally played joyful like i was supposed to and im happy about that, im rly feeling like drawing buddy and rando now. theyre not perfect siblings but it's good to be assured that they cared about eachother, i needed that

another thing i rly rly needed since a long while ago was to cry for lisa again, i played the brad hallucination fight in spanish (only that part, cuz i wanted to see how the name 'chiqui' got handled) and it made me cry so bad, especially i noticed that right after the dialogue where brad tells buddy to not call him dad, his next phase is literally named 'dad', i never paid attention to that. but anyway it seems this game affects me more if i play in spanish, might be because the first time i played it was the fan translation, very nostalgic. some bits of the new content in painful and joyful made me cry, too, mostly the lisa bits. even if there are some things im not convinced by, i know im thankful for that, idk, i like getting emotional and crying, this game means a lot to me, but for a while i could only cry if at some point i started thinking about it too much, i couldn't cry while playing, so this was nice, im a sensitive and lame guy

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

Saw your reblog of the fic ask post so here I am, asking you about your fics 😂 what's the work you most love rereading (if you reread your own fics)? And is there any particular line that you wrote recently that you're proud of/particularly happy about?

Aaa thank you!!!

I do reread my fics, yes! My favourite changes from moment to moment – it depends on how much time I have and what I'm in the mood to read :) Just a couple of days ago I reread Home is where your family is and had a lovely time (I can confirm I'm still the biggest fan of Home Again, Rose!).

As for the lines, I don't want to spoil anything from my WIPs (one of them should be published either tomorrow or Thursday!), so I hope you won't mind if they're not very recent – and if I choose more than one!

I'm still really proud of this passage from i hope you do believe me / i've given you my heart:

"She pauses, waiting for Dorothy’s attention – not that it’s necessary: Dorothy has been paying attention to her all afternoon long. She’s hit with the sudden certainty that Dorothy’s never stopped paying attention to her, ever, not since that day a couple of years ago when she first walked into their home."

And I'd also like to quote this passage from the first fic I've ever posted on AO3, the sky is set to burst / the gold and the rust / the colour erupts:

"Eventually, this simple thought will become part of Aziraphale’s own happiness, another thread simply woven in the soft blanket of their love, warming his very being for all eternity. Right now, however, his mind is busy turning his world on its axis – so the warmth he feels is more similar to the heat of a thousand suns, lighting up his essence to the point where he can barely contain it. It comes out in a brilliant smile of his own and in a pang of something warm and nostalgic around his throat, and Aziraphale wonders – not for the first time – why the physical manifestations of great happiness and great sadness are so often the same, when the two feelings themselves are completely different. Because he might be tearing up, but there is not doubt in his mind that this is the greatest happiness he’s ever felt – after all, what greater happiness is there than being a source of happiness for your beloved?"

I'm sorry – I know it's more than one line, but I just love the passage so much! Possibly because that fic marked my return to writing after more than a decade of silence. I might be just a bit emotional about it.

Thank you so much for the ask, this was great fun!! <3

[aqua-dan]

World's Finest: Teen Titans #1 Review

Now that the first issue of the series has been out for a while and I'm less concerned about spoilers, I felt like now would be the time to say a few things about the start of the series and get some of my opinions out there. There's a lot to say, so I suppose I'll split it up into pros, cons, and general commentary.

Pros

On the positive side, it's genuinely nice to see the Fab 5 + Karen together in a group again! No matter how much time goes on and no matter how many interpersonal issues the group has, they're still my favorite team.

It's nice to see all the different little references to the original series -- from one of their fights being against the Separated Man to the picture of the Flips up on the wall of their base, it does feel pretty nostalgic to someone who is a big fan of Teen Titans vol. 1!

The art is overarchingly pretty nice (although I wish I could hit the colorist over the head and scream at them that Garth's eyes are purple! NOT BLUE!)

