#i especially like to do affirmations when i look in the mirror. Spell of anti dissociation

[ninelivesastrology]

Single non-BIWOC who can't decenter men are so quick to tell you to break up with your boyfriend/husband because misery loves company. They know the rules are different for BIWOC because of perceived desirability/value.

They're so quick to say you're being used or that your partner doesn't love you when they're still playing Casting Couch on the first date and they're almost 40. No shade, I wouldn't care otherwise, but I've been judged by them, too.

tw: misogynoir, toxic friendships, ED, body dysmorphia, racial politics, astrologizing negative things, dogwhistling, racial fetishization, infidelity, fatphobia, anti-Blackness

They tell you to leave your partner because in my case, it would boost their self-esteem that I'm a BIWOC single mother. Whole time, their mom is a single mother. But this is the shit that insecure women wish on other women, they want the cycle to repeat, for someone's child to be as lost and miserable as they are. Damn, "fuck them kids," I guess.

I hate to test my friendships like that, but as I get older, the more I lose my non-BIWOC friends. Like if they're not (fully) Black or Indigenous, they're not safe for me because they need to unlearn and the truth is, they may never unlearn. That's not my problem.

The dating climate is shit anyway. It's been poisoned by incel rhetoric.

And it's not me, it's them. I tried to figure out what it is astrologically and to be honest, I have a very good idea. I think it's really compelling that women feel threatened by my appearance. Sometimes I feel like with my Venus in the 1H, I'm just a magnet for women who were attacked in some way or form by physical misogyny, such as being the "fat friend"—Mind you, early 2000s gave us all restrictive EDs—or being the "ugly friend" or being the "invisible friend" because you're friends with the popular girl or the "poor friend" or the "cheated on friend," then they enter this cycle where they need to feel superior to the people they're friends with in adulthood. Years of internalized misogyny.

But it's so different when you're BIWOC and especially different being categorized into those friendship hierarchies has a lot to do with being BIWOC and desirability politics. It's really sick. I have noticed a pattern of non-BIWOC starting friendships with me and it's all about them using me to feel better about themselves, but then they feel like I can have whoever I want over my looks and they're angry about it. Instead of me fulfilling the stereotype that I'm jealous of them, they're jealous of me. Every stereotype is really a projection.

I wasn't really socialized to define myself by my looks either, the body dysmorphia was rampant for years. At one point, I was the "ugly friend."

I just think back to that one Tiktoker that pissed everyone off, the one that said, "Yet every morning, you're looking at yourself in your full length IKEA mirror going, 'You're so hot, you're the prettiest girl in the world.' Okay, and? And even if that were true and let's be honest—*doubtful and shady white girl expression*—Who cares? Spell "Pharaoh." Tell me what the FTC does..." Yeah, she kind of cooked, because she was right, who cares? She subtly called out the people who use empty affirmations over their physical appearance to quell insecurity. I'm still crying, why was the spelling bee word pharaoh?

I think it's very important to mention age is a deeper part of this because the older certain types of women get, the more resentful they become and they need to take out their anger on someone. I wasn't socialized to date, let alone care about doing shit before a certain age. My face is not going to melt at 30.

And while men preach about women "hitting the wall" at 25, 22, 19 (the age is getting lower and lower, goal posts keep moving), that is not my problem. That is an entirely different problem that justifies harm towards a very impressional and powerless group of people.

Women are competing with teens for men in their age group. These are not men I would personally let near me with a 50 ft pole, but because women have been socialized to compete, they're falling for it. I 100% bet 7/10 30-40 year old men have their dating ranges from 18-29 and that 29 is GENEROUS.

The women were socialized to believe they would be married at 25 by the man of their dreams who lets them run their credit card up and lets them act like a baby who needs to be taken care of. It doesn't matter if they know how to cook or clean or not because the results are mixed for me. Usually the ones that can't cook or clean are looking for a replacement father figure. The ones that cook and clean have this conviction that it will keep their man. I don't know what to say besides "decenter men."

When they see a BIWOC woman with their boyfriend, husband, fiance and they have a kid, whether married or not, it eats them up, man.

Women look at my husband different because my husband is a dad. I got the Evil Eye on the train by a white woman because my husband was playing with our dumpling.

Can't gaslight me and tell me it's not because... My husband told me this story about his egg donor's friend having a meltdown at his egg donor's birthday party because her ex husband was there with a Black woman. My husband said based off this, he should've known that Xanny the Nanny would treat me the way she did (like a side-bitch to her man whole time she's playing the role of a side-bitch).

There are expectations non-BIWOC have for their lives and when they don't get their happy ending before a certain age, they lay ruin to everyone else's relationship.

And you know what's absolutely damning about 70% of the non-BIWOC friends I've had in the past 6 years? At one point or another, they've rubbed in it in my face about how Black men want them. Who knows if they're telling the truth? But it's a dogwhistle. It's like, "I can have access to your men anytime I want," and a threat because if I was with a Black man or because they think I want Black men, they'd want me to be paranoid. Oooh, scary, steal your man!!!! Jungle fever!!!

But this is the truth that's projected onto us.

Deep down, non-BIWOC women fear having their men stolen by BIWOC. They fear the light or dark BIWOC that has the privilege of desirability across all races. To some people, we're all the same.

I argue that men are men, but I have a track record of Asian, Black, white, Mixed, Latino men approaching me. White women, Latina women, but I never really got into the wlw scene, I was too pussy to go to a gay bar.

This is the consequence of painting master-slave relationships as forbidden romances and Pocahontas' trafficking as a love story. Every fucking BIWOC dating outside her race is smeared as a raceplayer who hates themselves. And there's a bunch of women lined up to make them hate themselves. Chaos is a fucking ladder and that's the racial hierarchy. And it's usually not even white women unless they have some really shitty self-esteem issue, usually revolving around their weight. The skinny white girls never breathe down my neck, but the big white girls have been my biggest bullies because they're lower in their own hierarchy.

And I don't hate non-BIWOC, I'm really indifferent towards them until they start trying to humble me and make me hate myself and compare myself to them. I wanna look like me, not you. 🤣 What a projection.