#i feel like an epiphany just overtook me lmao

[psi-chic]

something im surprised i dont see more in the saiki k fandom is a psychic role reversal like if instead of saiki being the all powerful discount god it was aren or smth. like imagine if kaido was 100% right and he was the main character?? and then saiki was just another average guy? like all the other characters are the same and saiki is just there? dudes just chillin you know

imagine post-delinquent-psychic aren?? good looking ACTUAL goddess teruhashi with uncontrollable mind control?? or teruhashi with involuntary stone vision? hairo having psychic powers and using them to subtly help others improve? saiko? mera?? NENDO?? GOD IMAGINE NENDO??

maybe i should learn to write….

[chae-peachwon]

So I’ve been wanting to do this for awhile and I wanted to wait until I got home so I could be in the comfort of my house. But basically on Friday I had a “mental breakdown” about Namjoon and BTS as a whole and how much they have changed my life. I think this is gonna be pretty lengthy so I’m putting a read more

So this past Friday my friend and I were making a drive to our friends for our yearly Christmas party, which was about 4-5 hours (in reality it should’ve been about 2 1/2 but traffic was ass so). I might be saying stuff out of order, but tbh it was an emotional ride so I’ll be surprised if I remember every little thing that happened. Her sister is a fan of BTS so my friend has some knowledge about them. She knows a few songs (she likes Fake Love) and knows some of the members (she likes Jin lol). So we got on the topic of BTS and she asked me to play Fake Love since that’s the one she knows the most. So I asked her if I could play a few more of their songs and she said “go ahead!”. So I played Mic Drop, Epiphany, Euphoria, Boy With Luv, etc etc etc and then I said “Oh, I’m gonna play Spring Day because it’s one of my fav songs by them and the mv always makes me cry.” She laughed and said “Okay!” So I put on Spring Day and the part I always cry at is at the end when they��re all walking on the field and harmonizing and it goes all slo-mo (you know which part I mean) and I also explained that only the mv version has it but the songs keeps going after they finish singing and it’s just harmonization. I was also trying to explain the meaning of the song to her. So the song finished and then Answer: Love Myself started playing and immediately I was like “This song always makes me cry because of the concert.” And she asked for me to elaborate. I’m not sure if I’ve ever said it on here but I saw BTS last year in Texas and that song was the last one on their setlist.  So I went on and basically said something along the lines of: “Okay so last year was my second time seeing BTS and it was the end of the concert so obviously it was sad and emotional but idk what happened at the end but just hearing that song live really got me, as a warning I’m probably gonna start crying because it was for real extremely emotional for me. XX(friends name) in the chorus they sing ‘You’ve shown me I have reasons, I should love myself.’ and it was hearing that, seeing them right in front of me, and realizing this was the end of the concert that I just started crying. (at this point I was actually crying lmao)  It was like a wave of emotions just completely overtook me and the tears were just flowing out. Girls around me were crying too. I remember looking around the whole arena and then back up at them that the tears just started falling harder. XX I started crying out for the members, namely Namjoon and Taehyung because they were the closest to me at the moment (I was in the pit). And I reached my hand out to them like that would actually do something, and I just kept sobbing and sobbing and sobbing. At this point my friend noticed I was crying and was trying to comfort me. But it was so....I can’t even explain it. It was thinking that this might be the last time I ever see them live and also thinking about how much they’ve done for me.” My friend was trying to comfort me but she couldn’t do much because she was driving lol but she urged me to go on. I told her that I am so dedicated to these boys that I am 100% getting a tattoo for them. I know at one point earlier she asked me who else I love as much as BTS and I said Day6 and The Rose ( I also want tattoos for them) and she also asked me if they were all drowning who would I save. I said I couldn’t pick and she said “you would let them all drown??” and I said “XX I would drown with them”. But in the end I told her that BTS is my top top group.  