Despite my nostalgia for the original series, I am finding myself being more ok with the changed lineup than I originally thought I'd be. Now, this obviously messes with some Titans history that I'm reluctant to give up, but it is nice to see Karen highlighted especially! I also think the inclusion of Golden Eagle was nice! He's probably one of the lesser known Teen Titans, so even seeing him show up was surprisingly pleasant.

Despite the fact that I do also have a slight complaint about it, I do think it's nice that they are leaning into popular slang and what is "cool and hip with the teens." To be honest, I think it could even be dialed up a notch! Bring out your inner Bob Haney!!

The ending to the first issue was also interesting! I like that they are setting up the major conflict but keeping it vague for right now. I'm genuinely excited to see how that progresses!

Cons

On the more negative side, there is also a lot to say. Some of it might be nitpicking, but I feel it's worth putting out there anyways. My biggest issue with the series thus far is that it feels too self aware. I know it's only the first issue, and I know that I just praised the references to the original series in the "pros" section, but in many ways I can't help but feel that the series is superimposing later versions of these characters onto their younger selves despite the story-beats that would cause them to act that way not having happened yet.

Just for example's sake, I think the way Batman is acting is a decent showcase for this. Not to say that he entirely wasn't strict before a certain time, but the extremely controlling and closed off way he's acting is far more in-line with post Death in the Family characterization, and not the time period in which Teen Titans vol. 1 would take place.

Not all of the characterization in that regards is bad -- after all, those traits need a base to develop from -- but in some cases it really feels too aware of how these characters would later become. Because of that, a lot of the dialogue and interactions feel sort of hollow and don't allow for much natural or nuanced progression.

Besides that, this series has really made me confused on the DC comics timeline. With the constant mentions of social media, livestreaming, and modern slang, it reads like it should be something set in present time aka 2023. But considering how this is a flashback, shouldn't this be set in the time of, like... Myspace? Shouldn't the slang be ever so slightly dated, and social media NOT be such a ubiquitous thing? Maybe I'm wrong and the current DC timeline is actually taking place in the future, but still, the over-modern nature of the writing feels a little bit jarring to me.

Speaking of jarring, there are a few details that felt super weird throughout the issue. Roy's comment about Ollie "taking him in from the streets" is jarring since I guess that means they're sticking with the N52 backstory for Roy, which.... ugh. The other things I find jarring are honestly just nitpicks. Without going into it too much, there were just a lot of small details that make my brain go, "hey! That's not how that happened! That's not correct!" Regardless, I need to remember that this isn't a part of the old continuity, so changes can be made whether I like it or not.

General Commentary

All in all I don't think it's a bad start to the series. As it continues, I really hope that things start to feel more authentic so that the series is actually able to develop both its own identity and develop these characters further than they have been before without feeling redactive. I sort of miss the small, homegrown feel of the original series, and how going from smaller missions to world ending events was genuinely a big change for many of the Teen Titans. I'm hoping that there are some more small moments going forward that keep it from getting too big too fast.

I think it's too early to judge the series more heavily, so for now I'm just eagerly awaiting the next issue so we can see how it's going to hold up in the long run.

[life-of-cae]

Hello again, Tumblr!

It's been a while since I wrote here. I remember years ago, I'd pour all my heart out to tumblr. Back then I was still interested in writing and poetry. Those were the days, indeed. Now I feel like I'm back to square one, trying to figure out how to write down my thoughts. For now, I'll just go with the flow.

A lot happened these past few years. Suddenly, I felt like Tumblr is someone I haven't been in touch with and somehow I needed to caught tumblr up. This feels nostalgic. As far as I could remember, the last time I used tumblr was back in college. I tried to retrieve my previous blog, but I failed to do so. I want this to be a routine again, like I always did before. I haven't been writing in journals. Everything is just jam-packed inside my head, I never had an outlet.

