#i feel so gross in every possible way staying up isnt worth it

[the-kipsabian]

im canceling today, this headache is too much im going back to bed

[vincent-frankenstein]

omg you should totally talk even in more depth abt the different techniques for lucid dreaming this is the first time i've heard abt it and it seems so interesting!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!! YELLS

yall are really indulging me tonight ig wow th,,, thank u,,,,, 

well! there are several different ways to induce a lucid dream, ranging from like. barely any effort to A Whole Lotta Effort. 

of course, no matter which technique you choose, you have to be maintaining a consistent dream journal and practicing reality checks for you to have any hope of success. i canNot stress enough how important those two things are!

anyway gonna, yeetyeet this under a cut bc we boutta get RAMBLY up in this tired bitch

first things first, MILD, or mnemonic-induced-lucid-dream. i talked about this one a lot in my original post, but it’s always worth a mention! it’s very low effort, and the results can be a bit slow, but it does work. all you have to do is set your intentions as you’re falling asleep with a mantra to focus your brain on lucid dreaming. personally, i use “i will become lucid in my dreams tonight” a lot, and it works pretty regularly! just repeat whatever mantra you choose over and over in your head while you’re trying to fall asleep — for at least five minutes, but the longer you go, the bigger your chances are.

upsides: REALLY low effort

downsides: not the biggest chance of actually inducing a lucid dream, and it can get really boring really fast, especially if ur an adhd bastard like me and u cant focus on shit

next! VILD, or visual-induced-lucid-dream. this is somewhere between MILD and WILD. it can be a bit more difficult than a MILD — especially if you have trouble visualizing things — but it can also induce lucid dreams that start exactly where you want them to, so you dont face the problem of having to change the scene. basically, you lay in bed, get comfortable, do ur Thing, and then you start visualizing exactly what scene you want your dream to start with. get as detailed as possible — notice every detail, every sound, everything. make sure to put a reality check into your scenario! supposedly, you’ll eventually just cross over into the dream, and your reality check will snap you into lucidity

ive only tried this method a couple times, and... it’s never really worked for me, but that could just be my adhd and my insomnia doubling up on me to keep me from falling asleep. whenever i try to focus too hard on falling asleep, i end up awake half the night instead. but! that doesnt mean this isnt a good technique; just because it doesnt work for me doesnt mean it wont work for you

upsides: starts a dream exactly where you want to be, good if you’re an imaginative person

downsides: boring as all hell, can (at least in my experience) worsen insomnia

the WBTB, or wake-back-to-bed method is a pretty much surefire way to get a lucid dream if you’re okay with sacrificing a night’s sleep in the process. the idea is to wake yourself up during an REM sleep cycle (specifically around 4-6 hours after you go to sleep, when dreams will be the most vivid). some sources say to get up then, spend about an hour meditating or reading about lucid dreaming, and then go back to sleep, but personally, this works best for me if i just roll over and go right back to bed. when your alarm rings, you’ll snap out of whatever dream you were having, and if you go right back to bed, you should be able to fall right back into the dream with the knowledge that it’s a dream. 

ive never had this technique fail, but it always leaves me super tired the next day

upsides: pretty much guaranteed lucid dream, not too much effort

downsides: you have to wake up six hours into your sleep, which is Gross™

now, if you really wanna put in the effort. there’s the WILD, wake-induced-lucid-dream technique. as the name implies, this technique attempts to bring you right from wakefulness into a lucid dream. it’s a long, complicated process — and in my personal opinion, it’s not much fun — but if you do it right, your chances of getting lucid are huge.

basically, you’re going to allow your body to fall asleep while your mind stays awake. you get in bed, lie in the corpse pose (on your back, arms at your sides, legs out, etc), and meditate. focus on your breathing as it comes in and out, and center yourself. then, relax your body bit by bit — starting with your feet, then your ankles, your calves, etc. when you’re done, your body should be deeply relaxed

then just. lay there. you can use your mantra from MILD, or steal a bit of inspo from VILD and start visualizing your dream. eventually, you’ll start seeing hypnagogic imagery — those little blobs of color and light that dance in front of your eyes as you’re falling asleep. you may also feel vibrations, hear auditory hallucinations, or even see things, if you open your eyes. you’re basically inducing sleep paralysis; your mind is awake, but your body is asleep.

dont move, no matter how weird it feels. keep your eyes closed, and focus on the hypnagogic imagery until it starts to form objects, places, people. soon, you should be able to just snap right into whatever scene builds before you, fully lucid.

ive only tried this once. i got to the vibrations, freaked out, woke myself up, and stayed awake the rest of the night with insomnia. it’s... probably my least favorite technique. 

upsides: huge chance of getting a lucid dream, and u get some Funky Hypnagogic Imagery on ur way

downsides: sleep paralysis is VERY likely, weird feelings all around, ridiculously hard to master especially if you have trouble stayig focused

those are the Main Four techniques! there are some that take even more effort than WILD — like ADA, all-day-awareness, where you’re supposed to force yourself to be awakre of everything 24/7 so the awareness will bleed through into your dreams — but in my experience, these four are the most likely to get results.

aside from these! there are also supplements you can take, hypnosis tracks you can download, guided meditations you can practice — basically a whole bunch of shit you can do on the side to increase your chances. but if ur like me and u dont have the time/energy to do all that shit, just stick with MILD, and you’ll see results soon enough!

[yoramkelmer]

Hogwarts Overexposed Chapter 3: New Friends

Welcome back. When we last left off, we meet Roz again, the Scary Sue from the last fic. 

Emily's stomach lurched at the very sound of Roz's name. In this case, I actually can´t blame her. Jamie and Emily had known Rosalind for a number of years because both families vacationed yearly at Cap d'Adge. Why are we told this again, since we already know it? In this case, knowing and liking had absolutely no correlation.

No shit, Sherlock!  Roz had detested Jamie from day one and did everything in her power to aggravate and humiliate the girl whenever possible. We are never told why Roz hates Jamie so much, but it seems that she only hates her because of how Pure Jamie Sue is, as clicheed as that may sound. In the last few years, she had even tried getting at Jamie through Emily. Last year, she had tricked Emily into a bet that was both sickening and demeaning. Every time Emily thought of what she had nearly had to do to Roz, she had the urge to heave.

Why is it never brought up that Roz actually wanted to molest Emily? Not to mention that when Roz actually tried to molest her in front of her sisters, Jamie actually did something understandable in that situation - kicking Roz´s face in! But because Jamie is such a Pure Sue, she was so horrified that she did something like that and while Roz was passed out, they had her healed. 

I hate this fic.  Although totally impossible in the din, Roz's head turned toward the group, as if hearing Felicite bring up her name. "Oh shit!" Emily cursed. "She's coming our direction." "Who?" Caitlin and Kim voiced in harmony.

HARMONY HARMONY OHHH LOOOOOOVE 

"Rosalind," Emily said, virtually gagging on the name. Although Kim had never met Roz, the stories she had heard from Emily and Caitlin made her extremely anxious.

