#i feel like i'm going crazy man it's so fucking ridiculous how am i supposed to take politics seriously with that split

[naivety]

my sense of urgency for this election was all used up watching a genocide play out live on instagram while my mom continued to talk about which politician might make the housing market better and i tried not to genuinely lose my mind over the dissonance. in all honesty short of bombs dropping on americans' houses my adrenal glands are beyond checked out. i'll show up to the polls and do my part and try to plug into the bare bones direct action i can find in the middle of nowhere deep red county state but god. there are so many posts circulating trying to fear monger me into voting for one genocidal president of this genocidal nation over another and i may as well live on a different planet. i can fathom the urgency but i could not make myself feel it short of being held at gunpoint. which may even be on the ballot but that's how americans have been voting for decades now and each of them regardless of party has worried about the idea of being held at gunpoint while a right of theirs is taken away while there are people who are already being held at gunpoint and their rights have already been taken away by the very people being beamed into my eyeballs as the escape from this hypothetical violence that's already non-hypothetically happened to millions who aren't US liberals because of the america they're trying to save from trump the same america regardless of democrats or republicans or whigs or federalists and does anyone else feel like they're going crazy

[your-nanas-house]

𝓦𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝔀𝓮, 𝓲𝓭𝓲𝓸𝓽?

◇ Pairing: Neil Lewis X best friend!Reader

◇ Warnings: fluff, sadness, mean parents, Neil's made up childhood, friends to lovers, kiss, tuna

◇ Summary: Neil has to bring his girlfriend to the Christmas dinner with his family, the problem?... He doesn't have one so he asks his best friend.

◇ Note: Another amazing collaboration with @mrkdvidal1989. First fic of the new "event" 'From love to Love'.

Neil froze hearing his mother's words over the phone. His eyes widened in shock while Y/n walked in front of him, peacefully sorting out movies while humming. Unaware that her best friend was just going through a hurricane of thoughts at the ridiculous demand of his mother.

You take her or don't bother to come, she said, and after not getting any response for a couple seconds, she hung up with a sigh of annoyance. He knew how his mother was but usually… he didn't care too much. Usually the whole family would just pick on him “playfully” because of the fact that he was still single, just running his store for a living. Suddenly breathing got heavier and the humiliation set in, as he sighed moving quickly. Passing by Y/n, he rushed to his office, in need of a moment to deal with his own feelings.

“I can’t” were the first words that left Neil’s mouth since the call ended, it was crazy and dangerous and he was pretty much regretting having picked up the phone that morning, he would have lived better without knowing those annoying news. 

He had to go back “home” for Christmas… back to his childhood house more like, as he never truly felt there like home. After a couple of years now going there just to spend Christmas all together like they used to do. A fucking nightmare. How could he survive, he thought, his hands covering his face in pure desperation, so worried and pissed to go there… he was off age, why couldn’t he do what he wanted?

That’s how his colleague and friend found him, leaned on his desk, at the edge of crying.

”Man, I'm just trying to help.” Jonathan shrugged, after he came quickly to the Gumshoe right after Y/n’s shift ended, passing by her at the door with a smile. Neil huffed with helplessness. He knew that his friends just wanted to help him with the issue, but nevertheless it was.. more than frustrating. Pacing back and forth he stroked the hair at the nape of his neck, thinking intensely. Looking… for a solution that wouldn't require making himself look like a fool in front of his best friend.

“And how the fuck am I supposed to ask her, huh? Not that I intend to.” Neil hissed, gesticulating in desperation “I can’t do that! Especially not to her, I have been stuck celebrating all those awful events, forced by my parents… She would come willingly. That would be—” Jonathan interrupted him quickly, shaking his head “Man, calm down! we don’t even know if she can, I’m just telling you that you should try. You always say that everything is way more fun when she’s around so why not try to fight this by using her..help, huh?” the man suggested, proud of himself as he waited for Neil’s reaction “she even likes to dress up and trust me, bet she would be way happier to come with you there than to participate at another of the events here in the show” he commented quietly.

”How can you know that?” Neil snapped, as he registered only the first part of the sentence, his mind jumping to the conclusion that Jonathan was spending a lot of time with her. Jealousy racing through his veins in a second. 

Seeing it, Jonathan rolled his eyes at the reaction. 

”Yeah, and maybe.. maybe you two could sort that weird… “friendship” out.” He suggested, gesturing in the air as he spoke. ”No need to get snappy, man. She seems to like only one geek, and you already took that spot.” He joked eventually, wanting to ease the atmosphere. It worked, as Neil smiled weakly. 

It was true, they were friends ever since Neil approached her in the third grade asking about the sandwich she had. For her the tuna sandwich was the grossest thing in the world, but little Neil had shiny eyes at the thought of it. She called him gross and he pushed her. That's how their friendship started, ironically. 

She sure was perfect and that way Neil wouldn’t have ruined their every-year plans.. Christmas Eve together and a quick meeting at Christmas, like always. They could spend even more time together if she agreed to go with him.

Huffing, he sat down in the armchair as he ran his hand through his dark hair. Was it really a good idea? he wondered silently, glancing a couple of times towards Jonathan, who was still standing there awkwardly. Even if she wasn’t in the store anymore, he should have called or gone to her apartment but… he couldn’t leave Gumshoe, right? 

He remained lost in his thoughts for a couple of minutes, coming back to reality hearing a soft knock on his office door. His baby blue eyes snapped up as he sat better on his chair, surprised to see Y/n back there, a smile on her face. “Sorry to interrupt the …meeting, I just left my scarf in your office Neil, so I came back to get it. It’s pretty cold outside, I was freezing…” she revealed continuing to ramble while walking to the small sofa in his office, grabbing her scarf before heading back to the door. Neil was forced now to ask her, it looked really like faith. 

“Weenie—” he spoke abruptly, making her stop mid step, and turn around to face him with a raised eyebrow, the nickname catching her attention immediately like every time, just like the way he said it. Instead of the casual, easygoing tone of his, he sounded.. nervous and awkward. The tone that Y/n knew too well, which piqued her interest just as much as the old nickname that they have been using for several years. “What, dink?” she asked with a soft smile on her face. Jonathan just staring at them with wide eyes and toothy grin, seeing how the stare they shared couldn’t be one of just friends.

Neil looked at his feet awkwardly, not knowing how to start. 

”Yeah, tell her, Dink.” Jonathan mocked playfully, earning a soft slap on the back of his head from Y/n, who scolded him and reminded him that she was the only one that could call Neil like that and he should have respect for his own boss. One stern glance from Neil was enough to make him lift his hands in surrender.

”Alright, alright. I got the message.” He said, slowly heading to the door. 

Just before the door closed shut, he shot Neil one last look that was basically saying “tell her, idiot!” 

A sigh pushed past the nervous man's lips as he was left alone with his best friend in the office. Neil had no energy and will to play around the topic, so he just took a deep breath approaching her closer. 

”Look… if I had any different choice, I wouldn't… I wouldn't try to pull you into it..” He started off, sitting on the desk in front of her, looking down at his hands, making her quite nervous. But without a second thought she lifted his chin with her hand, making him look in her eyes. 

”You can pull me into anything as long as you follow, you know that— Stop being so nervous, now, I’m starting to fear that it’s something big and concerning” She urged, feeling that something wasn't right… not with how he was trying to avoid eye contact with her. 

”Are you involved with the mafia, Dink?” She held back a giggle, using her best poor Italian accent to try to ease the tension and his mood, successfully as he giggled back. 

“Are you trying to perform as Robert De Niro, now?” he huffed amused “You are still doing it wrong” Neil added, commenting on her performance “Lies, you’re just jealous of my skills. Bet someone could actually mistake me for him, bit of makeup and I look just like him” she joked, her smiles switching slowly into a soft one when Neil spoke softly to deny it “You are beautiful… so shut up” he quickly added the last part to ease the awkward tension. She chuckled as well, sighing as she sat at the chair in front of the desk.

”So.. tell me. What do you need, Neil?” Y/n asked seriously this time, so he mirrored her body language. 

”Okay so… My mother said… well, more like forced me? Obligated me… to bring at the christmas dinner a girlfriend and… and she said that if I don't I.. I shouldn't even come.” He stuttered out nervously again, glancing at Y/n as she kept listening to him while nodding. She didn't say anything, as she knew that it wasn't the end of the story. Neil knew it too. 

”andithoughtthatyoucouldgowithme” he spat out really quickly, breathing deeply just at the end of the sentence, almost passing out. 

Y/n tried not to laugh at that, nodding as if she understood everything he said to her “Now.. I have known you for years, Dink. I know what you said but you know how much I like to see you in such a state, huh. Ask it better” she requested, humming while crossing her legs smugly, waiting for Neil’s next move.

He scoffed at that, of course she wanted that... and he was going to give it to her like every time “Fine! You dick.. Would you come with me… please” he asked, showing her his pleading eyes, earning a chuckle from her “First, I’m not a dick. Second… of course I will, you dork” she answered, leaving a couple of seconds of silence before giving him her final answer, creating suspense between them.

Neil was just nodding sadly, sighing softly as his hand rested on her small shoulder, patting it twice “I know that you would have….wait what—” he raised his voice quickly, his eyes snapping to hers as his mood changed completely “You’re not joking, right?” he asked to make sure he could celebrate his victory. Y/n just rolled her eyes before she got up, kissing his cheek exaggerating the noise. 

”I’m not, but now I need to run if I want to make it to the bus. See you later, send me the details.” She said quickly, running through the door with a smile. 

Neil sat there in silence for a moment before exhaling loudly. Then a slow smile appeared on his lips. 

. *time lapse* .

The snow kept falling down on them as they waited in front of the big mansion, looking at each other every now and then

”You can do it… we can do it. Together.’’ she reminded him as soon as she felt his nervousness, squeezing his hand in her own. 

Neil exhaled, straightening his back as he glanced at her. She nodded, and they went to the door, knocking before they'd change their mind. Here we go, no backing away now. Neil knocked, and they waited a couple seconds before steps approached the door, swinging them open and showing the silhouette of Neil's mother. 

”Oh, Neil… you're here.” She said with a fake smile plastered on her face. Then her gaze fell on Y/n and her eyes shone with respect. Y/n really was a pretty girl, nice features, styled hair and a very pleasant body, she was also all dolled up like Neil asked her, just for that dinner… ready to support her best friend as best she could. ”..and who's that?” the older woman asked, reaching out to Y/n, who shook her hand with a smile. 

”That’s Y/n. My.. girlfriend.” Neil informed his mother, stuttering for a second, glancing at Y/n when the word girlfriend left his mouth. 

His mother just nodded, lifting her chin up higher with a smaller smile.

”Come in.” She said, opening the door wider and closing them behind them.

It will be a long night, Y/n thought seeing the rudeness in his mother's eyes. 

. *couple hours later* .

Y/n clenched her jaw again that night, hearing the two-sided comments towards Neil. He was quiet most of the time.. before he wasn't, as his younger brother threw an insult towards Y/n this time. 

”Watch your fucking mouth.” He barked at him suddenly, surprising everyone by the table. His father's eyes widened, and a little smile appeared on his lips. George gasped in shock, as it never happened before that Neil would actually stand up for himself. He'd either ignore him or just stutter out some insult back. 

”Neil” His mother scolded another time throughout the dinner, and Y/n was fed up. She scooted back, and the chair squeaked, scratching the wooden floor from the sudden movement. 

”Are you serious? This little brat insults him all night and you won't say anything, but when Neil stands up for me, you dare to scold him?” Y/n spoke up in a harsh, stern tone. The icy gaze in her eyes was enough to make everyone go quiet. 

”I… I..” His mother stuttered out, still shocked. 

Neil got up suddenly, heading to the door as he needed some fresh air. That whole “Christmas” dinner was a nightmare. 

Y/n and Mrs. Lewis kept glaring at each other, and as the older woman opened her mouth to continue arguing, her husband's fist slammed at the table, startling her. 

”Enough! Are you happy with ruining our Christmas dinner?” His low voice boomed at her, as he had enough of her backhanded compliments and rude talk. Seeing the situation, Y/n decide to leave as well, grabbing one of the tuna sandwiches from the plate standing on the table, fully knowing that Neil didn't manage to eat anything. Just some baked potatoes but she stole most of them from him. Rushing through the corridor, Y/n noticed that his jacket was gone, so she didn't hesitate to get out of the house. 

Looking around, her heart pounded, not seeing him anywhere. Only as she looked at the other side of the road she noticed him, sitting on the bench despite the cold wind and falling snow. 

He was visibly upset, with red cheeks and nose, tucked into his big jacket to keep some warm, and snowflakes in his dark hair… he looked beautiful. Even more than usual, she thought. 

Even though she was heading to him, he didn't hear her steps or the crunching of snow under the sole of her boots. Only when she stood in front of him, Neil looked up at her face with teary eyes, making her expression soften. 

She didn’t say anything, just moved her arm to show him what she was hiding under her coat, a small smile on her face. Neil looked at her, glancing down at the thing she was offering to him, a smile breaking on his face as well.

“A gross tuna sandwich for the grosser boy I know” she sang, moving the food closer to Neil, her cold flushed cheeks making her look like a kid “Come on… take a bite or do you need me to feed you, huh?” She teased, handing him the sandwich after she moved it in tiny circles in front of his face, so that he could sniff its smell. 

Neil grabbed it, brushing his warm hands against her cold ones before sticking out his tongue like a kid, just like when he was younger.

Y/n watched him take it,  before she sat down on the cold bench next to him. She didn’t talk, just leaned her head on his shoulder, sneaking her hand in his pocket to hold his bigger one in hers.

They stayed like that for some minute, in silence and now in each other’s arms ‘’Don’t listen to them, Dink…’’ she whispered, watching his side profile as he ate his sandwich. Neil was clearly lost in his mind for a while as they just sat there, getting covered with snow. Several minutes passed before Y/n attempted to talk again. 

”I don't regret coming here with you.” She confessed, making him look at her, surprise written all over his face. 

”How come?” He asked, confused. Neil couldn't think of a single reason for why she would actually be happy about coming on the Christmas dinner to his family. It went.. horrible. 

Y/n shrugged, playing with his big long fingers. 

”I mean… I don't know.” She backed off a little, feeling a little ashamed of her confession. Neil could see that she wanted to say something else, but doubt crept up her mind. He grabbed her chin suddenly, surprising her and himself as well, making her look in his baby blue eyes that looked even more charming with the white snow in the background. 

”Tell me.” He asked more like commanded in a quiet voice. Suddenly the atmosphere between them got more.. intimate than fragile like before. His gaze didn't falter for a second, as he boldly starred in her eyes. 

Y/n felt like that moment would pass soon if she didn't take the change.

”I.. I liked.. playing your girlfriend.” She spoke up, matching the volume of his voice. Neil’s eyes shifted down, looking at all the features of her face separately, carefully and taking his time. The intention in his eyes was visible, and made Y/n’s breath deepen as her heart started pounding in her chest. 

”I like it too.” He whispered, subconsciously leaning in, reducing the distance between them with each second. 

Without a second of doubt, Y/n moved closer, tilting her head up so he could reach her lips more easily. 

Even though they both knew it was coming, the sensation that went through their bodies was.. shocking. Knowing each other for years, neither of them would expect to feel… such fireworks while kissing. 

Her soft lips moved against his slowly, sensually without any rush. Neil was completely frozen, not moving at all as he didn't want to ruin the moment. Y/n wasn't as shy, as her hand reached his cheek to keep him closer. In their minds the kiss lasted for hours, yet it was barely a minute before they ran out of oxygen. Parting in need of a breath, Neil leaned his forehead on hers, letting out a shaky breath. Silence between them lasted for a couple minutes.

”Neil…” She started out.

”I know.” He cut her off, earning a chuckle. 

”Neil…” She started again ”If you don't confess that you love me, right now… I'm afraid I'm going to throw up. I feel your tuna in my mouth.” She whispered, making him burst into laughter. 

Shaking his head he grabbed her face in his hands, his eyes shiny and hair a mess, hanging over his forehead. 

”I love you, Y/n.” He said, still smiling so widely, and she giggled out loudly. 

”I love you too, Dinky…. I'm freezing by the way, could we go back inside? Not in the dining room but maybe in your room. I was always curious to see your childhood bedroom” she revealed, a bit too eager to know more about Neil's past.

With that the young woman stood up, offering her now hopefully boyfriend her hand. It took Neil a couple of seconds to take her hand finally, since the priorities came first, aka his tuna sandwich, leading her himself back towards the house and upstairs to his bedroom. 

Nothing had changed much during the years, his little brother George received more useless stuff while her older sister Margaret wasn't living there anymore so her useless stuff was all in her own house.

As soon as they walked in the bedroom, Neil made sure to lock the door, past trauma of people walking in his room without asking just to annoy or piss him off came quickly back. Y/n didn't seem to mind though, her eyes kept wandering around as her hands worked on the buttons of her coat “I have a gift for you by the way” she informed Neil with a smile, her beautiful eyes now stopping back on him “but…I won't give it to you till you go wash your teeth. I don't want to risk getting another tuna kiss” she murmured, shivering at the idea, making Neil laugh and nod as he headed to his own small personal bathroom to do as she said.

Coming out again, his eyes locked with hers— she was now sitting on his bed, leg crossed with a small rectangular present next to her body. A small smile on her face. “Come on, open your gift, Dink” She encouraged him, watching how he walked closer with a childlikeness hidden in his eyes.

Neil carefully took the wrapped object, working on the paper to open it carefully, stealing glances at Y/n who was watching him with his same mood.

“You like it?” The young woman asked softly, studying her best friend's reaction “it's an old noir movie… I heard your discussion about it with Jonathan in the Gumshoe and I managed to find it.” She added anxiously, seeing no clear reaction from him. Her lips parted for the third time, ready to ask for clarification again but she didn't need to, since Neil's lips pressed against hers— his arms wrapping around her smaller frame as his big hand cupped the back of her head to keep her in place. It really looked like one of those kisses characters shared in old movies… so rich of passion and love.

The position was quite uncomfortable though, so they changed it after a couple of seconds, his arms now holding her hips firmly against his body and her arms hugging his neck to keep him closer to her. No tuna this time.

Taglist:

@gabile18 , @mrsfullbuster500 , @rex-ray , @elizamalfoyy, @eovjjj @wife-of-magic-monkeys , @jeremiah-va1eska , @gothamchic16, @rabbiteggz , @dieg0brandos-wife , @rottenecstasy , @lazyexcuse , @teh-vampire-bunny , @lobotomy-lover , @slasher-smasher , @sleepycreativewriter , @mrkdvidal1989

[banamine-bananime]

AITA for trying to save my friend and keep the rest of my asshole friends safe from their bad decisions?

I (M26) just went through this real shitty breakup. So basically, my ex C (M lmao man fuck if i know his age idek if knows it. or has one i guess) has this god-fucking-awful habit of deciding to solve every problem by dying about it and/or fucking off without so much as a word to the people unfortunate enough to give a shit about him, except maybe his sister (unhelpful for the rest of us because she also inherited the "fucking off without a word" gene. man fuck this whole family for making me care about them. whatever). Also, killing himself inside peoples brains thats like a whole hobby for him. like okay either ghost us OR kill yourself in front of us altering the trajectory of our lives forever PICK ONE like a NORMAL person.

Okay wait im not explaining this well. So years ago C and W (M37 now) were partners but C was, uh, in a really bad place mentally (S is telling me this is more diplomatic to say than "crazy af") and that situationship ended as badly as a situationship can end. I mean W's told me he pretty much had his sense of identity as someone separate from C totally destroyed by that for a while, which like, in hindsight its kinda an accidental dick move that our team made him take C's legal identity, but in our defense a) the fuck were we supposed to know?, b) tbf he really did need it not to go back to prison, c) it's not like C was using his identity, on account of the fucking off and effectively-dying-as-a-solution habits, and d) i mean. i gotta admit it's also pretty funny in a really fucked way.

aw shit derailed on a tangent again

recently its just like, we just get so focused on one thing its hard to remember anything else, you know?

