#i feel like it is totally sane and rational and correct of me to kill everyone on earth starting with myself

[manicdepressivemom]

I picked up my vraylar, but I don’t think I can take it. I talked to husband about the things in my head last night and he called me crazy. I’m going to try and write it all out clearly but I feel like my brain is jumping from topic to topic before I can fully think through anything.

First off, because I think everything else hinges on this, I don’t think I’m bipolar. And either does anyone else. No one has believed me at first. And I still don’t think they do. Except maybe husband. He’s taken hold of the whole thing. My therapists, my mom, Jess. None of them believe it. And if I was really mentally ill, wouldn’t those closest to me realize something is up? Luke buys into it now, but he didn’t at first. 

I can’t kill myself. Husband, a mentally stable person, approves all of my decisions. Which proves that I’m neither that impulsive, that bizarre, or that self destructive. If I was to lose control of myself, I can’t imagine that I would be able to stop myself from doing things that don’t feel safe or rational.

I’m quite confident that I could see a psychiatrist twice a month for a year and never be diagnosed, so long as I didn’t fill out the stupid papers. Who DOESN’T have episodes of feeling particularly confident, or spendy, or so fascinated with something that they stay up late at night? What makes mine clinical? I’m not ruining my life. 

So that sort of leads me to, I don’t need these medicines. All they’re likely to do is crush my emotional range.  And lets say bipolar people have a range from -50 to 150. And normal people range from 0 to 100. If I take these drugs meant to smooth out swings, maybe I’ll only have a range of 20 to 80? Or even worse? I could just be flat. Never happy or sad. Brain dead, with no joy, no sex drive, and thinning hair. Not to even speak of the organ damage.

Which, of course, leads me to the idea that someone knows that bipolar disorder is a bunch of bullshit. Bipolar is almost always treated with several medications. The money in this industry is insane. Look at Vraylar, it was going to be $744 for 14 days. Insurance dropped it to $622. Then a MANUFACTURER card dropped it down to $0. They know they’re fucking people over. And this stupid card is only guaranteed to cover 2 months. Just long enough to convince people they need the shit before hiking the price back up. They know they’re price gouging with medications that might just be making us more sick for a short term promise of level moods. Which isn’t even a promise, really. It’s all guesswork. 

Is this just some sort of conspiracy to get people hooked on expensive medications that will ultimately make us sick? Would staying off our medications eventually lead to a level of insight and understanding that someone doesn’t want us to obtain? Perhaps we’re more capable than the average person to disrupt our current existence. Maybe we’re more able to peer beyond the veil and really perceive what’s beyond?

We know that people are pulling strings and making shit happen. I studied marketing and public relations. This isn’t new. Anyone who has taken a class like this knows that millions of dollars have been funneled into psychiatric research, and that information is used to manipulate us. Look at razors or tissues. The research on antidepressants if fuzzy, at best. 

Some funky stuff has been happening. Like the walls looking funny, anthrax coming up multiple times, both Luke and I having weird eye things going on. Husband pointed out the eye stuff could be from his new car which just sort of further convinces me I shouldn’t keep taking the meds. The possible answers are almost endless. And there are so many possible answers that don’t require me to take multiple heavy duty drugs. 

I recognize all of this might sound crazy. I know that I was recently very convinced I needed meds. But how do we know THAT wasn’t delusional? And, if my theory that there are intentional efforts to make bipolar people look crazy and in need of medication is correct, I can’t really express these things to anyone else. Of course they’re going to think I need help and meds. Because they’ve been manipulated to believe that anyone who questions the norm is mentally ill. And some people who really seem stable think the same things. 

Look at Friend. She’s totally convinced that the medical industry is bullshit despite being a seemingly sane person. She’s even stuck with that belief for years. 

Part of me wants to express these things and have validation that I’m insane, which must mean I’m sane right? I would keep these things to myself if not, wouldn’t I? Even now, I’m only writing the stuff that sounds the most bizarre. Maybe I have munchausen.

[thiscrimsonsoul]

Not to mix up lores, but what would Wanda do if she could visit Stephen King's "Pet Sematary" and she still had Pietro's/Vision's bodies nearby? (Although I don't think it would work with Vision because... He's a super complex being! And I'm assuming you know what happens because you write so well, I'm sure you read a lot) Would Wanda try to bring them back despite the warnings? Or would she let them rest?

{out of paprikash} Oh, this is such a cool question! Lots to discuss here. I’m a big horror book and movie buff and I love both for “Pet Sematary.” So... I think it would depend on Wanda’s mental state at the time, and exactly how much she was told about the results of burying someone at the “Pet Sematary.” Let’s do a best case/worst case scenario thing, shall we?

