#i feel like a fish that can't swim when i can't create or share things

[disturbnot]

i feel so god damn itchy. not physically, but mentally. i want to write and draw, i want to worldbuild, i want to loredump! but i can't shake anything loose and it feels dreadful; i feel a bit limp and useless at the moment, and guilty for keeping a whole bunch of you hanging. i'm sorry, i really hope this whole slump thing passes soon, i can't stand it. it's like really needing to sneeze but it just won't come out, y'know? that awful itching tickle in the back of your nose. itching in the back of my brain. itchy itchy itchy

[kirbybecomesastarwarrior]

What do you like to do on your free time, Lady Celestine?

Well when it's just myself:

Oh, I love to read in the grand library in the castle. And there is nothing more than enjoying a lazy afternoon filling myself up with knowledge... it makes me feel more connected to the world and its infinite context.

I love fishing & swimming I love the water probably because it is my element and the fishing. Not with a fishing rod though I swim towards them, I LOVE THE THRILL OF THE HUNT. Every time I come back home from swimming there is always a guarantee I will be back with a fish.

I do cook sometimes when I'm free though everyone mistakes me for performing necromancy, I don't know why- wait a moment... now that I think about it maybe it's my own fault for joking around all too much. Sometimes I like to pretend I'm cooking poison or some sort of evil potion and crackle like I'm an evil witch. (It's just the prankster that is still leftover from my younger years as Merlyn, haha!~)

Oh and then lastly I experiment with new alchemic formulas with my magic to see if I can create something new~

(If it's with Arthur)

I love gardening it's something I do together with Arthur. Believe it or not Arthur's actually the better gardener there. (Probably because his elemental magic is earth). Besides flowers, we grow our own herbs & tea leaves (he put that section there just for me). <3

We dance together~

Sometimes Arthur would start to hum a tune to me and would invite me to dance with him. And then I'd find myself humming alongside him. (He's done that too in our younger years whenever I was lost in thought or particularly stressed out.)

We like baking together too... Y'know once time the little wart didn't. know what an acronym for teaspoon so when he read it as TSP. And was confused and asked what a "TSP" was. "HOoHOoHOoH" I can't help but laugh every time I see it now. (sleeping beauty reference)

Any free time we have together sitting and enjoying each other's presence... We just relax and talk reminiscing about old times together. After all, we are retired.

Pretty standard things~

But there is one more thing I'd like to share that I do sometimes in my free time as well. (Forgot to say, I'm getting old sorry dear~)

@cauliarty 's oc Dotty

@kirbyoctournament

[b-blushes]

As a quasi "goal" this year I want to let people know about the things that make me happy/joyful. So I think your blog is neat and I am especially obsessed with the bird and fish suncatchers you posted. Big inspo vibes there; and I'd love to know how you started making them :D Hope you have a good day~

ah that's so lovely, thank you! i think i've posted all of the suncatchers i've made now, but i have 2 more specific ones planned to make in the next couple of months >:3 they came about when i was thinking about christmas gifts to make for friends last year. in 2023 my friend @/hierophant-mean made me a digital drawing (and stickers from the drawing!) of a coelacanth (my beloved) for my birthday, and then in 2024 i made them a embroidered hoop based on the drawing for their birthday~ (their drawing has a coeacanth swimming through clouds, i called mine 'star eater)

i can't honestly remember how i jumped from this to the suncatchers! 2024 was really 'year of me adoring looking at fish' and atm i'm not really feeling drawing/adjacent techniques either traditionally or digitally, so i wanted to make something about them (fish) in a different medium for my friends. i have a couple of rainbow-maker window stickers, and several suncatcher crystals hung up in my kitchen, and i loooooooove when it's rainbow time!!!!! so i think i just connected the dots between components. also i was trying to make gifts out of things that i already had, and i had sooo many sequins left over from making the above hoop :P and lots of felt leftover from various felt projects in years previously (last year i made felt 'gingerbread house' style ornaments for christmas gifts), although I did end up buying some more of certain colours! first fish project i made/ first double fish project/ first 'fish-adjacent' project:

can't share the 'actual' first ornament fish project as it's yet to arrive at another friend's house, but second ornament fish-adjacent project:

