#i end up not liking or reblogging a lot of content that i might otherwise agree with because of the presence of those terminologies

[greatrunner]

I feel like if folks had thought - like, really thought - about how a-term-which-I-shall-not-utter-here, that is currently being used to scapegoat Black users and critical analysis writers that don’t sign-off on everything with a “it doesn’t effect reality” attitude, it wouldn’t have become a legitimized term on such a widespread scale.

But folks didn’t, and now we have juvenile dog-whistle (a term I’m not using incorrectly or lightly), coined by individuals who fancy themselves progressives (despite doing the most vile and racist shit, and couching behind the language of social justice and abolition), being used by actual anti-racist media consumers and academics writing about patterns in fandom.

And there’s no real thought to how they wound up where they are.

...Mostly because they think the terms innocuous and personally have no issue with using it to describe any subset of persons or communities “on both divides”.

Folk chose to argue using those terms, and now they’re stuck in a frame-of-reference that there is no reshaping, and damages nuanced discussion.

[gatheredfates]

WELCOME to Sea's Catch Up (For) Starlight Challenge! Also know as 'A FFIX Prompt?' (I just woke up), 'Is it Cosy or Cozy in Australia?' (Cosy) and bEANS (bEANS!).

Suffice it to say, there have been a lot of challenges this year—Gpose challenges, FFXIV Write, Down to Dawntrail and Seafloor Saints Wake (just to name ours)! I know from personal experience that I haven't had the time to get to every single prompt... but I've wanted to. I also know it can be really disheartening to miss out on prompts and feel like you're being weird for engaging with it later on in the year.

To that end, I wanted to open a challenge that encourages people to either tackle an existing prompt from any gpose/writing/art challenge that was hosted during the year (under the excuse of it being for this challenge) OR pick from one of the prompts above to make a Starlight-themed creative piece!

All of these words were chosen by various people within the SEAFLOOR Discord, and i have tried not to tie them too closely to Christmas so people who don't celebrate the holiday don't feel left out. If you want to change a word that is more applicable to your culture, but still embodies the same spirit of the holiday through family, humanity, spending time with your loved ones, etc. I highly encourage you to do so!

This challenge will run the entirety of the month of December and can be tackled in any way you see fit. If you want to do a prompt a day and mix in the words in amongst working on your old project(s), go for it! If you want to select some words and not others, cool! If you want to only work on your old stuff and leave this list in the dust, a okay! It's all about giving you a low-stakes way to engage with your creativity and an excuse to go back to stuff you might have missed, or take some time to celebrate the season and people who mean a lot to you (and your ocs)!

Please use the tag #catch up (for) starlight if you participate and consider joining our community! A more comprehensive FAQ is contained in the read more below. ☃️

But also:

Is the use of mods/shades/tools okay? Yes, of course! Whatever works for you to make your creative dreams come true.

What about NSFW (gore, sexual or otherwise)? Use common sense and appropriate tags as necessary, especially for common fears and phobias. I obviously cannot control what Tumblr sees as being too much, but the general rules for SEAFLOOR apply where possible. If your conservative boss wouldn't like to see it, consider tagging and content warning were necessary.

Where do I post works? Hopefully your Tumblr blog, silly, but you can also reblog them to the SEAFLOOR Tumblr Community or join us on Discord! If someone posts their work in either of those spaces, consider reacting with a wintery-themed emoji! It just lets people know you enjoyed it. ❄️ I am going to do my best to reblog prompts when I see them, but I am going away during the Christmas period so I may not be contactable in that time.

Is there a prize? There might be this time around, though I haven't given it much thought. Seafloor members will get a fancy cosmetic title.

[medeaft]

Genuine question, not trying to put anyone on the spot, so I'll put it in a poll, but if you do want to elaborate in comments or reblog text or tags or whatever (or anonymous asks), please do, it would help a lot.

If you follow someone and then never interact with anything they post, why is that?

This is not about obvious bots following, it is for genuine people who run genuine blogs and obviously interact with other posts/blogs otherwise, but they follow a person whose stuff they never interact with.

[thiswantonflesh]

Welcome to my World:

Hey, I’m Alex. I’m 27, cis male, and very pansexual—if you’re hot and filthy, I’m interested.

What to Expect Here

This blog is where I explore the delicious mix of dominance, intimacy, control, and filth. I write from the perspective of the Dom, with a balance of Soft Domming and Hard Domming, depending on the mood, the scene, and the submissive in front of me.

My writing style is personal, conversational, and hot as hell—with a heavy focus on:

Praise + degradation

Public play, exhibitionism, and risk

Breeding, pet play, and objectification

Mirror sex, bondage, edging, overstim, and pain

Free use, casual ownership, and soft-rough dynamics

Body worship (especially body hair), musk, and scent

Oral, breath play, and being used like a toy

I've also recently started writing a series called 'New in Town', featuring my adventures moving to a new city and getting to know (and more) my lovely mutuals! If you're interested in getting involved, I've made a Google Form to submit yourself to me!

https://forms.gle/aH3oioedkipTkNbx8

Let me know if you've filled out the form, I'd love to meet the people I'm writing about!

You’ll see lots of reblogs, fantasies, original filth, and prompts. Some are short. Some are longer. All of them are meant to get your mind wet before your body follows.

Outside the Smut

I’m a big nerd. You’ll usually find me getting lost in:

Dungeons & Dragons

Baldur’s Gate 3

Pokémon

Writing (smut and non-smut)

Reading fantasy, sci fi, horror and erotic fiction

Nerd culture, memes, and all things geeky

Feel free to message me about any of these—I love chatting just as much as I love corrupting.

Inclusivity First

My content is gender-neutral unless stated otherwise, written using “you” and “yours,” and I intentionally try to keep genitalia ambiguous in many of my posts so that more people can feel seen and wanted. Whether you're trans, cis, non-binary, or anywhere else on the spectrum—you’re welcome here, and encouraged to engage.

If you’ve got a specific kink, body, or identity you’d like to see more of, feel free to drop me a message or a request. Representation matters, and desire is for everyone.

Support the Smut

If you enjoy the blog and want to support what I do, you can leave a tip at ko-fi.com/thiswantonflesh.

Every little helps me write more, rest more, and stay filthy for longer.

What You Can Send Me

💌 DMs are open—just be respectful.

📸 Image sharing is strongly encouraged—I love seeing your body, your face, your filth. I might not reciprocate immediately, but I’ll absolutely make it up to you in other ways.

📝 Send me your thoughts, fantasies, or kink requests. I’m always up for hearing what gets you off.

⏰ I’m based in the UK, so bear time zones in mind—and know that I balance this blog with a life outside of it. I may not reply instantly, but I promise I’m worth the wait.

If you’re aching to be teased, praised, degraded, used—

If you want to be a good pup, a ruined toy, or my sweet little thing—

If you want to get lost in words and end up soaked or hard from them—

Welcome to my World.

No Tories, Terfs or Scammers. This is an 18+ Blog! Minors DNI! Anyone with no age will get blocked, I will check!

[chestersbraincell]

Finally doing an Introduction post 👀

It’s quite long, so I’ll put it as a “Read more”

I don’t necessarily identify with any particular name, but I have adopted a few Proper Noun - ish names which are in the list below. I don’t particularly attach myself to them as I don’t think I have a true name that exists, but the below are some things which I’ve collected that somewhat tangentially relate to myself or that I just, well, like! Aside from those, I much prefer to be referred to by, well, descriptors, I guess? It’s like you would go- oh, look at that ________ over there!/That _________ is……… kinda like that!

Well anyway, listed in somewhat of an order of preference(THEY’RE NOT PRONOUNS BTW):

•[REDACTED]

•Chester/Jester

•creature or any other variants of such descriptor

•Void/Voidling/shadow

•Shifting Void

•Nix/Asher

•Weeping Willow

(More may be added in the future)

I go by any pronouns, including any neos you think might suit my vibe! (that is, only with neo’s that are respectful, ie no slurs/otherwise offensive terms). I much prefer gender-neutral terms along with they/them, but I don’t get dysphoric with masc-leaning stuff. The only slightly touchy terms/pronouns for me are the feminine ones, I mean, they’re fine to use I would just rather they were used on rare occasions/as sayings(stuff like girl).

With that out of the way, it’s pretty important to say what I post, right? I partake in MANY fandoms, so never expect a singular theme. That being said, you can largely expect many reblogs/posts about:

•Undertale/Deltarune(rarely utmv stuff, I’m just not really a fan)

•Hermitcraft/Life series(Mainly Grian, Mumbo, GoodtimeswithScar, Smallishbeans and Geminitay), as well as sometimes generally just Minecraft related things

•Our Wonderland(VERY underrated psychological horror visual novel that you should check out NOW!!! 🫵🫵)

•My experiences as Alterhuman/Otherkin(more on this later)

That’s the main bulk of my stuff, however, I also pretty frequently post and reblog about:

•Mouthwashing

•Slay the Princess

•Corru.observer

•Detective Beebo

•Severence

•Dress to Impress(I often like to post my own outfits that I make!!)

•my experiences with Dermatillomania/Skin Picking Disorder

•generally rants/rambles/storytimes/whatever comes into my mind really. I use this blog a lot like a public diary, so also expect a fair share of venting/trauma dumping. I try my best to trigger warning these but yeah.

Now!! That’s!!! A lot of stuff wouldn’t you say? How does one navigate said stuff if you’re browsing my blog? Well!! The featured tags have been edited to feature my most commonly posted about things, and they’re a great way to filter through my blog. I reblog ALOT(especially using the queue, which I choose to not tag), so if you’re interested solely in my original posts I have just the tag for you: Asher’s Ramblings . With one small problem unfortunately. Annoying part being you have to manually type asher’s ramblings into my blog’s search bar WITH a space at the end for most posts to show(I think it’s because at a point I just started to copy and paste the tag instead of manually typing it). Otherwise the featured tags should work fine.

I have additionally created side blogs to reblog my writing ( @jestersrambles ) , dress to impress outfits ( @sillyjesterplaysroblox ) and otherkin posts/reblogs ( @shiftingvoid ) if you’re here from seeing posts related to those and don’t want your dash cluttered with the other stuff I reblog/post about. Keep in mind these sideblogs are updated irregularly/later than this blog so they are a lesser option to the main blog. Alas the choice is up to you. I will not be making fandom-specific blogs as I mostly reblog about those anyway and the purpose of the sideblogs was to allow people to more easily follow for content created BY me. So yea

Sometimes when you interact with someone, you have an image of them in your head. For a lot of people, that is influenced by their profile picture. And if you wish to see me as a Garfield dressed up in yellow and red clown attire that is completely fine! But!!! If you were curious as to what my internet sona looked like, then the closest I think I could get would be my Roblox avatar:

But alas, that is, as well as my current mortal human body, a mere suit, a shell, that contains my true self. Yupp here is where you get an exact description of my Alterhuman/Otherkin identity yippie!!!

