#i feel like mentioning i dont normally pump out art back to back

[chaotic-average-child]

64 go brrr

[diamagneticcoordinationcomplex]

hi hi its me u know that pink fan who dumped too many words in one comment instead of spreading it out by chapter like a normal person lmao

(psst it was to lure u into giving spoilers accidentally but damn it didnt work இ௰இ)

can i say im an og fan of yours??? i really really loved ur iwft series at first sight since im also more or less an emmet simp and at that time your iwft story was a sight for sore eyes! amidst all the angst and pain, a fun bamf emmet story was something i needed! and then you continued to pump out masterpieces one after another and as you can tell i've been ummmm verrry aware of you like keeping an eye out for something new from you aware-aware haha *refreshes subscription list like a maniac*

and oh i was not being anonymous at all as i thought haha (tbh i feel kinda honored you know me even as far back as my roxana phase the world needs more roxana tbh badass bitches rule my manhwa list btw have u also read the princess 's doll shop its my pfp i love her ヾ(≧▽≦*)o)

i dont usually comment in my favorite authors' stories (tho i should probably do it more often) but when i do its going to be more or less an avalanche of words

actually i do have more thoughts about wonderland simmering in my head but i didn't include it bc i was almost at ao3 character limit lmao so i'll just say it here

i wanted to include ghetsis in my speculations bc i feel like he had a hand in whatever issue the king was having and probably pushed the rift between nobori and kudari. we haven't heard from him yet so its a sneaking suspicion 🤔 i also wanted to include allusions to kyurem since i mentioned the forest of mirrors as a boundary between wonderland and the real world and guess who's the boundary pokemon idk bulbapedia said it was a husk pokemon idk who that is *wink wink nudge nudge* and since our resident amnesiac kudari was there maybe it means something? i also wanted to make some comparisons between kyurem and the king but i felt it was getting wayyy out of hand hehe

also also as you can probably tell i believe that wonderland is very much a real place but it is also a product of a dream since gen 5 had that dream world mechanic dunno how that's gonna fit in the story but its a nice thought

i also have thoughts on the memory hall and why the king restricted the place and why ingo got like conflicting memories but i am running out of words i need to soak my brain somewhere else first byeee have a nice day/night!!!

Hello, pink one! Good to hear/read from you again! I verrrry much appreciated the long comment in the latest Wonderland chapter! :D

(Heheh, gotta keep the secrets hidden~ It's kinda hard to reply to comments without accidentally revealing things lol)

I'm delighted to meet another Emmet simp! One of the big motivators behind 'I wish for truth' was for Emmet to not be a sad sad angsty depressed boy for once. Hence, him being a mysterious, powered up, bamf lol. I'm so very glad my story was able to provide that break from the *angst* that I myself was looking for.

I'm honoured to have someone so aware of my works! Communication on AO3 is relatively limited and I don't get much feedback aside from what's available on there (and social media ain't really my thing), so it's nice to know that there are people who notice and appreciate. The concept of having fans is still somewhat foreign to me cos all I'm doing is writing stuff... (that's all self-indulgent lolol). (btw, I still haven't shaken my habit of refreshing the Emmet tag on AO3 several times a day)

I will admit that my first moments of being a writer on AO3 were verrry... stalker-y? I'd just look at the profiles of anyone who kudo-ed or bookmarked my stuff, which is probably not that creepy? idk XD (I looove Roxana, she's so cool and gosh the art in that manwha is soooo pretty. Oh, I haven't heard of princess' doll shop! I'll definitely give it a look! Thank you for the rec~)

I don't usually comment on stuff much either (bc I'm kinda bad at doing that). So I'm honoured you decided to leave such a detailed, in-depth comment on my work! Thank youuuuu~♡

Oh, I was wondering if you were almost to the limit on AO3's commenting system. It was quite the essay! :D

Now onto Ingo in Wonderland:

Ohhh, speculations regarding gen5 stuff! Ghetsis and Kyurem and dreams hmm? Interesting thoughts you have there~

We'll just have to wait and see if the mysteries of Wonderland will ever come to light... (I have a lotta lore in my head but it doesn't always get onto the paper/document screen)

Oh, I'm excited to read your thoughts/speculations on the whole memory mess! I'll be waiting here (im)patiently~ (>w<)

Thank you for the ask! A good day to you too!

