#i fell in love with shadow years ago through shipping him with rouge and i still love him now. he ''ages'' with me

[rouge-the-bat]

"i need to know if this character is an adult or not so i know if i can selfship with them!" ...my dude you clearly are already attracted to them ??? like. gurl theyre FICTIONAL. do whatever the fuck you want god damn.

self ship with them with them aged up. or with an imaginary version of you aged down. or just hc whatever gd age you want for them whether or not it ends up being canon (or its already stated in canon but doesnt match ur view of them). or selfship yourself with them through a character in canon. you can literally just see your fictional other as aging with you. who fucking cares. its fiction. the specifics of the relationship is whatever the hell you make it.

its literally so sad to see people being afraid to just SELF SHIP because they dont know if its potentially ~problematic~ depending on stuff they can easily just rule out of their own view of canon 💀 canon is your sandbox you can tear down the castle and build it anew however to your liking

[moiralovestowrite]

The Plan Chapter 1

Cayde’s light blue eyes felt like ice. His gaze was thin, trembling, like it could crack at any moment. He had never felt like this before, it was like he was helpless, watching those he loved succumb to a terrible fate. The Drifter had spent a whole month planning this out, The con-man was well known for his ideas, his “adventures”, Would this work? Was this just a stupid idea? Everyone had seen it, the future the Darkness had promised on the Moon. Erebus, Aneira, Drifter, they stood by Cayde’s side as they witnessed visions from the monsters in the shadows.  The Nine knew what was coming, the giant illusions had been dropping hints, little pieces of information to push them in the right direction, or so Erebus thought. That damn Warlock was too trusting for her own good, hell, the woman thought Drifter was a saint. To be fair, she thought Cayde was as well. What if this was all a trick? What if they went through with this, would they play right into the Nine’s large hands? What would happen to the Tower? The Hunters? Was this all a ploy to get them to lower their guard? Accept the Darkness? The Vanguard’s fingers slid to the back of his neck, rubbing the cold metal as he felt his chest rumble with worry. They were on a time limit and no one else seemed to care. The Red War had ended and apparently everything was butterflies and rainbows. Zavala refused to look into the future, claiming that the present was more important. Ikora was too busy with her studies, searching for someone she called an old friend. Someone had to do something. “...Let’s do it.” Cayde-6’s voice was soft, unusually so as the Exo’s blue eyes latched upon Drifter’s form. The Derelict’s captain let out a sharp chuckle, it dug deep into Cayde’s ears, causing the Hunter to almost flinch. “Ya sure? I know you talk a big game but you’ve always been a goody two shoes. Can ya really take this next step?” To outsiders, it may have looked like the older man was mocking the Hunter, pushing his buttons, but that couldn’t have been farther from the truth. The brunette knew his friend, his morals and loyalty, they all laid within that damn Tower. Andal was all Cayde had back in the day, Could he really leave it all behind? The Exo turned his head, the orange lights within his mouth flickered as he attempted to come up with the right words. Jokes weren’t right here. Neither was sarcasm. Taking in a deep breath, the Hunter spoke. “I’m sure.” Pure honesty was the only way forward. Drifter nodded, taking in Cayde-6’s words and responding with as much honesty as he could. “Yer making the right choice brother.” The Exo snorted, rolling his eyes as he felt the light in his body brighten. He needed to hear that. He couldn’t let Drifter know that though.

