#i feel like i'll die at 50 then from the stress of how stupid so many people are with their voting | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

meetmeatthecoda · 7 years ago

Note

Oooooh lizzington prompts! Shameless anon is here 😂 Hmmmm well.. I WANT ALL OF THEM, but I'll settle for these -for now- told you I'm shameless: 10, 24 (I'd die if Red was the one trembling), 31, 41. My feels are yours to mess up with 😭❤️

50 Dialogue Prompts

Oh my gosh, HELLO shameless anon! :D So happy to have you back in my inbox bringing me prompts! :) Okay so, I’m sorry these took so long, but here they are, all 4 at once. (Which is why they took a while. And also because, at every turn, I was fighting my instinct to turn each prompt into a full-length fic. Darn.) So I hope your feels come out of these mostly intact ;) Please enjoy! :D Much love!

10. “Come here.”

24. “You’re trembling.” (Red is, indeed, the one trembling. And also, this is sort of a companion mini-fic to number 10.)

31. “I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that they’re you.” (This one goes into T rating territory, be advised, and enjoy ;)

41. “I feel like I can’t breathe.”

10. “Come here.”

Red sighs as he collapses on thesofa, kicking off his Italian hand-made shoes like they are cheap sneakers andrubbing his face with both hands.

What an exhausting day.

Lizzie had called around nine,saying they were dead in the water with their current blacklister, and askedfor his help. Unable to deny her, and also wanting to have the truly despicablenumber 45 in custody as soon as possible, he had wracked his brains for ways tohelp. Unfortunately, the only thing he could come up with was chatting with oneof his less pleasant associates. De Marco was the only one Red could imaginewould have any intel on this blacklister. Whether he would share it with him wasanother story completely.

De Marco is an interestingindividual, a recluse, a hermit, living by himself in the wilderness of NewJersey, so naturally he is a little unhinged. He can be perfectly pleasant, ofcourse, but if caught on the wrong day, Red knows from experience that he willemerge from his cabin on a rampage, guns blazing. It is nothing Red can’thandle with Dembe by his side, of course, but he doesn’t want Lizzie anywherenear someone so unpredictable, just in case.

So Red had relayed his plans toLizzie, for once not holding back anything, wanting her to know the probable dangerof this contact. He made a point to stress that she, or anyone else from thetask force, should not try to follow him under any circumstances. De Marco istoo volatile and they should wait for Red to contact them with anything helearned.

She had agreed reluctantly, in arather odd tone of voice, but Red had had no time to linger on it. Besides, Lizzie’smood had been anything but consistent lately.

So he and Dembe had set off at onceto northern New Jersey to pay a visit to old De Marco. He was rather uncooperativeat first – perhaps Red should have called ahead – but after a few knives were thrownhis way, Red managed to calm him down and obtain the information the task forceneeded.

On the long drive home, Red hadcalled Cooper with the time sensitive intel, wary of Lizzie’s strange mood and wantingto spare her the usual role of middleman this once.

They just arrived back at theircurrent safe house and Dembe went straight to bed. A day full of driving and dodgingbullets from a paranoid maniac tends to take a toll. Red can certainly sympathize.

With a weary glance at his watch,Red sees that it is nearing midnight. He supposes he should head to bed aswell, exhausted as he is, but he still feels that strange restlessness thatcomes from being confined in a car for a long period of time.

Perhaps he’ll make some warm milk,that usually makes him sleepy, and it’s certainly better for him than scotch,yes, perhaps he’ll –

Knock, knock.

Red frowns. Who could that possiblybe at quarter to twelve on a Tuesday night? Suddenly wide awake and on alert,he grabs his gun from it lies discarded on the side table and clicks off thesafety, padding silently to the door. He takes a quick glance through thepeephole and feels a jolt go through him.

Lizzie is standing there.

He quickly flicks the safety backon the gun and places it on the entryway table, unlocking and opening the doorat the same time.

“Lizzie, what a pleasant – “

“Where have you been?!”

And before he knows it, Lizzie ispushing her way past him and into his safe house and what is going on?

“I’m sorry?”

“Oh, don’t play stupid, Red. Youcall and tell me all about this dangerous god-awful blacklister and thencasually go on your merry way to meet with him and then you don’t even call meafterwards? You call Cooper instead? What was I supposed to take from that? Thatyou were injured and didn’t want to worry me? Or that you simply didn’t careenough to let me know you were okay?”

