#i feel like any and all nuance is lost on my brothers - i *still* don't think they understood the dreamers' prophecy correctly

[officiallycake-blog]

Am I an unreasonable and self-centered pc? Or are my brothers argumentative for no good reason?

[mad-hunts]

as far as jack could tell, jervis was really out of it; and it made him wonder it was due to something that had happened while he was out with his father, or when they'd gotten here. perhaps both. jack gnawed on his bottom lip, his eyes darting to jervis's hands, which were flexing like he was struggling with something. an eyebrow rose as jack contemplated asking whether he needed some pain medication.

since he didn't receive an answer to his question yet, jack figured he might as well introduce himself. ❝ uhh, well, you don't have to talk to me if you aren't feeling up to it. my sister told me that you fainted in front of her out there — so, i understand if you're still feeling sick. my name is jack, ❞ he scratched at the back of his neck as he continued to observe jervis. whenever the man tried to get up, jack approached him and was about to caution jervis that maybe he shouldn't by lightly touching his shoulder.

but he remembered matilda telling him something about the other really not liking to be touched, so he merely was going to verbally tell him. up until jervis laid back down himself, anyhow. jack couldn't hold himself back from frowning at his poor present state before venturing out of the room with a 'i'll be right back.' and indeed he had been, with two different vials, alongside a few syringes to inject into that IV bag: should jervis want to be medicated. jack figured it'd be easier to just do that rather than forcing him to swallow anything.

he placed those also on the table before tilting his head at the quote jervis had said until it clicked a few seconds later, ❝ that's a quote from through the looking glass, isn't it? and one that the red queen said in the story if i remember correctly. she was basically teaching alice that staying in the same place is falling behind, right? ❞ jack squinted his eyes at that before a thought came to mind. a soft snort left him, but one that was done of an innocent sort of amusement rather than malice. ❝ that is a kind of roundabout way of talking about survival of the fittest. but hey, lewis carroll was all about the whimsy of things, i guess. and its no big deal. ❞

jack pretended not to see the tears that the other shed for jervis's own sake. the blood on his lips was something he couldn't ignore, no matter how hard he tried, though. jack grabbed a washcloth from his pack and held it out towards's jervis's hand. once it was out of his hand was when jack set down that teacup, the slightly too long stripped pants he wore swaying across the ground. ❝ mm, you and dad were both asleep for nearly four hours. sure — i don't think that's silly at all. i keep something on me all the time from when my brother, julien, was still around. ❞ the bracelet he showed the other on his right wrist then seemed to be made up entirely of tiny conch shells.

julien was a big fan of the sea, which jack thought made his death all the more crushing. after seeing the state that the stuffed animal was in, he figured that that bunny must've been really loved; though it didn't really matter by whom it was. the end result was the same, as love changes you. jack knew this well as he'd never wanted anything more than to be embraced by the warmth of it.

he quickly shook that thought off, only to grab the two vials he got from the fridge once more. ❝ eh... the four hours actually went by rather fast. ❞ jack cleared his throat then, ❝ you know, i couldn't help but notice that you aren't looking so hot still, and so i grabbed some meds for you. but i won't force you to take them. i have a pain reliever as well as something that relieves vertigo. are either, or both of these, something you want? ❞

Eigengrau.

A faint hum buzzed in his ears; his mouth was so dry it felt like he’d swallowed a wad of wool.

The thin sheet beneath him brushed his fingertips as Jervis flexed his hands, cracking his eyes open a sliver. The room tilted, everything blurring at the edges. Ah… so he had fainted. Just as he’d suspected. No glasses, then.

"Hey. Ahh, you're awake… That's awesome. How are you feeling?"

The new voice was barely a whisper, young and uncertain—belonging to a boy, maybe sixteen or eighteen by the timber. Was this another of Barton's assistants, a friend of Matilda’s, or perhaps her brother? Jervis couldn’t quite remember; hadn't Barton mentioned something about having more than one child?

He winced, his body feeling heavy, leaden; aching everywhere. Slowly, he exhaled and tried to push himself upright—tried being the keyword. The effort brought only a wave of vertigo, dizzying and blue-hot, making his vision swim.

… ohh, god…

He swallowed thickly, curling into himself. Something wasn’t right. His glasses and gloves weren’t the only thing missing. He was in his socks, jeans, and a now damp charcoal t-shirt, his body slick with cold sweat. His graying auburn curls clung to his neck in tangled ropes. His boots were beside the cot, his messenger bag on a desk across the room. His overcoat and maroon button-down were draped over a chair.

A flicker of discomfort in his right arm. Burning. Tugging.

Jervis glanced down at the source: a plastic tube. A peripheral IV catheter.

"Ah, you know... 'It takes all the running you can do, to stay in the same place,'" he muttered, his voice clipped and hollow; Bermudian accent casual, almost detached. He turned his eyes to the boy; offered him a faint, strained smile. "Keeps things interesting, I suppose... but I appreciate your concern, lad."

He lifted his fingers to his cheek, feeling the moisture trickle down—salt on his lips. Tears, sharp and stinging. Jervis flinched and quickly scrubbed them away with the heels of his hands.

Cold metal pressed into his spine, tight around his neck—the chain with his and Sylvie’s wedding rings twisted against his skin. He must’ve been thrashing in his sleep. There was blood on his lips.

"Forgive me…" His vision swam as he watched the boy set a teacup on the small table beside the cot, just within view. "But I'm afraid I've rather lost my sense of time. How long has it been since I…?" He paused, his voice barely steady. "... if... if you don’t mind, could you please reach into my coat pocket? You'll find a small cuddly toy. A rabbit..." He rubbed his mouth, lowered his eyes. "It sounds foolish, I know... but it... it was my daughter's, you see..."

The boy nodded, moving quickly to retrieve the toy from Jervis’ coat pocket, and placed it on the table beside the teacup. The bunny was missing one of its button eyes, its white fur faded and matted. A pink satin ribbon around its neck was frayed and tattered.

“Thank you,” Jervis said hoarsely. “I must have been out of it for quite a while.”

[winterrbluess]

Spoilers

Well that marks the end of jjk.. I'm not really happy with how all this turned out but the story will always be close to my heart. Though a lotttt of questions went unanswered and apparently everything is fine now. Most of the dead and injured are back and dandy moving to live their lives in normalcy. Our main trio is back to their work. I will admit it was quite nice seeing them being dumb and just normal(their happy faces are all i could ask for) But it did feel lacking...I picked up JJK because of how it dealt with "trauma and the effect it has on a person".

We see Geto's spiral and his downfall because of how he decided to cope with his despair, We see Gojo's struggle because he couldn't come to terms with his own trauma and was struck at the age of 17, going out in a glorious fight yet living an unsatisfied life, alone. Toji's trauma making him unable to live a good life. The narrative always had consequences of how these characters chose to cope and process their griefs and traumas.

We see Yuji and Megumi go through the same path but Yuji finally coming in terms with his grief and finds value in life without any proper role, Megumi's monologue about wanting a simple life without any burden of being the future Strongest and just wanting to live for people who cared for him, these felt cathartic because we finally got the resolution of these characters' unhealthy coping mechanisms blowing up in their faces leading them to their worst nightmare and forcing them to face and come in terms with their traumas and i was in awe watching these characters still look forward for future.. whatever it may hold. But now coming to present after such a long physically and mentally exhausting fight and everyone's...just fine? These are the characters who faced near death experiences and yet there's no sign of any traumatic consequences of that. Yuta is perfectly fine after body hopping his beloved (dead) sensei with no lasting or any trauma at all. Higuruma, Kusakabe both are on their own paths free from any repercussions even the law has been taken care of. No one is going to stop Mei Mei exploiting her brother, not even question it. The world was in chaos and now it's fine. I'd even say more like in pre Shibuya stage and that's something i'm not able to accept. After ch-268 it seems every other nuance was dropped to just finish it..