I´m actually glad we didn´t have any scenes of Caitlin and Emily telling Kim stories of Roz, that would have been even more pointless filler.  "What's going on here?" Roz said as she swaggered over to the group. "Is this a meeting of the hopeless losers club?" She gave Kim a turned-up-nose glance. "Still picking up new members I see."

Roz shook her head in a self-aggrandizing -___- way. "Daddy said that this year's holiday would be better because we'd be away from all the riffraff, but I imagine the cruise line must allow all types on board or they'd be accused of bias."

As I said, I find it really hard to believe that basically everyone from Cap d´Agde just happens to be on the same cruise ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ATLANTIC OCEAN.  "I'm likewise happy to see you," Jamie said, trying her best to pay no attention to Roz's snide holier-than-thou attitude. Jamie should probably be the last person to complain about other peoples holier-than-thou attitude  "I believe you know everyone except Kim. She's a Sue, just like us! friend of the family." Roz gave Kim the sort of look usually reserved for rancid garbage well, she´s a Sue, so she is not far off! and then turned to a young girl, about Emily and Kim's age, that was shadowing her. "This is my niece Angel," Roz said, acting as if she were introducing royalty. "Angel, you don't even need to know their names," Roz said arrogantly. "Just take a good look at their faces and stay away from them; they're all Sues! not worth your time." Roz turned and walked away as Angel's face flushed. "I'm sorry," she said, sounding sincere. "I... I... I got to go." Angel turned and hurried after Roz. "Well, that was pleasant," Caitlin said acerbically I have never heard that word before, to Emily and Kim. Jamie had returned to her conversation in French SUE! SUE! SUE! with Chantal and Felicite, although now by their frequent glances in the direction of Roz, it was easy to speculate what they were talking about.

"I actually felt sort of sorry for Angel," Kim said. "She didn't appear to be at all like Roz. It looked like she was humiliated by that whole encounter." "I agree," said Caitlin. "It's difficult to believe they are related. Not only do their personalities seem totally different, but also they don't look at all physically alike. I think we should bring her into our Cult! Angel is extremely pretty and Roz is..." Caitlin seemed lost for the proper word. "Roz is an unkempt hag," Emily suggested. "No, that's not being fair to hags in general."

Come to think of it, Roz is the only naturist in the whole Saga outrightly described as ugly, and she also happens to be eeeeevul. Hello, Unfortunate Implications!  "I always thought you were both exaggerating when you described her, but you weren't," Kim said. "She's as miserable and gross as you portrayed her. I can understand a girl or woman not wanting to go to the extreme of being smooth, but you'd think she'd at least trim. And her underarms... ugh!"

Isnt Naturism all about being natural, which bodily hair is supposed to be?

The discussion of Roz came to an abrupt halt when Emily noticed Designated Love Interest #3 Brian walking in their direction accompanied by two other boys; the girls, especially Kim, watched nervously as the boys approached. "Hi," Brian said shyly, upon reaching them. He was addressing them all, but his eyes seemed trained on Kim, who was clearly tense.

This is so forced.  The girls all responded with a muffled greeting. Emily was the first to break the ice. "I see you finally discarded your clothes and got with the program," Emily said, addressing Brian.

Does this all sound like something a 12-13 year old girl would say? "Yeah!" he said. "This is my preferred condition of dress. I've been a naturist my entire life. Unfortunately, coming from Pennsylvania, I don't get to practice it outdoors nearly as much as I'd like. This is Jeff and Mark's first time." He indicated his two friends. "They're only doing it so they can get to see a lot of naked women."

In this fic, it would not surprise me in the slightest.  "You are so full of it," Jeff retorted, and then turned to the girls. "Mark and I have been nudists since we were youngsters; we're fraternal twins. We met this liar on vacation about five years ago; been putting up with him every summer since."

I´m just gonna say this now, Brians two friends are the least of the people who are given any characterisation what so ever over the duration of the whole nudist cruise arc of the fic. They just happen to be there, and don´t contribute to anything.  "How long have you guys been at it?" Mark inquired. "I've been a naturist my entire life," Emily replied. "If I had my way, clothing would never touch my body."

WE ALL KNOW ALREADY  "You sound like a nudism activist," Mark answered back. "I just might be," Emily said, "once I reach the age where my actions won't affect those I care for. Caitlin's only been a nudist two years." "It looks like you and Caitlin get to spend a lot of time bare outdoors," Jeff commented. "You both have great all over tans without a trace of a tan line."

....................... Obviously Jeff had been observing Emily and Caitlin closely, but neither girl seemed the least embarrassed by his comment . It was Kim who blushed because she had very noticeable tan lines. You could see the precise outline of her bathing costume.

Oh, the Horror!  "How long have you been a naturist?" Brian asked, giving Kim a pleasing slasher smile. Kim gulped. She thought about lying, but lies always had a way of coming back to haunt her. Especially since the lie to the other Scary Sues in their dorm is what is making her miserable in the first place.  "I'm not a naturist," she said. "I'm nude lots of times with Kim and Caitlin where they live, but this is the first time I've ever been naked in public." Brian looked at Kim with astonishment. "Then you must be the gutsiest girl on earth," She actually isnt. he exclaimed. "I'd expect you to be scared to death, but you don't look the least ill at ease." "Looks can be deceiving," Kim said with an uneasy laugh.

Well, at least she´s honest!  "Well, one thing is for certain," Brian said truthfully. "You most certainly have nothing to be ashamed of; you're quite lovely." "Thank you," Kim replied, a bright glow covering her entire body. * * * * * *

Snip for a boring scene where Ron is being talked to by the woman from the couple who were ogling them in the previous chapter, and her name is Bonnie. 

We now come to the prelude to one of the dumbest and pervy scenes of the Saga:

"Have either of you ever been on a surfboard before?" Kim asked, looking at Emily and Caitlin. "I haven't," Caitlin said. "Truthfully, I prefer my swimming water in a nice clear pool." "I'm not that grand LOOK HOW BRITISH I AM a swimmer," Emily admitted. "I'd drown if I went out that far." Kim leaned the board back into its rack, dejectedly. "Are you girls going surfing?" Brian called out as he, Jeff and Mark came bounding toward them. "Just looking," Emily replied. "Kim is the only one with the guts and ability to try it." "Then this is her opportunity," Jeff said. "Brian is the main man when it comes to surfing. You'll take her out, won't you dude?"

Even if I didnt know what was coming in this scene, why does this sound so wrong?  "This is a good place to give it a try if you're interested," -___- Brian suggested. "The water is warm and the surf mild. You won't get any thrill rides, but you won't get knocked off the board either." "Why don't you try," Caitlin said encouragingly. "I'm sure the four of us can find something safe to do while Brian and you drown yourselves." "You won't drown," Brian said, reaching out and squeezing Kim's hand. This feels so wrong.... "I'll see to that." "Okay," Kim said giving Brian a smile. "But if I do die, I'm coming back to haunt you." "No chance," Brian said. "Only witches and wizards can become ghosts." UUUUUuuuuuuhhhh.....foreshadowing! He turned to the others. "We'll meet you guys in front of the Banana Beach Bar in about an hour." Kim looked over her shoulder apprehensively as Emily and Caitlin walked off with Jeff and Mark, leaving her alone with Brian. * * * * * * "You have quite a way with cats," Severus said as he watched Katie relate with Crookshanks and Alfred.