[amoosewritesfanfic]

[+18]

Mutual masturbation

[Rumi Usagiyama x Fem!Reader]

[Warnings: dirty talk, mutual masturbation, phone sex, you taking Rumi's strap bro I dont make the rules.]

[I don't own any of the characters or art work, all credit goes to the original creators. The story is mine tho]

-

"Ah baby carrot you're doing so well for me~ Keep rubbing that pretty little pussy for me yeah?~" Rumi's voice was low, husky almost and with earphones on you could hear it so damn well. Right now you had your laptop open in front of you, legs spread and your fingers rubbing on your sweet spot as your free hand gripped the bedsheets beneath you. You were on a video call with your girlfriend Rumi, more well known as the number five hero Miruko. She told you that even though she was at work she was able to sneak off to get some time to tease you or at least watch you masturbate for her, the reason being she hasn't been at home.

Hero duties have become increasingly harsh lately and well you missed your rabbit girlfriend. "Ah, baby carrot ya gotta rub that clit a little more before you can slide your fingers in that pretty little hole..." once again her voice was low and it sent shivers throughout your body. "Ah... I know, but please... please Rumi... I want it in so badly." You whined, your eyes were basically glazed over with pure and utter lust for her. "What do you want baby carrot?" Your fingers caressed your clit making your hips buck. A sharp inhale coming from the rabbit soon after seeing your face twist in pleasure.

"I-I want to cum please~ please please I want it so badly~" you begged the rabbit hero. "Ya wanna feel yer' fingers pumping in and out of that slutty little pussy? Edging ya on till ya cum nice 'n hard all over those pretty fingers of yours?" Her words made you shiver and nod furiously, gods you wanted it. You wanted to feel something filling your pussy. "Then go for it~ c'mon show me how slutty you can be~" her words edged you on at this point your middle finger and index finger slid inside you, pumping in and out of your soaked hole. "Ah fuck look at that, the way yer' juices glisten on those cute fingers of yours, I can't wait to get home and eat that pussy out~ fuck I might even fuck ya." There was a pause as you mewled the rabbits name, hips lifting slightly and pressing more into your hand causing some friction between your palm and clit which edged you on more.

"That's what ya want right? Do ya want me to fuck ya? Fuck ya nice and good with my big fat cock?" Her words were driving your body insane, you wanted it, you wanted to be fucked by Rumi over and over until you couldn't think straight as usual. So all you could do was nod vigorously. "Ah fuck baby, if ya don't say it I won't do it~" she hummed happily licking her lips. "Please. Fuck please, I want it... i want to be fucked by your big fat cock until I can't think straight please?~" the way you pleaded had the rabbit feel far more excited than expected. "Fuck you make it hard to say no baby~" she hummed. "By the way, ya still haven't noticed that I'm in the apartment baby." As she said that the door flew open almost making you jump but there she was.

The rabbit hero dressed up in her hero uniform, but what was this? She had on your favorite black strap that imitated a normal cock, it was about ten inches long and rather girthy. Rumi loved this one too because she loved watching your expression as she slowly slid it inside you and not to mention that it pleased her too so you both had some good sexual experiences. "Yer such a good girl for me ya know that?~" Rumi teased as she pulled off her gloves and moved the laptop aside before settling between your legs, giving you a deep kiss.

"Why...? Why didn't you tell me you were home...?" You whimpered quietly against your lovers lips making her chuckle. "I wanted to give ya a nice surprise baby~ did ya like it?" Her fingers threaded through your hair as she placed soft kisses on your forehead. You nodded slowly. "Next time tell me, I wanna dress up..." you said with somewhat of a pout making her chuckle, her lips giving yours a soft kiss before pulling back. "Of course baby carrot~" she said, pulling you to lay on your back, putting your legs over her shoulders. The tip of the fake cock rubbing against your pussy lips making you whimper quietly. "But as an apology, I'll fuck ya till ya can't think straight~ just like I promised~" Rumi hummed before slowly sliding herself in by inch into your sweet pussy making you moan, hands gripping tight onto the bedding. "Ya know what I like 'bout this cock? I can feel ya pussy squeezing on it like crazy~ did'ya miss it that much baby carrot?" She asked giving your leg a soft kiss.