It wasn’t long before the girls arrived upon the Derelict. Drifter loved calling them that, Erebus and Aneira were his girls, Cayde’s girls. Family. Aneira and Erebus were always attached at the hip, the two had a connection that was powerful, raw, and loving. It was almost like the Darkness had connected the two. Erebus was returning from a job, her body covered in the snake gear Drifter had made for her ages ago, the grumpy old man claimed it was to keep her identity hidden but Erebus knew the truth. The boss had needed the Warlock to go “borrow” some parts from Lord Shaxx’s latest shipment of guns. The two would dismantle the Crucible weapons, using the parts to make brand new toys for Gambit. Erebus loved tinkering with guns, testing out each creation before she handed it Drifter, proud to give her boss something that worked. The Exo was loyal, clever, Drifter still wasn’t able to admit it right to her face but he loved her more than anything. Ever since the accident on the Moon and Erebus losing her human body, Drifter became even more paranoid, any day could be the last. Erebus was patient however. She had told the man every day that she loved him with all her heart and soul. She knew he loved her just as much, but with the con-man’s past, she understood him struggling to reply. The Warlock could hear his worries. Aneira’s small form was in her usual Hunter gear, somehow she always seemed to make everything look fashionable. Anything on her looked amazing, glamorous. The armor made Cayde-6 swoon, his feet felt like they were walking on clouds. The Exo could hardly believe he found someone so perfect, and somehow, she liked him just as much? If this was a dream, Cayde never wanted to wake up. Aneira was sly, quick, she had the biggest heart he had ever seen in a person, not to mention she loved his jokes. Clearly she was insane. As the small Guardian removed her helmet, her purple-pink hair fell in front of her amber eyes as they gazed lovingly upon Cayde’s tired form. The Exo knew from day one that Aneira was going to change his life. Now here they were, ready to tackle enemies of the future hand in hand. Cayde-6 couldn’t think of a better way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

“Can...can we go over this again?” Erebus’s voice was uneasy as the Warlock placed the palm of her metal hand onto the map of the Clovis Exo Facility. The woman was so nervous, it felt like the entire universe was depending on this plan to work. That facility, it was like a monster. Something deep within was screaming, she could feel it. Darkness was everywhere, there was no doubt about that, but this building gave off such a horrible energy. Aneira could feel it too. Maybe even more so than Erebus. The Hunter placed a soft hand upon the Exo’s shoulder, giving her friend a smile. A gentle way of saying it will be okay. The girls had been best friends for years, they had come up with so many ways to comfort one another. Erebus could feel her metal lips tug into a smile, relaxing almost instantly from Aneira’s touch. Cayde’s hand sat on his chin, rubbing the metal of his jaw as his mind demanded another explanation of the plan. The Vanguard swore he listened but everyone knew it was a lie. Aneira could see the Exo’s eyes drift off, thinking about god knows what. Probably dinner, Colonel, or what color to paint his new sparrow. Drifter’s annoyed voice rose above the noise of the Derelict, the ship struggling to live as the man pulled one of his many jade coin’s from deep within his pocket. He may have had the best team in the whole universe but they had the listening skills of a four year old. “Alright! Let’s go over this one last time!” Drifter’s gloved thumb flicked the coin into the air, it sparkled in the ships dim lights causing everyone’s eyes to lock onto it.

Everyone’s eyes fell onto each other as Drifter’s coin landed firmly in the palm of his hand. The rouge may have finished speaking but it was clear everyone was still nervous. The old light felt a pinch of guilt floating around in his stomach. Drifter couldn’t do anything to ease the pain of what was to come, but he could damn well try. “Ya’ll look like the saddest vex in the system. We haven’t failed yet have we?” The con-man growled out, almost like he wasn’t just trying to convince the group, but himself as well. It had been ages, hell, thousands of years since he last had people in his life he could trust. The fear of it all crashing down made the back of his head burn. With a deep breath, Aneira opened her mouth, ready to voice her thoughts. “We can do this. But Ere and I would have to leave soon.” Cayde nodded, his blue eyes flashing with light as he remembered that his briefing with Zavala would be shortly. “You guys go now, I’ll head back to the Tower. Big Blue wants to talk to me, “correct behavior” and all that. It gives me a chance to stall so you guys can grab what you need and get back unnoticed.” Drifter’s hand reached up to his chin, playing with his beard. A sly grin coated his lips as the man spoke. “I’ll get everything set up here, that way we can start work right away when you get back.” Aneira turned, facing the Warlock who was busy staring at the center of the map. “Ere?” Erebus’s blue lights within her throat lit up as she spoke. “Do you think we can pull this off?.” Silence met the Warlock’s question. Cayde looked at Aneira, praying she would calm the Exo’s nerves but unfortunately Aneira had turned to look at Drifter, praying the same thing. “Kid-” As the older light bearer began to speak, Erebus quickly held up her hand, silencing the man. The Exo’s eyes were firmly locked on the map as she sighed softly. “No, I understand.” Slowly, Erebus gazed upon Aneira, a fake smile plastered on her metal mouth. “Let’s go.”  

