#i either had to learn to love it or go insane i guess lmao

[julilovesyou444]

hey baee that last fic u did was so good i literally loved it tysm it was so cute!! i have another request - could you write smth where the reader is the 5th member of the band and tom has lit been in love w her since they were kids, and it’s only when they’re like 16/17 that he finally accepts it and confesses to the reader?? like it’s so unlike him to be all soppy and stuff so he didn’t wanna accept his feelings and he’s like super nervous bc he doesn’t wanna like ruin the friendship or anything but ofc the reader likes him back 😋😋 THAT WAS SO LONG LMAO and super specific again but anyways tysm 💗💗💗

i know you ~ tom kaulitz

ty for requesting bb! I’m so happy you liked the last one!! hopefully this one is okay too! enjoy💗💗 if anyone wants, feel free to request

warnings: swearing, yelling, drinking, partying, kissing, thats it i think ??

a/n~ thank you for 100 followers!! I sound stupid saying that but seriously the support means so much to me, gustav req coming soon!! stay tuned and enjoy this little piece for now💟 also thank you for all the comments and messages, I LOVE YOU GUYS🫶

(okay but angry love confessions >>>)

sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes !!

~

“are we doing anything tonight?”, i asked, laying down on the tour bus’ couch. My legs were draped across bills, he had insisted. We had been on the schrei tour for about a month now. the change from regular life to tour life was insane. we were on the schrei tour, about a couple months or so in. We had a little trouble adjusting at first, we were all getting into a lot of arguments, but now we were fine. Bill and Tom still get into arguments a lot, though. Tom has been acting weirder than usual, and i kinda felt like most of this behavior was aimed at me. It felt like he was distant, and I couldn’t figure out why. I have had a crush on Tom for just about as long as I can remember, but I always pushed away those feelings because I loved our friendship too much, and I didn’t want to confess to him and for there to be a rift in between us. I knew for a fact he didn’t like me back. He had so many absolutely gorgeous fan girls who liked him, so there was no way he liked me. He was also kind of a player. That hurt a little at first, but just like the whole situation, I learned to live with it.

“Uhh, i dont think so. We could do something, though. I wouldn’t mind.”, Bill replied, typing something on his phone. The door to the bus opened, and Tom walked in. The smell of cigarettes followed him. We were waiting on Georg and Gustav to finish up the grocery shopping. I thought he was going to go sit down on his bed, but I was wrong. He was staring down at me.

“What?”, i asked.

“Sit up. I wanna sit on the couch too.”, he said flatly. I groaned and sat up for a second, my legs still over Bills. I looked back and saw that Tom was sat behind me, both of his arms resting on the top of the couch. I fell back onto his lap, my head resting on top of his legs. I felt him tense up under me. He raised his eyebrows at me in a judgy way and I rolled my eyes.

“Who said I’m allowing you to do that?”, he said in a bratty tone.

“Deal with it.”

“I guess I will because it doesn’t really seem like I have a choice.”, he huffed.

“Okay, I’m tired of your guys’ bickering, I’m going to go check on Gustav and Georg and see what is taking them so long. Hans is in the store too, I guess he got tired of sitting and driving all day. I’ll be back soon.”, Bill said, lifting my legs up and letting himself get up. Before either Tom or I could protest, he left.

The silence engulfed us. It felt awkward, and I hated it. I had known Tom since we were seven. He had always been a bit of an asshole, but he was nice too. Lately I had just been getting asshole Tom. He seemed somewhat normal with everyone else, except for me. I started to overthink. Did he find out I liked him? Was he uncomfortable around me now? Did he think I was weird?

“sorry for laying on you, I’ll get up.”, i quickly said as I began to sit up. Tom grabbed my shoulder and pushed me back down into his lap.

“No. You can stay. If you want.”, he said flatly.

“Oh… okay, yea.”

I looked up at him as he gazed back down at me. I couldn’t figure out what was going on with him. What had changed between us? When he was a kid, he would treat me just like he treated everyone else in the band.

“Is everything okay?”, i asked softly.

“What do you mean?”

I could tell he knew exactly what I meant.

“Oh, I don’t know, it’s stupid, nevermind.”, I looked away.

“No, tell me.”, he used his finger to direct my chin back toward him. His eyes were slightly narrowed.

“I don’t know, Tom, you just seem different, that’s all. I feel like you haven’t been yourself lately, but I’m probably just dumb and it’s all in my head.”

He didn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry.”, i immediately apologized in fear of making him angry.

“Why? You have no reason to be.”

Everything he did confused me.

“Okay, well, I just feel like you’ve been a little distant.”

“I haven’t been.”, he said. He sounded a little bit annoyed.

“Okay, sorry.”

“Will you stop saying sorry?”, he lashed out.

I froze. He usually never yelled at me. He knew I hated when people yelled at me. No matter what the situation was, if someone yelled at me, I would cry. He knew that. I sat up and he tried to get me to stay. I shrugged him off and stood up.

“Um, I think I’m gonna go take a nap in my bunk, I’m pretty tired.”, I mumbled.

“Just wait-“

“Leave it, Tom.”, i said quietly before walking away and over to my bunk. I heard Tom curse underneath his breath. I laid down, and about a minute after doing so, I heard everyone load back onto the bus.

“Okay, we have about two hours left in our drive to Dresden and then you guys can get checked into your hotel and do whatever you want for the rest of the day.”, Hans, our driver, announced. Everyone agreed.

“Where’s did she go?”, i heard Bill ask. He sounded confused.

“Her bed, she’s taking a nap.”, Tom replied.

“What did you do now?”, Bill teased.

“Fuck off.”, Tom said back.

“Calm down.”, Georg said.

“Can we just go?”, Tom yelled up to the front of the bus at Hans.

I felt the bus start to move. I got under the covers. I was still very in love with Tom, and the way he was acting towards me hurt me so much. I didn’t know what I did wrong. I missed the way things were. I silently cried for a minute, I felt so stupid. He shouldn’t have this kind of effect on me. I hated crying. I felt like a baby. I fell asleep within a few minutes, trying to forget about what was happening.

~

I felt the bus come to a sharp stop. I blinked my eyes open. I could hear Tom and Bill arguing. I couldn’t see them because I was in the back of the bus, but whatever they were talking about, sounded serious. I stood up and walked over to the cracked door. They couldn’t see me, and I could only see a sliver of them.

Bill was standing up, lecturing Tom about something.

“If you like her, why don’t you just tell her??? I don’t get it.”

“I don’t fucking like her, just fuck off.”, Tom spat back at him.

“Yes you do! It’s obvious! You have since, forever! We can all see that you do. We also all see you treat her like she’s nothing, don’t you think that hurts her?”

“It is kind of obvious.”, Gustav trailed off. They were probably talking about one of the many girls Tom was leading on. He always did this. It didn’t surprise me.

“Shut up, Gustav. And so what if I do like her? How is that any of your business? I’m not going to jeopardize the band or anything else for that matter for some silly crush.”

“It’s not a silly crush, Tom. You’re in love with her.”, Bill said. It was silent.

My stomach dropped. So that’s why he’s been acting all weird. He’s in love with another girl. I couldn’t listen anymore. I stepped out the door and stretched, acting like I heard nothing.

Everyone’s eyes darted to me.

“Good morning, everyone! We are here?”, i said as cheerfully as possible. I wanted to play it off like I was completely fine and like the boy I’ve been in love with since I was seven wasnt in love with some other girl I didn’t even know.

“You just woke up?”, Georg asked. Everyone looked a little worried.

“Yea! Your guys’ fucking yelling woke me up so I figured you were probably arguing over the set list, of course you were dicks are deciding without me so I wanted to come and help choose.”, I laughed. Acting skills, on point. The band looked relieved.

“Well, if that’s over then let’s go get settled into the hotel.”. I suggested. Everyone nodded.

Hans went into the hotel lobby and got us checked in while we unpacked all of our stuff onto caddys. He came back, handed us our keys and told us our floor and room numbers. Georg and Gustav shared a room, as well as Bill and Tom. I had a room to myself, it had always been that way.

We took our stuff inside and went up the elevators into our hotel rooms. I unpacked my stuff pretty quickly before going over to Bill’s room to try and make plans for tonight.

I knocked on their door. Tom cracked it open and squinted his eyes at me before opening it all the way. I pushed past him but he grabbed me and pulled me back.

I furrowed my brows at him and tried to continue walking, but he wouldn’t let me.

“Can you not be so stubborn and just hear me out?”, he said. I stopped trying to get out of his grasp and crossed my arms over my body. I widened my eyes and shook my head a little, giving him a cue to start talking.

“I didn’t mean to yell at you earlier. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s with me lately, but you’re right, i havent really been myself.”

I sighed. I didn’t want him to feel bad, especially for loving another girl. It was rare that Tom genuinely liked someone, and I didn’t want to get in the way of that.

“I know why, Tom. Its okay, I understand now. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable or something. I wont get so close to you anymore.”

He looked so confused.

“Wait what? What do you mean ‘uncomfortable’? And I never said I didn’t want you close to me? What are you talking about?”

“Tom, I know you. You’re like my bestfriend, its okay. You don’t have to keep secrets from me. And im not gonna be upset if you don’t want me to be as touchy and stuff with you. I wouldn’t want to do anything to affect your relationship or whatever you are deciding to call it.”

“What are you talking about?”, he asked. He was acting so shocked. Then Bill walked out of the bathroom. Since he clearly wasn’t comfortable with telling me about the girl he was in love with, I wasn’t going to push, so I changed the subject.

“Bill!”

“Oh, hi!”, he smiled, noticing me.

“I was thinking, what if we went to a club tonight?”

“OH MY GOSH, YES!!! please! I need to party, I’ve been so drained from always doing shows, that would be just what I need. you’d come too, right, Tom?”, Bill asked.

“Yea, I guess.”, Tom nonchalantly replied. He acted as if he was too good for that stuff.

“Go tell Georg and Gustav.”, Bill instructed.

“Why do I have to? Why can’t you?”, Tom complained.

“Because you know I take the longest to get ready! It’s getting late already so I’d like to leave sooner than later.”

“Ugh, fine.”, Tom said, rolling his eyes before leaving the room.

“What’s his deal?”, i asked.

Bill hesistated.

“Uhh, i dont know, he’s been weird. Tom will get over it soon though, don’t worry.”

“Oh, okay… it doesn’t have anything to do with me, right?”, i asked, trying to slyly investigate.

I saw Bill physically get taken aback.

“Uhhhhh no! No, I don’t think so. Why do you ask?”

“Uh i just feel like he’s been acting weird towards me I guess. We used to like jokingly flirt and be pretty close but we don’t ever really do that anymore and it feels kind of weird, but I think I know why.”

“Oh… and why is that?”

“He’s in love with somebody. I don’t know who, but it’s probably one of the girls he’s slept with. I think Tom just feels weird with me being how I used to be like with him because he is in love with her, y’know what I mean?”

“Wait-wait, where did you get this from?”, Bills mouth was agape.

“Don’t be mad but I heard you guys arguing on the bus. I heard only part of it. I don’t know why I didn’t say anything, but obviously the rest of the guys know and Tom is refusing to tell me too. He doesn’t know I already know, but I don’t really understand what is stopping him from telling me.”

“Oh… I see.”, Bill said, contemplating his next words.