it was really fun iterating on these, and on the process of making them! i digitally drew all the patterns myself from references, and it was tricky but fun to problem solve how many of each pattern piece i would need. it was also fun but challenging picking subjects - my criteria were things like - striking colours but with minimal patterning due to the limitations of adding small pieces in felt - challenging medium as it kind of. fluffs apart if you do too much to it? (also darker colours show more rainbow contrast with the iridescent sequins, but on lighter colours they have more of a 'scale' type effect, fish style) - distinctive outlines that make them pleasant overall shapes to look at - not too fiddly shaped due to aforementioned felt challenges - something that had a personal link to either me or the recipient, or symbolised something i wanted to say to that person (like, i wanted it to be something that felt like it came from me, so it was a bit more personal, even though either way i was making them from scratch! bonus if it was a thing that we both shared a memory of)

construction wise, i made the first (my pink trout-style fish who hangs in my kitchen window) by sewing the four base colours of felt onto a fabric backing in an embroidery hoop, then cutting them off the fabric, but this was not the ideal way of doing it. after completing it i noticed some things i wanted to improve on, such as no visible stitching on the back, fewer gaps between felt pieces, and an overall 'easier' process. that one took me a month to make, between - digitally drawing out the pattern - picking colours - figuring out how to cut and layer the felt pieces to create something that was a 'nice' thickness - figuring out the order that all the pieces needed to be assembled in - actually making the stripes fit together (drawing around pattern pieces on different pieces of felt inevitably meant they ended up slightly different shapes than a flat digital drawing) - working out how to attach the fins (and sew details through a single layer of felt without disintegrating it) - how to do a nice eye - how to construct the thread of star sequins that they hang on etc Once i'd completed that one though, i actually had something to work with and edit, both process wise and materials wise. I ended up discovering the existence of 'double sided interfacing' and learned how to use that as i went, making it much easier to add backs to everything to hide visible stitching, to cut out pattern pieces (you iron it to one thing, then iron that thing to another thing, so then the felt is a bit less susceptible to fraying when you cut it out) and to add small details (although i did add tiny stitches in colour-matched thread to most added parts to reinforce them, and also strategically placed the iridescent sequins so i could sew through multiple colour points to 'connect' them more where applicable)! At times it was veryyyy frustrating because i imagined them so the only person i could ask about the instructions was ME! and i had no clue what to do :P but it was also extremely satisfying solving the problems! in the end they were taking me a few days to make instead of a few weeks.

this was probably waaaay more detail than you wanted hahaha i know you said 'how you started making them' instead of 'how you make them' i'm just jazzed to talk about FISH PROJECT! :P thank you again for such a lovely message!

[encyclopika]

Animal Crossing Fish - Explained #228

Brought to you by a marine biologist and our last mammals...

CLICK HERE FOR THE AC FISH EXPLAINED MASTERPOST!

It's time we covered Chip and CJ, two beavers who hold the Fishing Tournaments in the AC franchise. Let's get into it!

From https://nookipedia.com/

Chip there on the right is an older beaver who has held the Fishing Tournaments in the AC series since the very beginning all the way until ACNH when his son, CJ, took over. Chip and CJ both host the Fishing Tourneys in Pocket Camp off and on. These special events allow players to fish and win great items they can't get any other way.

Beavers are in Class Mammalia - they have hair, are warm-blooded, and most importantly, feed their babies milk produced by an adult's mammary glands. Within this Class is the Order Rodentia, the order of rodents, which make up about 40% of all mammal species. However, I find that a lot of people confuse what is and isn't a rodent quite often - it feels like people classify something as a rodent as long as it's really small and furry (which is a mistake and we'll get back to that). Rodents are characterized by a single pair of continuously growing incisors on the upper and the lower jaw. If a rodent doesn't have anything to gnaw on, those incisor teeth can actually grow in dangerous ways and kill the animal if not treated. That being said, here is a short list of animals I hear people call "rodents" when they're not:

Bats - are NOT rodents. They are not "flying rats"; they are more closely related - and have almost the same dentition - as your dog. As primates, us humans are way more closely related to rats.

Moles, hedgehogs, and shrews - are NOT rodents. They belong to a separate Order between us and bats called Eulipotyphla.

Oppossums and possums - are NOT rodents - they are marsupials.

Rabbits and hares - are NOT rodents (they're Lagomorphs) but at least you were close, as they're sister groups.

Who is a rodent? Beavers, capybara, guinea pigs, hamsters, rats, mice, squirrels, marmots, chinchillas, etc etc etc. Many of these animals listed are common pets with relatively short lives. Despite their size and lifespan, they are a lot of work and are a commitment, so don't get one if you're looking for an "easy pet". No such thing.

So, yeah, "small and fuzzy" isn't a trait all rodents share. Beavers are some of the largest rodents in the world, with large individuals growing to about 70 lbs. (32 kg). They are not small.