The main “kin” identities I identify with are “Voidkin” and “Shapeshifterkin”. I am like the physical/metaphysical embodiment of, well, space, I guess? That is my “home”, anyway. The void is my home. Where I come from. But sometimes I’m also part of it. Not to get too spiritual with it but I do believe in reincarnation in my own way, and I believe that being part of the “void”, or just general “energy” floating around there is the in-between in which my soul resides in between lifetimes.

I think I’ve lived many a lifetimes which have shaped the main forms I take when I’m more, well, shaped. Most of the time the shape I take is mostly humanoid, with various animal/otherwise features at different times, such is the way of being a shapeshifter. I’m vanta-black in colour, except for the two glowing circles that are my eyes. They’re not always visible/open, but a lot of the time are. Also occasionally my teeth/fangs will highlight in a similar way. Oftentimes as of recent I’ve been covered in fur/my silhouette is “fuzzy” on the edges, but there are times when I feel more cool, smooth. The best way I could describe it is the texture of phone/computer screen. That and I’m semi-corporeal. So. Not entirely tangible. I take a liking to forests and dark spooky hallways/general areas, I think at some points I might’ve been something similar to a cryptid. Generally just like to become one with the darkness I occupy, too. Malleable is my shape is all I want to say.

Rarely, but it does happen, I experience more animalistic shifts(in the shapeshifter way, btw, since I know “shifts” is something used by otherkin identities in a different context). The forms I take, then, are most often either feline or canidae in nature. I’ve considered moth and squirrel before but I’m not sure whether I just share some traits/behaviours or whether I have had moments where I was completely shaped like that.

Well, I guess coming to an end, it would be worth to do a somewhat “DNI” list or whatever people do in that vein, if we’re speaking of interaction. A good rule of thumb would be that, if you don’t fw the things I am or the things I enjoy, probably move along. You’ll probably get a block from me if you’re Homophobic, Transphobic, Racist, Nazi, just generally if you’re a shitty human being and if I don’t block you because I don’t know of these views you hold, I would appreciate if you stay away from me thanks. I don’t enjoy partaking in discourse most of the time, especially if I’m not in a place to speak on the matter(ie not affected by it personally).

Though, I guess since this is tumblr, I guess I should specify my attitude towards shipping. I personally don’t like the terms pro/anti because they’re very reductive and people define them in different ways anyway. I’d say I have like 3 tiers of attitude towards ships:

Tier 1(A-okay with it, no problems here)-basically any ships considered completely unproblematic and healthy. I guess the only one some may disagree with being healthy that I put in this category is (STRICTLY) romantic minor x minor pairings. Because don’t act like minors don’t get into relationships/have crushes. If you make it weird/sexual then that’s on you and you’re weird.

Tier 2-ships where the relationship between the two characters may be seen as toxic or unhealthy. This includes stuff like Yanderes, bully x victim, codependency, non-age related power imbalances, stuff like that. With these, I do ship them, but in the way that I like to see these dynamics explored and written about/depicted. If you romanticise/endorse these then I am not okay with you and if I find out you do this I will likely block you at my own discretion. I just like to see them purely for the angst+the representation.

Tier 3- what you’re likely thinking of. Incest, anything involving minors x adult, SA victim x abuser, sexualisation of minor x minor pairings(yes, even if you age them up). I don’t want to see it. I will likely view you with disgust if I see you endorsing/posting it. I want to clarify I am against witch-hunting and harassing individuals who do this, and that I know some do this as a trauma response. I am not in a place to tell someone how to process their trauma. But I don’t want to see it.

Oh yeah, also, I’m 18, so I guess I should set out some boundaries there. Of course, I have no way of verifying your age and quite frankly I’m not responsible for your unrestricted internet access, so everything is up to your discretion. However. If I may lay down some personal preferences I would say my page is okay for anyone aged 13 and up; just make sure to have the tag “nsfw” blocked since I tag some of my more suggestive posts/jokes that way. As for more personal interaction like DMs or being something akin to “friends”(I don’t particularly like getting close to anyone let alone calling them a friend because of my trust issues, calling someone a friend makes it official and that scares me) I would personally prefer if you were at-least 16, 15 if we’re really pushing it but then again it really depends on how emotionally mature you are on whether we would be able to find common ground.

[marclef]

new About Me post time!!!

hello there! i'm Marclef/Marcus/Marc/whatever you wanna call me, i'm 25 yrs. old, he/him pronouns, and welcome to my blog! here i mainly post fanart as well as dumb things i like, here's a little bit about me!

my biggest interest right now is Pizza Tower, which is probably what most stuff i draw is gonna be, but i may end up doing more in the future! the main tag you can find all of my art here is #my art !

i also do a lot of OC art! the OC i post most about is Eyhm the Cat, who i've been mainly using for Pizza Tower art lately! here's some information/references for her though if you need them!

feel free to draw her (and any other OCs i might post) if you want, i absolutely love seeing other people's art!!

BUT, importantly, here's some important Rules and information you'll need to know while you're here!

i'm proudly and openly Transmasc! 💙💗🤍💗💙 this means you'll probably see me reblogging a lot of silly posts and art i can relate to. if you have a problem with that, i strongly suggest you leave. ANY hate or otherwise offensive speech i see on here will result in an automatic block!

as an adult, i may also sometimes reblog/draw some raunchier content, so if you're younger, please be aware of that! i WILL allow those 17 and younger to follow me, as long as you behave and don't get upset just for the "weirder" things i might post! once again, any misbehaving here will result in a block!

on a similar note.... i will admit that i'm kinda a big Weirdo sometimes. but, if i ever draw/post something that's especially weird, i will make sure to properly warn you about it, so if you still look at it and get weirded out, that's on you!!! please do not leave any rude/weird comments on anything i post or reblog though. likewise, any disrespectful comments on any art here (mine or otherwise) will likely result in a block, so PLEASE BE RESPECTFUL!

i'm still a little shy around new people, but i do like getting messages and talking about my art! feel free to send me asks/messages about stuff, i'll do my best to respond! if i don't, either i don't want to answer, or i'm too nervous to respond right away, but i do see everything that gets sent to me! i might be a bit slow to respond to asks as well, please be patient, but i will try to answer as many of them as i can!

i'm open to art trades, but be aware that i usually only accept if you ask for characters i know! generally this means OCs or characters from stuff mentioned above, i'm more likely to respond if you're somebody i know as well. sorry, i'm still a bit socially anxious, so please don't get upset if i don't respond to you about them!

any other questions you might have though, feel free to ask!

oh, and here's some important links to look at as well!! ⬇⬇⬇

My KO-FI (please feel free to support my art if you like it!!!)

My Artfight

My Bluesky

My Toyhouse (new!)

DUMB STUFF I'VE DONE!!! :

Pizza Towerria (Pizza Tower texture pack for Terraria)

Fake Peppino for Don't Starve Together

Monster (short story about Fake Peppino, Peppino, and Eyhm)

other than that, as long as you follow my rules and respect everything, we should be good here! have fun checking out my blog, and feel free to message me with art requests if you'd like! but... HAVE FUN!!! ✨✨✨

[italianpersonwithashippersheart]

Updates - I'm Burning Out w BLs

I thought I should make an actual post about this so here it is.

I don't usually hyperfixate on just one thing so long as I have with BLs. Previously I would have my hyperfixation and be able to keep up with bls at the same time.

Recently with all the bls coming out that was impossible. And eventually my capacity for handling hyperfixating on bls left me. Except that I had to keep watching, otherwise I would feel like I would be missing out on many other bls.

But except for the occasional bl I have not truly been enjoying myself.

Then I found something to hyperfixate over (specifically Stray Kids music, content on youtube and compilation etc..)

I am going to continue to watch some BLs live, but some will have to go in the binge at the end pile and I will DNF shows more liberally, previously I would finish something and try to find things to enjoy in anyway and push through but I can't do that anymore I don't have the mental capacity.

Making this post as a general update just to say you might see me reblog less BL stuff, watch less stuff live and I will probably go back to just talking in the tags and not make that many original posts.

Sorry if you followed me because of BLs.

If you want to avoid the Stray Kids stuff I will start reblogging more off as I find more tumblr (I went into the tags once and I didn't like it, no hate just a lot of Y/N style fics that are not my preference. I will use the tags #stray kids and #skz.

[thetouchof118]

*Creeps forward* heyyyy... This is the anon who said I'm not a Bucktommy shipper but I like your content of them. Anywhosies... How ya doin'? How's the end of the episode treating ya? This is written so clunkily but I cannot think through my tears and my headache

heeyyy anon, if my recent reblogs are anything to go by... very deep in my bobby nash/bathena feels right now 🥲

how are you doing as well?? tbh I don't know how I'd function if it were not for that funeral procession leak/spoiler going around, otherwise this would've gotten me in complete shock and I'd be in deep denial til the next week probably 😭

I do like it as an ending of the 2 parter; there's a lot of action going around spread across 2 eps, fast paced & high stakes with hen & chim hurt and bobby helping them both, and then when everything seems like it's steadying/slowing down, then bam- bobby's infected too and now we have this emotional moment between him and buck, then athena too. and then we're left with the next 2-3 episodes to deal with the aftermath, which I am looking forward to. seeing characters grieving, the way it shakes them up, oof it's going to be rough but hopefully healing as well, if there is any healing at all🫠

as for how we reach to this moment in comparison to all the episodes before this?? ambivalent to meh about, which i think can be said to some of the storylines with how they're paced. who knows, maybe upon a full season rewatch it might look better, or not

[he4rts-f0r-evang3line]

new year's hangover☆

lil drabble where you befriend ghost at the tf141 new year's party... what can possibly go wrong?

content: drunkness, socially anxious-ish reader, ghost being ghost, passing out and hickeys.

author's note: UHHH HAI IM BACK?!?!? icl im kinda hating myself because im posting a drabble instead of a full work.... am sorry.. mi bad mi bad... also im waiting for friday for new invincible content because the brainrot is REALLL

also pls pretend i posted this on new year's eve... HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YALL BTWWWWW

shotout to @unabashedcroissanttreefan bc i want to make her bitter /hj, and to @michelleart8 ! <3

anyway enjoy and pls reblog

wc: 1836

"will you be coming at the new year's party tonight?" price asked as he noticed you filling some paperwork in the common room.