“I think he will tell you when he’s ready, I think he just wants you to approve of him and he thinks highly of you. I also think you make him a little nervous.”, he finally added.

“Me? Make Tom nervous? Funny, but no way.”, I laughed. Bill made a face and shrugged.

“Okay, I’m gonna go get ready, I’ll see you in like 45.”, I said, turning for the door.

“Wait!”

“Hm?”

“I have a question, answer honestly, please.”

“What is it Bill?”

“Do you have feelings for Tom?”

I could feel myself immediately get flustered and my cheeks start to get red. Fuck fuck fuck.

“What?”, i laughed awkwardly.

“Please, I’m your bestfriend, you can tell me if you do.”

“Why do you even think that? Tom is my best friend just like you are.”

“You aren’t denying it.”

“Bill, please.”

“Do you?”, he asked again.

I gave him pleading eyes, asking him to leave it alone.

“Bill…”

“You can tell me anything. I wouldn’t judge you at all.”, he placed his hands on my shoulders.

I sighed again. Even if I said I didn’t, I knew Bill wouldn’t believe me.

“Maybe?”, i scrunched my face up a bit.

Bill smiled.

“Why are you so happy?”, i asked, unclear on whatever was going on in his head.

“No reason…”

“Please, Bill. Don’t say anything to Tom. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, he means too much to me. And I don’t want to get in the way of his relationship with this girl.”

Bill smiled at me again. He shook his head.

“I promise I won’t. And if I were you, I wouldn’t worry about another girl.”

“I thought he loves her though?”

“Just dont worry about it, go get ready!! And look hot! Not that you don’t already, but go get more hot!”, he said pushing me to the door, a smile permanently engraved on his face.

“Bill- wait Bill-“I stuttered as he pushed me out the door.

“Hm?”

“Please, I’m serious. Don’t say anything.”

“I won’t. Boyscouts honor.”, he held two fingers in the air before slamming the door in my face. I was greeted by Tom leaning against the wall. I flinched, I hadn’t seen him because he was standing behind the open door. His arms were crossed over his chest.

“Jesus, fuck! You scared me.”, i yelled.

“Don’t say anything about what? What were you guys talking about?”

“Nothing.”

“I hate when you keep secrets from me.”

“You’re one to talk.”, i replied, defensively.

“What? Was it about me? Are you embarrassed or something?”, he took a step closer to me, his face now adorned with a smug grin. I scoffed.

“Get over yourself, Tom. The world doesn’t revolve around you.”

“Maybe not, but sometimes I begin to think you do.”, he teased.

I rolled my eyes and turned around to go to my hotel.

“Be ready soon!”, he called after me as i slammed the door.

~

Bill banged on my door, for the third time in the last five minutes.

“HURRY UPPPPP”, he groaned. I finished zipping up my shoe before opening the door. Bill looked annoyed but as soon as he saw me, his face lit up.

“Oh. My. God.”, he said, looking me up and down.

“You like?”, i asked, already knowing the answer. I was wearing a denim mini skirt that was way too short, a black lacy top that had long belle sleeves with a pretty cleavagey v-neck. It was cropped perfectly to display my belly button ring. I of course had a ton of jewellry on too, with a bit of makeup as well. I wore platform black boots that went up part of my calf. They were leather and I had been gifted them, but I rarely got the chance to wear them.

“Obviously!”, bill exclaimed.

I walked out to see the rest of the band waiting in the hallway. They all looked a little shocked when they saw my outfit. I usually didn’t dress-up too much, mainly because I didn’t have the confidence to do so. I decided to just let go and have fun tonight.

I walked past them and they just stood there. I clicked the button for the elevator and looked back at them down the hallway.

“Are you guys coming or…?”

They scurried down the hallway and got into the lift with me. We decided to go to a club that was only two blocks away. It was a pretty popular club, and we usually got into most clubs that we tried to because of our status in Germany. The bouncer recognized us and let us skip the line. Perks of being semi-famous I guess.

The music was so loud I could barely hear my own thoughts. Bill grabbed my hand to pull me away and get drinks. I turned away and grabbed Tom’s hand, dragging him along with us. At first he just let me hold his hand, but then he held it back, letting Bill and I lead him through the crowd of drunk people.

Bill ordered us all shots. Tom watched as i downed mine, and drank his not long after. Bill snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me away to the dance floor. We danced for a little before some random girl took it upon herself to steal him away. I couldn’t really blame her though. I danced by myself for a little but got bored and decided I wanted another drink. I made my way over to the bar and ordered a drink I saw another girl have. I began to drink it slowly, looking around. I made eye contact with a guy. He was by himself, looking me up and down. He smiled and i smiled back. He had to be at least 22. He approached me and asked if he could buy me a drink, despite me not even being close to the one i just got myself. I told him that if he wanted to, he had to dance with me first. He agreed, and we went over to crowd of dancing bodies.

At first, it started pretty innocent. Just giggling, drinking, and dancing. He started to get touchy, putting his hands on my waist. He had them slowly go from my waist, downwards. I would pull away whenever he got to close to the one thing he wanted, but no matter how many times I pulled away, he would always try to do it again. I looked over and was met with Tom’s eyes. They were staring at me, a sort of gross look on his face. Was he really that disgusted by me?

“can I get you that drink now?”, he winked. I internally cringed but said yes. Free drinks? Fine by me. He ordered me something, but nothing for himself. As soon as the drink was in my hand, he was urging and pressuring me to drink if. I did. Another drink, same deal. I downed the drink, wanting him to just leave me alone about it. Even though I told him not to, he ordered another drink. I tried to push it away, but he kept pushing it towards me. Finally, he put the drink down. I tried to back up, but he pulled me into a sloppy kiss that I wanted no part of. I tried to push him off but he was too strong, or maybe I was just to tipsy.

“get off of me.”

“please, stop”

but he wouldn’t.

“I don’t want this-“, i started, yet another plea for him to stop. a pair of hands yanked me back. before i could even see who it was, I saw Tom step in front of me and push that guy into the bar counter.

“She told you to get off her you fucking pervert. Is getting girls drunk enough so they hook up with you your only hobby. Pathetic.”, he spat. The guy looked like he wanted to say something back, or fight Tom, but he just cursed under his breath and stumbled away. I felt embarrassed. I shouldn’t have let myself get in that situation.

“Thank you.”, i mumbled to Tom. He shook his head.

“Just stop. You’re really fucking stupid sometimes y’know? Putting yourself in dumb situations like that.”, he rolled his eyes as he walked away. I wasn’t going to let him be that rude and just walk away, so I followed him. I watched as he weaved through people. I followed hom, but not to closely. I saw him open a door and go in before practically slamming it. It was too loud for anyone to even notice. I waited a minute before going into the door as well. There were a few flight of stairs. I climbed up them. I had finally made it to the top. I opened the door. The roof.

The cold air hit my face as I stepped out, the smell of cigarette smoke filling my senses. I saw Tom, standing towards the edge of the building, smoking as he looked out at the city. I began to walk over to him. The gravel crunched underneath my boots, making him turn around.

“What the fuck is your problem to me? You’ve been such a dick and I haven’t even done anything. I just want for things to be normal.”, i said, angered.

“They aren’t normal.”, he said, taking a puff of his cig.

“And how is that in any way my fault? I haven’t done anything to you, yet you are treating me like shit. You loving some girl doesn’t mean you can act like that, it doesn’t have anything to do with me.”

“It has EVERYTHING to do with you!”, he shouted.

“What the fuck did I do?! I don’t understand what I did to make you despise me so much! Why do you hate me so much?!”, I yelled back.

“I don’t hate you, I’m in love with you, you fucking idiot!”, he yelled. His eyes widened at his own words.

I was so confused. It didn’t feel real. I could barely comprehend what he had just said.

“What?”, was all I could manage to say. He looked so nervous, his hands shaking.

“I’m fucking in love with you, okay?? I have been ever since I’ve known you. I’ve tried to push it away, I’ve always denied it, but i cant anymore. I’ve tried everything and I can’t! I’ve slept with countless girls but the only thing I’ve ever been able to think about is you. You’re always on my mind and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to get you out of my head. I’ve been being mean to try and distance you from me and make myself stop loving you but it’s fucking torture and it’s stupid and it hasn’t even worked in the slightest. Bill told me you heard us on the bus, it wasn’t some girl, we were talking about you. Its you, and it always has been. I feel sick when I see you with other guys, I get so jealous I can barely handle it. All I’ve ever wanted is you, and not having you is killing me. I’m sick and tired of pretending like I don’t love you because I do! Hate is the last thing on this earth that I feel about you. I love you so fucking much, and I’m sorry for treating you the way I have been.”, he yelled.

I could hardly believe anything I was hearing. Tom Kaulitz? In love with me? This is a prank, right? It felt like a dream.

“Are you serious?”, i asked.

“Really? After that long ass rant or about loving you, you don’t believe me?”, he dryly laughed.

“Tom, im serious, please…”

“Yes, I’ve never been more sure on something in my entire life.”

“Why now? Why haven’t you said anything?”, I asked, still unsure.

“I wanted to, but I didn’t know how to. We would flirt, but you always took it as a joke. I wasn’t joking. I loved you so much as a friend too, I was scared that if I told you, I would lose you. i also hate talking about my feelings and shit, i feel so stupid whenever I do.”

Part of me was still processing everything. Boy I had been in love with forever, loved me back. In the exact same way I loved him, he loved me. I couldn’t hold back anymore.

“fuck it, i love you too. I’ve been in love with you since we were like eight, and I never said anything because I thought I had no chance with you and I didn’t want to make things weird. The only thing I wanted was for you to stay my friend and for you to like me. When you started acting like you didn’t, I felt horrible and I felt like there was no hope for anything for us. I acted like I didn’t feel anything for you because all I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy. Even if it meant you being with someone else. I love you, Tom.”, I rambled.

He closed the distance between us. He placed his hands on each side of my jaw, his thumbs slowly caressing my cheeks. I could feel myself get goosebumps, staring up into his dark eyes.

“you were going to let me be with someone else so I could be happy? even if it meant you weren’t?”, he softly asked. I nodded.

“what did I ever do to deserve someone so sweet liek you?”, he murmured. His eyes glanced down at my lips. He took one of his thumbs and pulled it across my bottom lip, tugging down at it gently.

“God, you don’t even know how long I’ve wanted to kiss you.”

“How long?”

He laughed.

“Forever. I want to kiss you now more than ever.”

“Prove it.”

He chuckled at my boldness. Tom leaned in, our noses brushing against each other. I couldn’t stand the teasing anymore, I had waited too long. I dipped his face and pulled him down. Tom, smiling into the kiss at my neediness. It was so passionate, I could kiss his mmm forever. Our lips fit together like puzzle pieces. I pulled him in more, unsure if he was even able to get any closer than he already was. he tasted like Marlboro Reds and liquor. I loved it, I couldn’t get enough of him. One of his hands found its way down to my waist, while the other one tangled itself in my hair. He tugged ever so slightly, earning a soft groan from me. Tom smiled at this, getting the exact reaction he wanted. He pulled away, our foreheads resting against each other.

“fuck, you look so pretty. I wanted to tell you how good you looked earlier tonight but i was too scared.”, he mumbled. I smiled, the sweetness that I had missed was returning to Tom. I pulled him back into another kiss, the first one being incredibly addicting. Our tongues fought for dominance, of course he won.