Where do I start? Backlogs? Lmao. Everything after graduation. It took me months before I got a job as a Data Analyst. I can remember buying corporate attires and a lunch box (I was so eager to save up as early as I can). My first day was January 2. I asked my friend - who works in Makati - how do they commute going to work. They suggested that I take a Van in Coastal, but me being me, I was too afraid to explore. I've always been a scaredy cat. My parents/grandparents have always been protective of me going out. I view the outside world as a very dangerous and confusing place to be in. I'd rather stay at home, where everything feels familiar to me. Going back, I planned to take the bus that time. Everything did not pan out accordingly. I woke up early so I won't be late, but it was a Holiday, I failed to account that there were few public transport available. This part was a bit blurry, since I can't remember if I ended up taking a van or did I drive to work. But either way, I really felt my independence that day. I met my workmates, they were all smart and awesome by the way! My first day was an 8/10. I still feel nervous and just trying to fake it until I make it. My second day, was really memorable, I woke up really early and tried to take the bus again, and then reality hits me. Commute sucks in the Philippines. We were like sardines in the bus, I was holding back my tears. But yeah, I made it to work alive. I asked my ex-boyfriend to pick me up at work, because my energy just can't. I remember us waiting at the bus stop, but suddenly decided to have a bite in a Tropical Hut nearby. I really like that food chain. Just by entering the Hut, I felt a huge wave of nostalgia. It looks like time ceases inside the Hut. It did gave a vintage vibe, it exactly looks like the fast-food chains where my parents used to bring me when I was child. The food wasn't that great, but the ambiance is what makes me want to go back there every time. I'm not sure if it's still there in Makati.

My first job wasn't that easy. I had to go through a lot. It's like life just slapped me in the face with reality. This is the time that I realized that I have depression. I consider this the darkest moment in my life. Given that my life is perfectly fine in almost all aspects. I end up crying as I walk through the elevated walkway all the way to the station. I never knew the reason why. It came to a point that I had to resign and go to Qatar for a reset.

So that's that. My first post here in tumblr. There are as lot of in-betweens , but I'd rather post them separately. If that makes sense. Hehehe.

[opaldraws]

this post is going to be a lil unedited rambly reflection of being in the harringrove fandom (and by no means a goodbye, so don't be alarmed!). I'm sure that there will be very few people who read this so hello to the peeps who would like to read this diary entry

A couple weeks ago was my 3 year harringroversary! which is exciting but also kind of scary bc how did the time pass so quickly??!! When I joined the fandom, I was 19, in my first year of college, and had like no friends bc all of mine went off to university and I decided to stay home and go to community college. And now I have a ton of amazing friends (on here and irl!), I've transferred to university, and I feel like I've gone through lots of personal growth.

Quarantine happened like 2 and a half months after I had joined the fandom, and without going to school, I instantly felt more alone than ever (as I'm sure everyone else did). So, the fandom became my sanctuary and my main place that I did my socializing.

3 years ago, the harringrove fandom was completely different. there was this greater sense of community that it feels like has been lost, but maybe that's just because I've had less time to be constantly online keeping up with things. We were constantly tagging each other in games, sending silly and inspiring asks, supporting each other with lengthy tags of affirmations. It was a beautiful place to be. There are so many people that I miss from this time, people who have since left the fandom or just completely stopped posting. I remember their usernames, I remember the things they contributed to the fandom, and I remember the lovely exchanges I was able to have with them. I'm sure some of you other longhaulers just thought of some of the same accounts as I did. And you guys are the only ones who will understand this tiny bit of sadness I feel not being able to talk to those people again, or to even see just a little peek into their creative minds.

3 years ago, I recognized every account posting in the harringrove tag. Now it's a sea of usernames that I have no connection to, with specks of familiar friends. I love that and hate that. I love that there's more people who have fallen for these boys' potential like I did. But I hate that it shows that my era in the fandom has passed. I'm not as present as I was, or as I'd like to be. But so many wonderful things in my life are to blame for my lack of presence in the fandom, which I also wouldn't want to sacrifice. So... lose lose battle here I guess.

All of this is to say that I have felt very nostalgic for the time I first joined the fandom. It was such a source of happiness for me and I think I've been feeling kind of.. idk sad again. Many things have changed in my personal life from that time and everything seemed so much simpler then.