"i dont think so" you sigh, "im not that much of a social person, and i still have a lot of paperwork to fill in,let alone medical files."

"are you sure?" price asked, worried you might overwork yourself, but then an idea suddenly came to his mind. "i heard the lieutenant will be there as well, rumors have it you have a crush on him, so it'd be a good opportunity to actually talk to him, instead of just- avoiding him like you do."

the thought of captain price having noticed you had a crush on ghost sent a bright blush to your cheeks, but you waved those thoughts away.

"even if he was here, that doesn't mean i stand a chance with him" you reply, losing focus on your paperwork, now that the lieutenant was mentioned. "we barely talk anyway, and he seems to hate me so..."

"he seems to hate everyone" price chuckled, "dont take it personally. did the fact that he will be there change your mind?"

"i dont know" you sigh, but your little smile was betraying you. "it will depend on whether i have finished filling those files. at what time will it start?"

"around 7!" price replied with a subtle smile, feeling like he convinced you to come. "oh,and, you can come in a casual outfit, no need to pull up the formal uniform", he winked and left.

the few hours that separated you from the awaited party came, and all of a sudden a sudden peak of anxiety invaded you.

what if everyone made fun of your awful social skills? what if you didnt dress well enough?

your overthinking stopped as you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket; surprisingly enough, it was a text from price.

are you coming? ghost is here 👀

you chuckled as you put on a comfy sweater, and headed to the common room.

"you came!!" price greeted you, smiling brightly at you. "make yourself at ease, go get yourself something to drink, and who knows? maybe alcohol can help you make a move on our lovely lieutenant" he chuckled, before handing you a cup of alcohol.

"do you... want to get me drunk so i could get rid of my social anxiety?" you asked price, raising an eyebrow.

"maybe" he chuckled, already sounding drunk, "is it working?"

"not reall- ouch"

you blushed brightly as you noticed ghost was the one who stumbled into you.

"oi," he said, sounding slightly drunk as well, "im sorry. must've lost my balance, probably drank too much already. you're y/n, right?"

"y-yes," you nod, still not over the interaction, praying he didn't notice the bright blush on your cheeks, "why?"

"because..." he tries to articulate, and nearly fell on the floor, "ive been meaning to tell you... you're doing a great ass good job... dont let my mean words convince you otherwise, k?"

"oh-" you said, taken aback by this sudden demonstration of kindness, your heart melting. "thank you lieutenant..?"

the evening went on, until the cheerful "happy new year!!!" resonated in the walls of the tf141's buildings, everyone happy to finally greet the new year.

the party then came to an end, and so you decided to stay a little longer to help clean the room. once you got done, and got ready to head back to your quarters, you noticed an odd figure.

was ghost... asleep? he sure seemed to. he probably passed out due to all the alcohol he had drank, and you couldn't blame him.

that's how he somehow ended in your quarters - and if you were to be honest, carrying a man as massive as him was NOT an easy thing, but you somehow managed to. you tried your best to put him in a comfortable position on your couch, but bringing him here was already kind enough, wasn't it? so you just left him laying down on the floor, covering his massive frame with a blanket, and put a pillow under his head.

"this sure was a strange new year's day" you thought out loud, "happy new year lieutenant"

just in case something happened to ghost, you decided pull an all nighter (?), and you were right to, well at least, soft of.

in the middle of the night, ghost woke up, seemingly not over his hangover.

"i'll tell you what, y/n, ive always been in love with you." he mumbled, barely able to stand.

your heart dropped at this confession, but you had to stay lucid: he couldn't possibly mean it, it had to be the alcohol, right? that would make no sense if he was in love with you.

but you couldn't help to secretely wish what he was saying was true, after all you know the saying: drunk words are sober thoughts, and now you really hoped the saying was true there.

"lieutenant,you're drunk, you should go back to sle-"

he interrupted you by kissing you, first on the lips, and then moved on to your neck, leaving a little trail of hickeys here and there.

you gave in the kiss, you knew it was wrong, but it felt so good, but quickly waved those thoughts off: it was wrong in any way. he was your superior, and drunk, you couldn't abuse his drunken state like that.

but the feel of his lips on yours sure felt like heaven...

as if nothing happened, he smirked softly as he pulled out of the kiss, and resumed his peaceful slumber on your floor.

however, the next morning was nothing like that.

"looks like someone had fun last night" ghost grumbled as he noticed your many hickeys. "what the fuck am i doing here? and where even is here, and did you poison me? why is my head pounding?" he asked, back to his usual stern self, and you would actually be surprised if he didnt.

"youre in my quarters" you reply as you handed him a cup of anti hangover tea. "i brought you here because we were the only two remaining at the party, and you passed out. and hum... about the hickeys, how much do you remember from last night?" you ask as you look away, embarassed at the thought of last night's passionate kiss.

"i dont remember shit, why?" he asked, sounding more annoyed than mean.

"okay i..." (you sigh) "promise not to get mad at me if i tell you?" (he shakes his head, annoyed) "okay, so... you confessed yesterday." you blurt out, "but that is not all." (you gulp.) "we also kissed and... you gave me those hickeys."

"oh." he said blankly, and you could feel the blush in his voice, despite his mask.

"yeah.." you chuckled awkwardly, not daring to look at him, "but i have one question though. were you honest when you said you... 'always have been in love with me?"

your heartbeat quickened as you waited for his answer, but you had to know.

"would it be weird if i said yes..?" he asked, unable to look at your eyes, and your heart nearly missed a beat. "i mean, youre always doing what youre told to despite the fact that i treat you like shit and... i don't know, i guess that made me develop a kind of soft spot for you... do you happen to feel the same way..?" he asked, and you could feel the vulnerability in his voice.

"i- i think i do..?" you replied, both confused and relieved. "i mean, i always thought you hated me but.. this feels a bit rushed. can we do it again?"

"okay" he nodded, "how does 'hello, my name is simon riley, known as ghost, lieutenant from the task force 141, and i am in love with the wonderful y/n' sounds?" ghost chuckled with a soft smile, loving at you with loving eyes.

"much better" you reply with a soft smile, butterflies fluttering in your stomach, way better.

later on that day, when you and ghost headed to the briefing room hand in hand, price couldn't help but let out a small laugh.

"see? seems like alcohol can do wonders" he whispered, and it made you let out a small chuckle as well.

[bluespacestarssssss]

A Bit About Me And This Blog

Requests + Asks Are Open! :) I would like to reiterate that I, at this moment in time, am not doing commissions.

More about me here!- @about-the-bluespacestar-me Or here: https://en.pronouns.page/@BlueSpaceStarsss

Check out my friend's blog @leip-crochet <333333

Requests Info! When taking requests you may use my ask box or message me with your request for an artwork you'd like to see appear on my page. The request can be as simple or complex as you want! Just be warned that my art abilities have some limitations and I may not always be able to nail what you were picturing. (This is why I don't do commissions) When I post the artwork you will be credited for the request unless you specify otherwise. I however have the right to refuse a request due to the content or whatever I may see as rude or offensive. I'm not opposed to suggestive requests for artwork but I will not be drawing straight up nsfw content. This Blog's Posts May Contain: Cussing, Suggestive (NOT NSFW) Images, Corny Jokes, Weapons, Shitposts, Fuck Ton Of Reblogs, and more <3 Most things potentially triggering in my artwork will have a warning (Be warned I'm adding the warnings a little later on in this blog so my first few artworks may not have the warning on it) Okay so the rest of this is really long but here are the topics under Tags What This Whole Blog Is My Eddsworld Au (Memories Au) My Original Story! (Where Did the Stars Go?) Ask Box RequestsRules + Extra Blog Info Fandoms Socials

Tags If ya wanna filter some things out here are things I use the tags for! #my art - My art of course (Sketches, finished drawings, doodles, ect.) #eddsworld - My eddsworld art and miscellaneous posts that are just simply about eddsworld #au - Planning for my Memories Eddsworld Au. Scroll down a bit (In this post) and you'll get the links to scroll through my rough ideas and artwork relating to the au! #<3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 - Most of the stuff I reblog (Not everything but after a specific point then everything will have this tag on it) Please Check the stuff out! There's a lot of good artwork under this tag (It may contain some non-art related reblogs) #where did the stars go - My own story! Might include comics or just random art. I'm still creating the story so um- yup #asks - Any asks you guys send me! Pretty self-explanitory- What This Whole Blog Is So this blog is just some place I'll be posting my art! But also since it's my main blog it'll be a lot of nonsense and reblogs too- If ya think some of the things I may post here are cringe- that's too bad because that's why I have this platform! I'm here to simply be myself, nothing more nothing less.

The Memories Au Here is the blog that the comic is on: @memories-au-eddsworld To be clear, the stuff on this blog isn't the story itself. It's me working things out to prepare for the story. So concept art and character design ideas plus some silly short comics. I'm still forming and working on the story First / Last Where Did the Stars Go? I'll probably have a blog just for this story, but who knows. For now, all story planning I want to share as well as artwork of this story will be shared here! Story summary coming soon! First / ... Ask Box <3 [OPEN] The ask box is for- well- you know- asks. But you can ask questions to me and the characters that appear on my blog! If a character appears on here more than three times I'll specify if they take questions. If they don't appear below then they don't take asks. Characters that you can ask stuff currently: Eddsworld (Not the Memories Au)- Tom, Edd, Tord, Matt, Ringo Me! Spoinkles- The species in general, but there will be specific character later on! Where Did The Stars Go- Ari, Camilla... Requests I'll draw, without a need for money on either end I would like to specify, for a list of fandoms (that I will provide soon). Requests can be just simply seeing a character (or your oc!!!) in my style or as close to your/the media's style as I can! You can use the ask box or message me! Either way I'll credit you (Or not if you so choose) for the request. I'll admit, I do prefer simple requests like character(s) just doing silly things (or just simply existing), and not big scenes, for that is what I struggle with. Come message or send me an ask if anything confuses you about this, or if you have more questions. Rules + Blog Info -This place is a safe space for people of any gender and any sexuality -DNI: Therian and furry haters, maps, homophobes + transphobes -I want to specify I won't be participating in anything political. If I post something spreading some sort of message to help out someone in any specific political trouble and such, it is merely to help out that person. -You can ask me almost anything (Ex: What's with my gender? I know it can be a little contradicting but if ya wanna know just ask) -Don't ask for commissions. Right now that's not something I'm willing to do. I'm too focused on school. I might consider doing commissions in the future. -Please don't ask anything that might be considered offensive. Read over an ask before you actually ask it and consider if it sounds offensive.

