#i feel like this might be incoherent UGHHHH (not your fault anon. i just feel so many things about this - thank you for asking🩵)

[shalom-iamcominghome]

How do you go about building a relationship with G-d? I never had any real relationship with a god so I'm not sure how to go about it

I think you have to understand your personal needs and what you are comfortable with. Even when I was in xtian spaces, for example, what brought me away from g-d was the idea of fearing Him. I feared my abusers and any relationship built on fear is an instant toxic relationship for me, so instead, I build and foster my relationship with g-d based on love for Him and love for me. I love g-d, and in turn, I should love myself because g-d breathed this soul into me.

I think what also helped me was to treat my relationship with g-d in a similar way that I treat relationships I have in real life. When I don't speak to my friends, I feel distant from them. I forget what it's like to truly be with them, and in the same way, if I am distant from g-d, I forget what He feels like. That's not to say that I don't treat g-d differently than my real life relationships, because I do, but it's just to help illustrate what I mean. I feel close to g-d when I am fulfilling the mitzvot I can do - when I wear my kippah, I feel close to g-d. I am reminded of Him, and reminded of what I am, and it makes me feel secure. I know that He is close, that I can call upon Him, and praise Him, and think of Him at any point, and He will listen if nothing else. When I am upset about how little I feel I am doing, I remember these little things and I feel just a little bit better, and I am grateful for that.

I think basically, it can come down to:

1. What do you think a relationship with g-d looks like? If you have an idea of what that looks like, do you know why you feel that way?

2. How would you go about exploring fostering that relationship? Are there certain practices which call to you? If you can introspect about it, why does it call to you?

3. What does g-d mean to you? Are there factors in your life which influence your thoughts?

These are heavy questions, and there is no right or wrong answer. I think g-d just wants us to be close to Him, to do our best, and to choose Him. It might take you a long time to explore what you want, and that's okay! G-d can wait, He's not going anywhere. When you find something that clicks for you, you might just start to truly find what your soul yearns for.

I truly hope this might inspire you in any way. If anything, all I hope is that your budding relationship with g-d is yours and fulfills you. That is all I want from people who believe in Him, or who want to experience Him.