The door to the roof swung open, startling both Tom and I. We attempted to pull away, but I before I could even see who it was, I heard Bill’s voice.

“I was looking for you guy- OH MY GOD.”, he said, a little shocked. his face quickly turned into a smile.

“What took you guys so long?”, he teased.

“Oh shut up.”, Tom laughed, his hand now around my waist.

“Well, I ordered us some more shots, so… c’mon. you guys can finish whatever this is later.”, he smiled, waking back into the building.

“let’s go inside.”, i said.

Tom kissed me again, this time with the full intent of being sweet and gentle.

“it feels weird to say out loud now, but I love you.”, he said into my ear. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. I looked back up to him, seeing the very boy that i fell in love with all those years ago.

“I love you, too.”

~

a/n #2 ~ THIS WAS SO LONG IM SORRY. also sorry for this taking so long the first one I wrote DELETED😕 I’m on vacation right now but I hope you guys enjoyed this long ass story.

[utopiastri]

Fic Writer Interview!!!

tagged by @1425fivefive (forever ago, whoops!) and @miamimaiden

(this was such a funny ask game bc i did mostly end up discussing my F1 fics but I also have a Number of musicals fics on my ao3 so those do also crop up in my answers lmao)

How many works do you have on AO3?

10 in total!!! 4 F1 fics so far though

What's your total AO3 word count?

62,635 apparently (mostly being driven by one of those aforementioned musicals fics lmao)

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

who actually texts people this much (3,076) (again. the musicals fic)

you must like me for me (646)

tell me 'bout the first time you saw me (508)

you're always on my team (464)

and i'll learn how to fly (253)

ok other than the obvious outlier at the top, i'm thrilled that my four F1 fics are the ones that have made it into the top 5 because they are undeniably the ones i'm proudest of right now

insane to me how many people have liked you're always on my team!!! i was a little nervous about posting my first chaptered fic in a while and i'm so happy it got such a lovely reception

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes!!! oh my god i love responding to comments as much as i love leaving comments myself!!!

the only thing with this is that i do find myself forgetting to actually put time aside in my day to do it!!! so sometimes, about two weeks after i read a comment and internally squealed about it, i'll go "oh FUCK i didn't reply that comment" and sprint to my laptop

so, uh, if you've ever received a late comment reply from me? now you know why lmao

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

oh god um. none of them? i guess the one abandoned fic on my ao3 account (a she-ra fic from 2018 lmao) has the angstiest ending by virtue of the fic not being finished and no resolution being reached lmao

but genuinely i don't think i could ever write a fic with an angsty ending!!! i think at best i could plot an angty ending??? or maybe write a drabble or something??? but honestly, i really struggle reading angsty endings so it would be a rogue move to write one lmao

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

ooooooo excellent question

honestly any of my finished F1 fics probably work but i think i'll go with you must like me for me! truly one of my favourite brands of happy ending is a reciprocated love confession and (not to spoil the fic lmao) that might be one of my favourite ones i've ever done!

Do you write crossovers?

nope!!!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

oooo once upon a time i received a comment on that musicals fic, who actually texts people this much, that was fairly harsh on the writing??? the worst part was enough time had passed since i'd written the fic and i'd honestly reached the part of the writing cycle where i hated everything about it so i almost agreed with the commenter lmao

even today, i think the critique was accurate! but perhaps not a polite/kind thing to comment on someone's fic lmao

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i'm trying to!!! i haven't posted any yet

i am terrible at describing things (including like. physical movement) so, so far, any smut i've attempted to write has been fairly dialogue-heavy!!! but honestly that's generally my taste in smut so i think this tracks

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

that musicals texting fic has been translated somewhere on the internet! one of my friends in uni dug it up lmao

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

never co-written before! i am a huge fan of brainstorming fics with my friends though! either their fics or mine - i just love the collaboration of it all!!!

What's your all-time favorite ship?

god this is difficult!!! my taste in ships moves around all the time to be honest

ok for F1, it's fairly easy - landoscar do unfortunately possess my entire heart and there is very little i can do about that lmao

other than that? i do have to mention how much i still adore the les mis pairing enjolras/grantaire because i did spend a good portion of my teenage years thinking about them and only them lmao

and i spent many a year in steve/bucky from the mcu hell so i guess it's important that that goes on here too!

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

so many!!! in particular though, i would love to one day finish the first ever landoscar fic i ever worked on (the idea was that oscar and lando are friends with benefits but, through miscommunication shenanigans, have somehow never kissed lmao)

i think i'd just really enjoy the full circle moment of getting to finish that first wip!

What are your writing strengths?

dialogue!!! dialogue my beloved! my favourite thing i have ever written is the unreciprocated love confession scene in you must like me for me - writing a dramatic not-argument/discussion was just so tailored to my strengths of writing dialogue and not much else lmao

there's a reason i'm having so much fun with you're always on my team! and it's because what is a texting fic if not a fic made only of dialogue!!!

What are your writing weaknesses?

description!!!!!! tell me 'bout the first time you saw me was a delight to write but truly i don't know if i could do a first meeting fic again because trying to work out how a stranger would describe oscar piastri was a NIGHTMARE

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

as someone who can only speak english, i simply don't have a good enough understanding of any other language to do it without defaulting to like. terrible google translate

i think it can be fun to read though!!! it depends what effect the author is going for tbh

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

...glee (i wasn't even that into glee!!! my two best friends at the time were though so i wrote a couple things i thought they'd enjoy lmao)

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

galex!!! i don't know if i could do it but i really really want to one day - if only because my girlfriend's sister adores them and i think it would be fun to write something for her!

although i have also been pondering gax a lot with @jusst-you-race!!! so maybe i should throw gax in here too

What's your favorite fic you've written?

you must like me for me undoubtedly. it's the most complete fic i think i've ever written in that there's a clear plot with a clear resolution and, as i said earlier, that unreciprocated love confession/first kiss scene is genuinely my favourite thing i have written of anything ever!!!

it was also the first fic i'd posted in nearly 6 years!!! and i'm so glad i felt happy enough with it to share it because i've just had the most wonderful time in this fandom since doing so!!!

i cannot for the life of me remember who has done this so no pressure tagging @ipleadbritney and @jusst-you-race and anyone else who wants to do this!!!

[averageclawcodeenjoyer]

Alright so as far as introductions go, I guess I should probably make one before I get too far into this.

HERES MY ABOUT ME POST!

My name's Leonardo, and you can call me any version of that that you want (Leo, Leon, Leonard, Nardo[my favorite], either way, it's all the same to me.) My pronouns are He/Him. I am an artist, author, animator, and a DEDICATED CLAWCODE ENTHUSIST (Hence the name)

I am also VERY autistic and don't get tone a lot, so tone tags are very important to me, especially when there's joking or sarcasm involved.

Ahem.

I know the Spiderverse Fandom isn't particularly alive (SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP) but I will try to post often, even if it's just a shitpost here and there. I really want to help feed into the ClawCode brain rot since the content for these two is SEVERELY FUCKING LACKING. So. If you have requests for things, I will probably end up doing them! My asks are always open, and I'd love to hear from anybody. I don't have any friends that love them the way that I do 😔😔

I have not had Tumblr before! Which is a little insane, so I'm new to all of this and learning how everything works. Please forgive me if I don't know the proper etiquette on this app lmao. My friend has been guiding me through all of this and told me to make an About Me post, so that's what I'm doing.

Here are some tags that will frequent my posts!

Yapping Hour - Will either be used for headcanons, or short stories/ideas/other ClawCode related crap. It's just going to be a general tag that will probably go on most of my posts from here on out.

Slur Gallery - Will be of the art I post of them, be it ship art or other :3 because everybody deserves a gallery of slurs to look at. AND JUST LOOK AT THEM!

Earworm - Is the tag I'll use when there's music involved, like songs that remind me of them (and the heavy analysis that goes with it **COMING SOON**), or animatics that I'm working on, or just anything that has to do with a song. Edits, artworks, the whole shebang.

Talkaholic - This will ALSO be used for mini stories/facfics, but more often than the yapping hour. So if you wanna read my writing of them that's what you can find it under.

Offline - will be under posts like these, where it isn't directly related to anything, just random blocks of text or other art that I feel like posting.

Oil And Water - THIS tag will be about the fanfic I am currently (excruciatingly slowly) writing! It doesn't have a happy ending and is meant to be a HEAVY angst story, like hurt/no comfort or very little comfort. I have one chapter out currently but will be working on more soon (and will make a separate post about it! But I will link it here as well. MOTIVATE ME TO WRITE IT /HJ)

Prowler Party - Is what I'll put on ALL of my posts as an extra way to help find me if one so desires d=(^o^)=b

OOC - On the chance that I might make something intentionally out of character, I will put this beneath it. I know a lot of people don't like mischaracterization, or incorrect portrayal of a character, but sometimes it's really fun to write, so I will be including that was well.

I think that's all that I can think of right now (I'm running off of an hour and 40 minutes sleep), but things may change or be edited in the future. But for now, I'll be signing off.

Shipwrecked - THIS WILL BE ABOUT MY SELKIE/SIREN AU BECAUSE IM ACTUALLY NOT OKAY ABOUT IT AND NEED TO SHARE MY INSANITY

HELLO AND THANK YOU TO THE WARM WELCOME I'VE RECIEVED!!

MORE COMIGN SOON

[prettyboykatsuki]

also hi pookie bear i'm about to get super cheesy fr but i really wanted to say that in the short amount of time i've been on tumblr i feel like the only way i have learned to understand my faves and to characterize them in a way that Feels So Real to me is all from you dude. ALL YOU. like when i say 'oh ari's just like me so he gets me' I REALLY DO MEAN IT because the way you talk about characters i like seriously resonates with me in a way i can't describe LIKE I FEEL SICK. its like I LOVE THEM MORE LOL in a very specific way. because AGAIN IT'S SO REAL TO ME??? in the 3 ish + years i've known you it always just hits me man. like i genuinely learn SOOOO much from you like SOOO much when it comes to such peak characterization. i will struggle to understand a character or like. tbh genuinely whenever i feel like i'm about to enjoy a character or wtv i go thru your #a.*character* tag to see what you had to say about them and then suddenly it all makes sense to me lol. ik many ppl have prolly said this to u BUT ITS SO TRUE LMAO like woah. and i feel like i can't love a character so much if i don't see your viewpoint on them because it makes sense to me more than the canon interpretation of a character LMAOOO. you've helped me learn to characterize when writing so much and ig thats one of the main reasons why i look up to u beloved bc ig it just means a lot to me that You Get It. yk? ANYWAYDSJHF i love you bro you're the most peak ever i adore u. THANK U FOR EXISTING ON THIS APP what the freak i would be soooo lost on fic if it weren't for ur thots <3

SORA MY MOST DEARLY BELOVED..... I WILL CRY AND THROW UP JUST FROM READING THIS ACTUALLY......

it makes me happy to hear that people find realism in my characterization and stuff i guess just in general because i really do think its the one facet of my writing im completely comfortable in and i put in a lot of effort to sort of humanize them and make them feel more idk tangible.... SO IN GENERAL I GUESS IT MAKES ME HAPPY WHEN IT STICKS BC I DO FREQUENTLY JUST YAP ITS GOOD TO KNOW IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE

also while i think canon is a good lens fanfiction usually requires another lens entirely u have to pull from it and a lot of specific characterization and how it translates to action can be subtextual and difficult to navigate. NOT THAT IM VERY GOOD AT WRITING SUBTEXT ITS ACTUALLY MY WORST NIGHTMARE.... but either way MY POINT IS THAT IM HAPPY TO DO THAT FOR YOU AND ILY!!!!!!

