#i equipped to make these decisions! i don't know shit i feel like i was a fresher last week and suddenly i'm picking my final year project??

[naamahdarling]

Maybe it isn't that I actually hate medical professionals? They just suck and are weird sometimes, and a lot of them shouldn't be practicing, but I don't hate them as a group, like, personally.

What I hate is their ability to make my life harder in ways that are often completely opaque to me, and a lot of the crap things they do are not really possible to challenge. And I hate the fact that holding them responsible fort dogshit behavior in any way that will actually benefit me is almost always impossible.

And I also hate the fact that they have to do stupid things sometimes because that's how the system is set up, and those things sometimes mean patients actually get harmed. They aren't fond of that part either! They don't want the system to be the way it is! But they don't have a choice, so sometimes people like me get forced by bureaucracy into doing things that are re-traumatizing. And I can't imagine that feels good for them at all, knowing that their patients are sometimes only "consenting" because that bureaucracy will not let them be helped in any other way. Which isn't consent at all. I imagine that must be pretty traumatizing for them, too, sometimes.

If it were easier to actually access medical care without tremendous delays in this country right now I would have much less trouble finding providers who are good at what they do and are not horrible people, and who have clinic staff who can do their fucking job.

Oh and I also don't appreciate how evasive and unwilling to commit they are out of fear of being held to an answer that turns out to be inaccurate, but I can't make an informed decision about my own care unless they give me at least some information about probabilities and trajectories and typicalities. Genuinely, how the fuck am I supposed to navigate that shit. I get that some patients are really fucking difficult, but I should be able to get a special stamp on my file or something that says I understand that sometimes medicine isn't an exact science and the best answers that my doctors can give may not always prove to be accurate in the long term. I know they don't like being in that situation either.

A lot of medical professionals are fucking assholes, and unfortunately the ones who are not are still hamstrung by a system set up to actively prevent people from getting care.

I miss my old doctor. He gave no shits about anything that wasn't the patient. He prescribed scheduled meds based on what the patient needed and not based on fear of consequences potentially being imposed on him by the punitive patient-hostile drugs-are-bad moral panic machine developed to force suffering people into buying more dangerous drugs off the street in order to prevent far fewer people from maybe getting high off of drugs that at least weren't laced with lethal substances. (The purpose of a system is what it does.) Did he get sanctioned and become locally unhireable? Unfortunately yes he did. Does he now provide concierge care to rich people? Yes he does. He found a way to make it work, God bless him.

Everything about the medical system in this country is fucked. Hospitals, doctors, nurses, pharmacies, pharmacists, pharmacy techs, phlebotomists, clinic administrative staff, insurance companies, medical schools and schooling, licensing boards, drug advertising to both providers and patients, pharmaceutical reps, researchers, research, publishing, medical trials, pharmaceutical companies, manufacturers and distributors, medical equipment, charting software, billing and billing codes, diagnostic criteria, charity and low income services, accessible transportation, home care, the lack of independent individual patient advocates, dietitians and nutritionists, access to physical and occupational therapy and physical and occupational therapists, the massive bigotry of every kind rampant in every corner of the medical field, social work, senior care and assisted living, deprioritization of informed consent and harm reduction, disability applications, inaccessibility of medical records, especially psychiatric notes which are specifically allowed to be withheld from patients, lack of continuity of care for disadvantaged people, care that is equitably accessible to disabled people, telemedicine, patient portals, phone systems, clinic hours, every single aspect of inpatient and outpatient psychiatry, facility security, all sorts of things going on with therapists who are nevertheless probably the least malicious group of people in this entire charade, aaaaaand patients themselves.

Also hospital toilets that are too tall and make it literally physically impossible for me to poop while I'm there waiting for somebody to come out of surgery. I just needed to take a crap, guys. You didn't need to make the toilets so tall that my feet didn't even touch the floor. It is very clean but there is no shitting for short people at St Francis.

[neptunes-sol-angel]

This!

It's irritating seeing this trend with readers building their platforms by doing love readings, gaining followers for it, profiting off off of it, and then suddenly pulling the rug from their feet to instruct people (not guide!) that they're "lacking" in something but not even giving them closure on what, how, or where to start. Whether you actually care or you just want to find a reason to shit on other readers, people have the absolute wrong idea over and over again about what readings are meant to be.

It is a luxury. Not and should not ever be advertised as a need. If people need help through these services, then they have to want it for themselves instead of you trying to instill in them that they need to be reliant on occultic practices to make good decisions in their lives. That is a dangerous way to make someone codependent on readings because constantly trying to look for things to fix in your life in the name of "self improvement" is equally harmful as what an obsession with future spouse or other love readings will do to you. There is not a single topic that is superior or inferior to another when it comes to divination because they all have the potential to trigger someone into spiritual psychosis and I really need people to understand this.

You want readings to be about counseling others? Go towards other closed divination practices that are solely designed for giving spiritual insight OR just simply keep posting the topics that you want, in your own way and call it a day instead of worrying about what the next person is doing. Why does it always have to be a dick measuring contest in these communities when really we should be supporting each other? Not everyone is equipped to channel self-help readings and it's perfectly fine to just be a reader that caters to love topics or anything else that is unique.

It's like saying "Books are for learning. You should only read educational topics because I think you're not doing enough for your intellectual responsibilities". You'd be mad as hell if someone told you that you needed to put down that science fiction book because they feel like you need to learn more about neuroscience.

I'm a reader, and I personally take the breaks that I do here for my mental health because indulging in spiritual practices with no boundaries will drive you into insanity. Respectfully, if I just finished having a mental breakdown over recollecting the various cases of childhood trauma that I've experienced...I do not want to log on here and read pick a cards about shadow work. I wouldn't even want to touch my cards or speak to my spirit guides for the next couple of days.

Any other time, I LIVE for a good reading no matter the topic. Future spouse readings are not my favorite but I don't hate them. Sometimes I'll be drawn to just one specific topic depending on the day because that's life. One day I want to know more about my love life in the present, the next day maybe my love life in the future, some days I do want to read more into the shadow work that I need to do, next week I could really want to read pick a cards with messy topics or themes that are meant to boost your confidence, and when I'm in that mood, I might just only want to read 18+ themed pick a card readings 💀

The point is that I don't think people understand how precious this platform actually is. A lot of the material here, you can't really get in any of the other divination communities. People are talented here and should stick with what they feel that they should make and it's pointless to try to get them to do it any other way because IT'S SO DIVERSE here, just simply find another reader who makes the messages that you need at the moment. It's not that hard or rare to find that people are making it ought to be.

And just focus on what you can do as a reader. Are you being true to your practices and beliefs? Are you creating a space that's healthy for readers up here? If not, then think and respond accordingly to what you feel like you should do. If you're concerned about the consumption of love readings, don't be quick to point fingers at other people, especially if you know you're part of the problem. People learn on their own timing and through their own choices and you can't control that. What you can control is the content that you choose to distribute to others.

Do topics that match with your truth. Love readings are not your thing or not what you believe in? Don't make them. Are you tired? Don't feel pressured to post. You feel concerned with how your audience is consuming your content? Post less. Etc.

[m4rs-ex3]

people always make silly little lists of characters' crimes which i love but i'm gonna do smth a lillllll different

tdp character trauma log 🫶✨

callum

lost his father at a Baby age (the perfect age actually; young enough to be very emotional and impressionable but old enough to have to process it)

was thrown into a drastically different + high-key terrifying environment at Baby Age

lost his mother--his comfort person, his only connection to his og life (besides amaya), and also just an amazing individual--leaving him alone in said environment

was constantly belittled for being bad at the thing he never asked to be

lost his stepfather aka his only parent left and experienced an array of regret over what he didn't do while harrow was alive

almost watched his little brother down/freeze to death

was betrayed by his childhood friend

endured a severe dark magic sickness + traumatizing fever dream

almost choked to death

watched his whole world jump off of the highest point in the world

almost died plummeting off of the highest point in the world

was abandoned by Love of His Life for several depressed years

was literally fucking possessed

was taxed with the decision between becoming a vessel for the most dangerous individual in the world to destroy everything and hurt everyone he loves OR essentially ending his life (a conclusion he himself had to come to)

was under the impression that Love of His Life was dead (and he never got to tell her what he wanted to)

almost died pt 3

almost died pt 4-5

bound and brutally beaten + electrocuted (?)

watched the most important person in the world to him mercilessly tortured within an inch of her life

almost lost her AGAIN and had to destroy his entire moral compass in order to save her

tortured

almost died 6: choked pt 2

rayla

where do i begin

well first off grew up in the silvergrove and hey moonshadow elves i love ya but oh dear god -promotes "strength" and stoicism over discussing your feelings and admitting to your weaknesses -so bound (literally) by duty and oaths that faltering results in either being good as dead or dead as dead -ETC

equipped with a debilitating phobia of water--a fear most would see as bizarre and silly and exceptionally irrational--in a culture that as previously mentioned shuns fear to all hell

was left by her parents and (despite them having a perfectly good reason) never really healed

almost drowned which was not helped by the phobia

almost ravaged by an ancient vampire

an ASSASSIN who has to KILL PEOPLE but is a WHOLESOME SWEETHEART

haunted by her "constant" mistakes; her strengths get wholly overshadowed by her weaknesses

told by the father figure she revered that she is a stupid baby useless idiot (roughly)

was flatly told by Father Figure he expected to kill her (to which she's just like "fr prolly" good god girl you are fucked)

had to not only sit and listen to, but conform to horrid stereotypes she's been haunted by since she was a kid

nearly slowly lost a hand (and just straight up accepted like ik this isn't the point but i feel the need to address when she does some insanely broken shit)

saw a person wither to dust before her eyes i feel like we forget about this

almost died like pt 4 ish i literally cannot keep track what counts and whats too minor a near death experience and why do i have to ask these questions

watched the love of her life (shut up harry styles) suffocate in his sleep in her arms

almost died pt 5-8 ?

i once again don't even know where to begin this time with her ghosting. linking this post again but tldr she didn't do anything wrong, she believed she did, her society not only confirmed these suspicions but god they pinned her with so much more, and she was told that actually no and what the fuck is she supposed to do with that u just told her everything she knows is wrong and that she actually has worth and she is not keen on that mindset

almost died 9? i include this one bc soulfangs are terrifying

cooly came to the conclusion that she deserved to die for her parents mistakes (and fully intended on doing so)

almost died jumping off the highest point in the world

suffered from persistent nightmares

almost drowned (the phobia once again did not help)

was nearly killed by the dead former co-workers she feels responsible for killing

forced herself to leave behind Love of Her Life and if you don't think that was the hardest fucking thing in the world for her

spent two, miserable years alone, getting beaten down again and again (mentally and physically,) plagued by her vendetta, haunted by all she lost, never knowing comfort, never knowing love, and probably so much worse that we don't even know woohoo!

thought that, after years of painful wondering, the parents she desperately wanted back were killed right in front of her

almost died pt who even fucking knows

almost died

almost died

almost died

almost died

almost died

was absolutely fucking brutally tortured (within an inch of her life) 😚✌🌸✨✨

almost died horrendously (she rlly couldnt catch a break that day)

had to choose between pushing her trauma to the absolute limit or hating herself for not protecting her friends

almost died

ez

motherless

couldn't make friends (for a reason no one would believe)

that's why yo [daddy] dead. dead as hell. what shoes [he] got on what shoes [he] got on in [his] casket

almost drowned/froze

had the pressure of surviving as an orphan ANDD being a fucking king forced upon him at the same time

felt responsible for thousands of lives

was imprisoned

was almost motherfucking impaled by scary adult

all that? yea he was like 10

therefore

grew up weird like his brother and rayla

probably almost died a lot of times

imprisoned again & was threatened and bared witness to his brother + his closest friend tortured (+ almost murdered)

almost murdered by someone he once trusted

prolly a lot more idk i was gonna include soren n claudia but i am so fucking exhausted THESE KIDS ARE SO FUCKED OML 😭😭

[fedorasaurus]

DEUS EX SPOILERS

I finally beat the game yesterday! I'm sure you're curious to know what ending I got.