Yes, Snape is now starting yet another relation with another former student of his! Yaay Unfortunate Implications!  "They're not cats," Katie corrected Severus. "Crookshanks is part Kneazle and Alfred is a purebred. These guys are both very intelligent and can almost tell at an instant whether you are trustworthy or not."

Just remember:

Neil had by the start of the second fic totally forgotten about both Crookshanks and Alfred, because (in his own words) “they´re not nudists”.  "It's a shame we humans don't possess that ability," Severus commented. "Some do, although most don't realize it or use it to its full potential," Katie said. "Jamie Zacherley is a case in point. Hermione says the ability is strongly manifested in her, but she tends to block it, instead looking for the good redeeming values in people."

“See? She´s totally not a Mary Sue!”  "That sounds like Jamie," Severus said. "How do you think she'd do as a member of staff?" "Next year, just right out of school?" Katie questioned. "But I thought she had plans to go into training as an Auror."

I think this is the first time this is mentioned since the first fic.  "She does," Severus answered. "Unless she and Alex Ward do appalling on their N.E.W.T.s, I would expect them both to be accepted into the program." "I don't understand," Katie said. "If she isn't interested in teaching, why would you be considering her?" "Because Flitwick says she's the best qualified person to replace him when he retires next June." MARY SUE DETECTED BEEP BEEP BEEP Severus answered. "He claims that her abilities stand far above any other candidate we've considered for the position. Not only that, but she's already gained some valuable experience by subbing and has shown a strong aptitude for teaching."

She is one of the biggest Sues I have ever encountered.  "Aren't Ward and she dating?" Katie asked. "Yes! That is what is causing me consternation," Severus answered, shaking his head. "They have been extremely close friends since first year. Very much like Hermione and Harry were. Now, like the Professors, they have been chosen Head Boy and Head Girl. Every indication is that they are destined to be together. I feel that by offering her a position, I'm building a roadblock in the path of their happiness. It would dictate them being apart for three years."

I said this before, but we are never, ever shown why Jamies and Alex´ relationship is supposed to be sp special. 

I doesnt help that most of what Alex does - when he isnt channeling Kirk Cameron - is just to be there and be Jamies Yes-man on everything.  "Are you asking my advice?" Katie asked. "I value your opinion greatly." "Then when the time comes, you must offer her the position. By not doing so, even though your intentions might be honorable, you are trying to control her life. The choice has to be theirs. It will be a difficult choice, but it must be theirs to make."

The way she is saying it makes it sound as if the fate of the world is depending on it! 

* * * * * * 

Cut for another boring beach scene - Sam tells Ron that she´s been hanging out with Bonnies husband Jim. 

I wonder where this is going....

And cut for a Ginny/Draco scene, where they are on vacation and Ginny talks about wanting to be naked. 

We move on to the scene I alluded to earlier:

"Are you nervous?" Brian asked after he and Kim had paddled out to sea a good distance. "Nervous doesn't come even close to describing how I feel," Kim said fearfully. "You'll be fine," Brian said reassuringly. "You just have to trust me. Now getting to our feet can be a little tricky. I'll get up first and then assist you. Once we're both up, relax and lean back against me. Let me move your body in tandem with mine in order to maintain balance. One more thing, forget that we're naked." Forget that we're naked. How the devil am I supposed to do that when you're going to be touching me, when you want me to lean back against you? Why am I here? Why did I agree to do this? Because you´re about to be assimilated. Why is he so nice to me? Why is he so gorgeous? Brian had made what they had to do sound much easier than, in fact, it actually was. Ten times they had tried standing and ten times they had fallen into the brine. I almost except the Dirty Dancing soundtrack to play in the background at this time. Kim was exceeding glad that she was a proficient swimmer; else she would have already given up and begged to return to shore. As it was, she could only picture trying this a few more times. They fell for the eleventh time. "Okay," Brian said with assurance. "The twelfth time is charmed."

UUUHHHHHHH FOOOOORESHADOOWIIIIIING  "It better be," Kim gasped. "I've swallowed about as much ocean as I care to for one day." Brian was on his feet and so was Kim. They were finally actually both standing. "Now relax," Brian said. "Lean against me and let our bodies become one."

:S 

This sounds so wrong.  They were actually riding a wave, albeit a small one, and headed for shore. "This is great," Kim said happily, forgetting for the instant that Brian's naked body was pressed tightly against hers. Then he shifted to change their direction and she felt it. She knew at once what it was and it had nestled itself gently between her butt cheeks. FUCK YOU NEIL, FUCK YOU!!!!!! Kim panicked and they were both in the water.

I just can´t - and I find it strange to think that this Saga has actual fans.... "What happened," Brian asked after they had both surfaced and caught their breath. "I lost my footing," Kim lied.

Kim, grow a spine!  "Want to go out and give it another try?" Brian offered. "No thanks," Kim begged off. "I've had enough for the first time, but it was fun. Thanks." "It was my pleasure," Brian replied genuinely.

We now move on to Emilys sex obsession:

"Are you sure it was his Willie?" Emily asked as she and Kim lay in bed discussing the events of the day.

I wonder why Emily doesnt just say “penis”, given how obsesses she is with it.  "Well, since I didn't in point of fact see it, I can't be positive," Kim replied. "But I can't imagine what else it could have been. He had a hand on each of my arms and I was leaning back against him." "Was it soft or hard?" Emily persisted.

FUCK YOU NEIL  "I don't know!" Kim said, aggravated at Emily's doggedness. "I just knew it felt weird having a part of him touch me there." Kim thought for a minute. "He must have had a stiffy, otherwise I don't think it would have prodded me to the extent it did. I just know it didn't belong there."

I hate this fic.  "I think you're being overdramatic," Emily said assuringly. "Brian seems like a real nice guy. I'm sure he wasn't trying to do anything improper. It was probably just a natural reaction to his penis having rubbed against your bare skin. Jamie says they sort of have minds of their own sometimes; that guys can't fully control them."

Keep telling yourself that, Neil!  "Speaking of which, have you noticed Professor Weasley's?" Kim asked, her face turning ruby red.

I feel so sorry for Ron in this fic.  "It's somewhat difficult not to," Emily answered. "I wonder whether his large size has anything to do with him being a werewolf." "Probably," Kim answered. "Can you imagine something that large inside you?" She shuddered at the very thought. "I wonder how Sam does it."

Remember this conversation for later in the fic.

I know this may sound weird, but it is actually (kinda) important.  "Well, as we saw when Amanda and Mum gave birth, women can adjust." Emily said, actually fingering herself. FUCK YOU NEIL, FUCK YOU!!!!! "It must be an awfully tight fit." "Emily, can I ask you a question without you getting irritated and flying off the handle?" Kim questioned warily. "I can only promise to try," Emily said with a laugh. "Lately I seem to have a very short handle." Kim took a deep breath. "Are you and Caitlin gay? Have you had sex? I mean if you are and have, it's okay with me. I just..." She didn't finish.