I can see Yuji's arc ending with a good resolution and a fresh start for Megumi's arc ( I'm bummed we barely got any of his thoughts or a proper conversation between him and Yuji..his arc kinda became "yeah all that happened...moving on") but all this feels so...unsatisfying. I was waiting for the manga to end before making any judgement hoping Gege was actually messing around but it seems he was pretty serious. It just feels in the end JJK lost track of what it was.. i can't believe I'm saying this..but I don't really feel anything. It concluded yeah.. everything is tied in a neat little bow.

Though I'm still happy I got to experience this story for what it was. It has been a hell of a ride and one i enjoyed a lot.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Did I ever tell yall about my mother's habit of sitting me down once a month to have a Serious Developmentally Appropriate and Relevant Conversation? They started when I was about 5, and continued until I was 17 (with some inconsistencies when the two of us were on the outs), and we talked about SO many things. We had the same conversations multiple times at different levels of depth, complexity, and nuance too, which was a really cool way for me to learn what it feels like for knowledge to be inherently cumulative in nature. I feel like that's part of what has made me as curious, as prone towards positive change over time, and as analytical as I typically am.

Anyway, these conversations were all about important life issues. Body health, drugs, sex, relationship dynamics and boundaries, the different ways people harm other people and what it could look like to react to that, racism, gender, war, death, sexuality, capitalism, surbival resource obtainment, sexism, ablism (although I don't know my mother called it this at the time), etc. My mom's general approach to "risky" information with me was essentially "you're going to find out eventually, whether I try to intervene in that or not. I'd rather your first awareness of these things come from me so it's easier for you to recognize when someone is selling you a load of bullshit." My mom and I have a lot of very different ideas of what it should look like to be a parent, but this was absolutely something I think she did right. She was frank and open, she never made me feel like a question or tooic or even certain words were dangerous or "wrong", and she was careful to scale her approach to the conversation in relation to my own emotional and psychological development. I still actually remember a lot of these conversations, tho of course some stand out better than others.

It took a while of me percolating on our conversation about war and intercommunal conflict before I asked her why people fight in wars if they're so awful for everyone involved. She explained a few different reasons, and things that might draw a person to this one or that one, while acknowledging opposing logic where she could.

Then she describes to me the draft. The act of a political entity compelling its own people to put their lives in harm's way for political interests or assets. She explained different ways the draft might work, and different kinds of people who might or might not get drafted. And then, she says,

"Not everyone obeys when they're called up." She watched me very carefully whenever she was using my reactions to gauge her next words. "In fact, several people in our family have refused to be drafted. Some because of their beliefs, some because of their circumstances. A lot of people do. It's called draft dodging."

See, my grandma was born in 1931. She spent most of her and her brothers' childhoods growing up in the place where her father's family had lived since about the 1500s, up in the Virginia Appalachians. But then Pearl Harbor was bombed, the USA joined world war 2, and a draft came up. It'd been calling up so many of the local men who simply. Did not come home. My grandma's parents knew that the family absolutely would not be okay without her father for any significant length of time, let alone forever. Her mother, Josephine, was visibly brown skinned and a first generation orphan immigrant who had already raised her own siblings by the time they'd eloped at 17. It wasn't that she wasn't capable, it was that she didn't have the bandwidth for any new traumas. They didn't trust that she could hold herself together for their kids and her siblings if she lost the one person who made her feel safe. (Ultimately her husband did die young, several decades before Josephine, but after all the children were grown and married. As expected, she did not take it well, and lived with my uncle for the rest of her life grieving)

So when his number came up, he dodged the draft. Sold everything the family had, packed them all into the car, and fled the state. (Apparently a Canadian radio jockey bought the family land back in the 90s and was incredibly frustrated that he couldn't convince the people in town to start calling it after his name instead of my family name lmao) My family was lucky. They had the resources to do this, and to arrange an exemption when they arrived in their new home. Not everyone manages that. And the alternatives can sometimes be a lot more impactful than "just" blowing up your entire life. Jail time, bodily harm, communal rejection, even death. It depends on your circumstances.

And yet people ALWAYS do it. They dodge the draft, or they go AWOL, or they find SOME way to stay out of the war machine. There will ALWAYS be people who choose and prioritize saving lives and denying a war more cannon fodder.

I think about this a lot when I hear about military, militia, or otherwise militarized organizational violence and human rights abuses. I think about the way humans tend to chafe at being denied their autonomy. How in intense hierarchies, people who are belittled by their higher-ups may often lash out at those they are above when they feel a compulsion to re-exert control. I think about the history of asymmetrical warfare, and what we know about what soldiers tend to do in those environments.

And at the end of the day, I think about how when these things happen, when they KEEP happening. Everyone has the choice to refuse. There have always been people who make that choice, even under the worst of consequences.

So what makes the difference between a person who refuses to supply the state with more power to exert violence with, and the person who complies?

[nym-wibbly]

You think John Winchester beat/abused Dean into suppressing his sexuality? You're great at taking these canons apart on details--- would love to get your take on this.

Dean's inner workings are such a huge field of study! You're very kind, but I think a lot of his nuances are still beyond my grasp of canon. I bet there's tons to pick up on rewatching. I'll have a stab at it though!

I think Dean's father taught him that practical reliance and emotional dependence on anyone or anything but blood family is dangerous. That indulging his private feelings - any feelings - is dangerous. And that doing those things makes him a danger to others, to Sam, to the mission, and therefore would make him into a bad person; that Dean grew up convinced that he can't afford to let himself have - or need - affection, support, connections, community, obligations, or ties outside the hunting life, and only limited access to those luxuries within it.

Dean fell into line with John's rules of the road while Sam pushed back and got himself out for just long enough to see a different way of living life - one I'm sure a younger John Winchester, married to Mary and with their two young sons in the house, would have recognised as worth fighting for and protecting. Sam brings that back with him, and never stops trying to share that wider perspective and personal growth with Dean - never stops offering to listen or be emotionally supportive, even when Dean shuts him down over and over again.

I think Dean learned from his father - from his whole rootless and overburdened childhood - that other people have to be able to depend on him, so he can't afford either to feel weak or to be perceived as weak, for their sake. For survival's sake. The performative mess we find him in come the start of Supernatural is him trying to fit that with his adult experiences and needs. If he's wrestling at all with his sexuality in the middle of all that, I think it's far from being the biggest or most damaging of his issues.

Dean's basically a decent bloke with a good heart, full of love to give, smart, capable, and intrinsically strong, but his self-worth is completely tied up with this need to be a protector, the strong one. His baby brother actually has to spell out to him that, now he's an adult too, Sam can, will, and wants to protect Dean right back. Dean had no inkling that it wasn't a one-way street, which is heartbreaking.

John's white-whale revenge quest taught Dean that life is short, that there's no higher meaning or grand plan. That you don't get what you want, you get the hand you're dealt and have to play it. That it's his role in life to serve, and to die young doing it. He doesn't think he gets to plan a future, and has mixed feelings when Sam tries to do just that by going to college.

I'm not sure Dean's hiding or repressing his sexuality in particular; more that he's not dealing - refusing or unable to deal - with the whole area of intimate relationships that go beyond a fun one night stand. Of emotional and supportive relationships and people's need for those, period.

Dean looks at the comfort and support system available to other people with their lovers and spouses, and doesn't see a Dean-shaped vacancy anywhere, be it with men, women... or angels. Yet he wants it, or something that looks like it. He longs for family and home, and not only because it's something he knows he lost once. He's terrific with children, from the small ones up to the angry teens, so he knows instinctively how to give the kind of support and validation he denies himself - but does he even know that he finds those encounters rewarding? Is he even aware that it's a good thing for those relationships to be mutually rewarding? I'm not sure he lets himself think that way. Maybe it's just an itch he can't quite scratch?