First, let me go over my thoughts about each of the options that were presented (I assume it was only these three):

Morgan's offer -- Spare the base. Join him in leading the world via the Illuminati, which will definitely not be tyrannical.

I don't trust him. Not after seeing what he did to DeBeers (locking him in a cold stasis pod under his house and using him for his knowledge while lying about curing him, taking sole control over the Illuminati in his place). Is that going to be JC's fate, too? Plus, even with JC's compassion, I don't see what good can come of a secret society running the world. Joining the big conspiracy goes against everything JC fought for up to this point. Maybe he can make a change for the better, though?

Tracer's offer -- Destroy the base, activating a massive EMP blast that will disable electronic tech worldwide. Society will be returned to the "dark ages," but from there, everyone will be on equal footing, and we can rebuild to a better, more fair society, where no one government or billionaire can control everyone/everything.

Like JC says, "that sounds overkill." Then again, Tracer's hope and optimism is compelling. It's not that advanced tech would NEVER return, anyway. Now it has the chance to be rebuilt under better circumstances. Maybe this time we can use tech to help people rather than harm them. One thing gives me pause, though: this is a sudden, worldwide change, which most people will not be ready for. A lot of people will be harmed by this at first. Think about it: no hospital equipment, no refrigerators, no phones to contact people in an emergency. I certainly don't know enough about farming to be self-sufficient, nor am I in shape enough for long term physical labor. But, I also think... If forgoing the use of modern technology means, for example, that nukes no longer existed, I think it's worth it.

Helios' offer -- Combine JC with the AI, using his augs and Helios' vast knowledge to control the world.

This sounds scary on the face of it. Trust a machine to handle running the lives of humans? Helios makes a compelling argument, though. It doesn't have ambitions. It's simply programmed to protect people and help the world run smoothly. No emotion or ulterior motives that can be bribed into doing what some wealthy benefactor wants. Though, any fan of System Shock would sweat a little at this, recalling that Shodan was programmed for a similar purpose, and her solution to "protecting people" was to... make it so that there were no more people. Come to think of it, Helios never elaborated on their plan to protect people. A machine built on spy software and internet data, relying on algorithms to make decisions, it's concerning. But combined with JC, maybe it could work. JC would have to do a lot of emotional heavy-lifting, but maybe he can keep the AI in line. We also found out that... people are already kind of okay with Helios opening up the roads and shutting down the criminal organizations. JC does wonder, though, if Helios is trying to learn about people in order to control, not help them.

As a sidenote, Bob sounds like SUCH a jealous lover when he finds out that Helios wants JC and not him. God, hearing the villain lose his shit when he knows he's at a disadvantage is delightful after everything we've endured at his hand. All he can do is sit behind his force field and yell at us. You got got, Bob!

Alright, so, what choice did I make for my first playthrough?

---

Deus Ex handles the endings in an interesting way. There's no obvious "GOOD" or "BAD" ending. Each option has positive and negative consequences, and it's up to the player to decide, based on what they learned and discovered throughout the game, what feels right to them. Even Paul trusts JC to follow his heart, supporting him whatever he chooses (god, I love Paul 😭).

Part of my decision also came from just having a difficult time navigating the Area 51 base. Other folks in Chat had similar experiences, so I'm glad I'm not alone there, but it got to a point where I was mulling two choices around in my mind but ended up committing to one because there was no way I'd be able to find my way back if I changed my mind again (yes, the game gives you maps, but even in real life I struggle without a point of reference of my current location 💀).

Plus, Helios was weirdly pushy. "Yes, you will do this," "You will go there, do that." It was uncomfortable, kind of bossy. JC had an option, but Helios still acted like it was bent on controlling things. Maybe I can chalk it up to the language processing of a machine, though.

The ending I picked on this run, you can probably guess, was the New Dark Age ending. Tracer's hope is something I can really vibe with. His, "Come find us, JC!" got me really emotional, in fact. The game doesn't explicitly show JC escaping and reuniting with his friends, but I believe he does. Something made me second-guess my choice, though: the animals and workers who are still alive on the base. The mechanic who tries desperately to stop JC when he presses the three buttons to start the reaction. I really hope they all had enough time to evacuate. I'm okay sacrificing my own life to save everyone, but taking others down with me feels terrible. It's left ambiguous, though. In fact, the ending only shows JC running from the facility while it crumbles. Did we make the right choice, in the end? Is society going to be okay? It isn't shown. I like that, though. Let the player imagine how the future plays out. We weighed the options and followed our heart, and really, that's all anyone can do.

I believe it all worked out.

I'll get the other endings next week and see if any of them feel more "right," and then we'll see how Invisible War handles the continuation of the story (one thing's for sure: Alex Denton must have escaped somehow 👀)!

[allwormdiet]

Tangle 6.9

I don't wanna deal with this parrrrrrrrrt

Taylor. Taylor. I know you're getting desperate but come on. You can't write an email to the hero you and your friends publicly bodied on the same night that you did the bodying.

Nobody's checking her on her shit. Nobody who she should theoretically be able to go to for advice is equipped for this, or even inclined to help her. Danny would try, I'm certain, but he'd be out of his depth. Emma might have been a grounding influence for Taylor once upon a time but, haha, that is no longer an option. School is worthless to her, and her new (only) friends are the ones who are doing the crimes she's involving herself in, not to mention that she became their friend with the intent to backstab them.

...I wish she'd just talk to her dad about this shit. Her refusal to even try and explain it to him feels like it's tangled up in something she can't even name or describe. He's the closest confidant she has at this point, and that's not saying much, but for fuck's sake it should be saying something.

Fuck.

Fucky fucker fucking fuck.

You can't lie to someone you live with for that long about something that can be so easily fact-checked and expect to never get caught out. It's just not feasible.

God this is so hard. She's trying to spare his feelings, she's trying to not pin any of this on him, and it's not working. The fact that she feels like she can't trust him means that he failed to be trustworthy to her, somewhere along the way, and she won't even acknowledge that. She won't even sit across the table from him to talk about this.

Here's where Danny scuffs it, honestly. I'm not going to say he was even wrong to anticipate Taylor's avoidance, but hemming her in like this is only going to rile her up worse. I don't know what the right answer is. Breaks my heart.

I don't think it's fair of Taylor to lump her dad in with the others who've hurt her, in no small part because. This hurt that Danny's feeling, the pain that makes her twist with guilt and frustration, was damage she caused by lying to him, by pushing him away. She's been so lonely for so long and the one person who could've been an ally, even an ineffectual one, is the one she's kept at arm's length throughout all of it.

Even the violence, even the kicking and the breaking, is just a way to avoid telling him anything.

Just pull the bandage off, Taylor, please. Maybe the worst-case scenario happens but then you don't have to keep that poisonous cold lump inside of you. There's other reactions he could have, better ones. I don't think his love for you is conditional. I don't think

Okay so this is almost the right decision she's making, here

Yes! Be with your friends, make bonds that last, admit to yourself what you actually want

God fucking dammit

Straight up crying in the club rn

Tell him! Oh my god please just tell him. Taylor for the love of god please just tell him

Fuck

Lisa's just a kid, too. As much as she pretends otherwise, as much as Danny wants to believe her.

So. Fucking sad.

Current Thoughts

The Heberts break my goddamn heart.

Danny tried, but he pushed too hard when Taylor was already raw and accidentally put her in a defensive mindset, made her feel cornered, unsafe. And then when it came down to it, he still let her walk away. He let Lisa take her from him.

And Taylor. God. I wish she'd just let Danny support her. Even if he doesn't solve her problems, if she could just lean on him during the low times that could make such a difference. I think he could understand, maybe given time. He'd side with her before he'd side against her, no matter who was on the other side.

Another point of proof, I guess. Taylor's fate wasn't sealed from the beginning. It doesn't have to go the way that it goes. There were options, much as she can't see them.

And the roads not taken just make it hurt that much more.

Interlude next.

*sigh*

[dmbakura]

I've been doing the evil run in bg3 and I can say it's very much not worth it from a story perspective 💀 but I feel like it does a very good job of making your actions have consequences. The new combat encounters it provides can be pretty interesting, though I also fucked myself over for one of the boss fights lmao. So my run so far has been:

-I did NOT side with the goblins, so I was able to recruit Karlach, Wyll and Halsin. I honestly regret this because it makes 0 sense for them to stick around for the other evil shit I've done and every dialogue with them is especially scathing. They are MISERABLE in my camp

-followed Kar'niss to moonrise and didn't kill him for the moon lantern. This turned out to massively bite me in the ass because it turns out if you don't kill him earlier, he WILL appear in Ketheric's boss fight at the top of the tower and I wasn't equipped to deal with that so I temporarily lowered the difficulty from tactician to balanced to get through that fight 💀

-killed Isobel and lost the last light inn (after doing associated quests in it, karlach's engine and thaniel) which was bad enough on its own, I then LIED TO JAHEIRA that I didn't do it, which again felt more awful than if I had just killed her outright. Now I can recruit her for act 3 and she'll be non the wiser that I got all her harpers killed for new jim jams (the only upside to this is the slayer form is pretty awesome, pictured below)

-in addition to the above point, literally everyone else in the party thinks you're a dumbfuck for killing Isobel. Even Minthara. Everyone Disliked That

-had Shadowheart kill Aylin and become a Dark Justiciar. Literally why would you do this. I mean it did give her some pretty sick buffs but I fucking felt the loss of Aylin in the later boss fights, and the cutscene you get in the shadowfell is vastly inferior to the freeing Aylin cinematic. Overall do not recommend this

I just reached act 3 but rest assured my bad decisions will not stop here. You already know who I'm ascending 🤪 anyways my advice for an evil run is to just go full murder hobo and sacrifice some of those companions/their extra story content. The psychic damage is not worth keeping them around.