Despite the way Chip looks at fish and alludes to the fact that he'll eat your fish when you aren't looking, beavers irl don't actually eat fish at all. Beavers are strictly herbivorous and feed on a wide variety of woody and aquatic plants. Despite the diversity of rodents, there are only 2 species of beaver in the world - the North American (Castor canadensis) and Eurasion (Castor fiber) beavers. Both species look very alike, so it's anyone's guess which exactly Chip and CJ are. Nevertheless, beavers boast one of the thickest and softest fur of any mammal, which wasn't great for them, as many populations were hunted extensively for the fur trade. Luckily, beavers are still considered Least Concern, with the both species having wide ranges across their home continents.

Beavers, like quite a few of their rodent cousins, like the capybara and muskrat, are semi-aquatic and are great swimmers. They have webbed back feet and can stay underwater for 15 minutes. They use this skill to their advantage by using water as a place to hide from their predators.

Look at him go!

The most incredible thing about beavers, though, is their engineering skills. Although not every beaver will build a dam, they have the skills and the tools (their teeth) to do so. And once they do, they create new wetland habitats I spoke about in this Museum Tour entry. Misconceptions about beaver dams are common, no thanks to the media image of the beaver. As I said before, not every beaver will build a dam - if they find a spot that provides quality swimming area and food, they're just as happy in a burrow on the water's edge. Beavers also don't live in the dam - that structure is actually to dam up a river and create the pond they use for protection. A beaver lodge is another structure all its own where the beavers live, have their babies, and hang out during winter (they don't hibernate). One structure can exist without the other. The lodge often has its entrance underwater so only the beaver family can get into the lodge. Beavers, though happy to munch on a great variety of plants, are actually picky about which plants are used for building and which ones are for eating. And last but not least, and certainly not exhaustive, beavers don't use their tails to build - the tail is for swimming, storing fat, and communicating with their family and other beavers. So, no, they don't use their tails to deliver or spread mud while building their dams, I'm sorry to say. Woulda been cute, though.

And there you have it. Fascinating stuff, no?

[n0tamused]

- | Afterlife

Warnings: angst, description of gore, talks about death, character death.

Song recommendations: Her & the Sea - The Clann

Word count: 1,945

Characters: Kaliyah Sen-Ryokō, Ginjiro, mentioned/implied Tobirama?

"What happens after we die?"

The question made the silver beast stirr from his half-sleep, his large emerald eyes opening to stare at the back of his master. She sat closer to the edge of the great mountain cliff, a giant towering over all others. The sun was still high in the heavens and the wind was ever present, eternal on the mountain peaks. Leaves rustled in it, brushing against each other and creating a symphony of nature along with the little songbirds who sat scattered across the treetops. Waves crashed against the nearby shore below, the sight going on for miles and miles with nothing but vastness of blue. Specs of white dotted the sky, fluffy and shifting with the currents of wind.

"What brings this question forth all of a sudden?" Ginjiro asked in turn, silence following his question for a moment before pushing his head and body forward in the slightest, dragging across the lush grass until his head sat beside her. Kaliyah sat quiet, watching the sea move, waves lapping at the shore. Her lips moved into a thin line, her throat bobbed up and down as she swallowed. Ginjiro's eye went over her features, and she seemed to shrink under his gaze. Her eyes were glossy and watery all of a sudden but her expression remained cold and unmoving.

"I don't know.. it just appeared in my mind. Along with that "prophecy" of the Old Nan." she finally answered, her voice as stable as it could be although it wouldn't take Ginjiro a moment longer to understand that this was bothering her for a long time, much longer than what she was letting on now. Deep within his chest he could feel the phantom sting of pain, anxiety in gut and lungs that she was feeling.

"Prophecy?" He opted to ask; he didn't remember her mentioning any prophecies of her.

" I never mentioned it to you.. She said... 'Water will destroy you' " said Kaliyah after a long moment of silence. Her eyes still remained on the far horizon, knowing if she even dared to look at Ginjiro that the feeling in her chest would seize her whole.

"I know I shouldn't believe in it, Old Nan gave many so-called prophecies and none of them ever came true but this… this one is harder not to believe." She continued, chest heaving in silent and forceful breaths. Lifting her head up she hoped for the fresh air to soothe her nerves.

Ginjiro retorted to look forward towards the sea too, removing the tension of his gaze.

"You were always an amazing swimmer, you're like a fish, I'm not sure how that prophecy would ever apply to you" said the beast calmly, his great and slim whiskers moving as he spoke, flowing. She has always seemed to love the water, to swim and dive and retreat many shells and pretty rocks. His hiding cave was filled with them, all of various sizes and colors. At his words Kaliyah shook her head, shamefully.