Europa was a horrible moon, full of snow and...well snow. If Erebus could shiver, she would have been. “How are you so okay in this weather?!” The Warlock yelled over the harsh winds. She was just metal and wishful thinking put together, how was the human fine in these temperatures? Aneira couldn’t help but laugh as the Hunter watched her friend struggle through a snowbank, only to trip and fall face first into the soft whiteness of the planet. “Well, for one, I know how to walk.” A muffled grunt left Erebus’s throat before the exo began to move her arms and legs in a sweeping motion. “The hell are you doing?” Aneira walked over to her friend’s form, barely hearing Erebus’s answer. “Front facing snow angels.” The Exo muttered through the snow before attempted to get to her knees. Aneira giggled, grabbing onto the Warlock by her shoulders and helping her up. “Can’t you float?” “Not since I lost my light.” Erebus said sadly, kicking the ground as she began to walk once again. Guilt filled the Hunter, following behind the Exo to make sure she wouldn’t fall again. “But it’s okay, just means I can make ice cream with stasis!” Others would think this was a joke but Aneira could feel the pure joy behind Erebus’s words. Somehow losing the ability to float was okay because now she could make vanilla soft serve.  She may have lost her light, but she certainly didn’t lose what made her special. “And you didn’t show me how?” The Hunter teased as she wrapped her hands around Erebus’s arm, helping the Warlock as they walked towards the facility. It took the girls almost an hour to reach, trudging through the endless white snow, untouched for centuries. By the time they got to the door, both women were tired, cold, wet. All Aneira and Erebus wanted was a break, unfortunately they didn’t have time for that. The doors to the monstrous building let out a hiss as they opened up for the women. “...Are you ready?” Erebus’s voice was shaky as she latched onto her friends hand, squeezing it as tightly as she could. The Warlock couldn’t explain it, this rush of familiarity. Had she been here before? Drifter had found her on Europa, but this building seemed different. “I’m ready.” Aneira replied, squeezing her friend’s hand in return.

[atopearth]

The Legend of Dragoon Part 2 - Platinum Shadow

Since Doel told us to venture to Tiberoa for answers, it's time we got a change of environment! No more Serdio and war~ but crazy princesses! Hmm, was Princess Emille a fake? Hmm, so the Moon that Never Sets is called that because it's not affected by time such as day or night, and when it glows red after 108 years, a Moon Child appears, but I guess so does the Black Monster? Btw, Albert is such a dork that it's so cute lmao, I loved how when they were talking about how Haschel's daughter and Dart's mother are both called Claire, and whilst Rose was saying it was impossible for them to be related considering their appearances, Albert starting going on a rant on an analysis of the possibility and how their skulls were different lmao. And omgg it's kinda crazy, but I never thought about the possibility of a Dragoon Spirit getting stolen by thieves! Sad that I can't level up my Dragoon level now lol. It's kinda crazy to think that such a beautiful green and flowery town like Donau has been taken over by bandits... I guess it's understandable why Lynn (Mayor's son) would go to the Gehrich Gang's Hideout to persuade them to get lost, but seriously, that's so dangerous and highly unlikely to work! Ohh okay, the gang hasn't taken over the city yet, just very hostile and leaving their people there I guess? Meru is such a happy ball of positivity and beauty loll. I used to always think she was super pretty and cute though, she's also really strong! I wasn't too fond of her Additions but I guess her cuteness makes up for it, and she's a pretty hilarious person lol. I see... Princess Lisa knows through astrology that Princess Emille is somehow related to the Gehrich Gang and it even told her to never hand over the moon, probably meaning the Moon Dagger heirloom that will be passed on to Princess Emille soon. Btw, lmao at how well Meru and Haschel get along, they're both like kids getting excited over the royal dinner feast hahaha. It's kinda crazy though, if Lisa can see so many things through astrology, I guess there is a good reason as to why this whole town worships the stars so vehemently.