Fandoms That May Appear On This Blog! -Eddsworld (Current hyperfixation so you'll see a LOT of this) -Omori -The Disastrous Life Of Saiki K -Ouran High School Host Club -Komi Can't Comunicate -God Troubles Me -Gravity Falls Socials Pinterest Ao3 Spotify TikTok (I Don't Post Really But It's Here If U Want It)

[hagweeds]

Hello!

I recently stumbled across Santae on Tumblr, gave it a try, decided i wasn't really vibing with it, and quit (never joined the discord or really poked at the forums) all before finding out about the... Unfortunate stuff going on.

I had no clue, and now im feeling twice shy about interacting or supporting other similar sites. I very firmly don't want to support anything AI related, so i was wondering if you maybe had a list somewhere of sites( in development or otherwise) that you can recommend?* I wouldn't even know where to begin looking.

(*Already Hoarding dragons on Flight Rising, so any OTHER sites)

omg sure yeah!! there are a lot of smaller petsims around and the two upcoming im excited about:

UPCOMING

- Pawborough (FR style breeding sim with cats)

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/tbpt/paw-borough-the-feline-virtual-browser-rpg/description

https://www.pawborough.net/demo

PB is currently in closed beta testing and if lucky you might still find people giving away keys? But I think most are claimed now. Open beta will be open to everyone, but there will be no further wipes at that point so it could still be a while. Updates are posted daily in discord and it's open for everyone to join.

Breeding is slightly different than FR though so I would recommend playing around with the breeding demo. It's not wheel based like FR and I'd describe it more like when you mix paint colors?

Would encourage you to look at the more recent KS updates because they did revamp a lot of the art that's in the original campaign (hydde from fr is on the art team!)

- Mythaura (another breeding sim but with various mythical creatures)

https://mythaura.com/

https://ko-fi.com/mythauradev

Not currently in beta but the devs do put out monthly updates on progress, and you can donate to their Ko-Fi for beta keys. Currently I have 33 keys (and get more every month) so you and anyone else are welcome to ask for a key when it opens up.

This one was around in dev for a while but died off as the original creator moved on to IRL things. Current owners worked on the site with the OG owner and with permission reference the original concepts. Since it's been with the current team updates have been consistently every month.

Some cool previews for their DnD/adventuring mode are in the more recent updates! Also there are shiny familiars 👀

EXISTING

- Pixel Cats End (based on FR dom adopts from Ice)

Small community and new content is slow but steady as it is one dev. No gender restriction on breeding, cats belong to North/South/Trade. N/S can breed with each other and Trade can breed with all. Very gender inclusive and all cats pronouns can be freely changed at any time. Breeding is based on genotypes and it's fairly complex (cats have hidden traits and some are recessive etc)

If you like chasing rare breeding outcomes it's pretty fun! There are rarer patterns and things like Albino cats. There is also a DnD grid based adventuring mode that I find pretty fun to grind, final boss gives out drops that include a G1 cat generator.

4dopt

I'm just going to steal the post @jinogasux-fr made lol https://jinogasux-fr.tumblr.com/post/771749879998447616/doing-another-reblog-of-this-because-4dopt-had-to

Basically it's very customizable heavy adopts and all pets /items/etc are drawn by and submitted by players.

Wolvden/Lioden (wolf and lion breeding sims)

Both sites are owned by the same team but Wolvden is the newer game and works a little differently than Lioden.

Big warning that in both sites your pets will eventually die and freezing them is a premium item. The upside to this is your account does not "rollover" until you tell it to. So if you don't log in for a week, your pets won't have aged until you rollover again. Breeding is also a lot more restrictive in terms of who you can breed and when (like on Lioden you have one male pride leader who can breed, but if you want to breed one of your females to a different male you'd have to use another player as the stud unless you retire and select a new leader)

Both sites tend to have very dramatic communities but the gameplay is solid and functioning. Staff can also be questionable but if you keep to yourself it's not on the level of CJ DMing players yaknow

Subeta

If you liked the questing on Santae, just play Subeta bc thats where CJ took it from and they do it much better.

Subeta is older but still... relatively active? I think they're still revamping the site but everything still functions. I played obsessively 10 years ago.

Largely focuses on human avatars with pets. At the time it was kind of the adult Neopets site (iirc it was 16+ only originally)

There are some other petsites that I just don't recommend: Marapets (owner is a freak all I really remember), Neopets (as an old school neo player i just can't recommend neo anymore lol), Dappervolk, Lorwolf

In terms of where I find or go looking for these, it's unfortunately not one place. A lot of these I discovered either through my FR-based friends or through Tumblr. https://www.virtualpetlist.com used to be pretty good back in the 2010s but looking now they do seem to be featuring AI art sites.

I do frequently see that people tend to make topics in the General Discussion area for new sites, so it's worth keeping an eye there too: https://www1.flightrising.com/forums/gend

Sometimes I'll also browse Kickstarter or other crowdfunding sites as that's how I found PB originally.

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

ANNOUNCEMENTS FOR DECEMBER:

//Hey all.

//As we all know, it's coming to the end of the year, and we're approaching December time, which is usually the time of year where I start dishing out a bunch of special stuff for the followers.

//Regrettably, I still cannot give a guarantee when I'll be able to return to making the story, but I am trying my hardest to get my affairs in order so that we can come to that.

//One way or another, the story isn't over, regardless of how long it takes for us to get back to it. And the good news is that for December, I have a few really cool goodies for you. Both related to the blog, and otherwise, as well as a few announcements:

//Okay so for my first announcement, I kind of want to get the "bad news" out of the way first. And I use quotations, because hopefully, no one will mind too much.

//As some of you might have noticed, I kind of stopped uploading the birthday card posts for the characters, and in case it hasn't been clear, I've decided that I'm not going to be posting the birthday cards anymore.

//There are actually more than one reason for this. The primary one is it takes a lot out of me, more than you know, to keep track of everyone's birthdays, especially since we have 100+ characters, and I'm prone to uploading/reblogging the posts late, way after the birthday celebrations have happened. It's much easier for me to just stop posting the cards altogether, and getting stressed out about it.

//But another one is that up until now, I've always found a way to balance the dates out with the story, mainly through a lot of mcguffin bullshit that, not only would I much prefer not to do any more...I physically can't.

//Phase 3 has three arcs that happen at the exact same time as eachother, told from three different perspectives of three characters who will each take the limelight. I will not say who, but suffice to say it would not make a lot of sense for the birthdays to be spaced like months apart, when in-universe, these events are happening over the course of the same days.

//Let's say the arcs take me like...5 months to finish. During the time that I'm writing that arc, it would be Kyoko's birthday (October 6th), but by the time I'm finished, it's Hiyoko's birthday (March 9th). In universe, no time has passed at all, because these events are taking place within the same week.

//Yeah, not happening.

//And the last reason is because ultimately, I started doing the birthday cards to celebrate the characters and how far the series has come, but honestly? I think we can all agree that they add basically nothing to the story, and are just there to make the blog's page look prettier.

//With that being said, I hope all of you guys can wish my sister a happy birthday, because she turned 17 yesterday.

//Okay, with that out of the way, I want to reveal four big projects that I'm going to be working on around Christmas/New Years time that, hopefully, will tickle your fancy:

1 - NAEGIRI WEEK 2024

//A couple of you may remember that two years ago, I participated in Naegiri Week, which, like a lot of these ship weeks, is an event dedicated to a specific Danganronpa couple (Makoto and Kyoko in this case) where people will create art media for spaced over a week.

//In the past, I've participated in three of these events before, which were Naegiri Week, Momoharu Week, and Kazukoi Week (which was hosted by Mod Freezethunder) and those sprites are all available on @creepercraftsprites.

//I've always wanted to take part in Saimatsu Week, but I keep missing my chance to, and I didn't participate in Naegiri Week of last year, because I had a lot going on at the time, but I'm happy to say that I will be making a grand return to the event, and participating in 2024's Naegiri Week, which begins on December 23rd.

//And some of my stories even take place within the universes of my fanfics and content, including Survivor and Phantom Thieves of Hope. So stay tuned for when that drops, and you'll get to see me and a bunch of my fellow artists showing off what we've got to people for the sake of this adorable lucky student and his gorgeous detective wife.

//Speaking of which:

2 - PHANTOM THIEVES OF HOPE: CHRISTMAS CAPER

//Yeah, Phantom Thieves of Hope is getting a Christmas Special.

//Why?

//I felt like it. Fuck off and let me do my thing, lol.

//In all seriousness, my thought process behind this was that for a long time, I had considered maybe making spinoff chapters/fics for Phantom Thieves of Hope. But unlike Survivor where I usually have an excuse to do that, PToH's story is mostly consistently paced, and I don't really want to break that normally.

//But I've been thinking about what ideas I could explore in a potential crossover fic like PToH, and the kinds of interactions the characters could have.

//Phantom Thieves of Hope has always tried to prioritize the human aspects of the Danganronpa characters beyond the wacky cartoonish setting that they're placed in. Despite the horrors around them, many of them rarely get a chance to show a real down-to-earth moment as a person instead of a crazy character, and that's a lot of what PToH is about, beyond the kickass Phantom Thief fighting.

//So to sum it up, Christmas Caper is a three-part bonus story for my crossover fic, revolving around the Phantom Thieves having some Christmas fun together, and I will be posting those during the buildup to Christmas; so from December 21st to December 23rd, the same day Naegiri Week starts.

//I know that PToH and Survivor are different series, but I have realized I have an overlapping audience with both fanbases, so I figured if I'm going to announce it, I'm going to announce it here.

//I will also be announcing it this Friday for my AO3 audience when I release the next chapter.

//Now we actually get into the juicy stuff.

3 - DANGAN-CEMBER

//This is something that I'm hoping to do for the foreseeable future, and it's probably the biggest announcement that I have for this holiday season.

//To keep things brief, this is directly inspired by Team Four Star's DBCember series. For those who don't know what that is, from 2014 until 2021, KaiserNeko, Lanipator, and Takahata101 performed a yearly series called DBcember each December. In this segment, they discuss the DragonBall series in Advent Calendar mode for the first twenty-four days of December.

//With me loving my rankings, I wanted to try doing something similar this year related to the blog, to give me more of a reason to. And honestly, I have some ideas that aren't even related to Danganronpa, just to me in general.

//Earlier this year, I posted my ranking of all the Danganronpa titles featured on the blog, which would have had enough to go on, but I only came up with the idea after that, which kind of wasted it.