S is so good at getting us back on track though. thank god because you would not believe the number of irons weve got in the fire to keep track of, its ridiculous. (i love making my partner be the planner in the relationship lol. highly recommend being a passenger princess in the body sometimes. fuck massages, i'm telling you THIS is what you need after a long day getting shit DONE and taking care of everyone else's messes)

So I met C 6 years ago, right out of basic, when we were privates stationed at the same base. middle of nowhere. shit, this is gonna be hard to explain, just realized i should use different names for C to keep them straight. I knew "A" and W knew "E", i didnt meet E until years later. theyre alters and also the same guy but also not the same guy. dont worry about it if you dont get it bc ive dated both of them and i dont think i do. my life is stupid.

Bunch of bullshit happened, A ghosted (lol. you'd be high-fiving me if you knew him) and then found a problem to solve by dying. you get it by now.

Then i meet E, E encounters a problem and tries to die about it round one (i guess round two, after exploding in W <- LOL. you should be high-fiving me right now), E's sister drags him back to the land of the living, E ghosts, W and i start dating, W tries to martyr himself and disappears because i guess E rubbed off on him (dude i am on a fucking roll. you should be high-fiving me out of pity for my glamorously miserable soap-opera life if nothing else. homophobic not to), our team gets W back, E strolls back like he has no idea why im mad at him, we fight about it, makeup-makeouts about it, and E tries to die about it round two: in my brain boogaloo.

So thats how S and i meet. oops, guess i never introduced S? Feels weird to have to introduce ourself twice, people dont really meet us separately anymore LOL. S (M, ageless) is also C's alter, my partner in life and badassery and brain and body. and obviously freaky sex stuff, that goes without saying but i'm saying it anyway to brag. the swish swish to my stabbing people who really deserve it. Not really interested in your opinion on our relationship, it's not what i'm asking about. we're aware its not conventional, because we're not fucking braindead. Im so sick of all the "oooohhhhh this isn't healthy", "he's a male manipulator and youre codependent i know bc i learned psychology from tiktoks by girls with green hair", "why are you wearing your ex-boyfriend's armor colors while wearing his dead ex-boyfriend's armor while dating and sharing a brain with your dead mutual ex's alter", "have you considered going to therapy instead of a quest against death itself" blah blah blah. If youre so bored you need to judge our life then just get your own 🙄🙄🙄

we've been really on that sigma grindset the last few weeks. S has got our sleep optimized down to a tight triphasic 3.46 hours and we're minmaxing the fuck out of the rest of every day. Biohacked to shit over here. too much to do, so we have to make there be enough of our time to do it. who else is gonna? my teammates? the REDS? we're half batman half babysitter to a gaggle of idiots who can barely be trusted to wipe their own asses, let alone fight their own battles and make decisions like "wah wah wah A is dead let's just give up and cry about it or whatever".

Don't even get me started on W. Oh youre all about character-building wake up and grind self-improvement and taking leadership until we're making decisions you dont like, i guess. WHATEVER. this is why we dont listen to you.

its hard, okay. like, you cant understand the sheer fucking stress were under trying to keep all our plans going smoothly while keeping these guys safe while they're basically actively trying to unravel every carefully-laid thread and also strangle themselves in them. im probably going prematurely grey and also losing some time. its hard to remember when we need to hold back and use the kiddy gloves. i really didnt want to come to holding - uh, we'll call him MC (M25) - by the throat, passed-out. he's like a brother to me, been through thick and fucking thin together, so yeah, i feel really bad about that, my bad, we were the asshole there, but like, maybe stop throwing yourself in the way? like run out into the road you're gonna get hit by a truck no matter how hard they slam the brakes. mfw the conses quence. but im NOT asking about that. everyone's been on our dick about "please god stop doing all of this" and abandoning A and trying to break us up way before that, and THAT'S what im asking about

Anyways tl;dr are we the asshole for getting shit done when it takes methods that all our monday morning quarterback friends dont like

_____

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

it really was a dick move to dangle my teammate's limp body in a chokehold even though it was basically an accident and also not even directly relevant to the question

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might not be the asshole:

okay but we're right

[writing-whump]

Super sick

Dylan's high fever part 2. Dylan can't keep anything down, forcing Rip to some drastic measures. Emeto warning.

"-I have given him paralen and brufen and everything...no he won't keep it down, it has no effect-...then what am I supposed to do?"

Rip rubbed at his face. It was close to midnight and his eyes hurt. Which was ridiculous cause he didn't get tired. He blamed it more on the stress, the anxious squeezy feeling around his chest that got its hold on him since Dylan became all incoherent.

A quiet moan from Dylan's room got him quickly hanging up and hurrying back.

Dylan kicked the covers off himself, sweating through another shirt and was currently shivering. His eyes were open to slits and his hand was reaching out blindly. For him.

Rip sat up on the edge of the bed and took it. "Hey, hey, man, it's okay. I'm here."

"...where did you go?"

"I was calling your sister for the umpteenth time. No updates."

Dylan scrunched his face like the information was very complicated to understand. "Are they home yet?"

Rip sighed. He had been explaining it for the third time this night at the least. "The trains aren’t working, so they are stuck in Salzburg until the morning. It's just the two of us, buddy."

Dylan didn't seem alarmed, closing his eyes again. His grip on Rip tightened for a second which had his heart clenching again. It was way too weak of a grip to even call it that.

"How did I get into a bed?"

"You threw up all over the blankets, remember?"

Dylan shook his head, a tiny distressed noise making its way out through his clenched teeth.

"Shhhhh. It's alright. It's more comfy here, isn't it?" Rip held his feverish warm hand in both of his.

Keep him comfortable was the main advice he got. Cool Dylan down, keep him comfortable. Try to get him to drink the fever reducers and hope they stay down.

But Dylan wasn't keeping anything down and he seemed to deteriorate in front of Rip's fucking eyes. What kind of crazy flu was this? The fever hit so quickly and was so intense, not wanting to back down.

The hives were still present, but Dylan was too out of it to scratch at them. Or maybe they didn't itch, what did Rip know?

He reached for the cold wet towel on Dylan's forehead, adjusting it. There were small ones around his ankles and wrists and because he kept squirming, Rip had to adjust them a lot.

It was also challenging for organisation to replace them, since Dylan got all worked up whenever he couldn't feel Rip by his side. Contact in any way calmed him down.

Dylan's muffled moan interrupted his thoughts. He curled up on his side, around his stomach, one arm wrapped around his middle and tightening.

Rip shuffled closer to lean against the headboard and Dylan immediately rolled to him to press his face against Rip's tigh. There was a loud audible swallow.

Rip brushed Dylan's hair back, adjusting the towel to the side of his face. "Nausous?"

"Hurts," Dylan said, face turned into the fabric of Rip's sweatpants. He grabbed at the leg next, riding out a wave of cramps with a groan before relaxing slightly.

"We could try the pain meds again-"

Dylan shook his head immediately. "Won't stay down. Can I just sleep?"

"You can sleep, it's alright." Not that it was working, Dylan was too restless and kept tossing, woken up by his stomach.

Another 20 minutes later and Dylan still wasn't asleep. This was proper torture, Rip realized. Not letting him sleep and burning up like this.

"Come on, let's try the meds again," Rip said when he couldn't stand it anymore, sliding his hands under Dylan's back to prop him up against his chest.

He grabbed the glass with water and the pill on the nightstand. "Just one little sip, D."

Dylan didn't bother opening his eyes, eyebwords furrowed as he leaned so much as possible away from Rip's hand. "Don't wanna..."

"You have to. Please, D."

Dylan grimaced, like that wasn't a word he could stand to reject, cracking one eye open. He nodded and Rip quickly pressed the pill between his lips, following up with the glass.

Dylan took a small sip, tensing up, his fist curling into Rip's shirt.

"Try to keep it down for me," Rip pleaded, putting the glass away.

Dylan gave him a tight nod, but his face was clouded over with queasiness.

Rip held him upright, arms around his torso, careful not to put too much pressure. Because of the closeness, Rip could practically feel every reaction and move Dylan's body made.

The sick boy's breathing picked up, chest rising and falling rapidly. He pressed the side of his face into Rip's chest, lips in a tight line. His fist was still scrunching up Rip's shirt like he wanted to tear it to pieces.

And then the fight was lost. The gags came, tiny at first, just shakes of his body that grew in intensity. His chest was heaving soon after, with strength and urgency Dylan currently didn't possess consciously.

Total autopilot.

Rip reached for the trashcan on the floor, holding it under Dylan's chin just in time for the sip of water and the pill to fall out. The heaves were way too strong for that small amount and Dylan kept gagging for 2 minutes straight in empty.

Shaking from extertion, he fell back against Rip who thought his heart would soon burst out of his chest with anxiety.

As the night ticked by, Rip figured out another distracting technique. Stroking little circles on top of Dylan's forehead with his forefinger.

It gave Dylan something to focus on, it seemed, cause the little groans sounded more pleased than distressed, his face turning towards Rip as if to follow the movement.

Rip drew the little patterns around Dylan's eyebrows, his cheekbones, then followed into his hair, leaving trails inside the sweat.

He couldn't remember the last time he felt this helpless.

...

Around 5 a.m. Rip couldn't bear it anymore. He kept imagining the road to the pharmacy, visualising it in head in detail. Staring at in in Google maps meant he knew exactly where it was and he came up with several ways on top of the buildings to get there.

Minimising any contact. It would be early in the morning, there wouldn't be a crowd and he could climb up the balconies and take the roofs just fine.

There was just the direct contact with the pharmacist to worry about.

But Isaiah said his shadow was in synch with him. And this was something Rip cared about so how could his soul, his heart and his essence stand in his way?

That boy was his whole fucking world now.

He waited till Dylan fell into a less than peaceful slumber, easing him down on the pillows and sneaking out from his hold. Took money and a bag on his back and opted for the window for the better ledge.

The whole mission couldn't take more than 30 minutes. It was shameful to death he had to gather his courage for the whole night to do it.

Climbing wasn't a problem. Vienna houses were so intensely decorated, there was always something to hold on to and once he reached the top, he could run almost the rest of the way.

It wasn't dark anymore, more of a morning grayness with first pink on the horizon.

Rip reached the pharmacy from the rooftop and scanned the street for people. It was sleepy and empty only one runner jogging nearby.

Rip waited for him to pass before climbing down. Normally, he would jump with the help of his shadow to soften his landing, but he didn't dare reaching for it.

All he could focus on was keeping it shut, tight, away. Suppressed as much as he could.

He stopped in front of the door. Held the handle emerassingly long time. What if this was the end? What if he hurt or killed that woman inside and ruined everything for this pack, for the Executioner?

What if Isaiah was wrong to believe in him? What if Rip was simply not someone who could be saved?

What if he was but this was pushing it? Was it too soon to try to talk to a human?

Worse even, what if Dylan had been wrong about Rip all along?

And maybe all of it wouldn't matter if Rip couldn't make himself get him some fucking medicine before his brain fried.

One more breath. Rip looked down and went inside.

...

Rip couldn't remember the way back. Or the talk itself. It was as if all sound was muffled, as if the world turned black-and-white. Colourless.

But he got back, climbed into the window in the living room. He had a bag filled with anti-nausea meds and fever reducers and aloe vera cream for the hives.

He managed to have a freaking conversation with the elderly lady behind the counter. Who had nothing but sympathetic smiles for him, like he was taking care of his brother for the first time.

Rip shut the window behind him. Sound was coming back to him and it was ringing in his ears. His shadow was a string held back too tightly, cutting blood into the palm around it.

He should hurry.

Shooting for the living room, he pushed the flat thin pill into his mouth. "Don't swallow. Let it dissolve. There you go. Hold it for half an hour and we can try the fever meds again."

Dylan's eyes were shut but he complied. Rip got him new towels for his forehead, neck and ankles.

He got it. Dylan would get better now. They were safe.

The ringing turned to shrieking in his ears. Rip dashed to the bathroom, closing the door. His shadow spilled out, covering the floor and the walls.

Rip pressed his palms against his cheeks. "What?! Happy now? What was so damn hard about it?"

He couldn't say. It was like he was outside of his body when he talked with the lady. The sound of his voice, the sound of her voice, it was lost on him. His vision was blurry. But somehow they communicated long enough to get what was needed.

His stomach turned fiercely and Rip fell down to his knees, heaving over the toilet.

His skin was itching. His thoughts were buzzing wasps in his head and there were snakes inside him, slithering out.

He gagged and heaved, not fighting the onslaught of what he couldn't even name. A wave of snakes got its way out, stinging his throat on the way.

...

Rip woke up to a warm hand on his forehead.

"Don't tell me you caught it so quickly?" Dylan croaked, voice shot from vomiting.

Rip opened an eye. He was lying on the rag in the bathroom, fingers clawed into it. His insides were shaking and he still felt nausous and pained and burned, but also weirdly empty.

"You-" he gagged, but swallowed it down. "You shouldn't be up yet."

"Finally not nausous. I took some paralen an hour ago," Dylan said with a relieved sigh. His cheeks were hallow and still pale, but he looked a lot more like himself already. "What's wrong with you?"

Rip squeezed his eyes shut. "...went to the pharmacy to get you the anti-nausea meds."

He didn't see Dylan's face, but the shocked gasp was enough. Then came the hand, too warm, palming his cheek. "I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have-"

Rip grabbed onto Dylan's hand on his face. "Don't- don't fucking say it. I am the one who's sorry. The whole night you had to- cause I-" Another gag, more forceful this time.

Rip forced himself up on one arm to burp over the porcelain rim, shaking all over.

Dylan rubbed the center of his back, tilting to the side woozily. "Shhhhh. It's okay." He propped his chin on Rip's shoulder, eyes closed. "We are okay now."

[energetically-exhausted]

💙Intruality Week!!💚

Day 2: Fear

@intrualityweek

(originally, this was just supposed to be writing practice, and i debated whether i should post it or not. it doesn't follow the prompt too strongly, but i think it works out.)

Remus -> he/it/they

Patton -> he/him

WARNINGS: INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, SEXUAL INNUENDO/SLIGHT DISCUSSION OF SEX (HOWEVER, THIS IS NOT SMUT), MENTION OF KIDNAPPING (NOT ACTUALLY PART OF THE STORY), SLIGHT LANGUAGE

(please let me know if i missed any!)

-"UNREDEEMABLE MONSTER"-

"Remus, have you seen my pants? I've been looking all over."

"They should be on the floor from when you tore 'em off last night 'cause you were so excited to see me," Remus joked, looking through the closet in hopes of helping Patton.

Patton's face went pink. He'd never actually get used to those jokes of Remus', but he certainly didn't mind. "Very funny... I mean, it's just- it's not like I can go to work pantsless tomorrow."

Remus turned to see a dejected Patton on the bed and looked him over suggestively. "Well, you know I'm not opposed to it," he flirted with a smile.

Patton inhaled, feigning annoyance. "Yeah, okay. I walked right into that one." He fell on his back with a "humphf". "I know I shouldn't be so upset about- pants, but I've just had a long day."

"Hmm. Was it as long as your-?"

"And tomorrow is gonna be especially stressful, because I'm tagging along for the museum field trip instead of staying home on my one free day this month," Patton interrupted, too upset to notice where Remus' quip was going.

"Aw, baby. It sounds like you needa unwind," Remus suggested, laying on the bed next to Patton in order to "seductively" crawl its hand over his chest.

His face was pink again and he couldn't help but smile this time. Remus was so ridiculous that from afar, it seemed like they didn't listen, but Patton knew deep down it was hanging on to every word. "Maybe," Patton matched Remus' tone as he spoke, "but I wanna hear about your day first. How was work?"

"Same old, same old. I caught that kidnapper dude. He had this freaky deaky warehouse-lair thing. I was kinda jealous. Stupid cops tried to take the glory until they found out I was the one who closed the case. Guess they found out how batshit I am. Needless to say, I'm basically a CNN hero," he preened casually.

Patton stared in awe. He wondered to that day how those two got together. He was a guidance counselor. Remus was a detective— an extremely talented one, at that. "You do understand that I'm hopelessly in love with you, right?"

Remus almost let his demeanor drop. It didn't know how it let this pretty man grab ahold of its rusted heart. "Pssh, yeah," Remus said matter-of-factly, "you're crazy about me."

Patton smiled again and wrapped his arms and legs around Remus, still in his baby blue boxers. "I'm not letting you go," he whispered, placing his forehead on theirs.

Remus wished he missed this feeling of being held— loved, but there wasn't anything else like this to go off of, so he clung to every moment like this. It cherished them. Patton was the first thing it ever really cherished. Before they met, Remus was a confused wreck. He still was, but he'd come a long way since then. At least it'd learned to be alright with who it was, and who it chose to be. He closed his eyes so as to focus on the gentle breaths they shared together, the warmth of Patton's embrace, the stillness that used to be so uncomfortable but grew to be so, so wonderful. "Can I kiss you?" he asked, forgetting his selfishness for once.

Patton grinned and quickly kissed its nose. Remus slowly drew closer and met his lips with its own, tasting his sugar-coated tongue. They remembered he just had ice cream at work. It thought about sliding its hands down to— it quickly rescinded the notion. Stupid, stupid, stupid. These thoughts made him no better than the perp he'd busted that day. Fuck.

Patton noticed Remus had staggered a bit, so he slowed to a stop. "Remus?" He opened his eyes to see a distressed Remus nearly in tears. He held both sides of their face, ready to wipe them away. "Oh, baby, are you okay? What happened?"

Remus couldn't bear looking at him when it had these thoughts. They hid their face in Patton's neck as it tried not to let a sob out. It managed two words before feeling its breath hitch, "I'm sorry."

Patton stared off into the distance, wide-eyed with worry, trying to figure out what went wrong. "Baby, is it too much? Do you want to take a breather?" He felt Remus shake his head "no". He held the back of its head, as if he was protecting it from the outside world. He heard a few muffled words from Remus and asked to repeat himself.

"I don't mean to be so... gross," he whispered, glossy-eyed. "I can't get rid of all these— scary thoughts that constantly try to make me a bad person. They tell me I should let a perp go. They tell me to finish a murderer's job. They tell me to- Oh, God."

Patton tried to get Remus to look him in the eyes, but he got pushed away. 

"Patton, you need to leave me."

"What?"

"I'm dangerous," Remus whispered in fear, shaking as he got up from the bed and backed into the wall.

Patton sat up and watched worriedly. "Remus, I am not leaving you, and you are not dangerous."

"But what if, all this time, I've been using a made-up personality to lure you in, so I could—" he felt the tears finally fall down his face, "Fuck!" he screamed through a sob.

Patton slowly got up and sat on the ground in front of Remus, patting the carpet so they'd sit down as well. They slid down the wall and hid their face with their knees. "I'm gonna talk, and all I ask is that you listen." He took a breath. "I've learned in my twenty-six years of existence that we don't control what we think about. We only control what we do and what we say. I used to be so scared that if I thought something up that I, or my parents, didn't approve of, I would be an unredeemable monster. Guess what I got from that. Years and years of guilt and trauma. The truth is, we're all gonna think some things we disapprove of or don't mean, and some people experience these thoughts more extremely than others," —Remus looked up from their knees— "but it's not fair to hate ourselves for them."

Remus wasn't crying anymore, but he still seemed... disturbed.

"Oh, and Remus?"

It looked up from its hazed state.

"It's okay to want sexual activity with your romantic and sexual partner. With me, you don't have to ask."

That seemed to be enough for Remus to get on his feet. Patton hopped up with a smile and held his hand to lead him back to the bed. "It seems you need to unwind."

[harrisonbrainrot]

Scarlet Begonias - M!Han x Reader

Chapter 2

MDNI - 18+

A/N: Back at it again because yall liked the first part. POV is different. Also, the reader is unnamed, I don't really know how I'll navigate that in the future but oh well. All I have so far has avoided it but idk. Anyways, have more of my ridiculous shit.

I blinked at Han, matching his previously confused expression. 'Excuse me, what did you say?' I unintentionally challenged him. Which really just encouraged him, as he stepped closer.

'I said that you have an attitude. Am I wrong?' I narrowed my eyes at him, shaking my head. How was that supposed to be a compliment? How was that supposed to make me feel good? He stepped closer still, all the while I idly pet Chewie. He stopped right in front of me, and I couldn't help but wonder if this guy was a serial killer or something and I was dumb enough to go to his house. Maybe he was gunna chop me up and feed me to Chewie-

'Look, I don't normally like girls like this. It's a simple fuck and they're gone. It's easier that way. For some reason, I want you to look at my vinyl collection. So, if you're inclined to follow me..' I just gaped at him, he was unbelievable. Why did I like that? It was like he matched me, toe to toe, and it was a matter of who would submit to the other's sass first. Bastard man... Either way, I followed him to the other room. God, this house was way bigger than it looked on the outside.