[angelst4re]

tattoo!artist!jamie tattooing his full fucking name near as possible to your reader’s cunt (this was one of the prompts listed by someone else and you)

okay so this was and still IS one of my favourite ideas ever. and i really wanted to write and post it tonight so i'm hoping and praying that it doesn't feel rushed at all! although i think i did spend more time searching for this video (below) than i did writing it :( and yes i had to make the gif myself bc i couldn't find it anywhere :')

Good Girl- Tattoo Artist!Jamie x Reader

summary: you lose a bet against jamie...

warnings: jamie and reader are friends with benefits! NSFW! smut, oral (reader receiving), sex toys, briefly mentioned pain kink? (that probably has a name, i'm too tired to think rn!)

note: NOT PROOF READ </3 this fic is super unrealistic, let's just pretend everything that happens here is safe! (i also don't know how tattoos work, i've mentioned this before haha) also it's almost Jamie's birthday :) i might post a super cute fluffy fic for his day :)

As you walked from your car into the tattoo studio, you thought about what led you to this decision. It was such a terrible idea, but you lost a bet after all, you had to do it. 

When you and Jamie were out at a bar, he had made a bet that the bartender would ask for your number. You had told him that was stupid! Clearly the bartender had seen you were with Jamie, he wouldn’t dare ask for your number! Would he? 

He did. And that is what led you into this, all because you lost a bet. 

You sat down in the waiting room, pulling your tiny skirt down as it was barely covering anything- not that anyone would see, the tattoo studio was closed, it was only you and Jamie there. 

“Ah, I see you’re on time.” Jamie says with a smirk, leaning against the door frame. He wore a black t-shirt and had his hair pushed back, a pair of circular glasses resting on his face. 

He motioned for you to follow him as he led you to a room, you picked up your bag and followed him, your heart racing in your chest. 

“I can’t believe you agreed to this,” he chuckled. 

“Well, I can’t say no to a dare, can I? I’m not a pussy.” You tried to act like you weren’t terrified, like your hands weren’t shaking as you slightly bent down and placed your bag on the floor. 

“Whatever you say,” he snickered, “shit there’s no gloves in here… I’ll go and get some from another room. Get yourself comfortable, darling- oh, and you might need to take that pretty thong off.” He added before leaving the room. 

Shit. 

You knew he was going to tattoo somewhere close to your cunt, that’s why he told you to wear a skirt, but you didn’t think it would actually be there. 

Swallowing the last of your dignity, you slipped off your red lace thong, throwing it towards your bag before lying down on the table, adjusting the pillow a few times before you were finally comfortable. 

“Sorry about that, it looks like we need to order some more gloves in,” Jamie said as he returned, shutting the door behind him, “you ready, love?”

You nodded your head, followed by a quiet “yes.” 

He got all the equipment ready before pulling a chair up beside you and lifting your skirt up at an agonisingly slow pace. His (now gloved) thumb rubbed just inches above your clit, and it felt cold, causing your hips to buck slightly, arousal now replacing your anxiety. 

“Baby, I can’t have you moving about whilst I do this, okay? Stay still for me.” 

You have known Jamie for 6 years now, and in that time you had been fucking on and off, in and out of relationships with other people, you’d spend weeks together and then not see each other for months, but one thing was for sure- you were his and he was yours. You would always come back to each other in the end, so you knew you wouldn’t regret this. 

“Are you ready?” He asked one final time, before turning on the damned machine. 

You let out a gasp as you felt the needles working into your skin. You had gotten tattoos before, but none of them had ever felt like this. Although it hurt, you liked it, but you wished you could feel some stimulation on your clit. 

“Jamie,” you whimpered, screwing your eyes shut. 

“Yes, darling?”

“Can you… can you…”

“Can I… what?” He asked, stopping abruptly. As if his patience was running short. That’s when his eyes dropped, focusing on your pulsing heat. “Awhh, was that turning you on, baby?” He mocked. 

You nodded your head in shame, and he just laughed, getting ready to continue. You quickly grasped his wrist, stopping him. 

“Jamie, please, I need-”

“What? What do you need?” 

“Can you touch me?” You asked, growing shy as you realised how desperate you sounded. 

He smirked, placing everything in his hands down on the table beside him, pulling one glove off before spreading your folds with his index and middle finger. 

“Fuck, you’re soaked.” He gasped, running a finger through your folds, before focusing on stroking your clit. 

You threw your head back, you were so worked up already that just his finger on your clit was enough for you to cum, but then he asked you, 

“Did you bring what I asked you to?” 

“I did… it’s in my bag.” 

When he removed his hand from you, you let out a whine, you were so close to your high before he moved, wheeling his chair over to your bag. He chuckled at the sight of your panties, taking them and slipping them into his pocket before pulling the item out of your bag- the baby blue dildo he had bought you. 

He wheeled himself back over to you and without warning, you felt the toy rubbing against your heat. It was soon covered in your slick and Jamie grinned, pushing it inside of you slowly as your nails dug into his wrist. 

“Shit…” You whimpered, “feel so full.” 

“Is that what you needed, darling?” He asked, leaving the toy inside you as he got a clean glove out, “poor little slut.” He chuckled, picking up the tattoo machine again before continuing his work. 

As he spelled out the ‘J’ and ‘A’ of his name, he couldn’t help but watch as your cunt continued to pulse around the toy, your clit begging for stimulation. He held your legs apart, stopping you from rubbing your thighs together like you so desperately wanted. 

He had now spelt out ‘JAMI’ and decided to just spell his first name, he would then give you what you needed. It was driving him mad watching your pretty pussy beg for his attention as he worked above it. 

When the ‘E’ was finally complete, he took off his glasses, wiped down his work and applied something to it, your mind was too fuzzy to think about what it could be. 

It felt like your prayers were answered when you felt his lips wrap around your clit, catching you by surprise. 

“Oh my god!” You whined, your hand coming down to tangle your fingers in his hair. 

He sucked harshly on your clit, needing to see and feel you release. He slowly pulled the toy out of you before pushing it back in, repeating this action until your thighs trembled either side of his face. 

“Fuck! Fuck, I’m gonna… Jamie, please! Can I cum…”

“Of course, baby. You were such a good girl,” he says against your pussy, the two of you felt euphoric, as if you could get high on sexual tension, “cum for me, darling.”

With one harsh suck of your clit between his lips and the feeling of his teeth grazing your sensitive nub, you came with a loud moan. He worked you through it, pulling the toy out of you and placing it on the table beside him, his mouth moving down to ‘clean’ you up. 

As his tongue now prodded against your hole, you felt his nose graze your clit. Your body shuddered at the touch as you were currently extremely sensitive, he loved this. Seeing the reaction it caused, he purposely did it again, a little harder this time, causing you to grab his shoulder and attempt to pull him away. 

“Enough, too much, please…” you babbled, and he placed a kiss on your clit before lifting his head back up, looking you in the eyes and giving you a smile, you smiled back lazily as he stood up, searching the cupboard for something. 

“Would you like to see it?” Jamie asked, handing you a mirror. 

You held the mirror down, noticing the sticky mess that was your cunt, and then the tattoo above it, reading ‘jamie.’ 

“Do you like it?” He asked, in an almost teasing tone. 

“I guess,” you smirked, sitting up. 

“Don’t stand straight up, darling. You’ve been lying down for a while, let me clean you up properly first.” 

You remained seated as he retrieved some wipes from another room. When he returned, he spread your legs again and cleaned up the mess he caused, trying his best not to touch your clit. 

“Wanna come back to my place?” He asked as he cleaned you up, as if this was the most normalest thing that had ever happened. Your eyes were level his crotch as he stood above you, and you noticed he was hard underneath the restriction of his jeans, you tilted your head and gave him an innocent smile. 

“Sounds fun, why not?” You said, standing up and collecting your bag, “only if you plan on giving my underwear back, that shit was expensive.”

[captainsamuelmorrigan]

Eddie has been bugging Steve for WEEKS to let him give him his first tattoo. It's a different excuse every time.

"I don't know what I want. I need to be sure about what I want."

"I have work late all of this week, ask me again on Sunday."

"I'm letting all my demo-bat scars settle some more, you told me those might mess up the healing."

"Ask me again-"

"I just don't-"

"Well-"

Eddie eventually sits down Steve on the couch and stands above him with his arms crossed. "Do you want a tattoo?"

"Yes." Steve answers with no hesitation.

"Then why the fuck are you dragging your feet so much on this?" Eddie stamps his foot. "I have everything ready to go! It's been ready for months!"

Steve looks down and shakes his head. "I do want the tattoo, Eds. I'm just scared about the getting the tattoo part."

"Like the needle?"

"The needle, the pain, you standing over me and admistering it. I think about it when I'm trying to figure out what I even want and suddenly I'm shaking and sweating because instead of you, suddenly it's a Russian agent. Suddenly, I'm trapped in some memory of Starcourt and I feel like I can't even breath."

I want to get the tattoo and everything, I'm just so caught up in the pain and needles part I can't get to the part where I get to have your art on me." Steve seems to deflate even further, sinking into the couch. "I'm sorry."

Eddie sits next to him, holding his hand. "If I saw half the shit you have, Harrington, I think I'd be too scared to leave my house."

Steve gives him a distrustful look.

"I'm serious! I've seen maybe like a 4th of it and some nights I can't even sleep. This can totally just be something we never do. I'd totally respect your decision if you just wanted to stop trying, but, if you do want to do this still, we can figure out a way to keep you from spiraling like that."

They share a careful smile. Steve leans on Eddie's shoulder, keeping their hands firmly intertwined.

"I think having Robin there would help."

"Hell yeah, do you want to invite 'Dusty-bun' and make it a real party?"

Steve smiles softly. "Yeah."

Steve's next day off, they plan. Steve's going to get his bat with nails on his bicep. Eddie thinks it'll be 2 hours max. They go through the whole process, what Eddie will be using on Steve, what each piece of equipment does, and what it feels like. Eddie even demonstrates on himself by putting a little 'x' on his thigh. Finally, they set a date with Robin and Dustin for the following Tuesday.

Robin holds Steve's hand the whole time. The tattoo looks great. Plus, Eddie whispering little praises of "Great job, big boy," make it all worth it.

[not-a-space-alien]

K&J x MMSS 4: Valen & Jim Part 7

Part seven of the fourth crossover with @whumpsday!

K&J masterlist

MMSS masterlist

K&J x MMSS crossover masterlist

To be added to the taglist, contact @whumpsday

Warnings for this chapter: None

In this chapter:

***

Valen thinks about it over the next couple of days. He doesn't like making rush decisions.

He calls Jim every day, and every day he hears about how scared Jim gets at night. Jim tries to downplay it, and it still sounds horrible. He can hear the tiredness in both his and Liz's voices.

He barely knows Jim. He doesn't have to babysit Jim. He can't focus on the work that had seemed so important last week.

He starts getting mail from Priscus. A picture of a cat, saying it's his if he comes back to the estate. Sent directly to Valen's supposedly secret address. The wording in his communications is getting more insistent.

He calls Jim and says he'd like to move in with him and Liz, if such a thing is still agreeable to them.