im holding u so gently and cradling you in my arms like a cat we are so locked in.... lets continue to be insane together 🫂🫂🫂

[cx3ryz]

another rant: my tumblr era has started i feel withdrawals…

i might not finish this so if it gets posted. something won but drawing most definitely did not ToT anywho this is in fact another persona rant! im fixated on kingdom hearts pretty heavily now but i still hold persona very very dear to me as we now dhskd im here to rant about the aigis and yukari, this wont be as in depth as last rant but hey its worth a try and its been on my mind why not

thinking about aigis’ character and everything about her character down to her bisexuality really makes me wish they explored her humanity more. i know she wasn’t an allegory really or anything of that sort just more of a “plot device” of sorts to help handle the theme of appreciating your humanity and living and all that. but i love her so much so yes, as indulgent as it is, i want to explore that for her hehe. since i played the game and my fixation and love for aigis had commenced, ive always sorta shipped her with yukari i guess? because i think they would really nice together lmao and also because i think there’s so much potential between a dynamic like that between the two of them.

i was working on a fanfic idea and i had written some stuff i really liked but in short the idea was about aigis and yukari and how their relationship would develop during the answer time or after the events of the main game basically and how they would deal with makoto’s death in a rather odd manner to say. mind you, ive never seen the answer dlc and knew very little about it so i sort of didn’t include that specific time but anywho, no matter all that, the point of in short is that aigis and yukari only really find that sort of sense of “love” in each other because they both remind each other of makoto. i know that sounds probably insane and i don’t really like writing about gay couples and just focusing it so much on societal standards or like in sapphic relationships for example, i don’t like the fact so many are based around men and comphet and all that but i feel that this would be such an issue for how aigis and yukari would navigate their lives afterwards, as of course it would be, i think it has a lot of potential to be discussed and i know atlus would never state it the way that i think it would look but just in the friends way and not in the jealous “he was mine!!” way, its so ridiculous bc again, i havent seen it myself but i know its handled so horribly i dont even wanna imagine. ill see it eventually ToT

but anywho, i think their relationship has a lot of potential to be explored. just the ship dynamic in general and aigis having to handle teen emotions lmao. i think her being extremely awkward and learning the concept of embarrassment would be hilarious i mean mostly tragic but in a way, it’s something that could speak to a lot of people. and i know the game didn’t have time to really explore that and i think surprisingly they did pretty well with what they did with aigis and just that game in general (the first and last time lmao) but im just saying whatever yk fhsjfb

i just wish more media expanded on what toxic relationships genuinely are. i wish more ppl thought critically and realized the very thin but visible line between toxic and abusive and didn’t either glorify or exaggerate it so much yk? like i wish more media discussed mutually toxic relationships and actually didn’t put such a disgusting narrative like they always do especially with gay women and sapphic couples. just for the fetish it’s absolutely disgusting just like with gay men and the power dynamics its like… why. why are we missing the point here how do we manage to make the same mistakes everytime ToT i like aigis and yukari as a ship because its something that already in itself is a bit questionable to say the least and it could really feed off well on that differentiation between their humanity you know? and also handling grief but realizing that its the same and they both need to let go you know? it’s like even with yukari and mitsuru, i wish more people didn’t treat them like “aww cute gay girl couple from persona 3!! yass lesbians diversity win!!” and actually thought on the WAY bigger picture that their relationship is and just how messy and complicated and tbh, really unfortunate it would be. although i do think that mitsuru and yukari would probably “be together” late in the future like probably reconnect late 20s or smth but it would all have to be secret and still, mitsuru would never be able to really be with her due to the company and marrying off and all that. and just with mitsuru’s avoidant personalty and a bit of nativity and i personally headcanon yukari with bpd or just a more emotionally based personality disorder so those leading factors would probably make their relationship to actually come to fruition so difficult

ok i was going to finish this and ill still post it but my head hurts so bad rn i hate playing kingdom hearts the graphics are miserable omg.. so ima head to sleep at only 3 am like a loser.. goodnight to the dust under the bed and alsoooo

goodnight too to the inspo for today’s rant.. i was finally able to get my hands on a baby aigis and she has arrived and im so happy i feel like a father right now… even the box has naorise tooo like fjskfjr♪٩(๑>ꇴ< ๑)و ♪ …you all better say goodnight to my child im looking at you too dust bunnies dont think i forgot

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #212

Have you ever seen a cougar in the wild? No, thank god. They don't even live here.

When was the last time you took a selfie? Like, months ago.

Do you have any nieces or nephews? Quite a few.

Who’s your favourite person? Girt.

Are you more of a cat or dog person? Cat.

What’s the weirdest compliment you’ve ever received? It's not appropriate so we're not talking about it lmao

Who is someone you really admire? Mark Fischbach.

Do you prefer piano or guitar music? Electric guitar.

Are you good at using Photoshop? I'm decent.

What were you last embarrassed about? My social awkwardness when I was trying to order a burger at this place in Charlotte. I was just getting over being overwhelmed and stuff, and the menu kinda confused me, so I made a fool of myself. Idk how in the world Girt managed to not just walk the fuck away from me lmao

Are there any clothing items you really want but can’t find? I've wanted a black, studded leather jacket since I was a teenager.

What’s a habit you find gross? Biting toenails. I was floored when I learned people even did it.

Are you a hat person? No.

Has anyone ever approached you in the street and asked to take your picture? No.

What color hair did your first crush have? Brown.

Have you ever had a professional make-over? No.

Have you ever had a professional photo shoot? Not for just myself. Family stuff, though.

What is your favorite Avril Lavigne song? "Nobody's Home"

Do you have any embarrassing health issues? I have IBS, yes. Hyperhidrosis is also very embarrassing because you look like you dove into a pool after being outside in mild heat for five minutes.

Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Yes, the second time I had to go for my asthma. I don't think I'd properly reached asthma attack territory, but it was mighty fuckin' close.

Have you ever gotten sick in the car? No.

How many teeth do you have? Idk, however many you're supposed to have without wisdom teeth.

Have you ever cussed someone out? I remember doing this to my sister's abusive boyfriend she had in high school. I feel like this has probably happened with another or two.

Does it take a lot to make you feel guilty? No.

Have you ever broken a really important promise? Well, I did promise to keep Sara's disgusting political compass a secret. So yes, I eventually broke that.

Have you ever told someone’s deep, dark secret? ^ yes. There was no way to ban her from the RP forum without explaining it to our mutual friends/RP partners, I'm sure.

Have you ever purposely hurt yourself? Yes, I had problems with this as a teenager, and it happened a few times in my early 20s.

Have you ever eaten any type of insect? No.

What’s a hobby you would like to try out? Herping.

Have you ever won a raffle? If so, what’ve you won? Yes, this is how I won two rare and limited pieces of Silent Hill: Revelation merch.

What’s the biggest insect you’ve ever seen? Probably some sort of beetle.

How about the biggest spider? A bird-eating tarantula when I was at the NARBC with Sara. The insane thing is I think the guy whose booth it was might have been the YouTuber who GOT me into tarantulas (The Tarantula Collective) lmfao, I just can't remember for sure. They definitely at least looked similar.

Is your room covered in posters, or pretty bare? As of only a few days ago, they're almost completely bare now. I'm redecorating in there. I'm leaving most posters behind.

Would you ever consider being a cannibal? Strong no.

Do you collect anything valuable? No.

What was the last thing you killed? Most likely an ant.

Who is your favorite female celebrity? Hm... I guess either Gab Smolders or tarantula kat. It's strange, all celebs I've been wildly invested in were/are men lmao

What’s your favorite Lady Gaga song? "Bloody Mary"

Would you date the same sex? Why or why not? Yes, and I have before, I'm pansexual.

If someone cheated on you, would you take them back if you really loved them? Nope, you've got one shot.

Obsessions? Meerkats have been my longest-lasting and most well-known, but online I'm also very open about my extreme Rammstein hyperfixation (I say "online" because irl I am very embarrassed by being someone who hyperfixates and I don't like sharing), the Silent Hill franchise, watching YouTube, tarantulas...

Addictions? Technology, specifically the Internet. I barely know how to exist without it, and it's sad. I'm aware I'm also addicted to soda, albeit this is an addiction I'm more capable of actually fighting, but I still have a few bottles (not two-liters, don't be mistaken) a week.

What are your #1 priorities in life? My happiness, health (mental and physical), maintaining healthy and fulfilling relationships, and trying to figure out my purpose and what I want to live for (this includes working towards a career of some sort).

Have you ever dated a redhead? No.

List three of your favorite types of YouTube videos to watch. Let's plays, reptile and tarantula collectors' care-type videos, herping.

What is the name of your YouTube channel, if you have one? 0zzkat (it’s a zero because with an "o" was somehow already taken boooooooo).

How old were you the first time you encountered God? God was forced on me from birth (I was baptized, so quite literally).

Any upcoming travel plans? I'm probably going BACK to Charlotte next weekend because Girt's picking up a really nice exercise bike Javier has for sale, so he has to pick that up because shipping would be like, $500. The bike is rather small so would fit into Girt's bedroom, and he plans on facing it towards his TV so he can just be on the bike while watching YouTube.

What are you reading currently? Nothing right now; I recently finished the Omen of the Stars arc in the Warriors series, so now I need to order the next arc.

What’s the first concert you attended? Alice Cooper.

Where do you most hope to visit? The KMP grounds in South Africa.

For what would you be famous? I feel that I'm most CAPABLE of being famous for my writing, but I WANT to be well-known for my photography, at least in the photography community; truly "famous" photographers are extremely few and far between.

When did you last cry? And why, if you feel like sharing. Last night. I had an anxiety attack.

What fictional character/s remind you of yourself? Clearsight from Wings of Fire is a strong one.

What would you like to tell your father? I wish you were better when I was growing up.

What would you like to tell your mother? Thank you for literally everything you do.

What is something you have no patience for? Jokes about rape or other extremely serious, harmful things.

How many cats do you have? One. I'd like one more, but.

How many dogs do you have? One.

How many other pets do you have? One: a champagne morph ball python.

How many of your grandparents are still alive? None.

Have you ever been flipped off by a random stranger? Yes, when I was driving one day. My mom was absolutely seething, she reached her arm out of the window and did it right back.

Does everyone in your family know your sexual orientation? I don't think everyone does.

Would you ever want to go back to school? So... as of extremely recently I am considering going back for some sort of writing degree. I don't want to be an author, I just feel like a degree in my strongest skill might come in handy for getting SOME sort of job in writing.

If you were the opposite sex, how would you style your hair? shrug

What is the wallpaper on your cell phone? Lock screen is this gorgeous artwork featuring a skull with flowers, butterflies, and bees, and my home screen is another piece of artwork that's a simplistic monarch butterfly texture.

What do you have handy at your bedside? Two lamps (only one is usually on, my little moon one, but the bigger one is for if I need more light), sometimes my phone, the remote for my moon lamp (it can change colors), and whatever book I'm reading.

When did you last sing to yourself? When I was otw home from Charlotte with Girt.