"And all I can think of is how many times the water almost took me; and I may be a good swimmer but unlike fish I can not breathe under water. The waves are always too strong, the currents too quick and the many times they almost took me for themselves I…" she trailed off. More and more of her fears started to surface.

The beast beside her opened its mouth to speak, only to be cut short by the girl again- "It's not death itself that frightens me."

That went back to her question, he noted.

"I am not scared of the pain either, the pain is the least of my worries, Ginjiro. What scares me is what comes after that. Is it darkness that awaits me? An eternal hell of raging oceans that keep drowning me? Which I can't escape from. Will I ever see the ones I love again? Or will I just... disappear?" It was getting harder to breathe, yet she forced herself not to shed any tears. Her chest began to quickly rise and fall with labored breaths, her hands tightening their hold around her legs, knuckles turning white and trembling. The view of the sea was no longer clear but blurry instead, dancing with her unshed tears that kept building up.

"You… are too good to keep suffering in death, my little one." Ginjiro said reluctantly, for even he wouldn't be able to answer such questions, nothing was certain about that inevitable fate.

"I hear many talk about the Pure Lands. And there, there is no suffering, no raging fires or oceans and certainly no darkness." He kept going only to see Kaliyah crumble furthermore. The sight immediately silenced him,more concern sprouting within him; he had never before seen her like this. Not even when she came desperate for his aid.

Big tears ran down her cheeks as she finally succumbed to the feelings that were eating her inside out like a beast. Her legs went to tuck themselves beneath her as she bent forward until her forehead touched the ground, her hands covering her face as she wept. Blades of grass poked at her neck and arms. Ginjiro was swift to lift himself from the ground, pained expression painting his draconic features. He grumbled quietly as he came to lay his large body between her and the sea. Casting a large shadow to befall on the girl. His wing came to come over her, in the form of a hug; shielding her away from the offending sights and the stares of trees, birds and the sun. All fell quiet suddenly, only the whistling of wind remained.

"Shhh now.. shhh.. don't you cry." Ginjiro was at a loss for words once again. And it was believed he was wise, he knew the answer to many questions and riddles but not to this. This was way out of his reach, and it pained him further that he couldn't bring any comfort to the one that grew so close to him.

" I- I don't want to forget anyone after death! I want to see everyone, I want to reunite with the ones I love; another life would be a blessing to me as long as I don't get to sit in darkness." she spoke through numerous gasps for air and hiccups, her throat closing on itself. It sounded as if she was angry at the world for this mystery. Ginjiro wrapped himself around her completely, as much as his flexibility would allow him. Now she was pressed against his belly, right beneath his shoulder while his maw nudged her carefully in affection. One of his whiskers came to drag across her arms and hands. Small noises came from him, rumbling through his throat. A noise that could easily be compared to a cat's purr, only softer. Like a turning of many wooden wheels behind layers of thick walls and even more soft cottons. It was distant and warm like a blazing hearth. Crackling of fire that brewed.

She continued to weep, watering the grass with her tears while her hands remained clamped over her eyes and face. A desperate attempt to shield her sorrows, something she found weak, shameful. Everything felt out of place, forced against her.

"I don't want- to die." came a small voice, Kaliyah's voice. A stark comparison to her usually stoic tone, a commanders voice. No- this was the voice of a girl ashamed of her fears, scared and paranoid of most things around her, scared of the future and scared of her own mind and doings. Ginjiro nudged her head again, her whole body too, to get her attention, to try and get her to look up.

"You will not die Kaliyah." he said.

And at mentioned of her name she seemed to recollect just the smallest bit of courage. She looked up, her weeping ceasing for only a moment. His eye shone like fragments of emeralds exposed to the sun, even under the umbrella of his wings. It was dark, only small bit of light came into the tent that was his body.

"Not for many more years to come." Her eyes widened, staring at his narrowed eye, brows furrowing in confusion. What the beast said was a promise. "And certainly not from something as silly as water" he finished.

-"I would sacrifice my last breath to give you one more. I'd give up the world so you may remain whole.. so worry not, little one. An infinity of such pain is nothing compared to the mere thought of losing you-"

Now as she watched blood trickle down his scales as she repeated the same words, she cried even more than she did that day. Screaming at the world and at it's cruelty. She wished she could give him the life he had promised her, wished she could take away the pain and the wounds. He had kept the promise.

It was the only thing that was shared equally in the world and that thing is unfairness. She wished she could go back to those cliffs and stay with Ginjiro forever, overlooking the world from the enormous heights.