I actually wonder how Kim got that vibe. 

Emily just stared at the ceiling, completely caught off guard by Kim's questions. "I don't think either of us is gay," she answered. "I'm not sure a person at twelve or thirteen can even be fully confident of their sexual preferences, but we are unquestionably both extremely interested in boys so I don't think that either of us is gay."

Yeah, keep telling yourself that. 

Besides the fact that this here seems extremely homophobic on Neils part - on the one hand constantly denying Homosexuality yet at the same time writing a sex scene between two (UNDERAGED) girls is just classic “Girl on Girl is hot” trope in all its glory. 

Also, apparently Bisexuality doesnt exist here. 

Not to mention that there is a short scene in the last chapter of the first fic in which Caitlin and Emily announce that they are a couple - that scene is never ever referenced to again afterwards. 

Like so many other things in this Saga. Emily took a deep breath, not sure how her best friend was going to handle the balance -___- and I was happy that we didnt have more misuses of the word “balance”  of her answer. "We have experimented with oral sex," Emily honestly admitted. "And we both found that it felt nice." "Oh!" Was all Kim could say in response. "Does knowing that change things between us?" Emily asked apprehensively. "I'm not sure," Kim said nervously. "I love you. You're my best friend, but I could never do that to another girl; not even you."

Well, in this fic, you never know for sure.  "Kim! I love you too and I'd never ask or expect you to do it," Emily replied. "I'm not even sure if I could do it with you. You are my best friend, but Caitlin is my sister and although I can't quite explain it; the two of us have a special something that actually made it feel good and proper."

The fact that she is your (adopted, but still) sister is what makes this even more disturbing - apart from the fact that they are both underage. 

Which again makes me think....Caitlin was raped by Madam Hooch when she was 12, and then two years later "experiments” with Emily - why can´t I help but feel like its a situation where a rape victim goes on to control youngers? "Then I can slumber assured that you won't molest me during the night," Kim said with a laugh.

As I said, Kim:

In this fic, you never know. 

I hate this fic.  "Promise," Emily said. "Will you still hold me if I have another nightmare about that git, like I did last night?"

I think this is the last time we ever hear about the almost-rape at Ford Lauterdale.  "Promise," Kim said, as she kissed Emily on the cheek before turning on her side and shortly going to sleep. * * * * * * More boring stuff, but this thing sticks out:

"How does he do it?" Ron asked as he helped Hermione situate and shade a sleeping Benjamin, all the time trying not to look straight at his friend. Ron was already using a towel to hide his semi-erectness; if he allowed his eyes to fully appreciate Hermione's body, he'd have a full-fledged stiffy that would never give up.

Wouldnt it be kind of interesting to see if Ron was still in love with Hermione despite all the things that happened?

This of course is never followed up upon. 

Ron and Hermione were interrupted by the shrill sound of a woman's voice loudly calling out Hermione's name.

Hermione turned and, upon seeing Michelle Wolfskill, hurried to greet her, giving the relatively fleshy woman a proper hug. Michelle had befriended Hermione last year at Cap d'Adge; she was also responsible for telling the Potters about this cruise. Why are we given exposition again about things we already know? She and her husband, Lloyd, had been good friends of Jennifer and Carl Zacherley, Jamie and Emily's late parents. Who now only are mentioned like this in passing and otherwise no longer acknowledged. Upon first meeting, Michelle in fact mistook Hermione for Jennifer's sister because Jamie and Hermione looked so similar.

Oh. Its been a while since that has been mentioned.  "It's wonderful to see you again," Michelle said, sincerity evident in her voice. At that time she looked at Ron. "Have you brought us a new convert, Hermione?"

I wonder how actual nudists would react to this comment.  "That remains to be seen," Hermione said candidly. "This is Ronald Weasley. Ron, Harry and I have been best friends since our first year of school, despite the fact that we treat him like crap. Ron, this is Michelle Wolfskill. We only just met last summer, but hit it off immediately."

The last part sounds very wrong. 

Again.  Ron and Michelle exchanged smiles and then shook hands, with Ron, naturally maintaining full eye contact. "Where is Lloyd?" Hermione inquired. "Still sleeping," Michelle said disgustingly. "He was gambling till the wee hours of the morning. I didn't realize the ship had a casino when we booked passage or I might have reconsidered. Lloyd has an unhealthy obsession for playing poker, and he also wont have any influence on the plot anyway." Ron listened with great interest. Wizards had nothing that compared to casinos in their world. He was extremely eager to find out more about this form of adult Muggle entertainment. Unfortunately, Harry and Hermione seemed to both eye gambling negatively and Sam had shown little curiosity.

This is the first we ever see any evidence of this. 

This is of course only brought up for a stupid subplot that won´t have any influence or consequences on the main plot anyway.  "That's Samantha, Ron's wife, perched on Harry's shoulders," Hermione said, pointing in the direction of the pool. "We all call her Sam. Jamie is holding their son, Timmy." "You have a very attractive wife," Michelle said, but as she spoke her mind seemed to wander as she glanced at Kim, Caitlin and Emily. "Did you adopt another daughter?"

Basically yes.  "No, although she almost seems like part of the family," Hermione said with a laugh. "That is Kim, she's a good friend of both Emily and Caitlin." "But our family has increased in size," Hermione noted proudly as she bent over and picked up Ben. "I'd like you to meet Benjamin James Potter." "You've had a baby?" Michele said disbelievingly. She gazed at Hermione in skepticism and then at little Ben. Temporarily all other thoughts were erased from her mind as she looked at the adorable baby. "May I hold him?" "Certainly," Hermione said trustingly as she handed Ben to Michelle. "Don't take it personal if he wakes up and starts crying; he's normally been fed by now." "I'll feed him if I may?" Michelle said. "It seems like forever since I've held a baby and giving me grandchildren doesn't seem to be a priority with my children. Where do you have his bottle?"

This is how we know she has children, as it has never been mentioned before and will never be mentioned again.  "I'm breastfeeding," Hermione said almost penitently because she knew it would draw Michelle attention to her huuuuuuge breasts. Michelle just stared unbelievably at Hermione. There were so many things she was temped to say, so many questions on the tip of her tongue, but she somehow managed to remain mute and instead just nodded her head. "I looked all over Princess Cays for you yesterday," Hermione said. "I'd about come to the conclusion that you had decided not to book passage." "Lloyd and I opted to stay on board yesterday," Michelle advised. "Most of the stops are pretty much the same and Princess Cays, being owned by the line, is the most bland and uninteresting of the islands, and this way, the author doesnt have to write any descriptions of the island." "Ladies," Ron said, getting Hermione and Michelle's attention, "I'm not really in the mood to lie in the sun. If you don't mind, I believe I'll just move over to that table where I'll have a better view of the pool." "Are you sure?" Hermione asked, feeling shoddily for perhaps ignoring him. Ron, however, was already on his feet and didn't answer. Perhaps he hadn't heard her or possibly he was intentionally ignoring her as he headed for the empty table.