What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? Healing from my trauma with Jason, I think. I could say still being alive, because boy have I wanted to kill myself plenty of times, but in a way I feel like healing from Jason was even harder. A big reason I'm still alive is because I was just too afraid of the experience of killing myself, so like... surviving was the only option.

What is your opinion on brown eyes? Do not get me wrong, brown eyes can be beautiful, especially in the light. However, it is my least favorite human eye color.

Would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel? The child of both.

How do you feel about tattoos and piercings? Explain. I fucking love them and I'm so glad humans conceived the idea for both. Both can be a method of self-expression, and especially for me, making you enjoy your body more.

Talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way. Ozzy Osbourne. He was my bait into metal music, and his music has comforted me since I was a pre-teen, and continues to do so to this day. His music makes me feel warm, and it feels like home to me.

The world is listening. Pick one sentence you would tell them. For right this very minute? Free Palestine. If it wasn't currently under genocidal siege, I'd have to think harder on this, because there's a lot of contenders.

Do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organized/not organized? I have a desk for my laptop. It's got my laptop on it of course, plus the Mira plush Girt got me, the weighted meerkat plush Mom got me, my planner and Girt's work schedule, my therapy workbook, and a few art supplies.

What’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know? I would never share my sexual life with either of them. Specifically kinks, no fucking thanks.

[mithliya]

A girl I dated at years ago, in a fit of rage, nearly choked me to death because she convinced herself I was sleeping with a male. All because I didn’t want to have sex with her, which is something she knew from the start and was okay with waiting. It was not the first time she had put her hands on me either, but it took her almost ending my life for me to take a hint and stop making excuses for her. At the end of the day, I had no business being with her type or trying to convince myself that I was fit to live in a Set It Off reality (lmao too adventurous and trying to be captain save-a-hoe) She had a history of thug activities, so I take full responsibility for what I got myself into and how I allowed myself to be a victim. This is a gold star lesbian btw and she’s since been to jail several times for beating on females and a multitude of other petty crimes/demonic activities. Last year, she apologized to me (7 years late girl) and admitted that she purposely gets herself sent to jail because she enjoys all of the female attention she gets there as a masculine female. Truly Pathetic and I regret not listening to my mother when she’d literally told me “that girl is a demon and you need to stay away from her.”

that sounds horrible 😭 i’m so sorry u went thru that. especially the fact that she did that to u for not being ready to have sex.. just horrible and gross. i’m glad u stood ur ground and dumped her in the end at least.

i have a similar story with my ex (she’s bi tho) & she was violent for no reason. just seriously mentally unwell basically and the red flags were pretty obvious but i overlooked them bc i guess i just did not see my self-worth. she also choked me and it was literally just. random. she’d wake up and immediately get on top of me and choke me. one time i think she did it as some kind of “joke” and i ended up throwing up bc of it … also she had a few weeks in our relationship where she was basically storing cocaine for dealers at her place & she was stealing cocaine from them and going on cocaine binges which u can imagine how she’d act in those moments if she was trying to kill me when she’s sober! she was on ketamine once and literally bit my friend. just insane stuff. and ppl like that are never worth it nor can u somehow “save” them bc when they’re that bad, they usually don’t care to make themselves better. in my case she even tried to convince me that IM the one who’s worse off.. bc i “cry too much”. also she stole my wallet and when the police said they saw who stole it and described her to a T, she convinced me that she knows who it is and will find this woman and get my wallet and money back. would give me these stories about it too.

also the woman u dated sounds .. desperate tbh! from my experience at least, masculine lesbians don’t need jail to find interested women. they tend to get plenty of attention in general. at least that was the case for basically every masculine lesbian i had a thing with. she must rly have low self-worth and have problems to be putting herself in and out of jail just to get more female attention. i hope she gets better bc i assume she must be miserable if she’s still living like that. i’m glad ur out of that situation and kept urself safe,, it’s rly not worth it to date women like that n to tell urself that you can somehow “save” them,, i learned that the hard way 😭 u deserve better than that. no point in regretting it tho— we can’t undo our pasts, but we can at least use these negative experiences as ways to improve ourselves and teach ourselves somehow. at least that’s what i tell myself to cope with what i’ve been thru lmao,, and at least i can say in terms of my ex, it did teach me to look out for red flags more and not disrespect myself so badly that i’m willing to be abused and exploited and manipulated in the hope of gaining a woman’s love

[chromotps]

The thing about Ace/Sabo is that the ship is less about them being brothers but more like them sharing a childhood friendship? That had the potential of becoming something more in the future. Except it didn’t, for obvious reasons. And yeah not everyone’s a fan of that, but people also like the raised by wolves/son of a noble dynamic they had as children. While I agree Sabo does kind of feel like he was stuck to Ace&Luffy as an afterthought, with a piece of chewed-out gum — his existence doesn’t… I don’t know, feel out of place? I also enjoy how kinda tragic his character is, and how he carries that tragedy with him? In the form of Ace’s devil fruit (Sabo also canonically hallucinates and there was an instance where he admitted to hearing Ace’s voice, during his fight with Burgess? so yeah, not everyone’s cup of tea again but I’m a huge fan of hurt/comfort so having a character go through a psychotic depressive episode because of the insane guilt he feels? Just, yeah. Plus there’s something really poetic about him literally eating Ace’s DF and still considering it „Ace’s powers” etc) and the way I see Sabo/Lu is through Ace/Lu (and partially Ace/Sabo) anyway. Because Sabo is trying to fill out the role of an older brother/friend for Luffy that he’s well aware is impossible to fill — because nothing ever will be the same for Luffy. Nothing or no one could even come close to making it up for Ace’s loss to Luffy, and Sabo knows he’s kind of a cheap copy of that (figuratively and literally lmfao, as I know people have been calling him low-budget Ace), but still he tries to? And the fact that Luffy is technically his only remaining family (or at least someone he willingly considers family). And I kind of see it as a parallel to how Ace’s approach to Luffy changed after Sabo’s „death”? Because Sabo was the „kinder” brother, the nicer one, the smarter one, it was usually him who took Luffy’s side whenever Ace was annoyed with him? And the one who explicitly asked Ace to look after Luffy — which then was one of the direct reasons why Ace changed the way he treated Luffy, forced him to be more patient/learn to love and eventually led to Ace willingly becoming the „older brother” figure for Luffy. I’m in no way trying to convince you to like Sabo, don’t get me wrong!! I’m just trying to show an example how Ace/Sabo isn’t necessarily brotherly either (like, I don’t know, Sabo/Luffy seems to be?). And it’s just that while I’m first and foremost a huge Ace/Lu enjoyer I also think Sabo did have a significant impact on their relationship both before and after Ace’s death.

((!! sorry i took a while to reply! i made that post before work on Friday and then got slammed until just now fdghjgk)

the odd thing is, I mostly agree!! I think I had to vent bc i saw ppl (a few specific sabo fans haha) on twitter acting like luffy would feel nothing toward ace but be obsessed with sabo. and, lol, no. but what YOU said makes total sense. like, yes, Ace + Sabo definitely has a different, more involved feeling to me than Ace & Luffy. I've had some ships in the past that fit the raised by wolves/runaway noble trope... the charm of the noble feeling like "this is the only person I feel like I can really be myself around" and the wild one thinking "i like spending time with this noble—they're tougher/kinder/funnier than i gave them credit for" AND/OR "society has always rejected me, but this 'cultured' person accepting me heals that pain a little bit"—all of those things are really charming.

Maybe if we'd seen more about how ace and sabo became friends, or if there were more emphasis on sabo's acceptance being what helped ace's anger (instead of, just from how i saw things, it being mostly luffy's unconditional warmth toward ace that did it?) then I'd personally be more feral about that dynamic, haha. But it's like you said, I guess it all depends on what we each connect with. I dont find tragedy alone compelling... I'm depressed enough already as it is LMAO!! if I think too hard about how viscerally sad Sabo only remembering Ace after he'd died is, my brain just shuts down. But I've got really good friends who would EAT THAT UP. Like, yeah, it is beautifully poetic... hahaha now i'm laughing thinking about my friends who were really into Hamlet and Romeo & Juliet finding out about Sabo & Ace and being obsessed, ahaha (they're not so into One Piece tho, only jjk... at least, for now!! 😈)

it's hard to put into words, but there's something about Sabo being a revolutionary vs. ace and luffy being pirates, that kind of explains why my brain sees A+L as very very very different than A&S or L&S. But like, that's just my brain and how my heart likes to focus on characters with really codependent relationships/dreams/themes, hahaha...

[robotslenderman]

Pls do Wendy, cock robin and calebros pls

Wendy:

favorite thing about them Will Jack Sparrow her way through shit. Has poor impulse control. Ballsy. No survival instinct whatsoever. Makes her a blast to write.

least favorite thing about them This doesn't really spotlight until the RS sequel fic (although it does show up in RS), but she puts her own needs above her principles. Even though she did eventually speak up about the Kennels in RS, it took her ten years to get there, and she never once tried to strike out on her own. She's afraid of being lonely, of being on her own, of dramatic change, and in her next fic that's going to show up and test her big time. And she is going to fail that test. She angsts a lot about being a good person but, deep down, she does not want to be. In the City that Never Sleeps she joins the bad guys who murdered someone she knew. Pre-RS she never left the Warren despite the Kennels deeply distressing her, until she had something else lined up. And in the upcoming fic she's close friends with a guy who's done some pretty bad shit and... does nothing, bc she misses him when he's not there.

favorite line I honestly can't be bothered to check. XD

brOTP I love her dynamic with Thomas Arturo. Whenever I start writing them in a scene together they just bounce off each other and have the best banter. I have to cut so much of it out bc it's mostly just blatant self indulgence lmao. Gerard Rafin is a VERY close second. She'd do well as platonic life partners with either of them tbh.

OTP Despite the chemistry she has with quite a few characters there's never been a romantic connection that's really jumped out at me. I mean, I ship her and Thomas romantically too, but only because their platonic chemistry is so great. The romantic aspect takes a backseat and doesn't hold a candle to it.

nOTP I love her and Gerard and I know people ship it like hell but for some reason whenever I consider the possibility of it when writing Wendy just gets super squicked out. I don't even know why.

random headcanon In a daemon AU, she has a ferret as a daemon: absolutely batshit insane, no attention span except when she's hyperfocusing on something that will probably kill her, constantly gets into shit she shouldn't.

unpopular opinion It's not unpopular YET but she's not nearly as ethical as RS paints her to be, and ohhh boy I'm hoping I don't get too much backlash for that in the sequel fic :X

song i associate with them Clubbed to Death -- The Matrix OST

favorite picture of them Alas, there is none.

I was getting deja vu then realised it was because you'd already send CR and Calebros in before and I never finished the draft for that, so here we go:

Cock Robin

favorite thing about them

Disabled Justicar. Badass. VTM isn't exactly known for its equity.

least favorite thing about them

Obsessed with Anarchs. We all need our hobbies I guess.

favorite line

Out of the ones I wrote for him?

"[Calebros] never learned to be a real Nosferatu because he’d never learned to be human."

brOTP

I love him and his baby sister okay

OTP

@orodrethsgeek ships him with her OC Jay, the vampiric equivalent of that black bird that dances for its mate, and I love them

nOTP

Can't think of any.

random headcanon

He's either very flappable or very *un*flappable. No in between.

unpopular opinion

I barely know of any opinions on the guy

song i associate with them

There's a scene I wrote with him and Wendy in the last chapter of the fic and when I was playing it I was listening to this on repeat:

The End -- Hans Zimmer, The Dark Knight Rises OST

favorite picture of them'

Absolutely ADORE this one:

He just happens to be a normal dude whose face is Like That. I love it, I love the cigarette, I love how he looks so thoughtful with a face that can't even make facial expressions, it's so humanising.