"Y-yes..." you answered in a breathy moan, the cock was about half way now your legs already trembling a little from how filling it was and gods Rumi was happy, the way your face contorted into pleasure and those desperate whimpers falling from your lips had Rumi riled up. The rabbit leaned down slowly and captured your lips in a deep kiss, her tongue running along your bottom lip making you instantly part your lips allowing her to slither her tongue inside. At that moment too she gave one last thrust shoving in the last five inches of the cock making you yelp out against her mouth.

"Ah fuck baby... that expression always turns me on..." Rumi mumbled against your lips. "I couldn't help myself at all." At this point your legs were trembling even more and you felt like you were about to cum and Rumi felt it. "Ya gonna come just from me shoving my cock inside ya?" She teased and you managed to shake your head letting out somewhat of a breathy moan. "Don't lie baby carrot~ I know ya wanted to cum nice 'n hard around my big fat cock~" she teased nudging your head to the side so she could kiss your cheek. "I-I did... please lemme cum.." you breathed out heavily. "I can never say no to you bunny~" she hummed giving you one last kiss before her hips started moving.

The pace started off slow and sensual, slowly picking up pace. Slowly the sound of skin smacking against skin filled the room. "S-shit..~" even you couldn't hold back with how harsh the rabbits thrusting was becoming it was driving you crazy, especially with how it hit all your sweet spots. "Shit baby... look at ya, yer so pretty taking my cock like that~" Rumi huffed out. The pace was becoming rough but pleasurable, your moans along with the skin slapping against skin was also becoming louder. "G-goood~ fuck... you're gonna make m-me ah~ cum~" you couldn't really talk with out letting out breathy moans. "Ya gonna cum? Ya gonna cum... shit... nice 'n hard for me?" She was edging you on  getting you to reach your orgasm.

You nodded vigorously, whimpers and moans escaping your lips. "Careful bunny, the neighbors might complain if yer' too loud again~" Rumi teased a little, but with little restraint she moved her hips faster, still continously hitting your sweet spot. You definitely couldn't hold back that whiney moan. "I-i can't... help-... fuck... it, you're fuckin' me so good.. ah!" Just as you finished the sentence you let out a loud mewl from that thrust Rumi gave, your pussy walls tightening around the cock that was relentlessly moving in and out of you. "Horny baby carrot~ cum all over my cock...~" her voice faltered a bit, but she didn't stop not until you started cumming.

Your back arching as your love juices squirted put all over her cock, legs trembling and breathy moans escaping your lips as your eyes screwed shut. Rumi took in every inch of you, from that expression to how your knuckles had gone white from gripping on to the bed sheets. "Ah fuck look at ya~ so pretty even when ya cum~" she hummed letting ride your high, she even moved her hips in a slow sensual pace for you. "I ain't done with ya bunny, I'm gonna fuck ya after dinner cause I'm starving, so don't think this is all yer getting tonight~" she said.

You nodded slowly as she pulled out pressing soft kisses to your temple. She definitely wasn't lying when she said that she wasn't done with you. By morning when you had woken up you were sore and covered in a plethora of bite marks and your hips were very much sore. Not that you really complained it was always good when Rumi went wild like this.

-

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(Moose doing kinktober? You're absolutely right. If you wanna be tagged in any of the next 30 days of Kinktober just dm me or tell me in my asks, also if you got any requests and what not you can send em through loves :3 although I dunno when I'll get to em cause I'm busy I'm uni stuff :3)

[babeimagineus]

Mistaken thoughts-m

Justin and you attend a business event after not seeing each other for a week, he gives you the cold shoulder which makes you confused..maybe it seemed like he fell out of love?? [jb x reader] warnings; mature, angst.

“Quit touching me” he seethes through his teeth.

“What?” you smile back.