I really hate how Ron is treated in this fic - and it only gets worse from here.  * * * * * * Cut for another boring scene with Ron and Bonnie, playing chess - Bonnies husband Jim and Sam notice it. 

"Michele, what's on your mind?" Hermione inquired. "I know you well enough to be able to tell when something is bothering you. It's not like you not to say what you're thinking."

How many betas were supposedly involved in this again? Michelle looked at Hermione hesitantly. "I'd rather not say," she said. "I value your friendship too highly, and we get to see each other so seldom that I don't want to chance saying something that will rub you the wrong way." "Part of the reason I like you so much is because you are frank and tell it like it is. I'd much prefer you come out with whatever it is you want to say rather than let it fester the entire holiday."

It was never shown how close Hermie Sue and Michelle are. This here comes completely out of nowhere.  Michelle shook her head as she bit down on her lip. "You're a Mary Sue! different," she finally said. "I like you. I like you very much, but there is something different about you; and by you I mean you and your entire family." Hermione looked at Michelle concernedly. She was expecting a question in regards to her breasts or her body springing back to shape so fast after having Ben, but she wasn't expecting this. Michelle most certainly didn't know that she was magical, but somehow she had realized that she was unusual.

Sues usually do stick out wherever they are, even in a Saga like this with multiple Sues.  "Last year when we first met, I took an instant liking to you," Michelle said. "I imagine most people do; you have that sort of charisma about you. Of course, I was cheering for Jamie in the competition." Of course she was. She hesitated a moment. "I was watching the day of the contest when Jamie reached the hotel clutching her breasts in pain. Having done some nude running myself in my younger days, I could be empathetic with the tenderness she was feeling. It was evident that the girl could run no more."

I was already thinking in the last fic that it is a miracle that no one saw Caitlin and Hermione perform their Sue Powers on Jamie out in the open.  "But then I watched as you and Caitlin held hands and went into what seemed to be a deep trance. Jamie who had been sitting very quietly, almost as if in a trance herself, began to move about as if... Well, from my viewpoint she seemed to be reacting to her chest being rubbed, yet neither you nor Caitlin had touched her. This went on for a time until Emily came running up to you. She almost went into a panic yelling and shaking the three of you before finally there was a response."

Yeah. Busted.  "As you know Jamie went back and finished that race not showing any sign of even a token amount of tenderness. I kept my judgment to myself, not even telling my husband my suspicions. He probably would have considered me mad anyway. Besides, after what you and Harry had done... how you had taken those girls into your home and heart. I didn't want to think negatively of you."

I wonder, why would this make her think negatively of them?

Neil can´t write.  "But now look at you. Hermione, I've been a nurse for over twenty years," This is also only mentioned right now out of nowhere! Michelle declared. "Your body is flawless. The most obvious unfeasibility is your breasts. Natural breasts the size of yours do not, cannot defy gravity, especially when breast feeding."

This whole breast fixation is really creepy, but not surprising.  "But that's not all," Michelle went on. "Your skin is perfect. Not a stretch mark or even a pimple anywhere. Even the scar you had on your arm last year; probably from a childhood injury, is gone."

Oh G-d... Hermione glanced at her arm, almost in panic. Michelle was correct. The scar that she had gotten on her arm from a bicycle accident was gone. The massages that Caitlin had given her during her pregnancy had done far more than intended.

This is the first time we ever hear of said scar, as it certainly wasnt there the previous fic. 

Neil can´t write.  "Michelle, I don't know what to..." "Look Out! They're attacking!" shrieked a woman. "My god what are they!"

It´s Madam Hooch coming to eat all of their nipples!  "They're going for those girls!" "Someone help them, please! Oh my god, those poor kids." End of Chapter Three

I “love” how Neil loves to end chapters with completely stupid and unnecessary cliffhangers. 

Thank you very much to all of you that have reviewed. I thought that by now you might have tired of my stories, but the response to the first two chapters has been very gratifing.

Yeah, I can´t believe people actually liked it.  Thank you also to my wonderful betas: Amber, Paul, Matt and Peter work very hard to turn my gibberish into a readable chapter. Your betas suck! If anyone is concerned with the direction the story is headed with regards to Sam/Ron/Bonnie/Jim, please address you howlers to Paul. He suggest that sub plot.

Paul is stupid then. 

And believe me: 

It only gets worse. 

[cutemoniic]

anons often like to pick on people who move ocs (expecially female ones) bc tumblr culture led them to believe that every female oc is a mary sue. male ocs are p okay because of fanservice, but what about female ocs? if theyre nerdy then theyre too nerdy. if theyre slutty theyre too slutty, if they dont have sex theyre frigid and if they have a lot of sex theyre sluts and the mun only moves it for ~hte smut~ and they have no personality (no matter how developed they are). theyre pretty?? wow they must be a slut. theyre ugly to them? wow theyre ugly!!! that oc is not interesting at all yuck!!!

heres my pratical guide of the situations we deal with, and a few advices to the anons:

- nobody really cares if you dont like an oc and dont provide constructive criticism. they could be OP, they could be literally the worst, but if you click that lil anon button just to tell a mun ''YOUR OC SUCKS I HATE IT!!!! NOBODY WILL RP WITH YOU!!!!! EWWW!!!!'' you're gross and need to fucking chill. if you instead are just shy and click anon to send the mun a very detailed messages explaining the flaws in their ocs, they will not only appreciate it and take notes, but you will get to enjoy a slighty different portrayal that you might enjoy too! constructive criticism is great -- and not ''if i dont insult the oc it isnt anon hate!!!!!'', literally just phrase it in the best way you can, because if you're a rude piece of poopoo not only the mun will just roll their eyes, but also DELETE it. have fun spending the night in front of your pc grinning malefically, they have deleted it. whoops your anon hate made no impact on their self-esteem, nor their oc is gone. mun 1 - anon 0.

- if youre an ex rp partner that has been cut out, instead of sending hateful messages because your ass is feeling overly salty, try communicating like a proper, civilized person! aka try to clear shit up with your ex partner, see if giving it a second shot is worth it, and if not -- accept it. there's no point in pursuing something if its not gonna bear fruits. also: give a good look at your behavior and what you might have possibly fucked up, because we're all humans and everyone makes mistakes. unless youre a narc (which is impossibilitated to see anything wrong with what theyre doing or did, and in this case stay tf away from them thanks thats gross. narcs are gross) or youve been subjected to an unfair cut off. but either way: chill. eat chipotle. go around. avoid hateful stuff.

- i dont think that most anons or people understand that we're not... putting on a show for them? we move our ocs the way we want and to have fun, not to give them an episode of a soap opera. the portrayal doesnt satisty you? provide constructive criticism, or unfollow directly. what's the point in wasting energies and precious time you could spend elsewhere by throwing insults if stuff doesn't go your way? i doubt that any anon here is around 3 yrs old or something. we wanna do a particular thread, we're gonna do that thread. we want to move this oc that or this way? here we go nyooom! manipulative personality showing? yup we do. and no criticism is gonna move us to do something else, unless you provide a good reason of why we shouldn't. we dont WORK for your entertainment, but for OURS alone. if you want to see an oc move exactly as you like, then MAKE ONE, and experience other anons send hate to you too! karma at its finest.