I'm not sure what the point is to this post? Maybe I'm wondering/hoping that there's people out there that feel the same way I do? That miss the old fandom while simultaneously being excited by the growth?

[taegularities]

hi! I'm really sorry if this comes out as awkward or like really out of the blue, but I just wanted you to know that I really appreciate you writing and consistently posting stuff, and being excited about sharing your works with your fans. being one such fan myself, I am so glad to have found you during my tumblr phase (I think it's more than a phase now, lmao). if I was reading a book and a notification of you posting popped up on my phone, I'd leave whatever I was reading to read your stories. I'm mostly a silent reader, and I don't interact much, but I can't begin to tell you how much joy your writing has given me. I can't even explain it in words, your writing inspires me so much that I started writing as well :). picked up that novel I left a year ago, and it's kinda progressing(?). I'm sure you're a busy person, but you having the time to reply to your readers and posting consistently really shows how dedicated you are. I'm not saying that if you decided not to, it means your not dedicated, taking a break is important as well, but I have come to really appreciate and admire how you take the time to do so.

over jeweled hills was the first fic that I read from this blog, and safe so say, I was hooked from the very first sentence I read from that story. I couldn't help myself but go through your master list, and it was truly a wonderful experience. I love your writing style and your plots and everything, because of how beautifully it is put.

also, that yjhd fic that you wrote like two years ago? a thousand reasons why - that one? I have been building the courage to say something to you ever since you posted that. yjhd was a childhood favorite of mine, lmao. the soundtrack is still present in almost every one of my playlists. when I read your fic about it, I just felt so nostalgic. you wrote it so well, and I went to watch it again after eight long years. since I was young back then, I didn't understand bunny at all. but after reading your fic and watching it again, it made me reconsider what I felt about him, and really just changed my perspective. everything about that fic was just so perfect. the relationships in between the characters, the chemistry, the reunion with reader and jungkook, everything.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to make this a long ask, but you're just so wonderful, really. thank you so much for all that you write. maybe it's just a hobby of yours, but I'd like to remind you that it brings a lot of us comfort. thank you.

this is not awkward at all… oh gosh, this is one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me, are you kidding 🥺 and i don't mind this being long, i'm gushinnngggg :(( woah, you read over jeweled hills? it's been so long that i even thought of that one, i'm so happy you liked it!! 😭 and ahh atrw :( it's my favourite movie as well, and i tried my best to capture the emotions well, so i'm truly flattered you liked it so much and that it could help you understand the characters better wow what the heck :(( seriously, tysm for being here and sticking around.

i'm so glad you found your way here, too, and i appreciate it to bits that you reached out despite usually being a silent reader. and also like… you put your novels aside to read my stuff? goddd, can i give you a tight hug fr, love, like 😭 and it's super fkn cool that you started writing and that it's progressing, too!! i hope you've been having fun with it 🥺 no honestly, thank you so so much. i don't even have the words to express my gratitude lol like idk what to say except tysm 😭 i know writing to someone can be difficult and intimidating at times, but if you ever want to talk or reach out again, i'll be here 🫂🥺 love you!!!! 🤍

[jill-1234]