You tilt your head as you innocently keep your hand on his thigh. You know you shouldn’t be provoking him but you couldn’t help but find his reactions so amusing. He had been super busy with travelling and business you two had hardly anytime alone.

The scenery was amazing, a building so structured and built so well, it almost reminded you of an ancient castle of some sort. The night sky was pitch black, the trees were barely there but you could make out the shapes and branches as it swung in the cold air. Speaking of cold air, you could definitely feel the chilly breeze hit your exposed arms and legs.

“Are you cold?” he whispers lowly beside your ear as he places his hand on the crook of your lower back.

You could feel the shiver travel down your spine, not because of the breeze but because of barely there touch of justin’s hand.

Beautiful looking figured women and men were surrounded you as you scan your eyes left and right. You now felt out of place as you lean down to slowly sip your glass of alcohol. 

“Hey!” you turn your head to the familiar voice and see Kendall and Hailey.

After a while of walking around the exhibit of art, expensive yet bland like of looking paintings and structures you finally feel tired and a bit off from all the walking and wine you’ve drank.

“So he was carrying me on his back and then he just dropped me,” kendall exclaims as she continues to tell you two her hilarious story of a recent fan meet story, where supposebly a male fan wanted to take a photo with her on his back, instead he dropped her. You laugh along with the girls as they continue to joke around. You were glad you bumped into them or else you’ll just be dragged along beside Justin and his stupid business conversations that you had no intention of listening to. 

“By the way, i really like how the dress works with your body,” hailey squeals out, pinching the fabric between her manicured nails, “expensive?”

“yeah, it’s a little over a thousand.” you answer back and you twirl the bubbly liquid remaining in your glass.

“Justin has that kind of money, that boy sure does love you,” she says in a teasing voice.

You smile back as you hear Justin’s name being mentioned. You almost forgot about justin, “I hope he does,” you whisper under your breath. Kendall and hailey didn’t seem to hear as they begin ranting and gossiping again.

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere! Jesus stop running away from me and answer your phone next time,” justin scolds you as he drags you by the forearm into the black vehicle.

You wanted to cry and wail like a baby at him. You were the one looking and waiting for him. You try to keep up with his pace as you painfully walk to the car. 

“Justin,” you squeak out, your voice slightly breaking because of the aching in your feet. He narrows his eyes to your for a moment as soon as he hears the tone in your voice. “My feet. It hurts.” He quickly and effortlessly scoop you up bridal style and opens the door, placing you carefully before getting in as well.

You weren’t sure if Justin still loved you like before, you were scared he had moved on. You hadn’t seen him in a week and a half and during the time apart you two barely spoke or facetimed. You had been super busy with college as well as managing a partime job, even though he insisted you he could cover all your financial issues even though you knew he could easily do that, you still wanted a normal life despite being in a relationship with a rich billionaire. Most of the times when you would call him he would quickly excuse himself because of a ‘meeting with important people’ but whenever he calls you, he always expects you to answer his call. “Ugh that stupid idiotic-”

The sounds of water droplets rang through your ears, awakening you from your sleep. The feeling of silk and satin sheets run through your fingers, the warmth of the soft blankets covering over almost bare body. You run your hand at your body, mentally sighing as you realise you weren’t fully nude and was probably wearing one of Justin’s tshirts. “You’re awake.” 

You snap your direction to the man walking into the bedroom freshly showered with a towel wrapped around his torso, your eyes follow and he paces out of the door once again and down the stairs, despairing from your sight. You sigh out as you lay flat back onto the bed, making a ‘oof’ sound, wow this bed was so comfortable. Did he change his mattress or something?

You feel the bed sudden droop down the side, indicating justin was back and seated next to you. You watch as he holds out a glass of water with a small white pill. You sit up and take the single pill, along with the glass and do as directed. Did this show he cared? You gently place the glass on the side table and cross your legs, playing with your feet, which was a habit you had when you were nervous. 

“Nervous are we babygirl?” He says as he reaches and tucks a heavy strand off hair to the back of your ear, since your posture and leaning caused your messy hair to drape like a curtain around your face. He reaches to the back of your neck and cups your face, gently as ever and plants a single kiss below your ear. As soon as you thought it was over and you two could sleep, he starts to suck a little harsher, the kisses going lower. 