I honestly didn't expect/completely forgot Gehrich was Haschel's former disciple that got kicked out for not using martial arts with a good heart. It's kinda saddening that he ended up a leader of bandits, but I guess at least in the end, Haschel found him and was able to make him understand that the Rouge School arts weren't to be used for things like this... I didn't realise that Kongol actually followed Emperor Doel for a good reason! Emperor Doel told him that he wanted to make a land where all species could be equal, and Kongol believed in his strength in being able to bring that, but now that he was defeated by Dart, he wants to understand Dart’s strength now. I didn't think that the humans actually killed all the Gigantos aside from Kongol in this place/home of the Gigantos. You would think that since they were oppressed by Winglies before, they would understand the pain of losing people, but no, they killed them... I feel sorry for Kongol, he just wants to fight against bad people like the ones who killed his family and friends... Speaking of Kongol though, him saving the gang by holding that super heavy stone axe/pillar that came from that humongous status was crazy! He even flung it away so easily! I'm not sure how we defeated him before considering he had strength like that lol!

Aww so nice to see Lynn and Kate's wedding! Also really cool to know that whilst Dart and party were gone, the Mayor and all the adults rose up and went against the bandits in town and successfully kicked them out! Nice to know that Dart inspired them to do their best to protect their own town. Shana catching the bouquet was cute. Omggg, I can't remember but dang, you get Kongol's Golden Dragoon Spirit at the rip off market seller in Lohan! It's 1000G which is easy to get by now but wow, apparently you can get to near the end of the game without even realising this is where you get it! Which kinda sucks tbh lol. Apparently there were hints but it must have totally flown off my head because I had no idea lmao. I honestly can't believe King Zior is even allowing these bandit friends of Emille to be knights for the ceremony, like is he crazy or is he a fake? Or does he need to allow all this to save the real princess? Dodging the bandit guards to get to Princess Lisa and the real Princess Emille aren't too hard, but I do admit it's annoying haha. Wow, no wonder it was practically impossible to find the real Princess Emille, she was locked inside a magical dimension within the portrait of herself in her room! Wow, boy am I glad I stocked up on Healing Breeze because Lenus aka fake Princess Emille does crazy damage to all! She has so many turns as well! Maybe it would have been easier if my Albert actually had the SP to turn into a Dragoon though lmao, but still, she's pretty nuts haha. I knew I didn't remember wrong, Meru is a Wingly just like Lenus (since Lenus could tell), but I guess it's understandable of her to hide it from the party for now. Hmm, so after the defeat of the Winglies, the three countries Serdio, Tiberoa and Mille Seseau were formed, and the surviving Winglies sent a divine object of the moon as a proof of peace. Anyway, I guess King Zior was too blinded by his love for his daughter Emille that he didn't care what she was like to realise it was a fake lmao.

Aww it's so cute to run around with Shana on the Queen Fury. Lmao at the chopping vegetables mini game, legit thought it would give me something good after winning but it gives me 1G LOL. All my hard work for a scrap lol. I love how enthusiastic and hardworking everyone on the ship is though! They're so passionate about their work whether it be cleaning or shoving fuel etc, they're really trying their best to catch up to Lenus (and get the Moon Dagger back). Sometimes I feel sorry for how blunt Shana is about her feelings towards Dart but he's just constantly thinking about the Black Monster etc. I guess it's understandable though, he probably thinks that if he starts thinking of stuff like romance, he wouldn't be able to fully focus on the war and everything. I really enjoy talking to all the different sailors with the different characters though! It's so cool how some of the dialogue changes haha! Lmaoo at Meru annoying Dart and Shana to play with her because she's bored, yet when you talk to her with Rose (and she tells Meru they can train together), Meru says she'll behave hahahaha. I wonder what made Rose change if she says that she used to be as innocent as Shana, only caring about her love and hoping that it'll bear fruit? Did Rose's partner die and that's why she tells Shana to never let Dart go? Omg..to think that 25 years ago, Haschel's harsh training caused Claire to accidentally end up killing her training partner since she tried her best to fulfil her father's expectations of her as the heir to the Rouge School... He shouted at her to get out of his sight and lost her forever... It's quite terrible... Lmao at Kongol just ignoring Meru if you talk to her with him hahahah. LOL at Meru throwing a pillow at Albert! Guess he's the easiest to bully even though he’s a king lol. Hahahah I love how everyone sympathises with Dart being the babysitter of Meru when she forces him to run around with him on the ship lol. The Phantom Ship looks really cool but scary at the same time! It's kinda cool how ghost knights protected Shana from skeletons. Okay, that mini game with the chest is so not worth the time lol! It's so hard to guess! Anyway, I checked the rewards and it really only gives you crappy stuff that I don't care about lol, don't need Ultimate Wargod because I can do my Additions just fine anyway lol. So, is the princess of Mille Seseau that this whole ship tried to protect from the Black Monster 18 years ago actually Shana? Rose is probably the Black Monster, but is Zieg the first Red Eyed Dragoon that she supposedly fell in love with but couldn't save for some reason? Was Rose a part of the Dragon Campaign 11,000 years ago? Her and her comrades seemed to be fighting Virages or something? They all died and Zieg turned into stone? I guess you can see why Rose is so attached to Dart if they're so similar. But I wonder, did the Black Monster appear because Rose wasn't able to control the insanity of the Dragoon due to her grief of losing her friends or something?