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭

I took a listen to all these songs a few days ago and they really spoke to me. I could easily relate to each and every one of them. Most of my relationships have never worked out due to either long distance or there was something wrong with it. It hurts because sometimes I feel like I still have feelings for some of my ex's even though I have moved on. I've experienced heart break way too many times to count to the point where I've gone so numb to it. I'm gonna be real and open. I'm honestly scared to get into a new one. The last relationship I recently had was with two girls and again they didn't work out due to long distance or that there was a lack of communication and the parents were homophobic about it. I'd say the first real relationship I ever had was 8 years ago with a boy I truly loved with all my heart but for some reason it just didn't work. To this day I still have no idea why we broke up in the first place. We were young and we probably didn't know any better back then. I admit it. I have fallen so head over heels for someone (not going to say who) at first I thought I was just infatuated with him but no. There's definitely a strong attraction there. I just doubt we would even work out. That it would even last if by some miracle. They don't realize that I would do anything for them. That I would treat them better. That I'd spoil the living hell out of them. I'd give them everything they need and even give them what they want WHENEVER they want. Both physically, mentally, and emotionally. The fact that I think about them every single night drives me crazy and sends me into so many bubbly feelings that I just can't explain it. I like them as a person so very much. I wish they could see that. It's been so long since I FELT this way about anybody. When I realized I was starting to feel this way I didn't know what to do about it. I still don't know what to do what to do about it. My emotions and hormones are everywhere & raging like you won't believe. I don't even know if I would be their type or that I'd be way out of their league. I think everyone has that fear. This makes me feel a tad bit nostalgic with my first love when I was 16 because this was how I exactly felt when I was around him. That spark. You recognize it right away. It's an incredible feeling and I have forgotten what that truly felt like to have for a guy. Would I be willing to try again? maybe. Still there's that risk. The risk of getting hurt all over again. I'd be willing to take that risk. It's been a long time since I've had strong intense feelings for a guy in general. I know. It's honestly sad. I haven't even expressed how I feel to them because I'm scared of rejection. That I wouldn't be good enough. That it would never last between us due to the whole distance thing. I've cried about it so much at night. Somedays I want to scream and just tell them how I feel. In the end there's a slim chance they probably wouldn't have time for a relationship but we all take that chance right? I guess you just never know until you try. I've been pretty emotional this past month about it. It honestly feels like I'm stuck in this large bubble that I can't escape with so many feelings and questions popping in my head all at once, leaving me scratching my head in confusion. Feelings are very hard. Why must they be complicated? why can't we just blurt out how we feel to the person we love so dearly? why do we back out at the last minute? why do we feel insecure? it's human to feel that way. Man do these songs hit me right in the fucking feels because this is exactly how I'm feeling right now in my current situation.

I was debating if I should even post this on here but you wanna know what? sometimes you just have to let those feelings out or it's going to eat you alive the more you hold it in. Whether it be through music or on a platform. Anything can help with that. Writing is a great form of expression and I've learnt that along the way as an aspiring author. So with whatever you're going through write it out. Let the words flow. Trust me it'll help you. I know we don't know each other very well but I want to get to know you. I'm too shy to message you first. I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything. Even if we just talk for a few minutes during the day it makes me so happy to hear from you. Literally. It does. If only you'd let me. I don't think you understand how happy I get when I think about you in general and that I like you for just well being you. I just wanted you to know that.

I'm sorry.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭

❝Fire and ice. You come on like a flame then you turn a cold shoulder. Fire and ice. I want to give you my love but you'll just take a little piece of my heart. You'll just tear it apart.❞ Fire and Ice - Pat Benatar

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭

BTW

I'm leaving social media for awhile. I felt the need to vent and just let my feelings out in someway shape or form. I'll return when I feel up to it. I just need time alone for the sake of my mental health. If anyone needs me I'll most likely be on Quotev. I'll see you all soon.

Peace and love!

-Jillian

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭

Credit goes to their rightful owners for the gifs and videos.

[kindaconfusingme]

Since it's the end of november, I thought I'd give an update on my reading for the Autumn Reading Challenge 2.0 :)

I am working on a few other prompts atm so I think I will be through kind of soon. I have decided to pick books I already own for all of these so I can use this challenge as motivation to reduce my tbr. I fear this post will be kind of long so be prepared :D

Number in the title: Million Girl Vol.1-3 by Kotori Momoyuki

I read the 1rst and 2nd volume of this years ago when I was a teenager and bought vol 3 secondhand for this challenge bc I always wanted to finish it. It’s about a girl at a very elite high school who finds out that her family owes a lot of money to the yakuza. To repay them, she enters the Money Game that is established at her school, which consists of multiple rounds of competing against different opponents in different challenges, cheating is allowed. While I enjoyed the atmosphere and the reading experience, I’m not the biggest fan of anything beyond the first volume. It gets a little absurd and one does not get the chance to solve the mysteries of the rounds alongside the protagonist, which I would’ve liked to try.