'Alright, fine. If you check your tone, I'll consider looking at your vinyl collection.' Han stopped dead in his tracks as I said that, whipping around to point at himself.

'Me? I need to check my tone? Look, little lady, I don't take too kindly to demands and orders in my own home... but I guess if I gotta, I'll tone it down.' I smiled softly at him, his face lit by dim lamps he left on before he went out. Either he was forgetful, or he left lights on for Chewie. If it was the latter, I'd be inclined to say that was endearing and sweet.

'Thank you.' I said it sweetly, looking up at him with best sweet face I could make, which really just caused him to roll his eyes. Han couldn't help but move out of my way, apparently. Because I let myself into the den, and he followed behind. I was so acutely aware of his presence behind me, it was unfair that he existed with such an energy that it made the hairs stand up on my neck.

'What do you like?' His voice was soft. Like he didn't let many people here and he was unsure of how to proceed. I shrugged, turning to look at him. He was much closer than I anticipated. He was close enough to appreciate how much bigger than me he was. I found myself forgetting what he even said, like the only thoughts I had was how his hair looked brushed back in a carefree way and how his beard looked scratchy enough to drive me crazy. With a deep inhale, I shook my head.

'Anything. I'm not being facetious, I genuinely like at least one song from any genre. Show me your favorite.' Whatever it was about that statement made him chuckle and tilt his head. I wished I could read his mind, desperately. He was such an enigma. Who was he? I found myself wanting to know everything from the time he wakes up to his favorite Ben and Jerry's flavor.. who would he vote for in the upcoming election? What was his go to drink on a hot summer's day? I swallowed back any questions as I watched him bend at the hips to scan his collection, I could see his back clearly through his shirt. The muscles along his spine, the curve of his body.. I mean, I still would thank Levi's for those jeans, they were made for him and his ass and thighs. I shook myself out of it as he stood, turning to face me. I read the sleeve he held up.

'The Mamas and the Papas? Really?' I laughed softly, shaking my head in disbelief. No one ever listened to them. I was so "different" for liking any of their music.

'Absolutely, California Dreamin' is one of the greatest songs ever.' He stepped to the record player, dropping the twelve inch vinyl on the turntable. I smiled, if hearts appeared in my eyes, I wouldn't be surprised. He fiddled with the tonearm until he got it to California Dreamin'. I was surprised to see him move subtly but gracefully to the music. I couldn't help but sway with him. It got to the verse I knew he loved the song for, who didn't love this verse. He came closer, dropping to his knees. I had the feeling he'd never be on his knees for anyone but himself.. but damn it, if he didn't look pretty on them.

Stopped into a church

I passed along the way

Well I got down on my knees-

'And I began to pray.'  He finished the line with this rasp that I couldn't begin to describe but if I wasn't slightly turned on before, I was now. God, what a showboat.

You know the preacher likes the cold

He knows I'm gunna stay

Han stood, giving me this entirely tempting smile. 'Yeah, you like them, but do you like them like that?' I could hear the instruments in the background as he stepped closer. He leaned down, holy shit he was going to kiss me?, but he pulled away. 'Wanna smoke?' God damn it. I nodded, trying to keep my cool.

'Yeah.. yeah I'll smoke.' He nodded, beelining for the couch. He dropped down, his long legs bent at the knees, they stood off the couch. He was too lanky for this couch. I hesitantly sat next to him, completely interested in how he rolled a joint. It seemed practiced, methodical. Rolling tray, grinder, grind some flower, grab a paper.. two mountains and a valley, twist, twist, twist, smooth.. but when it came to sealing the paper, he knew what he was doing. Oh, lord. His tongue left his lips, delicately but deliberately licking the adhesive before rolling one last time to seal it. He behaved like he had no idea, like he was so clueless to what he just did. There was a slight glint in his eye, as he passed me the joint, that was absolutely gorgeous and devious. He knew, in some compacity, what he was doing and the effect. How unfair, he was so simply enticing. No effort. He rolled a fucking joint, that shouldn't be as erotic as it was.

'You get the first toke.' God, he even spoke like a man out of time.. I grabbed it, taking the lighter he offered. The joint nearly slipped from my lips as his fingers brushed mine ever so subtly. I quickly lit the joint, inhaling deeply. Was this going to benefit him or me? Either way, I was eager to find out. My hand held out the joint to him, it was rolled perfectly, if I was honest. It was like a surgeon at work; no scars, no long lasting damage, just perfectly executed. He took it, French inhaling as he did. He told me 'gets you higher, promise.' I already knew that, but I'd humor him. He passed it back to me, and I french inhaled, feeling the smoke leave my mouth and burn my nostrils. I tried not to cough or let my eyes water, but he saw. I felt his hand on my back and I swear, it burned. I could feel how warm he was, it sent tingles down my spine. I shook my head slowly.

'Don't push yourself on my behalf, sweetheart.' He said it so soft, like he actually cared. I was too busy coughing then trying not to cough to really pay attention. I pressed myself against the back of the couch, I closed my eyes, seeing stars. I leaned my head against the back of it, because, fuck.. the world was spinning.

'You okay?' I tried to nod but I was so fucking high I couldn't feel anything. There was a disconnect from my brain to my body, all I knew was that I was coughing and my lungs burned. I felt him grab my wrists pulling them above my head.

'Keep your arms up, baby. Helps your lungs expand. Remember, you're breathing. You can breathe.. in and out. Breathe with me.' I struggled to follow his instructions, but even the bare minimum made me feel better. I managed a soft nod, breathing in with him then exhaled as he did. Rinse and repeat. Fuck, I was high. Too high. 'I'm sorry. I should've warned you. You probably think I did this on purpose. I didn't. Tell me when you want to leave and I'll get you home. Safe and sound.' I shook my head, breathing deeply and normally. He let my wrists go and I fought against myself to seek out that same warmth. I looked at him with half lidded eyes, shaking my head again.

'I'm okay, I'm good.' He smiled in response. He flicked the ashes onto the rolling tray, hitting it again. His drags off of things were heavenly. Like he was made to smoke. He was made to inhale and exhale delightful whisps of carbon dioxide. He was probably no good for me... but he had done nothing but be considerate and kind, regardless of his sarcasm and wit. Inevitably, I knew I had to check the time. I had class in the morning and I didn't want to start slacking now that it was my last semester of my senior year. He saw me check and looked away for a brief moment.

'You wanna go?' No. I don't. Not really.

'I have class in the morning..' I said the words softer than I expected, I really didn't want to leave. Han was cool, he smoked me out no questions asked.

'Ah, shit. I forgot. You a senior?' I nodded quickly, meeting his gaze. Was he always this close or am I just high? 'So, you're twenty..two?' I heard him ask, of course he should ask. It's the right thing to do.

'Twenty-two. Turning twenty-three. You?' He smiled softly, looking away.

'Too old for you, sweetheart.'

'That's not an answer.'

'Alright. I'm thirty-three.' I watched him with a sickenly interested gaze. He wasn't too old, eleven years was completely normal.. right? 'You shouldn't be thinking any of those thoughts, sweetheart. There's plenty of nice college boys out there for you.' I scoffed at the idea of it.

'I've had plenty of boyfriends and flings in my four years at college. They all suck. They're stupid and think they know everything.' That gets a real laugh out of him and all of a sudden, I want to make him laugh every day. It was such a nice laugh, not obnoxious.. just nice.

'What, I'm not stupid and think I know everything?' I wasn't sure if I was being tested by him or if he wanted a real answer.

'You don't seem stupid. You've only given the impression you know everything, not that you actually know everything. That's much better.'

'Is it? How's that?'

'Well, it's better to give the impression that you know things, rather than saying that you do. You don't say, you just do. I like that.' He nods with a thoughtful expression.

'What are you doing tomorrow?' That was sudden. I tried to think of something clever but all I could say was the obvious.

'Class.' I shrugged at my lame response. My eyes felt dry and itchy.

'Well.. what about after class?' I looked away, staring at my feet. Did he want to do something with me? I wasn't prepared for that.

'I.. nothing, really. Just... nothing.'

'You wanna get lunch?' Oh. He did want to do something. Shit. I could feel my heart race. I nodded, still looking at my feet. His carpet was so ugly, I could only describe it as brorange. Brown and orange. 'Okay, when is your class over?'

'I'm completely free around three.'

'Okay, I'll pick you up. Do you want me to take you home?'

'I don't wanna go, but I should.' He nodded, standing. Han held his hand out to help me off the couch. His hand dwarfed mine and he pulled me nearly into his chest. I had to place my hand on it and he smiled, I steadied myself with a blush. Fuck, he had a strong chest. I felt his hand grab my waist to help me keep my balance. This was.. dangerous territory, I should've moved away. I really should've, but I was glued to the spot.

'Thank you.' I blushed even more seeing him look down at me like that. There was just something about the way he looked at me. Like I was all that he wanted. He looked hungry.

'Oh, ain't nothin'. Don't worry.' He reluctantly let go, stepping back. He looked over at Chewie, who had been sleeping on the otherside of the room on a slightly too small bed. He whistled at him and Chewie stood, stretching for a long moment. 'Wanna come with, boy? Do you mind?' He asked me, I was slightly taken aback by the consideration. I shook my head, smiling at him.

'Go ahead, he's cute, he can tag along.'

'Am I cute?' He asked back, how do I say 'You're the hottest man I've ever met in my entire life and I would fuck you right now' without sounding crazy?

'You're alright.' I gave him a teasing smile, he grinned back.

'You're cute when you blush. I like that.' Huh? I'm fairly certain my brain shut down. No, I think I just heard the windows error noise over and over in my head.

'That's sweet of you, Han.' I looked anywhere but him as he hooked Chewie's leash to his collar. He gave me that look again.

'I like the way you say my name..' a shiver ran down my spine. I felt hot, like I was going to spontaneously combust on the spot. I didn't say anything as we went to the door. That didn't have to mean anything, people can say that, sometimes a voice sounds nice saying certain words. I kept telling myself that, because there's certainly no way he thinks I'm attractive in the same magnitude I think he's attractive.. Han opened the door for me, I caught his gaze for a brief moment, it was always intense. His brows pulled together slightly in a way that made him look confused, like he didn't know why I stopped and stared at him. Like he didn't know what he was doing to me, I refused to believe that for a fraction of a second. I just stepped out the doorway and across the porch as he shut the door behind himself. 'Y'allright?' That was the second time tonight he had asked and this time I had to lie.

'Yeah, sorry.. just stoned out of my gourd.' I was high, but how do you tell someone you just met that you're completely enamored with him? You don't or else you look insane. I just open his gate and we step out to the sidewalk. It's dark now, darker than before, if that was even possible. The walk was mostly silent, both of us high enough to enjoy the silence. His boots sounded louder on the pavement than when we walked together earlier, I watched his steps. He walked with this purposeful swagger. The way he carried himself was carefree, loose.. but he had such intention behind his movements. He didn't even stop walking when he took out a cigarette and lit it. He flicked the zippo shut with a clink before pocketing it again. I could see my apartment in the distance, I already worried about saying goodbye. Our shoulders bumped for half a second, I fought the urge to flinch, he was strong and broad.. that made it incredibly hard to ignore bumping into him. The simplest of actions brought out the most violent reactions. Teases, hints, whispers of what his body was capable of. What he was capable of. I tried to not think about his arms pulling me close, what it would be like to grip them for dear life.. I was a goner.

'Right here, yeah?' He pointed with his fingers again, I stared at the cigarette perched between them. I hadn't wanted a cigarette in a long time, but looking at his cigarette made me want to smoke with a new found fervor. My tongue swiped across my lips as I looked where he pointed.

'Y-yeah.. Can I get a drag before you go?' He gave me that crooked grin, his eyes flashed with amusement.

'Sure, little lady.' He passed me the cigarette and I put it to my lips. Immediately I tasted him on the filter, my eyes fluttered at the thought of tasting him for real. Made my knees weak and my heart flutter in that way when you're anxiously excited for something. It felt like right before the big drop on some absurd coaster at a theme park. It felt dangerous, but it couldn't really be all that bad. My fingers trembled as the warm smoke scorched my lungs in that familiar way. It reminded me of summer nights with my friends, before we all split for college. I don't even know what half of them are up to now. I handed it back to him, exhaling deeply. His hands were so so enticing as his fingers plucked the cigarette from mine. His fingertips were rough, I tried to imagine them on my thighs or mine stomach, all the soft, sensitive parts of me.

'I'll call you tomorrow.' The way he said it made me believe him. He'd call and we'd get lunch tomorrow afternoon. I smiled up at him and he took a step closer. He was magnetic, I matched the step closer.

'Sounds like a date- a plan. Sounds like a plan.' I blushed again, looking away. He moved his hand to my chin, tilting my face back to him. It felt electric, amazing, he had this way of controlling the situation. His fingers lit my skin desperately, my nerve endings had gone haywire. He shook his head, his smile fading softly as he leaned closer.

'It can be a date.' His voice was low, it was only us on this dark street. No reason to not whisper. I couldn't breathe, I died and went to some sick and twisted version of heaven. He leaned in slowly, inching painfully closer, painfully slow.

'What are you doing?' I rushed the words out, they were soft and shaky. 'I think you're making a mistake.'

He shook his head slightly, briefly flashing that smile as he chuckled. 'Trust me, I'm a nice man.' I blinked at him, completely pliable to his advances.

'Yeah, but-' He cut me off, his plush lips pressed to mine. It was slow, gentle, not what I expected him to kiss like. His scruff was just the right amount of scratchy against my face, I instinctively held his face. I couldn't think, there were no thoughts, no coherent ones. My brain went silent the second I felt his hands grip my waist. I exhaled into the kiss and he got hungier. His kisses grew in passion, like he was starving and I'd keep him fed and alive for another day. He tugged me closer, our hips pressed into each other which gave me enough for my imagination to run wild with. He pulled away, unfortunately. I wanted to die the second he did. He wasn't far away from my lips and I could close the gap, did he want me to? I would, oh, I would for him. I hesitantly brushed my lips against his, which he returned softly.

'I.. uh.. that was.. I- wow.' I ran a hand through my hair, trying to get the wrinkles in my brain to work, form words to make sentences but shit. Nothing happened.

'Did I kiss you stupid?' He teases softly, that made me roll my eyes so hard I swear I saw the brain that wasn't working right.

'Shut up. I'll see you tomorrow, maybe.' I pulled away, petting Chewie, who had just been sitting patiently. 'Bye, Chewie.'

'Maybe? Darlin', I'll be seein' ya.' I look back for a moment and I see him grinning wide, he's the cat that caught the mouse.

'You better not leave me hanging. Goodnight, Han.'

'Goodnight, sweetheart.'

-

The apartment wasn't dark when I opened the door. In fact, my whole friend group sat around the living room as I walked in. They were all looking at me, God, I was too high for this shit. They all looked worried. Great.

'Where have you been?' Sofia, who was the overbearing mom friend of the group asked. She even looked like a mom, legs crossed, arms crossed, sat in a chair wearing a robe. God damn. I shook my head, waving her off.

'Out. I left the party, went on a walk.' They were not buying it. In fact, they looked even more angry.

Aubrey followed me with her eyes, they were narrowed and suspicious. 'This didn't have anything to do with that older guy at the party? You both left at almost the same time, if I recall correctly.' Aubrey was always unnecessarily wary and cautious. She was under the impression I was up to no good. We definitely had a more strained friendship than everyone else. I clenched my jaw, shaking my head.

'Are we playing twenty fuckin' questions here?' I didn't want to snap, but these people dragged me to a party I didn't want to be at, then got mad I left and made my own fun. 'Look, I don't get on your asses about frat hopping, so don't get on my case if I don't want to do that.' That really set them off. Really the dynamic here barely worked, we had to be friends because we were roommates in this college campus apartment. We had no choice but to be friends or else it'll be mutually assured destruction. No roommates, no college, no degree, all because some girls couldn't get along? Pretty common occurrence, apparently, you'd be surprised.

'We're not playing twenty questions, we were worried!' Jaime was always the mediator, she always smoothed shit out one way or another. Quite the pacifist. She was the easiest one to get along with and arguably the only one I'd confidently call my friend.

'If you were so worried, how come no one called?' I held my phone up, checking to confirm that there were no calls.

'Please, you reek of weed. Where were you, with that drug dealer? God, he's fucking weird and so are you for even talking to him.' That hurt. Thanks, Aubrey. I couldn't help it, I pointed at her, nearly seething.

'I don't judge you for fucking frat row, don't judge me for the company I keep.' This was going so well, it was amazing. Honestly, it couldn't be better. I had already considered moving out, asking my parents for help, anything. This year had been really hard because of the messy roommate-frenemies situation, it was literally September. I graduate in winter, this was my last semester. 'I'm going to bed.' I left them all in the living room looking like fish, bulging eyes and open mouths. I refrained from slamming my door, but I muttered the whole time I got ready for bed.

Who did they think they were? They give attention to smarmy dudes who literally only want one thing. Shit, Helena got dumped by one guy because his friend group all dumped their girlfriends. Come to think of it, Helena didn't say anything during that whole tiff. Not surprising, she was the least involved in the drama that was five young women trapped in an apartment together. I'm fairly certain they all were the mean girl at their high school, which was the exact person who gave me hell in high school. What's mind boggling is that shit doesn't end in high school, apparently.

I laid in bed, staring at my phone. It was late. I could call my mom tomorrow and just cry to her but then I would be infantilized and that would make me feel worse. I was just about to close my phone and just go to bed when I got a notification. A text, no one texts me. Well, not a lot. It wasn't any of my roommates, trying to lick my wounds and suck up.

'You up?'

I assumed it was Han, but numbers get passed around in college like a digital STD. I waited, not responding.

'It's Han.' ThankGod.

'Yeah.'

'Thinking of me?;)'

'No.'

'Ouch.'

'My roommates gave me shit. Not in the mood.'

'Want me to beat them up?'

'🙄No, Han, they're stupid college girls. And I hate them. But no acts of violence.'

'Yeah, I don't beat up girls.'

'Good to know.'

'What if I cheered you up?'

'How?'

'Idk you tell me. You're the one bummed out.'

'A kiss would be nice.'

'💋'

'Duuuuuumb goodNIGHT Han.'

'Dream of me, will ya?'

I rolled my eyes but couldn't help it when I blushed. God, he was infuriating but so charming and dare I say cute? I closed my phone, turning the light out and preparing to fall into a dreamland my weed soaked brain conjured up.

-

I wasn't prepared when I woke up. Not for the day, not for school.. not for life, at this point. The apartment was empty because all the girls had morning classes that started at eight. Dummies, nine o'clocks were where it was at. I stretched, grabbing my phone, checking my notifications. Han texted me. Wow.

'Good morning, cutie. Still on for 3? I hope so. Also Chewie says hi.' He had attached a photo of Chewie spread out on his bed, looking ridiculously comfortable. I couldn't blame him, sleeping next to Han was probably delightful. I didn't respond immediately because I was a bit shocked that he had texted me so early and so soon. That wasn't like a guy would normally do. Well, not college guys... Han was grown. Mature.. okay well, not mature. Just.. older. He knew what he wanted, clearly he didn't want to play games. I just got ready for school, trying to push him from my brain until after class. My first class was three hours of dull. The professor lectured on and on, it was sleep inducing. It should be called melatonin 102 and not advanced calculus. I suffered through it, then I had class at one, it was much shorter and more interesting. By the end of class I forgot that I had to text Han back. I muttered a quick 'fuck' under my breath and texted him. Nice thing about college, they didn't really care if you had to send a text in class.

'Yeah, sorry, was busy with class.'

'Aren't you still in class?'

'Maybe.'

'Naughty.'

I hid my face for a few seconds, recovering before I faced my classmates, like they knew what Han just texted me. The class finished twenty minutes later and I scurried out of it. I wanted to go drop my stuff off and change. When I got back to the apartment, it was still empty. thank you, Jesus. I was still bitter about last night. I didn't feel like facing them again. I changed quickly, pulling on a hoodie but keeping my jeans and chucks on. Han texted me again.

'Where am I snagging you, sweet thing?'

'Are you always going to call me stuff like that?'