“Can we finish what you started in the car?” he mutters as he lays his head into your shoulder causing his slightly damp golden locks to tickle your chin and nose. You don’t reply for a moment, you weren’t sure why, maybe it was just because you were so shocked at how tonight escalated, just a moment ago you were doubting whether he still loved you, just back at the event justin was scolding you, ignoring you, this made your heart ache and the hole was still there, bleeding almost, you were crying to be loved by this man. 

“Baby?” he mumbles against your shoulder when he realises you have not responded yet, “are you ok? You seem a bit… out of place.” 

Your heart drops and you dont know why you couldn’t respond back to him, you loved him, you were now going to show him just how much. 

Soft as ever could be, the clean skin of his upper body smooths against your fingertips, you take your time as you feel the structured abs on his glorious body. You quickly get up and sit on his lap, your front body rubbing against his bare one. 

“Are you sure you still have the energy to do this?” justin laughs as you start to pepper kiss his neck, “not long ago you were just passed out.” 

You grind your hips against his towel, the thin fabric of your panties were so thin and transparent you could basically feel the whole length of his erection, not to mention the amazing thick texture of his towel. You angle your clit as you began to rock your hips at a steady pace, the fire quickly igniting between you two, the room suddenly suffocating in heat and lust. 

A large pair of hands suddenly coming to your waist and he steadies your grinding, “fuck-Ugh stop for a moment,” he growls out as tries to hold you steady. You really needed to orgasm and you were so desperate after ages of not seeing him, you wanted to share something intimate and he wanted you to stop? 

“Really? “ you breathe out, a verge of tears appearing, you really needed to cum and you were so stressed and angry with justin you couldn’t help but cry. Justin had his eyes closed and his head thrown back against the wall so he couldn’t see your eyes. 

“Stop babygirl, i’m not gonna last long if you keep that up.” he breathes out as he bites down on his pink lips you now wanted to kiss so badly. 

You feel anger get the better of you and as if your hands had mind of their own, you swiftly reach in between your bodies and remove his towel, leaving him bare. Justin’s eyes flash open in surprise at the action. He first noticed the towel being removed but then his eyes travelled to your face. 

“Babe. You’re crying?” 

Before he could react, you grab a hold of his cock, he was so hard and stiff you moan out as you start to pump his length in your hand. Justin groans out loud as he starts to react by shifting his hips at your hand, trying his best to thrust into your fingers, despite you sitting on top of him. You inwardly smile as this showed you justin needed this more than you thought, you loved seeing him desperate for your touch. He starts to twitch in your fingers, the precum from his tip leaking all over your pumping hand making it so much easier to move smoothly, you couldn’t help but bite your lip at the sight. 

“Ugh-f-fucking hell. Im not gonna last,” he groans out into your ear making you smile as he sounded shaky and breathless. 

You wanted to make him loose control so bad, almost to punish him for not calling you even though that sounds childish you didnt really care. 

Without thinking, you hold his length and shove him into your core. You both moan at the same time, the action taking you both by surprise. He detaches his hands from your waist and grip tightly onto the bedsheets causing his knuckles to turn white. Justin was using all the self control he had to prevent himself from letting go. 

“F-f-fuck. So tight.” he grunts out as you start to move your hips a bit. 

Despite not having any action the past week, you tried your best to adjust with his size but it felt so constricted it didn’t really feel as pleasurable as the other times you’ve had sex. 

You hold onto his broad shoulders as you use it to help yourself rock back and forth, suddenly loving how he felt inside of you, you speed up a tad. 

“Im cumming,” you snap your eyes opening at his words, you see the way he had his pink lips turning white from how hard he was biting them, how his forehead was now sweating and hair flopped against his forehead, everything telling you he had good sex. 

You bite your lip happily. He moves his hips up, trembling his thighs as you feel his cock twitching inside your core. You move your eyes down at the sight, taking in how beautiful he looked like this, how much you missed the sight. He wails out in pleasure as he lets go, his seed warm inside of you, filling you up. 