Blood coated her clothes, tattered and dirtied, it matted down her hair and his silver mane. She stood in his blood and her own. More rivulets sprang forth and ran down her body from her own wounds. Still, she forced herself to stand, to go to Ginjiro and be beside him. None of the pain could compare to the one in her heart. She would rather face a thousand of swords all over again, she would face those raging oceans and empty darkness for an infinity of time rather than be here now. Here where Ginjiro lied dead and she kept on trying to move him, fisting his long mane in her hand.

All the power in his last breath went to pouring all his life energy into her, and the stone that hung around her neck. One they both created. Blood had stopped circulating in his system minutes ago, yet she couldn't bring herself to accept it. She wouldn't. Despite all the proof, she wanted to believe he would live. Even with his hollow wounds gaping at her from his chest and wing; wind whistling through them. His giant wing stood above her, shielding her from the sky. The contents of his insides were spilled across the ground outside the village grounds. The great walls looming in the distance, while the surrounding woods remained silent in sympathy. Moments ago his blood was steaming hot, pouring like waterfalls from a hot spring. Now, his body lost its fiery heat. Many wounds littered his body, painting a print of a tiger on his body in red.

The soil was soaked with his blood, so much so that the earth couldn't accept more, leaving a large puddle behind. Crimson puddles swirled with the dust and dirt. And a stray leaf went to fall into it, dancing with the current the wind created. With all her might she tried to shake the beast's head to get him to wake, he was so much larger than those years ago, so much heavier. His eyes stared at the sky overhead, stars looking at themselves in his dilated pupil like a mirror.

Darkness started to dot in her eyes, vision dancing with tears. It all tunneled until all she could see was the dull green eye. And for a moment she could swear she saw it move, all color return to it as it lazily blinked at her before the ground disappeared under her feet and hands seized her shoulders

___________________

-My Ao3

[brownsugar-chan]

My children!

I kinda went all out and created a list of headcannons for them and a playlist ^-^ (see if you can guess which song is for who)

Rosie:

The big sister! Her hearts big and she likes to take care of everyone

She's one of the stronger kids, being sporty. She plays rugby. If you sneak up behind her you have a 99% chance of being punched.

She used to get teased a lot in school because of her physique. Her bullies have a fear of a pissed off Thomas now.

Rosie plays in the mud a lot and it's usually in skirts and her jersey. No she doesn't care.

Love's plants, especially ones that are strange looking. She keeps a pair of primroses in her pigtails. Biology in general is her favorite.

Her birthday is November 23 and she's 14 and is also 5'2

Really likes pasta, especially macaroni and cheese

She lives with Henry, but has been known to sleep at other houses as well.

She has a pet cat that is basically like a dog with how he plays with her. His name is Thorn.

Philip:

 He's a good kid but can't sit still for 5 min.

The fastest of everyone on here. He plays soccer where he is an attacking midfielder and runs track.

Surprisingly smart but lacks situational awareness. Needs to be told when to give someone space.

His birthday is July 28, he's 13 and he's the tallest at 5'4''

Thinks chicken nuggets should be their own food group. Edward disagrees.

Wears his soccer jersey over a yellow shirt. Really needs a hairbrush tbh

Jokes that he was found in a box, technically he wasn't.

He does like to write fun stories a lot! He thinks it’s especially fun to share them with people who will listen. (Or people who won’t listen)

He lives with Edward and gives him so many heart attacks because of how reckless he is.

Toad:

Amphibian time! My child who was literally named after a break van.

A very good swimmer! He's usually splashing around in a creek or the ocean,looking for friends.

Cannot sleep without Oliver being nearby. It's a leftover habit from when they escaped together.

Polite to a fault, even if someone is being rude to him. He takes most insults in stride. 

His Birthday is August 30th, he is 4’10’’ and is 13

He loves beef stew (me too dude)

Though he is a cheery, optimistic person he doesn’t really like bright colors. Most of his clothes are a slate grey. Usually dresses semi-formally.

Probably the calmest person in the group. He’s the voice of reason for when things go awry. The others usually come to him for advice.

Lives with the entire little western. (you think this is bad, wait till Luke lmao)

Skiff:

Boat boy who switched a shit dad for a good one and will not hesitate to brag about him.

Likes the beach mostly, but doesn’t like getting his face wet so swimming is out of the question. He does like volleyball though.

Gets rather grumpy when people ignore what he's signing. And that's when he slips in more vulgar words to see if anyone will pick up on it.