'Until you ask me to stop. Want me to stop?'

'... no.'

'Okay then where am I getting you?'

'Same place you dropped me off, I'll be outside.'

'You got it.'

I literally ran out there, Han was a two minute drive down the street. I waited on the sidewalk, contemplating what I was even doing? This man had me totally interested, but I couldn't read his vibe. Was he interested? Was this a sick game he played? I hadn't heard any rumors about him, which inevitably the girls would've tacked on last night. They knew everything about everyone every time. I wasn't sure they weren't psyops. All I knew about Han was that he was hot, made me feel alive, and that he was really, really cool. He pulled up in a Chevy Bel Air, which promptly dropped my jaw. I knew enough about cars from my dad and grandfather to know that this was a cool car. I immediately opened the door and dropped into the car.

'You drive a Bel Air?'

'You know cars?'

'I know enough, enough to know that this is a bitchin' car. Damn.' The look he gave me was best described as cartoon heart eyes. He had this dumb smile on his face, he shook himself out of it after a second.

'Lord, you're gunna kill me, girl.'

[sharpvst]

i . . loved him.

for the longest time , i never thought i was capable of real love. yeah , i had girlfriends , but i never loved them. i know that sounds shitty , cause it is.

i knew that , and i told them all that. then they left , like they should have. but when i met . . oliver. that was different. i don't know what it was — or how i feel now , but . . i think i loved him.

it was something about him , maybe his smile , maybe his heart. i don't know. but . . he was there for me.

" and i wasn't ? "

call me crazy but i just — wanted to be around him , i wanted to take care of him. i felt like he was mine. although i know better than that.

i just wanted to help , i wanted to help him resolve his issues with his mother and . . he lied to me. can you believe it ? months of lies , i feel like everything he told me was a lie.

i feel so fucking stupid , like , how could i possibly believe all of the shit he was telling me? he played me. i loved him. he said something about entertaining me - i just . . don't get it. i don't understand him.

do you get what i mean farleigh ?

" yeah. "

maybe he just wanted my money or something , but he's sick. i . . told him to leave.

" good , he should've left a long time ago. "

maybe i should just talk to him , hear him out or something.

" don't be ridiculous felix , seriously. you're talking out of your ass. "

this party — fuck it's driving me insane. you know he came in here ? drove me fucking bonkers mate. fuck.

" take a hit , chill out man. "

i'm trying — i really am. i just don't know how i'm supposed to come to terms with these last six months being practically lied to at every moment.

" fuck him. "

yeah . . fuck him. i was stupid for ever thinking that fuck could ever be here , be with me. i can't wait till he's gone. thank you . . . thank you farleigh.

felix leant down , snorting some white powdery shit that farleigh gave him. farleigh stood and watched , he knew that oliver was a little piece of shit. he just needed to know the fine details.

" i'm gonna go. " farleigh finally speaks again.

" right , don't let mum catch you. "

" i won't. "

———————————————————

author's note ; i'd like to think that felix told farleigh what had happen , most likely happening in the bathroom that we see felix in with all these random people doing drugs. felix probably felt guilty about farleigh being forced out so he was actually the one who invited him back in secret. i dunno, just kind of a random thought. (:

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

sacred pizza

I dreamt of my grandmother

how she was and not how I have been remembering her

the last time I saw her was at my aunt's funeral

she was upset because she felt my grieving uncle

and the entire funeral procession weren't

giving her enough attention

I remember being so disgusted and feeling guilty for it

that was pretty much how I felt around my family of origin

just fucking disgusted and feeling guilty for it

in my dream I got into a car with her

she was in her eighties and full of life

I had brought an offering of pizza

and we both ate it in the backseat

she was telling me all about playing softball

even in her nineties she had to do things

her spirit and energy was always wild and vital

her focus was often negative and judgmental

but I remember always finding a way to make her

acknowledge that things weren't so bad

I remember a story my grandfather told

where she'd won a bike from a gas station lottery

and even though that bike was clear across town

she was adamant that she was going to drive it home

I can just imagine my grandfather in the car behind her

I remember the love he had for her

he was absolutely crazy about her

and she nearly killed herself taking care of him

she missed him so much when he was gone

when she died I had a dream about them together

and it put something inside me to rest at that time

I still have the taxidermy fox she made him buy

and I can just imagine the conversation

because my grandfather was a very stoic man

who wore a freemason's fez and still looked stoic

and not ridiculous which is actually impressive

he was very responsible with his money

and he raised my mother like his own

I don't know how he raised my uncle

and I can imagine him with his serious expression

looking at my grandmother with exasperation

"what the fuck do we need a fox corpse for?"

and her giving him a look that likely meant his loss

to whatever logic the conversation called for

and saying quite simply, I need it

and that man reluctantly pulling out his wallet

like I watched him do grumbling so many times

and purchasing the fox that sits on my dresser

and every day makes me feel less alone

if I get caught up in feelings of being lonely

they were the ones who taught me about money

I still remember going to the bank on the weekend

adding money to my little kid's account and getting

a coupon to rent another horse movie

or go get something to eat at a local restaurant

there was always a lollipop and I was taught early

how to be responsible for my money when I had it

maybe that's where the shame comes from

I put my trust in someone I thought would keep my finances

and payments and everything safe and taken care of

and when they decided to stop I didn't take them over

I was so overwhelmed by everything else I was doing

and he couldn't remember the passwords and kept changing them

and I wasn't able to focus on anything long enough

to get organized and take back my responsibility

and I suppose yesterday was the beginning of doing that

she came to me as I remembered her

and I have more wonderful memories with my grandmother

in childhood than I do as an adult who remembers

a very old woman who just wanted me to be in her life

and was willing to use whatever guilt and manipulation

she could to keep me there

for her the ends justified the means

and I get her perspective

but fuck anyone who tried to cage me in shame

even a beloved grandmother

I threw all those letters in the fire and kept the fox

she's not looking at me from the other side

waggling a finger at the fact that I was too scared

to face yet another example of a recent betrayal

she's placing a hand on my shoulder

and telling me to keep stepping forward

and I am while facing all the anger and sadness

that comes with the ruin of trust and the injustice of it

again I feel so much disgust and I'm guilty for it

no wonder she showed up in my dreams

because the cycle to end is likely the feeling of disgust

and being able to accept all the feelings that lead to it

without feeling guilty for all the negativity I feel

around a situation that shouldn't have fucking happened

but it did and now I have to clean up the mess

another fucking mess of a man who never cleans up after himself

and doesn't mind what he ruins in the process of that

it can't be fun being trapped in a house with an angry scorpion

you just never know when that tail is going to come out

maybe I'm not looking at my opportunity right

because he's just as trapped as me

and while I do everything I can to keep civility

I have to confess that it's fun to make him uncomfortable

if I'm going to be uncomfortable then we both are

except I happen to be an excellent storyteller

and I just can't keep my mouth shut about any of it

I'm not a failure for being fucked up financially

I just deeply and depressedly feel like it

and maybe I kept tripping myself up to move forward

because I knew the minute I had income

I'd have to start cleaning up something

that he promised to take care of and didn't

and only one of us really suffered for it

but now that he can't just cut and run

and leave me in all of it

I guess both of us are suffering now

isn't it fun?

I told him recently that if he hadn't decided to just

randomly drop all my bills from his money management

during his documented cycle of devaluing and discarding

that he or I would find it far easier to leave and move on

I asked him if he enjoyed the irony of that

and he mumbled something about me lacking responsibility

and I feel my soul burn with so many creative ideas

but none of those solutions will actually help me with

my current problems and likely cause more

so I will just keep solving things

step by step and build back my confidence

when I take something on I do become very responsible for it

and I'll do the same for this situation

and I will not make it worse to make myself feel better

I will not make it worse to make myself feel better

no matter what chaos is whispering in my ear

karma is not about justice it's about balance

and this situation was very imbalanced

so I trust the universe to balance it how it will

and I will not make things worse to make myself feel better

I will not make things worse to make myself feel better

thanks for visiting, grandmother

I'll take care of this shit and move on magnanimously

or at least give it my best effort to and not listen to chaos

I will not make things worse to make myself feel better

[millermenapologist]

Hey, I don't really send things hut you mentioned your fic and I had to read the last chapter (it was good to do so, because I was a bit tipsy the day I was reading and now I paid more attention to things, anyway...), so I wanted to talk about it❤️❤️ first, you write so perfectly it's actually insanely ridiculous how talented you are. I mean, everybody can qrite fics, sure.. but you darling? If you said to me you are a renowned author who hides behind a blog on tumblr, I would believe it. The way you describe things, describe feelings and just fucking describes everything is just **chef kiss**

I love how joel is treating ellie now that things calmed down, even when he doesn't communicate with words, he does it with actions and physical touch a lot: hugging her from behind when she goes to sleep with him, the way he asks if she wants him to do her hair even when she doesn't need help, the way she just casually sits on his lap and he holds her like his baby (and when they long talk during these moments even tho he's so tired from work), the way he can't even think of her as a sexual creature with anyone because she's so cute to him (that scene cracked me up🤣), the way he puts her to sleep with bunny so she can hold it, the way he deals with her rage storms like he's a fucking pro (or when he he disciplined her about good manners, but soon after he asked her if he got too hard with the scolding lmao), the way he's willing to buy her braces and afford anything she wants like birth control (I wonder how would joel react if ellie sees a toy she wanted to have as a kid but never had it, I bet he would buy without thinking. And of course his soft old ass would get all emotional watching her unpack at home). It's like she was always meant to be there with them, it's crazy. He should be grateful every day that Sarah had good taste and brought Ellie into their lives.

Also, Idk if it's because I'm young or if it's because I'm slow, but where exatcly Danica wanted to go with that talk about david? You know, that scene where she's talking to joel while he holds ellie and ellie is pretending to sleep. She implied something that left everyone speechless and then boom, next scene. I'm thinking about possibilities of what she meant, but Idk if I got them right. Could you explain.

I saw the recent posts of yours and I saw the snippet you posted. How is miss ellie gonna deal when he finds out sarah is cannibal?👀👀 Maaaan it's gonna be tense?? Oh what if this part of the plot has to do with sarah lying about her route back to home hm. Also, was david cannibal this fic? I don't remember well.

Omg, anon, thank you so much ♥（ﾉ´∀`） you're making me blushhh

I am trying to become a serious and published writer, but all that comes out are either little fantasy Renaissance fantasies or contemporary novels that would need to be pushed by an actual publishing house to have some kind of audience. Either that, or I get the Pedro Pascal girlies really on board ｡ﾟヽ(ﾟ´Д｀)ﾉﾟ｡ I am, more than technically, a published author tho. Just not with fiction 😭

They're both canonically touch-starved but they're both also emotionally constipated as all hell, so I try to fix it by making them as touchy as possible in every possible solution 😭😭 They need to hug their issues out sometimes, man...

So, I can already tell you that, because of how Ellie was raised (one toy, no certainty about her home, sharing her room and all her possessions), she has never coveted any kind of toys, but in the very final chapter (the epilogue) she will receive something she has always wanted and already mentioned here and there a couple of times, even if not in direct conversation with anybody.

I didn't go more into depth into that scene because they were supposed to discuss it during the pre-trial preparation, but then thought the scene over another time and figured it'd fit better in chapter 5, so... no worries, it will be explained in a very direct way (also because Ellie hasn't connected the dots on it yet either).

Oh, that's another fic! And hopefully, it's gonna be just a oneshot (Shoot for the Stars was also supposed to be one looool). So, no: Sarah didn't chew her way through David and she 100% killed him by stabbing him with the knife Ellie gifted her for her birthday.

Shoot for the Stars is very much set in like... normal reality, while that other fic, To Be Consumed, takes plenty from the concept of "magical realism."

So... as for that fic, do you really expect Ellie to not be a cannibal too? (｀∀´)Ψ

[metamorphosisme]

Curls hair, puts on makeup, and new dress to pick up my man. Not only does he not acknowledge me at all but as soon as we get home he jumps in the shower then half way threw calls me over. "Me and our daughter are going over ***s house for a bbq idk how many people is gonna be there but there will be kids ectect" after I say ok and a long pause he goes "you can come if you want"... I just said it ok and made up the excuse for taking care or the baby. I just had that gut feeling that he didn't want me there, it sucks, I thought I looked ok even though I gained 5lbs back... I just wanted to feel... alright? ... anyway Then right before I leave he goes "what did you do today?" I said worked, nothing why? He goes "you smell like a dog I keep gagging.".... broke my fucking heart dude... he did ask for a kiss but then left... back for another binge once he was gone... im so fucking sad man and if I show him I'm sad he gets mad it's so ridiculous.

When he gets home I'm sleeping on the couch and I open my eyes, he looks down at me and says "why do you have that fucking face on for already". Like 😭😭 legit all I did was open my eyes.... I just went upstairs away from him he was obviously drinking.. he's been drinking for about 3 or 4 months straight everynight.. only 6 16oz millers but the "only" is me trying to tell myself it's ok because he works.... how am I supposed to tell him to kick something when I can't even cut down my fucking eating... ive gained 5 pounds in 2 weeks. I legit feel like the fat I can see in my face, and my stomach is puffed out, like I see it and maybe that's why he's being mean to me again.... ha... another thing we were sitting on the couch he ate this peanut butter thing and threw half on a napkin on the table, time goes by so I broke a piece off to try and he looked at me horrified, " just because I didn't eat it doesn't mean I wanted you too"..... you think it would have been a sign...

Idk if he only likes me when I'm skinny because I only like me when I'm skinny but mam screaming sick kids, his bipolar / drinking, + trying to work and running a fucking house and running everywhere the fuck else everyday is tough man... I just wanna be happy so bad. My doctor just puts me on any new medication that's on the market, my therapist said I need a psychiatrist and a nutritionist, the psychiatrist won't call me back and the doctor shit needs to be done in secret because my man doesn't believe in that.... (he went to my doctor for his bipolar and he almost killed himself multiple times from the meds..) I've been debating ozemp or the off brands but I'm seeing A LOT of people having suey thoughts on it, it's like a whole underground thing nobody is talking about and it's not like self ouchy it's like felt so low one day did some crazy shit and is now in a coma... idk man I just don't know... I just ordered elevate from avantera to see if maybe that helps with my compulsions. I don't have add as far as I know because I can take an addi and feel my body pick up... could be wrong but I've always heard if you have add and you take one you get slow so trail and error I don't believe that's my case.. oy idk now im rambling to my damn self.. Hopefully I'll read this later and maybe it will give me the strength to be strong and not give in. Eating helps for a moment like a drug but the reprocussions of it are just foul... oh ha and side note deff the weight plus my sugar cuz I'm back to being in pain.. again omad I'm done I can't go on like this... lol no eating was so easy when I was able to just work and sleep all day haha now add having to make 10 meals a day not for yourself and everyone eating different shit on top of daily stress and cleaning... lol whole shit is wild...

[bigmpregnm]

Father's Day: Original - Part 2

[Story Collection] | [Part 1] [●] [Part 3]

In the present day, when I finally catch my breath, I start trying to stand up and it’s a literal nightmare. I would’ve loved to stay in bed and rest the whole day but I know that’s not possible. I have to take care of my 9 and a half months old quadruplets that are crying in their cribs, longing for some of dad’s milk. Again, just the thought of it is so ridiculous, but here I am with four baby boys crying in hunger and four more ballooning me up bigger than I thought was even possible. This is not supposed to happen to a man like me. I'm not supposed to go through any of this but here I am, trying to not freak out with this crazy life. I'm such a freak and I can only sigh in disbelief. The cries coming from the cribs take me out of my sad trance and I start my efforts to stand up.

If just sitting up is a hard task, standing up is a complete nightmare. I feel like I have to lift the entire world up but considering my belly’s size, I think that’s not that far from reality. I take a deep breath and push myself forward but my legs can’t support my weight and I fall back sitting on bed again. I’m so used to these struggles by now and that makes things even worse. My self esteem is as high as the probability that I’ll be able to stand up in just one try, that’s zero. I already know this will take me several attempts and it’ll get me even more tired than I already am, if that’s even possible. I sigh and try again and again and again while the babies keep crying in hunger.

By the time I’m standing up, I’m panting and I have to take a few seconds to balance my body and find the strength to take the first step. Again, I look down at my belly and feel the babies rolling inside it. I think they’re getting in position to come out, or at least I hope so. I waddle slowly to where the four cribs are and it feels like they’re miles away. My belly feels heavier than ever before but it's only logical considering my unborn babies are huge, even for singletons they are huge. That's how lucky I am. My doctor told me many months ago that men would very likely have bigger babies because our bodies are bigger and because hormones work differently in our bodies but even then, my babies are way above the expected size for quadruplets. I know, I’m such a freak.

So, even though I’m exhausted and this is not how I expected my life to be, I can’t help but smile when I get right next to the cribs and I see my babies crying for me to hold them. When I talk to them they stop crying and I can’t stop smiling. Even though I’m miserable, these four babies and the ones moving in my belly are the only reasons why I still smile. I look at them and caress them to calm them down and I can’t avoid going back to when Ed was just a baby. Actually, the babies remind me a lot of Ed because they look a lot like him, since he looks a lot like me. The babies look a lot like me but their eyes and their skin tones are definitely Filip’s. I can’t deny we make handsome babies and as I rub my belly, I wonder how the next four will look like.

While I talk to the babies and rub my belly, I continue thinking about all the events that have led me to having four babies and four more on the way. The details of the day when I arrived to my mom’s house and the whole explanation is pretty boring but you can imagine how hard was for me, as a 39 years old married man, to tell his mom that another man had fucked him and knocked him up with four kids. She was surprised to say the least and gave me a really long speech about fidelity and about the consequences of cheating. I felt like a little kid and I already knew the consequences but I knew she was right about everything. Even then, after a long and awkward conversation, she hugged me and I could finally cry out in fear of what was happening. That day I felt safe in my mom’s arms but I couldn’t stop thinking about my son and my wife. I felt like the worst dad and husband ever and I probably am.

So, the next few days were pretty uncomfortable for me because I was doing nothing at my mom’s house and I wasn’t that used to it. Even during the lockdows I had to cook and clean around in my house but my mom didn’t want me to do anything now. I guess her motherly side was enjoying the fact that I was pregnant because since she doesn’t have a daughter, she wasn’t supposed to be able to bond with me over being pregnant. She was always asking me if I needed anything or if I was hungry and I was definitely hungry all the time. I was still having some morning sickness but my appetite was simply over the clouds. I felt like I could eat a horse without getting satisfied. This worried me because I didn’t want to get fat but at the same time I knew I needed the food for the babies and with four of them growing in my belly, I needed a lot of food. At least that’s what my mom used to say whenever she prepared me a huge snack while I waited for dinner to be ready. It was nice to be honest.

The weeks passed and my belly was getting more obvious every day. My mom was excited but if I’m honest I was weirded out. I rubbed my hairy belly and I couldn’t believe how firm it was. By the time I was 16 weeks along and my belly was undeniable, well… It was undeniable before that to be honest, so I started wearing bigger clothes because I was feeling my usual shirts were too tight already and even though my mom said I looked good, I couldn’t help but sigh in disbelief whenever I looked at my own reflection in the mirror. The worst part was that since I was doing nothing and I barely went out of the house to avoid people staring at my round gut, I was starting to get softer in other places too. My arms looked softer, I had a little bit of love handles and my ass and legs looked definitely thicker. I tried to deny the fact that it wasn’t only my belly that was growing but it was undeniable and my mom just kept saying it was normal. I really don’t know how she could consider any of this “normal”.

Even though I felt terrible because I knew my family was looking for me and the fact that I was blowing up in ways that a man shouldn’t, I can’t say there weren’t moments that I really enjoyed back then, and now they're some of the reasons why I haven’t gone crazy. I remember the day when I first felt the babies moving, it was the weirdest feeling ever but it was amazing at the same time. It was one night after dinner while I was watching a movie in my room. My mom had just given me a huge dinner and I felt like my belly would burst. I felt huge back then even though I was like a grain of sand compared to my current size. I was shirtless on bed rubbing my overstuffed belly when I felt something pressing really hard on the lower part of my abdomen but it was pretty quick. At first I thought it was gas but it just felt different. I continued watching the movie and I felt it again, but this time it was followed by two more sensations in different directions. That was definitely not gas. I placed my hand on the places I was feeling the movement and the sensation of it moving against my palm made me cry. I recognized the feeling from many years ago when my wife was pregnant with Ed so I finally realized that it was the babies moving for the first time.