Book with riddles: Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

I love the movie, so I hoped to like the book as well. Sadly, I was disappointed :(

I think one of the problems with it was the pacing, because a lot of the moments that are essential for the plot and should be interesting to read are just really hard to transfer to written text (while looking cool on screen). It’s not that interesting to hear Wade talk about how he has to beat a Pacman-high score. Moments like these were either boring to listen to (audiobook) or skipped over by the author, the latter option being weird as well because some of these moments were quite important. I also found Wade to be pretty annoying and full of himself. I think he compensated a lot of his low self esteem by feeling like the absolute best at knowing niche pop culture details. I kind of relate to that bc my self-esteem is held up by similar things, but I would like to think that I am not as insufferable. Or maybe I am but nobody notices bc nobody can read my thoughts. And I had to listen to Wade’s through the whole book, which made me want to scream sometimes. Artemis was pretty cool, but I felt like a lot of her character was the way it was to make sure she’s the ideal girl that lonely gamer guys wish to meet somewhen (spoken in cliches, I don’t want to shame lonely gamer guys in general here). I guess you can read this book either as a homage to 80s pop culture and be happy about a virtual reality adventure or it reads as a slightly problematic self-insert. … Idk, the book had its moments but ultimately it was a bit of a letdown. I will stick to the movie. And I still love the premise of this story a lot.

Nostalgic read: Sieben Pfoten für Penny – Freiheit für einen Delfin by Thomas Brezina

This book is part of a large series of books about a teenage girl named Penny who gets involved in different stories with animals that usually need saving. Like Flipper 2, the dolphin this book is about – or rather: Should be about. The story of saving this dolphin would be enough to tell a compelling story, if it was detailed enough. Instead, a lot of different side plots get introduced and solved within a few scenes and everything just felt rushed, mismatched and weird. I wondered whether that was because I am reading this as an adult now or if it was because of the way it was written and I landed on the latter since I read plenty of children’s books as an adult that I enjoyed a lot.

Nonfiction: Interest and Investment in fictional Romances (van Monsjou & Mar, 2019)

I stumbled upon this study while researching for my thesis and downloaded it bc boy oh boy am I myself invested in fictional romances – so why not find out what science says about it. I will not go into detail here bc there are too many tiny findings for that, but I was expecting what the authors were expecting as well: That high involvement in fictional romances compensates one’s one loneliness/dissatisfaction with love life and correlates with attachment anxiety. Interestingly enough, the attachment anxiety part was more or less there (they listed some statistically insignificant findings as well though and I don’t remember whether this was one of them and I also don’t remember whether it was found in all studies that included the attachment anxiety measurement). The loneliness/dissatisfaction thing was not found, instead people who were more interested in fictional romances seemed to use those as an exploration for their own romantic wishes – which makes sense, I guess. It is to be said though that the sample was taken from people who were not very involved in fandom over all, only a slight number of participants read or wrote fanfiction for example. As well as the authors, I do think that in a sample that consists of people who are actually involved in shipping and stuff, the results could be more consistent with the expectations, because I do think there is a big difference in the reasons for enjoying the chemistry of a fictional couple casually and being extremely invested in a fictional couple to the point of obsession. Therefore, I’d like to read follow-up studies that have these samples; so far, I have not seen these anywhere.