The moment he has the opportunity he goes straight to Lisa and Ben and tries to make it work with that ready-made family. He remembers just enough of the time before his mother's murder to feel a pull towards 'traditional' family life, but it's like he's living a fairytale. He's waiting for the big bad wolf the whole time, waiting to flip back to high alert protector mode. Once the monsters touch his little family and shatter the bubble, he can't sustain the relationship. Lisa gives him every chance to have it on his own terms, but Dean can't do it.

My take is that Dean suppresses anything and everything that might give him comfort, peace, softness, or what others (including his father in vengeance mode) could perceive as outward signs of weakness. Talking about his feelings, about things he can't have, dwelling on and processing his feelings - that's what John taught Dean that weakness looks like. That unaffordable luxury of weakness. You get up, wash off the blood, keep your weapons in good order, and keep fighting until you can no longer fight. Dean denies himself anything that could be used against him or Sam, and for the longest time he thinks that's a good thing. Later in the series, he's learned enough to know that this kind of strength is brittle at best, and to be afraid of the consequences of stress-testing it too hard.

I think Dean doesn't even bother digging into what he wants and needs from a lasting partner. Into his feelings and sexuality, his ideas about couples, about hearth and home. It's not just that he's terrified of losing it if he has it: he's sure he'll lose it if he ever has it, because he's sure he doesn't deserve it.

I reckon Dean stopped exploring himself at a very young age, and learned to ignore his own needs and feelings beyond the limited avenues that got a nod and a wink from John Winchester. Being good at hunting. Taking care of Sam. Drinking. Driving. Polishing the roleplay and the hustle to stay under the radar. Taking care of Sam some more. Shut down everything else tight and keep a lid on it. Grab gratification where you can but don't ever try to keep hold of it or set down roots.

Dean lives in maintenance mode. Other than his brief idyll with Lisa and Ben, there's never a time when Dean doesn't feel he has to stay in that state of toughened battle-readiness. The only reason he's able to get close to Castiel over the long term is that Cas can join him in the fight, is willing to take Dean as-is without needing him to unbend, and can tough things out just as hard as Dean can.

I don't think John necessarily needed to pile on physical or targeted psychological abuse to shape Dean this way and make him equate processing and personal exploration with weakness. Just making the adult-responsibility demands he did of a child, and exposing him to the monsters and the killing and the awareness of how precarious life is, would've been plenty. I get the sense that if John had ever posed a danger to Sam through violence or drunken carelessness, Dean would've killed him. (For the first few episodes, I sorta thought he sekritly had!)

(Ask me again when I've rewatched Supernatural and my answer might be completely different!)

[hearthouses]

happy wincest wednesday!! what do you think would happen if jess found out?

This is highly dependent on when she finds out and how she finds out, in my opinion.

Personally, I struggle a lot with fics where Jess is immediately okay with it and even kinks on incest because it often feels like an easy way to avoid conflict and drama. In an effort to sketch out her character, it feels more like she's positioned as a "cool girl" plot device who is down for anything rather than a fully formed, real person with feelings that can be hurt. So for a situation where Jess eventually becomes okay with it, I imagine it would take a lot of work and development to get there.

My primary thought would be an AU where Jess lives, but in the process is injured and traumatized, and feeling deeply hurt and betrayed by Sam who she discovers has been lying and ommiting truths, leaving her vulnerable. If she chooses to go with them, it would need to be for herself and her own peace of mind, but in the process, she would be getting to know Sam as he is and not as he presented himself, all his dark parts and secrets, and not knowing if she can love this Sam when she fell in love with an illusion. In this AU, I imagine she becomes closer to Dean by default of there being no history, Dean is a clean slate, Dean hasn't lied to her and made her believe he was someone he wasn't. A writer would have to develop Dean and Jess as a separate relationship and dynamic, then have Jess open up to Sam again.

As for her finding out about Sam and Dean in this scenario, I think depending how everything unfolds and develops is what would make or break it. I don't think Jess is in a position to immediately accept it because I imagine she's lived a fairly regular life, and while I think people are cool with things in fiction, it's another thing entirely to have it shoved in your face in reality. I imagine in the best case scenario, with development, it's still a shock to her system and she would have to reconcile everything else that has happened, on top of finding out the man she was going to possibly marry is in love with his brother. So I waver on if she can fully commit and be all in, or not, which I don't blame her at all for and would rather a more realistic and messy possible break up, over a situation that rings hollow and false.

As for finding out during the canon Stanford timeline, I can't imagine any other scenario than her assuming Dean had sexually abused Sam. This would be figuring something happened when Sam was underage, and that Dean being older and his caregiver meant he took advantage. I think she would loathe Dean in this scenario and attempt to help Sam with trying to get him therapy or give him books or find groups he can attend, all while Sam continues to insist it was never like that and wholeheartedly defending Dean. I imagine she would be cold to Dean when he shows up in the pilot and unable to figure out why Sam would want to go off with him.

I also like scenarios where Sam confesses half-truths, like he was younger when he lost his virginity to somone older and Jess using context clues and coming to the worst conclusions. In these scenarios, Jess means well and is trying to help Sam because she loves him and she's never going to be able to wrap her mind around in what world any of this would be okay, or even understandable. She doesn't have the same frame of reference or experience. I personally would love to see more fics that explore the complexities and nuances of what it would be like to be Jess and having to come to terms with all this information, as well as fics that don't necessarily end in a happy poly Sam/Dean/Jess situation, but rather Jess realizing the best thing for her would be to walk away.

[youmakemestrong]

Now that it's been two weeks, I think enough time has passed for me to say what's been on my mind about the whole situation.

Zayn Malik has absolutely no right to act like he's "devastated" or "heartbroken" over the loss of Liam Payne. They were not good friends, and it was mostly because of Zayn's behaviour.

He has no right to act like he lost a brother when for years they hardly spoke. Now he feels sorry? I don't buy it, sounds like he's just saying that to look better in the media. He doesn't actually care.

Same way he didn't care when Liam was alive and the same way he doesn't care about the remaining 3 that are still alive.

I roll my eyes whenever that post comes back on my timeline of a source close to him saying "they aren't leaving him alone at this time." "He's in bits over this loss"

I can't imagine Zayn doing things for media clout ever anon what are you talking about.

You and I clearly didn't read the same tribute to Liam because I read a post full of raw emotion and regret to the one person from 1d that was still publicly rooting for him every step of the way. Liam was so proud of Zayn for going on his first tour. You think Zayn didn't see that?

You need a little more nuance here. You think he doesn't care about them because of what? What we publicly see? You think years of being overworked and taken advantage of when they were just children left any of them in healthy relationships with each other?

People are complicated. Liam, Zayn, Louis, Harry, and Niall are complicated. Just because they weren't on the best terms doesn't mean they didn't care for each other, and that doesn't mean that Zayn didn't hope one day he would get to reconnect with Liam. I think it's palpable in his post that that is exactly what he wanted, and he thought there would be more time.

Major deaths like this have a way of mending hurt. You say he doesn't care for the remaining 3, but I would not be surprised if we hear that they have spoken to each other in some way after all of this. Zayn did not get tacked on to that official One Direction account post lightly.

He is allowed to be devastated even more than we are, because he knew him. He knew him personally. If we're feeling such extreme grief as just fans, we have no tangible way of knowing how Zayn feels.

Go listen to Good Years and maybe you'll calm down and realize this is not black and white.