I was 17 weeks along the day the babies started moving and they never stopped ‘till the day they were born. I guess they took turns or something because it just never stopped, all day and night long there was at least one of them moving. Sometimes I’d be rubbing the right side of my belly because a baby would kick right there nonstop and when that one calmed down, the one on the left would start kicking so I started rubbing the right side of it. Then the one on my lower belly would move or the one at the top and the party just continued. Individually they didn’t move all the time but as a group they never stopped. There were other times when they would just kick up a storm, all moving at once and it was unbelievably crazy but sweet at the same time. My mom was so excited when they moved that she was always caressing my belly. Again, she was just bonding with me about such a sweet moment.

Even though I was trying to hide from the whole world, my mom was pretty insistent about me getting an appointment to check on the pregnancy. She said I wasn’t just pregnant but since I was a man it was more risky and even more considering I was having four babies, which was way above a regular pregnancy. I thought about that a lot and delayed facing the fact that she was right, trying to just go along with what was happening. But, a few weeks later I finally decided to call my friend, the doctor who found out I was pregnant, for him to check on my progress. I knew the babies were healthy because they were moving and growing a lot but I knew I needed to get checked. My belly was already really big and getting to the point where it couldn’t be passed as a beer belly because even though I was kinda fatter everywhere, the belly was simply too big, too round and too firm to be normal. I gotta accept that deep inside me I liked it but at the same time it was pretty scary because I was carrying four lives in there and I knew I had to take good care of them.

So, I called my friend, Dr. Tate Reid and he happily accepted to come visit me to check on my progress. I didn’t want to leave the house by any means so I was relieved when he accepted coming to my mom’s house. He said he had been worried about me because I never called again and had even asked my wife about me. I had to tell him that I was hiding from her and he understood. As I said, he’s the kind of friend who would help you get rid of a death body if you ask him. He said he had a portable sonogram machine that he could bring to my mom’s house to run the ultrasound without me getting out of the house. It all sounded really good but I was still nervous about him looking at me in my very vulnerable, and freaky, state. 

Tate already knew my mom's address because he used to live really close when we were young, that’s how we met, but his parents moved away many years ago. He came one Sunday when I was 20 weeks along. My mom wasn’t home because she always goes to play Bingo with her friends so when Tate arrived, I was the one who opened the door and his jaw dropped immediately and I blushed in shame. I was wearing a big shirt but my belly was simply too big to hide it. He said I looked full term with a single child and that didn’t help my self-esteem at all. It just made me feel like a freaking whale. Even then, he said I looked good and softly patted my round belly. I gasped when he did that because it felt nice, somehow. I know it sounds weird but his touch was… good and his admiration and shock was sweet, somehow.

So, I led him to my bedroom and he followed me while carrying a big bag. I even offered some help but he said that in my condition I shouldn’t be making any effort. I blushed but I guess he was right. Anyway, when we got in my room he said he wanted to check on my weight first. I hated that part because I had been trying to avoid weighing myself to not feel so ashamed with the number. In my mind I still weighed 189 pounds like I had weighed for years. So, he took a scale out of the bag and asked me to step on it. When I did, I noticed it was almost impossible for me to read the numbers thanks to my belly but Tate read it.

“230.8 pounds”. He said and I almost collapsed, I was 40 pounds heavier and I was just half way through the pregnancy. He noticed and explained that considering my initial size, the fact that I’m a man and that I was having four babies, I was very likely gaining another 40 pounds before the babies were born. I couldn’t even imagine how it would be to gain 40 more pounds but I knew I was finding out pretty soon. He said I could keep the scale to check on my weight every day but I wasn’t excited about it to be honest.

Tate asked me to get shirtless but I was too ashamed to show him my big belly so I insisted against it. He said he needed me to be shirtless for the ultrasound so I finally accepted. I still remember his face when he looked at my bare torso. He was impressed but somehow excited at the same time and he said I looked amazing. I blushed again and just started rubbing my belly nervously while he just smiled. He checked on my blood pressure, heartbeats and all the regular stuff a doctor does. He said everything looked great and asked me to lie on my back in bed while he prepared the sonogram machine. While he got things ready, he started talking about some documents he had read about male pregnancy and he found out that males are supposed to be able to carry more kids and grow them way above a woman’s regular pregnancy. I sighed when I realized I was bound to have huge babies even though I was having four of them. Lucky me.

When he came closer, he brought up a laptop and placed it on a chest of drawers I have next to my bed. He connected a device to the laptop and then started spreading some gel on the lower part of my belly. It was really cold and I gasped again, but he just smiled. Then he placed the ultrasound’s transducer on my belly and a window opened on the laptop to show the ultrasound video. The day I found out I was pregnant, the babies had been just tiny spots but now at 20 weeks I could see them all very clearly. I couldn’t contain my tears of joy while Tate moved the camera around and started pointing out to each one of their arms, legs, heads and… dicks. He said I was having four boys and I cried even more. He said they looked healthy and bigger than a regular 20 weeks along singleton. I couldn’t stop crying and I wanted to stay there looking at them. All my fears and guilt disappeared for a while in that precious moment.

A few minutes later while Tate was picking his things up to leave, he said he wanted to come back every two weeks to check on me because with four babies on the way we needed to keep an eye on my and the babies’ health. I agreed and then led him to the front door. When he was saying goodbye he hugged me and said everything was gonna be okay and to be honest, it felt nice. His arms, his words, the way he really cared about me and the babies. That day was amazing and when my mom came back and I told her I was having 4 boys, she got really excited and even started looking for clothes and furniture online. I had savings so I told her we could use that to buy all the things the babies would need. I was supposed to go back to work after I had given birth so there was no problem if we used most of my savings. It all sounded amazing.

The thing is, I was still away from my wife and I really missed her touch. I was away from my son and I really missed talking to him. There were some days that even though I was excited about the babies growing in my belly, I cried all day long thinking about my family and how devastated they should’ve been thanks to me. Since I had nothing else to do, I spent my days just rubbing my belly, eating, watching TV and taking long naps. This means I had a lot of time to think about my wife and about my son. I had a lot of time to think about a way to tell them about the babies once they have been born. I had a lot of time to think about going back to my old life but I also had a lot of time to think about Filip and our many sex encounters that had led me to being pregnant with 4 huge babies. And obviously this also made me think about his big dick.

These kinds of thoughts led me to make another mistake, well I’m not sure if it was a mistake but it wasn’t supposed to happen I guess. You see, when Tate came back two weeks later, it was Sunday again so I was alone. Everything was great and he even bought some donuts for me because he knew I love donuts and he said I needed to feed my babies. He sounded like my mom. He made the regular procedure and he said I had gained almost 8 pounds in two weeks. Obviously I hadn’t checked because I didn’t want to know but he seemed to be really excited about me getting heavier. My belly was obviously bigger too and he said it really suited me. I just smiled and rubbed my skin because the babies were kicking up a storm in there. So, he also ran an ultrasound and the babies were perfectly healthy. The fun started when he turned off the laptop because he said he had been wondering about me being able to give birth naturally and he wanted to be sure if I could. Very nice of him, right?

At first I wasn’t sure what he meant but then he explained that he wanted to check if my hole was able to stretch to pass a baby. I had never mentioned that Filip’s dick had “easily” gotten inside me and that I had figured that my hole was more stretchy than a regular one so I told him about it and he just nodded. Then he asked me if he could check it out himself just to be sure and I didn’t know what to say. He said it was an usual procedure with pregnant women to make sure if they’d be able to push a baby through their canal so even though I hesitated, I finally accepted and he helped me take my shorts off. He asked me to lift my legs up while he put on some gloves and I saw his smile when he saw me completely naked. I was kinda ashamed but when his hands touched my crotch and his finger poked at my hole’s entrance, I couldn’t help but moan and shiver because it felt amazing. I closed my eyes when he started putting his fingers in my hole and I was moaning softly. I just couldn’t control it.

My dick started hardening while he said my hole was really stretchy and a third finger got inside me. He started asking me if I had been horny and I said yes. He said it was normal because of the hormones. Then he asked me if I had missed being fucked by the babies’ dad and even though I knew it was a weird question, I said yes when he put a fourth finger in my whole and started moving them in and out of me. Then he asked me if I’d like to get fucked in that moment and without even thinking it… I said yes. Then I heard him unbuckling his belt while his hand was still in my hole and he asked me if I’d like him to fuck me right there. I didn’t hesitate and with a loud moan I cried out: “YES PLEASE!”.

Immediately he took his hand out of me and I was left panting while he undressed. I looked down at him and noticed his dick was already hard and it was pretty big. It wasn’t as thick as Filip’s but definitely big enough to be a porn star. Tate crawled on top of me and his abs rubbed against my round belly. The babies were moving like crazy and I knew he could feel it. He gave my belly some rubs and then lined his dick up with my hole. He pushed his hips forward to get his dick entirely inside me in one move and I moaned out loud when he went balls deep into me. Without warning, his hips started bucking immediately.

I could hardly breathe while Tate was thrusting into me like an animal in heat. I was moaning non stop while he said my hole felt incredible. While he fucked me hard, I looked at him and wondered why we had never done that before. We had been friends since we were kids and even when we were young adults we had the opportunity to fuck like that but never did. I even wondered how it would’ve been to get pregnant with Tate’s kids many years before. My mind was full of horny thought while he kept fucking me really hard and the whole bed was shaking. I was so high in pleasure that even without touching my dick I started cumming like never before and he just didn’t stop. His thrusts were so hard that the sound of his body smacking against mine sounded like an explosion. It was amazing and when he started cumming inside me, I felt like a turkey being stuffed to the brim. His hot seed coated my guts and it felt so good that I came again and coated my own lower belly with cum, for the second time.

Even when he was done, he stayed inside me for a few minutes while we were trying to catch our breaths. Then he moved out of me and started getting dressed and picking his things up. He asked me if I wanted him to come back in two weeks and I just nodded because I was still panting. He smiled and came closer to kiss my belly and he promised he would make me enjoy being pregnant. He went to the door and walked away on his own while I stayed in bed rubbing my belly on the spot where he had just kissed it. The babies were moving even more than before and I realized that I had just being fucked by a man who wasn’t the father of my babies, even though I was married to a woman. What a mess and it was all getting messier. But at the same time I couldn’t wait for Tate to come back for another round. I was already pregnant so things couldn’t be any worse than that. Obviously this means the fun didn’t stop there and Tate’s visits just got me deeper into my already messy life but the truth is, Tate definitely helped me deal with being so unbelievably pregnant.

...

[soyouthinkucanwrite]

The money thing (part 2/2) - Daniel Ricciardo

Warnings: SMUT! angst, confrontation... and more SMUT!

This is it, guys! Buuut... I think I'm gonna keep this story going, what do you say? Shall we find out about how shopping with Charlotte goes, and the party, and just how (y/n) handles this new dynamic overall? As always, let me know what you think! Read part 1 here!

When you got back at home, you were barely inside the apartment and Daniel was already pushing you against the door, kissing you passionately. You go down the corridor half kissing, half walking, Daniel chasing you all the way. You run to his room and then inside the shower, taking off your sweaty clothes on the process. You guys get under the shower and the feeling of the chill water along with Daniel’s kisses on your skin is just too good.

“You’re unbelievable” he says, letting your feet touch the ground again. You wash each other clean after that, running your hands through each other’s body and memorizing every curve, every detail.

“You’re unbelievable” he says, letting your feet touch the ground again. You wash each other clean after that, running your hands through each other’s body and memorizing every curve, every detail.

After a while, you get out of the shower, dry your hair quickly then wrap yourself in a towel. You go to your toiletry bag on the sink and take your toothbrush out, brushing your teeth while Daniel finished showering. Then you take your hair cream and put some on, your hair is really starting to feel the damage with all this boy’s shampoo, you think. Then you take some skin serum and apply some drops on your face, spreading lightly. Man, you missed skincare and it missed you. Last step: body lotion. Daniel gets out of the shower and you know he's watching you.

“Why you’re pampering yourself all up?” He asked coming behind you and kissing your neck.

“I’m doing what I was supposed to do the last two nights…but got distracted” you smirk at him. He lifts his hands in mock defense. Then you open the towel and start spreading the cream on your stomach, then your legs, then your butt. He’s watching you still, so you smile. “You say you like my skin, well it takes a lot of creaming to maintain it”

“I thought that was my job, love” He says in a low voice from behind me, putting his hands on my hips.

“Not like-” you start but decide it’s not even worthy, he knows what you meant. You just swat him on the shoulder and he laughs, going back to the room.

“By the way” he says putting his head back through the door. “You smell amazing, so finish up and get your ass back in the bed so I can properly cream you up”

“Daniel!” Little shit. He laughs even louder.

When you go back inside the room Daniel is sitting on the bed, looking through his phone. You pass him towards the closet and decide to take a look at the clothes you brought with you, to see if there's anything you could wear to this party tomorrow. What do you even wear to a yacht?

You take a few outfits and place them in front of your body, testing them on the mirror, but nothing seemed appropriate.

"You want a shirt baby?" Daniel asks you out of nowhere.

"Hum? Yeah, sure" you answer him, hanging the clothes back in the closet.

"Are you looking for something for tomorrow? Just buy something with Charlotte" he said simply while putting sweat pants on.

"Yeah... I..." you took a deep breath, "It's just..." you tried to say, but nothing seemed to come out. You were scared he was gonna think you're being ridiculous.

"What?" he looked at you.

"Nothing, never mind" you gave up, putting on his shirt with your underwear and going back to his room. He followed you, wearing nothing but his sweat pants.

"I'm just guessing here, but I have a feeling it's a good one" he started, "It's the money thing, isn't it? You don't want to spend money buying an outfit for this party?"

"It's not that I don't want to, Dan. I just can't afford it!" you said raising your voice tone a bit. He just stared at you for a while. "I don't know if you've noticed, I'm not on a million dollars contract but I'm still living like I was!" you sat down on the bed, eyes filling with water. "I just can't do this anymore, sorry. It's killing me and it's so stupid, so petty, but again, it's not! Cause what would the solution be? You paying for everything? Me just becoming a leech? A gold-digger?" he was watching you quietly, but let out a laugh at that last part.

"Don't laugh! I'm serious!" you continued.

"Baby, listen to yourself. What do you want me to do besides laughing?" he smiled sympathetically at you.

"Well, I'm glad you're finding it amusing because I feel sick everytime the subject comes up. The clothes, restaurants, plane tickets... I can't be living like that, and it's not just that. It's also because I know there's only one way this is going"

"You finally understanding this is ridiculous and accepting the credit card I made on your name months ago?" he said sitting by your side.

"Us not being together anymore. We're just from too different worlds, it's not gonna work. You need someone that can keep up with this lifestyle" you said getting up and walking towards the bathroom.

"No, you're not!" he said pulling you back down to his lap by your waist. "Enough with this bullshit" he said kissing your face and wipping your tears away. "Tell me what the real problem is. This is not about money, money is only a tool, a means to something, we can't let it have this much power over us. There's always more where that came from" you just looked at him. He had a much more healthy relationship with money than you, maybe because he had so much to spare. "This is not about money. You're not greedy, I know you. You're just the polar opposite of it. The most generous person I know. Is that it? You're feeling guilty?"

"I think... kind of. It's not fair, how can I have so much, knowing that most people have never even seen that much money. We’ve spent the average person's paycheck on a meal, Dan!" you said.

"(y/n), baby... it's not your responsibility. You can't carry this weight on you. You already do so much for people, you volunteer and donate all the time... you can't deprive yourself because other people don't have the same opportunity, that wouldn't be fair either" he tried to reason with you.

"But what about you?" you asked.

"What about me?"

"I just... listen, I know, rationally I mean... that I don't handle the idea of money very well. If you must know, I couldn't even take money from my parents as a kid. I just can't help but think it wasn't fair to them and it's not fair to you, to spend it with me. It's yours! You worked hard for it! I’m literally leeching on you!"

"So, you agree? The money is mine, so I can do with it what I please?" he said.

"Yes, but-"

"Why can't I spend it with the person I love most in the world? Huh? What is so wrong with it? Even if I was choosing to spend it on you instead of on myself, which I'm not, why couldn't I?"

"I feel like I'm taking advantage of you"

"Baby, we're taking advantage of this life. I was given this unholy amount of money for doing my dream job. Can you see how rare and fucking blessed this is? I mean, I thought so, until I met you. I thought I knew what a good life was until you were in it. This is a good life, with you enjoying this fucking lottery ticket with me" he said pecking your lips and rubbing your back, while you leaned on him. "Is this why you wouldn't come to London with me?" you looked at him and nodded.

"Sorry about that..."

"No, I'm sorry I didn't push more on the subject earlier. This has been going on for long enough now. It's just money, (y/n). Just it. Just a tool for the wonderful life we lead together. You understand?"

"Yeah"

"Look at me" he said turning your chin to look at him. "Do you really? Will you let me pay for stuff now? Tell me whenever you have an expense or even better, will you accept the credit card I made for you?"

"I don't think that's necessary"

"Please baby. Let's try it my way? Will you use it from now on?" he asked again pecking your lips. "Say yes. Say yes, or I'll give you a minimal monthly spending goal as well" he smiled and you looked at him like he was crazy.

"I'm not comfortable with it"

"Just try, please? You can start by buying something tomorrow for the party" the look on his face changed and you knew he was about to tease you. "If you'd prefer, we can say you're buying something for me... you wanna be my sugar baby?" he laughed.

"Too soon to joke about it" you said but laughed anyway. "Okay" you said after a while, "I'll use it. But you have to promise me you'll tell me if you change your mind"

"You're scared I'll go in debt?"

"I know you would"

"Good. Because I would. For you. But I know you don't need me to, so if we run out of money we'll just be poor together. Good thing you have experience, huh?" he laughed.

"Asshole!" you swatted him on the chest.

"You know I'm joking. But you get it now, don't you? We're lucky enough we don't have to worry about it, so let's not worry about it. It shouldn't even take a second of our day, it doesn't matter. Us, being together and our happiness is what matters. Okay?"

"Okay. Thank you, for being so understanding. Sorry for being... you know"

"I love you. And I don't expect you to simply go on a shopping spree, although I do expect you to buy those plane tickets soon. But the thing is, I'm here for it, I'm here to solve every little obstacle that gets in our way, no matter what, no matter how silly you're being"

"You're being so mature about this" you smirked at him.

"Well, what can I say? Being the perfect human I am, I understand that other humans are not, I'm just humbled that I can guide you on your path of enlightenment" he laughed and you rolled your eyes. "In all seriousness now, you know why is that, don't you?"

"Why? Because you're just better than everyone else?"

"Well, yes. But also because I have it really clear in my mind what really matters. And that's you. Us. It's all that matters to me. Being good for you" he said looking into your eyes.

"I love you, so much. I don't deser-" he cut you out by kissing you deeply and pulling you closer to him.

You moved so you were straddling him now, your arms around his neck and your hands on his hair. His hands that were on your waist, keeping you closer, started to slip down your body, so he was holding your bum.

"I want you" he said against your lips. You smiled and started to grind down against him. You were only wearing his shirt, which was bunched up around your waist, and your underwear, which wasn't the sexiest piece you owned but you didn't think Dan would care. In fact, he didn't seem to care at all for your underwear, cause he was already slipping his hand under you, pushing the thin layer to the side, and sliding his fingers through your lips.

You moaned at the sensation, still sensitive from your adventures early in the shower. "I... Dan..." you begin to say, but couldn't form a full sentence.

"What is it, baby girl? You want to say something?" he whispered against your ear, sucking your earlobe lightly. Then he pressed his pointer and middle finger against your clit, circling them firmly against you and making you moan louder for him.

"I'm still sensitive from early" you said against his lips, laughing a bit.

"You want me to stop?" he asked looking at you deeply.

"No!" you answered almost too fast, making him chuckle. "Don't stop, please"

"Hum... since you asked so nicely" he said sucking on your jaw, then your neck. You took that opportunity to slip your hand down his torso, feeling his chest and abs, and then reaching for him through his sweat pants. He was rock hard already. This man is insatiable. You smiled at the sound he made when you grabbed him lightly.