Lmao when Rose said she'd annihilate all the monsters to protect Pete and his mother (people who saved Dart and Rose after they fell off the Queen Fury when the Phantom Ship sunk). Hahahaha Pete was so funny to say that Rose should confess to Dart because he saw her take care of Dart lovingly in the cave. Hahahah I love how you can go to the hot springs in Fueno and the person soaking in it screams lmaoo. Aww it's so cool and cute how the merchant for the item shop and the weapon shop are the same person! He just goes upstairs to talk to you if want weapons lmao. I love how happy and hyper Meru is to see Dart and Rose alive haha. Aww, it was really sweet of Dart to hug her since she was crying and he felt bad for worrying her. Lmaooo at Meru, Haschel and Albert peeking in on them though lol!!! I think it was really cute how when Dart caught them, they all ran away, but Meru came back to close the door for them lmao. Honestly though, despite how much of a damsel in distress Shana is, I think she really warms up to you as a character. Sure, she's weak and everything, but she's just really sweet and normal, it's hard to not like her. She has that warmth to her that the others lack. Ohh, so Lenus had the Sea Dragoon Spirit! Anyway, she was so much stronger before! Her Dragoon form is so much easier to manage lol, she should have just stayed in her Wingly form. Poor girl though, she gave her life for Lloyd but I honestly doubt he really appreciates it. I think Dart was really touched when Shana ran to protect him when Lenus tried to kill Dart with the last bit of her strength though, it was kinda cute. Lmao at Meru being so happy for truly being a part of the gang as a Dragoon now though haha. Aww it's so cute how Albert was so enamoured with Princess Emille. I can understand though, she's really graceful, beautiful and kind, who wouldn't like her?! But I think the whole family is great! I love how King Zior didn't care about Dart and them not being able to retrieve the Moon Dagger because he believes that it's just a symbol and isn't as important as them being the heroes that saved all the town's from the terror of the Sea Dragon and the fake Emille. Awww, it's so cute how Dart has finally realised his feelings for Shana but he keeps getting interrupted when he wants to tell her lmao. Shana is so brave though, she totally and straightforwardly told him again that she loves him and that it doesn't matter if he views her as a baby sister. I hope they get together soon! Lmao at both Haschel and Meru being kids stealing food from the kitchen hahaha. Albert bonding with Emille in her room was so adorable lmao. Rose chuckling to herself thinking about things was so cuteee, I love how soft she is becoming now. Kongol training in the training centre being happy that he's got friends of different species now was so adorable too. Aww, Princess Emille is willing to wait for Albert to come back from his journey! They're so sweet! Aww he finally got to tell Shana that her wish is the same as his whilst she was wearing a beautiful dress~~ Such a cute and happy banquet!

