#i feel like the first half always gets overlooked because the letter is sooooo

[user-needs-new-hyperfixation]

Excessive Rambling Part One

In which I babble on and on about SherLiam and specifically Moriarty the Patriot Chapter 53

(Disclaimer: This meta(?) is written with the assumption that we the audience are meant to be reading SherLiam as romantic, even if it never becomes explicitly stated canon. This is all my interpretation, just having fun, you’re allowed to see things differently, blah blah blah etc etc.)

Sherlock and Liam are both incredibly smart and observant, and also complete idiots about each other (always a good trope). I think they’re both well aware of their own feelings, but neither realize those feelings are reciprocated. We know that Sherlock is uncertain about whether Liam even returns his friendship, he says so to Louis in Chapter 52.

Sherlock has been so open about his interest that it’s honestly hard to interpret his (at the very least) Big Dumb Crush on Liam as anything but canon. He gets pretty close to just outright hitting on him. And sure, Liam flirts back and plays along, but Sherlock doesn’t really know whether there’s anything deeper to it than that. 

Sherlock gets the sassy deduction clapback on the Noahtic and the “Catch me if you can, Mr. Holmes.” He gets the whole playing-hard-to-get routine in Chapter 31 (my beloved). 

But he doesn’t hear Liam tell Louis that he likes how Sherlock trusts others, or that he blames himself for Sherlock murdering Milverton. 

He doesn’t see the fond look Liam gives Mycroft at the revelation that he’s been shielding Sherlock from their family’s dark past. 

He doesn’t know Liam said his name again after the train left.

And so on.

As far as Sherlock knows, he’s a pawn, and to some degree a playmate, in Liam’s grand game. Beyond that, he doesn’t know what Liam feels. 

As for Liam, I think he’s caught up in the fairly typical conflict of his character type: not believing that someone could possibly know who he is and what he’s done and still love him. It’s why he gets so shaken up every time Sherlock says he wants Liam to be the Lord of Crime. But Liam’s deep into his suicidal spiral and just can’t believe him, even though Sherlock’s really open about his feelings. 

SOOOO, chapter 53!! 

Sherlock is pushing now. He refuses to take surface level answers. 

“Why me, why me, why me?” 

He’s digging and prodding -- he’s realized that it doesn’t make sense. He’s not strictly necessary to Liam’s plot. And that raises the question, is there some deeper feeling on Liam’s side?

And Liam has already written his letter. He knew Sherlock would ask this question, but I don’t think he expected him to be so insistent. He’s already spilled his heart onto paper, but he can’t face this in person. 

“Why not an actor?”

“That wouldn’t work, because reasons.”

“Why not Mycroft?”

“That wouldn’t work, because reasons.”

“Then why me?”

And this is where I start to go feral. Something about this panel in particular just haunts me: 

The word that comes to mind is consternation. Liam is frustrated and confused and he gets caught in the memory of those moments where he glimpsed genuine acceptance, and he turns the question back around. 

And because they’re idiots, he doesn’t even realize that just turning the question around is essentially a confession. He’s suggesting that whatever the reason Sherlock chose him is also the reason he chose Sherlock.

And Sherlock is just like, “I like James Moriarty the Lord of Crime, and I like Liam the snarky math professor, and I just thought it’d be really convenient if both of my crushes were the same person, ya know?”

OOOOKAY SO here’s the thing, I’ve said before that even in 2021/2022 I have my doubts that a shounen manga would fully canonize a gay ship between two main characters. I would LOVE to be proven wrong, but I’m not getting my hopes up. BUT I have been consuming media and absorbing tropes for like 25 years, and every instinct I have for fiction says that what follows is an Almost Kiss.

(f*ck that bell tho)

Like, Sherlock moved completely across the room and just keeps crowding in closer until Liam’s cornered up against the door (though door instead of wall means his escape route both literal and metaphorical is still available to him). The panel looking over Sherlock’s shoulder emphasizes how close they are. I recognize the lead-up to a kiss when I see it!! 

Sidenote: I love that John is just like “Nope I’m staying out of this, I’m an author, I know that sidekicks don’t come along for the romantic finale. Luv you tho bestie!” Proceeds to not see Sherlock again for three years. 

(Moran and Albert do some stuff. They’re both great characters doing and saying important things, but this meta is not about them.)

Okay I’m gonna write more on this (hopefully, theoretically) but I’m splitting it because this is already giant and I’m not even to the letter yet. TBC (probably).