#i feel simultaneously like an unsolvable rubik’s cube + the person trying to solve it if that makes even the littlest sense
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becoming suddenly + acutely cognisant of an unpleasant reality in your life and being so normal about it (hyperfixating on a twenty year old sims game to avoid thinking)
#was walking thru the shops last week + realised i’ve spent the better part of like twenty years covering up my body + that it’s going to be#like that forever. genuinely can’t conceive a future where i’m truly comfortable with myself#and then got thinking about if i ever did meet someone + how uncomfortable physical contact makes me#so like. between not wanting to be seen + not wanting to be touched what kind of life is that?#i feel simultaneously like an unsolvable rubik’s cube + the person trying to solve it if that makes even the littlest sense#i just feel put together wrong on every front#+ how is anyone supposed to therapise that feeling out of me#like these are genuine + deeply held beliefs about myself + no amount of positive fake it till you make it self talk is going to undo it#anyways. gonna play ts2 in the least casual way about it until my brain melts#personal
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