Lizzie finally stops to take abreath but Red can do nothing but blink stupidly at her, stunned. He had noidea she would be so worried about him. Frankly, he didn’t think she would caremuch at all. She had made it very clear in the past that she cares very little forhis safety. Why should this time be different? There are not many people leftin this world that care about his well-being and she has the least reason ofanyone. He certainly can’t blame her.

Red frowns.

He can see tension making Lizzie’sshoulders rigid. Her arms, which had been planted on her hips while she wasyelling at him, have since drifted to wrap around her waist. He glances up ather face, still frowning, and he sees she is staring at him, waiting to hear whathe has to say for himself.

Well.

“Lizzie…” he says slowly. “I’m perfectlyall right. I’m sorry if I worried you. That was not my intention.”

She must be able to hear thesincerity in his voice but instead of relaxing like he suspected she would, hesees her arms tighten around her middle and, unbelievably, he sees her eyesfill with tears.

Perhaps he had overexaggerated DeMarco’s eccentricities.

And perhaps Lizzie cares more abouthim than he originally suspected.

He feels a wonderful warmth floodhim from head to toes.

“Well,” she mutters, lookingstrangely vulnerable and small, standing here in his hallway, looking anywhere butat him. “I was still worried.”

Oh, Lizzie.

“Come here.” He murmurs, reachingfor her.

And, unbelievably, she surgesforward into his arms without hesitation, one arm wrapping around his back andthe other around his waist, her face pressing into his shoulder. He wraps hisarms tightly around her in return, wishing irrationally for a moment that he couldabsorb her into his body and keep her with him always.

Silly.

He feels her take a deep breath in,her torso expanding within his arms, and he breaths with her almost byaccident. As they exhale together, Red feels a lovely contentedness settlewithin him. He makes a silent promise to do his best not to worry her again.

24. “You’re trembling.” (Red)

Liz sighs as she closes herapartment door, shedding her shoes carelessly in the hall and dumping her coatand bag on the table, feet aching.

What an exhausting day.

It had started early with asighting of their blacklister and ended so very late, after endless paperworkand formalities. At least their blacklister was finally in custody.

If only it hadn’t taken a buildingblowing up to finally catch him.

Liz had been the first to go in,Ressler and Samar not far behind her, when she caught sight of their suspect.She took off after him without a thought, heedless of their cries to wait.

She didn’t realize he was going toprime a bomb.

But luckily, number 67 doesn’t havea suicidal streak. After he rigged the building to blow, Liz chased him rightout the back door of the building and finally took him down as the explosionknocked them both off their feet. Aside from a few cuts and scrapes, Liz isperfectly fine, but that didn’t stop Cooper from giving her a long lecture onthe advantages of teamwork.

Liz sighs again, leaning againsther apartment door, sore and wondering idly if she’ll make it to her bed or ifshe should just settle for the couch and does it really matter anyway becausehow –

Knock, knock.

Liz jumps away from the door,startled. Who could that be?

“Lizzie, open the door, it’s me.”

Red. There’s an odd tightness andurgency to his voice that Liz can’t identify.

She frowns and quickly opens thedoor. She doesn’t even get a good look at Red before he is rushing through thedoor, kicking it closed behind him, and gripping her by the shoulders.

“Lizzie, are you alright?” he asksurgently.

Liz blinks, confused. “Um, yeah,I’m fine, Red. Are you?”

Bewildered, Liz watches as Red’sface contorts in anger.

“Are you really going to ask methat, Lizzie? After you were in an explosion today? Why did you go after thatblacklister? How could you be so stupid, so reckless, we would have gotten himsome other way, you shouldn’t risk your life like that, you could have beenkilled! And you didn’t think to call me at any point today? After I heard thenews, I had to call Aram, of all people, to find out if you were alive – ”

Red’s anger seems to evaporatequickly, draining from his face as he looks at her, his eyes flickeringanxiously over her face.

“Red, I’m sorry.” Liz sayshonestly. “It was a crazy day, I didn’t really have time for phone calls. But Ididn’t mean to worry you.”

Liz looks into his eyes, meetinghis gaze for a moment before she sees his eyes flicker down to her cheek,zeroing in on the scrape there she sustained from a random piece of shrapnel inthe explosion.

Liz watches as Red raises his hand,as if in a trance, to brush his fingers gently across the superficial wound.She looks at his hand, so close to her now, and is shocked to see his fingersunsteady.