"I just want to feel you inside me" you said pulling his pants down and out of the way. He lifted you both from the bed slightly to help you take them off, then you grabbed and lined him with your center, sitting down slowly, letting only the head in first.

“Babe, please,” it’s Daniel’s turn to beg now “I need you" and then you sink down on him, feeling all of his length while he bottoms out inside you. He sucks on your sweet spot, muffling the groan that comes out of his mouth.

"Oh my god Dan" you moan, dropping your head back and giving him even more access to your neck. You pull his hair a bit more, fingers clamped down so tightly you're scared you might pull his hair out. You stay like this, feeling him deep inside you, for a while. He pulls away to look you in the eyes and kiss your lips, massaging your tongue with his. It's so intimate, so truthful, like he said, the only thing that matters in the world.

"I love you" he says looking you deep in the eyes. You nod before replying because you want to make sure he knows you know. That you believe and trust him.

"I love you, so much" you say back.

Then you roll your hips, testing out the angle, and it's almost too much to handle. It feels like hours and seconds at the same time, but you find a rhythm together, a pace you can keep sitting on him, while he only worries about kissing you and keeping you both from falling from the bed.

You're sure you'll be feeling sore tomorrow. Actually, you already are. Your legs, tired from the running and all the sex you've been having lately, start to give out and you lose your strength. Luckily, Daniel seems to catch that before you have to say anything, so he brings his hands to your hips and starts to help you move up and down on him.

You sit up slightly, moaning at the different angle he hitting now and he groans, feeling you clench around him. "(y/n)" he moans your name, "baby, I'm go-" he moans, feeling you clench again.

"Me too" you reply.

"Where do want me to? Huh? I'm gonna cum for you baby" you kiss him, feeling your pussy spasm around him, making it even harder for him to keep a steady rhythm.

"Inside me. I need you to come inside me, please, please baby" and there's no time to think, to ask if you're sure. You feel his whole body tensing and his thrusts get sloppier. Then, when you feel the hot liquid spur inside you, he grabs a handful of your ass with one hand and slips his other in between the two of you, flicking your clit rapidly and precisely.

That's all it takes for you to lose it completely, your walls fluttering around him as your body trembles at the intensity of the pleasure.

You both ride your orgasms together, you rolling your hips slower and slower, and him holding you tighter and closer until you stop completely. The only sound being your heavy breathings.

After a while, you pull away to find him already staring at you.

"You are the most beautiful thing I ever laid eyes on" he says to you and you feel the warmth of his words.

"I'm yours. Forever" you say simply and kiss him lightly on the lips.

"I feel like I have so much to lose. It honestly scares the living shit out of me"

"I know what you mean. I feel the exact same, I promise. I don't know how I got so lucky to find you" you say.

"And I, you. But we're just being dumb, right? I guess it's good we know that, but also... that we're not going anywhere, right?" he asks and you can sense there's some insecurity behind his line.

"Right. We're only getting stronger" you say and kiss him again. "I love you, Daniel"

"I love you, so much" he says touching your foreheads. "Let me get something to clean you up, then we can cuddle the rest of the night"

"You're the only guy I know that likes cuddling this much" you smile getting up from him. He hisses a bit at the sensation but gets up right after you.

"You don't have to worry about other guys' preferences" he says rolling his eyes. Yep. If your thing is low self-esteem and money-related issues, his is definitely jealousy and overall insecurity.

"I don't, silly" you peck him in the lips. He seems to relax a bit and when he comes back from the bathroom his phone lights up, he goes to check on it after passing you the towel.

"Charles just texted Charlottes contact. I'll forward it to you, okay?"

"Yep" you answered and it was your phone's turn to light up. "Can I confess something?" you asked him, adjusting your clothes.

"Hum?"

"I'm really excited to hang out with her tomorrow. I kind of miss girl company during the GPs and even when I'm here in Monaco and you're busy" he smiled and put a shirt on.

"Look at you, making friends! How cute"

"Shut up" you playfully pushed him, while you guys climbed into bed. You texted her 'hello' and Daniel's address before locking your phone and adjusting in his arms. There's still a lot to figure out and you weren't sure you'd be able to handle the money thing any better. You hoped so, after all, you didn't know how much more Daniel can be understanding. But you could think about all that another time. Right now life was good in the arms of the man you loved and loved you back. You felt safe.

.

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Tag list (this is so fancy! I've never done a tag list before haha): @scotlynaurora @your-favourite-blonde @unicornfairytail @c-d-9

@isntmadrid @lharrietg @sassybatflowerpaper

[bakubub]

In which Racer!Kuroo is your roommate and you finally learn more about him...

Warnings: Mentions of loss of loved one, disregard for own life, swearing, innuendos and implied nsfw (but sfw overall), fem!reader with she/her pronouns.

A/N: Idek what this is. Its literally a 4.6 k mixture of fluff, angst and comfort... I rewrote this like 4 times :,) being a perfectionist is so,,, tiring.

This takes part shortly after this, you can definitely read this without reading the 'part 1' if you will, since they don't depend on one another.

Art belongs to @aikk00 ,, and yes I am still in love with it :D

I stumble out of the lecture hall, my eyes so heavy I bump into about 3 other students and mumble my apologies until I fully wake up and snap out of my daze.

Walking down the stairs and making my way to the bus stop, I watch in horror as the bus I was supposed to be in drives off, going fast for once in its damn life as if mocking me.

Inhaling sharply through my nose, I manage to keep my composure and sit down at the bus stop, telling myself the next bus will be here in a bit.

It's fine. It's fine. I slept through the lecture, and I still have to catch up on 4 subjects and make dinner, but at least the house is clean and I'm caught up in that one subject I picked up for this exact reason.

It's fine. It's going to be just fi-

The rumble of a loud engine breaks my shitty but somewhat effective self-reassurance motto and I open my eyes to see a black and red sports car going 60 km/h in a 30 zone, effectively getting mine and everyone else's attention.

I watched in horror for the second time today as this time it stopped right in front of the bus stop. No, no, no, no.

No.

Please no.

He rolls down the passenger window with that ridiculous hair and a shit-eating grin, as he nods towards the seat, revving his engine.

I look away, pretending he's not looking directly at me and that I don't live with the guy, which I immediately regretted when he beeped the fucking horn.

What did I do to deserve this humiliation?

I hastily put my head down as he beeped it again, giving up and rushing towards his insufferable car, getting into the passenger seat and slumping in my seat to keep my head down low.

"What is wrong with you? What are you even doing here?" I hiss, my glaring up at him from my awkward, folded position.

He laughs, and when I hear the sound of a photo being taken in the split second I looked away to readjust my bag, I sit up straight, watching him continue speeding as he stuffs his phone into his pocket.

"Are. You. Trying. To. Kill. Me?!" I ask, my voice little less than a screech as I slap his arm with each word.

"Ow, ow, I just came to pick my roomie up! I sensed you needed a ride, and this is the thanks I get?" he asks, that smirk I have come to hate returning to grace his features.

I glare at him, but a small, sleep-deprived part of my brain is distracted by his appearance. A tight black tee adorning his built figure, his biceps are on display as he drives with one hand, the other resting on the gear shift. The air from his rolled down window is ruffling his hair this way and that, and I find myself wanting to run my hands through the raven strands, just as I had when I washed his hair that one time...

"Wait- how the fuck did you know I didn't have a ride?" I ask incredulously, my reaction time clearly delayed but here nonetheless.

I narrow my eyes as he hesitates before he answers, "I just knew, ok? It's not like it’s astrodynamics, not that I can't figure that out too."

"Kuroo, what the hell is astrodynamics? Are you like, spying on me or something?" I ask, pretending to look out the window so as to not get distracted by his appearance once more.

"What do you common folk call it? Rocket science?" He says, once again exceeding the speed limit.

"If I'm a commoner, does that make you a peasant? Also, stop going so fast, I feel sick and I do not feel like dying today."

He rolls his eyes in response as he slows down by a smidgen, the speed meter barely even moving. "Seriously, you may have no consideration for yourself, but I still have a lot of things to achieve with my damn life so slow the fuck down." My words finally reach the rational part in him and he slows down considerably, now going within the speed limit.

Taking a deep breath, I rest my elbow on my door and look out the window, my mind flooding with thoughts about Kuroo's reckless driving and how it can all go sour with one delayed reaction.

Before I know it, we're rolling up to our apartment building, driving into his private garage only the penthouse owners get to use.

"I'm sorry," he mutters, filling the silence in the car.

"It's ok. I just... I want you to be safe. I know its hard, but... just try," I say quietly, unable to look at him.

"That's what he said," he says hastily before rushing out of the car before I can hit him.

Getting out of the vehicle myself, I send a murderous look his way and run after his retreating form.

A small part of me is grateful that he's acting like his usual unbearable self again, but the rest of me is just mad at his relentless sex jokes.

He hits the elevator button before I can get there and I watch the doors close, his smirk practically shining through the crack of the closing doors. I jam my foot in the middle at the last possible second, and smile victoriously as I get into the metal box and slap his arm once again.

"Ooh, do it harder," he practically moans, and my eyes just about pop out of their sockets in embarrassment as my face flushes a deep red.

"Oh shut up," I mutter, turning around and waiting patiently for the doors to open on the top floor. I hear him snicker and then the sound of a photo being taken, turning around sharply. I yell in defiance and throw my bag on the floor as I jump onto him in an attempt to grab his phone out of his hand and delete the probably unflattering photo.

I straddle his back and reach for the phone he easily holds out of my reach. Leaning across his shoulder in a feeble attempt to reach it, my feet are hooked around his chest and my other hand is using his shoulder as a brace. He's laughing hard at this point, and I'm screaming at him to give me the damn phone. Neither of us notice the elevator doors opening nor the small woman standing at the threshold staring at us in shock and amusement.

"Kuroo Tetsuro! You let that poor girl down this instant, young man!"

We both froze at the authoritative voice, slowly turning to look at a small dark haired woman with a straight shoulder length cut and narrow gold eyes that were glaring at the man under me.

"MUM!" He exclaims, setting me down and running to hug and kiss the woman, his mum apparently. "What are you doing here?" I hear him ask as I straighten myself out, fixing my jumper and tucking my hair behind my ears, picking up my bag off the floor and quickly following them out of the elevator.

"What, a mother needs an excuse to come visit her boys? Where's Kenma?" She asks, looking in the elevator again as if to check if she missed him.

"Oh, he's at his own place. Apparently he has a booked in session with this famous gamer today. Did he say he'd be here?" Kuroo asks, letting go of the woman and leaning on the wall.

"No, I didn't tell anyone I was coming to visit. Never mind that, who's this pretty young lady here, hmm?" She asks, raising a perfectly shaped brow as she walks towards me, the click of her heels echoing in the lobby of the penthouse.

I smiled down at her, since she was considerably shorter than even me, and introduced myself. "It's very nice to meet you, Mrs. Kuroo." I say, bowing.

"Oh no, no, none of that. You can call me mum too, hmm?" She says, gesturing me up from my bow and pulling me down for a tight hug.

"Oh, um, actually, me and Kuroo aren't-"

"We’ll talk more comfortably inside, no? Tetsuro, is your plan to let me stand here all day?” She asks, letting me go and turning around to look at Kuroo.

Kuroo leaps into action, taking his mum's bag and unlocking the door, helping her out of her heels and leading her into the spotless penthouse.

It was all I could do to nod in response, closing the door behind us and walking down into the kitchen to prepare a meal.

It’s crazy how much I don’t know about this guy. He’d never mentioned his mother before, and briefly mentioned that he has a sister, whether older or younger I have no idea. Kenma, however, I know well. The guy was here all the time when I first started living here, but recently I've seen him less and less. Which is a shame, considering we actually got along quite well, with sharing eye rolls and bonding over our mutual love of Minecraft.

I don't notice silent footsteps following me until Kuroo's Mother says "now, why's a beautiful girl like yourself slaving away in the kitchen? Does that boy make u do all the cooking and cleaning like some mid-century housewife?"

I poke my head out of the fridge, smiling at her fair assumptions, "no, no, it's not like that at all. I actually-"

"Uh, mum! You know I'm incompetent with this stuff. This place would be a mess if she wasn't here to run things! Plus, she loves to cook and finds cleaning therapeutic. Hey, her words not mine," Kuroo quickly jumps in, putting his hands up defensively when she looks at him with a raised brow.

Looks like he doesn't want his mother to know of our little arrangement.

"Right. He's just so hopeless, I can't trust him to do anything," I add on, sending her a smile as I prepare the fish he likes.

"You're making grilled mackerel for dinner?! Oh that's gonna hit the fu- the fun spot," he says, saving himself at the last second.

I hold back a snort as I take out a pan, "open the window, fish boy. It's about to stink here and I can't be bothered with Mrs. Suzuki coming all the way upstairs just to complain about the fish smell, and then complaining that she had to come up here in the first place. God, I hope she isn't sitting on the balcony today," I ramble, trying to see her balcony from outside the window, but fail because of the private location.

Damn these amazing architects.

I hear his mum chuckle at my rambling as she begins to take out ingredients for a salad. "Oh, you don't have to help, please sit and make yourself comfortable," I say, moving towards her to take the lettuce out of her hands.

"No, no, I'd like to pitch in. Now what kind of mother-in-law would I be to let you do everything yourself?" She asks, holding the lettuce away from me and walking over to the sink.

I stare at the back of her head, a flush creeping up my neck, "m-mother-in-law?!" I ask incredulously, glancing over at Kuroo who looked suspiciously... Smug. I look away quickly when he meets my eyes, and I hastily hyper-focus on the fish in front of me, placing it on the heated pan, causing sizzling and popping to fill the awkward silence.

"I'm sorry darling, I don't mean to be overbearing. Tetsuro introduced you as his girlfriend, so I thought things were getting serious since he actually allowed us to meet one another. You see, he’s never introduced me to a girl before, so you can imagine my excitement. I can stop if you're uncomfortable-"

I cut her off, feeling even more embarrassed as I realise the role I am to play in Kuroo's life when his mother is around. I mean, it makes sense, he can't exactly just admit he took a random girl into his house.

"I, um, no really it's fine, I understand" I say, my voice small as I flip the fish.

She lets out a delighted laugh and pulls me down into a hug once more. The smile on my face is genuine as my embarrassment melts away, the bright smile of this woman comforting me.

"So, how did you guys meet?" She asks, chopping up the ingredients for her salad on the bench while I'm at the stove, Kuroo leaning on his elbows on the bench.

"At uni," I answer at the same time as Kuroo states, "at a party."

We both look at each other with wide eyes, and I clear my throat to clarify, "at a uni party. A classmate of ours hosted one and we met each other there."

"I see, so the old boozed up one night stand turned into quite a domestic relationship hmm?" she suggests, wiggling her eyebrows at Kuroo.

"What? No, no, I would never! A one night stand? Booze? Please, what kind of man do you take me for?" Kuroo complains, looking offended.

I turn around towards the stove and roll my eyes. I've heard the rumours around campus, practically every girl in my lecture hall can testify to at least making out with the man. He really puts up a façade for his mum.

I hear the doorbell ring, and quickly take the fish off the stove to go answer it as Kuroo bickers with his mother about how innocent he really is.

"Hello? Who is it?" I ask, pressing the buzzer.

"Uh, hello? Is this Tetsu's place?" A deep voice answers. I look at the camera, seeing Kenma and a bunch of men about Kuroo's age looking confused. The one who answered is a guy with a blond mohawk and piercings adorning both ears.

"Yes, just give me a second," I reply. "Kuroo, I think Kenma and the rest of your friends are here? Should I let 'em up?" I shout out.

"Yeah let 'em in," he calls back. I press another button, letting them into the lobby.

I need to make more food.

Quickly taking out my frozen dumplings I stocked up for emergency dinners for days I couldn't be bothered to make anything better, I whip up a quick sauce, thinking I could split the fish and put it in the middle of the table so everyone can take their share.

"I do apologise darling, I let my Kenma know that I came to visit and he must have told the boys. I think they've all come to see me," Kuroo's mum confesses.

"You must be a very loved woman if they came all this way to see you. And it's no worries really, I'm always prepared for guests," I say, putting her at ease.

She beams at me as the door is banged loudly.

Kuroo mutters something about “rude assholes'' as he goes to open the door, a group of tall men making their way through the threshold.

"Hiya cap'ain," the mohawk guy says, patting Kuroo on the back. A tall, light brown haired man was next to greet him, then proceeded to exclaim "MUMMA KOZUME!!" and practically jumped onto the poor woman.

Wait, did he just say Kozume? Isn't Kenma's surname Kozume?

"Hey mum," Kenma greets, kneeling down to hug Kuroo's mum.

Who's mum is this lady?! I swear to god I'm going to go crazy.

"Hello hello everyone," A massive grey haired guy says, kissing Kuroo's mum on the cheek and hugging Kuroo.

The last guy to greet them is a tan guy with a buzz cut, and he does the same as his friend before.

"So Kuroo, when di'ja get yourself a girl, huh?" The grey haired guy asks, looking offended that he didn't know before now.

I raise my eyebrows as Kuroo just smiles guiltily. He introduces me to his friends and I wave hello, as they all begin to introduce themselves.

The grey haired guy says his name is Lev and that he's half Russian. A weird detail to include but interesting I guess.

The light brown haired man introduces himself as Yaku, and says that he was Kuroo's senpai back in high school.

"Yeah a demon senpai," Kuroo mutters in reply. My smile quickly turns into a grimace as Yaku jumps on him and they both start brawling on the floor, making a loud ruckus. A loud thumping can be heard from downstairs as Mrs. Suzuki starts to lose her mind and continues to bang the handle of her broom to her ceiling.

"Ugh, you morons upset Mrs. Suzuki! She's going to talk my ear off next time I see her..." I complain, grabbing a cushion and throwing it at the boys.

They flinch at my anger and quickly get up, muttering a quick apology. My glare softens as mohawk introduces himself as Yamamoto, and the tan guy says his name is Kai whilst vigorously shaking my hand.

"It's very nice meeting all of you. Dinner will be ready in a bit so please just make yourselves comfortable," I announce, making my way back into the kitchen.

The boys, all sporting grins, make their way to the living room and sit on the couches, man-spreading and slouching all over the place, one person taking up the usual spot for two.

I sigh, focusing on the dumplings in front of me.

I stiffen as I feel large hands on my waist, and a presence behind me. Visibly relaxing once I realise it's Kuroo, I turn around, his hands still resting on my hips, and his face nestled in the crook of my neck.

"Please just go along with it. We have to act like a couple if they're going to believe us," he mutters, his hot breath causing shivers to run up my spine.

I simply nod, instinctively placing my arms around his neck and running my fingers through his hair, something I've wanted to do since that day.

He groans into my neck, and I find myself holding my breath as I continue my hand movements.

"OI LOVEBIRDS! MUM SAYS THE DUMPLINGS ARE GONNA FUCKIN' STICK! Ow! Oh, sorry," I snatched my hands back from Kuroo, pushing his chest, my cheeks flushing in embarrassment.

What the fuck am I doing?!

I turn around back to the stove, mixing the dumplings in the boiling water as my thoughts race.

That felt too real, too much like a real relationship.

And way too addicting, apparently, since I already miss his close proximity.

The warmth on my waist disappears as I hear Kuroo running back into the living room.

"SHUT UP YOU MORON, THE DUMPLINGS ARE FINE!" I hear him scream, and then a loud thud as he presumably tackles whoever yelled at us to the ground.

I sigh as I hear Mrs. Suzuki's muffled thuds from downstairs in record time.

"You know I'm going to have to make Mrs. Suzuki some kind of apology cake because you boys can't sit down and act like adults," I complained, my arms crossed and an unimpressed expression on my face.

Lev and Yamamoto are on the floor playing some kind of Connect 4 game I've never seen before, while Kai looks to be having a deep conversation with Kuroo's mum, who is perched on the single arm chair like the queen she is.

Kenma is hogging the tv playing some kind of video game on Kuroo's ps5 (which I've hogged on more than one occasion), and Kuroo on the other hand has Yaku in a headlock.

He immediately lets go and apologises, and so does Yaku, who even bows in his regret.

I roll my eyes and shake my head at his mum, who just laughs, and I make my way back into the kitchen, setting food on the table and calling them in to eat.

After dinner, I find myself showered in compliments and not a bite of dinner leftover for tomorrow's lunch. Damn I'm good.