He has a crap load of scars on his neck, but isn't afraid to show them. After all it meant he survived. 

He likes fish and rice dishes a lot. (also same)

Really likes to read old myths and fairytales. Captain Joe tells him some from time to time when he has trouble sleeping.

His Birthday is February 12, he’s 4’7’’ and 12

He lives with Captain Joe

Kevin:

Clumsy, but is going to be the best inventor ever!

Doesn’t play any sports, but running around the shop with Victor is very good exercise lmao.

Has the tendency to stay up all night making blueprints.(yes he consumes the gamer juice.) Doesn’t actually mind if an invention explodes, which happens rather often.

His prosthetic leg was designed by him! Victor helped him build it. He likes to make cool decals for it.

He pretty much likes all spicy foods! Especially handheld quick things to eat.

His Birthday is Feb 3rd, he’s 11 and 4’5’’

Please don’t play tricks on this child, he takes things literally. 

He of course lives with Victor, and is the giver of many a headache. 

Luke:

Anxious green pea, needs a weighted blanket

You can always find him on top of something. He's always climbing trees… and cliff faces.

He's a polyglot! He's learned a few different languages besides english including: Spanish,French,Welsh, and Irish.

He has a bed, but is always sleeping in someone else's because of nightmares and because he gets cold easily because of his anemia.

He loves sweets, especially ice cream and popsicles. Add chocolate or strawberry to the mix and he's sold

He doesn't actually know his birthday, but celebrates on Spring equinox. He's the shortest at 4'0 and is 11.

Wears 30+ layers even in the summertime so he looks even smaller sometimes.

Collects rocks! He has a few really cool ones with fossils too.

He jumps around all of the narrow gauge houses

Ivo hugh

Pink baby with eyes brighter than a thousand suns

He's the strongest out of everyone on here! If you need something heavy moved, he's the one to call!

Pretty emotionally intelligent. Knows what others are feeling even if they aren't sure yet. Is probably the best to talk about said feelings with.

Blunt as hell. He thinks it's best to be honest, calls others out on their bullshit quite a bit. He literally can’t tell a straight lie.

His birthday is Oct 5th, he’s about 4’10’’ and he’s the youngest at 10.

I feel like he’d be really into breakfast foods like pancakes and eggs. Since he is an early riser

He’s got about a hundred stuffed animals that he sleeps with. He really likes fluffy ones that remind him of his friends.

Lives with Bertram and Freddie because I love that headcannon from @princeluckybug13 lmao

The playlist:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0h7hwbt6LSYUfwFFXXDcfb?si=5aIIweMxQ0e3DRqpJvvcqw

[pickalilywrites]

hello. I don't know if you're doing requests rn, but could you do a arumika mermaid fic??? I jus saw an amazing art of it by askmermanlevi tumblr, and now i can't stop wishing to read about it.

thank you @askmermanlevi for creating such a wonderful mermaid au w/ so many snk characters. i hope it’s alright that i wrote a mermaid au inspired by your au esp since i reused your cute design for mermaid mikasa xoxo 

To the End of the Ocean

Arumika. Mermaid AU. 

1693 words. 

Buy me a ko-fi!

There are those that are daring enough to explore the vast expanse of the ocean, but Armin is not one of them. The depths of the ocean have always intrigued him, and yet he has always wondered what lies past the barrier of coral that he has come to know so well. It is not that he is frightened of what lies ahead - stinging jellyfish, ravenous sharks, and vicious stingrays. He knows those obstacles will be there, that they exist in the ocean. It is his fear of the unknown that prevents him from leaving his small space in the sea. How can he abandon everything he’s ever known - the little shallow pool near the shore that he rests every night with his grandfather, the colorful reef he visits with his childhood friend Eren, and the beautiful caverns filled with gentle crustaceans that he sometimes takes shelter in when the sea is restless - for something he’s not even sure is there? He fears that whatever lies ahead will only underwhelm him or perhaps be too much for him to handle, and he will always yearn to be back home as soon as he leaves. Still, he continues to look through the vast blue waters, wondering what he would encounter if he ever dared to venture further than he had ever gone before.

Instead, he tries to satisfy himself with the tales that travelers weave as they pass by every year, sometimes showing off souvenirs that they had acquired on their travels. There’s another mermaid in particular whose stories captivate Armin the most. Although she’s the same age as him, she’s traveled more of the ocean than he ever will. Perhaps others in Armin’s position would be jealous, but Armin had never thought to be envious. He’s too busy marveling at her as he listens to the stories she tells.