“You’re trembling.” she whispers.

Oh Red.

They move at the same time, Red’strembling hand delving into her hair and the other yanking at her waist to pullher to him, while Liz’s arms wrap around Red’s neck. Liz scratches lightly atthe back of his head and she feels his shiver against her whole body. Shenotices that the trembles are not confined to his hands, in fact, they seem tobe quaking through his whole body. He buries his face in her neck and sheshushes him, rocking them a little back and forth.

Oh, Red. He thought she had died.

“I’m all right, Red, I’m righthere.” She murmurs to him, cradling him. He takes a deep breath in at her wordsand lets it out slowly, the tremors gradually fading. Standing there holdinghim, Liz makes a silent promise to do her best not to worry him again.

31. “I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretendingthat they’re you.”

Red sulks in his booth, cringing ashe watches Lizzie press up against her partner, dancing in the darkness of theclub. He knows it’s necessary for Lizzie to appear occupied with her date whilethey wait for their mark to appear but that doesn’t mean he has to like it. Hesips sullenly at his scotch, wishing he could simply throw it back and orderten more like he wants to.

They have been staking out thisparticular club all week, undercover as simple clubbing patrons, waiting fortheir mark to appear. But it’s Friday and he still hasn’t showed. Red knowsthat if they don’t see him here tonight, Cooper will pull the plug on the wholeoperation. But at least Red and Liz aren’t wearing microphones anymore,connected to the team outside in a surveillance van like they were earlier thisweek. They gave up that part of the operation after Red convinced Cooper that thepresence of the van was putting off their mark.

That wasn’t true at all, of course,their mark was far too stupid to notice the team. But Red didn’t want to riskembarrassing Liz any more than he already has. Because on their first nightundercover, Red and Liz had decided to portray a couple enjoying a night outand things had gotten a little…out of hand.

The tension that always seemed to besimmering below the surface of their interactions had finally snapped under thedarkness and heat of the club. They were dancing fairly chastely when Liz hadfinally leaned in close to his ear and whispered to him.

“We have to sell this.”

Red’s heart had just about stoppedin his chest when Liz had turned around and started to grind against him. Redhad a split second of inaction before he was kicked into gear by the feel of Lizdancing so provocatively against him. He simply couldn’t stop his handsgripping her hips and pulling her firmly back against him, enjoying the frictionfar more than he probably should.

They danced like this for whatseemed to Red to be a glorious 30 minutes before, without warning, Liz spunaround and crushed her lips to Red’s with a moan. Red, after being stunned foranother short moment, didn’t waste any time in pulling her tightly against him,his mouth working furiously against hers, their tongues tangling.

When they finally surfaced for air,their eyes met and, while taking in dilated pupils and flushed cheeks, they suddenlyremembered the mics and earpieces currently trapped between their warm bodies. Theyheard Ressler clear his throat and call off the operation for the night.

After a wide eyed, searching gazeover his face, Liz had slipped away from Red and disappeared in the crowd. Theywent their separate ways and they haven’t acknowledged the incident since.

So Red insisted on no more micswhile they were undercover. As it turns out, it wasn’t necessary, as Lizzie hadsteadfastly avoided him as much as she could while they were both stuck in thesame club for six hours every night. She had no shortage of partners and Red,while plenty of women sent interested glances his way, sat in his boothdrinking scotch.

And trying to forget the feeling ofLizzie moaning into his mouth.

He sighs. A futile business, to besure.

Red checks his watch. Almostmidnight. He casts a final glance around the room for their mark and, seeinghim nowhere, decides to throw in the towel. He tosses back the last of hisscotch and stands. Lizzie looks to be having a fine time with her currentpartner and he’s sure she can find her own way home. Bitterness rises in histhroat like acid and he starts to push his way through the crowd to the door.

However, he doesn’t get far beforea hand grabs arm and he turns, startled, to see Lizzie tugging him to the backof the club.

“Lizzie – “ he starts to say butshe continues to pull him along until they are in the relative quiet of the backhallway.

Alone.

“Lizzie, what – “

“Look, I’m sorry about earlier thisweek,” she interrupts him easily and, oh, she’s apologizing and telling himwhat a mistake it was, of course, he never had a chance with her –

“But I can’t stand this awkwarddance anymore so let me just be honest.”