[rifki16]

Tadaima, Okaeri Episode 5 Review

Photo Source: Tadaima, Okaeri Twitter Promotional Twitter Account

A very yummy salmon sashimi that left me feeling weird

I have to confess something yall. I freaked out on Twitter. After the cold open, when Matsuo was at the Fujiyoshi's, I really thought that Matsuo had actually got engaged or married to Yuki. Like, damn bro, I need to see Matsuo and Yuki dating! They looked so perfect and comfortable together ^^

HOWEVER, as I watched the opening scene again, it turned out that the ring that Matsuo had resided on his middle finger NOT the ring finger haha, Gomen nasai to all my Twitter followers or who read that tweet of mine.

I really don't know what it is with Matsuo and his obsession in teasing Hikari about being an older brother. I mean, the interaction about being the older brother started out fine. Then, Matsuo told Hi-chan about all the responsibilities of being the older brother. He could have just said that it was fun yet you just needed to adjust how you behave in order to teach your younger siblings about the world. Matsuo is something else haha

I was so sad when Hi-chan got a mild fever :(. I'm so glad that Hi-chan and Hina-chan have two dads and they agreed to divide up the attention so none felt like they were abandoned. When Ma-chan told Hi-kun that he had done enough, I cried so hard yall. I really don't know that parents could do that.

You know, loving without harming self-growth, providing space emotionally to grow.

When Matsuo was on a call with Ma-chan, Matsuo needed to apologise because he didn't think that his teasing could have made Hi-chan catch a mild fever, I really wanted to tell Yuki to just discipline his man lol.

Okay, I really need to type carefully about the next subtopic as it's something that needs very thorough research and nuanced perspectives, yet I have time to do neither and I really want to just put it out there. Treatment of Women in the Male-dominated Space within Omegasphere

First of all, I was quite pissed off that Hinata didn't get her own banner. I don't know why yet, it could be that maybe Hinata was just born, and her name was also just recently given - as indicated by the fact that when Fujiyoshi-san was on a call with Hiromu, Fujiyoshi-san still asked Hiromu about Hinata's name. It could be that maybe only firstborns were allowed to have a banner like that. It could also be that Fujiyoshi-san was just reinforcing the old tradition and that he didn't really want to put up the banner with Hinata's name.

Secondly, does any of you remember the scene in Modern Family, when Cam was given breakfast on bed by Mitchell? Cam was hysterical because Mitchell made it seem that Cam was the woman in the relationship.

I mean, homosexual relationships are always confronted by this problem, even by those who were supposed to tolerate us; "who's the man in the relationship?" and most of the time they answer said question by inferring from an answer to the question of "who's the top?"

My point is, that these heterosexual normies seem to always insist that we conform to their gender roles in a relationship, even when we are definitely not a heterosexual couple.

The scene of when Hi-chan was wearing the hat and costume which his grandfather bought for him. I really don't get why Ma-chan needed to stay in another room with Hi-chan's grandmother. I mean, as Ma-chan bore Hikari and Hinata, I guess there was no doubt about who the bottom is. But, Ma-chan is still a man and he seems to still identify as one, so why the forced equivalence?

I HAVE TO STRESS THIS ALSO BEING A CALLED A WOMAN IS NOT AN INSULT. I'm not saying that somehow Ma-chan lost his dignity because he got misgendered, or rather treated misgenderedly. I just don't like that Hi-chan's grandparents seem to only see Hi-chan as their grandchildren's baby incubator, and not as a full man who has a womb. It's such a queer erasure to treat Ma-chan as a woman because it means that Fujiyoshi-san really just sees their son marrying a woman, just with different genitalia, instead of seeing and accepting that their son is in a loving and thriving homosexual relationship.

Thirdly, now, this is why I call this episode a yummy sashimi that made me felt very uneasy. When Hi-chan's grandmother gave Ma-chan her kimono, I cried uncontrollably. Ma-chan even got shy when Hiromu saw him in one, that really warmed my heart. I understand that the scene was supposed to highlight how Fujiyoshi-san really saw Ma-chan as one of their family members. But again, there's a part of me who wants to protest making a Kimono as a gift, but I really have no cultural perspectives as to whether a Kimono could be worn by a man too or not.

All in all, watch it yall, it was so cute. Hi-chan saying bye-bye was EVERYTHING

[demigod-of-the-agni]

I'm indulging you. Tell me about one character you hate and what you would do to change them into something better.

the flood gates have OPENED

the winner of worst character ever is Jun Wong

Most people on this round rock don't know her, or flat out refuse to get to know her, but that's okay. It gives me more reason to really tear into why Jun Wong as a character, as vehicle for a narrative's ideals, sucks.

Simplest terms: She's from the HTTYD spin-off show Dragons: The Nine Realms, is one of the main characters and is the main love interest of the protagonist. The thing is, she is terrible at everything she does. She infuriates me. It's like she is personally setting me on fire and throwing me into an abyss of hate. I just can't /stand/ this girl (read on to find out why).

It's not so much that I Hate her, it's just that she has so much potential but is casually written off as the "love interest" or the "quirky girl" with no defining traits aside from physical ones (like- okay, purple eyes? She's not even wearing contacts, it's clearly genetic because her brother also has purple eyes, and...East Asians don't typically have purple eyes?? it just looks unnatural on her, but I digress)

Back to the "casually written off" point - the studio themselves, Dreamworks, doesn't care for Jun or her character or her arcs. They don't care for her attributes or what she contributes to the entirety of Nine Realms series, aside from being a cheap Astrid Hofferson knock-off.

It's also ESPECIALLY clear that the show does not delve into her heritage very well, or when they do it's all very standard stuff (if not heavily based on racial stereotypes): "intergenerational trauma!" "tiger parenting!" "wanting to do her own thing!" I appreciate the idea, it's just that the execution of it is god-awful and terrible. The Jun-centric episodes that focus on these issues have little to no impact on her character. They're quite literally one-and-done episodes. They're not even filler episodes - if you take all her episodes out, nothing in the plot would have changed, nothing in her character progression would have changed. She still whines and complains and is still the same person she was when she was first introduced.

Fortunately for us, Jun is not a lost cause. Her character can be salvaged and be made so much better!

What I think should be done in order to improve Jun's character is to first change her character design. Let me tell you: seeing her final design in the show when the very first trailer came out made me feel weird (purple eyes bruv). But seeing her initial designs made me want to bawl my eyes out.

(IDs are in each image)

Literally look at her design. She looks so cool here. She honestly looks so much more nicer to look at than what we get in the show (doesn't help that the animation is so stilted). These designs have so much PERSONALITY in them whereas Jun's design in the show is... uh........

bruh i don't even know lol. it's just not a good look for her. I really wished they went with one of the other concept designs. Maybe not the ones with the dyed hair because it Will play into the Rebellion Asian Girl stereotype (since the show can't handle nuance if it was handed to them on a plate alongside a note with detailed instructions) but any of the other hairstyles and outfits would have 1000% translated better. The final design screams Basic Girl With A Purple Colour Palette and god I'm so bored of it. nothing about it is interesting. With the other characters there are other things that draw my eye to them, or make my attention last a little longer on them when they are the focus of a shot, but Jun? Jun's design is so plain. It's like slapping a slice of cheese on a really smooth ass and seeing it slide right off. No I am not ashamed to use that comparison because that is what I feel all the time when I look at Jun. Get a boring design, get bored reactions (and unhinged comparisons).

But honestly, the truly best way to really elevate her character is to, you know, do more research on her heritage and her background. East Asian cultures are RIPE with a variety of stories to tell - tying her connection to dragons via her love for stories (and consequently stories being her only connection to her distant father) is such an interesting facet of her already-established character to me!! Why not continue exploring that?? HTTYD has always been about family and friendships, so why not focus on what's Not present in her life: her father? He's still alive, mind you, but for reasons unknown has distanced himself from Jun, and Jun still desperately craves for him through her love for mythology - why???? what did they do together??? Why should I care about Jun's love of myths and the world beyond mortal comprehension??? Contrary to popular belief, this information MATTERS!!