Best case scenario, Wanda is of relatively sound mind and is shown or told pretty compelling stories to make her think twice. Maybe she was shown a news article of what happened to the Creeds or some other family affected by the place, or she had someone explain to her in gory detail what happened. Hmm... I guess for the benefit of my followers who may not know the story, I should explain a bit so that everyone understands. You know what? Under the cut because I ended up rambling on FOREVER with this ask, haha...

“Pet Sematary,” spelled incorrectly because it was supposed to have been written on a sign by young children, was a place where you could bury the dead and have them come back to life. Sort of, heh. Started as a graveyard where kids buried their pets, it was an evil place that twisted whatever was buried there. It was located on an Indian burial ground (very trope-ish, I know), and basically the premise was that the ground had “gone sour.” Whatever you buried there would come back to you, so I mean it did work, but there were consequences. There was one iconic line in the original movie, I forget whether it was in the book too, I read it so many years ago, but it was, “Sometimes, dead is better.” In other words, as painful as it is to lose someone, it’s even more so to have their memory twisted or overwritten by some perversion or obscene likeness of them. It’s also even more painful to deal with all the other associated consequences, of which there were many...

The first initial moments of the animal or person coming back to you might be nice, only because it takes a while for the full evil to set in, and of course you wanted your loved one back, so seeing them again makes you happy. But pretty soon you would notice them having some weird behaviors. They might stare at you creepily, might want to eat raw meat, might be angrier or crueler than you remember them, might be obsessed with weapons or sharp objects. And the more you either question the behavior or try to correct it, the angrier and more frustrated the person or animal becomes.

The next stage is them trying to harm or even kill random people and animals around you or even people in your family or your friends. The resurrected person or animal becomes more and more violent and murderous, and less like the loved one you buried. Their actions become more impulsive, less rational, and more instinctual, like a crazed animal more than a healthy one or a sane person. They might drool, growl, hit their head against the wall... just really strange things, even as they harm or kill everyone around you.

The last stage is them hunting and killing you, the person who buried them. In fact, there was a rule for this. “You bury your own.” It’s kindof like well... if you want this done, if you want this person or animal to come back and are basically willing to spit in the face of the laws of nature to make it happen, then you have to take responsibility for the associated consequences. And it becomes really cruel and heartbreaking because they will try to lure you to them with false kindness and love.

So... at the point at which they’re trying to kill you, you’re probably on to them by now and wanting to re-kill them to get them to stop killing your family and friends. But they’re a loved one too, and they know it, and they’ll use it. So if it’s a cat, it’ll mew softly or purr at your leg before jumping at your throat. If it’s a spouse, they’ll try to hug you or kiss you as they’re raising a knife to your back. if it’s a child, they’ll cry for mommy or daddy as they conceal a scalpel or some other weapon to harm you with as soon as you pick them up. They might ask you, “Why are you doing this to me?” while looking super sad, and the second you start to break down and regret things, they’ll move in for the kill. So they really use your love for them as a weakness to get to you, which is a very sad concept.

The premise is a lot like, for those of you who love the horror genre, the second story of Trilogy of Terror II (1996). A woman whose son drowned in the ocean near their home performs an occult ritual to bring him back. The boy does come back, and he seems confused, disoriented, cold, but otherwise fine. Very quickly, however, he becomes mouthy, demanding, disobedient, destructive... and eventually he ends up trying to kill his mom. The punch line of the story is that the boy didn’t drown accidentally, but rather he jumped off the cliffs and into the water to get away from his controlling and abusive mother. The boy’s soul didn’t want to come back, so something else came back instead. Something evil. Well Pet Sematary is the same kind of deal. It’s almost like Celtic stories of changelings, how it looks exactly like the person you know, but doesn’t act like them at all.

The upshot is that anything buried at the Pet Sematary would come back in the body you buried (which had it’s own downsides if the body was badly destroyed during the person’s death, and the person/animal would smell really bad, because they are in fact still dead) but the soul of the person you loved wouldn’t be inside. Instead, there was something else, soulless, evil, demonic, whatever you wanted to infer it was. And it was always just... utterly remorseless, entirely without empathy, and would always just tear apart the life of the person who buried the body before actually killing them too. I think there was a lesson here, or maybe a few lessons, something to the effect of, death is permanent and there’s not coming back from it. But also... there are consequences for imagining yourself above the laws of nature. And also... shame on you for disturbing the rest of a person who may not want to come back. Whether they wanted to die or prefer to remain dead now that they are, it’s seen as total selfish hubris on the part of the person burying their dead loved one because it’s about easing your pain instead of letting your loved one rest in peace.