Yes, they should just address itlike adults and move on and if Red’s heart comes out of this broken beyondrepair, who really cares –

“I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending thatthey’re you.”

What?

Red just stares at her for a minute, her smoky eyesblinking alluringly at him, her lips looking wonderfully tempting with a lightcoat of deep red lipstick.

She wants to kiss him again?

“So how about you take me home and we do somethingabout that?”

Red grins at her. Oh, hell yes.

41. “I feel like I can’t breathe.”

Ring, ring.

Liz taps her finger anxiously against her phone as itrings, waiting for Red to pick up. It’s very late at night, almost earlyreally, but she can’t help it.

She needs to talk to him.

She can’t sleep and she can’t seem to do anythingabout it but Red will help her. He always does.

Sam’s birthday is coming up and it’s the first one sincehe’s been gone and Tom is gone too (which is definitely for the better) butshe’s still having a hard time. Red saw her yesterday at the Post Office,looking exhausted and sad and somehow knowing why, and told her to not hesitateto call him.

So, at two o’clock in the morning, that’s what she’s doing.

“Hello?”

“Red,” she breathes, relieved, closing her eyes.

“Lizzie? It’s very late, is something wrong?” Oh, Red.

“No, no, I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t wake you.” Forsome reason, it didn’t occur to her that Red might be sleeping.

“No, you didn’t wake me, Lizzie, but you should beasleep.”

“I know, it’s just…” Now that she has him on the phone,what does she say to him?

“Yes?” Patient Red. What has she done to deserve him?

“I can’t sleep. It’s…it’s Sam. And…you said I couldcall?” She feels so tentative now, what if he didn’t really mean it, what if hewas just saying it, what if –

“Of course, Lizzie, of course. I’m so glad youcalled.” Oh, Red. She can hear the sincerity in his voice. Of course he meantit, this is Red.

“Thank you, Red. I just…Well his birthday is coming upand I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that but it’s the first since he’s beengone and, though I know it shouldn’t mean anything, Tom isn’t here to help methrough it and as disgusting as he was, he was the only thing I had and I justdon’t know what to do,” and it’s all spilling out of her now, all the feelingsand thoughts that had been building up inside her ever since she realized Samwould have been fifty in a week’s time. “…And the all the grief and sadness isback and it’s like he just died even though it’s been over six months, I don’tknow why it’s so much more difficult all of a sudden but I just miss him somuch and I feel like I can’t breathe – “

It’s then, when her voice breaks off with a gasp,tears falling down her cheeks, that she realizes Red is speaking.

“Lizzie, Lizzie, it’s all right, just breathe, justbreathe for me, sweetheart, can you do that? Everything is going to be fine, Ipromise, it’s all right, just breathe.”

And Liz finds herself clinging to his voice like alifeline and she’s breathing easier now, taking deep gulps of air, and calmingherself.

“Is that better, Lizzie?”

“Yes.” She whispers, her throat sore and her voicehoarse. She already feels more empty and exhausted than she has in days.

Talking about it really does help.

“Now, I’m going to come over and we’re going to talkand you’re going to get some sleep tonight because I have a feeling you needit, all right, Lizzie?”

“All right.” Liz says easily, smiling a little now.Why did she wait so long to call him? Because, after all this time, she shouldknow one thing.

Red will always take care of her.