(Also we need to do More Research in general. The Tarot Card Incident in S1 will never not get on my nerves because GOD you couldn't have picked a more easier thing to research!! You could become experts within days!! And yet you still got it wrong!!! And EYE am not even a Tarot card expert!!! The Tarot cards are literally never brought up again after the first five episodes of the show, so there goes another facet of Jun's character down the drain.)

Additionally Jun needs to be given authority over her own character progression. So far it's always been A Person Is Opposing Me And I Have To Overcome That. They Don't Like Me So I'm Gonna Make Them. She's constantly being taken advantage of in her own episodes (S6E3), and it becomes more of race to the viewers on whether or not she can actually pick up borderline manipulative behaviours. (That whole episode was. uh. red flag after red flag. I hated that episode.) It is a disservice to the character to constantly place them back at square one after every victory, and I become more frustrated for Jun than by her actions. Maybe it's because it is set in stone for her to be the Astrid to the protagonist's Hiccup; they damage her authority and independence to benefit the status of the hero (who is most absolutely a fuckwad, but we can talk about him another time).

There's also an annoying inconsistency in how Jun's quality as "mystic nerd/quirky girl/smart one" manifests in the show. Like, it's so obvious that she's capable of critical thinking and using her prefrontal cortex and making unique connections with the world around her she couldn't be anymore neurodivergent if she tried; I'm more inclined to believe that she can pick up a variety of skills in a matter of minutes just because she wants to. She is Actually Smart sometimes, but the show itself disregards this and dumbs her down and gets her into stupid situations (like the aforementioned Red Flag episode). And I honestly don't know why (racism. god forbid having a woman of colour make her own decisions). If you want to have her be the Quirky Girl, let her be Consistently Quirky. I want a Quirky Girl who knows what she's talking about and refuses to be bogged down by other people. Let her be Silly please.

So. yeah. I'm more annoyed with the fact that Jun Wong has a TONNE of potential as a character but literally with every chance she gets to shine said chance is flushed down the toilet and spat out into a tar pit.

We could have had a complex character who turned to stories and myths both as a way for her to escape the expectations of her overly-demanding mother, and to connect with her absent father.

We could have had a complex character who overcomes her beliefs about herself, challenges the beliefs of the world around her, and wants to make a name for herself

We could have had a complex character who has more recognisable traits that speak to her personality and compliment the interactions she has with the cast

Make her neurodivergent this is the only fuckin way

We could have had a complex character who beautifully represents the intricacies of East Asian cultures, as well as a character whom people of Asian descent can look up to

But alas, these are things considered by people who care about the characters they create. Jun Wong is another victim of studios who "tick the Diversity checkbox and refuse to develop her character further and let her be a multi-faceted vehicle of ideals for the narrative"

also obligatory announcement:

Alex Gonzales is best girl. the only good character in this dumpster fire of a show

[desistancejourney]

Ok so this is really interesting to me. She makes some good points, and I think the "rock in your shoe" metaphor is really clever and resonated with me a lot. And it sounds like the "rock in her shoe" was in fact gender dysphoria, I mean I don't know her so I have no reason to question that. "You just kinda assume that everyone is a little uncomfortable all the time" until you realize that they are, in fact, NOT, that is so deeply relatable to me. But here's the thing that I and I would bet other detransitioners/desisters want people to understand. The feeling that there is something very very wrong but you can't quite put your finger on it, and you can't remember not feeling that way, and you assume everyone feels that way, is NOT AT ALL EXLUSIVE TO GENDER DYSPHORIA. Now, for the record, I'm not saying that this comedian is saying that it IS exclusive to gender dysphoria, she didn't say that and I genuinely think that she's just relating her experiences. But there are people who are watching the videos she references, seeing people say "I got the rock out of my shoe by transitioning! I feel so much better now!" And there is a profound relief that they have a solution in sight, and that they no longer have to pretend they're not constantly uncomfortable. One thing that I think was actually GOOD about my former trans identity is that I finally had a way to say "something is seriously not right with me and I don't have to pretend that it's not!" and while it was damaging in other ways, I think if the options were "being trans" or suppressing and shaming that discomfort in myself, being trans was better, at least at the time. Just to be clear, ultimately I think identifying as trans was bad for me in the long run, and I didn't transition medically and I am very lucky for that and I'm not here to talk over other detransitioners who have, I'm just sharing an experience and it's a nuanced thing. There was a combination of things that caused the "rock in my shoe", like a history of bullying, being fat my whole life and feeling uncomfortable in my body because of it, some autistic traits most likely, but the biggest one was the trauma I experienced from living with emotionally manipulative and abusive parents and a severely mentally ill brother that made my childhood full of constant chaos and fear. (I also suspect there was some sexual abuse involved but that's not something I feel comfortable digging too deeply into right now in the interest of maintaining my mental stability, but I do think it's worth noting but I'm not going to elaborate any further at this time because I think the things I'm saying are enough to make the point on its own.) It gets so complicated because I truly am not saying that it's "easy" to be trans, but there are some things that are harder to face than joining the loving and supportive and validating trans community (obviously it's not always that way but you know what I mean). When I got away from abuse for the first time in my life (at age 23) I also lost my entire family and financial support and I had to start my whole life over and even now I'm still really struggling and it was almost 4 years ago. It was genuinely easier to think that what was wrong with me was gender related and that it was something to be proud of, that it was something authentic and wonderful despite the hardship, instead of what it really was, which was just awful and painful and unfair. I was in therapy but I spent 90% of it talking about my gender identity to avoid talking about anything else that was too difficult to deal with, and while my therapist was a nice person, she didn't challenge me on any of it. I don't know how receptive I would have been at the time, but I needed help I wasn't getting. I understand why people say "nobody would choose to be trans" but there ARE reasons why someone would choose that (even unconsciously) because we thought it was better than the alternative. Detransitioners and desisted people are proof of this.

[danisnotmyname]

The Ice Storm (1997)

@eyes-on-display Frenchie reminded me that I should rewatch The Ice Storm for the hundredth time and gosh, how I love love LOVE this film. It's so great and so rich that I still believe whatever things I have to say wouldn't do the film justice.

But I owe it a try. Here we go.

All the actors in this film aren't allowed any space of freedom from the camera, because the masterful Ang Lee has taken away the distance, capturing each nuanced detail with breathless intimacy. So much so that at times viewers might feel uncomfortable watching what's said silently on screen. The silence of this movie, the pauses and gaps, functions as not only a tool to paint a bleak suburban atmosphere, the silence also forces the audience to stay within the realm of the film, to pay close attention to what the performances—or the lack of them—has to convey. And it becomes pretty arduous, sometimes even frustrating to grasp the meaning of the scenes.

Yet, the "meaninglessness", I think, is what The Ice Storm intends to portray. Instead of romanticized obscurity, this film harshly depicts the insignificance of mundane life. I feel that it's the reason every character in this film is discontent and restless, children and adults alike.

We see parallels between kids and adults, and two nuclear families, the Hoods and the Carvers. There's also the contrast between "reality" and comic-book stories narrated by Paul, the older brother in the Woods family who comes home for the holidays. Paul's understanding of The Fantastic Four strings the scenes together and keeps the story at an even pace, though he's like an outsider in the movie. It creates an amazing conflict when the theme of family is only uttered aloud by him, questioning or answering. Paul is unaware that he plays such an important role in the build-and-release of tension, yet, he's part of the body of work, seamless and inescapable, just like one’s relationship with their own family.