Jim jumps on the offer ecstatically. "Of course it's still agreeable! We'd love to have you! Come on over!"

Valen regretfully tells his landlord he's breaking the lease. He's not attached to any of the furniture. He packs up his books, his lab equipment, his clothes, the blood he has on hand. His stash of valuables he'd taken from the Kithrara estate. Priscus will surely demand those back as soon as he's no longer in denial that Valen isn't coming back, and wasn't just "borrowing" them. Which will likely happen when he finds out Valen is now living in human territory, at which point he'll be out of reach even to the Kithrara family's manipulation tactics. He needs his ill-gotten goods to save himself from having to work a job.  He’s capable of it, he simply doesn't want to and tells himself his research project is more important.

His things aren't too heavy to carry, but they are a little bulky. He buys a cheap car. It's even harder to drive. He's already shunted his previous car off onto Jim to be rid of it. There are no rentals that will allow him to return it in human territory. He may just abandon it on the side of the road when he's done with it. Having money has let him turn to being wasteful as a coping method for his anxiety.

He loads up all his things and stops at the store to get a generous supply of blood packs. He puts them in a cooler and drives straight to Liz and Jim's house.

Jim runs out to give him a tackle-hug as soon as Valen arrives. It's the first time he's been outside at night since Valen took him to the store. "I missed you."

Valen lets himself be pummeled by the hug. Why had he ever left this? What could be more important than this? "I missed you too."

Liz follows. "Welcome back, roomie. Lemme help you with your stuff."

When Liz starts to carry his things, he untangles himself from Jim. "Please, please allow me. It's much easier for me, don't trouble yourself. Where shall I put them?"

Liz waves him off. "I can carry shit no problem."

"We cleared out the extra room. We can still share a bed and stuff, but that way you've got your own space to put all your stuff," Jim says. "Hey, you wanna see something fucked up?"

"Stop showing it to everyone who comes over," Liz admonishes.

Valen's eyes widen. "Oh dear. What is it?"

Jim strips his shirt and turns around. His back is covered in bullseye rashes, like someone stained his skin with red watercolor. "I got Lyme disease."

Liz rolls her eyes. "Put your shirt back on."

"I feel like crap, but it looks kinda cool!" Jim insists. "'Fore you ask, already saw the doctor, already on meds for it."

"Oh dear!" Valen cries, "I hope it clears up quickly." Jim has been showing his bare back to "everyone who comes over"...? For some reason, the thought of more humans coming over to the house where he now lives hadn't really occurred to him. It's really scary, for some reason, to be surrounded by humans. "Who, um, who have you been showing this to?"

"Laken. Friends who I haven't seen since before. Plus a reporter. They wanna put me on TV," Jim brags.

Jim is going to be on TV. What is Valen going to do when more humans keep showing up here? He starts to second guess his decision. Can he really live here, in human territory? Everyone here except a small group of Jim's connections will see him as a dangerous and hateful animal, or a curiosity at best. "Ah," he says nervously. "Just, just give me ample warning before that happens so, so I don't also get on TV."

Jim puts his shirt back on. "Oh hey, yeah, of course. It'd be during the day, and not here. And you know, they were asking about the story of how I escaped, and that's all you. You're like a hero. But if you don't want me to go on, I won't. You feeling comfortable here's more important." 

"Well, you can–I don't want to limit you. You deserve to tell everyone your story. I'm just nervous as to what it could bring if, if the spotlight comes on me at all." He rubs his arm. "Thank you for calling me a hero, but there are probably people out there who would think that doesn't matter."

"Well, I think it matters," Jim protests.

"I made sure all the hunters in this district know you're with us. You won't run into any trouble here," Liz assures him.

"I'll make sure to keep you out of the spotlight," Jim says.

Liz pats the trunk. "Hey, open it up so I can start helping."

They unload Valen's stuff, and he shyly asks if there's somewhere he can have space to set up his lab equipment so he can continue working on his project.

"Wherever there's room, go for it," Liz says, gesturing around the house. "Kitchen, living room, Mom and D–your room. Wherever you wanna set up.”

He catches the slip up in what Liz calls the room, and figures that given all the clues, Liz and Jim's parents must have passed away. "Was that your parent's bedroom?" Valen asks. "I'm sorry. Thank you for sharing it with me. Are you quite comfortable with me using it?" Part of him is afraid they're about to tell him their parents were killed by vampires.

"Yeah. Better that someone's using it." Jim says. "It's been... almost ten years, now. Time kinda gets away from you, huh."

"Mm-hm." Liz looks away. She doesn't like talking about it.

"My condolences. Well, I'm glad the two of you have each other now, at least."

"Yeah. And now we got you, too." Jim smiles at him.

Valen eventually decides to set up his lab in the living room, liking the idea of being out in the open where anyone can come ask about what he's doing, to give him an opportunity to gush. He does make note that he'll have to carefully label anything that comes in contact with the mushrooms, since they're dangerous to humans.

Things are alright for a while. Jim is a lot less paranoid than he was when Valen was hundreds of miles away, and the hunter that shot at Valen comes over briefly to apologize and thank him for bringing Liz's brother back. 

Valen is touched that all the vampire hunters and miscellaneous humans around accept him so easily. Despite his good deed, he'd expected much more pushback and more suspicion. But everyone is just being nice to him. It's refreshing, and not at all what he expected. 

Jim has trouble re-meshing with his old friend group: they've grown into different people in their time apart. But he has Liz and Valen, so he's okay. Laken takes a liking to Valen. Valen likes Laken a lot; they're bold and curious and don't take themselves too seriously.

Valen encourages Jim to get in touch with his old friends, but he himself has lost most of his old friends and he knows how difficult that can be when things have just changed. He encourages Jim not to let it get him down, and reminds him he'll have plenty of opportunities to make new friends down the road.

The hunters in the area know to leave Valen alone. Valen goes back to vampire territory every once in a while to get more blood, and occasionally other supplies he can't seem to get on this side of the border. He generally dislikes being in vampire territory, though, because of his own paranoia about being found. He avoids anyone who might have even tangential connections to his husband's family, not even telling his own family where he went. He misses them, a little, but he can't bring himself to be too sad about cutting them off. Talking to them usually only earned him misgendering and scolding.

Jim and Liz argue about her returning to work. Jim doesn't want her to, he's terrified for her safety, but Liz insists that this is her calling and she needs to protect people, and that Laken will get themself killed without her. Jim does end up conceding, begrudgingly, since he can't actually stop her.

Valen agrees with Jim that vampire hunting is dangerous, but he reminds Jim it's a noble profession that needs to be done to protect humans. He offers to start escorting Liz on hunts to help ensure her safety, but he sees the look on Jim's face at the thought of the consequences of that possibility: either he will be alone at night, or he'll have to come as well. Valen retracts the offer in front of Jim, but then later privately reoffers to Liz.

Liz declines Valen's offer for now, but thanks him and says maybe they can try that when Jim's more stable. Honestly, she's worried about Jim being alone at night, too. She already lost him once.

Jim sleeps in Valen's room. He's loathe to be apart from him for very long: not just because he likes being around Valen, but also because of a creeping feeling of danger he gets whenever they're apart. He's not coping as well as he'd like to think he is.

Valen gets more comfortable around Jim and the idea of another relationship, in whatever form that will be. They are both dealing with different kinds of trauma, and unfortunately they are creeping into territory where it's very easy to trigger Valen, sleeping next to each other and being affectionate. Jim has Valen to get him through his bad episodes, but for Valen, Jim is usually the cause of those episodes, which Valen tries to hide to spare his feelings. He knows logically that Jim can't overpower him, but the wounds of being overpowered are deep, and it's all he can do not to slide into learned helplessness rather than speak up about his feelings. He's less afraid of being physically dominated and more of the emotional side: Priscus had been kind early on in their marriage, and then had gradually lost patience and gotten more and more condescending and pushy. What if the same thing happened with Jim? Jim could start being less considerate, less respectful, and whatever positive emotions he'd been experiencing would be gone and their memories tainted. It felt fragile, just as safety did for Jim, the shared fear of being treated as an object manifesting in different ways for both of them.

He thinks that if Jim one day started telling him how to cut his hair or dictating what he could wear, he would never recover enough to trust anyone with his heart again.

Valen occasionally makes comments to Jim along the lines of "Thank you for allowing me to wear trousers," which probably strikes Jim just as weirdly as the occasional relapse Jim has where he begs and promises to be good strikes Valen and Liz.

It feels good. No one is too pushy. Everyone is just concerned about keeping each other happy and safe.

***

@barebarb

@cc1010foxy

@emcscared-whumps

@gt-daboss

@hurtpluscomfort

@jakersdaboss

@lolrpop

@melancholy-in-the-morning

@pigeonwhumps

@secretwhumplair

@some-thrilling-heroics

@t0rture-me

@thecyrulik

@thejinglingcourtjester

@vehan-tikkun-olam-and-stuff

@whuarri

@whump-cravings

@whump-my-heart-away

@whumpycries

@wolfeyedwitch

@whump-addict

@why-not-ask-me-a-better-question

[fireemblems24]

Golden Wildfire Ch 9

Spoilers for GW up to Ch 9 below.

STORY

Edelgard makes no progress in the war. More news at 6.

Wow, 6 month time-skip. Part 1 finished. Didn't think we were getting another time-skip, but with Edelgard licking her wounds, it makes sense because no one tries to murder anyone when she stays in her own country.

"End of the Alliance" - sounds ominous.

Oh. It's now a Federation. Like Star Trek. But shady as fuck. Because Claude just crowned himself king so he could take more control. Weird how everyone just accepts this. It doesn't really fit the narrative that people don't trust Claude.

So . . . Edelgard's war actually made the Alliance less progressive 😅. Because now the Liecester is just a monarchy.

Claude didn't tell Shez, lamo. It really feels like these two aren't close at all. I feel like Shez is closest to Dimitri -> Edelgard -> Claude.

It would be nice if this was an Alliance focused part and not about Edelgard's nonsense anymore.

There's trouble in Alliance territory with areas that didn't want King Claude and they're rebelling. Honestly, don't blame them. Ohhh, they want to join Faerghus. They like King Dimitri better. Agreed.

This really is heading towards an Edelgard Claude team up, isn't it? With the people who don't want to bow to king Claude wanting to leave and join the Kingdom. Welp, at least it'll be different. And hey, Claude's funeral, not Dimitri's so what do I care? As long as it's interesting and different from VW.

Don't blame Claude for wanting to put down the unrest. Happy not everyone drank the Claude kool-aide. And don't blame anyone for wanting to leave the Alliance. It's kind of a no one is the bad guy here (except Edelgard), unlike with Dimitri with the Western Lords where they are definitely the bad guys.

I don't trust Claude farther than I can throw him though.

MAP/SIDE QUESTS

This "battle suggestions" is interesting, but it makes it seem like Shez is in charge of the whole army lol.