I served up cake I had already prepared from earlier along with fruits I washed and set on plates, and watched as that was eaten and finished before I even sat down. Kuroo's mum scolded the boys for poor manners, and they all apologised. Well, all except Kuroo, who just wiggled his pierced brows and winked at me.

I sit down on the floor next to the couch, since it was all occupied, and hear a dissatisfied sound coming from Kuroo's mum.

"Now, now, sweetheart. You don't have to be shy around me, just go on and take your usual seat next to Tetsuro," she says, nudging her head in Kuroo's direction, where the only vacant spot was literally his lap.

I look at her with wide eyes, even Kuroo seems taken aback by her suggestion, and all the boys are immaturely ‘oohing’ loudly as they laugh and make fun of us.

Kuroo makes a gesture for me to come next to him, so I hold back my heavy sigh, try my best to hide the flush on my face, and walk towards him, awkwardly perching on his knee.

He chuckles as he grabs my waist and pulls me flush towards his chest, my butt in the corner of the couch and my legs resting diagonally over his, so that my head is directly in the crook of his neck.

I hate to say it, but this is actually really damn comfortable.

Conversation has started up again, but it becomes secondary to the beat of his heart right under my ear, and my eyes start to get heavy as his scent and warmth lull me to a comfort that is beyond being awake and alert.

---

Kuroo's POV

"What a cute girl she is, Tetsu. I'm so glad you've found her. And now that you've got her, you better. Not. Let. Go." She says, slapping me on the arm with each word of her last sentence.

What is it with women and slapping me?

"Ok, ok, I know mum, I won't stuff this up. I promise," I respond, smiling at her.

"Ok, well, I'm staying over at Kenma's house. Ah, no objections. You've already got your hands full, and I don't want to be in the way of young love. Plus, I'd rather listen to Kenma's midnight streams than you two in the middle of the night," she says, not accepting my objections and giving me a knowing look. My face warms to what she's insinuating, and I mutter a quick, "it's not like that," as I duck my head into Y/n's shoulder.

By this time the boys have all left, Kenma's downstairs waiting in his car for his mum to come, but she insisted on staying back for a few minutes to talk to me.

Y/n fell asleep a while ago now, still nestled on my lap, her head on my shoulder and her figure keeping me warm.

"I know exactly how it is, my darling. I've seen how you two act, pretending to be in a relationship just so we don't ask any uncomfortable questions. I won't meddle in your life, I never did, Tetsuro. But I will give you advice I expect you to consider. Don't let her go. Neither of you were pretending about your feelings towards each other, let me tell you that much." She says, knowingly looking at me.

I look up in alarm, which quickly morphs into a nervous laugh. She's good, I'll give her that much.

But, can Y/n really mirror my feelings?

"Ok darling, better not leave Kenma waiting any longer. I'll visit again tomorrow, or you can come over to Kenma's, whichever you prefer as long as she comes along too. I want to get to know my future daughter-in-law better!!"

With that, the woman who took me in and treated me like her own left my home.

I look down at my roommate, taking in the way her lashes are long enough to brush against her face, the way her brows are just a tad bit asymmetrical, the stroke of her nose and the bend of her cupid's bow.

I can't help but bring my hand up to caress the side of her face, content to stay here forever.

Mum would've loved her.

This thought broke the dam that held back my tears since middle school, and as they fell down my face I couldn't help but think of my own mother, coming in and hugging her, making her famous pie that I can't remember the taste of anymore. A sob racks my figure and I all of a sudden find a pair of e/c eyes staring up at me, my tears having dampened some parts of her face.

Wordlessly, she straightens herself and wraps her arms around my neck, running her fingers through the back of my head, stroking down towards my nape and up again. I cry into her shoulder, tears that I've bottled up, emotions I've ignored because I've had my dad, my grandparents and the Kozume's. Later, I even had the team, and they all followed me to the racing gig, a place where I can express my emotions through the reckless driving that could claim my life any second. I should have been grateful. Instead, the pain of her absence never ceased.

I clutch the back of her sweatshirt as I cry and cry and cry, eventually tiring myself out and running out of tears.

With dry sobs still racking my body every few minutes, she finally leans back, cupping my face in her gentle hands.

"What's the matter, Kuroo?" She whispers, looking up at me with tears shining in her own eyes. "You can tell me anything, or you can say nothing at all. Either way, I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you," she says, touching her forehead to mine and closing her eyes. She stays here for a moment before moving to get up and drag me up too.

"Come on, let's get you into your pjs and into bed. It's getting late."

---

Your POV

Now in his usual shorts and singlet, I drag him to his massive bed, opening the neatly made bed and gently sit him down.

His hazel eyes follow me as I go to close the curtains, his lashes still wet from the countless tears he shed, his body still hiccupping with dry sobs.

Once I've put his blankets around him, I go to leave, muttering a goodnight as I leave.

"Y/n," I hear before I close the door. I peek my head in, "please stay."

Without a pause to think about his request, and already in my own pyjamas, I go next to him and crawl into his open arm as if I've been doing it every night, snuggling into his shoulder once more and wrapping my arm around his chest.

After a few moments of silence, he begins to speak in a raspy tone, "she's not my real mum. She's Kenma's mum, and I've... I've called her mum since I was around 7," he takes a deep breath before continuing. "I moved in with my dad and grandparents next door to the Kozumes when I was 6. I was nervous and shy back then. You wouldn't even recognise me because of the 180 turn my personality's taken. Kenma was even more social than I was. He was my first friend, and when I got him into volleyball and we met Coach Nekomata. That man inspired me to be the man I am today, and was the main reason why I joined the volleyball team in high school, and made friends with the guys. He did what my mum should've, supported me and gave me the confidence to live my life," he says, his voice cracking with the last word. I hug him tighter, knowing not to say anything as of yet.

"I just wish... I wish she didn't go. I wish she could've met you, Y/n. She would've loved you even more than Kenma's mum does," he confesses with a chuckle, sniffling and turning towards me to look me in the eyes.

"She would've seen the way I was around you. The different man I become. You make me a better person, Y/n. I find myself wanting to be better for you. I could never thank you enough for that. Please, never leave. Just stay with me, and I'll always be here for you," he says, repeating the same words I said to him earlier.

I can't help the smile from taking over my features and I lean in to kiss his nose, his eyes, his cheeks and finally I press my lips against his, something I have been wanting to do for a very long time.

"I will, Kuroo Tetsuro. I'll always stay with you."

A/n: So, I don't actually know if his mum passed away or if she left them, so I kind of just,, did both ?

Taglist: @3daa & @itsgiorgiaz

Notes, interactions and reblogs are highly appreciated <3

[crashdevlin]

Another Second Chance 18- Therapy

Another Second Chance Masterlist, Happily Ever Eventually Masterlist

Author’s Note: The final (hopefully) installment of the Happily Ever Eventually RPF series.

Summary: Y/n finds herself a new house and Misha is determined to make it a huge project.

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Word count: 2993

Story Warnings: past cheating, mentions of FFM threesome, not much in this one

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s pretty, right?” I ask, looking around the open concept of the first floor of this $350,000 house.

“Kitchen’s kinda outdated,” Jensen says, pointing at the fridge. “I mean, that fridge has gotta be from when you were in high school.”

“I could buy new appliances, Jay. Get a natural gas stove set up. Install some cabinet pulls, because I’m not a really big fan of this whole lack of elements.” I gesture at the cabinets. “Probably stain it a little darker to go against the flooring. But it’s pretty, right?”

Jay smiles. “Yeah. It’s pretty...and it’s about twice as big as the one you’ve been living in. Which is what you need.”

“Yeah. Walk-in closet in the master, too. It’ll be a good place to put the security hub.”

“Or you could put the security hub in the closet in the den and put your clothes in the master closet,” Jay suggests, grumpy old man in his tone. "And if you're gonna update the kitchen, you gotta update the bathrooms. Get one of those-"

"I am not getting an automatic toilet!" I laugh. "No one needs that!"

"Of course no one needs it but it's freakin' awesome!"

"Okay, Dean," I tease.

"Dean would agree with me. Automatic toilet, with the bidet and the-"

"Dean Winchester would break an automatic toilet and then complain that it's a damn computer which means he can't fix it without help."

Jay laughs. "He'd still think it was cool."

"He'd be down for the heated seat. I will give you that much."

He smiles as he looks around. "So...are we looking at your new digs or what?"

I bite my bottom lip and run my hand over the granite countertop. “Shouldn’t I ask Nova's opinion? It's gonna be her home, too."

"She's a teenager. As long as she's got her own room, I'm sure she's gonna be fine." He sets his hands on my shoulders and smiles. "But you can show her pictures or bring her by before you sit down with the realtor."

I nod and smile. "It's in the right school district and a bigger room for her and for Mav and the bonus room can be an office. I really think it's the place."

"Then get it," he encourages. "Get it, Baby Girl. We can make it perfect. I'm no stranger to a little reno."

"Please," I start, laughing. "A contractor did the work on your old place. Shush."

He looks a little offended. "I helped. I painted. I installed the sink in the half bath off the kitchen."

"Fine. You can stain these cabinets for me." I wink and step away from him. I'm gonna get this house. "Come on." I walk to the foyer where the realtor is waiting and I smile at him. "Can I put in an offer now or should I wait a few hours?" He smiles brighter than the sun.

"You can make an offer anytime, Miss."

Miss. Still young enough to get 'miss'. "Good. Let's do this."

~~~~~~~~~

"Four bedroom, 2 and a half bath, 3200 square feet with an office next to the master bed. It needs some updating and work...had a contractor quote me $60,000 but that's not bad...covers new appliances, too."

"I could come down and help," Misha offers. "You know, a lot of that stuff you can DIY and I can help with most of it."

"You don't have to do that, Meesh."

"Why would I let you spend that much money on something I could help you with for a fraction of the cost?"

"Misha, you really don’t-"

"I'm not letting you tell me 'no' on this. We'll get together some manpower and get this done for you."

He's really not going to let me say 'no'. "Okay. Well, it's going to be several weeks before the paperwork is finished and all that. I'll let you know when it's mine."

"Good. I'll start looking at HGTV.com." Damn it, Misha. Don't be so extra. "And send me pictures and a floorplan so I know what I'm working with."

"Yeah, okay." Really no point in arguing. It's Misha. If I don't send him pics and a copy of the floorplan, he'll just find the house and get them himself off the internet. "I'll send it to you after my appointment tomorrow, okay?"

"Sounds good. Talk to you then."

"Bye, Meesh." I hang up and sigh. He's gonna make it this whole thing, isn't he?

His house in Washington did come out amazing, though, so he does have some skills that will help in this. Eh, why not? Why not get together with my best friend and make my new home my own?

"So, I get to see this house eventually, right?" Nova says, walking into the living room.

I smile. "Come see all these pretty pictures I took and we can speculate on what craziness Misha is gonna come up with." I pat the couch next to me and she comes over. "This is the view from the street." I start showing her the pictures and she claims a room before I've even finished the digital tour.

"Oh, and you're gonna paint the exterior, right? Like, it's pretty but it's yellow. You're gonna fix that, right?"

"Oh, I'm sure Misha isn't going to let me move into another drab house. You weren’t here the first time he showed up at this house but he had opinions about all of it. I didn't let him talk me into reno last time but this time...I don’t know...maybe this will be the forever home so…"

"It's gotta be custom!" Nova exclaims.

"Exactly."

"Can I paint my walls custom? Or get custom wallpaper done? I know that a lot of people don't like wallpaper but I've seen a few places that got it right and-"

"Yeah, baby, of course. We'll figure out something awesome for your walls." I kiss her forehead. We'll do whatever she wants for her room.

"Yay!"

I love when she's happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been a while since I've been in Dr. McCauliffe's office. Life has been in the way...and I guess I didn’t want her to judge me for my involvement with Jensen...which is ridiculous because she's my therapist. She's not going to judge me.

"So." She taps her pen against her clipboard. "What's new?"

"Well...I have been dating Jensen again. I know you saw that in the news."

"I saw it on Mr. Collins' Instagram, actually," she says with a smile.

"Right. The video. Forgot about it for a minute. Um, yeah, like I said in the video and Jensen said in his...spark's still there, we're giving it another chance."

"How's that feel?"

I bite my bottom lip. "Scary as Hell, honestly. I mean, but it's good. I've done pretty good with boundaries and moving slowly. You know, before...we jumped in head first and everything was this intense passion right out of the gate but this time…" I shrug. "I don't know. Maybe we've grown up, or grown old, but…"

"Have you slept with him?" she asks and it's because she knows that sex was a big issue when I was with him before. Sex was all we were supposed to be in the beginning and sex ruined us in the end. I know why she's asking but there's this...well, it's a bit intrusive, isn't it? It seems like she's judging me for being sexually active and I know that's not what it is but my whole spine goes tense when she asks.

"Yes. We dated for about a month before we started getting physical again."

“And how has that been? I don’t need details, of course, but...emotionally, how has it been to be intimate with Jensen again?”

How to answer that?

Really, how am I supposed to answer that? It’s the best sex I’ve ever had, emotionally fullfilling in a romance-novel sort of way. It’s perfect but it does have its scary moments. “Well, we’ve only actually...slept together a couple times this time. His libido is a lot less than it was. I mean, he didn’t have sex the entire time we were broken up, can you believe that?”

Dr. McCauliffe adjusts her glasses and shrugs a little. “I do not. Five years is a long time to go without sex...but you seem to believe it. That’s what matters.”

I never even questioned it. Should I have? No, because he’s been so honest about everything else. “I went years and years without sex after Nate. I believe Jensen did the same after me. He had a lot going on. He was in recovery for alcoholism. He had to be a good father and work on his career and-”

“You just got very defensive, very quickly. Why is that?”

Fuck, I don’t know. I run my hand over my mouth and shrug. “I don’t know,” I respond honestly.

“Analyze it, Y/n. Why would you get so defensive over my disbelief in what Jensen told you?”

“Because I didn’t question it,” I answer after a moment. “Because he told me that the last time he had sex, real full-penetrative sex, was the time that broke us and I didn’t really question it. I took it at face value because we’ve been doing very good about honesty with each other and what if that’s stupid? What if I’m stupid because maybe he’s lying about it and keeping stuff from me and-”

“You said he’s been very good about honesty so far, right?”

I nod. “Yeah. He’s...he admitted to stuff that I never thought he’d admit to and he apologized for stuff and he’s been open about what happened and why. He’s even been honest about little things that he would have lied about before...like I told him about Will and he Googled him. Used to be, he’d keep that kind of thing to himself, never tell me, but he admitted it without even prompting.” I chew on my bottom lip as she starts scribbling on her notes. “I believe him. It might be stupid but I believe him.”

She sets her clipboard in her lap and smiles at me. “It’s not stupid...and he’s likely changed enough that honesty is important to him. You’ve told me that his recovery has changed him. Jared’s told me the same. Now, it’s a bit hard for me to believe that he’s changed so much in the last five years that he would have abstained from sex since the last time he was with you, but...I don’t know the man, do I? You do. Jared does. If you believe him, then don’t let me change your mind.”

“I believe him. You didn’t see the way he looked at me the first time we...‘Reverent’ is the best word for it.”

“What do you think that means for you?”

I scoot back, leaning against the back of the couch. “I think he’s finally got Danneel out of his head.”

“Do you?” she asks and I hate when she asks things I don’t want to answer. “Danneel was a major roadblock in your relationship before, wasn’t she?”

“You know she was. I was so focused on giving Jensen what he wanted...Danneel...that I couldn’t see that I was what he was supposed to be wanting. I wanted to be like her, couldn’t appreciate myself. I know this stuff, Doctor.” I shift on the couch and sigh. “I don’t wanna be Danneel and I don’t want Jensen to be with her. I want Jensen to be with me...I want him to want to be with only me.” I shrug. “Seems like that’s where we are. He doesn’t even talk to her anymore. I talked to her the other day and she didn’t even know why he doesn’t talk to her anymore.”

“You talked to Danneel again?”

“Yeah. We ran into each other at a shop while I was getting Nova a new dress. It...didn’t go well. Nova was very combative with Danneel. I ended up having to...be very honest with my daughter. She knows about everything now...even the night with Danneel.”

“Oh? How’d that talk go?”

“It was...it was good to get it off my chest, actually. It was like the conversation where I told her about, about why her father and I got divorced. It’s like...It was a hard conversation but it was an important one. I don’t have to...hide things anymore and that’s a blessing. She understands why I make the decisions I make now...she understands...the betrayal was a lot deeper than she even knew. She understands that now and...maybe it’ll make us closer, but at least she knows the truth now.”

“And she’s living with you now, right?” I nod. “How did that happen? Nathan doesn’t seem the type to just allow her to do what she wants.”

I snort. “He’s definitely not, but...he fucked up with Jenny, blew up his marriage. I’m actually surprised it took her this long to realize that he was cheating on her, but whatever. Um...Nova didn’t want to be there for the destruction of his way of life and she asked if she could come to Texas. I convinced him to let her come because she didn’t need to see the parade of his affairs that Jenny would bring up. I then used those women to convince him not to fight me on custody when I refiled. It was…” I scratch at my cheek. “It was a low move, but it’s exactly the kind of move he pulled on me, convincing the judge that I was too unstable to care for her. I don’t feel bad about it, especially since she wants to be here.”

“That’s a big change...on top of other big changes.”

“Yep...and there’s more coming. Because I need more room since Nova is living with me, there will be a new home in my future."

"A new home? That's exciting."

"It is. And I am more excited about it than I am scared so that says something."

"I remember how anxious you were about your first house. I remember all the security options you went through."

"Well, security had to be heavy. I had to think about Tom and his crazy-ass fans and the crazier of Jensen’s fans and the paps. There was that one photographer in Vancouver that climbed the balcony outside the condo to get pics of me and Jay, remember?" I shiver at the memory of looking out the French doors to see a man with his camera, snapping away. So intrusive. "I'm gonna have to put up a privacy fence and a coded gate at the new place, too...and, of course, all the security cameras."

"Sounds like a big project."

"Yeah. Definitely. Not even half of it, though. Misha wants to DIY everything."

"Misha isn't your husband, Y/n," Dr. McCauliffe reminds me and I laugh.

"I think he forgets that sometimes. But there's not a lot of use in arguing with him. He's...well, he's right a lot. Like, most of the time, I mean. So, I always cave to him."

"Do you want to do a big DIY project at this new house?"

"Not at first, I didn't but...I dunno. Might be fun. I've never gotten to do that kind of project and knowing Misha, he's gonna make it fun even if it is hard work."

"Well, as long as you can maintain your work as well as this project. How is that coming along?"

"Really good, actually. We started shooting not too long ago...and I hadn't even considered that this project might be detrimental to Midsummer. I'll have to make sure that Misha knows that Midsummer comes first."

"Well, it seems like you've got things under control."

"Yeah? I was afraid you'd tell me I was...going too fast or…"

"Do you think that? You were telling me that you'd done well with boundaries and keeping things-"

"Well, I have! I mean, Jensen was talking about moving in together already and I shut that down and decided to get a bigger place...my own bigger place."

"Jensen wanted to move in with you?" She writes down something on her notes. "And you said 'no'?"

"I said 'no'," I confirm. "I was really proud of myself, Doc. Nova was proud of me, too, actually. Which was...it was interesting and new. I don’t know that she's ever been proud of me for anything and I know that it's supposed to be the other way, where I'm proud of her and I am, of course but Nova being proud of me setting these boundaries and sticking to them...it gives me hope that she'll be able to do the same in her own life, you know?"

"There's nothing wrong with feeling happy that you made your daughter proud and there's nothing wrong with hoping she's going to make different mistakes than you. She's going to do well in life if you keep making the best choices for the both of you." She sets her clipboard on her desk and smiles. "I'm proud of you, too, by the way. Six years ago, you would have jumped at living with Jensen."

"Six years ago, I did."

We finish out our session with a promise to not go so long without seeing her next time. "Mental health is about the maintenance," she reminds me as she opens her office door and walks me to the reception desk. I agree and set an appointment for six weeks out. I call Misha as I start my car, intending to tell him that Midsummer comes before the house project. I haven't even gotten a 'hello' out of my mouth when he speaks.

"I saw the pictures you sent. I have so many ideas!"