//So for this event, Dangan-cember will take place between the 1st of December to the 24th where I will upload one post every day as part of a top 24 ranking of some kind, going in depth on its placement, why I like/dislike it, or whatever the hell else the list entails. Christmas Day will reveal my Number 1.

//I debated it for a while, and eventually, I decided that for this year, my ranking would be...

TOP 24 DANGANRONPA CLASS TRIALS.

//Back in the day while I was still on Reddit, I did this ranking then, but my not only have my opinions changed a bit, but for this ranking, I will be including the Class trials from the Another series as well (DRA1 and SDRA2).

//And while I have already done the ranking itself in advance, this turned out to not be as easy as it feels, and I feel like talking about it might be harder.

//Unlike the rest of my rankings, I will be dedicating one post each to all of these placements, which should hopefully give me a chance to talk about them in as much detail as possible. I don't intend to do this for all my rankings; just my end of year ones like this.

//So hopefully that'll be exciting. Funny how I'm more than happy to write written essays about Danganronpa unlike anything else I need to write essays for.

//But with that all said, we have one more:

4 - DECK THE HALLS FOR A BIRTHDAY PARTY ARC

//And of course, the last thing to announce for the end of the year is our traditional "Christmas Arc."

//If you've been around the blog for a while now, you'll know that once a year, for the 12 Days of Christmas ranging from December 24th to January 5th, we have special bonus arcs for the story, mainly revolving around the characters interacting and having moments of emotional bonding and depth, centered around the end of the year and Christmas time.

//Or, alternatively, just some community events we do for fun.

//The arcs in question for these last few years have been:

The 12 Days of Christmas

The 12 Nights of Christmas

Canzanilla Cafe

Warriors of Other Worlds (Danganronpa Survivor X Death Battle)

//And yes, before anyone says it, I know that that WoOW didn't actually happen during Christmas, but that was largely because of delays on my part, and had I stuck to a consistent schedule, it would have done. The point is we do these fun little event arcs every year, if we can help it.

//And for this year, we actually have something a little different. The arc will retain its typical character interactions and enjoyment that the previous Christmas arcs had, but unlike them, this arc, titled "Deck the Halls for a Birthday Party," will have a consistent storyline throughout it.

//Canzanilla Cafe kind of had a story with Kuripa helping Maya set up shop, but it was still very much them interacting with a random strew of characters and being good baristas and bartenders. But for this one, there's a certain group of characters it revolves around, and a plot that takes shape throughout the sequence.

//What is that plot? Well, I'm glad you asked. Let me tell you.

//This arc is the first Christmas that the Future Foundation have been able to gather for following the Factory incident, and the defeat of Organization Zetsubou. But more importantly for Class 78, this is the perfect chance to celebrate the triumphant return of Mukuro Ikusaba, who they thought was lost to them.

//Reinforced when they remember that December 24th, Christmas Day, is also her birthday.

//To reaffirm their friendship, show appreciation for what she has done for them, and to officially welcome her back to the family, the class, led primarily by Makoto and Sayaka, work with their peers and classmates to throw Mukuro a huge Birthday/Christmas surprise party, while doing whatever they can to prevent Mukuro from catching wind of it.

//Hilarity ensues.

//In summary, it is just one of those everything-has-to-be-perfect party stories where the DR1 class get to show off their bond and how much they all mean to each other. Something that, ironically, they don't do as much as the DR2 and V3 cast do. Not just in Survivor, but in the main series and in general. They have strong chemistry, but it's never really explored.

//This arc is also mainly about Mukuro, now having completed her character arcs from Phase 1 and 2, where she now realizes that she has a place in the world free from Junko's influence, and a lot of this story is about her exploring it and trying to find her place within it.

//Featuring a lot of fun little cameo appearances to boot.

//That should be about everything, so in conclusion, here is my December timeline:

December 1st - December 24th: Dangancember December 21st - December 23rd: PToH: Christmas Caper December 23rd - December 30th: Naegiri Week 2024 December 24th - January 5th: Deck the Halls for a Birthday Party Arc

//And that's all folks.

-Mod

[dragonmarquise]

Speaking of trauma and stuff, name all the characters you think have trauma in bomb rush cyberfunk, any crew, any reason. Feel free to use HCs and stories and fanfics to explain!!! Bc RN I am drowning in your content/pos

First and foremost, thank you for the interest in my ideas and stuff!! Even though art and fan fic writing has been on the backburner for me while I try to get the BRC wiki to a point where I can call it “finished” at least for now. So like, doing posts like this is the only way right now that I can share my stuff at the moment. ;u;

Second, OH BOY, this is gonna be a hell of a topic. Uhh, content warnings for mentions of abuse and injuries and trauma in general. I mean, given the topic, it’s definitely going to get dark. The big ones are probably going to be my 4 Devil Theory OCs, but I have some ideas for a few other characters…

Also this is gonna be VERY long just fair warning! No seriously, I think I basically wrote the equivalent of a short fan fic here. That ended up being the reason this took so long to answer. :u

Let’s start off with Felix! Since you brought up an interesting point about why he might be distancing himself from others. For other people’s reference, this is the reblog I’m referring to.

Actually let’s break this up into sections so it’s a bit easier to read, not to mention easier to get to certain characters.

Felix

So again, from your post! Felix distances himself even from friends a lot of the time, because it’s a subconscious thing where he doesn’t want to end up too attached to someone. And then hurting badly if he loses them.

Related to Old Amsterdam, maybe Felix somehow survived whatever happened that led to it being destroyed/buried and then having New Amsterdam built on top of it. The current fandom theory is that it was a giant flooding disaster. It’s mentioned in a couple of dialogs with the Oldheads that at least those three (i.e. Boombap, Oldschool, and Classic) still remember the original Amsterdam, and the way they talk, they definitely lived there for at least a short amount of time before the city got wiped out. Presumably they and other people managed to flee whatever disaster before it happened, while other people weren’t so lucky maybe?

Heck, I know there’s one particular dialog, I think from Boombap specifically, where he mentions how Felix was just a kid while Boombap himself was in his prime as a writer. Presumably back during Old Amsterdam, but maybe even during the early start of New Amsterdam?

So maybe Felix as a small child remembers the disaster, either having to stay with his parents and losing them while managing to survive himself. Or otherwise they all fled but something happened along the way where Felix had to leave by himself. There’s also fan theories about the coffin in the Old Amsterdam under Versum Hill, that maybe it was used to save him, but also kinda preserve him? Then again maybe the coffin is unrelated in that regard, and Felix has some other connection to it (maybe a very distant descendant of whoever actually made it).

We don’t know the exact time frame between Old Amsterdam being destroyed and New Amsterdam being built, other than the Oldheads being around for both based on the game dialog. Again, they mention having memories of Old Amsterdam and how it compares to New Amsterdam and all. But still, it could have been a decently long amount of time in the past, since we don’t quite know how old the Oldheads themselves are… I always imagined them in the 60s to 80s range tbh, and then most of the case being in the range of 25 to 35.

Well, okay, the Old Amsterdam stuff and the Oldheads’ ties into the game’s lore is an interesting topic, but I’m getting a bit too off-topic for this post, sorry!!

Anyways, Felix as a very young child was in Amsterdam at the time of the disaster, manages to survive, but loses his parents at minimum. That kind of loss, especially in such a presumably horrifying way, isn’t something that can be easily overcome.

But also! Here’s my additional idea for this: Felix doesn’t want to remember what happened back then. In fact, I like to think he’s repressed that particular part of his life so hard he genuinely can’t remember now. At least not willingly. Good thing DJ Cyber was helping Felix remember only the part about how to stop Faux, otherwise he might’ve seen some REALLY depressing stuff. I like to think the first bits of each dream Felix has at the end of each chapter (besides the 4th one, which just gets right into the actual dream stage) are subconscious symbolisms of those locked away memories.

The first dream has a black and white image of “Old Amsterdam”, with someone wearing his mask in a boat. The second dream has a bunch of people standing before a pyramid of stairs, and if you knock off the person at the top, the rest at the bottom start cheering. The third dream has a long line of people, waiting for something or waiting to go somewhere maybe. The fifth dream has a line of crows you have to chase away, leading up to the group of big crows that reveal Felix.

… granted I only have my own ideas of what those could symbolize, but I feel like there’s definitely something interesting there.

Anyways, as far as Felix knows, he grew up in New Amsterdam as an orphan. There was nothing else before that. Nope. But even if he never remembers the truth of what happened to him as a kid, that trauma is still affecting him as an adult.

Like what you pointed out in your reblog, I like to think Felix eventually realizing that pushing away people who care about him just to “protect” them isn’t a healthy way of handling his feelings. Even if he never remembers the root cause of why he felt the need to do that in the first place, I’d think he learns to handle it better from now on, especially with the events of BRC teaching him friendship and stuff (not quite but like, you get the idea lol).

Cueball

So now, Cueball! Oh boy, poor Cueball. He has two sources of trauma: the stuff that led to him going full-cyber, and Eight Ball being killed.

With the first, reiterating what I said in my big DOT EXE post: as a teen living in the US (or whatever is the equivalent in the universe of BRC), Cueball got COVID, and the resulting Long COVID left him in damn terrible health. Overall physically weaker, damaged immune system, some nerve damage, sense of taste and smell being messed up (“Can you imagine biting into a chocolate bar, and tasting nothing but a like, raw meat kinda taste? I still remember that. Wouldn’t wish that even on my worst enemies.”).

And his own friends being worried they might “catch” it from him too (even though it’s at the point where it’s just the Long COVID) so then this poor guy is socially isolated while he’s still getting through high school on top of all of this. Doesn’t help that both of his parents are convinced it isn’t that bad and it's just him being lazy or finding "excuses". It isn’t until years later when they finally take him to see some doctors to try and get him some kind of help, and even then, they only take him to see quack doctors that recommend snake oils over anything that could actually help him.

Even with Eight Ball eventually stepping in and helping Cueball moving away from his awful parents, seeing better doctors in New Amsterdam… and then it turns out Cueball’s condition is so severe that there isn’t much that can be done by that point. So then the full-cyber conversion happens, because from Cueball’s point of view, his only other options are to either continue to suffer, or just straight up die.

I mean, you can imagine that would leave some pretty significant trauma on anyone. But Cueball is repressing most of it. Especially since, he’s had other people pity him and feel sorry for what he went through, and he hates that. The only person he ends up telling about any of this in particular is Bō (my Devil Theory OC that I ship with him), and even then only after they’ve been dating for a while.