- ''I HATE THIS OC BECAUSE THEYRE SHIPPING WITH CANON CHARS OMGGG THIS IS A TABOO THING!!!!!'' oh bo y oh boy oh boy. let me sit back... and tell you... that nobody cares how much you whine about your precious ''''''canon characters'''''' being ''tainted'' by ocs. do you know that shipping is mutual, and both muns are actively excitingly typing to eachother billions of headcanons and possible fluffy, smutty or angsty threads? and that... theyre not gonna stop just because you're stomping your little feet about it? you can unfollow both, and the muns are gonna resent it the slightest. while anon hate opens the door to mocking and plenty of funny tales about ''that time our ship received a very angry anon telling us how we couldn't ship the chars because it was morally wrong'' like lmao? this is THEIR ship, not yours. enjoy throwing a fit that will accomplish absolutely nothing else but make you look like a really tiny angry elf. a+

a last suggestion to the anons who spend days sending anon hate trying to build the person down: it isn't working. and if sometimes it's gonna work on a mun, their friends are gonna cheer them up and prevent your oc shaming from working. go spend your time elsewhere.

EVERY OC is amazing and likeable and loveable: villains, good guys, clumsy ones, slutty ones, tall ones, small ones, young and old and middle aged and everything thats in the pot. evil ones are enjoyable, good ones are, grey-morally oriented? awesome!!! you MADE them and this already makes them great. and if someone doesn't give you criticism and tells you what you can improve, then ignore them and keep writing your baby. you're doing a good job.

you wanna rewrite something? wanna delete some part of their backgrounds and replace it with something else? wanna remake them? wanna revamp, retconnect, edit? wanna give them a different look? wanna make them have sex, or be chast? wanna give them loads of piercings or have them clean? acne? tails? cat ears? unusual color of eyes/hair/pubic hair etc? YOU CAN. you're moving this creature, and its just you and a phone/pc in your hands, and the paper you can draw on in front of you. its not you AND the hateful, bad anons. it's YOU and YOUR CREATIVITY.

for last, a special note to every anon who spent some time to write us long paragraphs in our asks about how we could have improved a character instead of sending insults: you're absolutely precious and we love you a lot. please never change and keep giving us stuff to work on and to correct so we can improve and be optimal while having fun. thats the key point: having fun, and some grey asshole clicking anon because their identity being found would make them cower in fear because of the HUGE backlash that could happen to them don't count.

as the mun of a female oc who got three months STRAIGHT of anon hate a long time ago (after having displeased a narc, none the less) those are honest words: you move your ocs. you don't have to please anyone but yourself and that you should do. your oc is beautiful and your ideas BRILLIANT and your drawings AMAZING. keep going. delete insults and lift your chin up. you get to move your child -- nobody else.

[0n-y0ur-left]

@machine-dove sent me a message yelling about my tags on this post and said I had to write the ficlet.

I’m always a slut for prompts, so...

The thing was, Steve would swear in the years that followed, he really felt like him and Bucky had been dancing around this for months.  They’d been best friends for years, for as far back as either of them could remember, but after the weirdness that had been middle school there’d been a charge there, a spark of something humming beneath the surface of their interactions that both excited and scared the hell out of them.  

Or out of Steve, anyway.  He’d finally gotten the nerve to admit - to himself and his friends and loved ones - that he had a thing for both girls and guys at the start of eleventh grade, and while he didn’t have dates of either sex lining up to ask him out, it had at least cleared the air between him and Bucky.  And when Buck had broken up with his last girl of the month, four months ago (not that Steve was keeping track), and they’d started constantly hanging out together again, like old times… well, there was a nasty little voice in Steve’s head that couldn’t help reading more into it.

Especially when Bucky insisted sharing milk shakes when they went out after school, or popcorn when they went to the movies, or letting Steve borrow his Varsity jacket when he accidentally/on purpose forgot to bring his own coat to the Homecoming game they’d gone stag to.  There was definitely something there, something more than Steve had ever dreamed of hoping for - but while one mean side of him liked to point out the possibility of his best friend becoming something even more, the other, meaner side always shut him down: making sure to remind Steve as harshly as possible just how delusional he was being.

Because Bucky, even if he was single, had never once expressed an interest in being with other guys.  And even if he had, Buck was so far out of Steve’s league that it wasn’t funny.  He was smart - honor council this year, top of their class since he’d first transferred to Brooklyn in elementary school - he was on student council, starting pitcher for the varsity baseball team as  a sophomore, a key player in every drama production Washington High had put on since he’d started there.  People were tripping over the opportunity to hang out with Bucky Barnes, never mind the chance to date him.  And Steve… Steve was just Steve.  Scrawny asthmatic with a chip on his shoulder, painfully average student and GSA representative.  He was a decent artist when people took the time to actually look at his work, and Bucky swore up and down that he was funny as hell, but for the most part Steve knew that the only reason he wasn’t regularly getting shoved in lockers anymore was because he was most famous for being Bucky Barnes’ best friend.

Steve was an idiot for even imagining that he had a chance with someone as perfect as Bucky, but he wasn’t so stupid that he’d go and risk something as important as their friendship by asking him out.

Besides, they hung out so often that Steve felt he could pretty safely pretend they were dating.  In the deepest, darkest corners of his mind.  And if ninety-nine percent of his schmoopy fan art of late was based on an AU of Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne as dorky high school boyfriends that maybe bore a little bit of a resemblance to the dumb shit that the two of them did together?  Well… no one needed to know.

It got more hits to his blog, at least.

That said, there were still nights when Steve’s stupid brain couldn’t help but wish.  So when Bucky had sent his text on the Sunday before the MLK Holiday, when Steve was already pouting about the fact that he couldn’t join him in their volunteer plans because his stupid head had decided to come down with a stupid cold, well… Steve couldn’t help feeling a little reckless.

Text from Bucky Received 09:32 PM

What do you wear to bed?

Steve had been staring at it for a solid thirty seconds, blinking and trying to convince himself that it really wasn’t the Nyquil that he’d taken earlier - that Bucky really was asking him that question.

He had to know how suggestive it was.  Steve had watched Bucky charm girls since they were in elementary school… he knew how to flirt, he knew how people took his words.  Which meant - he had to be flirting with Steve.  It wasn’t completely out of the blue, not really, but it still left Steve such a squirmy mess that he actually had to abandon his tablet on his desk and fall back onto his mattress to read it again.

Bucky had stayed over enough times over the years to know damned well that Steve usually just slept in whatever outsized summer camp t-shirt was cleanest in his drawer and either a pair of old boxers or ratty pajama pants; but he couldn’t very well say that.  Not in response to his first sext.

He bit the hell out of his lip, dismissing the thought as fast as he could, before  finally forcing his fingers to type out an answer.  

Text to Bucky Sent 9:34 PM

depends on the weather

if its summer just a black jock or smth ;)

He held his breath as the ellipses bubble appeared on Bucky’s side of the screen, rereading his response obsessively.  Best case scenario: Bucky really was flirting with him, and they could get it out of their systems the easy way… break the ice on a text screen, then make out like fiends in person the next time they hung out together.  Worst case scenario: Bucky would ask him what the fuck he was talking about and Steve would laugh it off as a joke.