Overall, this chapter was really nice. I loved the whole Wingly introduction to the story, getting to know more about Rose, but also interacting with Meru and Kongol! I really love how cute everyone is and how different they all are, but how nice they all work together. Btw, I farmed Shana's Dragoon level to 5 to see her skills and dang, White Silver Dragon does damage and heals you to full life! Pretty strong! It was so easy to farm it on the Phantom Ship btw, since you have access to a save point, resting and constant monsters lol. I just wanted to see it before Miranda came along because I remember not liking her lmao. I think the best thing about this chapter is seeing everyone’s growth as a character, mainly Shana and Rose because Shana solidifies her resolve to be beside Dart no matter what, whereas Rose is warming up to everyone (especially Dart) whether she likes it or not. Another cute thing I loved to see was Albert finding his love Princess Emille, they’re both so wonderfully graceful and I find it adorable how Princess Emille loves listening to Albert when everyone else thinks he talks too much in a long-winded way hahaha. I also really liked the Queen Fury part because it really helped to understand everyone’s worries as well as what they’re searching for on this journey, it just made me understand them a bit more individually and I really enjoyed that. Now I feel super bad for hating Kongol as a kid when I was young just because he was ugly LOL, I was such a vain kid! Kongol is like such an innocent, pure and kind guy, I love him lol. Technically though, I love all the characters already haha.

[beau-rxvenscxr-blog]

We Are But Dust and Shadows || Self Para

The St. Petersburg Institute - December 5, 2013

It had snowed that morning. Seraphina had been so excited that she’d cut their morning tai chi session off early so she could play in it, much to the chagrin of the gathered crowd. Two seconds of being outside she’d thrown a snowball at his face. Beau had not been amused, but the solid sound of his return throw did a lot to perk up him up though. The fight hadn’t lasted long, the Russian winter was too bitter to stay outside in with snow in your coat; but it had left them laughing and ruddy cheeked all the same. 

“I’m the winner, admit it.”

“You hit me in the face. Once. That hardly counts as winning.”

“You’re just a sore loser, Beau.” Seraphina said, poking him in the chest as she grinned. 

“Fine. You’re the winner. Happy?”

“Hmm. Not yet. You owe me more now. For denying me.” Another tap on his chest and she turned away, her hair fanning out behind her, smacking Beau in the chest. He glared at her, although there wasn’t much more than mild agitation behind it.

“And that would be?”

“For me to know and for you to find out later.” She said, laughing and then disappeared around a corner. Beau didn’t bother to go after her. It’s not like she could go far, or that she would, but he knew he’d never get it out of her if he pushed. He’d learned that lesson many years ago. She’d get too antsy and end up telling him sooner rather than later anyways. 

So he promptly forgot about it. 

It was after dinner when she finally caved.

“Beau. Beau. Are you ready to pay me back yet?” She had burst into his room without knocking, a habit he had tried and failed to break her of over the years. He’d just learned to always be wearing pants. “Of course you are.” She flopped onto his bed, head cradled in her hands. “I want you to be my mission partner tomorrow.”

Beau just started at her, shirt half off. “You realize you’re talking to your parabatai...right? I’m like...always your partner.” She just smiled and Beau rolled his eyes, finally tugging his shirt all the way off.

“I know that, silly.” He rolled onto her back. “But it’s the principle of the matter. Besides, you don’t like it when I spring stuff on you without asking. I was trying to be nice.”

“What’s the mission?”

“Sokolov said there’s been reports of a rouge vampire out north of the city. Been causing havoc with the mundanes. They’ve tried to catch them earlier but they’re slippery. He seems to think we’re more capable.”

“That’s it? One vampire? I’d have more faith in Sokolov’s shadowhunters than that.” A flicker of dread settled in Beau’s stomach but he easily pushed it aside. “Any other intel?”

“Nope. According to daily reports from the local clan leader all vampires in St. Petersburg are accounted for right now. Taras says they run a tight ship over here.” 

Beau liked that idea and he nodded, turning away from Raphi and heading into his bathroom, leaving the door open so they could talk. “Consider me in. I’m always down for a fun game of hide-n-go-seek with a rouge downworlder.”