Can someone explain how the "merc whistle" works? It seems like you can take someone's special ability and give it Shez. But you could also equip it on someone else? So I could make someone else invulnerable like Lorenz if I gave it to him? But that person's "ability" goes away? Anyone have a list of what those abilities are exactly?

You can actually tell Claude you don't support his actions (or are unsure). Edelgard routes could never.

NPC says the minor lords now get no say in what happens.

Yep, here it goes. Claude's meeting with Edelgard to ally with her again. At least here Claude's calling out her shit on attacking them for no reason.

Edelgard is so two-faced, denying that her end goal is take over.

"We'll take tangible resources over insincere apologies any day." - Lamo, Claude, if you know she's a two-faced, insincere liar why on earth are you doing this?

I like this version of it better since at least Claude seems like he has two brain cells at least. In SB, he really came across like Edelgard's mindless bitch.

Now he's calling her out for creating her BS southern church lol. Holst called it an "obvious sham."

Arval said Edelgard wouldn't even acknowledge Shez's existence.

Shez is actually not supporting Claude's decisions in cannon.

See, this makes it WAY more interesting. SB/CF cram what you should think down your throat (SB less than CF, but still doing it), but GW is giving it more nuance.

I think I can say GW is by far my 2nd favorite right now.

Oh, another time limit one! I liked that in the paralogue.

Hurt having to fight the Kingdom again.

Judith also calls out Claude, saying he's talking about people's lives like they're just pieces on a chessboard.

Marianne and Ignatz are also upset.

"You let the Empire talk you into buying the whole store." - Judith

Claude claims he's using the Empire right back. I'd like to see how. Like, I think GW is a way more interesting take on this, but I'm honestly super confused why he thinks this is a good idea for the Alliance.

Lorenz also said he's throwing the Kingdom to the wolves for no reason.

Claude drags up ancient history as an excuse. Which is hysterical since recent history the Empire just killed Alliance people.

Seems like Claude just hates the church and that's why he's siding with Edelgard. Even though that leaves it really easy for her to take over and she said she would through non-military means later.

Claude is a complete dumbass here, but at least it's interesting.

Aww, Shez checked on Shamir, making sure she's ok fighting Catherine. This game really ships Shamir x Catherine and I'm here for it.

Shit. I missed Claude x Hilda's B Support. Did I miss something amazing? Does this mean I'll have to play GW again? Not sure I care enough. I like them both well enough and all, but I can really only see myself replaying AG. IDK, maybe one day.

Anyone else find it shady that Claude is killing any noble who doesn't want to follow his new system? I get it, but that's sus as hell. It's esp funny because the Empire is trying to smear Dimitri for taking out the Western lords (who all helped in a genocide), but their allies doing the same to not-evil people is fine.

CLAUDE & SHEZ B SUPPORT

This is going to be funny with how openly Shez isn't trusting Claude right now lol.

They're just talking about him being king and how Shez first suggested that the Alliance had a king.

Claude wants to open up to Shez because she doesn't have any strings attached.

Talking more about Shez's mystery mom who just died of illness. Then she got kicked out by everyone else. Wonder why?

SHEZ & HILDA B SUPPORT

Hilda still lecturing Shez on charging to the front lines, but thinks Shez is skilled enough to handle it.

Hilda compares it to Holst who also leads the charge, unlike most leaders who stay in the back.

Hilda doesn't think her brother is capable of dying because no one is good enough to kill him, and now thinks the same for Shez. No one told the poor woman about arrows.

Hilda now fights more up front but denies it.

Shez can tell Hilda her cheerleading annoys people, lamo.

Welp, that explains why she's ok with attacking innocent people and continuing war because rHeA bAd, because she's convinced herself the people she loves can't die. Ummm. Ok.

SHEZ & LORENZ A SUPPORT

I feel like Lorenz got flanderized a bit in this game. Like, there's not much to any of his supports so far but "I am noble, so I am better." I honestly don't care much about him, but he had more depth in Houses.

Shez expects Lorenz to complain more. But he's just her to brag about why he's grown stronger.

She can assume he did it to get the ladies lol.

But nope, of course not, it's because he's a noble and a noble is better than commoners than he needs to be stronger than her.

He wants Shez to get in trouble so he can rescue her. Ugh.

Shez says that Lorenz fulfilled his oath to get stronger bc Shez only does what she does bc she relies on allies.

That was really one-dimensional, and Lorenz was just unlikeable in it.

HOLST & BALTHUS A SUPPORT

Oh, Hilda's here. So they just squeezed her in his support with Holst to excuse giving her a support with Balthus.

Hilda is worried that Holst is acting weird and thinks Balthus might be behind it because they've been hanging out.

Hilda is convinced that Holst is uncurroptable because he only like things that are just. Balthus seems to hint otherwise.

Seems like Holst is DRUNK. Or just being cringy. Hilda's mad that Balthus set her up so Holst could listen in.

Hilda's embarrassed, understandably.

Holst calls Hilda his "hope." Yeah, I get why she's annoyed.

CLAUDE & LORENZ A SUPPORT

Lorenz points out that his family has always been friendly with the Empire, so this change is no big deal.

He accuses Claude of just copying his father.

He says House Gloucester should rule and not Claude, and says he will be the next king.

Claude accuses Lorenz of his ego being out of control.

Claude suggests letting the people of the Alliance pick the king. Lorenz thinks it's silly until he changes his mind.

Lorenz, rightly, points out that Claude's new position in precarious and its success or failure is on Claude.

Claude is a doo-doo bird though. He thinks that the Empire and King in Adrestia and Faerghus, respectively, are upheld because of "the Goddess's blessing" and not, you know, really complex stuff. Like, both Edelgard and Dimitri face getting thrown out in the two games over things that have NOTHING to do with religion.

That's weird, their support had a picture.

SHEZ & LYSITHEA B SUPPORT

Lysithea feels that their relationship is strained and wants to clear the air. Shez didn't even notice lol.

Shez is a pretty simple character, but I like it.

Oh, wow, Lysithea realized she acted like a brat and apologized. This self-awareness makes me like her a LOT better.

Aw, Shez is helping Lysithea feel mature and older. But then put her foot in her mouth when she referred to people under Lysithea's command as "real adults" lol. Lysithea struggled but kept her head!

Honestly, I like this a lot for Lysithea. Character flaws are great, but they're annoying as shit when they're not acknowledged properly (I still get flashbacks to her awful Ignatz support), but when they're used to show growth, that flaw is suddenly sooo much better.

SHEZ & LEONIE B SUPPORT

Leonie wants mercenary advice.

Lamo, Leonie thinks the bow isn't good enough to be a first-class mercenary. Homegirl's been watching too many movies and not reading enough military history. Mounted archers were unmatched.

So now they're just discussing over specialization vs versatilty.

It's kinda nice seeing Shez in a mentor role.

SHEZ & MARIANNE A SUPPORT

They go out to eat together. Marianne didn't eat her meat and Shez is concerned.

Marianne is now determined to believe she doesn't curse people around her.

Shez encouraged Marianne to just be herself, which Marianne wants but worries about her father.

Marianne accused Shez of talking without thinking and thought it was a good thing lol.

BALTHUS & LORENZ B SUPPORT

Lorenz absolved Balthus of his debts to House Gloucester.

Lorenz credits it to Balthus helping and saving Lorenz on the battlefield.

Lamo, I forgot that Balthus investigated Claude and claimed he found all kinds of dirty laundry.

Lorenz wants him to hold onto it so he can use it later to unseat Claude and take over the Alliance instead.

Balthus is upset Lorenz isn't a lady because he's impressed with him being a scoundrel lol.

MAIN BATTLE

Hahahaha lamo, the Knight of Serios are beating Edelgard's army, which has to be like 5x bigger.

Oh - led by Randolph, THAT explains it. Against Catherine? Pft. Catherine wouldn't even consider that a bout it's so one-sided.

Shez still doesn't understand what Claude's doing. I'm not the only one who thinks these two aren't even remotely close, right? I feel like Shez is way more invested in Edelgard and Dimitri, and like Claude's just some dude who hired her.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Claude legit just left Randolph to die, lamo.

I think we just killed Catherine :(

😂😂😂 Edelgard's forces got wiped out. Randolph is really the punching bag of Fodlan. They should've made it Dorothea or something if they wanted us to give a shit.

Yep, time for Claude to get chewed out. As if Randolph isn't foaming at the mouth to invade the Alliance in SB.

It's funny how offended everyone is. As if this didn't happen in real life all the time. I mean, they'd only be mad a noble died because you can make money taking them as hostage.

Is this evil!Claude, the route? Like because he was such a goody-goody in Houses? I still think it's funny it's always Randolph.

xxxxx

[mr2swap]

Maybe I'll stay

-What did I do wrong? WHY THE FUCK DID I GAIN 2 KILOS THIS WEEK?- It had been 2 weeks since my grandson Jeremy and I had that big fight, we can never stand each other, but because of the appreciation I had for him when he was just a child, I let him live with me. He was disgusted by my way of life, “Grandpa makes me sick to see you sitting for hours on the couch in front of the TV, could you get up and get out of the house for a couple of hours? A girl is coming tonight, and I don't want her to see you” I had heard his hurtful words from him for too long, I was fed up with him behaving like this when I offered him to live with me when his parents kicked him out of the house.

-THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE, THIS SHIT MUST BE BROKEN! I'M GOING TO LOOK FOR ANOTHER SCALE- I couldn't help but laugh as I walked slowly to complain to one of the coaches that his equipment was "broken"

-You better make it quick kid, you know what that means. you're going to stay in that body another week, and I'll stay in yours...- I and my grandson Jeremy made a little bit, if he managed to lose a couple of kilos in my body and not be so unpleasant I would agree to leave the house when He will take all the girls he wants to the house and when I die my house and my car will be all his, I had completely forgotten the magic relic that I got on my trip to India a couple of decades ago, I never thought I would use it and much less with my grandson.

But the first moment I put my mind on his hot, muscular young body, I knew I didn't want to get out of it. My grandson had everything to gain, with my house and all my belongings, and I had nothing to lose but leaving the house and fulfilling his whim to my inconsiderate grandson, we both touched the ancient statue of that Indian god at the same time and our consciousness traveled from our bodies to the statue and then to the body of the other, it was like being on a roller coaster for one second.

My grandson was more concerned about not missing a day at the gym before finishing university, all of us in the family did not understand why he made such a stupid decision, but now that I have his body and all his long work in the gym I can understand it, I feel incredible! Now I can understand what a shitty body he had.

I've been swapping out Jeremy's lean food for the greasy version, adding sugar to his protein shakes, and leaving cold beer and ice cream in the fridge for that greasy bag of trash to see so he can't get his body back.

Maybe this will teach my grandson a lesson about not making fun of his grandpa, or maybe I'll stay in his hot young body forever who knows, all I know is that the blonde girl in the gym keeps staring at my huge biceps and she'll be in my bed tonight, I just hope the fat drunk old man watching tv in the living room doesn't bother my new girl.

esp:https://docs.google.com/document/d/1sc51kzzn7eKSqr3ypBPOpa_b6HwVYNkhKeDG-KBAj80/edit?usp=sharing

I wrote this story in May, if you are interested in my stories you can take a look at my patreon account, otherwise you can contact me on my Discord server, because for some reason I can't receive messages on Tumblr.