He was golden.

He was really, really fucking hoping for the former - although as Bucky continued typing he couldn’t help but start panicking.

Text from Bucky Received 9:35 PM

k but what about like in the winter

do u wear warm pajamas?

What the fuck?

Steve actually started to type as much, but the rest of Bucky’s responses came in a flurry of messages.

Text from Bucky Received 9:35 PM

my mom is making me throw out my old superman pajamas and i kno theyre about ur size

i swear theyre not gross or anything

ill wash them before

if u want them

i just know u like superman and its dumb to throw them away

Steve finished reading the texts, dropped the phone onto his comforter, and covered his face in his hands because - oh God.  It was so painfully cute, so painfully Buck that he couldn’t help giggling, and immediately picked the phone back up to read the exchange again.

Before he could talk himself out of it, he took a screenshot and hit the share icon for his Tumblr account.  After a second’s debate he added the hashtag #Ur fav would NEVEr #This boy and posted it.

He rolled onto his side, staring at the screenshot and grinning like a crazy person… and then succumbed to the cold meds, finally.

Steve woke up coughing a short while later, blinking in confusion before realizing that he’d definitely fell asleep on top of his covers, with his damned contacts still in.  He reluctantly moved to the bathroom to pop them out (his eyes were already a sticky, awful mess, so leaving them in absolutely wasn’t worth how he’d feel in the morning), then stumbled back to his bed, groaning when he noticed the time on his alarm clock.

He face-planted back into his pillow, only to bash his nose against the cold, hard surface of his phone.  With a curse he moved the damned thing to his nightstand - then remembered how he’d fell asleep in the first place.  He knocked three books on the floor feeling for his glasses on the nightstand, but finally got them on his nose and pulled his phone screen close to his face, blinking in surprise when he saw his Tumblr app notifications.

With a little red bubble that read 1,000+ next to it.

Steve opened the app with shaking fingers, only to laugh out loud when he realized which post it was that had blown up.  He hadn’t imagined the interchange with Bucky, and apparently the entire damned internet was every bit as charmed as he’d felt.  A quick scroll through his inbox confirmed that at least fifty people thought they should get married.

Which… was probably jumping the gun, but was something that Steve couldn’t help preening over, just a little.

Text to Bucky sent 06:03 AM

I PUT THIS CONVO ON THE INTERNET

If nothing else, Buck would get a good laugh out of it in the morning, Steve figured with a giggle.

A giggle that stopped as soon as the blue check mark appeared next to Bucky’s name.

Text from Bucky received 06:03 AM

hmmmmm?

Steve - had definitely not expected Buck to be up yet, but he could hardly abandon the conversation now.

Text to Bucky sent 06:04 AM

I put this on tumblr.  U should see the responses!

It vaguely occurred to Steve that he probably should have asked for permission ahead of time, but it was Bucky.  And it wasn’t as if he’d said anything terrible - if anything, Steve came out looking like the pervy idiot.

Besides, none of their classmates would guess that this random Bucky on the internet was their Bucky: no one outside of their immediate friend group knew that Buck was such a dork, or would believe it in the first place.

Text from Bucky received 06:04 AM

is that ur art site?

Steve hid his grin behind his hand.  His art site.  Please…

Text to Bucky sent 06:04 AM

yeah sort of.  i post on it sometimes

it got huge responses!

more than any drawings :P

PS how old r these pjs?  if they r gonna fit me? XD

Text from Bucky received 06:04 AM

shit

Steve’s heart sank in his chest as the ellipse button appeared immediately under Bucky’s response.  He was in the middle of stumbling out of bed to retrieve his laptop to delete the damned thing when his phone chimed again.

Text from Bucky received 06:05 AM

i lied to millions of ppl on the internet

my mom isnt making me throw my pajamas out

i saw them at target

Steve was about to laugh and make a snarky reply about the ‘millions’ part (he had a grand total of five hundred twenty-three people following his crappy fan art blog, but Bucky always was one for dramatics) but the rest of Bucky’s rant stopped him cold.

Text from Bucky received 06:05 AM

they were on sale tho

i know we already did xmas presents

they just made me think of u

Steve’s smile was so wide his face ached.  The ellipses kept coming.

Text from Bucky received 06:06 AM

no they werent

they werent on sale

thats another lie

sorry tumbler

can they see this now???

Steve was dying.  Bucky was going to actually kill him with adorableness, and he didn’t even seem to realize it.  After smothering a squeal in his pillow Steve got his shit together and started typing back.

Text to Bucky sent 06:06AM

nope! no worries ;)

He gnawed viciously on his bottom lip as he typed up his follow up, started to delete it twice, then finally manned up and hit send.  

Steve was a lot of things, but he sure as hell hoped he wouldn’t ever be called a coward.

Text to Bucky sent 06:07 AM

i got about 50 message overnight tho

they all say i’ve gotta marry you XD

The emoticon, Steve decided when he saw the blue checkmark beneath it, was a nice touch.  If Buck freaked out now, he could just laugh the whole thing off as a joke.

(he wasn’t laughing while the ellipse bubble flashed next to Bucky’s name ten billion times in the next two minutes)

Text from Bucky sent 06:08 AM

we should prob start with coffee first

if ur feeling better i can pick u up tuesday?

is seven okay?

Steve stared at his phone for a solid thirty seconds, gaping in shock, before pressing the call button next to Bucky’s name with shaking fingers.  Seven was perfect, but he could hardly trust himself to type as much.

[infernumequinomin]

Hi there... I’m sorry if this is too personal, but I saw your recent post mentioning that menstrual cups are such a lifesaver, and for the most part I agree, but it seems like I can never get the position right and it still leaks often... do you have any advice beyond the directions that come with the cup? Again, I’m sorry if this is too invasive to ask, you don’t have to respond if you’re uncomfortable with it. ;;;;

Yeah absolutely not a problem my friend menstrual cups can have kind of a learning curve!My tips and such are gonna be geared pretty primarily towards reusable menstrual cups and not the disposable kind because I just havent ever used them. Also pardon the lack of ref images or anything am on mobile.

Cup Hacks:

If you are having consistent leaks you maybe don’t have a big enough cup, this was my first issue because I used to use the much smaller tampons when I used them then was leaking like nuts, no fun. Get a bigger sized cup (Diva Cup does a small-medium and a large, I used to use a slim tampon and heavy duty pad and need to use the large cup, MoonCups I have been told are slightly larger, so your sizing may vary) If the leaks are kind of sporadic then you may be having some issues getting the cup seating and sealed properly.