[rinion-b]

since we're about to hit the end of the year soon, and since i've been too busy with dev work to draw much recently, i've been putting some of my thoughts together on my relationship with art, social media, and all that.

like a lot of kids, i did some drawing and painting during my middle and highschool years. unlike a lot of kids, i was homeschooled. not having a social circle to pick up interests from meant two things: i rarely had to deal with people on a day-to-day basis unless they were my family (yay), and my life felt very boring (not yay). the art subjects, and being forced into a dichotomy of acrylic and watercolor as my main options, did not help.

it took me until the middle of college to start drawing for real. that year was the start of a lot of things for me, and tbh a big part of it was simply having other people that i didn't mind being around, even if i never truly connected with them. anyway, i made some assets for a tabletop game, and at that point i was following enough artists to know at least vaguely the kinds of things that i wanted to draw.

if i look at my files, i've been drawing for a bit over 2 years now. and there's undoubtedly a lot of improvement from when i started (i can only stand to look at like 2-3 drawings from back then, aside from the studies).

i do still want to go back to painting things like this eventually, but for the life of me i cannot figure out how to render a character or a full scene like this.

anyway, that's year 1. i started posting some stuff to twitter, and did mostly fanart or studies where i could find the time. i definitely noticed that i had a bit of an unhealthy relationship forming already with social media (i may not be diagnosed with ADHD, but the way notification indicators make me behave is a big reason i suspect i have it). i also started to fall off of drawing fanart of large, popular vtubers because, well... i'm not sure actually. the artificial interaction inflation from a vtuber fanart is definitely one part of it, but i also started to make friends within an indie vtuber's fanbase/friend circle which made me realize i was being a bit parasocial about one or two larger vtubers and hit the brakes there.

also, this was from an event from an art server where we did blind/telephone style chara design iteration off a picture of jewelry, and that opened my eyes to how much fun having an OC can be compared to being constrained by an existing design. (i do still have issues with fanart because i don't entirely understand how to adapt an existing design to my style the first few times i draw it.)

now, to take a slight detour, all this was happening on twitter or discord. i had used tumblr back in the day, but i barely posted anything and never really kept up with the popular stuff happening. until recently it was also still sort of weird memories because i never the friend group i had from back then... not going into detail, but there are some interesting types out there, and we all kind of grew apart until the group fractured and just sort of fell apart.

coming back here to start posting, even if all i have at the moment is reposting older art, is super comfortable and a bit nostalgic. that return also fell at a time where i had time and a proper idea for updating my personal site, and i do think that i'll be implementing a bit of a blog there as well. i don't mind getting personal on social media, but it's impossible to do easily on twitter and even here i'd prefer to never get notified that people i don't know interact with my more personal posts.

so that sort of brings the story to the current year. having a job makes it pretty hard to keep up with the friends i've made the way i want to, but i don't see myself ever going fully freelance because of how easily i burn out from outside pressure to create. i have a few OCs that i want to continue to flesh out, and i think my main goal for the near future is to evolve my art more with their designs until i can really say i like my ability to render a character and a scene at the same time (i have some ideas, but i need the time to tackle them, and to do a lot of studies).

next year, i want to focus on streaming at least a couple times a month after i get some graphics finished (or even before, and just work on those on stream). i want to just get a lot better at art. illustration is a lot of fun once i can get out of the sketch phase, and i also have dabbled a bit in animation, but 3D is also on the table for game dev purposes and also just character modeling (it's really cool i want models of my OCs and i'm a very DIY kind of person). oh and VR too.

basically, i guess next year is my year to push for being a little more "self-sufficient" and also self-indulgent, i suppose. also been picking up the guitar again recently, and might be buying a bass soon. the more time i spend having fun/working on things and the less time i spend looking at socmed notifications, the better it is for me.

[kiricat]

Reposting this post of mine from one of my Cohost accounts because I like it

I tend to overthink "favorite" questions. I tend to tie myself into pretzels trying to answer them, to come up with some kind of objectively and permanently "correct" answer, as if such a thing were even possible. But instead of doing that this time, I am going to go with what my heart is saying (screaming!) [my favorite retro game is] right this moment:

Sonic 3 & Knuckles.

You see, my sister was my best friend growing up. Pretty much any time I wasn't on the computer (and some of the times I was), I was hanging out with her. It wasn't that I didn't have other friends; it was that she was my favorite person in the whole world, even if (regrettably) I didn't always act like it.