Mikasa, the mermaid mentioned, sits at the center of a crowd of other curious merpeople. Although she’s been doing this for years, it’s still strange for Armin to see her like this. When they had just been merchildren learning how to swim, he never thought she would swim across the ocean. Perhaps he should have followed her.

The audience members listen intently as she describes the wondrous sights she had witnessed as she traveled the sea. Her family - all of them travelers - had just returned after journeying to a curious ocean filled with sweet water. It makes all the creatures there sweet-tempered and kind, she says, and the seagrass taste of sugar. She had been lucky enough to bring some for those who wished to try it as well.

As she passes it around, others ooh and aah at the peculiar seagrass, its pink tips and ruffled edges making it so different from the seagrass that they’re typically used to seeing. Armin, however, takes little notice of it aside from a quick glance. He’s more interested in Mikasa, how her vibrantly colored tail - glittering with scales of orange and black and white - swishes back and forth and how her gray eyes light up as she recalls her time in the strange sea. He wishes to see that same sea with his own eyes someday, but he does not believe he’ll ever have the courage to travel as Mikasa does. He’s content to just listen to her stories, living through her tales that she spins as her usually calm demeanor barely contains her excitement.

The ending of her storytelling is always Armin’s least favorite. He always wishes that such storytellings can stretch until early the next morning, but he realizes that would be silly. Still, he always wishes that Mikasa would continue with her stories, sharing the details that were perhaps lost in between. Others, however, seem satisfied with tonight’s stories, and the crowd is already dispersing. They’re off to their comfortable homes, but Armin trails behind, wondering when the next time for Mikasa’s travels will be. He’s so lost in thought that he doesn’t notice that someone has swum in front of him, dangling a piece of seagrass in his face.

“Mikasa!” Armin says, surprised. He’s thankful that he didn’t bump into her. He backs up a bit, swallowing nervously. “I … I liked your story tonight. It was very beautiful. I wish I could have seen it myself.”

“Thank you. I was worried that you didn’t like it,” she tells him. Mikasa smiles graciously and offers him the seagrass once more. It’s even softer and more colorful up close, the gentle blades of green and pink swaying with the movement of the ocean. “Here. I noticed you didn’t take some earlier, so I saved a bit for you.”

“But I don’t have anything to give you in return,” Armin mumbles. It’s traditional for travelers like Mikasa and her family to bring souvenirs, and listeners trade those souvenirs for food and other goods as a sign of gratitude for the gifts and entertainment. Armin usually only brings a shell from offshore to trade with, but he seems to have forgotten to bring one tonight.

Mikasa shakes her head. “It’s fine. I already received a lot of things already,” she laughs. She watches as he takes the seagrass from her and nibbles tentatively at a blade. When his eyes grow wide at the peculiar taste of them, a smile spreads across her face and she lets out a satisfied laugh. “Ah, I’m so glad you like it! Isn’t the taste peculiar?”

“It is,” Armin agrees as he chews a little more. As he chews, he can taste a hint of the sugar-sweet sea that Mikasa had once described. He wonders if the waters there are also blue, or perhaps they are tinged with a tint of pink just like this seagrass is. Are the animals there sweet as well? Do they swim together, schools of pastel-colored fish mingling together, or do they swim in separate groups, patches of colors gliding through? Does coral grow there, and does it spiral up into violent spikes or does it bloom upward into soft branches? Can you still see the moon glisten on the surface of the ocean, or does it look different from how it does here? He wishes to ask her all of these questions and more, but he can’t bring himself to be so rude. After all, she must be tired after returning home from such a long travel.

The two of them swim slowly through the water in silence for a moment before Mikasa speaks again. “I’m grateful that you always come to my storytellings, although I feel that I can never do the sights I see much justice,” she confesses, looking down at her webbed hands. “I love that you’re so interested in my stories. It calms me to see your face in the audience whenever I return.”

Her words surprise him.  “But you describe your journeys so well! You don’t over embellish things, but the way you talk with your words and the expressions on your face … it makes me feel as if I were there with you.” Armin stops flipping his fins, allowing the sea to push him forward. “And it … it makes me wish that I had been there with you.”

Mikasa studies his face for a moment, drifting alongside him as the waves of the ocean pulled them forward. Finally, she says, “Why don’t you come with me next time?”

“What?” Armin asks, startled. He thinks that she’s joking for a moment - there are times where she makes peculiar jokes - but her expression is earnest. Quickly, he collects himself and mumbles, “I couldn’t possibly … I’m not suited for that kind of life.”

