#i feel like i missed an important point but idkkkkk

[starheirxero]

"I don't really like Lunar anymore because they've changed so much from the start, they're so sad and serious and not silly anymore!" Listen. Listen. I get it. I get that people actually liked Lunar when they seemed happy. I get that people actually liked Lunar when they were fresh into the world and still navigating things and acting like a little ball of sunshine.

But I must confess that whenever I hear that, it fucks me up in such a meta way because I am so sure only reason Lunar tried to stay silly and not acknowledge their trauma for so long was because people liked them when they were silly.

Like. Walk with me through this. Imagine you're Lunar and you have abandonment issues and you are desperate for approval. You learn early on that when you act a fool, people are charmed by it. If you say stupid things with confidence, if you act like you don't know basic things, if you do things badly, if you act like a child, then people like you. They will think you're funny and silly and they won't leave you if they like you.

And while it may have started from a seed of truth, or maybe it wasn't such a bad thing at the start, you have now been doing the same song and dance for two years. You are living to make a joke out of yourself because you don't know how else to live now. You joke about how dirty you are, how little you eat, how often you sleep away the day, how little people you talk to, how you died to your abuser, and you pray that no one thinks about it for too long.

You hurt yourself and think of the funniest way to explain it to people. You wear yourself down to your very last thread and think about what joke would convey how close you are to your limit. You think about how to charades your jester dance into a cry for help and yet. and yet. the REAL kicker is that you will deny any and all meaning when someone does think about it too hard!!!

Because along the way, "stay with me, I'm funny, aren't I?" transformed into "I'm a walking joke before I'm a person with thoughts and feelings." and now you don't know how to let go of that idea. So when someone treats you like a person with thoughts and feelings, you brush it off and insist what they said was a stretch. And they back off. Because what do you do when someone is taking themselves less seriously than you?

So. Idk. Again, I get the place these people come from when they say they liked v1 Lunar. However. I fear that only being liked for their mask and not their real self is exactly what they wanted and exactly what they feared. So seeing some of the audience genuinely hold that mentality is like taking poison damage.