~~~

The Kitchen Sink - @emoryhemsworth @flamencodiva @wasabiwitteks @rainbowkisses31 @rissbennett @mariekoukie6661 @officiallyunofficialperson @dolphincliffs @mrs-meghan-winchester @gayspacenerd @foxyjwls007 @ilovefanfic86 @marvelfansworld @f-yeahfandoms @wonderlandfandomkingdom @hhiggs @sev3nruby @hobby27 @paintballkid711 @divadinag @thewhiterabbit42 @fantasymyth-1 @queenoftheunderdark @cosicas-cuquis @superfanficnatural @letsby @supernatural-bellawinchester @onethirstyunicorn @swinchester27 @chalicia @screechingartisancashbailiff @death-unbecomes-you @dayasvalkyrie @paryl @wereallbrokenangels @the-american-witch @that-one-gay-girl @tatted-trina6 @sunshineandwings86 @lunarmoon8 @wheezyeds @vicmc624 @couldabeenamermaid @vulgar-library

[peteswormtail]

Family

The phone kept ringing as the couple was sleeping peacefully.

"Ron, answer the phone," Hermione mumbled but the boy shook his head.

"You do it. I can't even fucking use it."

She finally managed to get up and pick up the phone, next to their bed, and Harry's worried voice came straight into her ear.

"Hermione, thank God!"

She looked confused, "Harry, what is it? Is there something wrong? Is it your scar?"

Ron quickly sat down, fully awake as she glanced him a worried look.

"It's Ginny, she's giving birth now. We made it to a muggle hospital."

Hermione felt tears coming down her cheeks, "Oh my God, this is- We're coming right now, give me the address!"

She took a piece of paper from her desk and a pen and wrote something down. Then hung up the phone and looked at her boyfriend. He had that awesome sleepy face that made her heart skip a beat every time, and his hair was still messy from the fun they had earlier.

"Ginny is giving birth." She said and he stood up, shocked.

"What the fuck? Why are you saying it like that?" Ron said, starting to dress up.

"How should I tell you? Get a move!"

They dressed up as fast as they could and Hermione took his hand, "Ready?" He nodded.

They Apparated at the beginning of a road, Hermione looked over at the piece of paper in her hands and then at the sign just above their heads. "It's here. Come on."

After walking for some minutes, they found the hospital. "Fuck fuck fuck." She heard Ron sighing, he stopped walking as they were about to enter.

"Do not swear! Besides, you have no reason to feel anxious, it's not like you're the one giving birth." She chuckled and he put his hands on his pocket, looking down.

"Hey, what is it?" She noticed his dreadful face and hugged him as tight as she could.

"I don't know. Is she going to feel some sort of pain? Are we going to watch her?"His ears slowly turning red.

She smiled, "Well, it will hurt a little bit, but it will be worth it. As for us, we won't be watching. Only Harry, if he wants to."

Ron took a deep breath, kissed his girlfriend softly, and then nodded as they walked into the hospital.

"Hi, my sister is giving birth. Can we see her?" Hermione could tell he was nervous, he always was when he was in any contact with the muggle world.

"Hello, sure. Name?" The nurse smiled at them nicely.

"Ginevra Weasley." He said, smiling back.

"Third floor, first door. Congratulations!"

Hermione thanked her quickly and they ran to the third floor. They found Harry sitting on a chair, his head in his hands. He stood up as they walked in.

"Hey, thank you for coming." He hugged Hermione and then Ron, "Sorry for waking you up."

"How is she? Is the baby born? Is she hurt? Did you see her? Did she get hurt?"

"Ron!" Hermione gave him an angry look and he apologized, sitting down.

"She's in the delivering room."

"A fucking what? Oh my god, why the fuck didn't you go to the fucking St. Mungo? Fuck." Ron looked pale and scared, and the thought of his sister in that "delivering room" doing who knows what muggle things only made him feel worse.

"Because it is 4:00 in the fucking morning, Ron, and she screamed in her sleep. She scared the shit out of me, you weren't there! I didn't know what the fuck to do so I just Appareated with her in this fucking place because it was the closest to our house. Do you know how hard it was to Appareated?"

Hermione shook her head, switching her eyes from Harry to Ron, "Guys please, we should not be fighting! Ginny is giving birth, please." She looked at Ron with an imploring look and he sighed.

"I'm sorry, Harry. I'm... i'm such an asshole." They both chuckled and hugged.

"I am sorry too."

"Thank you very much, can we focus on Ginny now?" Hermione brought them both to reality as they nodded.

They sat down in silence for minutes, maybe hours. Ron's fingers were intertwined with Hermione's, their hands shaking and his forehead pressed against hers.

"Who's the father?" A doctor came out of the door and smiled at the three of them. Harry stood up and raised his hand. "Come with me." He looked over at Ron and Hermione who smiled at him and then followed the man into the room.

"Shit, it's taking too long." Ron laid his head on the wall and Hermione smiled.

"It will be worth it, I'm sure." She said, looking at him carefully. God, he was handsome.

"I love you." She kissed him, trying to calm down his fear.

"I love you." He responded to the kiss, pressing his lips to hers once again.

As soon as they pulled away, they heard a scream coming from the door Harry had entered some minutes before.

"Fuck! Is that Ginny? What is happening?" He put his head on his hands.

"It's normal, Ron. Seriously, you are not taking this well-"

"Hermione, it's my fucking sister screaming like a crazy bitch!"

"It's what she's supposed to be doing! Stop overreacting! Next time don't come at all!"

"Next time? There won't be any fucking next time!"

Hermione opened her mouth to say something but words died in her throat. She closed it again, while she started to feel hurt right on her chest and her eyes were starting to get wet. She stood up and went sitting far away from him, crying silently.

There won't be a "next time"? Didn't he want any children with her? Was that only a stupid relationship for him? Didn't he see a future with her?

After what seemed to be an hour, Harry came out of the door and smiled at them. By the look on his face, they could tell the baby was finally born.

"You can come in." He said after giving them a weird look, wondering why there were sitting so far away from each other.

Hermione started crying as they entered the room. Ginny was sitting in a bed with her baby in her arms. She was crying and sweaty and yet she looked like an angel.

"Fuck." Ron whispered and, while Hermione was walking over Ginny, he stopped far away, near the door.

"He is... he is so... oh my God." Hermione was speechless, maybe for the first time in her entire life.

"Do you want to hold him?" Ginny said gently and Hermione nodded.

As soon as she took the baby in her arms, Ron started to cry. Harry patted him on the shoulder and Hermione looked at him confused, but not angry anymore.

"Ron, are you okay?" Ginny asked, smiling.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He sighed and wiped off a few tears.

"Come here, I won't bite you." His sister leaned her hand out and he took it as he approached her bed.

"You were so brave and handled it better than me." He left a kiss on her forehead and she laughed.

"I can imagine."

He glanced at Hermione, who was on the other side of the room, talking to Harry and cuddling the baby in her arms.

"You want that, don't you?" Ginny smiled at him and he sighed.

"I don't know what you are talking about."

She giggled, "You started crying as soon as she took the baby in her arms. Don't lie to me, I'm your bloody sister." They both laughed.

"I think I fucked up." He said, glancing again at his girlfriend. Merlin, what had he done to deserve her? Did he really deserve her?

"Then go and fix it." She grinned and pushed him towards her.

"Hey." He said, joining Hermione and Harry.

"Got it." Harry smiled at both of them and went to check out his girlfriend.

Ron looked at Hermione while she couldn't take her eyes off the baby. He still hadn't looked at him, he didn't want to.

"You should take a look, it's your nephew after all." She said, her tone sounded angry but she kept smiling at the baby.

"Hermione, please, don't make this harder."

"I'm not doing anything." She didn't dare to look at him.

"Why are you acting so cold?" He tried to reach for her arm but she took a step back.

"I'm not," She said, "Hey baby, hey cute." She smiled at the baby.

Ron's mind flew a hundred miles away from earth. Suddenly he could see Hermione in that exact position, except for the fact that the baby in her arms was theirs. She was smiling and crying at the same time, she was sweaty just like Ginny. He knew he was the luckiest man alive. Then his mind flew again. This time, two little redheads were sitting on the couch, next to an older version of Hermione and Ron. They were happy and smiling, all four of them. They had a family. His mind flew once more and this time brought him back to reality.

"I want one."

Hermione stopped moving as he spoke and finally looked at him, "What?" She couldn't help but let out a chuckle.

"I want one of these." He pointed at the baby and finally managed to look at him, "Fuck, he is cute."

"Don't swear in front of the baby, Ron!" She hit him on his arm, giggling.

"At least you're not angry anymore." Ron raised an eyebrow and she shook her head.

"I wasn't angry. It's just... You said there would be no next time, so I thought you wouldn't want to get through this all over again."

"That's not what I meant at all! I, fuck, I love you, Hermione! How could you think such things? Girls' minds, I swear." He looked down at the baby.

"Do you want him? The baby."

Ron shook his head, "No, no. He looks safer in your arms, I'd probably drop him-"

"Oh please, don't be such an... idiot." She whispered the last word.

Hermione put the baby in his arms and he took a few minutes to look at him. "He is so bloody tiny. Look at his nose. And his tiny little hand."

Hermione couldn't hold herself and started crying again as Ron smiled at the baby and started calling him in a bunch of ridiculous silly names.

She took a step closer and put a hand on his shoulder and the other one on the baby's head, "I want one too."

His eyes widened open, "You do?" She nodded, wiping a few tears off his cheeks.

"Imagine this tiny little thing walking around the house, and sleeping between us at night, calling you mum."

Hermione smiled between sobs and kissed him, careful not to hurt the baby. "God, did you plan your future?"

"From the first time I met you in that bloody train."

The doctor came into the room, catching the attention of the four of them. "Sorry to interrupt, but we need the baby. We'll be bringing him to you in three hours."

Ginny nodded as Ron walked over to the doctor and gave him the baby.

"I'm so tired." She said before yawning and Harry giggled.

"You should get some sleep."

"Harry's right, Gin. You should rest." Hermione caressed her hair and smiled at her.

"We'll see you tomorrow with the rest of the family, okay?" Ron said and squeezed Hermione's hand.

"See you tomorrow," Harry said as they walked out the door.

Ron put his arm around her and she rested her head on his shoulder, "I'm tired too."

"We'll be home soon." He held her tighter.

They walked out of the hospital and, after making sure no one was around, Apparated home.

"Merlin's sake, it's 6:00 am." He said, looking at the watch in their living room.

"Ronald, your shoes, please." She gave him a suicidal look and he quickly took off his shoes and placed them near the door.

"Sorry love."

She shook her head, "It's okay. Are you hungry? Should I make breakfast?"

"Breakfast? You were tired just two minutes ago."

"I know but it's morning now. Maybe I should just stay awake and go straight to work."

Ron put his arms around her, "You are not going to work."

She looked at him confused and put her hands on his chest, trying to pull away from him, "Why? Ron, please, I'll be late."

"Just take a day off, it is worth it. You haven't got any sleep and your nephew is born, we should celebrate all together!" He held her tighter as she tried again to take a step back.

"Please..." He continued and Hermione sighed.

"Fine."

He smiled like a baby and she couldn't help but kiss that smile. "I love you." He said between kisses as his lips moved from her face to her neck.

She let out a moan, "I thought I took a day off to get some sleep."

"Or we could make a baby."

She suddenly stopped him.

"What? Did I do something wrong?" He asked and she shook her head.

"I mean... You were serious earlier at the hospital?"

He pulled away from her, "You... you weren't? Oh, fuck."

"No! That's not what I meant! Of course I was serious, I just didn't think you were." She put a hand on his cheek.

"I was. Look, I'm sorry about what I said when we were fighting, I was nervous and wasn't thinking straight. You know I lose my shit when I'm nervous and mad. But I was serious later, I fucking burst into tears when you took the baby in your arms."

She kissed him softly, smiling, "Ron-"

"And did you see Harry and Ginny? They were so happy. I want that with you-"

She kissed him again and didn't let him finish as he put his arms around her waist and she took off his shirt. "I want all of that with you too, Ron. Let's start with the baby."

He lifted her and she put her legs around his waist as they made their way to the bedroom.

--

"Oh, God." Hermione let out a sigh and rolled over in the bed, smiling.

"That was a bloody fuck."

She hit him on the chest, "Ron!"

Ron chuckled and turned around to look at her gorgeous girlfriend, "Do you think we can make it?"

"Well, probably not on our first try, so don't expect too much from me." She said, still trying to catch her breath.

"I'm not expecting anything from you, don't say like that! You can do whatever you want and when you want to, it's your body after all."

She kissed him and rested her chin on his bare chest, "Thank you, love."

"But please let's try until we pass out."

She laughed and nodded, "I promise I'll try my best to make you happy and give you the family you want."

"Hey, I don't want you to say these things. You already make me happy every fucking day. You are my family. This," He gestured to their apartment, "Is already family for me. Our daily life is family. Kids will be one of the many reason."

She looked down, "What did I do to deserve you?"

He caressed her hair, "I'm the lucky one here."

"Let's say we both are."

They smiled at each other.

Art Credit: viria13 on DeviantArt.

[misterbitches]

some thots. having a bad time so this is rougher than usual. oh well

....

i guess he really does know hiim best cos if that was my mans (man specifically cos if anyone else did that id take it more srsly) i would be like oh my god ur singing me a love song? i would love it but i woudl SCREAM in embarrassment. UNLESS it was a really deep love song that's about us dying together.

like i want to eat ur skin type of thing (drain u nirvana) lmaoa but i really like this song it reminds me of that velvet underground song (the only one i know cos of juno lmao) and nico or whatever 'i'm sticking with you)

my adhd would be out of fucking control i had to spend my time listening to this looking around i kept getting distracted by a tissue and thinking "wow this song is nice but i wish it would end bc i am getting distracted" and lo and behold i paused it and i have to pee and i know it's gonna take forever to undo this

ok about 12m later i turned it back on and they kissed and then he bit the corn then that night li chen also lost his virgin teas after watching gay porn and being like "hm interesting" and he'll be like "i see, ur dick is not medium sized"

i'm honestly gagging i cannot at this 12 year old marrying his mom

beautiful theyre beautiful

ayea you fucking psycho we do too because he was 17 and we had to witness it (or well, other people did cos i didnt watch the show even tho wayne song is [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEP] and i want him to [BEEEEEEEP] and ppl even liked it which is fine like i get it in theory but they put this in my eyeballs so i'm gonna make fun of it bc it's fuckin DUMB lmao like i can't I CANNOT and he said "u were so persistent" BITCH UR 30??!?!???!?!?!?)capi hve it on mute and i tried to get a screencap of li chen and mu ren like together and not just his face but i cant find the timestamp and seeing their faces as they get married is literalyl traumattizing i'm like scremaing at my screen going "HE'S 5 HE'S 5 HE'S 5" and every time theyre like "we acn live forever together" like no bitch ur bones rae creaking

also is the officiator white? if anyone knows why or if that's common i'd love to know more. EDIT: HE ISN'T I JUST THOUGHT HE LOOKED LIKE MOBY FROM THAT ANGLE

anyway here

i'm almost done with this fucking bullshit and i am in a really ould mood and usu they make it a bit better but imo it's kind of....annoying i guess balancing all these story elements and introducin gother couples (even in the periphery) since the story in itself can't focus. i feel like all in all the time spent with these two is a lot more limited and we get the feel for the rship because of their chemistry as actors, irl chemistry as friends and colleagues, and hopefully being happy and working on a good set. so it isn't the strength of the writing or production.

for some reason they get like less dynamic ways of being together which i think is part of their charm, they do things their own way, but the writers really should have substantiated this more. it's really just the way everyone in the show has managed to deliver these AWFUL story lines and production decisions (like seriously who the fuck was on costume? lighting?)

like maybe hot take but all the moments that are cringe and insane in the show are not pleasant, per se, because they aren't thought out clearly. so they're not a joy to watch in the normal sense but the actors are good enough to pull it off. i didn't cringe at the talks they had because it felt like actors like acting these lines out instead of us being embarrassed for it and you CAN TELL theyre embarrassed.

this is a huge kudos to the casting director and the actors and whatever crew that actually did a good job. i don't particularly like watching bo xiang and his grandfather husband not because of the content but because i feel like, to me, they're so awkward even though they have chemistry. i don't have that issue with xing si and his rapist brother boyfriend because watching them is actually really pleasant, it's intimate. this isn't to do with the story though because when it hits you how devoid this other person is and how stupid the situation is it changes (for me, for me, for me, this is all my opinion think whateverrrr u want im not telling u 2 ok!)

so truly kudos to this cast. idk if i'm misremembering here but imo the most cast appropriate series in this was crossing the line and close to you. one is a decent atmosphere and execution (yes even with that brother story line, notice the major key differences though because that's a sincere false equivalence. they try to execute power imbalances soooo badly and then fail every time but here's one meant to shock too and it was just likelmao ok girl?)

it may not make sense to say either in a writing way or for the character to do it but i believe that whoever the characters these people are supposed to be especially those super not well written on the page still get that message aacross (yong jie's actor is a good ex. not sure if i should ccongratulate him for having the worst job on earth and the worst character and his character is flat but. ostensibly they should let their actions speak for themselevs but what they do is they back themselves into a ccorner with unsuretyabout their characters or a dilemma that pops up they just want to excuse it. well guess hwat u couldnt do enough legwork. but to some extent the disposable side couple works here on a um "our eyes see them and get it" way

also to me it seems like they chose this story just to have this specific wedding. like it's a timely topic and i'm pretty sure like another provision? (correction? idk) was made WRT taiwanese same-sex marriage so it's topical but it isn't like a "papa and daddy" situation where they're interacting in it and there (for ex: the pride parade) and there being like real life terms and consequences. here it seems like they were like ah yes wedding ah yes dumb couple from modc bc we kiled off the other one sooooo (then outsource them to life love on the line u__u) then hamfisting in some fucking message which is funny bc

- despite the hints peppered in and the clear attraction they both acknowledge ur like ~not gay just him~ even tho...i mean i just. again they dont read over what they write i don't think considering. but wahtever.

- the only gay dude (verbally said) is with his rapist brother with an awful power dynamic oh or IS a rapist (gao) (or his brother but i think it was just a "im a psycho so it's him" thing unless they said it. in which case idc cos i wasnt paying attn but that's also not great) or i guess the wedding but like....that's also a ridiculously inappropriate and dumb relationship taht it's built on. i mean i don't really see much respect her so i dont particularly want to hear abt gay weddings being important when they didn't even utilize it in the story beforehand and have we ever. this is a huge indication to me that it was a reverse engineered chosen story beforehand (if it was one) or thought of

soooooo

so reversal of that....it didnt give us enough time to breathe with these two at all but for both of the actors they can capitalize what's on the page and the writers didn't. like their dynamic is very i give/you give like taking car eof each other etc that's why

again, no artist worth their salt will ever say their work meant nothing. that's a cover up. i'm sick of lazy production and then getting away with it claiming being subversive or attacking an issue by not doing anything. we show crazy shit all the time but it has a POINT and ur point is "i like the gays" then girl.....i mean it's not great

but the acting really carried it. i have a feeling if this series continues it might continue to use more experienced actors cos maybe the budget goes up but they also have less inhibitions now when it comes to acting. i like the way li chen expresss himself and teng teng too. i like anson a lot and there's some angles that did not do any favors and i think eh has to get more control of his body movements (bc he's SO LARGE and thin) but he wasn't bad at all and there were real human tears. of course i, personally, favor charles tu. he has more control over his body because he has...less to work with and he's a bit bigger and he was really great in this role. he's a himbo a bit of a meathead but you like him. you like them. there's some things i think they had them say and do that they wouldn't let happen if they stuck to the characters and the story (mainly liking that dumb idiot rapist)

what i notice is that the reprehensible actions people criticize others for in the show and in real human life lalways gets turned around. teng teng being surprised that this boy's grandfather boyfriend met him when he was a junior in high school and he's 12 years older and him apologizing for being shocked and then whatshisface going "ur better at it than most people" and then the convo about gao with whatshisface and then rapist brother comes to pick him up. they are admonishing gao but thinking that rapist brother is noble for doin gwhat he did (and oh rapist brother shows up) like the hypocrisy and the decisions are immense. so now it's like "guys see he's a great guy" like girl STICK TO SOMETHING but whatever so i live in this universe where muren and li chen do everything right and have lots of different interesting fun seex with all their friends. i would write this but i cannot i am dying