Another theme I'm obsessed with is the "restraint" in this film that makes the repressed vibe absolutely flourish. Self-restraints exist as the final straw the characters hold on for dear life, because they're desperately trying to find joy. On one hand they don't want to stand out, because fitting the norms—fulfilling their duties—gives them meaning. On the other hand they want attention and love to break themselves out of their loneliness: they want proof that their inability to accept their status quo is well-justified. They chase what's better and can only choose to believe they've just lost it somewhere. The delicious friction between desire and disappointment is in every unsuccessful sexual advance, or rather, every failed attempt to seek approval from others. So restraint also serves as the failsafe to not misbehave, to avoid gambling away the almost-but-not-quite-affection all the characters hunger after. God knows what would happen if rules got broken, right?

Just a layman spitballing here. By now it's clear I'm not a film major, but I still want to say that this movie is fucking awesome, and it means a lot to me because I don't know how to connect emotionally with myself and other people. The Ice Storm is my spiritual-MLA-handbook and each time I watch it, it feels like a different edition because it's just. So. Layered.

[symptoms-syndrome]

I think people often misjudge how autistic I am because I went through so much training (especially with etiquette specifically) that I have a larger pool of scripts than the average autistic person of my "level" or whatever. I do have moderate level autism and not mild by any means, it just looks milder because of all the training. I'm still extremely lost when I don't have my scripts to follow, which is unfortunate because the scripts I was trained into cover a lot of practical things but not things like making friends or how to react to people caring about me. Like the other day my adoptive grandmother asked my brother and I what we've been up to, and my brother answered first to talk about what he's been doing, and then I felt really lost because the script/rules I have for answering a question like that is to not talk about yourself but instead another person in your company (as in group, not business.) So I really floundered in trying to find something to say even though a lot has happened with me personally (good things even!) And later on I was talking about it and my brother was like "no, when people ask that they are asking specifically about you." But I don't really have scripts for talking about me because talking about myself is self-centered in my brain, outside of very specific contexts (mostly psychiatric.) So I tried to ask him to explain what makes something bragging vs just talking about yourself but I didn't really understand his explanation because it just feels very nuanced and very like. Reading the other person heavy which I really really really struggle with. I have a really hard time knowing if someone is uncomfortable or not interested or whatever and I've sort of just overcompensated for that I think by staying in my really safe zone of letting others talk about themselves and asking questions about them and stuff.

I really really just struggle with reading and connecting with other people outside of specific contexts and scripts and it really sucks and effects me a lot. I want to be friends with my coworkers outside of work (and a lot of them seem to have made friendships with each other outside of work) but I don't know how to initiate that. Same with online stuff honestly. I need people to very clearly outline stuff for me (i.e. I won't really know how to process "we should hang out more!" From a coworker, it'll just sort of be put in the "pleasantries" category, like how when people say "nice to see you, how are you/how have you been" the correct answer is "nice to see you too, I've been well how about you?" Even if that's not true. In order for me to know for sure that someone wants to spend time with me I need something like "hey, do you want to [go see a movie with me/come over for a brunch/etc] [this weekend/specific date/etc] or I'll assume it's just being nice/small talk.) but I really do WANT to do these things. I just don't know when it's appropriate, and I've been told I'm being inappropriate so often for things that I had no idea were inappropriate and could not have possibly guessed were inappropriate that I just stay on the cautious side. Like. I used to just stick my hands into my pants all the way up to double digits because I liked the way my waistband felt and didn't even consider that was inappropriate until it sort of just got trained out of me.

I think it also adds to all this that when given these scripts I have, I was often given specific, logical reasons and rules. Using the earlier example, talking about yourself is not good because it's self centered, and people don't want to just hear someone talk about themselves. Makes sense, I don't like when people just talk about themselves either. But apparently that rule is not entirely correct. My brother sorta tried to edit it to be "talking about yourself excessively is not good," but that has that subjective "excessively" which I don't know how to define. Or "talking about yourself is okay if the other person wants to hear it" is not helpful at all because I can never tell if the other person wants to hear it even if these things are obvious to a neurotypical or even just less autistic person.

It's just really really hard to be like this. I don't want to be. I wish I could understand things like other people do. Sometimes I feel like all my interactions are like those AI generated writings, just a collection of approximates that look enough like regular writing if it's small and simple. In a way I sort of am like an AI. Just sort of calculating the best way to act instead of just doing things. I need really clear and specific rules and logic in order to do things. I feel like I'm just pretending to be human.

[2n2n]

well here's ch. 97 chat, unhinged and unorganized

Amusingly I've said so crudely to Bird before "I'm sure Teru's like, blasted someone's little casper the friendly ghost friend while children sob and beg him to stop" gfdlg;dfkg I can't believe it would get drawn so directly, I love it though....! isn't this what so many kaii are... just some children's funny little guy..... I love it.... this miserable world....!

Ah the funniest part of the new chapter is Teru trying to be the noble cuck asserting "ah, you want to do this cuz of yashiro and no. 7 (:" *trying to keep my... expectations and understanding of your motivations realistic, grounded... I am of course in the corner of your mind only, graciously, my sweet Kou*..... he tries to be humble boy, he knows there is a discrepancy between his obsession with Kou/Tiara and Kou's life being filled with other things (Kou is not deprived class, it is Teru who is isolated and lazer-focused!) but Kou parlaying back that he does like Teru, too…. giving this brocon a crumb, hehe. Teru really feels like he can't begin to ask for more than the barest of scraps…. this chapter has the most endearing Teru, really feeling for this poor animal, lol. I feel for how he can't impose himself upon Kou at all, how *dog with tail between legs* it is to ask for more....

I like Teru 'giving in' to involving Kou, I can really feel him having lost some battle of will, the desire to do his noble sacrificial duty endlessly without asking anything of anyone else… I like his attachment to Kou and Tiara and his desperation to receive their attention. Very pathetic little creature. I enjoy how little of the weight of it Kou perceives, and even Teru admitting to it doesn't have nearly the impact for Kou as it does for Teru. This is really Teru admitting to being a cold lizard person without concern for anybody but his loved ones, devoid of motivation or purpose or interest…. the AIDAIRO STAPLE!!! It's just like Hanako and Akane. It's simple a fashion of romance.

Kou seems to put everything he ever hears through a kind of 'normify it' filter, I don't know how else to put it… one can try to be so emotionally nuanced and vulnerable, admit to deeper emotional crimes below the surface, and he just won't engage with it. Its like he distills it. I think he 'expects' Teru to be a 'normal' person still, he has this… base idea of 'normal' and, I don't think Kou can yet grasp how far from that Teru is…. the facade is just so grossly effective on Kou. I think if Hanako heard this speech, he'd understand a dozen more layers to it, and understand what a grave and severe concession it is for Teru, and how lowly it is to finally seek crumbs, ask for company, share the burden he's BEEN shouldering alone. Whats the matter, being dutiful eternally not working for you? Thats funny, I'm 50 years in to my eternal toil but, whatever lol, it's cute you can't really do anything with resolution …… WEAKER BROCON. (and your little brother is much less precious than mine). Hanako really is the 'biggest dog' in terms of commitment and fortitude, I understand why he looks down on Kou and Mitsuba respectively in Picture Perfect. I think he'd roll his eyes at this Teru, too…… pussyyyyyy lol.

Teru being so weak to even Kou just calling him like, names or something is like, sooo funny compared against Amane who was likely being tied up and flung around the room by Tsukasa, bruised and battered daily and forgiving it again and again with a smile…. there is a reason our title character is Hanako, he is such the ultimate version of every virtue Iro writes. WHATS THE MATTER, WON'T SUFFER FOR YOUR BELOVED? DON'T WANT THEM TO BE ~MEAN TO YOU? NEED TO ALWAYS BE BEST FRIENDS AND SOFT? ohhh pansy lol stupid Minamoto…

big baby.....! Cute.