For reasons I don't wanna go into right now, our family didn't have a lot in terms of video games. We had a NES, I personally had a Game Boy and Game Gear, and then we had our computer. Now, of course, I had played SNES and Genesis games (in fact, I sought out and savored every possible opportunity to do so), including the 16-bit Sonic games right around when they first came out. (Hell, I even got to play one of them before it came out, but I'll save that story for another time.) But actually owning a 16-bit Sonic game was just out of the question, or so I thought.

Then, one day, in like 1998 or so, I was puttering around the Internet and found demos of Sonic games for the PC. The one that intrigued me most was the Sonic CD demo, but I also checked out the one for the Sonic & Knuckles Collection. This was a PC game that included Sonic 3 and Sonic & Knuckles, in all their locked-on and non-locked-on permutations, plus the full Blue Sphere minigame. It could output either Adlib or General MIDI music, but otherwise seemed completely identical to what I remembered of the Genesis version, which I thought was amazing.

The demo only included Angel Island Zone, but that was enough for my sister and me for several months. Usually, we did the pseudo-co-op thing (I played Sonic, and she played Tails), and sometimes, she played as Tails by herself. We both scoured every square inch of Angel Island, and learned the first four special stages. We put so, so many hours into this demo. So, naturally, I asked for the full game for my sixteenth birthday, and got it. Not only did we have an absolute blast exploring the full game, but we played the Competition mode excessively (she literally always beat me at Balloon Park). It was our favorite game, by far!

(Side note: if you know much about S3&K, you know that the PC version had some different music, most notably in the last three zones of Sonic 3. I didn't know this at the time, so the PC tracks were the ones I heard first, and the ones I'd later become nostalgic for. So, when I first played Sonic 3 on the Genesis, and got to Carnival Night Zone, I had the exact same "GAH WHAT THE HELL IS THIS" reaction that I'm sure Genesis players had to the PC music. I had to listen for years to people saying that my preferred version of the soundtrack was "wrong" and "not the REAL music" even though, in my opinion, the PC songs fit classic Sonic better. You wouldn't believe the vindication I felt when the community discovered that, actually, the PC songs were prototype songs, and were therefore the original tunes all along!)

So, time passed, we grew up and grew apart, and I finally got the courage to come out at age twenty-nine. (I wish I had done it much sooner, but my parents were fundies and I had to deprogram from that, sooooo yeah.) Most of my family just rejected me outright. But not my sister. Don't get me wrong; she still was (and is) a fundiegelical. But she felt that there was no sense in being a dick to me about my transness, and therefore made good-faith efforts not to deadname or misgender me.

In fact, she went even further than that. I remember, several years back, when she and her husband and son were visiting my town, and I trepidatiously agreed to meet up with them. Upon seeing me for the first time, my nephew asked me what my name was, and I told him truthfully, "My name is Alyssa." And my sister was like, "Can you say Alyssa?" Just. Wow. Wow. We've talked a few times since then, and I wish we could talk more. I also wish she was more accepting, yes, but I truly think that she is doing the best she can within the mind prison she's in. And I treasure that.

So, yeah. I play it because it reminds me of her, and I like that. Specifically, I still play the PC port (albeit with Sega PC Reloaded and the S&KC Mod Loader), because every little detail of that port is seared into my mind and heart. And I don't just mean the music; I mean, all the little inaccuracies. The jittery special stages. The slightly mistimed credits. The way the pallette gets all fucky in that orb bonus stage. Sound effects playing when they shouldn't. I even went as far as to use MainMemory's music config program to make the game use my old sound card's soundfont for MIDI playback, just because that's what reminds me most of the time we spent playing this game.

And it doesn't hurt that S3&K is, like, super glorious just as a game. All the characters are fun, there are so many levels (and most of them are great with fun gimmicks), the music (no matter which music or how you enjoy it) is exquisite, and idk, I just love Sonic!! Pretty much the only thing I don't like about S3&K is that last Hyper Sonic fight, which I find clunky and awkward. The rest is magical. <3