[good-beanswrites]

We’re so far from the end of Milgram and yet. I am thinking about finale fix-it fics. because I already know Yamanaka isn’t going to shy away from killing characters and I'm pre-sad about it. I’ve expressed some other nice options here and here, but have another! Jailbreak >:3

(Just random silly thoughts I’ve been rotating in my head, don't take it too seriously) 

This is assuming Milgram is in a physical location with mostly realistic elements. (It’s a well-funded facility, but no magic or anything besides whatever’s going on with jackalope and the no violence ban.)

Trial three is coming to an end. Es knows it will end in death, but they know it'd be going against their duty to declare everyone innocent.

A mistake is made on the outside, and a chance opportunity arises: a temporary exit appears in the prison in Es’ room. 

They notice it at night, and make the split second decision to tell the others. They race to the cells, gathering everyone one and telling them to get out immediately. 

Most of them go willingly, though a few (Yuno, Fuuta, Kotoko) are suspicious of Es’ urgency. They manage to convince them that it’s not some twisted lie – Es knows how this will end and wants to give them a chance. 

As everyone’s filing out, it becomes clear Es isn’t going to step through. They say they can’t go – even though they’re taking steps to save the others, their duty remains to Milgram. They’ll stay and face whatever consequences arise as warden. 

Mikoto is like “fuck that shit, you’re just as much as a prisoner as us and you’re coming,” to the others’ agreement. “If they’re gonna punish you for helping us than we should make it look like it was all on us,” and he slings Es over his shoulder. They all take off into the unknown facility. 

The real fun part of the fic would be when they inevitable make it past guards/scientists, climb into a military-grade vehicle, and take off with authorities in hot pursuit. (I’m still deciding who’d be funniest as driver, though I’m leaning towards Kazui doing it because he feels responsible as oldest) Cue some classic comedy-drama bickering as they screech around the complex under fire. Fuuta trying to backseat drive. Mahiru in delirious giggles that she’s helping with a jailbreak, can you believe it? Her! Shidou shielding Amane as the vehicle bumps around/takes damage. Muu pointing out they’ve been going in circles. It’s revealed the driver doesn’t have their license. Es complaining that they shouldn’t be here but knowing it’s too late to get out. There’s much screaming and celebrating and panicking and tires squealing. 

One epic car chase later, they emerge in the surrounding woods, alone. They start making plans. I’m not sure who has the most geographical knowledge, but someone is able to piece together generally where they are. Mikoto knows a good deal about getting away with a crime, and starts walking them through how they’ll need to ditch this vehicle and where to hide for the time being. Kotoko has some connections, she can find out if Milgram is associated with the government or if they should go to the authorities about them. Muu’s parents are rich and from France, she’ll have them get everyone out of the country until things are figured out. 

They plan on reaching out to their families to let them know they’re alright. After some awkward silence from Es, Fuuta starts listing all the ways you can find someone online. He gets a bit embarrassed talking about the techniques (seeing as that’s how he ended up a killer,) but Es seems grateful for the help finding out who they are and if they have any family looking for them. 

As they drive, someone points out that these plans aren’t perfect. Milgram may be better equipped or more widespread than they know. There’s a high chance they’ll still be caught and potentially killed to keep quiet about the whole experiment. 

Shidou starts saying that a doctor’s job is to extend life so people can live as long and happy as possible, even when they know it won’t last. He points out that even if this isn’t a permanent escape, the extension of their lives and their happiness is still something meaningful. After all, if they’d just stayed in the prison to be executed, they would never have gotten this one last chance to see the sun.

Then they all watch the sun rise and it’s beautiful !!!!! The end

[rpcburnbook]

TLDR: The rpc identifies or fantasizes about life through their character's perspective far too prevalently for me to believe in the widespread separation of art and artist in this hobby. Also, a lot of people who write dark shit do it specifically to upset or goad people irl even when they know specific boundaries exist. // i respect that you have boundaries and know what makes you comfortable, but I am curious how you know what other rpers motivations are? there's a lot of assumption here. // I should have stated this more carefully. i also saw there was another reply too so I'll do my best to address both. fwiw, I've been in the pbp rp scene for 20 years and I absolutely don't know other people's motivations. I can only go on the basis of patterns. I have written about lots of darker stuff in my time- sa, dv, child abuse, etc, always on board where those things fit the setting. I don't actually think most dark theme writers set off to upset people, that was badly stated. However I think the behavior - in general - reveals most rpers don't have the maturity to be handling some of these topics in a communal setting, so I usually approach with caution and a fair amount of suspicion at this point. Sasha is a *really* extreme example of deliberately instigating, obviously, and I've never personally run across someone that far off the deep end. I'll instead speak to what I usually see which is more tame and probably less conscious but still in poor taste imo. I've been approached several times about what I'm writing making people uncomfortable, and only in 2 cases has the person been so overwrought or aggressive that there was no good solution. Sometimes the solution was moving plotting for certain characters to dm or a specific channel, other times it was putting things in a doc, and in some cases it was just talking to people about why I was writing those things. On the flipside I have talked to a few people in my time about keeping certain topics siloed in similar ways and seen many conversations where someone else did and they've rarely gone well. About half the time, I have seen whoever is being asked to pull back instead: get really passive/aggressive towards the asker, start soliciting similar plots from characters directly adjacent to that persons characters, start talking about the topics more, start tagging those people when they post like 'lol @ person don't read I know you'll hate it', or leaving the site altogether. I've also seen writers cut their partners off for realizing a topic was too much to write explicitly and backing out of graphic depictions of some of this. To me this says someone is too personally entangled with a character or theme to be writing them in a community, and more often than not I don't have a problem with anyone until that's been demonstrated. Again, I get squicked by these things because it shows me someone can't separate their personal feelings and self image from criticism or distaste for those topics. [pt 1]

[pt 2] I think if you're going to write these topics, you need to be prepared to handle the occasional pushback or discomfort gracefully and respectfully. Since I have seen that so rarely, I can't help but believe that most people aren't doing a good job of separating themselves from the topic or the character, much less considering other people when they're writing things which can genuinely be disturbing. If you can't do that, I don't think you should write those things outside 1x1s, and even then only with people you can hear criticism from without spinning out. In a public context, to another replier's point, there are certainly people who are looking for reasons to be upset or are at least coming into those conversations with a lot of sensitivity, which speaks to part of my original ask in that I don't think many admin teams are equipped to moderate well when one or both of those things are true. And in other contexts, rping those kind of topics is a left field kind of decision based on the setting/overall tone and shouldn't be done. All of that means I just regard most writers who focus on dark themes with caution. Like I originally said, most of the time I just ignore stuff I don't like, it's just hard for anyone (myself included) to do that if an individual has decided people are being too sensitive and the right medicine is to push harder or carry resentment instead of respecting other people.

Again, I don't think that's everyone. But my experiences on both sides of those conversations make me think a small fraction of people are genuinely equipped to handle these topics in public responsibly.

[suratan-zir]

.

I feel like I need to post so much more. About how the russians started shelling people in Kherson region during the evacuation of the civilians, about how some people are stupid enough to believe that Ukraine can have some benefit from destroying its own land (no, blown up dam does not make it easier to cross the river, because you can't move heavy equipment on the wet ground) etc. But I just can't. I can't deal with all the vile comments I'm getting, I don't respond to any of them, just ban silently. My favorite was something like "it was known that russia would do that, so why hasn't Ukraine evacuate civilians beforehand? smh". I know I had to respond, but I didn't.

I had to say goodbye to my boy Bergamot today. He was my oldest, my sweetest rat. The last one that I brought with me from Donetsk. He was giving me kisses even in his worst shape. It was a hard decision and I feel like shit. I'm nauseous, my head and eyes hurt and I just want to not be in this reality.

[sorcerous-caress]

Ever thought abt how your tav would be as a companion tho bc I read the snippets and I love her???

Yeah! I think about how to integrate them into the story and their relationship with the companions and player.

Basic info

Red draconic sorcerer - human - chaotic neutral

Where to recruit them

at the underdark, preferably near the sussur tree. Once you enter the underdark, you see a big explosion in the distance, the bright flames immediately dying down as you get a quest marker to investigate the area of the explosion.

Upon reaching the area, you find a scorched circle where the explosion must have been. Ash footprints trail up the tree to the branches, you find them there examining a sussur bloom.

They ask if you're a druid, if yes they tell you to tell them what you know know this tree, if no they say it's a shame, druids were always their favourite.

After some conversations and finding out you're both infected, they tell you that they went to the underdark in search for a cure. Suddenly felt something seeping their magic and in a panic caused that explosion that died quickly. That's how they found this strange tree and wondered if it can cure them.

They tell you to eat a flower, if you ask if it's say they'll say they don't know, that's why they're testing it on you.

Agree and you gain their first approval points, they like it when others go along with their whims or attempt to please them.

Agreeing to join you, if you're a wizard or a wizard is in the party, they remark how now that they're here, no other mages are necessary so feel free to sit prettily while they show you what actual magic looks like.

Then asks for your hand to help them get down this tree since they're wearing heels and all, completely unaware of the irony of the situation.

Starting equipment

A normal staff but they also carry a dagger and a bow. Their clothes description notes how without any regards for modesty, how it's mostly made out of metal and gold.

In contrast, their camp clothes are somehow messy as if someone put a shirt on in a hurry and didn't bother to close all the buttons. While their adventuring clothes are dressed to impress.

Personality and approval.

Has a dry sense of humour buried beneath the seemingly cold stern exterior. Definitely has a bitchy resting face expression and demeanour but is actually not the hot shit they pretend they are.

Their solution to every problem they encounter? Fire.

Dishes need to be cleaned? Burn it. Someone needs to be persuaded? Burn them. An enemy is hiding somewhere close by? Burn down the forest.

Which is actually kinda why they got kicked out of the grove, they also came here looking for a healer but ended up setting something on fire, multiple times, and got told to leave immediately.

If you ask if it was on accident or intentional, they stare at you in silence for a few seconds then change the subject.

You gain their approval by following their whims. If they're i your party, they'll whisper a thing or two to you every now on then when you're making decisions, the importance of the decision doesn't matter. If you go along with what they said, you'll gain their approval.

If you don’t, you don't gain their disapproval, but if you insult their suggestion, you do gain disapproval.

Being rude to people gains you their approval only if it's funny, otherwise they don't care much how you treat others as long as they themselves keep getting your special treatment.

If you defend them against the druids rightful accusations, it starts their romance. If you tell them to apologise or side with the druids, it closes it off but they remain as a friend.

They don't talk a lot in general. If you personal questions about them, they'll tell you to answer your own question first and try to get you to keep talking.

If you're a druid, you gain an extra approval point because they think it's very cool.