Inserting tips, a lot of the guides say to insert the cup kind of folded in half on itself, this can sometimes keep the cup from springing back into shape in the way you need it to upon insertion. I tend to dip the edge into the rounded portion of the cup in a sort of U shape rather than a folded over sandwich shape (I literally can't think of another way to describe this pardon my brain) because it retains its shape on insertion better. When you insert the guide is like “hey shove that bad boy allllll the way up to your cervix” its actually easier to get a solid seal by getting the cup into yourself and then gently pushing up and tilting the opening of the cup towards your bellybutton region. This allows the cup to settle out into being open again and pressing it up after prevents weird suction directly on your cervix which can cause cramps to worsen, can be concerning for folx with IUDs, and is generally not super comfy overall, do not recommend.So simple layman’s instruction: dip one edge of the cup into the center of the cup and squeeze it to hold in place. Insert into your vagina until just the edge of the cup is sitting in your opening, twist and adjust as needed to get the cup to open back up if releasing it did not already. Push the cup into yourself in a sort of parallel to your vagina angle, aiming the opening of the cup up towards your cervix. Wipe any excess blood from your parts, there may be light spotting on heavier days just from blood that was shed while cleaning/emptying your cup so maybe also wear a light pantiliner. If youre noticing more than like a teaspoon of blood on your pantiliner in a few hours, you may not have seated the cup correctly, or you’re bleeding more than the cup can handle and should empty it. A good sign youve not got the suction youre looking for is If you empty the cup and its only slightly full but you've been spotting, the seal isnt good and ya need to adjust. ALSO, sometimes specific strenuous activity like running, riding roller coasters or horses, and swimming can mess up your seal a bit, and you should adjust accordingly.

Removing/cleaning your menstrual cup:Hey that things WAY up there now, how ya gonna get it out? Sittin on a toilet with some leg spread is generally enough for the cup to lower itself towards your entrance, you shouldn’t really have to go fishing for it unless it is way too small for your bod. I’ve had to reach maybe a half inch at most but generally a soft push like youre trying to make yourself pee is enough to force it lower and make it easier to grab. (FUN TIP: PEE BEFORE TRYING THIS SO YOU DONT PEE ON YOUR DANG HAND) Use a bit of toilet paper to reduce grossness factor a bit, grab the ridges or tail on the cup and GENTLY lower it out. Pulling too fast makes one hell of a mess and I defo made that mistake of pulling it out like a tampon at first and had to frantically wipe down the toilet cause I got blood all over and honestly friends… It just isn't worth it. Be gentle. Cradle it and empty it backwards towards your butt to avoid potential UTI issues and then pull it out of your crotch/toilet area. (I’m not actually sure what the rate of UTIs among folx who use a cup are but I know I havent had one since I started using mine but be safe either way!)

In any given bathroom, public or private, ya got a couple options for cleaning the thing out. If you have a sink close enough to where your toilet is, a little rinse in generally fine if you’re reinserting it immediately, and you can use soap if you want it to be a little more sanitary (I recommend this unless youre getting rushed out the door by your girlfriend to go get burgers). You can also, if sinks are out of reach or just gonna cause you to hobble your way over with your pants around your ankle (don’t do this, its not worth the potential for drippage since you just opened the floodgates so to speak), do a wipe down with some tp or a damp paper towel if you remember to do that when you walk into the bathroom like a person better than me would. I generally ball up a little bit of tp, slide it inside, give everything a good wipe down, and then flush the evidence away (don’t flush that paper towel though, rude). This is honestly not preferred for me, I’d rather rinse it every time, but you really never know if youre gonna have to empty your cup in a public stall bathroom so, ces la vie, gotta live your life.

Cup comparisons:

I used to use 2-3 overnight or super pads a day for the heaviest days of my flow (which was generally the 3-4 days in the middle of my gottdang 7 day period). With my cup I generally use 1 or 2 pantiliners a day on heavy days, none at the beginning of my period or towards the end when I’m lighter, and maybe a regular pad overnight if I’m especially heavy, so I am still occasionally wearing a few disposable items but honestly, a pantiliner is a game changer from wearing big heavy overnight pads to WORK ugh. On average I personally wear my cup for 4-6 hours before emptying it, longer towards the beginning and end of my period, but usually don’t wear it for longer than 10 hours at a time. This is my experience and I honest to god dont know if TSS is a thing that can happen with a cup, but listen to your body and if you start feeling sick at all, definitely remove it and wear a pad for a bit. You can defo use a cup with reusable pads but I dont own any and haven’t really looked at the literature on whether they’re better/worse bacterial infection or whatever wise so I can’t give a good recommendation despite a few folx I know having good experiences with them.

Care and cleaning: I generally wash my cup with a mild vinegar and water solution right after my period ends, this cuts down a lot on bacteria growth and the general funk that a cup can get over time. Its medical grade silicone but its spending most of its time in a moist, nutrient rich environment for bacteria, and like, ngl, the thing is gonna just have a blood smell. It just is. Right after the first week you use it. Its gonna smell kinda weird. Faint, but kinda gross blood/general vagina smell. Nothing wrong with a little vagina smell. I soak my cup overnight after the initial wash in a combo of water and antibacterial soap, dry it, and put it away with my period junk. Once every few months you can do a boil out but you have to be careful not to let your cup melt on the bottom of the pot. Just a mix of water and vinegar (like ¼ cup vin to 2 to 3 cups water) boiled on the stove and drop the cup in there. Use a spoon to make sure it doesn’t touch the bottom and melt or warp, and stay with it. Maybe boil like 10 minutes or so and drain it out and set it somewhere to air dry that isn’t gonna freak out your roommates (don’t dry it with the dishes, big mistake) or have it sitting in water, the point is to let it dry out and breathe. Diva Cup says to replace your cup every year or something which I honestly think is a good way for them to make a crapton of money off people who are super scared of their hygiene being bad and gross or something. You should get rid of your cup around the time that the silicone starts to degrade or start looking rough. I kept my first Diva Cup for 3 years before it started to really show signs of wear and tear in the silicone. Signs your cup may need to hit the streets include: creases or crimps in the cup, persistent discoloration of the silicone (washing, soaking, boiling doesnt do anything and there’s just a grossness to the thing that washing it isn’t helping), a persistent musty sort of smell (this may imply you weren’t washing/caring for your cup as much as it needed and if you’re starting to get that a solid overnight to 2 day soak in a vinegar solution may help a lot. Do it as a 2 stage soak, soak, empty, soak again. Warm water works best and towel dry it off really really well after.) tearing in the silicone period! Its not gonna be effective if there’s a rip, especially on the rim cause that suction is what you want!, and if there are defects or scratches in the silicone overall. So bubbles, scratches, warping, ect.

Storing your cup in a clean, dry place is also important to keeping it from getting damaged or gross to the point you need to get rid of it.

Also, fun fact, you can have sex using a cup. It isn’t a replacement for birth control if that’s a thing you need, but it can make the uncomfortable oozing parts of period sex less… Oozy. PIV Intercourse can be a bit more of a challenge with a silicone cup because of the tail but is definitely possible. Other sex acts (outercourse, oral, frotting) are a lot easier (or even possible depending on your partners feelings on period sex at all) and due to the way self lubrication works in a vagina the cup wont prevent things from getting wet, just keep the blood from making everything a vaguely pink mess.

Anyway so that’s my essay on menstrual cups, I hope this helps ya out with loving your cup and makes it a lot easier to prevent leaks!

Go out and live your fullest life!