By this point, he’s mostly mad at his parents for letting it get as bad as it did, especially with how stubborn they were about taking it seriously at all. Not to mention, like I said in the DOT EXE post, Cueball originally had plans to becoming a chef or baker. But he couldn’t exactly do that with his sense of smell and taste getting messed up, nevermind everything else he had to deal with. There’s a bit of resentment there towards his parents, the people who were supposed to, y’know, keep him safe.

Oh also, he is dead to them. Quite literally. I imagine in some countries in the BRC universe, a person going full-cyber or even just getting a cyberhead makes the person be considered legally dead. Y’know, Ship of Thesesus, “How much do you replace of a person before they stop being the same person?” kind of thing. And if not legally, I can imagine some people just have that kind of thought towards cybernetics like that.

His parents even made a grave for him and held a funeral for him. To clarify, by that point he was already living in New Amsterdam with his brother and the other DOT EXE guys, going through the procedures to go full-cyber. He told them what was going to happen to him, and they basically cut contact and acted like he completely died.

But if he had a chance at the time, Cueball would have flown back home, dig open his own “grave”, then push his parents in and bury them alive. Otherwise, he just likes to think that if he’s dead to them, then they’re dead to him too. Hell, they probably are dead by the point of the game, but Cueball refuses to even think about them either way.

The main trauma response (not sure if that’s the right word for this?) from all this is that Cueball gets really worried for his non-cyber friends whenever they get sick. Also getting mad if they try to keep going around as if they’re not sick, “Dude!! Go rest!! You’re either gonna make it worse or get someone else sick!!”

He is also still very distrustful of doctors in general, even if they’re genuine. He goes along with Bō for his doctor visits like a bodyguard. He’s worried for his boyfriend, but it takes him a while to admit he might be overreacting.

So then besides that! Cueball also has the trauma from Eight Ball dying. Maybe he even saw it himself, I don’t think the game specifies if the other DOT EXE members were around when it happened, or if the police/Faux managed to catch Eight Ball alone and take him out then. Personally it feels more that it’s the former, like they were all talking together nearby after losing the crew battle, then Eight Ball got shot and the others ran for it before they were next.

From a different previous post of mine, basically what I’m thinking is that Cueball was not coping with Eight Ball’s death very well. At all. To the point of even making fun of Eight Ball for just dying “so easily”. Which of course pisses off the rest of DOT EXE and gets him kicked out, leading to him joining BRC to continue to try and ignore Eight Ball’s death. Even considers just deleting his memories of Eight Ball completely, even though doing so would leave gaps in his memories that are too noticeable to ignore.

Fortunately! I think he’d eventually get a better handle on his feelings and what happened, and reconcile with the rest of DOT EXE later. He still sticks with BRC though, but at least he lives with the rest of DOT EXE again.

Vela

This one is for the spring palette Eclipse member. This is gonna be a bit shorter, but mostly because, I don’t want to get into too much detail on what happened to her, since the character herself probably wouldn’t do so either, at least to most people. So, to the point: She is studying at the local university, and at one point ended up abused by a professor she thought she could trust. That guy very nearly got away with it, if it weren’t for the rest of Eclipse stepping in to make sure he didn’t.

Though even with the scumbag punished, for a very long time afterwards Vela ends up very distrustful of men in general. She does go to therapy to help cope with things at least, especially since she wants to avoid coping in a way that ends up hurting her more. The leader of Eclipse in particular, Cassiopeia, encouraged Vela to make sure to go to therapy, and of course all of them helped support her during this time too.

It definitely does help, with her becoming less distrustful over time. She even gets a boyfriend later on! After a lot of patience from him, which Vela really appreciates and loves him for. Unfortunately, the rest of Eclipse finding out about this is the reason (in my little headcanon/AU story thing at least) for them kicking her out of their crew. So then similar to Cueball, leading to her joining up with BRC.

To clarify, they didn’t kick her out because she’s dating a man, they kicked her out because she hid something fairly important from the rest of them. With what she went through, combined with the crew overall having a, well, dislike towards men in general, she was worried about what they would think of her if she told them. So kinda poor communication on both sides?

I like to think they do eventually sort things out, but also like with Cueball, Vela probably sticks with BRC for writer stuff. However, she’s still very happy to have her friends back by thatpoint!

(Also I ended up deciding that Vela’s boyfriend is someone I’ve talked about before already. Remember the guy who I said his friends joke about his “theoretical” girlfriend, because he insists he’s dating someone but they’ve still never met her? But yeah that’s probably for another post. :P )

Rise

For Rise, I think some people might debate if it really “counts” as trauma, but I think it still does. A lot of this is copy-pasted from a document that I don’t think I’ve shared publicly yet, or at least not outside of this one BRC server I’m on.

In essence, Rise was emotionally neglected by her parents. Rise's parents are the high/upper class kind of people. Rich! Snooty! Looking down on the poor! etc. They saw their daughter as more of a reflection of their own reputation and stuff instead of her own person. So plenty of criticizing her for her appearance, what she ate, who she hung out with, what she studied in school, etc.

I have a headcanon where Rise has a huuuuge interest in marine biology and ocean stuff. It’s partly why she ends up hanging out on Pyramid Island, at least in my mind! She knows a lot, possibly even more than most people who go to school for the same topic!

But then whenever she'd ramble to her parents about it, she was basically met with a lot of dismissive "Yes yes, that's nice dear" and stuff like that. And after a certain point they were like, "When are you going to be interested in something more practical? Like medical science or business?" and that basically made her never want to talk about anything to her parents ever again, let alone her hobbies and interests.

At one point they wanted Rise to get into ice skating, but only because they wanted to have the prestige of having an "Olympic gold-medalist~" as a daughter. But also making sure she didn't get into any sports that were too "masculine" in their eyes, oh no, what a scandal that would have been for these poor rich assholes!! She got into skating alright... inline skating, specifically just to spite them. From that, Rise made more genuine friends, then became a writer through that as well. Her first time getting caught by police, her parents were horrified and actually paid to get her out and scrub her records (like with what was happening with Faux).

But then Rise keep doing writer stuff, again out of spite towards her parents, and kept getting caught, etc. Eventually they just forced her to move out of London (or maybe, Neo London? Who knows how bad the floods were in the rest of the world) where they were living, and she ends up in New Amsterdam from there. They would have disowned her on top of that, but then that would be even more of a scandal in their socialite circles, oh no!! So they just quietly sent her off and even try to pretend she's just overseas studying at some prestigious university or something.

The only "contact" Rise has with her parents these days is them actually sending her money every now and then. In their mind, if she isn't something like a doctor or CEO, it means she's probably living off of dirt without their help. She always donates the money they send her to a local charity, she sure as hell wouldn't want to keep it even if she did need it.

Rise doesn’t mind if people assume she’s just some rich kid that got into writer stuff for the sake of clout/because it was trendy. She doesn’t care for other people’s opinions too much, and besides she thinks her beef with her parents is between just her and them, and nobody else's business unless she chooses to share it.

Though, even after that, Rise tends to have trouble opening up to people, at least outside of being a writer and all. Especially when it comes to talking about her oceanic interests. So like, for my headcanons she ends up becoming besties with Rave and Shine in particular once they’re all with BRC! But even then, she’s afraid to bring up her interests, and for the longest time they mostly like to talk about writer stuff or gossip and the like. She gets there eventually, it just takes her a while.

---

Now for my Devil Theory OCs! I’ve already written a lot in this post, and these four might be a bit shorter than the rest all together. Also like with Rise, this is mostly copy-pasted and cleaned up/added to from a document I haven’t shared outside of a Discord server.

Sai

He is the spring palette Devil Theory guy, and the one in my headcanons/stories who ends up joining BRC. His parents started off verbally abusive with him as a small kid, until it escalated into physical abuse by the time he was in middle school. His dad was the source of the worst of it, but his mom definitely wasn’t a saint either in all of this, being abusive as well. It’s effectively a sense of “If my son wasn’t around, he’d just go after me” cowardice, just “agreeing” with her husband for her own safety. Sai at least had Daishō (and eventually Bō and Nunchaku) to help him through it, in particular Daishō letting him stay over at Daishō's house for days at a time just to avoid his parents.

Unfortunately, the abuse still continued whenever Sai came home. Despite what was happened, back then he still had hopes that his parents might change eventually. They hammered into him the mentality of “family is everything no matter what”, and was hoping that would actually win out in the end. But then because of that, he never really fought back, thinking it would just make things worse, even once he grew older and was physically capable of fighting back.

It also didn’t help that for most of his life living in New Amsterdam, Sai felt pretty isolated. Him and his parents moved from Puerto Rico (fun fact, with a lot of maps that show what the Earth would look like if all the ice caps melted, Puerto Rico is still around since most of it is actually pretty mountainous! So not as badly affected by any potential world flooding disasters, at least compared to Old Amsterdam and other places). He gets picked on a lot as a kid for being Latino and just generally an outsider. Even a lot of teachers and adults end up not trusting him due to his “attitude”.

Daishō is pretty much his only friend for a very long time, and before joining BRC he only ever considered him, Bō, and Nunchaku as his friends. Basically, he doesn’t feel like he has a lot of other people to turn to for help. And at any rate, he wouldn’t want to risk his own friends getting hurt because of his parents. Especially since, his dad in particular is a cop, and has been using those connections to cover up what’s been going on.

This eventually accumulated into his breaking point sometime in high school. His father managed to give him a nasty cut on his lower leg, and his mother just sloppily stitched it up, seeing no need to go to the hospital (because otherwise the people at the hospital would probably find out about what was going on). Sai eventually snapped sometime after that, and beat the fuck out of his dad.

He would have done the same to his mom (who, again, was also very much physically abusive, even if not to the same extent as his dad), if she hadn't managed to barricade herself in a bathroom. Afterwards, both his parents decided to skip town out of “embarrassment” instead of trying to involve the police against Sai (i.e. realizing that what they were doing to Sai would have to be investigated as well, in a way that couldn’t be covered up with cop connections anymore). He hasn’t seen them since and plans to keep it that way.

Is it any wonder the poor guy ends up with anger issues? He at least gets a better hold of them later in life at least, especially once he joins BRC.

Bō

Bō, the blond one (winter palette for Devil Theory), mostly dealt with his mother being horribly controlling and abusive to him (largely emotionally, but also sometimes physically). Meanwhile his father was a doormat who effectively enabled her, even helping her cover up what was going on.

At one point she attempted to homeschool him to protect him from being "corrupted”. She and the father followed, from what Bō could remember, a “very strange niche of Christianity”, with confusing ideology, seemingly just her picking and choosing what she wanted to believe from the Bible (which, unfortunately applies to a lot of Christians out there, but I digress…). They never actually went to church, but she would insist they were are True Christians. Her attempts at homeschooling him were equally confusing, at least for him.