11 notes · View notes

punkscowardschampions · 6 years ago

Text

Rio & Buster

Rio: So, I'm having a hard time getting her to move but Rio: Quinn's being pretty decent considering Rio: Saving her from total embarrassment Buster: Well, that's something Buster: Do you want me to come help? Buster: I can always carry her out Rio: Nah, you're okay Rio: She'll clock it ain't working in a few and don't reckon either of you wants you to be there for that Buster: True Buster: And I don't need her trying to fight me Buster: She already knows I lied about why I trashed my room even if she can't catch me in it Buster: Things are weird enough, like Rio: Exactly Rio: Best to avoid unless you want your truths coming into question 'cos she's outed herself Buster: At least this does answer our question of whether she really did like the girl or not Buster: Type not so set in stone Buster: And if nothing else you've earned yourself yet more fruit Rio: Least she does now Rio: Even if she reckons the teach was her first love, Quinn was other firsts so, shit matters too Rio: Just trying to get my five a day, obviously Buster: I'll feed you grapes later, no need to go so hard with the heroics, babe Rio: What can I say? Rio: You inspire it in me, clearly Buster: 'Course Buster: How is she really though? Rio: Drunk, jealous and sad Rio: but she'll be fine Rio: No need to worry, honest Buster: She's had plenty of practice at wanting someone she can't have Buster: Honestly same Buster: Shame we can't bond over it, but Buster: I don't reckon she'd appreciate my success story at the moment anyway Rio: Yeah, somehow not seeing that as what she wants to hear rn 😏 Rio: Don't worry babe, always the fam to fall back on Rio: 😬 Buster: That just sounds like you wanna set Nance up with another cousin Buster: Good try, but I don't reckon she'd go for it Rio: I mean it's Billie or nothing really Rio: slim pickings Buster: Rude Buster: Don't worry I won't tell her you said that Rio: Good luck explaining if you did, babe Buster: 😂 Buster: Are you going home or staying out? Rio: We moving, compromise Rio: I'll probably bring her back with me when we leave Rio: or throw her at nan and granddad, like 👋 enjoy Buster: As long as she ain't on her own Buster: Take her phone too, that girl don't need to be all the texts too Rio: 'Course Rio: she's gonna have enough morning after regret to contend with Rio: this is so awkward Rio: this pub too quiet for this tension Buster: I'll take her breakfast 'cause there's no way she'll be going to school Buster: Imagine Rio: That'll be good Rio: This place [Insert] does a good veggie equivalent of a fry-up Rio: Gonna need it Buster: 'Course you know that Buster: Cheers, babe Rio: In this fam? Duh Rio: Just don't tell my Da I'm sending business away, like Buster: Your secret's safe Rio: Cheers, babe Buster: I miss you Buster: Not a secret, but Rio: Same 😔 Rio: If I gotta be dragged away, wish it was for something a bit more fun Buster: I appreciate it though, even if Nance can't right now Buster: So I'll make it up to you Rio: I don't mind really, aside from aforementioned awks and not being with you Rio: but not gonna pass up on the offer Buster: Don't, I've got nothing but time to think of ways Buster: Do you reckon I should talk to this girl, can I be that twin, like? Rio: Oh no, babe Rio: Nance would die Rio: Noble and cute but no Rio: Save that 🧠 power to thinking of all the ways Buster: I know you're right it's just like me and Nance are in a contest of who can fuck up the most right now or some shit Buster: It's such a mess Buster: I actually almost feel bad for mum and dad Rio: Not a 🏆 they want in the cabinet Rio: But really, it's bad but like, nothing REALLY bad happened Rio: Once she goes to Uni this will be so forgotton, like Buster: You reckon? Buster: I don't know, I'm not gonna forget about you when I go Rio: Bitch, like I'd let that happen 😤 Nah 😂 Rio: There'll be new girls and so much new shit in general, she'll be loving life, trust Buster: Maybe Buster: At least there's nothing stopping her from going anywhere she wants Rio: Yeah Rio: World's still your oyster, baby Buster: Don't worry, I'm not trying to swap with her Buster: I'd rather have you Rio: Good Rio: 'Cos can't say I'd be above a bit of slight stalking Rio: even though I'm seeing how well this is going, like Buster: Good 'cause I ain't been above it before either Rio: Should I be concerned or? 