North of St. Petersburg - December 6, 2013

"By the Angel, Raphi. It’s cold as shit out here. Even a vampire would have to be crazy to be out in this weather.” Beau said, shoving his gloved hands into his pockets and hunching his shoulders. Sure, they were bundled up and had applied warming runes to each other there was no avoiding the bitter bite of the Russian winter. He couldn’t see her face, too wrapped up in her own clothes to see more than her eyes, but Beau would have bet she’d been smiling.

“Vampires can’t feel the temperature as well as we can. I’ll bet we find this sucker in short sleeves and slacks...or maybe nothing at all if mundane police reports are anything to go off of.” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively and Beau rolled his eyes, pulling ahead of her so he wouldn’t have to look at her ridiculous antics any longer. “Hey! Don’t leave me behind! What if I get lost?”

Beau laughed loudly at that and shook his head. “It is physically impossible for you to get lost. You’re like...a walking, talking, map. You’re the person people call when they’re lost. Seraphina scoffed. “Admit it. You know exactly what direction the Institute is and how far away we are.” Raphi kept silent and Beau looked over his shoulder to smirk at her. She stuck out her tongue.

“Shut up, Beaufort.” Raphi said, breezing past him an jogging ahead of him to stand on top of the hill they’d been climbing. “This looks to be the place the mundane police wrote about.” She started looking around all though Beau knew she wouldn’t find much. It had snowed a good deal since that last report. Any evidence left behind would have been buried under the snow long ago.

“Lots of those reports listed this area. I think we should look around. We’re not going to find much up here. Too much snow.”

“Agreed.” Raphi said, nodding her head and heading down the hill away from St. Petersburg. Beau followed. It hadn’t been long when Raphi stopped, Beau pulling to a stop with her without missing a beat. “Footprints.”

“Not many.”

“They sort of...fall off right there under that tree.” Seraphina pointed, her left hand already reaching for her stele. “I think there’s enough to try tracking it.” She didn’t wait for beau to agree, already drawing the tracking rune on her hand and grabbing Beau’s hands. He didn’t need any more push than that to wrap his hands around hers and together they concentrated. The picture came easily, albeit as if they were seeing it through the lens of a very, very old camera.

Beau released her hands and sucked in a breath, doing that always took his away. “We passed that tree ages ago. I recognize it because it’s got that stupid looking dead branch.”

Raphi didn’t wait a second longer, setting a hard sprint back the way they’d came. “Sneaky, fucks. I wonder what a regular shadowhunter would have been able to see if they’d tracked those footprints?” She didn’t wait for Beau to answer, already answering herself. “Probably fuck all. Sneaky.”

Beau let her talk it out, she did her best work when she spoke to herself. He followed her easily, the trip to the tree half a short than it had been coming from it. “Ready?” Beau said, grinning and snapping his bo staff to full length. Raphi answered by drawing her blade.

Neither of them saw it coming.

One minute they were alone and the next moment they were surrounded by the sounds of angry vampires. On instinct Beau stepped just in front of Seraphina, every fiber of his body screaming at him to protect her. Normally she argued, but this time she kept her mouth shut, leaning into him and drawing from him.

Ivan walking from the trees drew a gasp from her. “Ivan?! What are you doing here?”

“Oh. Dear. You seem to be more competent than...the others.” He licked his lips, the growling went up an octave. “I’ve been trying so very hard to keep things under wraps. But you let one fledgling get too excited and it’s all ruined. I’d almost though old Sokolov had given up the reports as rumors. Pity.”

Beau didn’t like where this was going. Every hair on his body was standing on end by now. He gripped his bo staff a little tighter. “What are you talking about Ivan?”

“I’m talking about how I’m going to have to kill you both. Shame. You are quite lovely, Seraphina.” Ivan’s voice was like liquid honey. Beau lifted his staff in front of them, a thin barrier between them and him.

“Killing us will violate the Accords.” Seraphina said.

“Do you honestly think we care about the Accords here, shadowhunter?” Ivan laughed. And then he was moving towards them. Beau managed to stop him...but not the two vampires who had leaped from the side. Raphi managed to stab one through the gut, the other...stabbed her.