But then that resulted in Bō needing to be held back a bit once the proper authorities found out she wasn't doing a good job, and thus forced her to let him attend regular school. They tried to catch him up as best as possible, but eventually just let the schools "handle" him from there. Between that and continued abuse at home, he was all around miserable during this time. Also really not helping that he ended up with poor social skills due to how his mother was isolating him so much.

Fun fact, he met Sai and Daishō sometime towards the end of primary school for all of them (roughly middle school, from what I can tell from research?). They had planned to bully him into helping them with homework, thinking an older kid would know more about what they were studying. But then they found out about him needing to catch up on a lot of things, and actually helped him out instead! Also for a frame of reference on ages, Bō is 31 in the present, while Sai and Daishō are both about 28, and Nunchaku is about 27.

Anyways, back to the note about his mother isolating him. She would also manipulate Bō’s relationships, either scaring off other kids he tried to make friends with, making him paranoid that they secretly hated him, or otherwise making it so that he could rarely (if ever) see them too often.

Daishō and Sai were the only ones she couldn’t successfully scare off nor turn Bō against. They also helped him stand up to her and defend himself. This eventually led to Bō being disowned and kicked out of his home for being so “disobedient”, but he considers this the best possible outcome. As far as he knows, his mother and father both moved out in the country to get away from the “corrupting” influence of the city, so at least he doesn’t have to worry about ever meeting them again.

Unfortunately, he was still left with a lot of issues. One is with food. She would often say she was going to cook one thing and then make something completely different, intentionally adding ingredients or buy snack foods that he didn’t like, or add certain spices that would alter the taste in ways he didn’t expect. She did this mostly as a way to make sure he wouldn’t be a picky eater, forcing him to eat or go hungry. Even if it meant eating something that he found repulsive.

As an adult, this resulted in Bō being very, very picky about his food. He wants it a certain way, and if it isn’t the way he wants or is expecting, he refuses to eat it. Especially if it’s something he hasn’t tried before, he needs to be told what it’s like, be able to at least sample it first, and if it’s homemade food he has to trust the person who’s cooking it anyways. For ordering at restaurants, if they get his order wrong, he’d rather just throw it out and go hungry than ask for them to correct it. His friends (and eventually Cueball) have to be the ones to step in and get it fixed, even when Bō insists they don’t have to, “I’m fine, really, I’m not that hungry anyways I swear!”

Another thing is that he’s afraid of the dark. This one was a result of his mom often locking him in their basement as a punishment whenever he acted up (i.e. just acting like a kid would). He’s embarrassed that he has to sleep with a night light, or really any sort of light, but his friends and Cueball are very accommodating of that.

Nunchaku

Appearance-wise she’s the one based off of Devil Theory’s summer palette. She was born and raised in the United States, specifically in California. Her parents placed a lot of pressure on her to be successful no matter the topic (school, sports, exercising, even just hobbies), but she could never meet their standards, nor did she really want to in the first place. This led to a lot of mental and emotional abuse related to that, most of it in the form of guilt-tripping her about not being able to do “better”.

Skateboarding was one hobby she kept secret from them, in particular because she knew they would try and force her to become the next Tony Hawk or something, when she wanted to keep it as a fun hobby for stress relief. Especially given everything else they were putting her through. Another hobby was fixing machines, including cars, which she mostly did in secret away from her parents lest they try and force her to study mechanical engineering or something.

After a certain point this escalated into physical abuse in the form of pushing Nunchaku past her limits for any physical training/exercising she did for sports in particular, as well as attempts to control her health and diet. In regards to school sports, they basically forced her to join just about every sport team the school had to offer, even if she hated the sport in question. There were times she thought she would die from a heart attack or just exhaustion in general. Other times she was either actually sick or just pretending to be sick in order to get out of practice and sneak off to finally relax.

She also wasn’t having a fun time at school anyways. She was pretty open about being a butch lesbian since maybe around middle school. Her parents at first tried to discourage it, but then eventually tried to use it to their advantage. In short, her dad was a local politician, a conservative one at that, and used his daughter as a sort of “See, I’m not a bigot, my daughter is a lesbian!” thing. Outside of that they didn’t really do much to be supportive, other than not mistreating her specifically because she’s a lesbian (which is, y’know, bare minimum).

Also, they didn’t bother helping her with the bullying she was dealing with at school over her identity and her being a part of every team (most of the other kids thought she was stuck up for doing that, not knowing/accepting that her parents were the ones to force her to do that). Most of Nunchaku’s real friends were either kids from outside of her school or online.

The latter is how she ended up friends with Sai, Daishō, and Bō! It was mostly a shared love of anime between the four of them, I think I mentioned that in the big DT post a while back? But yeah, eventually they became closer friends once they realized they were all deal with shitty parents, so then deciding to stick together and help support one another.

Truthfully, her eventual move to New Amsterdam was less “just moving”, and more her friends helping her successfully run away from home once she turned 18. As far as she knows, her parents have long since written her off as a “failure” and have stopped looking for her. She’s glad that they aren’t trying to drag her back, but deep down she’s also still hurt that they just gave up on her like that, after all the pressure they put on her.

Despite the whole “be good at ALL of the sports” obsession her parents had, Nunchaku still enjoys some sports and plays games with others. She’s just, y’know, not doing it to be the best, she just wants to have fun! Though there are times where she get competitive, like with writer stuff, but at least it’s on her own terms.

Daishō

Daishō, the leader of Devil Theory (also for appearance he’s the autumn palette), has been through some awful stuff himself. Though, a big part of his problems is that he’s convinced what he went through wasn’t nearly as bad as what his friends went through. Even though, trauma is not a competition. Still, I’ll get into that a bit more later.

Anyways, starting off with the root of his problems, his rich parents had a messy divorce around the time he was in early primary school (i.e. roughly early elementary school). The parents' animosity against one another was so bad to the point where they lived in separate houses, with Daishō actually living in a house of his own. His parents wanted to see each other as little as possible, so Daishō's "own" house would be where he was dropped off when he wasn’t meant to be with one of his parents. But because of how much both of them worked (and sometimes them going on vacations by themselves), he spent most of his time at that third house anyways.

He was basically cared for/raised by a nanny and a few housecleaners at this point, and those people were certainly a lot more like parents to him than his actual parents. He still sends his old nanny gift cards and stuff for the holidays, sometimes having lunch to catch up, etc. So just to emphasize, he has no love for either of his parents in the present day.

Anyways, both of his parents tried to manipulate him, in order to get him on their “side” against the other parent. Said manipulation changed often, but ranged from bribery, threats, and outright abuse. Never physical abuse, since they were at least careful not to leave “evidence” (with them thinking poor mental health resulting from shitty parents doesn’t count as evidence of anything bad).

Daishō himself was kind of desperate to either get his parents back together and maybe somehow fix the whole mess the three of them were in, or otherwise just get them to calm the hell down and leave him out of it. Him wanting to fix things was moreso when he was a kid, and then the latter was more as a teen when he started getting sick of their bullshit. Though sometimes his feelings would yo-yo between the two.

Eventually, all of this drama and manipulation led to an instance of attempted murder by his mother on him and his father. During which his father also left him for dead. Daishō got his foot almost hacked off by his own mom, but at least managed to get away despite what happened. The only other major downside to this is that she somehow got away with it in court. That whole thing basically killed what little hope he had left for either parent.

So from there, he just decided to beat them at their own game. Manipulating them, especially getting a ton of cash out of each of them in exchange for his "loyalty", telling lies about one parent to the other as “dirt” they could use later, stuff like that. After a certain point, he had effectively scammed enough money out of both of them that he felt safe enough to cut them both out of his life. The scamming was also enough to leave them both poor as hell, especially since they continued to use their respective money to try and get back at each other during all of this.

As far as he knows, his mom went back to her home country "in shame", while his dad just outright vanished. Good riddance either way, in his opinion.

So now going back to how he thinks what he went through wasn’t as “bad” as what the others went through. Other than the murder, he thinks it wasn't as bad because they weren't "directly" abusive towards him, at least not all of the time like what the other three went through.

Because of that he feels like he has to be the one to make sure everyone else is alright and happy. He has to be the one in charge, he has to be the one to fix things, he has to be the one to organize things, because his friends deserve to have that kind of happiness before he does.

Of course, with what happened in the game, he and his friends almost getting killed by Faux has put a lot of guilt on Daishō. Especially since he was mainly the one pushing for their deal with Faux, being convinced that Faux would have their backs and they could enjoy being All City and keep having fun together. With how badly things turned out, the guilt is still eating him up to this day...

One Last Section for Devil Theory

Just going over how each of them lost at least part of their legs, which led to all of them ending up with the cybernetic legs they have in the game:

With Sai, the cut on his lower leg got badly infected, made worse from him trying to hide it from both his friends and just people in general, not to mention being worried that going to the hospital might lead to him getting arrested if they found out what he did to his dad. Eventually it got bad enough that there was no saving it and he had to get that part of his leg amputated.

Bō lost part of his legs not from anything his mother did, but while he was an adult, long after being disowned by her. It was due to an accident (i.e. a failed secret test with a walking tank, where other people got injured as well), which got covered up by the police. Bō actually isn’t even sure what exactly happened that day, no one else who got injured know either, especially not that it was because of the police in the first place.

For Nunchaku, she lost most of her lower legs due to a factory accident as an adult. With her being new to New Amsterdam once she moved, she was in desperate need of a job, and ending up working for a shady factory that had a ton of questionable dealings and safety regulations. Her getting hurt lead to many other employees quitting, because it was the last straw and a bunch of other employees also got badly injured in the same accident. It was in fact the most severe accident at that factory up to that point, which led to it being finally shut down. She now works as a mechanic at a shop run by another former factory employee who was her mentor.

Lastly, for Daishō, when his mother tried to kill him, his foot ended up so mangled that he was better off just amputating it. It didn’t help that he also had to crawl and even walk with it for a while before he managed to get it looked at. Mostly because he went into hiding for a bit because, y’know, attempted murder.

With all of them getting injuries that resulted in cutting off a foot or lower leg (I'm imagining a bit after Bō's accident, that was the last one chronologically), Daishō ends up declaring, "Clearly we're all fucking cursed, let's just get this over with already." And paid for all of them to just get what's left of their lower legs replaced with fancy cybernetics, as seen in the game. This eventually leads them to becoming writers ("With these legs we could probably manage it pretty good, right?"), and then forming Devil Theory.