Okay so now that I’ve blabbed on and on about that... the best case scenario for Wanda is if she’s fairly mentally stable, maybe just grieving but has not lost touch with reality yet, and that she is swayed by the stories she reads/hears. Wanda does believe in demons, she is superstitious, and she is very fearful of things like damning souls for eternity. It’s why she is so disturbed by what she feels when Pietro dies and interprets it partially from what she actually feels but partially out of fear and grief as him ending up in some sort of hell or place where his soul is being tortured in some way. So she does believe in such things and Pietro and Vision both are two people she loved so fiercely that if she is in her right mind, she would not play around with anything that might damn them, punish them, torture them, or twist their natures at all.

With Pietro and his love of running and athletics and with Vision and his unique body, Wanda would not be attracted to the idea of bringing them back in bodies that are falling apart, rotting, or otherwise continuing to die even though they are animated. That’s... perverted to her. It’s a perversion of nature and of their bodies which she values because they were important to them, so she would never want to bring them back in any condition that would upset them or be anything less than the ideal they would want to live in.

But I think the real kicker that would really drive home for her that this is a bad idea and something she wouldn’t mess with is if someone explained to her that it wouldn’t be the soul of the person she actually loves being brought back. It’d be their body, but something dark inside them. That would really both scare her and turn her off to the whole idea.

Also, something I just thought of... is that if Wanda actually went to the Pet Sematary - and this is my own headcanons to some extent - she might be able to read the land? Wanda reads minds, yes, but she is also attuned to certain energies and very empathetic. She might either sense the evil of the land, the “sourness,” as it were... or she might maybe pick up on residual emotions from people who had been victimized by the land. That would also be a huge deterrent to her actually going through with anything.

NOW... heh... WORST case scenario. So let’s say this is a post-Endgame Wanda who did not adjust well and is now grieving Vision along with Pietro and her parents and Natasha and Tony and anybody else she’s lost. Maybe she tries to use her own powers to bring Vision back and it doesn’t work. She’s getting exhausted, run down, frustrated, more grief-stricken, and now she’s losing touch with reality. She’s seeing things. She’s sleep-deprived. She’s not eating well. And all of that is making her so desperate to just have somebody come back to her. That version of Wanda might actually go through with it. Although at that point, she’d have to do Vision because there wouldn’t be enough of a body left from Pietro to try it with him. I don’t see Wanda doing it with Pietro after Ultron, I just don’t see her being that mentally unstable yet at that point in her life to make such an unwise decision. But after Endgame? Yeah. Maybe. But for now we’ll assume she buries Vision there.

So... this is actually gonna get real sad, real fast, heh, because there’s no happy ending here at all. One outcome is that Vision goes on a rampage and starts killing people and other Avengers have to find some way to kill him, in which case Wanda would seriously lose her shit to see Vision killed a third time. I think if she’s mentally unstable enough to bury him in the sour land after all those warnings, then she might actually be able to look past whatever evil he was doing and just be utterly delusional about it and insist that he’s fine. So... seeing him killed again would really unhinge her and she might start trying to kill people... at which point... the remaining Avengers would have to either kill or subdue her.

Another outcome is that Vision stays around Wanda for a most part or at least doesn’t draw too much attention to himself and goes right for her, of course with the intent to kill her. But I think at this point Wanda would be so happy to see him in any form that her reaction would be similar to that of Louis Creed when he buried his wife Rachel. For those who haven’t seen the movie (the 1989 version, anyway, I haven’t seen the 2019 one yet), Louis by this time had lost the family cat, his toddler son, his neighbor, and then his wife. Well... the toddler son killed the wife, heh, because he was buried first. But yeah. By the time his wife is killed and he’s forced to re-kill his toddler son, Louis is pretty freakin’ unhinged mentally, heh. He’s just broken by his pain and when Rachel comes back dripping with goo and just her face is falling apart and it’s just nasty, haha... he doesn’t even see it. He only sees his wife, and he’s happy, and he hugs her and kisses her, and she stabs him in the back, heh. It’s gross but it’s also really just heartbreaking to me because he’s so broken by that point. I think a similar situation would happen with Wanda, where she would just be so far gone mentally that she would just be happy to see Vision and would go to him, not knowing or caring that he is pretty much just going to kill her. And that.... gosh, that thought just breaks my heart to pieces. 

Thank you so much for sending this in, this was a really fun hypothetical, fictional exercise for my brain, haha. Like... I really had a lot of fun writing this and imagining all the possibilities. If there’s anything I didn’t cover or you think of other related questions, feel free to send them in, because this was a really interesting rabbit hole to go down! =)