“Is that so?” Mikasa asks, eyebrows raised. She twirls around him, the swirl of water cool against his skin. “There isn’t anyone else in the world more suited to it than you. I have yet to see anyone so captivated by the idea of exploring the ocean, and there is that hunger to discover every single inch of the sea that even I don’t have.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Armin mumbles, but Mikasa ignores him.

“And I’ve always thought,” Mikasa continues, watching him carefully, “that traveling the ocean with you would be a lot more fun.”

It’s not that he was afraid of the unknown, Armin realizes now, but that he lacked confidence in himself. It didn’t matter what he found out there - whether it met his expectations or not. He could always return back home. He just needed a little push to finally swim past that coral barrier, and here was Mikasa reaching out her hand for him. All he had to do was take it.

“Maybe next time,” Armin replies, and it seems his answer is sufficient enough.

Mikasa reaches out to wrap her webbed fingers around his hand and gives him a quick squeeze. “It’s going to be wonderful,” she promises him. She squeezes his hand once more, a smile on her face, before swimming away to return to her family.

Armin doesn’t leave for home, not immediately. He remains drifting in the middle of the sea, watching as Mikasa grows smaller and smaller until she vanishes completely. All the while, he thinks about the adventures at sea they’ll have in the near future: encountering dangerous beasts, discovering new fauna and flora, and excavating ruins of shipwrecks and discarded human artifacts. These are things that excited him and frightened him before, but now the thought of such things exhilarates him. He can’t believe he had confined himself to this corner of the ocean for so long. Ah, but he can make up for that soon. With Mikasa, he can see himself traveling to places he had always dreamed about and going to places so magnificent he could never conjure with his imagination alone. What a glorious and curious feeling she has awakened in him, he thinks, but wonderful nonetheless. He hungers for adventure without worry now, and he knows this craving will only be satisfied once he’s traveled to the end of the ocean. And, as Mikasa has said just a few moments before, he knows it’s going to be wonderful.

[khbraindamage]

//The Long And Winding Road//

I'm sorry it ended up like this, i'm sorry for everythings that i've done to you. I always screwed things up. In the name of the lord i don't want to hurt you like that

thankyou for making my life worth it for a while, thankyou for making a rainbow while all i saw was rain, thankyou for accept my messy life, thankyou for always motivated me to be more good in my grades, i wish i can return everythings for what you have done for me

I'm so fucked up in the other hand i really want to forget you but in the other hand i know that you are the only person in this entire universe that will make me happy

But at least i know something concrete you know, instead of having years of fantasies and possibilites, i know it's over

Well i guess i got to be grown up, gonna be okay without feeling okay. Which is completely sucks. In this life people will change, feeling change but that doesn't mean the love once we shared wasn't true and real. It simply just mean that sometimes when people grow they grow apart, some people are meant to fall in love with each other but not meant to be together

I was wondering what if you met the right person but at the wrong time? Until today i still believe you are the right person but we found each other at the wrong time and maybe when we ready we'll meet again one day, and i silently still hoping that time has make a mistake and has already reserved a moment for us to find each other again

I still remember how we started, you are the peace that i craved in this chaotic world, you are a home my home. I just want us to talked again, every once in a week i saw you in my dreams we talked, we laugh it makes me cried i'm happy to saw you in my dreams but it also make me sick cause i can't see you again in real life

So i guess you were just on of those people who were supposed to walk into my life, teach me a lesson and then walk out. I'll never forget how important you made me feel

Even if we can't be together in the end, despite of everything i'm so glad that you were a part of my life. It's sad but life is full of sudden goodbyes

I don't know if everythings happened for a reason, or everythings happened and the reason created until today i still don't figured it out what happened with me, i can't make you understand, i can't make everyone understand what is happening inside me i can't even explained it to my self. Maybe it's because all of my sins, or maybe it's because i'm so tired with this life. I don't know who i am anymore

I loved everything you hate about yourself, and after all we're just two lost soul swimming in the fish bowl year after year, running over the same old ground and how we founds? the same old fears, wish you were here

You are a warrior, a graceless lady, you are a flame in the angel skin. After all the things that happened to you, i hope you always have the courge to keep loving yourself no matter how many times the world break your heart

I'm sorry you have to deal with me, i'm sorry i'm worthless, i'm sorry i'm a mess, i'm sorry i'm useless, i'm sorry i'm a person, i'm sorry i was born, im sorry for the bad things i have done to you, and i'm sorry for everythings

I just wanted you to know that when i do pictures myself happy is with you. Till we meet again be, i promise in another life i will make you stay

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine you make me happy when skies are grey. You never know dear how much i loved you, please don't take my sunshine away