Companions

They like Laezel, thinks her jokes are hilarious and their party chatter with her is telling her about faerun and human information and asking what she thinks, sometimes they make things up to mess with her.

Indifferent towards the others, condescending to Gale for being a wizard and sleeping with a goddess. They have a clear disdain for gods in general and think they shouldn't interfere with the mortal realm, that they just mess things when they do.

Surprisingly doesn't like Halsin, and not even in a mean way. They just distrust him. Refusing to believe he is being genuine. At first they were delighted at the idea of meeting an Arch-druid. But upon seeing him, they were very quiet.

Instead they bother Jaheira with their infatuation with druids, her sour manners feel more like home to them than Halsin's eerie politeness.

Romance

Like the others, it starts in act one and solidifies in act 2. They don't allow sharing with Halsin because they don't trust him, but surprisingly they're cool with Minthara, but she isn't cool with sharing with them.

They're surprisingly very clumsy with romance, jagged edges words that are supposed to be smooth. Their flirting can be misunderstood as rude insults, it's very apparent this is new to them.

And they confess it is, that they're lost when it comes to loving you. They get jealous whenever someone else even looks at you but they bury their feelings because they don't want to accidentally hurt you too like how they end up burning everything dear to them eventually.

They've always kept their distance from people out of fear of hurting them, they were purposefully isolated by the elders in their youth, locked in a room until they learned to control their magic, until they weren't a threat to society.

And in their mind, they cannot help but retreat to that locked room whenever the outside world gets too scary.

They don't have anything to offer you but their powerful magic, they feel threatened by others who could give you much more and sweep you off your feet with mere words.

When the two of you first have sex, they bring a sussur bloom to place nearby. To make sure they don't accidentally burn you or turn you to stone. They're both the dog and the muzzle keeping their own sharp teeth at bay.

Romance endings

Their bad romance ending is you letting them go too far, always looking to please them and never disagreeing with them.

Their possessiveness and need to own you completely takes over them. They burn magic sigals into your flesh to always know where you are, who you are with. They leave their marks on you each night, the evidence of their hand wrapped around your throat is clear the next day.

You give them an inch and they take a mile, greedily swallowing everything you have to offer and demanding more.

Their flames grow stronger in that ending, burning them inside out. But they make it clear that if they go down from flying too close to the sun, they will take you with them to bear witness to the monster you've enabled.

-

In their good ending, they end up losing their magic. Fully becoming a fighter instead. They fall into despair at first, thinking they lost all their worth.

But the sky doesn't crack and fall like they thought it would, the world doesn't take advantage of their weakness and swallow them whole.

You still love them, for who they are, magic or not. They're still a capable fighter with a spear.

And they strangely feel...happy. Weak yes, but Happy.

There's is no burden of wasted potential or a clock ticking for the day their power ignites them alive. There's just the sound of their heart beating.

The magic which was forced upon them since birth is finally gone, something akin to a curse that others envied them for.

They don't make an immediate change in personality but they are nicer now, more humble. Compliment other people and don't always expect things to go their way, they feel more satisfied with their life becoming simpler.

And they're the most happy that they have you by their side.

[magicalqueennightmare]

Sins & Amends Chapter 33

Billy Russo x Female Reader (60 part story)

This follows pre- the punisher into the storyline of daredevil, punisher season 1 and beyond

This is NOT Canon Billy. This is decent human being Billy left with bad options over worse decisions

This was also posted to A03 under: WaywardGaPeach. That account and this one is the only place you'll see me post this. If you see it on any other platform/account know it's not me.

Chapter Summary/Warnings: in an attempt to get more answers Frank goes in search of Gunner Henderson, a man he once served with who filmed Zubair's execution. You get questioned by Madani and Frank ends up badly injured

Waking up knowing on one side you had Frank and Micro digging for the truth of what happened because of Kandahar and on the other side you had Madani digging in Cerberus and probably knowing Frank was still alive felt a bit surreal. 

 When you walked into the station house that day you honestly felt like a person living two lives. You had your daytime life which was working on the ambulance, spending time with your friends then you had your nighttime life which was everything from delivering groceries to Micros "batcave" to keeping your phone next to your bed in case Frank ran into trouble and needed patching.

You had been dodging staying at Matt's because while one half of your heart felt it was right to tell him how you were feeling there was a small part of you that feared that hole you'd fallen into before. You had all but decided to face the talk that was coming but you needed to see what shoe was going to drop next as far as Homeland now being involved.

-----------------

You still had a couple hours before you got off when Karen called you. You were sitting out in the bays watching some of the guys clean their equipment, normally you'd offer to help but Jason has dubbed it a learning experience for the rookies.

You stood and walked outside before answering "Hey Karen" instead of saying hello or any form of a greeting she said "Are you around anyone else?" You glanced around to make sure before saying "Nope just me. I'm out front of the station house" you could feel your stomach twisting the longer it took her to talk "Do you know an agent Madani by any chance?" "Shit" slipped through your lips without much thought. She scoffed "Yeah that's what I figured. She called me in today. We had an interesting little chat. I think she knows. She admitted Wolf was dirty and asked me if I knew about Frank's time in Kandahar" 

You rubbed at your eyes and the growing headache for a moment before finally asking "Did she say anything else?" "She asked if Frank had anything close to family left. Y/N it's public record you arranged Maria and the kids' funeral and if she digs a little she can get the legal guardianship papers from when Maria's parents took you in. Won't be much to figure out you were close with Frank"

You nodded then said "Don't worry about me. I can handle her..um contact him. Tell him what went down. I'll be home in a few hours if you want to come by. Just be careful Karen please. We don't know how deep this is" "Yeah. You be careful too" she warned before hanging up.

You stood there for a moment to try to get your emotions in check before walking back inside. While Alice may not know everything that you were dealing with she knew you well enough to spot when you were hiding something.

-------------------

You were more tired emotionally than physically by the time you made it home. It didn't help matters that before you could get your apartment unlocked your phone was ringing from a blocked number "Hello?" You answered despite knowing it was one of two people. "Will you tell me how Karen Page fits into all this?" "Hi to you too David and no I won't tell you how she fits into anything" 

He sort of laughed then said "Well can you tell me why Madani is looking into you?" "Because she's probably planning on questioning me next i would if I was her" you replied and he went silent before saying "Jesus you're as much a pain in the ass as he is"

"back at ya. Is there a reason you called or just to annoy me since he's currently not in?" You wanted to get a hot shower before anything else may pop up and in your life that could be any given moment. "Yeah he knows who recorded the video" you cursed under your breath before saying "and now's the time you tell me because I wasn't there" "oh yeah sorry um Gunner. Said you'd recognize the name" you thought for a moment before remembering Billy talking about a guy on Frank's team by that name "Yeah Bible guy from Kentucky, big ol country dude. You two thinking he may know more?" "We're hoping" 

You knew Frank would never agree for you to go along so you said "I'll round up a med kit. Just in case something goes south you'll have it on hand" "Ok. We're supposed to leave tomorrow night" "You're going after the Madani cluster fuck?" You didn't mean to sound so annoyed but why was Frank letting him go?

"Yeah. I mean do you want him going all the way to Kentucky with no one there?" You thought about it and while Micro wasn't much help if a fight arose he was capable of keeping himself alive and hidden for over a year. "I'll come by around seven so tell him don't shoot" "Will do" he said then hung up. 

-----------------------

You just stepped out the shower and pulled a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt on when you heard someone knocking at your door. You stopped and glanced back towards your room debating on whether you should answer the door empty handed but then you heard Karen's voice "Y/N it's me" 

You crossed the living room quickly and opened the door. She brushed in past you so you shut the door and turned to face her, wondering what was wrong then saw the tears in her eyes.

You'd never been more certain of the fact that no matter what you had to risk to help him, Frank deserved an after than when you comforted Karen while she cried from just how deeply the pain he felt daily ran.

"He doesn't want us in it any more than necessary because him losing anyone else he loves, I don't think he can handle it Kare" you told her while the two of you sat curled up next to each other on your couch. "Did he ever stop to think we can't handle losing him either?" She asked quietly and for that you really didn't have an answer.

You checked the time when you slipped between the fence leading to Micros hideout. It was six thirty so you were a little early but you had managed to skip out on a meeting earlier than you thought.

When you opened the door you whistled as you crossed the threshold. It was a tune Maria had a habit of humming while doing laundry and other chores around the house so you knew Frank would recognize it. He stepped around the corner and nodded when he saw it was you "Hey sweetheart"

You held up the bag you'd carried with you. "I don't just come to see you off. I come bearing supplies. Where's Micro? I need to run down what all is here in case Gunner isn't too welcoming" he rolled his eyes at the mention of his newly attained partner "C'mon"

You followed him into the computer area. He tapped the back of Micros head who smiled when he saw you "Finally a friendly face or well friendly than his anyways" Frank walked over to the van to continue loading it but you heard him scoff "You've never seen her pissed off"

You grinned at Frank then turned to Micro to give a once over of what you'd bought. "There's gauze, a suture kit,some lower grade pain meds that they won't really notice missing from the rig and an iv kit along with a few bags of fluid and some intravenous antibiotics" Micro leaned around you to look at Frank "How long has she been patching you up?" Frank glanced up and shrugged one shoulder "Pretty much since I married Maria"

----------------------

Before you left you hugged Frank and said "Make it back in one piece" he nearly smiled "Yeah don't worry about me. Watch your back and keep an eye on Karen"  "Of course"

You were almost to the door when you heard Frank call your name so you stopped and turned around "If you don't hear anything from me by Sunday night can you go to David's house? Let Leo and Sarah know I didn't forget them just something came up?" You nodded "Of course but who am I again?" "Pete Castiglione's adopted sister" you shook your head but agreed nonetheless "Try to be back before then" you said before stepping out the door.

You hated not knowing worse than anything on earth. It reminded you too much of those days right after everything happened. You felt lost yet again and worse than that was the sense of helplessness.Luckily you had work to keep your mind busy.

Sunday you were getting off from work talking to Alice when it occurred to you what you'd promised Frank. "Shit. What time is it?" You asked and when she said the time you cursed again "Something wrong?" She asked and you shook your head then moved to hail a cab "No I just promised I'd be somewhere"

-----------------

When the cab stopped in front of the Lieberman residence you grabbed your med bag and paid the driver before walking up to the door. After you knocked you were thinking over what to say. You knew what they all looked like from Micro's cameras so when Sarah answered she looked a bit thrown and poor Leo was standing behind her obviously disappointed.

You smiled and offered your hand to Sarah "Hi I'm Y/N.. Castiglione. My brother Pete asked me to stop by earlier today but as you can see I just got off work" 

Sarah shook your hand but still looked a little confused so you added "I'm his adopted sister. He just wanted you and the kids to know he didn't forget. Something came up last minute and he had to go out of town and entrusted the message being delivered to me which was obviously a bad idea" you said with a small laugh.