But isn't it funny to immediately go outside and see Mitsuba…. why do you always forget about any of this? How could learning to fire your musket at Hanako in case of emergency really be more forefront of your mind, than the person you're trying to SAVE, why do you think about exorcising before you think about rescue, as mental priority … always we just talk about smushing kaii so…. compulsively, with Kou. It's just some childhood dream he doesn't know how to let go of, even after so many exceptions. I get that he was drilled with propaganda, I just don't have to respect it. It's like his brain is weak and spongey and can't think for itself even this far in. You will STILL just grab your musket and be all rowdy ready to bangbang play cops and robbers for your cool brother. DUMB idiot. You deserve to have the emotional drop that is seeing MITSUBA, THE TRAGIC FIGURE. Don't you ever experience euphoria of being an exorcist ever again, your job SUCKS, this job is AWFUL. This isn't SPECIAL. Just a miserable job, one your bloodline can't escape. Your brother is as good as a slave here and you're itching to be enslaved too. WRONG response, wish you were trying to EXTRICATE Teru. Not JOIN him. You're going BACKWARDS!!!

I'm always pretty sad when Mitsuba is the one seeking out Kou first… he always is, he's the instigator between the two of them. So comical, isn't it? Other things always come first, for Kou… feel like Mitsuba is constantly left on read. Its like Kou's last message will be a declaration and then Mitsuba is still the one texting him first next week, just left staring at that chat window.

I dunno, I'm hoping Mitsuba ate Hakubo or something so awful LOL. This would be funny. I'm with Bird and hoping Tsukasa has fucked enough of the system up that we can exit the school. Even if not now I wish for eventually Hanako reading Nene's diary on her bed kicking his legs around. Wow what a little poet.... ♥

[britneyshakespeare]

re: my last post rambling about my siblings: i also realize of course that not everyone who has siblings has as good a relationship to them as i do, and that can be for any number of reasons, can have any number of resolutions, including just begrudgingly accepting that your sibling(s) are never gonna be the closest people in your life. i talked about how the bond i have with mine is akin to a commitment, because all of us prioritize each other, but i don't mean to make it sound idyllic or like it should be the universal standard. i am lucky but i am not naive. not everyone gets the siblings they would most wish to have, or some people just aren't that close to them and i don't particularly have a blanket judgment to make of that in all cases. however...

that guy i made a bunch of personal posts over the summer about because he was an emotionally abusive friend that i had to cut off, who asserted way too much control over my life, who was guilt-tripping and manipulative and sought to silence me etc etc etc he really was just never very accepting of me for who i was, never expressed interest in anything about me that didn't have to do with him, etc etc etc just that JERK guy who i still have nightmares about a few times a month. it took me a long time to accept that he wasn't just "depressed" and "anxious" but that he was actively using people; he wasn't accepting of harmony but always wanted control over others and their narratives, etc etc etc. there were certain sides of him i didn't see much because i got to know him in a rather isolated way. we had mutual contacts but i never worked with him or had a class with him or really even met him a few times before he started spilling his heart and soul to me privately and said i'm his best friend and i'm the only one who understands and supports him and basically pressured me to make him my project 24/7 and was incredibly disrespectful towards me whenever i asserted my own independence from him or just. wanted to see someone other than him or even just wanted to be by MYSELF. jesus. what a nightmare that guy was. IS, because i know he can't have changed and he probably never will.

THAT guy has a sibling. he has a little brother four years younger than him, and that guy was about two years younger than me. so his brother turned 18 this year. he graduated from high school. his brother is YOUNG, all things considered. and as much as he would constantly pour his heart out and gripe about every person he ever came into contact with (and as much as i now distrust a lot of the information he told me because i know he'll only ever say flattering things about himself and never speak forgivingly or with any nuance towards someone he labels now as "bad", including me)... the only time that i didn't really know how to listen with as open a heart was when he would start talking about how awful his little brother is. i'd be like, ok, so you had terrible friends in high school. all the people in your classes are shitty to you. this person has done you wrong and this person is awful and your parents and your family suck and this and that and this. no one has ever been good to you in your entire life except me? ok.

the ONLY time i was like "i don't know if i can take this at face value, i think you're being too harsh..." is when he would talk about his little brother. because i was like, well, from everything you're telling me, his problems sound like something he can very well grow out of. he'd be like oh he's PRETENTIOUS. lol ok. he's a senior in high school, of course he sometimes acts like he knows everything. why do you act like he's a lost cause? i could also tell that there must've been some personal jealousy in there bc his brother was kind of the "more accomplished" sibling, did better in school, that sort of thing. i don't know what it's like to be an older sibling or to feel like you're living in the shadow of a sibling, especially a younger one, because i've always kind of been on a different path than any of my siblings/there hasn't really been a sense of competition between us. i would try to give him the benefit of the doubt and be like "well i guess i really don't know what that's like" because you CAN'T assume. i give EVERYONE the benefit of the doubt and i try to take people, especially when they're being vulnerable with me, at their word, which is exactly how i got so involved with this guy and ended up being so used by him and under his thumb. horrible. he's a monster. anyway.

and whenever i'd be like "well he's just a kid" to every negative thing he'd say about his little brother, that's when he'd dismiss the subject and stop talking about it. and this isn't something that came up a couple of times but came up a LOT. he'd shit talk his brother to me at least several times a week, always unprompted, because why would i wanna hear someone badmouth a teenager? and it'd always be the pettiest shit. one time he even told me that he noticed his brother didn't come home last night and he didn't know where he was and i was like "oh my god is he ok? that's terrifying" and it's like he did that just so he could tell me "no i don't really care honestly. the two of us aren't close." it's like he wasn't just not-close with this kid but he was obsessed with hating him.

not only did his reasons never seem to satisfy me, but he never seemed to acknowledge that his little brother shared all of the traumas and adverse experiences he grew up with, the discrimination he faced and the familial trauma and the structures of abuse he would tell me about from his parents. he would mention how these are all the problems and the reasons he can't trust people and why he's so fucked up but he didn't seem to have any patience or empathy for someone younger than him brought up in the same exact environment. it's like he wanted his brother to always just fuck off and die.

none of this made any sense to me, it was if anything the BIGGEST sense of confusion i had with him for a long time because i dismissed all the ways he was cruel to *just me* until i started picking up all his patterns and realizing this all WASN'T just how he treats me. HE is the problem; HE is this entitled and controlling and nasty and manipulative towards everyone; HE has no self-awareness or regard for other people. it's not just ME not having the guts to stand up for myself when he made me feel uncomfortable or when i'd feel disrespected by something he said to/about me. he would know when he was saying something unacceptable or losing his temper; he did it with other people all the time. but he isolated and then lovebombed me so hard that i didn't see that this WAS how he treated everyone, but he made me in particular his prey because i was a trusting and trustworthy stranger, rather than someone who had seen him behave in such a way towards other people and could make the informed choice to stay away from him. it was never JUST ME but how could i have known that?? how?? i didnt know anything about his life except what he'd tell me, and he was actively sucking me away from all parts of my life he wasn't involved in, and/or forcing his way into them. there was no space between him and me; my life became his because he hijacked it and then forced me to do all his emotional labor and solve all his problems so i'd hardly have any energy to face my own.

anyway. yeah. it all made MUCH more sense when i realized HE is the problem between him and his brother. that didn't stick out as a red flag because again i'm trusting and i accept all these hypothetically broken or damaged familial relationships people have. HE really wanted me to hate this teenager for no good reason, like he wanted me to hate everyone else in his life that he'd ever decide to cast as a villain. i never understood why the teenage boy. never understood it. i'm like he's just a boy. OH but you're an awful horrible jerk who can't get along with anyone for longer than 2 minutes before you try and take control of everything about them and then lash out if they try to assert their independence. OOOHHH ok i get it now that makes sense. because that's what you've been doing to me all this time ohhh i get it.

[aquaaquila]

While it's important to establish boundaries to not enable abusive patterns to emerge, you still have to approach this long-term.

Like if you're sure that those who wronged you will never change, you should absolutely cut them off no debate on that. But if the wronged party actually can improve and will attempt to improve, I don't see why you should hold to that grudge.