Calebros

favorite thing about them

Not a complete dick. It's a low bar but most Kindred have shovels.

least favorite thing about them

Gerard Rafin's right, this guy does think too much and do too little.

favorite line

One I wrote, where Gerard said something in French and Calebros went, "did he tell me to shut up?"

(Yes. He did.)

brOTP

Don't have one.

OTP

Don't have one. Tho I'd be interested to plonk him in a scene with Aisling, I think they'd get along well.

nOTP

Don't have one.

random headcanon

Canon acts as if he turned out fine but the Kennels screwed him up far more than he or anyone around him realises, and is a big part of the reason he's so passive.

unpopular opinion

I find him a bit dull, but I don't think that's a bad thing for him to be as a character. I wouldn't change that about him.

song i associate with them

None in particular.

favorite picture of them

I genuinely find this one funny:

[petrichoraline]

hii petri! for ship bingo, your favorite ship from kinnporsche and/or your favorite ship from the untamed?

mint, i know you wanted to give me choice and creative freedom and i appreciate it so much but my gOSH am i not the person to do that for 😂 not only do i rarely have favourites of anything but i have to figure out my emotions for these unnamed blorbos? this is how you end up with five answers for the price of one ✨

so, for kinnporsche i came to the conclusion i have two - one for the earlier part of the show and one for the last episodes (i think the green is..fairly obvious)

first one is the men themselves who made me feel so many things throughout the show and turnt it into the amazing experience it was for me, watching them learn how to understand each other and open up, the tender scenes, the chemistry, following the discussions on here about kinn and his trust issues (omg especially around the tawan episodes, that was crazy) - their journey was so much fun!

the second one..what can i say, vegaspete were what everyone seemed to anticipate and i was kinda neutral until their episodes actually hit, then i went insane lmao, i just love pathetic men and "only i understand him, only i can tame him" type of stuff - i got plenty of that and some top notch chemistry and they were what made the last episodes for me

onto the untamed.. i don't like thinking about it too much because one cql viewing later i'm a broken woman, i do not understand how people watch it more than once and choose to actively think about it, write analyses, delve into the lore - i'm not built like you guys and you have my respect 💕 all of that is to say i dont think bout the ships too much either, i picked these as faves because they had a certain smth

I don't think anyone could possibly guess what the three couples are they're - not the most popular 😂 except for wangxian, those are my babies:

the next one is jiang cheng with... *drums*

...wen qing 🥰 i didn't ship them as divorced until i saw the option and decided that yes, they would be so amazing as divorced parents or smth and i would read about it for sure; not the comb, not the post-war conversations - that inn scene always comes to mind, it feels like a checkpoint at which you could take a different route and change the outcome, a spot where you can stop and think "what if"... jiang cheng before the weight of zidian, the only thing of importance at the moment - his brother's safety... wen qing with only her brother to look out for, testing how far she'd go for an outsider while risking everything... or, y'know, i just find the scene fun, smart and rewatchable 🤷‍♀️ they're a very interesting ship for me cause i don't mind them not being together, either way is fine and makes sense and i never really feel this way about ships i care about, they usually HAVE to be together y'know but with these two i just have many thoughts and feelings that don't actually make me go crazy which is so refreshing

and the one ship that i'm not sure i even ship but b o y they make me feel things...

...xiao xingchen and xue yang YES I KNOW, still to this day am not sure about some story details lol that whole arc left me shaken to my core and i've worked on forgetting it so it took a while to even remember they exist .. anyways, they found home in each other and could've been happy but they are who they are and they acted how they acted and that's that :) also my feels on song lan (and him with xiao xingchen) are mixed but this might be the one triangle i can see myself enjoying as a throuple.. i avoided stuff about that whole psychological horror arc so stuff that could sway me in any particular direction haven't been encountered in a while ✨

[stirringtheunwatchedpot]

Okay so Brecht

This is going to be. Insane.

This last week was one of the roughest tech weeks I’ve ever been through and I’m still recovering from it, so just. Bear with me y’all.

Brecht and Mother Courage and Her Children are interested in the questions of ‘what draws people to their destruction?’ and ‘what avoidable/mutable circumstances and systems breed immutable/unavoidable tragedy on an individual level?’

I’m also interested in these questions, but lord knows I do not have the energy to be that sad ever. I barely had the energy to finish the play-- maybe that was tech week, though.

Either way, one of the struggles I’m facing as I try and write The Unwatched Pot is the stupid circumstances I’ve set up versus personal agency. Right now, no one really knows the world is about to end-- and I’m worried that if they’re allowed to figure it out, the plot about love and community will get sidelined. Like my advisor said that it may frustrate an audience if no one is doing anything about the whole end of the world thing, but I worry it would be more frustrating to put so much focus on the romance if the characters are aware of how dire things are. The problem is that building community and allowing themselves to love and be loved is what is able to save them from the end of the world, but if they know the world is ending-- how would they ever be able to focus on nurturing those relationships?

Then, if I tell them that ‘love is the answer’ (lmao, cheesiest shit i’ve ever written) and they pursue that, does that taint the whole thing? Is that love or self preservation at that point? It’s radical enough to love and want to save yourself, but is that enough to save them??

The way that Brecht plays into this is that I think the structure of Mother Courage sets up the perfect balance between the circumstances exerting their will and Mother Courage exerting hers. The problem is that it’s a tragedy. Not to be horrifically pretentious, but a tragedy is easier for questions like this. Because all Mother Courage has to do is ask the question. At every turn the horrible thing feels inevitable and you’re always left asking how high do you need to go up to prevent something like this? The problem is war, the problem is poverty, the problem is complacency and capitulation and learning to survive with necessary courage that’s fetishized by the better off. The play hands you the problem in this really beautiful and gut wrenching way.

What the flying fornication is the solution?

Mother Courage want you to figure it out for yourself, and ideally I guess I’d like my audience to do that, too. But I think I’m more in the market of proposing a solution. I think I’m proposing that love-- specifically queer love, neurodiverse love, and platonic love-- is revolutionary and system breaking.

I just don’t know what balance to strike to propose that best.

[abrahamvanhelsings]

whee this one was difficult at times and i was busy so it took me forever. but it was also fun thanks for tagging @maedhrus AND @zaegreus

rules: choose any three fandoms (in random order) and answer the questions, then tag 10 people you want to know better

fandoms: 1. the terror 2. assassin's creed (ezio trilogy) 3. fire emblem three houses

the first character you loved 1. i kind of watched the terror in a stupor and barely had any idea who anyone was. only started to get a feel for the characters when i got to tumblr lmao and i don't even know exactly how but within a couple of days id imprinted completely on little and never looked back 2. eziooo when i was 12 or so i saw a picture of him, thought he was so cool, then learned more about the series, and i remember wanting to be him so viscerally (this was well before i realised this meant i was probably not cis). he's stayed with me ever since 3. dimitri, augh, i saw him in the three houses trailer and i was like !!! im playing blue lions !! and then the blue lions route just smashes you to bits with some incredible emotional, character driven writing. he is my forever fire emblem guy

the character you relate to most 1. neddie... his long-suffering sense of duty... he is like 'i will do my tasks even if it kills me' bc not doing them is worse than anything. me! and a little bit awkward socially but he's got his charms. that's me as well. 2. i still want to look like ezio but my man is nothing like me i don't have that kind of stallion swag. hard to pick one for this actually. i haven't reached brotherhood yet but from what i know of him as an in-game character maybe machiavelli. not that i always agree w/ him but he has a 'practicality over idealism' kind of mindset that i can often recognise in myself as well. 3. i was gonna say dimitri but then i realised nuh uh it's seteth actually. competent paper pusher, doesn't care for frivolities, does talk shit. he'll do his job and he'll do it well. the only reason garreg mach is still standing.

the character you'd slap 1. hickeyyy he is so annoying and i hate him so much and not in the fun way 2. most templars lmao? but cesare borgia. 3. edelgard. whore.

three favorite characters in order of preference 1. edward little (WAUGH), thomas jopson, thomas blanky (he is such a king for being insane from start to finish and being the most suited to the whole situation bc of it) 2. ezio, leonardo da vinci (creature of a guy), im putting desmond here bc he's like if a wet blanket had attitude but i fear this spot will become machiavelli's soon enough. maybe even second place i can feel it. 3. dimitri, sylvain (oooo the playboy character has trauma), seteth

a character you liked at first but don't like anymore 1. crozier in the sense that he was one of the only ones i could identify properly while watching the series and i was kind of neutral on him and then afterwards i realized all sorts of things abt the consequences of his alcoholism and the way he treats the crew and such. and i was like hm. that's not great. like i don't hate him he's a compelling character but i certainly don't applaud him for anything either 2. have not played enough to really put a name in here, it's fairly rare anyhow that i start disliking a character if i already like them. though when mario said 'stop collecting petruccio's feathers for your traumatized mother and put in some real work, go to the blacksmith for the weapon i had made for you' i felt a need for violence. 3. hmm i think claude? i still like him well enough but there's some things abt his goals that didn't rly sit well with me while i was playing through verdant wind bc at the core they still require unification of fódlan and all. and im like hm. inchresting.

a character you did not like at first but now do 1. solomon, i didn't really care for him much at first but now i think he's kind of neat. 2. altaïr i guess. it's cheating a bit cause im including his ac1 version for this answer but i never really cared for him cause he seemed like an asshole. but now im watching the ac1 playthrough and reading his codex pages and im like 'ohh he has a really interesting arc actually i see why everyone's slobbering all over this guy' at least a little bit. 3. idk rhea? cause the game tries very very hard to make her appear sus as hell before timeskip so i was eyeing her the whole time. but now i know the lore so i know better

three OTPs 1. joplittle :) and maybe solittle. and im living in my own personal fitzlittle niche. but this is all very much hydrogen bomb versus coughing babies to me honestly. 2. well of course ezio/leonardo bc that's just what it is, but also ezio/desmond. and altaïr/malik (again it's not really ezio trilogy but idc) bc honest to god altaïr would be NOTHING without malik. that's his personal moral compass. i don't really read fic for them bc most of it is not to my liking but the CONCEPT of them. unreal. also the art people make of them it's like they're auditioning for the sistine chapel 3. dimiclaude, dimivain, ashe/dedue is also very sweet

iii don't have the energy to tag people rn im sorry it's been, and it's going to be, some Weeks unfortunately.

[sprintingfox]

Who, of your Mikaelson sisters/relatives, would you say is the best fighter? Additionally, is the most dangerous and are they one in the same or two different ones?

Hands down, Vivalda. I cannot in good faith say anyone else lmao.