Her death was instantaneous.

Beau’s world flashed a brilliant white and he fell to his knees with a gasp. The fight forgotten. The mission forgotten. 

All was forgotten. 

All Beau could process was pain.

The Denver Institute - December 9, 2013

Three days later Beau woke up.

And every day since then he’d wished he’d never opened his eyes. His first conscious breath in felt insufficient, like he couldn’t get enough air into his lungs.

He’d panicked.

His mother’s gentle hands rubbing him on the back brought him back down. It was there, in his mother’s embrace Beau learned the terrible truth. 

Seraphina was dead.

He couldn’t find it in him to cry.

They’d been found on the steps of the Institute. Seraphina lifeless and Beau utterly unresponsive. The Silent Brothers had not expected him to survive the ordeal. They tried, but by day two they told his parents to say their last words to him before he too passed.

He’d surprised them all.

His mother didn’t want him going to funeral. She’d hoped he would sleep through it. But he couldn’t stay away. She was his parabatai. Her family was owed that much out of him. Seraphina was owed that much out of him. So with his mother’s help he put on his white suit and went to stand at her side one last time. Her family was there too, composed as ever. The only sign of their distress the swollen look of their eyes. Nephilim were not immune to the pain of loss, try as hard as they might. Looking at them made the guilt in Beau’s chest tear at him so deeply he struggled to breathe more than he already was.

“Please speak the name of the fallen.”

Beau opened his mouth, it was his right as her parabatai, but all that came from him was a breathless gasp for air. The silence yawned before him and Beau felt as if he had fallen down a well, looking up at the faces of the gathered Nephilim from far below. Then her sister’s voice, clear as day and so achingly familiar and wrong at the same time, “Seraphina Rosewane.”

He couldn’t speak. 

He couldn’t move.

He felt the gentle hands of Seraphina’s father on his shoulder but his legs weren’t responding. All Beau could do was stand there, frozen.

Broken.

In a show of ignoring tradition they allowed him to stand next to her as the Silent Brothers completed the ritual, the skylight creaking open above them as the essence of his best friend, his soulmate, drifted into the stars. He fell to his knees, head dropping between them, mouth opened in a silent scream of loss and pain. 

Seraphina was gone.

Beau didn’t know how long her staid there. He couldn’t feel anything. Hadn’t been able too since he’d woken up only a few hours ago. Out of the blue someone’s hand fell onto his hunched shoulders. Beau didn’t look up at them.

“In time. You will learn how to be whole again.” It was the voice of a Silent Brother, Zachariah if Beau’s memory served.

“I don’t believe you.” Beau gasped, his voice hoarse and broken. Zachariah squeezed his shoulder once and then the hand was gone. 

“I lost my parabatai too. It has taken me many years to learn to breath without Will by my side.”

Beau didn’t know what to say and when he finally looked up at the empty hall Zachariah was gone. Staring out at the empty room Beau was struck by the first concrete feeling he’d felt since waking up.

Revenge.

North of St. Petersburg - December 9, 2013

Vampires didn’t bleed but as Beau stood in what remained of the St. Petersburg clan he couldn’t help but feel like he was drenched in their blood. And he felt alive and amazing. Ivan was on the floor beneath Beau’s feat, a beaten and bloody mess. He’d hidden, the coward, but Beau  had dragged him out so he could watch. So the last thing he saw was the death of what he loved most.

“Ravenscar. Please.”

Beau smiled.

And then he stabbed him through the heart.

The City of Bones - December 10, 2013

"You stand accused of the murder of the St. Petersburg clan.” The Silent Brother’s voice was monotone but Beau could detect a note of disappointment in his voice. “How to you plead?”

“My name is Beaufort Ravenscar.” It felt like knives in his lungs to not answer the question but he wanted to be clear. 

“How do you plead?”

“I would kill them all again, and again, and again if it meant I would be able to bring Seraphina back to my side.” Beau was gripping the soul sword so hard it dug into his palms. The blood dripped slowly down his hands. He couldn’t feel it.

“Beaufort Ravenscar you are hereby found guilty of your crimes.”

And Beau simply couldn’t find it in him to care.