Who does this help anyway? If Branch would choose to keep the grudge he would just not be happy as he still would feel the emptiness of the loss of what he could have while having a resentment over why he lost that and being peeved even more when it turns out that things change and no linger are true to the situation. If Brozone saved Floyd and all of them actually reunited while Branch still cuts them off, both parties are still left unhappy.

Heck, Brozone may not feel motivated to fix what's broken if they're so convinced its beyond repair. I mean, that's why JD didn't take this seriously as he knew damn well himself that fuxing the mess that is Brozone is pointless if no one truly wants that and everyone wants to hold that grudge and cut each other off.

But Branch WANTED his family to be whole again. He resents them for leaving sure but said resentment is over loss and lack of his bros. By cutting them off Branch for goid denies happiness he could've with his brothers and he absolutely could be happy with them and WANTS to be happy with them. If Brozone is happy together while Branch is not part if it in spite of wanting this, he's being unhappy here, he's essentially denying his own happiness that way.

You should not keep relationships broken because "consequences". That literally doesn't solve anything. The relationships are still broken, they're not fixed if you break them more. Cutting relationships off is an option when you know that the other side of the relationship certainly doesn't seek to improve or make amends, but Brozone rather felt discouraged because everyone precisely chose to hold grudges and cut each other off the moment vibe was off.

I reblogged a post about how nowadays there's no auch thing as nuance culture because if literally something doesn't go your way, someone doesn't act the way you expect them, a mistake is being made, then rather than trying to fix and minimize the damage, instead you just completely reject it altogether and in the end, you're left with emptiness by throwing it away.

Look, I don't support abusers getting excused, but you'll never be able to truly recognise an abusive relationship or even establish any kind of relationship if you keep rejecting those you have in spite of them not being beyond repair. Brozone thought that they were all better off separately so of course they'd laugh off the idea of being together again as they weren't perfect and if they weren't perfect, they weren't happy. And this us precisely the idea that hurt Branch the most, and sadly my friend you actually support it by denying giving brozone a chance. You essentially confirm that if you can't get the relationship stuff right away, you shall not have it regardless if it can be repaired ir not and still we end up with Beanch still feeling alone and still feeling like people in his life will eventually abandon him the moment things are not going smoothly. It's just counterproductive.

in your personal opinion do you think Bro Zone Deserved another chance in the end? ( I swear I will start posting some other stuff soon that isn't just Bro zone bashing as I do want to have a bit of Variety in my content but for now lets keep talking Bro zone 😂😂😂😂 )

personally the argument scene makes it a no for me Branch giving them a second chance is understandable but giving them a third chance after they threw it back in his face.

and mocked and belittled him for having perfectly valid feelings is where I feel they crossed a line of no return.

sorta makes it sadly ironic when Branch sings the lines "" I'm already up but you lift me Higher "" in Better Place when his Bros have literally done nothing but the opposite in the film prior to this scene.

at that point they deserved to be cut off frankly even if they did apologise and beg for forgiveness which they didn't all they did was agree to let Branch Bail them out of trouble.

its just toxic and isn't really something you should forgive over and over again otherwise it will just keep happening its how people in the real world get stuck in emotionally abusive relationships.

or why children never speak out about their abusive families because its been drilled into them that this behaviour is normal and acceptable.

not that this is exactly the same but its a fair comparison imo.

anyway I have some other stuff lined up for the near future that isn't Bro zone Related so I promise there will be some variety on this Blog pretty soon it won't all just be Bro zone lol 😂😂😂😂

[xxmothangelxx]

Shady Rambles Dislyte Part 2

So about Tang Mei, if you don't know who she is let me give you a quick rundown before I continue:

Tang Mei was who Tang Xuan currently is, she was Tang Yun's twin and patroned by Sun Wukong — she was changed into Tang Xuan after Dislyte received complaints about having a female character represent Sun Wukong. I won't speak too much on it, mostly bc I'm not Chinese, but what I will say is it's kind of a moot point imo in a game where Nezha patrons a grown man and Nut patrons a teenage high school girl but I digress.

Omg congrats on the transition Xuan

But all jokes aside, I feel she could somehow still work in Dislyte, and I have a few ideas as to how!

The first is obvious, they could canonize Xuan being trans, not only would that do good for them PR wise, but who doesn't love some good representation here and there. Though that does mean that Mei would be who Xuan once was instead of her own distinct character, and ngl I kinda want her to be a thing, but that doesn't mean Xuan can't still be trans... 👀👀👀👀👀

My second idea is have her be a 3rd sibling, she doesn't have to be a triplet or anything, but a Tang regardless. Actually, let me use this as an excuse to share my little idea:

Tang Mei, patroned by Erlang Shen (二郎神), is the older sister to both twins, maybe late 20s-early 30s. Guided by a deity that embodies justice, I don't think she would work for any of the currently established factions or organizations (esper union, shadow decree etc.) instead, I believe she would work as a very, very high-end lawyer.

Here me out; all her life Tang Mei had always been the sort who cared a lot about right and wrong. If her parents set a rule in the home she would never break it, she never got in trouble at school, always got good grades and never skipped a day. She was the type who would report people for breaking rules, and was an all around perfect child. When she became an older sibling she promised herself she would guide them to be the best people they could be. This however meant that she wasn't – and still isn't – typically 'fun'. She follows rules to a T and is completely unbaised in situations, not caring for how people feel or nuance, only caring if something was right or wrong and allowed them to improve as people.

This attitude, which only got stronger as she got older and received her new godly abilities, is what allowed her to excell both as an esper and a lawyer. I imagine she's worked quite closely with Abigail, who has absolutely had to fight quite a few legal battles in her day. The calm and collected lawyer who only ever wears a coy smile is feared by her fellow attorneys, and has only ever lost a single case in her whole tenure. Due to this, she only really defends or prosecutes high-end cases and people – she's basically a celebrity attorney.

As for her relationship with her siblings, it's... complicated. She likes Xuan, and he likes her, but her rigid and incredibly mature attitude makes it so he feels like he has to be a certain way when she's around. Xuan feels like he can't be fully himself around her or she'll chastise him for still acting like a little boy, or question his whole 'super hero' behavior. They're still close, but she intimidates him a whole lot.

Mei's relationship with Yun is gone. As kids it was obvious she preferred him over Xuan ever so slightly, they were both introverts so I imagine the two would have to reel in Xuan when they were younger. Mei's strong sense of right and wrong meant it broke her heart when Yun became a member of the Shadow Decree, who she viewed as a glorified terrorist organization, and her view of the quiet, well behaved boy became that of a good-for-nothing delinquent, one that needed to be taken off the streets. Although he was her little brother, and she loved him, Mei was very adamant of bringing him to justice and making him experience the full extent of the law. This of course causes some rift between her and Xuan: whilst Xuan believes Yun is just being led astray and can be brought back to the good side, Mei believes he's just a criminal now, and thus must be treated as such.

When it comes to Mei's relationship with other characters (aside from the aforementioned Abigail) I think Mei would be friendly with Celine and Melanie, frequenting for some drinks and talking with them. She's had a few run ins with Triki, who she cannot stand, and of course has met Xuan's friends Li Ling and Lewis. Due to her strict and not very fun-loving personality, she would get along quite well with Ashley, who she sometimes talks to and visits when she has some free time. Though, Mei doesn't really keep friends, she keeps acquaintances and allies, with her brother being her only true friend.

As an Esper, since we have a legendary Tang and a rare Tang, Mei would be an epic, specifically wind-attuned. I imagine her as a controller, and though I don't have a whole moveset planned, for some reason I feel she would be able to petrify – not sure why though lol.

Im sorry this was just my excuse to show off my Tang Mei OC SMDMDKDKKD