Narrowing your eyes down, you could see how his lower stomach clenched and unclenched, how his chest the heaving up and down so fast like he ran a thousand miles. 

He stays like that for a while, trying to catch his breath. You get off his length, carefully, taking a seat on his thighs. You squint your eyes in disgust as you watch the string of arousal mixed across his thighs. Before you could get up and clean it off, your back was suddenly being met with the mattress. 

“Let me return the favour babygirl,” he says with a huge smile. 

 He intertwines your fingers with his large ones as he pins you down.

“My beautiful baby,” he mumbles in a loving voice as he sucks down on your neck.

[feelingsofhope]

Found this in my drafts. Some interesting stuff here.

So, I’ve been getting a load of flak for how depressed i’ve been lately. well, I’m going to explain here...This is going to be long so get comfy.

I’m always being told to just “Relax” or do it for the “Fun” and not the fame.

See now normally ythis would be amazing advice to someone with a more normal background then mine. See why this is bad advice to me is because i didn’t get into Music cause it is fun. I did this solely for therapeutic reasons.  Now comes the part why it was therapy. I have really bad social issues, like o was afraid to talk to anyone cause i was an extremely slow learner. I didn’t understand the world or why people were the way they were. Not to mention i have alopecia totalis. So i lost my hair when i was in middle school 6th grade. And losing your hair in patches tends to kick down your self esteem and worth. I hated who i was, I hated that for some reason i had to deal with all of this  myself. Granted i made a few friends that became life long during this time, But, That was cause the common interest of FF7. Back to the hair loss, As you probably already figured out, I was bullied and made fun of a lot at school.Not just a little bullied im talking people used to fight me cause i looked sick and i was near them. the friends that i said i made started taking my side and helping me out with all these assholes. They were bigger than the bullys and they weren’t afraid to throw in a hit or ten. Now see this happened pretty much all the time, It was a daily regiment to get bullied and teased. this happened until like 8th grade. I had to repeat 7th grade so i ended up being a year behoind all of my friends. Now in this year behind i met some more life long friends. great people.  

Now that you have that part here is my home life... 

My father wasn’t much of a father to me, He used to be someone i looked up to until my niece was born. Now im gonna throw this out so you dont get it twisted. I love my niece and i dont hold any sort of resentment towards er at all. I’m very proud of my niece. But back to the subject.when my niece was born my father basically forgot i existed as his son. Ihe would only talk to me if to dicipline me or have me get him water. I tried to get his aproval on so many levels. But that didnt really happen. I was 11 when she was born, Cue in the stress and depression. Since i was just getting into middle school and all that i couldv’e really used my dads help to get me through all of this bullying and teasing. I didn’t get any respect at school and at home i felt like only my mother loved me and wanted me around. since he wasnt there i had to figure out what a man was all about. how to handle my self, protect myself and how to build my mind up enough to notice things. basically do what my dad was supposed to do. just prepare me for things i know he knew would happen. 

There is both home and school life.... Now here is where music was introduced to me...

8th grade i took up band class i played the tenor saxophone. Now at first i was annoyed that i was in a class where i was constantly judged about how i was playing. But i was wrong, Well atleast for middle school i was. i played in band for 6 months and then was advanced to advanced band. I took to it rather fast and i learned how to play the sax withing those 6 months. now this was a replacement for being social. I didnt have to make friends through talking to them and getting to know them. I made friends by playing music with others. This was an unspoken language tthat to me made more sense then any words that  could be spoken.Harmony in the room as all of the band played these songs. Me being afraid to talk to people led people to talk to me, Now i can talk to people just fine as long as i dont have to start the conversation. and i made a few more friends like this. 

So here is an intermission break down

I was bullied and my father wasnt there. I lost my hair do to stress and depression and i was scared to talk to anyone. Music made me feel like i knew a new language to communicate with the people around me. 

