#i feel bad for whomestever has to perform merel in any form | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vogelmeister · 2 years ago

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one of the worst things i have ever done in the name of art is decide that the final monologue would be in poorly written dutch and then have to translate that into English and then decide how you’re going to display this bc its way too much dutch for the little footnotes you have been including when a character does use a dutch word but also you also like,, need to translate this into english so now you have an appendix and that's way too fancy but it's still in Dutch and you still need to put it in English and it's not even hard Dutch like its basic yet your head hurts still looking at it even though you know what you did and what you wrote and words are hard and you simultaniously know and don't know and this long ramble is exactly how your brain was operating at the time so yay. me.

#and before you wonder why it's in dutch i'll tell you the worse my dutch is the better my point comes across #its meant to represent the moment where you have been hurt badly and you struggle to understand your feelings about it #so yea literally the worse it is the better the point of “i don't understand how i feel right now and i can't express it” comes across #anyways yeah felt wrong. hated doing it. but it had to be done.#i feel bad for whomestever has to perform merel in any form #bc if the two page monologue i wrote in a previous work isnt enough. bc lbr thats evil.#like I look at that monologue and go. oh. oh boy thats intimidating #if you have been here a while you know what i mean #i think this may be worse even though its shorter #purely bc its written in my poor dutch #at LEAST theres no monologue in goud that makes me go 'the convincingness of this character relies on this monologue's delivery'#at least not for merel . maybe for anne-fleur #but eh write the monologues that if i was asked to perform would make me shit twenty two bricks yeah whatever #also like i know een beetje nederlands i may as well use it or try no matter how shit it is thats why its in my brain #this makes it seem impressive. its not. its really basic. which is again the point #and it confuses merel to no end #bc like writing is her thing! so to suddenly not ge able to write emotions and simply be like ‘im angry’ would indeed be shocking #if you read it u would see what i mean #dagboek (english version) is the new taylor's version and we fight at dawn.#at least maybe i know tuesday in dutch. maybe. we will see. i mix her and thursday up #dutch language found dead

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