#i feel like i want tobjust destroy myself
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#vent#i hate having parents that shit talk my friends#no info about my friends in unweaponisable#idk why the fuck i still say anything#i mean... for the most part. if theres a friend i feel is particularly vulnerable i wont utter A WORD of their existence#but then... a friend's parents were supportive of them taking a gap year because they saw her hardwork and exhaustion in school#meanwhile my parents were just..... shit talking her decision........#and im breaking down on the daily. and im fucking TERRIFIED of taking a break#because if i so much as stay at home for more than a month#my parents would just...... idk. take the opportunity to ruin my self esteem#it wouldnt even be a proper break#i dont think i can ever take a break in my life and sometimes i think the only way i can do that is by dying#which is...... hm. not great.#can u tell im slowly slowly sliding back into dark places?#its 5.30am at my side of the world. im srsly not okay. my sleep schedule is awful bc idk wth to do other than break down at night#i feel like i want tobjust destroy myself#i think the only thing stopping me is the fact that i want to complete school#what happens after? idk. maybe if i dun get a job....#sometimes i get the feeling like if i actually attempted. maybe then. people will finally see how distressed i am#maybe then ppl will take me seriously#negativity#suicide tw
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