Now here is where Raves came into my life. during the summer before high school i went to my first rave called “lucid dreams”, I was terrified cause there were so many people there. I loved the music cause i was already listening to it for a few years already. But this scene had something different to it that i liked immediately. everyone didnt care how i was or why i was. They  would just smile at me and be friendly without me saying a single word.it was then ithat i found that the dj basically made the moodand was essentially the god of socialness. it was the first time i really felt at home and welcome in a very long time. After i started raving My hair started to grow back and i started to feel alive again. now just before i went to high school i went to one other rave that impacted me. It was called “Defcon 3″

This rave is what introduced me to the thought of being a dj. I remember me and my friends were stanfding outside and talking to this really awesome guy who always had a backpack on (Trajikk). Now we didn’t know who he was until he got on the stage that night and played some amazing hard house.Just seeing the attention he got when he spun his hour set i was in pure awe. i was talking to this man outside and he was completely coo. rhwn after his set i remember everyone going to him and saying how amazing his set was. This interested me causehe went up and showed off his abilities and was getting attention after. People were thanking him and saying how he made their night so much better. i seen this as he just helped these people have a better night. i mean he helped me that night. From that night i was inspired to become a dj, I went out and bought some turntables and a few records and started to play them. i had no idea what i was doing at all.  Then after about 6 or so months i found a website with a forum called “DJTrajikk.com” it was beatfrekz before. but it was the DJ i was talking to outside of the show! so i joined the forum and was like 5th place in posts. I  remember putting up a post saying i bought some decks and was wondering if anyone could help me out. 

Guess who answered, 2 guys from floorbangrs (Might have been beatfrekz still i am not sure) The first was DJ XLR8, He helped me learn how to count the beats and how to adjust. he disnt show me a whole lot but he let me mix and he would explain how things worked and why it didnt work. That day was amazing. I learned so much that day. Now the second reply was from my idol “Trajikk” he invited me over to his house and he tought me a lot more. I was taught how to count the beats and swith the beats up. Identify  and cueing. song structure, how to read a vinyle by the density of the grooves and howhen to mix and how to mix. These two djs taught me everything i needed to get started. a few months later trajikk gave me my first show called “Winter freeze” on December 18 2004. I was so happy that i was shaking. i played and of coarse iu was not so great because i was just starting, I played my set and stepped down. and the people that were there came up to me and started talking with me. They liked the music that i playd and and thanked me. 

To me this was heaven on earth, I loved being able to get off the stage and have people come to me to talk to me. I wasn’t scared of people anymore. it encouraged me to get really good at the art. i was beyond myself with how much music connected me back to the world of the living.

lets end this with why im so depressed...

Im so depressed because i’ve lost my hair, Lost my girl of 5 years, my father passed away and i have a lot of resentment still, I cant spin with these new kids anymore because its not to them like it was to me. It was my way of connecting to the world and now i lost my key to get back in the door. back in the day people would literally go to hear the music the dj played and stay for all the djs sets cause it was amazing mussic. now it’s a bunch of these new kids dressing like little hoes and douch bags. they only listen to one DJ and leave to go to a after party to get drunk and do drugs. and if they do stay they stay out in the smoking section the whole time. the music i play isnt what they like, My music isnt ‘Hard” enough for them. 

Now lets go to the competition night...

This is the end, I was pumped and ready to go and play the set of my life. I get there and i see so many people there already who were ready to support me. I was happy but i was terrified again. i had no connection to this scene anymore how would i dj? i was always confident in my abilities as a dj but this night i was scared more then ever. I drank a few and then played my set. I see in the crowd as i am Spinning the girl i cherish, My friends and my brother and his wife. My nephew and his friend all in the crowd. I freeze... then i press play on my track that was already playing and shut it off, i freaked out and just replayed it from the start. oh well. But with soo much pressure on me that i have never felt before i played a terrible set. They said it was a great set but to me....I felt like i let all these people that never come to see me down. I raised my normally high standard of my self to way higher than i could ever. I couldnt hear the music even though it was sooo loud. I couldn’t think, I couldnt do anything but hope.  The crowd stayed moving the whole time, and cheered me on. .. I felt like i wasted all these peoples time by playing a mediocre set. I let them down cause i didnt bring it like i wanted to. I wanted to impress the girl that i cherish... I put so much pressure on my self that i collapsed. I shut down and got drunk and hated my self.... 

Well i hope this clears things up a bit. You read this and tell me is im just being a dumb ass....