😉 Buster: Please, you've shown yourself right up, loving that 50 shades bloke Rio: If you're gonna buy me an Audi you can do what you like Buster: Well, if that's what you want for your birthday, I'll take everything I've bought back Rio: You're a fool Buster: You love it Rio: Yeah Rio: You better not have gone crazy with the gifts though forreal Buster: Shhh Rio: 😑 Rio: Babe Buster: I'm giving you them in secret so they don't count Buster: Besides, it's your 18th I'm not just gonna buy you a drink, am I? Come on Rio: Is that what we're saying now? Rio: Convenient if none of this counts isn't it 😏 Rio: But I didn't do a good job don't out-do me 😖 Buster: Yes you did Buster: You know I had the best birthday with you Rio: I just wanna treat you like you treat me Rio: like you deserve Buster: Baby Buster: You do Buster: Look where you are and what you're doing right now. You're so good to me all the time Buster: Above and beyond Rio: I just love you Buster: I love you too Buster: If it was about what you could buy me I'd be with Chlo like she wants Rio: Don't Rio: If you wanna motivate me to get my 💰 right, there's SO many better ways to do it Buster: I'm just saying Buster: It's not about that Buster: She wishes Rio: Least mine's my own 😒 Buster: You're doing better than me on that score Rio: Not being a bitch about you Rio: just her Buster: That's welcome any time Rio: Have you spoke to her since the last time? Buster: Nah, she must be complaining to one of her friends instead Rio: That's something Rio: She accidentally liked one of my pics the other day Rio: Hey babe 👋 Buster: I doubt that was an accident Buster: She's all about you Rio: You wish Rio: Get her off your hands, like Buster: Don't Buster: I never need that mental image Rio: 😷 Eurgh Buster: Besides, it's your family that she's changed her mind about, you've got hers made up Rio: What? Buster: Your parents are alright, shit ton of kids and all, 'cause they've got that clout of their jobs and cash Buster: You're letting the side down though, babe Rio: Why were you even talking about my fam Buster: She loves talking about you Buster: But I had to tell her your mum got her figure back 🙄 Rio: 🙄 Of course Rio: She better get my name out her mouth though Rio: She don't know me Buster: I don't think she's ever said your name Buster: You're always like THAT cousin or whatever Rio: Not the point Rio: that's even worse, like Buster: Don't worry, babe I'd never let her bad mouth you Rio: Whatever Rio: not like you can defend me Buster: Of course I can Buster: I always do Rio: Does that not get a bit Rio: risky, like Rio: I'm always so paranoid when anyway starts talking about you Buster: It's fine, I'm not an amateur and I swear she barely listens to me anyway so Rio: I hope so Rio: don't be chatting to her so much yeah Buster: Trust me, it's not something I wanna do Rio: I know, I know Rio: Ugh, can't even blame current company and drama but I will to save face, like Buster: You don't have to worry about Nance, she ain't gonna remember much of this, surely Buster: Feel how you feel Rio: I don't wanna Rio: I'm not used to being jealous Buster: Then don't be Buster: Not of her Buster: It's stupid Rio: Don't call me stupid Buster: I'm not Buster: I'm saying you're acting stupid if you think Chlo's anything to be jealous of Rio: Ugh forget it Rio: You don't get it Buster: Then explain it to me Rio: It doesn't matter Buster: Yes it does Buster: Just tell me Rio: I don't know it's just Rio: she's got something over you and it's fucked that she does and I'm not saying I want something as well but Rio: fucked or not, it's still true and there Rio: you know Buster: Babe, she's clutching at straws Buster: That's how much she doesn't have Buster: You're the only one who's got me Rio: I know it's stupid Buster: It's not, really Buster: I shouldn't have said that Buster: I just don't want you feeling any kind of way 'cause of her Rio: It's alright Rio: Not trying to make this about me when you're the one really getting fucked over Buster: It still affects you though Buster: I'm not gonna be that selfish Rio: I'm sorry Rio: Sometimes I'm alright and I feel like we know what we're doing Rio: then others, my head is just fuck Buster: Don't ever say sorry for this Buster: You're handling it better than I could've asked, not that I can or would Buster: I don't deserve you Rio: What am I gonna do? Rio: Not letting you go Buster: I really want you to mean that Rio: I do mean it Buster: Yeah now, but you're always saying things are gonna be different when the kid's born Rio: 'Cos your priorities are gonna be different Rio: they just will Rio: that doesn't mean I don't mean it Buster: Maybe your priorities will be different Buster: If I'm not around as much or whatever Rio: You saying I'm going to get bored? Buster: You could Buster: If I'm up all night not sleeping but not with you, like Rio: What are you saying? Buster: I'm just saying if we reckon I'm a moody cunt now wait until I'm trying to juggle school with keeping a kid alive Buster: Only so many fruit baskets I can order, babe Rio: Yeah Rio: 'cos I'm that much of a bitch Rio: Tah Buster: Shut up Buster: That's not what I'm saying Rio: Yeah, it is though Rio: It's fine, if that's what you reckon Buster: Fuck that Rio: I'm not that much of a slag Buster: Stop Rio: Seriously Buster: Seriously, stop Buster: I don't know how we got here but you're stressing me the fuck out Rio: I'll leave then Buster: Don't Buster: Fuck's sake Buster: I'm not calling you a slag and I don't want you to go anywhere, I can't believe I have to spell that out right now Rio: What else would saying I'm gonna get bored possibly fucking mean Buster: I just meant it's gonna be hard for both of us, not just me Buster: Christ Rio: The real concern here is you clearly think you're gonna be doing night shifts so that clearly leaves me out the picture Buster: What are you talking about? Rio: You've so obviously got an idea in your head of how