Fighter: ok, while Eisa and Hilda were mostly with Esther learning magic (which I guess there is some fighting aspect to, but not enough in the sense they were learning it), Vivalda was working HARDDD to impress Mikael. This girl from the age of 5 had such a temper and such energy and such interest in weapons that she could kill people already. The others would've felt a degree of remorse but Vivalda cared about being strong. If all these girls (including Amaris and Ingrid I guess ish) existed in the same universe, Mikael would still be proudest of Vivalda's skill. There is no competition whatsoever fighting wise with Amaris and Ingrid— they are dead. Hilda can fight but she never sired anyone and to Vivalda that inherently makes her weak. Hilda also didn't really train people or practice much, she was more interested in magic and following Kol around the world (arguably, Vivalda did that a lot too) but in a real fight to the death, Vivalda is way more experienced, way more intuitive, way more mentally stable, and Hilda is not going to last very long. Vivalda would find more difficulty with Eisa since Eisa did create and train the Strix alongside Elijah, but even then, Vivalda spent years pruning her sireline and assessing them at every step (teaching them more carefully than any of her siblings, including Eisa), preventing threats to the family, and learning to design and build weapons. If Vivalda was bored, she went to kill people for no reason. I mean, Vivalda went to try and hunt Mikael down. Eisa might've trained the Strix often but she was also on the side busy with Aya and she never would have attempted to go after Mikael cause honestly one slur from Mikael and Eisa isn't really seeing clearly anymore and will make a mistake in battle. Vivalda doesn't falter. Vivalda doesn't show mercy to anyone. Eisa and Hilda each were softened by people and Vivalda thinks that's dumb. Yes, technically Eisa removed both Papa Tunde's blade and the dagger because of her mental strength but the dagger I made more of a circumstantial lucky-ness thing. Vivalda took Tunde's blade out a lot faster than anyone, except for maybe Mikael (and that's only because I never really quantified how long it took her, but that was quick) and in general has been letting herself be beaten to get used to everything life throws at her. She went absolutely insane on training while her sisters were trying to find love. Weapons wise, not a competition either. They all know how to sword fight and stuff but that's Vivalda's genuine thing, that's like part of her brand name. Vivalda carried one sword always for the longest time and then two for a fat minute after that. She's designed stuff that's gone on to impact the world in ways not even Eisa managed when running the Strix. Vivalda covers her bases and is not going to leave herself open to an attack. The only ones who could beat Vivalda in a fight would be like Mikael and Klaus, Mikael 'cause well he's Mikael, he's beat almost everyone and Vivalda still sort of has her daddy issues alive and well, but Klaus also 'cause he's a hybrid and has a degree of greater strength with his bite that Vivalda can't compete with for long.

Dangerous: I feel like I also wanna say Vivalda for this but lemme think it out as I write. Eisa does technically have a lot of the Strix pretty devoted to her and she also got the Strix Coven on speed dial. Hilda knows witches everywhere in a similar manner but woopies— Hilda has no sireline to defend her if anything. She has no real associates to call upon, while Eisa has a horde of lieutenants looking to gain favor with her not only cause of her being a literal vampire s3x symbol but also in general she's so deeply admired for her personality that it's hard to compete with that. Ingrid, if given a chance, obviously can kill all of them by like subduing them then using white oak if she has it, but her own mind is her enemy and that won't do her well. Vivalda technically has the Strix + Klaus's sireline behind her along with her own sireline (if we consider such a situation arising after she's with Lucien and Tristan, if that even happens in this universe cause again Hilda might still be with Tristan) and she has her own (Antonella + a shitton of others that are all insanely good at what they do). Ok, so maybe Eisa has more 'followers' and/or more members of her sireline alive, but Vivalda is sooooo careful about who she keeps in her sireline. She only lets the strongest survive into vampire adulthood, and she assesses them constantly. And again, she put a lot more care into molding them into the people they are. She saw potential in Antonella, a random young orphan girl in Tuscany, and from that built an entire lineage of vampires with strong minds, creativity, passion, drive, ideas for the future, and overall a drive to fight and succeed that her sister didn't really manage. Like, even if Eisa's sireline has like, ten thousand vampires and Vivalda's has a thousand, those thousand of hers are almost all on the older side + they are ridiculously good fighters that she hand-molded then encouraged to keep learning about their limits. Vivalda is a rule-breaker and limit-tester and her sirelings are the same sort of people. Their influence is widespread because they are also so involved in society and are not permitted to survive as sociopaths the way Eisa would allow hers to do. Also, Eisa's sirelings are allowed to be driven by lust whereas Vivalda teaches hers to know like, time and place, and never have their emotions used against them. She makes her sirelings better versions of themselves through careful crafting while Eisa more or less just expects people to make something of themselves. She does kill people from her sireline but not to the extent Vivalda does. And again, Eisa is just kinda doing her own thing most times whereas Vivalda is actively hunting down anyone who so much as breathes one shit-talking phrase against the Mikaelsons. Vivalda is the danger and stops any problems from coming their way while Eisa was probably lounging around cause she was bored. Eisa may be the one with the formal list but Vivalda is the one that's sure to come for you if you do something she doesn't like. Eisa will add someone to the list if they do more extreme things but Vivalda will kill you if you say you hate Klaus playfully at a bar on a Tuesday night.

This was so fun to think about lol I liked this prompt so much! Vivalda is my little ball of craziness and efficiency.

[vitaminwaterreviews]

Moon Byul - Starlit of Muse

This was a very enlightening experience. First off, none of it was bad, but none of it was super great either. Every song was a 7 or an 8, which is the sign of a consistently decent album. Ultimately though, I think I learned that I just don’t care much for her solo singing voice? I think she’s an excellent rapper, and in the context of Mamamoo I adore her. But as a soloist, I’m just not sure. Average score of 7.4 which feels about right. I do wish I spoke Korean so I could get the lyrical content, so I imagine I’m missing quite a bit here.

- There’s an insane run that I’m in the middle of: Le Sserafim -> IU -> Moonbyul -> Twice -> Taeyong, all in the space of a bit over a week. That’s kpop though, it never stops. I watched the pre-release from this album, and I’ve only heard it the once.

Intro : WWUD

Lol that bass is squishy

Funky, mmm

Her voice is neat there

A proper hip hop song I guess

8/10

Think About

This is the pre-release

Still got that funk bass going on

I dunno if I buy her voice on the “i”s

Honestly I dunno if I buy her voice in the chorus either

It feels like, a bit too high? Or like it would be better if her voice was higher

Mmm, the ‘high note’ coming out of the bridge is nice

It’s more of a harmony than a high note and I appreciate that

7/10

TOUCHIN&MOVIN’

MV time

Bass

Lol wait what is this 80’s synth moment

She’s having fun

Horns moment

Why did she look like Solar right there

I don’t think I’m convinced by this either

Like, this style of song doesn’t totally fit her voice imo

Obligatory modulation I guess

The instrumentation is top tier though, disco vibes

And then she takes her headphones off, stands up, and … looks?

7/10

Like A Fool

Lofi vibes, this is neat

Kinda wish her voice was distorted more to fit it

I like her voice in this range a lot more

Oh my god the sax moment is exactly it lmao

8/10

Attention Seeker

And now we bring out the guitars

Yeah, I dunno, maybe I just don’t vibe with her singing voice in general?

I did quite enjoy the last song though

The random chip synth in the pop rock song though

It sounds very Radio Disney to me, but her voice just isn’t it imo

7/10

NOLTO

I dunno how I feel about this one. I just listened to the whole thing, I had no comments, but I’m not actually sure how to rate it

7/10

After Sunset

Dramatic

Oh is it a ballad?

I actually like her voice a lot more here

The little harmony moments are super nice

8/10

Timeline

Well this is a super cute vibe, with the guitar and the synth

Subtly latin, alright

Yeah, the empty chorus is really nice actually

Hmmm I dunno about that high note

Such a nice vibe though

8/10

Dark Romance

LAlALAlalalALALLalalaA lmao

Oh hey, a rap song

And yet for some reason her voice feels too soft for this song

Yeahhh and I dunno about the high lines either

This song really reminded me of something but I just couldn’t figure it out

7/10

GOLD

Bass

Lol this album has so much “Bass” on it

I love the “ohhh”s

This kinda reminds me of Feels Like Summer

I don’t know a lot of r&b with this type of vibe but that’s exactly the vibe I’m getting

OHH she’s not saying “ohhh” she’s saying “gold” lmao

8/10

Memories

Anime intro moment

Lmao no wait this is literally anime intro moment

My only knowledge of ONEWE is that they’re also under RBW and they have a brother group called ONEUS, because there’s a pair of brothers split between the two

Are they saying ‘10, 9’?

7/10

Without

Piano, nice and soft

Is it another ballad?

It is

This actually feels kind of IU to me

Oh now it’s kind of slow jammy with that drum kit

I also feel like I’d particularly appreciate these songs better if I knew Korean

Like, no doubt Moonbyul is a very capable lyricist, and I’m definitely missing that

7/10

[ishikawayukis]

I’m still suffering but I’m back✌🏽 Have you seen that meme that says “Cuando vea ____ no diré nada, pero habrán señales” (when I start watching ____ I won’t say anything, but there’ll be signs)?, that will be both of us with OP when we get that third piercing on our left ear LOL

And boy, yes, they have been in that dessert for way too long LMAO like I don’t wanna miss everything so I’m not skipping any parts, but I’m definitely watching at x1.25 speed bc I’ve just realized this arc lasts until 130 and I’m not even on the 20s😭

Iñaki’s and Taz friendship definitely cured some of the sadness in my soul, but same I would to get more sneak peeks behind the work. I have watched some videos about the make-up and wig work, the staging and props, I saw some performance proposals for Zoro’s introduction and I love how despite changing many things, they never gave up on including the middle finger LOL I just find very interesting the process of discerning which ideas make it into the final product, I’m a nerd what can I say😔✌🏽

SANJI AND CHOPPER CARRIED THE CREW IN THIS ARC they were very impressive😌✨ but okay mini rant that you might find funny since you’re clearly far ahead LOL 1) the heck no one d*es HAHAHA LIKE everyone. somehow. miraculously. comes back alive and I’m glad for the good guys, but damn people it feels like only Arlong and people from the backstories d*ed 2) again, glad no one from the crew d*es (for now?😭🤞🏽) but boy does it hurt to see them getting thrashed :c </3

I did enjoy Ace’s appearance respectfully<3 LOL but seeing Zoro smiling and laughing more frequently definitely does something to my brain<3 Also!! Saw you got your wisdom teeth removed: congratulations!!🥳✨ and since Spotify wrapped just happened, what’s your song #12?? Was going to ask based on the episode of OP I’m at but it’s already the 100s so the last two digits will do LOL

LMFAOOO if that ain't me. also wait do you speak spanish or this is like, the meme you know LSDKHGKL it's very important to me as a spanish speaker because i have one stupid ass op video i can't show anyone because it's in spanish and i've been going insane because it made me cackle (but also would have to ask what's your stance on shipping (not like hardcore i will fight others if they don't like what i like but like hehe their dynamic is fun))

honestly i respect you so much for not skipping anything because i just skimmed through over 10 episodes worth of someone's backstory (they've been dead for a long time so i'm like 🧍‍♀️ we didn't learn anything new with this but the lore is great i guess)

had no idea about that LMAO honestly it fits zoro so much that no matter what he was going to be flipping someone, actually that's something that i love about the live action like yeah let him and sanji curse we know these two idiots are the worst when it comes to cursing LMAO part of me is hoping that we'll get like a documentary kinda thing with the behind the scenes or maybe more behind content for the second season

NO BUT THAT'S SOMETHING I'VE BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT AS WELL, like yay for the main crew not dying i won't have psychological damage because of it, but what do you MEAN not a single bad guy dies either some of them should've had their heads chop off give me a break

pre time skip zoro was so goofy and beloved truly a gift, god i can't wait for you to get to a certain part and lose your mind about him tho LMAO and i diiiiid! finally have all of them out, this last one is not bothering me as much so i'll take that as a win as well and i'm just happy to be done with the whole thing LMAO and my #12 song is tití me preguntó by bad bunny which honestly, a bit shocked by because i didn't think i listened to it that much. what's your 81 song i gotta know 👁👁

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #124

Do you like pineapple on pizza? To be entirely fair, I don't think I've tried it, but considering I'm generally not a fan of sweet and savory combos, I'm doubtful I would enjoy it.