I think it turned to her asking me if I could hang out with one of them who would it be and without hesitation I said Namjoon. She asked me if Jin was my favorite, why didn’t I say him. And then this is where the true mental breakdown happened. I’ll try to remember exactly what I said but no promises haha (also I was already crying from Love Myself but this convo just intensified it) “XX, you don’t understand how much I love Namjoon. Like it’s a different kind of love that I have for Jin. Jin will always and forever be my baby and my number 1 boy and will always be the first man I’ve ever fallen in love with, but with Namjoon...it’s a different kind of love. I love and respect him so fucking much, like he has gone through so much as a leader, as a person, and just in general. In the beginning he was the least liked member, which is so crazy right? Because he’s so loved now but it took him so long to get there. You remember what a fansign is right? Well this girl went to one and when she got to him, she said she got his photocard and he said “I’m so sorry”. Like really? He actually said that, and that just makes me so sad because he’s so amazing as a person and artist and he’s so smart and wonderful and creative and he does so so much for BTS.  Namjoon /hated/ himself for so long and he has a song called ‘Reflection’ and one of the lines is ‘I wish I could love myself”. (at this point I was sobbing) And XX it breaks my heart every time I listen to that song. XX I love him so so much that if I could have ANYTHING in the world (im actually tearing up rn as I write this) it would to be able to tell him just exactly how much he means to me and how proud I am and how much I respect him. (At this point in the convo I choked up on saying that out loud). There was this video I saw of one of their concerts and I think it was towards the end when the cameras were going on each of the members and it came onto Namjoon and everybody was cheering so loud for him and he looked so confused! Until he turned around and realized that everyone was yelling and screaming for /him/. And XX he got so embarrassed and shy and that was the exact video and moment that I realized I have this intense love that I have for him. And I think that’s when he realized that he is really loved too. I actually don’t remember if it was before or after that video but in one of his songs he changed his line to “I do love myself.”  Before I would always be like I love Namjoon so much yaaayyy, but I never really considered him a bias wrecker? But that video was the moment I knew that I have a different kind of love for him. And I don’t consider him a bias wrecker because Jin will forever be on top haha.” Guys when I say I was crying....I was CRYING. My friend was trying so hard to make me feel better and she was like “Please don’t cry, you’re gonna start making me cry.”  And I was like  “XX, these boys have honestly and truly changed my life and have helped me through so much. I discovered them through a friend and it was my first year of college and they have truly done so much for me. (this is where the convo got pretty dark). XX they have helped me through my happy days, my sad days, my depressed days and my truly lowest point days. When I say they have saved my life I honest to god fucking mean it. I promise you that if I never got into them, I would not be here today. I would’ve been gone long ago and I know it sounds dumb but they are the reason that I am still here today. (im crying rn typing this) The others( our other friends) know that I’m depressed but I don’t think they truly know to what extent. They’ve helped me through so much and that it’s okay to struggle and to not know what you want to do with your life. XX I’m still in the process of learning to love myself and for who I am and a bunch of other things” And at this point I was just trying to stop myself from crying because we were almost to our destination and I had to cleanup and stuff but the tears would not stop. I’ve always talked to my friends and sometimes on here about how much I love Namjoon and BTS but I’ve never really gone into depth about it, let alone said it out loud. That day in the car was the first time I truly poured my heart and feelings out about them. And even while writing this down I got teary eyed a couple of times and cried once. I’ve been a fan of BTS since 2015 and it has been a wild ride of emotions. They have taught and shown me so much and I can only dream about telling them how they have changed my life for the better. I’m not really sure why I wanted to write this down but I guess I wanted other fans to know that you are not “dumb” or “silly” or “over dramatic” for saying that a kpop group has helped your life. If you find that one special thing that makes you happy, then who the fuck cares what it is. As long as you know that that makes you happy and makes you forget about the world, then you hold onto that for as long as you need to.  I’m not gonna sit here and say that my depression is cured and that my life is sunshine and rainbows and that everything is perfect now. I still have my off days, my low days, my days where I really truly just want to say goodbye to everything. But BTS, among other groups, have helped me realize that not everything in the world is bad, that you can have your happy moments in life that make you say “Maybe life isn’t so bad after all.”. All in all, I just wanted to share my feelings and let other people know that you’re not alone for thinking like this. And I know I’m not the only one who says that kpop has been that /thing/ for people.  Anyway I guess this is all I have to say about this, I know I have more but I have too many emotions running through me right now lol.  Your feelings are valid guys, and don’t let anyone try to convince you otherwise.