it's going to be Rio: and I'm not a part of that Buster: Bullshit Buster: How are you getting that from literally anything I've said? Rio: You said you're not gonna be with me Rio: so where are you gonna be? Rio: With your kid, and her Rio: and that's okay Buster: It's not fucking okay that you'd say that to me Buster: I'm obviously not gonna be with her, am I? Rio: I know you Rio: you're going to want to be with your kid, to look after it and the only way you can have it all the time is to be with her Buster: Fuck off Buster: I'll tell you like I've already told her, I don't need to be her boyfriend to be a dad to my kid Buster: What century are we in? Rio: Don't chat to me like I'm her Rio: so you're gonna be a weekend dad then, yeah? Rio: and that'll be fine Buster: How is it not? Tommy's kids from before didn't become serial killers, like Rio: You don't do anything by half Buster: Yeah well I don't have a choice this time Rio: You're not going to like it Rio: it'd be so much easier for you Buster: I don't know how you can say that Buster: I wouldn't like being with her and neither would the kid growing up in that Buster: Be real Rio: I'm not saying it'd be true love Buster: It'd be another mistake Buster: And I'm not doing that Buster: So shut up Rio: You can't say your brain hasn't gone there Rio: all I can think about is all the different ways to make this work Buster: It's gone there in her dreams and my nightmares Rio: I know Buster: Then stop Rio: I want to Rio: it's not that easy Buster: Yeah it is Rio: Bullshit, babe Buster: Why isn't it enough that I want to be with you? Buster: Why do we have to keep doing this? Rio: It is Rio: but it doesn't make the rest of this shit disappear does it Buster: Well, I can't do that so what else do you want from me? Rio: Don't make it sound like I asked Buster: I'm so fucking tired of this Buster: I don't even know if its my kid yet and I'm tired Rio: I know Rio: Just forget I said anything alright Buster: I can't Rio: Sorry Buster: Don't Buster: Just come back, yeah? Rio: Okay Rio: Might take a while to sort Nance but then I'll be there Buster: Okay Buster: Bring her if you have to, I don't care Rio: Really? Rio: Alright Buster: Not that much of a slag myself, babe Rio: Shut up Buster: No Buster: I just need you here, that's what matters Rio: I didn't mean it Rio: pretend I'm drunker than I am Buster: Babe Buster: We have to keep talking, even if it goes to shit sometimes like Rio: I don't wanna make shit harder for you Rio: I really don't Rio: even though I keep doing it Buster: Well, I don't want you not to tell me things Rio: sometimes I don't know what I'm saying though Rio: or how to say it Buster: And I do? Buster: You thought I was calling you a slag for the longest time Buster: Just keep trying for me Rio: Okay Rio: I promise Rio: we're in the cab Buster: I love you Buster: Just so you know Buster: In case I don't get to say it with Nance around Rio: No telling Rio: gone from not being in the talking mood to telling the cabbie her life story so Rio: love you too, pray for me, like Buster: Fucking hell Buster: I'll give him a tip when you get here then Buster: And get on my knees for you, of course Rio: You really had to phrase it like that Rio: when we gotta be good 😒 Buster: We never have to be that good babe Buster: She'll crash and we'll be quiet Rio: Promise Rio: 'cos I really need to unwind Buster: I know Buster: me too Rio: Yeah Rio: owe you that, like Buster: You don't owe me anything, but I still want it Rio: Good 'cos I still wanna give it Buster: Yeah? Rio: You know I do Buster: Shit, hang on Rio: ? Buster: Proof yet again there isn't a god Buster: Getting a call from satan Buster: Hold up Rio: Seriously? Rio: Ignore it, it'll be nothing but a booty call at this o'clock Buster: But what if it's not? Rio: Then she'd call someone in the country Rio: or go to the hospital Rio: Don't be stupid Buster: Don't call me stupid Buster: So much for trying to unwind with this hanging over my head, like Buster: Come on Rio: Whatever Rio: Do what you want Buster: Don't be like that Rio: Nah Rio: this actually takes the piss Rio: I'm going home Buster: Don't Buster: Whatever it is I'll have it sorted by the time you get here Rio: It's nothing, Buster Rio: it'll be nothing Rio: Jesus Rio: really got you trained already though Buster: If it's nothing it doesn't have to ruin anything, does it? Buster: Just give me a second Rio: Take as many as you like Buster: Fucking hell, Rio Buster: What happened to not wanting to make things harder for me? Rio: I'm letting you deal with the most pressing issue here Buster: Fuck you Buster: Don't do that Buster: If this is how its gonna be every time you don't get your own way Rio: Then what? Buster: I can't do this right now Buster: Forget it Rio: Of course not Rio: Chloe's on the phone Buster: Why do you have to be such a bitch when I already can't win? Jesus Buster: Go where you want. Do what you want Rio: Yeah, that's what you like about me Rio: So easy Buster: Give me one break Buster: Please Rio: Done Buster: It doesn't have to be THIS difficult Rio: No, it really doesn't Rio: any chance to play the hero though Buster: Fuck off Rio: Going