Once Sarah stopped shaking your hand you smiled and turned to leave but Leo spoke up "Mom cooked. Since Pete's not here, you wanna stay?" You glanced at Sarah who smiled "It'd be nice to have some company. We cooked for a Castiglione might as well feed one even if it's not the same one"

You followed them inside and set your bag down just inside the door. 

--------------------

It had been so long since you were in an environment with kids it seemed almost foreign. You had to bite your tongue when a slip up almost resulted in you calling Leo Lisa. After a few minutes even Zach peeked down the stairs long enough to get introduced. When he stormed off and they apologized for him you waved your hand "No need. He's been through a lot"

After helping Sarah clean up you said you had to get going. Leo walked you to the door and asked if you could come with Frank or well Pete next time he came over.  "If it's ok with your mom. I'll try to" you told her with a smile and Sarah nodded "Oh of course"

-----------------------

After the brief reprieve of your nerves which was having dinner with the Liebermans you found a thousand bad scenarios running through your head yet again.

You started to head home but when you climbed into the cab you found yourself hitting Matt's number on your phone. He answered on the third ring "Hey Y/N" you smiled hearing his voice "Can I come over?" "Of course" he replied so you told the driver where you were headed then told him goodbye.

Yeah you needed to clear things up with Matt but just for tonight you didn't want to be alone.

------------------------

You woke up the next morning wrapped up in the sheets with Matt's warm body pressed against yours and felt a wave of guilt wash over you as flashes of the night before played through your head. Were you any better than Billy? You were using Matt to not be lonely. He deserved better than that. 

You felt him stirring behind you right before you felt his lips brush against your neck "Good morning" you let your eyes close at how it felt. God you wanted to be capable of falling in love with him. He was a good man, he was always honest with you (even if he hadn't always been with Karen) plus the man was talented in the bedroom but you knew this conversation had to happen. You just wished you weren't naked.

You rolled over to be face to face with him and let your fingers trace over the scars on his chest and stomach "Matt, there's a reason I haven't been coming over" his eyes were closed and for a second you thought he'd fell back asleep until he smiled.

"I know. You think that if I wasn't sleeping with you I could find someone to be in a relationship with. You love me and want me in your life but you're not in love with me and doubt you'll ever be and while you don't want to feel like you're using me to keep loneliness at bay you also don't want to lose me completely?" You pulled back and stared at him in silence "How the hell did you know all that?"

He opened one eye then pulled you into his chest before confessing "That's how I've been feeling too" his fingers started tracing patterns on your back so you laid there contently "I do love you Matt and I want you in my life" he kissed your forehead and said "Good because I love you and want you in my life but we both know this between us isn't built for long term so how about we call last night a goodbye on that chapter of our relationship and call this morning a hello on the new one?" You smiled and kissed the side of his neck "Can we have sex one more time?" He laughed and bit his bottom lip then shrugged "Sex one last time then we'll go get breakfast before I have court"

-------------------------

You were glad of how the intimate aspect of your relationship with Matt came to an end. You both had love for each other and would be there for each other no matter what but you had both agreed it was time to call it. Who knew maybe when all this was over with Frank and when Matt was finally level with his balance of work and vigilante life the two of you may try again but for now you still had each other in every way but sexual.

-----------------------

You were still worried about Frank the rest of the day and barely slept that night. Your phone started ringing around two in the morning. You fumbled blindly on the nightstand before finding it "Hello?" You realized you hadn't looked at the caller id but Curtis' voice you'd know anywhere "Grab your bag. I'm pulling up outside. Frank's hurt bad"

You were out the bed and pulling jeans on before he hung up good.

------------------------

You were out the car before Micro had time to park it. You could hear Curtis calling your name but you needed to see how Frank was. You knelt down next to the cot and cursed under your breath "Fuck, he's burning up Curt!" 

Curtis had walked up behind you by then. "C'mon, help us get him to the table" you nodded and stood moving to grab Frank's feet while Curtis and Micro grabbed an arm each.

--------------------

Once you got him moved Curtis passed you a blood pressure cuff then moved to examine the wounds and get a temp after you both had gloved up and found some alcohol to sterilize the area as best as you could. You cursed under your breath "ninety over sixty" Curtis held up the thermometer while Micro asked if Frank needed blood and offered since he was apparently a universal donor. 

"Bloods not the issue. His temps one hundred and four. He's septic" Curt explained while you and him moved around his med bag gathering what you needed out. "I've been giving him fluids and antibiotics" Micro waved his hand towards the bag still flowing into Frank's arm. "None of that is gonna do any good until that arrow is out of him. It's a foreign object, filled with bacteria" 

Curtis nodded in agreement and added "The body's trying to fight it but can't so white blood cells, fever, systemic inflammation. Antibiotics are fighting a losing battle"  Micro looked between you both then his eyes somehow got even bigger than they already were. "You're gonna pull it out?"

You shook your head and said "No. Pulling it out would cause more damage than when it went in" his eyes were on the scalpel in Curtis' hand so you asked "You good?" "Yeah" he replied but looked a little pale. Curtis cut his eyes up at him and said "good cause you gotta help her hold him man"

You rolled Frank over supporting most of his upper body against your chest. Micro was staring at Curtis as he sliced into Frank's shoulder "Stay with us David. Don't lose your shit!" You warned and when he didn't reply Curtis reiterated "Say it!" Micro finally nodded "I won't lose my shit. I'm good"

"Y/N let him take the weight. I need your help" you glanced at Micro to make sure he had Frank steady before you moved to grab a clamp to pass it to Curtis. You watched as he pulled the arrow out of Frank. You moved to pour alcohol into the hole and wiped it with gauze so Curtis could staple it shut.

Once you were back around the table Curtis nodded to roll Frank back onto the table. "We done?" Micro asked. You saw Curtis was heating scissors so you replied "Yup. Soon as we cauterized the wound" 

Micro was a bit green when you looked up from bandaging the entry wound. You'd heard Curtis pass him the bottle and when he realized you were both staring at him he chuckled "Now are we done? You want some coffee?" He turned around to mess with the maker and you shared a look with Curtis then nodded so he asked "Why'd you have to go after him?" 

Micro turned around and wouldn't meet neither of your eyes before saying "Henderson had some information we needed" you slapped both hands down on the table and saw him flinch "He's talking about Frank! Look at the shape he's in!" Curtis put a hand on top of yours to help you calm down then stepped between you and Micro "This is all your fault man. Do you think any of this is gonna make a difference?"

Micro slowly met Curtis' eyes before he said "Look I have to believe that" Curtis shook his head "Yeah for you. What about him? And those of us still living that don't want to lose him too?"

--------------------

You and Curtis both had work so you left Micro with detailed instructions on what meds Frank needed to be given and when. "Call if you need me. I'll come by after shift if not" Micro nodded so you took one last look at Frank before following Curtis out. 

------------------

You were doing inventory of your rig during down time when you heard Jason call your name. You glanced up at Alice who shrugged so you handed her the clipboard and climbed out to find Jason standing next to none other than Agent Madani.

Uninjured and standing up she was around your height, brown hair and darker brown eyes that watched everything around her. All in all she was a beautiful woman and the way she held herself commanded some sort of authority.

"Captain?" You addressed Jason and he motioned to Madani "Agent Madani here needs to talk to you" you turned your attention to Madani "What's this about?" She looked at Jason then around at the firemen that were in the break area of the bays "Is there somewhere we can talk in private?" 

You checked your watch and shrugged "I still have hours on shift" Jason spoke up and said "Go ahead. If a call comes in before you get back Jessie can go with Alice" you knew from the look he gave you there would be a lot of questions waiting but you couldn't worry about that now.

You glanced at Madani "Let me grab my jacket out my locker" she stepped back and smiled "take your time" You kept an eye on her all the way inside then pulled out your phone to send a quick message to Micro "Madani is here. Wants to question me. I'll come by tonight."

You slid your phone back into your pocket and grabbed your jacket then headed back into the bay where Madani was talking on the phone to someone but told them she had to get going when she spotted you. She gave you that fake smile that you knew from personal experience came from working with the public in any way. "Lead the way Ms Y/L/N" 

You walked out the bay and heard her fall in step beside you so you glanced towards her and said "Just call me Y/N. I did respond to your wreck and plus it makes this seem more like a conversation than a interrogation" this time a more genuine looking smile slipped onto her face "Y/N this is just a conversation. I'm grateful for your station's fast response. You don't have to talk to me. I'm simply asking a couple questions and please call me Dinah" 

-------------------

When you made it to the diner you walked in first and greeted Kaitlyn. She glanced at the time "Aren't you early?" You motioned at Dinah "Had a meeting pop up" you could see the shock on her face when she spotted Dinah's badge.

You went to the booth you always sat at and waited patiently while Dinah slid in across from you. Kaitlyn sat two cups of coffee down then walked away.  A silence fell while both of you fixed your coffee to taste then you made a go ahead motion with your hand because the faster you got her talking the faster you could be done with this and get back to work then to Frank and Micro plus you were planning to stop by Curts meeting if anyway possible.

"How do you know Frank Castle?" You didn't try to stop the laugh from falling from your lips. Blame it on nerves or just weariness. A part of you found all of this nearly comical. Frank had killed people yes but every bullet he'd fired on American soil was well deserved.

She raised an eyebrow at your reaction so you took a sip of coffee then said "I apologize Dinah but it's public record how I knew Frank. I was basically his sister in law. I knew him most of my adult life and loved him like a brother. Losing his family killed a part of him long before that explosion at the dock finished the job" 

She watched you and you knew she was looking for any slip up that could indicate the extent of what you knew but she failed to realize you'd been schooling your features for so long you were worried at times about just how well of a liar you'd become. 

"Do you know anything about Cerberus?" That almost threw you off even knowing that apparently Frank had killed her partner in the midst of that mission but you recovered before she noticed "Three headed dog that guards the underworld? I mean I'm a little rusty on my greek mythology"

She gave a humorless laugh then laid her hands flat on the table between you two then leaned in close to you. Her voice dropped to barely above a whisper "I know Castle is alive. He pulled me out my car. I know all about Kandahar but I need him to tie it together. I can help him and I think you can lead me to him." you didn't try to feign surprise or shock at her words instead choosing to say "If I see his ghost on the next full moon I'll be sure to send him your way Dinah" then pulled enough cash out to cover both of your coffees and laid it on the table. 

When you stood up you let your eyes skim over her before saying "Whatever happened over there goes so much deeper than what you think. Frank was left hanging out to dry by the very government he fought for"  then walked out without looking back at her.

------------------

It wasn't until you were walking back to the station house that you let out a breath you hadn't realized you'd been holding. You and Karen had ended up doing exactly what Frank was worried about without even meaning to. You both had drawn attention because of your connection to him. If Dinah was digging at this pace, what the hell was going to happen next? Not to mention if "Agent Orange" was as high ranking CIA as Micro said he had to be how long until he knew Frank was still alive and put a plan in motion to finish what was started that day at the carousel?

You took a few deep breaths to get your emotions halfway in check before walking into the bays. You had to make it a couple more hours then you could figure out what to do next. 

@intothesoul

@weallhaveadestiny