Do you like milk? I do, but only legitimate, mammalian milk. No oat, soy, etc. stuff; trust me, I've tried it because the dairy industry is actually fucking horrible and rooted in awful abuse & I want NOTHING to do with it, but I just don't like non-dairy alternatives, like in the way that I have to aggressively fight spewing it out - which I don't always succeed at. I just hate it. I am so, so sensitive to tastes I dislike.

Do you like syrup or powdered sugar on your french toast? Uh I guess a bit of both is ideal, but I could see me going for one or the other depending on my mood.

Do you put jelly or butter on your toast? I honestly don't really eat toast. But if I DO have it for whatever reason, I'm gonna want grape jam on it.

Do you like baking? Never done it. I really should learn, though... I just need to learn cooking in general.

What are you grandparents' names? Right now I only remember my mom's parents' tbh, which were Cecelia and William.

If any, how old are your siblings? Ashley is 29, Nicole JUST turned 25, Misty is 35, Katie is 39, and Bobby is... oh, he doesn't have his birth year on FB, so idk lmao, but younger than Katie. Full disclosure I looked up Misty's and Katie's too bc I'm awful and don't remember my half-siblings' birthdays/ages like a literal asshole <333333

What color is your dad's hair? So he was born blonde IF I remember his childhood pictures correctly, but it became totally black for the majority of his life. It's pretty much entirely gray by now, but you can see the hue kinda peppers in lightness in a sorta way where at least to me, you can tell his hair is supposed to be black, he's just old.

How old was your mom when she had you? FUCK my mom doesn't have her birth year on FB either, but I THINK it was 1961, so if that is the case she would've been 34. It's somewhere around there.

Do you live with any of your family members currently? Just my mom.

What is your favorite cousins name? I don't have a close relationship with any of my cousins, honestly.

Who are you closest to in your family? My mom.

How long have you and your partner been together? It's been around a year and a half now.

Do you live together? Not currently, but I'm aware that when he has his own place again, he wants me to come with him. His mom is in a stable enough place and has been for a long enough time where he's comfortable leaving her with the house, but because of just how fucking CLINICALLY INSANE the housing market is right now, he just hasn't found a decent place that's priced even remotely reasonably. It's just financially intelligent to stay where he is until the market gets better or an incredible deal falls into his lap.

What is the first movie you watched together? As a couple? Technically, I think it'd be Coraline, which I know we watched once at my place the first time we tried dating in '17. Oh wait... or it mighta been the remake of It, which we watched in theaters.

How old are they? He's 29 and convinced he's basically on this deathbed age-wise lmao sir your life has JUST started

What are some things you enjoy doing? Primarily computer-related stuff, like watching videos or listening to music, socials activities, RPing, editing various things, playing WoW, doing surveys... but I also like to take photographs, read, draw, play video games (these days primarily with others), and I would absolutely adore going on nature walks and things of the like if I was in better shape (one day!!), and it wasn't hot. I also love learning about and watching animals.

What is your favorite color? Pastel pink is #1, followed by... many other pink shades, haha, like coral, rose gold, neon, fuchsia, etc. etc. I also like deep, regal reddish-purple colors, like maroon and burgundy, and lighter shades of purple, like lilac, orchid, and such.

What state are you from? North Carolina.

Have you ever adopted an animal? I'm assuming you don't mean truly "purchase" from a breeder or something, in which case, yes.

Have you ever taken in a stray? That's how our outdoor cat infestation from my childhood started, haha. I know my family (myself 100% included) has ZERO regrets over rescuing Chance, but yeah, it was a massive problem. Even after her, when we'd entered a phase of having no cats, we took in two kittens (Aphrodite and her sister whose name I just can't remember anymore) that were LITERALLY thrown out of a car in a plastic bag. Aphrodite started a fresh chain of having way too many cats, but not nearly as many as we had with Chance's family. They were still taken by animal control, though, because of wildly shitty neighbors that never communicated "hey they keep wandering into our yard, stop this or we're calling somebody." Coming home from school to every single one of them gone was one of the worst days of my fucking life (I was literally shrieking curses and sobbing on the porch), and I still grieve Aphrodite especially; I adored that cat. BUT ANYWAY, DO NOT keep your cats outdoors, and even when solely indoor pets, spay/neuter them, PLEASE.

What is an animal you are scared of? Whale sharks. It's funny, I like them, they're such peaceful animals, but their mouths just REALLY freak me out. I'd actually like to swim near one one day, maybe kill the fear.

Have you ever been bitten by a dog? Not a serious bite, no. Just a couple nips from nervous ones, the kinds that never even drew blood. My sister has been bitten by a German shepherd though on the hand; it belonged to her friend, and for some reason I don't remember, the dog just attacked her. She wound up needing stitches, and bless her friend, poor girl was sobbing because she felt so bad. It didn't affect Nicole's love for dogs though, and later in life she basically owned a German shepherd named Zeke. Maybe she sorta still does, idk; he was her ex-boyfriend's, and even after the split I know she's always been allowed to see him and I THINK bring him to her place occasionally? That dog is literally the child of divorced parents lmfao

Is Halloween your favorite holiday? Concept and aesthetic-wise, absolutely yes. I LIVE for the vibe, but as far as celebrating the holiday goes, it's not; I really don't do anything, pretty much ever. Christmas is definitely my fave celebratory-wise, because my family gets together and I just love seeing Ash's kids be so overjoyed about it all. It's just one of those days where you really, really focus on the love you have for the people you choose to spend your life with.

Do you like to watch scary movies during October? Meh, I'm just not a movie person, at least when it comes to watching them alone. I'd totally be done for like, watching them with Girt. Primarily because he hates horror/is a total pansy about it and it's hilarious lmfao

What are a couple of your favorite horror films? The original The Blair Witch Project is #1 (I like the sequel too), and I also totally adore The Crazies; maybe tied with the former mention, actually, idk. I thought The Boy was EXCELLENT, that's actually a movie I'd love to watch again. You can't go wrong with The Shining, either! The acting is just historical, plus I'm really into the concept of hysteria building off of what is technically nothing; I think that's also why I love The Blair Witch Project so much, at least the explanation behind it (collective hysteria, overreacting to certain things). The mind is SUCH a powerful thing.

What is your favorite Halloween treat/candy? Pumpkin-shaped Reese's, haha.

Do you often find yourself eating just because you’re bored? I used to be really bad at this, but not so much anymore. I'm not gonna say it NEVER happens, but I've gotten way better about reinforcing to myself "no, you're not hungry, you're bored."

Are you a sex addict? lmao if you know me at all, you know I'm definitely not.

Have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend taken from you? No. She tried, but I know Juan didn't date her after a lie she made up DID make me say "you know what fuck this I'm done with this whole drama bye" and break up with him. The lie she'd told was very believable for him honestly, and even though I DID know it could be a lie, Rachel had caused enough stress for me already and I wasn't confident enough of how into Juan I was to put up with it. To this day, I consider that lie a saving grace. I know Juan's done bad things that I don't know about (it's specifically stuck with me to this day that his answer to me asking about a stab wound scar he had was "I deserved it"), and bad things I do know about. It says something when your teacher pulls you aside when she noticed him visiting me a lot in art class to tell me to stay away from him. I'm pretty sure she did this literally twice, but for certain once.

If so, what would you like to do to the person who took them from you? Even in the hypothetical of Juan getting back with Rachel after that incident, Rachel is actually my friend now and I think she's fantastic (people grow, I will not hold her past against her). I wish her zero harm at all, only good things.

Have you ever been cheated on? If so, have you forgiven them? No. To mention my last survey, I DO sometimes wonder if Jason and the girl he dated after me (Ashley) had something stirring before we even split, but in total honesty, I don't think so, I really don't. I don't think that's the kind of person Jason was. But it WAS definitely alarming just how quickly he was onto someone else after we split following dating super seriously for over three and a half years.

Quick! Tell me the name of your favorite movie. The Lion King and The Meerkats 2008 documentary. I forget to mention the latter a lot, because it's an obscure movie barely anyone you will ever meet probably even knows, but it is simply phenomenal.

Do you wear water bras? ... What the fuck is a water bra?

Have you ever sent an anon hate message, be honest now. Nope.

Would you let someone give you a golden shower for a million dollars? I had to look this up and hell fucking no.

Name a band that you think is beyond overrated: I don't care man, let people enjoy whatever art they want. I really don't even know who's "in" these days anyway.

Who is the last person you said goodbye to? My PT therapist for today. She was new for me and is already tied with one other woman for my favorite, haha.

Who can you not live without? Nobody. PLEASE, don't adopt this mentality. I know it's hard to, but think realistically: you, in all technicality, CAN live without any one person, and I think this is so important to remember for when one day, you do lose them in one way or another, and you have to continue living without them. I totally used to believe this when it came to Jason, and I know it played a massive role in the severity of the breakup aftermath, but look at who the hell is living just fine - even happily - without him now.

What’s your favorite sea creature? Giant whales like blue whales top the list, but I also deeply love sea turtles, sea lions, seahorses, jellyfish, and dolphins. Sharks are also very cool and VERY unfairly villainized!!

What’s your favorite acoustic song? The "If I'm James Dean, You're Audrey Hepburn" one by Sleeping With Sirens, I think. That's been a high wedding song contendor for years now, lmao.

What’s your favorite riddle? Okay so this is really just because of context/plot; it's from God of War: Ragnarök, where Brok asks, "What gets bigger the more you take away from it?," and Mimir realizes the answer near the end: a hole. You'd have to play the game to understand and feel the sheer weight of it, which I HIGHLY recommend, the game is fucking brilliant, I cried SO much through it.

What do you think happens after we pass? I just don't know. I know I don't believe in some perfect paradise and a wicked hell for suiting people, but I DO believe we're still... there somehow, but definitely not with the level of sentience and awareness that we do while alive. I like to think that it's a peacefulness, a feeling of wholeness with the world.

^ Is it different from what you’d like to happen? I don't know, really. It's like, on the surface, the idea of a Heaven sounds fantastic, but... to live in nothing but flawless harmony for all conceivable eternity? That just doesn't sound ideal for me. And I ABSOLUTELY don't believe in/want a Hell-like realm to exist, because like I mentioned earlier, people change, grow, and are ALWAYS (well, I suppose almost always) deserving of the chance to redeem themselves. Eternal punishment so severe that our human minds can't even interpret it is just purely fucking diabolical to me, I want that for nobody.

How do you feel about people self-diagnosing themselves with disorders? Hear me out: it depends. In MOST CASES, I absolutely hate this, especially when the person acts like it is stone-hard fact while holding an unconvincing amount of evidence. However, there are plenty of people who just don't have access to doctors capable of properly diagnosing, and then there's also worth mentioning that you know you more than anybody else does. Just depends on a lot.