Not to mention the abuse all four of them faced, from their parents, and even other people like employers as adults, led to them adopting an "If the world wants to treat you like trash, then you should be allowed to trash it right back" kind of attitude. Hence how they act as Devil Theory.

Suffice to say, a lot of the problems they caused as Devil Theory would have been avoided if they all got some dang therapy!! Bō at least went for a bit as an older teen after being disowned, but stopped after a while, convincing himself he’s “fine” now. The rest refuse outright though also insist they're fine. They're not fine. They’ll get better eventually, but it will require someone convincing them that they’re not really fine, and them accepting that in turn.

So… I think that’s it. I know this is, a lot. So much. Maybe too much, lol. But if you read this all the way through, then thank you!!

[chaehwa-archives]

friendly rivalry deep dive part 1

**Reblogging to let folks know that if you are interested in reading these deep dives, you should follow this new blog, as I won’t be updating the old one. You can find links to all my deep dive posts here.**

Korean GL Friendly Rivalry is my latest hyperfixation, if you can’t tell. It’s my favorite kind of love story—a little bit twisted, but sweet and sincere deep down—and it’s a treasure trove of tropes that scratch a primordial itch in my brain. It’s also ~*dense*~ for a GL series, and practically begging for deeper analysis. There is so much going on plot-wise, character-wise, and otherwise that it’s almost impossible to catch everything the first time you watch it. Probably a little too much going on tbh but I’m not complaining! GL fans don’t often get media this juicy to sink our teeth into. So instead of feeding my obsession by watching every FMV I can find on Youtube (been there done that), I’ve decided to rewatch the series at a slower pace, picking it apart piece by piece.

Some criticism might sneak into these deep dive posts, but my goal isn’t just to write a longer more in-depth review. I already know that I love this show, and I already know it’s got problems. Instead this will be a space for thinking out loud as I try to understand the story and characters on a deeper level, because I Have Thoughts and I Must Scream. Idk how many installments there will end up being, or how much content I’ll cover per post, but I think, for simplicity’s sake, I’ll try to proceed in episode order without jumping around too much. Oh but do watch out for spoilers—I’m writing for others like me who have watched the whole series at least once.

So...where better to begin than with the first scene of Episode 1? This opening scene is doing a lot. On the surface, it’s establishing Seul-gi as our narrator. This is her story, in her own words. We aren’t getting an “objective” account.

It’s also establishing style. From the first few seconds we know not to expect straight realism. There is no logical reason a child on a school trip would happen to have dog treats in her, um, royal handbag. This is the heightened realm of dreams and memories. She has the dog treats to illustrate an emotional truth. This poor girl is so desperate to be noticed that her efforts to stand out only isolate her more from everyone. (The princess dress is such a believable detail, too—you either know a stubborn kid who insists on embarrassing themselves like this, or you were that weird kid.) I’m struggling to think of a more perfect way to express that overwhelming feeling of invisibility than a dog turning up its nose at the treats in your hand.

This scene introduces some symbols that will pop up throughout the series. There’s another important dog later, and lots of water, and the princess dress comes back. I’m not sure what any of these are doing yet, but they seem intentional, not random. There’s some fun with the visual language too. We’re shown a series of snapshots in which Baby Suel-gi is always in the background or a bit out of frame. But some mysterious hand has helpfully outlined her and drawn some cute little pictures on the photos. Is she not only narrating her story, but illustrating it for us?

The thing about this scene is, while I love it and think it’s brilliant, it also doesn’t really make any sense. How hard could it be to locate a lost child in a princess dress if the parents knew which beach the school was visiting? Couldn’t they contact the nearest police station, or whatever institution deals with such cases? Or just contact every orphanage in the area? Maybe something got lost in translation, or maybe it just needed a little extra lampshading. Either way, it’s a bold move to hang the whole plot on a moment of what feels like dream logic.

On a poetic level, though, it’s very satisfying. The cosmic irony of being separated from everyone you’ve ever known, just because you wanted a little attention, is so deliciously bleak—and on a character level, it tells us exactly what we need to know about Seul-gi. This is a girl who has been fucked up by The Gaze. (Not The Gays yet but we’re getting there.) She’s either been ignored and forgotten, or she’s stood out in ways that have sharpened her isolation. The only thing she hates more than being noticed is not being noticed at all.

This is literally just the first minute of the episode, but already this scene is gesturing at a larger character arc. How will Seul-gi react to attention from others from now on? Will she be able to overcome the trauma of abandonment? Will she ever find someone—say, a popular girl at school who skateboards, perhaps—who can see her for who she really is?

Oh no. I just wrote six paragraphs about the first minute of the first episode. I am so doomed.

[rabtownsend]

following up on that last reblog:

As someone who shoots nude photography, I don't actually get a lot of blowback for sharing it, but I still worry about some unforeseen consequences because somebody with power over my life was a prude. I just kind of have to live with that worry if I want to keep doing the things I love doing. Back when Tumblr let you mark your own blog as nsfw, I refused to do so (and look how it backfired on people), because I felt that artistic, non-sexual nudity was not "unsafe." There's nothing inherently dangerous about Titian's Venus de Urbain, or one of my photos of a 30 year old art model with pubic hair posing in a bunch of coloured lights in 2024. It's not meant to be consumed in a sexualized way, and by making it taboo and treating it as if it is sexual content, we impose that context on the viewer's experience, whether they would have had it initially or not. We teach them to think of it in that way. I'm not saying someone couldn't find my images arousing, but it's not my intent, but if they ended up in a context that presented them as sexual, I can see how someone might.

We don't always see the ways in which we are being manipulated as it's happening. Whether that's being manipulated to think all nudity must be sexual, or that body hair is unclean, or that a certain weight or dress size is fat. The sooner you notice, the more enraged you become by it, though. Everything in my life up to around the 2010s told me that certain bodies were "chubby" - and if I look back at them now, it's not so much that I see that they weren't, as that the concept of "chubby" has become something I can't really meaningfully apply to any body. What's fat? What's skinny? What's unhealthy? Anything. Everything, if you're taught to believe one way or another about it.

I've said this in some other post somewhere, but being on tumblr in the last 15+ years and being in the circles of tumblr that I've been, was a really big part of deprogramming me from some of the baked-in societal expectations about appearances and how people and their bodies ought to look. I have seen so many body types, and there is always beauty in each of them. I don't mean that in a platitudinous way - I mean it literally. And definitely, I'll admit, there hasn't been as much diversity as i would like from my own photography work, but there are a wide variety of body types in that world as well. And maybe, to some extent, surrounding myself with relatively attractive nude people all the time has undone some of the work that tumblr has done. But I am recognizing that when I'm feeling that.

The sheer diversity of bodies (and voices) out there is what's important to remember. We can unlearn weight policing. We can unlearn stigmas about gender presentation or lack thereof, people living with physical deformities or disabilities, racial prejudices. The fact that anybody could post a nude, in the context of their choosing, and I could stumble upon it was amazing to me when I first discovered the naked-on-the-internet community on tumblr. It was the best kind of exposure therapy. It didn't matter if it was my thing. It was just fine. Bodies as they should be, doing what they're supposed to do. A body being a body. A success at body. Perfection of doing body.

It goes beyond nudity and sexualization. Just exposing yourself to opinions you might never have been exposed to otherwise can change you for the better.

All this to say that diversity representation works. It's very important. But also, be conscious of the contexts you place things in. That context will influence how others interpret it. Know when you're upholding a societal expectation instead of forming your own.

[creationandcalamityau]

Important stuff!

Hello, 3artfulkitty's here! Welcome to my Bendy AU blog! We are still in the works! This blog is meant to serve as the way we can provide updates on the fanfic, create art and answer asks!

Here's our intro post in case you missed it!

Also quick thing I want to say is that some of the art on here will contain gore and spooky stuff, keep that in mind! All gore content will be tagged with a content warning!

Rules and Guidelines to follow while on this blog!

Be nice: It doesn't take a lot to be nice! We do not tolerate bullying of any kind! Just be a good human being or else we'll feed you to The Ink Demon >:D (No Proshippers, Pedos, Racists, or any other people that fall into a similar category!)

Fanart: We love fanart! Please feel free to make us some, it would be a joy to see! (it doesn't have to be just fanart! Fanfics, cosplays, or anything else creative is welcome!) Just keep in mind we do not want NSFW art of our characters or anything related to this au! Please keep it SFW! Thank you!

Asks: Asks are open unless otherwise stated! We'd love to answer some. We will try to answer all asks, depending on how many we end up getting! Feel free to even ask some characters questions! Just like fanart rules, please keep these asks SFW! Don't be shy to ask a question! We love questions here!

Usage of Art on This Blog: You may use some of the art as pfps, just please give 3artfulkittys credit or credit this blog page if you have to! We do not tolerate Art Theft of any kind! Please don't repost the art on here either!

Info About the mod of this blog!

My pronouns are She/Her

I'm 18 years old

You can call me Cat if you'd like! It's a name I usually go by online!

I am from Ontario, Canada!

I have ADHD and Anxiety. Please be patient with me, I often get very distracted and tend to procrastinate a lot!

I love to talk about my OCs and AU a ton, so please, don't be shy if you have any questions at all! I'd gladly answer them! I honestly love to talk a lot about Bendy in general so feel free to yap about BATIM all you'd like with me!

I'm usually rather active on here, so I'll usually see your messages!

Our Tags:

Audio Logs: 3artfulkittys yapping/update posts! I do a lot of these.

From The Well of Voices: Asks which have been answered!

You Draw Beautifully: Gifts and fanart!

Writings on The Wall: Fanfic posts!

Drawn to Darkness: Any AU artwork!

From the Archives: Oc Yapping posts!

Forgotten Creations AU: A crossover AU thingy with @unnoticedunawarestillhere 's AU Dead and Buried! It is not canon to the main AU in any way! It is simply a fun crossover! Any posts tagged with this are not considered "canon" to Creation and Calamity!

Other Links:

Fanfic links!

The Wattpad version of the fanfic (for those who don't have AO3)

The AO3 version

Bonus stories! (Also referred to as Extra Sketches!)

Charlie Forester Ask Blog!

Ask your favourite assistant music director your most burning questions! @ask-sammy-lawrences-assistant

Creator Socials!

3artfulkittysdraws (My art blog! Some art for this AU is on there!)

a-walking-contradiction my main blog! aka the place I reblog stuff from (I might accidentally reply to comments with this account, I forget to change it sometimes)

Cathero101 (My DeviantArt account! Not active really on here but it exists)

Toyhouse (Some characters from this AU are also on there!)

Thanks for reaching this far! Hope you enjoy your stay!