0 notes

livindatgaylife · 8 years ago

Text

I promise I'll make this a read more but I'm on mobile right now

I just feel like crap lately and my anxiety it coming back hard core. My body is always shaking for no reason and my heart is racing and earlier this week I didn't sleep because I kept having obsessive thoughts and thought I was going to die (that's not a joke I honestly thought I was going to die). Like I have a rational mind and an irrational mind. So I knew I wasn't going to die but yet the other part of my brain was like "but you are". Anyways life is hard right now. And I feel really alone in my life, I do have a lot of friends but yet feel like I have no one who understands me or that I can talk to. So I actually have like GAD and OCD and depression, so it's a lot and I have to talk about things 8+ times before I get over it and I don't want to annoy my friends by making them listen to the same problem over and over again! So I just feel like I cant talk to anyone! But lately it's been really getting to me and I feel like I won't find love and I don't fit into the gay community and all that shit. I don't drink and I WILL have a panic attack if I go to the bar or club so I don't go but everyone wants to go so then how do I meet people right? I don't do hook ups and I actually want a real serious long term monogamous relationship (which I've found that you actually have to specify which is stupid) like more ham 50% of the guys I've had things with have not wanted monogamy. So I feel like I'm out her on my own. Also if you've read my other posts you'll know that I made friends with a straight guy, which is literally the only male friend I have, and now all of a sudden he's starting to act super distant and is sending one word texts and seems like he doesn't even want to be my friend, and it's like is this because I'm gay and you think I'm going to hit on you? It just makes me worry and think I'm not good enough. It seems like all straight guys get weirded out because I'm gay and then don't want to be my friend, but I have NEVER hit on them or made a move or anything. So wtf. My friends boyfriend had a guy from his childhood message him MRI catch up, and it had been a long time since they have talked they he thought it was kinda weird that he messaged him out of nowhere, but then he found out that this guy was gay and instantly stopped replying because he was scared this guy would hit on him. Like 1. He thought this guy wanted friendship and then found out he was gay and instantly thought he wanted his dick. Like fucking surprise gay people just want friends too! 2. Notice I said he was scare this guy would hit on him, as in the guy DID NOT hit on him. And so he stopped talking to him. Like ok way to jump to conclusions. It just makes me scared even more to talk to guys in her real and especially straight guys, because I constant feel like they are judging me and thinking I will hit on them and I have to watch my mannerisms because I might come off too gay and they won't want to talk to me. I've honestly got home from talking to a straight guy and cried for like an hour because I was that stressed out. Keep in mind I didn't even cry at my grandparents funerals, like I never cry, but this made me cry. Also it's such a slap in the face and makes me feel awful about myself and then I'm obviously undesirable or doing something wrong because this same friends boyfriend does actually get hit on by guys, like he's been asked on dates by guys and stuff. And hes straight and in a relationship, and I'm gay and single, like where are the guys who are interested in me. Well they don't exist. It just make me feel bad that he doesn't want them to hit on him and they do and then I'm like sitting here with all this live to give and I feel like I deserve a nice guy and stuff and no one actually wants me or even notices me. Like the past guys I've been with have literally done nothing but tear me down in every way possible, and I'm waiting and hoping someday maybe I'll find someone who actually cares about me and it will all be great, but that day doesn't seem to be coming. I'm just sad, I'll probably delete this later, I'm sorry this is so long and for complaining and ranting, and I don't even think this whole thing is coherent or understandable, but brain is just a jumble, ok bye

#personal

21 notes · View notes